RomneyesqueReaganesque? Ol’ Mittens? The Man With the Golden Tongue? Sure, he’s got the hair, and the complete lack of devotion to anything resembling fact or verifiable truth, but really, Reaganesque? Yes, Mitt Romney is “Reaganesque,” by which we mean “balls-deep in murdering nuns and Latin American death squads.”

Now wait a minute, you are thinking, that is a little far-fetched, tying Mitt Romney’s Bain Capital to rightwing Latin American death squads, the kind that raped and killed American nuns, murdered an archbishop in his pulpit, and filled mass graves with the bodies of their political enemies right on the grounds of the US Embassy in Honduras. Yeah, unfortunately, it apparently is not far-fetched at all.

HuffPo brings it, in about a thousand paragraphs tying together previous reporting from the LA Times and the Boston Globe that show Romney went to Salvadorean founding families for the initial startup funds for his precious Bain. And those Salvadorean families had directly financed (or even pulled the goddamn triggers themselves) assassinations of leftwing activists in Guatemala, in just one tiny example from HuffPo’s smorgasbord of Bain-related Death and Terrorism.

In 1990, Orlando de Sola, [Roberto] D’Aubuisson and founding Bain investor Francisco de Sola allegedly assassinated two left-wing activists then in Guatemala, according to a report by that country’s government, which cited its intelligence sources. The activists had just held a meeting with then-Sen. Chris Dodd (D-Conn.), who was attempting to broker a Salvadoran peace deal.

Francisco de Sola later pleaded his and his cousin Orlando’s innocence to the U.S. ambassador. The Inter-American Commission on Human Rights looked further into the killings and concluded that elements of the Salvadoran right were indeed the mostly likely assassins, but said that it couldn’t confirm the guilt of the de Solas or D’Aubuisson. It deemed the investigation incomplete and called for a deeper look. The three men were never charged.

Francisco de Sola is now president of the Salvadoran Foundation for Economic and Social Development. His assistant, Ada Chang, said that he was traveling and unavailable to comment, but she confirmed to HuffPost that he had been accused of murdering the two leftists in 1990.

There’s ever so much more over at HuffPo. For further reading, if you’d like to find yourself in an Internet black hole, may we suggest googling such fun phrases as “Battalion 316,” “contras murder nuns,” “John Negroponte” and “Roberto D’Aubuisson.” We guarantee a good time will be had by all, or at least a weepathon and massive shame stroke.

So, these are the people Mitt Romney tapped for the initial funds for his small-business startup. So what? Who cares? You can’t fight Communism or found Bain Capital without breaking a few eggs, all right? And by “eggs,” of course, we mean “human skulls.”

Anyway, according to Mitt Romney — and in fact we are not kidding — the rightwing death squads and torture in Central America throughout the ’80s were not directed by Roberto D’Aubuisson and his ARENA party, funded by pretty much all Mitt Romney’s initial Bain investors, but instead were all Fidel Castro’s fault.

Romney, however, has shown no public remorse for signing up such investors, although the concept of culpability is not foreign to him. When he returned to Miami in 2007, he condemned those who had financed torture and other human rights abuses during the Salvadoran civil war — just not those he was connected to.

“These friends didn’t just help me; they taught me,” Romney said. “Ricardo’s brother had been tortured and murdered by rebel terrorists in El Salvador. Miguel himself had been chained to a floor in Guatemala for weeks and tortured. And their torturers were financed by Fidel Castro. I learned from these friends about the human cost when Castro has money.”

You have to admire … haha, no. No you don’t.


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  • ChernobylSoup

    Your move, Bill Donohue.

    • Well, nuns killed by Republicans, different story!

      • eggsacklywright

        Like shooting penguins in a barrel.

  • SexySmurf

    "I like being able to fire on people."

    -Francisco de Sola

  • BaldarTFlagass

    You know who else profited from a civil war amongst Spanish-speaking people?

    • ChernobylSoup

      The producers of Evita?

    • UnholyMoses

      Teddy Roosevelt?

    • Schmannnity


      • Blueb4sinrise


    • Tequila Mockingbird

      Andrew Lloyd Webber?

    • Blueb4sinrise


    • mlle_derp

      Polygamous Mormons?

      • Biff

        Don't bring up Mountain Meadows!

        • GemlikeFlame


    • Andres Cantooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooor?

    • RadioBowels

      The United States of America?

    • SorosBot

      Woody Allen?

    • mlle_derp
    • Schmannnity

      Ayatollah Khomeini through the Sandanistas?

    • WhatTheHeck

      Cohiba cigars

    • MinAgain

      Oliver North?

    • elviouslyqueer


    • Jus_Wonderin

      Marvin Hamlish?

    • Estproph

      Goya Foods, Inc.?

    • Schmannnity

      Leonard Bernstein and the cast of West Side Story?

    • fartknocker

      Smith & Wesson?

    • eggsacklywright

      Eric Holder.

    • MissTaken
    • SorosBot

      Van Halen?

    • RadioBowels

      The Luftwaffe?

    • Steverino247

      Fuck, where do you start? Who didn't?

    • chicken_thief

      Quentin Cooke?

    • JustPixelz

      Al Pacino?

    • James Michael Curley

      American Idol?

    • arihaya

      Sultanate of Sulu ?

  • One_who_wanders

    Just when I think Romney Hood couldn't get any worse another snake crawls out of the woodpile. I liked him better as a somewhat smarter Bush II with a funny religion.

    • smitallica

      I agree with you up to "funny religion."
      Mormonism is not funny. It's terrifying.

  • nounverb911

    Romney has Alzheimer's?

    • PubOption

      He's certainly good at forgetting things.

  • Schmannnity

    So if your parents won't loan you $10,000 to start a business, apply for a loan from a right-wing death squad.

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Good idea….since they tend to seize the assets of people they've murdered (hilarious how wingnuts conflate that with taxation in their Hitler loved sugar therefore arguments…they are so, so stupid) they're swimming in cash looking for a completely sociopathic twat to launder their money. Mittens was in the right place and right time to get tons of blood of pacifist cash for freedumz.

  • Oh dear. I fear that might leave a mark.

  • UnholyMoses

    Romney went to Salvadorean founding families for the initial startup funds for his precious Bain.

    Yeah, but he doesn't recall any of it.

  • edgydrifter

    To the folks who cherish Ronnie, murdering leftists in some faraway sweaty brown country is something to boast about. This will probably boost Mitt's approval rating by 5%.

    • supernoun

      This is true.

    • elviouslyqueer

      No shit. Because leftists=libruls=commies=fags=Obummer. Or so I've heard.

    • mlle_derp

      Amongst those already planning to vote for the white guy.

  • Tequila Mockingbird

    What's the Mormon Church's stance on ketchup, psychics and jelly beans?

    • ChernobylSoup

      As long as the ketchup's not caffeinated and the jelly beans are straight (as if), they're okay. Since their religion is based on the ramblings of a psychic, I reckon that's alright too.

    • supernoun

      for, against, for

  • So Mitt Romney's Bain Capital was financed by nun-killing terrorists, huh?

    Probably good practice for running as a Republican.

  • LastGasp

    Yep, Reagan was just the kind of ill-informed half-wit who'd probably say "sheik" when he was talking about the Sikh religion.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "I learned from these friends about the human cost when Castro has money.”

    Yeah, Mitt, but what about the human cost when you manage money?

  • UnholyMoses

    So … a candidate for Prez who just very well might wind up the leader of the free world has a history of avoiding taxes, bullying, paling around with murderers, lying to the government, fucking up a private meeting with one of the world's top intelligence agencies, insulting one of our closest allies, not understanding the nations he visits, lacking anything resembling empathy, opposing laws he signed into law, being a racist, and following a religion many view as a cult.

    Maybe it's just me, but if Obama doesn't win by, oh, say 200 electoral votes, Obama is either the worst campaigner in the history of forever, or our nation is a LOT more fucked than I ever imagined.

    • HistoriCat

      Let's face it – if Mitt wins, the country deserves exactly what will happen to it.

      • The country, maybe, but not the people who vote against him.

  • Pragmatist2

    One rarely sees "balls deep" in the same sentence as "nuns."

    • MacRaith

      Depends on what kind of literature you read… Um, I mean, that's certainly true!

    • Serolf_Divad

      You and I must rent from different video stores.

    • Boojum

      Yes, that's usually coupled with priests and boys.

  • SorosBot

    Yes, but the Salvadorian death squads were the good kind of terrorists, like the Contras or the Taliban and Osama bin Laden when they were fighting the Soviets.

    • MissTaken

      and Saddam Hussein when he fought Iran

      • SorosBot

        Chemical weapons were perfectly OK used when used on the Iranians.

    • mrpuma2u

      Yes and Ronny Raygun told us that the contras were the "moral equivlent of our founding fathers" so it must be true.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        They were! Sure, they were raping and murdering nuns, but they were raping and murdering nuns for the same reason Washington, Jefferson and Adams were raping and murdering nuns.

        • Fukui-sanYesOta

          Washington never denied murdering and raping that nun in 1770.

  • freakishlywrong

    Borrowing from right-wing death squads is not very boot-strappy.

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      He'll be touting it at the debates.

      "If you're on welfare and can't find a job, just borrow nine million dollars from unsavory ex-pat murderers and start a little business!"

      • freakishlywrong

        "My friends!" *Hatelaugh*

    • TootsStansbury

      No but it's jack-booty so it's all good.

  • RadioBowels

    Death squads are people too my friend.

  • supernoun

    Mitt's totally Pro-Business, as long as your business includes killing leftists and nuns!

    • MacRaith

      Which isn't a great business model, considering the limited and steadily diminishing stock of leftist nuns in the world.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Well, it's difficult for them to reproduce.

  • eggsacklywright

    What will the bigots do when they find out Mittz was aligned with United Fruit?

  • MinAgain

    Mittens, you've got some 'splaining to do.

  • Beowoof

    Those tax dollars went full circle, from purchasing the arms sold to Iran, who paid the cash to Central American right wing rebels to Mitt Rmoney to start his little investment house. Another sneaky republican raid the treasury and tell everyone they are fighting for democracy.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      It's a little more complex than the standard current model (proles pay taxes to Government, Gov gives munnies in subsidies and contracts to big multinational conglomerates). Extra points for creativity.

  • WhatTheHeck

    Bain (Blood money) Capital.

  • Fukui-sanYesOta

    Bain was also a major investor in Los Pollos Hermanos.

    • metamarcisf

      Romney – Fring 2012

  • RadioBowels

    If only we had a commentor who could bring the heavy snark due to his expertise in this region.

  • mrpuma2u

    Elitist sugar daddies of right wing death squads are people too my friend!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Why didn't Mitt drive down there to meet them? I understand that it only takes two days.

    • HistoriCat

      You have to factor in extra time for hosing the roof off every time the dog shits in terror.

  • widestanceromance

    I think of Willard as more of a mentally reaganed amoral cash jackal, because 'Reaganesque' sounds too French-leaning.

  • Callyson

    Mittens' own people can't even effectively defend their candidate from this crap:

    a spokeswoman forwarded a 1999 Salt Lake Tribune article to explain the campaign's position on the matter. She declined to comment further…the Tribune article referred to by the Romney campaign reports that "about $6.5 million of $37 million that established the company came from wealthy El Salvadoran families linked to right-wing death squads."

    But let's talk about the important issue: why won't Obama release his college transcript?

    • MacRaith

      Oh, so not ALL the money came from right-wing death squads. Therefore none of it did.

      • Gleem McShineys

        Hello, future PolitiFact employee!

  • hagajim

    Its called Bain because Bain rhymes with maim and they didn't think they could get away with either Burder Capital or Massassinate Capital.

  • SorosBot

    You really shouldn't trust those Contras; I heard they like to cheat and use the Konami code to get thirty lives.

    • Biff

      Not big on paying their fair share of taxes either, I hear.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    What's the Politifact rating on this?

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      "Dead in a mass grave"

      It's a new rating, I think.

    • BarackMyWorld

      "Village on Fire."

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        We had to burn the story to save it.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I wonder what Oliver Stone and James Woods think about this.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    My buddy, works for AAirlines (27 years), told me that Bain is involved in their bankruptsy proceedings. We commiserated together over some vodka. Plenty of vodka.

  • SmutBoffin

    "Behind every great fortune there is a great crime."

  • BaldarTFlagass

    It's okay, just so long as he didn't take any money from Muslims.

    • MosesInvests

      That was never a problem for the Bush family.

  • TheGyrus

    "Palling around with Salvadorian Death Squads" has a certain ring to it.

  • BarackMyWorld

    At least Mitt didn't serve on a nonprofit board with a guy who was part of a group that blew up a Pentagon bathroom.

  • ♪♫ The Bain in New Spain works just to give some pain,
    By Jove! Mitt's got it! ♫♪

  • MissTaken

    I really don't miss the proxy Cold War wars. Can we go back to teh buttsechs now?

    • One_who_wanders

      Rum, Sodomy and the Lash, please!

  • proudgrampa

    I can't understand how the Republicans would decide that Romney will still be their candidate in the upcoming convention. You'd think they would realize what an asshole he is and have some sort of brokered deal to name another candidate.

    This is like watching the lemmings march to the ocean.

    • MacRaith

      So our choices are to watch the Republicans march in lockstep off a cliff, or watch their convention explode in a ball of fire that would be visible all the way to Galveston?

      I'm sensing a win-win situation here.

  • Now wait a minute, you are thinking, that is a little far-fetched, tying Mitt Romney’s Bain Capital to rightwing Latin American death squads, the kind that raped and killed American nuns, murdered an archbishop in his pulpit, and filled mass graves with the bodies of their political enemies right on the grounds of the US Embassy in Honduras.

    Unless you're familiar with a little company called "Coca-Cola", or, alternatively the entire flower industry.

  • chicken_thief

    The reporting is all well and good, but his attorney said that Mitt retro-actively did not take money from the murderers. So all is cool now.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      I'm pretty sure the murderers retroactively de-murdered their victims, so we're double cool!

  • barto

    Mitt (R-Money) also resembles the Gipper in that they both have the Teflon thing goin' on, except in Mitt's case nothing sticks inside his skull for more than a day or two.

  • JustPixelz

    The so-called "Great Communicator" can't hold a candle to Romney. Mitt Romney communicates more with his body language, an off-hand "ha ha ha ha", or a Swiss bank statement, than Ronald Reagan could with 250 million words.

  • viennawoods13

    Maybe it would have been a better idea to hold the opposition fire until after the GOP convention. If they decide to dump him and go with someone else, there goes all this lovely ammo (with VOTES!!) that could have been used in October.

    • SoBeach

      Not to worry. Anyone they could replace Romney with would be an even more target rich environment than Romney.

    • bikerlaureate

      It seems likely that the President's campaign staff is saving the really juicy ammo for later.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      I've thought about this a little. If this is the ammo dump the Dems are doing now, I have to imagine that they have some REALLY large caliber votes stored up for October.

  • Biff

    Just this morning I heard Rmoney whinging about "unfunded mandates", blissfully unaware that his hero raygun pretty much single-handedly created the term and the conditions that brought them into being.

  • dennis1943

    Coffin,meet nail……………..

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Mittens is dead? This explains much.

  • annettaj

    Damn Mittens, murdered nuns, death squads. Is there a forgive me card for that shit?

    • HistoriCat

      It's OK – he baptized them, so they can all be his wives on his planet.

  • Badonkadonkette

    founding Bain investor Francisco de Sola allegedly assassinated two left-wing activists then in Guatemala, according to a report by that country’s government, which cited its intelligence sources. The activists had just held a meeting with then-Sen. Chris Dodd (D-Conn.), who was attempting to broker a Salvadoran peace deal.

    BigGovernment headline: Dems Worked with Central-American Death Squads

  • please. this doesn't matter. these people were brown.

  • kittensdontlie

    Although most were stunned by Mittoid's (rhymes with hemoirrhoids) Reaganesque(rhymes with burlesque) qualities, famous W-teer coolhandnuke alone caught Mittens muttering at the Western Wall:

    "Tear down that wall Mr. Netanyahu!"

    How prescient!


  • smitallica

    Of course he likes Reagan.
    Mormons convert people after they die to be Mormons.
    And the right wing converted Reagan after he died to be a good president.

  • DahBoner

    Can't wait to read Mitt's upcoming book:

    How You Can Make Millions And Pay Zero Taxes By Staying Home And Drinking Decaf Coffee!!!

  • ttommyunger

    Oh please, Mittens would never involve himself in such things….directly.

  • TribecaMike

    Betcha Reagan has more Pussy Riot songs on his iPod than Mittens does.

  • mr bojangles

    mitt loves the smell of napalm in the morning!

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Mitt announced today that he had retroactively returned de Sola's and D’Aubuisson's money.

  • Guppy

    Romneycare Death Panels!

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