Why Won’t Canada Let This Michigan Man Just Cold Shoot People All The Time, For Whatever?

  blame canada

MountieWalt Wawra has a problem. He went to Canada with his wife, and while they were there, two gentlemen approached them — in broad daylight! — and asked if they had been to the Stampede yet. When they did not answer, the men asked AGAIN. Why won’t Canada let Mr. Wawra shoot this clearly criminally minded pair? The fuck, CANADA?

Here is most of the letter from Mr. Wawra, a Kalamazoo police officer:

Recently, while out for a walk in Nose Hill Park, in broad daylight on a paved trail, two young men approached my wife and me. The men stepped in front of us, then said in a very aggressive tone: “Been to the Stampede yet?”

We ignored them. The two moved closer, repeating: “Hey, you been to the Stampede yet?”

I quickly moved between these two and my wife, replying, “Gentle-men, I have no need to talk with you, goodbye.” They looked bewildered, and we then walked past them.

I speculate they did not have good intentions when they approached in such an aggressive, disrespectful and menacing manner. I thank the Lord Jesus Christ they did not pull a weapon of some sort, but rather concluded it was in their best interest to leave us alone.

Would we not expect a uniformed officer to pull his or her weapon to intercede in a life-or-death encounter to protect self, or another? Why then should the expectation be lower for a citizen of Canada or a visitor? Wait, I know – it’s because in Canada, only the criminals and the police carry handguns.

Sure, sounds about right!

Now, your editrix has not been to “the Stampede” (except for the one in Omak, Washington, and it was indeed full of louts and scalawags and drunkards and sots) but she has been to the Penticton Peach Festival. Frankly, Mr. Wawra may have a point. At the Penticton Peach Festival, during the headline concert by top Canadian rock act “Doug and the Slug,” small children were running around the crowd literally knocking over old ladies and never once saying they were sorry and it was like fucking ALTAMONT in there, for serious. We for one had never wished for American-style law-and-order and respect for authority until we met rotten Canadian children. Yes, a handgun might have made allll the difference.


Share This
Related video

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf