There's your markOur good, decent, compassionate brethren on the right are always screaming and wailing about Paris Hilton’s god-given right to never work a day in her life because some fringe Mad Men character made a lot of money once, and taxing her on her inheritance means taxing DEATH ITSELF. We all know that His Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romney understands wealth’s need to cascade from father to son, down through the centuries. He would never be so gauche as to tax the living for the money of the dead. But if you have to have “money” to run your state, and you don’t want it to come from you, from whose pocket should it justly be yanked? We will go with “blind people.”

Esquire has a lovely find from a 2003 Telegram & Gazette piece:

It now costs to be blind in Massachusetts. The state’s approximately 35,000 blind and legally blind residents must now pay $10 annually for a certificate of blindness and $15 every four years for a blind identification card. Without the formerly-free documents, blind people cannot take advantage of tax abatements, affordable housing programs, health care services, transportation discounts and other benefits. … The fees originated in February, in Gov. Mitt Romney’s budget proposal for fiscal 2004.
—Shaun Sutner, “Advocates Fight Fees For The Blind,” Telegram & Gazette, 8/5/03

Why not just take their tin cups, and cut out the middleman? Come on, Mittens, get your head in the game!


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  • Barb_

    I wonder what Jesus would think of Romney's hundreds of millions and his treatment of poor people and people in need of a little help?

    • 1. Jesus is Love.
      2. Love is blind.
      3. ??????
      4. PROFIT!!!

      • That comment wins, even blindfolded

      • zippy_w_pinhead

        3. Jesus is Ray Charles

    • the tone-deaf leading the blind.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Which Jeebus? The one who said "Blessed are the poor"? Or the one who said, "The rich sit at my right hand but the poor are royally screwed"?

      • SorosBot

        The Jesus that said "Blessed are the cheesemakers"; I'm sure at some point Bain bought some manufacturer of dairy products.

        • GunToting[Redacted]

          Who's the Greek?

          • zippy_w_pinhead


    • That is the beauty of the Mormon strategy: you retroactively create the kind of Jesus you want.

      • zippy_w_pinhead

        I'm going with Raptor Jesus

      • Boojum

        Your own, personal, Jesus?

    • seeing-eye God

    • YouBetcha

      You mean Joseph Smith?

      • Angry_Marmot

        Supplanted by Super Salesman / Thug Life Brigham Young.

    • smashedinhat

      Mittens would probably hire a dozen blind folk on a dime and let them drag themselves around his mansions dusting the floors with their pratfalls.

    • Jesus made enough money off the poor, the sick and the blind to build a nice mansion for Himself and his wife Mary Magdelene in France, while still retaining controlling interest in Christianity through His equity stakes in Catholicism and the Orthodox Church. Templar Investments LLC has been guarding the financial records on this for centuries. If His descendants had resisted the urge to blab to Da Vinci, the Holy Family could have enjoyed another few hundred years of quiet wealth and influence.

    • Jesus was in his 30s when he said all that liberal shit. Once he grew up and got all that gold and stuff you see in the Vatican, he only cared about his rate of return on his investments.

      • emmelemm

        "If you're under 30 and you're a Republican, you have no heart. If you're over 30 and you're a Democrat, you have no brain."

        • Fukui-sanYesOta

          That's assigned to many people, and I'm happy to say that – being in sneezing distance of forty – it's bullshit.

      • After the merger with the Roman Empire that formed Holy Roman Enterprises, and with every schism in Christianity since, the Christs' original equity stake has increased in value by a factor of 10. No member of the Christ family has worked at a job since at least the Third Century. They are incredible Equestrian enthusiasts, though.

        • bobbert

          But what does Christ's IRA look like?

  • nounverb911

    How much for Obama's Birth Certificate?

    • KotBR

      It's free, unless you need it in Braille, then it's $35

  • nounverb911

    Is the $10 fee tax deductible?

  • noodlesalad

    To be fair, this blind tax allowed him to provide an even bigger tax break to deaf millionaires. (Hearing millionaires may have also benefited).

    • Generation[redacted]

      tone deaf millionaires.

  • ChernobylSoup

    I didn't see that one coming.

    • LesBontemps

      … and neither did they.

  • i've always said Blind People have it too easy.

    • Cheap, squinty bastards.

    • tessiee

      I've never *said* that, but I have *thought* it when you guys run pictures of Newt and/or Rush.

  • viennawoods13

    Well, to be fair, the money for Anne's tax write-offs for her horses as medical expenses had to come from somewhere.

  • Does Romney have to pay for his Moral Blindness card?

    • sharethegrief

      That's on a chip implanted in his corneas.

  • x111e7thst

    Damn blind freeloaders. When did they ever create any jobs?

    • nounverb911

      Some one has to train the seeing eye dressage horses.

  • nounverb911

    Don't tell Grover that Mittens raised taxes.

  • Callyson

    I used to say that a person had to be blind to support Mittens. I stand corrected: even blind people can see through him now…

  • bumfug

    But they had to get rid of the tax because people just couldn't see paying it.

    • Sue4466

      This is so wrong. So is the fact that I can't stop laughing.

      • Oblios_Cap

        They had eye problems.

  • sharethegrief

    I don't even want to know what he did to Seeing Eye Dogs.

    • mull_man

      He strapped them to the bottom of the car.

    • Angry_Marmot
      • Devilette

        That is so bad, but I can't stop laughing.

  • I worried that blind guy is going to fall into the snark pit below.

  • SorosBot

    Why don't those blind people just pull themselves up by their own bootstraps and start seeing?

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Maybe they can borrow some eyes from their parents and start seeing.

  • Tundra Grifter

    "$15 every four years for a blind identification card." The state just keeps sending them the same one.

    • HogeyeGrex

      Blank, no doubt.

    • Boojum

      When I lived in Tennessee, the back side of my voter registration card contained printed "Instructions for the Blind Voter."

      And no, they were no in braille.

  • Goonemeritus

    It’s only fair those canes for the blind just tear up the sidewalks.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Little Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles didn't need any help. Why would anyone else?

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Would Sammy Davis Jr. get a 50 percent discount?

      • Tundra Grifter

        I've just never been a big Sammy Davis, Jr., fan. Maybe it was the gold medallion. Maybe it was the Richard Nixon hug. Just never did it for me.

    • tessiee

      "Little Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles didn't need any help."

      Old National Lampoon cartoon:
      Beggar with cup holding up a sign that says, "Please help. I am blind, and I think I may be black."

  • SorosBot

    Hey, Matt Murdoch is blind, and he's incredibly successful as both an attorney and a costumed vigilante; therefore blind people have it easy and all should be able to afford the blind tax.

    • miss_grundy

      He's also incredibly wealthy…….

  • Mitt can't see the forest for the trees. But he sure as shit will note the height of those trees.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Without the formerly-free documents, blind people cannot take advantage of tax abatements, affordable housing programs, health care services, transportation discounts and other benefits.

    What – no one could tell they were blind if they didn't have their papers?

    It's kinda like a Mormom Miracle – you can see! It'll only cost you $25 to be blind again!

  • zippy_w_pinhead

    stealing them blind…

  • SoBeach

    It's about time someone made blind people put some skin in the game.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Aye, aye!

  • Hey, buddy, want to buy a certificate of blindness for $5?

    • IndianaKevin

      I do, and I'm not even blind!

  • SmutBoffin

    What other infirmities and near-infirmities can we tax?

    $11 for having one arm?
    $4 for not being able to tell the difference between coffeehouse coffee and Folger's crystals?
    $8.50 for having "length but not girth"?

    • sewollef

      Wait a minute there Smut….

      'length not girth' …. is an infirmity or a near-infirmity, which is it, I need to know?

    • Boojum

      $150,000,000 for lacking compassion or any shred of human decency?

  • widestanceromance

    Good. I'm sick of these Cane Queens fumbling around in my pockets for free stuff.

  • Dudleydidwrong

    Getting this country working again ("Jerbs," he said) means that the damn blind people have to get outta the way or contribute to the process. No freeloaders. Unless they own dancing horses.

  • Sue4466

    He's cartoonishly evil at this point.

    Romney/Mr. Burns 2012.

    • SorosBot

      Romney still hasn't denied stealing candy from a baby.

      • HistoriCat

        It's not safe for babies to have candy – you're actually doing a favor by taking that candy away from the baby.

    • LetUsBray
    • Boojum

      Release the hounds!

      • Sue4466

        "Hmmm… who's that goat-legged fellow? I like the cut of his jib…"
        "Er, Prince of Darkness, sir, he's your 11 o'clock."

  • IncenseDebate

    Those blind men are just bluffing.

  • OneYieldRegular

    "Can I see your ID card?"

    "Yes, you insensitive asshat."

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Well played, sir or madam.

  • zippy_w_pinhead

    Gotta do something to top the humiliation of running them into doors

  • MissTaken

    Blind people are always getting screwed. Homeowners want blinds that perfectly fit the custom windows in their cute little breakfast nooks and bedrooms with no thought of how hard it is to make a new blind mold every time for each individual window. Blind people get no respect.

    • redarmyzombie

      Don't forget the Blahs and the Yew People.

  • But the joke is on the blind, as the state just sent them blank paper every time.

  • IncenseDebate

    By the way that fringe Mad Men character was creepy. Do you think he was after Don's wand? He had that old lecher look in his eyes.

    • MissTaken

      he was very upset that Don wouldn't give him the moon. And by moon I mean his butt.

      • IncenseDebate

        Like an old queen scorned.

    • His sex tape was even worse.

  • Scott Brown will come out against this, as the government should not let the blind have identification or otherwise they will vote against him.

  • Romney needs to lighten his image as a people screwing, job exporting, money grubbing, private jet flying, tax cheating, election losing monster.

    Carly Fiorina for VP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • salt_bagel

    And to think Romney's Certificate of Blandness cost nothing.

  • And don't even get started on Romney's Orphan Tax!

    • IncenseDebate

      I know what you mean. It's by the bowl of gruel.

    • TavariousChinaSmith

      If you wish to report a white collar crime, you must submit a $500 non-refundable deposit.

    • bobbert

      I read that as Romney's Orphan Taxi, because, you know about the white slavery, right?

  • ibwilliamsi

    "Can I see your papers, please?" "If I can't, you can't."

  • MissTaken

    Every time I use the ATM there is braille all over for these people. Why can't they just learn to read English like a Real American?

    • IncenseDebate

      Braille sounds French!

      • Isn't Braille one of those countries down by Mexico?

      • sewollef

        It sounds French 'cos it is French. Louis Braille invented it some time around the early 1800's. I believe the clever bastard invented it after he went blind himself.

        • bobbert

          Self-centered asshole.

    • And they totally have the braille on the ones in the drive-up window at the bank!

    • Pithaughn

      True fact: the sign in the clubhouse for the umpires locker room has braille on it.

    • They would self-deport, but they can't find the way.

  • Even more awful: Mitt's favorite dinner – Kitten Pot Pie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • IncenseDebate

      At least they clean the pussy really well before it's cooked.

    • sewollef

      Maybe, but I believe dessert is 'Spotted Dick'.

      Hey, I just report the facts…

  • snackypants

    Well, the blind do get an additional $1,000 tax deduction, so they are still coming out $975 ahead!

  • WhatTheHeck

    If only the poor had the vision to hide their monies in a blind trust, they’d be able to see their way in retirement.

  • mlle_derp

    "There are none so blind as those that will not see."

    So we should tax Mitt for each & every instance of his failure to realize what an unimaginative, arrogant, greedy bastard he really is. Debt problems solved!

  • Nice guy. He should have taxed people with Alzheimer's because they'd forget. Motherfucking asshole

    • Oblios_Cap

      They would forget to pay. Or to put stamps on the envelopes.

  • Helen Keller racks a double-ought round into her pump scattergun.

    • Angry_Marmot

      Has she been to the Stampede yet?

  • mavenmaven

    These republicans have a fetish about ID cards. Nostalgia for the fascist days, when one had to show their papers all the time.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Haha! And the joke is that the cards are blank!

    • Oblios_Cap

      Psychic paper!

    • Tundra Grifter

      This is a very popular meme today.

  • cheetojeebus

    Next they'll be taxing pinball, the fuckers.

    • Tommy weeps

    • LetUsBray

      Hey, if that deaf, dumb & blind kid sure plays a mean pinball, he can afford it, the moocher.

  • From Andrew Sullivan, who apparently is letting his underlings post anything while he is on vacation:

    (OT – I like the guy, but can you imagine working for Andrew Sullivan???)

  • There might be a lot of blind people faking it. They just close their eyes and walk around and bump into things and have strangers help them across the street and stuff.

    • mlle_derp

      Mitt used to do that for spare change after he got tired of collecting 'speeding fines' from motorists while wearing his Michigan highway patrol outfit.

      Apparently, you can make good money if you look clueless enough, and Mitt does 'clueless' to perfection…

    • SorosBot

      Well Julia-Louis Dreyfus' prosecutor on Arrested Development faked being blind to get sympathy from judges and juries; so therefore it must be rampant in real life.

    • bobbert

      It's a conspiracy to inflate the average performance rating of Boy Scouts.

  • RadioBowels

    Plus, they can't see porn. Fucking double whammy.

    • IncenseDebate

      Which is the title of my favorite porn movie.

      • sewollef

        Which is it:

        "Plus, they can't see porn", or the slightly more interesting "Fucking double whammy."?

    • Angry_Marmot

      Press Your Luck: XXX ?

      • horsedreamer_1

        Barely Visible XXX: Brailebate.

    • bobbert

      At least they won't be ostracized.

    • bibliotequetress
  • Jus_Wonderin

    Mass is just attempting to pull the wool over their eyes.

  • IncenseDebate

    The other weird thing about the blind tax is the part where they had to pay at the State House and Gov. Romney kept closing the doors in front of them so they would walk into them. Then he would cackle that awful laugh.

  • zippy_w_pinhead

    think of all the blues musicians who will be hurt by this…

  • proudgrampa

    "The fees originated in February, in Gov. Mitt Romney’s budget proposal for fiscal 2004."

    Okay. I get that he's a jerk, but does this mean that the legislature actually passed this???

    WTF is wrong with Massachusetts???

  • Oblios_Cap

    Jeez, if they charge the wieght challenged, Christie won't be able to afford to be Willard's VP.

  • rickmaci

    Who gives a shit about Twitt Romoney and taxes.

    I'm panicked about global testosterone decline…

    • bobbert

      And stubby boobs.

      • rickmaci

        At least Rosemary's Baby is gone.

      • I had a dream about Meghan McCain last night, which put to rest any fears of stubby boobs that I might have ever had. Unfortunately, it quickly switched from dream to nightmare when I questioned her father's integrity. She ended up switching from sitting on my lap in a short skirt to screaming at me about how much Chicago sucks. I think I need to work harder on my wet dreams. Why does dream Megs McCain hate Chicago so much? I think it is quite nice and am not inviting her back into my fantasies again.

        • bobbert

          There was no screaming about the back of her throat?

          • There probably was, or would have been, if I hadn't turned an awesome sex fantasy with Pillows McCabe into an argument about Chicago museums and sushi spots. It's no wonder I can't seem to get laid nearly often enough.– Nathan

  • DonnyKerabotsos

    Sometimes I envy the blind. At least they don't have to see all these political shitheads.

  • sullivanst

    And people wonder why he doesn't make much of his time as governor on the campaign trail…

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Bitch bitch bitch….perhaps they should have thought of this before they chose to be blind.

  • Wilcoxyz

    Mitt later hired them to audit his blind trust. So his taxes should be legit.

    • SorosBot

      His taxes aren't just legit; they're too legit, too legit to quit.

  • Wilcoxyz

    Making the handicapped carry papers? Your move Arizona.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    I hope I can be forgiven for sitting beside a blind lady, asking what she was "reading", then taking the text and turning it upside down. She did reprimand me with a long stare.

  • Blunderthing

    I guess they just gave up trying to tell the deaf people about their tax.

  • pinkocommi

    I am waiting for the next story to come out that Romney made a blind person ride strapped to the top of the roof of his minivan on the family vacation.

  • Katydid

    I just hope he didn't take away the blind people's God-given rights to own – and shoot – a gun.

  • a_pink_poodle

    This was what Jesus was working on; he'd heal the blind then come back and ask for favors or he'd blind them again. Nothing like the good ol' Judeah Racket.

    • bobbert

      Nice miraculously-restored eyes you got there ….

      • a_pink_poodle

        It would be a shame if this two pronged pitchfork were to… oh, I don't know… INJURE you in some highly unlikely way.

  • It's like they're being robbed blind!

  • wmichaelsears

    The fee was just the start…
    Mitt then told the blind people that they only gave him a 5 dollar bill instead of a 10 spot.

  • zippy_w_pinhead

    that'll teach all those freeloaders not to fap so much- they were warned…

  • Did he also go into blind people's houses and rearrange the furniture? That's always funny.

  • not that Dewey

    "I see", said the blind man
    as he picked up his hammer and saw.

  • littlebigdaddy

    On the chest of a barmaid in Sale
    Were tattooed the prices of ale.
    And on her behind,
    For the sake of the blind,
    Was the same information in Braille!

  • mr bojangles

    keep walking!!!! shouts chris christie (while clutching ice cream cone, vanilla)

  • Stevie Wonder mentions all kinds of things that only a sighted person would understand in his lyrics, which, quite frankly, makes me suspicious. We should double his taxes, just to be safe.

  • mosjef

    The following is a special message to Mittens, written in Braille:
    " ________ you"

  • tessiee

    "The state’s approximately 35,000 blind and legally blind residents must now pay $10 annually for a certificate of blindness and $15 every four years for a blind identification card."

    It's even worse than it sounds.
    Romney takes the blind guy's money and *tells* him he's giving him a certificate of blindness and a blind identification card, but it's *really* just a blank sheet of paper and a playing card.

  • tessiee

    A few years back, I worked in Student Services, which included Disabled Student Services. One of the legally blind guys who worked there told me that he had taken a cab and lit a cigarette (this wsa when you could still smoke pretty much anywhere).
    Cabbie: Hey, you can't smoke in here!
    Guy: Oh, sorry.
    Cabbie: There's a sign right there! What are ya, blind?
    Guy: Actually, yes. [he didn't have a seeing eye dog or anything] I *am* blind.
    Cabbie [shocked and mortified]: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't know.
    Guy: That's OK.
    Cabbie [shouting at the top of his lungs]: SO. ARE… YOU… FROM… AROUND… HERE?

  • ttommyunger

    Of course, the punch line is that for their money, all they get is a blank piece of paper. "After all, how will they know the difference?" – quipped one insider.

  • bibliotequetress

    If you don't keep up you blind license, will your blindness be revoked?

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