DIRTY DEEDS DONE DIRT CHEAP  11:52 am August 12, 2012

Caption Contest! Paul Ryan Is Your New Mr. Cool Disguise

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Oh no where is my caption?

The fine people at Videogum have been keeping track of the various Mr. Cool Disguises ever since Charlie Sheen (who else?) invented the Cool Disguise. And now here, courtesy of Buzzfeed, is Paul Ryan, circumventing the press before the Romney campaign leaked his human identity all over Twitter. (Because they are bad at campaigning.)

Won’t you give him a caption, so mama can go to brunch? Here, we’ll start:

Angus from ACDC performs “Barack Is Black.”

See? That was terrible! You do better, ok? Winner gets to be the winner.

[Buzzfeed/Videogum]

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 412 comments }

PubOption August 12, 2012 at 11:56 am

"So now I'm the VP candidate, I get to ride Rafalca."

tessiee August 12, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Ryan is such a prick, he probably gets to ride Romney.

subsum August 12, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Ann or Mitt? Be more specific.

tessiee August 12, 2012 at 5:11 pm

That's a toughie, since neither of them possesses any discernible sexuality, and both are so tight-assed as to make the ride more work than fun — but if I had to guess, I'd say Mitt, since he's the more submissive and less valuable of the two.

horsedreamer_1 August 12, 2012 at 8:43 pm

AOTK.

Negropolis August 12, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Yes. And, maybe some of the Romney boys according to their persuasion.

azeyote August 12, 2012 at 3:04 pm

no he gets to ride romney harder than cheney rode that bush

kittensdontlie August 12, 2012 at 3:20 pm

"Ho de hum…Release the hounds! Rafalca! Stop the prancing around…onward girl! We must banish those enfeebled serfs from our treasured Romneydom. Damn you steed, Queen Ayn and Lord Mittens will be most disturbed if you will not cease this fanciness! (After several reversing pirouettes and a final levade, our ne'er gallant hero lands unceremoniously in a pile of what dressagers refer to as horsey bumness.)

BoatOfVelociraptors August 12, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Romney, Rafalca, Ryan. I'm noticing a pattern.

foxpuppet August 12, 2012 at 5:01 pm

And the funny thing is that the folks who'll be voting for them are doing so because of the (R) after their names…

bikerlaureate August 12, 2012 at 11:15 pm

LiaR ?

miss_grundy August 12, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Dirty Rotten Scoundrel.

SpiderCrab August 12, 2012 at 11:57 am

My suspicion is that the Koch brothers told the Romney campaign that if Ryan was selected for Veep the brothers would dump an extra 100 million into an anti-Obama super Pac. Given how loath Mittens is to spend his own funds, this probably struck the old vulture capitalist as a pretty good deal.

comrad_darkness August 12, 2012 at 9:30 pm

So . . . how much economic stimulus is happening as the byproduct of these filthy rich skinflints finally spending money on something?

prommie August 12, 2012 at 11:58 am

When the Prommie put out his shingle lo those many years ago and opened a law practice specializing in conveyancing, his firm's motto was "dirty deeds done dirt cheap."

DaSandman August 12, 2012 at 11:59 am

He's human? Can we get a second opinion?

foxpuppet August 12, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Yes: he's NOT human.

Steverino247 August 12, 2012 at 1:05 pm

OK, he's ugly, too!

(I miss Henny Youngman)

seppdecker August 12, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Paul Ryan Disguise 101 – cover up those granny-starving zombie eyes.

tessiee August 12, 2012 at 12:59 pm

It's the reverse — those soulless black hollows are his real eyes.

bibliotequetress August 12, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Ryan: "As an Objectivist, I can only root for the Yankees. So it's good my hat is blank, cause I don't want the Brewer's fans thinking I'm an elitist prick."

Romney: "Haha! Yes! I enjoy games of ball. Like humans do."

tessiee August 12, 2012 at 1:26 pm

"and this so-called 'iced cream'."

BoroPrimorac August 12, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Creamed Ice.

tessiee August 12, 2012 at 5:13 pm

That would be Ann and Mitt's marital Saturday nights.

KeepFnThatChicken August 12, 2012 at 11:43 pm

You need waaay more upfists.

GunToting[Redacted] August 12, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Please. Romney enjoys a small bowl of wintergreen ice milk twice a year.

WABishop August 12, 2012 at 9:08 pm

"Those are ice cubes, Mitt."

fuflans August 12, 2012 at 9:14 pm

this. this is so very good.

Dr. Nick Riviera August 12, 2012 at 12:03 pm

That's the same disguise he wore when he went to collect his social security surivor's checks

Biff August 12, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Three or four words not usually seen in a single sentence: Ryan, social security, survive…

horsedreamer_1 August 12, 2012 at 1:59 pm

That which is good for me is not for thee.

AnAmericanInTO August 12, 2012 at 4:53 pm

This needs to be the defining meme for Paul Ryan: That is got his and screw y'all.

Terry August 12, 2012 at 11:08 pm

How about a new nickname for him? "Romney's Snowbilly" has a certain ring to it.

frankenberry August 12, 2012 at 12:04 pm

"LOSING!"

CapnFatback August 12, 2012 at 1:11 pm

I like the cut of your jib, my friend. ;)

starfanglednut August 12, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Let's upfist him/her! They're new.

Crank_Tango August 12, 2012 at 8:52 pm

(drinking) Kitten's blood!

ChillBill August 12, 2012 at 12:05 pm

An Ed Hardy shirt and Prada shades would suit him best.

Toomush_Infer August 12, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Oh, yeah – it's the Plutocrats!!!!….

miss_grundy August 12, 2012 at 2:55 pm

The Aristocrats.

tessiee August 12, 2012 at 5:15 pm

You can easily tell them apart, since the Aristocrats fuck each other and finish by taking a big dump on stage, whereas the Plutocrats fuck the country and finish by taking a big steaming triple coiled dump on us.

Also, the Aristocrats are marginally less crass and disgusting.

foxpuppet August 12, 2012 at 12:07 pm

I thought you were supposed to wear top hats for dressage?

Mumbletypeg August 12, 2012 at 12:13 pm

THAT'S NOT DRESSAGED FOR SUCCESS!!1!

foxpuppet August 12, 2012 at 12:15 pm

RaFAILca!

Mumbletypeg August 12, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Really, you should use more takt when identifying flawed riding habits~

foxpuppet August 12, 2012 at 12:44 pm

If Ryan will be in the saddle, can I use more tacks instead?

CthuNHu August 12, 2012 at 3:03 pm

He's more of a bottom hat kind of guy. An asshat, one might even say.

bibliotequetress August 12, 2012 at 4:00 pm

I thought you were supposed to wear a top hat to be a Republican candidate for president. And a monocle.

soeoho August 12, 2012 at 12:07 pm

I have friends who own baseball teams. They have logo's.

Wadisay August 12, 2012 at 12:07 pm

"Ayn Rand" anagramizes to "Ryan DNA." Just sayin'.

Larry McAwful August 12, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Wow! That's right up there with how it is when you remove all the vowels from "Reince Priebus" you get "RNC PR BS"!

Wadisay August 12, 2012 at 11:04 pm

RNC PR BS is up there with the Higgs Boson!

Mumbletypeg August 12, 2012 at 12:17 pm

As a word/ letters geek I am in awe, sir/madam. *curtsies*

kittensdontlie August 12, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Forget the anagram, I am just in awe of the new word 'anagramizes'. Nice.

Spurning Beer August 12, 2012 at 1:02 pm

That's as profound as Britney Spears = Presbyterians.

NellCote71 August 12, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Anch'io. Adding my kudos.

Doktor Zoom August 12, 2012 at 8:30 pm

It's no "Spiro Agnew" to "Grow a penis," but it's pretty damn good.

anniegetyerfun August 13, 2012 at 2:17 am

That was always my favorite.

AlterNewt August 12, 2012 at 10:32 pm

"Great Moments in Anagramization"

Toomush_Infer August 12, 2012 at 12:07 pm

I thought Ayn Rand was dead?….

ChessieNefercat August 12, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Apparently the bitch is back.

IonaTrailer August 12, 2012 at 3:10 pm
sullivanst August 13, 2012 at 8:37 am

Hehe…. well now we all know that Louis Peitzman would totally hatefuck Paul Ryan. He'd totally take J B Smoove's (NSFW) advice.

Pragmatist2 August 12, 2012 at 12:08 pm

"Have you read '50 Shades of Grey'?"

ratcityrebel August 12, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Kid Rock for the upper class – American Blandass.

tessiee August 12, 2012 at 1:02 pm

American Psycho, more like.

Negropolis August 12, 2012 at 9:51 pm

This.

horsedreamer_1 August 12, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Kid Rock is Kid Rock for the upperclass.

JustPixelz August 12, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Paul Ryan models the latest fashions from the The Right Stuff Shop in downtown Janesville.

finallyhappy August 12, 2012 at 6:33 pm

IS there a downtown Janesville? Isn't is just the Target and some other strip shppong mall stores?

DerrickWildcat August 12, 2012 at 12:10 pm

That's just not enough to work with. Maybe a McKayla Maroney is not impressed.

MilwaukeeKent August 12, 2012 at 12:10 pm

You'd never think he was a crooked bank teller placing a hundred dollar bet at the race track.

Larry McAwful August 12, 2012 at 12:10 pm

"What we have here is a failure to legislate."

ChillBill August 12, 2012 at 12:11 pm

"Last time they picked a Maverick. Now it's Goose's turn"

tessiee August 12, 2012 at 5:17 pm

yeah, we're gonna get goosed, all right.

HistoriCat August 12, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Highway to the Derp Zone.

CrunchyKnee August 12, 2012 at 12:11 pm

"huhuhuhuhuhuh, be vewy vewy quite, I'm hunting olds."

tessiee August 12, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Bugs: Olds season.
Daffy: Chick season.
Bugs: Olds season!
Daffy: Chick season!
Bugs: Chick season!
Daffy: OLDS SEASON!!
etc.

Kid_Charlemagne August 12, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Come back here Gwama so I can BWAST you!

Dudleydidwrong August 12, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Kill da gramma,
Kill da gramma,
Kill da gramma…
I'll kill the gramma! Awise storm! North wind bwow! South wind bwow! Huwwicanes! Typhoons! Earthquakes! Tea Parties! Karl Wove!

sharethegrief August 12, 2012 at 12:13 pm

"My base is this stupid."

NellCote71 August 12, 2012 at 1:08 pm

My base is base.

tessiee August 12, 2012 at 1:28 pm

All his base are belong to him.

glasspusher August 12, 2012 at 7:30 pm

You win this one. Beat me to it.

foxpuppet August 12, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Romney is hiding his tax returns & his OS model information. What is Ryan hiding?

tessiee August 12, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Himself — from sunlight, mirrors, and garlic?

Hey, maybe that's why he's hooked up with Mitt the Mormon — no crosses to worry about?

StarsUponThars August 12, 2012 at 12:14 pm
tessiee August 12, 2012 at 1:06 pm

"I hope he took his blood pressure medicine, huh huh huh!"
Fucking prick.
They should play this 24/7.

Isyaignert August 12, 2012 at 2:12 pm

"Fukkin' prick" are the exact words that popped into my head when I heard that.

Biff August 12, 2012 at 2:30 pm

If he didn't choose his Part D plan wisely, what blood pressure medication?

bibliotequetress August 12, 2012 at 4:02 pm

I hope that when Ryan hits that age, we really do have death panels.

Millennial Malaise August 12, 2012 at 2:36 pm

"I got mine, now shut the fuck up and take your medicine like a good surf" – actual Paul Ryan quote!!

Mumbletypeg August 12, 2012 at 12:15 pm

"Puttin' a cap in on this Ass!" — Romney/Ryan handlers

#DayOneJobDone

viennawoods13 August 12, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Fun fact- I googled Paul Ryan, and when I got as far as Paul R, the top suggestion was still NOT Ryan- it was, instead, actual hunky dreamboat Paul Rudd!!

foxpuppet August 12, 2012 at 12:19 pm

But you're in Canada, right? If I google 'Paul', my first hit is 'Ryan'…

ETA: Much rather see Paul Rudd…

viennawoods13 August 12, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Ah well yet another advantage to living in Canada!

foxpuppet August 12, 2012 at 12:29 pm

I'm always jealous of Canadians in the summer.

NellCote71 August 12, 2012 at 1:09 pm

And health care. Really jealous of their health care.

DahBoner August 13, 2012 at 6:49 am

Don't be. It's cooler in New Mexico than Toronto or Montreal in the summer…

Future Expatriate August 12, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Maybe it's just your location; I'm in Chicago, and I get Paul Rudd first too… Then comes Paul Ryan Wikipedia, so you know the libertarians are all busy rewriting history.

Guppy August 12, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Paul Reubens libel!

zumpie August 12, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Well I do refer to Ryan as PeeWee Herman!

Callyson August 12, 2012 at 12:16 pm

"You're OUT!"

SexySmurf August 12, 2012 at 12:18 pm

"Hey kids, who here likes the hippity-hop music?"

VinnyThePooh August 12, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Paul Ryan's reaction to a reporter asking about his role in Priscilla: Queen Of The Desert.

CountryClubJihadi August 12, 2012 at 12:19 pm

By posing as a lawn jockey on the Romney Estate, Paul Ryan was able to elude both the press and the Romneys for days.

rocktonsam August 12, 2012 at 12:20 pm

needs moar lipstick on a pig

tessiee August 12, 2012 at 5:23 pm

I'm pretty sure that in order to wear lipstick, you need to have lips.

glasspusher August 12, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Lizard lips sink ships.

Limeylizzie August 12, 2012 at 12:21 pm

This is as Black as I go.

sudsmckenzie August 13, 2012 at 3:19 am

kinda custom made for a Waffen SS uniform though, huh?

GuyClinch August 12, 2012 at 12:22 pm

"Poorly disguised Michael Stipe infiltrates Romney Campaign"

starfanglednut August 12, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Michael Stipe libel, totally.

horsedreamer_1 August 12, 2012 at 8:46 pm

That's Ayn in the corner. That's Ayn in the… spot… light… Losing her religion.

SheriffRoscoe August 12, 2012 at 12:22 pm

It's tough to avoid the paparazzi when you look like Eddie Munster, but I think they did an okay job.

Crank_Tango August 12, 2012 at 8:55 pm

It's amazing how much more freakish his features look in that "normal guy disguise" tho, isn't it?

eggsacklywright August 12, 2012 at 12:29 pm

"Bite my Preibus."

Barrelhse August 12, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Rinse my Prepuce!

C_R_Eature August 12, 2012 at 12:34 pm

"I am NOT the Unabomber!"

C_R_Eature August 12, 2012 at 12:36 pm

"Ihre Papiere, bitte?"

Limeylizzie August 12, 2012 at 11:06 pm

Oh……..you know what that does to me.

C_R_Eature August 12, 2012 at 11:19 pm
noodlesalad August 12, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Ghost Face Medicare Killah

tessiee August 12, 2012 at 12:37 pm

"You, rich person, you look OK. This one here, poor person — REAL fuckin' ugly!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inZUDMGJsKo

C_R_Eature August 12, 2012 at 12:38 pm

"The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades!"

C_R_Eature August 12, 2012 at 12:39 pm

"The future's Crowd's so bright, White, I gotta wear shades!"

bobbert August 12, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Damn you.

C_R_Eature August 12, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Sorry. When these things spring into my head, They Must Come Out.

HistoriCat August 12, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Skull-fucking libel!

C_R_Eature August 12, 2012 at 7:21 pm
Mittens Howell, III August 12, 2012 at 12:40 pm

"Look into my eyes. The black, black void of my eyes."

foxpuppet August 12, 2012 at 1:09 pm

"And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you."

–Friedrich Nietzsche

miss_grundy August 12, 2012 at 3:02 pm

"Resistance is futile."

glasspusher August 12, 2012 at 7:36 pm

Shark eyes…

proudgrampa August 12, 2012 at 12:41 pm
C_R_Eature August 12, 2012 at 12:42 pm

"We were just outside of Norfolk, on the edge of the Wisconsin, when the Drugs began to take hold."

starfanglednut August 12, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Needz moar ether and flying bats.

C_R_Eature August 12, 2012 at 2:36 pm

"There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether Atlas Shrugged binge…"

"We can't Campaign here! This is Bat Country!"

starfanglednut August 12, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Tehehe.

bibliotequetress August 12, 2012 at 4:06 pm

DO NOT WANT TO SEE MITTENS ON ADRENAL GLAND

ProgressiveInga August 12, 2012 at 12:42 pm

The Beastlie Boys 'bout to release their new single, "Fight for your Right"….to pay NO TAXES!

"Don't go out of the House if it's taxes you want to pay
We'll kick you out if you don't vote our way
Your mom busted in and said, "What's that noise?"
Aw, mom you're just jealous it's the Beastlie Boys!"

Steverino247 August 12, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Your Mom deleted your best NRO tag…

tessiee August 12, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Too much insomnia last night/this morning, caused at least in part by the possibility that this monster of selfishness and cruelty is backed by enough truckloads of money to get a real chance at ruining what's left of the country.

Someone please reassure me that the guy who went to Harvard is too smart and too wily to let that happen.

proudgrampa August 12, 2012 at 12:51 pm

I think that the President is smart enough.

His party, on the other hand, reminds me of something Will Rogers once said: "I am not a member of any organized party — I am a Democrat."

Steverino247 August 12, 2012 at 1:11 pm

The guy who went to Harvard is too smart and too wily to let that happen. Better?

SayItWithWookies August 12, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Hey, you know who else went to Harvard?

BoatOfVelociraptors August 12, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Romney?

Mumbletypeg August 12, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Nah. Wearing of flip-flops violates the dress code at teh IvyLeaguez.

horsedreamer_1 August 12, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Jeremy Lin?

tessiee August 12, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Me?
I mean, I was never enrolled there, but I *did* visit the campus and buy a Tshirt at the bookstore.

Veritas78 August 12, 2012 at 6:02 pm

So you're the one! Everyone else just shoplifts them.

MissNancyPriss August 12, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Yes. It's going to be okay.

ChessieNefercat August 12, 2012 at 12:44 pm

I realize Ryan will be terrible for America. He will be responsible for destroying the entire New Deal if at all possible. In all seriousness, we can't be complacent , especially in regard to voter suppression efforts.

However! His selection has apparently put ol' Tundratwat right over the edge in a foaming at the mouth, rage-filled ghost-written facebook screed. Ryan (curse him!) is mentioned only three times, while President Obama is mentioned 26 spittle-flecked times.

The media has a new young north woods christianist, complete with an attractive young family. Sorry, Palin, but the SQUIRREL has arrived for the media.

Biff August 12, 2012 at 1:15 pm

I thought $arah WAS the squirrel in the media?

ChessieNefercat August 12, 2012 at 1:29 pm

You're right. She WAS the squirrel. Maybe I should have said there is a new squirrel for our illustrious media. She's yesterday's squirrel, and rabid too!

miss_grundy August 12, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Snowbilly is going to have to get a real job now. I don't know what she could possibly do since she lacks logic, critical thinking skills and language skills. So I guess she won't be able to get a job at a think tank or as a lobbyist.

It will probably also destroy that trainwreck of a daughter's job as well.

This should be interesting.

ElPinche August 13, 2012 at 1:40 am

I wouldn't hire that quitter to shine my shoes.

prommie August 12, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Can you imagine, every sane and insane pundit in America views her as completely impossible, unviable, in any serious candidacy ever again, yet all these months, she is so so completely delusional, that all these months, she was expecting Romney to call and ask her to save his campaign! Thats hilarious!

Isyaignert August 12, 2012 at 2:16 pm

$arah is a legend in her own mind. To the rest of the world, she's a freekin' pathetic joke and a sad, sad commentary on America.

ChessieNefercat August 12, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Narcissism of that degree truly is a wonder to behold. When the list of speakers came out for the convention and she wasn't on it, I find it easy to believe that she really thought it was because she was going to get The Call.

viennawoods13 August 12, 2012 at 5:05 pm

I betcha she still lies awake night expecting a floor fight with her as the eventual winner. Probably be skulking about in shades and a hat by herself at Disneyland waiting for the call.

tessiee August 12, 2012 at 5:32 pm

"Probably be skulking about in shades and a hat by herself at Disneyland waiting for the call."

this mental picture (and I mean that both ways) made me lol.

Negropolis August 12, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Please. She's going to be skulking about in shades and a hat by herself at the Republican National Convention.

Katydid August 12, 2012 at 5:00 pm

She probably thinks votes for VP are cumulative.

fuflans August 12, 2012 at 9:31 pm

specifics please.

C_R_Eature August 12, 2012 at 12:47 pm

"I don't always drink Kool-Aid, but when I do, I drink Rand-Aid."
"Stay thirsty, my friends."

C_R_Eature August 12, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Cheney (whispering): say "go fuck yourself".

Ryan: GO FUCK YOURSELF!

tessiee August 12, 2012 at 1:31 pm

This actually made me lol, even though I suspect that Ryan doesn't need any prompting to tell us all to go fuck ourselves.

C_R_Eature August 12, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Thanks and I think you're right.
Birds of a feather tell us to go fuck ourselves together.

BoatOfVelociraptors August 12, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Safe sex.

foxpuppet August 12, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Presumably no relation to Leo Ryan, the only US Member of Congress killed in the line of duty?

doloras August 12, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Actually, I think he might be related to Jim Jones.

foxpuppet August 12, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Well, he does seem to enjoy the Koolaid.

Mittens Howell, III August 12, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Hope you've all taken your blood-pressure medication. Vid of Paul Ryan being an asshole:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBhdXfCdaA8&fe

Angry_Marmot August 12, 2012 at 9:13 pm

"Why should I waste my beautiful mind on something like that, and watch him suffer?"

Boojum August 12, 2012 at 12:59 pm

He looks like Bazooka Joe. No caption, however.

foxpuppet August 12, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Not feeling captious today?

Boojum August 12, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Now I do, and posted down thread:

"My Dad is Mitt Romney, so suck it, Poors!"

He is just the right height, age, and whiteness to be Mitt's son.

The son Mitt never loved.

tessiee August 12, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Somewhere, Jon Stewart's writers are laughing and high-fiving each other.

NellCote71 August 12, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Yeah. Can't wait until Monday. Comedy gold.

tessiee August 12, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Between now and November, they're gonna have the easiest job in the world.

ChessieNefercat August 12, 2012 at 3:11 pm

They won't even need to take (seemingly) every other week off to come up with new material.

Biff August 12, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Annoying, that.

SpeedoFart August 12, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Who stuck aviators on a lump og Play Doh?

StealthMuslin August 12, 2012 at 1:05 pm

One popped collar away from the Platonic Ideal of Douchebag…

johnnyzhivago August 12, 2012 at 1:07 pm

"Romney wants me to turn over HOW MANY YEARS OF TAX RETURNS???????"

Beowoof August 12, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Fuck you Grandma, hand over the social security and medicare and we will make your demise painless.

ChessieNefercat August 12, 2012 at 1:34 pm

And quick.

starfanglednut August 12, 2012 at 2:34 pm

will make your demise painful.

/fixed

Harrison Wintergreen August 12, 2012 at 1:12 pm

"Whaddaya mean, Adam Yauch won't let us use the video for "Sabotage" in our campaign ads? "

eta: "It describes our plans for America perfectly!"

BoatOfVelociraptors August 12, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Needs more 'stache.

Harrison Wintergreen August 12, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Good point. To fit Ryan's personality it would need to be a Snidely Whiplash 'stache.

Biff August 12, 2012 at 2:42 pm
NellCote71 August 12, 2012 at 1:13 pm

The distaff side of the nation's newest couple: RoRy.

RomPaul? Mmm. Suspiciously close to you-know-who.

tessiee August 12, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Distaff side?
Mitzi is clearly the beta male in that dyad.
Ryan must tie him up and fuck him in the ass every night.

"Who's crossing the finish line? Who's crossing the finish line? Who's…etc."

rocktonsam August 12, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Ronald Reagan

NellCote71 August 12, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Stupid things white people do.

fuflans August 12, 2012 at 9:22 pm

that my friend deserves more p's than you will get mid way thru page two.

cheers!

Steverino247 August 12, 2012 at 1:15 pm

"Tuesday is Soylent Green Day. See you then, Mom!"

foxpuppet August 12, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Billie Joe Armstrong libel!

eggsacklywright August 12, 2012 at 1:16 pm

"Nice little safety net ya got there….be a shame…"

Biff August 12, 2012 at 1:18 pm

He was modelling for the Man of Steele's baseball cap story, wasn't he?

SaintRond August 12, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Cool guy possessed by demon cunt Ayn Rand.

Steverino247 August 12, 2012 at 1:19 pm

What I want to know is how the media missed out on Romney's campaign reserving the USS Wisconsin? You can't just reserve a museum overnight, I wouldn't think. This choice of Ryan was made at least a month ago. All the travel stuff they had to arrange for Romney and Ryan takes real time to set up. The media really are stenographers, for the most part.

johnnyzhivago August 12, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Romney was pissed off too – he could not understand why they had to have the event in Virginia instead of just moving the ship to one of those nice Wisconsin lakes with the perfect trees and everything.

ChessieNefercat August 12, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Hey! It's Michigan where the trees are just the right height! Did Rombain say something about Wisconsin trees too? Fickle bastard.

Isyaignert August 12, 2012 at 2:18 pm

"Rombain" – genius, pure genius!! LPL!!

ChessieNefercat August 12, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Thank you. I've been using it for awhile. Encapsulates him so nicely, I think.

miss_grundy August 12, 2012 at 3:19 pm

This goes along with insulting English trees and English housing. That man cannot seem to open his mouth without insulting someone or something.

zumpie August 12, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Actually, no. Former event planner here. Museum rentals (like any other rental space) can make anything happen if enough $$$ are involved. In fact most venues will happily kick out another, confirmed event if someone comes along with a better offer (and have this in the contract). Plus this was held before they opened and involved their Governor probably intervening. __Plus….this is the Mittens Clown Campaign of inepitude we're discussing, here. They're unable to think 5 minutes ahead, let alone actually plan something strategically. I still think Eddie's a Hail Munster pass and the decision was made much, much more hastily than they're letting on.

Why else would they have leaked and launched this like a news dump? Especially since supposedly PeeWee had been there all week? I honestly think the cloak and dagger tale they concocted is the actual ficiton—kinda like Snowtard Snooki was McCain's "political soulmate".

The same campaign that is a daily gaffe machine, that trails by as many as 9 points and has already had one of its surrogates go off message, on national TV did not plan what they claimed to have planned. It was and is a hastily thown together act of desperation.

ChessieNefercat August 12, 2012 at 3:14 pm

I think you are on to something. It has been pointed out that there were no prepared Romney/Ryan signs, souvenirs, etc.

miss_grundy August 12, 2012 at 3:23 pm

I wonder if all the other clowns who were vetted for the job decided to pass when you consider that it doesn't help your stock if you wind up being on a losing ticket because it will be a while before you get your groove back. After all, it took a while for McCain to get some sort of credulity back after having that grifter-snowbilly as the #2 spot on the ticket.

zumpie August 12, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Good point as well. Fucking Vistaprint can get stuff to you in a day or two if you pony up. I generally get my stuff (for the very small company I work for) in about a week—and I never pay for express or priority anything.

BerkeleyBear August 12, 2012 at 5:38 pm

That is a huge tell – Obama's people made a point of having signs ready to hand out before Joe made any public appearance as the Veep. They were instant keepsakes when the two of them hit Springfield, and the T-Shirt vendors were already up and going, too.

Then again, Obama didn't handle naming his running mate like the last it had just occurred to him he might as well do something, either. He had set a date, in a place that was about his history (Springfield's Old State Capitol) not some hackneyed attempt at cute staging, and sent out a text with the name hours before the rally. This whole thing by Mitt reeks of desperation and caffeine free Diet Coke.

zumpie August 12, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Make that NEW Coke!!!

bibliotequetress August 12, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Good point. Hadn't thought about the lack of signs.

foxpuppet August 12, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Not enough signs, too many portents…

C_R_Eature August 12, 2012 at 5:43 pm

And fresh out of Wonders.

BZ1 August 13, 2012 at 11:18 am

The Death zombie was only picked on August 1, according to the newz.

zumpie August 13, 2012 at 11:36 am

Yeah, parroting what they were told. Munster was picked, at the earliest, on the 8th or 9th.

Negropolis August 12, 2012 at 10:12 pm

I don't think they missed it, at all. I think this was the plan. The Obama tried to leak it last week, but the media didn't want to blow the secret.

Steverino247 August 12, 2012 at 11:16 pm

Thanks for the thoughtful responses, folks. The lack of signs and the presence of "We can dump your event for more money" clauses make this much more clear. Desperation caused the pick, same as with McCain's attempt.

C_R_Eature August 12, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Life's Been Good to me so far.

Mojopo August 12, 2012 at 1:28 pm

I can't caption this. He looks like someone's Dad on the down-low at a Hannah Montana revival.

Jus_Wonderin August 13, 2012 at 6:26 am

"Don't tell my heart, my achey, breaky heart."

C_R_Eature August 12, 2012 at 1:30 pm

"Your clothes: geef zem to me!"

tessiee August 12, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Alzo your munniez.

C_R_Eature August 12, 2012 at 1:37 pm

& yr birth controlz.

BoatOfVelociraptors August 12, 2012 at 4:48 pm

und yer cheesy aviator sunglasses.

glasspusher August 12, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Wash night. Nothing to wear.

horsedreamer_1 August 12, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Sounds like the return of… the Banal Rapist.

SigDeFlyinMonky August 12, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Hey, got ya a tip for the turd race. Put 100 large on Mitt the Git on the nose.

AlterNewt August 12, 2012 at 1:35 pm

I've given it some thought and honestly the only caption that comes to mind is:

"Hi, I'm Paul Ryan. Punch me in the mouth."

SayItWithWookies August 12, 2012 at 1:45 pm

"…with your vote."

AlterNewt August 12, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Of course.

BoatOfVelociraptors August 12, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Tyler: I want you to hit me, as hard as you can. With votes.

Limeylizzie August 12, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Win, as far as I'm concerned that just explains all you need to know/do.

tomchicago01 August 12, 2012 at 1:38 pm

here I am in my umpire disguise.

SayItWithWookies August 12, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Romney's alright
Ryan's alright —
They just seem a little greedy.
Surrender, surrender
Give up that Medicare.

Mumbletypeg August 12, 2012 at 2:01 pm

I was gonna say how that song got ruined for me when the creepo from Fast Times at Ridgemont High bludgeoned it — but your own link opened with an even creepier intro ad by Romney-for-Prez so now my cranium has been doubly bruised.

SayItWithWookies August 12, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Oops — sorry, but you have to admit Ryan's resemblance to Rick Nielsen is pretty freaky by itself.

Mumbletypeg August 12, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Ewww… Uncanny, right down to the baseball cap, and something resembling shades. Thanks for that (NOT)~

bobbert August 12, 2012 at 3:39 pm

And Janesville isn't far from Rockford. Hmmm.

BlueStateLibel August 12, 2012 at 1:42 pm

"Tally-ho, I'm off to kill some grannies!"

shelwood46 August 12, 2012 at 1:45 pm

"I'm Cyclops."
"No, Paulie, you're not. You know he dies, right? Maybe you are."

C_R_Eature August 12, 2012 at 1:47 pm
Blueb4sinrise August 12, 2012 at 2:32 pm

C_R_ kicketh ass !

C_R_Eature August 12, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Thanks, but somebody deserves it.

Mumbletypeg August 12, 2012 at 3:59 pm

OK that's enough references to Yellowbeard around here. I'm gonna have to break down and finally watch it. That was Madeleine Kahn, wasn't it. WASN'T IT. Hmph…

C_R_Eature August 12, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Oh, yes. Yes it was. A terribly absurd and stupid movie with an all star cast and absolutely chock-full of catch phrases. You need to watch this. Drunk, with friends.
You will find yourself using quotes from Yellowbeard, frequently. Be warned.

BerkeleyBear August 12, 2012 at 5:41 pm

And I swear it is at least part of the inspiration for the stop motion animation flick Pirates, Band of Misfits by the Wallace & Grommit guys. Incredibly silly, but sadly not nearly as memorable as some of their other work.

C_R_Eature August 12, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Really!? That's the only Wallace and Grommit I haven't seen. I'll have to look it up just for grins, thanks!

Misty Malarky August 12, 2012 at 1:49 pm
Serolf_Divad August 12, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Pay attention, now, Paul. This is how you wear a pair of sunglasses:
http://images.fabulously40.com/photo/6941/thumbx6

foxpuppet August 12, 2012 at 2:51 pm

So fine!

viennawoods13 August 12, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Oh yeah.

C_R_Eature August 12, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Outstanding.

mrblifil August 12, 2012 at 2:01 pm

James O'Keefe sucks at subterfuge. And on penises.

ttommyunger August 12, 2012 at 2:02 pm

"Whoop, whoop, who let the olds out?"

horsedreamer_1 August 12, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Going to the waterfront, going to drown the next one.

smokefilledroommate August 12, 2012 at 2:09 pm

I'm Verbal Kint here to purchase the Montreal Expos.

foxpuppet August 12, 2012 at 2:53 pm

I'm telling you this guy is protected from up on high by the Prince of Darkness.

prommie August 12, 2012 at 2:10 pm

He looks an awful lot like Breitbart's fake pimp dude.

Isyaignert August 12, 2012 at 3:43 pm

You mean that skank-meister fugly-inverted-triangle- head sex toy @sshole named James O'Keefe?

That mofo should be in jail now for being a lying sack of chit that ruined peoples lives for fun and profit, but I'll have to get my comfort knowing that the Karma god will get him eventually.

smokefilledroommate August 12, 2012 at 2:14 pm

I shoulda just stuck to skiing, but I had whole generations to ruin.

zumpie August 12, 2012 at 2:23 pm

I got your best brown noser right here!!!

Blueb4sinrise August 12, 2012 at 2:24 pm
smokefilledroommate August 12, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Some of the new accessories in Congressman Ryan's new Colorforms® pack are: Ballcap, Authority-Demanding Sunglasses, and Republican Hypocrisy!

C_R_Eature August 12, 2012 at 2:42 pm

I'll just set this down here:

"- There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old's life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs."

- H/T John Rogers

zumpie August 12, 2012 at 2:53 pm

"I am lean, mean, two super, stupid, pointless, bills passed in 13 years machine!!!!"
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/12/paul-rya

Dashboard Buddha August 12, 2012 at 2:57 pm

So…not only is he a rightwing kill the poors douchebag, he's an ineffective rightwing kill the poors douchebag.

"Les Aspin Post Office Building." Really? I once named a business for my boss while I was working an actual real job. Why ain't I a VP pick?

MinAgain August 12, 2012 at 2:55 pm

"Steeeee-rike three! Medicaid is out!"

MozakiBlocks August 12, 2012 at 3:03 pm

He looks like he just spiked the frat's "hunch punch" with Rohypnol.

IonaTrailer August 12, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Here's his favorite outfit: http://gawker.com/paul-ryan/?comment=51773410

zumpie August 12, 2012 at 4:32 pm

I'm horrified that Gawker thinks he's hawt. Just don't see it. Especially in that nerd shirt.

viennawoods13 August 12, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Those eyes give me the creeps. Handsome Joe for me!

zumpie August 12, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Handsome Joe's son, Beau would work, too!

Speaking of all this—I notice even Munster's fappers quickly run out of stuff to praise and proceed to yak about either gym routine (????) or his "beautiful family" and what an awesome dad he is.

I do think his kids are cute, but guess what? So are Mittens' and Biden's grandkids and so certainly are the Obama girls. And if you're gonna do the awesome dad thing, well let's get real here—no one's EVER gonna top our Veep on THAT score!

horsedreamer_1 August 12, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Daulerio ruins another site!

IonaTrailer August 12, 2012 at 6:24 pm

http://gawker.com/paul-ryan/?comment=51773410
scroll down and see the black and white pix

zumpie August 12, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Yeah, whatevs. I think he's more likely on the downlow, my own self. I'm totally reminded of the Sotuh Park episode about Butters I watched this AM.

Ayn Rand Paul Tard August 12, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Won't remove his sunglasses OR apologize (fro being a douchecanoe).

Ducksworthy August 12, 2012 at 3:14 pm

VAMPIRE!

Ducksworthy August 12, 2012 at 3:54 pm

More proof. Vampire Capitalism has found its Vampire Budget Policy guy. http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2011/

CivicHoliday August 12, 2012 at 3:32 pm

"I am the great and powerful Oz"

LibertyLover August 12, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Caption: " A-B-C. A-Always, B-Be, C-Closing. Always be closing, always be closing. "

*h/t to Glengarry Glenross

zumpie August 12, 2012 at 4:33 pm

"Coffee is for closers!!!"

Angry_Marmot August 12, 2012 at 9:17 pm

"This is NOT a WORLD of MEN."

FlownOver August 12, 2012 at 3:49 pm

"Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?"

Negropolis August 12, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Sarah Goode libel!

bobbert August 12, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Needs moar Sharpie on the ball-cap.

coolhandnuke August 12, 2012 at 4:02 pm

"You say you want to throw a few million old people to the gutter and they put you in the Mittness Protection Program."

Edith_Prickly August 12, 2012 at 4:04 pm

"Yo grandma, start growing your own vegetables…and penicillin"

mr bojangles August 12, 2012 at 4:18 pm

as skoalrebel liked to say 'phuque y'all!'

foxpuppet August 12, 2012 at 4:23 pm

OT: Is anyone else seeing a Groupon ad on this page in Turkish? I'm wondering if this is fallout from the post about the Turkish guy who doesn't much care for athletic wimmenz?

James Michael Curley August 12, 2012 at 6:08 pm

I've been getting ads about Mazda Miatas. How the phuck they know what I drive?

foxpuppet August 12, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Wasn't me- I thought you drove an Oscar Mayer weiner truck…

James Michael Curley August 13, 2012 at 7:25 am

I’ve been driving the same Miata since 1991. The engine runs with full compression and the body is in better shape than mine. I long ago realized that as many of my neighbors have periods of shaping up and trimming down because of our beachfront community, I have to trim down to fit in my car. Some mornings it feels less like I get in it then put it on.

Misty Malarky August 12, 2012 at 4:24 pm

"I swear, Mr. Hansen – I'm just here for the lemonade and cookies!"

Negropolis August 12, 2012 at 10:16 pm

"Are you trying to seduce me, Mr. Hansen?"

coolhandnuke August 12, 2012 at 4:29 pm

"Secret Agent Midas Mulligan, licensed to kill Medicare and Social Security."

foxpuppet August 12, 2012 at 4:39 pm

I would say Mitt just cast a Paul over his campaign, but it really wasn't so great before this…

Katydid August 12, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Ryan's a Catholic, Romney's a Mormon, which means there are no Christians on the Republican ticket. I think it would be a shame if good Christian evangelicals vote for this heathen team; one's a member of a cult, and the other one's Mormon. It's a damn shame is what it is.

tessiee August 12, 2012 at 6:06 pm

"Ryan's a Catholic, Romney's a Mormon, which means there are no Christians on the Republican ticket."

I think what you mean is that there are no Protestants on the R ticket.

Catholics are Christians, and have been since before, and for far longer than, Protestants have existed. We/they were the *only* Christians for the first 1500 years of Christianity's 2000-year history, and if Henry VIII hadn't wanted to divorce his first wife, we/they would be the only Christians for Christianity's *entire* 2000-year history.

I don't mean to jump down your throat, since you seem like a nice little doggie — and I understand that you're not the person making that distinction. And I'm not defending Catholicism, since I was raised Catholic and am still recovering from that.

It's just that that whole Protestant/Baptist/Brother Leroy Billy Joe Bob thing about defining "Christian" as "Protestant" bugs the shit out of me. It's offensive, it's bigoted, and it smacks of that whole, "a word means what *I* say it means" mindset.

bobbert August 12, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Wasn't the original comment, you know, snark?

Also, too, Martin Luther libel!!!!

Katydid August 12, 2012 at 6:54 pm

You probably don't know me too well, I used to post a lot here until I got a job where the IT Dept believes in policing the Internet, so I can't post from work.

The comment was entirely sarcastic, to be read from the fundy point of view. Of course I think Catholics are Christian; by me, if you believe in Christ, you're Christian. I've heard fundies say this, it's not my belief.

I also think Mormons are Christian, of course, what else could they be?

BlueStateLibel August 12, 2012 at 7:06 pm

So…what you're saying is that the only Christian in the race now is a black guy! (Biden's Catholic)…Just kidding. It is strange from a fundie messed-up point of view though.

tessiee August 12, 2012 at 8:40 pm

"You probably don't know me too well, I used to post a lot here [...] The comment was entirely sarcastic"

I figured that, which is why I was careful to include "don't mean to jump down your throat, since you seem like a nice little doggie — and I understand that you're not the person making that distinction."

That said, I've been an atheist since I was 14 or so, and I don't think being considered a Christian is necessarily a good thing.

Brother Leroy Billy Joe Bob doesn't object to the Catholic Church because of specific doctrinal differences, or because they're anti-sex, or because they're anti-woman, or because they're anti-intellectuals who frown on questioning anything said by anyone in authority, or because they encourage people to believe in something that doesn't exist, or even because of the priests nailing altar boys thing — he objects because, in his pea brain, Catholics are swarthy ethnics whose last names end with a vowel.

I don't even believe in Christianity — but it shouldn't be equated to Anglo-Saxon because a few bigots wish it was.

finallyhappy August 12, 2012 at 7:59 pm

I'm Jewish and to us- A Christian is a Christian- many kinds- I get that. I do not understand how you are not a Christian if you believe in the divinity of Jesus. I was really surprised speaking to a Unitarian who told me they are not Christians- but I'm Jewish- what do I know

horsedreamer_1 August 12, 2012 at 8:53 pm

& to a Mormon, you're a Gentile!

Chet Kincaid_ August 12, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Thou hast trolled thyself.

NYNYNYjr August 12, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Whereas on the other side we gots a Protestant and a Catholic.

horsedreamer_1 August 12, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Ulster Union Libel!

johnnyzhivago August 12, 2012 at 8:58 pm

As I mentioned in another thread somewhere, this is interesting that the GOP, the home of White Bread Protestants has no Protestant running (And I mean mainline Protestant, not snake dancers or whatever).

This is unheard of…. I mean at one point you had to be a Protestant and a Mason to run for office in this country.

NellCote71 August 12, 2012 at 9:48 pm

And a white male.

unclejeems August 12, 2012 at 9:31 pm

I know exactly what Katydid means. I was raised Southern Baptist, in a little town in California where Protestants were outnumbered by Catholics. Despite the fact that Catholics were our friends, neighbors, team-mates and colleagues, we didn't consider them Christians. They may as well have worshiped Jove or Athena. We were the Christians. We were also very, very skeptical of the Methodists, and had our suspicions about the Church of Christ. The dissonance was great with us.

Don't even get me started on the Mormons or the Jehovah's Witnesses.

So yeah–from a Southern Baptist perspective, there are no Christians on the Republican ticket. But if you think that will win Alabama for Obama, think again.

NellCote71 August 12, 2012 at 9:50 pm

I think you have to be white to truly qualify.

ThundercatHo August 12, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Ashton Cruise is too sexay, yeah.

AutomaticPilot August 12, 2012 at 5:05 pm

How about a plain, straightforward caption: "Hi, America. I'm a giant douchebag."

Chow Yun Flat August 12, 2012 at 5:36 pm

"Hello, Mrs. Cleaver. You are looking especially beautiful today."

tessiee August 12, 2012 at 6:08 pm

"Why THANK you, Edward."

[remember how Mrs. Cleaver always used to call Eddie Haskell "Edward" and Lumpy Rutherford "Wallace"?]

IonaTrailer August 12, 2012 at 6:26 pm

"Ward, weren't you a little hard on the Beaver last night."

NYNYNYjr August 12, 2012 at 7:17 pm

You are old.

NellCote71 August 12, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Yeah, we olds need to keep it to ourselves, or Ryan will be noodling for us instead of for catfish.

tessiee August 12, 2012 at 8:58 pm

*has care attendant brandish cane menacingly at NYNYNYjr*
Whippersnapper!

Chow Yun Flat August 12, 2012 at 9:32 pm

I am so old that I can remember when Saturday Night Live was funny.

NYNYNYjr August 12, 2012 at 11:34 pm

You truly were the Greatest Generation. Thank you for your service in the battle of the bulge or whatever you did.

Chow Yun Flat August 13, 2012 at 12:07 am

Battle of yo momma.

Walkinwiddaking August 12, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Paul Ryan? Oh wow, thought it was Kid Rock.

DHarcavy August 12, 2012 at 5:49 pm

He looks like what I imagined Captain Queeg would look like in the "Caine Mutiny."

tessiee August 12, 2012 at 5:50 pm

"RESPECT MAH AUTHORI-TAE!!"

sharethegrief August 12, 2012 at 6:23 pm

AuthoriTEA also.

ffredpalakon August 12, 2012 at 5:52 pm

"Are you talkin'…to me? You talkin' to me? Well, I don't see any other Objectivists around here."

rickmaci August 12, 2012 at 5:54 pm

His Dukakis in a tank moment…and Ryan's campaign hasn't even started.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 12, 2012 at 6:50 pm

Baseball cap…. check
Sunglasses… check
Slack jaw to attract mouth breather voters… check

RadioBowels August 12, 2012 at 6:55 pm

He's the REAL Catholic.

Terry August 12, 2012 at 7:06 pm

Ryan can wear anything he likes, but the truth is you can't polish a turd.

tessiee August 12, 2012 at 8:48 pm

There's an old Italian proverb which translates approximately to: "It's a waste of water to wash the head of a jackass".

Barrelhse August 12, 2012 at 7:08 pm

My first choice for VP was Jean Schmidt, who doesn't require a disguise- she's so ugly no one even looks at her.

gingerland62 August 12, 2012 at 7:09 pm

"Isn't that Bernie Goetz?"

NYNYNYjr August 12, 2012 at 7:14 pm

From the recent Romney puff piece in the NYT:
"Much as Clinton had a sign reading 'It's the economy, stupid' at his campaign headquarters, at Romney headquarters is a large, prominently displayed wooden sign with the word 'DERP' carved ornately on it. It's a message the Republicans want deeply ingrained in their young, eager volunteer staff in this all-important election year.
'It helps keep us on message on those days when everything is crazy busy and stressed out,' said Worthington Bradford of New Haven who has taken the summer off to work for Romney."

tessiee August 12, 2012 at 9:02 pm

What th–…???

Sheesh, maybe I *am* snark impaired!
Is the NYT being sarcastic, or are Romney and his staff actually so stupid that they don't realize that DERP is *our* word for making fun of *them*?
Or — alternate possibiilty — are they openly admitting that they consider being stupid a good thing? Is that why it "keeps them on message"?

And no, the fact that the staffer's name is "Worthington Bradford" is not a dead give-away that this was cribbed from the Onion, as it would have been if the candidate were anyone but Romney.

NYNYNYjr August 12, 2012 at 11:29 pm

I was just joshing.

tessiee August 13, 2012 at 12:07 am

Annnndddd, that conclude's today's experiment that trying to function on four hours of sleep is not optimabibble for my mental facultitties.

foxpuppet August 13, 2012 at 12:11 am

Sweet dreams of Barack & Handsome Joe tonite. Don't stress about the RR's.

tessiee August 13, 2012 at 12:09 am

Annnndddd, that concludes today's experiment that trying to function on four hours of sleep is not optimabibble for my mental facultitties.

bobbert August 12, 2012 at 11:22 pm

Oh boy.

Designer_Rants August 12, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Nothin' to see here, folks. Just Unabombin'.

Rainbow_Meow August 12, 2012 at 8:49 pm

Because I like to bring a little bit of Ye Olde England to Wonkette, I'll go with…

"Why hello there. May I be your William Hague tonight?"
http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2010/sep/01/wi

horsedreamer_1 August 12, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Your cap cannot disguise your Black(Irish)ness.

At least, though, not black like Phil Lynott, just black like Colin Farrell.

Negropolis August 12, 2012 at 10:20 pm

Did you hear that, America? He's Blah Irish; that means one of his grandparents was a niggra!

johnnyzhivago August 12, 2012 at 9:02 pm

The hat makes the Grecian Formula take hold faster!

fuflans August 12, 2012 at 9:29 pm

highway to hell.

foxpuppet August 12, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Fast lane. Sigh…

Misty Malarky August 12, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Looks like Romney is already rubbing off on his new BFF:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/12/paul-rya

Or is that 'rubbing one out' on his new BFF?

Boojum August 12, 2012 at 9:34 pm

"My Dad is Mitt Romney, so suck it, Poors!"

Negropolis August 12, 2012 at 9:39 pm

OT: Loving the closing Olympic ceremony. Man, if UK doesn't have an awesome musical heritage.

C_R_Eature August 12, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Always look on the bright side of life! Eric Idle FTW!

EDIT: Skating Nuns, A Wagnerian Soprano and a Roman Centurion Chorus line. I am dying with laughter, here.

C_R_Eature August 12, 2012 at 10:16 pm

BTW, Brian May has a PhD degree in Astrophysics (!)

doloras August 12, 2012 at 11:54 pm

The guy from Genesis playing Wish You Were Here?!?

Negropolis August 12, 2012 at 9:49 pm

"Wisconsin Shore: The Legend of Snooki's Gold."

C_R_Eature August 12, 2012 at 9:54 pm

The Banality of Evil.

Negropolis August 12, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Okay, so a United Church of Christ Muslin, a More-men, and two Papists walk into a voting booth…

Blueb4sinrise August 12, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Rumours of Giant Octopus at Olympic closing ceremony.
Hmmmmmmmmm.

C_R_Eature August 12, 2012 at 10:34 pm

Not me. I'm too busy with this Bridge.

Blueb4sinrise August 12, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Not buying it. Plenty of time to get back what with the broadcast delay.

C_R_Eature August 12, 2012 at 11:15 pm

I'm going for the Crown Jewels. Sssshhhhhh!

Blueb4sinrise August 12, 2012 at 11:33 pm

.

Steverino247 August 12, 2012 at 11:33 pm

I didn't think the Brits were into Purple Tentacle Sex…

tessiee August 13, 2012 at 12:09 am

"Rumours of Giant Octopus at Olympic closing ceremony"

Chthulu?

RadioBowels August 12, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Fuck you commoners, I AM ONLY RELEASING TWO YEARS OF MY TAX RETURNS.

Limeylizzie August 12, 2012 at 11:07 pm

OT But after that ghastly CBS interview this happened.
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-250_162-57491617/fact

mosjef August 12, 2012 at 11:29 pm

New titanium hats protect soft boiled eggs inside

Dudleydidwrong August 12, 2012 at 11:41 pm

That is the dumbest dumb fuck hat any politician other than the late Bella Abzug has ever worn. Bella earned the right to wear dumb hats because she worked tirelessly helping women and Middle Class Americans. Ryan's hat just covers up the hole in his head while he helps himself to all he can get.

LadyWisdom August 12, 2012 at 11:52 pm

I look at this guy and I see 1950s gas station attendant. And that's without the cap and glasses. But maybe it's just me.

GeorgiaBurning August 13, 2012 at 12:38 am

"BMW 760? key's in the ignition sir, let me load your bags"

barto August 13, 2012 at 12:57 am

Yo-yo-yo just chillin with my peeps ya'll! Veeps with his peeps, seein?

ElPinche August 13, 2012 at 1:03 am

"Gee thanks Mr. Romney for picking me , but can I move out my congressional office now and sleep on your car? "

ffredpalakon August 13, 2012 at 1:23 am

"I wear my sunglasses at night, so I can, so I can starve your grandma some way that rhymes with night"

Designer_Rants August 13, 2012 at 1:49 am

"I grew up reading Ayn Rand and it taught me quite a bit about who I am and what my value systems are, and what my beliefs are. It’s inspired me so much that it’s required reading in my office for all my interns and my staff. We start with Atlas Shrugged. People tell me I need to start with The Fountainhead then go to Atlas Shrugged [laughter]. There’s a big debate about that. We go to Fountainhead, but then we move on, and we require Mises and Hayek as well. "

~Ryan's speech to "The Atlas Society" http://goo.gl/AiJDV

bodiep August 13, 2012 at 1:55 am

Farmer Man Ryan just home from church and headed out to feed the cows.

rickmaci August 13, 2012 at 2:00 am

Another pic of Pall Lyan being escorted to his first presser.
http://www.thedailybeast.com/

anniegetyerfun August 13, 2012 at 2:13 am

Well, Mittens already introduced him as The Next President of The United States. Given how little Mittens actually seems to WANT the job, I'm fine with that as a caption.

thetimchannel August 13, 2012 at 5:06 am

When did Mike Boogie get evicted from Big Brother? I missed that. Enjoy.

Jus_Wonderin August 13, 2012 at 6:29 am

"Look, if I wanted to talk about Noodling, I'd have written you a script to print."

cheetojeebus August 13, 2012 at 9:01 am

Wrapped up like a douche, another runner in the night.

TootsStansbury August 13, 2012 at 9:14 am

This is a disguise? It's what all the Ayn Rand fanboys are wearing these days.

Gratuitous World August 13, 2012 at 9:26 am

James O'Keefe and Paul Ryan have never been in the same room together. Just saying.

BZ1 August 13, 2012 at 10:43 am

Not geeky looking at all.

origwhatsleft August 13, 2012 at 5:04 pm

"Look Grandma, no zombie-eyes!!"

mbobier August 13, 2012 at 7:11 pm

"Gotta hide my granny-killin' laser eyes somehow, folks!"

Dashboard Buddha August 12, 2012 at 2:33 pm
BoatOfVelociraptors August 12, 2012 at 4:42 pm

I was waiting for that.

BoatOfVelociraptors August 12, 2012 at 4:45 pm

I like W. Mitt Romney, as told by a scolding mother.

C_R_Eature August 12, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Ryan: "You took too much, man too much, too much."

Mittens: "Finish the fucking story! What about the glands?"

Coulter: "Goddammit, go to bed you two! We've got to be in Wisconsin tomorrow!"

viennawoods13 August 12, 2012 at 6:39 pm

and all the Marvells are on the other side.

C_R_Eature August 12, 2012 at 6:57 pm

And the Father, Son and Holy Ghost
They caught the last train for the Coast.

foxpuppet August 12, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Oh, no- was that one & Donne?

C_R_Eature August 12, 2012 at 8:24 pm

"No Man is an Island"
-John Donne

"He's a Peninsula!"
-Jefferson Airplane

foxpuppet August 12, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Speaking of islands , can't we find one on which to strand Romney/Ryan? Just so they can get to know each other, of course. And they can come back in time for Christmas…

foxpuppet August 12, 2012 at 9:54 pm

And speaking of Donne- well, you've probably already seen this, but if not…
Marry, Ageyn Hic Hev Donne Yt

C_R_Eature August 12, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Good idea! I think we can find a nice Island Paradise to suit them.

Oh, yeah and we can hang out on Cantelope Island

foxpuppet August 12, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Yes, that is a good island for them- especially the rule of silence!

I got kicked off of Canteloupe Island, but if you go, I'll send you an island letter.

C_R_Eature August 12, 2012 at 10:14 pm

No- that's outstanding! Thank you!

Great cover tunes get to me every time. It's the fresh look and a pleasant element of surprise.

Here's a pretty Special Cover. for you.

foxpuppet August 12, 2012 at 10:22 pm

I LOVE Seu Jorge!!!

Have you ever heard his cover of The Model?

C_R_Eature August 12, 2012 at 10:42 pm

New to me – and that's just amazing. I never would have thought to put Seu Jeorge and Kraftwerk together – but it works!

Here's one of my all-time favorite Dylan Covers.

I could do this all night, but I must Fall Out soon. Thanks for the new music!

C_R_Eature August 12, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Oh, what the hell: One more Cover.

foxpuppet August 12, 2012 at 11:17 pm

I had not heard that one but I like it.

I should also sign off, but here's one more. I'm not usually a fan of Beatles covers, but I've always kinda liked this one. (And yes, that is Robert Smith, later of the Cure)

bobbert August 13, 2012 at 12:08 am

Well, if you're gonna do that one, let's have 'em cover Leon, too.

BoatOfVelociraptors August 13, 2012 at 3:30 am

You can't explain it.

C_R_Eature August 13, 2012 at 5:59 am

Love this.

C_R_Eature August 13, 2012 at 6:00 am

Yeah! Never saw that performed before!

viennawoods13 August 13, 2012 at 11:17 am

Damn right. Here in SW Ontario I've spent the summer in my house hiding from the heat and humidity.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: