LIKE SHOOTING DUCKS IN A BARREL  10:57 am August 13, 2012

Your Monday Caption Contest: Paul Ryan With This Dead Thing

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Which is the dead thing?
Hey y’all, it’s not that you didn’t do a swell job on yesterday’s caption contest, except that you kind of didn’t. But we didn’t either, so who can blame you! Let us try again. Here is Paul Ryan, with something that he presumably murdered. That should be easier, don’t you think? Have at it. [FoxNews]

 
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{ 289 comments }

Madfall August 13, 2012 at 10:58 am

I killed Bambi's mom, mercy is only for rich people who vote.

ShreditorsDesk August 13, 2012 at 11:03 am

Not to split [cross]hairs, but that's Bambi's dad!

carlgt1 August 13, 2012 at 11:10 am

Ryan may have shot it because he thought it was a gay cross-dressing deer hence "mom"

Madfall August 13, 2012 at 11:26 am

I sacrificed reality for pop culture humour.
*hangs head in shame*

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Venison carpaccio!

carlgt1 August 13, 2012 at 10:59 am

"this welfare-sucking creature will never threaten Wisconsin again!"

ChillBill August 13, 2012 at 11:00 am

"Here's what I just did to Mitt's campaign."

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 12:10 pm

I'm definitely voting for this one.

sullivanst August 13, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Ah, so that's why it always had that deer-in-the-headlights thing going.

pruckelshaus August 13, 2012 at 11:00 am

And I shall name this deer "Medicare"

gullywompr August 13, 2012 at 11:10 am

win.

sbj1964 August 13, 2012 at 11:00 am

Just another thing Paul Ryan has killed along with Mittens chance of being President.Old people hate it when you want to end Medicare Asshole!

PeaceWithHonor August 13, 2012 at 11:01 am

Romney/Ryan '12: Cull the Herd

UnholyMoses August 13, 2012 at 11:08 am

Where you would like for us to deliver all these Internets you just won?

Barrelhse August 13, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Truth- ouch!

nounverb911 August 13, 2012 at 11:01 am

Which one is John Galt?

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 12:11 pm

The *dead* one, obvs. Wut? Paul Ryan never met a handout he didn't like.

ShreditorsDesk August 13, 2012 at 11:01 am

The classic Sarah Palin photo op! "Lookit what I just killed!"

NorthStarSpanx August 13, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Sarah's not that good. She's a wonky-eyed shot and proved in on SPA. Only thing we Alaskan's believe this Frontier Woman did was hold those warm moose eyeballs for her dad's "sciency" class.

el_donaldo August 13, 2012 at 11:02 am

Jesus, that dead deer has more life in its eyes than Ryan.

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Thank Charlie Pierce of Esquire for "zombie-eyed Granny-starver" as Paul Ryan's new Nom du Net.

el_donaldo August 13, 2012 at 12:46 pm

I love his epithet for Scott Walker, too: "the goggle-eyed homunculus hired by Koch Industries to manage its midwest subsidiary formerly known as the state of Wisconsin."

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 3:27 pm

I may have just fallen in love with Charlie Pierce, and it's all YOUR fault.

BaldarTFlagass August 13, 2012 at 11:02 am

"Your move, Ted Nugent."

Baconzgood August 13, 2012 at 11:02 am

"A metaphorical representation of what I'll do to the poor"

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 12:12 pm

He's not fucking it up the ass, Baconz.

sullivanst August 13, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Yet.

tessiee August 13, 2012 at 12:50 pm

It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

Gleem McShineys August 13, 2012 at 1:34 pm

It would be irresponsible not to speculate copulate.

–Paul Ryan

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Right. I forgot I was on Teh Wonketz, where *evuhbuddy* is willing to leap in to any discussion of ass-fucking, without the slightest trace of shame.

sullivanst August 13, 2012 at 3:40 pm

That's because there's no shame in ass-fucking, of course!

eggsacklywright August 13, 2012 at 11:02 am

But the Death Panel said it was OK to make Bambi dead.

FNMA August 13, 2012 at 11:03 am

And then, Ryan said, "They don't squirm as much when they dead, just like senior citizens."

BaldarTFlagass August 13, 2012 at 11:03 am

"Maybe if I had a rack like this, it would distract everyone from my threehead."

tessiee August 13, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Yeah, that's what the *last* VP candidate/embarrassment thought, too.

freakishlywrong August 13, 2012 at 11:03 am

The Nooge looks like less of a douchebag than this tool.

nounverb911 August 13, 2012 at 11:03 am

Needs more Lyme Disease.

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 12:13 pm

OK, YOU win the InterNetz.

Spurning Beer August 13, 2012 at 11:05 am

Paul Ryan. The buck. stops. here.

Spurning Beer August 13, 2012 at 11:06 am

And Mitt Romney: The bucks stop here.

carlgt1 August 13, 2012 at 11:11 am

stop in the Cayman Islands?

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 12:14 pm

No, that Mitt Rmoney cap needs to go on that shot of Mitt with dollar bills between his teeth and falling out of every pocket.

Chow Yun Flat August 13, 2012 at 11:05 am

Ted Nugent is my bitch.

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Ted Nugent is *everybody's* bitch. Hell, he got pwned by a turtlehead in his pants during the draft.

Trannysurprise August 13, 2012 at 11:05 am

Look kids! Paul Ryan likes Rudolph too!

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Oopsie.

amoamas August 13, 2012 at 11:05 am

Meet your new Student Financial Aid Administrator.

Goonemeritus August 13, 2012 at 11:06 am

“This will look great mounted on my wall right next to John Boehner’s head”.

tessiee August 13, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Dreamer.

BerkeleyBear August 13, 2012 at 1:11 pm

More like Boehner's balls, given the way he torpedoed every deal the Orange Satan tried to strike.

I actually think Boehner may have tried to talk up Ryan to Romney's people (y'know the Mitt is not meeting with him directly) in hopes that the resulting crash and burn either got him out of the House altogether or at least toned him down for a cycle or two ala McCain suddenly being a good GOP soldier for a few years. Now if he can just find a way to get rid of Cantor, we might actually negotiate a long term deficit deal.

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Every night I pray to a god in which I don't believe that Eric Cantor will develop elephantiasis of the balls and never again be able to leave his house or use a telephone or computer.

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 13, 2012 at 11:06 am

There is something about this guys eyes that looks date-rapey to me.

tessiee August 13, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Giggity.

BaldarTFlagass August 13, 2012 at 11:06 am

Now it's time to hunt wabbits.

UnholyMoses August 13, 2012 at 11:06 am

"In this picture, Vice Presidential candidate Paul Ryan (R-evolting) shows off a deer that's as dead as senior citizens and Poors will be if Ryan's budget plan is ever put into place. Credit Associated Press."

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 13, 2012 at 11:07 am

"and I didn't even have to use a helicopter!"

ChuckieJesus August 13, 2012 at 11:07 am

In a Romney/Ryan America, you too will have to kill for a buck.

tessiee August 13, 2012 at 12:55 pm

WIN!

OurHoboSenator August 13, 2012 at 11:08 am

(insert 40-page soliloquy about "moochers" and so on here)

friendlyskies August 13, 2012 at 11:09 am

See? I *can* shoot straight after a massive bong hit. You owe me $10,000, bitch. Now let's dress this bad boy and get it back home so the womenfolk can cook us dinner. What do you mean, Ann can't butcher a deer? Jesus, is there anything about you that isn't totally pathetic, Mitt? Pfft.

VA_Dreaming August 13, 2012 at 11:09 am

Paul Ryan promotes his new budget proposal in which food stamps are replaced with road kill and the remains of trophy hunts.

gullywompr August 13, 2012 at 11:09 am

No caption, but I just want to point out – that's not a gun. Why does Ryan hate the 2nd Amendment?

HistoriCat August 13, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Technically the 2nd Amendment says "keep and bear arms" … doesn't say they have to be firearms.

And that's why I prefer to use a cavalry saber – I'm old-school.

tessiee August 13, 2012 at 12:57 pm

"Why does Ryan hate the 2nd Amendment?"

Because he's such a tempting target?

BerkeleyBear August 13, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Because one of the only 2 bills he authored to become law in 14 years was to make bow hunting cheaper on a per arrow basis. So it only made sense to take advantage of the low low prices of Chinese arrow shafts.

The other was to name a post office, by the way.

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 2:58 pm

In SEVEN Congressional terms, FOURTEEN years, he has earned the equivalent of somewhat over TWO MILLION dollars for warming his seat. That's ONE MILLION per bill. I'd rather not pay that much to be ass-raped by China-made arrows, thankyewveddymuch.

NotMother August 13, 2012 at 11:10 am

Didn't use a gun on this one. RINO.

UnholyMoses August 13, 2012 at 11:10 am

Ten bucks sez he hit that deer with his car.

Another ten sez he did so whilst spotlighting.

MC5 August 13, 2012 at 11:10 am

Wait, which one is the deer in the headlights?

TheLifeSilica August 13, 2012 at 11:10 am

Not a caption. I just really want to know if he shot it on state-managed land.

Guppy August 13, 2012 at 11:37 am
Nibbler of Niblonia August 13, 2012 at 12:13 pm

the department of natural resources is probably the second or third most dangerous branch of government to be infiltrated by creeping socialism

BerkeleyBear August 13, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Well, unless it was on a private game canned hunt (ala Cheney's dove fetish) you can all but guarantee the states or feds had a big part in subsidizing that buck's growth until Ryan could take it down. Even if it was raised in fenced off private lands, I could in 5 steps or less trace out how the success of the hunt in some way was directly attributable to government actions that he claims have no place in America.

Which is yet one piece of evidence that the Randian morons just don't get how stupid they truly are.

metamarcisf August 13, 2012 at 11:10 am

I wish I was taller.

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Why, would that make it easier to shit all over him?

tessiee August 13, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Yes, but more importantly, it would also give most of us a break on that whole "Height/Weight Proportionate" thing.

blueflowers August 14, 2012 at 9:17 am

My wife's a slut.

Ducksworthy August 13, 2012 at 11:11 am

From the looks of that deer, Ryan has already sucked the blood out of it.

sudsmckenzie August 13, 2012 at 11:11 am

My ten point plan for America.

proudgrampa August 13, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Excellent!

bobbert August 13, 2012 at 4:53 pm

And YOU get an internet! And YOU get an Internet!

carlgt1 August 13, 2012 at 11:12 am

funny considering his only bill passed was a tax reduction on arrows — now we know why!

Biff August 13, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Not true! He also got a Post Office renamed…

PubOption August 13, 2012 at 11:12 am

"Yes, it's true, I'm going to get all the old deers".

RadioBowels August 13, 2012 at 11:12 am

Fuck off NRA, I killed this poor thing with bow and arrow.

1stNewtontheMoon August 13, 2012 at 11:13 am

You should've seen the guy riding this thing.

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Oh, NOES!!! Paul Ryan killed SANTA!

MacRaith August 13, 2012 at 11:13 am

Paul Ryan – because his aim is better than Dick Cheney's.

Mittens Howell, III August 13, 2012 at 11:13 am

"Get this deer a Medicare voucher, stat!"

fartknocker August 13, 2012 at 11:25 am

I prefer the Wonkette inspired statement: Get this deer a book of Health Stamps!

sacoharry August 13, 2012 at 11:14 am

Forget chicken barter. Paul Ryan knows what -your- doctor wants.

Mittens Howell, III August 13, 2012 at 11:14 am

"Hey, look! We have the same dead eyes!"

Barrelhse August 13, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Harelip.

thewarmingsun August 13, 2012 at 11:15 am

"Observe that in all the propaganda of the ecologists—amidst all their appeals to nature and pleas for 'harmony with nature'—there is no discussion of man's needs and the requirements of his survival."

I killed this deer for you, my sweet Ayn.

Nibbler of Niblonia August 13, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Did Ayn really write that? Cause that's bullshit. Most hunters and wildlife ecologists believe in maintaining healthy deer populations – which involves well-regulated hunting. Too many deer is just as bad for the deer as too few.

Just like sweet Ayn to completely invent a strawman for her bullshit arguments.

sullivanst August 13, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Although her saying that does kind of explain Ryan's hardcore climate denialism, don't you think?

BerkeleyBear August 13, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Oh, that's just the tip of the iceberg. Her books are full of bullshit failures to comprehend the actual beliefs of anyone else and the policies behind laws and regulations. That complete lack of understanding allows her to create horrorscapes where nonsense laws are commonplace and government is useless (but anything private industry makes is awesome regardless of technological realities).

Which is why anyone who has learned anything from a college level poli/sci, western civ or public policy class (or actually paid close attention to School House Rock) should now the Randian philosophy is utter bullshit.

PuckStopsHere August 13, 2012 at 11:16 am

THIS is how you do it, Dick Cheney.

Chet Kincaid_ August 13, 2012 at 11:16 am

You know who ELSE liked to watch the life-force drain from his victims in Wisconsin?

BaldarTFlagass August 13, 2012 at 11:25 am

Joseph McCarthy?

eggsacklywright August 13, 2012 at 11:28 am

Maybe he keeps lots of bucks in his man-size safe.

SexySmurf August 13, 2012 at 11:33 am

Richie Cunningham, on that episode of Happy Days when he "accidentally" chokes that hooker to death, but his dad (Tom Bosley) helps him bury the body so everything works out okay in the end.

Chet Kincaid_ August 13, 2012 at 11:36 am

I believe that was actually "That '70s Show".

sudsmckenzie August 13, 2012 at 11:36 am

John Elway?

Chet Kincaid_ August 13, 2012 at 11:42 am

I would also have accepted Eli Manning.

Chet Kincaid_ August 13, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Michael Jordan liked to hunt in Milwaukee also, as a warmup for stabbing the Knicks' hopes and dreams to death.

sudsmckenzie August 13, 2012 at 2:02 pm

I just don't believe anyone hasn't pointed out Ayn Ryan looks alot like Aron Rodgers.
And I would make a Jake Cutler joke, but that, well, it doesn't even ….

Chet Kincaid_ August 13, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Ha, we were talking about that in a thread this weekend.

RadioBowels August 13, 2012 at 11:42 am

NOT Robert LaFollette.

Rosie_Scenario August 13, 2012 at 11:47 am

Jeffrey Dahmer?

Chet Kincaid_ August 13, 2012 at 11:51 am

That's one!

imissopus August 13, 2012 at 12:23 pm

And Ed Gein makes two!

Chet Kincaid_ August 13, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Ding ding!

UnholyMoses August 13, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Bud Selig?

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Ed Gein?

Late to the party again, DAMMIT.

tessiee August 13, 2012 at 1:08 pm

The Packers?

BerkeleyBear August 13, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Reggie White?

johnnyzhivago August 13, 2012 at 11:17 am

"Hey Mitt, try shoving this varmint up your ass!!!"

GuyClinch August 13, 2012 at 11:17 am

"Rep. Paul Ryan Bravely Saves Town from Vicious Deer, Makes Love to Carcass"

BaldarTFlagass August 13, 2012 at 11:18 am

There's several more pics of the Mighty White Hunter over at Buzzfeed that beg for this treatment, especially the one with the turkey. http://www.buzzfeed.com/andrewkaczynski/paul-ryan

Chet Kincaid_ August 13, 2012 at 11:22 am

I don't think he's "hunting" those turkeys. And I don't think they're enjoying it, either.

elviouslyqueer August 13, 2012 at 11:24 am

Keep fucking that turkey, Pauly.

elviouslyqueer August 13, 2012 at 11:25 am

The one of him with the compound bow in his office looks like he's auditioning for The Hunger Games.

Oh, wait.

GuyClinch August 13, 2012 at 11:18 am

Why is Paul Ryan wearing his favorite pyjamas out in the woods?

BZ1 August 13, 2012 at 11:19 am

Which one has the "deader" eyes (I know, I know, itz not a word)

johnnyzhivago August 13, 2012 at 11:19 am

"Well, deer, was it as good for me as it was for you?"

MacRaith August 13, 2012 at 11:22 am

Depends. Did he kill the deer before or after?

Callyson August 13, 2012 at 11:32 am

He has no mercy, so after.

HistoriCat August 13, 2012 at 12:07 pm

During – he enjoys that extra quiver as the life drains away.

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Been decimating the local mice again, I see.

HistoriCat August 13, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Why do all my toys break so quickly? Fix it – please!

Texan_Bulldog August 13, 2012 at 11:22 am

He was too big to fit on the roof of the car.

Steverino247 August 13, 2012 at 11:23 am

Catch Paul Ryan's hilarious ventriloquist act at the Moose Lodge this Saturday night!

RadioBowels August 13, 2012 at 11:43 am

Well he does look like Charlie McCarthy.

bobbert August 13, 2012 at 4:57 pm

And he reasons like Joe McCarthy.

ThundercatHo August 13, 2012 at 11:24 am

I'll probably never hear the end of it when I strap this puppy to the roof of my car.

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Oh, you'll hear the *end* of it, alright. Although you'll wish you hadn't.

SayItWithWookies August 13, 2012 at 11:26 am

"I was gonna tell you before you voted for me that I was planning to shoot you, but for some reason the time never seemed right."

invisichad August 13, 2012 at 11:29 am

"See, you pull on its jowls and snot shoots out. JUST like a metaphor for something political."

Chet Kincaid_ August 13, 2012 at 11:30 am

Shooting the Milwaukee Bucks would also be consistent with the Republican platform.

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Hell, shooting any and all BLAH "bucks" would definitely be consistent with their platform too. It's only the GREEN bucks that they love and cherish.

Chet Kincaid_ August 13, 2012 at 1:00 pm

(Glowering) You're doing it again.

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 3:04 pm

I am? (looks around, bewildered)

I have no idea what the Milwaukee Bucks are, btw. I assume a football team. Or is it baseball when they chase the little ones around on the field?

BerkeleyBear August 13, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Basketball – hence ordinarily an implication of blah athlete. But Milwaukee, being a bunch of twits, drafted a big slow white Australian a while ago, as well as a Chinese player who had publicly said he wanted to play pretty much anywhere else.

BerkeleyBear August 13, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Yeah, but the Bucks already shoot themselves in the foot, year after year (Andrew Bogut, anyone?)

horsedreamer_1 August 13, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Ersan Ilyasova Libel!

Callyson August 13, 2012 at 11:30 am

"I found another voter for us!"

Pragmatist2 August 13, 2012 at 11:30 am

I bet this is popping up on all the bestiality/skullf*ck sites. Er, I mean, if there are such things.

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 12:43 pm

I wouldn't know. (walks off whistling, hands in pockets, eyes turned heavenwards, trips, faceplants)

As you were, gentlemen. As you were.

nicoshowinfuss August 13, 2012 at 11:31 am

Mitt Romney Announces VP Candidate, George W. Bush

GeorgiaBurning August 13, 2012 at 11:32 am

Craig High Homecoming Dance 1987- Paul Ryan and date caught making out behind the gym

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 12:43 pm

^^ This.

Dudleydidwrong August 13, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Even with a dead one, Paul only able to get to second base.

FajitaFriday August 13, 2012 at 11:36 am

"Hey Mitt! Can ya help me tie this thing on top of the car?"

Angry_Marmot August 13, 2012 at 11:36 am

"Killing things with antlers makes me horny, nyuk nyuk."

ShuCityRefugee August 13, 2012 at 11:38 am

This is how I bring in the big bucks (with a nice rack, for a guy)!

AddHomonym August 13, 2012 at 11:40 am

Arrows con bozo.

foxpuppet August 13, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Nice!

Tundra Grifter August 13, 2012 at 11:40 am

Nice rack.

Tundra Grifter August 13, 2012 at 11:41 am

Apparently Paul Ryan gets his fashion advice from Gino on "Life's A Tripp."

Tundra Grifter August 13, 2012 at 11:41 am

In Wisconsin and Michigan, it's considered a tragedy if a male deer dies a natural death.

MendaciousMitt August 13, 2012 at 11:42 am

If I don't get elected VP maybe I can get cast in one of those hip new KY Jelly ads?

Blueb4sinrise August 13, 2012 at 11:44 am

Can't believe that BigSkullF*ckingDog didn't go for a BigSkullF*cking caption.
Too easy?

Beowoof August 13, 2012 at 11:45 am

Wow, a manly man, tracks down and kills the ferocious white tail deer. The white tail know to reek havoc through out suburban Wisconsin. With tough guys like Ryan around I know we will be safe.

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 12:46 pm

In the Gilbert and Ellis islands, young men would participate in manhood-proving ceremonies. This usually involved taking on a full-grown shark or octopus, armed with nothing but a small hunting knife. THAT's the kind of tough-guyness I can admire. This shit? I've seen cats face down deer.

tessiee August 13, 2012 at 1:20 pm

When I lived in North Carolina, I had a nice but rather stressed-out co-worker who worked full-time, had four kids of her own, and also took in foster kids. Her husband used to sit on the back porch and shoot the deer that came into their yard (although, since they were trying to feed four, or six, or eight kids, I can't really blame him).

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 3:40 pm

I have no problem with hunting for food, but only by those who need to. F'rinstance, as much as I'd like to make MY resident deer into carpaccio, that would be totally way not cool in my book, since they were here before me, and I can afford to feed myself without preying on them. But if some guy needed to feed his kids, I wouldn't turn a hair if he came up here and shot the bloody lot, maybe leave one breeding pair. God knows they breed like fucking rabbits anyway. They're terribly stupid, they're pests, and they're serious disease vectors. But I can find no excuse for killing them *myself* that makes any sense to me. Especially since they provide a tasty snack for the local cougars.

BerkeleyBear August 13, 2012 at 1:35 pm

You just know there's a salt lick bait just out of the photo frame. (Which for all I know might be legal in Wisconsin, but it sure is dickish to turn around and act like the "great white hunter" afterwards).

This sums up my problem – I like venison (and elk, and yak, and moose, and cow and all of the rest of God's delicious herbivores) and have no philosophical issue with hunting as long as it is well managed ecologically. I just hate how guys who basically sit up in a tree all day waiting for the deer to follow its normal pattern, holding a complex piece of tech that allows them to hold an arrow at full draw for minutes at a time without fatigue, then act like it is such a huge manly accomplishment. Hunting has basically become about as tough as fishing a stocked pond in a lot of cases, so just don't brag on it.

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 3:43 pm

I LIKE meat. I also love animals (in their live state). It's a terrible dilemma, and I feel like a fucking hypocrite, but I'm not giving up lamb chops or goat curry or roast chicken in this lifetime. I just want people to be fair about it. You wanna kill an animal? Fine. Go into the woods lightly armed (no guns) and give the beast a fighting chance. Then if you kill it in a fair fight, by all means, eat it. These rules don't apply to ME, of course. I just buy my meat at the butcher's. Let someone else accumulate the bad karma of killing the poor thing.

Sorry. When I start snarking on myself, it might be time to dial it down, no?

rocco2727 August 13, 2012 at 11:46 am

If you hold it by the neck, right here, and then grab it's nuts…hard…snot will come shooting from it's nose. See!

Thunderclees August 13, 2012 at 11:48 am

Pictured: Paul Ryan (R-WI) covered in deer urine.

MozakiBlocks August 13, 2012 at 11:48 am

I showed this picture to Mr. Mozaki Blocks a life-long hunter and he said "Eh, nothing special"

I assume he meant the deer.

Limeylizzie August 13, 2012 at 11:49 am

Oh God another bow and arrow person, that is so repulsive I would like my cat, Neville, he of the most enormous turds imaginable, to shit on Ryan's face.

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 12:47 pm

I would like that also. If it ever happens, gimme a call. I'll bring the camera.

stopthemovie August 13, 2012 at 11:49 am

I'am also wearing a camouflage condom so you can't see me cuming.

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Sweetie, Paulie doesn't *need* a camouflage condom for that. Nobody's *ever* seen him coming.

Boojum August 13, 2012 at 11:50 am

I reformed this deer, just like I'll do for Medicare.

Romney/Dead Shit 2012!

VikTheBavarian August 13, 2012 at 11:51 am

Okay; I'm ready for Rafalca now….

JustPixelz August 13, 2012 at 11:54 am

"Ryan takes the VP slot from Caribou Barbie."

zumpie August 13, 2012 at 11:55 am

"It's a snack for Spot! Now how to get it back to Mockingbird Lane……"

chicken_thief August 13, 2012 at 11:57 am

Not a caption, but the grass is green and Ryan isn't bundled up – when the fuck is deer season in WI?!

Nibbler of Niblonia August 13, 2012 at 12:03 pm

archery is usually legal for a much longer season than firearms. This was likely late september/early october.

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 12:48 pm

I long for the day when Ryan will do what Dick Cheney did. Mistakenly shoot a dear friend right in the face.

BerkeleyBear August 13, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Because of the supposed greater difficulty (which is bullshit if you have one of those high tech death dealers that Ryan posed with in a picture linked elsewhere and a good tree stand set up).

Nibbler of Niblonia August 13, 2012 at 2:20 pm

@BerkeleyBear do you hunt?

Most explanations I've heard for archery season being longer is that fewer people do it, and the range of the weapon is much, much shorter than firearms. So the likelihood of someone pulling a Dick Cheney on some fellow hunter or innocent hiker is pretty low during archery season.

From the looks of it, Ryan's bow in that pic isn't all that special. And no matter how much high-tech gear you have, deer hunting with archery tackle is never easy. There's still a lot of leaves on the trees so most hunters are lucky to get a clear shot within range – which for most is max 30-50 yards. And mating hasn't begun yet so the deer don't respond to scents and calls. Your tracking and scouting skills have to be tuned in.

I know it's hard for people who don't hunt to keep all this in perspective. It's not like you just walk out in the woods and there's a group of 50 deer sitting there and you just go BLAHMO.

BerkeleyBear August 13, 2012 at 4:42 pm

All that can be how you hunt, and I certainly was taught it was tough and manly, but I've seen enough bullshit hunts that were completely one sided that I don't take all that at face value. A compound bow and a tree stand in a highly populated deer area increases your odds a hell of a lot over what people had to do even a few generations ago to bring down game. And don't even get me started on fucking salt lick baiting, dove "plantations" and other canned hunting exploits.

It is the natural tendency of humans to make life easier, not harder. I'm not asking anyone to go out with a bronze age spear and bring down a wooly mammoth, just as long as they stop acting like taking down a white tail buck is in the same league (especially in places where they are overpopulated to begin with). You want a tough challenge try killing a city rat with nothing but a sharpened stick.

tessiee August 13, 2012 at 1:21 pm

$: – ?
Hey, YEAH!
What, was this taken during the ten days a year that Wisconsin is *not* covered in six feet of snow?

Mumbly_Joe August 13, 2012 at 11:58 am

"I can't wait until I get elected, so I can finally make it legal to hunt the most dangerous game!"

JustPixelz August 13, 2012 at 11:58 am

Paul Ryan: Protecting the sanctity of god-given life since … um, what's the date of this picture?

Nibbler of Niblonia August 13, 2012 at 12:00 pm

you call hunting murder. I call it a different kind of grocery shopping.

shitting on hunting is lame.

Paul Ryan is still a douche.

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 12:49 pm

I don't have a problem with people hunting because they need to eat. This fucker's already busy eating our elderly and our young.

Nibbler of Niblonia August 13, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Fair enough. It might be safe to say that Paul Ryan only started hunting when he realized it would have political benefit.

Where is the original long-form hunting license from BEFORE Ryan decided to run for congress?

glasspusher August 13, 2012 at 12:01 pm

"I like to be able to fire at things that work for me"

Chet Kincaid_ August 13, 2012 at 12:01 pm

P90SEX with dead animals is not for everyone.

WhatTheHeck August 13, 2012 at 12:02 pm

After I gut this thing, I’ll start on the Bill of Rights.

iburl August 13, 2012 at 12:02 pm

"The Day Paulie became a man" (He was drunkenly raped at the campsite later)

Dudleydidwrong August 13, 2012 at 1:08 pm

"Squeal like a pig!"

TootsStansbury August 13, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Mitt better get Rafalca a safety Orange hat pronto.

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Mitt better make sure he and Ann have THEIR orange hats safely affixed around this creepy-eyed ghoul.

Biff August 13, 2012 at 1:10 pm

I'm thinking Rafalca rMoney didn't make the flight back to Amercia, and was diverted to a plant outside of Paris instead.

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Remind me not to opt for the stew in any Parisian restaurant for the next month.

Biff August 13, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Not to worry–Frenchies are out and proud of their chevalle-eating ways, no need sneaking it in where it's not wanted!

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Horses look like they'd be too tough for tasty eats. I do like the goat, tho.

Naked_Bunny August 13, 2012 at 12:05 pm

I don't have a caption. I'm too distracted by the fact that the dead buck has more dignity and intelligence — indeed, more life and humanity — in his eyes than Ryan does.

iburl August 13, 2012 at 12:06 pm

"That hunter can take that deer out of the forest, and haul him across a state line, and force him to sign a tax return, to eradicate the evidence of his crime, and bring him back and shoot him in front of a camera. And that’s not against the law in the United States."

Clancy_Pants August 13, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Gollllleeeee Sgt. Carter/Gomer Pyle 2012

Biel_ze_Bubba August 13, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Paul Ryan, posing with his budget.

Comrade Wingtardd August 13, 2012 at 12:09 pm

"The old ones have to be culled or they're too much of a drain on the population. Support the Ryan Plan for Medicare and Social Security today!"

Joey_Blau August 13, 2012 at 3:22 pm

NO!! we should force women to have babies and then grind them up to feed the OLD! we are in control now!

and no one is taking our drivers' licenses away!!

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 3:46 pm

He must be a fan of The Ballad of Narayama, as well.

Frumpzilla August 13, 2012 at 12:09 pm

See! Nobody needs Food Stamps . . . give 'em a bow and they're good to go.

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Let's face it, if you give Poorz a bow, they be huntin' URBAN prey.

415buzzard August 13, 2012 at 12:10 pm

It really takes a lot of "courage" to shoot an animal. Fucking shitbag.

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 12:51 pm

An animal like a deer, no less. I'd like to see Paul Ryan take on a charging rhino, armed only with a bow and arrow.

viennawoods13 August 13, 2012 at 1:18 pm

On the other hand, we have been hit by deer twice while driving innocently down the road, so, please, feel free to cull the herd.

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Personally, I'd love to make venison carpaccio out of the deer that are constantly chomping on my garden. And I have no problem with people shooting them and eating them, if they;re hungry and need to. Goddamn overgrown rats. OTOH, this fucker makes $174,000 dollars from the taxpayer treasury per year, not to mention the millions he's made with insider trading on the stock market. He doesn't need to shoot no deer or turkey to feed himself or his trust-fund-baby wife. He'd look a lot manlier if he would donate the meat to a charity. Poor people are eating out of fucking dumpsters, for chrisake, they could use a little venison.

415buzzard August 13, 2012 at 1:25 pm

I was kinda hoping the dead buck's family would learn how to use an assault rifle.

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 3:17 pm

I was hoping one would come up behind him and kick the shit out of him while he was angling for a shot at this one.

BerkeleyBear August 13, 2012 at 1:41 pm

There's nothing wrong with deer hunting unless you are a vegan, and not all hunters are douches. But yeah, an adult posing with the carcass with a shit-eating grin is pretty much a guarantee of douchiness. I mean, you don't see the guy with the air hammer at the slaughterhouse tweeting picks of every kill.

415buzzard August 13, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Sorry, just don't see the "sport" in killing an animal, just for kicks. And I am sure being shot with an arrow feels fucking terrific.

BerkeleyBear August 13, 2012 at 4:49 pm

I didn't call it a sport, and there's very little sporting about using weapons against grazing animals (although others on here plainly disagree). But hunting itself is part of the process of balancing the ecosystem and our interactions with it – at least as long as we aren't willing to let a bunch of other alpha predators be introduced into human population centers and let them do their natural jobs.

As for the "just for kicks" comment, is eating steak done "just for kicks"? Arguably – I don't need to eat red meat. But as long as that's okay, hunting is at least as acceptable as chicken slaughtering or cow killing.

415buzzard August 13, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Ha Ha. The "ecosystem" is fucked far beyond "balancing" at this point. Getting dressed up in camo and taking out your repressed rage on a freaking deer is not going to help matters.

Franknflower August 13, 2012 at 12:11 pm

He looks like a muppet. I can see him in my mind but I am too lazy to Google. Anyone?

Franknflower August 13, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Guy Smiley? And what does Ryan have against Muppets? From his Twitter:

Remember that muppet that's a pig but also a reporter? That muppet is a piece of shit. I hate that muppet.

tessiee August 13, 2012 at 1:25 pm

He's such a piece a shit, he's probably mad at the Muppets because they pulled their support from Chik-Fil-Homophobe.

glasspusher August 13, 2012 at 12:13 pm

I just noticed in that picture, looks like a pencil thin stream of mist coming out of that deer's right nostril? What is up with that? Is that its soul leaving its body?

Dildeaux August 13, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Dead, soulless eyes…

I mean the deer, of course.

owhatever August 13, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Shoot to Kill America

ffredpalakon August 13, 2012 at 12:18 pm

"Missy, if we both play our cards right, you'll be my Judith Exner."

Oblios_Cap August 13, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Cyborg/Terminator 2012!

pdiddycornchips August 13, 2012 at 12:20 pm

This Tea Party deer was happy to sacrifice herself so that rich assholes can eat well.
We expect the rest of you to learn from her example.

randcoolcatdaddy August 13, 2012 at 12:21 pm

"That should feed grandma for a couple of years when don't have no Social Security anymore."

An_Outhouse August 13, 2012 at 12:22 pm

"I told you it was easier when you shine a bright light in their eyes. Fuck you if its illegal. Where's the rest of the beer?"

DahBoner August 13, 2012 at 12:26 pm

"Oh dear, look at the nice young man who wants to mount us and jerkey America around"

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 12:30 pm

I guess that'll solve our population problem.

sean_p August 13, 2012 at 12:32 pm

"I only put the tip in."

CastleRockBear August 13, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Ryan: "This is a pic of me and Romney's campaign"

Fox n Fiends August 13, 2012 at 12:36 pm

WHO'S SHRUGGING NOW BITCH??????????????

tessiee August 13, 2012 at 12:42 pm

"Those sausages are venison. VENISON! There's totally no dead old people in them… D'oh!!"

tessiee August 13, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Photoshopped to replace dead Bambi with distressed-looking senior citizen in
5…
4…
3…

poncho_pilot August 14, 2012 at 1:35 am

Ayn Rand?

tessiee August 13, 2012 at 12:43 pm

So, did the deer not take its blood pressure medication, or what?

rickmaci August 13, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Paul Ryan. Thinning the herd, one social safety net program at a time.

tessiee August 13, 2012 at 12:49 pm

"It was comin' right for us!!"

Ixacacau August 13, 2012 at 12:51 pm

"Thank Gawd I didn't go huntin' with Dick"

ffredpalakon August 13, 2012 at 12:52 pm

"American hero, dead animal, weapons – just a Jesus and a Jefferson away from another Jon McNaughton masterpiece."

Blunderthing August 13, 2012 at 12:56 pm

"Your health care voucher now comes with a year's supply of venison that I personally kilt, like Abe Lincoln kilt that b'ar."

gullywompr August 13, 2012 at 1:00 pm

WOLVERINES!!!!!1!!

Barrelhse August 13, 2012 at 1:09 pm

"I don't care what your name is, Fat Boy, keep those reindeer off my roof."

Aquarianne17 August 13, 2012 at 1:12 pm

The male Palin, or Malin, if you will. Or, maybe, Pryan.

Dudleydidwrong August 13, 2012 at 1:12 pm

"Lookey me! Lookey me! I'm a real man. I shot a wild animal. Now elect me vice-president and my life will be complete."

"Fuck you, Cheney. What you shot went to the hospital. Mine went to the freezer. Who's the better man, huh?"

tessiee August 13, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Seriously, those googly bug eyes can focus well enough to hit anything with a hunting bow and arrow?

fuflans August 13, 2012 at 1:15 pm

i don't believe in arbitrary contests that pit people of good will against each other as they reduce the human impulse to shallow randian equations of 'win' vs. 'lose'.

also, i don't have any ideas.

AnEast August 13, 2012 at 1:17 pm

I told you! This is just a photo op. Now, hold your head still for one more minute and we'll have a great pic of my marvelous manly, manliness.

tessiee August 13, 2012 at 1:27 pm

To borrow from the old National Lampoon:
One's dead, the other one should be.

dannydoubleyou August 13, 2012 at 1:30 pm

War on Christmas gains bipartisan support

Smithboy August 13, 2012 at 1:37 pm

I've seen that deer in the headlight look before. It was when Palin was asked what newspapers she read.

dannydoubleyou August 13, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Ryan Pick Boosts Team Romney's War on Christmas Credentials

BerkeleyBear August 13, 2012 at 1:46 pm

"Rep. Paul Ryan, seen here after shooting little Beverly Whitegirl's pet deer. The Representative was quoted as saying afterwards, "You think that was brutal? Just wait until you see what I plan on doing to her future.""

Doyle_Hargraves August 13, 2012 at 1:47 pm

"My P90x diet requires ingesting one of these a day"

ffredpalakon August 13, 2012 at 1:47 pm

"Forever after this day, you shall know me for my manly power. Forever after this day, you shall know me as…Legolas."

Gleem McShineys August 13, 2012 at 1:50 pm

"Wish you were here!"

Paul Ryan, to ALL old people

Doyle_Hargraves August 13, 2012 at 1:57 pm

"See. We could have had a good life up here together, Ennis Del Mar!"

Amanwithnoplan August 13, 2012 at 1:58 pm

I will hold you in my arms as I watch the life drain from your eyes…dear.

senzurichampion August 13, 2012 at 2:01 pm

"Antlers Shrugged"

ahnc August 13, 2012 at 2:24 pm

We can see Canada from our house.

wilmcmillen August 13, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Ryan: "Now I'm going to mount this!"
Cameraman: "On your wall?"
Ryan: "What wall?"

CheeseBro69 August 13, 2012 at 2:48 pm

"Annndd I jizz in my pants!!!"
-Conservatives

smokefilledroommate August 13, 2012 at 3:04 pm

My 8-point plan for Medicare.

Joey_Blau August 13, 2012 at 3:09 pm

well.. an eight point buck.. with a bow and arrow.. that is pretty hard core…

unless he went to a petting zoo and shot it with a rifle and then posed with the bow…

but since we have killed all the wolves and other predators we do need to kill some deer. Leaving the large bucks and killing some does and yearlings is a good wildlife management policy.

because if we don't do it mother nature will.. by starving them to death.

mbobier August 13, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Not as much fun as starving grannies, but at least I get to eat this one!

lochnessmonster August 13, 2012 at 4:59 pm

All I can think of is Bambi Boy

Raff_Ripdash August 13, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Ryan Unveils Bold New Plan To Get 'Strapping Young Bucks' Off Welfare.

origwhatsleft August 13, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Zombie eyes – I'll show you zombie eyes..

horsedreamer_1 August 13, 2012 at 8:03 pm

"The First Week of Deer Camp"

jtgillick August 13, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Rep. Paul Ryan Indicted for Bambicide

fishwharf August 14, 2012 at 12:38 am

Whimps use guns. Real men kill with bows & arrows.

fltnsplr August 14, 2012 at 1:36 am

I'll make love to it later!

poncho_pilot August 14, 2012 at 1:36 am

"Paul will get you like a case of anthrax and that's something I don't want to catch."

too obscure?

doloras August 14, 2012 at 3:04 am

At home he feels like a Teabagger.

poncho_pilot August 15, 2012 at 12:16 am

and either way, not great men.

serjjj August 14, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Dead From The Neck Up

ttommyunger August 14, 2012 at 7:53 pm

"I can't wait to get home and check; I just know my pee-pee is going to be bigger."

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Gleem, baby, I knew I could count on you for a disgusting image to haunt my nightmares.

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 3:03 pm

They bring me all their ooky, bleeding things with that question in their enormous, puzzled, predator eyes. I don't mind dead bodies, children, but not on the pillow, PLEEZ!

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Ah. Basketball's like volleyball? Don't think I've ever seen a basketball game. Oh, wait, no, that's what our President plays. Never mind.

Biff August 13, 2012 at 6:17 pm

If raised as food, they are quite good. I've eaten burro, too–tough, bland. Not farm-raised, of course. Not very sporting, but when you're hungry, you do something about it. Glad I don't have to do that anymore.

MittBorg August 13, 2012 at 7:55 pm

(Hugs the Biff) Yeah, me too, I'm glad you don't have to do that any more.

horsedreamer_1 August 13, 2012 at 8:00 pm

He's a new dad. He gets a grace period from non-diaper-changing grief.

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