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Wonkette Salutes Tammy S. Smith, US America’s First Openly Gay General

Awesome news, Generally speakingA round of applause, everyone! For the first time since the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” the US Army has promoted an openly gay soldier to the rank of General. Tammy S. Smith was promoted from Colonel to Brigadier General last Friday in a ceremony in Washington D.C.; her wife, Tracey Hepner, affixed Smith’s General’s star to her uniform. Following Congress’s repeal of DADT in December 2010, Smith and Hepner married in March 2011, although the formal end of DADT by the Pentagon wasn’t implemented until September of that year. Despite predictions by the Christian right, the promotion failed to cause Planet Earth to spin out of orbit into the sun.

Needless to say, it’s highly improbable that Smith is truly the first gay flag-rank officer in the military; she’s merely the first that the military has publicly acknowledged and who can simply say that she’s gay without her career being endangered. Sue Fulton of OutServe, a coalition of gay and lesbian service members, said “Once we get over each ‘first,’ each hurdle of ‘Well, that’s never been done before,’ it makes it a nonissue going forward.” So congratulations, Gaymerica, on this latest step on the road to the coveted status of No Big Deal. Consider how the story is presented in the military newspaper Stars and Stripes — it’s news, but not a cause for freaking out, and the comments are largely congratulatory despite the presence of a few trolls.

For a change, Your Wonkette is just going with the feel-good side of this story. We know that wingnuts and homophobes are proclaiming this one more sign of impending doom, and yes, there’s already plenty of online ugliness commenting on it, but it’s not worth the agita to link to ‘em. (Oh, OK — just one anger porn comment: A Freeper said the General and her wife are a “Couple of ugly man-broads.” So, yay, they are Olympians too now? They rule!) Rest assured, the minute Bryan Fissure says something suitably stupid about it, we’ll run a follow-up. For now, we’re happy to just celebrate the milestone.

[NYT / Stars and Stripes]

About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom

Comments

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  • sbj1964

    I thought Lesbians only joined the Navy?

    • chicken_thief

      Nah, they are spread out over all the services to ensure that all the softball teams are competitive.

    • Amanwithnoplan

      In the Nay-vee is more of a Village People thing. Get your gays straight.

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    For the record, Paul Ryan would not let her serve.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Killer Q for the debates: "Would you force her to resign?"

  • ChernobylSoup

    This is what America is supposed to be about.

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      Hell to the yes!

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Hot Lesbian Sex?

  • SorosBot

    Woohoo!

  • freakishlywrong

    "A Freeper said the General and her wife are a “Couple of ugly man-broads.”
    Dollars to donuts, that fucking Freeper sure as fuck hasn't served.

    • MissTaken

      And I'd bet $10,000 that Freeper is one ugly man who has never been naked with a broad.

      • SorosBot

        Well maybe he has – just only with professionals he's had to pay for.

        • elviouslyqueer

          Or ones he's had to self-inflate.

      • Not_So_Much

        By "broad" do you mean human only? I wouldn't be shocked to learn that there are some mighty jumpy sheep near his double-wide…

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Bet he watches lesbian porn.

      • CommieLibunatic

        I can GUARANTEE it. Whenever I hear someone bemoaning homosexuality, it's always about the proverbial Two Gay Guys having buttsecks. On the other hand, try finding me a volume of Girls Gone Wild that doesn't have drunk 18-year-olds doing things they heard about on the Internet.

        All my rages. ALL of them.

      • Gleem McShineys

        Yes, but…Only for research!*

        *Re-Search: the act of hunting for your teeny weenis formerly lost under your floppy freepergut

    • ProgressiveInga

      I call your donuts and raise you an Anus Burger that said freeper is Skoal Rebel's doppelganger.

      • freakishlywrong

        And female..

    • PubOption

      But don't the Freepers think that all female soldiers are lesbians, anyway?

  • MissTaken

    Congrats! yay!

  • Oblios_Cap

    So congratulations, Gaymerica, on this latest step on the road to the coveted status of No Big Deal.

    It's about fucking time.

    • CommieLibunatic

      Seriously. Before DADT was repealed, we were in a club that included Iran, North Korea, and basically all the east coast of Africa in disallowing teh gheys to serve openly. For fuck's sake, even ISRAEL was more progressive than us.

      • Oblios_Cap

        We're determined to live in the 1800s because we think that makes us, somehow, exceptional. It only makes America exceptionally stupid.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    I for one, welcome our future POTUS and First Lady. They make a handsome couple.

    • chicken_thief

      The General is a cutey. But then I'm a sucker for a woman in glasses.

  • freakishlywrong

    One step forward-two, white-bread, GOP candidates back.

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    You go, girls!

  • noodlesalad

    When Mittens is asked about this he will do that uncomfortable chuckle nonstop until Ryan hits the reset button.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Ah, something I can read this morning that makes me feel good and does not send me into paroxysms of rage and despair. Thanks, Dok.

    • vulpes82

      Wonkette still feels so strange after Ken's last Year of Living Suicidally.

    • emmelemm

      Don't worry, the day is young.

      But yes, this is true good news.

  • LastGasp

    A Freeper said the General and her wife are a “Couple of ugly man-broads.”

    Funny, I thought the same thing the first time I saw a picture of Romney and Ryan.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I still think it.

      • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

        Romney is so metrosexual you would almost like to wonder if he's hiding his taxes because of all the boyfriends paying blackmail to.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

          Metrosexual implies "stylishly dressed dandy", so I'm not seeing it.

          • BerkeleyBear

            I think he meant it as shorthand for "old queen" – always immaculately coiffed and dressed, in the kind of casual chic you'd expect a rich old queer to wear to blend in on the Hamptons party circuit or the Newport yacht club.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      I thought of this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qoIvd3zzu4Y
      Re: Romney Ryan

  • ChernobylSoup

    Why does this woman have to stomp all over my rights while defending my rights?

    • Oblios_Cap

      What with her cushy government job and free denatal and medical care. Socialismz!

    • NellCote71

      I know. I so feel like Lou Sarah. How does this affect me, me, me?

  • RadioBowels

    Unsnarkable!

    • sewollef

      Ditto to that. Nothing more to add.

      Except maybe to say, BIG YAY!

  • gullywompr

    What kind of apron is she wearing?

  • ProgressiveInga

    Just guessing here, but I would say that the General's celebratory event was not catered by Chik-Fil-A.

    • chicken_thief

      Nor did they hire Marcus as the stripper.

  • bumfug

    And in Arlington National Cemetary Major General Horace Q Ridley, affectionately known to his troops as "The Fighting Ass Bandit", is finally fully at rest…

  • fartknocker

    John McCain is not pleased. Cindy McCain is even less pleased because John just dropped a pant load into his Depends.

    • vulpes82

      Like Cindy would even notice. She's in San Diego, banging some Marine drill sergeant fresh off the beach.

  • Baconzgood

    If Mitt wins he'll fire her.

  • vulpes82

    "Man-broads"? Really? That's all you can come up with? Oh, honey… Also, I'll bet they're more attractive men than you've ever been, and more broad than you'll ever hope to get!

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    the promotion failed to cause Planet Earth to spin out of orbit into the sun

    The Sun cheers!!!

    • not that Dewey

      Not so fast — since 1972, the Earth's rotation has slowed by about 25 seconds. That corresponds to the onset of Feminism, Earth Day, and the Homosexual Agenda. At this rate, the Earth will have stopped spinning entirely in only another 138,240 years. And Brain Fissure will be there with a stopwatch and a clipboard, mocking us.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      The sun shines with a nuclear rage. 75 in the shade.

  • Baconzgood

    Now all are drones will be pink and fabulous!

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    This is a brilliant move. Our enemies will be too busy masturbating to the thoughts of all the hot lesbian sex going on behind our lines to defend themselves.

    • kittensdontlie

      These unconventional tactics do work. I am fully expecting Anna Paquin, Jillian Michaels, and Portia Degeneres to be promoted each to Rear Admiral for our upcoming Syrian offensive.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      That's how we caught Bin Laden with his loins ungirded.

  • freakishlywrong

    Thought process: "Patriot"?-> "Gay?"-> "A woman?"= "I want my country back!!1"

    • foxpuppet

      'Thought process' is a very kind way to describe that knee-jerk reaction.

    • NellCote71

      Freedomz. I want them.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    A serious congrats to the lady-lovin general, but I feel the need to use this as an opportunity to vent about one of my pet peeves, which is;

    Old/oldish lesbian couples who, after being together forever, begin to look alike. I mean, they look related. Same hair color, same haircut, probably dress the same when not in uniform. It's weird.

    • slithytoves

      I thought the same – it practically looks like she married herself! Of course, hetero couples can have the same thing happen to them…

    • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

      Hey, that's TOTALLY not true.

      They part their hair on opposite sides.

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Mumbly_Joe

      I thought the fact that you can share clothing was one of the major plusses of dating a fellow lady? At least that's what my lesbionic friends keep telling me.

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        One room, one wardrobe, one shower, one haircut. They don't even have to pay for birth control. Talk about managing expenses. This is what a pro-military fiscally conservative couple looks like.

    • freakishlywrong

      And our Aunt Flo's visits tends to sync up as well..

    • doloras

      Lesbians? Gay men are EXACTLY the same.

    • bobbert

      Propinquity's a bitch.

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        Argh! I just accidentally learned something!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Don't ask, don't tell, and that's an order!

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Today, we are all privates.

  • James Michael Curley

    For more woman on woman hot action: 2012 Presidential Debate Moderators: Candy Crowley, Jim Lehrer, Bob Schieffer And Martha Raddatz. Well, not realy.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    They just want to humiliate her and have her make sammiches and coffee for the JCS meetings.

  • docterry6973

    Pat Robertson may DEMAND that the planet spin out of orbit into the Sun. Stay tuned for developments on that front.

  • MozakiBlocks

    This is a big fucking deal.

  • barto

    This is most definitely a sign of impending DOOM – for the bigotry and hate and homophobia, that is.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I have always been a sucker for a woman in uniform.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      A woman out of uniform has her… charms.

  • Callyson

    Hooah!

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Hey Colonels Allen West and Lindsey Graham — salute, motherfuckers!

  • IceCreamEmpress

    They're adorable. You go, General and Mrs. General!

  • chicken_thief

    So she taking over command of the mess halls or what?

  • DaSandman

    Congratulations Ma'am.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    All that muck on the walls, is from wingnut heads exploding

  • owhatever

    Here's a woman who challenged the entire United States Army and won. Don't mess with her, or doubt her ability.

  • Oblios_Cap

    “Finally my partner and I will be able to go out and have drinks together without worrying,” she said then.

    It must suck having to worry like that. I know guys that don't worry about going out with their mistress for a drink.

  • Guppy

    Freepers hate our troops!

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    Last year my wife attended the commissioning ceremony for a lesbian friend who became a Marine officer. Her partner also attended, and a couple of the speakers made some deliberately inclusive and welcoming remarks.

    Sometimes it amazes me whom I end up respecting.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I'm still waiting for America to go to hell over stuff like this. I'm getting the impression this God dude really doesn't give a crap.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    I love the smell of civilization in the morning.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    This restores your faith in America. Then you read the rest of the headlines….

  • bibliotequetress

    Thank you! The best news since Paul Ryan got the veep pick! And it's adorable that they look so much alike.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Our nation crumbles to dust in 3, 2, 1 …
    Huh, thats weird. Nothing happened.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Stop forcing me to gay-marry somebody who looks exactly like me only without glasses!!1!1

  • Amanwithnoplan

    I love the smell of equality in the morning.

  • LesBontemps

    Keeps her armies in her sleevies?

  • GeorgiaBurning

    A colonel get promoted and the wife helps pin on the stars. That's tradition, WTF is the big deal?

  • BerkeleyBear

    All I'm gonna say is that is quite a spread of "fruit salad" on her chest. I'm seeing jump wings and a combat badge along with a whole shitload of citations. Not someone to fuck with, indeed – and more power to her and her wife.

    • aaabbbey

      Uniform shows she's not only airborne-qualified but a jumpmaster and a (parachute) rigger…which is something quartermasters (her regimental insignia) specifically do. Which means she probably spent a lot of time at Bragg, which is not generally an easy place for women…

  • MinAgain

    She is the very model of a modern gay girl general.

    • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

      (*golf clap*) Well played!

  • carlgt1

    once in awhile, we do something right in the US — in the face of the strident & stern objections of the Chick-fil-A crowd…..

  • Thurman Munster IV

    Army's gonna kick Air Force's ass in next year's women's softball game!

  • Nostrildamus

    This is a great day for this country's privates!

  • lurker_above

    I hope this trend continues. And as we continue to learn how many gays have been serving honorably in the military all along, I hope the religious right start uncontrollably shitting themselves.

  • christianmuslin

    Today I have learned don't mess with Texas or lesbian generals. This home schoolin thingy may not be such a bad thingy if the teacher is the Wonkette!

  • rocktonsam

    I'm dropping down giving her 20, out of respect!!!

    "Ain't that America"

  • rickmaci

    The following is a complete list of the negative consequences for heterosexual soldiers as a result of promoting a gay officer to the rank of Brigadier General in the United States Army:

    .

  • Schmegeg

    Hey wingers, there's a rumor that the 3d Amendment will be repealed and a fabulous party is slated for YOUR HOUSE!

  • Troglodeity

    She can command thousands of American troops in battle, but she's still unqualified to be a Cub Scout den leader. Go fuck yourselves, Boy Scouts of America.

  • Tricky_Dick

    Hmmm…there is something fishy about this story.

  • ttommyunger

    I posted the link on my FB when the NYT came out with this story. Now, like then: my frontal lobe is OK with it, the 71 year-old wrinkled and gnarly part of my brain is still reeling. Not threatened, not pissed, just a little off-balanced. Did you notice she has fucking Jump Wings? I swear I'm not a misogynist, just a really old soldier.

  • DahBoner

    Somehow, this will destroy Straight Marriage?