SHOULD'VE GONE WITH NEWT  4:58 pm August 10, 2012

Mitt Romney Offers Truce In Which Criticism of Mitt Romney Would Be Banned

by Jim Newell

I've got it all figured outHa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha, ha… ha… ah ha: “Romney also said in the interview he would like a pledge (of sorts) with Obama that there be no ‘personal’ attack ads. ‘[O]ur campaign would be — helped immensely if we had an agreement between both campaigns that we were only going to talk about issues and that attacks based upon — business or family or taxes or things of that nature.’” Okay… okay… let’s consider this… HAHAHAH, hahahahah, ha ha ha ha ha, sorry, we can’t do it, ha ha ha… what a world. Even the good little brown-noser people at Politico have written, “What is surprising is hearing a candidate say, essentially, ‘stop hitting me.’”

Mitt Romney just suggested that he would be fine — totally okay with! — a pledge that would prevent the Obama campaign from criticizing Romney’s business career, the centerpiece of his campaign for president. “Family” — no one’s doing this anyway. There was a DNC horse ad once that was up for about 12 hours, and somehow that counted, okay, okay. “Taxes” — just lay off, right? What is with this Obama and taxes. “Or things of that nature.” What nature? Criticisms of Mitt Romney? You know, no criticizing me in the political campaign, yadda yadda yadda, the usual.

Then:

Romney said of his own campaign: “[O]ur ads haven’t gone after the president personally. … [W]e haven’t dredged up the old stuff that people talked about last time around. We haven’t gone after the personal things.” That doesn’t mean surrogates or Super PACs have, as was brought up to him.

It’s so pathetic. He’s trying to run his primary campaign of bombing the opposition with SuperPAC ads exclusively, instead of getting one single speck of dirt on his hands. And even his “issues-based” criticisms of Obama are highly personal in a cowardly back-door way. “This President’s economic policies show that he knows nothing about, wasn’t really raised in, and absolutely hates America,” and so on.

WILL OBAMA TAKE THE DEAL?

We’re only one or two days away from a “I’m suspending my campaign to go back to Washington and get in everyone’s fucking way” freakout. Ha ha ha ha.

[Politico]

 
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{ 237 comments }

nounverb911 August 10, 2012 at 5:00 pm

I read on the internet that Mitt likes to sleep with Rafalca's mom.

mlle_derp August 10, 2012 at 5:04 pm

She's just the right height.

misantropo August 10, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Mitt is Alan Strang?

Limeylizzie August 10, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Equus FTW.

TavariousChinaSmith August 10, 2012 at 5:07 pm

I just read that too!

mlle_derp August 10, 2012 at 5:11 pm

He hasn't denied it!

gullywompr August 10, 2012 at 5:10 pm

His career is gonna sleep with the fishes when this election's over.

RadioBowels August 10, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Equine Therapy, FTW.

Generation[redacted] August 10, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Now that's just beating a dead horse.

TribecaMike August 10, 2012 at 10:14 pm

That's truly a horse of a different dolor.

Limeylizzie August 10, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Then what will he be running on exactly? What a fucking, entitled, pathetic,narcissistic pussy.

iburl August 10, 2012 at 5:07 pm

not black

GunToting[Redacted] August 10, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Gotta admit, that's a compelling position.

Native_of_SL_UT August 10, 2012 at 10:14 pm

So, no Bain and no Governorship.
That leaves the Olympics. So his claim to the Presidency will be about what a great community organizer he was for a grand socialist enterprise.

NellCote71 August 10, 2012 at 10:57 pm

A grand socialist enterprise backed by government money.

bikerlaureate August 11, 2012 at 5:03 pm

When the dust settled, Mitt’s lobbying effort brought over $1.5 Billion to the SLC Games. In 2000 the GAO did an audit of US taxpayer support for Olympic Games in the country. Taxpayers spent $74,654,000 for the LA Games in 1984; and $608,512,000 for the 1996 in Atlanta. These were both summer Olympics and so you would expect them to cost more. But, the 2002 Winter Games in SLC blew the doors off the Treasury—taxpayers paid $1.5 Billion to bail out Mitt.

linky

gurukalehuru August 11, 2012 at 4:50 am

Mitt's a Pussy! What a Riot!

Barb_ August 10, 2012 at 5:01 pm

My friends, if you vote for me, I promise you to pound a stake into the hearts of the middle class.

SorosBot August 10, 2012 at 5:13 pm

But I thought all those giveaways to the rich were supposed to trickle down on the rest of us!

Barb_ August 10, 2012 at 5:16 pm

“The world needs ditch diggers, too.”

~Judge Smails

Generation[redacted] August 10, 2012 at 5:59 pm

"Hey Mitt! You scratched my anchor!" –Barry

1stNewtontheMoon August 10, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Hey, Mitt! My dinghy's bigger than your whole boat! –Barry

mull_man August 10, 2012 at 6:27 pm

But first, I'll have my friends pin them down so that I can give them a hair cut.

Limeylizzie August 10, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Oh Jim Newell, you know the way to a girl's heart don't you? I was just lamenting the lack of the Mitten's fudge-packing pic.

bumfug August 10, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Well for fudge-packing pics it's hard to beat Marcus Bachmann… http://static.dangerousminds.net/uploads/afiles/g

HateMachine August 10, 2012 at 5:07 pm

See, I heard that mealy mouthed whining about how unfair everyone is being to you, a la Mittens, is just plain irresistible to the ladyfolk. I may need to change my approach.

HistoriCat August 10, 2012 at 5:12 pm

I've tried it – that shit might work in some sitcom but in real life it means you're just ignored by the ladyfolk.

Designer_Rants August 10, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Us Nice Guys just can't catch a break! We're so nice. Maybe too nice. I almost got the presidency once, but then America went home with this black dude. Again. He's not nice – personally attacked my business career! I guess nice guys just finish last.

Chet Kincaid_ August 10, 2012 at 5:30 pm

He just didn't want to hear us screaming "It's a fucking photoshop!!" at some Mitt-Mom-Jeans Noob again.

Tundra Grifter August 10, 2012 at 7:05 pm

2L;

Up in Northern Michigan ("God's Country," and I mean that in the nicest possible way) the Summer tourists are known as "fudgies."

bobbert August 10, 2012 at 7:10 pm

Well, but that's because of the fudge, no?

mlle_derp August 10, 2012 at 5:02 pm

That's mighty white of Mittens.

nounverb911 August 10, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Blindingly!

mlle_derp August 10, 2012 at 5:08 pm

I hope you don't live in Mass. I hear that can cost you…

bumfug August 10, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Keep up the pressure – when this dipshit really snaps it's gonna make the Yellowstone Caldera eruption look like Mentos in a Coke can.

FlownOver August 10, 2012 at 6:05 pm

True dat.

Memo to Chicago: this is the perfect BOHICA moment.

Tundra Grifter August 10, 2012 at 7:06 pm

I believe that's a Diet Pepsi bottle (have you seen the You-Tube video of the cameraguy getting the bottle right in the kisser?) – but I certainly get the idea.

coolhandnuke August 10, 2012 at 5:02 pm

The pathology of the modern day Republican has perfected the hybrid art of playing bully and victim into every narrative.

RadioBowels August 10, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Bully to victim to bully, etc. seamlessly.

Chet Kincaid_ August 10, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Except Mittens has not perfected it, and is making himself a laughingstock.

bobbert August 10, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Mitt's seams are showing.

Tingomonkey August 10, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Oh god, I opened a damn account just to say how well you've articulated what's really going on here. There's this story I have heard about Newt, and how he elevated the art of the pathological campaign. Things have never been the same since.

bikerlaureate August 11, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Welcome.
Abandon Hope, etc.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 August 11, 2012 at 2:45 am

True except Mittens seems more like a pussy…even Newsweek came across and just called him a pussy with his constant whining, peevishness and rules lawyering. Rove is the perfect case study of a mean asshole bully from the shadows but a complete pussy in broad daylight…a toddler could mug him.

drrty_martini August 10, 2012 at 5:02 pm

But we can still say he's a fudgepacker, right?

johnnyzhivago August 10, 2012 at 5:03 pm

What a sissy!

rickmaci August 10, 2012 at 5:28 pm

No shit. OneL Bachmann may be a batshitcrazy bigot but at least she has balls.

Designer_Rants August 10, 2012 at 7:15 pm

So she's Honey Badger? (haven't watched this in at least a month, better trot it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg )

LetUsBray August 10, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Calling the president an anti-Christian anti-American representative of a community that's always looking for free stuff will still be okay, of course.

OneYieldRegular August 10, 2012 at 5:14 pm

If they wanted to play nice, they should have thought of that before spending four years hurling vile accusations.

WABishop August 10, 2012 at 8:21 pm

As long as they're not being personal, sure.

PuckStopsHere August 10, 2012 at 5:04 pm

He doesn't want us to know he's been palling around with hedge fund managers.

OzoneTom August 10, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Didn't you mean "hedge FUDGE managers"?

gullywompr August 10, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Uncle!

mlle_derp August 10, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Allen West? That you?

Hammiepants August 10, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Pfft, that picture is a big surprise, since he's been asking the entire electorate to bend over and cough since February.

TavariousChinaSmith August 10, 2012 at 5:06 pm

"It's unfair to expect me to win when people keep asking questions which my programming expressly prevents me from answering."

Pragmatist2 August 10, 2012 at 5:06 pm

I love the smell of panic in the morning!

FlownOver August 10, 2012 at 5:07 pm

There's an easy way out of this tax return kerfuffle, Mitt.

Release the kraken 1040's!

redarmyzombie August 10, 2012 at 5:08 pm

In response, the Obama campaign issued this statement:

"Stop hitting yourself, Mitt. Stop hitting yourself. Why do you keep doing that?"

ProgressiveInga August 10, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Mormon Titty-Baby sez what?

gullywompr August 10, 2012 at 5:09 pm

What are Mitt's poll numbers right now?

Oh.

Tundra Grifter August 10, 2012 at 7:11 pm

The Republicans have gone from quoting polls to "Well, I've seen the 'internals' and they show Romney is in the lead" to "Polls? Who needs stinkin' polls? Ya want polls, go to Poland."

GuanoFaucet August 10, 2012 at 5:09 pm

We must only air attack ads in quiet rooms.

MissTaken August 10, 2012 at 5:10 pm

I know it's wrong, but it feels good to see the bully be bullied.

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 10, 2012 at 5:15 pm

This is just like when Ralphie beat up Scut Farkus.

SorosBot August 10, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Why does Mittens keep hitting himself, anyway?

emmelemm August 10, 2012 at 5:28 pm

It's not wrong.

CommieLibunatic August 10, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Fuck it, that's what happens in all the feel-good high school movies anyway. If Obama's our Marty McFly, I'd say it's high time for Romney to stand in for Biff and comically fly into a manure truck.

Larry McAwful August 10, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Environmental regulations slashed, schools closing, legalized gambling everywhere… We're already living in Biff Tannen's America!

Larry McAwful August 10, 2012 at 5:36 pm

If schadenfreude is wrong, I don't want to feel right.

deanbooth August 10, 2012 at 6:00 pm

When they debate, Obama will cut his fucking hair!

DrunkIrishman August 10, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Mitt Romney is surely shitting his Jesus Jumpers.

SexySmurf August 10, 2012 at 5:11 pm

If Mittens becomes president, Putin, Chavez and Castro are going to pass him around like a $5 joint.

Larry McAwful August 10, 2012 at 5:38 pm

They might… unless he gets them to agree to be nice and stick to the issues. Say! What if there was a diplomatic crisis but nobody came? That's the solution to all international problems! Let's all be nice, now!

arihaya August 10, 2012 at 9:35 pm

before Mitt nukes them with ICBM .. sadly.

Mumbly_Joe August 10, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Romney said of his own campaign: “[O]ur ads haven’t gone after the president personally. … [W]e haven’t dredged up the old stuff that people talked about last time around. We haven’t gone after the personal things.” That doesn’t mean surrogates or Super PACs have, as was brought up to him.

Yeah, Obama! Stop Picking on Mittens!

(Oh and P.S. you're basically Nixon, and need to stop not-coordinating with SuperPACs, says Karl Rove's SuperPAC.)

OneYieldRegular August 10, 2012 at 5:12 pm

What issues? The only issues Mitt might be able to talk about with authority are how to minimize his taxes, how to capitalize on his own investments, and how superior the filthy rich are to the rest of us plebes.

ChessieNefercat August 11, 2012 at 1:25 pm

He'd best not run on that because, well, we don't know that Mittens knows how to minimize his taxes, do we? Double-edged sword, Mitt old boy.

SorosBot August 10, 2012 at 5:14 pm

When McCain went into full panic mode, he came up with Palin; hopefully whatever Romney returns with will similarly doom his campaign.

nounverb911 August 10, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Bachmannn?

SorosBot August 10, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Now that would be awesome; either her or a certain frothy mix.

widestanceromance August 10, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Schlafly, announced at 9 tonight so no one will notice.

PubOption August 10, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Phyllis or Andrew?

comrad_darkness August 10, 2012 at 5:39 pm

Ron Paul would be super fun.

Larry McAwful August 10, 2012 at 5:39 pm

Donald Trump! Oh please oh please oh please oh please! Donald Trump!

Steverino247 August 10, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Axelrod thinks it's going to be Pawlenty. It certainly can't be anybody more human than Mitt or that person would take all the attention away from the candidate. So, who's more boring that Mittens? Gotta be Pawle….zzzzzzzzzz.

starfanglednut August 10, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Some people are pressing for Ryan, which would alienate the independents and moderates nicely.

1stNewtontheMoon August 10, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Bristol?

fuflans August 12, 2012 at 10:38 am

i am catching up on old wonkette (backwards of course) from the land of my mother's people in canada and man damn soros, you were prescient.

if i was a job creator, i would hire you on the spot.

SayItWithWookies August 10, 2012 at 5:15 pm

I love how Mitt notes that his campaign hasn't brought up any of that stuff in Obama's background that the — um — McCain-Palin campaign found worked so well for them.

BoatOfVelociraptors August 10, 2012 at 5:15 pm

His sense of entitlement burns so brightly that NASA has to turn all of the telescopes away.
His entitlement is so large it needs multiple houses, just to support it.
His entitlement is so tall, the Curiosity rover has to drive around it.

TavariousChinaSmith August 10, 2012 at 5:21 pm

His entitlement is so large, it pays taxes avoids paying taxes in more than one state.

BoatOfVelociraptors August 10, 2012 at 5:28 pm

His entitlement is so large, it has to bank in multiple countries.

BoatOfVelociraptors August 10, 2012 at 5:55 pm

His entitlement is so legal, he's running for office for pete's sake.

PuckStopsHere August 10, 2012 at 5:47 pm

And is Mamma is (so) fat.

Steverino247 August 10, 2012 at 5:52 pm

…when she goes to the lake, she leaves a ring when she gets out.

CindynEncinitas August 10, 2012 at 6:39 pm

….she puts mayonnaise on her Advil

doloras August 11, 2012 at 12:34 am

… she wears a hula-hoop for a necklace.

MosesInvests August 10, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Actually, I thought his entitlement was just the right height.

GunToting[Redacted] August 10, 2012 at 7:22 pm

…he had to install an entitlement elevator at his house(s).

CleverSobriquet August 10, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Bend over and relax. This will be a bit uncomfortable

Callyson August 10, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Oh, for fuck's sake.

majicunderwear August 10, 2012 at 5:17 pm

The Bishop Romney campaign is taking on water rapidly and just like Walnuts he's desperate to push the reset button, I really don't think this self-entitled prick has ever had anyone question anything he has done his entire life.

NellCote71 August 10, 2012 at 11:05 pm

You may be on to something, his never being questioned before. For someone who has been running for president for a decade, he seems so completely baffled that someone would question him on anything he says or does.

Doktor Zoom August 10, 2012 at 5:18 pm

OT: Vlad the Impala is finally home! It took $1666.38 and a month of them trying to find the right parts, because at some point my idiot brother swapped in the rear end from a totally different GM car.

On the way out of Baker City, I looked up Wonketteer "Tangled sin tax," who had mentioned in one of the other drinky thing threads that he lives there; very awesome to meet another dang soshulist in the Idaho-Eastern-Oregon corridor.

I also promise never to try to take Vlad on a long trip again.

The tip jar is still open; thanks to an insanely generous single anonymous contribution of $400, the repair costs are about half covered. Thanks to everyone who contributed, and if you still want to chip in a couple bucks, believe me, I can use it. You are the best damn blog-commenters that ever commented on a blog!

emmelemm August 10, 2012 at 5:31 pm

HOORAY!

And really? It took $1666? It's the Satanmobile? You can't make that shit up.

viennawoods13 August 10, 2012 at 7:32 pm

My sister got by the luck of the draw once KAR 666 for her license plate. She called it, of course, "The Beast"

emmelemm August 10, 2012 at 7:49 pm

GET. OUT. {shove}

That's awesome.

smokefilledmeltdown August 10, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Am I the only one with naming rights? awkward..

ProgressiveInga August 10, 2012 at 5:18 pm

So, Barack Hussein Obama stopped apologizing for America just long enough to say something mean about Mittens? I'm not surprised.

Steverino247 August 10, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Here's what I'd unleash next if I were Team Obama:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=slaNADrdPMA&fe

Ride those fuckers down!

Callyson August 10, 2012 at 5:28 pm

This needs to be on continuous loop at the Obama campaign headquarters. And the White House. And all Democratic candidates for political office HQ.

Steverino247 August 10, 2012 at 5:36 pm

I love the smell of Mitt shitting himself in the morning. Smells like…Victory.

You know, someday this campaign's gonna end…

Doktor Zoom August 10, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Pfft. Dreamer.

barto August 10, 2012 at 5:20 pm

I think Obama should arrange to have Rafalca's head planted under Mittens bedsheets as a proper response to this request.

Steverino247 August 10, 2012 at 5:25 pm
rickmaci August 10, 2012 at 5:21 pm

For those of you who want the Spanish translation, he said, "No mas, no mas."

Sue4466 August 10, 2012 at 5:23 pm

"Just stop questioning the shit I say I'm good at and rely on to say I'm qualified to be president, 'kay?"

poorgradstudent August 10, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Damn. He really IS Bobby Newport from "Parks and Recreation."

SorosBot August 10, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Expect that Bobby is at least friendly and likeable, but is just a privileged idiot with no real ideas; Romney is a total unlikeable asshole as well as a privileged idiot.

Exhausted66 August 10, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Bobby Newport gave away candy. How dare you say he had no real ideas.

TavariousChinaSmith August 10, 2012 at 5:24 pm

I just assumed he was referring to the child sex ring.

Generation[redacted] August 10, 2012 at 6:08 pm

All instances of murdered prostitutes are highly personal and thus off limits!

redarmyzombie August 10, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Oh my god, it just hit me:

This was the best candidate they could come up with. Honest to god, throughout the entire nation, this was the best pick that they could come up with.

Holy fucking fuck.

Generation[redacted] August 10, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Whatever you do, don't think about who was the second best.

Tundra Grifter August 10, 2012 at 7:10 pm

I still think Mr. Huntsman was the best candidate the GNoP had. His trouble was, he's just too good for them. They don't deserve nice candidates.

PubOption August 10, 2012 at 7:31 pm

Or reasonably sane ones.

arihaya August 10, 2012 at 10:03 pm

There are many more electable GOPers than Romney, but they are also smarter than him.

And since they are smart, they knew they cannot win primary with wingnuts voters reigning. Even if they won nomination they still cannot defeat Obama. So they just sit down and eat popcorns watching Mitt self-destructs.

ChessieNefercat August 11, 2012 at 1:41 pm

They probably are hoping that the 'baggers and God-botherers will be a distant memory of noisy incontinent incompetence by 2016, and that sane people will be able to step up to the plate without having to dance around with their underpants on their heads while twirling flaming batons and juggling bibles with nascar stickers on them to prove that they are conservative.

widestanceromance August 10, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Willard is suspending his campaign to go to Washington to save civility.

OT: have you seen the photo @ HuffPo of Scott walker with a a large bandage on his head? Could not look phonier if it he was wearing a daishiki at the Apollo.

NYNYNYjr August 10, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Yes, I love it. Fitzwalkerstan indeed. Raja Walkeranji.

Sue4466 August 10, 2012 at 5:26 pm

"Oh, and if Obama would stop calling me a liar when I lie, that'd be terrific. Because being called on my bullshit is really fucking up my campaign strategy."

ChessieNefercat August 11, 2012 at 1:37 pm

You have a strategy, Mitt? Do tell. Apparently it's as big a secret as your tax returns.

johnnymeatworth August 10, 2012 at 5:26 pm

We all know that releasing his tax returns violates OCP Directive Four.

Chet Kincaid_ August 10, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Nothing impresses the Republican base like hollering "Uncle"!

LetUsBray August 10, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Okay, we're not supposed to talk about Willard's business career or taxes. We're not supposed to talk about his record as governor, and certainly not his health care plan.

We're not supposed to talk about his religion. After his junket to Europe, I gather we're not supposed to talk about his foreign policy. For that matter, we're not supposed to talk about his economic policy: I'm sure he's said that he won't divulge the details as it would make people less likely to vote for him (Every once in a while, he'll pick a heck of a time to tell the truth).

We're not supposed to talk about his moderate, tax retrun-releasing father. Indeed, we're not supposed to talk about his name being Willard – hence 'Mitt'. So what IS this campaign supposed to be about?

Picture a bus, driving around in circles honking its horn – forever.

Jukesgrrl August 10, 2012 at 6:17 pm

It's supposed to be about which height is right for trees. And whether or not caffeine is the devil's handiwork.

SolitaireRose August 10, 2012 at 5:29 pm

I would like this Kenyan Muslim Socialist who thinks that if you have a business you didn't build that and knows if the election is about the economy he can't win to look away from his teleprompter and take time out from creating death panels and creating the highest budget deficits in history to quit talking about my past and focus on the issues.

Jerri August 10, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Mitt would absolutely hold up his end of the bargain, too. You can count on it because he has proven himself to be an honorable, honest and trustworthy gentle-man thus far.

Jukesgrrl August 10, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Yes, indeed! When he's not a dishonorable, dishonest, untrustworthy rude bastard on alternating weeks.

Generation[redacted] August 10, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Hey, that kind of talk is off limits!

owhatever August 10, 2012 at 5:31 pm

"Uh, Mitt, this is Turdblossom. Football pre-season started yesterday. pal. That means November is not that far away. WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?"

Jukesgrrl August 10, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Not up to his eyeballs in tax return, apparently.

TribecaMike August 10, 2012 at 5:32 pm

I don't know what scares the GOP more — that Mitt is the worst presidential candidate they've had since Bob Dole, or that he's got a closet full of tuxes but not a single coattail.

Jukesgrrl August 10, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Oh, he's WAY worse than Bob Dole. Mitt never gave an arm for his country. And never will. Nor will any of his progeny.

Native_of_SL_UT August 10, 2012 at 10:30 pm

I bet they would trade him for Dole in a heartbeat.

Jukesgrrl August 10, 2012 at 11:35 pm

Yes, absolutely.Even Liddy.

Wilcoxyz August 10, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Yeah, let's make the rest of the campaign a contest about singing popular patriotic songs and hymns. And maybe some memorized poems (no rapping) from grade school. That would help voters select a world leader.

LetUsBray August 10, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Oh, I'm sure singing is totally off limits. Have you heard that ad where Willard sings a patriotic song?

Larry McAwful August 10, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Okay, then: Mittens just locked up the wuss vote, is now leading in the polls for the pussy vote, and has a slight lead for the milquetoast vote. Never have I seen such a thorough and successful grab for ball-less America.

Fox n Fiends August 10, 2012 at 5:40 pm

What do you expect from another draft-dodging Republican?

didgen August 10, 2012 at 7:05 pm

I asked my pussy and he says mitt doesn't have his vote.

SorosBot August 10, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Now why do you have to go and insult the good, hard-working pussies of America by comparing them to Romney voters?

Blunderthing August 10, 2012 at 5:35 pm

I guess he just can't have a debate unless he's pushing your face into the ground and has a knee in your back.

Chet Kincaid_ August 10, 2012 at 5:35 pm

You know what? In 2008, John McCain was the only credible candidate out there to save the Republican Party from Mitt Romney. In 2012, there was nobody, because the Koch Brothers hired the Tea Party to chase all the sane people away. Enjoy your completely untrustworthy Mormon, wingnuts — because of you, he's all you've got!

Tundra Grifter August 10, 2012 at 7:13 pm

CK:

I believe I posted a similar thought here on Wonkette. The GNoP has gone from Sen. McCain in 2008 to the guy who couldn't beat Sen. McCain in 2012.

BoroPrimorac August 10, 2012 at 10:28 pm

The average Tea Bagger is convinced that the only reason why Romney is getting his ass kicked is because he's a RINO which was picked for them by the establishment.

Limeylizzie August 10, 2012 at 5:36 pm

OT This is equal parts creepy and fab.
http://iromney.tumblr.com/

Designer_Rants August 10, 2012 at 9:27 pm

That was pretty great.

Fox n Fiends August 10, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Joan Walsh said he's in the "Mittness Protection Program" and by gosh gum golly she's right.

rickmaci August 10, 2012 at 5:37 pm

The unsinkable Mittanic just hit an iceberg. And there are no lifeboats.

zippy_w_pinhead August 10, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Bain sold them off to the Chinese

MilwaukeeKent August 10, 2012 at 10:37 pm

We're fine, just move the chairs around. Right, Mitt?

anniegetyerfun August 10, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Well, to be perfectly fair, Mittens HIMSELF hasn't said anything particularly nasty about Obama, at least, that I can recall (correct me if I am wrong). But that's mostly because Lord Hairgel's been so busy embarrassing the fuck out of himself by saying incredibly stupid things, singing off-key, and offending everyone he meets.

TribecaMike August 10, 2012 at 5:42 pm

This guy lies so much I'm beginning to wonder if there really was a Salt Lake City Olympics in 2002.

Misty Malarky August 10, 2012 at 5:43 pm

An Olympics in Salt Lake City?!?

I call "Bullshit".

TribecaMike August 10, 2012 at 6:09 pm

My theory: In a public relations attempt to increase tourism, Norway hired Bain to fake the whole thing so they could appear to have won 25 gold medals. And then Bain double crossed Norway by buying their country, confiscating the gold, melting it down into bite-sized ingots which they ingested in the alchemical belief that it would make them immortal. A classic Occam's razor situation, with a dash of Robert Ludlum.

emmelemm August 10, 2012 at 5:46 pm

I mean, that'd be having the Olympics in like, the middle of nowhere, and who wants that?

RadioBowels August 10, 2012 at 5:49 pm

I'll give Adolph '36, but no way Mitts had '02.

Chet Kincaid_ August 10, 2012 at 6:07 pm

I seem to recall something with a bunch of Indians and Robbie Robertson in a giant stadium…could easily have been faked.

TribecaMike August 10, 2012 at 6:20 pm

I had a gut feeling that a guitarist from Ontario was somehow involved in this conspiracy. Once again, I doff my hat to the wily Canadians.

Next time, mes amis, next time.

Native_of_SL_UT August 10, 2012 at 10:39 pm

No it really happened. I was here in the middle of nowhere, which actually is a pretty accurate description of this state.
It was awesome. We brought together the whole world for a common good to spread peace and goodwill (ie, socialism). He did a wonderful job organizing our community too.

Chet Kincaid_ August 10, 2012 at 5:45 pm

If Romney had said JUST ONE THING reprimanding someone, anyone in his party who had outrageously slandered Obama in the last 2 years, he might have moral standing to make this request. He can't even do "butthurt" right!

LetUsBray August 10, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Hell, even McCain talked down the wingnut shrieking about Obama being an Arab. Willard had a similar opportunity and he just stood there.

In short, fuck him.

BoroPrimorac August 10, 2012 at 10:35 pm

He could've taken a stand when Rush Limpdick said all that nasty shit about Sandra Fluke, but he waffled that too.

NellCote71 August 10, 2012 at 11:20 pm

And palling around with Birther Trump.

ph7 August 10, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Mitt is looking more and more like a taller Dukakis. He just doesn't have any game.

Generation[redacted] August 10, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Has anyone photoshopped him riding a tank yet?

RadioBowels August 10, 2012 at 5:54 pm

This is bad news for Jennifer Rubin.

johnnyzhivago August 10, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Mitt needs a nice photo-op out chopping wood…

Or at least hiring some big strong guys to chop wood for him….

1stNewtontheMoon August 10, 2012 at 6:53 pm

or he could just remind the American people that some of his best friends own lumber mills.

Chet Kincaid_ August 10, 2012 at 5:54 pm

The Mittens campaign is desperately trying to push the idea that Obama started this, but I do believe it was Sununu, as an official Romney surrogate, who fired the first volley. They really didn't think Reid was going to answer in kind, and maybe they thought Obama was too dumb to learn from taking the high road throughout 2010-11. They really shouldn't have pissed off Hopey — this is the scene where Bruce Lee tastes his own blood and then opens up a can of howling whup-ass.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSXt9DMI4Vo

TribecaMike August 10, 2012 at 6:44 pm

I very rarely do this, but ;-[)

BZ1 August 10, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Show your tax returns, or STFU.

TribecaMike August 10, 2012 at 7:46 pm

The dog ate them on top of the station wagon. Geez, give a guy a break.

Mumbly_Joe August 10, 2012 at 6:03 pm

So do you think it was Donald Trump, Karl Rove, Jennifer Rubin, Jerry Boykin, Señor Walrusmoustache, or John Sunununununununu who thought up the idea of asking Obama to stop going so negative and personal in this campaign?

zippy_w_pinhead August 10, 2012 at 7:29 pm

AOTK

NorbertsRevenge August 10, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Even more than yesterday's waffling on healthcare reform, this should make movement conservatives completely spastic with rage. They want more than anything a fire-breathing champion to put Obama in his place, not a display of pantie wetting. As insane as talk of Romney getting dumped from the nomination seems…

mosjef August 10, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Let's elevate the discourse, not all my cars.

Jukesgrrl August 10, 2012 at 6:11 pm

They could debate what to put on a hamburger. Because apparently the president's taste for mustard is a national tragedy.

TribecaMike August 10, 2012 at 6:14 pm

You would think the head of a political party named Reinhold Reince Priebus would be a lot more popular than he is. In eighteenth century Prussia, I mean.

DahBoner August 10, 2012 at 6:28 pm

When Mitt puts on the latex gloves, I am suspicious of his fudge-packing intentions…

T3rbo August 10, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Son, son, son, Mr. Romney, you were never ready to be president, now go home and work for somebody and find out how the real world works

glamourdammerung August 10, 2012 at 6:35 pm

One would think the best the Republicans could do would not be such a wimp. If President Obama pointing out this guy's lies makes him cry this much, how in the world would he be able to handle dealing with North Korea?

BlueStateLibel August 10, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Dude, just give up already.

I'm sure the Obama campaign will be having quite a few laughs over this tonight.

TribecaMike August 10, 2012 at 6:41 pm

In a limo somewhere, Mitt is confessing to Ann, "I can't wait 'til this is over so I can take this steel girder out of my ass and go back to my old reliable corncob pipe."

LetUsBray August 10, 2012 at 6:48 pm

I think whatever is in Citizen Bain's tax returns is way worse than him not paying taxes in ten years.

I also wonder if this latest gambit is a prelude to his dropping out of the race. To spare Ann, Rafalca, and his dear, dear car elevators any more of these vicious attacks, you understand.

Native_of_SL_UT August 10, 2012 at 10:44 pm

We all know what's in Mitt's tax returns. Obama's winning argument for taxes for the rich.

MinAgain August 10, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Sounds a little like the bully who wants to call a truce, because the kid he was picking on finally figured out he had a glass jaw.

Tundra Grifter August 10, 2012 at 7:15 pm

"A Christmas Story."

NYNYNYjr August 10, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Mr President, if you have questions about my past, why don't we meet alone in a quiet room, and I'll explain everything to you.

Schmegeg August 10, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Agreed. No personal attacks. BTW, Rafalca is ugly and should be sent to the dog food factory.

didgen August 10, 2012 at 7:15 pm

Stop! How much fur is showing between his cuff and the lovely mint green glove. I know you you can't fight genetics but damn!

zippy_w_pinhead August 10, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Now that we have a 30 year head start on the mud slinging how about we just call it even and agree not to do it any more?

Designer_Rants August 10, 2012 at 7:34 pm

They even trotted out the ol' "Welfare Queens" tactic.

TribecaMike August 10, 2012 at 9:15 pm

The last bastion of desperation. Keep it up, Mitt.

Designer_Rants August 10, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Romney on stage: "You guys ARE ASSHOLES!"
Crowd: "SHOW US YER TAX RETURNS!"

TribecaMike August 10, 2012 at 7:54 pm

And then he showed his asshole. And then he showed his asshole twice, followed by showing his asshole thrice. And as he left the stage he showed his asshole more times than Carol Channing went on tour with Hello Dolly. And as an encore, he jumped back on stage and showed his asshole a record 75 times, followed by showing the roadies his asshole until he reached the contracted Teamster limit. And then he went to Denny's and showed the waitress his asshole while smirking, "Consider this your tip." As usual, he showed his asshole to the entire Marriott staff (they're very used to it), and just as he was nodding off he showed his asshole to his asshole, which dreamed for eight hours about his asshole.

But show his tax returns? Ahem, that would be in dubious taste.

Beowoof August 10, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Hey if you don't want to get picked on quit making it so fucking easy.

MonkeyMotion August 10, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Please everyone: Mittens is doing GREAT!

And the Koch Bros, Murdoch, and all those bazillionaire friends should dump their entire fortune$$$ on electing him. 'Cause, you know, he's clearly such a winner and stuff. Really.

DustBowlBlues August 10, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Should add, "Think where Jesus wants you to spend all that money."

Native_of_SL_UT August 10, 2012 at 10:47 pm

If there is one good thing about Romney, it's his getting all these rich fuckers to blow part of their wad on a losing cause.

zippy_w_pinhead August 10, 2012 at 7:31 pm

funny how bullies cry the loudest the moment one of their victims hits back…

ingloriousbytch August 10, 2012 at 7:32 pm

No dice Mittens. You wanted a street fight and now you've got one, bitch.

Misty Malarky August 10, 2012 at 7:58 pm

OBAMA 2012
ROMNEY 1040

Native_of_SL_UT August 10, 2012 at 10:49 pm

If you put that on a T-shirt. I'll send you money.

VinnyThePooh August 10, 2012 at 8:02 pm

In my younger years, if a rich kid told me not to hit him, I would hear nothing but him begging me to knee his sack like I was tightening carpet.

zippy_w_pinhead August 10, 2012 at 8:16 pm

If this was the UFC, Mitt just tapped out…

glasspusher August 10, 2012 at 8:17 pm

I think I could stop hitting Mitt, but I could never stop hitting on his wife

TribecaMike August 10, 2012 at 8:32 pm

As Sigmoid Fraud once famously said, sometimes a MILF is just a MILF.

glasspusher August 10, 2012 at 8:44 pm

That's deep. A MILF by any other name?

TribecaMike August 10, 2012 at 9:09 pm

That's easy: my high school journalism teacher, who will remain nameless, at least until the publication of my memoir, "I Shouldn't Have Bothered." Hubbadeehubba.

glasspusher August 10, 2012 at 10:21 pm

I had a catechism teacher, eighth grade, confirmation class. Tight black turtlenecks. What a hottie. Although I'm an atheist now, that's as close as I got to Catholicism showing me heaven.

glasspusher August 10, 2012 at 8:24 pm

+1 for proper use of equality operator, or should I say ++?

DustBowlBlues August 10, 2012 at 9:11 pm

I used to the think the tell on politicians lying to someone who is interviewing them is when they start using the pundit reporter guy's first name. "In what sense, Charley?"

But this is of no help with Rmoney because he never talks to anyone but Faux News and other haters so they never ask him a hard question like, "which are smarter, Swiss or Bermudan bankers?"

Thanks Pete's sake that Rmoney has that "mirthless laugh" as romance novels describe it. If a staffer began, "For a taxing–" he'd pause and wonder what set off the 'bot's mirthless laughing fit then continued, "–read, I'd take War And Peace, hands down." Fuck the Republicans. (Because I hadn't used a profanity yet and the wonkeratti were wondering what Mormon hacked into DBB's Intense Debate acccount.

labman57 August 10, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Hmmm.
Romney says that he is highly qualified to be POTUS based on his extensive experience as a "job creator" while at Bain … however we should not be allowed to analyze or critique said business experience.

Mitt to news media and Obama campaign:
"Don't discuss my personal finances, don't discuss my business practices, don't discuss my recent overseas trip, and most of all, don't discuss my policies and programs while Governor of Massachusetts."

Okay, let's talk about something totally benign … "Mitt, how's Seamus? What? Don't talk about the dog either?"

LibertyLover August 10, 2012 at 9:57 pm

I am eminently qualified to be President based on my Business Smartiness, but don't look into any of my Business Practices or my finances, because then I might not look so good, so can we just talk about our policy Diffs? Ok? K? Like how I want to repeal the ACA which totally wasn't based on Romneycare….

Ms_Anthrope August 10, 2012 at 10:01 pm

You people must all be nails ladies or something!It's perfectly acceptable to make up anything to make your opponent look bad. The wingbat shitnuts will eat it up. Political opponents aren't supposed to tell the truth about you right out in the open to the commoners! It just isn't done.

Native_of_SL_UT August 10, 2012 at 10:03 pm

The Huufington Post asked the Romney people for a comment and got this response from Andrea Saul:

"The governor was expressing his view that he hopes we can have a campaign focused on the issues rather than one of desperation and lies as we’ve seen from the Obama campaign,"

So see, that's what they mean by sticking to the issues, calling the President a desperate liar. No personnel attack there.
How does this dumb bitch have a job as spokesman? She undermines and contradicts Romney before he even has a chance to stop talking.

TribecaMike August 10, 2012 at 10:04 pm

"Looky here, Big O. You don't mention my sleazy business dealings, my taxes or El Salvadoran hit squads, and I won't mention how smart and cute your kids are. We got a deal, bro?"

rocktonsam August 10, 2012 at 10:36 pm

mitten$ needs a photo op riding a horse,like raygun and not riding that failure Rafuckup.

LibertyLover August 10, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Did Romney borrow the "things of that nature.." thing from Arnold Swarztenegger?

TribecaMike August 10, 2012 at 11:21 pm

It sure as hell wasn't from Lucretius' On the Nature of Things, with its immortal line, Tantum religio potuit suadere malorum (Only religion can lead to such evil).

ttommyunger August 10, 2012 at 11:57 pm

OT, but: I can't help but wonder, is it wearing magic underwear and mom jeans that makes him walk like he's wearing panty hose backwards?

mr bojangles August 11, 2012 at 12:28 pm

ok no more personal attacks. hey mitt your wife is a fat ugly beotch and your moronic sons dress funny!

ChessieNefercat August 11, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Best response from team Obama: http://tinyurl.com/c4jd6qp

or maybe this: http://tinyurl.com/cugzwxt

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