VICE HISTORY'S GREATEST MONSTER  10:00 am August 14, 2012

Pearls, Clutched: Joe Biden Mocked Paul Ryan’s Dead Dad By Saying ‘Dad’ And ‘Paul Ryan’ In Same Sentence

by Rebecca Schoenkopf


The Weekly Standard reports!

Vice President Joe Biden invoked Paul Ryan’s deceased father to question the Republican vice presidential candidate’s values: Blah blah blah, transcript transcript transcript. Ryan’s father died when the congressman was 15 years old.

That is pretty low, you guys, acknowledging the existence of Paul Ryan’s dead father, and commenting on things that have come out of Paul Ryan’s mouth. That is soooo Joe Biden. Why can’t Joe Biden be nice to people for just one time in his life?

But what came before that tiny snip? How was Joe Biden making fun of Paul Ryan for having a dead dad? Was he quoting Paul Ryan quoting his dad saying if you’re not a part of the solution, you’re a part of the problem? (Ryan likes to quote his dad on that one. It was first said by Black Panther leader Eldridge Cleaver.) We guess we will never know, but surely, like every single thing out of Joe Biden’s mean old mouth, it was mean, and old.

So what aren’t we allowed to mention regarding the sensitive souls of the Romney/Ryan campaign? Let us make a list:

Tax returns.
Business experience.
Medicare.
Granny-starving.
Dads, being or having.
The four-year span when they murdered those Seattle hookers just to watch them die.

That leaves the Salt Lake City Olympics, which Mitt Romney “saved” by building with his own two hands (and $1.2 billion from the federal government). So let’s all talk about that for the next three months, yes?

In the meantime, we will just sit here holding our breath until the wingnuts demand an apology from Joe Biden for noting that he also had a father, who also liked to say words. Shouldn’t be long.

[WeeklyStandard]

 

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{ 113 comments }

sbj1964 August 14, 2012 at 10:02 am

I was under the impression Satan is Paul Ryan's father.

Twinklesnot August 14, 2012 at 10:12 am

I thought it was Herman Munster.

sbj1964 August 14, 2012 at 10:15 am

Herman Munster would have smothered that whelp in the crib.

bflrtsplk August 14, 2012 at 10:48 am

Satan disowned him.

SorosBot August 14, 2012 at 10:04 am

So wait, is it now disrespectful to mention someone's dad if the guy's dead? Lucky for the Weekly Standard they're not constantly mentioning Obama's Kenyan atheist socialist dad, even though the President never actually knew him.

ChernobylSoup August 14, 2012 at 10:10 am

Slow down!

SorosBot August 14, 2012 at 10:15 am

Here I was worried that someone might beat me to the punch because I was getting too long and detailed.

And hey, the same has happened to me many times.

OurHoboSenator August 14, 2012 at 10:13 am

Well, it's OBVIOUSLY not the same thing at all. Paul Ryan's dead father was WHITE.

Pragmatist2 August 14, 2012 at 10:18 am

And you know this because…..?

SorosBot August 14, 2012 at 10:42 am

There's the whole devotion to Randianism; there is not much whiter than that.

doloras August 14, 2012 at 6:17 pm

In New Zealand there are some Maori Libertarians. I kid you not.

thatsitfortheother1 August 14, 2012 at 10:19 am

What did he die of? Lack of healthcare?

Chet Kincaid_ August 14, 2012 at 10:43 am

He did meet him a couple of times.

BerkeleyBear August 14, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Yeah, but spending a couple weeks with a man at 10 really doesn't count as "knowing" someone, does it? I mean, I lived with my father for 17 years and I still don't feel like I know him all that well.

But enough about my dysfunction.

chicken_thief August 14, 2012 at 10:05 am

Hey, Paul, my father, now deceased used to say "get yer head outta yer ass."

Oh, shit, now I did it too. Today I am Joe Biden….

Schmannnity August 14, 2012 at 10:12 am

You can only understand Paul Ryan through the prism of Wisconsin colonial oppression.

One_who_wanders August 14, 2012 at 11:17 am

Today we are all Fightin' Joe!

ChernobylSoup August 14, 2012 at 10:05 am

I'm just thankful nobody ever said anything about Obama's father.

Dr_Zoidberg August 14, 2012 at 10:06 am

Why, that no good bastard.

I mean Ryan, not Ol' Fightin' Joe.

chicken_thief August 14, 2012 at 10:08 am

OT, but what's with all the negroidal people in the background? Ain't Joe got no creed?!

Misty Malarky August 14, 2012 at 10:31 am

Don't let 'em touch yer musturds, Joe!

mavenmaven August 14, 2012 at 10:09 am

Actually, Biden pretty much said it all with that line. Good for him (and us).

slithytoves August 14, 2012 at 10:10 am

Nov. 7th, Joe Biden to Paul Ryan:
Who's your Daddy now?

Schmannnity August 14, 2012 at 10:11 am

Just wait until he starts talkin' bout his momma.

Chet Kincaid_ August 14, 2012 at 10:48 am

Biden (jovially): You know, my Mom's a tough lady, and that's a good thing! But I understand Paul Ryan's real mother was a jackal! (Staggers around the stage as if suddenly impaled while loudspeakers play "O Fortuna")
Crowd: (uproarious laughter)

Schmannnity August 14, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Omen-ous

ChernobylSoup August 14, 2012 at 10:11 am

You should see what Joe does with your grandmother at night before you start complaining about this.

Self-Uploader August 14, 2012 at 10:11 am

My poor dead dad didn't die after the Supreme Court Coup of 2000, but he was never the same after that.

thatsitfortheother1 August 14, 2012 at 10:21 am

A little piece of all of us died that day.

Self-Uploader August 14, 2012 at 2:25 pm

He died in 2005, after a fight with cancer. (Cancer won). I said to a friend, "He would have been better off if he'd gone to bed Election Night 2005, after they declared Florida for Gore, and then just died in his sleep." And my friend said, "Wouldn't we all?"

thatsitfortheother1 August 15, 2012 at 3:16 am

Smart friend. There is virtually nothing in the USA that 8 years of W didn't diminish in some way or another.

deanbooth August 14, 2012 at 10:12 am

Ryan's dad, banging on the bathroom door: "It's been 20 minutes!! What are you doing in there with 'Atlas Shrugged'!?"

thatsitfortheother1 August 14, 2012 at 10:22 am

Atlas Fapped.

James Michael Curley August 14, 2012 at 10:32 am

True story. My father brought home a copy of an Ayn Rand novel during the hey day of the John Burch Society (for each election cycle they would open up a joint Republican/John Birch Society headquarters in the store down the street from ours). The novel had a fairly risque cover with a big breasted woman, barely clothed, being passionately kissed. My mother insisted it stay on the stairs up to the attic – where us kids were not permitted to go and thereby be out of sight. But when were parents ever really able to hide things from their kids? (She got through about two chapters of Catch-22 and called it 'dirty'.)

StarsUponThars August 14, 2012 at 10:13 am

Upon being told of my plans to tour Europe during a summer off from college, my dad replied, "They's assholes everywhere you go." Man knew a thing or two about life.

Goonemeritus August 14, 2012 at 10:13 am

Well now that I know Paul Ryan’s dad was a supporter of the Black Panthers I will have to give him another look. Oh and FREE HUEY also too.

rickmaci August 14, 2012 at 11:17 am

Paul Ryan's father was an urban guerrilla?

BklynE August 14, 2012 at 11:56 am

Worst Boo Radleys song ever. I should have known that Paul Ryan's dead dad had something to do with it…

sewollef August 14, 2012 at 10:13 am

Y'know, I like Joe Biden. He IS a guy you could have a beer with, unlike that other dumb clown. I know Joe likes to remind us he comes from working class stock, but that's fine by me. So have I.

And, I don't care so much about his gaffes — he's human for f-s sake — it's not like he's insider trading by dumping Wachovia stock and snapping up Goldman Sachs stock or anything.

SorosBot August 14, 2012 at 10:13 am

I'm surprised they haven't tried this with mentions of Mittens' dad, you know the guy who released ten years of tax returns while running for President instead of just one.

MissTaken August 14, 2012 at 11:33 am

But Mittens papa was brainwashed so obviously he didn't know what he was doing.

NorthStarSpanx August 14, 2012 at 10:14 am

If it's not Christian schlock polluting my Facebook page, it's Mormon stuff. A Mormon friend lamented that while she tries "not to post political stuff for many reasons, but certain people have sunk to a new low, which is tough to do in this already volatile race. Both sides have had issues with their ad campaigns, but saying that a candidate's poor dead father must be embarrassed about his son is unreal. I don't even have words to describe it."

Well, isn't a relief that her side never engages questions or attacks on residency, citizenship, race, faith, college transcripts, business experience, humanoid features, racial stereotypes when it comes to food, patriotism and the defense of legally protected rights (only when it comes to the Second Amendment.)

mwittier August 14, 2012 at 10:23 am

Yeah, how dare Biden mention a mutual regard for their (both presumably dead) fathers.
After all, noting common ground is definitely "a new low."

Chet Kincaid_ August 14, 2012 at 11:01 am

But Biden didn't say that. Are all Mormons liars, or just the ones on Facebook?

proudgrampa August 14, 2012 at 12:02 pm

I don't know if all Mormons are liars (though Romney definitely is), but all of them are certainly delusional.

BerkeleyBear August 14, 2012 at 12:40 pm

That piece was a throwback to Harry Reid (Mormon) saying that Mitt Romney's dad would be ashamed for his failure to turn over tax returns. The right has sought to turn that into Obama's fault too, even as Trump's birther psychosis and every bullshit aspersion cast in the last 6 years doesn't count if it didn't come directly from Mitt in the last 2 seconds.

Native_of_SL_UT August 14, 2012 at 11:18 am

A Mormon guy I know recently posted a picture of a laughing Barrack and Michele with the caption "Ryan thinks our people want jobs instead of welfare."
I called him a racist prick and unfriended him.

NorthStarSpanx August 14, 2012 at 11:24 am

Apologies mwittier/Chet, she was referring to Harry Reid for invoking Mitt Romney's late father to 'Shame Him' on Tax Returns.

But, I see the backlash will progress in outrage nonetheless.

Chet Kincaid_ August 14, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Mormon internal beef, leave normal people the fuck out of it!

muthalovin August 14, 2012 at 10:15 am

Because Ryan took away Papa Ryan's Social Security, right?

SorosBot August 14, 2012 at 10:24 am

No, he took Papa Ryan's Social Security, specifically the death benefits, but that doesn't stop him from wanting to deny them from everybody else. But then that's not surprising from someone who worships welfare queen Ayn Rand.

Biff August 14, 2012 at 10:31 am

I don't know about taking it away, but he took it, alright.

ChillBill August 14, 2012 at 10:15 am

Just wait until the Veep debate. The skullfucking will be epic.

GorzoTheMighty August 14, 2012 at 10:21 am

Diamond Joe will be cutting the bitch. For votes

thatsitfortheother1 August 14, 2012 at 10:38 am

If your idea of "epic" is a dry coconut.

Joshua Norton August 14, 2012 at 10:17 am

Who would have thought that the big tough "let's shoot Bambi just to watch him die" macho stud muffin would immediately turn into such a delicate flower who's fee-fees are so easily hurt.

Me for one.

This is just another case of "how dare you call my lesbian daughter my lesbian daughter" faux outrage like the Cheney's tried to pull.

elviouslyqueer August 14, 2012 at 10:17 am

Meh. Needs moar "Yo daddy so dead…"

thatsitfortheother1 August 14, 2012 at 10:17 am

This is all fun and games, but I would really prefer to mock that fat guy who will be their keynote speaker in Tampa.

Kid_Charlemagne August 14, 2012 at 10:31 am

As we speak, structural engineers are working around the clock to build a dais strong enough to support the ponderous bulk of Governor Lardass.

thatsitfortheother1 August 14, 2012 at 10:41 am

I'm hoping Rush will jump up there with him…

ThundercatHo August 14, 2012 at 11:07 am

and bounce up and down repeatedly.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 14, 2012 at 1:54 pm

There is video out there of Limbaugh bouncing up and down at CPAC a few years ago…, it is strangely hypnotic.

thatsitfortheother1 August 15, 2012 at 3:20 am

Rush was mo def in his "zone."

MosesInvests August 14, 2012 at 10:53 am

Needs one of those anti-gravity belts like Baron Harkonnen.

ThundercatHo August 14, 2012 at 11:09 am

Nailed it.

James Michael Curley August 14, 2012 at 10:35 am

Chris Christie is so fat when he lands in Tampa it will be felt in St. Petersberg.

SoBeach August 14, 2012 at 10:36 am

All in good time.

thatsitfortheother1 August 14, 2012 at 10:40 am

I ordered a ton of Republicans the other day.

Four showed up.

BerkeleyBear August 14, 2012 at 12:42 pm

And 3 were just there to carry Christie the last 10 feet.

MozakiBlocks August 14, 2012 at 10:18 am

Father of Mozaki Blocks, a minister who passed in 2010, would have reminded Paul Ryan of Matthew 25:40 and then btichslapped him into next week.

mwittier August 14, 2012 at 10:19 am

Hop. Hop. Hop on Pop.

Since they're going to be juvenile about it.

freakishlywrong August 14, 2012 at 10:19 am

There's no butt-hurt like conservative butt-hurt. And, yes, I mean it that way.

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 14, 2012 at 10:19 am

Did Paul Ryan inherit those date-rape eyes from his dead dad?

SorosBot August 14, 2012 at 10:26 am

You don't find those eyes dreamy? But according to the right-wing those eyes of his are so handsome all the ladies are gonna vote for Romney now!

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 14, 2012 at 10:41 am

Yeah, dreamy in a serial killer kinda way.

thatsitfortheother1 August 14, 2012 at 10:43 am

Made a quick get away from College Station…

el_donaldo August 14, 2012 at 10:20 am

The Romney campaign will now demand that both campaigns agree that everything about the VP candidates that has happened before is off limits, leaving only puppies, rainbows, and ice cream to be debated.

chicken_thief August 14, 2012 at 10:27 am

But only if they can mention that Biden tortured the first, hates the second, and trying to take the third away from little school kids.

johnnyzhivago August 14, 2012 at 10:21 am

Don't mention their military experience…. It was quite traumatic for both of them.

Biff August 14, 2012 at 10:33 am

Something something Fleet Week, from what I can gather.

Come here a minute August 14, 2012 at 10:21 am

Joe Biden can't deny that Paul Ryan built his dead dad from duct tape and chicken wire.

Not_So_Much August 14, 2012 at 10:21 am

I'm not sure, but I think 'Ol Joe was just messing up the punchline. "If you want a good steak, put your head in the butcher's ass…wait, no, it's the BULL's ass…hold on…"

nicnack74 August 14, 2012 at 10:21 am

Well he could have pointed out to the crowd that Paul Ryan went to college on the Social Security checks he seeks to dismantle. Granted I only saw the sound bite, but he was no where near the nasty that Ms. Palin was in 2008. I'm just sayin.

freakishlywrong August 14, 2012 at 10:25 am

THAT does not suit the "narrative" of young, bootstrappy, up from the dirt farm, boy Ryan.

fartknocker August 14, 2012 at 10:24 am

Joe is just warming up to Paul Ryan. He's got the same grin that my tabby cat gives me every morning.

Biff August 14, 2012 at 10:27 am

Big fucking deal. My parents split when I was 5. No, my father didn't die, not right away, anyway, but he might as well have for all the good he did us after getting the boot. Where's MY survivor's check, Eddie?

ph7 August 14, 2012 at 11:10 am

Biff, sorry dude. And don't listen to Everclear when wasted.

Biff August 14, 2012 at 2:11 pm

No big–that was 55 years ago, I just like bitching to assholes like Eddie Munster about their blatant hypocrisy.

Ducksworthy August 14, 2012 at 10:27 am

Paul Ryan had a father?

sudsmckenzie August 14, 2012 at 10:28 am

And Pauls dad was run over by a Trans Am. … of Votes

MonkeyMotion August 14, 2012 at 10:29 am

You know, I think Palin IS coaching Ryan…

MacRaith August 14, 2012 at 10:30 am

It would probably be terribly disrespectful to Paul Ryan if I were to mention that my dad is still alive, so:

HEY, RYAN! MY DAD IS STILL ALIVE! AS IN NOT DEAD!

Chet Kincaid_ August 14, 2012 at 10:31 am

Seriously??

Estproph August 14, 2012 at 10:36 am

Paul Ryan had not been born when Hitler came to power.

"Hey, you see that?! He just called Paul Ryan Hitler!"

Ducksworthy August 14, 2012 at 10:36 am

Um…did they examine the corpse of Paul Ryan's father for punctures to the neck. Age 15 is about when they begin go feed on blood. Just saying.

James Michael Curley August 14, 2012 at 10:39 am

Lets see of I got this right.

1. You are just named the VP of one of the two major political parties.
2. You host a speech where your ticket value is only $15.
3. Over a dozen people pay that amount to yell insults at you.

Is this guy failing to get the message?

bflrtsplk August 14, 2012 at 10:49 am

My Dad`s deader`n yer Dad!

kittensdontlie August 14, 2012 at 10:54 am

Ryan is still grieving his father's death. He regrets not being able to throw both parents off Medicare–(his mom's ski bum comment really stings)
http://www.tampabay.com/blogs/the-buzz-florida-po

Joshua Norton August 14, 2012 at 11:00 am

Hey Paul. He's not really dead, he's retroactively alive.

This whole thing is obviously a trial balloon to figure out how to defuse the fact that Paul cleaned up by taking advantage of all his father's government death benefits to put himself thru school. The very same benefits he wants to take away from everyone else.

Can't hide the facts so all he has left is "Waaah. How dare you talk about my dead daddy."

Redgyal August 14, 2012 at 11:07 am

The first person to say "if you are not part of the solution you are part of the problem" was a Black Panther? Using real American logic, that makes Paul Ryan black.

rickmaci August 14, 2012 at 11:12 am

There are two reasons I reaaaally lurv Joe Biden.
1. When he talks politics he reminds me of my favorite uncle; you know where he stands and you don't need to parse through a transcript of the speech to figure that out.
2. He almost always shows up in a suit. He dresses like he is the Vice President of the United States for chrystsakes. Not stiff but formal. None of this parading around in soft clothes, khakis (or mom jeans like Romoney) and sports shirts, to look like "one of the guys." IMHO.

Chow Yun Flat August 14, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Joe has an upbeat crowd but that guy in the round glasses facing the camera looks a little too gleeful.

BerkeleyBear August 14, 2012 at 12:49 pm

"I'm glad that Paul Ryan quotes his father, I mean that sincerely."

Republican reactions:

Doesn't he know Paul Ryan's father is DEAD! WAH, WAH, WAH.

Who is Joe Biden to be glad? Doesn't he know the economy is in shambles and its all his fault?

Yeah Joe, not everyone is a plagiarist like you – some people actually quote their sources (improperly and indirectly).

How dare Biden claim to be sincere? He's a politician for Pete's sake.

Why won't this wonderful old man shut up – he's making it hard for me to concentrate on the stock ticker and fapping to the Ryan budget.

mrblifil August 14, 2012 at 1:18 pm

This is almost making me regret having dug up Paul Ryan's dead dad's corpse for no other reason than to satisfy my lust. Almost.

Edith_Prickly August 14, 2012 at 1:34 pm

All the hysterical shrieking about the word Dad is intended to drown out the really offensive word at the end, "budget". As in Paul Ryan's Randroid zombie budget, the one that wants to starve your grandparents so they don't hang around forever being weak and sick Medicare freeloaders. Methinks Old Handsome Joe will be dropping the B-bomb a lot as the campaign heats up…

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 14, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Ryan likes to quote his dad on that one. It was first said by Black Panther leader Eldridge Cleaver.

Oh my God! Paul Ryan is a secrete Muslim Radical Islamist Black Panther. How deep does the conspiracy go? Why won't anyone do anything for the children! Where is Glen Beck and his chalk boards when we truly need him?

barto August 14, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Why doesn't Biden just do the decent thing and let Ryan be VP regardless of who wins, for fuck's sake? What's WRONG with him!

Boojum August 14, 2012 at 2:54 pm

My Dad said Republican son of a bitch like it was one word. He's dead.

Today, I am Joe Biden and/or Paul Ryan.

Nostrildamus August 14, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Paul Ryan's father was dead? That would explain those eyes.

a_pink_poodle August 14, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Stop politicizing the word "the"!

BZ1 August 14, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Doesn't the Weekly Standard intone: "Conservative Intelligence"
somewhat like "jumbo shrimp"?

ttommyunger August 14, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Shit, there are much worse things than being dead….For instance, watching your son grow up to a smug, soulless, hypocritical tool; now that would be fucking unbearable.

DahBoner August 15, 2012 at 7:08 am

the Salt Lake City Olympics, which Mitt Romney “saved” by building with his own two hands (and $1.2 billion from the federal government

I'll bet Romney is so cheap, his family's bathroom closet is still full of t.p. he stole from Olympic Village….

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