FUNNY VP WATCH  2:06 pm August 9, 2012

Conservatives And Liberals Unite To Get Paul Ryan on Presidential Ticket

by Jim Newell

Is he the ghost who haunts Rob Portman's hotel?The Weekly Standard, the Wall Street Journal editorial page, and even ol’ Starburst are all engaged in furious last-minute lobbying to persuade Mitt Romney to select that nice young Boy Scout down the street who’s offered to fix our finances, Paul Ryan, as Vice President. The problem with such a selection is obvious: Romney would be picking someone recommended by the Weekly Standard, the Wall Street Journal editorial page, and even ol’ Starburst, instantly guaranteeing that it would be a colossal failure. Other problems: Paul Ryan wants to destroy all of the most popular government programs and is famous for wanting to do that? No matter, the conservatives say — it would be a serious campaign of Issues! The ‘merkin people will respect an “honest” view of the future! Again, these are all conservative arguments in favor of picking Paul Ryan.

Here’s the Wall Street Journal today, echoing most pro-Ryan arguments:

Personalities aside, the larger strategic point is that Mr. Romney’s best chance for victory is to make this a big election over big issues. Mr. Obama and the Democrats want to make this a small election over small things — Mitt’s taxes, his wealth, Bain Capital. As the past two months have shown, Mr. Romney will lose that kind of election.

“Mr. Obama and the Democrats” do enjoy making fun of Mitt Romney in every possible way, sure, but what is this assumption that they wouldn’t be down for a nice long discussion of Paul Ryan and his big issues? They assume that all critiques of Ryan and his budget plans are and can only be demagoguery, and that demagoguery vs. credibility is a fight they’d win. That’s a nice, simple argument; why did it take them 80 years of the welfare state to realize how very easy it would be to undo it? It’s possible they’re fundamentally misjudging both the opposition and the electorate… but that’s something only a demagogue would say!

Anyway, have at, you guys. There will be a lot more to say about this, later.

[Politico]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 144 comments }

Nostrildamus August 9, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Dear Wonkette: Love the new Dave Bowman ad!

BaldarTFlagass August 9, 2012 at 2:12 pm

My God, it's full of stars!

Nostrildamus August 9, 2012 at 2:16 pm

The diaper?

smokefilledmeltdown August 9, 2012 at 2:21 pm

That thing looks like it needs more than a social worker.

Angry_Marmot August 9, 2012 at 2:24 pm

If I throw my boner into the air, will it turn into a space station and never come down?

BaldarTFlagass August 9, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Wait, I thought "Detachable Penis" was just a song.

Gleem McShineys August 9, 2012 at 4:24 pm

The Satellite of Love

Serolf_Divad August 9, 2012 at 2:15 pm

I once put an R/C helicopter in my Amazon shopping cart, so all the ads I see, no matter where I go on the web, are for R/C Helicopters.

I'd hate to think what you put in your Amazon shopping cart to get served that ad.

SorosBot August 9, 2012 at 2:36 pm

I keep getting ads for The Sims 3 – I guess from such google searches as "The Sims 3 cheats", "The Sims 3 mods", which I've made because I already have the game.

Extemporanus August 9, 2012 at 2:16 pm

I'm jealous — all I keep getting is a Turkish Groupon ad.

BaldarTFlagass August 9, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Guess you shouldn't have bought that DVD of "Midnight Express" from Amazon.

Extemporanus August 9, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Ayıp…

bobbert August 9, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Or GooGoosha's "album".

Serolf_Divad August 9, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Yeah but conservatives want Ryan because they love America and they want to see her prosper, whereas Democrats want Ryan because they hate America and want to see her destroyed.

Ryan is the perfect compromise because he gives both groups what they want.

Ruhe August 9, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Doesn't that make it likely that he's the antichrist?

Serolf_Divad August 9, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Nietzsche was the Anti-Christ. Ayn Rand was a third rate Nietzsche wannabe. That would make Ryan a fourth rate Anti-Christ wannabe.

Ruhe August 9, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Now you have me imagining a Nietzche/Rand cage match. He would, rhetorically of course, tear her head off and shit down her neck.

Serolf_Divad August 9, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Yeah, but first he'd have to get past Alan Greenspan.

NellCote71 August 9, 2012 at 2:25 pm

I thought Obama had the Antichrist monopoly.

DerrickWildcat August 9, 2012 at 2:10 pm

ROMNEY/KOLOB 2012!!!

Serolf_Divad August 9, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Actually, I'm kind of surprised the Tea Party isn't pushing Joseph Kony as a potential Romney running mate.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 August 9, 2012 at 6:54 pm

I'm not…as much as they love Kony's pro-eating blah people policy, Kony's own blahness makes him undesirable; he's one of "thems people".

finallyhappy August 9, 2012 at 2:57 pm

she's not even very good against Kathy Lee Gifford

BaldarTFlagass August 9, 2012 at 2:10 pm

This would be a brilliant strategic move on the part of the Romney campaign.

NellCote71 August 9, 2012 at 2:26 pm

And they have so far been brilliant stragically.

kittensdontlie August 9, 2012 at 3:16 pm

The more brilliant move would be to put the Dick Cheney bot in charge of finding a VP….and you know the rest of the story.

Callyson August 9, 2012 at 2:11 pm

small things — Mitt’s taxes, his wealth, Bain Capital

Only the WSJ would consider taxes, distribution of wealth, and business practices that led to layoffs of many people to profit a lucky few people to be "small things."

Assholes.

fartknocker August 9, 2012 at 2:21 pm

I'm still trying to understand how Romney is able to put 6 figures of savings into conventional retirement instruments that are capped by the IRS. Your statement is spot on.

Generation[redacted] August 9, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Look, this is America. the land of opportunity. Where anyone can form a shell corporation, use an IRA investment vehicle to buy its stock for pennies, then pump a hundred million into said corporation and liquidating its assets among the shareholders, thus increasing the values of said IRA-bought shares to an amount equal to the cash holdings of said shell corporation.

The law, in its infinite fairness, allows both rich and poor to do this. And apparently it's just as legal as political operative Karl Rove forming a non profit to run non campaign ads in battleground states during the campaign season, specifically not for the purpose of affecting the election.

Generation[redacted] August 9, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Funny how even they admit Romney would lose on any issues involving his handling of finances and business background.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 August 9, 2012 at 6:57 pm

true…well the rich do know they are assholes which is why they usually send a wingnut sock puppet to do their dirty work. RMoney is TOTALLY violating this arrangement and when he loses the god-entity of Wallstreet is going to run his magic underwear up a flagpole for violating the Koch principle.

PubOption August 9, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Yes, but redistribution of wealth is a very big thing.

bumfug August 9, 2012 at 2:11 pm

I can just imagine the discussion before this decision –
"Ya think this coffin's gonna stay shut?"
"Nah, better get another nail…"

ChernobylSoup August 9, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Everyone loves a deficit hawk who voted for 2 unfunded wars and an unfunded Medicare prescription plan. Go for it, Mitt.

pdiddycornchips August 9, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Exactly. Republicans and the press who love this guy want us to believe he was carried here in January of 2009 on the wings of angels, sword in hand, on a mission to slay the deficit dragon. Jr. has a record. When Dick Cheney was saying deficits don't matter, Paul Ryan was in full agreement. He voted for the Bush tax cuts, Medicare Part D and the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. None of which were paid for.
Oh please Mittens, put this guy on the ticket.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 August 9, 2012 at 7:02 pm

So what you're saying is…the wars didn't just magically pay for themselves? I mean, we all know that Dubya as a "decent man and a straight-shooter" would never use accounting gimmicks designed to keep half of his deficit exploding agenda off-budget so he could claim he was cutting the deficit, do you? Everyone knows the Iraqi oil stopped paying for the war the moment Democrats came into power which is the exact moment the economy fell apart…Iraqi oil revenues and 'Merkan job creators are both far too sensitive to have Democrats anywhere near power…

grace_nearing August 9, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Plus, Ryan voted for TARP, the auto bailout, and the "confiscatory tax" on AIG CEO bonuses. Yeah, the conservatives will have no problem with that.

Blueb4sinrise August 9, 2012 at 2:11 pm

The earlier threads were bad….but this is a whole new level of disgusting and stabby..

actor212 August 9, 2012 at 2:12 pm

The graffiti on the bathroom wall says that Ryan's issues are rather small, actually.

elviouslyqueer August 9, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Reince Preibus? That you? I thought I recognized your handwriting on Senate Stall #4.

actor212 August 9, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Wide Stance Elvi? Hey, man, how you doin'???

widestanceromance August 9, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Widestancelyqueer and elviouslyromanced approve this message.

FlownOver August 9, 2012 at 2:29 pm

To quote the Woodman:

"Piccolo? Come un pane francese!"

IncenseDebate August 9, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Romney/Atlas Shrugged 2012

sbj1964 August 9, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Paul Ryan? Mitt better ask him if he knows how to spell Potato?

widestanceromance August 9, 2012 at 2:34 pm

I bet Ryan spells it with numbers instead of letters.

GunToting[Redacted] August 9, 2012 at 3:47 pm

They BOTH speak binary? They'll get along great!

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 9, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Get Dick Morris to endorse Ryan, and Obama will be guaranteed re-election!

NorthStarSpanx August 9, 2012 at 2:14 pm

You mean it's always been small elections over small things?

This just.got.real!

Nostrildamus August 9, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Nice idea. Would get him out of Congress.

BaldarTFlagass August 9, 2012 at 2:20 pm

But if they won, it'd be like "Aside from that, how did you like the parade, Mrs Kennedy?"

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 9, 2012 at 2:15 pm

The problem with the WSJ and other's ideas is that Romney is at least smart enough to know that he doesn't want to talk about big Republican ideas, because a vast majority of people actually hate Republican Ideas. His campaign is based on saying almost nothing, and if you have to say something, say it to FOX News where they won't ask a follow up question or point out that you are lying.

Serolf_Divad August 9, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Romney's big ideas amount to "I'm going to drastically cut your taxes and make up for the difference by taxing that kid who hangs out at the street corner with a squeegee hoping to make a few bucks by cleaning windshields".

Also, dynamic scoring.

The End.

Mumbly_Joe August 9, 2012 at 2:23 pm

To be fair, how is that not an accurate description of the Ryan Plan, which largely consists of:

1) Tax cuts for the wealthy
2) "Balancing" the resulting budget shortfall by slashing out the entire social safety net
3) Other budget cuts to be determined later
4) Assuming an unprecidented era of growth and prosperity that increases revenue, because shut up.

HistoriCat August 9, 2012 at 3:25 pm

That's the sort of thing you should only talk about in quiet rooms.

bikerlaureate August 9, 2012 at 5:24 pm

What "big Republican ideas"? They're positively allergic to providing details on anything. They backpedal on their own ideas when the Kenyan Usurper mentions them favorably. The notion of rich people creating more jobs when we lower their taxes has been discredited for decades. Any of their figureheads are hard pressed to get through a single speech without uttering a whopper of an untruth that's easily disproven. Their supposed fiscal expertise gave us the scorched-earth meltdown of '08. Their contempt for the rest of the world increased the danger level for our troops and turistas almost beyond reckoning.

SoBeach August 9, 2012 at 2:15 pm

I'd rather see Mitt pick Trump or Gingrich, but Paul Ryan would be fun too.

It would be a hoot watching the Romney/Ryan team try to convince people like me that not only will I have to give up some tax deductions to finance their big tax breaks for the rich, I'll also have to give up the Medicare I've paid into for over 30 years just because I fall on the wrong side of Ryan's age cut-off.

actor212 August 9, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Romney could win if he chose Jeri Ryan.

And then made her campaign topless.

Boojum August 9, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Resistance is futile.

Nostrildamus August 9, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Yeah. That wouldn't be awkward at all!!!

Ruhe August 9, 2012 at 2:30 pm

She'd get at least seven of nine votes.

FlownOver August 9, 2012 at 2:42 pm

BORG LIBEL!

Also, the competence of the Wrongney campaign is such that they'd probably send out Irene Ryan topless by mistake.

[Yeah, bitchez – try getting THAT image outa your heads!]

Self-Uploader August 9, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Hey, don't slam Jeri Ryan. If it wasn't for her first husband being a complete sleaze bucket who made her cry, Obama might not even have been senator and we might have old man McCain in the White House with Sarah a heartbeat away.

HistoriCat August 9, 2012 at 3:30 pm

I'll slam Jeri Ryan. On my bed – then she grabs me and rolls over so she's on top. Now we're tearing at each other's clothes!

Negropolis August 10, 2012 at 2:21 am

Truly, Seven of Nine is a Ten.

RadioBowels August 9, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Coupons for everybody!

Not_So_Much August 9, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Romney/Ayn Rand's Corpse 2012!!1!

MadBrahms August 9, 2012 at 2:45 pm

She might be too lifelike for his handlers.

Texan_Bulldog August 9, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Is that his O-face?

actor212 August 9, 2012 at 2:19 pm

He looks so life-like in that photo

Buzz Feedback August 9, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Eddie Munster is the shit.

BaldarTFlagass August 9, 2012 at 2:16 pm

I started to read The New Yorker's profile of Ryan earlier this week, but I stopped because it made me want to kick my dogs; my dogs, being dogs, think I am the Messiah, so I didn't want to disillusion them. Maybe I'll read it on the plane next week and kick some random fellow passenger instead. Or the crying brat.

Jus_Wonderin August 9, 2012 at 2:40 pm

I heard the author on Fresh Air. The show was, how shall I say, enlightening.

FlownOver August 9, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Worth a read, just because it's well written, but it recounts the wholly predictable assholery.

And kick the brat once for me.

Ruhe August 9, 2012 at 2:16 pm

"Ryan wants to destroy all of the most popular government programs and is famous for wanting to do that? No matter, the conservatives say — it would be a serious campaign of Issues! The ‘merkin people will respect an “honest” view of the future!"

Yes, an honest view indeed. Something like "if you aren't wealthy or nearly so then the future probably sucks for you. But your consolation is that the non-sucking future for wealthy people, the one you won't be participating in, will be so fabulous that you should just feel good as a patriot that you're making it possible in your own small, pathetic way."

Mark Riley, formerly of Air America, used to talk about W's efforts to sell Social Security privatization as the "Screw the Future Tour". Maybe Mitt can stage a sort of reunion tour thing with Ryan's help.

Wadisay August 9, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Mr. Obama and the Democrats want to make this a small election over small things — Mitt’s taxes, his wealth, Bain Capital.

And, WSJ, I would add, Rafalca.

Boojum August 9, 2012 at 2:28 pm

OK, of those, the first is small. The second is obscenely large. The third is just obscene.

larrykat August 9, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Roof dogs, mom jeans, jet skis, forced hippie haircuts, Mexico, bigamy. Pick two and see if you still want to elect this shitheel.

widestanceromance August 9, 2012 at 2:17 pm

But, now that Ryan has denounced/rejected + renounced/dejected Rand, doesn't that make him a LINO?

larrykat August 9, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Limburger In Name Only??

widestanceromance August 9, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Cheesey!

bikerlaureate August 9, 2012 at 5:39 pm

L is for Liar.

No, wait…

SorosBot August 9, 2012 at 2:17 pm

"Mr. Obama and the Democrats want to make this a small election over small things — Mitt’s taxes, his wealth"

Um, Mitt Romney's wealth is very much not a small thing; which is why his taxes should not have been small either, but it seems they were, which is kind of a big deal.

Mitt's penis however, now that is a small thing.

Boojum August 9, 2012 at 2:28 pm

D'oh!

Goonemeritus August 9, 2012 at 2:36 pm

The central issue of this election is about whose ox can stand to be gored. OWS turned the narrative to fairness and the Republicans argue that the 1% already is carrying more than their fair share. I believe releasing tax returns for 10 years or so is part of the normal vetting process when you run for POTUS but in this case it is vital. Romney is about as close to a perfect representative of the 1% as we will ever see run for office. Let’s see what a true member of that class has available to defer or avoid taxes that are just withdrawn from the paychecks of the average guy. I absolutely don’t want this issue dropped!

smokefilledmeltdown August 9, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Anytime you have to preface a statement with "personalities aside", it's usually not good.

PuckStopsHere August 9, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Eddie Munster did pretty well for himself as it turned out.

UnholyMoses August 9, 2012 at 2:18 pm

This is good news for John McCain.

(No, really. If Romney picked Ryan, it'd make Walnuts picking of Palin look shrewd in comparison.)

Extemporanus August 9, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Buying Brylcreem in bulk would be fiscally prudent.

weejee August 9, 2012 at 2:20 pm

It is noteworthy that this very morning the Early life, education, and career section of Wikipedia's entry on Paul Ryan stated he "is of Irish, Martian, and German ancestry." For true, even sent a copy of a screen capture showing that to the Wonkette tipz jar. Does Newt Moon-Man Gingrich know this????

BaldarTFlagass August 9, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Dang, it didn't take someone long to fix that…

HistoriCat August 9, 2012 at 3:34 pm

I'm sure this connected to Obama's astral trip to Mars. If only someone could connect the dots!

elviouslyqueer August 9, 2012 at 2:21 pm

He represents the GOP's new generation of reformers that includes such Governors as Louisiana's Bobby Jindal and New Jersey's Chris Christie.

No further questions, your honor. The defense rests.

Goonemeritus August 9, 2012 at 2:21 pm

All kidding aside it will clarify the debate. America will not be given a choice between a vague “Compassionate Conservative” type label with no Idea what the hell that means. Paul Ryan has laid out a clear vision where his priorities are, the Tea Party loves him for it. Sure I think he is a poisonous little prick stain but he is the true standard bearer of prick stains everywhere. Let America choose between the stated Republican vision and Obama.

orygoon August 9, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Shit. Excuse me while I run out to buy stock in hobo beans.

JustPixelz August 9, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Let's see what eRmoney.com says about this match:

rich people aren't rich enough? yes/yes
insincere laughter is the best medicine? yes/yes
business experience trumps all else? yes/no <<uh oh!
lying is OK in order to win? yes/yes

proudgrampa August 9, 2012 at 2:25 pm

OH, please. Let this happen! Ryan is such a despicable slimeball. This gets him out of Congress.

Romney/Ryan 2012!

pinkocommi August 9, 2012 at 2:25 pm

"As the past two months have shown, Mr. Romney will lose that kind of election."

Reading this made be spontaneously orgasm.

BaldarTFlagass August 9, 2012 at 2:30 pm

For decorum's sake, I hope you're one of the "quiet type." At least, if you are sitting in an office with a bunch of co-workers.

Oblios_Cap August 9, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Aren't there any nice, inspiring gingers out there that Rmoney can tap?

Mumbletypeg August 9, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Ryan, whose colloquiale includes paint-by-numbers pith: "Road Map to America's Future" and "Path to Prosperity." But if he doesn't knuckle down and acknowledge *GAWD* is the homeland and "Jeezus" is its Capituhl he'll easily lose half the GOP's target electorate.

ChernobylSoup August 9, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Excuse me for a moment; I'll be back after I've found a WSJ editorial of similar sentiment from the 2004 campaign…

zippy_w_pinhead August 9, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Eddie Munster and his pet Etch-A-Sketch 2012

what's not to like?

ChernobylSoup August 9, 2012 at 2:32 pm

SayItWithWookies August 9, 2012 at 2:33 pm

That's the solution right there — if one rich, white male who wants to cut his own taxes, destroy our infrastructure, attack a well-armed country that hasn't done anything to us, demonize the poor and sick and give us the same sort of regulatory punch that let the Dubya economic collapse happen doesn't guarantee a win in November — then try two.

Exhausted66 August 9, 2012 at 2:34 pm

WSJ Assignment Editor:
"Is there someone even whiter than Romney who can make Mitt seem like he at least has a soul? Give me 600 words on it. Go!"

SmutBoffin August 9, 2012 at 2:36 pm

I remember saying this yesterday, MAYBE I THINK, but there is no policy proposal Mitt Romney could make that would hurt him with his supporters.

"Turn the olds into pink slime and sell it to school lunch programs? Why not? Bomb Luxembourg? Of course! Send children to work in acid mines? Already on it!"

Now, these things might hurt him with undecideds, but these fabled people don't really know there is an election happening this year, do they? Come November they will be all like WHOA WHUTS GOIN ON WHERERE YOU ALL GOING THIS EARLY IN THE MORNING HUH THERES AN ELECSHUN TODAY!? Then the undecideds will break 50/50 and that will be that.

DustBowlBlues August 9, 2012 at 3:56 pm

The undecideds are actually the morons who know all about the Kardashians (finally found out how they got to be "famous") but nothing about the election except one of them is black. They trust FauxNews to tell them how to vote the day before the election. BTW–Independents are mostly just *Republics who think it sounds smart and, well, more independent than answering, "Whoever Rush O'Lymbeck tells me to vote for."

Sorry, just jaded by how much attention is paid these numbnuts. Liberal Democrat or GTFO.

bikerlaureate August 9, 2012 at 5:42 pm

"Expand RmoneyCare to the rest of the country" ?
(The fringe wingnuts are already braced for this, since he's such a closet LIEbral…)

Misty Malarky August 9, 2012 at 2:37 pm

I'd hit that.

ph7 August 9, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Compartmentalization is key attribute of a fulfilling sex life.

neiltheblaze August 9, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Great! If Ryan gets the nod we'll finally learn if George Will is still capable of getting an erection.

ph7 August 9, 2012 at 2:52 pm

That is great news only to Pfizer.

bikerlaureate August 9, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Apparently I have to start following you on IntenseDebate – the appetite-suppressing effect of comments like this can only help in my quest to lose a few pounds.

neiltheblaze August 9, 2012 at 6:47 pm

Always happy to oblige. I'm sure it's just a matter of time before you return the favor – after all – you're here, aren't you? (Clinks glass.) Cheers!

mavenmaven August 9, 2012 at 2:39 pm

With the Ryan plan, the GOP gets to rape all Americans, not just lesbians.

Guppy August 9, 2012 at 2:40 pm

The Democrats are making this election about small things, and there certainly ain't much smaller than Romney's tax bill!

DahBoner August 9, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Can you imagine if his rate is negative?That means US Taxpayers are paying Mitt to prance around in his Magic UnderRoos…

qwerty42 August 9, 2012 at 2:47 pm

"…“Mr. Obama and the Democrats” do enjoy making fun of Mitt Romney in every possible way, sure, but what is this assumption that they wouldn’t be down for a nice long discussion of Paul Ryan and his big issues?…"
Oh yes, the Democrats could bash him hard with the WSJ's "big issues". Very hard. They would be crying "no fair" by the time it was over. Hard to believe the Republicans are still so butt-hurt over FDR, they still want to fight over the New Deal. But there you have the current GOP.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 9, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Anyone want to have a beer with Paul Ryan?
Anyone?
Free Beer?
Anyone?
Snacks included!
Anyone?
*crickets*

anniegetyerfun August 9, 2012 at 3:24 pm

I would, just so I could see if his libertarian credentials extend as far as ignoring a pregnant lady drinking a beer.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 9, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Well congratulations Ms. Fun!
May your child be healthy, happy, and almost as clever as you with all the sense of humor he/she needs to survive the future.

anniegetyerfun August 9, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Why, thank you! As far as I can tell, she's taking after her dad, which means that she will be short, grumpy, and prone to calling people “fuckface”. That's really more than I had ever hoped for, anyway.

proudgrampa August 9, 2012 at 4:44 pm

You reminded me of my granddaughter the first time she wanted to have some chicken from the colonel: "Grampa, can we have some Fuckey Fried Chicken?"

johnnyzhivago August 9, 2012 at 2:58 pm

My suggestion is that the GOP drop Romney and go with Tippicanoe and then get some guy named Tyler to run with him, it has a nice ring to it.

neiltheblaze August 9, 2012 at 6:49 pm

And there's always the phonebook.

Fred_Wertham_Jr August 9, 2012 at 3:15 pm

This just proves that everyone in America hates Mitt Romney and can't wait to point and laugh when he gets his ass kicked.

An_Outhouse August 9, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Romney/ iPhone5 2012

anniegetyerfun August 9, 2012 at 3:25 pm

How would Ryan do in a debate against Biden? To me, he seems a LOT less stupid than the other potential GOP running mates.

DahBoner August 9, 2012 at 3:26 pm

They say Eddie Munster will eat your SS check.

This is not true.

He will instead give your check to Uncle Fester to eat.

Look it up!

HistoriCat August 9, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Munster/Addams Family cross-over!

Misty Malarky August 9, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Oh, hold me, Bat Boy! Touch me, Bat Boy!
Help me through the night.
Love me, Bat Boy! Save me, Bat Boy!
Make it all turn out all right!

johnnyzhivago August 9, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Isn't it bad luck to see your bride, I mean running mate, before your wedding day, I mean convention??

Has this ever worked?

DustBowlBlues August 9, 2012 at 3:46 pm

I read a profile of Ryan, including the tidbit where he makes anyone he hires read "Atlas Shrugged". Then I read somewhere else that he's recently accounced his breakup with his pretend girlfriend. (And a peach she is, too.)

He'll have to reclaim her if he's on the ticket and they want to attract the Paultards' votes. Or the RNC can just leave them where they are, sitting in a corner with their arms crossed over the chests and pouting that their Paultard hero isn't speaking at the convention. During the one hour they are in primetime and on network teevee.

Liberty!

Slim_Pickins August 9, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Anyone like Ryan who thinks "Atlas Shrugged" is the greatest book ever written (greater than the Bible, apparently, is not entirely fit for elective office.

neiltheblaze August 9, 2012 at 7:35 pm

I'm still trying to figure out how a person can be a Jesus Freak Randian. How the frick does that work?

Slim_Pickins August 9, 2012 at 8:22 pm
neiltheblaze August 9, 2012 at 8:47 pm

So – the answer is as I thought – it doesn't work. You can't be a Jesus Freak Randian without fundamentally misunderstanding both of them. I knew that – I'm just trying to figure out how the Paul Ryan's of the world can pretend it makes any sense. They can't.

Good article by the way. I didn't have the fortitude to try reading the comments. I bet they're grand.

Slim_Pickins August 9, 2012 at 9:43 pm

I live in Paul's district during the summer, we are call ourselves "nonresident taxpayer. Taxation without representation! aka FIBs, fucking Illinois Bastards. He is a piece of work surpassed by Gov Walker… Wisconsin was once such a nice, progressive state.

Fox n Fiends August 9, 2012 at 4:27 pm

I want to see Obama's big thing humiliate Romney's small thing.

bobbert August 9, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Romney Hood and Friar Ryan, thank you Danziger.

ttommyunger August 9, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Problem is, no Rightard with hope for a future in politics wants the stigma of a loss-and NO ONE in the Republican Party really believes Mittens can win, short of finding Barry in bed with a dead hooker or a live boy between now and November. I'm betting it will some dead wood, like Rob Portman.

Negropolis August 10, 2012 at 2:24 am

Dear Lord, if you really love us, you'll demand Romney pick Congressman P90X (R-Hypocrisy).

BZ1 August 10, 2012 at 5:25 pm

oh please, please put this duplicitous jackanape on the ticket!

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