ryan's air force bunsIn case you missed it, Mitt Romney picked Rep. Paul Ryan (WI) as his running mate. Here is how they did it: First, they notified Twitter. (Darrell Issa is convening a panel to investigate the national security leaks coming out of the Romney campaign.) Then they notified Paul Ryan maybe. This morning, Romney announced the pick officially through his smartphone app, which, if you downloaded, congratulations, because the Romney campaign now has your contact information for sexy Paul Ryan chats.

At 9 AM, which is 6 AM Pacific time, which is a really, really smart and excellent time to have a big announcement on a Saturday morning, and which unfortunately precluded us from actually live-blogging this bullshit as was originally the plan because someone forgot to wake up and now all of a sudden I’m doing it, Romney and Ryan set foot on the U.S.S. Wisconsin, a former Naval battleship and government-run museum, to point out that the government has done nothing useful and should be destroyed.

First, Romney walked out to the soundtrack from Air Force One, which increased his foreign policy experience by nearly 75%. He was very happy to be able to announce Paul Ryan as a game-changer policy wonk Young Gun political outsider thing. Paul Ryan is a 14-year Congressman who has basically not stepped foot outside of the District of Columbia since he could rent a car without a co-signer. Romney awkwardly introduced Ryan as “the next President of the United States,” but then smoothly corrected himself by putting his arm around Ryan’s shoulder and grinning through a really painful explanation of how Romney made a mistake, but not in selecting Paul Ryan, because (chuckle), um, because.

Ryan also walked out to the soundtrack from Air Force One (ONLY THREE LEFT), at which point Your Wonkette realized that neither of them were carrying AK-47s to ward off terrorists. How this will play in swing states is unknown.

Ryan unleashed a blistering barrage of battery on Bam-Bam, going after government and a few other things, but never mentioning his amazing pop-up site to end Medicare and Social Security. Presumably, he will unveil his handsome wonkishness on us at a later date when we have all obtained free birth control to prevent us from having his little Eddie Munster children. Ryan did not in fact mention much of anything he had ever done during his 14 years in Congress, because apparently the Romney campaign is not adopting or endorsing any part of Ryan’s entire career.

Does this mean Mitt Romney is adopting the Paul Ryan plan?

· Gov. Romney applauds Paul Ryan for going in the right direction with his budget, and as president he will be putting together his own plan for cutting the deficit and putting the budget on a path to balance.

Growing up in my hood, we called that “a startling break with the predominant rationale for choosing this man as second in line to the presidency, mufucka.”

Oh, and they both spoke on Teleprompters, because after the guy who invented Obamacare chooses the guy who voted for the auto bailout and  has virtually no private sector experience to complete his ticket, we are all Kenyans now.

Oh yeah, and also, because Romney is a man of integrity and honor, he had his son Tagg Romney notify all the runners-up that they spent months sitting in hotel bathrooms constipated out of their minds on local food for no good reason. Dude just really loves outsourcing.

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  • Barb_

    Hold your grandparents very close at this time. Don't let them do anything risky, like buying green bananas. You never know if they are going to have much time left to wait for them to ripen if Paul Ryan has anything to say about it.

    • Biff

      I read that as "frisky", and I was thinking wtf?

    • GhostBuggy

      At least Obama had the decency to give them a fighting chance, if they're able to successfully plead their cases to the death panels.

  • Fukui-sanYesOta

    Rich guy / poor rapist 2012

    If this combination of sociopathic money-worshipers win then America will certainly look somewhat different.

    Luckily they won't, because they're FUCKING MADD AS A BOX OF FROGS.

    edit: watching Brasil v Mexico on Telemundo rules. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!

  • Barb_

    Both Romney and Ryan are men with inherited wealth. Most American can identify with that. This could be a landslide. A landslide of terror!

  • PuckStopsHere

    The reason he made the announcement at 9 o'clock on a Saturday (the regular crowd shuffles in…) is that he–like the rest of America–is embarrassed and ashamed about it.

    • Barb_

      I was asleep when the announcement was made. My Nana called and woke me, wondering what the name of the company is that does those reverse mortgages for the olds.

    • Biff

      I was thinking the regular Friday news-dump time slot must've already been full.

    • Callyson

      Actually, they interrupted Olympic coverage to cover this "breaking" news.

      First, I was pissed: they cut into the women's relay race quals for this? Yawn…

      …then the magnitude of what Mittens has done occurred to me. The Medicare Hatchet Man? He couldn't have riled up *our* base more effectively, unless maybe he had nominated Crazy Eyes.

      Let the *real* games begin!

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        It's gonna be fun, don't ya think?

    • Barrelhse

      But, really, who drinks "tonic and gin"?

      • And what the fuck is a real estate novelist?

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          "And then she showed me her mortgage. Sploosh, I was underwater"

  • DocChaos

    Count on Mitt to step on his own dick once again. Backtracking from his brand new little buddy's signature issue on the same day he tells the nation Ryan's his choice for Jr. President.

  • gullywompr

    OK, now add the elderly to the long list of people that won't vote GOP. At this point, Romney/Ryan is only going to get 1% of the popular vote.

    • NellCote71

      Ryan is no fan of the lady parts, either.

    • miss_grundy

      You would be surprised how gullible the old are here in Michigan. Back when the Pres was trying to get healthcare reform passed, there was a demonstration in front of Rep. McCotter's office in Livonia, MI. And some old lady started singing "God Bless America" to rally the anti-heathcare nuts in the group. Here in Livonia, they would vote for Hitler if he was on the Republican ballot.

      • Fukui-sanYesOta

        Here in God's Own East Bay, the only people I saw protesting on the street about the ACA were angry geriatrics. It really made one want to ask them "what the fuck do you think this is? do you know the benefits you'll get from this?", but there's no point. Obama could push legislation giving everyone over 65 the Presidential Medal of Freedom and angry oldz would claim it's Stalin-Hitlerism.

        • gullywompr

          The oldz in Florida will care – just remind them of Ryan's plans for Medicare. That's 29 Electoral College votes right there.

  • SpeedoFart

    All aboard the Mittanic!
    *toot toot!*

    • RadioBowels

      I'm the king of the world!!1!….(grotesque crunching sound of metal on unyielding ice floe.)

      • glasspusher

        No Marigolds in the Promised Land?

        • Any man left on the Rio Grande is — as far as I know.

    • Boojum

      I think he spells it "Mytt".

  • zumpie

    Not sure how leaking his Hail PeeWee Herman pass after everyone's gone to sleep, then offically announcing it at the crack of dawn (on a weekend), only to have the networks quickly switch to Olympic coverage is gonna give Mittens his "double digit bounce"….but hey, Robme's super smarty smart and has run a flawless campaign thus far, right???

  • proudgrampa

    It is said that a candidate's choice of Vice President is an indication of how he will make decisions as a President.

    If Romney wins, we are all freakin' doomed.

    • Expect a call about your doom from Tagg.

  • glasspusher

    Ryan, rhymes with cryin', here's hoping that the first will lead to the last for Mittens.

    Maybe Ryan can help Mitt fight off that mean schoolyard bully Barry who Mitt has asked very nicely to stop calling him names! *sob*

    • ThankYouJeebus

      Every campaign stop should kick off with Roy Orbison's Crying.

      • Toomush_Infer


  • NellCote71

    Dear editrix,
    It is appropriate, in keeping with the spirit of the Olympics, that you have a delayed not-so-live blog of an event that we already know the outcome.

    I do have a question of protocol, however. Do we start drinking now or retroactively?

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Retroactively. Remember the song, "Catchin' up is hard to do."

    • Callyson


    • Dashboard Buddha

      I do my drinking proactively.

    • Theywontlisten

      Just Wake and Bake

  • OneYieldRegular

    What, are they using a battleship now in the Republican War on Women?

    • nirrti_rachelle

      Well, in Romney's case, Kamakazes.

    • miss_grundy

      No, he thinks this is the way true Amurricans announce the vp nom. Because the GOP is the true Amurrican party, don'tcha know……as if…….

    • eggsacklywright

      Chicken hawks unloading chicken squawks on ladyparts. Chicka-BOOM.

    • PMS Wisconsin

    • LibertyLover

      Don't point that 220 mm at my vag, man!

  • SexySmurf

    Romney doesn't want to be President, and I can't blame him.

    • Cuz then he'll have to release his precious tax returns, or forever have people speculating about how he funds dirty bombs for abortion clinics that he also funds to kill white Christian babies cuz he's a Mormon sister husband to an offshore bank account.

  • Biff

    This will end well, I think.

  • The very sad thing about this: Millions of people will vote for the two scoundrels, they will carry many states and the only real reason to vote for them is that they aren't black.

    I know it is just stating the obvious but it still makes me angry/sad/ready to redouble my efforts to re-elect Obama.

    • Apparently it moves Wisconsin from outside the margin of error for Bams to "toss-up" cookies, which means I can't watch this one from my couch, will have to instead knock on doors and speak to armed strangers.

    • dennis1943

      I ,too, can feel my resolve hardening……….

      • CivicHoliday

        Oh my soon-to-be-banned ladyparts are tingling now

        • 1stNewtontheMoon

          tingling in a bad way, right? because my man parts are tingling in a bad way at the thought of outlawed ladyparts.

    • idrobny

      that is also the problem. 2 rich white dudes in a country almost half black & hispanic. other than the white men where will their vote come from? just asking…..

  • glasspusher

    yeah, but does he have to make it look so obvious? At least Rubio might have gotten him Florida. Read fivethirtyeight this week?

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      Hell yeah, every day.

      Waiting for the VP bump now. For Obama.

      • glasspusher

        Yah, I know, it's like electoral porn. I try not to get too optimistic. Love Nate's methods.

        • Fukui-sanYesOta

          I've read one of his baseball stats books; the guy is amazing.

          His analysis of swing states gives me real hope for this election. When all the big, crappy news orgs like CNN are pushing general polls showing Rmoney ahead by three points or whatever, I always head over to 538 to cheer myself up.

          • I'm generally in awe of both the rigor of the analysis he applies, and the consistent accuracy of the predictions that result.

            IIRC, the only vote he's gotten wrong in the past 5 or so years was Indiana in 2008, in that he was a bit more pessimistic about Obama's odds than how the state ended up going. And so a ton of his follow-up writing for the '08 election was about why he got Indiana so wrong.

    • miss_grundy

      Yeah, but Rubio that isn't an Amurrican name…….

      • glasspusher

        Are you saying the rubes won't vote for Rubio?

    • BoroPrimorac

      Rubio wouldn't have made much of a difference in Florida. When he ran for senate in 2010 he didn't have to contend with Obama's vast coattails.

  • Fukui-sanYesOta

    "Graduating from Joseph A. Craig High School in Janesville in 1988, Ryan was voted prom king and "Biggest Brown-Noser" by his classmates." – wikipedia

    • horsedreamer_1

      So, he tongue punched the Prom Queen's fartbox?

      • Fukui-sanYesOta

        Just after skullfucking the Prom Prince.

    • dennis1943

      It's number one on his resume'……….

      • After throwing seniors off a cliff.

        • HistoriCat

          I thought that was in the goals section of his resume.

  • ThankYouJeebus

    That Christopher Guest is a mockumentary genius. Because no way in hell is this a carefully planned strategy on how to win the WH.

  • Paul Ryan, the William E. Miller of 2012.

    • horsedreamer_1

      No. The Jack Kemp of 2012. & it's fitting: Paulie No Nuts* is a Kemp protégée & Romney, like Bob Dole, is just "the next in line".

      It's 96 all over again.

      & this race makes me feel young.

      /plays Killers "When we were young"

  • lilblacktombo
    • Butch_Wagstaff

      "Restore America's Promise"?
      Well at least it's not as nonsensical as "Restore Our Future".

    • bobbert

      What the fuck is he wearing under his jacket. A white-collar rugby sweater?

  • RadioBowels

    When is he going to parade his family out so that us mean, heartless, Alinsky/Ayers/Stalin-loving libs can make fun of them?
    And thanks Jesse. This paragraph is perfect:

    Oh, and they both spoke on Teleprompters, because after the guy who invented Obamacare chooses the guy who voted for the auto bailout and has virtually no private sector experience to complete his ticket, we are all Kenyans now.

    • horsedreamer_1

      I still wouldn't risk running a marathon, given my aortic graft.

  • It was fitting to see Ryan's VP candidacy announced in front of a mothballed behemoth that hasn't done any useful work in over 60 years. Oh, and the USS Wisconsin was used as a backdrop, too.

    • Shit, I'm an hour late and you beat me to it, all I can add is, "…and, like the Romney campaign, it isn't going anywhere."

  • Goonemeritus

    The next guy that says there is no difference between the two Parties is going to get a vigorous kick in the balls from me.

    • eggsacklywright

      Oh, there's a difference all right. One will fuck you real quick and the other will do it real slow and nice.

  • NellCote71

    So, we have a Catholic and a Mormon. I guess the South will just hold its collective nose when it votes and mutter, "Well, at least neither one is of the cul-lahd persuasion."

    • GhostBuggy

      Moroni wept.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Since Ryan told all the freshmen Republican representatives to "read Ayn Rand" I think the Democrats should start reading off Rand's views on religion. That'll really bring in the Bible Belt bunch.

      • 1stNewtontheMoon

        does this mean that Ryan won't run for re-election for his own house seat? this could wind up as a double-win with Ryan getting his own Fauxnews gig in December.

    • ttommyunger

      I was thinking Cantor was of the Hebrew Persuasion….was it just the name?

      • ttommyunger

        Sorry, I get these soulless pussyfoots confused. Cantor, Ryan, put them in a bag and pull one out, still have a pasty-faced pant load.

        • Fukui-sanYesOta

          It's not just you. I got those two identikit fucks mixed up all the time.

          • ttommyunger

            I swear to God, the Rightards in Congress bring to mind the “One of Us” Chant from “Freaks”.

        • NellCote71

          Thank god, I thought it was just me. The Pawlenty Santorum axis, too.

          • ttommyunger

            …and it isn't restricted to these two. So many of these Congressional Rightards look, act and talk alike it's fucking spooky.

    • mayor_quimby

      Chris Hayes made that point, the only Protestant on the ticket is Obama. Depending on who you ask.

    • Theywontlisten

      But is he the right height?

  • Goonemeritus

    Obama’s going to beat these two like he’s killing a snake with a snow shovel.

  • e_z

    So Romney came out to the sound track of Air Force One. A more fitting selection for Ryan's stroll to the microphone would have been "Radak is Free" from the same flic.

    • miss_grundy

      I wonder how Harrison Ford feels about these guys using music from one of his great action flicks? Perhaps someone in the media will ask him?

      • horsedreamer_1

        Gary Oldman, the villain in that movie, is a fairly staunch Conservative, so we know he's with it.

        • Oh thanks, I didn't need to know that.

        • 1stNewtontheMoon

          isn't Gary a Brit? a fairly staunch british conservative–so a left of center American democrat?

    • Nah, I think Wackety Sax would have sufficed.

  • MissTaken

    Awesome! My dad is very pleased that thanks to Ryan's budget he gets to continue working on the Railroad until he's 113 instead of retiring in 3 years like he's been promised for decades. Yay!

    Fuck this dick with his own vagina.

  • SpeedoFart

    Earlier this morning, I called MamaFart. All I said was "Paul Ryan!" and we laughed and laughed and laughed.

    Sigh. Good times.

  • Barb_

    Looks like Sarah Palin won't be able to rely on the RNC to buy new school clothes for her kids this year.

    • NellCote71

      They go to school?

      • 1stNewtontheMoon

        fair enough. new clothes so they can hang around the house and bitch about things.

    • SpeedoFart

      Or herself, judging by those tacky clodhoppers she was wearing.

      Hey guys! Payless was having a sale!

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        Payless! Where you pay less and get less!

    • Sorry Sarah, the world has moved on.

  • angelfoot

    Can anyone photoshop Ryan driving the Weinermobile up Pennsylvania Ave. with Romney strapped in a cage on top? Because I would like that.

    • Puffperney

      I second that!

    • Why photoshop it? Let's have them do it for real.

    • cletar

      Sure. I already photoshopped Ryan wearing a Wesley Crusher uniform standing in front of the weinermobile. Adding Romney in a cage wouldn't be too hard.

  • SpiderCrab

    I love the macho posturing of this self-described "young gun". Shrimp Pecker.

    • Barrelhse


  • MistaEko

    Guys, we are not going to repeat the mistakes of the McCain campaign! We are not going to fear that our candidate's record puts us in mortal danger of rebellion by the base! We are not going to make irrational decisions based on that fear, selecting a rabid conservative for VP whose credentials fall apart on scrutiny and will drive away independents! We are going to … he what? … all right guys, meet back here in 2016.

  • Biff

    So you're telling me there's still a chance for Ron Paul at the convention?


    • Yeah, he'll be driving the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile.

  • JackObin

    Let's all lift our glass of milk and toast the happy couple. Oh what a bore. Nobody will vote.

  • Limeylizzie


    11h Megan Carpentier ‏@megancarpentier
    The real question is which Buzzfeed reporter is going to get the first interview with one of the staffers who told me they banged Ryan.

    • Love child or Plan-B? Degenerate Wonketteers and Fundie Busybodies want to know.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Ah, Megan, failed lobbyist, Wonkette editor, Jezebel editor, Gawker contributor… Basically, life fail.

  • salt_bagel

    Reports say that Ryan drove the Weinermobile when he was younger. So despite not doing much in Congress, he does have prior experience at fucking the whole world.

  • glasspusher

    Has the over/under on the VP debate been posted yet? I want to get my bet in early: Biden entertains and is warm. Ryan is unable to speak without spittle visibly coming out of his mouth.

    • I think a Rabies treatment would do wonders for Mr. Ryan.

      • HistoriCat

        Like Ol' Yeller? Seems a bit extreme. Of course, people cried when Ol' Yeller got rabies.

        • Well, my intended implication was that we cure Ryan of his rabies, but hey, whatever helps ease the most suffering of the most citizens is the most humane choice, I suppose.

    • Biff

      With Joebiden being a proponent of trains and Eddy Munster wanting to raid railroad worker's retirement, they should be good.

  • And Tagg just had someone else send them text messages!

  • ProgressiveInga

    From Matt Taibbi, April 7, 2011:
    Paul Ryan, the Republican Party’s latest entrant in the seemingly endless series of young, prickish, over-coiffed, anal-retentive deficit Robespierres they’ve sent to the political center stage in the last decade or so, has come out with his new budget plan. All of these smug little jerks look alike to me – from Ralph Reed to Eric Cantor to Jeb Hensarling to Rand Paul and now to Ryan, they all look like overgrown kids who got nipple-twisted in the halls in high school, worked as Applebee’s shift managers in college, and are now taking revenge on the world as grownups by defunding hospice care and student loans and Sesame Street. They all look like they sleep with their ties on, and keep their feet in dress socks when doing their bi-monthly duty with their wives.

    I ♡ Matt Taibbi

    • ttommyunger

      Me too, genius!

    • horsedreamer_1

      When I'm down to my socks, it's business time. That's why they call 'em business socks.

      • LibertyLover

        Fer dog's sake. Take off your socks. How many times have I gotta tell you? ;-)

    • Mojopo

      Brilliant. That's the mental picture I have as well.

  • Romney awkwardly introduced Ryan as “the next President of the United States,” but then smoothly corrected himself by putting his arm around Ryan’s shoulder and grinning through a really painful explanation of how Romney made a mistake, but not in selecting Paul Ryan, because (chuckle), um, because.

    Kinsley gaffe.

    Ryan/Mulligan 2016!!

    • Perhaps there's a one-sided suicide pact.

    • Was Romney's line about Ryan being the next President his way of signaling that if elected, he will ascend to Kolob before inauguration day? *puzzled*

  • RadioBowels

    Wayne Allen Root just jumped his odds for Romney from 50:1 to 1,000:1.

  • el_donaldo

    On Facebook this morning, nearly every other status update I saw had "zombie-eyed granny-starver" in it.

  • Romey is so confident in his selection of running mate that he made the announcement when half the country was asleep, and the other half was still drunk. After leaking news of the selection, when half the country was asleep, and the other half was drunk.

    I wonder how he expects to win the election.

    • NellCote71

      Alex, I will take half asleep and still drunk for $10,000.

    • Blendergoathead

      Count me in with the "still drunk" crowd. And keeping it that way, thankyouverymuch.

  • SaintRond

    Others might not see it, but I see it – clearly we have a candidate who is literally possessed by the demon Ayn Rand.

    I see it and I call it out by it's name — that cunt.

    • Word.

    • HistoriCat

      What would Bobby Jindal do?

      • 1stNewtontheMoon

        make sure people forgot his real name.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      "Your mother sucks Kochs in hell!"

  • C_R_Eature

    Ladies and Gentlemen: The Romney-Ryan Budgetary Plan For Your Future, in song.


    • All other countries are ruled by little girls!!!!

  • Steverino247

    Well, at least the Republicans have finally killed off the meme about Obama never having had a real job.

    And Romney had to have booked the USS Wisconsin for the event quite some time in advance. This knowledge would have tipped off Ryan as the VP choice. How come nobody figured this out in advance?

    • Romney could have booked it for a Village People gig???

  • I dunno what you guys are talking about, Paul Ryan is totally the Al Gore to Mitt Romney's Bill Clinton.

    Which is to say, Paul Ryan is every bit as intellectual, detail-oriented and technocratic as Mitt Romney is warm, and compassionate.

    And we all know that Mitt Romney is so severely capable of intellectually processing your human emotion of "pain" that it's as though he were feeling it himself.

    • bobbert

      I think I followed that.

  • BZ1

    of course, not at all catering to the teapot brigade?!

  • Schmegeg

    Here's the recalled lineup of Representatives tapped as running mates in recent times:

    WIlliam Miller 1964
    Geraldine Ferraro 1984
    Jack Kemp 1996.

    Notice a trend??

    • NYNYNYjr

      They were all presidents.

      [Jesus x– Quayle was a Senator…]

      • 1stNewtontheMoon

        You know who else was President?

        • NYNYNYjr

          …Dave Matthews?

          • horsedreamer_1

            Chris Ballew?

    • NYNYNYjr

      They were all from New York state.

    • No.

    • BarackMyWorld

      They were all Representatives at some point, but Jack Kemp was a cabinet secretary after he was a congressman, like successful VP candidates Cheney and GHWBush, and unsuccessful VP candidate Henry Cabot Lodge Jr.

    • zumpie

      Jack Kemp was still called the GOP Golden "Boy" when he ran for Veep at 61. Just sayin'

  • orygoon

    Dear Wonkette Agony Aunts,

    When Paul Ryan rolled out his plan to restructure America's old age, he said it would not apply to people over 55. I was not over 55 then, and things being as they were, that plan was swept under the carpet a little.

    I am not 54 any longer. So, if Mitt wins, should I drink poison? Or will I be "grandparented", apparently well before The Heir and The Spare turn their thoughts to more traditional bundles of joy?

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Have no worry. All us oldz will be given a speedy exit when we are thrown under the bus. It beats starving on cheap dog food.

    • Dr. Nick Riviera

      Ayn Rand says it would be selfish of us younger folks to *not* chop up the olds for soylent green

  • humanmanc

    John McCain is a humpin the dog this bright sunshiny morning. Haha John chortled, at least Sarah could see Russia from her house but this little fuckwad can't even see that the only job Romney will allow him to do is suck-clean his Magic drawers.

  • CrunchyKnee

    Fuck those guys.

  • MrsConclusion

    "We are all Kenyans now" is fucking brilliant. I will not even steal it.

  • NYNYNYjr

    Romney TOLD Tagg to do it– Tagg didn't want to pause Breaking Bad so he handed the list to the nanny and told her to get someone who speaks good english to do it. But she just did it herself because she's proactive.

    • Extemporanus

      "Tagg! You're it!"

      • bikerlaureate

        "Psych!!!" (bwahhahhahhah)

    • NellCote71

      But not an illegal. My dad's running for president, for pete's sake.

  • Blendergoathead

    Well, now we have the sequel to "The Birth of a Nation," sort of.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      What is the title "The Nation Aborted"?

      • Fukui-sanYesOta

        "Atlas Croaked"

      • Afterbirth of a Nation

        • C_R_Eature

          "The Afterbirth of a OH DAMMIT!!11!

      • 1stNewtontheMoon

        Episiotomy of America?

  • Come here a minute

    The Paul Ryan pick was reported on the NPR news at 5:00 AM Eastern (Real American) Time; sounds like a typical Friday night news dump, on the final weekend of the Olympics. The Romney campaign really wants to bury the story.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    From Wkipedia:

    “Concerned that her son "was destined to become a ski bum", Betty Ryan reportedly nudged him to accept a congressional position as a staff economist attached to Kasten's office, which he did after graduating in 1992”

    Thanks Mom!

    • horsedreamer_1

      Kasten promptly lost. To Feingold.

  • Callyson

    Mittens has done it now–every freaking progressive email list I am on, and I am on about 20 of them, is sending out emails about this. They're all fired up and ready to take the Medicare Hatchet Man on.

    Talk about firing up the base…*our* base. Only way Mittens could have done better would have been to nominate Crazy Eyes. Fuck the Olympics–let *these* games begin!

  • amoosefloats

    Mittens has adopted Ayn Rand's aborted fetus Ryan. Instead of let them eat cake, it will be Let them Eat Cat Food.

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      Cat food to be renamed "Free Market Oldz Kibble"

      • amoosefloats

        Mmm Grannie look even buttons likes it!

        • Fukui-sanYesOta

          "It won't be long before buttons has fattened up! Winter's approaching, got to think of the future!"

  • DahBoner

    GOP DEATH PANEL 2012 *

    * = Participants are only placeholders, may change at any time, depending on whims of Sarah Palin & Kock Brothers, Tampon CONvention Shootoutz!

  • ffredpalakon

    "We need to make clear to the people that our campaign will be a success, so let's associate it with success. Have the veep announcement take place on a battleship, that way we connect ourselves with all the wonderful memories people have of the summer blockbuster hit 'Battleship'!"

  • ttommyunger

    Well, at least Ryan isn't a nut; just a soulless, self-centered dick.

    • Come here a minute

      You've written the hottest Republican bumper sticker of the season.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    On the plus side, Ryan advocates massive cuts in the Pentagon, right? Right?

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      Wasn't he pushing for the constitutional amendment "Cut, Cap and Bomb Poor Brown People"?

      • Blueb4sinrise

        But here was a DEAL. Once. How could he agree to the deal, then propose a whole new…………Oh.
        Oh well.

        • smokingood

          Pray he does not alter it any further?

      • 1stNewtontheMoon

        Yes, and after every non-english speaker in the world has been bombed to shit, we don't need to spend any more money on defense. two problems solved.

  • zumpie

    Oh BTW, Mittens genius pick not only isn't especially popular in his own state (38%), his national popularity currently clocks at 27%. Way to pick the dude who makes your 40% favorable rating look like teh awesome!

  • "Romney Taps Ryan for VP"

    Im just gonna go ahead imagine that VP stands for Vixen Pleasure

    P.S. hungover as fuck right now

    • proudgrampa

      Lucky you!

  • Thurman Munster IV

    Paul Ryan can see South Beloit from his house, which is to say nowhere.

  • Serfville

    Ryan = Permanent Scowl
    No one is going to elect Debbie Downer with the permanent downturned scowl ( & Sonny Boy Goldbricks either). History does repeat itself: Dustbowl, Depression, Elites & Banks decimating the poors. I haven't seen this much hair black shoe polish since Ronnie Reagan's last state dinner

  • BoroPrimorac

    From Ewick Ewikson's latest piece:

    "The left will demonize and demagogue Paul Ryan. They’d do that to anyone. This is a party that is currently accusing MItt Romney of murder and previously accused Paul Ryan of killing old people. The only problem is, the old people are receptive to Paul Ryan’s message. The bluster you hear today is a Democratic Party excited to have their bogey man as the Republican veep pick, with a little bit of nervous apprehension about what Ryan is capable of."

    Can you feel the enthusiasm?

    • zumpie

      Why is the wingnut standard reaction to everything nowadays, "you guys are meanies"???

      • bikerlaureate


        Lying and circulating e-mails with a watermelon in place of the First Lady's head, or whatever they think is worth sniggering over, just pales in comparison to the mean, scary, Uppity Articulate President Usurper.

      • BoroPrimorac

        I don't know why they're folding like this, but I know that their blood thirsty base doesn't like it one bit.

    • Chichikovovich

      This is a party that is currently accusing MItt Romney of murder

      No, Mr. Erickson. A PAC that is independent of the Democratic party suggested (plausibly) that Romney was utterly indifferent to the human cost of the actions he performed to amass immense wealth, to the point of scuttling health insurance needed by those soon to be facing a terminal diagnosis while making sure that he and his partners drained every cent they could into their accounts. That is not "Accusing Romney of murder".

      Perhaps you have the Democratic party confused with the party whose members – right up to the level of Congressmen chairing important committees – accused Bill and Hillary Clinton of having conspired to murder a treasured friend after his heartbreaking suicide. Literally murdered, not "murdered" (taking poetic license). Without anyone in that same party suggesting that this accusation was despicable, which in fact it obviously was. Did you, for example, acknowledge that it was despicable? I didn't think so.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Don't forget the murder of former DNC chair Ron Brown. The rape of Juanita Broadrick (a story pimped by respectable Brit gents Sullvan & Hitchens). & the drug running out of Mena, AR.

      • Thank you. And the stuff they tolerated from their party about Clinton is just a trickle compared to the avalanche of slander and libel directed at Obama.

    • HistoriCat

      Not a word about the rumors of a child sex-ring. Interesting omission there Eric – VERY interesting …

  • Ryan could show real confidence in the campaign by resigning his House seat immediately to devote all his efforts to electing Romney and himself. Of course, Romney could show real confidence in the campaign by just releasing ten and a half more years of tax returns.

  • "Tagg, you're not it."

  • Extemporanus

    PROGRAMMING NOTE: US vs. Brazil Women's Indoor Volleyball gold medal match begins live streaming in ONE minute.

    (The delayed fapcast is on NBC Prime tonight at 8pm PST.)

    • Fukui-sanYesOta


      Let the appreciation of female athletics commence!

      • Extemporanus

        I want to form Jaque's 6-foot-6 and shockingly athletic half-Brasilian babbies, for serious. (I love how the BRA team's jerseys are all on a first name basis, like Pélé.)


      • Sitting here in a Mexican restaurant on the SE side of Chicago, Telemundo is all over the rhythmic gymnastics and race walking.

        • BerkeleyBear

          I'm stunned they don't have El Tri (junior division) beating Brazil on loop. Or are all so ripped in celebration that they had to close the place down.

          Then again, it is "just" an Olympics, not a World Cup or even a Confederations Cup.

    • Biff

      Love me some breast nubs!

    • A fapcast delayed is a fapcast savored.

  • Just keep the gubbermint's hands off my Hova-round!

  • Fukui-sanYesOta

    I can't stop laughing about this pick. It's just perfect.

    I'll give credit to Romney, however: he managed to pick a running mate who's even more unlikeable than he is himself.

    • 1stNewtontheMoon

      Picking someone less likable was Job One.

    • SpeedoFart

      MamaFart just called me back. We're still laughing.

    • BoroPrimorac

      I don't know who gave Ryan the green light to come up with his budget, but something tells me that he stepped on a lot of toes and is now being sacrificed for the good of the party.

  • not that Dewey

    Obama: "Mitt Romney even called Ryan's budget plan 'marvelous'. Which is a word you don't often hear when it comes to describing a budget. It's a word you don't often hear, in general."

    • C_R_Eature

      Well I, for one, think it's Marvelous, simply Marvelous!

      • THIS.
        Soooo much better written and better executed than, say, the Sprite ad I just saw during Olympics commercial break. Don't bother clicking, srsly, unless you woke this morning with an appetite for L-A-M-E.

        • C_R_Eature

          Well, of course I had to click – even though I have no need for L-A-M-E – and it was one of the most forgettable commercials I've seen.
          Whatever happened to all those great outrageous/irritating/disturbing commercials? Does Wonkette need to go into the Ad business?

          • not that Dewey

            Does Wonkette need to go into the Ad business?

            Please, don't get me started.

          • C_R_Eature


    • 1stNewtontheMoon

      holy shit. i thought that was a made-up quote. Every time I'm ready to check out on Barry he goes and says something awesome like that.

  • Mitt, if you were going with the '40s-Radio-Crooner/Bundyesque-Serial-Killer phenotype, you should have picked Aaron Rodgers.

    • tihond


      • horsedreamer_1

        Chet is a Bears fan. His one flaw.

        • All in good fun!

          • horsedreamer_1

            Indeed. Our quarterbacks in the NFC North are a bro-medy of air power: Rodgers, Cutler, Stafford… Vikings are the holdout.

          • I would like to see Paul Ryan take a few snaps at QB for the Packers against Julius Peppers, Urlacher and Lance Briggs, actually.

          • tihond

            I would be OK with this, as long as it's an exhibition game.

    • BerkeleyBear

      He has the taint of Berkeley on him. You know, actually having a clue that there are people without millions in the bank and that working for a living isn't a character flaw. His father actually works with his hands, if you can believe it.*

      Plus, did you know he's a card carrying UNION MEMBER (granted, the funniest damn union ever)? How uncouth!

      *Sure, he's a chiropractor, but the point stands.

  • fartknocker

    Interesting backdrop since neither Romney, Ryan or any of Mitt's sons have any military experience. Both Romney and Ryan enjoy an extraordinary socialized health care plan while they hate public employees and the concept of single player health care.

  • Extemporanus

    Epic (EPIC!) fucking comment just got fucking eated again because of dumb fucking Wonkette plug-ins fuckitude or something, who fucking knows.


  • I recall how thin-skinned Ryan got when Obama attacked his budget in a speech at Georgetown awhile back, and how defensive he gets when anyone does the math and starts listing specific non-defense programs that would have to be cut to make it work. Watching him get defensive for the next ninety days about this will either be fun or make me want to punch things. Good thing I've got that Xanax prescription.

    • On the other hand, watching him get defensive might be fun!

  • UW8316154

    I'm withholding judgment until I find out how this affects $arah Palin.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      Sarah says:
      "Ryan Paul is just what's needed to put fire in the belly of the Republican Party and put gas in their tanks. He's young and stuff. He's the perfect choice because he has the experience of a real American-American. He's read a book once that shaped his philosophysical outlook which is the best one for America. He's handsome, too, dontcha think? He could be on a reality tv show with those looks of his. I gladly get behind both Romney and Mr. Ryan Paul to fully support them–both at the same time, too! "

  • OT: I think my daughter is a Born Leftist. I keep trying to get her to draw her Zs by going "right, then down, then back to the right". She keeps going left and making Ss. Maybe I should play some Rushbo for her?

  • HistoriCat

    precluded us from actually live-blogging this bullshit as was originally the plan because someone forgot to wake up and now all of a sudden I’m doing it,

    Haha – it was Newell, wasn't it?

  • Barack Obama has been villified like no other American politician (who hasn't done a thing to deserve it) in recent memory, and I don't ever hear him running around feeling sorry for himself or whining about the shit that gets thrown at him — indeed, he and Biden are remarkably sunny and uplifting retail politicians. When Obama does mention it, it's usually with the kind of wit that gets everyone laughing along with him and rolling their eyes at the antics of the other side. These Republican assholes take a couple punches in August 2012 and they're wailing like 3 year olds. This will not go unnoticed by sane voters.

    • glasspusher

      Well said. Jackie Robinson of politics? Where is Branch Rickey? Does this mean in his second term he'll finally tell them where to pound it? That would be nice, but I think he'll be too classy to do it.

    • BoroPrimorac

      Do you think the "Let them die" crowd are enjoying this? The more the GOP cry about getting slapped around, the more that enthusiasm gap between Dems and Republicans widens.

    • BerkeleyBear

      I think one of Obama's best lines in 2008 was when he'd say "I want to meet this Barack Obama they keep talking about. He seems like a scary guy" or words to that effect. Made absolutely clear that he knew about the attacks and yet they wouldn't bother him because he had more important things to do.

      Which I have come to believe is the key difference between Obama and Romney. Both are well educated, successful individuals with no small amount of amibition. But Obama wanted to be President because he had a sincere belief that serving there is the best way to effectuate beneficial change. If change requires him to suffer indignities and compromise his personal image, he's willing to make that sacrifice. The mission is more important than the man, in the tradition of historically great leaders from both parties.

      Romney, I'm convinced, wants to be President because he's convinced it is the next logical step in his life. There seems to be absolutely no mission there beyond getting the job. No calling, as it were. That means that while he will sacrifice anything to gain his ambition, he'll have no idea what to do if he ever actually wins. And because the position should be given to him because of his own personal status, any public humiliation or questioning of that status is intolerable. That's a hallmark of bad leadership – concern with personal status over mission.

      • I agree, but even his defenses of himself seem half-hearted and half-assed. There are plenty of clips of the other Republican candidates scoring points off Romney during the primaries, but I can't think of one effective come-back he ever managed to squeak out.

  • HamsterSandwich

    Let's make sure everybody understand that Ryan's Medicare proposal for a voucher system is really putting old people on "Health Stamps". We'll see how that term resonates with those Obama-hatin' GOP and Tea-bagging seniors.

    • glasspusher

      Oh, no- that only applies if you don't vote for him. Didn't you hear?

    • "Health Stamps"? Brilliant. I'm gonna trumpet that on teh FaceBook for a while.

    • Blueb4sinrise

      Health Stamps = EXCELLENT

  • owhatever

    Thanks be to all the heebie-jeebie sun gods for sending us Paul Ryan. As a reminder, Young Guns usually get kilt by the Old, Experienced Gunslinger. The debate will be short:

    Biden: "You want to destroy Social Security and Medicare."

    Ryan: "Yes, I do."

    • bikerlaureate

      Unleash the Debate Biden!

      This is gonna be epic…

  • glasspusher

    Does this mean word salad is off the menu this fall?

  • "We're still waiting to hear who Mitt Romney will tap as his vice president"

    • not that Dewey

      "What's that? Saul Bryan? You're cutting out."


  • maxxy_w

    Marmalard-Niedermeyer 2012!

  • mr bojangles

    all republicans are assholes. ryan is a republican. therefore ryan is an asshole.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      My asshole is not…
      Oh, you're talking about people and not actual body orifices.

    • bobbert

      Ryan is an asshole a priori.

  • not that Dewey

    Breitbart: Ryan Pick Shows Romney's Business Skills

    1. Yes, please show us more of Romney's business skills (or, "business kills", if you prefer)
    2. The commenters there are fucking drunk on the meme of "THIS INFURIATES LIBERALS THEY ARE SO MAD YOU GUYS". Little do they know, we are even giddier than they are.

  • TribecaMike

    My friends, Rand Paul has them where he wants them in 2016.

  • not that Dewey

    Did anyone else receive this email? Sure, we've heard from David Axelrod, Joe Biden, Patty Murray, et al. But this one…


    Paul Ryan is a strong conservative leader, and I am proud to have him as my running mate. He is widely respected for his leadership skills and his intellect, and for his ability to tackle serious issues. Together, we understand that a limited government and fiscal responsibility will unleash prosperity for all Americans.

    Donate $15 today to help restore America's greatness and build a stronger middle class.


    Mitt Romney

    • C_R_Eature

      No, but I could use the LOL's.

  • Theywontlisten

    Meet Frankenstein and his Monster…Munster

  • Theywontlisten

    Game Changer huh…if the game was????

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