vice history's greatest monster

Pearls, Clutched: Joe Biden Mocked Paul Ryan’s Dead Dad By Saying ‘Dad’ And ‘Paul Ryan’ In Same Sentence


The Weekly Standard reports!

Vice President Joe Biden invoked Paul Ryan’s deceased father to question the Republican vice presidential candidate’s values: Blah blah blah, transcript transcript transcript. Ryan’s father died when the congressman was 15 years old.

That is pretty low, you guys, acknowledging the existence of Paul Ryan’s dead father, and commenting on things that have come out of Paul Ryan’s mouth. That is soooo Joe Biden. Why can’t Joe Biden be nice to people for just one time in his life?

But what came before that tiny snip? How was Joe Biden making fun of Paul Ryan for having a dead dad? Was he quoting Paul Ryan quoting his dad saying if you’re not a part of the solution, you’re a part of the problem? (Ryan likes to quote his dad on that one. It was first said by Black Panther leader Eldridge Cleaver.) We guess we will never know, but surely, like every single thing out of Joe Biden’s mean old mouth, it was mean, and old.

So what aren’t we allowed to mention regarding the sensitive souls of the Romney/Ryan campaign? Let us make a list:

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Tax returns.
Business experience.
Medicare.
Granny-starving.
Dads, being or having.
The four-year span when they murdered those Seattle hookers just to watch them die.

That leaves the Salt Lake City Olympics, which Mitt Romney “saved” by building with his own two hands (and $1.2 billion from the federal government). So let’s all talk about that for the next three months, yes?

In the meantime, we will just sit here holding our breath until the wingnuts demand an apology from Joe Biden for noting that he also had a father, who also liked to say words. Shouldn’t be long.

[WeeklyStandard]

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113 comments

  1. SorosBot

    So wait, is it now disrespectful to mention someone's dad if the guy's dead? Lucky for the Weekly Standard they're not constantly mentioning Obama's Kenyan atheist socialist dad, even though the President never actually knew him.

      1. SorosBot

        Here I was worried that someone might beat me to the punch because I was getting too long and detailed.

        And hey, the same has happened to me many times.

      1. BerkeleyBear

        Yeah, but spending a couple weeks with a man at 10 really doesn't count as "knowing" someone, does it? I mean, I lived with my father for 17 years and I still don't feel like I know him all that well.

        But enough about my dysfunction.

  2. chicken_thief

    Hey, Paul, my father, now deceased used to say "get yer head outta yer ass."

    Oh, shit, now I did it too. Today I am Joe Biden….

    1. Chet Kincaid_

      Biden (jovially): You know, my Mom's a tough lady, and that's a good thing! But I understand Paul Ryan's real mother was a jackal! (Staggers around the stage as if suddenly impaled while loudspeakers play "O Fortuna")
      Crowd: (uproarious laughter)

  3. ChernobylSoup

    You should see what Joe does with your grandmother at night before you start complaining about this.

      1. Self-Uploader

        He died in 2005, after a fight with cancer. (Cancer won). I said to a friend, "He would have been better off if he'd gone to bed Election Night 2005, after they declared Florida for Gore, and then just died in his sleep." And my friend said, "Wouldn't we all?"

        1. thatsitfortheother1

          Smart friend. There is virtually nothing in the USA that 8 years of W didn't diminish in some way or another.

    1. James Michael Curley

      True story. My father brought home a copy of an Ayn Rand novel during the hey day of the John Burch Society (for each election cycle they would open up a joint Republican/John Birch Society headquarters in the store down the street from ours). The novel had a fairly risque cover with a big breasted woman, barely clothed, being passionately kissed. My mother insisted it stay on the stairs up to the attic – where us kids were not permitted to go and thereby be out of sight. But when were parents ever really able to hide things from their kids? (She got through about two chapters of Catch-22 and called it 'dirty'.)

  4. StarsUponThars

    Upon being told of my plans to tour Europe during a summer off from college, my dad replied, "They's assholes everywhere you go." Man knew a thing or two about life.

  5. Goonemeritus

    Well now that I know Paul Ryan’s dad was a supporter of the Black Panthers I will have to give him another look. Oh and FREE HUEY also too.

    1. BklynE

      Worst Boo Radleys song ever. I should have known that Paul Ryan's dead dad had something to do with it…

  6. sewollef

    Y'know, I like Joe Biden. He IS a guy you could have a beer with, unlike that other dumb clown. I know Joe likes to remind us he comes from working class stock, but that's fine by me. So have I.

    And, I don't care so much about his gaffes — he's human for f-s sake — it's not like he's insider trading by dumping Wachovia stock and snapping up Goldman Sachs stock or anything.

  7. SorosBot

    I'm surprised they haven't tried this with mentions of Mittens' dad, you know the guy who released ten years of tax returns while running for President instead of just one.

  8. NorthStarSpanx

    If it's not Christian schlock polluting my Facebook page, it's Mormon stuff. A Mormon friend lamented that while she tries "not to post political stuff for many reasons, but certain people have sunk to a new low, which is tough to do in this already volatile race. Both sides have had issues with their ad campaigns, but saying that a candidate's poor dead father must be embarrassed about his son is unreal. I don't even have words to describe it."

    Well, isn't a relief that her side never engages questions or attacks on residency, citizenship, race, faith, college transcripts, business experience, humanoid features, racial stereotypes when it comes to food, patriotism and the defense of legally protected rights (only when it comes to the Second Amendment.)

    1. mwittier

      Yeah, how dare Biden mention a mutual regard for their (both presumably dead) fathers.
      After all, noting common ground is definitely "a new low."

      1. proudgrampa

        I don't know if all Mormons are liars (though Romney definitely is), but all of them are certainly delusional.

      2. BerkeleyBear

        That piece was a throwback to Harry Reid (Mormon) saying that Mitt Romney's dad would be ashamed for his failure to turn over tax returns. The right has sought to turn that into Obama's fault too, even as Trump's birther psychosis and every bullshit aspersion cast in the last 6 years doesn't count if it didn't come directly from Mitt in the last 2 seconds.

    2. Native_of_SL_UT

      A Mormon guy I know recently posted a picture of a laughing Barrack and Michele with the caption "Ryan thinks our people want jobs instead of welfare."
      I called him a racist prick and unfriended him.

      1. NorthStarSpanx

        Apologies mwittier/Chet, she was referring to Harry Reid for invoking Mitt Romney's late father to 'Shame Him' on Tax Returns.

        But, I see the backlash will progress in outrage nonetheless.

    1. SorosBot

      No, he took Papa Ryan's Social Security, specifically the death benefits, but that doesn't stop him from wanting to deny them from everybody else. But then that's not surprising from someone who worships welfare queen Ayn Rand.

  9. Joshua Norton

    Who would have thought that the big tough "let's shoot Bambi just to watch him die" macho stud muffin would immediately turn into such a delicate flower who's fee-fees are so easily hurt.

    Me for one.

    This is just another case of "how dare you call my lesbian daughter my lesbian daughter" faux outrage like the Cheney's tried to pull.

  10. thatsitfortheother1

    This is all fun and games, but I would really prefer to mock that fat guy who will be their keynote speaker in Tampa.

    1. Kid_Charlemagne

      As we speak, structural engineers are working around the clock to build a dais strong enough to support the ponderous bulk of Governor Lardass.

  11. MozakiBlocks

    Father of Mozaki Blocks, a minister who passed in 2010, would have reminded Paul Ryan of Matthew 25:40 and then btichslapped him into next week.

    1. SorosBot

      You don't find those eyes dreamy? But according to the right-wing those eyes of his are so handsome all the ladies are gonna vote for Romney now!

  12. el_donaldo

    The Romney campaign will now demand that both campaigns agree that everything about the VP candidates that has happened before is off limits, leaving only puppies, rainbows, and ice cream to be debated.

    1. chicken_thief

      But only if they can mention that Biden tortured the first, hates the second, and trying to take the third away from little school kids.

  13. Come here a minute

    Joe Biden can't deny that Paul Ryan built his dead dad from duct tape and chicken wire.

  14. Not_So_Much

    I'm not sure, but I think 'Ol Joe was just messing up the punchline. "If you want a good steak, put your head in the butcher's ass…wait, no, it's the BULL's ass…hold on…"

  15. nicnack74

    Well he could have pointed out to the crowd that Paul Ryan went to college on the Social Security checks he seeks to dismantle. Granted I only saw the sound bite, but he was no where near the nasty that Ms. Palin was in 2008. I'm just sayin.

    1. freakishlywrong

      THAT does not suit the "narrative" of young, bootstrappy, up from the dirt farm, boy Ryan.

  16. fartknocker

    Joe is just warming up to Paul Ryan. He's got the same grin that my tabby cat gives me every morning.

  17. Biff

    Big fucking deal. My parents split when I was 5. No, my father didn't die, not right away, anyway, but he might as well have for all the good he did us after getting the boot. Where's MY survivor's check, Eddie?

      1. Biff

        No big–that was 55 years ago, I just like bitching to assholes like Eddie Munster about their blatant hypocrisy.

  18. MacRaith

    It would probably be terribly disrespectful to Paul Ryan if I were to mention that my dad is still alive, so:

    HEY, RYAN! MY DAD IS STILL ALIVE! AS IN NOT DEAD!

  19. Estproph

    Paul Ryan had not been born when Hitler came to power.

    "Hey, you see that?! He just called Paul Ryan Hitler!"

  20. Ducksworthy

    Um…did they examine the corpse of Paul Ryan's father for punctures to the neck. Age 15 is about when they begin go feed on blood. Just saying.

  21. James Michael Curley

    Lets see of I got this right.

    1. You are just named the VP of one of the two major political parties.
    2. You host a speech where your ticket value is only $15.
    3. Over a dozen people pay that amount to yell insults at you.

    Is this guy failing to get the message?

  22. Joshua Norton

    Hey Paul. He's not really dead, he's retroactively alive.

    This whole thing is obviously a trial balloon to figure out how to defuse the fact that Paul cleaned up by taking advantage of all his father's government death benefits to put himself thru school. The very same benefits he wants to take away from everyone else.

    Can't hide the facts so all he has left is "Waaah. How dare you talk about my dead daddy."

  23. Redgyal

    The first person to say "if you are not part of the solution you are part of the problem" was a Black Panther? Using real American logic, that makes Paul Ryan black.

  24. rickmaci

    There are two reasons I reaaaally lurv Joe Biden.
    1. When he talks politics he reminds me of my favorite uncle; you know where he stands and you don't need to parse through a transcript of the speech to figure that out.
    2. He almost always shows up in a suit. He dresses like he is the Vice President of the United States for chrystsakes. Not stiff but formal. None of this parading around in soft clothes, khakis (or mom jeans like Romoney) and sports shirts, to look like "one of the guys." IMHO.

  25. BerkeleyBear

    "I'm glad that Paul Ryan quotes his father, I mean that sincerely."

    Republican reactions:

    Doesn't he know Paul Ryan's father is DEAD! WAH, WAH, WAH.

    Who is Joe Biden to be glad? Doesn't he know the economy is in shambles and its all his fault?

    Yeah Joe, not everyone is a plagiarist like you – some people actually quote their sources (improperly and indirectly).

    How dare Biden claim to be sincere? He's a politician for Pete's sake.

    Why won't this wonderful old man shut up – he's making it hard for me to concentrate on the stock ticker and fapping to the Ryan budget.

  26. Edith_Prickly

    All the hysterical shrieking about the word Dad is intended to drown out the really offensive word at the end, "budget". As in Paul Ryan's Randroid zombie budget, the one that wants to starve your grandparents so they don't hang around forever being weak and sick Medicare freeloaders. Methinks Old Handsome Joe will be dropping the B-bomb a lot as the campaign heats up…

  27. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Ryan likes to quote his dad on that one. It was first said by Black Panther leader Eldridge Cleaver.

    Oh my God! Paul Ryan is a secrete Muslim Radical Islamist Black Panther. How deep does the conspiracy go? Why won't anyone do anything for the children! Where is Glen Beck and his chalk boards when we truly need him?

  28. barto

    Why doesn't Biden just do the decent thing and let Ryan be VP regardless of who wins, for fuck's sake? What's WRONG with him!

  29. Boojum

    My Dad said Republican son of a bitch like it was one word. He's dead.

    Today, I am Joe Biden and/or Paul Ryan.

  30. ttommyunger

    Shit, there are much worse things than being dead….For instance, watching your son grow up to a smug, soulless, hypocritical tool; now that would be fucking unbearable.

  31. DahBoner

    the Salt Lake City Olympics, which Mitt Romney “saved” by building with his own two hands (and $1.2 billion from the federal government

    I'll bet Romney is so cheap, his family's bathroom closet is still full of t.p. he stole from Olympic Village….

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