lies and the lying liars who tell them

Bill Clinton Gives Romney Welfare Ad All The Pants-On-Fire Pinocchios

Big Dog haz a sadBill Clinton, a former president of US America and the world’s best-loved nympho-man, is “especially disappointed” in Mitt Romney today, for being a dirty pants on fire liar, in this particular case, about Obama slapping all the white people in the face (with his penis) so as to give black people more welfare.

“The recently announced waiver policy was originally requested by the Republican governors of Utah and Nevada to achieve more flexibility in designing programs more likely to work in this challenging environment,” Clinton said.

Clinton added that Republican governors, including Mitt Romney, sought a similar policy in 2005 (a charge the Romney campaign has denied).

Well, if Mitt Romney denied it, then it must not be true!

“The Romney ad is especially disappointing because, as governor of Massachusetts, he requested changes in the welfare reform laws that could have eliminated time limits altogether,” Clinton said. “We need a bipartisan consensus to continue to help people move from welfare to work even during these hard times, not more misleading campaign ads.”

We will expect to see a shiny new Romney ad citing Bill Clinton eliding that pesky middle part and calling Barack Obama’s moves to gut welfare requirements as “especially disappointing” within the hour.

[HuffPo]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

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  • nounverb911

    Some of Romney's best lies are people too, also.

    • WhatTheHeck

      so that’s why magic underwear is made out of fire retardant material.

      Sorry – didn’t see similar comment below. Disregard this.

      • Willardbot9000_V2.5

        true story….I once knew a Mormon kid who claimed that magic underwear was both fire retardant and bullet proof. He claimed his father had been in a car accident that burned every part of his body except for the parts covered by his magic underwear of super powers. Of course the hilarious part was when my friend demonstrated that garments offer little protection to kicks to the nuts…but the mormon kid claimed they did so it was really his fault…Utah, such a strange place to spend a childhood…

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Wow. When Bill Clinton, whom Dick Morris SWEARS is voting for Romney, goes all "Ohnoyoudin't!", he goes "Ohnoyoudin't"!

    • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Dick Morris also claims to be a human being. So take everything he says with a grain of salt…., just not around Dick, though, as it will make him melt if he touches it.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    I love Bill!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Me too.

  • noodlesalad

    "I can't feel your pain, but I'm friends with the owners of the companies who create your pain," responds Romney.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      That is a great first line for a syfy novel.

      • noodlesalad

        Do Romneys Dream of Electric Sheeple?

        • Jus_Wonderin

          I wonder if you and Rebecca would indulge me going off topic with some short fiction using that line? It is ominous.

          • noodlesalad

            I don't mind, but I hear the Wonket Copyright Lawyer is a terrible sadist. There's a picture of her on the masthead.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          Electing Sheeple, you mean.

          • Generation[redacted]

            Electoral Sheeple?

          • mavenmaven

            Do Electoral Sheeple Dream of Dangling Chads?

          • tessiee

            Do tastefully decorated Romneys dream of eclectic sheeple?

        • YasserArraFeck

          Hell, no. But oil-powered sheeple gives him 'gasms

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Do Romneys Dream of Electric Electronically-Controlled Sheeple?

          fify

  • AlterNewt

    Yeah, but he's OUR liar.

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    Mitt Romney must have so many warts on his tongue.

    At least I hope those are warts.

    • Biff

      Genital warts, but yeah, warts.

    • Callyson

      "Don't worry, honey, that's just a cold sore."

  • Goonemeritus

    I miss being able to hate Clinton, I was young the world seemed more hopeful and the Republican Party wasn’t totally made up of people who sniff glue.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      There's two things I miss about Clinton: the peace and the prosperity.

      • nounverb911

        And Bill misses the pieces.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          He's old enough now he might not

          • James Michael Curley

            Viagra was approved (very quickly) during his administration. He probably has a case in the closet with, uh, other persons, things.

          • horsedreamer_1

            With his heart, I doubt Viagra would be a welcome bedroom enhancement.

          • Native_of_SL_UT

            Your never too old to miss it. Doing something about it on the other hand…

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Yeah, at some point missing it is a lot more satisfying than actually, you know, *having* it.

        • zippy_w_pinhead

          I would gladly let him have all the pieces he wants in exchange for that peace and prosperity stuff

      • tessiee

        "two things I miss about Clinton: the peace and the prosperity."
        http://www.theonion.com/articles/bush-our-long-na

        I also miss the days when reality didn't outstrip The Onion.

        • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

          Amazing how much of that came true.

  • ChernobylSoup

    Mitt went on to explain: "I was governor of Fagachusettes, for Pete's sake."

  • sharethegrief

    So Magic Underwear is flammable?

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      Fireball! Fireball! Fireball!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Mirar! No mas pantalones!

    • DustBowlBlues

      That could be a real issue for the Mittbot, seeing as how he pulls his facts out of them.

  • edgydrifter

    Shorter Romney: "What are you going to believe, the truth or me?"

    • CrunchyKnee

      Shorter Romney: "Who are you going to believe, the truth or them two colored guys?"

    • emmelemm

      Your lyin' eyes?

      • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

        But you can't hide your lyin' eyes.

        • emmelemm

          I can't hide 'em, but that don't mean you have to believe 'em.

          • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

            Were it not for imagination a man would be as happy in arms of a chambermaid as of a duchess.

        • tessiee

          Incriminating photos of Mitt taken on the cheatin' side of town in
          5…
          4…
          3…

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "slapping all the white people in the face (with his penis)"

    Bill really wishes he had thought of this himself while he was in office.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      He tried. Lord knows he tried.

      • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Yeah, but fat chicks kept getting in his way.

        • Texpunk

          Aw, I miss Linda Tripp !!!

    • zippy_w_pinhead

      one intern at a time…

  • OneYieldRegular

    In his defense, Romney replied, "I can't be a liar. I'm rich."

    • DustBowlBlues

      FTW. (I think that means "for the win". If it means something obscene, I apologize.)

  • kittensdontlie

    "is especially disappointing…"

    And if there is anyone who understands better what the word 'is' is…love ya' Bill!

  • emmelemm

    Nympho-Man! Sounds like a great superhero name.

    • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      I prefer Nympho-Woman, but what do I know?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        I'll take Nympho-AnyOne/Thing as long as I don't have to get my ass outa bed for it.

    • tessiee

      "Nympho-Man! Sounds like a great superhero name."

      "Oh, hey, look — is that the Bat Signal? Let me get a closer loo–… OH, MY *GOD*!!"

    • doloras

      Nympho-Man! He flies like a moron!

      • tessiee

        MST3K FTW!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "Mitt Romney, sought a similar policy in 2005 (a charge the Romney campaign has denied)."

    I would swear I saw a pdf online somewhere in the last day or two showing this letter with Romney and Arnold and a bunch of other governor's signatures on it. How can they deny something like that?

    • emmelemm

      Well, to start with, there are two realities: Reality, and wingnut reality…

    • chicken_thief

      Prolly made by the same people that did Obummers hokey birff cert.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        The U.S. Government? Or the Hawai'i State Government?

        • chicken_thief

          No, no, no. The Sheriff and The Donald will get to the bottom of this, but my money is on: The New Black Panther Party, in Bill Ayers' basement, with a pc running Windows 98 and Word 6 donated by George Soros.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Oh. (looks around for Win '98 documentation, finds only XP)

            O-tay.

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      Oh, you mean this one? Yeah, that doesn't exist.

      • Geminisunmars

        Thank goodness that doesn't exist. It would be damning, otherwise.

      • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

        forged. by that one guy in mexico on the run from the nazis in 1943 to ensure mitt romney would be horribly embarrassed while running for president in 2012.

        it was kept in the arc of the covenant by the knight's templar and only released this year after guardian brietbart went to his final resting place like at the end of 'the last crusade'.

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Fraudulently_Joe

      I would swear I saw a pdf online somewhere in the last day or two showing this letter with Romney and Arnold and a bunch of other governor's signatures on it.

      PANTS ON FIRE!

    • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      They are Republicans? Denying reality is what they are best at.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    And I love how seemly affable Bill is, yet he doesn't suffer fools. That photo, and that stare, says "Don't fuck with me. You had your fun. But, don't fuck with me".

    • emmelemm

      "Fuck me, but don't fuck with me."

      • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

        That would make a hell of a tramp stamp.

  • chicken_thief

    Romney has no reason to not lie in his ads. The base loves it – "welfare Presdint!!!!" and those "on the fence" don't pay attention close enough so will only see the ads, not that Mittens proposed the same thing.

    • ChernobylSoup

      If only there was a profession dedicated to informing folks about such things…

      • anniegetyerfun

        Ha, it's not like any of them would risk offending the Romney campaign by pointing out blatant lies.

  • RadioBowels

    Cigars for everybody!

    • chicken_thief

      Ms Lewinsky will have the uncut one, please.

    • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Especially the ladies.

  • Callyson

    I guess calling Russia "the Soviet Union" wasn't enough of a blast from the past for Mittens–now he wants to go back to bashing "welfare queens."

    Next up: we must increase the defense budget to fight those Sandinistas in Nicaragua…

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I hear he is against building the Panama Canal.

    • RadioBowels

      And don't forget about Castro. Defend The Keys!

  • Generation[redacted]

    "I believe welfare moms are working moms." –Mittbot cross-compiler error

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Hey, MAN!

      Oh. You said MittBOT. Carry on.

  • SorosBot

    But I thought that according to Dick Morris Bill Clinton is secretly supporting Romney and plans to vote for him.

    • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Bill is jut covering his tracks by making sure that no one else does.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        No one else does what, secretly support Romney? Because his support sure is looking mighty secretive round about now.

        • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

          I was thinking vote. But your analysis works as well.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Thank you. Listening to RedState lambast him in public with many beatings of breasts and rendings of garments has been really satisfying, today.

    • zippy_w_pinhead

      that'll teach Dick not to copy off Bill Kristol's paper

  • hagajim

    Good thing Mittens wears the magic undies…they is fireproof.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Yeah, but they're not dick proof.

    • DustBowlBlues

      Asbestos? So it's Mormons who are hiring those teevee commercial lawyers.

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    My poor Governor is all like "Now what the hell do I do?"
    Should he go with his original state rights argument or support Mitt?
    His deer in the headlight look on this is hilarious.

    • DustBowlBlues

      I'm sure Mattress Mary [as a married lt. gov, had nasty divorce following her affair with her bodyguard] down here in the Dust Bowl.

  • BarackMyWorld

    The Earth is round (a charge the Romney campaign denies).

    • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      When asked about the 2005 letter that Mr. Romney signed that stated that the earth is indeed round, a Romney spokesman stated "At that time, round didn't mean what it does today. Plus we have always been at war with Eastasia."

  • not that Dewey

    Mitt has a laminated pink card, signed by Donna Shalala, that says he gets free welfare waivers for life.

  • MissTaken

    Romney's pants aren't on fire, that is just the syphilis flaring up again. The same syphilis eating up his CPU and making him forget that he was for welfare waivers just a few years ago.

    • SorosBot

      Great, now you've given me the image of Mitt Romney having sex; their goes my libido.

      • MissTaken

        boob

        • Geminisunmars

          Wow — just writing that word helps him get his libido back? Ah, youth.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            No shit. Must be fun. (sighs)

          • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

            I know, just one word instead of needing the nastiest, bare backinest, hard dickinest, ball slappiest interracial porno there is.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            That's for us ancient peeps who can barely get it up any more.

          • MissTaken

            Yes, I'm that talented.

          • SorosBot

            You certainly are; and I'm very lucky.

          • Geminisunmars

            Lucky him.

          • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

            Until they post the video, I'm not buying any of it.

        • SorosBot

          Hee!

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

            Where's my danged bucket of water?!

          • emmelemm

            "Get the hose!"

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Romney: "These are just niggling details, don't worry your poor, little people heads".

    • DustBowlBlues

      [delete last quotation mark and period] because I am rich and therefore smarter and better than you."

  • pinkocommi

    It took 8 years of W and a near economic depression for the US to truly come to terms with its love of Mickey D's loving, sax-playing, skirt-chasing, "I-did-not-have-sexual-relations-with-that-woman" President Bill Clinton. <<sniff>>

    I hope he enjoys his vindication.

    • tessiee

      Come back Bill, all is forgiven.

      • AlterNewt

        "Vindication."

        So that's what the kids are calling it these days.

  • Misty Malarky

    It's called RANSOM, people.

    Bill is just trying to make Obama quit holding Hillary hostage.

    • emmelemm

      You think he wants Hilz at home more? Fat chance.

      • Misty Malarky

        She's got the key to the humidor….

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Despite what it seems like on the surface, I suspect those two really do love each other very much, at the end of the day. The storms they have weathered, individuall and together — you don't stay with a person through that shit if they don't have your heart.

        • emmelemm

          Oh, I mostly agree. I was just going for the easy joke.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I always fall for it, don't I? Always.

    • tessiee

      "hostage", my ass.
      She's cooking up a big plate of schnitzen gruben right now.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        It's twoo, it's TWOO!

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    I'm beginning to think Romney knows he'd be a horrible president, that the Republican plan for America involves sucking the life out of the middle class, and that he's engaging in a kamikaze campaign rife with utter and complete nonsense so he can lose without looking like he's throwing the race but leaving the better candidate to win. I mean, what the hell else makes sense?

    • anniegetyerfun

      That was my husband's theory with McCain's campaign, too – there was no way that Republicans wanted to deal with the mess they had created, so better throw the race and then annoy the fuck out of the Dem prez in hopes of recapturing the office once everything was fixed and dandy.

      • doloras

        It's the only way that Snowbilly Grifter's nomination makes any sense at all.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Every gaffe he makes, you gotta wonder how did such a thundering dimwit manage to make any money at all. So, yeah. I don't think Mitt wants it. Although I wonder if HE knows that. I suspect Ann and the Mormon hierarchy want it for him a lot more than he does.

      • DustBowlBlues

        If someone writes a "Game Change" type book on the 2012 election, I think Ann will be an ambitious dragon lady who is much more surprising than the Elizabeth Edwards portrayed in the book.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          You think? I'm inclined to agree.

          I really do despise these two. They're so fake.

    • Jerri

      I think the GOP is just throwing their old standbys (Walnuts & Mittens) a bone. Let them be the nominee since, as Annie mentioned, they don't want to actually win and deal with this mess in the first place. Better to criticize from the sidelines, obstruct, blame the Democrats & Obama for "not getting anything done" and just stir the shit for a few years.

      I'll be interested to see who they run in 2016. I bet it's one of their young guns creeps like Paul Ryan. And yes, my shiny metal hat is quite comfortable, thanks for asking.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Mumbly_Joe

    My favorite part of all this is that on a conference call, Newt Gingrich, speaking as a Romney surrogate, mourned that Obama couldn't be the paragon of bipartisan, centrist cooperation that made Bill Clinton such a pleasure to work with.

    Which, presumably, was why Newt Gingrich made it his mission to destroy him.

    • DustBowlBlues

      Yeah, back in the days when Alan Simpson (cranky old man that he is), Pat Schroeder (his friend), George Mitchell and Bill Bradley all quit because Newt and his band of self-labeled "Christians" made DC the ugly place it is today.

      Always admired Schumer, because that was the moment he ran for senate. Have no use for the Ds that quit, except for Pat. That's my nostalgia from my VP of Seattle NOW days.

    • AlterNewt

      My favorite part of your comment is "…Newt Gingrich, speaking as a Romney surrogate…"

    • Negropolis

      It's amazing how willing they are to revise history just 'cause the current president is, well, you know, black. Fuck, they actually impeached Clinton, and now they look back on him longingly.

  • smitallica

    Wow. When Bill "I Did Not Have Sex with That Woman" Clinton calls you a liar, you're a fucking LIAR.

  • mavenmaven

    It doesn't really matter what lies Romney utters, all that matters is that the other guy is black.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      There is no way in hell a black man could ever be elected President!

      • AlterNewt

        Not in our lifetime.

  • widestanceromance

    Is Willard waiting until the debates to give Obama the snuff film Willard made in college? This man really is incredibly stupid. All he does is lie about stuff that is clearly documented.

    It's like claiming total ignorance when your parents walk into your room and it's full of smoke.

    Lie as default, and repeat.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I thought ALL kids did that.

      OK, he's not a kid, but still. I remember walking into the house when the boys were young and being amazed to find that there was yoghurt and jam on the CEILING. Neither one of them seemed to know how it got there.

      • widestanceromance

        "That? Oh, hasn't yoghurt and jam always been there?"

        Had a similar time with nephew–5 lbs of sugar and a bottle of peanut oil. Good times.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          (Thinks)
          (Thinks some more)

          No. I don't think I *really* want to know what a young lad can do with 5 lbs of sugar and a bottle of peanut oil.

    • DustBowlBlues

      But it works for the nutters who only believe shit if they see it on Faux news or hear it from a hate-talker.

  • Antispandex

    "(a charge the Romney campaign has denied)." I seem to see that alot lately. Somethings going on here. But what?

    • tessiee

      They're practicing up for the inevitable day when the tax returns are unearthed and they have to deny, deny, deny everything in them?

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    who is running this romney 'campaign'? squirrels?

    • Misty Malarky

      I served with squirrels, I knew squirrels, A squirrel was a friend of mine. Romney campaign, you're no squirrels.

  • MonkeyMotion

    If Obama's gonna use Bubba to stump for him,
    then Mittens gets to use W.

    Fair is fair. [BAWAAAHAAAHAAHAAHAA!!!!]

  • pdiddycornchips

    Bill is just being nice. What he should have said is Mittens is a lying douchebag who has as much understanding of welfare policy as my daughters pet goldfish.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Yes, I feel like he could have wrapped up his point more forcefully and succinctly.

  • TribecaMike

    It says it right there in the Bible: "turn the other penis."

  • ttommyunger

    Clinton reminds me of the allure of pussy, Nixon-the allure of power, Romney-the allure of money. On the other hand, Truman was afflicted by none of those when in office and still laid the groundwork for Viet Nam and the National Security State. (whimper)

    • tessiee

      Nixon was honest to god nightmare fuel.
      Most of the Republicans I've ever seen strike me as loathsome, mean-spirited sociopaths. Nixon struck me as crazy. I don't mean a little bit eccentric, I don't mean a thoroughly unpleasant person (although he certainly was that, too). I mean certifiably, hospitalizably, *nuts*.
      They all annoy and/or disgust me to varing degrees; Nixon creeped me out big-time.

      • ttommyunger

        Nixon had Kissinger, Dubya had Cheney. Toss up which is more to blame for their respective fuck-ups.Sent from my iPhone

  • zippy_w_pinhead

    I think Obama just slapped Mittens in the face with his slick Willie…

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Where do I download it?

    • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Oh, I have a download for you…, wait, are you male or female…, ah hell, doesn't matter.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Doesn't matter to me, either. (Leers at Lionel encouragingly)

        • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

          Just be gentle. And when you speak of this, and you will, be kind.

  • MinAgain

    See, this is why Mitt wears the magic underwear. It's flame retardant.

  • tessiee

    "Obama slapping all the white people in the face (with his penis)"

    I would pay money to watch President Obama slap Mitt in the face with his penis.
    Except that Mitt would probably enjoy it too much.
    And also, I don't have money.

  • rocktonsam

    maybe Miten$ $hould wear $arah's $uperman $hirt.

    /fixed

  • emmelemm

    Mitzi Warbucks. That is fucking-A awesome best nickname ever. Can I use that?

    • tessiee

      Sure, why not? Go for it.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    Mittens can't remember everything, especially being for it before being agin' anything the prez says!