please nobody tell peta

Probably Don’t Read This Story About Minnesota’s Barack Obama Death-Threat Cat-Murder

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Pleeee-ase, don't murder meMinneapolis is apparently home to the newest Damien Hirst, as an art installation featuring the burned carcass of a cat, with an American flag staked through its heart and an Obama/Biden yard sign next to it, popped up in a public park yesterday. Clearly, though, the authorities don’t understand Conceptual Assemblage when they see it.

A threat to President Obama in the form of a burned cat staked to a tree stump drew officers from several city and federal agencies to a south Minneapolis park before dawn on Monday.

The cat’s carcass in Longfellow Park was staked with a handheld American flag on a small stick, according to a federal law enforcement official. Standing next to the cat was an Obama/Biden 2012 lawn sign, the official said.

But what of the Assemblage’s other components?

On the stump along with the cat, with the flag’s stick staked through its throat, were an iced tea can and a cat food tin, the federal official said. There was no note, the official added.

Artist fail. There should by all means have been a note, or “artist’s statement,” preferably citing Kant’s probings of the nature of truth and Brecht’s Man’s Inhumanity to Cat.

In other news, probably time to put some more taxpayer dough into mental health.

[StarTribune, via Wonkette operative “Mssr Grumpe”]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • ChernobylSoup

    If the FBI doesn't have an Art History major on staff to interpret this, there are probably about 8.6 million unemployed ones they could hire.

    • SexySmurf

      You can't swing a dead cat without hitting one.

      • HistoriCat

        Too soon!

        • sewollef

          Way too soon…. I have two kitties at home.

    • finallyhappy

      Oh, we have one of those at home- an unemployed art history major- not a burned cat. The FBI does have a few(1?) art history major(s) in the office that looks at art/artifact theft. My daughter looked into that job- but takes tickets instead because the FBI wasn't hiring 1,000,000 art history majors last year.

  • nounverb911

    One of my favorite books has always been "101 Uses for A Dead Cat".

    (Sorry Barb).

    • Angry_Marmot

      I prefer 101 Uses for A Dead Human, where the people are buried heads down asses up, and the kitties using their butt cheeks as bicycle racks.

    • An_Outhouse

      was 'piece of modern art' one of them?

  • Schmannnity

    I blame Pussy Galore and Goldfinger.

    • RadioBowels

      Y también, Faster Pussycat, Kill, Kill.

  • LocalGirlMakesGoo

    But is it art?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Don't be ridiculous, of course it's not.

      Now a dog on the roof of a car; that's art.

    • sudsmckenzie

      or technique?

  • PuckStopsHere

    The hoveround tracks at the scene should provide authorities with a valuable clue.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Your move, Jesse Helms.

    • nounverb911

      He's busy munching on Breitbart parts right now.

  • Oblios_Cap

    That's just sick. Was Paul Ryan in the area, perchance?

    • OzoneTom

      Or Ted Nugent at least?

    • Ducksworthy

      The cat wasn't actually burned. It just looked that way after Ryan sucked all of the kittycat's blood out of it.

  • Goonemeritus

    Thank God it wasn’t a Mark di Suvero piece those I-Beams are a bitch to take down.

    • HistoriCat

      "Just let them fall down on their own." – Tim Pawlenty

  • Come here a minute

    The artist is clearly expressing the point that cat food is wasted on cats when it could be feeding the elderly.

    • An_Outhouse

      Its clearly a statement in favor the the ACA. Thanks to requirements that health insurance cover gynecological services, there won't be any more burning pussies.

  • Misty Malarky

    I HAZ A SAD. :(


    That's as close to a pussy that asshat who did this will ever get.

  • decay500

    We are all dead cats today…

  • RedneckMuslin

    The cat slipped and fell on the flag stick.

    -The dog

    • ChernobylSoup

      Why must you be like that,
      Why must you chase the cat?

    • emmelemm


    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Dog libel!

  • sbj1964

    This is politics 101 for the GOP.They start with killing small animals,and the next thing you know mass murder of the middle class.Classic psychotic behavior.

    • emmelemm

      Also, bedwetting.

    • Isyaignert

      True 'dat! GeeDub used to put firecrackers up the butts of frogs and blow them up. Then he moved on to Afghan and Iraqi children and their parents.

  • OurHoboSenator

    I haz a sad

  • ChernobylSoup

    The burned cat carcass represents what subsidized housing does to the black community and the empty cat food tin embodies the public trough after decades of liberal, nay, fanciful policies.

    You have to figure out the iced tea can your damn self.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Iced tea because it's hot out there and an artist gets thirsty.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      Maybe it was a 'George Zimmerman is innocent' reference.

    • sullivanst

      The skittles packet blew away.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    No snark – the person who did to a cat doesn't deserve any humane treatment whatsoever.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      I'm hoping the cat was already dead but people who would even do that to a dead animal are not people I want my kid selling Girl Scout cookies to.

  • Tundra Grifter

    I'd start by looking for John McNaughton. Perhaps he's run out of fingerpaint.

  • HempDogbane

    This is another Pussy Riot stunt.

    • RedneckMuslin


  • Doktor Zoom

    Has /b/ been alerted? They don't like people who hurt cats.

  • SorosBot

    Gah, what the fuck is wrong with these sadistic sickos?

  • TheLifeSilica

    This is a pro-Obama installation. Like the phoenix, America (the flag) will rise from its corpse (poor Mittens) only under the protection of a benevolent hand (Obama / Handsome Old Joe) and with welfare and health care for all (cat food).

    The ice tea was because it was hot because of climate change and I was quite parched and the garbage can was, like, ALL THE WAY over THERE.

  • johnnyzhivago

    All signs point to the Doberman Gang.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      But wouldn't they use a German flag?

  • CrunchyKnee

    Because nothing says keep that Nigerian, commie, socialist, fascist, blah's hands off my tea bags quite like cat torture. Sometimes, I really do not like some of my fellow citizens.

  • djshay

    There really isn't anything funny about this. It's just disgusting and the person who did it is probably a sociopath.

    • Goonemeritus

      No probably about it, cruelty to animals is huge predictor in youth of a sociopath.

  • mrblifil

    Robert Hughes would have understood.

  • 1stNewtontheMoon

    so a threat to Romney would be a burned turd covered in goldflakes?

    • johnnyzhivago

      No, it would be a hair gel slathered gerbil with a dollar bill stuck in its ear.

  • sudsmckenzie

    This really isnt a Mommy blog is it?, Ken, … KEN

  • CountryClubJihadi

    I have 3 kittens in my lap right now and simply do not care for this story. I will happily spay and neuter that sick fuck when they find him.

    • nonbeliever7

      Tie him down,
      Smear tuna on his teabag
      Set the cats free.
      Repeat as necessary.

  • ChessieNefercat

    I just can't snark. A kitty? Someone killed a little animal for no good reason? I have cats and a dog. I am just so depressed now.

  • mavenmaven

    I guess burning a cross was too expensive so he burned a cat instead?

  • IncenseDebate

    The cat had recently changed his name from Cat Stevens to Yusuf Islam.

    • ChernobylSoup

      and the first cut was the deepest.

      • IncenseDebate

        It's a wild world

  • RadioBowels

    Does anybody know the whereabouts of Hitler Cat?

    • Nostrildamus

      Kibble Nacht !!

  • teebob2000

    Feles gratia feles

    • doloras

      "Feles gratia felidis". You're welcome.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Maybe the cat was killed for yelling for some motherf*cking iced tea! Bill o'Reilly, maybe?

  • Billmatic

    Has anyone paid a visit to that Schrodinger character? He is a pervert when it comes to cats.

    • IncenseDebate

      He's wanted dead and alive.

  • TavariousChinaSmith

    Now PETA and the Tea Party will spend the next month arguing about whether it's worse to desecrate a flag or a cat.

  • Chow Yun Flat

    While there are a lot of worse things in the world than a dead kitty. whoever did this should be neutered with a dull rusty scalpel.

  • DerrickWildcat

    It's only art if somebody buys it.

  • Amanwithnoplan
    • Angry_Marmot

      The one who killed Gregory Peck.

  • Chow Yun Flat

    Torturing a cat is typical behavior for a Romney/Ryan supporter.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    The art of compassionate conservatism.

  • CrunchyKnee

    This is why we canz NOT haz cheeseburgers.

  • ThankYouJeebus

    Oh, waiter! I'll take a little palate cleanser in the form of

  • Chow Yun Flat

    Poor little kitty must have yelled at Paul Ryan at the Iowa State Fair.

  • IonaTrailer

    OT, but there is a really good Op Ed piece about Ryan's Fairy Tale Budget in the NYTimes today by David Stockman.

    THIS article is just sad. Poor kitty.

  • Baconzgood

    Unrelated to this post.

    This meeting is killing me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have to "teach" salesmanship. How do you teach getting clients hammered and get the to sign on the dotted line when they are piss drunk? That's Baconz sales modus operandi! This is somthing you have to experience. You can't teach this crap in Yale.

    (this post is 100% snark free)

    • ChernobylSoup

      Impress them by using big words.

    • 1stNewtontheMoon

      i was promised we'd learn hooker negotiating.

    • MissTaken

      Haha, I had to write a course on Client Relationship Management yesterday. "Be nice on the phone", "ask them if there is anything else we can provide them with", "educate them about cross-company offerings they may not be aware of that can build efficiencies for them", blah blah blah. Good luck!

      • HistoriCat

        "educate them about cross-company offerings they may not be aware of that can build efficiencies for them"

        Some of us are eating lunch here!

      • viennawoods13

        I'm writing course outlines for when school starts. Gah. My bullshit meter is maxing out.

      • bobbert

        But please, please, no "synergy". Please.

    • sullivanst

      I'm guessing whoever assigned you this task never read "You Can't Teach A Kid To Ride A Bike At A Seminar".

    • Angry_Marmot

      [insert Glengarry Glen Ross reference]

    • Toomush_Infer

      The trick is to pay waitresses to bring you iced tea with their double shots…(decades of experience),…. oh, and strip bars are no good – too much distraction; use Hooters instead…. but I'm sure this is Baconz 101….!!!…..but it's in the salesmanship meeting you should be drinking double shots yourself…

    • CindynEncinitas

      Drop trou, show them your core competency, and run away.

  • gullywompr

    Minnesota nice strikes again.

  • calliecallie

    ANOTHER future episode of Criminal Minds. How many more dead cat installations are out there, I wonder, still waiting to be discovered?Use the Obama/Biden reference to draw on the full resources of the FBI and catch that guy before his behavior escalates to something bigger than cats. Please.

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    Can we be sure this wasn't the remnants of some crazed ritual carried out by Bobby Jindal and Michele Bachmann after they both learned they wouldn't be Mittens' running mate?

  • HistoriCat

    I do NOT approve of this message.

  • MissTaken

    Somewhat related:

    Has anyone else seen the I think Fancy Feast Mornings commercial where the woman is awaken by her hungry kitty then she (the woman) proceeds to fix her kitty a plate with Fancy Feast Mornings breakfast complete with a flower in a vase while totally ignoring her husband/boyfriend? She only notices him when he touches her and then her face is like "oh yeah, you live here too, I guess I should acknowledge your existence and not just focus all my attention on the cat". <a href="” target=”_blank”>

  • fawkedifiknow

    The NRA has already issued a press release, once again pointing out the obvious: If that cat had been carrying, this would never have happened.

  • Mojopo

    That poor animal. I hope the police find this potential serial killer and punish them to the full extent of the law. Things like this make me want to reform current laws against animal cruelty. They're really not half as severe as they should be.

    • BerkeleyBear

      Not according to Steve King. They are putting animals above humans, since you can rape a woman in public, drive her across state lines for an abortion, burn the fetus on a tree stump in the park using 14 american flags as tinder, drive the woman back to the playground and drop her off, and there's no crime there.

      Or something.

      • HistoriCat

        Good point. Hey – does Rep. King have an alibi for when all of this happened?

    • Mojopo

      P.S.: Damien Hirst can keep puking up Spin-Art guitars, but Imma keep on hating his ass.

    • mwittier

      My 70 year-old mom, who fosters dogs and cats and is a huge Obama supporter, lives a few blocks from there, and is FREAKED.

      • emmelemm

        Bless your mom.

      • Mojopo

        Your poor Mom! I would be freaked out, too.

  • Exhausted66

    Does this help or hurt funding for the NEA?

  • OneYieldRegular

    I'm going to need to spend some therapeutic time on "OMG – Cats in Space!" this morning.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    People suck.

  • gurukalehuru

    Now, I'm not saying Mittens was personally responsible for this, but can he prove he wasn't?

  • Extemporanus

    I'm sorry… :-(

  • Toomush_Infer

    Um….drugs has changed?…

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Today I officially hate everyone. RIP kitty.

  • Pat_Pending

    What now, an effigy lynching? Perhaps next, an underground trade in postcards of the dirty deeds, just like in the 1920s…

    Isn't it swell when society falls apart? Oh, and (yawn) another crazed shooter in College Station. Whatever.

  • barto

    O Hai Can Haz Noms Now——? Ryan bujit? MEEOWARRGH…..

  • fuflans

    this makes me stabby.


  • marechanden

    Right wingers claiming this is a pro-Obama sicko's handiwork (the cat's dead because under the Ryan plan seniors without Social Security will have to eat cat food) in 3…2…

  • Biff

    Scottish Fold kitty!

  • Ducksworthy

    1. If you vote for Obama, he will kill this kitty, or alternatively, 2. if you don't vote for Mitt Rmoney, he will kill this kitty. #2 is clearly more credible.

  • glamourdammerung

    What is wrong with Republicans?

    Seriously, what is physically wrong with their brains that they think stupidity like this is even remotely acceptable?

  • Ducksworthy

    Maybe it was an attempt to finally nail down Schrodinger's cat. I too am tired of the uncertainty about the election. If it weren't for my meds…

  • BZ1

    Can't get up the snark, just despicable.

  • bibliotequetress

    As I sit here hugging my 19 pound, sixteen year old long hair ginger cat I cannot snark about this. I am appallingly reminded, though that this is the SECOND time I have heard of some fuckbrain murdering a cat because, well, why? Liberals?
    NOTE:HORRIBLE photo with link. This is an old story and I couldn't find it w/out the photo

  • ttommyunger

    I'm sure there is a message here other than serious mental illness and unspeakable cruelty. I don't get it, but I'm pretty sure Romney and Company see something to rub their grubby little hands together about here.

  • horsedreamer_1

    Prince takes pussy control seriously.

  • Sharkey

    Cats are nicer when they're alive.

  • S_noe

    2 serious points:
    1) I prefer to think that the carcass was acquired non-violently. We can hope, right?
    2) I am gonna guess the iced tea is a Trayvon reference. Assholes.