BLAME CANADA  6:00 pm August 9, 2012

Why Won’t Canada Let This Michigan Man Just Cold Shoot People All The Time, For Whatever?

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

MountieWalt Wawra has a problem. He went to Canada with his wife, and while they were there, two gentlemen approached them — in broad daylight! — and asked if they had been to the Stampede yet. When they did not answer, the men asked AGAIN. Why won’t Canada let Mr. Wawra shoot this clearly criminally minded pair? The fuck, CANADA?

Here is most of the letter from Mr. Wawra, a Kalamazoo police officer:

Recently, while out for a walk in Nose Hill Park, in broad daylight on a paved trail, two young men approached my wife and me. The men stepped in front of us, then said in a very aggressive tone: “Been to the Stampede yet?”

We ignored them. The two moved closer, repeating: “Hey, you been to the Stampede yet?”

I quickly moved between these two and my wife, replying, “Gentle-men, I have no need to talk with you, goodbye.” They looked bewildered, and we then walked past them.

I speculate they did not have good intentions when they approached in such an aggressive, disrespectful and menacing manner. I thank the Lord Jesus Christ they did not pull a weapon of some sort, but rather concluded it was in their best interest to leave us alone.

Would we not expect a uniformed officer to pull his or her weapon to intercede in a life-or-death encounter to protect self, or another? Why then should the expectation be lower for a citizen of Canada or a visitor? Wait, I know – it’s because in Canada, only the criminals and the police carry handguns.

Sure, sounds about right!

Now, your editrix has not been to “the Stampede” (except for the one in Omak, Washington, and it was indeed full of louts and scalawags and drunkards and sots) but she has been to the Penticton Peach Festival. Frankly, Mr. Wawra may have a point. At the Penticton Peach Festival, during the headline concert by top Canadian rock act “Doug and the Slug,” small children were running around the crowd literally knocking over old ladies and never once saying they were sorry and it was like fucking ALTAMONT in there, for serious. We for one had never wished for American-style law-and-order and respect for authority until we met rotten Canadian children. Yes, a handgun might have made allll the difference.

[CalgaryHerald]

 

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{ 355 comments }

nounverb911 August 9, 2012 at 6:01 pm

I designed a building in Calgary once. I've never seen it completed.
(Actually, I just designed the joint patterns for the granite skin on the facade).

Pithaughn August 9, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Bugler or Bambu? single wide, double wide, we need details my friend!!

anniegetyerfun August 9, 2012 at 7:01 pm

I did a report on the upcoming 1988 Winter Olympics when I was in second grade. My dad made me, because he's Canadian and was convinced that this made Calgary an important city on the world stage. I had been hoping to do the report on Moscow (Russia, not Idaho).

HistoriCat August 9, 2012 at 10:02 pm

the upcoming 1988 Winter Olympics when I was in second grade

well NOW I feel old! Thanks a lot!

Spurning Beer August 9, 2012 at 8:54 pm

I've been to the Stampede. My granny and Auntie Em lived in Calgary, and when I was seven, we visited in the summer, and I got a full cowboy outfit for the occasion. I still have the silver collar tips and bolo tie. My little brother got a Mountie outfit. He was adorable.

All that notwithstanding, Canadians are all impolite thugs who don't know SHIT about the second amendment, and probably don't even have one up there.

Jason_inthe_Peg August 9, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Only criminals and cops carry hand guns in Canada.

This seems reasonable to me, but then I'm Canuckistani.

savethispatient August 9, 2012 at 6:47 pm

As an Englanderthal, I think the Police carrying guns seems a bit excessive. What's wrong with a big stick?

zippy_w_pinhead August 9, 2012 at 7:05 pm

"What's wrong with a big stick? "

Gay train thread is thataway ——->

mlle_derp August 9, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Nothin' wrong with a big stick, sailor. Nothin' wrong at all…

sullivanst August 10, 2012 at 8:36 am

Indeed. I'm personally a fan of not creating an arms race between police and thieves.

actor212 August 10, 2012 at 9:36 am

Well, Sting's bass is pretty lengthy. Andy Summers diddles a compact guitar, tho. And don't get me started on the size of Copeland's skin bangers!

bikerlaureate August 10, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Nothing, so long as they speak softly.

Raff_Ripdash August 9, 2012 at 7:43 pm

Sooo… no Canadians hunt? Or collect guns? Or just, you know, own guns? If we're not cops, we're criminals? Well, this will come as news to me & the other members of my militia.

actor212 August 10, 2012 at 9:34 am

Errr, actually, per capita gun ownership in Canada is higher than it is in the States.

viennawoods13 August 10, 2012 at 11:54 am

Well, according to the Wikipedia, USA leads the pack with 88.8 per hundred. Canada is way down at 13 with 30.8.

WordSaladNation August 9, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Crash Test Dummies need to write a song about this STAT.

Jason_inthe_Peg August 9, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Mmmmmm mmmmmm mmmmm.

WordSaladNation August 9, 2012 at 6:08 pm

They did write a song about a kid who likes to get his teeth pulled out, so there's that.

Jason_inthe_Peg August 9, 2012 at 6:12 pm

The Ghosts that Haunt me are the ones I shot for being cordial.

WordSaladNation August 9, 2012 at 6:13 pm

There are skeletons in everybody's closet; I can think of one or two in my own room.

TheJasonAlexanderFanClub August 9, 2012 at 7:55 pm

"You been to the Stampede yet" is the new "What's the frequency, Kenneth"! Paging R.E.M…

smokefilledmeltdown August 9, 2012 at 6:05 pm

"Have you been to the stampede?" sounds like super-secret spy talk.

bureaucrap August 9, 2012 at 6:24 pm

"What's the frequency, eh, hoser?"

Nostrildamus August 9, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Checking Urban Dictionary now …

Lascauxcaveman August 9, 2012 at 7:33 pm

"What's the frequency, Kenneth" is what you want to look for. (not the REM song)

ChessieNefercat August 9, 2012 at 7:34 pm

One day at work, a friend of mine and I cautiously looked up a phrase we had heard students use, in the Urban Dictionary . Boy were we surprised to find that "pound sand" was not dirty after all. It sounded dirty.

Negropolis August 9, 2012 at 10:19 pm

"Pound sand" is a lot like "kick rocks" around here. I kind of like that we're getting insults, now, that don't contain profanity. They seem more creative.

pattycake August 9, 2012 at 7:53 pm

"Who do you favor in the Virginia Slims tournament?"

"In women's tennis, I always bet against the heterosexual."

MilwaukeeKent August 9, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Nah. "Have you been to the Stampede? The trucks roll at Midnight." or, "Have you been to the Stampede? The Purple Martin has three wings." Now, THAT would be spy talk.

mlle_derp August 9, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Komrade Kent, you have let the Movement down. Those words are only for the quiet rooms… I'm afraid we will have to terminate your account.

MilwaukeeKent August 9, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Nooo! But I didn't Name Names!

mlle_derp August 9, 2012 at 10:17 pm

The Purple Martin is most unforgiving. You should have thought of that before…

MissTaken August 9, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Stand your ground, eh?

Fare la Volpe August 9, 2012 at 6:44 pm

If you don't mind, that is.

Larry McAwful August 9, 2012 at 7:06 pm

But it isn't. It's the Canadians' ground, so an American isn't allowed to stand it, because communism. See the red, red leaf? Communism.

Negropolis August 9, 2012 at 10:20 pm

I imagine Canadian "stand your ground" to me be more like "stand your ground…unless someone else asks you for yours and then, wouldn't it be rude not to give it to him?"

nounverb911 August 9, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Don't convicted gun-slingers in Canada get lifetime socialized medicine?

Barb_ August 9, 2012 at 6:06 pm

I am about to become a Canadian. I have my cool "How to Become a Canadian" books and I am learning to deeply respect our neighbors to the north the more I learn about them.

nounverb911 August 9, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Will you be able to see Alaska from your house?

Barb_ August 9, 2012 at 6:18 pm

I am not sure yet, Noun. The location is till up in the air at this time.

Lascauxcaveman August 9, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Victoria BC is the nicest neighborhood in Canada City, and with the most temperate weather. And only a 90 minute boat ride to visit the Caveman, himself, in his cute little touristy hotel!

But you can't afford a house there.

Barb_ August 9, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Caveman! Good to see you. Why can't I afford a house there?

MissTaken August 9, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Have you gotten to the chapter "Mayonnaise and Hamburger = Double Plus Good!" yet? You just may change your mind.

viennawoods13 August 9, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Harveys makes a hamburger a beautiful thing.

mayor_quimby August 9, 2012 at 8:39 pm

I only know about Harvey's from how I met your mother. All I learned when I went to Canada was how to get drunk on $2 Canadian Mist and drive back to the urban hell scape of Detroit.
I'm not proud of the himym, by the way.

WABishop August 10, 2012 at 8:02 am

Swiss Chalet, real food made fresh.

ChessieNefercat August 9, 2012 at 7:35 pm

I found the whole gravy on french fries thing oddly satisfying.

Barb_ August 9, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Chessie, is there anything else on the fries or just gravy?

ChessieNefercat August 10, 2012 at 9:29 am

Just gravy. This was about 15 years ago. I was traveling with my research group to Montreal for an international conference and we drove through Ontario by way of Sault Ste. Marie. When we ordered road food/fast food, we were always asked if we wanted gravy for our fries, never ketchup. Gravy. Regular gravy. Poured over the french fries. Or a little container into which you could dip the fries.

viennawoods13 August 9, 2012 at 6:12 pm

We welcome you with open arms!

Barb_ August 9, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Are you Canadian, Vienna? That is so great! Seriously, I got my books yesterday and I am learning so much that I never knew before.

viennawoods13 August 9, 2012 at 6:22 pm

I am! There's nobody more Canuck than me. We are a cool country but our current government is a fucking right-wing hell-hole.

Barb_ August 9, 2012 at 6:31 pm

I have to learn the metric system after I am done with the three books.

Callyson August 9, 2012 at 6:39 pm

If it weren't so bloodyawfulcold up there, I'd be there in a nanosecond. Thank God California is a blue state.

TeaNuts August 9, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Remember doggy style, so you can both watch the hockey game!

Barb_ August 9, 2012 at 6:15 pm

OH MY GOD! That is the funniest shit, TeaNuts. You know how I love me some hockey. Thanks!

Chet Kincaid_ August 9, 2012 at 6:35 pm

They play football funny, though. They only have 2 downs, the field is twice as wide, and there are 15 players to a side. They have team names like the "Ruffians" and the "Manitoba Oil Rigs." The players are all ex-college players from the States that you wonder whatever happened to.

Barb_ August 9, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Chet! The Chargers are playing preseason football tonight and there will be a female ref. This is going to be interesting.

WhatTheHeck August 9, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Don’t forget your copy of Rosetta Stone – Canadian.

Nostrildamus August 9, 2012 at 6:39 pm
Graham Cracker August 9, 2012 at 7:09 pm

But you can pound the meat, apparently!

Fox n Fiends August 9, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Welcome Aboard! You'll soon be as horrified by your American relatives as I am!

Barb_ August 9, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Fox, I am already horrified by them.

Uniprober August 9, 2012 at 6:44 pm

One word: Poutine

WABishop August 10, 2012 at 8:05 am

That's two words.

Beowoof August 9, 2012 at 6:53 pm

I am jealous, I have looked into to moving to Canada but even with my degrees etc, I believe I am too old to get permanent resident status.

ChessieNefercat August 9, 2012 at 7:38 pm

What? How old is too old? I got my little card passport (couldn't afford the snazzy book) so that I could flee (by water or land, no planes!) to nice, civilized Canada if the 'baggers keep spreading like a zombie virus.

Beowoof August 9, 2012 at 9:16 pm

I have the card, and if Rmoney is elected I may seek political asylum. I am 58.

Chichikovovich August 9, 2012 at 7:49 pm

Once the Republicans take over everywhere you'll be eligible for refugee status.

viennawoods13 August 9, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Not with Harper in Ottawa you won't.

Beowoof August 9, 2012 at 9:17 pm

From your keyboard to the ears of Canadian Immigration.

emmelemm August 9, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Yeah, what's this age deal?

Barb_ August 9, 2012 at 11:52 pm

Beowolf, you can be my anchor baby! I will adopt you and pet, spoil and pamper you.

Beowoof August 10, 2012 at 11:22 am

Be still my heart, the mere thought is my making heart flutter.

Steverino247 August 9, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Don't forget the quaint Canadian custom of exposing your breasts to everyone you meet.

Boojum August 9, 2012 at 9:17 pm

San Francisco is in Canada?

Barb_ August 9, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Steve, I love ya but I think you are making that up. LOL

viennawoods13 August 9, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Unless it's Port Dover on Friday the 13th

Barb_ August 9, 2012 at 11:38 pm

Vienna, how could I not upfist you for that? Thanks!

AnAmericanInTO August 9, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Well, I, for one, welcome you aboard to the wonderful world of 'Mericans living up here. If you know where to look we are everywhere. My Unitarian church is fully 1/2 American from old school Vietnam draft dodgers to people just moving up here for the lulz.

I got up here on a Work Visa, I'm now a permanent resident, but I also have an anchor baby, so that can only help.

Incidentally, one of my happiest Canadian moments was when my son was born, he wasn't 12 hours old and he already had his OHIP (Health Care) card for his first doctor visit. It was so simple and perfect and I booked it out of there before some nurse changed her mind.

To be honest, I miss little things: the grocery store don't have the same variety as the US does, I miss Souplantation and those kind of things, but in return I have a sense of social welfare and decency that I appreciate and respect. Canadians sometimes take it for granted, but I never do.

Barb_ August 9, 2012 at 9:57 pm

AnAmerican! Can I adopt an anchor baby? Does that count?

Negropolis August 9, 2012 at 10:25 pm

It's funny you mention the shopping, because I was just thinking about it the other day. It's one of the main complaints I hear, that if you want some obscure piece of food a 1 AM, you can't just get up and get it at your 24-hour Super SprawlMart or whatever, but I guess that's a small price to pay.

Barb_ August 10, 2012 at 12:01 am

Negropolis, at age 49, the only obscure piece of food I want at 1 A.M. is a Fig Newton and a deep sleep. Long gone are the days of the 3 A.M. Pat's Cheesesteak runs.

WABishop August 10, 2012 at 8:10 am

That was something I noticed when I moved to the US, the almost slavish degree of customer service. Doesn't anyone care that Best Buy employees have leave Thanksgiving dinner to go to work?

TavariousChinaSmith August 10, 2012 at 9:37 am

You guys have to get your Canadian citizenship so you can vote NDP, a proper socialist party which is the Official Opposition. Also, welcome, Barb! Wonket meetup in Toronto?

Spurning Beer August 9, 2012 at 9:04 pm

It's a great country, but learning to speak Canadian is a bitch. Most of the time I have no idea what they're talking aboot.

WABishop August 10, 2012 at 8:11 am

*sigh* It's not pronounced "aboot", it's pronounced "a-bow-oot". Say all the vowels. Now try again.

Spurning Beer August 10, 2012 at 8:21 am

Sorry, Mr. Bishop. I'll try to get with the proe-gram.

TavariousChinaSmith August 10, 2012 at 9:39 am

I think it's more like "abehwt".

Negropolis August 11, 2012 at 12:26 am

I hear it "a-boat"; I never quite know where the rest of America gets "a-boot" from. You guys just really round your Os.

ladyface August 12, 2012 at 11:34 am
fuflans August 9, 2012 at 11:14 pm

yeah! i am going to the land of my peoples tomorrow (for real). we are looking for a place to stay. permanently.

we love USA! but honestly toronto is a lot less demanding…

viennawoods13 August 9, 2012 at 11:19 pm

Yay!! Toronto gets a bad rap but it's a nice place.

Chet Kincaid_ August 10, 2012 at 12:58 am

Why a bad rap? I've been to Toronto 4 times and have enjoyed it every time.

viennawoods13 August 10, 2012 at 1:05 am

In Canada, Toronto is the city everyone else hates. It's tradition.

Barb_ August 9, 2012 at 11:38 pm

Toronto is one of the places we are looking to relocate to.

WABishop August 10, 2012 at 8:13 am

Guelph, Ontario. Close to Toronto but affordable.

TavariousChinaSmith August 10, 2012 at 9:41 am

My son goes to University there, and it's a great school, but honestly Guelph is booooring. Toronto life is worth every penny.

WABishop August 10, 2012 at 8:15 am

Or London, Ontario. Much more affordable but not so close to Toronto.

WABishop August 10, 2012 at 8:17 am

And make sure you get connected to the Stratford Festival and the Shaw Festival.
http://www.stratfordfestival.ca/http://www.shawfest.com/

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 9, 2012 at 11:53 pm

Don't do it barb! They talk funny there and they get really pissed when you blow shit up on the fourth of July.

Just kidding, you should move to BC and come down and drink with us seattlites. Just remember, they drive on the other side of the road up there.

Jeffer August 10, 2012 at 12:14 am

Odds are we will likely be going in the spring. We are trying to get ahead of everything. I'm planning on telling everyone that I'm a Republican moving away from Obama's socalist health care system. Or that I just like Tim Horton's donuts. I'm still trying to figure that one out.

WABishop August 10, 2012 at 8:14 am

Now the question is: when will there be a Wonkette meetup in Canada City?

ChessieNefercat August 9, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Silly man! Has he not ever seen a pair of Mormon missionaries before? Sir, they meant you no harm. You coulda had a planet! Of your very own!

weejee August 9, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Gimme shelter, Canada for sure needz moar Hell's Angel's for security.

TeaNuts August 9, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Wow Canadians looking bewildered, who da thunk?

amoosefloats August 9, 2012 at 6:08 pm

This guy is shilling for the teabaggers in some home to be on Fox news or the 700 club, he previously wrote a letter about Jebus and Obama. We do not need redneck cops here in Canada so maybe he should only visit countries he can carry or buy a gun at will, like the US or Somalia.

viennawoods13 August 9, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Two points.
I miss Doug Bennett of Doug and the Slugs. Awesome band.
And, people are weird about the Stampede. A few years ago, I was out (oot?) visiting a friend in Kelowna, and we went up to the Columbia Icefield when the Stampede was on. and yes, in fact, it seemed like everyone asked us if we had been/were going to the stampede.
Oh, and Paul Gross rocks. If only Mounties really looked like him.

mlle_derp August 9, 2012 at 6:16 pm

You mean that's not an actual Mountie? Damn, I need to cancel my plans to visit the Stampede Centennial…

viennawoods13 August 9, 2012 at 6:19 pm

No, just a totally hot actor who gets more gorgeous with every passing year.

Chichikovovich August 9, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Of course they don't look like Paul Gross. They look like Gordon Pinsent in The Forest Rangers.

viennawoods13 August 9, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Be still my beating heart. How I love that man. and the Forest Rangers!!! I haven't heard of them in years.

Chichikovovich August 9, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Well then you'll love this: remember the tune that starts at about the 22 second mark. I still find myself whistling it from time to time:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpV4-JlwWt0

viennawoods13 August 9, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Yep. Memories.

mlle_derp August 9, 2012 at 6:38 pm
viennawoods13 August 9, 2012 at 6:43 pm

He is a god. Seriously. One of the great Canadian actors. This is nice.

mlle_derp August 9, 2012 at 6:56 pm

Yes, that is nice!

I am old enough to remember print encyclopedias, and the annual yearbooks that you got each year with updates. Don't you think that anyone who buys a 16-year-old's memoirs ought to get an annual yearbook also, too?

HogeyeGrex August 9, 2012 at 6:43 pm

I always thought they looked like this.

Fairtackle August 9, 2012 at 6:10 pm

It's like those Canadians think you can go up and just start talking to anybody. Jesus protect us.

mlle_derp August 9, 2012 at 6:47 pm

I don't think I'd like Kalamazoo if that guy's at all representative of the metropolis.
Where I live, folks are more likely to get offended if you don't speak to them…

mbobier August 9, 2012 at 6:11 pm

"Gentlemen, I have no need to talk with you, goodbye. I am on my way to my temporary place of residence, that I may proceed apace with the bodice-ripper romance novel I am penning. Would we not expect such a venture to go swimmingly here in fair Canada? Thank you for allowing me to practice my antiquated dialogue on you; that sort of thing can get a person beat over the head with a two-by-four back home in K-Zoo."

smokefilledmeltdown August 9, 2012 at 6:12 pm

They were probably going to give you free tickets to the stampede, you douche. No wonder they looked bewildered.

the_problem_child August 9, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Reports are that that is exactly what was going on. Stampede reps were in fact giving away free tickets in Nose Hill Park that day.

outragedcitizen August 10, 2012 at 9:10 am

I suspect you're right. No wonder they looked "bewildered" as this asshat and his wife walked away.

"What's with these fuckin' Americans, hey?"

Sue4466 August 9, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Who are these Canadians to infringe on this Patriot's Second Amendment rights?

ChessieNefercat August 9, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Why was my comment deleted?

GunToting[Redacted] August 9, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Gentle(man or lady), I have no need to read your comment. Goodbye.

smokefilledmeltdown August 9, 2012 at 6:38 pm

I guess we'll never know.

Nostrildamus August 9, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Ennui, probably.

ChessieNefercat August 9, 2012 at 7:42 pm
emmelemm August 9, 2012 at 7:59 pm

I LOVE Henri.

Limeylizzie August 9, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Did you mention that thing on the gun that makes it work? Sounds like a longer version of Alaskunt's youngest child's name? Roy Roger's horse?

mlle_derp August 9, 2012 at 7:01 pm

Rhymes with frigger?

Limeylizzie August 9, 2012 at 7:08 pm

Yep

Lascauxcaveman August 9, 2012 at 8:21 pm

That's just r3t@rded.

Fare la Volpe August 9, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Tonto!

ChessieNefercat August 9, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Ooh, that's it, indeed! So the hyphen plus the word happy doesn't cancel the first word out? Geez, it was anti-people-using-the-finger-placement-guide-thing.

Context! The moderator has all the skill in the use of the English language as the MS Word grammar checker (none).

Anyway, my point was that perhaps Canadians would regard someone so ready and even itching to use his pen*s substitute on chance-met citizens making conversation as the reason why. they. don't. allow. them.

Chet Kincaid_ August 9, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Trigger happy. Trigger happy.

Mumbly_Joe August 9, 2012 at 9:08 pm

WITCH

not that Dewey August 9, 2012 at 7:09 pm

You're just lucky you didn't get shot.

Hammiepants August 9, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Wait, being asked if he'd been to the rodeo (Canadian style) is a life-or-death sitch, and he's bummed he couldn't pull a gun on these maniacs, but then in the same paragraph he laments that Canucks don't pack heat? Wouldn't that then mean that these clearly crazed Moosehead swillers could have gone all Dudley Do-Right on his Amerikanski ass? I haz a confewshun.

GunToting[Redacted] August 9, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Well, obviously these rodeo fans were criminals (hence their lingo). Thankfully they were so confused by the moronic language this Patriot was spouting that they had no time to sling their Peacemakers.

outragedcitizen August 10, 2012 at 9:08 am

It's a better to pull a gun on an unarmed person because, well it's safer, you know.

mlle_derp August 9, 2012 at 6:13 pm

And so they missed out on the Stampede's centennial celebration. Their loss. Makes you wonder why such people go any place where they can't pack heat?

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 9, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Wait, isn't "Have you been the Stampede" gay slang?

MissTaken August 9, 2012 at 6:17 pm

It's Canadian for "Have you rode the Amtrak?".

Chet Kincaid_ August 9, 2012 at 6:31 pm

A "high sign", even!

thefrontpage August 9, 2012 at 6:58 pm

No, it's not.

–Larry Craig.

thefrontpage August 9, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Yes, it is.

–Mark Foley.

mlle_derp August 9, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Yes. Or maybe no.

Wait- what day is today?

–Mitt Romney

WhatTheHeck August 9, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Americans go to Canada to see the Calgary Stampede and turn it into the Running of the Bullshit.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 9, 2012 at 6:16 pm

So, Bec, why the heck were you in Omak for the Stampede? Just wanted to see where Twin Peaks supposedly existed?

And Doug and the Slugs. Saw them at Whistler back in High School. They were the Huey Lewis of BC back in the days.

commiegirl99 August 9, 2012 at 6:37 pm

I was on a trip with my son, then 8, the summer after 9/11; we went up to Banff and then down to Rushmore. Every town we went through was having its rodeo/peach festival as we passed through.

anniegetyerfun August 9, 2012 at 6:47 pm

The Stampede in Calgary is the same as the one in Omak, only bigger and less shooty.

Goonemeritus August 9, 2012 at 6:17 pm

So let’s review.

1. Because of Canada’s aversion to guns two idle youth get to go home and give their Moms a hug.

2. Because of Canada’s aversion to guns they still have someone else’s Queen on their money.

mlle_derp August 9, 2012 at 6:40 pm

The Queen's better-looking than Stephen Harper. I'm just sayin'…

AnAmericanInTO August 9, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Hellllloooooooooo!

MilwaukeeKent August 9, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Well, most of them are sitting on my Uncle Willie…Last time I was up there I got grief for leaving a quarter in lieu of the Loonie I thought I'd left, as a tip, in a very dark bar room.

Joshua Norton August 9, 2012 at 6:18 pm

in Canada, only the criminals and the police carry handguns.

Well, at least you'd get free health care after you've been shot.

AncienReggie August 9, 2012 at 6:19 pm

I often wonder just what sort of idiots Canadians must think we are.

We think of Canadians and picture Mounties. They think of Americans and picture SkoalRebel. ?

NorbertsRevenge August 9, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Correct.

Chichikovovich August 9, 2012 at 6:48 pm

We picture the most recent Republican debates.

rickmaci August 9, 2012 at 7:16 pm

I think Canada and hear "O Canada" like the start of the hockey games. They think United States and hear Dueling Banjos like the start of a shoot out.

mlle_derp August 9, 2012 at 10:12 pm

It doesn't matter what they think of us. We've got them outnumbered, & they don't have guns.

Negropolis August 9, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Foreigners always seem to think Americans are all Southerners or from Old Western movies when they try to do our accent.

nobodyssweetheart August 10, 2012 at 12:43 am

Most British people do an American accent not heard outside of 1950s filmstrips… unplaceable and rigid.

Negropolis August 10, 2012 at 3:17 am

I guess it's only fair given that we only have two accents for the Brits: Cockney chimneysweeps or the Queen.

RadioBowels August 9, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Build the dang fence!!1!

Larry McAwful August 9, 2012 at 6:20 pm

What would Sergeant Preston do?

zippy_w_pinhead August 9, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Sergeant Preston>Sergeant York>Dick York>Dick Sergeant>Sergeant Peppers

OMFG!1! It's all so clear now, Gary Cooper was a Canadian Mountie who was married to Samantha Stephens, who used her Magiks to turn him into the fifth Beatle- WHERE'S MY CHALKBOARD?

SigDeFlyinMonky August 9, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Who would King do?

Tundra Grifter August 9, 2012 at 7:23 pm

If he couldn't eat it or hump, probably piss on it.

Steverino247 August 9, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Another case closed, King!

Woof!

Angry_Marmot August 9, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Ohjeez, that hoser's growlin', eh?

AddHomonym August 9, 2012 at 6:20 pm

It's like a whole different country up there!

DailyGrumbles August 9, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Filthy Canadianz. They were probably stoned/drunk too. Thank baby Jeebus he made outta there before they were asked to "split cab fare"!!!

smokefilledmeltdown August 9, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Now I feel like watching Strange Brew.

viennawoods13 August 9, 2012 at 6:24 pm

I suggest Men with Brooms,. featuring that handsome Mountie up above

Jason_inthe_Peg August 9, 2012 at 6:30 pm

You could also try his movie "Gunless." http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1376195/

Seems appropriate for this thread.

zippy_w_pinhead August 9, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Beauty idea Clark

Fairtackle August 9, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Yes! The Canadian version of Hamlet.

not that Dewey August 9, 2012 at 6:24 pm

I've been to the Stampede, but I've never been to me.

ChessieNefercat August 10, 2012 at 10:28 am

Oh, my. Once heard, that song does kind of stay forever buried in the brain, doesn't it? Didn't that come out around the same time as "Midnight on the oasis, send my camels to me"?

natoslug August 9, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Dude has a point. Those fuckers at McDonalds no longer menace me with their "Do you want fries with that?" after I shot my first dozen. How else can we avoid being asked questions by strangers, smiled at, or inconvenienced in the slightest, if we're not allowed to carry?

ChillBill August 9, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Canada: No Country For Old Ugly Americans.

Generation[redacted] August 9, 2012 at 6:48 pm

"What business is it of yours, if I've been to Stampede, Friend-O?"

There's no law against carrying a bolt gun and tank of compressed air, right?

mavenmaven August 9, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Best line of the piece: "A man should be al-lowed to protect himself if the need arises. The need arose in a theatre in Aurora, Colo."
These morons really believe this.

Generation[redacted] August 9, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Yeah, if only someone in the theater had an M-4 and body armor.

IonaTrailer August 9, 2012 at 7:00 pm

America, the country where any crazed psycho can get on the Internetz and order up 6000 rounds of high powered amno (every day).

rickmaci August 9, 2012 at 6:25 pm

That's why I prefer Florida because it's really not a vacation unless I get to use my 9mm to gun somebody down.

SayItWithWookies August 9, 2012 at 6:26 pm

The more I hear about this Canadia place — that it was founded as a result of a peaceful petition; that the bathrooms are pretty clean; that strangers will come up and talk to you and you can't even shoot them — the less I like it. No sir, not one bit.

anniegetyerfun August 9, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Not only all of that, but I got treated once at a Canadian hospital FOR FREE. Complete and utter bullshit, that place.

Sharkey August 9, 2012 at 9:07 pm

That was only because it wasn't a gunshot wound.

grex1949 August 9, 2012 at 6:27 pm

"Would we not expect a uniformed officer to pull his or her weapon to intercede in a life-or-death encounter to protect self, or another?"

WTF? "Life or death encounter" when someone comes up to you and asks a question? I sincerely hope this guy doesn't have a carry permit in Michigan. This is Kalamazoo's George Zimmerman, for sure.

bobbert August 9, 2012 at 9:33 pm

He doesn't need a carry permit — he's a cop.

grex1949 August 10, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Oh My Flying Spaghetti Monster! You're right. I read the Calgary Herald article, and he is a cop. Why does this surprise me? The idea that anyone who received any training at all in handling firearms would even consider "pulling his weapon" in the situation described by this guy is absolutely crazy. Brandish a firearm at a couple of guys who demand to know whether you've been to the Calgary Stampede? Kalamazoo P.D. needs to send this guy somewhere for some additional training or psychiatric care.

BaldarTFlagass August 9, 2012 at 6:27 pm

He's lucky him and his wife didn't go to Mexico instead of Canada, because those two guys would have asked them if they had been to the donkey show rather than the Stampede.

qwerty42 August 9, 2012 at 6:28 pm

This is exactly the guy you want on your police force: a fearful (Canada? really?), armed nut. No report as to whether there was "involuntary urination", but heck, as terrorized as he was, it would not be a surprise.
This was on Gawker, which found he'd also written a letter to the Kalamazoo Gazette expressing his horror at President Obama having (gasp) Common at the White House.
I kind of think Officer Wawra has led a somewhat sheltered life.

ChessieNefercat August 9, 2012 at 7:45 pm

I think Officer Awful has led a chickenshit life.

Angry_Marmot August 9, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Nobody reads the Gazette since they endorsed Bush — twice! In a college town! This guy sounds like he'd be more comfortable in Portage, next door.

BaldarTFlagass August 9, 2012 at 6:29 pm

I'm sure Dudley would have been happy to come to the rescue, but he was busy over at the railroad tracks (or was it the sawmill?) saving Nell from Snidely.

Dudleydidwrong August 10, 2012 at 12:17 am

Dudley was in the saloon, having a drink.

The two guys just wanted to give Mr and Mrs Wawra tickets to the Calgary Stampede and were amazed at his attitude. If that had happened in some other countries the two guys would have stuffed the two free tickets up Wawra's ass but in Canada they could only wonder what happened. Canadians are like that–always wondering what is with those folks from South of the Border.

Nostrildamus August 9, 2012 at 6:31 pm

your editrix has not been to “the Stampede” (except for the one in Omak, Washington, and it was indeed full of louts and scalawags and drunkards and sots)

Was there a Wonkette drinky thing I missed?

Isyaignert August 9, 2012 at 10:35 pm

I hope not or I'll be bummed out too.

MissTaken August 9, 2012 at 6:31 pm

But if no one carries a gun how can you tell how small their penises are?

Callyson August 9, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Check the size of their trucks.

SorosBot August 9, 2012 at 7:06 pm

Are they driving an SUV, or even a hummer?

zippy_w_pinhead August 9, 2012 at 7:32 pm

where's Crocodile Dundee when you need him?

Steverino247 August 9, 2012 at 7:36 pm

That was a great comment/insult. Perfect.

kittensdontlie August 9, 2012 at 6:32 pm

The most troubling aspect with Oh Canada!, is that we have to accept the Queen's money at parity to our own! YES, the Queen's money as an equal to our beloved greenback! How proposterous! I am going to cry in my liter of Molson now…

viennawoods13 August 9, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Ahem… that's "litre"

anniegetyerfun August 9, 2012 at 6:53 pm

Thank you. I was going to have to say something otherwise.

kittensdontlie August 9, 2012 at 7:58 pm

I have no voluminous apology, but a mere 'sorry'.

viennawoods13 August 9, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Canadians are a forgiving people. Unless you're the US Olympics hockey team.

TribecaMike August 9, 2012 at 6:42 pm

My grandparents were all originally from Montreal and used to sing O Canada around the kitchen table when they'd get smashed, which was often (Dutch and Irish, if you know what I mean). My favorite part was the line "May love alone for wrong atone," that is if they lasted that long before hitting the floor.

Chet Kincaid_ August 9, 2012 at 7:25 pm

"May love alone for wrong atone"?! They put that in their national anthem?! No "bloody stumps' red glare"?! What, do they have 5 Heart Generals in the Canada Army?! That is fucked up, man!!

bobbert August 9, 2012 at 9:36 pm

My personal Win of the Day for 5 Heart Generals.

Chet Kincaid_ August 10, 2012 at 1:02 am

Glad ya liked it!

mlle_derp August 9, 2012 at 7:08 pm

Canadian munneez is loonie.

Larry McAwful August 9, 2012 at 6:32 pm

We Americans often come under criticism for not taking an interest in traveling outside our own country. And it's true: we don't. While I'm usually for more Americans traveling, I'd rather we not let people like this guy out. He only embarrasses us.

anniegetyerfun August 9, 2012 at 7:03 pm

I have a feeling that the rest of the world is starting to look upon our low rate of passport-ownership as more of a blessing than anything else.

Chichikovovich August 9, 2012 at 6:33 pm

I think I've posted this here before, but it seems apt to repost it now. My grandfather was a policeman with the Ontario Provincial Police for over 30 years. He retired at the rank just below provincial commissioner, and he was in a supervisory role (Sergeant or above) almost all of his career. He never once needed to fire his service weapon outside of the firing range and he was very proud of that. I admired him as much as I've ever admired anyone.

He would often repeat that in his view, the need to resort to violence or gunplay was a sign of a poor officer with substandard skills – that situations that couldn't be resolved by diplomacy and good sense were extremely rare even in the most dangerous jurisdictions. (And he worked in many of them.)

I have no doubt that Mr. Walter Wawra, of Kalamazoo, Mich. would not have lasted very long as a constable in my grandfather's region.

Tundra Grifter August 9, 2012 at 7:26 pm

That's become a serious problem with Tasers. At first they were a last resort before deadly force. Now they are often the first thing an officer uses.

Big difference there. You betcha!

bobbert August 9, 2012 at 9:38 pm

"All right, pal, you're under BZZAAAAP!!!!"

mlle_derp August 9, 2012 at 7:30 pm

"I have no doubt that Mr. Walter Wawra, of Kalamazoo, Mich. would not have lasted very long as a constable in my grandfather's region."

No kidding- after dealing solely with polite, rational Canadians for a few months, he probably would have shot himself…

Dashboard Buddha August 9, 2012 at 9:48 pm

However, I understand Mr. Wawra was offered a commissioner's post with the Keystone Cops.

Nostrildamus August 9, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Unsurprisingly, the comments at the Herald link are boring.

smokefilledmeltdown August 9, 2012 at 6:36 pm

And then Wawra replied, "Don't fuck with me fellas. This ain't my first time at the rodeo."

Blunderthing August 9, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Um, your picture editors are stoking my paranoia. For the White Power story you put a photo from "Arrested Development" (White Power Bill shivving Gob) and for this one you put a picture of Paul Gross and his wolf from "Due South". Both are shows I am currently watching on DVD. Oh and I can also tune in the government when the wind is due south. Oh and I have no comment on this story. Just wanted to talk about my own little stupid thing there. That's gonna cost me some "p" I'll bet….

Callyson August 9, 2012 at 6:37 pm

"Have you been to the stampede?"

"No, the GOP convention isn't until next month."

Beowoof August 9, 2012 at 7:01 pm

I think you mean the republican move to the strip club after the speeches. Now that is a stampede of born agains.

hippie13 August 10, 2012 at 10:45 am

and you can bring guns!

second_gen August 9, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Dear Calgary and all Canadians,

I'm sorry.

Signed: A Michigander who would never be afraid if someone asked me if I'd been to the Stampede and lament that I could not pull a gun on them. We're not all like this guy.

dennis1943 August 9, 2012 at 7:50 pm

I say amen to that………..

Angry_Marmot August 9, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Seconded.

greensprout August 12, 2012 at 11:37 am

Nobody thinks you're all like this guy. We just think your country has a general gun-culture problem, which I think we can all agree is both true and unspecific to individuals.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 9, 2012 at 6:38 pm

If Walt was approached by talking cows this would all make sense.

TribecaMike August 9, 2012 at 6:38 pm

OT, but Tino (or is it Nino? Beano?) Scalia is on the PBS News Hour tonight. Happy fun time quote: "Oh no, I have never been a strict constructionist and advise no one to be a strict constructionist."

MissTaken August 9, 2012 at 6:43 pm

I'm fucking listening to him right now. What a stinky dickhole.

EDIT – and under the 1st amendment you can't stop people from carry rocket launchers. Mmmkay.

Beowoof August 9, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Football is back so I can vicariously watch my aggression taken out on others.

IonaTrailer August 9, 2012 at 7:10 pm
zippy_w_pinhead August 9, 2012 at 7:16 pm

so Scalia used to be a Pastafarian?

barto August 9, 2012 at 6:40 pm

It's our duty as "Merkins to spread the Gospel of the Glock as far and wide as possible. I salute you, brother Walt!

docterry6973 August 9, 2012 at 6:43 pm

I can't believe Mr. Wawa didn't shoot them both. What a pussy.

orygoon August 9, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Wait 'til America dries up with drought and Canada has all the fresh water on our continent. Then you'll see some Canadians With Attitude, and really, what are you going to do about it?

ChessieNefercat August 9, 2012 at 7:24 pm

I would like to see the Canadians hand out a little brochure to Americans such as Mr. Wawa explaining that Canadian men have no need of guns because they are confident and secure in regard to their impressive uh, manliness, and that they extend their deepest sympathy to those Americans who are not ah, equipped to stride through life with such confidence.

mlle_derp August 9, 2012 at 7:32 pm

We'll drink Coca Cola. Duh.

emmelemm August 9, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Brawndo! It has electrolytes!

Negropolis August 9, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Well, Canada is in a pact with all of the Great Lakes states, so we'll have to build the wall not at the border, but at the Ohio and Mississippi rivers.

viennawoods13 August 9, 2012 at 11:21 pm

I think that's more of a deal about the Great Lakes themselves. We still have lots and lots of fresh water north of them that isn't part of that deal.

Negropolis August 9, 2012 at 11:27 pm

Well, I was just basically begging you guy to build the wall enclosing us instead of leaving us to the whims of the South and Great Plains.

Chet Kincaid_ August 10, 2012 at 1:01 am

Well, the "South" and "Great Plains" are a state of mind that exists everywhere up to Wasilla, Alaska, apparently. Certainly in rural areas of Great Lakes states like Ohio, Michigan and Indiana.

Chichikovovich August 9, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Little known fact: there is actually a government program around Stampede time (and the CNE, and Klondike days, and Carnival d'hiver in Québec….) where pairs of big young guys walk around listening for people with American accents and when they spot Americans, they high-spiritedly ask them some random question. It's a way of making sure people like Officer Walter Wawra of Kalamazoo Michigan leave and never come back.

Fox n Fiends August 9, 2012 at 6:47 pm

"Have you been to the Stampede?" is the underground code for swinger parties. Wawra missed the best night of his life.

HeeHaw77 August 9, 2012 at 6:47 pm

The good news is Warwa's only allowed to carry one bullet, in his shirt pocket, Barney Fife style.

anniegetyerfun August 9, 2012 at 6:52 pm

He was probably just shocked to see people of color in Canada.

Fare la Volpe August 9, 2012 at 6:53 pm

He's just lucky he wasn't viciously attacked by Marg Delahunty.

viennawoods13 August 9, 2012 at 7:32 pm

She is the best. Seriously. But the mayor of Toronto called the cops on her when she accosted him in his driveway, because he said he feared for his safety. THIS is what he was afraid of, people.

bobbert August 9, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Still. Canada = she remained untazed.

thefrontpage August 9, 2012 at 6:55 pm

I was in that big Canada place once for something, with a girlfriend, and these two guys approached us and said, "What is the frequency for the Stampede, Kenneth, and is it safe? Is it safe? Where are the stones? What is the fifth element? I am your father!" We're pretty sure it was spy stuff.

Self-Uploader August 9, 2012 at 6:55 pm

Shit. Please tell Mr. Wawra to stay the fuck away from New York because we don't walk around with guns here either.

I hope the Canadians have a sense of humor about this and don't close the borders.

Limeylizzie August 9, 2012 at 6:55 pm

I have been to the Calgary Stampede, on a first date, I had eaten some pheasant beforehand, no really, I had, I was staying with friends outside Calgary who had hunted the aforementioned bird, whilst at the stampede I began to feel ill and asked my date if we could leave, so as we were driving the 30 or so miles back I began to feel really , really sick and just before we reached the house I vomited an immense amount of pheasant and , unfortunately, the window was closed , so my vomit went all inside the car, up the window and on me. I did pull myself together and say to the poor man "I suppose a kiss is out of the question?". Never heard from him again.

Fare la Volpe August 9, 2012 at 7:01 pm

His loss.

Limeylizzie August 9, 2012 at 7:09 pm

He had no sense of humour.

zippy_w_pinhead August 9, 2012 at 7:04 pm

next time remove the feathers first…

Chichikovovich August 9, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Well at least he drove you home. Walt Wawra would have blown your head off.

TribecaMike August 9, 2012 at 6:56 pm

Since when did Americans, and a cop no less, start bragging about being a pussy? Ferchrissake grow a spine.

mlle_derp August 9, 2012 at 7:38 pm

Gentle sir, I'll have you know that I am not of the feline persuasion, nor am I an invertebrate.

Should you persist in your aspersions, I shall have to ask you to meet me at daybreak with rapiers drawn.

Sincerely,
Walter Wawra

bobbert August 9, 2012 at 9:46 pm

P.S. Of course, I'll have my service pistol.

WW

BlueStateLibel August 9, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Paranoid American cop goes to peace-loving country with predictable results. Also: I certainly wouldn't mind if the Canadian pictured above approached ME, nice job, editrix.

bringmeanaxe August 9, 2012 at 7:00 pm

The checkout lady at Safeway told me to 'have a nice day'. Thank god I didn't have a gun with me.

OurHoboSenator August 9, 2012 at 7:00 pm

The best part of this is that Alberta is basically the Texas of Canada. But somehow we've gotten to the point where even that is pretty much Massachusetts, what with the free Romneycare and gay marryin' and lack of ability to blow someone away for asking if you've been to the Stampede.

anniegetyerfun August 9, 2012 at 7:06 pm

Muslim mayor, also too.

Chet Kincaid_ August 9, 2012 at 7:31 pm

We went to Alberta once — Calgary and Lethbridge, to be precise. I remember the newspapers had a raging Rupert Murdoch hard-on, and the streets were full of sexy blonde cowgirls.

Tequila Mockingbird August 9, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Alls I'm gonna say is, the hottie Canuck in that stock photo can mountie me anytime.

viennawoods13 August 9, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Paul Gross. Actor. And yes, HOT.

mlle_derp August 9, 2012 at 7:43 pm

I'm just a wee bit freaked out since I looked him up on wikipedia & HE HAS THE SAME BIRTHDAY AS STEPHEN HARPER!!1! Is this some sort of Canadian conspiracy?

viennawoods13 August 9, 2012 at 8:02 pm

Jesus. That is weird. Why can't Paul Gross be our PM???

mlle_derp August 9, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Dunno, but before you launch a campaign to draft him to run, you might want to check into his politics…

starfanglednut August 9, 2012 at 8:54 pm

FAPFAPFAP

Beowoof August 9, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Having grown up in within bike riding distance of Niagara Falls, Ontario, I can truthfully say I have never had a bad experience in all the time I have spent in Canada. Which is a significant amount of time as both and adult and kid on a bike. That some douche bag cop with an attitude and no gun is whining about not being able to shoot someone, once again leaves me embarrassed to be an American.

zippy_w_pinhead August 9, 2012 at 7:08 pm

Who would you shoot for a Klondike bar?

OneYieldRegular August 9, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Pecticton? Is that like some kryptonite-related compound you put in peach jelly to make it last forever?

coolhandnuke August 9, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Maybe Wawra thought the Canucks were trying to coerce his wife into going to the Stampede, a tattoo parlor that specializes in stamping large-assed-ugly-Americans.

ChessieNefercat August 9, 2012 at 7:17 pm

I can't help thinking that his little tale of nobly, bravely, and chivalrously getting between his wife and the two guys was written in an effort to convince himself that he did not push her toward them and duck behind a tree, wetting himself the entire time.

johnnyzhivago August 9, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Time to invade Canada, imprison its leaders and convert its people to Christianity.

zippy_w_pinhead August 9, 2012 at 7:27 pm

We've always been at war with East Canada

Tundra Grifter August 9, 2012 at 7:29 pm

The only stampede I've been to is when they opened the doors at the Golden Corral All-You-Can-Eat Shrimp Buffet down in Tampa.

Chow Yun Flat August 9, 2012 at 7:30 pm

I thought a story that covered Nose Hill Park would be funny.

Dr. Nick Riviera August 9, 2012 at 7:32 pm

Nice use of a Due South picture, Wonkette!

majicunderwear August 9, 2012 at 7:38 pm

US CITIZENS VICTIMS OF CANADIAN STATE SPONSORED RODEO TERRORISM
– FOX and Friends-

poorgradstudent August 9, 2012 at 7:42 pm

As someone who lives in a college town with a pretty sizable frat population and walks everywhere, I've had a couple of late night encounters with vaguely belligerent drunken testosteronios. I just imagine this guy blindly firing rounds off in spite of the warm sensation between his legs and the tears in his eyes.

Guppy August 9, 2012 at 8:04 pm

If he has a problem being unarmed, why did he voluntarily enter the unarmed hellhole that is Canada to begin with?

zeebaneighba August 9, 2012 at 8:08 pm

Bravo, Office Wawra! As a Michigander, it gives me great comfort to know that if I'm ever in Kalamazoo and two guys approach to ask me about Jesus, I can cut them down like ripe wheat and you'll stick up for my Second Amendment rights.

a_pink_poodle August 9, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Our founding fathers gave their lives for the right to gun down Canadians! At least that was so in 1812.

CheeseBro69 August 9, 2012 at 8:25 pm

fucking canadians

*coughs* pussy! *coughs*

Mumbly_Joe August 9, 2012 at 8:28 pm

Okay, so ADMITTEDLY, as an anti-social New Yorker, my first assumption whenever a stranger approaches me on the street is that they're either trying to sell me something or ask for money.

ON THE OTHER HAND, though, even that is pretty much never a "stand your ground"-worthy offense. Now, if you're a tourist who's walking in front of me and looking up at the buildings and I only have a half hour to get lunch… all bets are off, basically.

godhatesmedotcom August 9, 2012 at 8:42 pm

I didn't expand ALL replies, so may have missed this.
But here is the hastag where people can make fun of this idiot. https://twitter.com/#!/search/?q=%23NoseHillGentl

#NoseHillGentlemen

e_z August 9, 2012 at 9:41 pm

54'40" or fight moutha fucka and get those Tom Horton's OUT of the US and I mean right now if not yesterday.

Dashboard Buddha August 9, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Christ…even their comments are more civilized than ours.

Madam Killjoy August 9, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Hey – that's my line!

Negropolis August 9, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Why is this man a police officer, and in liberal Kalamazoo, no less? There has got to be some way to backdoor this dangerous douchebag. I mean, Michigan was one of the first places in the modern world to abolish the death penalty, for goodness sake!

That he took the time to write this and then send it off to another country shows me he has incredibly poor judgement. I don't really know how to snark about this. I don't even think most police down here would agree with him. They are the first to tell you that they'd rather they be the only ones with the guns.

Walkinwiddaking August 9, 2012 at 10:17 pm

" I quickly moved between these two and my wife, replying, “Gentle-men, I have no need to talk with you, goodbye.” They looked bewildered, and we then walked past them. "

I quickly hailed a horse drawn carriage and was able to beat a hasty retreat.

greensprout August 12, 2012 at 11:44 am

This is the one comment in the whole thread that made me L-O-L to my empty apartment (no offense rest of comments, you are great)

Doktor Zoom August 9, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Also worth noting: the Calgary Herald's editorial on the douchebag visitor:
http://www.calgaryherald.com/opinion/columnists/n

mlle_derp August 9, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Here's a good reason to love Canada:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qVi0UvFu8Yo

fuflans August 9, 2012 at 11:16 pm

oh and wait. NOW i have to take all three seasons of 'slings and arrows' to stratford tomorrow.

because, why the fuck not.

ttommyunger August 9, 2012 at 11:45 pm

This asshole has to be the worst liar ever. My kids could lie more convincingly than that before they were in first grade, fer Chrissakes.

MrsConclusion August 10, 2012 at 12:23 am

"Would we not expect a uniformed officer to pull his or her weapon to intercede in a life-or-death encounter to protect self, or another? "

I love when they talk like robots. It's so dispassionate. "His or her"–you can't get more enlightened than that. "to protect self"–this is the language of LEGAL CONTRACTS, so it must be true. Whatever that means.

Stevola August 10, 2012 at 1:23 am

That's "aggressive, disrespectful and menacing"? He better never come to Philadelphia.

smokefilledmeltdown August 10, 2012 at 1:33 am

Shit– you just reminded me that I gotta join a fantasy league soon; I keep forgetting.

ElPinche August 10, 2012 at 1:39 am

..or downtown Austin. I'm only slightly offended when someone stabs me in the neck. I try to aim my arterial neck jet away from the tourists..cuz im a giver.

ElPinche August 10, 2012 at 1:35 am

Maybe things are ok in canada because their sexual mounties with their sexy doggies mesmerize even the manliest hoodlums into submission?? I don't know. only allah knows.

IndianaKevin August 10, 2012 at 7:06 am

your editrix has not been to “the Stampede” (except for the one in Omak, Washington, and it was indeed full of louts and scalawags and drunkards and sots)

… which is why you were there, right?

JustPixelz August 10, 2012 at 7:24 am

"I thank the Lord Jesus Christ they did not pull a weapon…"

If I understand his theology, Jesus kept them from pulling a gun. Otherwise, what's he so thankful about? Jesus can stop people from pulling a gun. Then where the fuck was he in that Colorado movie theatre? Or Virginia Tech? I'll give him a pass on the Sikh temple because he probably doesn't go there too often. But what about in Tuscon when 9 year old Christina-Taylor Green was killed? WHERE WAS MOTHERFUCKING JESUS THEN ASSHOLE?

Oh … sorry … snark snark snark.

ph7 August 10, 2012 at 9:01 am

I went to the Stampede and met Kenneth, who gave me the frequency.

outragedcitizen August 10, 2012 at 9:03 am

Ok, first of all, who spells "Gentlemen" – "Gentle-men".

Second, if you don't like the idea of walking around without a gun so you can "stand your ground" then go the fuck home to the United States where you free to shoot anyone you don't like.

hippie13 August 10, 2012 at 10:43 am

"The stampede" is slang for being gang raped by moose, its the Canadian equivalent of a Tijuana Donkey show….surely these moose pimps were looking to corrupt jeebus loving amerikkkans

ImpureScience August 10, 2012 at 12:41 pm

I would have been more concerned if the two had asked: "Are you here for Festival?"

So, no violence, everyone walked away, some shaken, some puzzled, no one was injured, and somehow this is a bad thing. I guess things would have turned out better if there had been more opportunity to escalate this non-situation into a bloody shootout. Disappointing.

GuidanceRo_Man August 10, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Doug and the Slugs? I love those guys! "Too Bad" this guy didn't have his gun, amirite?

viennawoods13 August 9, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Well, they still sell meat by the pound, so that will be one less worry.

Boojum August 9, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Easy! Double it and add thirty! So, like a six pack of beer is 42 metric beers!

Barb_ August 9, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Callyson, I will build a fire for you and make you cocoa with marshmallows.

Fare la Volpe August 9, 2012 at 6:46 pm

There's a meat pounding joke in there somewhere.

Gimme a sec.

Chet Kincaid_ August 9, 2012 at 7:10 pm

I will take a look at Da-Bears during the 3.5 minutes the starters will play in the first half tonight. Oh, I remembered a couple more things about Canadian football: Their Super Bowl is called the "Glee Cup", and Toronto's team is the "Cosmonauts." Also, there are no McDonald's, Dunkin Donuts or KFCs at all up there — everyone eats at Willie Horton's.

Boojum August 9, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Is she hot? Because that's what matters, with chicks.

Callyson August 9, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Hmm…maybe I can get used to the cold after all…

HistoriCat August 9, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Super – my kids are always whining about wanting snow. We'll show up uninvited at Barb's with no idea of when we'll be leaving.

viennawoods13 August 9, 2012 at 7:29 pm

True story about Bieber, just heard it yesterday. Back in the day, before he was famous, his mom was dating my son's friend's uncle. And the uncle took nephew along for the ride to Stratford just to hang out. Bieber spent the whole night on Facebook, ignoring the others. Opinion of son's friend? Bieber's a dick.

zippy_w_pinhead August 9, 2012 at 7:29 pm

that's just David Carradine

Calapine August 9, 2012 at 7:31 pm

"There's a meat pounding joke in there somewhere.

Gimme a sec."

Fare la Volpe – 44 minutes ago

*taps foot* We are waiting!

Barb_ August 9, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Fare!

Lascauxcaveman August 9, 2012 at 7:40 pm

And if you think that's weird, you should try watching French Canadian college football some time. I get it (in HD no less) broadcast across the water from somewhere on Vancouver Island. I'm not really sure exactly what's going on most of the time.

miss_grundy August 9, 2012 at 9:26 pm

It's Tim Horton's, Mr. Kincaid. And the donuts are AWESOME!!!!

Lascauxcaveman August 9, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Small world. I was in a local amateur theatre production with a young guy who's now a really good friend of Justin Beiber's mom. It sounds like she might be his 'fag hag,' even.

Limeylizzie August 9, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Tee Hee.

viennawoods13 August 9, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Here he shows that he's on the right side of the gun registry issue in Canada. In other words, the side opposite Harper.

mlle_derp August 9, 2012 at 9:23 pm

He's probably okay, then. Carry on…

Ah, and he likes spaghetti westerns, so probably a Pastafarian?

Guppy August 10, 2012 at 2:40 am

And Netflix has the referenced movie.

bobbert August 9, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Or women's soccer.

viennawoods13 August 9, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Well, that hurt, but it was just soccer. It's not like it was sport that really mattered, hockey, men's or women's.

MacRaith August 9, 2012 at 10:05 pm

True, that. Every time I go to Canada, I must stop at Tim's and get a maple dip donut.

Negropolis August 9, 2012 at 10:23 pm

I love Tim's. They are all over Michigan, now, crowding out all of the Starbucks and Dunkin's and the such as.

viennawoods13 August 9, 2012 at 11:16 pm

Not any longer. Now that they ship them in they're like cardboard.

Chet Kincaid_ August 10, 2012 at 12:50 am

Well, at least you have only caught me in one error!

Barb_ August 9, 2012 at 10:15 pm

I love snow, always have. You are welcome in my home always.

Negropolis August 9, 2012 at 10:41 pm

You guys sure acted like it mattered, though. Man, I haven't seen such vitriol for awhile. I mean, your coach called us cheats before the game even started!

viennawoods13 August 9, 2012 at 11:16 pm

Tim's coffee sucks. MacDonald's is better.

viennawoods13 August 9, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Ok, I must confess that I have not seen any Olympics coverage aside from the opening ceremony and barely even heard any of the news. My sons let me know if we won something. So the whole soccer thing passed me by.

smokefilledmeltdown August 10, 2012 at 12:25 am

My mom used to say that (or tell me to say that)– "Tell 'em to go pound sand" or the slightly edgier "get bent". Then of course there was the full-on "go shit in his/her hat".

Negropolis August 10, 2012 at 3:18 am

They're actually geographical regions, too.

Negropolis August 10, 2012 at 3:19 am

It's not even a competition. McDonald's has the best fast-food coffee hands down.

What I like about Tim's is that their donuts and such aren't overly sweet.

WABishop August 10, 2012 at 8:00 am

Because you're not a bajillionnaire (are you?) Or someone whose grandparents were farsighted enough to buy when prices were reasonable.

HistoriCat August 10, 2012 at 10:28 am

Bwa ha ha …

viennawoods13 August 10, 2012 at 11:48 am

You mean other countries don't put gravy on their fries??? Actually, I always decline it, which perhaps makes me less Canadian.

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