Amtrak ‘Pulling A Train’ (Not The Sex Kind) For Gay Passengers

Did you all know that gay people are legally permitted to exchange money for goods and services in this country? And that they are allowed to leave their home gayborhoods without needing to ask permission or obtain an internal passport? Thus many for-profit and aspirationally for-profit companies in America’s travel and tourism industry attempt to lure the gays to pay money to travel where they want to go on their gaycations. This is fine, because Corporations have Freedom, except that there’s one particular corporation that carries people around in a government subsidized manner, and therefore must remain gay-neutral at all times, according to important thinkers at Red State. Why is Amtrak sodomizing innocent heterosexual anuses, with the long, hard, cock-like locomotives it bought with your tax dollars?

So check out Amtrak’s new Ride with Pride site, which The Hill says represents the hated trainmeisters “joining the recent trend of companies taking sides in the fight over gay rights”:

Now, we’re not experts on secret gay code, but that looks less like a radical statement against homophobia and repression and more like a transparent bid for gay moneys. “Hey, gays, we know that you like going to twee B&Bs in Sonoma County and shit, why not take the train there? Wouldn’t that be all old-timey and whatever?” Also, we think it’s a little condescending that Amtrak is trying to trick the gays into taking the train to Martha’s Vineyard (DO NOT BE FOOLED, GAYS, IT’S AN ISLAND, YOU NEED A BOAT OR AIRPLANE TO GET THERE).

Fortunately the gayxperts at Red State know shameless gay triumphalism when they see it:

As we’ve seen from the Chick-Fil-A imbroglio, every private company should be entitled to promote whatever values it chooses, irrespective of the prudence of their decision. Companies are free to promote American conservative values, and liberals (private citizens, not government) are entitled to boycott them. Likewise, companies are free to promote unAmerican liberal values, and conservatives are free to boycott them.

That logic stands to reason, and treats conservative and unAmerican values even-handedly.

The same cannot be said for a corporation that is almost entirely sustained by the federal government.

OHHHH SNAP!

Proponents of Amtrak like to claim that it is a private corporation, but the reality is that the federal government owns virtually all its stock, and its board members are appointed by the president. Due to its poor service and inefficient business model, Amtrak has never turned a profit. They have sustained off of $40 billion in taxpayer subsidies over the past few decades.

So, Amtrak should … not be marketing to a lucrative market that every other travel company tries to market to? Yes, that seems like a great way to stop its financial hemorrhaging. Capital idea, believers in free markets! Obviously breeders will flee the Gaycela Express trains in droves once this initiative goes into full swing, if these two thoughtful comments on The Hill’s site are any indication:

Anyway, have a good time with all your train-sodomy, homos! Decent heterosexual folk will continue to just fly everywhere, if all the people we saw openly reading Fifty Shades Of Grey on airplanes last month are any indication. [The Hill/Red State]