they call me mister trump

Pathetic Loser Donald Trump Will Do The Classiest GOP Wheeling And Dealing (Updated)

I'm such a pig
According to frothy wingnut internet rag Newsmax, the desperate and comically flailing Romney campaign is about to “unleash” bellicose cartoon human Donald Trump to help Mitt Romney win the vote of angry white men who make less than $35,000 a year. In the article by discredited conservative fabricator Ed Klein, the author of “Amateur: Barak Obama in the White House” claims that an insider close to Mitt’s “brain trust” told him that. And is Trump up for the job? And how! It’s already brought him attention on Fox News where he claimed that “they want me” at the RNC Convention. The formal invitation hasn’t come yet but that’s only because he’s yet to have his formal unleashing. The proof of his importance, he announced, is that the “Sarasota Republican Party” will name him “Statesman of the Year,” at an event the night before. Wow! Sarasota Republicans. That is big. UPDATED BELOW!

When Trump’s not talking about himself, which is usually only when he’s shoving a blood-rare filet mignon down his throat, he’s advising the Romney campaign. He does this through the media (Fox) which is the just the easiest and most direct way. His latest advice to Mittens: promise to release your tax returns –– but only after Obama makes his college records public. College records, what does that have to do with the birther thing? Oh yeah, Obama’s Kenyan AND too stupid to really get into Harvard. (Plus, when he was supposed to be at Columbia, he was actually a gay-married CIA agent in Pakistan.)

Right, so college records and tax returns are obviously the same thing, but did you know Mitt Romney hasn’t released his college records either? Leave it to TRUMP! to negotiate the greatest deals, the really classiest deals, the most gold-plated of all the deals. Trump for Secretary of State, obviously. There can be no other way.

UPDATE! NewsMax now “reports” Trump has “declined” an offer to speak at the convention in Tampa, according to “sources with knowledge of convention plans.” Which would be, of course, Donald Trump. Haha, sure he did.

[Newsmax via Breitbart]

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160 comments

    1. zippy_w_pinhead

      Obama should demand that Fish and Wildlife investigate that poor creature glued to his head

  1. ChessieNefercat

    Does anyone else see the creepy ad to get your social worker degree, illustrated by a creepy plastic looks almost real baby doll, or maybe it's a creepy plastic-looking real baby? Like it has steel fangs for teeth?
    [shiver}

    1. widestanceromance

      Damnit, I'm starting to feel out of the loop with this demon baby ad everyone else sees.

          1. MittBorg

            Is THIS what it's come to? I tell you I'm always hallucinating, and you toss it off with a casual remark about HER? (sniff!) It's OK! Don't worry about me, I'll just sit here in the dark.

            Oh, was I getting carried away again? Sorry darlz, just so good to see you.

          2. MittBorg

            For a kiss from you, sweetie, I would climb a mountain. (Hugs the sweet lady)

            Fine weather we're having for a change out here. And you?

          3. Geminisunmars

            Hot. Hot hot hot hot. 54 days over 90. Thus far. Average is 33.Cross the continental divide, and come get your kiss(es).

          4. MittBorg

            I love you with a burning passion, but I ain't goin' nowhere in that kinda heat. I thought 80+ was tea-sippin' weather. Dang! How can you stand it? I hope you've got air-conditioning and the doggies aren't forcing you into long walks. Is Diego holding out OK? Is the foster pup gone? Is ShittySue over her Mad?

          5. Geminisunmars

            We have a lovely swamp cooler that keeps it bearable inside. And it usuallly cools to less that 70 at night. Doggies aren't going for any walks howsomever. Shitty Sue will only cuddle in the day light. He must have gotten trompled some night. But he'll sleep on a pillow by the bed. Did you get my email the other day? I might have sent it wrong if not.

          6. MittBorg

            Poor ShittySue.

            If I didn't reply, I didn't get it. I'm always good about replying immediately. Either that, or I had a monumental moment of bitterness and destroyed a bunch of email, which is also possible. I'm feeling pretty fucking bitter these days. Luckily, I have this place to come and lurk at when I'm feeling foul. And it will pass. So, write me, already.

          7. MittBorg

            Hey, sweetpea. Don't let the whining get to ya. It's just a stage. And if I didn't have something to kvetch about life wouldn't be worth living. (Hugs the little star)

      1. ChessieNefercat

        Hallucinating? Me? Oh, yes, that must be it! So the republicans aren't trying to put Mitt Rmoney in charge of the nation's treasury and tax code? What a relief!

    2. Callyson

      No, I've got a blonde woman's torso, wearing a business suit, juggling three baseballs. Not sure which sounds creepier…

  2. Oblios_Cap

    The formal invitation hasn’t come yet

    It must have been lost in the mail. Socialist Post Office!

  3. Schmegeg

    Sarasota used to be, maybe still is, winter HQ for Ringling Bros circus. When they are on the road, they hand it off to the Sarasota Republican Party.

    1. TribecaMike

      Sarasota is also the home of retired sideshow performers and carnies, bless their hearts.

    1. CivicHoliday

      Indeed, equal levels of overinflated self-importance. And equally puffed up awful awful hair.

        1. MittBorg

          Singh. ER physician at LA County for some years. Her idea of dinnertime conversation is describing the most recent manual disimpaction performed on one of the homeless who use the place regularly. Nurses are unionized, so they can refuse to do it, which leaves the doctors at, um, hand, to complete the job.

  4. ChernobylSoup

    Saw the following Twitter exchange this morning:

    Trump: When taxes are low I employ more people.

    Someone: Taxes were low in 1991 when you went bankrupt.

  5. Lazy Media

    Please, PLEASE, let the short-fingered vulgarian* get a prime-time speaking slot at the RNC. He could introduce Our Sarah.

    * RIP, Spy magazine.

  6. Joshua Norton

    If Trump wasn’t an actual person, and you did a sketch in which you just repeated verbatim things he says – you would be considered a comic genius.

    1. zippy_w_pinhead

      Andy Kaufman libel!

      though I do have to admit, if you repeat verbatim those things in Latka's voice they DO make much more sense…

  7. MonkeyMotion

    The Donald could certainly help Mittens win the vote of stupid, angry, uneducated, religious, flagwaving asshole dickhead fuckfaces, but that bunch is already on the Romney-Train. Amen!

  8. SayItWithWookies

    Donald Trump could very well be the rich asshole even the GOP dislikes. And while the mind sorta boggles at such an idea, his personality is so attached to his self-promotion that maybe even rich Republicans find him distasteful.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      Imagine the demon-spawn offspring of a Romborg-Trump coupling. Could turn even birthers Democratic.

  9. Mittens Howell, III

    Donald Trump is a nice man, and very, very, successful, and he obviously looks after his hair. And if he says that Mitt Romney is a good man, well, darnit, Mitt Romney must be a good man. I think I'll vote for him instead of that neverty good black fellow. Yes. Mitt Romney and his nice white olympic lady wife. I hear he's very successful as well with helping people and such and making millions of dollars. Also, they raise horses and even take their dog on long drives, ya know, it's like their animal lovers or something. And he even has a history of giving poor, gay men free haircuts so they don't have to carry on with all that long, dirty hair they like. That's good, right?

  10. widestanceromance

    He sure does have a big opinion of himself for a guy whose name rhymes with dump.

  11. coolhandnuke

    "Keep your pussy clean, that’s all you need to do. Do you understand?"
    Trump's advice to Sarah Palin when he was considering her as his VP.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      "Yeah, yeah, that's what they all said, but I told 'em* 'thanks, but no thanks'"says Sarah.

      *all of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of (or behind or under or on top of) me over all these years, Katie.

  12. Hammiepants

    Just when you think you have seen to the bottom of the bowl of right wing jackassery, yet another vaguely anthropoidesque animated turd bobs to the top, spews its piece, and roils away – or the same ones, such as Trump, keep endlessly circulating in a swirl of stupidity.

  13. Jus_Wonderin

    Trump, if your net worth is what you consider to be your best quality, stick a fuckin' fork in your soft palate now. You would immediately make the world a better place.

    1. Limeylizzie

      I could watch that forever, especially knowing that Barry was about to issue the order to kill Osama. Giant bollocks on Bazza!

      1. viennawoods13

        It's hard to decide which one I prefer: Obama taking down Trump, or Colbert taking down Bush. Both classics.

    2. Negropolis

      This is where my avatar comes from. It's the only thing that keeps me politically happy. It's my political happy place, if you will.

  14. NorthStarSpanx

    Donald Trump, evidently the greatest washed-up-almost-has-never-been-or-will-be-again Amercian.

  15. MittBorg

    Not even *part* of one. Yeah, if you live with cats, you get partial rat-asses. At least they're still identifiable, unlike the other moist bits.

  16. Steverino247

    OK. In the interest of full disclosure, my lowest grade in college was the "C" I got in calculus, but it's the grade I'm most proud of because I worked my ass off to get it. My "A" in Russian that semester kept me in the B+/A- average.

    So, let's see Mitt's tax returns.

      1. Steverino247

        I was in the math tutoring shop on campus for four hours a day. Final outcome: two B's, three C's (including mine) and everybody else either dropped or failed the class.

        1. viennawoods13

          Yeah, there's a reason I didn't take math after grade 12. Mostly that I sucked at it. A C in calculus would have been a miracle for me. Kudos! Actually, my proudest mark was a C+; I had a bunch of B+ and a few A's in my history courses, but my C+ was earned in a seminar course with a fairly distinguished scholar. I really worked for that mark.

  17. OneYieldRegular

    But seriously – is there any of us who hasn't declined an offer to speak at the GOP convention?

    1. ChessieNefercat

      That was such an awesome bitch slap (one of several), even if the punchline didn't come until the next day. "The kind of decisions that would keep me up at night":

      Firing Gary Busey from stupid fake reality show = giving the order to Seal Team 6 to take out Global Enemy #1.

  18. elburritodeluxe

    Trump declined a Gold Medal in the Men's Individual Triathlon. (Too foreign.) He declined the Nobel Peace Prize offered for the classiness of his Miss America Productions. (Not going to take Obama's sloppy seconds). Trump also declined to accept the Green Blazer at the Masters. (Went downhill since they let Tiger Woods in.)

  19. TribecaMike

    Just named at-large convention delegate from New York David Koch is going to be lonely.

  20. docterry6973

    But who would give a better convention speech – The Donald or Rafalca? I say it's a toss-up.

  21. ttommyunger

    That is definitely a face made for punching, but not without gloves; I would not want to touch that turd with a bare hand.

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