ALSO SHE MIGHT RUN FOR OFFICE SOMEDAY  9:52 am August 15, 2012

Vogue Profile of Chelsea Clinton Reveals Her Shocking Coffee Habits, ‘Magnetism’

by Doktor Zoom

Not a picture from Vogue, because if it were from Vogue we would have to include an image of their cover, and YOUR WONKETTE DOES NOT ROLL THAT WAYOh, Vogue. How is it that you can run a profile of a person we genuinely like — or at least, who we think we are inclined to like, insofar as mere observers of the larger world can say that they “like” a public figure — and end up mostly leaving us constructing elaborate fantasies of the many pains we would like to see inflicted upon the writer of the profile? Perhaps it has something to do with an opening sentence like this:

“Chelsea Clinton is representative of her generation in a surprising number of ways: She has a highly developed sense of irony; a late-bloomer aspect; a promiscuous career ambition; an unusually close relationship with her parents—and, above all, an obsession with elaborate coffee drinks.”

Jonathan Van Meter, there is a cheese grater and a tub of lemon juice waiting for your ass. We have a hard time believing that any of these is a thing. Honestly.

So while we slog through the article’s seemingly endless descriptions of cunning outfits and hip locales, trying to discover whether Chelsea (we will use her first name, because this is the chatty, friendly tone we are stuck with) really does have “her father’s magnetism and her mother’s discipline,” we are treated to such insights as this, from a visit to a health policy class Chelsea teaches at Columbia:

When she finally looks at her notes after nearly an hour, I exhale: She is human. But more than that, she is engrossing. Partly, this has to do with the fact that she is a Clinton talking about health care, and, like her parents, she has a gift for taking complicated subject matter and making it come alive. But it also has to do with her lecture style: standing stock-still, speaking very slowly, her big blue eyes moving back and forth almost metronomically.

Sounds captivating, really it does. We also learn that she can be occasionally preoccupied, and uses big words! But do not worry! Chelsea Clinton also has a fun — dare we say it, even kicky — side: “Unlike most nerdy academic types, however, Clinton is also a social creature, happy to put on a party dress and go out for a good cause.” Blah blah blah labels, designers, names of people at a reception. This is not a profile of a young woman “finally embracing her political birthright,” it is a noncomedic, drug-free episode of Absolutely Fabulous — “names, darling, names!” — only minus the air-kisses.

We are introduced to Chelsea’s husband, Marc Mezvinsky, who describes himself as “just a nerdy Jewish boy from Philly.” (Chelsea’s best pal, Nicole Fox, says “He’s a real mensch.” Isn’t that just adorably ethnic?) Happily, Mezvinsky seems almost as captivated by Chelsea as our intrepid Vogue writer is:

When I marvel at her ability to speak without any notes, he says, “I would say there is a ten-to-one ratio of preparation to performance. When I first saw her mother campaign for the Senate twelve years ago, I said, ‘Your mom speaks in fully formed paragraphs.’ It defies logic. And Chelsea has a similar gift. Not sentences. Paragraphs.” He laughs… A few minutes later, he tries to remember the name of a ryokan they stayed in together in Kyoto, and can’t, so he calls out to Chelsea. She not only remembers, she spells it for him.

A ryokan! That is a traditional Japanese inn, you know! It is not as exotic as a yurt, but it is still pretty darned exotic, and Chelsea can spell the name of one! That was fantastic. That was so speedy and so smart. Once more, everything that Van Meter intends us to find marvelous about this daughter of “the crazy-great political marriage of all time” ends up being overwhelmed by our visceral revulsion at the hack who has assembled the portrait.

Thankfully, around the halfway point of the piece, something like an interview takes over, and we get more of Chelsea Clinton, and far less of Jonathan Van Meter. You really do get a sense that Chelsea, who grew up surrounded by a press corps, actually is smart and capable, not to mention adept at giving a fawning reporter exactly the mix of feature-story sincerity (with a soupçon of Gen Y irony) that he’s hoping for:

What was it like being the only child of two such towering overachievers? “Well, we had dinner together every night,” she says. “Some of my earliest memories are trundling around in the back of the car with my parents while my father was campaigning. On Saturdays we would be in Bald Knob for the turkey hunt or in Toad Suck for Toad Suck Daze — yes, there is a Toad Suck, Arkansas. And Sundays were really sacred times. We would go to church, have lunch, and we always did something new, whether it was crack open coconuts or go on a new hike. We had these rituals that rooted us very much together.”

Folksy but self-aware! The Chelsea Clinton of the latter half of the article comes off as intelligent and thoughtful, relating an anecdote about how telling her father about the solid relationships of her many gay friends maybe helped him reframe his own opinon on gay marriage: “Those conversations often start in families and then billow out into the community. Change is hard. And I was really proud of my dad.”

And does she have political ambitions of her own? Outlook hazy, ask again later. Chelsea, who is, after all, a 32 year old woman who has a chief of staff, has also mastered the noncommittal affirmative:

I certainly believe that part of helping to build a better world is ensuring that we have political leaders who are committed to that premise. So if there were to be a point where it was something I felt called to do and I didn’t think there was someone who was sufficiently committed to building a healthier, more just, more equitable, more productive world? Then that would be a question I’d have to ask and answer.”

In short, Chelsea Clinton seems nice and smart, and we shouldn’t be too surprised if maybe she runs for office someday. And Jonathan Van Meter deserves to be locked in a sophomore-level creative-writing seminar for all eternity.

[Vogue]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 186 comments }

ChernobylSoup August 15, 2012 at 9:56 am

finally embracing her political birthright

This is America people; we shouldn't have such things as political birthrights.

Damn you John Quincy Adams.

thatsitfortheother1 August 15, 2012 at 10:27 am

Amen.

Pragmatist2 August 15, 2012 at 9:59 am

I demand equal time for Bristol Palin!
Chelsea may have "promiscuous career ambitions" but Bristol is promiscuous in the traditional American way.

Beowoof August 15, 2012 at 10:06 am

Somehow I don't see Chelsea on dancing with the has beens and never were. I do see Bristol living a life being done doggy style.

thatsitfortheother1 August 15, 2012 at 10:28 am

It's all due to your perspective, BeoWOOF…

UW8316154 August 15, 2012 at 10:26 am

“Bristol Palin is representative of her generation in a surprising number of ways: She is an unwed teenage mother; uses social media such as Facebook; a promiscuous sexual appetite; can’t seem to cut the apron strings of her relationship with her parents—and, above all, an obsession with wine coolers.”

fuflans August 15, 2012 at 10:31 am

i think bristol has had enough time already.

but maybe that's just me.

Nostrildamus August 15, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Not sentences.

Bristol also does not speak in sentences.

sbj1964 August 15, 2012 at 10:00 am

Little Chelsea is all grown up.Damn I feel old.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 15, 2012 at 10:55 am

If only Vogue had hooked her up with a grown-up writer, we might have something here.

deanbooth August 15, 2012 at 10:01 am

She's pretty.* Yet another epic fail for Rushbo.

* just one of her many admirable qualities

Beowoof August 15, 2012 at 10:09 am

One of Rush's many failures, whether marriages, getting caught with drugs or opinions a little to the right of Attila the Hun.

sewollef August 15, 2012 at 11:28 am

Maybe he'll die of a nosebleed on his next wedding night too.

PuckStopsHere August 15, 2012 at 10:02 am

"…who has a chief of staff…"

She can be Chief of my staff if you know what I mean and I think you do.

Hey, what? I'll bet you $10,000 dollars her dad said that about some woman, sometime.

An_Outhouse August 15, 2012 at 11:00 am

Well she does have a "promiscuous career ambition"

schvitzatura August 15, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Precocious, perhaps. Promiscuous? Unlikely.

Nepotic? Assuredly so.

EatsBabyDingos August 15, 2012 at 10:02 am

"Promiscuous…Toad Sucker!" will all we will hear from Fux Gnus, Bewilderbeast News since 1991.

Mumbletypeg August 15, 2012 at 10:07 am

Dick Morris's ears flare a little redder as he fumbles for his wallet.

Chow Yun Flat August 15, 2012 at 10:03 am

She had me at "promiscuous" even if it is career ambitions.

Beowoof August 15, 2012 at 10:04 am

No snark, she seems to be a decent person with a good sense of herself.

justkillmenow August 15, 2012 at 10:32 am

I think I have a girl crush.

BeefHardcake August 15, 2012 at 10:40 am

Indeed. So, so glad that she seems to have ended up fairly grounded in spite of growing up surrounded by politics.

FakaktaSouth August 15, 2012 at 10:05 am

It is truly gratifying to me to see a child who has been thru some stupid crap because of her parents NOT end up with any heads in her fridge or a pack of Palin-kids dragging behind her. I like to think maybe my kids have a shot at not sucking because of me too.

Limeylizzie August 15, 2012 at 10:22 am

FakataSouth Jr for President.

starfanglednut August 15, 2012 at 10:31 am

I'm sur your kids are great, FS.

fuflans August 15, 2012 at 10:35 am

and i know your kids will have fab fashion sense just like chelsea (and god knows where she got that – certainly not hillz).

Geminisunmars August 15, 2012 at 11:11 am

Maybe she got that from Monica.

PuckStopsHere August 15, 2012 at 10:35 am

My toughest day as a parent. Daughter leaving for Univ of Okla in the morning…

FakaktaSouth August 15, 2012 at 10:38 am

Aha! Boomer Sooner! That was a FAST summer, eh? Your daughter is gonna love it, and I am still completely understanding of her choice – those horses ARE awesome and Norman should make you feel pretty good about her being there.

PuckStopsHere August 15, 2012 at 10:49 am

I still wanted her to go to Alabama, but, yeah. I keep telling myself she'll only be 1,046 miles away. <sobs…>

thatsitfortheother1 August 15, 2012 at 10:53 am

A friend of ours took their kid to Frankfurt yesterday, headed to the USA and freshman year. I would have cried like a baby.

Chichikovovich August 15, 2012 at 10:49 am

Hey PSH – my sympathies. I've still got two years before that happens with my oldest, but I'm already preparing myself for a gut-churning day.

outragedcitizen August 15, 2012 at 10:05 am

Why do I have a mental image of Van Meter sitting in Chelsea Clinton's class trying to either catch her in a slip up or trying to get a peek down the front of her blouse?

chicken_thief August 15, 2012 at 10:16 am

I could care less if she slips up – don't we all? But peeking down the blouse – of course. Wouldn't we all?!

Geminisunmars August 15, 2012 at 11:14 am

I first read that as trying to catch [a peek of] her up her slip – and that fits him too.

elviouslyqueer August 15, 2012 at 10:05 am

She can also get a little pedantic, using words like node, modality, and paradigm in casual conversation. Her digressions are frequent and lengthy, but for the most part, her mini-lectures, which might come up when you are, say, dining at an Applebee’s, are well worth the price of admission.

She can also get a little pedantic? That's rich coming from someone inveighing on her "digressions" and fapping for a page and a half about her lecturing style.

UnholyMoses August 15, 2012 at 10:28 am

dining at an Applebee’s

Try the salad bar. It's great!

Sincerely,

David Brooks

widestanceromance August 15, 2012 at 10:37 am

"You can drop the attitude, you work in a shop." comes to mind. . .

noodlesalad August 15, 2012 at 10:05 am

The biggest difference between Chelsea and me (and a lot of other folks) is not only that she hasn't found Rush Limbaugh and punched him in his fat face, but she probably doesn't even want to do that. Bless her.

Not_So_Much August 15, 2012 at 10:39 am

Right? He doesn't even know I'm alive and I want to wreak furious vengeance upon him for his trespasses…What I'm saying is I really liked 'Pulp Fiction' and think Rush is a twatwaffle. But Chelsea seems like a lovely young person. So there is that.

Chet Kincaid_ August 15, 2012 at 11:36 am

Wait, you've punched Limbaugh in the face?

noodlesalad August 15, 2012 at 12:30 pm

I could have phrased that better, but maybe I'll just pretend that I have, in fact, punched him in the face. Feels good just to pretend it.

Chow Yun Flat August 15, 2012 at 10:06 am

When she finally looks at her notes after nearly an hour, I exhale

Jonathan Van Meter isn't much of a writer but he is a world class breathe holder.

thatsitfortheother1 August 15, 2012 at 10:31 am

Ultima choomer.

DonnyKerabotsos August 15, 2012 at 10:06 am

You misspelled vague.

mavenmaven August 15, 2012 at 10:07 am

If you want to write a hip "profile" of anything for a glossy magazine, drop a Yiddish word and a Japanese word and you are pretty much covered (gives off that "heimish otaku" feel).

chicken_thief August 15, 2012 at 10:16 am

French is so Mitt Romney.

noodlesalad August 15, 2012 at 10:17 am

A, so desu ka. I was picking up more of a verklempt sashimi

IonaTrailer August 15, 2012 at 11:16 am

Domo arigatou, you meshugine hentai

Gleem McShineys August 15, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Yentlcal porn

mavenmaven August 15, 2012 at 1:55 pm

oh, I really like that one, sounds like a promising set up for a stand up routine." vot, only nine psuedopods, you big nothing? Eh, I've had better"

metamarcisf August 15, 2012 at 10:08 am

If this chick was really ambitious, she'd join the cast of "Dancing With the Stars"

ChillBill August 15, 2012 at 10:09 am

She's everything the Bush twins aren't.

EatsBabyDingos August 15, 2012 at 10:13 am

Well, when the Bush girls sit in a circle the correct answer is "dope ring," whatever the question. If the Bush twins are alone in a room, there are six boobs always present.

Harrison Wintergreen August 15, 2012 at 10:15 am

So is Amy Carter.

SoBeach August 15, 2012 at 10:10 am

Wow. Chelsea Clinton likes coffee too. It's like we're soul-mates.

prommie August 15, 2012 at 10:10 am

I am exactly as interested in this woman as I am in the Palin offspring. Fuck her. She was born to every advantage in the world and will succeed far beyond any merit because of who she is while millions of equally or more talented, honest, and hardworking people will never even get the fucking interview. She'll do just fine without me having to root her on.

FakaktaSouth August 15, 2012 at 10:24 am

YOU ARE SUCH A BUTT

prommie August 15, 2012 at 10:39 am

So I was giving my father's eulogy, and I got to this part where I said "my father taught us that noone was better than us," and everyone held their breath, and then I said "and we weren't better than anyone else," and everyone breathed again. I am an arrogant peasant and I don't kiss no rings and I don't worship anyone based on their birth, and this woman is just one of millions of average, perfectly average human beings on earth, and its an insult to everyone whose parents aren't presidents and secretaries of state to look at her as anything but dull ordinary average nothing special, except for who her parents are.

FakaktaSouth August 15, 2012 at 10:42 am

Yes I KNOW this, BUT it is also no one's fault who their parents are and you are a little prejudiced against this poor girl without actually having dealt with her your ownself. I mean, had she told you, "Do you know who I AM" even ONCE to you I would get it, but she seems to just be doing her thing – she ain't even wrote a book yet – but MAN I would TOTALLY read it if she did.

prommie August 15, 2012 at 10:51 am

My bet is you'd give her book an honest shot, and try to read it, and you'd put it down after 10 pages, because life is too short and there are GOOD things to read out there that we'll never have time for. Stick to Matt Taibbi.

prommie August 15, 2012 at 10:55 am

Can't we just agree on the Mannings, then? Can't we all just get along?

eggsacklywright August 15, 2012 at 10:38 am

Right. She'll never have to work her way up like Luke Russert, son of the Hackness.

Mumbletypeg August 15, 2012 at 10:11 am

Chelsea is meeting me, after all, to decide whether or not to do something she has been protected from or studiously avoided her entire life: be interviewed.

If you're not already regretting the counter-impulse you went with, Chelsea, I for one am regretting it for you. VanMeter writes like an utter tool.

OneYieldRegular August 15, 2012 at 10:12 am

I can never remember the names of the accommodations I've had while traveling. About the best I can do is recall that almost all of them end in the number "6."

UnholyMoses August 15, 2012 at 10:26 am

all of them end in the number "6."

The "9" is just implied.

Chow Yun Flat August 15, 2012 at 10:28 am

The better ones I have stayed in have either numbers or colors in the name of the establishment.

UW8316154 August 15, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Or "8"

chicken_thief August 15, 2012 at 10:12 am

How the fuck did you make it through the original article, Doktor? I only got half way through the summary before my gag reflex starting going nuts.

One_who_wanders August 15, 2012 at 11:15 am

He is a better man than me.

bikerlaureate August 15, 2012 at 11:57 am

All of the quotes Dok treated us to – except for those from Chelsea and her hub – are horrible.
Horrible.

I need some Pepto now, brb

Angry_Marmot August 15, 2012 at 10:13 am

How would we define our generations if it weren't for writers of celebrity profiles?

SoBeach August 15, 2012 at 10:16 am

Nice.

Oblios_Cap August 15, 2012 at 10:14 am

On Saturdays we would be in Bald Knob for the turkey hunt or in Toad Suck for Toad Suck Daze

She certainly sounds like a girl who knows how to have fun!

ttommyunger August 15, 2012 at 10:15 am

"A few minutes later, he tries to remember the name of a ryokan they stayed in together in Kyoto, and can’t, so he calls out to Chelsea. She not only remembers, she spells it for him." Oh, Jonathan, you so clazy, me ignore you long time.

smashedinhat August 15, 2012 at 10:15 am

Sorry. I never liked her. Or her family. Burn me in effigy now. Or don't.

prommie August 15, 2012 at 10:21 am

If you have nothing nice to say about the Clintons, come sit here by me.

Oblios_Cap August 15, 2012 at 11:03 am

I'm not a big fan of the family either.

CheeseBro69 August 15, 2012 at 10:17 am

So what cabinet position does Chelsea get when Hil-Dawg becomes prez?

chicken_thief August 15, 2012 at 10:28 am

Remains to be seen. But Van Meter's got the Press Secretary job nailed down.

AddHomonym August 15, 2012 at 11:46 am

Senior Coffee Achiever?

bikerlaureate August 15, 2012 at 11:58 am

Dang it, you beat me to it…

"Irony Czar" ?

mavenmaven August 15, 2012 at 10:18 am

Doesn't she look like Paul Ryan in that picture?

thatsitfortheother1 August 15, 2012 at 10:39 am

Paul "Two Bills" Ryan?

IncenseDebate August 15, 2012 at 10:18 am

The Van Meter is on full. Of shit.

freakishlywrong August 15, 2012 at 10:19 am

This is why I only read Vogue for the pictures.

grex1949 August 15, 2012 at 10:19 am

Chelsea Clinton seems like just the type of person who could one day become an outstanding member of Congress. Maybe a Weiner, sans weiner and fucked-up photography habit?

johnnyzhivago August 15, 2012 at 10:20 am

How can you hold up someone who's never had a reality TV show as a role model?

prommie August 15, 2012 at 10:20 am

Oh and by the way, the Clinton health care proposal was the most horrible, wretched, ridiculous piece of shit clusterfuck sellout to BOTH the insurance and the health care interests. Her mother failed spectacularly and rightly at the one thing she was tasked to do, and her father more than any one single president over the last 30 years actually cheerleaded over the complete dismantlement of American manufacturing and the exporting of living wage working class jobs overseas. Fuck him, fuck her, fuck them. See, you can conjugate the verb "to fuck" with the Clintons, and its appropriate in every form.

johnnyzhivago August 15, 2012 at 10:23 am

I'll grant you that, but they did own a cat.

DahBoner August 15, 2012 at 10:57 am

Jenna Bush used to pass out on the Whitehouse lawn displaying her pussy…

One_who_wanders August 15, 2012 at 11:16 am

You say that like it is a bad thing.

chicken_thief August 15, 2012 at 10:30 am

hey, prommie, so the Clinton's are off your Christmas card list?

thatsitfortheother1 August 15, 2012 at 10:42 am

How do you really feel?

Oblios_Cap August 15, 2012 at 11:04 am

They did okay for Republicans. Maybe.

An_Outhouse August 15, 2012 at 11:06 am

I wasn't paying much attention to politics back then but by the time Clinton got done I finally registered with a political party, the Greens. Clinton should have stuck with selling used cars.

Katydid August 15, 2012 at 11:16 am

You are so right. I hate Bill Clinton, thought he was a horrible president, and if the Republicans hadn't overrreached on the impeachment I think many more Democrats would hate him too. He fucked up welfare, health care, trade…I could go on and on. And the sheer stupidity and arrogance of the Monica Lewinsky thing…I couldn't care less who blows him, but it was just stupid, stupid, stupid.

johnnyzhivago August 15, 2012 at 10:21 am

Coming next: Mitt Romney reveals his shocking late night chocolate milk habit.

UnholyMoses August 15, 2012 at 10:23 am

You know, as a professional writer myself, I tend to give guys like Van Meter a break due the outlet — Vogue. Not the NYT or New YorkerVogue.

But … sweet fucking Jesus H. Rivedancing Christ. It reads like an ad for fashion designers and trendy coffee that's been written by a 74-year-old former "It" person who just wants to show he's still all the rage and plugged in and shit, yet can't get two sentences without trying to flaunt his ability to look on Wikipedia to find out what all the Kewl Kids are doing these days, unaware that the Wiki page has been hacked.

Just … fuck, dude. Really? It's not a piece on some vapid, in-desperate-need-of-a-cheeseburger-or-five supermodel.

It's Chelsea Clinton.

And she deserves better. She really does.

chicken_thief August 15, 2012 at 10:33 am

Romney's generic which-fucking-one-is-which sons deserve better than that. Seriously, I could not make it through the summary. I'd have gouged my eyes out trying to read the original.

Incitefully_Joe August 15, 2012 at 10:44 am

So does her mom, but that seldom stops people either.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 15, 2012 at 11:00 am

Can you be 74 years old and still write that badly?

UnholyMoses August 15, 2012 at 11:16 am

Why are all my comments getting auto deleted?

ADDING: Except for this one. Oddness.

Doktor Zoom August 15, 2012 at 11:52 am

You may have been using one of the Words of Power. Did you mention the actuation device of a firearm? Or maybe a software add-on that causes commercial messages to not appear? Or generic Viagra? (huh…that one's allowed)

Also, Intense Debate frequently sucks for no discernible reason)

UnholyMoses August 15, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Used exactly ZERO of the words I know of, but there might be some I don't.

And it was automatically gone — not moderated by a human.

Oh well. It probably wasn't as funny as I thought it was anyway. So no big loss.

bureaucrap August 15, 2012 at 10:24 am

C'mon Vogue, try harder! Dig Deeper! Somewhere, there's a story about when Chelsea and some other students at sidwell friends held down a conservative boy until his hair grew out to hippie length.

thatsitfortheother1 August 15, 2012 at 10:43 am

Win~!

bikerlaureate August 15, 2012 at 11:59 am

Go on…

Sharkey August 15, 2012 at 10:24 am

But how many babies has she pooped out?

Katydid August 15, 2012 at 10:25 am

It's good to be the daughter of the king.

Don't want to be a downer, but it annoys me no end to see the advantages politicians and their families get, even if she seemingly has made the best of it. Nothing against her, but this country now has a deeply entrenched class – or caste – system, and we need to recognize that. We keep talking as if we're heading that way…damn, we're already there.

Sorry no snark, but it drives me crazy that my kid will never have the advantages the kids of politicians do, from Romney to his kids to Chelsea Clinton. This country really sucks sometimes, and politicians are the main reason.

prommie August 15, 2012 at 10:28 am

Thank you yes ditto, see above. And its not just politics, fuck the Mannings, every one of them, too. And every legacy in every endeavor, sports, business, politics, fuck them fuck them fuck them all. Fuck them every one, as Tiny Tim said.

UnholyMoses August 15, 2012 at 10:36 am

While I don't disagree AT ALL about the caste system we have, it's not exactly new in America, either.

Sure, there have been periods when those at the bottom have had chances to succeed, but those periods have been brief, and were NOT what the founders intended. After all, money breeds money (which is why progressive taxation works so well — it somewhat dulls that effect) and power breeds power (which is why free and fair elections are so vital).

But I'll give Chelsea a break just for the fact she seems to want to earn something for herself. Yes, she still has all kinds of advantages I never had, my son won't have, his kids probably won't, and so on. But she's working as a professor instead of hitting the reality show circuit, or being a lobbyist, or even running for office. She's just trying to live her life without all that shit and be her own person.

Given the environment in which she was raised, she could have turned out a helluva lot worse. And, yes, in this day and age, that deserves kudos, even if I agree that, in a perfect world, it shouldn't.

An_Outhouse August 15, 2012 at 11:08 am

So you didn't go to an Ivy league school and get handed a hedge fund manager job on your way out? I heard even George Bush got into Harvard or Yale. You just didn't try hard enough.

Misty Malarky August 15, 2012 at 10:26 am

Everybody knows Socks was gay-married to Bill the Cat, right?

thatsitfortheother1 August 15, 2012 at 10:56 am

I thought it was Fritz.

anniegetyerfun August 15, 2012 at 10:26 am

Have the rightwing nutjobs started freaking out yet? Articulate women are terrifying things for them.

Billmatic August 15, 2012 at 10:32 am

"Holy shit they can read now!! SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING!!!!"

prommie August 15, 2012 at 10:26 am

I don't think you can write a profile of Chelsea Clinton without being a hack. The act itself is an act of utter hackitude.

Billmatic August 15, 2012 at 10:28 am

She looks like her mom with her dad's nose.

Good luck with that.

prommie August 15, 2012 at 10:43 am

Yeah but if you ever have a problem with premature ejaculation, man, just keep that picture of her up there handy. Puke, fucking puke, man. Chick gets such a huge pass because of who her parents are, even from this crowd of mostly intelligent people.

Incitefully_Joe August 15, 2012 at 10:51 am

LEAVE JANET RENO ALONE

-signed,
John McCain

An_Outhouse August 15, 2012 at 11:11 am

It think she's already been arrange married. No luck needed.

Incitefully_Joe August 15, 2012 at 10:30 am

And Jonathan Van Meter deserves to be locked in a sophomore-level creative-writing seminar for all eternity.

That seems unnecessarily cruel. I mean, I had friends who took a creative-writing seminar in college, and shared their classmates' writing they were forced to critique, and I remember how downright terrible some of the basically-fanfiction actually was, but on the other hand, nobody deserves to take a class like that with Jonathan Van Meter.

Chichikovovich August 15, 2012 at 10:30 am

“Chelsea Clinton is representative of her generation in a surprising number of ways: …[sundry ways listed including:] an unusually close relationship with her parents…

Her relationship with her parents is both unusual and typical. The woman even transcends the laws of logic.

Chow Yun Flat August 15, 2012 at 10:31 am

Someone should explain the difference between writing and typing to Van Meter, not that he would understand.

anniegetyerfun August 15, 2012 at 10:32 am

Well, at least it wasn't another fawning portrait of a dictator's wife.

fuflans August 15, 2012 at 10:33 am

today we are all helen gurley brown.

CrunchyKnee August 15, 2012 at 10:33 am

I'd hit that.

starfanglednut August 15, 2012 at 10:36 am

Leave Chelsea alooooooooooooooone!

Chow Yun Flat August 15, 2012 at 10:37 am

Ten thousand monkeys hitting ten thousand keyboards for an infinite amount of time wouldn't produce something as bad as this article.

belmontreport August 15, 2012 at 10:40 am

Now if she was like this and was raised by an insurance salesman and a stay-at-home mom, I would be impressed. Isn't it kind of cheating when your father is a former two term President and your mother is a former Senator and current Secretary of State?

I'm just trying to make myself feel better. She is wonderful, clearly.

bikerlaureate August 15, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Conversely, there wasn't really a way she could "win," given the accomplishments of that set of parents. Could well be that she'll outshine them, given 25 more years…

Self-Uploader August 15, 2012 at 10:41 am

If I'd known twenty-something years ago that one day the cool kids would all love hanging out with their parents, I might have decided to breed.

fuflans August 15, 2012 at 10:43 am

man what's with all the hating on chelsea? i mean i understand she's privileged but she seems relatively harmless.

today my rage is directed at the annoying ass fat chick who sits near me and whines incessantly.

BZ1 August 15, 2012 at 10:51 am

another writer, just scrambling lots of words out of the dictionary

DahBoner August 15, 2012 at 10:52 am

elaborate coffee drinks

Conservatives just dump corn syrup into a dirty cup and call it Romney…

bikerlaureate August 15, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Srsly.
Visiting flyover country (before I ended up moving back here), a relative who shall remain unidentified was proud that his lodge-type social club had a new cappuccino machine… and pointed to one of those powdered hot-chocolate-type dispensers.

ElPinche August 15, 2012 at 10:55 am

Fuckin Clenis' magnets, how do they work?

jonlester August 15, 2012 at 10:58 am

I liked Chelsea all throughout the 2008 primary season, but once I learned her wedding would cost about as much as feeding Haiti for a day, I kind of stopped caring.

DahBoner August 15, 2012 at 10:58 am

"Marry what?"

el_donaldo August 15, 2012 at 11:00 am

her big blue eyes moving back and forth almost metronomically …

She's like one of those cat wall clocks?

fuflans August 15, 2012 at 11:02 am

oh and thanks for the ab fab shout out doc. we can all always have more of those.

Doktor Zoom August 15, 2012 at 11:25 am

Shall we finish off the beluga or shall we have some smoked salmon and nibbly things?

Also, true story: after nearly two decades — and our divorce! — this bit remains a running gag for me and my ex:

Eddie: I mean, what you two don't seem to realize is that inside of me… , inside of me, there is a thin person just screaming to get out.

Mother: Just the one, dear?

– any mention of "just one" of any item make's Mother's line mandatory.

Geminisunmars August 15, 2012 at 11:30 am

You are a role model for divorce, Dok.

bikerlaureate August 15, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Eddie: Look at me Sweetheart, huh, huh? One day you'll turn into me!
Gran: [sweetly] And you will turn into me, dear.

ETA the quote I was really looking for…

MAGDA: If the models get any younger, Pats, they'll be chucking fetuses down the catwalk.

fuflans August 15, 2012 at 12:17 pm

"abort abort abort"

one of my all time favorites.

Doktor Zoom August 15, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Edina: I wonder how you do go about [adopting a Romanian baby].
Saffy: I should imagine you would have to go to Romania.
Edina: Oh don't be stupid, darling. I'm sure they could send over a selection and I could pick one.

fuflans August 15, 2012 at 12:23 pm

and for the 2012 electoral season:

I DON'T WANT MORE CHOICE, I JUST WANT NICER THINGS .

Chet Kincaid_ August 15, 2012 at 2:28 pm

I've got to buy that series on iTunes to watch at my leisure, because the wife doesn't like it, so I've only seen a handful of eps. Strangely, I find Edina kind of attractive!

fuflans August 15, 2012 at 3:53 pm

well my bff and i have been known for years in our set as patsy and edie (i'm patsy, obv, she's edie). if we ever run into you around town, i'll introduce you.

Chet Kincaid_ August 15, 2012 at 3:59 pm

When I discovered that Patsy was Purdey from "The New Avengers", I was shocked!

smitallica August 15, 2012 at 11:03 am

I can't believe a fashion magazine run by the soulless Anna Wintour would focus on the superficial and inconsequential details of someone's life.

prommie August 15, 2012 at 11:05 am

I, too, am shocked and appalled. You could knock me over with a feather.

Incitefully_Joe August 15, 2012 at 11:04 am

Guys, we GET it. She comes from absurd amounts of priviledge and has been given every advantage in the world.

On the other hand, she used that priviledge most prominently to get herself a first-rate education, and has mostly kept to herself other than that. Compared to other members of the American Aristocracy, she's hardly used nepotism to squeeze herself into careers she's otherwise unqualified for, and she's not busy poisoning our national discussions with idiotic or vile viewpoints.

Point being, with the likes of Liz Cheney, Luke Russert, Jonah Goldberg, Chris Wallace, Mitt Romney, Bristol Palin, and jesus, even Meghan McCain, relatively speaking, all running around and gabbing all the time and monetizing the accident of their birth to the right parents, I just don't quite get the amount of bile being levelled at Chelsea Clinton in these comments. There's a ton of better targets and worse offenders out there, folks.

Katydid August 15, 2012 at 11:10 am

Just to be clear, my comment wasn't aimed at Chelsea Clinton, I said she seems to have made the best of it. Hell, for that matter, I haven't heard anything bad about Romney's kids either. It's the extreme privileges afforded to the kids of politicians that I resent.

Doktor Zoom August 15, 2012 at 11:17 am

We're living in a dictatorship. A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working class…

Oh, there you go bringing class into it again.

Incitefully_Joe August 15, 2012 at 11:43 am

And don't get me wrong, the existence of an American Aristocracy bugs the hell out of me, too. I just think that the bitchfest in these comments is focusing on a symptom rather than the disease (namely, the massive and rising socioeconomic inequality in America) and at the mean time, Chelsea is a considerably lesser offender in what is, frankly, a target-rich environment.

slithytoves August 15, 2012 at 11:26 am

Thanks for that. As an educator I have worked with young people from every social background, and I always judge them on their own efforts to be decent human beings. Seems the best way to make the world better.

Mumbletypeg August 15, 2012 at 11:36 am

What's funny is.. . From what I gather, you've said at least part of your upbringing, was in a rather tonier neighborhood or school setting that kept you in company with peers of way more affluent means than you & your own. Was the same with me. It ought to result that I'd have *more* incentive to resent the "wealthified"… But actually I think it's just made me more jaded about them. Too many exceptions to the 'wealth corrupts' rule; enough good eggs exist if one knows how to recognize & appreciate them.
By another token, I grew disenamored of the Clinton Mystique with the reading of that Vanity Fair expose 2008 [or more recently, someone dishing on his "Foundation" plus cross-national wheel-&-deals]; so not only has it tempered my enthusiasm for Clinton worship, it also enables me to see how some here have never been able to fully rinse the bad taste of fallen-from-grace apprehension from one's librul palate.

LagunaB August 15, 2012 at 11:06 am

Why do the interview?
I have met Hillary through a friend and I like her. I don't know Bill or Chelsea. And I will be perpetually pissed at Bill. But I know the crap I have been through and the armor I wear and it is but a grain of sand on the beach compared to Hillary. Yes she chose the path she is on and they have done some stupid things and have advantages the rest of us do not. We have a life they will never have and I rather have my life.

Incitefully_Joe August 15, 2012 at 11:07 am

God help us when Sasha and Malia grow up. Wonkete comment sections are gonna start reading like Dead Breitbart's Ghost does right now.

dennis1943 August 15, 2012 at 11:11 am

Seeing as how my heart does not start beating until after my first cup of coffee………..i feel a certain kinship…..

barto August 15, 2012 at 11:13 am

Since she is a health care policy wonk I would hope that someday soon she will exhibit some bold leadership in the single-payer movement. Go Chelsea!

ahnc August 15, 2012 at 11:13 am

Chelsea, not surprisingly, didn't opt for the Palintologist approach…sell yourself to the highest bidder.

Sharkey August 15, 2012 at 11:18 am

What maniacal conspiracy is she desperately covering up? They won't tell us.

hagajim August 15, 2012 at 11:30 am

promiscuous career ambition… Does that mean she likes to masturbate…and do the big blue eyes move back and forth like a metronome when she does? Sounds kinda hot.

el_donaldo August 15, 2012 at 11:56 am

It's just like flipping a switch! Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth …

Maman August 15, 2012 at 11:38 am

Dammit! When do I get me a chief of staff! I am 46 already!

Jus_Wonderin August 15, 2012 at 11:42 am

Adding my two cents. I am glad that she turned out so well. If we compare her ambition and success to the trainwreck that is the Palin offspring…I bet I don't have to say more.

It is hard to raise a child in any environment/situation. I am so proud of my daughter for her success and independence as she begins her career. I told her, "Remember, if you get in a tight spot, I can help you." She replied "Dad, you and Mom have done so much, I need to be as independent as I can".

Doktor Zoom August 15, 2012 at 11:47 am
Jus_Wonderin August 15, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Yes, you are correct. I can't forsee the hell I have imparted through my parenting and genes. <grin>

Tundra Grifter August 15, 2012 at 11:46 am

"She has a highly developed sense of irony…"

I'm guessing about one in a hundred times when I read "irony" that word is used correctly. Is that ironic? I'm guessing "Nope."

PS: "Literally" seems to be correctly used about as often. Don't mean to come off as a grammar mensch here – some things just grate on the old nerves.

BlueStateLibel August 15, 2012 at 11:48 am

Vogue, the magazine for the 1 percenters whose perfume costs as much as my rent. Or you can be like a "friend" of mine and just flip through the pages, saying, "She's ugly, she's ugly, etc."

Tundra Grifter August 15, 2012 at 11:53 am

"What was it like being the only child of two such towering overachievers? 'Well, we had dinner together every night,' she says."

Interesting that is also a priority for Mr. and Mrs. Obama.

To the point the right wing nutz spread the lie President Obama "snubbed" (when you see that word, you know it's a stale repeat of this annecdote) Prime Minister Netanyahu by taking off to have dinner with his (Mr. Obama's) wife and kids.

Only his family was out of town that evening, so it's just another lie.

Pat_Pending August 15, 2012 at 12:06 pm

It's as if Vogue hired Edward Bulwer-Lytton…

proudgrampa August 15, 2012 at 12:10 pm

My take on this is that compared to say, the Bush twins (who have just as much, if not more privilege), Chelsea turned out to be a pretty decent human being with a lot on the ball.

I would be proud to have her for a granddaughter. The Bush twins, not so much.

thefrontpage August 15, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Vogue: What on earth were you smoking? This "article" is gawd-awful. It's not journalism, it's not a good feature, it's not anything. Really–who the frickin' hell cares about Chelsea Clinton? No offense to her, but–who the hell cares? Gawd! Vogue: There are literally about 1,000 better things, people, issues to write about in your fashion magazine. Really. And Clinton a "representative of her generation" because she gets along with her parents and drinks coffee? Who wrote this crap? Who let this get published? Who edited this mess? Vogue: Get a grip. Run more pictures of little-dressed beautiful women. But don't run any more articles like this, ever again. Vogue: Millions of other young people have gotten along with their parents and drank coffee–for thousands of years. That doesn't mean they are representatives of their generation. Sheesh. Magazines suck.

natoslug August 15, 2012 at 12:38 pm

She's me!- I like to fuck at work too!

I haven't finished reading the article (and probably never will), but how is her relationship with her parents unusual? I knew a girl in Spokane who went to swingers parties with her parents, and to me, that is an unusual relationship with your parents. Getting along with your parents after hitting adulthood doesn't sound that unusual to me. But then, I think I am fairly well adjusted and have parents who aren't overly-embarrassing, so what the fuck do I know?

rickmaci August 15, 2012 at 12:47 pm

"Chelsea Clinton is representative of her generation in a surprising number of ways: .."

She's broke, unemployed, without medical insurance, can't afford a car, stuck with $100,000 of college debt and living with her minimum wage earning PhD husband in the three bedroom home of her social security age parents who are in default on their mortgage?

larrykat August 15, 2012 at 1:12 pm

And just where do you keep that framed rejection letter from Vogue, Doktor Zoom?

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 15, 2012 at 2:05 pm

an obsession with elaborate coffee drinks.

Wait, isn't that gay code for something?

Chet Kincaid_ August 15, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Every generation of yuppies since Starbucks was founded in Chicago in the late '80s has been obsessed with elaborate coffee drinks. What? Seattle?! No way!

Thunderclees August 15, 2012 at 2:41 pm

omg want to read Van Meter's response to this so bad

Fuck Toad August 15, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Man, she looks a lot like her mom these days.

No hate from here. I'm not going to judge the children of the elite for, well, being in the elite. I'm fine with them as long as they're not trying to take Social Security away so they can get a tax cut.

FakaktaSouth August 15, 2012 at 10:58 am

Yeah, fuck the Mannings, except when they host SNL, that stuff is pretty funny.

elviouslyqueer August 15, 2012 at 11:44 am

I would personally not pass up the chance to fuck the Mannings. All at once, or separately. I'm not choosy.

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