chains of fools

Romney Campaign Adds ‘Chains’ To List Of Words Joe Biden Is Not Allowed To Say

The Romney Campaign just cannot believe it this time, and you will not either. You will be so embarrassed at the shameful tactics of your side, and will agree completely with the campaign’s demand for an apology. You guys, Joe Biden said “chains.”

Is Joe Biden a Marxist? Duh. Is he dog-whistling about slavery? Sure, why not. Is he vice-history’s greatest monster, who does nothing all day but make fun of people’s dead dads? OF COURSE HE IS, DON’T BE RIDICULOSE.

“After weeks of slanderous and baseless accusations leveled against Governor Romney, the Obama Campaign has reached a new low,” press secretary Andrea Saul said in a statement. “The comments made by the Vice President of the United States are not acceptable in our political discourse and demonstrate yet again that the Obama Campaign will say and do anything to win this election. President Obama should tell the American people whether he agrees with Joe Biden’s comments.”

Anyhoo, let us add “chains” to the list of things Joe Biden is not allowed to say, like so:

Tax returns.
Business experience.
Dads, being or having.
The four-year span when they murdered those Seattle hookers just to watch them die.

What will be next? Probably “Romney,” “Ryan,” and “America.”


About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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  1. Beowoof

    Oh no bringing up facts about the republican'ts can't be allowed. If the public were to figure out what giant douche bags they are they might not vote for them.

  2. SmutBoffin



  3. tbogg

    Oh oh. You're killing hookers again, Rebecca. Amadi is totally going to double black-list you now.

      1. Jus_Wonderin

        It's really okay. There are times when I see someone that seems lazy and then I discover they are a dead hooker. I usually poke them to make sure, though.

  4. ChernobylSoup

    After weeks of slanderous and baseless accusations leveled against Governor Romney, the Obama Campaign has reached a new low,”

    Sweetheart, you don't know low yet. Obama/Biden haven't even sharpened their shivs.

    1. johnnyzhivago

      I like that Nobama guy and his Amtrak sidekick, but honestly I don't think there is a scale for measuring how low they are willing to go in this clusterfuck.

    2. finallyhappy

      yeah, how about talking about Ryan's family money – no more bullshit about how he brought himself up poor

  5. Beowoof

    Damn all that talking facts and stuff, the reality of the republican plan is being hid by the RR team. ( And I do mean the railroad team as they are going to railroad the shit out of us).

  6. LastGasp

    So would it be OK for Biden to sing Aretha Franklin's "Chain Of Fools"?

    For five long years I thought you were my man /
    But I found out I'm just a link in your chain

    1. Geminisunmars

      I've been dancing around the room, shaking the tuchas and singing "Ch — ch — chain" since I read this post. At least in my mind I have.

  7. CleverSobriquet

    You got me where you want me
    I ain't nothin' but your fool
    Ya treated me mean
    Oh you treated me cruel

    Chain, chain, chain
    (Chain, chain, chain)
    Chain of fools

  8. bumfug

    Biden later explained, "…they ain't the kind that you can see
    Whoa, it's chains of love got a hold on me, yeah."

    1. IonaTrailer

      All my handsome black President has to do is sing a few bars and his ratings will jump.
      Just like my heart….

  9. memzilla

    I'd say this is a pretty good indicator of what happened to L'il Mittens when he got beat up in elementary school, "WAAAAAHHHHH, NO FAIR YOU GUYS." (*snrfle*) (*mewl*) (*whimper*).

    1. Toomush_Infer

      I thought he was the beater-upperer….but they probably didn't have any blah folks in his school….

      1. chicken_thief

        If by "dreamy, dreamy handsome" you mean "has the eyes of a raving fucking lunatic axe murderer".

          1. Geminisunmars

            You probably didn't think SP was MILF, or GILF material either. Clearly there is something wrong with us.

          2. widestanceromance

            I never muttered through gritted teeth or shouted the "c" word as much as I did during the 2008 election, so you are correct.

  10. GhostBuggy

    Ha ha, Jesus Christ. This is their plan, isn't it? There's all this stuff out there in the media about Ol' Handsome Joe Biden being a walking gaffe, so they think they're going to capitalize on that. That's it. That's what they've got.

    1. fuflans

      and as i said on an earlier thread, you don't spend over 30 years in the senate without acquiring some debating skills.

      well, unless you're rand paul.

      1. Geminisunmars

        I didn't know Rand's been a senator for 30 years. Time sure flies, whether you are having fun or not.

        1. HistoriCat

          fuflans has started drifting in time again. Someone give the temporal stabilizer a good whack.

          1. HistoriCat

            That's a warning? I thought it was a reason to commit suicide.

            You could at least slip us a few winning lottery numbers.

      2. GhostBuggy

        All I know is I can't wait until the debates (assuming Romney/Ryan even go to them, and not refuse like I suspect they'll threaten). Obama and Biden are going to drink these nerds' milkshakes.

        1. fuflans

          (really? you think they'll bail?)

          i think ryan may be ok-ish. he's been in congress for what? 14 years? he's not a novice like palin.

          romney is such a wild card. he had just terrible primary debates but also some better ones. i just hope john kerry has bamz well prepared.

          1. GhostBuggy

            No, I think they'll debate, it would be suicide not to. But I think they'll make a huge stink about the rules, decorum and related nonsense beforehand. They're doing that now, and we're still just at the TV commercial phase.

            Yeah, Ryan's not a dummy, but he's kind of got the opposite problem. He's got a horrible record of saying scary things that will piss off the olds. I think he'll hold his own against Biden, but only just. And Romney did OK in some primary debates, but look at the people he was debating. Making Gingrich and Santorum look like clowns isn't a great achievement.

            It's funny because he's got the same problem McCain had, and all Republican nominees will continue to have in the future. He was once a comparatively moderate Republican who thinks he has to veer far right to get any votes.

  11. UnholyMoses


    (ADDING: Yeah, I know. I suck at Twitter.)

  12. Beowoof

    Can we mention the chains that Mittens and Ryan are forging during their lives will be long and heavy.

  13. BlueStateLibel

    Also not allowed for Biden: asking voters directly or indirectly to vote Obama/Biden. "This is clearly inappropriate and beneath the level of discourse," explained Rmoney spokesman Charles Duckwad III.

  14. mrpuma2u

    Willard and the chosen Kock-sucker errand boy are already making me want to vomit.
    BTW Ryan is a big government teat sucker from way back, his family made a lot of money with DOT highway contracts.

      1. HogeyeGrex

        Nah. The poor schlubs they hired for chicken feed built that. Ryan's family just skimmed a bunch of dough off the top.

    1. SmutBoffin

      Haha, robots do not have yarbles! Romney does have a sensitive I/O port in the same location, though. Many exposed pins and whatnot.

    1. IonaTrailer

      "Depends on what the meaning of 'is' is…"

      Love that quote. Hilary: "He's a tough dog to keep on the porch."

  15. Goonemeritus

    I’m just trying to figure out how Wall Street managed to commit all of those Shenanigans if we have had them on a chain this whole time.

  16. johnnyzhivago

    I'm looking forward to hearing more substantive stuff on Ryan, like what songs he's downloaded into his iPod, what kind of underwear he wears and his favorite sports teams.

    1. SmutBoffin

      What are "The Creeps (I Wanna Give You)", Ayn Rand Underoos*, and THE PACK, Alex?

      *Do they still make these?

      1. foxpuppet

        Ayn Rand underoos might not give the kids nightmares, but they sure would give the parents restless nights…

  17. fuflans

    isn't andrea saul the same one who said if you don't want to die you should get romney's MA health insurance?

    the fuck would you listen to andrea saul?

  18. mavenmaven

    For a bunch of so called "libertarians", they sure are expending a lot of effort trying to control everyone's speech.

  19. WhatTheHeck

    Joe, before you get into more trouble, let me just advise you not to use the word “asshole” in conjunction with the word “republican.” Someone might get his feelings hurt.

  20. PhilippePetain

    Man, being a pussy just isn't a good way to win over the American public. Seriously, if this is how they're going to respond to everything, they're going down.

  21. MacRaith

    Don't forget, any mention of Romney's Mormon faith is taboo also. And naturally Biden cannot be allowed to point out that both he and Ryan are Catholic – that's just beyond outrageous.

  22. gullywompr

    Had Joe lived in Massachusetts when Romney was governor, he would have had all the chains he needed.

  23. foxpuppet

    And Obama has been banned from using 'I' or 'me', so must henceforth use only the royal we…

  24. PuckStopsHere

    I'd listen to the R-Money, people, people. When they talk about "a new low," they know what they are talking about. They have since Saturday morning.

  25. PsycWench

    Biden should agree if it means we never hear from Chain-y again.

    Worked better in my mind than in print, sorry.

    1. NellCote71

      Apparently not. Beginning with the cock-up of a decommissioned warship. Jon Stewart had a go at their having to clop down an endless number of stairs.

    1. glamourdammerung

      How does the R&R team feel about "sloppy blow job"?

      Mostly unhappy about not being able to get the taste out of their mouths.

  26. Texan_Bulldog

    If this has her knickers in a wad, Andrea Saul is going to totally lose her shit when the Stericyle ads start running–can't wait! (Google 'Bain' and 'aborted fetuses'–fun stuff.)

  27. iburl

    In the VP debates Biden should have to wear a shock collar and whenever Ryan believes Biden is criticizing real americans, like Ayn Rand, "Joe" the "Plumber", Mitt Romney or Koch Bros., or discussing unfair subjects like plutocracy or tax returns he will get a mild electric shock. That way he will learn what real Americans are allowed and not allowed to discuss. That's only fair since Obamacare turned us into the USSR.

  28. IncenseDebate

    You can't muzzle the Biden so don't even try. He'll put you in a headlock and give you a noogie, ya weenie!

  29. chicken_thief

    To save Team Miffed some future pantie waddedness, please also add:

    Draft Deferments, Viet Nam era
    effective tax rates
    garage elevators
    auto accidents, France
    and GM

  30. MissTaken

    We used to talk about the weather
    Make it last together
    Days would last forever

    Now we can't even talk about Chains of Love.

  31. kittensdontlie

    Well, screw them, we can send as many chains(or email chain letters as the R-tards call them) as we want! My first will expose Ryan's secret marriage to Ayn Rand.

  32. JustPixelz

    Rhetoric the Repubicans find acceptable:

    "Obama lies, freedom dies" — Sarah Palin about Obamacare. Chains for everyone!

    "Obama has blood on his hands" — Reince Preibus about adjustments to the reimbursement schedules for Medicare. But now we can say the same thing about food stampt cuts ("Ryan has blood on his hands") or no-exemption abortion laws ("Ryan has blood on his hands") or needless war with Iraq ("Dubya has blood on his hands").

    "There’s only one president that I know of in history that robbed Medicare … " Mitt Romney describing a democratically enacted law.

    1. rmjagg

      !"There’s only one president that I know of in history that robbed Medicare … " … he's projecting into the future , imagining him as that self-same president .

  33. MonkeyMotion

    Demand an apology? For THAT?!

    Wow, the complete and utter wussification of the GOP is underway…

    (Double down, Joe!)

  34. SenileAgitation

    Well they have a point. First Joe's telling a family-style story and then he out of nowhere starts mixing in politics and Wall Street and then he says banks will put "y'all" (= black people) "back in chains" (= slave times, or slippery roads in New Hampshire), and I thought it was pretty offensive/ insensitive and deserving of apologies from someone who should know how sensitive black people are since he works for one (duh!) and stop saying "y'all". How low can Joe go? He's the like limbo king of language.

    1. Chet Kincaid_

      Well let's assume that's what he was "really" saying. What do you call tempting black people with loans they really can't afford so that you can make money in highly questionable insurance schemes, leaving them with underwater mortgages and neighborhoods full of abandoned houses? The Emancipation Proclamation?

  35. Sacanagem

    I'm starting to think that a self-imposed news blackout until November might not be such a bad idea.

  36. bikerlaureate

    …and demonstrate yet again that the Obama Campaign will say and do anything to win this election.

    That just reeks of Rove's clammy tendrils.

    I'd shout "projection!" again, but the difference seems to be that the Rmoney gets all wounded when there's even a whiff of truth in what's been said.

  37. Tundra Grifter

    For a good five years we'd had to listen to every possible lie about Mr. Obama – he wasn't born here, he's different, he's foreign, he's a Muslin, he hates American and successful people, he doesn't like yellow mustard, he can't throw a baseball, he's checking out babes from South America, he pal'd around with terrorists, he's a socialist/Marxist/communist, until thinking people are ready to throw up.

    But now there's going to be an election and we're in the middle of a campaign so all of a sudden the Republicans discover civility and need for polite discourse.

    Yeh, right…

  38. ChessieNefercat

    I want to see Handsome Old Joe Biden do a video ad set to "Chain of Fools", preferably with John Travolta and the Oh So 80s backup dancers from "Michael" dancing along in the background.

      1. Limeylizzie

        Have you read his autobiography? I wept buckets during the part where his first wife dies.

  39. Incitefully_Joe

    You know, I have to admit, it's possible Biden was using a racial code word.

    Mitt Romney's campaign and surrogates would never stoop so low as to use racial code against that foreign, un-American, socialist, Kenyan, Welfare-check-writing, mau-mau of a Food Stamp President of questionable birth and national origin, because Mitt Romney possesses that Anglo Saxon understanding.

  40. ttommyunger

    Actually, it would be best if Joe and Barry would just STFU, period; dontcha think? Yeah, that's the ticket….

  41. Baba_NinjaCat12

    Today attendees will receive a complementary Adidas' new JS Roundhouse Mids. Why wait being in chains in 2013 by the possible Romney/Ryan administration. We just need to unload these mistake built by young Chinese workers.

Comments are closed.