ASK TELL  12:55 pm August 13, 2012

Wonkette Salutes Tammy S. Smith, US America’s First Openly Gay General

by Doktor Zoom

Awesome news, Generally speakingA round of applause, everyone! For the first time since the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” the US Army has promoted an openly gay soldier to the rank of General. Tammy S. Smith was promoted from Colonel to Brigadier General last Friday in a ceremony in Washington D.C.; her wife, Tracey Hepner, affixed Smith’s General’s star to her uniform. Following Congress’s repeal of DADT in December 2010, Smith and Hepner married in March 2011, although the formal end of DADT by the Pentagon wasn’t implemented until September of that year. Despite predictions by the Christian right, the promotion failed to cause Planet Earth to spin out of orbit into the sun.

Needless to say, it’s highly improbable that Smith is truly the first gay flag-rank officer in the military; she’s merely the first that the military has publicly acknowledged and who can simply say that she’s gay without her career being endangered. Sue Fulton of OutServe, a coalition of gay and lesbian service members, said “Once we get over each ‘first,’ each hurdle of ‘Well, that’s never been done before,’ it makes it a nonissue going forward.” So congratulations, Gaymerica, on this latest step on the road to the coveted status of No Big Deal. Consider how the story is presented in the military newspaper Stars and Stripes — it’s news, but not a cause for freaking out, and the comments are largely congratulatory despite the presence of a few trolls.

For a change, Your Wonkette is just going with the feel-good side of this story. We know that wingnuts and homophobes are proclaiming this one more sign of impending doom, and yes, there’s already plenty of online ugliness commenting on it, but it’s not worth the agita to link to ‘em. (Oh, OK — just one anger porn comment: A Freeper said the General and her wife are a “Couple of ugly man-broads.” So, yay, they are Olympians too now? They rule!) Rest assured, the minute Bryan Fissure says something suitably stupid about it, we’ll run a follow-up. For now, we’re happy to just celebrate the milestone.

[NYT / Stars and Stripes]

 
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{ 114 comments }

sbj1964 August 13, 2012 at 12:57 pm

I thought Lesbians only joined the Navy?

chicken_thief August 13, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Nah, they are spread out over all the services to ensure that all the softball teams are competitive.

Amanwithnoplan August 13, 2012 at 1:48 pm

In the Nay-vee is more of a Village People thing. Get your gays straight.

Gratuitous World August 13, 2012 at 12:58 pm

For the record, Paul Ryan would not let her serve.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 14, 2012 at 6:14 am

Killer Q for the debates: "Would you force her to resign?"

ChernobylSoup August 13, 2012 at 12:59 pm

This is what America is supposed to be about.

Dr_Zoidberg August 13, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Hell to the yes!

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 13, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Hot Lesbian Sex?

SorosBot August 13, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Woohoo!

freakishlywrong August 13, 2012 at 1:00 pm

"A Freeper said the General and her wife are a “Couple of ugly man-broads.”
Dollars to donuts, that fucking Freeper sure as fuck hasn't served.

MissTaken August 13, 2012 at 1:02 pm

And I'd bet $10,000 that Freeper is one ugly man who has never been naked with a broad.

SorosBot August 13, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Well maybe he has – just only with professionals he's had to pay for.

elviouslyqueer August 13, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Or ones he's had to self-inflate.

Not_So_Much August 13, 2012 at 2:37 pm

By "broad" do you mean human only? I wouldn't be shocked to learn that there are some mighty jumpy sheep near his double-wide…

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 13, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Bet he watches lesbian porn.

CommieLibunatic August 13, 2012 at 1:23 pm

I can GUARANTEE it. Whenever I hear someone bemoaning homosexuality, it's always about the proverbial Two Gay Guys having buttsecks. On the other hand, try finding me a volume of Girls Gone Wild that doesn't have drunk 18-year-olds doing things they heard about on the Internet.

All my rages. ALL of them.

Gleem McShineys August 13, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Yes, but…Only for research!*

*Re-Search: the act of hunting for your teeny weenis formerly lost under your floppy freepergut

ProgressiveInga August 13, 2012 at 1:07 pm

I call your donuts and raise you an Anus Burger that said freeper is Skoal Rebel's doppelganger.

freakishlywrong August 13, 2012 at 1:29 pm

And female..

PubOption August 13, 2012 at 1:47 pm

But don't the Freepers think that all female soldiers are lesbians, anyway?

MissTaken August 13, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Congrats! yay!

Oblios_Cap August 13, 2012 at 1:00 pm

So congratulations, Gaymerica, on this latest step on the road to the coveted status of No Big Deal.

It's about fucking time.

CommieLibunatic August 13, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Seriously. Before DADT was repealed, we were in a club that included Iran, North Korea, and basically all the east coast of Africa in disallowing teh gheys to serve openly. For fuck's sake, even ISRAEL was more progressive than us.

Oblios_Cap August 13, 2012 at 1:35 pm

We're determined to live in the 1800s because we think that makes us, somehow, exceptional. It only makes America exceptionally stupid.

NorthStarSpanx August 13, 2012 at 1:00 pm

I for one, welcome our future POTUS and First Lady. They make a handsome couple.

chicken_thief August 13, 2012 at 1:21 pm

The General is a cutey. But then I'm a sucker for a woman in glasses.

freakishlywrong August 13, 2012 at 1:00 pm

One step forward-two, white-bread, GOP candidates back.

Dr_Zoidberg August 13, 2012 at 1:01 pm

You go, girls!

noodlesalad August 13, 2012 at 1:01 pm

When Mittens is asked about this he will do that uncomfortable chuckle nonstop until Ryan hits the reset button.

imissopus August 13, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Ah, something I can read this morning that makes me feel good and does not send me into paroxysms of rage and despair. Thanks, Dok.

vulpes82 August 13, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Wonkette still feels so strange after Ken's last Year of Living Suicidally.

emmelemm August 13, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Don't worry, the day is young.

But yes, this is true good news.

LastGasp August 13, 2012 at 1:02 pm

A Freeper said the General and her wife are a “Couple of ugly man-broads.”

Funny, I thought the same thing the first time I saw a picture of Romney and Ryan.

Oblios_Cap August 13, 2012 at 1:14 pm

I still think it.

johnnyzhivago August 13, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Romney is so metrosexual you would almost like to wonder if he's hiding his taxes because of all the boyfriends paying blackmail to.

Chet Kincaid_ August 13, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Metrosexual implies "stylishly dressed dandy", so I'm not seeing it.

BerkeleyBear August 13, 2012 at 1:57 pm

I think he meant it as shorthand for "old queen" – always immaculately coiffed and dressed, in the kind of casual chic you'd expect a rich old queer to wear to blend in on the Hamptons party circuit or the Newport yacht club.

BoatOfVelociraptors August 13, 2012 at 2:46 pm

I thought of this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qoIvd3zzu4Y
Re: Romney Ryan

ChernobylSoup August 13, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Why does this woman have to stomp all over my rights while defending my rights?

Oblios_Cap August 13, 2012 at 1:14 pm

What with her cushy government job and free denatal and medical care. Socialismz!

NellCote71 August 13, 2012 at 1:24 pm

I know. I so feel like Lou Sarah. How does this affect me, me, me?

RadioBowels August 13, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Unsnarkable!

sewollef August 13, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Ditto to that. Nothing more to add.

Except maybe to say, BIG YAY!

gullywompr August 13, 2012 at 1:03 pm

What kind of apron is she wearing?

ProgressiveInga August 13, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Just guessing here, but I would say that the General's celebratory event was not catered by Chik-Fil-A.

chicken_thief August 13, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Nor did they hire Marcus as the stripper.

bumfug August 13, 2012 at 1:05 pm

And in Arlington National Cemetary Major General Horace Q Ridley, affectionately known to his troops as "The Fighting Ass Bandit", is finally fully at rest…

fartknocker August 13, 2012 at 1:06 pm

John McCain is not pleased. Cindy McCain is even less pleased because John just dropped a pant load into his Depends.

vulpes82 August 13, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Like Cindy would even notice. She's in San Diego, banging some Marine drill sergeant fresh off the beach.

Baconzgood August 13, 2012 at 1:06 pm

If Mitt wins he'll fire her.

vulpes82 August 13, 2012 at 1:07 pm

"Man-broads"? Really? That's all you can come up with? Oh, honey… Also, I'll bet they're more attractive men than you've ever been, and more broad than you'll ever hope to get!

weejee August 13, 2012 at 1:07 pm

the promotion failed to cause Planet Earth to spin out of orbit into the sun

The Sun cheers!!!

not that Dewey August 13, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Not so fast — since 1972, the Earth's rotation has slowed by about 25 seconds. That corresponds to the onset of Feminism, Earth Day, and the Homosexual Agenda. At this rate, the Earth will have stopped spinning entirely in only another 138,240 years. And Brain Fissure will be there with a stopwatch and a clipboard, mocking us.

BoatOfVelociraptors August 13, 2012 at 2:50 pm

The sun shines with a nuclear rage. 75 in the shade.

Baconzgood August 13, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Now all are drones will be pink and fabulous!

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 13, 2012 at 1:07 pm

This is a brilliant move. Our enemies will be too busy masturbating to the thoughts of all the hot lesbian sex going on behind our lines to defend themselves.

kittensdontlie August 13, 2012 at 1:30 pm

These unconventional tactics do work. I am fully expecting Anna Paquin, Jillian Michaels, and Portia Degeneres to be promoted each to Rear Admiral for our upcoming Syrian offensive.

Chet Kincaid_ August 13, 2012 at 1:50 pm

That's how we caught Bin Laden with his loins ungirded.

freakishlywrong August 13, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Thought process: "Patriot"?-> "Gay?"-> "A woman?"= "I want my country back!!1"

foxpuppet August 13, 2012 at 1:16 pm

'Thought process' is a very kind way to describe that knee-jerk reaction.

NellCote71 August 13, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Freedomz. I want them.

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 13, 2012 at 1:09 pm

A serious congrats to the lady-lovin general, but I feel the need to use this as an opportunity to vent about one of my pet peeves, which is;

Old/oldish lesbian couples who, after being together forever, begin to look alike. I mean, they look related. Same hair color, same haircut, probably dress the same when not in uniform. It's weird.

slithytoves August 13, 2012 at 1:25 pm

I thought the same – it practically looks like she married herself! Of course, hetero couples can have the same thing happen to them…

Doktor Zoom August 13, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Hey, that's TOTALLY not true.

They part their hair on opposite sides.

Mumbly_Joe August 13, 2012 at 1:31 pm

I thought the fact that you can share clothing was one of the major plusses of dating a fellow lady? At least that's what my lesbionic friends keep telling me.

BoatOfVelociraptors August 13, 2012 at 2:56 pm

One room, one wardrobe, one shower, one haircut. They don't even have to pay for birth control. Talk about managing expenses. This is what a pro-military fiscally conservative couple looks like.

freakishlywrong August 13, 2012 at 1:32 pm

And our Aunt Flo's visits tends to sync up as well..

doloras August 13, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Lesbians? Gay men are EXACTLY the same.

bobbert August 13, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Propinquity's a bitch.

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 13, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Argh! I just accidentally learned something!

BaldarTFlagass August 13, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Don't ask, don't tell, and that's an order!

Blueb4sinrise August 13, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Today, we are all privates.

James Michael Curley August 13, 2012 at 1:11 pm

For more woman on woman hot action: 2012 Presidential Debate Moderators: Candy Crowley, Jim Lehrer, Bob Schieffer And Martha Raddatz. Well, not realy.

BaldarTFlagass August 13, 2012 at 1:11 pm

They just want to humiliate her and have her make sammiches and coffee for the JCS meetings.

docterry6973 August 13, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Pat Robertson may DEMAND that the planet spin out of orbit into the Sun. Stay tuned for developments on that front.

MozakiBlocks August 13, 2012 at 1:13 pm

This is a big fucking deal.

barto August 13, 2012 at 1:14 pm

This is most definitely a sign of impending DOOM – for the bigotry and hate and homophobia, that is.

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 13, 2012 at 1:14 pm

I have always been a sucker for a woman in uniform.

BoatOfVelociraptors August 13, 2012 at 2:59 pm

A woman out of uniform has her… charms.

Callyson August 13, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Hooah!

SayItWithWookies August 13, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Hey Colonels Allen West and Lindsey Graham — salute, motherfuckers!

IceCreamEmpress August 13, 2012 at 1:17 pm

They're adorable. You go, General and Mrs. General!

chicken_thief August 13, 2012 at 1:18 pm

So she taking over command of the mess halls or what?

DaSandman August 13, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Congratulations Ma'am.

BZ1 August 13, 2012 at 1:20 pm

All that muck on the walls, is from wingnut heads exploding

owhatever August 13, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Here's a woman who challenged the entire United States Army and won. Don't mess with her, or doubt her ability.

Oblios_Cap August 13, 2012 at 1:22 pm

“Finally my partner and I will be able to go out and have drinks together without worrying,” she said then.

It must suck having to worry like that. I know guys that don't worry about going out with their mistress for a drink.

Guppy August 13, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Freepers hate our troops!

Spurning Beer August 13, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Last year my wife attended the commissioning ceremony for a lesbian friend who became a Marine officer. Her partner also attended, and a couple of the speakers made some deliberately inclusive and welcoming remarks.

Sometimes it amazes me whom I end up respecting.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 13, 2012 at 1:26 pm

I'm still waiting for America to go to hell over stuff like this. I'm getting the impression this God dude really doesn't give a crap.

Mittens Howell, III August 13, 2012 at 1:26 pm

I love the smell of civilization in the morning.

johnnyzhivago August 13, 2012 at 1:32 pm

This restores your faith in America. Then you read the rest of the headlines….

bibliotequetress August 13, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Thank you! The best news since Paul Ryan got the veep pick! And it's adorable that they look so much alike.

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 13, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Our nation crumbles to dust in 3, 2, 1 …
Huh, thats weird. Nothing happened.

Chet Kincaid_ August 13, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Stop forcing me to gay-marry somebody who looks exactly like me only without glasses!!1!1

Amanwithnoplan August 13, 2012 at 1:46 pm

I love the smell of equality in the morning.

LesBontemps August 13, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Keeps her armies in her sleevies?

GeorgiaBurning August 13, 2012 at 1:51 pm

A colonel get promoted and the wife helps pin on the stars. That's tradition, WTF is the big deal?

BerkeleyBear August 13, 2012 at 2:02 pm

All I'm gonna say is that is quite a spread of "fruit salad" on her chest. I'm seeing jump wings and a combat badge along with a whole shitload of citations. Not someone to fuck with, indeed – and more power to her and her wife.

aaabbbey August 13, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Uniform shows she's not only airborne-qualified but a jumpmaster and a (parachute) rigger…which is something quartermasters (her regimental insignia) specifically do. Which means she probably spent a lot of time at Bragg, which is not generally an easy place for women…

MinAgain August 13, 2012 at 2:04 pm

She is the very model of a modern gay girl general.

Doktor Zoom August 13, 2012 at 9:40 pm

(*golf clap*) Well played!

carlgt1 August 13, 2012 at 2:05 pm

once in awhile, we do something right in the US — in the face of the strident & stern objections of the Chick-fil-A crowd…..

Thurman Munster IV August 13, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Army's gonna kick Air Force's ass in next year's women's softball game!

Nostrildamus August 13, 2012 at 2:40 pm

This is a great day for this country's privates!

lurker_above August 13, 2012 at 3:10 pm

I hope this trend continues. And as we continue to learn how many gays have been serving honorably in the military all along, I hope the religious right start uncontrollably shitting themselves.

christianmuslin August 13, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Today I have learned don't mess with Texas or lesbian generals. This home schoolin thingy may not be such a bad thingy if the teacher is the Wonkette!

rocktonsam August 13, 2012 at 4:51 pm

I'm dropping down giving her 20, out of respect!!!

"Ain't that America"

rickmaci August 13, 2012 at 6:14 pm

The following is a complete list of the negative consequences for heterosexual soldiers as a result of promoting a gay officer to the rank of Brigadier General in the United States Army:

.

Schmegeg August 13, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Hey wingers, there's a rumor that the 3d Amendment will be repealed and a fabulous party is slated for YOUR HOUSE!

Troglodeity August 14, 2012 at 3:00 pm

She can command thousands of American troops in battle, but she's still unqualified to be a Cub Scout den leader. Go fuck yourselves, Boy Scouts of America.

Tricky_Dick August 14, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Hmmm…there is something fishy about this story.

ttommyunger August 14, 2012 at 7:59 pm

I posted the link on my FB when the NYT came out with this story. Now, like then: my frontal lobe is OK with it, the 71 year-old wrinkled and gnarly part of my brain is still reeling. Not threatened, not pissed, just a little off-balanced. Did you notice she has fucking Jump Wings? I swear I'm not a misogynist, just a really old soldier.

DahBoner August 20, 2012 at 8:34 am

Somehow, this will destroy Straight Marriage?

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