lies and the lying liars who tell them

Bill Clinton Gives Romney Welfare Ad All The Pants-On-Fire Pinocchios

Big Dog haz a sadBill Clinton, a former president of US America and the world’s best-loved nympho-man, is “especially disappointed” in Mitt Romney today, for being a dirty pants on fire liar, in this particular case, about Obama slapping all the white people in the face (with his penis) so as to give black people more welfare.

“The recently announced waiver policy was originally requested by the Republican governors of Utah and Nevada to achieve more flexibility in designing programs more likely to work in this challenging environment,” Clinton said.

Clinton added that Republican governors, including Mitt Romney, sought a similar policy in 2005 (a charge the Romney campaign has denied).

Well, if Mitt Romney denied it, then it must not be true!

“The Romney ad is especially disappointing because, as governor of Massachusetts, he requested changes in the welfare reform laws that could have eliminated time limits altogether,” Clinton said. “We need a bipartisan consensus to continue to help people move from welfare to work even during these hard times, not more misleading campaign ads.”

We will expect to see a shiny new Romney ad citing Bill Clinton eliding that pesky middle part and calling Barack Obama’s moves to gut welfare requirements as “especially disappointing” within the hour.


About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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    1. WhatTheHeck

      so that’s why magic underwear is made out of fire retardant material.

      Sorry – didn’t see similar comment below. Disregard this.

      1. Willardbot9000_V2.5

        true story….I once knew a Mormon kid who claimed that magic underwear was both fire retardant and bullet proof. He claimed his father had been in a car accident that burned every part of his body except for the parts covered by his magic underwear of super powers. Of course the hilarious part was when my friend demonstrated that garments offer little protection to kicks to the nuts…but the mormon kid claimed they did so it was really his fault…Utah, such a strange place to spend a childhood…

  1. noodlesalad

    "I can't feel your pain, but I'm friends with the owners of the companies who create your pain," responds Romney.

        1. Jus_Wonderin

          I wonder if you and Rebecca would indulge me going off topic with some short fiction using that line? It is ominous.

          1. noodlesalad

            I don't mind, but I hear the Wonket Copyright Lawyer is a terrible sadist. There's a picture of her on the masthead.

  2. Goonemeritus

    I miss being able to hate Clinton, I was young the world seemed more hopeful and the Republican Party wasn’t totally made up of people who sniff glue.

          1. James Michael Curley

            Viagra was approved (very quickly) during his administration. He probably has a case in the closet with, uh, other persons, things.

        1. zippy_w_pinhead

          I would gladly let him have all the pieces he wants in exchange for that peace and prosperity stuff

    1. DustBowlBlues

      That could be a real issue for the Mittbot, seeing as how he pulls his facts out of them.

  3. BaldarTFlagass

    "slapping all the white people in the face (with his penis)"

    Bill really wishes he had thought of this himself while he was in office.

    1. DustBowlBlues

      FTW. (I think that means "for the win". If it means something obscene, I apologize.)

  4. kittensdontlie

    "is especially disappointing…"

    And if there is anyone who understands better what the word 'is' is…love ya' Bill!

    1. tessiee

      "Nympho-Man! Sounds like a great superhero name."

      "Oh, hey, look — is that the Bat Signal? Let me get a closer loo–… OH, MY *GOD*!!"

  5. BaldarTFlagass

    "Mitt Romney, sought a similar policy in 2005 (a charge the Romney campaign has denied)."

    I would swear I saw a pdf online somewhere in the last day or two showing this letter with Romney and Arnold and a bunch of other governor's signatures on it. How can they deny something like that?

        1. chicken_thief

          No, no, no. The Sheriff and The Donald will get to the bottom of this, but my money is on: The New Black Panther Party, in Bill Ayers' basement, with a pc running Windows 98 and Word 6 donated by George Soros.

      1. fuflans

        forged. by that one guy in mexico on the run from the nazis in 1943 to ensure mitt romney would be horribly embarrassed while running for president in 2012.

        it was kept in the arc of the covenant by the knight's templar and only released this year after guardian brietbart went to his final resting place like at the end of 'the last crusade'.

    1. Fraudulently_Joe

      I would swear I saw a pdf online somewhere in the last day or two showing this letter with Romney and Arnold and a bunch of other governor's signatures on it.


  6. Jus_Wonderin

    And I love how seemly affable Bill is, yet he doesn't suffer fools. That photo, and that stare, says "Don't fuck with me. You had your fun. But, don't fuck with me".

  7. chicken_thief

    Romney has no reason to not lie in his ads. The base loves it – "welfare Presdint!!!!" and those "on the fence" don't pay attention close enough so will only see the ads, not that Mittens proposed the same thing.

      1. anniegetyerfun

        Ha, it's not like any of them would risk offending the Romney campaign by pointing out blatant lies.

  8. Callyson

    I guess calling Russia "the Soviet Union" wasn't enough of a blast from the past for Mittens–now he wants to go back to bashing "welfare queens."

    Next up: we must increase the defense budget to fight those Sandinistas in Nicaragua…

  9. SorosBot

    But I thought that according to Dick Morris Bill Clinton is secretly supporting Romney and plans to vote for him.

          1. MittBorg

            Thank you. Listening to RedState lambast him in public with many beatings of breasts and rendings of garments has been really satisfying, today.

  10. Native_of_SL_UT

    My poor Governor is all like "Now what the hell do I do?"
    Should he go with his original state rights argument or support Mitt?
    His deer in the headlight look on this is hilarious.

    1. DustBowlBlues

      I'm sure Mattress Mary [as a married lt. gov, had nasty divorce following her affair with her bodyguard] down here in the Dust Bowl.

    1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      When asked about the 2005 letter that Mr. Romney signed that stated that the earth is indeed round, a Romney spokesman stated "At that time, round didn't mean what it does today. Plus we have always been at war with Eastasia."

  11. not that Dewey

    Mitt has a laminated pink card, signed by Donna Shalala, that says he gets free welfare waivers for life.

  12. MissTaken

    Romney's pants aren't on fire, that is just the syphilis flaring up again. The same syphilis eating up his CPU and making him forget that he was for welfare waivers just a few years ago.

  13. Jus_Wonderin

    Romney: "These are just niggling details, don't worry your poor, little people heads".

    1. DustBowlBlues

      [delete last quotation mark and period] because I am rich and therefore smarter and better than you."

  14. pinkocommi

    It took 8 years of W and a near economic depression for the US to truly come to terms with its love of Mickey D's loving, sax-playing, skirt-chasing, "I-did-not-have-sexual-relations-with-that-woman" President Bill Clinton. <<sniff>>

    I hope he enjoys his vindication.

  15. Misty Malarky

    It's called RANSOM, people.

    Bill is just trying to make Obama quit holding Hillary hostage.

      1. MittBorg

        Despite what it seems like on the surface, I suspect those two really do love each other very much, at the end of the day. The storms they have weathered, individuall and together — you don't stay with a person through that shit if they don't have your heart.

  16. SayItWithWookies

    I'm beginning to think Romney knows he'd be a horrible president, that the Republican plan for America involves sucking the life out of the middle class, and that he's engaging in a kamikaze campaign rife with utter and complete nonsense so he can lose without looking like he's throwing the race but leaving the better candidate to win. I mean, what the hell else makes sense?

    1. anniegetyerfun

      That was my husband's theory with McCain's campaign, too – there was no way that Republicans wanted to deal with the mess they had created, so better throw the race and then annoy the fuck out of the Dem prez in hopes of recapturing the office once everything was fixed and dandy.

    2. MittBorg

      Every gaffe he makes, you gotta wonder how did such a thundering dimwit manage to make any money at all. So, yeah. I don't think Mitt wants it. Although I wonder if HE knows that. I suspect Ann and the Mormon hierarchy want it for him a lot more than he does.

      1. DustBowlBlues

        If someone writes a "Game Change" type book on the 2012 election, I think Ann will be an ambitious dragon lady who is much more surprising than the Elizabeth Edwards portrayed in the book.

    3. Jerri

      I think the GOP is just throwing their old standbys (Walnuts & Mittens) a bone. Let them be the nominee since, as Annie mentioned, they don't want to actually win and deal with this mess in the first place. Better to criticize from the sidelines, obstruct, blame the Democrats & Obama for "not getting anything done" and just stir the shit for a few years.

      I'll be interested to see who they run in 2016. I bet it's one of their young guns creeps like Paul Ryan. And yes, my shiny metal hat is quite comfortable, thanks for asking.

  17. Mumbly_Joe

    My favorite part of all this is that on a conference call, Newt Gingrich, speaking as a Romney surrogate, mourned that Obama couldn't be the paragon of bipartisan, centrist cooperation that made Bill Clinton such a pleasure to work with.

    Which, presumably, was why Newt Gingrich made it his mission to destroy him.

    1. DustBowlBlues

      Yeah, back in the days when Alan Simpson (cranky old man that he is), Pat Schroeder (his friend), George Mitchell and Bill Bradley all quit because Newt and his band of self-labeled "Christians" made DC the ugly place it is today.

      Always admired Schumer, because that was the moment he ran for senate. Have no use for the Ds that quit, except for Pat. That's my nostalgia from my VP of Seattle NOW days.

    2. AlterNewt

      My favorite part of your comment is "…Newt Gingrich, speaking as a Romney surrogate…"

    3. Negropolis

      It's amazing how willing they are to revise history just 'cause the current president is, well, you know, black. Fuck, they actually impeached Clinton, and now they look back on him longingly.

  18. smitallica

    Wow. When Bill "I Did Not Have Sex with That Woman" Clinton calls you a liar, you're a fucking LIAR.

  19. mavenmaven

    It doesn't really matter what lies Romney utters, all that matters is that the other guy is black.

  20. widestanceromance

    Is Willard waiting until the debates to give Obama the snuff film Willard made in college? This man really is incredibly stupid. All he does is lie about stuff that is clearly documented.

    It's like claiming total ignorance when your parents walk into your room and it's full of smoke.

    Lie as default, and repeat.

    1. MittBorg

      I thought ALL kids did that.

      OK, he's not a kid, but still. I remember walking into the house when the boys were young and being amazed to find that there was yoghurt and jam on the CEILING. Neither one of them seemed to know how it got there.

      1. widestanceromance

        "That? Oh, hasn't yoghurt and jam always been there?"

        Had a similar time with nephew–5 lbs of sugar and a bottle of peanut oil. Good times.

        1. MittBorg

          (Thinks some more)

          No. I don't think I *really* want to know what a young lad can do with 5 lbs of sugar and a bottle of peanut oil.

    2. DustBowlBlues

      But it works for the nutters who only believe shit if they see it on Faux news or hear it from a hate-talker.

  21. Antispandex

    "(a charge the Romney campaign has denied)." I seem to see that alot lately. Somethings going on here. But what?

    1. tessiee

      They're practicing up for the inevitable day when the tax returns are unearthed and they have to deny, deny, deny everything in them?

    1. Misty Malarky

      I served with squirrels, I knew squirrels, A squirrel was a friend of mine. Romney campaign, you're no squirrels.

  22. MonkeyMotion

    If Obama's gonna use Bubba to stump for him,
    then Mittens gets to use W.

    Fair is fair. [BAWAAAHAAAHAAHAAHAA!!!!]

  23. pdiddycornchips

    Bill is just being nice. What he should have said is Mittens is a lying douchebag who has as much understanding of welfare policy as my daughters pet goldfish.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      Yes, I feel like he could have wrapped up his point more forcefully and succinctly.

  24. ttommyunger

    Clinton reminds me of the allure of pussy, Nixon-the allure of power, Romney-the allure of money. On the other hand, Truman was afflicted by none of those when in office and still laid the groundwork for Viet Nam and the National Security State. (whimper)

    1. tessiee

      Nixon was honest to god nightmare fuel.
      Most of the Republicans I've ever seen strike me as loathsome, mean-spirited sociopaths. Nixon struck me as crazy. I don't mean a little bit eccentric, I don't mean a thoroughly unpleasant person (although he certainly was that, too). I mean certifiably, hospitalizably, *nuts*.
      They all annoy and/or disgust me to varing degrees; Nixon creeped me out big-time.

      1. ttommyunger

        Nixon had Kissinger, Dubya had Cheney. Toss up which is more to blame for their respective fuck-ups.Sent from my iPhone

  25. tessiee

    "Obama slapping all the white people in the face (with his penis)"

    I would pay money to watch President Obama slap Mitt in the face with his penis.
    Except that Mitt would probably enjoy it too much.
    And also, I don't have money.

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