like shooting ducks in a barrel

Your Monday Caption Contest: Paul Ryan With This Dead Thing

Which is the dead thing?
Hey y’all, it’s not that you didn’t do a swell job on yesterday’s caption contest, except that you kind of didn’t. But we didn’t either, so who can blame you! Let us try again. Here is Paul Ryan, with something that he presumably murdered. That should be easier, don’t you think? Have at it. [FoxNews]

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  • Madfall

    I killed Bambi's mom, mercy is only for rich people who vote.

    • ShreditorsDesk

      Not to split [cross]hairs, but that's Bambi's dad!

      • carlgt1

        Ryan may have shot it because he thought it was a gay cross-dressing deer hence "mom"

      • Madfall

        I sacrificed reality for pop culture humour.
        *hangs head in shame*

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Venison carpaccio!

  • carlgt1

    "this welfare-sucking creature will never threaten Wisconsin again!"

  • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

    "Here's what I just did to Mitt's campaign."

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I'm definitely voting for this one.

    • sullivanst

      Ah, so that's why it always had that deer-in-the-headlights thing going.

  • pruckelshaus

    And I shall name this deer "Medicare"

    • gullywompr

      win.

  • sbj1964

    Just another thing Paul Ryan has killed along with Mittens chance of being President.Old people hate it when you want to end Medicare Asshole!

  • PeaceWithHonor

    Romney/Ryan '12: Cull the Herd

    • UnholyMoses

      Where you would like for us to deliver all these Internets you just won?

    • Barrelhse

      Truth- ouch!

  • nounverb911

    Which one is John Galt?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      The *dead* one, obvs. Wut? Paul Ryan never met a handout he didn't like.

  • ShreditorsDesk

    The classic Sarah Palin photo op! "Lookit what I just killed!"

    • NorthStarSpanx

      Sarah's not that good. She's a wonky-eyed shot and proved in on SPA. Only thing we Alaskan's believe this Frontier Woman did was hold those warm moose eyeballs for her dad's "sciency" class.

  • el_donaldo

    Jesus, that dead deer has more life in its eyes than Ryan.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Thank Charlie Pierce of Esquire for "zombie-eyed Granny-starver" as Paul Ryan's new Nom du Net.

      • el_donaldo

        I love his epithet for Scott Walker, too: "the goggle-eyed homunculus hired by Koch Industries to manage its midwest subsidiary formerly known as the state of Wisconsin."

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          I may have just fallen in love with Charlie Pierce, and it's all YOUR fault.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "Your move, Ted Nugent."

  • Baconzgood

    "A metaphorical representation of what I'll do to the poor"

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      He's not fucking it up the ass, Baconz.

      • sullivanst

        Yet.

        • tessiee

          It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

          • Gleem McShineys

            It would be irresponsible not to speculate copulate.

            –Paul Ryan

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Gleem, baby, I knew I could count on you for a disgusting image to haunt my nightmares.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Right. I forgot I was on Teh Wonketz, where *evuhbuddy* is willing to leap in to any discussion of ass-fucking, without the slightest trace of shame.

          • sullivanst

            That's because there's no shame in ass-fucking, of course!

  • eggsacklywright

    But the Death Panel said it was OK to make Bambi dead.

  • FNMA

    And then, Ryan said, "They don't squirm as much when they dead, just like senior citizens."

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "Maybe if I had a rack like this, it would distract everyone from my threehead."

    • tessiee

      Yeah, that's what the *last* VP candidate/embarrassment thought, too.

  • freakishlywrong

    The Nooge looks like less of a douchebag than this tool.

  • nounverb911

    Needs more Lyme Disease.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      OK, YOU win the InterNetz.

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    Paul Ryan. The buck. stops. here.

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      And Mitt Romney: The bucks stop here.

      • carlgt1

        stop in the Cayman Islands?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        No, that Mitt Rmoney cap needs to go on that shot of Mitt with dollar bills between his teeth and falling out of every pocket.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Ted Nugent is my bitch.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Ted Nugent is *everybody's* bitch. Hell, he got pwned by a turtlehead in his pants during the draft.

  • Trannysurprise

    Look kids! Paul Ryan likes Rudolph too!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Oopsie.

  • amoamas

    Meet your new Student Financial Aid Administrator.

  • Goonemeritus

    “This will look great mounted on my wall right next to John Boehner’s head”.

    • tessiee

      Dreamer.

    • BerkeleyBear

      More like Boehner's balls, given the way he torpedoed every deal the Orange Satan tried to strike.

      I actually think Boehner may have tried to talk up Ryan to Romney's people (y'know the Mitt is not meeting with him directly) in hopes that the resulting crash and burn either got him out of the House altogether or at least toned him down for a cycle or two ala McCain suddenly being a good GOP soldier for a few years. Now if he can just find a way to get rid of Cantor, we might actually negotiate a long term deficit deal.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Every night I pray to a god in which I don't believe that Eric Cantor will develop elephantiasis of the balls and never again be able to leave his house or use a telephone or computer.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    There is something about this guys eyes that looks date-rapey to me.

    • tessiee

      Giggity.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Now it's time to hunt wabbits.

  • UnholyMoses

    "In this picture, Vice Presidential candidate Paul Ryan (R-evolting) shows off a deer that's as dead as senior citizens and Poors will be if Ryan's budget plan is ever put into place. Credit Associated Press."

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    "and I didn't even have to use a helicopter!"

  • ChuckieJesus

    In a Romney/Ryan America, you too will have to kill for a buck.

    • tessiee

      WIN!

  • OurHoboSenator

    (insert 40-page soliloquy about "moochers" and so on here)

  • friendlyskies

    See? I *can* shoot straight after a massive bong hit. You owe me $10,000, bitch. Now let's dress this bad boy and get it back home so the womenfolk can cook us dinner. What do you mean, Ann can't butcher a deer? Jesus, is there anything about you that isn't totally pathetic, Mitt? Pfft.

  • http://wonkette.com/ VA_Dreaming

    Paul Ryan promotes his new budget proposal in which food stamps are replaced with road kill and the remains of trophy hunts.

  • gullywompr

    No caption, but I just want to point out – that's not a gun. Why does Ryan hate the 2nd Amendment?

    • HistoriCat

      Technically the 2nd Amendment says "keep and bear arms" … doesn't say they have to be firearms.

      And that's why I prefer to use a cavalry saber – I'm old-school.

    • tessiee

      "Why does Ryan hate the 2nd Amendment?"

      Because he's such a tempting target?

    • BerkeleyBear

      Because one of the only 2 bills he authored to become law in 14 years was to make bow hunting cheaper on a per arrow basis. So it only made sense to take advantage of the low low prices of Chinese arrow shafts.

      The other was to name a post office, by the way.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        In SEVEN Congressional terms, FOURTEEN years, he has earned the equivalent of somewhat over TWO MILLION dollars for warming his seat. That's ONE MILLION per bill. I'd rather not pay that much to be ass-raped by China-made arrows, thankyewveddymuch.

  • NotMother

    Didn't use a gun on this one. RINO.

  • UnholyMoses

    Ten bucks sez he hit that deer with his car.

    Another ten sez he did so whilst spotlighting.

  • MC5

    Wait, which one is the deer in the headlights?

  • http://www.awebcomic.com TheLifeSilica

    Not a caption. I just really want to know if he shot it on state-managed land.

    • Guppy
    • Nibbler of Niblonia

      the department of natural resources is probably the second or third most dangerous branch of government to be infiltrated by creeping socialism

    • BerkeleyBear

      Well, unless it was on a private game canned hunt (ala Cheney's dove fetish) you can all but guarantee the states or feds had a big part in subsidizing that buck's growth until Ryan could take it down. Even if it was raised in fenced off private lands, I could in 5 steps or less trace out how the success of the hunt in some way was directly attributable to government actions that he claims have no place in America.

      Which is yet one piece of evidence that the Randian morons just don't get how stupid they truly are.

  • metamarcisf

    I wish I was taller.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Why, would that make it easier to shit all over him?

      • tessiee

        Yes, but more importantly, it would also give most of us a break on that whole "Height/Weight Proportionate" thing.

    • blueflowers

      My wife's a slut.

  • Ducksworthy

    From the looks of that deer, Ryan has already sucked the blood out of it.

  • sudsmckenzie

    My ten point plan for America.

    • proudgrampa

      Excellent!

    • bobbert

      And YOU get an internet! And YOU get an Internet!

  • carlgt1

    funny considering his only bill passed was a tax reduction on arrows — now we know why!

    • Biff

      Not true! He also got a Post Office renamed…

  • PubOption

    "Yes, it's true, I'm going to get all the old deers".

  • RadioBowels

    Fuck off NRA, I killed this poor thing with bow and arrow.

  • 1stNewtontheMoon

    You should've seen the guy riding this thing.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Oh, NOES!!! Paul Ryan killed SANTA!

  • MacRaith

    Paul Ryan – because his aim is better than Dick Cheney's.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    "Get this deer a Medicare voucher, stat!"

    • fartknocker

      I prefer the Wonkette inspired statement: Get this deer a book of Health Stamps!

  • sacoharry

    Forget chicken barter. Paul Ryan knows what -your- doctor wants.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    "Hey, look! We have the same dead eyes!"

    • Barrelhse

      Harelip.

  • thewarmingsun

    "Observe that in all the propaganda of the ecologists—amidst all their appeals to nature and pleas for 'harmony with nature'—there is no discussion of man's needs and the requirements of his survival."

    I killed this deer for you, my sweet Ayn.

    • Nibbler of Niblonia

      Did Ayn really write that? Cause that's bullshit. Most hunters and wildlife ecologists believe in maintaining healthy deer populations – which involves well-regulated hunting. Too many deer is just as bad for the deer as too few.

      Just like sweet Ayn to completely invent a strawman for her bullshit arguments.

      • sullivanst

        Although her saying that does kind of explain Ryan's hardcore climate denialism, don't you think?

      • BerkeleyBear

        Oh, that's just the tip of the iceberg. Her books are full of bullshit failures to comprehend the actual beliefs of anyone else and the policies behind laws and regulations. That complete lack of understanding allows her to create horrorscapes where nonsense laws are commonplace and government is useless (but anything private industry makes is awesome regardless of technological realities).

        Which is why anyone who has learned anything from a college level poli/sci, western civ or public policy class (or actually paid close attention to School House Rock) should now the Randian philosophy is utter bullshit.

  • PuckStopsHere

    THIS is how you do it, Dick Cheney.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    You know who ELSE liked to watch the life-force drain from his victims in Wisconsin?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Joseph McCarthy?

    • eggsacklywright

      Maybe he keeps lots of bucks in his man-size safe.

    • SexySmurf

      Richie Cunningham, on that episode of Happy Days when he "accidentally" chokes that hooker to death, but his dad (Tom Bosley) helps him bury the body so everything works out okay in the end.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        I believe that was actually "That '70s Show".

    • sudsmckenzie

      John Elway?

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        I would also have accepted Eli Manning.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        Michael Jordan liked to hunt in Milwaukee also, as a warmup for stabbing the Knicks' hopes and dreams to death.

        • sudsmckenzie

          I just don't believe anyone hasn't pointed out Ayn Ryan looks alot like Aron Rodgers.
          And I would make a Jake Cutler joke, but that, well, it doesn't even ….

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

            Ha, we were talking about that in a thread this weekend.

          • horsedreamer_1

            He's a new dad. He gets a grace period from non-diaper-changing grief.

    • RadioBowels

      NOT Robert LaFollette.

    • Rosie_Scenario

      Jeffrey Dahmer?

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        That's one!

        • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

          And Ed Gein makes two!

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

            Ding ding!

    • UnholyMoses

      Bud Selig?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Ed Gein?

      Late to the party again, DAMMIT.

    • tessiee

      The Packers?

    • BerkeleyBear

      Reggie White?

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    "Hey Mitt, try shoving this varmint up your ass!!!"

  • http://guyclinch.blogspot.com GuyClinch

    "Rep. Paul Ryan Bravely Saves Town from Vicious Deer, Makes Love to Carcass"

  • BaldarTFlagass

    There's several more pics of the Mighty White Hunter over at Buzzfeed that beg for this treatment, especially the one with the turkey. http://www.buzzfeed.com/andrewkaczynski/paul-ryan

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      I don't think he's "hunting" those turkeys. And I don't think they're enjoying it, either.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Keep fucking that turkey, Pauly.

    • elviouslyqueer

      The one of him with the compound bow in his office looks like he's auditioning for The Hunger Games.

      Oh, wait.

  • http://guyclinch.blogspot.com GuyClinch

    Why is Paul Ryan wearing his favorite pyjamas out in the woods?

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    Which one has the "deader" eyes (I know, I know, itz not a word)

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    "Well, deer, was it as good for me as it was for you?"

    • MacRaith

      Depends. Did he kill the deer before or after?

      • Callyson

        He has no mercy, so after.

      • HistoriCat

        During – he enjoys that extra quiver as the life drains away.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Been decimating the local mice again, I see.

          • HistoriCat

            Why do all my toys break so quickly? Fix it – please!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            They bring me all their ooky, bleeding things with that question in their enormous, puzzled, predator eyes. I don't mind dead bodies, children, but not on the pillow, PLEEZ!

  • Texan_Bulldog

    He was too big to fit on the roof of the car.

  • Steverino247

    Catch Paul Ryan's hilarious ventriloquist act at the Moose Lodge this Saturday night!

    • RadioBowels

      Well he does look like Charlie McCarthy.

      • bobbert

        And he reasons like Joe McCarthy.

  • ThundercatHo

    I'll probably never hear the end of it when I strap this puppy to the roof of my car.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Oh, you'll hear the *end* of it, alright. Although you'll wish you hadn't.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    "I was gonna tell you before you voted for me that I was planning to shoot you, but for some reason the time never seemed right."

  • invisichad

    "See, you pull on its jowls and snot shoots out. JUST like a metaphor for something political."

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Shooting the Milwaukee Bucks would also be consistent with the Republican platform.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Hell, shooting any and all BLAH "bucks" would definitely be consistent with their platform too. It's only the GREEN bucks that they love and cherish.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        (Glowering) You're doing it again.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          I am? (looks around, bewildered)

          I have no idea what the Milwaukee Bucks are, btw. I assume a football team. Or is it baseball when they chase the little ones around on the field?

          • BerkeleyBear

            Basketball – hence ordinarily an implication of blah athlete. But Milwaukee, being a bunch of twits, drafted a big slow white Australian a while ago, as well as a Chinese player who had publicly said he wanted to play pretty much anywhere else.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Ah. Basketball's like volleyball? Don't think I've ever seen a basketball game. Oh, wait, no, that's what our President plays. Never mind.

    • BerkeleyBear

      Yeah, but the Bucks already shoot themselves in the foot, year after year (Andrew Bogut, anyone?)

    • horsedreamer_1

      Ersan Ilyasova Libel!

  • Callyson

    "I found another voter for us!"

  • Pragmatist2

    I bet this is popping up on all the bestiality/skullf*ck sites. Er, I mean, if there are such things.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I wouldn't know. (walks off whistling, hands in pockets, eyes turned heavenwards, trips, faceplants)

      As you were, gentlemen. As you were.

  • http://twitter.com/nicoshowinfuss nicoshowinfuss

    Mitt Romney Announces VP Candidate, George W. Bush

  • GeorgiaBurning

    Craig High Homecoming Dance 1987- Paul Ryan and date caught making out behind the gym

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      ^^ This.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Even with a dead one, Paul only able to get to second base.

  • FajitaFriday

    "Hey Mitt! Can ya help me tie this thing on top of the car?"

  • Angry_Marmot

    "Killing things with antlers makes me horny, nyuk nyuk."

  • ShuCityRefugee

    This is how I bring in the big bucks (with a nice rack, for a guy)!

  • AddHomonym

    Arrows con bozo.

    • foxpuppet

      Nice!

  • Tundra Grifter

    Nice rack.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Apparently Paul Ryan gets his fashion advice from Gino on "Life's A Tripp."

  • Tundra Grifter

    In Wisconsin and Michigan, it's considered a tragedy if a male deer dies a natural death.

  • MendaciousMitt

    If I don't get elected VP maybe I can get cast in one of those hip new KY Jelly ads?

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Can't believe that BigSkullF*ckingDog didn't go for a BigSkullF*cking caption.
    Too easy?

  • Beowoof

    Wow, a manly man, tracks down and kills the ferocious white tail deer. The white tail know to reek havoc through out suburban Wisconsin. With tough guys like Ryan around I know we will be safe.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      In the Gilbert and Ellis islands, young men would participate in manhood-proving ceremonies. This usually involved taking on a full-grown shark or octopus, armed with nothing but a small hunting knife. THAT's the kind of tough-guyness I can admire. This shit? I've seen cats face down deer.

      • tessiee

        When I lived in North Carolina, I had a nice but rather stressed-out co-worker who worked full-time, had four kids of her own, and also took in foster kids. Her husband used to sit on the back porch and shoot the deer that came into their yard (although, since they were trying to feed four, or six, or eight kids, I can't really blame him).

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          I have no problem with hunting for food, but only by those who need to. F'rinstance, as much as I'd like to make MY resident deer into carpaccio, that would be totally way not cool in my book, since they were here before me, and I can afford to feed myself without preying on them. But if some guy needed to feed his kids, I wouldn't turn a hair if he came up here and shot the bloody lot, maybe leave one breeding pair. God knows they breed like fucking rabbits anyway. They're terribly stupid, they're pests, and they're serious disease vectors. But I can find no excuse for killing them *myself* that makes any sense to me. Especially since they provide a tasty snack for the local cougars.

    • BerkeleyBear

      You just know there's a salt lick bait just out of the photo frame. (Which for all I know might be legal in Wisconsin, but it sure is dickish to turn around and act like the "great white hunter" afterwards).

      This sums up my problem – I like venison (and elk, and yak, and moose, and cow and all of the rest of God's delicious herbivores) and have no philosophical issue with hunting as long as it is well managed ecologically. I just hate how guys who basically sit up in a tree all day waiting for the deer to follow its normal pattern, holding a complex piece of tech that allows them to hold an arrow at full draw for minutes at a time without fatigue, then act like it is such a huge manly accomplishment. Hunting has basically become about as tough as fishing a stocked pond in a lot of cases, so just don't brag on it.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        I LIKE meat. I also love animals (in their live state). It's a terrible dilemma, and I feel like a fucking hypocrite, but I'm not giving up lamb chops or goat curry or roast chicken in this lifetime. I just want people to be fair about it. You wanna kill an animal? Fine. Go into the woods lightly armed (no guns) and give the beast a fighting chance. Then if you kill it in a fair fight, by all means, eat it. These rules don't apply to ME, of course. I just buy my meat at the butcher's. Let someone else accumulate the bad karma of killing the poor thing.

        Sorry. When I start snarking on myself, it might be time to dial it down, no?

  • rocco2727

    If you hold it by the neck, right here, and then grab it's nuts…hard…snot will come shooting from it's nose. See!

  • Thunderclees

    Pictured: Paul Ryan (R-WI) covered in deer urine.

  • MozakiBlocks

    I showed this picture to Mr. Mozaki Blocks a life-long hunter and he said "Eh, nothing special"

    I assume he meant the deer.

  • Limeylizzie

    Oh God another bow and arrow person, that is so repulsive I would like my cat, Neville, he of the most enormous turds imaginable, to shit on Ryan's face.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I would like that also. If it ever happens, gimme a call. I'll bring the camera.

  • stopthemovie

    I'am also wearing a camouflage condom so you can't see me cuming.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Sweetie, Paulie doesn't *need* a camouflage condom for that. Nobody's *ever* seen him coming.

  • Boojum

    I reformed this deer, just like I'll do for Medicare.

    Romney/Dead Shit 2012!

  • VikTheBavarian

    Okay; I'm ready for Rafalca now….

  • JustPixelz

    "Ryan takes the VP slot from Caribou Barbie."

  • zumpie

    "It's a snack for Spot! Now how to get it back to Mockingbird Lane……"

  • chicken_thief

    Not a caption, but the grass is green and Ryan isn't bundled up – when the fuck is deer season in WI?!

    • Nibbler of Niblonia

      archery is usually legal for a much longer season than firearms. This was likely late september/early october.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        I long for the day when Ryan will do what Dick Cheney did. Mistakenly shoot a dear friend right in the face.

      • BerkeleyBear

        Because of the supposed greater difficulty (which is bullshit if you have one of those high tech death dealers that Ryan posed with in a picture linked elsewhere and a good tree stand set up).

        • Nibbler of Niblonia

          @BerkeleyBear do you hunt?

          Most explanations I've heard for archery season being longer is that fewer people do it, and the range of the weapon is much, much shorter than firearms. So the likelihood of someone pulling a Dick Cheney on some fellow hunter or innocent hiker is pretty low during archery season.

          From the looks of it, Ryan's bow in that pic isn't all that special. And no matter how much high-tech gear you have, deer hunting with archery tackle is never easy. There's still a lot of leaves on the trees so most hunters are lucky to get a clear shot within range – which for most is max 30-50 yards. And mating hasn't begun yet so the deer don't respond to scents and calls. Your tracking and scouting skills have to be tuned in.

          I know it's hard for people who don't hunt to keep all this in perspective. It's not like you just walk out in the woods and there's a group of 50 deer sitting there and you just go BLAHMO.

          • BerkeleyBear

            All that can be how you hunt, and I certainly was taught it was tough and manly, but I've seen enough bullshit hunts that were completely one sided that I don't take all that at face value. A compound bow and a tree stand in a highly populated deer area increases your odds a hell of a lot over what people had to do even a few generations ago to bring down game. And don't even get me started on fucking salt lick baiting, dove "plantations" and other canned hunting exploits.

            It is the natural tendency of humans to make life easier, not harder. I'm not asking anyone to go out with a bronze age spear and bring down a wooly mammoth, just as long as they stop acting like taking down a white tail buck is in the same league (especially in places where they are overpopulated to begin with). You want a tough challenge try killing a city rat with nothing but a sharpened stick.

    • tessiee

      $: – ?
      Hey, YEAH!
      What, was this taken during the ten days a year that Wisconsin is *not* covered in six feet of snow?

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Mumbly_Joe

    "I can't wait until I get elected, so I can finally make it legal to hunt the most dangerous game!"

  • JustPixelz

    Paul Ryan: Protecting the sanctity of god-given life since … um, what's the date of this picture?

  • Nibbler of Niblonia

    you call hunting murder. I call it a different kind of grocery shopping.

    shitting on hunting is lame.

    Paul Ryan is still a douche.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I don't have a problem with people hunting because they need to eat. This fucker's already busy eating our elderly and our young.

      • Nibbler of Niblonia

        Fair enough. It might be safe to say that Paul Ryan only started hunting when he realized it would have political benefit.

        Where is the original long-form hunting license from BEFORE Ryan decided to run for congress?

  • glasspusher

    "I like to be able to fire at things that work for me"

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    P90SEX with dead animals is not for everyone.

  • WhatTheHeck

    After I gut this thing, I’ll start on the Bill of Rights.

  • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

    "The Day Paulie became a man" (He was drunkenly raped at the campsite later)

    • Dudleydidwrong

      "Squeal like a pig!"

  • TootsStansbury

    Mitt better get Rafalca a safety Orange hat pronto.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Mitt better make sure he and Ann have THEIR orange hats safely affixed around this creepy-eyed ghoul.

    • Biff

      I'm thinking Rafalca rMoney didn't make the flight back to Amercia, and was diverted to a plant outside of Paris instead.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Remind me not to opt for the stew in any Parisian restaurant for the next month.

        • Biff

          Not to worry–Frenchies are out and proud of their chevalle-eating ways, no need sneaking it in where it's not wanted!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Horses look like they'd be too tough for tasty eats. I do like the goat, tho.

          • Biff

            If raised as food, they are quite good. I've eaten burro, too–tough, bland. Not farm-raised, of course. Not very sporting, but when you're hungry, you do something about it. Glad I don't have to do that anymore.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            (Hugs the Biff) Yeah, me too, I'm glad you don't have to do that any more.

  • Naked_Bunny

    I don't have a caption. I'm too distracted by the fact that the dead buck has more dignity and intelligence — indeed, more life and humanity — in his eyes than Ryan does.

  • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

    "That hunter can take that deer out of the forest, and haul him across a state line, and force him to sign a tax return, to eradicate the evidence of his crime, and bring him back and shoot him in front of a camera. And that’s not against the law in the United States."

  • http://www.wonkette.com Clancy_Pants

    Gollllleeeee Sgt. Carter/Gomer Pyle 2012

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Paul Ryan, posing with his budget.

  • http://slackoftownnola.wordpress.com Comrade Wingtardd

    "The old ones have to be culled or they're too much of a drain on the population. Support the Ryan Plan for Medicare and Social Security today!"

    • Joey_Blau

      NO!! we should force women to have babies and then grind them up to feed the OLD! we are in control now!

      and no one is taking our drivers' licenses away!!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      He must be a fan of The Ballad of Narayama, as well.

  • http://www.frumpgazette.com Frumpzilla

    See! Nobody needs Food Stamps . . . give 'em a bow and they're good to go.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Let's face it, if you give Poorz a bow, they be huntin' URBAN prey.

  • 415buzzard

    It really takes a lot of "courage" to shoot an animal. Fucking shitbag.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      An animal like a deer, no less. I'd like to see Paul Ryan take on a charging rhino, armed only with a bow and arrow.

      • viennawoods13

        On the other hand, we have been hit by deer twice while driving innocently down the road, so, please, feel free to cull the herd.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Personally, I'd love to make venison carpaccio out of the deer that are constantly chomping on my garden. And I have no problem with people shooting them and eating them, if they;re hungry and need to. Goddamn overgrown rats. OTOH, this fucker makes $174,000 dollars from the taxpayer treasury per year, not to mention the millions he's made with insider trading on the stock market. He doesn't need to shoot no deer or turkey to feed himself or his trust-fund-baby wife. He'd look a lot manlier if he would donate the meat to a charity. Poor people are eating out of fucking dumpsters, for chrisake, they could use a little venison.

      • 415buzzard

        I was kinda hoping the dead buck's family would learn how to use an assault rifle.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          I was hoping one would come up behind him and kick the shit out of him while he was angling for a shot at this one.

    • BerkeleyBear

      There's nothing wrong with deer hunting unless you are a vegan, and not all hunters are douches. But yeah, an adult posing with the carcass with a shit-eating grin is pretty much a guarantee of douchiness. I mean, you don't see the guy with the air hammer at the slaughterhouse tweeting picks of every kill.

      • 415buzzard

        Sorry, just don't see the "sport" in killing an animal, just for kicks. And I am sure being shot with an arrow feels fucking terrific.

        • BerkeleyBear

          I didn't call it a sport, and there's very little sporting about using weapons against grazing animals (although others on here plainly disagree). But hunting itself is part of the process of balancing the ecosystem and our interactions with it – at least as long as we aren't willing to let a bunch of other alpha predators be introduced into human population centers and let them do their natural jobs.

          As for the "just for kicks" comment, is eating steak done "just for kicks"? Arguably – I don't need to eat red meat. But as long as that's okay, hunting is at least as acceptable as chicken slaughtering or cow killing.

          • 415buzzard

            Ha Ha. The "ecosystem" is fucked far beyond "balancing" at this point. Getting dressed up in camo and taking out your repressed rage on a freaking deer is not going to help matters.

  • Franknflower

    He looks like a muppet. I can see him in my mind but I am too lazy to Google. Anyone?

    • Franknflower

      Guy Smiley? And what does Ryan have against Muppets? From his Twitter:

      Remember that muppet that's a pig but also a reporter? That muppet is a piece of shit. I hate that muppet.

      • tessiee

        He's such a piece a shit, he's probably mad at the Muppets because they pulled their support from Chik-Fil-Homophobe.

  • glasspusher

    I just noticed in that picture, looks like a pencil thin stream of mist coming out of that deer's right nostril? What is up with that? Is that its soul leaving its body?

  • Dildeaux

    Dead, soulless eyes…

    I mean the deer, of course.

  • owhatever

    Shoot to Kill America

  • http://italkyoubored.wordpress.com/ ffredpalakon

    "Missy, if we both play our cards right, you'll be my Judith Exner."

  • Oblios_Cap

    Cyborg/Terminator 2012!

  • pdiddycornchips

    This Tea Party deer was happy to sacrifice herself so that rich assholes can eat well.
    We expect the rest of you to learn from her example.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    "That should feed grandma for a couple of years when don't have no Social Security anymore."

  • An_Outhouse

    "I told you it was easier when you shine a bright light in their eyes. Fuck you if its illegal. Where's the rest of the beer?"

  • DahBoner

    "Oh dear, look at the nice young man who wants to mount us and jerkey America around"

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    I guess that'll solve our population problem.

  • sean_p

    "I only put the tip in."

  • CastleRockBear

    Ryan: "This is a pic of me and Romney's campaign"

  • Fox n Fiends

    WHO'S SHRUGGING NOW BITCH??????????????

  • tessiee

    "Those sausages are venison. VENISON! There's totally no dead old people in them… D'oh!!"

  • tessiee

    Photoshopped to replace dead Bambi with distressed-looking senior citizen in
    5…
    4…
    3…

    • poncho_pilot

      Ayn Rand?

  • tessiee

    So, did the deer not take its blood pressure medication, or what?

  • rickmaci

    Paul Ryan. Thinning the herd, one social safety net program at a time.

  • tessiee

    "It was comin' right for us!!"

  • Ixacacau

    "Thank Gawd I didn't go huntin' with Dick"

  • http://italkyoubored.wordpress.com/ ffredpalakon

    "American hero, dead animal, weapons – just a Jesus and a Jefferson away from another Jon McNaughton masterpiece."

  • Blunderthing

    "Your health care voucher now comes with a year's supply of venison that I personally kilt, like Abe Lincoln kilt that b'ar."

  • gullywompr

    WOLVERINES!!!!!1!!

  • Barrelhse

    "I don't care what your name is, Fat Boy, keep those reindeer off my roof."

  • Aquarianne17

    The male Palin, or Malin, if you will. Or, maybe, Pryan.

  • Dudleydidwrong

    "Lookey me! Lookey me! I'm a real man. I shot a wild animal. Now elect me vice-president and my life will be complete."

    "Fuck you, Cheney. What you shot went to the hospital. Mine went to the freezer. Who's the better man, huh?"

  • tessiee

    Seriously, those googly bug eyes can focus well enough to hit anything with a hunting bow and arrow?

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    i don't believe in arbitrary contests that pit people of good will against each other as they reduce the human impulse to shallow randian equations of 'win' vs. 'lose'.

    also, i don't have any ideas.

  • AnEast

    I told you! This is just a photo op. Now, hold your head still for one more minute and we'll have a great pic of my marvelous manly, manliness.

  • tessiee

    To borrow from the old National Lampoon:
    One's dead, the other one should be.

  • dannydoubleyou

    War on Christmas gains bipartisan support

  • Smithboy

    I've seen that deer in the headlight look before. It was when Palin was asked what newspapers she read.

  • dannydoubleyou

    Ryan Pick Boosts Team Romney's War on Christmas Credentials

  • BerkeleyBear

    "Rep. Paul Ryan, seen here after shooting little Beverly Whitegirl's pet deer. The Representative was quoted as saying afterwards, "You think that was brutal? Just wait until you see what I plan on doing to her future.""

  • Doyle_Hargraves

    "My P90x diet requires ingesting one of these a day"

  • http://italkyoubored.wordpress.com/ ffredpalakon

    "Forever after this day, you shall know me for my manly power. Forever after this day, you shall know me as…Legolas."

  • Gleem McShineys

    "Wish you were here!"

    Paul Ryan, to ALL old people

  • Doyle_Hargraves

    "See. We could have had a good life up here together, Ennis Del Mar!"

  • Amanwithnoplan

    I will hold you in my arms as I watch the life drain from your eyes…dear.

  • senzurichampion

    "Antlers Shrugged"

  • ahnc

    We can see Canada from our house.

  • wilmcmillen

    Ryan: "Now I'm going to mount this!"
    Cameraman: "On your wall?"
    Ryan: "What wall?"

  • http://gorejusgeorge.tumblr.com CheeseBro69

    "Annndd I jizz in my pants!!!"
    -Conservatives

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    My 8-point plan for Medicare.

  • Joey_Blau

    well.. an eight point buck.. with a bow and arrow.. that is pretty hard core…

    unless he went to a petting zoo and shot it with a rifle and then posed with the bow…

    but since we have killed all the wolves and other predators we do need to kill some deer. Leaving the large bucks and killing some does and yearlings is a good wildlife management policy.

    because if we don't do it mother nature will.. by starving them to death.

  • mbobier

    Not as much fun as starving grannies, but at least I get to eat this one!

  • lochnessmonster

    All I can think of is Bambi Boy

  • Raff_Ripdash

    Ryan Unveils Bold New Plan To Get 'Strapping Young Bucks' Off Welfare.

  • origwhatsleft

    Zombie eyes – I'll show you zombie eyes..

  • horsedreamer_1

    "The First Week of Deer Camp"

  • jtgillick

    Rep. Paul Ryan Indicted for Bambicide

  • fishwharf

    Whimps use guns. Real men kill with bows & arrows.

  • fltnsplr

    I'll make love to it later!

  • poncho_pilot

    "Paul will get you like a case of anthrax and that's something I don't want to catch."

    too obscure?

    • doloras

      At home he feels like a Teabagger.

      • poncho_pilot

        and either way, not great men.

  • serjjj

    Dead From The Neck Up

  • ttommyunger

    "I can't wait to get home and check; I just know my pee-pee is going to be bigger."