swiss misses

Straight-Faced GOP Mouthpieces: Mitt Romney Has Foreign Policy Experience Because Of All Those Swiss Bank Accounts

Romney and Paul Ryan, political wifeWhen Barack Hussein NObAama ran for president in 2008 with no foreign policy experience (unless you count ACORN as its own brave nation state), our good, kind and decent brethren on the right thought this might be a bad idea. How would this 48-year-old baby ever defeat bin Laden, or Khadafi, or the Soviet Union? Barack balanced out his lack of foreign policy experience with grizzled Old Handsome Joe Biden to appeal to people who cared about foreign policy and also whites. But this still was not good enough for some people! (Shockingly.) Now, Republican nominee Mittens of Romney and Suite Judy Blue Eyes Paul Ryan have a combined zero foreign policy experience. But would you believe that Mitt Romney does have foreign policy experience, and that is because he was in business and had many bank accounts throughout the world? Because that is what conservative Statesmen Newt Gingrich and Tim Pawlenty say. Let us listen in wonder, and awe!

Here they are on Face the Nation:

PAWLENTY: Romney and Ryan have a terrific national security policy team around them…Governor Romney spent his entire career in global business arrangements, transactions and traveling and understanding different countries, cultures and geography.

We seem to remember a lot of libtards saying Barack Obama understood different countries, cultures and geography because he actually lived in different countries, cultures and geography. But we guess that is not as powerful an understanding as is going to the Caymans to visit your money.


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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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  1. SorosBot

    Yeah um, business arrangements have absolutely nothing to do with national security, and are only tangentially related to foreign policy in general.

    1. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      I suppose it depends on the business…since many of our resource-extraction corporations hire death squads to root out locals who sit too close to resources and occassionally have the CIA bump off a non-cooperative government that would sorta qualify (though for some reasons…none of them, even evil-assed Dick Cheney claimed it as a feather in his cap). But what RMoney did was just international tax avoidance…not the least bit related to foreign affairs…so there is that.

      1. Tundra Grifter

        This is why (r)Money didn't go to Brussels on his recent European tour.

        After a speech there, it's a dead solid lock the headline would have been "Another Belgian waffle."

    1. NellCote71

      You mean: All the culture you need can be found in the quiet rooms of executive suites of an international bank.

  2. freakishlywrong

    Wait…What? What sickens me is that they're actually going to get away with this shit. That lying gang-bang on 60 minutes last night was only the beginning.

    1. TootsStansbury

      I was speechless at that shit. Can't they bring themselves ro say "President Obama" instead of "failed leader Obama and his faily policies that constantly fail at putting Murkins back to work and have Murka on the wrong track".

      1. PubOption

        They may be able to bring themselves to say "President Obama", but Karl and the RNC sent them to say the other shit.

  3. MissTaken

    Romney's missionary work in France will certainly help when we go to war with Iran. They both have an 'a', an 'n', and an 'r' in their names after all.

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      And most certainly he can see some foreign country from the porch of one of his mansions somewhere.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        He's probably got a mansion in a foreign country. One of those that have great banking secrecy, and no extradition treaty.

    1. Nibbler of Niblonia

      Suite Judy Blue Eyes? The American Girl doll Larry David stole the head off from Jeff's daughter Sammy and then stuck down his pants and gave him a rash? What does SHE have to do with this?

  4. SorosBot

    Remember how Republicans claimed that Bush had foreign policy experience because Texas was next to Mexico, and claimed the same of Palin because Alaska bordered Canada and was near Russia? This is even more laughable.

    Mittens can see his Swiss and Cayman bank accounts from his house!

      1. Biff

        Depends–was it one of those United Nations Heritage Sites? Did you see any blue-helmeted troops?

    1. Tundra Grifter

      And Duh Gov' had military experience because the Governor of Alaska is head of the state's national guard and some of those good souls were serving in Iraq.

  5. WhatTheHeck

    I own a couple of Persian rugs in my home. This gives me the experience and knowledge I need to bomb Iran.

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      Can those carpets fly? Be careful. You'll need a TSA thumb up your ass before you can take off.

  6. arduinohacker

    That's like saying that I understand women because I've heard of the Amsterdam red-light district.

    1. thebeatgoeson

      He's eaten at "Pancakes Eggscetera" – “It’s like kind of a play on words. The pancakes are apparently very good.”

    1. calliecallie

      Except that he's not paying taxes, which is why he won't release his tax returns. You can't show what you don't have.

    1. Barrelhse

      Seems like the GOP is going to let anybody spew their bullshit, lies, and dog-whistles. I guess they'll fire up the base that way, one group of special losers at a time, until ALL the idiots are included.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Because the extra cash in his Caymans account will trickle down as jerbs for the middle class.

      It truly buggers the imagination that the teabaggers believe such pure, unadulterated bullshit.

    1. PubOption

      Especially if some of them were on foreign airlines, you know, the ones with better service.

  7. MissTaken

    Come on people, lets be fair. I'm sure Mitt and Paul's wives have shopped at Pier1 Imports before.

    1. IonaTrailer

      Unbearable. I've already yelled at one (dumbass) family member asking them if they were fucking nuts for even thinking about voting for the GOP.


    2. tessiee

      it's gonna be two or three months of the Simpsons debate scene where Fox photoshopped devil horns and flames onto Mayor Quimby.

  8. glasspusher

    Now, that's not a nice thing to call The Republican National Convention, is it? Appropriate, yes. Nice, no.

  9. PuckStopsHere

    They will have destroyed the nation in no time, rendering foreign policy considerations moot.

  10. Callyson

    Governor Romney spent his entire career in global business arrangements, transactions and traveling and understanding different countries, cultures and geography.

    Pipe down, Brits, I can hear your howls of laughter all the way across the Atlantic Ocean and across the continental US…

    …oh, that's *my* laughter I hear…

  11. Goonemeritus

    As someone who has done a lot of international business travel, I can tell you I have never had the luxury of having a Marine Division or two as a tie breaker in a negotiation. Business is not statecraft, running a company is nothing like running a country and running a household budget is not the same as running an economy.

  12. glasspusher

    He can use any excuse to claim he has foreign policy experience, but don't you dare suggest his wife has "been around", no sirree…

  13. freakishlywrong

    Our enemies will tremble in fear when they see The Rambo of Janesville from the previous post.

  14. fartknocker

    Oh I hate this scenario but I can see Mittens seeking John Bolton as the Secretary of State or worse, Dick Cheney.

  15. Callyson

    As long as we're going international…if the Brits came up with Mitt the Twit for Mittens, what will their moniker for Paul Ryan be?

    Lyin' Ryan? Ayn "I know what's mine" Ryan? Sarah Palin's little brother?

  16. eggsacklywright

    I, too, have experienced the culture of many lands through their beverages.

    Mittz culture is yeasty and golden-plated.

  17. randcoolcatdaddy

    I have foreign policy experience.

    I order dvds and blu-rays for my region free player from the UK, France and Germany all the time.

    If the exchange rate was better, I'd be getting foreign policy experience in Australia and Japan as well.

  18. SayItWithWookies

    Don't worry about Mitt having exactly as much foreign policy experience as Dubya did — 'cause Dubya got smart people to surround him and advise him about all those other countries and stuff, and look how well that worked out.

  19. ManchuCandidate

    Based on Mitten's amazing world tour where he pissed off almost everyone he visited, he's got all the experience a REAL US AMeRCian needs except sending armies into shitty situations or wearing a fanny pack and an "I'm with Stupid" T-shirt with the arrow pointing upwards.

  20. MacRaith

    Attention Newt Gingrich and Tim Pawlenty: You can stop angling for the VP spot now. Mitt gave it to somebody else.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      Just wait until Duh Gov' stampedes the convention to nominate HER.

      Of course, now they aren't going to let her speak, so that just got a bit tougher to pull off.

    1. GeorgiaBurning

      That's written as "Generated investment capital from unconventional sources with significant tax-advantaged revenue streams" on the year-end report.

      1. tessiee

        Me: Where are your boots?
        Highly Indignant Record Store Salesclerk: I BEG your pardon, Miss! I will have you know we don't HAVE bootleg records!
        Me: OK.
        Salesclerk: We DO have some RARE IMPORTS that you might be interested in.

    1. SorosBot

      Of course Obama offset his foreign policy experience by tapping Biden for VP; while Mitt picked a House member with absolutely no experience in much beyond trying to steal from the poor to give to the rich.

    1. NellCote71

      And they are both cold in the winter. As is Russia and the socialist Scandinavian countries. So there's that.

  21. ChernobylSoup

    Remember, Ronald Reagan single-handedly liberated Auschwitz and won the Cold War, leaving few opportunities for later Republican candidates to gain foreign policy experience.

    1. comrad_darkness

      And he wore a lovely costume while doing so, thereby destroying any chance for patriotic dress points also.

    2. tessiee

      I'm still trying to figure out why he told "Mr. Gorbachev" to tear down the Berlin Wall. Is Germany in Russia now?

  22. sudsmckenzie

    His Olympic dressage horse has more experience and better approval ratings abroad than this Presidential candidate. Wait, … what?

  23. Limeylizzie

    Martha Raddetz, ABC News, will be the moderator for the VP debate, that woman has very serious foreign policy chops.

    1. Tundra Grifter


      I'm pround to say that in 2008 Gwen Ifill asked Joe Biden and Sarah Palin a question I'd emailed her. It was about Dick Cheney's contention that the office of the Vice President was part of the legislative and not the judicial branch.

      Biden hit it out of the park. Palin had no idea what the question was about.

      I can't say Ms. Ifill didn't think of it on her own. But that won't stop me from taking credit for it.

      1. glasspusher

        Gwen Ifil can question me as long as she likes. Oh, baby. Eventually she'll have to ask about the tent I'm pitching…

  24. Tundra Grifter

    I know I've asked before, but I would still like to know why the (r)Money campaign ripped off the logo from the movie "Showgirls?"

  25. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I drive a Toyota, which is just like having a degree in Asian studies. I also grew up in an area that got Canadian tv clearer than American, so I'm pretty much an expert there, too.

      1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

        Sorry, I was a little young for that, but I did learn many valuable life lessons from the original cast of Degrassi.

      2. GunToting[Redacted]

        I loved that show. I also watched CBC's Hockey Night in Canada, and probably knew more about curling and lawn bowling than anyone (assuming they lived more than 100 miles south of me).

    1. finallyhappy

      I eat Chinese food at least once a week- made by actual Chinese(or other Asian looking) people and I eat chevre almost every day(ok- so it is made in the US but it has a fancy French name). I think I could be VP too

  26. Hammiepants

    It's probably wishful thinking on my part, but the choice of Ryan is like conceding, isn't it? Because just what segment of the populace was Mittens hoping to garner with Ryan? Because over 50 white male Teabilly low information voter was pretty much already a lock.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      Not entirely. The issue has died down a bit, but many of the Evangelical right wingers didn't like (r)Money because he is a Mormon. It's the 800 pound gorilla in the room (and I'm not writing about Boss BlunderRush).

      1. ChernobylSoup

        If Mormonism is an 800 pound gorilla for evangelicals, wouldn't Ryan's Catholicism be a 799 pound gorilla?

    1. tessiee

      The very concept of trying is foreign to them, since they're spoiled rich kids who have always had everything handed to them, and think that's no more than their rightful due. Even if they didn't feel that they shouldn't have to try — which they obviously do — they wouldn't know where to begin.
      Those lazy shits wouldn't try to find water if their asses were on fire.

  27. Tundra Grifter

    The Sludge Retort went through the financial disclosure forms for several prominent Democrats, and is peddling the myth that (r)Money's Cayman Islands and Swiss bank accounts are the same as Nancy Pelosi's investments in mutual funds that hold shares of Swiss banks.

    And don't forget Valerie Jarrett has a line of credit from a Bermuda insurance company. And Debbie Wasserman-Schultz has some kind of foreign investment, as well.

    Apparently the right wing nutz don't understand we are in a world economy. But then, there is a great deal they don't understand…

    1. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Well you know conservatives…always telling people about how "relativistic" liberal values are (it's not wrong if any one of you've done it) while how absolutist their values are while plying an endless array of "you're as bad as we are" arguments to attempt to justify their bullshit. It reminds me of a poli-sci class I took where people kept trying to use the dismissive idea that both parties suck while talking about the Bush Admin…which led me to talk about the relativism of wingnuts and how they can even get liberals to play in their sludge-filled ponds thus justifying hatred of the entire government. I still laugh any time the amoral jewelry debt piglet pulls that old moralistic bullshit out of his ample ass.

    1. 1stNewtontheMoon

      Who's Nic Batum and who's Navarro? I'm not sure who I'd want to be. Batum probably feels a little vindicated that punched that flopper in the nuts, but France lost the game. I guess the only loser is Navarro's junk?

  28. BoatOfVelociraptors

    But, pressed for capital, Romney pushed his concerns aside and flew to Miami in mid-1984 to meet with the Salvadorans at a local bank.

  29. BaldarTFlagass

    Once they get done reducing this nation to a feudalistic state, they will be sending experienced ambassadors to the Holy Roman Empire.

  30. ChrisM2011

    "Governor Romney spent his entire career ….traveling and understanding different countries, cultures and geography."

    I guess technically this means that even the Love Boat could be considered for the presidency. Isaac Washington for VP!

  31. ProgressiveInga

    Hey, I got lost the one time I went to Ikea. Does this mean I can be the U.S. Ambassador to Meatballs?!?

  32. notanncoulter

    What, no mention of the International House Of Pancakes?
    [please note the word "International" you idiots!]
    All they need do is hold a press conference at one and ZING – some SERIOUS cred emerges.

  33. RadioBowels

    This should not be a problem as there are multitudes of idle, insular neo-con advisors just waiting to advise.

    1. SorosBot

      They'll be bringing back all the greatest minds of the Bush administration, and look how well that turned out the first time!

      More wars just for the hell of it, more torture and other flagrant violations of both the Constitution and international law, and the US becoming a pariah nation again; it'll be awesome!

      1. NellCote71

        Time to dust the mothballs off Wolfowitz so we can continue "bringing Democracy to the Middle East."

    2. bikerlaureate

      They're just in place so Norquist can move (puppeteer) the hand of whoever's in the Oval Office and sign the legislation put in front of them, so "advise" is a bit generous here.

  34. Tundra Grifter

    Memo to Ole Newt: That comparison thingie to John F. Kennedy didn't work out so hot for another Veep candidate: Dan Quayle.

  35. Tundra Grifter

    I do get a kick out of the Republicans saying (r)Money and Paul Ryan have the same foreign policy experience as Barack Obama had in 2008.

    The trouble with that position is it's now 2012, and Mr. Obama has been President for almost four years.

    Why does Ole Newt hate on the State Department so much? Is he planning to run against Sec. Clinton in 2016?

  36. BlueStateLibel

    I watched all four seasons of Downton Abbey, making me eminently qualified to be ambassador to Great Britain.

    1. Oblios_Cap

      I've watched more Doctor Who than that, so I am qualified to be the Ambassador for all time and space!

    2. finallyhappy

      YOU LIE!!! There have only been 2 seasons of Downton Abbey- or has PBS been holding out on me!

    3. fartknocker

      I've actually held the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch and have farted in your general direction. I would like to be Undersecretary for US/UK Military Deployments.

    4. GunToting[Redacted]

      I have the full Blu-Ray set of Firefly as well as the special edition of Serenity, so, hey, NASA chief!

  37. SorosBot

    Oh god, we've got right-wing idiots now claiming that Ryan will bring in the women's vote because he's handsome. Yeah, most women totally vote for the best looking man and will ignore the fact that he believes abortion should be outlawed even in the cases of rape or a medically dangerous pregnancy. And that worked so well for Bush Sr. when he picked handsome Dan Quayle:

    (Warning: post by a wingnut idiot, be careful)

    1. MissTaken

      And Sarah was supposed to bring in the women's vote in 08. Rightwingers really don't know women at all – excepting their mothers who bring them their Pop Tarts and Cheetos in the basement.

      Also, too, Obama is a helluva lot hotter than Ryan.

      1. SorosBot

        I was thinking that Obama seems better looking too, but then as a straight man I'm not the best judge.

        But then most of the right wing will never acknowledge the President's good looks, because he's the wrong shade to be handsome in their world.

    2. TootsStansbury

      He's totally fucking weird looking. Not to mention the soulless monster bit and of course the misogyny.

  38. Tundra Grifter

    OT: Great Monday morning news. Nobody went to see "2016 Obama's America," the movie by DeSoused D'Ranged and Glumm Bleek. Heavily promoted by the right wing nutz such as Sheer Insannity, it grossed less than $1,200 per theatre over the weekend. That probably works out to less than 100 people per day per screen.

    Couldn't have happened to a more deserving group!

    PS: Because the $72,700 (total!) sales over the weekend were better than last week's $34,113, look for the right wing nutz to crow "Ticket sales were up 113% over the weekend!"

    1. BoroPrimorac

      They've been dying to do to the democratic party what Michael Moore did to the them with Fahrenheit 9/11 and Sicko, but they just can't figure it out.

      I've seen mumblecore films make more money than that, also.

  39. Chet Kincaid_

    I love money. All money. I've always wanted money. To handle. To touch. The smell of the rain-washed florin. The lure of the lira. The glitter and the glory of the guinea! The romance of the ruble! The feel of the franc, the heel of the deutschmark! The cold antiseptic sting of the Swiss franc, and the sunburnt splendor of the Australian dollar!

    I've got ninety thousand pounds in my pajamas.
    I've got forty thousand French francs in my fridge.
    I've got lots and lots of lira,
    Now the deutschmark's getting dearer,
    And my dollar bill could buy the Brooklyn Bridge.

    There is nothing quite as wonderful as money,
    There is nothing quite as beautiful as cash,
    Some people say it's folly
    But I'd rather have the lolly
    With money you can make a smash.

    There is nothing quite as wonderful as money
    There is nothing like a newly minted pound
    Everyone must hanker
    For the butchness of a banker
    It's accountancy that makes the world go round.

    You can keep your Marxist ways
    For its money, money, money,
    Makes the world go round.
    Money, money, money, money, money, money!

    1. comrad_darkness

      Ryan looks like the jackass on my hall in college. I'm sure everyone is reminded of a similar dude.

    2. bikerlaureate

      Ryan's ratings were less positive than those for any other vice presidential pick part of Gallup [sic] since 2000, including Sarah Palin, Joe Biden and Dick Cheney.

      From the article:
      Romney/Ryan 2012
      "Excellent / Pretty Good" = 39%
      "Only Fair / Poor" = 42%
      "Unsure" = 19%

      Wonderful, wonderful. Hope this holds for 10 more weeks or so.

  40. 1stNewtontheMoon

    Don't forget all that foreign policy experience he got by successfully converting the French populace to mormonism.

    1. GunToting[Redacted]

      That's a great idea. Maybe he can find that guy and bring him around on the campaign trail.

  41. 1stNewtontheMoon

    Newt. hahaha. These guys "re-thinking everything." I love that bullshit. It sounds like a car commercial or a new software.

    We don't know shit, so we'll figure it out from scratch; ya know, re-think everything.

  42. Ducksworthy

    The Mormon Plan for World Domination ™ is all the foreign policy Rmoney needs, thank you very much.

  43. Maman

    I don't think that knowing how to be a tax cheat in multiple jurisdictions is equivalent to foreign policy experience in the current vernacular.

    1. bikerlaureate

      It's not cheating if the law doesn't actually forbid it.
      This is the kind of stellar morality we want ingrained in all kids, and then the USA of 2030 will be a veritable wonderland.

  44. elviouslyqueer

    Quoth Newty Pooty: "Mitt Romney has the same foreign policy experience as Ronald Reagan. And Ronald Reagan defeated the Soviet empire, decisively."

    Yes, by making it utterly economically unsustainable for the Soviet Union to keep up with St. Ronnie's saber rattling arms race pissing contest, which in turn brought about motherfucking YEARS of deficit spending… y'know, the same shit the GOP is now screaming about.

    Fuckers. All of them.

    1. HistoriCat

      Plus (and most definitely not wanting to step on your excellent point above) Reagan chose as his running mate someone who had served as envoy to China, ambassador to the UN, and head of the CIA. Say what you will about old man Bush – and you could say all kinds of things – he makes Ryan look like the last place contender at a model UN competition.

    2. Tundra Grifter


      That budget busting Soviet military build-up is largely a lie. When asked about it, former USSR officials laugh.

      Additionally, a much more important factor was getting the Saudis to overproduce oil and push down the world price, thus severely reducing the USSR's foreign currency revenues.

      1. elviouslyqueer

        Appreciate the historical correction, TG. Of course, that's probably the narrative newt fully embraces, when he's not fellating fellow bachelor's degree holder in Christian Education from Oral Roberts U "historian" David Barton.

      2. bobbert

        And, to the extent that it is valid, Raygun was only continuing a policy that had been followed by every President of either party since Ike.

  45. owhatever

    Paul whispered to Mitt in their first foreign policy conference: "Is it true about Japan women? You know, that their …"

    "I don't know, Paul. There's nothing about it in the Book of Mormon. I heard that China women's do. I have friends who own Chinese factories, so I will ask them."

  46. natoslug

    Is there any chance this is just an elaborate joke and the GOP is going to announce their REAL candidates at their convention? If so, I applaud them for being both funnier and smarter than I thought possible.

  47. pdiddycornchips

    It's different for Republicans. Nothing they said yesterday matters. It's what they say today that matters. And if they say something else the next day? Then what they said today won't matter, we'll have to focus on the new thing they said. This may help explain how the party that created the giant hole in our budget now goes around claiming to be fiscally responsible. It also explains how deficits don't matter one day and deficits will kill us the next.

    1. tessiee

      Although they're clearly in favor of Attention Deficit Disorder, since it's the entire basis of their campaign.

  48. NellCote71

    Why is Romney credited with "foreign policy experience" mainly for flitting around in corporate or personal jets to count his money, while Obama, who actually has lived in a foreign country, has roots in another foreign country, and certainly has been exposed to many more diverse cultures than can be found in Bloomfield Hills and La Jolla is accused of being non-American? (Sorry for the run-on sentence, but this really bugs me.)

    1. Tundra Grifter

      Remember when Conrad Hilton was a character on "Mad Men" a few seasons ago?

      (r)Money's foreign travels (other than when he assumed the missionary position in France) appear to have been along the lines Mr. Hilton wanted. You can fly around the world but never really leave the good old US of A.

  49. DahBoner

    "global business arrangements"

    Would that include killing people in car "accidents" in France???

  50. comrad_darkness

    Wait, in the Citroen accident, Mitt ended up in a coma and came home "a different person"? I'm sure the wing nuts would never go all Manchurian Candidate on that, right?

  51. tessiee

    "We seem to remember a lot of libtards saying Barack Obama understood different countries, cultures and geography because he actually lived in different countries, cultures and geography."

    Pffft, that just means he's not a real Amurrican.

  52. tessiee

    I can hardly wait for the youtube video of them giving Chancellor Merkel an unsolicited shoulder rub.

  53. hollyrocks209

    Mitt's foreign experience consists of having caviar flown in from Russia once or twice a month.

    For his horse.

  54. Willardbot9000_V2.5

    I love how this moron's foreign experience is limited to going to another country, living like a nobel and forcing the other countries over-worked, underpaid servants to kiss his ass about how awesome he is. Considering the average conservative's view on how other countries see the US, I can see why they'd conflate that bullshit with foreign policy.

  55. Tundra Grifter

    I was going to claim the American ambassadorship in Paris because I eat French fries.

    But they're "Freedom Fries" now, so I got nothin'.

  56. MrsConclusion

    Doncha just love Newt's flirtatious little twinkle? And, really, is anything more nauseating than a dickhead who thinks he's poison to women?

  57. Troglodeity

    Mitt really does need to release his tax returns, so we can fully appreciate the immense and longstanding nature of his Swiss and Cayman Islands foreign policy experience.

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