PLEASE NOBODY TELL PETA  12:08 pm August 14, 2012

Probably Don’t Read This Story About Minnesota’s Barack Obama Death-Threat Cat-Murder

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Pleeee-ase, don't murder meMinneapolis is apparently home to the newest Damien Hirst, as an art installation featuring the burned carcass of a cat, with an American flag staked through its heart and an Obama/Biden yard sign next to it, popped up in a public park yesterday. Clearly, though, the authorities don’t understand Conceptual Assemblage when they see it.

A threat to President Obama in the form of a burned cat staked to a tree stump drew officers from several city and federal agencies to a south Minneapolis park before dawn on Monday.

The cat’s carcass in Longfellow Park was staked with a handheld American flag on a small stick, according to a federal law enforcement official. Standing next to the cat was an Obama/Biden 2012 lawn sign, the official said.

But what of the Assemblage’s other components?

On the stump along with the cat, with the flag’s stick staked through its throat, were an iced tea can and a cat food tin, the federal official said. There was no note, the official added.

Artist fail. There should by all means have been a note, or “artist’s statement,” preferably citing Kant’s probings of the nature of truth and Brecht’s Man’s Inhumanity to Cat.

In other news, probably time to put some more taxpayer dough into mental health.

[StarTribune, via Wonkette operative "Mssr Grumpe"]

 
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{ 124 comments }

ChernobylSoup August 14, 2012 at 12:10 pm

If the FBI doesn't have an Art History major on staff to interpret this, there are probably about 8.6 million unemployed ones they could hire.

SexySmurf August 14, 2012 at 12:19 pm

You can't swing a dead cat without hitting one.

HistoriCat August 14, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Too soon!

sewollef August 14, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Way too soon…. I have two kitties at home.

finallyhappy August 14, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Oh, we have one of those at home- an unemployed art history major- not a burned cat. The FBI does have a few(1?) art history major(s) in the office that looks at art/artifact theft. My daughter looked into that job- but takes tickets instead because the FBI wasn't hiring 1,000,000 art history majors last year.

nounverb911 August 14, 2012 at 12:10 pm

One of my favorite books has always been "101 Uses for A Dead Cat".

(Sorry Barb).

Angry_Marmot August 14, 2012 at 12:57 pm

I prefer 101 Uses for A Dead Human, where the people are buried heads down asses up, and the kitties using their butt cheeks as bicycle racks.

An_Outhouse August 14, 2012 at 1:08 pm

was 'piece of modern art' one of them?

Schmannnity August 14, 2012 at 12:12 pm

I blame Pussy Galore and Goldfinger.

RadioBowels August 14, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Y también, Faster Pussycat, Kill, Kill.

LocalGirlMakesGoo August 14, 2012 at 12:12 pm

But is it art?

Lascauxcaveman August 14, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Don't be ridiculous, of course it's not.

Now a dog on the roof of a car; that's art.

sudsmckenzie August 14, 2012 at 12:48 pm

or technique?

PuckStopsHere August 14, 2012 at 12:13 pm

The hoveround tracks at the scene should provide authorities with a valuable clue.

elviouslyqueer August 14, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Your move, Jesse Helms.

nounverb911 August 14, 2012 at 12:16 pm

He's busy munching on Breitbart parts right now.

Oblios_Cap August 14, 2012 at 12:14 pm

That's just sick. Was Paul Ryan in the area, perchance?

OzoneTom August 14, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Or Ted Nugent at least?

Ducksworthy August 14, 2012 at 4:36 pm

The cat wasn't actually burned. It just looked that way after Ryan sucked all of the kittycat's blood out of it.

Goonemeritus August 14, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Thank God it wasn’t a Mark di Suvero piece those I-Beams are a bitch to take down.

HistoriCat August 14, 2012 at 12:41 pm

"Just let them fall down on their own." – Tim Pawlenty

Come here a minute August 14, 2012 at 12:14 pm

The artist is clearly expressing the point that cat food is wasted on cats when it could be feeding the elderly.

An_Outhouse August 14, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Its clearly a statement in favor the the ACA. Thanks to requirements that health insurance cover gynecological services, there won't be any more burning pussies.

Misty Malarky August 14, 2012 at 12:14 pm

I HAZ A SAD. :(

*or*

That's as close to a pussy that asshat who did this will ever get.

decay500 August 14, 2012 at 12:15 pm

We are all dead cats today…

RedneckMuslin August 14, 2012 at 12:15 pm

The cat slipped and fell on the flag stick.

-The dog

ChernobylSoup August 14, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Why must you be like that,
Why must you chase the cat?

emmelemm August 14, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Win.

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 14, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Dog libel!

sbj1964 August 14, 2012 at 12:15 pm

This is politics 101 for the GOP.They start with killing small animals,and the next thing you know mass murder of the middle class.Classic psychotic behavior.

emmelemm August 14, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Also, bedwetting.

Isyaignert August 14, 2012 at 1:34 pm

True 'dat! GeeDub used to put firecrackers up the butts of frogs and blow them up. Then he moved on to Afghan and Iraqi children and their parents.

OurHoboSenator August 14, 2012 at 12:15 pm

I haz a sad

ChernobylSoup August 14, 2012 at 12:15 pm

The burned cat carcass represents what subsidized housing does to the black community and the empty cat food tin embodies the public trough after decades of liberal, nay, fanciful policies.

You have to figure out the iced tea can your damn self.

Lascauxcaveman August 14, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Iced tea because it's hot out there and an artist gets thirsty.

Texan_Bulldog August 14, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Maybe it was a 'George Zimmerman is innocent' reference.

sullivanst August 14, 2012 at 12:47 pm

The skittles packet blew away.

randcoolcatdaddy August 14, 2012 at 12:15 pm

No snark – the person who did to a cat doesn't deserve any humane treatment whatsoever.

Texan_Bulldog August 14, 2012 at 12:47 pm

I'm hoping the cat was already dead but people who would even do that to a dead animal are not people I want my kid selling Girl Scout cookies to.

Tundra Grifter August 14, 2012 at 12:15 pm

I'd start by looking for John McNaughton. Perhaps he's run out of fingerpaint.

HempDogbane August 14, 2012 at 12:15 pm

This is another Pussy Riot stunt.

RedneckMuslin August 14, 2012 at 12:18 pm

spacibo

Doktor Zoom August 14, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Has /b/ been alerted? They don't like people who hurt cats.

SorosBot August 14, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Gah, what the fuck is wrong with these sadistic sickos?

TheLifeSilica August 14, 2012 at 12:16 pm

This is a pro-Obama installation. Like the phoenix, America (the flag) will rise from its corpse (poor Mittens) only under the protection of a benevolent hand (Obama / Handsome Old Joe) and with welfare and health care for all (cat food).

The ice tea was because it was hot because of climate change and I was quite parched and the garbage can was, like, ALL THE WAY over THERE.

johnnyzhivago August 14, 2012 at 12:16 pm

All signs point to the Doberman Gang.

Lascauxcaveman August 14, 2012 at 12:27 pm

But wouldn't they use a German flag?

CrunchyKnee August 14, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Because nothing says keep that Nigerian, commie, socialist, fascist, blah's hands off my tea bags quite like cat torture. Sometimes, I really do not like some of my fellow citizens.

djshay August 14, 2012 at 12:17 pm

There really isn't anything funny about this. It's just disgusting and the person who did it is probably a sociopath.

Goonemeritus August 14, 2012 at 12:28 pm

No probably about it, cruelty to animals is huge predictor in youth of a sociopath.

mrblifil August 14, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Robert Hughes would have understood.

1stNewtontheMoon August 14, 2012 at 12:17 pm

so a threat to Romney would be a burned turd covered in goldflakes?

johnnyzhivago August 14, 2012 at 12:19 pm

No, it would be a hair gel slathered gerbil with a dollar bill stuck in its ear.

sudsmckenzie August 14, 2012 at 12:18 pm

This really isnt a Mommy blog is it?, Ken, … KEN

CountryClubJihadi August 14, 2012 at 12:18 pm

I have 3 kittens in my lap right now and simply do not care for this story. I will happily spay and neuter that sick fuck when they find him.

nonbeliever7 August 14, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Tie him down,
Smear tuna on his teabag
Set the cats free.
Repeat as necessary.

ChessieNefercat August 14, 2012 at 12:19 pm

I just can't snark. A kitty? Someone killed a little animal for no good reason? I have cats and a dog. I am just so depressed now.

mavenmaven August 14, 2012 at 12:21 pm

I guess burning a cross was too expensive so he burned a cat instead?

IncenseDebate August 14, 2012 at 12:21 pm

The cat had recently changed his name from Cat Stevens to Yusuf Islam.

ChernobylSoup August 14, 2012 at 12:24 pm

and the first cut was the deepest.

IncenseDebate August 14, 2012 at 12:25 pm

It's a wild world

RadioBowels August 14, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Does anybody know the whereabouts of Hitler Cat?

Nostrildamus August 14, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Kibble Nacht !!

teebob2000 August 14, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Feles gratia feles

doloras August 14, 2012 at 5:57 pm

"Feles gratia felidis". You're welcome.

Oblios_Cap August 14, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Maybe the cat was killed for yelling for some motherf*cking iced tea! Bill o'Reilly, maybe?

Billmatic August 14, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Has anyone paid a visit to that Schrodinger character? He is a pervert when it comes to cats.

IncenseDebate August 14, 2012 at 12:25 pm

He's wanted dead and alive.

TavariousChinaSmith August 14, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Now PETA and the Tea Party will spend the next month arguing about whether it's worse to desecrate a flag or a cat.

Chow Yun Flat August 14, 2012 at 12:27 pm

While there are a lot of worse things in the world than a dead kitty. whoever did this should be neutered with a dull rusty scalpel.

DerrickWildcat August 14, 2012 at 12:29 pm

It's only art if somebody buys it.

Amanwithnoplan August 14, 2012 at 12:29 pm
Angry_Marmot August 14, 2012 at 1:02 pm

The one who killed Gregory Peck.

Chow Yun Flat August 14, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Torturing a cat is typical behavior for a Romney/Ryan supporter.

Mittens Howell, III August 14, 2012 at 12:30 pm

The art of compassionate conservatism.

CrunchyKnee August 14, 2012 at 12:31 pm

This is why we canz NOT haz cheeseburgers.

ThankYouJeebus August 14, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Oh, waiter! I'll take a little palate cleanser in the form of stuffonmycat.com.

Chow Yun Flat August 14, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Poor little kitty must have yelled at Paul Ryan at the Iowa State Fair.

IonaTrailer August 14, 2012 at 12:35 pm

OT, but there is a really good Op Ed piece about Ryan's Fairy Tale Budget in the NYTimes today by David Stockman.

THIS article is just sad. Poor kitty.

Baconzgood August 14, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Unrelated to this post.

This meeting is killing me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have to "teach" salesmanship. How do you teach getting clients hammered and get the to sign on the dotted line when they are piss drunk? That's Baconz sales modus operandi! This is somthing you have to experience. You can't teach this crap in Yale.

(this post is 100% snark free)

ChernobylSoup August 14, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Impress them by using big words.

1stNewtontheMoon August 14, 2012 at 12:45 pm

i was promised we'd learn hooker negotiating.

MissTaken August 14, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Haha, I had to write a course on Client Relationship Management yesterday. "Be nice on the phone", "ask them if there is anything else we can provide them with", "educate them about cross-company offerings they may not be aware of that can build efficiencies for them", blah blah blah. Good luck!

HistoriCat August 14, 2012 at 1:41 pm

"educate them about cross-company offerings they may not be aware of that can build efficiencies for them"

Some of us are eating lunch here!

viennawoods13 August 14, 2012 at 1:48 pm

I'm writing course outlines for when school starts. Gah. My bullshit meter is maxing out.

bobbert August 14, 2012 at 2:19 pm

But please, please, no "synergy". Please.

sullivanst August 14, 2012 at 1:02 pm

I'm guessing whoever assigned you this task never read "You Can't Teach A Kid To Ride A Bike At A Seminar".

Angry_Marmot August 14, 2012 at 1:04 pm

[insert Glengarry Glen Ross reference]

Toomush_Infer August 14, 2012 at 1:36 pm

The trick is to pay waitresses to bring you iced tea with their double shots…(decades of experience),…. oh, and strip bars are no good – too much distraction; use Hooters instead…. but I'm sure this is Baconz 101….!!!…..but it's in the salesmanship meeting you should be drinking double shots yourself…

CindynEncinitas August 14, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Drop trou, show them your core competency, and run away.

gullywompr August 14, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Minnesota nice strikes again.

calliecallie August 14, 2012 at 12:40 pm

ANOTHER future episode of Criminal Minds. How many more dead cat installations are out there, I wonder, still waiting to be discovered?Use the Obama/Biden reference to draw on the full resources of the FBI and catch that guy before his behavior escalates to something bigger than cats. Please.

HobbesEvilTwin August 14, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Can we be sure this wasn't the remnants of some crazed ritual carried out by Bobby Jindal and Michele Bachmann after they both learned they wouldn't be Mittens' running mate?

HistoriCat August 14, 2012 at 12:45 pm

I do NOT approve of this message.

MissTaken August 14, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Somewhat related:

Has anyone else seen the I think Fancy Feast Mornings commercial where the woman is awaken by her hungry kitty then she (the woman) proceeds to fix her kitty a plate with Fancy Feast Mornings breakfast complete with a flower in a vase while totally ignoring her husband/boyfriend? She only notices him when he touches her and then her face is like "oh yeah, you live here too, I guess I should acknowledge your existence and not just focus all my attention on the cat". <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LPn0sgwS-eg” target=”_blank”>www.youtube.com/watch?v=LPn0sgwS-eg

fawkedifiknow August 14, 2012 at 12:55 pm

The NRA has already issued a press release, once again pointing out the obvious: If that cat had been carrying, this would never have happened.

Mojopo August 14, 2012 at 12:58 pm

That poor animal. I hope the police find this potential serial killer and punish them to the full extent of the law. Things like this make me want to reform current laws against animal cruelty. They're really not half as severe as they should be.

BerkeleyBear August 14, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Not according to Steve King. They are putting animals above humans, since you can rape a woman in public, drive her across state lines for an abortion, burn the fetus on a tree stump in the park using 14 american flags as tinder, drive the woman back to the playground and drop her off, and there's no crime there.

Or something.

HistoriCat August 14, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Good point. Hey – does Rep. King have an alibi for when all of this happened?

Mojopo August 14, 2012 at 1:20 pm

P.S.: Damien Hirst can keep puking up Spin-Art guitars, but Imma keep on hating his ass.

mwittier August 14, 2012 at 1:30 pm

My 70 year-old mom, who fosters dogs and cats and is a huge Obama supporter, lives a few blocks from there, and is FREAKED.

emmelemm August 14, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Bless your mom.

Mojopo August 14, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Your poor Mom! I would be freaked out, too.

Exhausted66 August 14, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Does this help or hurt funding for the NEA?

OneYieldRegular August 14, 2012 at 1:04 pm

I'm going to need to spend some therapeutic time on "OMG – Cats in Space!" this morning.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 14, 2012 at 1:12 pm

People suck.

gurukalehuru August 14, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Now, I'm not saying Mittens was personally responsible for this, but can he prove he wasn't?

Extemporanus August 14, 2012 at 1:22 pm

I'm sorry… :-(

Toomush_Infer August 14, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Um….drugs has changed?…

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 14, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Today I officially hate everyone. RIP kitty.

Pat_Pending August 14, 2012 at 1:55 pm

What now, an effigy lynching? Perhaps next, an underground trade in postcards of the dirty deeds, just like in the 1920s…

Isn't it swell when society falls apart? Oh, and (yawn) another crazed shooter in College Station. Whatever.

barto August 14, 2012 at 1:59 pm

O Hai Can Haz Noms Now——? Ryan bujit? MEEOWARRGH…..

fuflans August 14, 2012 at 2:46 pm

this makes me stabby.

god.

marechanden August 14, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Right wingers claiming this is a pro-Obama sicko's handiwork (the cat's dead because under the Ryan plan seniors without Social Security will have to eat cat food) in 3…2…

Biff August 14, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Scottish Fold kitty!

Ducksworthy August 14, 2012 at 4:34 pm

1. If you vote for Obama, he will kill this kitty, or alternatively, 2. if you don't vote for Mitt Rmoney, he will kill this kitty. #2 is clearly more credible.

glamourdammerung August 14, 2012 at 4:36 pm

What is wrong with Republicans?

Seriously, what is physically wrong with their brains that they think stupidity like this is even remotely acceptable?

Ducksworthy August 14, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Maybe it was an attempt to finally nail down Schrodinger's cat. I too am tired of the uncertainty about the election. If it weren't for my meds…

BZ1 August 14, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Can't get up the snark, just despicable.

bibliotequetress August 14, 2012 at 8:25 pm

As I sit here hugging my 19 pound, sixteen year old long hair ginger cat I cannot snark about this. I am appallingly reminded, though that this is the SECOND time I have heard of some fuckbrain murdering a cat because, well, why? Liberals?
NOTE:HORRIBLE photo with link. This is an old story and I couldn't find it w/out the photo http://www.mediaite.com/online/arkansas-campaign-

ttommyunger August 14, 2012 at 9:16 pm

I'm sure there is a message here other than serious mental illness and unspeakable cruelty. I don't get it, but I'm pretty sure Romney and Company see something to rub their grubby little hands together about here.

horsedreamer_1 August 14, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Prince takes pussy control seriously.

Sharkey August 15, 2012 at 10:51 am

Cats are nicer when they're alive.

S_noe August 15, 2012 at 11:48 am

2 serious points:
1) I prefer to think that the carcass was acquired non-violently. We can hope, right?
2) I am gonna guess the iced tea is a Trayvon reference. Assholes.

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