Grifters gonna grift

Florida GOP Primary Raises Level Of Campaign Discourse To ‘Slut’

I can has civilitee?How on earth has Your Wonkette not previously been aware of Florida congressional candidate Osvaldo “Ozzie” deFaria (R-Arkham Asylum) before now? The self-funded contender for the GOP nomination to run against Debbie Wasserman Schultz in District 20 has already depicted the DNC chair wearing a dog collar and said at a conference that “we must send her back to the pound.” (We cannot be certain, but we think maybe he is calling Wasserman Schultz a bitch. Do you think he is calling her a bitch? Possibly.) Now he has taken to screaming at supporters of Karen Harrington, his opponent in the GOP primary, whom he also calls a slut. Oh, yes, and he’s also had a couple of domestic violence charges. IS IT TOO LATE TO RETHINK THAT VEEP CHOICE, MR. ROMNEY?

So, just a few of this lowlife’s highlights :

  • In 2005 and 2006, deFaria was arrested on domestic violence charges after assaulting his wife’s boyfriend, Charles Seibold. (The deFarias were “on a break,” you see, and eventually divorced. Apart from the domestic assault, it’s pretty much like a sitcom!) According to the affadavits in the cases, in several separate incidents deFaria ripped Siebold’s sunglasses off his face and broke them, chased Siebold across a field, and told both Siebold and Elaine deFaria several times that he would kill Siebold. DeFaria insists that, despite these incidents, which resulted in a no-contact order, he now has “a very amicable relationship with his ex-wife.”
  • DeFaria’s website featured this ad (since removed) depicting Wasserman Shultz with a dog collar photoshopped onto her neck. Classy!
  • Subtle innuendo

    • While campaigning in the district, deFaria has been seen pulling up campaign signs for his opponent, Karen Harrington. At other times, he has gotten into shouting matches with Harrington supporters, including one voter who left a note on Harrington’s campaign website saying that, after she told deFaria that she was not interested in taking a brochure because she supported Harrington,

      He then said, your not interested in the mud slinging she is doing against me? I said, sir your [sic] the one doing the mud slinging. he got angry, and said loudly: Karen Harrington is a SLUT! I said, excuse me: Karen Harrington is a slut, that comment is exactly what I am talking about, your the one slinging mud. He got mad and he and the other three people in the SUV, sped off.

    • DeFaria also completely made up a Tea Party organization that he said supported him, and claims to be a successful businessman, although his business records are unavailable and he’s being sued by a campaign consulting firm for $23,000 in unpaid fees. That’s some party, that Party of Personal Responsibility!

    Is Ozzie deFaria a Great American, or what? For a moment, we thought maybe we had discovered the New Alvin Greene, until we noticed that this guy is A) actually running a serious campaign (for a certain value of “serious,” at least) and B) he is not some weirdo drafted by ratfuckers to run as a Demmycrat. Also, C) Jim already found the New Alvin Greene, and he’s a beaut. So instead, we will proclaim Ozzie deFaria the New Basil Marceaux. Except that some people may actually vote for him, because, well, FLORIDA, derp.

    [The Shark Tank]

About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Come here a minute

    Ironically, Rep. Wasserman-Schultz will neuter Mr. deFaria. (With votes!)

  • orygoon

    When I think of all those nice Union boys who died in the civil war to keep the South as part of our country, I get so sad and confused.

    • Pragmatist2

      No kidding. I don't think it is possible to name one thing that would be worse if we kicked out the Confederate States. Well slavery. OK – one thing would be worse.

    • Powerpuff_Grl

      Ending slavery was a very good reason for it. Letting Texas become part of the U.S. on the otherhand wasn't our best decisions. Maybe we'll get lucky and Guv Perry will carry out his threat to secede! I'm guessing that O's reelection ought to be enough to get them to leave.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        The Black Belt and all the college towns stay with Real Liberal America, though. They'll build a big ass, multi-state Berlin Wall around them. And we'll airlift decent food and culture daily. Hillbillies will look in from outside, exhausted from their hardscrabble existence of working at Toyota and Tyson chicken plants for $10 a day, and envy their freedom.

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    yes, ladies. he's single.

    • miss_grundy

      And he can stay that way!

    • tessiee

      yeah, but only if he pays ALL his child support will he have a chance of dating SunShine Fox.

  • RadioBowels

    Funny, he is only releasing his tax records for the last two years.

  • Extemporanus

    Crazy, but that's how it goes

  • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

    Today, we are all sluts.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Yesterday, today and tomorrow.

    • Angry_Marmot

      I may be easy but I'm not cheap.

  • http://mbouffant.blogspot.com M. Bouffant

    That white type on black background is the best web design ever.

    • tessiee

      Don't you mean a blah background?

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    The Misadventures of Ozzie and Harrington

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      I saw what you did there and I like it because I am old.

      • Geminisunmars

        Osbourne and who?

      • SorosBot

        Wait, Ozzie's wife is named Sharon; where does this Harrington come from?

  • coolhandnuke

    deFaria has matriculated from curmudgeon to crank to crackpot to full-on Bachmann Tinfoil Overdrive crazy.

    • sullivanst

      Bachmann Turner-Diaries Overdrive libel!

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        Nice.

        • sullivanst

          Just finally got around to confirming I can't claim credit for it, I think I first saw it on DKos relative to one-L, but the earliest cite on the front page of Google is from DU.

      • Negropolis

        Bachmann The Protocols of the Elders of Zion Overdrive double-libel!

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Among researchers in Political Pathology, this is known as the classic deFaria Scale.

  • bumfug

    What this country really needs is a good, old-fashioned plague.

    • foxpuppet

      How would you describe Romney/Ryan, then?

    • Katydid

      Frogs with boils falling out of the sky would be so cool!

      • Angry_Marmot

        Ah, god, are we scapegoating the French again?

    • Geminisunmars

      A virus looking for hot, moist climate would be best. (Any wonketteers looking to relocate can come live in my basement – in lovely, less bat-ass crazy [excluding Colo Springs] Colorado.)

      • HistoriCat

        But what about Arizona?

        • Geminisunmars

          Oh, crap. Forgot about AZ, and TX too. Brush-clearing viruses?

    • PhilippePetain

      We all know that plagues are only for blaming on the queers.

    • Negropolis

      That, or a good, old-fashioned fucking, excuse my French.

      • bumfug

        Just make sure you don't fuck somebody with the plague.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Excuse me, but Osvaldo “Ozzie” deFaria does not sound like the name of a true Amurrican. I think FL should demand to see his birth certificate.

    • emmelemm

      And his skin is a little… dusky, if you know what I mean.

      • miss_grundy

        He's probably a crazy Cubiche who has been out in the sun too long.

  • I_P

    Wasserman Shultz in a dog collar is giving me the weirdest boner right now.

    • sullivanst

      I know, right? Not that it matters what with me being over 1,000 miles from her district, but that image sure doesn't make me feel any less like voting for her…

    • YouBetcha

      She's a stone cold fox.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Allen West, is that you?

    • http://citizenfuturist.wordpress.com/ gogogodzilla

      Funny. Me too. I'll be in my bunk.

    • horsedreamer_1

      She looks like she should be testifying at the PMRC hearings.

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      Yeah, it's not just you.

  • SorosBot

    Kitties!

  • PuckStopsHere

    Sure, the guy beats his wife. But does he skip on his child support payments? That's the true test of GOP leadership.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    It's probably an example of religious intolerance that the honorable Mr. deFaria is forced to campaign against slutoidal persons.

    • Tommy1733

      He must be another Vedic for Jesus.

    • bobbert

      Opponent's campaign signs are against his creed.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    I clicked over where there's a photo…
    http://www.jrj-socrates.com/Cartoon%20Pics/Underd

  • memzilla

    DeFaria… claims to be a successful businessman, although his business records are unavailable…

    Those records are in the same secure undisclosed location that Mitt Romney's tax returns are in. Only Dick Cheney has access.

    • LetUsBray

      So THAT's what's in the man-sized safe.

  • MissTaken

    He's a 'Jobs Creator'. Just think how many people had jobs filling out the paperwork for his no-contact order and domestic violence arrest. That's how you create jobs.

    • SorosBot

      And he created jobs for campaign consultants; so what if he didn't pay them.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        It's The Dignity Of Work, not The Dignity Of Pay!!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      "Creatin' jerbs" — because it sure beats having one.

  • Wilcoxyz

    Sluts are people too, my friends.

    • Tommy1733

      I want that on a bumper sticker.

      • Guppy

        Works better as a tramp stamp.

        • Angry_Marmot

          Got a new tattoo on the back of my neck: "Don't tug on my ears; I know what I'm doing."

          • tessiee

            Grabbing somebody by the ears only ever worked for Bugs Bunny anyway.

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          The greatest tramp stamp I've ever seen was the precise name to shout out during the act of congress. Clever girl.

          • Tommy1733

            "Act of congress" – beautiful!

          • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

            Boehner?

  • CrunchyKnee

    Uniquely republican.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Kitties scare me.

  • sullivanst

    Florida's 20th has a Cook PVI of D+13. Sure, a couple of wifebeaters will vote for him, because violent misogynists gotta stick together, y'know, but DWS beat Harrington by over 20 points in 2010, even while Dems were being swept from the House.

    • BoroPrimorac

      Debbie's district is affluent and Jewish, also.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    The grey cat has an unfair advantage. His opponent, the brown cat, is fighting on a red napkin that is sure to be unsound footing.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Grey cat maneuvered brown cat into that position. Grey cat is genius.

  • PsycWench

    I can make up imaginary groups that support me? Wait til I tell the Committee for Giving PsycWench A Serious Raise.

  • GeorgiaBurning

    That website looks like one of those adult newspapers they used to sell in front of post offices. Probably not a coincidence.

  • SorosBot

    So after calling his female opponent "slut" and implying bitch at the other, I would be surprised if this man doesn't let loose with the C-word at some point.

    • Geminisunmars

      Cowardly? Communist? Ca-ca-crazy?

    • Guppy

      Trollop?

    • bikerlaureate

      C-i-a-l-i-s ?

    • horsedreamer_1

      Cromulent?

    • miss_grundy

      Coño?

  • SpiderCrab

    There but for the grace of Roosevelt and Social Security goes Paul Ryan.

    • miss_grundy

      I thought that was Ayn Rand.

  • An_Outhouse

    Answer: assaulting his wife’s boyfriend
    Question: What is the one thing Randy Travis was not accused of.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Ozzie, you ignorant slut.

    • sullivanst

      Also a pompous ass.

    • emmelemm

      Never gets old.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    I know his name's Osvaldo and all, but are we sure he's not from Wasilla?

    • miss_grundy

      Yes, Wasilla, Cuba, probably………

      • Negropolis

        I think Sarah can see Castro from her front porch.

  • Baconzgood

    I am glad I don't live in FLA.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    What a fool. He should be running against Allen West, because that district is willing to elect stark-raving mad idiots with anger problems.

  • GortRay

    He sounds like the perfect Teatard. They'll be putting up statues of him in Chick Fil-A's all over the south.

  • MonkeyMotion

    Geezus, there may be some benefit to global warming: drowning the entire state of FL…

  • foxpuppet

    Does he call her Obama's biggest attack dog because he remembers how nasty she was about BO when she was supporting Hillary's candidacy?

  • Baconzgood

    But he has a wonderful singing voice.

  • Toomush_Infer

    She should just bite him in the throat….

  • HogeyeGrex

    Everyone, of course, knows the difference between a bitch and a slut.

    A slut will fuck anyone.

    A bitch will fuck anyone but me.

    Try the veal.

  • ChrisM2011

    It's Florida so I'm predicting a landslide win for this cock knocker.

  • SorosBot

    Sluts are good, decent, trustworthy people, unlike would-be Republican politicians, particularly major-league misogynists with big time anger management issues.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Wait. I don't get it. What's wrong with being a big attack dog?

    Me libel?

    • foxpuppet

      Nothin' wrong with that at all, BSFD.

      Just ignore the ranting tirades- Ozzie's from Florida & has clearly lost his mind. (Assuming he ever even had one.)

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        It's mostly just those kitties making me nervous. They look mean!

        • HistoriCat

          And don't you forget it …

          • BigSkullF*ckingDog

            *whine*

          • HistoriCat

            (Nuzzles BSFD) it's ok doggie – you just stick with us and things will be ok.

  • Callyson

    Oh, if he gets the nomination, Dianne Feinstein will be so jealous that DWS gets the crazy for an opponent.

    Sorry, Senator, I did what I could for you in that open primary with Orly Taitz on the ballot…

    • sullivanst

      DiFi should have a harder time getting reelected, if there's any justice. DWS' record is scattered with centerism, but put her record next to DiFi's and she looks like Bernie Sanders in comparison.

  • Guppy

    DeFaria also completely made up a Tea Party organization

    As opposed to all the other, completely legitimate, grass roots Tea Party organizations?

    Also, too: I find the image of Wasserman Schultz in a collar surprisingly easy to masturbate to.

  • owhatever

    Ozzie is a bit too liberal to win a Florida Republican primary.

  • carlgt1

    draft de Faria/Zimmerman 2012 now!

  • NorthStarSpanx

    I just fucking give up after I read he assaulted his wife's boyfriend. . .

  • anniegetyerfun

    Divorced, eh? So, you think he's available?

    • Angry_Marmot

      Also available for picnics, lodge meetings, children's parties, and smokers.

  • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

    Karen Harrington a slut? She's not unattractive, but she's definitely not slut-girl hot. Unless her saliva is, like, 80-proof, I just don't see huge numbers of men wanting to sleep with her when there are so many teen ho-bags available in Florida's many trailer parks. Clearly deFaria misspoke.

    ("R-Arkham Asylum"… Ha! Hilarious! I'm totally stealin' that.)

  • hagajim

    ♪♫ Ozzie, Ozzie, Ozzie and his sluts….♪♫

    Who else is calling women sluts, at least one specific woman anyway….hint: his names rhymes with Smelton, oh – and that other fat pig boy on the radio.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    TX or FL!?!?! who will win!?!?!

  • Troglodeity

    But the big question is, will he go by Osvaldo or Ozzie when he's elected?

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    This guy sounds crazy/stupid enough to picket DSW locations by mistake.

  • Neoyorquino

    Comedy gets more difficult each year. What used to be amusing because it was so absurd is now commonplace: http://youtu.be/k80nW6AOhTs

  • docterry6973

    Ozzie must be a teabagger's dream, but he had to make up a Tea Party organization that supported him? I think he is not trying hard enough. Oh, and more pictures of DWS wearing a dog collar would be helpful to me, if she doesn't mind.

  • bikerlaureate

    While campaigning in the district, deFaria has been seen pulling up campaign signs for his opponent, Karen Harrington.

    Were charges filed? Why not? If someone had video, would this ever be prosecuted?

    How can people who claim to care about liberty, democracy and virtue even think about voting for this slimebag?

    How about a law that takes a candidate off the ballot immediately, if said candidate is personally video'ed pulling up his opponent's campaign signs?

  • Angry_Marmot

    Defaria thinks a slut is a woman who would rather sleep with anyone but him.

  • MinAgain

    This is not entirely his fault. He just assumed that, when you run for office in a state shaped like a penis, you have to be a colossal dick, too.

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    *you're

    • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

      [sic]'ed!

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Mumbly_Joe

    Interestingly, anagrams of "Osvaldo De Faria vs Debbie Wasserman Shultz" include,

    A Allen West ambassador overbid fuzed shivs.

    Shoves from Allen West subdivided a bazaars.

    Fuck it, I couldn't get past the first thousand, but the point is that Ozzie De Faria is clearly Allen West's secret identity!!!

  • tessiee

    In fairness to Ozzie, his ex-wife started it by looking at a picture of Mitt Romney on her computer, and saying that he was "just dreamy".

  • tessiee

    "Slutting is fun!" — MST3K, "Hobgoblins"

  • tessiee

    Any word on how Ozzie feels about female Olympic athletes?

  • angelfoot

    Oooh, you can download an 8×10 head shot of Ozzie from his website! Marvel at the the hi-res nose hairs and spots he missed while shaving.

  • Negropolis

    Conservative, Jobs Creator, and Candidate for Congress

    So, so, so down the rabbit hole we've gone…Jobs Creator makes me want to shoot myself…with votes.

    But, honestly, while I eschew violence, it's definitely conditional. This is the kind of guy that needs a good, phyiscal bop in the nose. This is the only way some bullies learn.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    Another proud moment for the GOP!

  • DahBoner

    Most cats don't know how to walk the dog…

  • ttommyunger

    I am constantly amazed at the hi-jinks some folk will perform to get a job that I wouldn't have if offered on a silver platter….The meetings, the suits, the having to deal with politicians and lobbyists.