blame canada

Why Won’t Canada Let This Michigan Man Just Cold Shoot People All The Time, For Whatever?

MountieWalt Wawra has a problem. He went to Canada with his wife, and while they were there, two gentlemen approached them — in broad daylight! — and asked if they had been to the Stampede yet. When they did not answer, the men asked AGAIN. Why won’t Canada let Mr. Wawra shoot this clearly criminally minded pair? The fuck, CANADA?

Here is most of the letter from Mr. Wawra, a Kalamazoo police officer:

Recently, while out for a walk in Nose Hill Park, in broad daylight on a paved trail, two young men approached my wife and me. The men stepped in front of us, then said in a very aggressive tone: “Been to the Stampede yet?”

We ignored them. The two moved closer, repeating: “Hey, you been to the Stampede yet?”

I quickly moved between these two and my wife, replying, “Gentle-men, I have no need to talk with you, goodbye.” They looked bewildered, and we then walked past them.

I speculate they did not have good intentions when they approached in such an aggressive, disrespectful and menacing manner. I thank the Lord Jesus Christ they did not pull a weapon of some sort, but rather concluded it was in their best interest to leave us alone.

Would we not expect a uniformed officer to pull his or her weapon to intercede in a life-or-death encounter to protect self, or another? Why then should the expectation be lower for a citizen of Canada or a visitor? Wait, I know – it’s because in Canada, only the criminals and the police carry handguns.

Sure, sounds about right!

Now, your editrix has not been to “the Stampede” (except for the one in Omak, Washington, and it was indeed full of louts and scalawags and drunkards and sots) but she has been to the Penticton Peach Festival. Frankly, Mr. Wawra may have a point. At the Penticton Peach Festival, during the headline concert by top Canadian rock act “Doug and the Slug,” small children were running around the crowd literally knocking over old ladies and never once saying they were sorry and it was like fucking ALTAMONT in there, for serious. We for one had never wished for American-style law-and-order and respect for authority until we met rotten Canadian children. Yes, a handgun might have made allll the difference.


About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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  1. nounverb911

    I designed a building in Calgary once. I've never seen it completed.
    (Actually, I just designed the joint patterns for the granite skin on the facade).

    1. anniegetyerfun

      I did a report on the upcoming 1988 Winter Olympics when I was in second grade. My dad made me, because he's Canadian and was convinced that this made Calgary an important city on the world stage. I had been hoping to do the report on Moscow (Russia, not Idaho).

      1. HistoriCat

        the upcoming 1988 Winter Olympics when I was in second grade

        well NOW I feel old! Thanks a lot!

    2. Spurning Beer

      I've been to the Stampede. My granny and Auntie Em lived in Calgary, and when I was seven, we visited in the summer, and I got a full cowboy outfit for the occasion. I still have the silver collar tips and bolo tie. My little brother got a Mountie outfit. He was adorable.

      All that notwithstanding, Canadians are all impolite thugs who don't know SHIT about the second amendment, and probably don't even have one up there.

  2. Jason_inthe_Peg

    Only criminals and cops carry hand guns in Canada.

    This seems reasonable to me, but then I'm Canuckistani.

    1. savethispatient

      As an Englanderthal, I think the Police carrying guns seems a bit excessive. What's wrong with a big stick?

      1. actor212

        Well, Sting's bass is pretty lengthy. Andy Summers diddles a compact guitar, tho. And don't get me started on the size of Copeland's skin bangers!

    2. Raff_Ripdash

      Sooo… no Canadians hunt? Or collect guns? Or just, you know, own guns? If we're not cops, we're criminals? Well, this will come as news to me & the other members of my militia.

      1. viennawoods13

        Well, according to the Wikipedia, USA leads the pack with 88.8 per hundred. Canada is way down at 13 with 30.8.

    1. TheJasonAlexanderFanClub

      "You been to the Stampede yet" is the new "What's the frequency, Kenneth"! Paging R.E.M…

        1. ChessieNefercat

          One day at work, a friend of mine and I cautiously looked up a phrase we had heard students use, in the Urban Dictionary . Boy were we surprised to find that "pound sand" was not dirty after all. It sounded dirty.

          1. Negropolis

            "Pound sand" is a lot like "kick rocks" around here. I kind of like that we're getting insults, now, that don't contain profanity. They seem more creative.

    1. pattycake

      "Who do you favor in the Virginia Slims tournament?"

      "In women's tennis, I always bet against the heterosexual."

    2. MilwaukeeKent

      Nah. "Have you been to the Stampede? The trucks roll at Midnight." or, "Have you been to the Stampede? The Purple Martin has three wings." Now, THAT would be spy talk.

      1. mlle_derp

        Komrade Kent, you have let the Movement down. Those words are only for the quiet rooms… I'm afraid we will have to terminate your account.

    1. Larry McAwful

      But it isn't. It's the Canadians' ground, so an American isn't allowed to stand it, because communism. See the red, red leaf? Communism.

    2. Negropolis

      I imagine Canadian "stand your ground" to me be more like "stand your ground…unless someone else asks you for yours and then, wouldn't it be rude not to give it to him?"

  3. Barb_

    I am about to become a Canadian. I have my cool "How to Become a Canadian" books and I am learning to deeply respect our neighbors to the north the more I learn about them.

        1. Lascauxcaveman

          Victoria BC is the nicest neighborhood in Canada City, and with the most temperate weather. And only a 90 minute boat ride to visit the Caveman, himself, in his cute little touristy hotel!

          But you can't afford a house there.

          1. WABishop

            Because you're not a bajillionnaire (are you?) Or someone whose grandparents were farsighted enough to buy when prices were reasonable.

    1. MissTaken

      Have you gotten to the chapter "Mayonnaise and Hamburger = Double Plus Good!" yet? You just may change your mind.

        1. mayor_quimby

          I only know about Harvey's from how I met your mother. All I learned when I went to Canada was how to get drunk on $2 Canadian Mist and drive back to the urban hell scape of Detroit.
          I'm not proud of the himym, by the way.

          1. ChessieNefercat

            Just gravy. This was about 15 years ago. I was traveling with my research group to Montreal for an international conference and we drove through Ontario by way of Sault Ste. Marie. When we ordered road food/fast food, we were always asked if we wanted gravy for our fries, never ketchup. Gravy. Regular gravy. Poured over the french fries. Or a little container into which you could dip the fries.

          2. viennawoods13

            You mean other countries don't put gravy on their fries??? Actually, I always decline it, which perhaps makes me less Canadian.

      1. Barb_

        Are you Canadian, Vienna? That is so great! Seriously, I got my books yesterday and I am learning so much that I never knew before.

        1. viennawoods13

          I am! There's nobody more Canuck than me. We are a cool country but our current government is a fucking right-wing hell-hole.

          1. Calapine

            "There's a meat pounding joke in there somewhere.

            Gimme a sec."

            Fare la Volpe – 44 minutes ago

            *taps foot* We are waiting!

          2. Callyson

            If it weren't so bloodyawfulcold up there, I'd be there in a nanosecond. Thank God California is a blue state.

          3. HistoriCat

            Super – my kids are always whining about wanting snow. We'll show up uninvited at Barb's with no idea of when we'll be leaving.

        1. Chet Kincaid_

          They play football funny, though. They only have 2 downs, the field is twice as wide, and there are 15 players to a side. They have team names like the "Ruffians" and the "Manitoba Oil Rigs." The players are all ex-college players from the States that you wonder whatever happened to.

          1. Barb_

            Chet! The Chargers are playing preseason football tonight and there will be a female ref. This is going to be interesting.

          2. Chet Kincaid_

            I will take a look at Da-Bears during the 3.5 minutes the starters will play in the first half tonight. Oh, I remembered a couple more things about Canadian football: Their Super Bowl is called the "Glee Cup", and Toronto's team is the "Cosmonauts." Also, there are no McDonald's, Dunkin Donuts or KFCs at all up there — everyone eats at Willie Horton's.

          3. Lascauxcaveman

            And if you think that's weird, you should try watching French Canadian college football some time. I get it (in HD no less) broadcast across the water from somewhere on Vancouver Island. I'm not really sure exactly what's going on most of the time.

          4. Negropolis

            I love Tim's. They are all over Michigan, now, crowding out all of the Starbucks and Dunkin's and the such as.

          5. Negropolis

            It's not even a competition. McDonald's has the best fast-food coffee hands down.

            What I like about Tim's is that their donuts and such aren't overly sweet.

    2. Beowoof

      I am jealous, I have looked into to moving to Canada but even with my degrees etc, I believe I am too old to get permanent resident status.

      1. ChessieNefercat

        What? How old is too old? I got my little card passport (couldn't afford the snazzy book) so that I could flee (by water or land, no planes!) to nice, civilized Canada if the 'baggers keep spreading like a zombie virus.

    3. Steverino247

      Don't forget the quaint Canadian custom of exposing your breasts to everyone you meet.

    4. AnAmericanInTO

      Well, I, for one, welcome you aboard to the wonderful world of 'Mericans living up here. If you know where to look we are everywhere. My Unitarian church is fully 1/2 American from old school Vietnam draft dodgers to people just moving up here for the lulz.

      I got up here on a Work Visa, I'm now a permanent resident, but I also have an anchor baby, so that can only help.

      Incidentally, one of my happiest Canadian moments was when my son was born, he wasn't 12 hours old and he already had his OHIP (Health Care) card for his first doctor visit. It was so simple and perfect and I booked it out of there before some nurse changed her mind.

      To be honest, I miss little things: the grocery store don't have the same variety as the US does, I miss Souplantation and those kind of things, but in return I have a sense of social welfare and decency that I appreciate and respect. Canadians sometimes take it for granted, but I never do.

      1. Negropolis

        It's funny you mention the shopping, because I was just thinking about it the other day. It's one of the main complaints I hear, that if you want some obscure piece of food a 1 AM, you can't just get up and get it at your 24-hour Super SprawlMart or whatever, but I guess that's a small price to pay.

        1. Barb_

          Negropolis, at age 49, the only obscure piece of food I want at 1 A.M. is a Fig Newton and a deep sleep. Long gone are the days of the 3 A.M. Pat's Cheesesteak runs.

        2. WABishop

          That was something I noticed when I moved to the US, the almost slavish degree of customer service. Doesn't anyone care that Best Buy employees have leave Thanksgiving dinner to go to work?

      2. TavariousChinaSmith

        You guys have to get your Canadian citizenship so you can vote NDP, a proper socialist party which is the Official Opposition. Also, welcome, Barb! Wonket meetup in Toronto?

        1. Negropolis

          I hear it "a-boat"; I never quite know where the rest of America gets "a-boot" from. You guys just really round your Os.

    5. fuflans

      yeah! i am going to the land of my peoples tomorrow (for real). we are looking for a place to stay. permanently.

      we love USA! but honestly toronto is a lot less demanding…

          1. TavariousChinaSmith

            My son goes to University there, and it's a great school, but honestly Guelph is booooring. Toronto life is worth every penny.

    6. BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Don't do it barb! They talk funny there and they get really pissed when you blow shit up on the fourth of July.

      Just kidding, you should move to BC and come down and drink with us seattlites. Just remember, they drive on the other side of the road up there.

    7. Jeffer

      Odds are we will likely be going in the spring. We are trying to get ahead of everything. I'm planning on telling everyone that I'm a Republican moving away from Obama's socalist health care system. Or that I just like Tim Horton's donuts. I'm still trying to figure that one out.

  4. ChessieNefercat

    Silly man! Has he not ever seen a pair of Mormon missionaries before? Sir, they meant you no harm. You coulda had a planet! Of your very own!

  5. amoosefloats

    This guy is shilling for the teabaggers in some home to be on Fox news or the 700 club, he previously wrote a letter about Jebus and Obama. We do not need redneck cops here in Canada so maybe he should only visit countries he can carry or buy a gun at will, like the US or Somalia.

  6. viennawoods13

    Two points.
    I miss Doug Bennett of Doug and the Slugs. Awesome band.
    And, people are weird about the Stampede. A few years ago, I was out (oot?) visiting a friend in Kelowna, and we went up to the Columbia Icefield when the Stampede was on. and yes, in fact, it seemed like everyone asked us if we had been/were going to the stampede.
    Oh, and Paul Gross rocks. If only Mounties really looked like him.

    1. mlle_derp

      You mean that's not an actual Mountie? Damn, I need to cancel my plans to visit the Stampede Centennial…

      1. viennawoods13

        Be still my beating heart. How I love that man. and the Forest Rangers!!! I haven't heard of them in years.

          1. mlle_derp

            Yes, that is nice!

            I am old enough to remember print encyclopedias, and the annual yearbooks that you got each year with updates. Don't you think that anyone who buys a 16-year-old's memoirs ought to get an annual yearbook also, too?

          2. viennawoods13

            True story about Bieber, just heard it yesterday. Back in the day, before he was famous, his mom was dating my son's friend's uncle. And the uncle took nephew along for the ride to Stratford just to hang out. Bieber spent the whole night on Facebook, ignoring the others. Opinion of son's friend? Bieber's a dick.

          3. Lascauxcaveman

            Small world. I was in a local amateur theatre production with a young guy who's now a really good friend of Justin Beiber's mom. It sounds like she might be his 'fag hag,' even.

  7. Fairtackle

    It's like those Canadians think you can go up and just start talking to anybody. Jesus protect us.

    1. mlle_derp

      I don't think I'd like Kalamazoo if that guy's at all representative of the metropolis.
      Where I live, folks are more likely to get offended if you don't speak to them…

  8. mbobier

    "Gentlemen, I have no need to talk with you, goodbye. I am on my way to my temporary place of residence, that I may proceed apace with the bodice-ripper romance novel I am penning. Would we not expect such a venture to go swimmingly here in fair Canada? Thank you for allowing me to practice my antiquated dialogue on you; that sort of thing can get a person beat over the head with a two-by-four back home in K-Zoo."

    1. the_problem_child

      Reports are that that is exactly what was going on. Stampede reps were in fact giving away free tickets in Nose Hill Park that day.

    1. Limeylizzie

      Did you mention that thing on the gun that makes it work? Sounds like a longer version of Alaskunt's youngest child's name? Roy Roger's horse?

      1. ChessieNefercat

        Ooh, that's it, indeed! So the hyphen plus the word happy doesn't cancel the first word out? Geez, it was anti-people-using-the-finger-placement-guide-thing.

        Context! The moderator has all the skill in the use of the English language as the MS Word grammar checker (none).

        Anyway, my point was that perhaps Canadians would regard someone so ready and even itching to use his pen*s substitute on chance-met citizens making conversation as the reason why. they. don't. allow. them.

  9. Hammiepants

    Wait, being asked if he'd been to the rodeo (Canadian style) is a life-or-death sitch, and he's bummed he couldn't pull a gun on these maniacs, but then in the same paragraph he laments that Canucks don't pack heat? Wouldn't that then mean that these clearly crazed Moosehead swillers could have gone all Dudley Do-Right on his Amerikanski ass? I haz a confewshun.

    1. GunToting[Redacted]

      Well, obviously these rodeo fans were criminals (hence their lingo). Thankfully they were so confused by the moronic language this Patriot was spouting that they had no time to sling their Peacemakers.

  10. mlle_derp

    And so they missed out on the Stampede's centennial celebration. Their loss. Makes you wonder why such people go any place where they can't pack heat?

  11. WhatTheHeck

    Americans go to Canada to see the Calgary Stampede and turn it into the Running of the Bullshit.

  12. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    So, Bec, why the heck were you in Omak for the Stampede? Just wanted to see where Twin Peaks supposedly existed?

    And Doug and the Slugs. Saw them at Whistler back in High School. They were the Huey Lewis of BC back in the days.

    1. commiegirl99

      I was on a trip with my son, then 8, the summer after 9/11; we went up to Banff and then down to Rushmore. Every town we went through was having its rodeo/peach festival as we passed through.

      1. anniegetyerfun

        The Stampede in Calgary is the same as the one in Omak, only bigger and less shooty.

  13. Goonemeritus

    So let’s review.

    1. Because of Canada’s aversion to guns two idle youth get to go home and give their Moms a hug.

    2. Because of Canada’s aversion to guns they still have someone else’s Queen on their money.

    1. MilwaukeeKent

      Well, most of them are sitting on my Uncle Willie…Last time I was up there I got grief for leaving a quarter in lieu of the Loonie I thought I'd left, as a tip, in a very dark bar room.

  14. AncienReggie

    I often wonder just what sort of idiots Canadians must think we are.

    We think of Canadians and picture Mounties. They think of Americans and picture SkoalRebel. ?

    1. rickmaci

      I think Canada and hear "O Canada" like the start of the hockey games. They think United States and hear Dueling Banjos like the start of a shoot out.

    2. mlle_derp

      It doesn't matter what they think of us. We've got them outnumbered, & they don't have guns.

    3. Negropolis

      Foreigners always seem to think Americans are all Southerners or from Old Western movies when they try to do our accent.

        1. Negropolis

          I guess it's only fair given that we only have two accents for the Brits: Cockney chimneysweeps or the Queen.

    1. zippy_w_pinhead

      Sergeant Preston>Sergeant York>Dick York>Dick Sergeant>Sergeant Peppers

      OMFG!1! It's all so clear now, Gary Cooper was a Canadian Mountie who was married to Samantha Stephens, who used her Magiks to turn him into the fifth Beatle- WHERE'S MY CHALKBOARD?

  15. DailyGrumbles

    Filthy Canadianz. They were probably stoned/drunk too. Thank baby Jeebus he made outta there before they were asked to "split cab fare"!!!

    1. ChessieNefercat

      Oh, my. Once heard, that song does kind of stay forever buried in the brain, doesn't it? Didn't that come out around the same time as "Midnight on the oasis, send my camels to me"?

  16. natoslug

    Dude has a point. Those fuckers at McDonalds no longer menace me with their "Do you want fries with that?" after I shot my first dozen. How else can we avoid being asked questions by strangers, smiled at, or inconvenienced in the slightest, if we're not allowed to carry?

    1. Generation[redacted]

      "What business is it of yours, if I've been to Stampede, Friend-O?"

      There's no law against carrying a bolt gun and tank of compressed air, right?

  17. mavenmaven

    Best line of the piece: "A man should be al-lowed to protect himself if the need arises. The need arose in a theatre in Aurora, Colo."
    These morons really believe this.

    1. IonaTrailer

      America, the country where any crazed psycho can get on the Internetz and order up 6000 rounds of high powered amno (every day).

  18. rickmaci

    That's why I prefer Florida because it's really not a vacation unless I get to use my 9mm to gun somebody down.

  19. SayItWithWookies

    The more I hear about this Canadia place — that it was founded as a result of a peaceful petition; that the bathrooms are pretty clean; that strangers will come up and talk to you and you can't even shoot them — the less I like it. No sir, not one bit.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      Not only all of that, but I got treated once at a Canadian hospital FOR FREE. Complete and utter bullshit, that place.

  20. grex1949

    "Would we not expect a uniformed officer to pull his or her weapon to intercede in a life-or-death encounter to protect self, or another?"

    WTF? "Life or death encounter" when someone comes up to you and asks a question? I sincerely hope this guy doesn't have a carry permit in Michigan. This is Kalamazoo's George Zimmerman, for sure.

      1. grex1949

        Oh My Flying Spaghetti Monster! You're right. I read the Calgary Herald article, and he is a cop. Why does this surprise me? The idea that anyone who received any training at all in handling firearms would even consider "pulling his weapon" in the situation described by this guy is absolutely crazy. Brandish a firearm at a couple of guys who demand to know whether you've been to the Calgary Stampede? Kalamazoo P.D. needs to send this guy somewhere for some additional training or psychiatric care.

  21. BaldarTFlagass

    He's lucky him and his wife didn't go to Mexico instead of Canada, because those two guys would have asked them if they had been to the donkey show rather than the Stampede.

  22. qwerty42

    This is exactly the guy you want on your police force: a fearful (Canada? really?), armed nut. No report as to whether there was "involuntary urination", but heck, as terrorized as he was, it would not be a surprise.
    This was on Gawker, which found he'd also written a letter to the Kalamazoo Gazette expressing his horror at President Obama having (gasp) Common at the White House.
    I kind of think Officer Wawra has led a somewhat sheltered life.

    1. Angry_Marmot

      Nobody reads the Gazette since they endorsed Bush — twice! In a college town! This guy sounds like he'd be more comfortable in Portage, next door.

  23. BaldarTFlagass

    I'm sure Dudley would have been happy to come to the rescue, but he was busy over at the railroad tracks (or was it the sawmill?) saving Nell from Snidely.

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      Dudley was in the saloon, having a drink.

      The two guys just wanted to give Mr and Mrs Wawra tickets to the Calgary Stampede and were amazed at his attitude. If that had happened in some other countries the two guys would have stuffed the two free tickets up Wawra's ass but in Canada they could only wonder what happened. Canadians are like that–always wondering what is with those folks from South of the Border.

  24. Nostrildamus

    your editrix has not been to “the Stampede” (except for the one in Omak, Washington, and it was indeed full of louts and scalawags and drunkards and sots)

    Was there a Wonkette drinky thing I missed?

  25. kittensdontlie

    The most troubling aspect with Oh Canada!, is that we have to accept the Queen's money at parity to our own! YES, the Queen's money as an equal to our beloved greenback! How proposterous! I am going to cry in my liter of Molson now…

          1. viennawoods13

            Well, that hurt, but it was just soccer. It's not like it was sport that really mattered, hockey, men's or women's.

          2. Negropolis

            You guys sure acted like it mattered, though. Man, I haven't seen such vitriol for awhile. I mean, your coach called us cheats before the game even started!

          3. viennawoods13

            Ok, I must confess that I have not seen any Olympics coverage aside from the opening ceremony and barely even heard any of the news. My sons let me know if we won something. So the whole soccer thing passed me by.

    1. TribecaMike

      My grandparents were all originally from Montreal and used to sing O Canada around the kitchen table when they'd get smashed, which was often (Dutch and Irish, if you know what I mean). My favorite part was the line "May love alone for wrong atone," that is if they lasted that long before hitting the floor.

      1. Chet Kincaid_

        "May love alone for wrong atone"?! They put that in their national anthem?! No "bloody stumps' red glare"?! What, do they have 5 Heart Generals in the Canada Army?! That is fucked up, man!!

  26. Larry McAwful

    We Americans often come under criticism for not taking an interest in traveling outside our own country. And it's true: we don't. While I'm usually for more Americans traveling, I'd rather we not let people like this guy out. He only embarrasses us.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      I have a feeling that the rest of the world is starting to look upon our low rate of passport-ownership as more of a blessing than anything else.

  27. Chichikovovich

    I think I've posted this here before, but it seems apt to repost it now. My grandfather was a policeman with the Ontario Provincial Police for over 30 years. He retired at the rank just below provincial commissioner, and he was in a supervisory role (Sergeant or above) almost all of his career. He never once needed to fire his service weapon outside of the firing range and he was very proud of that. I admired him as much as I've ever admired anyone.

    He would often repeat that in his view, the need to resort to violence or gunplay was a sign of a poor officer with substandard skills – that situations that couldn't be resolved by diplomacy and good sense were extremely rare even in the most dangerous jurisdictions. (And he worked in many of them.)

    I have no doubt that Mr. Walter Wawra, of Kalamazoo, Mich. would not have lasted very long as a constable in my grandfather's region.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      That's become a serious problem with Tasers. At first they were a last resort before deadly force. Now they are often the first thing an officer uses.

      Big difference there. You betcha!

    2. mlle_derp

      "I have no doubt that Mr. Walter Wawra, of Kalamazoo, Mich. would not have lasted very long as a constable in my grandfather's region."

      No kidding- after dealing solely with polite, rational Canadians for a few months, he probably would have shot himself…

    3. Dashboard Buddha

      However, I understand Mr. Wawra was offered a commissioner's post with the Keystone Cops.

  28. Blunderthing

    Um, your picture editors are stoking my paranoia. For the White Power story you put a photo from "Arrested Development" (White Power Bill shivving Gob) and for this one you put a picture of Paul Gross and his wolf from "Due South". Both are shows I am currently watching on DVD. Oh and I can also tune in the government when the wind is due south. Oh and I have no comment on this story. Just wanted to talk about my own little stupid thing there. That's gonna cost me some "p" I'll bet….

    1. Beowoof

      I think you mean the republican move to the strip club after the speeches. Now that is a stampede of born agains.

  29. second_gen

    Dear Calgary and all Canadians,

    I'm sorry.

    Signed: A Michigander who would never be afraid if someone asked me if I'd been to the Stampede and lament that I could not pull a gun on them. We're not all like this guy.

    1. greensprout

      Nobody thinks you're all like this guy. We just think your country has a general gun-culture problem, which I think we can all agree is both true and unspecific to individuals.

  30. TribecaMike

    OT, but Tino (or is it Nino? Beano?) Scalia is on the PBS News Hour tonight. Happy fun time quote: "Oh no, I have never been a strict constructionist and advise no one to be a strict constructionist."

    1. MissTaken

      I'm fucking listening to him right now. What a stinky dickhole.

      EDIT – and under the 1st amendment you can't stop people from carry rocket launchers. Mmmkay.

  31. barto

    It's our duty as "Merkins to spread the Gospel of the Glock as far and wide as possible. I salute you, brother Walt!

  32. orygoon

    Wait 'til America dries up with drought and Canada has all the fresh water on our continent. Then you'll see some Canadians With Attitude, and really, what are you going to do about it?

    1. ChessieNefercat

      I would like to see the Canadians hand out a little brochure to Americans such as Mr. Wawa explaining that Canadian men have no need of guns because they are confident and secure in regard to their impressive uh, manliness, and that they extend their deepest sympathy to those Americans who are not ah, equipped to stride through life with such confidence.

    2. Negropolis

      Well, Canada is in a pact with all of the Great Lakes states, so we'll have to build the wall not at the border, but at the Ohio and Mississippi rivers.

      1. viennawoods13

        I think that's more of a deal about the Great Lakes themselves. We still have lots and lots of fresh water north of them that isn't part of that deal.

        1. Negropolis

          Well, I was just basically begging you guy to build the wall enclosing us instead of leaving us to the whims of the South and Great Plains.

          1. Chet Kincaid_

            Well, the "South" and "Great Plains" are a state of mind that exists everywhere up to Wasilla, Alaska, apparently. Certainly in rural areas of Great Lakes states like Ohio, Michigan and Indiana.

  33. Chichikovovich

    Little known fact: there is actually a government program around Stampede time (and the CNE, and Klondike days, and Carnival d'hiver in Québec….) where pairs of big young guys walk around listening for people with American accents and when they spot Americans, they high-spiritedly ask them some random question. It's a way of making sure people like Officer Walter Wawra of Kalamazoo Michigan leave and never come back.

  34. Fox n Fiends

    "Have you been to the Stampede?" is the underground code for swinger parties. Wawra missed the best night of his life.

  35. HeeHaw77

    The good news is Warwa's only allowed to carry one bullet, in his shirt pocket, Barney Fife style.

    1. viennawoods13

      She is the best. Seriously. But the mayor of Toronto called the cops on her when she accosted him in his driveway, because he said he feared for his safety. THIS is what he was afraid of, people.

  36. thefrontpage

    I was in that big Canada place once for something, with a girlfriend, and these two guys approached us and said, "What is the frequency for the Stampede, Kenneth, and is it safe? Is it safe? Where are the stones? What is the fifth element? I am your father!" We're pretty sure it was spy stuff.

  37. Self-Uploader

    Shit. Please tell Mr. Wawra to stay the fuck away from New York because we don't walk around with guns here either.

    I hope the Canadians have a sense of humor about this and don't close the borders.

  38. Limeylizzie

    I have been to the Calgary Stampede, on a first date, I had eaten some pheasant beforehand, no really, I had, I was staying with friends outside Calgary who had hunted the aforementioned bird, whilst at the stampede I began to feel ill and asked my date if we could leave, so as we were driving the 30 or so miles back I began to feel really , really sick and just before we reached the house I vomited an immense amount of pheasant and , unfortunately, the window was closed , so my vomit went all inside the car, up the window and on me. I did pull myself together and say to the poor man "I suppose a kiss is out of the question?". Never heard from him again.

  39. TribecaMike

    Since when did Americans, and a cop no less, start bragging about being a pussy? Ferchrissake grow a spine.

    1. mlle_derp

      Gentle sir, I'll have you know that I am not of the feline persuasion, nor am I an invertebrate.

      Should you persist in your aspersions, I shall have to ask you to meet me at daybreak with rapiers drawn.

      Walter Wawra

  40. BlueStateLibel

    Paranoid American cop goes to peace-loving country with predictable results. Also: I certainly wouldn't mind if the Canadian pictured above approached ME, nice job, editrix.

  41. bringmeanaxe

    The checkout lady at Safeway told me to 'have a nice day'. Thank god I didn't have a gun with me.

  42. OurHoboSenator

    The best part of this is that Alberta is basically the Texas of Canada. But somehow we've gotten to the point where even that is pretty much Massachusetts, what with the free Romneycare and gay marryin' and lack of ability to blow someone away for asking if you've been to the Stampede.

    1. Chet Kincaid_

      We went to Alberta once — Calgary and Lethbridge, to be precise. I remember the newspapers had a raging Rupert Murdoch hard-on, and the streets were full of sexy blonde cowgirls.

  43. Tequila Mockingbird

    Alls I'm gonna say is, the hottie Canuck in that stock photo can mountie me anytime.

      1. mlle_derp

        I'm just a wee bit freaked out since I looked him up on wikipedia & HE HAS THE SAME BIRTHDAY AS STEPHEN HARPER!!1! Is this some sort of Canadian conspiracy?

          1. mlle_derp

            Dunno, but before you launch a campaign to draft him to run, you might want to check into his politics…

          2. viennawoods13

            Here he shows that he's on the right side of the gun registry issue in Canada. In other words, the side opposite Harper.

          3. mlle_derp

            He's probably okay, then. Carry on…

            Ah, and he likes spaghetti westerns, so probably a Pastafarian?

  44. Beowoof

    Having grown up in within bike riding distance of Niagara Falls, Ontario, I can truthfully say I have never had a bad experience in all the time I have spent in Canada. Which is a significant amount of time as both and adult and kid on a bike. That some douche bag cop with an attitude and no gun is whining about not being able to shoot someone, once again leaves me embarrassed to be an American.

  45. OneYieldRegular

    Pecticton? Is that like some kryptonite-related compound you put in peach jelly to make it last forever?

  46. coolhandnuke

    Maybe Wawra thought the Canucks were trying to coerce his wife into going to the Stampede, a tattoo parlor that specializes in stamping large-assed-ugly-Americans.

  47. ChessieNefercat

    I can't help thinking that his little tale of nobly, bravely, and chivalrously getting between his wife and the two guys was written in an effort to convince himself that he did not push her toward them and duck behind a tree, wetting himself the entire time.

  48. Tundra Grifter

    The only stampede I've been to is when they opened the doors at the Golden Corral All-You-Can-Eat Shrimp Buffet down in Tampa.

  49. majicunderwear

    – FOX and Friends-

  50. poorgradstudent

    As someone who lives in a college town with a pretty sizable frat population and walks everywhere, I've had a couple of late night encounters with vaguely belligerent drunken testosteronios. I just imagine this guy blindly firing rounds off in spite of the warm sensation between his legs and the tears in his eyes.

  51. Guppy

    If he has a problem being unarmed, why did he voluntarily enter the unarmed hellhole that is Canada to begin with?

  52. zeebaneighba

    Bravo, Office Wawra! As a Michigander, it gives me great comfort to know that if I'm ever in Kalamazoo and two guys approach to ask me about Jesus, I can cut them down like ripe wheat and you'll stick up for my Second Amendment rights.

  53. a_pink_poodle

    Our founding fathers gave their lives for the right to gun down Canadians! At least that was so in 1812.

  54. Mumbly_Joe

    Okay, so ADMITTEDLY, as an anti-social New Yorker, my first assumption whenever a stranger approaches me on the street is that they're either trying to sell me something or ask for money.

    ON THE OTHER HAND, though, even that is pretty much never a "stand your ground"-worthy offense. Now, if you're a tourist who's walking in front of me and looking up at the buildings and I only have a half hour to get lunch… all bets are off, basically.

  55. e_z

    54'40" or fight moutha fucka and get those Tom Horton's OUT of the US and I mean right now if not yesterday.

  56. Negropolis

    Why is this man a police officer, and in liberal Kalamazoo, no less? There has got to be some way to backdoor this dangerous douchebag. I mean, Michigan was one of the first places in the modern world to abolish the death penalty, for goodness sake!

    That he took the time to write this and then send it off to another country shows me he has incredibly poor judgement. I don't really know how to snark about this. I don't even think most police down here would agree with him. They are the first to tell you that they'd rather they be the only ones with the guns.

  57. Walkinwiddaking

    " I quickly moved between these two and my wife, replying, “Gentle-men, I have no need to talk with you, goodbye.” They looked bewildered, and we then walked past them. "

    I quickly hailed a horse drawn carriage and was able to beat a hasty retreat.

    1. greensprout

      This is the one comment in the whole thread that made me L-O-L to my empty apartment (no offense rest of comments, you are great)

  58. ttommyunger

    This asshole has to be the worst liar ever. My kids could lie more convincingly than that before they were in first grade, fer Chrissakes.

  59. MrsConclusion

    "Would we not expect a uniformed officer to pull his or her weapon to intercede in a life-or-death encounter to protect self, or another? "

    I love when they talk like robots. It's so dispassionate. "His or her"–you can't get more enlightened than that. "to protect self"–this is the language of LEGAL CONTRACTS, so it must be true. Whatever that means.

    1. ElPinche

      ..or downtown Austin. I'm only slightly offended when someone stabs me in the neck. I try to aim my arterial neck jet away from the tourists..cuz im a giver.

  60. ElPinche

    Maybe things are ok in canada because their sexual mounties with their sexy doggies mesmerize even the manliest hoodlums into submission?? I don't know. only allah knows.

  61. IndianaKevin

    your editrix has not been to “the Stampede” (except for the one in Omak, Washington, and it was indeed full of louts and scalawags and drunkards and sots)

    … which is why you were there, right?

  62. JustPixelz

    "I thank the Lord Jesus Christ they did not pull a weapon…"

    If I understand his theology, Jesus kept them from pulling a gun. Otherwise, what's he so thankful about? Jesus can stop people from pulling a gun. Then where the fuck was he in that Colorado movie theatre? Or Virginia Tech? I'll give him a pass on the Sikh temple because he probably doesn't go there too often. But what about in Tuscon when 9 year old Christina-Taylor Green was killed? WHERE WAS MOTHERFUCKING JESUS THEN ASSHOLE?

    Oh … sorry … snark snark snark.

  63. outragedcitizen

    Ok, first of all, who spells "Gentlemen" – "Gentle-men".

    Second, if you don't like the idea of walking around without a gun so you can "stand your ground" then go the fuck home to the United States where you free to shoot anyone you don't like.

  64. hippie13

    "The stampede" is slang for being gang raped by moose, its the Canadian equivalent of a Tijuana Donkey show….surely these moose pimps were looking to corrupt jeebus loving amerikkkans

  65. ImpureScience

    I would have been more concerned if the two had asked: "Are you here for Festival?"

    So, no violence, everyone walked away, some shaken, some puzzled, no one was injured, and somehow this is a bad thing. I guess things would have turned out better if there had been more opportunity to escalate this non-situation into a bloody shootout. Disappointing.

  66. GuidanceRo_Man

    Doug and the Slugs? I love those guys! "Too Bad" this guy didn't have his gun, amirite?

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