The fine people at Videogum have been keeping track of the various Mr. Cool Disguises ever since Charlie Sheen (who else?) invented the Cool Disguise. And now here, courtesy of Buzzfeed, is Paul Ryan, circumventing the press before the Romney campaign leaked his human identity all over Twitter. (Because they are bad at campaigning.)
Won’t you give him a caption, so mama can go to brunch? Here, we’ll start:
Angus from ACDC performs “Barack Is Black.”
See? That was terrible! You do better, ok? Winner gets to be the winner.
{ 412 comments }
"So now I'm the VP candidate, I get to ride Rafalca."
Ryan is such a prick, he probably gets to ride Romney.
Ann or Mitt? Be more specific.
That's a toughie, since neither of them possesses any discernible sexuality, and both are so tight-assed as to make the ride more work than fun — but if I had to guess, I'd say Mitt, since he's the more submissive and less valuable of the two.
AOTK.
Yes. And, maybe some of the Romney boys according to their persuasion.
no he gets to ride romney harder than cheney rode that bush
"Ho de hum…Release the hounds! Rafalca! Stop the prancing around…onward girl! We must banish those enfeebled serfs from our treasured Romneydom. Damn you steed, Queen Ayn and Lord Mittens will be most disturbed if you will not cease this fanciness! (After several reversing pirouettes and a final levade, our ne'er gallant hero lands unceremoniously in a pile of what dressagers refer to as horsey bumness.)
Romney, Rafalca, Ryan. I'm noticing a pattern.
And the funny thing is that the folks who'll be voting for them are doing so because of the (R) after their names…
LiaR ?
Dirty Rotten Scoundrel.
My suspicion is that the Koch brothers told the Romney campaign that if Ryan was selected for Veep the brothers would dump an extra 100 million into an anti-Obama super Pac. Given how loath Mittens is to spend his own funds, this probably struck the old vulture capitalist as a pretty good deal.
So . . . how much economic stimulus is happening as the byproduct of these filthy rich skinflints finally spending money on something?
When the Prommie put out his shingle lo those many years ago and opened a law practice specializing in conveyancing, his firm's motto was "dirty deeds done dirt cheap."
He's human? Can we get a second opinion?
Yes: he's NOT human.
OK, he's ugly, too!
(I miss Henny Youngman)
Paul Ryan Disguise 101 – cover up those granny-starving zombie eyes.
It's the reverse — those soulless black hollows are his real eyes.
Ryan: "As an Objectivist, I can only root for the Yankees. So it's good my hat is blank, cause I don't want the Brewer's fans thinking I'm an elitist prick."
Romney: "Haha! Yes! I enjoy games of ball. Like humans do."
"and this so-called 'iced cream'."
Creamed Ice.
That would be Ann and Mitt's marital Saturday nights.
You need waaay more upfists.
Please. Romney enjoys a small bowl of wintergreen ice milk twice a year.
"Those are ice cubes, Mitt."
this. this is so very good.
That's the same disguise he wore when he went to collect his social security surivor's checks
Three or four words not usually seen in a single sentence: Ryan, social security, survive…
That which is good for me is not for thee.
This needs to be the defining meme for Paul Ryan: That is got his and screw y'all.
How about a new nickname for him? "Romney's Snowbilly" has a certain ring to it.
"LOSING!"
I like the cut of your jib, my friend. ;)
Let's upfist him/her! They're new.
(drinking) Kitten's blood!
An Ed Hardy shirt and Prada shades would suit him best.
Oh, yeah – it's the Plutocrats!!!!….
The Aristocrats.
You can easily tell them apart, since the Aristocrats fuck each other and finish by taking a big dump on stage, whereas the Plutocrats fuck the country and finish by taking a big steaming triple coiled dump on us.
Also, the Aristocrats are marginally less crass and disgusting.
I thought you were supposed to wear top hats for dressage?
THAT'S NOT DRESSAGED FOR SUCCESS!!1!
RaFAILca!
Really, you should use more takt when identifying flawed riding habits~
If Ryan will be in the saddle, can I use more tacks instead?
He's more of a bottom hat kind of guy. An asshat, one might even say.
I thought you were supposed to wear a top hat to be a Republican candidate for president. And a monocle.
I have friends who own baseball teams. They have logo's.
"Ayn Rand" anagramizes to "Ryan DNA." Just sayin'.
Wow! That's right up there with how it is when you remove all the vowels from "Reince Priebus" you get "RNC PR BS"!
RNC PR BS is up there with the Higgs Boson!
As a word/ letters geek I am in awe, sir/madam. *curtsies*
Forget the anagram, I am just in awe of the new word 'anagramizes'. Nice.
That's as profound as Britney Spears = Presbyterians.
Anch'io. Adding my kudos.
It's no "Spiro Agnew" to "Grow a penis," but it's pretty damn good.
That was always my favorite.
"Great Moments in Anagramization"
I thought Ayn Rand was dead?….
Apparently the bitch is back.
http://gawker.com/paul-ryan/?comment=51773410
Hehe…. well now we all know that Louis Peitzman would totally hatefuck Paul Ryan. He'd totally take J B Smoove's (NSFW) advice.
"Have you read '50 Shades of Grey'?"
Kid Rock for the upper class – American Blandass.
American Psycho, more like.
This.
Kid Rock is Kid Rock for the upperclass.
Paul Ryan models the latest fashions from the The Right Stuff Shop in downtown Janesville.
IS there a downtown Janesville? Isn't is just the Target and some other strip shppong mall stores?
That's just not enough to work with. Maybe a McKayla Maroney is not impressed.
You'd never think he was a crooked bank teller placing a hundred dollar bet at the race track.
"What we have here is a failure to legislate."
"Last time they picked a Maverick. Now it's Goose's turn"
yeah, we're gonna get goosed, all right.
Highway to the Derp Zone.
"huhuhuhuhuhuh, be vewy vewy quite, I'm hunting olds."
Bugs: Olds season.
Daffy: Chick season.
Bugs: Olds season!
Daffy: Chick season!
Bugs: Chick season!
Daffy: OLDS SEASON!!
etc.
Come back here Gwama so I can BWAST you!
Kill da gramma,
Kill da gramma,
Kill da gramma…
I'll kill the gramma! Awise storm! North wind bwow! South wind bwow! Huwwicanes! Typhoons! Earthquakes! Tea Parties! Karl Wove!
"My base is this stupid."
My base is base.
All his base are belong to him.
You win this one. Beat me to it.
Romney is hiding his tax returns & his OS model information. What is Ryan hiding?
Himself — from sunlight, mirrors, and garlic?
Hey, maybe that's why he's hooked up with Mitt the Mormon — no crosses to worry about?
Here's the real Paul Ryan: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embed…
"I hope he took his blood pressure medicine, huh huh huh!"
Fucking prick.
They should play this 24/7.
"Fukkin' prick" are the exact words that popped into my head when I heard that.
If he didn't choose his Part D plan wisely, what blood pressure medication?
I hope that when Ryan hits that age, we really do have death panels.
"I got mine, now shut the fuck up and take your medicine like a good surf" – actual Paul Ryan quote!!
"Puttin' a cap
inon this Ass!" — Romney/Ryan handlers#DayOneJobDone
Fun fact- I googled Paul Ryan, and when I got as far as Paul R, the top suggestion was still NOT Ryan- it was, instead, actual hunky dreamboat Paul Rudd!!
But you're in Canada, right? If I google 'Paul', my first hit is 'Ryan'…
ETA: Much rather see Paul Rudd…
Ah well yet another advantage to living in Canada!
I'm always jealous of Canadians in the summer.
And health care. Really jealous of their health care.
Don't be. It's cooler in New Mexico than Toronto or Montreal in the summer…
Maybe it's just your location; I'm in Chicago, and I get Paul Rudd first too… Then comes Paul Ryan Wikipedia, so you know the libertarians are all busy rewriting history.
Paul Reubens libel!
Well I do refer to Ryan as PeeWee Herman!
"You're OUT!"
"Hey kids, who here likes the hippity-hop music?"
Paul Ryan's reaction to a reporter asking about his role in Priscilla: Queen Of The Desert.
By posing as a lawn jockey on the Romney Estate, Paul Ryan was able to elude both the press and the Romneys for days.
needs moar lipstick on a pig
I'm pretty sure that in order to wear lipstick, you need to have lips.
Lizard lips sink ships.
This is as Black as I go.
kinda custom made for a Waffen SS uniform though, huh?
"Poorly disguised Michael Stipe infiltrates Romney Campaign"
Michael Stipe libel, totally.
That's Ayn in the corner. That's Ayn in the… spot… light… Losing her religion.
It's tough to avoid the paparazzi when you look like Eddie Munster, but I think they did an okay job.
It's amazing how much more freakish his features look in that "normal guy disguise" tho, isn't it?
"Bite my Preibus."
Rinse my Prepuce!
"I am NOT the Unabomber!"
"Ihre Papiere, bitte?"
Oh……..you know what that does to me.
Yes. Yes I do.
I'll just leave this right here.
Ghost Face Medicare Killah
"You, rich person, you look OK. This one here, poor person — REAL fuckin' ugly!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inZUDMGJsKo
"The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades!"
"The
future'sCrowd's sobright,White, I gotta wear shades!"Damn you.
Sorry. When these things spring into my head, They Must Come Out.
Skull-fucking libel!
If it Goes In, It Must Come Out!
"Look into my eyes. The black, black void of my eyes."
"And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you."
–Friedrich Nietzsche
"Resistance is futile."
Shark eyes…
"UNABOMBER ESCAPES!"
ref: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Unabomber-sketc…
"We were just outside of Norfolk, on the edge of the Wisconsin, when the Drugs began to take hold."
Needz moar ether and flying bats.
"There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an
etherAtlas Shrugged binge…""We can't Campaign here! This is Bat Country!"
Tehehe.
DO NOT WANT TO SEE MITTENS ON ADRENAL GLAND
The Beastlie Boys 'bout to release their new single, "Fight for your Right"….to pay NO TAXES!
"Don't go out of the House if it's taxes you want to pay
We'll kick you out if you don't vote our way
Your mom busted in and said, "What's that noise?"
Aw, mom you're just jealous it's the Beastlie Boys!"
Your Mom deleted your best NRO tag…
Too much insomnia last night/this morning, caused at least in part by the possibility that this monster of selfishness and cruelty is backed by enough truckloads of money to get a real chance at ruining what's left of the country.
Someone please reassure me that the guy who went to Harvard is too smart and too wily to let that happen.
I think that the President is smart enough.
His party, on the other hand, reminds me of something Will Rogers once said: "I am not a member of any organized party — I am a Democrat."
The guy who went to Harvard is too smart and too wily to let that happen. Better?
Hey, you know who else went to Harvard?
Romney?
Nah. Wearing of flip-flops violates the dress code at teh IvyLeaguez.
Jeremy Lin?
Me?
I mean, I was never enrolled there, but I *did* visit the campus and buy a Tshirt at the bookstore.
So you're the one! Everyone else just shoplifts them.
Yes. It's going to be okay.
I realize Ryan will be terrible for America. He will be responsible for destroying the entire New Deal if at all possible. In all seriousness, we can't be complacent , especially in regard to voter suppression efforts.
However! His selection has apparently put ol' Tundratwat right over the edge in a foaming at the mouth, rage-filled ghost-written facebook screed. Ryan (curse him!) is mentioned only three times, while President Obama is mentioned 26 spittle-flecked times.
The media has a new young north woods christianist, complete with an attractive young family. Sorry, Palin, but the SQUIRREL has arrived for the media.
I thought $arah WAS the squirrel in the media?
You're right. She WAS the squirrel. Maybe I should have said there is a new squirrel for our illustrious media. She's yesterday's squirrel, and rabid too!
Snowbilly is going to have to get a real job now. I don't know what she could possibly do since she lacks logic, critical thinking skills and language skills. So I guess she won't be able to get a job at a think tank or as a lobbyist.
It will probably also destroy that trainwreck of a daughter's job as well.
This should be interesting.
I wouldn't hire that quitter to shine my shoes.
Can you imagine, every sane and insane pundit in America views her as completely impossible, unviable, in any serious candidacy ever again, yet all these months, she is so so completely delusional, that all these months, she was expecting Romney to call and ask her to save his campaign! Thats hilarious!
$arah is a legend in her own mind. To the rest of the world, she's a freekin' pathetic joke and a sad, sad commentary on America.
Narcissism of that degree truly is a wonder to behold. When the list of speakers came out for the convention and she wasn't on it, I find it easy to believe that she really thought it was because she was going to get The Call.
I betcha she still lies awake night expecting a floor fight with her as the eventual winner. Probably be skulking about in shades and a hat by herself at Disneyland waiting for the call.
"Probably be skulking about in shades and a hat by herself at Disneyland waiting for the call."
this mental picture (and I mean that both ways) made me lol.
Please. She's going to be skulking about in shades and a hat by herself at the Republican National Convention.
She probably thinks votes for VP are cumulative.
specifics please.
"I don't always drink Kool-Aid, but when I do, I drink Rand-Aid."
"Stay thirsty, my friends."
Cheney (whispering): say "go fuck yourself".
Ryan: GO FUCK YOURSELF!
This actually made me lol, even though I suspect that Ryan doesn't need any prompting to tell us all to go fuck ourselves.
Thanks and I think you're right.
Birds of a feather tell us to go fuck ourselves together.
Safe sex.
Presumably no relation to Leo Ryan, the only US Member of Congress killed in the line of duty?
Actually, I think he might be related to Jim Jones.
Well, he does seem to enjoy the Koolaid.
Hope you've all taken your blood-pressure medication. Vid of Paul Ryan being an asshole:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBhdXfCdaA8&fe…
"Why should I waste my beautiful mind on something like that, and watch him suffer?"
He looks like Bazooka Joe. No caption, however.
Not feeling captious today?
Now I do, and posted down thread:
"My Dad is Mitt Romney, so suck it, Poors!"
He is just the right height, age, and whiteness to be Mitt's son.
The son Mitt never loved.
Somewhere, Jon Stewart's writers are laughing and high-fiving each other.
Yeah. Can't wait until Monday. Comedy gold.
Between now and November, they're gonna have the easiest job in the world.
They won't even need to take (seemingly) every other week off to come up with new material.
Annoying, that.
Who stuck aviators on a lump og Play Doh?
One popped collar away from the Platonic Ideal of Douchebag…
"Romney wants me to turn over HOW MANY YEARS OF TAX RETURNS???????"
Fuck you Grandma, hand over the social security and medicare and we will make your demise painless.
And quick.
will make your demise painful.
/fixed
"Whaddaya mean, Adam Yauch won't let us use the video for "Sabotage" in our campaign ads? "
eta: "It describes our plans for America perfectly!"
Needs more 'stache.
Good point. To fit Ryan's personality it would need to be a Snidely Whiplash 'stache.
Here ya go: http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/wp-content/upl…
The distaff side of the nation's newest couple: RoRy.
RomPaul? Mmm. Suspiciously close to you-know-who.
Distaff side?
Mitzi is clearly the beta male in that dyad.
Ryan must tie him up and fuck him in the ass every night.
"Who's crossing the finish line? Who's crossing the finish line? Who's…etc."
Ronald Reagan
Stupid things white people do.
that my friend deserves more p's than you will get mid way thru page two.
cheers!
"Tuesday is Soylent Green Day. See you then, Mom!"
Billie Joe Armstrong libel!
"Nice little safety net ya got there….be a shame…"
He was modelling for the Man of Steele's baseball cap story, wasn't he?
Cool guy possessed by demon cunt Ayn Rand.
What I want to know is how the media missed out on Romney's campaign reserving the USS Wisconsin? You can't just reserve a museum overnight, I wouldn't think. This choice of Ryan was made at least a month ago. All the travel stuff they had to arrange for Romney and Ryan takes real time to set up. The media really are stenographers, for the most part.
Romney was pissed off too – he could not understand why they had to have the event in Virginia instead of just moving the ship to one of those nice Wisconsin lakes with the perfect trees and everything.
Hey! It's Michigan where the trees are just the right height! Did Rombain say something about Wisconsin trees too? Fickle bastard.
"Rombain" – genius, pure genius!! LPL!!
Thank you. I've been using it for awhile. Encapsulates him so nicely, I think.
This goes along with insulting English trees and English housing. That man cannot seem to open his mouth without insulting someone or something.
Actually, no. Former event planner here. Museum rentals (like any other rental space) can make anything happen if enough $$$ are involved. In fact most venues will happily kick out another, confirmed event if someone comes along with a better offer (and have this in the contract). Plus this was held before they opened and involved their Governor probably intervening. __Plus….this is the Mittens Clown Campaign of inepitude we're discussing, here. They're unable to think 5 minutes ahead, let alone actually plan something strategically. I still think Eddie's a Hail Munster pass and the decision was made much, much more hastily than they're letting on.
Why else would they have leaked and launched this like a news dump? Especially since supposedly PeeWee had been there all week? I honestly think the cloak and dagger tale they concocted is the actual ficiton—kinda like Snowtard Snooki was McCain's "political soulmate".
The same campaign that is a daily gaffe machine, that trails by as many as 9 points and has already had one of its surrogates go off message, on national TV did not plan what they claimed to have planned. It was and is a hastily thown together act of desperation.
I think you are on to something. It has been pointed out that there were no prepared Romney/Ryan signs, souvenirs, etc.
I wonder if all the other clowns who were vetted for the job decided to pass when you consider that it doesn't help your stock if you wind up being on a losing ticket because it will be a while before you get your groove back. After all, it took a while for McCain to get some sort of credulity back after having that grifter-snowbilly as the #2 spot on the ticket.
Good point as well. Fucking Vistaprint can get stuff to you in a day or two if you pony up. I generally get my stuff (for the very small company I work for) in about a week—and I never pay for express or priority anything.
That is a huge tell – Obama's people made a point of having signs ready to hand out before Joe made any public appearance as the Veep. They were instant keepsakes when the two of them hit Springfield, and the T-Shirt vendors were already up and going, too.
Then again, Obama didn't handle naming his running mate like the last it had just occurred to him he might as well do something, either. He had set a date, in a place that was about his history (Springfield's Old State Capitol) not some hackneyed attempt at cute staging, and sent out a text with the name hours before the rally. This whole thing by Mitt reeks of desperation and caffeine free Diet Coke.
Make that NEW Coke!!!
Good point. Hadn't thought about the lack of signs.
Not enough signs, too many portents…
And fresh out of Wonders.
The Death zombie was only picked on August 1, according to the newz.
Yeah, parroting what they were told. Munster was picked, at the earliest, on the 8th or 9th.
I don't think they missed it, at all. I think this was the plan. The Obama tried to leak it last week, but the media didn't want to blow the secret.
Thanks for the thoughtful responses, folks. The lack of signs and the presence of "We can dump your event for more money" clauses make this much more clear. Desperation caused the pick, same as with McCain's attempt.
Life's Been Good to me so far.
I can't caption this. He looks like someone's Dad on the down-low at a Hannah Montana revival.
"Don't tell my heart, my achey, breaky heart."
"Your clothes: geef zem to me!"
Alzo your munniez.
& yr birth controlz.
und yer cheesy aviator sunglasses.
Wash night. Nothing to wear.
Sounds like the return of… the Banal Rapist.
Hey, got ya a tip for the turd race. Put 100 large on Mitt the Git on the nose.
I've given it some thought and honestly the only caption that comes to mind is:
"Hi, I'm Paul Ryan. Punch me in the mouth."
"…with your vote."
Of course.
Tyler: I want you to hit me, as hard as you can. With votes.
Win, as far as I'm concerned that just explains all you need to know/do.
here I am in my umpire disguise.
Romney's alright
Ryan's alright —
They just seem a little greedy.
Surrender, surrender
Give up that Medicare.
I was gonna say how that song got ruined for me when the creepo from Fast Times at Ridgemont High bludgeoned it — but your own link opened with an even creepier intro ad by Romney-for-Prez so now my cranium has been doubly bruised.
Oops — sorry, but you have to admit Ryan's resemblance to Rick Nielsen is pretty freaky by itself.
Ewww… Uncanny, right down to the baseball cap, and something resembling shades. Thanks for that (NOT)~
And Janesville isn't far from Rockford. Hmmm.
"Tally-ho, I'm off to kill some grannies!"
"I'm Cyclops."
"No, Paulie, you're not. You know he dies, right? Maybe you are."
I'm in disguise, you stupid tart!
C_R_ kicketh ass !
Thanks, but somebody deserves it.
OK that's enough references to Yellowbeard around here. I'm gonna have to break down and finally watch it. That was Madeleine Kahn, wasn't it. WASN'T IT. Hmph…
Oh, yes. Yes it was. A terribly absurd and stupid movie with an all star cast and absolutely chock-full of catch phrases. You need to watch this. Drunk, with friends.
You will find yourself using quotes from Yellowbeard, frequently. Be warned.
And I swear it is at least part of the inspiration for the stop motion animation flick Pirates, Band of Misfits by the Wallace & Grommit guys. Incredibly silly, but sadly not nearly as memorable as some of their other work.
Really!? That's the only Wallace and Grommit I haven't seen. I'll have to look it up just for grins, thanks!
Priceless!
Pay attention, now, Paul. This is how you wear a pair of sunglasses:
http://images.fabulously40.com/photo/6941/thumbx6…
So fine!
Oh yeah.
Outstanding.
James O'Keefe sucks at subterfuge. And on penises.
"Whoop, whoop, who let the olds out?"
Going to the waterfront, going to drown the next one.
I'm Verbal Kint here to purchase the Montreal Expos.
I'm telling you this guy is protected from up on high by the Prince of Darkness.
He looks an awful lot like Breitbart's fake pimp dude.
You mean that skank-meister fugly-inverted-triangle- head sex toy @sshole named James O'Keefe?
That mofo should be in jail now for being a lying sack of chit that ruined peoples lives for fun and profit, but I'll have to get my comfort knowing that the Karma god will get him eventually.
I shoulda just stuck to skiing, but I had whole generations to ruin.
I got your best brown noser right here!!!
Mr. Gillespie says, "WTF?"
http://www.americaslibrary.gov/assets/jb/modern/j…
Some of the new accessories in Congressman Ryan's new Colorforms® pack are: Ballcap, Authority-Demanding Sunglasses, and Republican Hypocrisy!
I'll just set this down here:
"- There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old's life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs."
- H/T John Rogers
"I am lean, mean, two super, stupid, pointless, bills passed in 13 years machine!!!!"
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/12/paul-rya…
So…not only is he a rightwing kill the poors douchebag, he's an ineffective rightwing kill the poors douchebag.
"Les Aspin Post Office Building." Really? I once named a business for my boss while I was working an actual real job. Why ain't I a VP pick?
"Steeeee-rike three! Medicaid is out!"
He looks like he just spiked the frat's "hunch punch" with Rohypnol.
Here's his favorite outfit: http://gawker.com/paul-ryan/?comment=51773410
I'm horrified that Gawker thinks he's hawt. Just don't see it. Especially in that nerd shirt.
Those eyes give me the creeps. Handsome Joe for me!
Handsome Joe's son, Beau would work, too!
Speaking of all this—I notice even Munster's fappers quickly run out of stuff to praise and proceed to yak about either gym routine (????) or his "beautiful family" and what an awesome dad he is.
I do think his kids are cute, but guess what? So are Mittens' and Biden's grandkids and so certainly are the Obama girls. And if you're gonna do the awesome dad thing, well let's get real here—no one's EVER gonna top our Veep on THAT score!
Daulerio ruins another site!
http://gawker.com/paul-ryan/?comment=51773410
scroll down and see the black and white pix
Yeah, whatevs. I think he's more likely on the downlow, my own self. I'm totally reminded of the Sotuh Park episode about Butters I watched this AM.
Won't remove his sunglasses OR apologize (fro being a douchecanoe).
VAMPIRE!
More proof. Vampire Capitalism has found its Vampire Budget Policy guy. http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2011/…
"I am the great and powerful Oz"
Caption: " A-B-C. A-Always, B-Be, C-Closing. Always be closing, always be closing. "
*h/t to Glengarry Glenross
"Coffee is for closers!!!"
"This is NOT a WORLD of MEN."
"Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?"
Sarah Goode libel!
Needs moar Sharpie on the ball-cap.
"You say you want to throw a few million old people to the gutter and they put you in the Mittness Protection Program."
"Yo grandma, start growing your own vegetables…and penicillin"
as skoalrebel liked to say 'phuque y'all!'
OT: Is anyone else seeing a Groupon ad on this page in Turkish? I'm wondering if this is fallout from the post about the Turkish guy who doesn't much care for athletic wimmenz?
I've been getting ads about Mazda Miatas. How the phuck they know what I drive?
Wasn't me- I thought you drove an Oscar Mayer weiner truck…
I’ve been driving the same Miata since 1991. The engine runs with full compression and the body is in better shape than mine. I long ago realized that as many of my neighbors have periods of shaping up and trimming down because of our beachfront community, I have to trim down to fit in my car. Some mornings it feels less like I get in it then put it on.
"I swear, Mr. Hansen – I'm just here for the lemonade and cookies!"
"Are you trying to seduce me, Mr. Hansen?"
"Secret Agent Midas Mulligan, licensed to kill Medicare and Social Security."
I would say Mitt just cast a Paul over his campaign, but it really wasn't so great before this…
Ryan's a Catholic, Romney's a Mormon, which means there are no Christians on the Republican ticket. I think it would be a shame if good Christian evangelicals vote for this heathen team; one's a member of a cult, and the other one's Mormon. It's a damn shame is what it is.
"Ryan's a Catholic, Romney's a Mormon, which means there are no Christians on the Republican ticket."
I think what you mean is that there are no Protestants on the R ticket.
Catholics are Christians, and have been since before, and for far longer than, Protestants have existed. We/they were the *only* Christians for the first 1500 years of Christianity's 2000-year history, and if Henry VIII hadn't wanted to divorce his first wife, we/they would be the only Christians for Christianity's *entire* 2000-year history.
I don't mean to jump down your throat, since you seem like a nice little doggie — and I understand that you're not the person making that distinction. And I'm not defending Catholicism, since I was raised Catholic and am still recovering from that.
It's just that that whole Protestant/Baptist/Brother Leroy Billy Joe Bob thing about defining "Christian" as "Protestant" bugs the shit out of me. It's offensive, it's bigoted, and it smacks of that whole, "a word means what *I* say it means" mindset.
Wasn't the original comment, you know, snark?
Also, too, Martin Luther libel!!!!
You probably don't know me too well, I used to post a lot here until I got a job where the IT Dept believes in policing the Internet, so I can't post from work.
The comment was entirely sarcastic, to be read from the fundy point of view. Of course I think Catholics are Christian; by me, if you believe in Christ, you're Christian. I've heard fundies say this, it's not my belief.
I also think Mormons are Christian, of course, what else could they be?
So…what you're saying is that the only Christian in the race now is a black guy! (Biden's Catholic)…Just kidding. It is strange from a fundie messed-up point of view though.
"You probably don't know me too well, I used to post a lot here [...] The comment was entirely sarcastic"
I figured that, which is why I was careful to include "don't mean to jump down your throat, since you seem like a nice little doggie — and I understand that you're not the person making that distinction."
That said, I've been an atheist since I was 14 or so, and I don't think being considered a Christian is necessarily a good thing.
Brother Leroy Billy Joe Bob doesn't object to the Catholic Church because of specific doctrinal differences, or because they're anti-sex, or because they're anti-woman, or because they're anti-intellectuals who frown on questioning anything said by anyone in authority, or because they encourage people to believe in something that doesn't exist, or even because of the priests nailing altar boys thing — he objects because, in his pea brain, Catholics are swarthy ethnics whose last names end with a vowel.
I don't even believe in Christianity — but it shouldn't be equated to Anglo-Saxon because a few bigots wish it was.
I'm Jewish and to us- A Christian is a Christian- many kinds- I get that. I do not understand how you are not a Christian if you believe in the divinity of Jesus. I was really surprised speaking to a Unitarian who told me they are not Christians- but I'm Jewish- what do I know
& to a Mormon, you're a Gentile!
Thou hast trolled thyself.
Whereas on the other side we gots a Protestant and a Catholic.
Ulster Union Libel!
As I mentioned in another thread somewhere, this is interesting that the GOP, the home of White Bread Protestants has no Protestant running (And I mean mainline Protestant, not snake dancers or whatever).
This is unheard of…. I mean at one point you had to be a Protestant and a Mason to run for office in this country.
And a white male.
I know exactly what Katydid means. I was raised Southern Baptist, in a little town in California where Protestants were outnumbered by Catholics. Despite the fact that Catholics were our friends, neighbors, team-mates and colleagues, we didn't consider them Christians. They may as well have worshiped Jove or Athena. We were the Christians. We were also very, very skeptical of the Methodists, and had our suspicions about the Church of Christ. The dissonance was great with us.
Don't even get me started on the Mormons or the Jehovah's Witnesses.
So yeah–from a Southern Baptist perspective, there are no Christians on the Republican ticket. But if you think that will win Alabama for Obama, think again.
I think you have to be white to truly qualify.
Ashton Cruise is too sexay, yeah.
How about a plain, straightforward caption: "Hi, America. I'm a giant douchebag."
"Hello, Mrs. Cleaver. You are looking especially beautiful today."
"Why THANK you, Edward."
[remember how Mrs. Cleaver always used to call Eddie Haskell "Edward" and Lumpy Rutherford "Wallace"?]
"Ward, weren't you a little hard on the Beaver last night."
You are old.
Yeah, we olds need to keep it to ourselves, or Ryan will be noodling for us instead of for catfish.
*has care attendant brandish cane menacingly at NYNYNYjr*
Whippersnapper!
I am so old that I can remember when Saturday Night Live was funny.
You truly were the Greatest Generation. Thank you for your service in the battle of the bulge or whatever you did.
Battle of yo momma.
Paul Ryan? Oh wow, thought it was Kid Rock.
He looks like what I imagined Captain Queeg would look like in the "Caine Mutiny."
"RESPECT MAH AUTHORI-TAE!!"
AuthoriTEA also.
"Are you talkin'…to me? You talkin' to me? Well, I don't see any other Objectivists around here."
His Dukakis in a tank moment…and Ryan's campaign hasn't even started.
Baseball cap…. check
Sunglasses… check
Slack jaw to attract mouth breather voters… check
He's the REAL Catholic.
Ryan can wear anything he likes, but the truth is you can't polish a turd.
There's an old Italian proverb which translates approximately to: "It's a waste of water to wash the head of a jackass".
My first choice for VP was Jean Schmidt, who doesn't require a disguise- she's so ugly no one even looks at her.
"Isn't that Bernie Goetz?"
From the recent Romney puff piece in the NYT:
"Much as Clinton had a sign reading 'It's the economy, stupid' at his campaign headquarters, at Romney headquarters is a large, prominently displayed wooden sign with the word 'DERP' carved ornately on it. It's a message the Republicans want deeply ingrained in their young, eager volunteer staff in this all-important election year.
'It helps keep us on message on those days when everything is crazy busy and stressed out,' said Worthington Bradford of New Haven who has taken the summer off to work for Romney."
What th–…???
Sheesh, maybe I *am* snark impaired!
Is the NYT being sarcastic, or are Romney and his staff actually so stupid that they don't realize that DERP is *our* word for making fun of *them*?
Or — alternate possibiilty — are they openly admitting that they consider being stupid a good thing? Is that why it "keeps them on message"?
And no, the fact that the staffer's name is "Worthington Bradford" is not a dead give-away that this was cribbed from the Onion, as it would have been if the candidate were anyone but Romney.
I was just joshing.
Annnndddd, that conclude's today's experiment that trying to function on four hours of sleep is not optimabibble for my mental facultitties.
Sweet dreams of Barack & Handsome Joe tonite. Don't stress about the RR's.
Annnndddd, that concludes today's experiment that trying to function on four hours of sleep is not optimabibble for my mental facultitties.
Oh boy.
Nothin' to see here, folks. Just Unabombin'.
Because I like to bring a little bit of Ye Olde England to Wonkette, I'll go with…
"Why hello there. May I be your William Hague tonight?"
http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2010/sep/01/wi…
Your cap cannot disguise your Black(Irish)ness.
At least, though, not black like Phil Lynott, just black like Colin Farrell.
Did you hear that, America? He's Blah Irish; that means one of his grandparents was a niggra!
The hat makes the Grecian Formula take hold faster!
highway to hell.
Fast lane. Sigh…
Looks like Romney is already rubbing off on his new BFF:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/12/paul-rya…
Or is that 'rubbing one out' on his new BFF?
"My Dad is Mitt Romney, so suck it, Poors!"
OT: Loving the closing Olympic ceremony. Man, if UK doesn't have an awesome musical heritage.
Always look on the bright side of life! Eric Idle FTW!
EDIT: Skating Nuns, A Wagnerian Soprano and a Roman Centurion Chorus line. I am dying with laughter, here.
BTW, Brian May has a PhD degree in Astrophysics (!)
The guy from Genesis playing Wish You Were Here?!?
"Wisconsin Shore: The Legend of Snooki's Gold."
The Banality of Evil.
Okay, so a United Church of Christ Muslin, a More-men, and two Papists walk into a voting booth…
Rumours of Giant Octopus at Olympic closing ceremony.
Hmmmmmmmmm.
Not me. I'm too busy with this Bridge.
Not buying it. Plenty of time to get back what with the broadcast delay.
I'm going for the Crown Jewels. Sssshhhhhh!
.
I didn't think the Brits were into Purple Tentacle Sex…
"Rumours of Giant Octopus at Olympic closing ceremony"
Chthulu?
Fuck you commoners, I AM ONLY RELEASING TWO YEARS OF MY TAX RETURNS.
OT But after that ghastly CBS interview this happened.
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-250_162-57491617/fact…
New titanium hats protect soft boiled eggs inside
That is the dumbest dumb fuck hat any politician other than the late Bella Abzug has ever worn. Bella earned the right to wear dumb hats because she worked tirelessly helping women and Middle Class Americans. Ryan's hat just covers up the hole in his head while he helps himself to all he can get.
I look at this guy and I see 1950s gas station attendant. And that's without the cap and glasses. But maybe it's just me.
"BMW 760? key's in the ignition sir, let me load your bags"
Yo-yo-yo just chillin with my peeps ya'll! Veeps with his peeps, seein?
"Gee thanks Mr. Romney for picking me , but can I move out my congressional office now and sleep on your car? "
"I wear my sunglasses at night, so I can, so I can starve your grandma some way that rhymes with night"
"I grew up reading Ayn Rand and it taught me quite a bit about who I am and what my value systems are, and what my beliefs are. It’s inspired me so much that it’s required reading in my office for all my interns and my staff. We start with Atlas Shrugged. People tell me I need to start with The Fountainhead then go to Atlas Shrugged [laughter]. There’s a big debate about that. We go to Fountainhead, but then we move on, and we require Mises and Hayek as well. "
~Ryan's speech to "The Atlas Society" http://goo.gl/AiJDV
Farmer Man Ryan just home from church and headed out to feed the cows.
Another pic of Pall Lyan being escorted to his first presser.
http://www.thedailybeast.com/
Well, Mittens already introduced him as The Next President of The United States. Given how little Mittens actually seems to WANT the job, I'm fine with that as a caption.
When did Mike Boogie get evicted from Big Brother? I missed that. Enjoy.
"Look, if I wanted to talk about Noodling, I'd have written you a script to print."
Wrapped up like a douche, another runner in the night.
This is a disguise? It's what all the Ayn Rand fanboys are wearing these days.
James O'Keefe and Paul Ryan have never been in the same room together. Just saying.
Not geeky looking at all.
"Look Grandma, no zombie-eyes!!"
"Gotta hide my granny-killin' laser eyes somehow, folks!"
http://www.jennsylvania.com/.a/6a00d83445510c53ef…
I was waiting for that.
I like W. Mitt Romney, as told by a scolding mother.
Ryan: "You took too much, man too much, too much."
Mittens: "Finish the fucking story! What about the glands?"
Coulter: "Goddammit, go to bed you two! We've got to be in Wisconsin tomorrow!"
and all the Marvells are on the other side.
And the Father, Son and Holy Ghost
They caught the last train for the Coast.
Oh, no- was that one & Donne?
"No Man is an Island"
-John Donne
"He's a Peninsula!"
-Jefferson Airplane
Speaking of islands , can't we find one on which to strand Romney/Ryan? Just so they can get to know each other, of course. And they can come back in time for Christmas…
And speaking of Donne- well, you've probably already seen this, but if not…
Marry, Ageyn Hic Hev Donne Yt
Good idea! I think we can find a nice Island Paradise to suit them.
Oh, yeah and we can hang out on Cantelope Island
Yes, that is a good island for them- especially the rule of silence!
I got kicked off of Canteloupe Island, but if you go, I'll send you an island letter.
No- that's outstanding! Thank you!
Great cover tunes get to me every time. It's the fresh look and a pleasant element of surprise.
Here's a pretty Special Cover. for you.
I LOVE Seu Jorge!!!
Have you ever heard his cover of The Model?
New to me – and that's just amazing. I never would have thought to put Seu Jeorge and Kraftwerk together – but it works!
Here's one of my all-time favorite Dylan Covers.
I could do this all night, but I must Fall Out soon. Thanks for the new music!
Oh, what the hell: One more Cover.
I had not heard that one but I like it.
I should also sign off, but here's one more. I'm not usually a fan of Beatles covers, but I've always kinda liked this one. (And yes, that is Robert Smith, later of the Cure)
Well, if you're gonna do that one, let's have 'em cover Leon, too.
You can't explain it.
Love this.
Yeah! Never saw that performed before!
Damn right. Here in SW Ontario I've spent the summer in my house hiding from the heat and humidity.
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