ALSO WE THINK HE MIGHT BE BLACK  11:36 am August 8, 2012

Oops! Barack Obama’s Mom Forgot To ‘Change Him Back’ To An American

by Josh Fruhlinger

Wayne Root went to Columbia with Barack Obama, in the early ’80s and had the same major and everything … or did he? He says he doesn’t remember any such Barry Obama Soetoro person around campus! Though probably, as he tells Sean Hannity in this video, that was because Barry was too busy smoking weed and being a radical socialist and gay-marrying Pakistanis. But since Barack publicly loves drugs and gay Pakistanis, there shouldn’t be any reason for him to hide his Columbia records, says Wayne Root! But maybe … just maybe, stick with him for a moment, this is just a gut instinct but he’s learned to trust his gut … maybe Barack Obama’s mom never “changed him back” to an American after making him an Indonesian as a child! And this will be revealed in his Columbia transcripts! And that’s how Mitt Romney is going to win this election.

Wayne Root has this long article on Glenn Beck’s The Blaze that spends a lot of time meandering around before it gets to the good stuff (where “good” = “insane,” obvs), but here, we’ll skip to the end for you:

Here’s my gut belief: Obama got a leg up by being admitted to both Occidental and Columbia as a foreign exchange student. He was raised as a young boy in Indonesia. But did his mother ever change him back to a U.S. citizen? When he returned to live with his grandparents in Hawaii or as he neared college-age preparing to apply to schools, did he ever change his citizenship back? I’m betting not.

If you could unseal Obama’s Columbia University records I believe you’d find that:

A) He rarely ever attended class.

B) His grades were not those typical of what we understand it takes to get into Harvard Law School.

C) He attended Columbia as a foreign exchange student.

D) He paid little for either undergraduate college or Harvard Law School because of foreign aid and scholarships given to a poor foreign students like this kid Barry Soetoro from Indonesia.

This is sort of a masterpiece, because it manages to latch onto the whole scary “THE PRESIDENT IS THE TERRIFYING OTHER” thing without getting into birtherism, which even most crazies are starting to recognize as untenable. It also taps into Real Americans’ strongly-held beliefs that our government and elite institutions are just stone cold handing out affirmative action and scholarships to undeserving brown foreigners.

The only problem of course is that there isn’t really such a thing as an “exchange student” at the college level, and most U.S. college financial aid programs cater specifically to U.S. citizens, and also you don’t lose your U.S. citizenship by living abroad unless you formally renounce it (which Barack Obama’s mother never did and you probably can’t do it on behalf of a minor child anyway) so there’s no need to “change it back” when you move home. But other than that, this story makes perfect sense, which is why Wayne Root is offering it to Mitt Romney as a sure-fire election winning defense strategy against Obama’s calls for his pesky tax records.

Why is Wayne Root so convinced about how good his gut instincts are, by the way?

I am also one of the most accurate Las Vegas oddsmakers and prognosticators. Accurate enough that I was awarded my own star on the Las Vegas Walk of Stars. And I smell something rotten in Denmark. Obama has a big skeleton in his closet. It’s his college records. Call it “gut instinct” but my gut is almost always right.

Which elicited the following comment from Blaze community member “RGFromTexas”:

Wayne Allen Root is a con man from Vegas who charges $100 for his sports picks !!! He operates a ‘boiler room’ that hammers people for their credit card numbers to charge them. The bottom line is he couldn’t pick a winner in a Rocky Movie. He is horrible.

Haha, someone sounds bitter about some sports betting gone awry! But not half as bitter as Reason’s Mike Riggs, who points out that Root was the Libertarian VP candidate in 2008, so why is he giving free campaign advice to Mitt Romney and not Libertarian candidate Gary Johnson, damn it. [The Blaze]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 225 comments }

nounverb911 August 8, 2012 at 11:38 am

I visited Columbia once in the 80's and don't remember ever seeing Root.

actor212 August 8, 2012 at 11:41 am

Oh come on! EVERYone who went to Columbia got a little Root every now and then. You couldn't spit for hitting Root.

James Michael Curley August 8, 2012 at 12:11 pm

He was that guy they would find sleeping on the steps to the library every morning.

Omophagist August 8, 2012 at 1:52 pm

And I'm pretty sure from my visit to Columbia that's its a college and not a kindergarten and, hence, doesn't keep records of whether their adult students attend class or not.

jcmarkowitz August 8, 2012 at 6:02 pm

I attended Columbia several years before Obama. At my graduation I was amazed at how many of my fellow classmates I did not recognize and had never seen over the past four years. There were seven hundred students in each college class, in an urban campus of I think about 15,000 students. We did not have much "college life" in those days. Hardly anyone ate in the dining hall, preferring local delis and cooking on hot plates in dorm rooms or apartments. Outside of a small circle of friends, people just tended not to know a lot of their classmates.

Obama lived off campus, and only attended Columbia for two years. It is not surprising at all that a lot of his classmates did not know him.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 August 9, 2012 at 1:12 am

stop that now…you're tossing cold water on the "ultimate odds maker" here! I think it's funny that Root is touting his record as a bookie for why we should believe him…I mean, every fucking sports magazine has some bookie claiming they are "the best"…and what about a bookie would make this scenario plausible? So essentially, what he's saying is his completely bullshit, implausible and easily falsifiable theory is a good one because he occassionally picks who'll win an NFL game? Jesus, the guy who ran the office pool at work could have written that column. Also, way to screw up your education Roto-Rooter…you attend an Ivy-league University to learn how to fuck people over on a macro-scale rigging Wallstreet…not fucking people over telling them the Buffalo Bills will win (when everyone knows that isn't true).

BaldarTFlagass August 8, 2012 at 11:39 am

These people don't really seem to understand how US citizenship works, do they?

nounverb911 August 8, 2012 at 11:40 am

Which "These people" are you referring to?

widestanceromance August 8, 2012 at 11:46 am

The entirety of them?

Terry August 8, 2012 at 12:08 pm

It's like a light switch, isn't it?

sullivanst August 8, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Nor college.

Boojum August 8, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Yes they do. Brown = not citizen.

BlueStateLibel August 8, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Or how to run a successful campaign for president … hint: bragging about your card for free lifetime fast food does not help.

Native_of_SL_UT August 8, 2012 at 3:32 pm

I hope Mitt remembered to change his citizenship back from French after his mission.

Limeylizzie August 8, 2012 at 11:39 am

I got financial aid as a foreign student at UT Austin….just saying.

BaldarTFlagass August 8, 2012 at 11:44 am

But you've got the jugs.

actor212 August 8, 2012 at 11:46 am

Pics or GTFO

ChernobylSoup August 8, 2012 at 11:47 am

It's that special Anglo Saxon relationship.

WhatTheHeck August 8, 2012 at 11:52 am

damn furriners.

Limey I lurves you. Like you, I’m bi. Bi-national, that is.

Limeylizzie August 8, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Romney is bi-ignorant

mlle_derp August 8, 2012 at 12:04 pm

And bi-assed.

Butch_Wagstaff August 8, 2012 at 6:57 pm

He's omnignorant.
Or romneygnorant, if you will.

finallyhappy August 8, 2012 at 11:53 am

And in my former job(s), we did give aid to foreign grad students who worked on our grants -however, they got no special "easy" entrance to the programs. They were extremely gifted in the fields of science and engineering. yeah, the Ivies are all about letting in anyone as long as they are foreign and not white or women- or so stupid white american men would like to believe-because they even got rejected from Oklahoma State U.

fartknocker August 8, 2012 at 11:54 am

And Austin misses you, especially when we drink beer at the Texas Chili Parlor on Guadalupe Street.

Billmatic August 8, 2012 at 11:59 am

You say it Gwaddaloop right?

Limeylizzie August 8, 2012 at 12:02 pm

True story, I used to work there, when I was at UT, and I worked with this really lovely and very quiet woman who always reminded me of someone, turns out she was Lee Harvey Oswald's daughter! Obviously, she had taken her stepfather's surname.

HistoriCat August 8, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Still waiting for that Texas meet-up drinky-thingy.

fartknocker August 8, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Me too. I've offered to buy the 1st and last round.

MosesInvests August 8, 2012 at 3:26 pm

If it's still summer, I'm drinking Firemen's 4.

James Michael Curley August 8, 2012 at 12:18 pm

When I went AWOL after the Kent State shootings I hung out on the UT Campus and would watch the students and riot police charge back and forth across the Circle for two days from the Student Center (those of us in there when the riot police attacked were prevented from leaving.) Then I went back to Fort Hood. There was an English girl in the group – that's all I remember other than she had a high english manner of speech.

Limeylizzie August 8, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Not I , that was before my time and I have an accent that is an odd mix of Sussex, where I grew up, East London, my Dad, Oxford, where I went to university and trans-Atlantic.Someone once told me I sounded exactly like Jackie Bissett.

sullivanst August 8, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Oh dear. You went to the Other Place? And I so liked you! :P

Limeylizzie August 8, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Oh, I am sorry for you, my friend.

James Michael Curley August 8, 2012 at 2:13 pm

I've been greatly in lust with Jacqueline Bisset since she was Miss Goodthighs. Years later when they were filming Rich and Famous in NYC they did a scene at the Horn & Hardart Automat at 42nd & 3rd. Since I was working at Mobil there we all went out during lunch to watch the filming. It was the dead of August and they were filming a Winter Scene. Between takes both Jacqueline Bisset and Candice Bergen would through off their fur coats and get blasted with cool air from what must have been the Hollywood version of a leaf blower.

barto August 8, 2012 at 1:11 pm

but Texas IS a foreign country

actor212 August 8, 2012 at 11:40 am

She turned him into a newt, but he got better

freakishlywrong August 8, 2012 at 11:40 am

I think what this asshole is really saying is if you unsealed his Columbia transcripts; Barry would be Blah.

Billmatic August 8, 2012 at 11:41 am

You can't be an American when you hate the country as much as Obama does, amirite?

kittensdontlie August 8, 2012 at 12:54 pm

With the robotron MittRmoney Model 300, the 'American/Mexican' switch is easily found and tripped, whereas with humans, the switch is not so easily found.

Tundra Grifter August 8, 2012 at 11:41 am

For better or worse (and it's probably better) it's not the 1980's anymore.

It's 2012. Everyone knows who Barack Obama. And nobody knows who Wayne Root is. And nobody cares.

sullivanst August 8, 2012 at 12:16 pm

I'd actually heard of Wayne Root, I think some bored Kossack actually wasted some time vettening the Libertarian ticket back in '08 or something because the boiler room accusation seemed familiar.

SorosBot August 8, 2012 at 11:41 am

I shouldn't have listened to Wayne Root when he advised me to bet against the Harlem Globetrotters.

HistoriCat August 8, 2012 at 1:09 pm

He thought the Generals were due!

bobbert August 8, 2012 at 4:48 pm

It was a gut feeling, and his gut is always large right.

coolhandnuke August 8, 2012 at 11:42 am

He' s definitely a root vegetable.

finallyhappy August 8, 2012 at 11:54 am

Root vegetables have a lot more going for them than this guy- turnips, beets, rutabaga, yucca, malanga(throwing in some foreign ones -because they are so much better than him)

WhatTheHeck August 8, 2012 at 11:55 am

like people of the earth, you know, morons.

bobbert August 8, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Root hog, and die.

actor212 August 8, 2012 at 11:42 am

Y'know, ol' Wayne here…he looks like Al Gore if Al Gore was a fat, lazy, unthinking cowardly little white-haired shit who leapt at every opportunity to scam some free airtime.

sullivanst August 8, 2012 at 12:17 pm

In other words, what people like Wayne Root say Al Gore is…

fawkedifiknow August 8, 2012 at 11:42 am

Root couldn't pick the gold winning country in the women's beach volley ball finals.

nounverb911 August 8, 2012 at 11:44 am

Saudi Arabia?

actor212 August 8, 2012 at 11:45 am

All that sand…I think you're right.

WhatTheHeck August 8, 2012 at 11:57 am

their burkas keep them warm in that lovely, summer, London rain.

mavenmaven August 8, 2012 at 11:48 am

I've never really cared about winning in that sport, its all about how they play the game.

actor212 August 8, 2012 at 11:52 am

There's a sport?

BaldarTFlagass August 8, 2012 at 11:53 am

Or how they dress to play the game.

Chet Kincaid_ August 8, 2012 at 11:55 am

I think Serena Williams should take up Beach Volleyball. In fact, I think I will insist that she does! (This will lead to new innovations in sport bikini technology, hopefully with some televised strap failures along the way.)

actor212 August 8, 2012 at 11:59 am

I am interested in your ideas and wish to learn more. Is there perhaps a newsletter or website I might subscribe to?

Jus_Wonderin August 8, 2012 at 11:59 am

We should get Janet Jackson's thoughts on this.

bobbert August 8, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Well, there's little point in her playing tennis anymore — even Wayne Root should be able to predict the results of her matches.

BaldarTFlagass August 8, 2012 at 11:42 am

It's really too bad that some far-seeing birther-to-be wasn't there when Obama's mom switched Barry's citizenship from US to Indonesian. He/she could have then touched Barry and said "Black black no take back" and we could now just go ahead and impeach him.

Come here a minute August 8, 2012 at 11:43 am

It's well known that being a dope fiend was a prerequisite for admission to Columbia in the early eighties.

actor212 August 8, 2012 at 11:59 am

Fuck. You had to bring enough for the admissions office during the interview.

SorosBot August 8, 2012 at 11:43 am

"He says he doesn’t remember any such Barry Obama Soetoro person around campus!"

Which is very important, because normally in college you know every single other student graduating the same year as you.

johnnyzhivago August 8, 2012 at 11:51 am

Only in normal colleges like Liberty Bible University

GunToting[Redacted] August 8, 2012 at 11:55 am

Tell me about it. I get my college Alumni magazine every month and look at the updates from the people who purportedly graduated with me, and I don't know 90% of them! I keep drafting angry letters to my provost, but have yet to receive a reply.

SorosBot August 8, 2012 at 12:02 pm

When I graduated, the speechifying valedictorian for social sciences was someone who had the same major as me, and I had never seen her before in my life. Therefore, she must not have really gone to school there!

Generation[redacted] August 8, 2012 at 12:46 pm

It follows, too, that her grades must have been bad. Also. I just hope her mother remembered to switch her back to American after graduation!

BerkeleyBear August 8, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Yeah, when I went to the history department graduation (we couldn't do a single ceremony because, well, that would have taken all day and sucked royally), I realized it was bigger than my high school graduating class and I knew maybe a dozen people well enough to say high. Then again, I really enjoyed sleeping in and drinking beer more than going to class.

Even in law school, which was only 380 of us or so and I worked a lot harder, I couldn't have told you who half the people graduating with me were. So they must have all been foreign exchange students on foreign lawyer scholarships.

Jus_Wonderin August 8, 2012 at 12:01 pm

I think the realize that but their viewers wouldn't.

sullivanst August 8, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Especially the transfer students.

James Michael Curley August 8, 2012 at 12:30 pm

If any of the other dozen conspiracy theories about Obama were true, why would this Rootworm assume Obama would have profile sufficient enough to be noticed at a school that has over 5,000 students on campus every day?

We call these rightwingnuts dumb, stupid, detarded and such but they are simply bigoted pricks with no capability or experience to make a coherent argument. Sort of like the last guy you saw who staged a lengthy Power Point Presentation and all he did was read the slides as they went by.

johnnyzhivago August 8, 2012 at 11:44 am

He was admitted to Columbia and Harvard on their experimental "Exchange Terrorist" program.

actor212 August 8, 2012 at 11:44 am

If you could unseal Obama’s Columbia University records I believe you’d find that:

A) He rarely ever attended class.

If you could unseal Obama's Columbia University records, I believe you'll find they don't KEEP records of classroom attendance, which at Columbia, like EVERY OTHER FUCKING UNIVERSITY, is not mandatory.

You're expected to attend and the individual professors might keep some informal records, but they didn't use Delaney books.

Which you might know IF, you know, you actually attended the fucking school, you fat lying weasel.

johnnyzhivago August 8, 2012 at 11:47 am

Professors are too busy recruiting lesbians to keep attendance.

actor212 August 8, 2012 at 11:52 am

Actually, mine were too busy smoking dope with the students, but I digress…

emmelemm August 8, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Actually, for most classes you could not attend every day of the semester, then show up and ace the final and you'd be golden.

actor212 August 8, 2012 at 2:36 pm

That's how I gradumacated!

PsycWench August 8, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Which you might know if you graduated from ANY fucking school. Fixed that for you.

anniegetyerfun August 8, 2012 at 2:47 pm

I think I might have climaxed from the reason contained in your comment.

johnnyzhivago August 8, 2012 at 11:45 am

I doubt his mentors in the Kremlin would have overlooked paperwork details like these.

Ruhe August 8, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Which can only mean that Wayne Root himself is in fact…Yuri!

BaldarTFlagass August 8, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Quod erat demonstrandum.

Nice pegging of the obscurometer there, Ruhe!

RadioBowels August 8, 2012 at 11:46 am

He's the Jimmy the Greek of this election.

SorosBot August 8, 2012 at 12:04 pm

So he'll get fired for saying something outrageously racist?

Generation[redacted] August 8, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Not by Fox News.

BaldarTFlagass August 8, 2012 at 11:47 am

And then Root broke out his yearbook, and showed where Barack signed it for him.
"Dear Wayne, [bunch of stuff written in Indonesian], Regards, Barry Soetero."

spends2much August 8, 2012 at 11:54 am

I'm sure he would have written "Death to America!" in Indonesian, just because. And then added a little hammer and sickle after his name…

Lascauxcaveman August 8, 2012 at 12:33 pm

But he dotted the 'i' in America with a little heart, so it's kinda ambiguous.

doloras August 9, 2012 at 3:41 pm

"Matilah Amerika! much love, Barry."

Biff August 8, 2012 at 11:47 am

Columbia Records used to be the shit, until Sony bought them.

Lascauxcaveman August 8, 2012 at 12:35 pm

OH THAT Columbia Records. Yep, I bet there's nothing there that proves Barry changed his imaginary Indonesian citizen ship back to true-blue American.

James Michael Curley August 8, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Hey you've discovered how Obama did it. He sent a super secret military grade burst of EMI which wiped out all Columbia Records!

hagajim August 8, 2012 at 11:47 am

The only problem of course is that there isn’t really such a thing as an “exchange student” at the college level, and most U.S. college financial aid programs cater specifically to U.S. citizens Point well taken – however, the only real problem is that there are enough wingnuts out there that this B.S. might fly. That's a big problem, too many dumbz.

BaldarTFlagass August 8, 2012 at 11:48 am

Yeah, like the Fox audience knows anything about what college is about.

Lascauxcaveman August 8, 2012 at 12:37 pm

To them, college is just a mysterious and shadowy Communists & Lesbians factory.

And somehow, there's also football…?

emmelemm August 8, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Not at Columbia. (The last part, that is…)

[YES, Columbia has a football team. But have they ever won a game? Not likely.]

MosesInvests August 8, 2012 at 3:32 pm

True story-I actually graduated from Columbia with football players who had *never* won a varsity game. As far as I know, Columbia still holds the longest losing streak in NCAA history. OTOH, the marching band featured kazoos.

Jus_Wonderin August 8, 2012 at 11:47 am

What the fuck does this gain these asshats? Really, just fuck them with Elephant dicks and Lysol.

mavenmaven August 8, 2012 at 11:47 am

Wait, Obama is now from Denmark?
Anyway, most US law and medical schools do not accept foreign students, so this kind of conspiracy can only be propagated by people with no experience of graduate degrees.

pepperpat August 8, 2012 at 2:07 pm

You mean Republicans?

Native_of_SL_UT August 8, 2012 at 3:21 pm

What good would a US law degree be to some foreign exchange student who's just going to go back to his own country and practice Sharia law?

noodlesalad August 8, 2012 at 11:48 am

Yes, this reasoning makes sense, which is why Columbia was swarming with Indonesian refugees in the 1980s.

MosesInvests August 8, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Yeah, you couldn't get anything to eat in the cafeteria except gado-gado and barbequed dog.

johnnyzhivago August 8, 2012 at 11:48 am

I think unsealing these records would show even more interesting things like what his grades were in "effort" "cooperation with others" and "obedience".

Advn2rgirl August 8, 2012 at 12:01 pm

"Conduct and deportment: A (He is so clean and articulate.)"

actor212 August 8, 2012 at 11:48 am

The only problem of course is that there isn’t really such a thing as an “exchange student” at the college level

No no, Josh! He said "foreign exchange" student, which means Columbia purchased him in rupiah and had him converted into US $ down at the local Thomas Cook office.

ChernobylSoup August 8, 2012 at 12:05 pm

I got foreign student aid at Brown. They refused to believe that Arkansas was part of the US.

I just went along with it.

actor212 August 8, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Wishful thinking on their part, huh?

sullivanst August 8, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Well, if it was US Uhmerkan, that final 's' wouldn't be silent, would it? QED muthafucka!

ChernobylSoup August 8, 2012 at 11:49 am

Good lord. Just champion an amendment saying nobody with black blood to the 12th generation can be president and be done with it.

Generation[redacted] August 8, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Civic literacy test to be administered by Shammity, and judged by Faux Newz viewer polls.

eggsacklywright August 8, 2012 at 11:49 am

Dear Mr. Root – your "gut" is full of eels.

Biff August 8, 2012 at 11:52 am

Or possibly a small dwarf. Time for a bleedin'.

sullivanst August 8, 2012 at 12:22 pm

He makes me feel eel.

Chet Kincaid_ August 8, 2012 at 11:49 am

So Hannity just books Vegas Oddsmakers who have no information as informed political pundits on his show? That really is like having Carnac The Magnificent as a regular on "Meet The Press."

BaldarTFlagass August 8, 2012 at 11:53 am

What this country needs is a new Emily Litella.

mlle_derp August 8, 2012 at 12:17 pm

What's all this I hear about sax & violins on television? What this country needs is MORE culture, yada yada yada…

Oh. Never mind.

actor212 August 8, 2012 at 11:55 am

"Criswell, can you tell us how you think the election will turn out, based on Romney's latest strategy?"

"We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown… the mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you, the full story of what happened on that fateful day. We are bringing you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimony, of the miserable souls, who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places. My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent. My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts of grave robbers from outer space? "

BaldarTFlagass August 8, 2012 at 11:58 am

As long as the roots are not severed, all is well. And all will be well in the garden. In the garden, growth has it's seasons. First comes spring and summer, but then we have fall and winter. And then we get spring and summer again.

actor212 August 8, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Nice return of service, sir!

*polite tennis clap*

Sangria?

eggsacklywright August 8, 2012 at 12:38 pm

"A ball that gave rise to a sparkling rally."

- Samuel Beckett Murphy

La_Cieca August 8, 2012 at 12:12 pm

It's worse than I thought: Barry Soetoro isn't even from this planet!

actor212 August 8, 2012 at 12:16 pm

"You see? You see? Your stupid minds! Stupid! Stupid!"

sullivanst August 8, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Dan you pompous ass

eggsacklywright August 8, 2012 at 12:18 pm

He was the only surviving Krell.

bobbert August 8, 2012 at 4:59 pm

And Wayne Root is a Monster from the Idiot.

eggsacklywright August 8, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Or Sybil the Soothsayer.

bobbert August 8, 2012 at 4:57 pm

It would be an improvement over Juan McCain.

actor212 August 8, 2012 at 11:49 am

Accurate enough that I was awarded my own star on the Las Vegas Walk of Stars.

Curiously, it's on the corner of Public Urination Street and Expectoration Boulevard.

sullivanst August 8, 2012 at 12:21 pm

$10,000 of Mitt's money says the Vegas walk of stars is much like the Hollywood one, in that they'll "offer" a star to anyone that's ever bought an entry in a Who's Who-type thing, as long as they're willing to pay up.

actor212 August 8, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Why indeed, there is a required contribution of just $20,000…
http://lasvegaswalkofstars.com/

sullivanst August 8, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Holy crap that's some busy Flash. Did they hire a 16-year old to build their site? Just cuz you can animate something, doesn't mean you should, ya know?

JustPixelz August 8, 2012 at 11:50 am

His gut is also where his vomit comes from.

Gleem McShineys August 8, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Also, where everything is turned into poop.

BaldarTFlagass August 8, 2012 at 11:50 am

Root hog or die!

bobbert August 8, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Darn it.

SoBeach August 8, 2012 at 11:51 am

The sane republicans are now all "aw fuck it" when it comes to Romney. They know barring some miracle he's going down in flames in November. So yeah, let the crazies take over. It's not like a bunch of gibbering lunatics on Fox and talk radio are going to hurt their candidate any.

Might as well let the loons play, then blame them for the loss later. That's what I'd do if I were stuck with such a shitty candidate.

Allmighty_Manos August 8, 2012 at 11:51 am

The stupid…it burns

actor212 August 8, 2012 at 11:51 am

The bottom line is he couldn’t pick a winner in a Rocky Movie.

In fairness, he lost in films 1 and 6, and the first bout in film 3. That makes Rocky 4-3 as a professional movie fighter.

Lascauxcaveman August 8, 2012 at 12:59 pm

I'm not sure which surprises me more. That there were that many Rocky films, or that a Wonketteer knows offhand the results of all the bouts therin.

actor212 August 8, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Oh I'm sure that it's how man–

Wait a minute!!!!!

James Michael Curley August 8, 2012 at 1:55 pm

He'll do press-ups and chin-ups
Do the snatch, clean, and jerk
He thinks dynamic tension
Must be hard work
Such strenuous living
I just don't understand
When in just seven days
Oh, baby
I can make you a man

sullivanst August 8, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Oh, Rocky!

Schmannnity August 8, 2012 at 11:51 am

This guy is 51, the same age as Obama? The years have not been kind, old man.

BaldarTFlagass August 8, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Living a life of quiet desperation can wear ya down.

Goonemeritus August 8, 2012 at 11:52 am

Well I had all manner of stars awarded to me in my early education so I feel confident in my assessment that Wayne was involved in covering up Glen Beck’s various hooker murders. After all as coked –up as Glen was back then I can’t believe he hid all the bodies himself.

Schmannnity August 8, 2012 at 12:09 pm

It's the story that won't die, unlike those unfortunate women.

mlle_derp August 8, 2012 at 12:10 pm

I just read about that on the Internetz so I know it's true.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 August 9, 2012 at 1:27 am

That list of possible and probable (given the sleaziness of each candidate) list of Beck accomplises keeps getting longer and longer. It would be nice if just ONE of them would show some remorse for the many, many victims….

freakishlywrong August 8, 2012 at 11:52 am

Gawd, I despise these fucking people.

SexySmurf August 8, 2012 at 11:52 am

Obama's from Colombia? No wonder he likes the booger sugar so much.

UnholyMoses August 8, 2012 at 11:55 am

And I smell something rotten in Denmark.

Someone didn't pay attention in Lit class.

That someone is Wayne Root.

Thus, Wayne Root never went to Columbia.

Q.E.Douchebag.

Nostrildamus August 8, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Q.E.Douchebag is Wayne Root's rap handle.

elviouslyqueer August 8, 2012 at 11:55 am

I categorically refuse to listen to 5:46 worth of two juicy pussyfarts trying to out-douche each other.

freakishlywrong August 8, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Not that I'm remotely as elegant, but I couldn't find your point more salient. Or upfist you more.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 August 9, 2012 at 1:30 am

This is why I love wonkette…our sexy editrix and her sub-staff take all the punishment of listening to these wetfarts so we can rip on the results without having to do so. Besides, the only good way to watch Hannity is to begin rifftrax…

fartknocker August 8, 2012 at 11:55 am

And how is this asshat relevant?

Lascauxcaveman August 8, 2012 at 1:05 pm

One might say the same of the bulk of Hannity's guests. Feeding the red-meat crowd with a vaporous diet of unsupported rumors, smoke and mirrors.

PuckStopsHere August 8, 2012 at 11:56 am

I'd like to see Mittwit's disciplinary files from Cranbrook as long as were are on the subject.

SorosBot August 8, 2012 at 11:59 am

It probably just says "Daddy gave us a shitload of money; ignore all malfeasance".

Willardbot9000_V2.5 August 9, 2012 at 1:31 am

You mean like the time he sodomized the substitute with a broom handle because he wouldn't give him an "A" even after being asked "do you know who I am?" Mittens has gotten a lot of mileage out of his name yet never admits to it…

actor212 August 8, 2012 at 11:57 am

Suck the root, Root.

BoroPrimorac August 8, 2012 at 11:57 am

There's two white guys talking, so what ever they say must be true.

Antispandex August 8, 2012 at 12:00 pm

"…says Wayne Root! But maybe … just maybe, stick with him for a moment, this is just a gut instinct but he’s learned to trust his gut … "

As with many conservatives, there is a lot of gut there to trust.

Mumbletypeg August 8, 2012 at 12:03 pm

The bottom line is he [Wayne Root] couldn’t pick a winner in a Rocky Movie.

The near genius of that first "Rocky" film was a.) defying feelgood conventions by letting the story's hero lose in the end, so that b.) they could milk that hero-worship/ underdog fetish stretching it into 2, 3, was it 4 sequels for the benefit of someone's pocketbook.

I appreciate that guy who's criticizing Wayne Root but he's missing the subtext: secretly Root anticipates Four More Years for Barry so he can manufacture even *more* crazy lies about the Too Lionized To Fail president he enjoys belittling; and his HUNCH that drives Root's vision? tells him his own underdog status will serve him well once Obama fails and fails hard – - proving that Root held the winning strategy all along!

James Michael Curley August 8, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Remember all those interviews Fox News conducted with the Yale and Harvard class mates of Dubya who told about his drinking, cocaine use and vandalism that they did together? Me neither.

RadioBowels August 8, 2012 at 12:04 pm

If he's such a great fucking prognosticator — in his mind at least — why doesn't he bet a couple of million on a Romney win?

Tundra Grifter August 8, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Intrade has Obama up by about 18 points. Bet the ranch on (r)Money!

bikerlaureate August 8, 2012 at 1:16 pm

ACORN could return and DemoRAT voter fraud and lamestream media, etc.

Callyson August 8, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Hey–this genius wrote a book!

The Joy of Failure!: How to Turn Failure, Rejection, and Pain into Extraordinary Success

Let's have him demonstrate, starting with that failure, rejection, and pain business in 3…2…1…

Chet Kincaid_ August 8, 2012 at 12:05 pm

"Abracadabra, Indonesia OFF!! (clap) Oh goddamnit, this Incantation expired in 1978! Hocus, pocus, records DISAPPEAR!!"

Terry August 8, 2012 at 12:07 pm

"He rarely ever attended class."

I'm a year younger than Barry. My college records make absolutely no mention of class attendance. At all.

I think the people expecting to find that sort of info in Barry's file must have gone to those special schools where attendance is a major part of their grades.

Boojum August 8, 2012 at 1:03 pm

And signing your name on your paper is 50% of your grade.

PsycWench August 8, 2012 at 2:38 pm

None of that information makes it into college records. But the target audience has no idea how college works.

SorosBot August 8, 2012 at 12:08 pm

When it comes to Roots, I prefer Stephen anyway; they took my stapler.

eggsacklywright August 8, 2012 at 1:01 pm

The red one? Wasn't that Marvin?

Boojum August 8, 2012 at 1:05 pm

He has the same name as a movie about slaves, from Africa. Therefore, he is Obama's long lost Kenyan brother.

horsedreamer_1 August 8, 2012 at 6:10 pm

No, no, no. He's a super macho donkey wrestler.

gogogodzilla August 8, 2012 at 12:10 pm

I rarely attended class and did not get grades typical of admission to Harvard Law. Guess that makes me a Kenyan socialist?

BaldarTFlagass August 8, 2012 at 12:10 pm

And president of the United States!!!

Tundra Grifter August 8, 2012 at 12:10 pm

"I am also one of the most accurate Las Vegas oddsmakers and prognosticators. "

It's about as hard to find the #1 Vegas handicapper as it is to locate the cheapest discount mattress store. Or a beige computer.

actor212 August 8, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Bi-goted

(I can't believe you left that softball sitting out on the plate)

mlle_derp August 8, 2012 at 12:22 pm

But you were gazing at it so longingly…

Tundra Grifter August 8, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Apparently Wayne Allyn Root (3 names – just like a serial kiler) – was also involved in "Wealth Masters International."

How can one go wrong putting money into an outfit with a name like that?

MistaEko August 8, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Wayback Machine: 1999

Me: George Bush's transcripts show he was a terrible student and never came to class! He got into Yale solely because he was a legacy student!

Los GOP: *snicker snicker* SO?

Me: This behavior and attitude persists in him today! I think it will be a problem!

Los GOP: …. Elitist!

chicken_thief August 8, 2012 at 12:12 pm

"…He says he doesn’t remember any such Barry Obama Soetoro person around campus!"

So one possibility is that Barry wasn't there.

Another equally plausible possibility is that Wayne's memory sucks.

I'm leaning towards the latter.

sullivanst August 8, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Possibility three is that they simply moved in different circles. Columbia has almost 8,000 undergraduates, so about 2,000 students per year. Anyone who says they know all 2,000 students in the year is lying.

GhostBuggy August 8, 2012 at 12:13 pm

I would like to know why RGfromTexas hates America.

Fraudulently_Joe August 8, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Politifact rules that Wayne Allen Root's random guesses that there's something scandalous in Obama's college transcript*, based on the fact that he doesn't remember ever meeting Obama**, and which is contradicted by a number of biographical accounts*** as MOSTLY TRUE. Because he really means this completely baseless guessing, deep in his heart.

*which doesn't record class attendance, btw, because this isn't middle school
**who was third-year transfer at a fairly sizable university in New York
***which interviewed real people, who actually had met Obama during that time.

Serolf_Divad August 8, 2012 at 12:17 pm

So the 2008 Libertarian VP candidate was a Vegas bookie? Sounds about right.

Estproph August 8, 2012 at 12:25 pm

I believe The Blaze is named for what the writers do before they post a story.

KeepFnThatChicken August 8, 2012 at 12:29 pm

I love at 1:53, The Asshole™ says:

"But you're not doubting that he went there, and we're not suggesting any such thing, either.

<dusts off hands> Legal component of tonight's fake-as-fuck wrestling match taken care of. Goddamn, I hate television.

DerrickWildcat August 8, 2012 at 12:29 pm

I just wanted to remind everybody that Hannity is a pathological liar.

Fraudulently_Joe August 8, 2012 at 12:31 pm

A while back, I found out that, while I don't remember him at all, I apparently overlapped for one year at Atheist Liberal College with one of our newest Wonkete writers.

Presumably, this gives me complete license to make up whatever bullshit I want about him, and assert this as fact. That's how this works, right?

Also, remind me to change my profile pic to a photo of me standing astride a hummer, just because I'm literally that huge of an asshole.

MinAgain August 8, 2012 at 12:35 pm

He's a sitting president. He's been a sitting president for 3 1/2 years. He has a cabinet. He has a record. He has policy initiatives and proposed legislation and executive orders to debate and critique. Why the hell would anyone care about his college transcripts, because, as I've noted before…

HE'S A SITTING PRESIDENT, GODDAMIT!!!!

usuhname August 8, 2012 at 12:36 pm

oh yeah, clearly this guy is a genius, one of kind. Totally explains why Barry is president, meanwhile he's on wacko news central gibbering on about how popular he was in college to the foil head-ware elite.

BarackMyWorld August 8, 2012 at 12:42 pm

They are asking to see Romney's college transcripts, too, right?

not that Dewey August 8, 2012 at 12:43 pm

According to the retired mailman, Bill Ayers's parents paid for Nobama's college bills. Checkmate.

Dildeaux August 8, 2012 at 12:46 pm

A "classmate" who took no classes with Barack.

A "classmate" who does not know Barack.

A "classmate" who admittedly hasnt one single fact to substantiate his claims.

fox entertainment: get me that classmate STAT!

Dildeaux August 8, 2012 at 12:58 pm

and Harry Reid is the dirty liar?

ph7 August 8, 2012 at 1:00 pm

I didn't hang out with white republicans in college, either. I suspect when I become President, they won't remember me, either.

thefrontpage August 8, 2012 at 1:01 pm

This is what the moron crazy idiotic stupid redneck fringe teaparty far-right Republicans do: lie, lie some more, make things up, make some more things up, act like the lies are true, act like the things that they made up are true, lie and make some things up some more, and then go on out in public and pretend that their lies and made-up crap are somehow true. Good for Wonkette for fact-checking all of the stupid, moronic, wrong, incorrect, inaccurate and just-plain lying bullcrap that this psycho moron idiot spouted out in public. Of course, Obama's college records are out there–no one sane has ever really challenged them, because they are there and real–of course he is a United States citizen, of course his mother was a United States citizen, of course there is no such thing as "exchange students" in college, of course Obama graduated not only from undergraduate college level courses, but he earned a law degree, also, and of course everything this guy Root said is wrong. All the more reason to re-elected Barack Obama and Joe Biden in November, 2012. For sanity's sake.

Nostrildamus August 8, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Can you prove Barack's mom never renounced his citizenship?
Put up or shut up, Josh.

DahBoner August 8, 2012 at 1:11 pm

THIS IS SUSPICIOUS!

I mean Columbia is located in a friendly, small town where Everybody knows Everybody.

What's the town? New York Fucking City…

mr bojangles August 8, 2012 at 1:11 pm

let's get harry reid's take on this…i'm sure he has the columbia file in the box with the romney tax returns.

owhatever August 8, 2012 at 1:16 pm

And naturally Fox and Sean give him national TV time because fair and balanced. Next up is a retired Chick-Fil-A emporium owner in Georgia who can prove that Obama has more than one-sixteenth Negro blood.

fuflans August 8, 2012 at 1:36 pm

if i were columbia i would pay more attention to the alum who was, you know, POTUS, than the alum who was 'wayne root'.

good name tho.

iburl August 8, 2012 at 1:49 pm

You know who else can be awarded their own star on the Las Vegas Walk of Stars?

Almost anybody in Las Vegas with $20,000 according to their craptastical web site.

TribecaMike August 8, 2012 at 1:52 pm

I didn't know they'd cloned Donald Trump.

mwittier August 8, 2012 at 2:33 pm

This is YOODGE.
You wouldn't believe what his guys are finding out. It's gonna be YOODGE, Larry.

Poindexter718 August 8, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Hard to believe Bams never invited this hep-cat for a ride in the Choomwagon.

PubOption August 8, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Back then, I suspect Root was considered a square.

GeorgiaBurning August 8, 2012 at 2:48 pm

College transcripts show when you missed class? Wow, I'm glad I stayed a few thousand miles away from Columbia.

RadioBowels August 8, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Columbia University should be so proud of this alumni. He built a "business" around a sports gambling (illegal in 49/50 states BTW) scam. In lumine Tuo videbimus lumen

BZ1 August 8, 2012 at 4:24 pm

gut belief=unmitigated batshit crazy??

Schmegeg August 8, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Las Vegas walk of Fame? Something rotten in Denmark? Root will give you odds that Barry's uncle killed his father and is now King of Kenya.

ttommyunger August 8, 2012 at 5:20 pm

"…but my gut is almost always right.", and it is always always fucking distended.

Butch_Wagstaff August 8, 2012 at 7:10 pm

Where are Root's tax returns? On the same island as Romney's?

Biel_ze_Bubba August 8, 2012 at 7:29 pm

I'd like to know what his "gut instincts" are about what's hiding in Romney's tax returns.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 August 9, 2012 at 1:18 am

You know…I always thought conservatives were considered repellant by libertarians because while they like to couch their ideas in libertarian-speak ultimately they are just douchey authoritarian theocrats, which is how Ayn Rand described them (which was before they became southernized and REALLY obvious about it). The one thing I used to find respectable in most libertarians was their utter contempt for social conservatism…but maybe I'm missing the mark here. Maybe this conman found a kindred spirit in a fellow conman named Willard "Mittens" Romney of Hairgellus and this is why suddenly a universally selfish Libertarian is offering free advice when they don't do freebies…

ChessieNefercat August 9, 2012 at 12:55 pm

I know I'm late to the party, but!
1) I work in a state university.
2) I work directly with all of the graduate students in my department.
3) I have access to all of their records, from application through graduation.
4) I see transcripts every day from all over the world and from every state in the union.
5) Not one of them lists birthplace or citizenship.
6) Again, not one of them lists birthplace or citizenship.
7) Most federal financial aid is limited to US citizens.
8) International students can be supported on departmental funds as teaching assistants.
9) Research funding (grants) may in some cases be limited to US citizens, and in other cases may also be used to support international students.
10) In any case, the fucking transcripts prove nothing about citizenship or place of birth.
11) The reason that Wayne never saw and doesn't remember Obama is because Wayne had no friends and was never invited to hang out with the cool kids.

emmelemm August 8, 2012 at 3:36 pm

True story! I actually graduated from Columbia not long after the streak was broken [ETA: I think?], but definitely attended during the streak. We may have been there AT THE SAME TIME. {dun dun DUN}

Roar, Lion, Roar
Amidst the echoes of the Hudson Val-llleee
Fight on for victory evermore
While the sons of Knickerbocker rally round Columbia,
Columbia! Shouting her name forever ~
Roar, Lion, Roar…

sullivanst August 8, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Wow, that could almost have been written by Tom Lehrer.

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