As a sign of his willingness to help out political bloggers and cartoonists everywhere, Mitt Romney yesterday generously told another dumb story about his family’s near-magical life of privilege and ease:
“I found a little paper card, a little pink card, and it said, ‘This entitles George W. Romney to a lifetime of a hamburger, a shake and French fries at McDonald’s.’ It was signed by the hand of Ray Kroc. My dad had done a little training lesson or whatever for McDonald’s when there was just a handful of restaurants and I saw this thing and was like, this is a gold mine, dad! What are you doing?”
Romney said he laminated the card for his father, who he said went “almost every day” to McDonald’s for either a hamburger or a fish sandwich.
“He would present this little card and of course the person behind the counter would look and say, ‘Well, what is that?’ They’d never seen something like that, but he said it was never turned down. They always honored it,” Romney said.
As he related the anecdote, Mr. Romney periodically emitted that goddamned laugh of his, causing small children in the audience to burst into tears and hug their parents closer.
A spokesperson for the fast-food chain said that she was unable to verify whether the elder Romney ever had such a card, but would “strongly caution against” anyone with pink paper and a laser printer “getting any smart ideas.”
[CNN, via alert commenter "johnnyzhivago"]
{ 175 comments }
How much does that shit cost if it's free?
I'll take all of it, thanks. Here's Daddy's magic card….
Hear that Chris Christie? You've been strongly cautioned.
The rich have their food stamps laminated.
And hand-signed
You are brilliant. I raise all my thumbs to you.
Thanks JustPixelz. Now lets go get some doughnuts together.
Donuts! I have a little pink card.
Just yesterday, Mitt went to Family Dollar and tried to buy a bag of crew socks and a box of Capri Sun drink pouches with a Treasury Note.
Oh, Snap!
Damn you, Barb. It is late at night, and I am just now getting to this. Coulda, woulda, didn't.
I hear Mittens will be getting one for Chick a fila as a consolation prize for losing the election
Or…since Bob Dole is too old to ogle teenagers RMoney could become the new spokesman for Viagra or Cialis. Those shitty Cialis ads practically scream for RMoney…he and Lady Ann of Hairgelia could be sitting in bathtubs smiling and holding hands while watching their trainer shock the hell out of Rafalca's nuts for failing her. Cruel animal abuse keeps their marraige virile and their family strong, after all…
Paraphrase: "We're rich, so you should give us free stuff! And don't tax us! You little people should be happy I'm even acknowledging your existence! By the way, what's a hamburger?"
Shorter paraphrase: "I'm an asshole."
This is one of the major reasons the rich don't understand how hard it is out there: people give stuff to them, for free, in the hopes they'll promote the restaurant/golf course/realtor/hooker.
Because, you know, they earned it, unlike the guy making that free burger for minimum wage.
Who's going to listen to him? But Mitt, now Mitt being rich and all, his endorsement means something! You know, like Trump Cologne, or Trump Airlines or Trump toilet paper…
"It's a world class asswipe!"
Indeed.
A hamburger is something brought to you by little trolls in smart uniforms when you produce your pink card signed by Satan. It comes on a silver platter, and comes with fries and the head of John the Baptist.
sure…I mean, if they happen to hit one of us with their cars we should apologize to them for it and consider ourselves lucky for being crippled by one of them and not some 'common' drunkard. The Romneys of Hairgelia approve of this message…
Who says private industry isn’t willing to step-up and help needy families.
Those gay friendly ronald mcdonald spawns of satan? Anyone who eats anywhere but at christiany places like chik-fil-a has lost the core.
What a cheap fucking bastard. Oh, and his dad's a jerk, too.
Ray Kroc never imagined the guy would use it every fucking day, for decades.
Also, who paid the taxes that were due on all those free burgers and fries? Right.
The funier story from #romneyshambles is the one where he calls Sikhs "sheiks"
Waiting for a guru to call Mitt a "momo"; will probably never happen…
Sikh Yerbouti!
Warts?
I always have trouble with the word "Sikh" because the closest I can come to the pronunciation is "sick". I can't manage to produce that lovely aspirated "k" sound that's particular to South Asian languages. Sometimes I'll go as far as "seek", but I've been assured that that's not QUITE the right sound.
He was saying chic, he thinks those turbans are stylish.
Actually, he was talking about their chic temple. (Mitt knows a thing or two about chic temples.)
I think this is what is referred to as an "entitlement."
McStupid.
"They always honored it,” Romney said. "Otherwise, I would have had them fired. Haha!"
Where's the certificate!
WHAR DERP CERFICKICKACK????
Dude, did Tom DeLay get your login info?
I heard he was hacking in the big house.
You know why you never see Hamburglar or Grimace in McDonald's ads anymore? Laid off.
Hamburglar is in the joint. Republican three strikes rule has him doing life for petty fry theft.
Grimace is a crackwhore on the Deuce now. Her job was outsourced to China's "Glimace"
Wait, GRIMACE IS A WOMAN??????
My entire childhood has been altered.
I believe in Sinagpore, they're referred to as "ladyboys".
"What's the matter, Peter? You usually LOVE dirty talking Grimace!" — Lois Griffin
BY FAR the funniest thing I've heard today, Actor. You're officially invited to Cardiff.
I thought they died of colon cancer from eating McDonalds.
The Mittens campaign is crashing out in flames like the Hidenberg, except this time the announcer is shouting: "The lack of humanity! Oh, the lack of humanity!"
Well, played.
(Polite golf applause)
We have a winner!
isn't anybody else worried about this election at all? i know i'm v v high strung and need all sorts of chemicals to quiet me down, but still. the money, the wingnuts, the popular vote polls?
It's not just you fuf – I'm worried too! Sure the swing-state polls are tilting slightly to Obama but how many of those people will be turned away at the polls?
Sure, I'm worried — but Romney is too tempting a target not to make richly deserved fun of.
Besides, you have to take your fun wherever you can find it, amirite?
Still worried myself. I allow myself to believe that we'll be victorious…then listen to my coworkers.
If he flames out on Faux News, "Oh, the Hannity!"
Mitt Romney is a lifetime of hamburger.
Pink slime!
Mitt keeps wondering: "Where's my golden White House ticket? I'm entitled."
Diebold and the Koch Bros. are working on it.
To all those people who say/write "EAT THE RICH!": ya might wanna rethink that …
Mormons can eat MacFood?
Emperor Norton thought of this in 1859. Probably about the same time Rmoney's family shuffled off to Messico.
I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a derpburger today!
That's not a laugh, that's his hard drive sputtering….
Mittens has cards like that.
This entitles W M Romney to a lifetime of Chinese food at the Double Happy Restaurant in Chen Dou in appreciation for the jobs he has created for us.
This entitles W M Romney to a lifetime of pheasant, caviar and champagne at the Ritz Carlton, Cayman Islands for … well, we'll just keep that between ourselves.
This entitles W M Romney to a lifetime supply of EZ-Fit™ jeans from the K-Mart Men's Collection.
Why do the super rich endlessly fight to not pay taxes? The same reason an auto exec and former presidential candidate would eat at McDonald's all the time – to save a couple bucks. Or was it job creation.
How do you think they got rich? They didn't get it by themselves.
I know this woman who was a secretary for an obscenly rich lawyer. She said he ate a McDonalds everyday. When she asked him why he didn't go to different restaurants he said " Food's too expensive and you have to tip".
Any truth to the story that Mittens took the certificate, bundled and split it to different investors, made millions off of the promise of "unlimited burgers" and, when McDonalds declared the certificate invalid, he walked away scot-free?
That is absolutely true, from what I have seen on the Internet! And those millions financed Mitt's first ten cargo ships of Eastern European schoolgirls, according to trustworthy anonymous research.
My dad had done a little training lesson or whatever for McDonald’s
What an ass.
Not the worst part of this, but still pretty horrible, is that Mitt is now smearing the reputation of his basically decent father, who, being dead, isn't able to defend himself. Though, then again, you have to wonder how "basically decent" Romney senior could have been to have his golden boy turn out to be such an entitled preppy jerk.
People have less control over their children than they think.
"you have to wonder how "basically decent" Romney senior could have been to have his golden boy turn out to be such an entitled preppy jerk."
The same way college athlete and WWII combat veteran George H.W. Bush fathered draft-dodging cokehead cheerleader dumbass George W. Bush?
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. But some of them roll a very long ways downhill.
It's funny, because George's other children are quite normal and sane. I don't know what the hell happened to Mitt.
"He might have given Ray Kroc a blow job… I can never recall…"
"Training lesson?"
More likely it was "Thank you George, for sending that weird-ass son of yours off to France. I am so grateful, you can have free burgers, fries and shakes FOR LIFE."
I want an Oompa-Loompa, Father!
There is an odd resemblance to Veruca Salt, now that you mention it.
This is so much winning, it's not even funny.
As he related the anecdote, Mr. Romney periodically emitted that goddamned laugh of his, causing small children in the audience to burst into tears and hug their parents closer
This. Because honestly, I can't wait to see that fucking laugh go in to nervous overdrive when Barry wipes the floor with his ass in the debates.
I agree. I can't wait. This will be the highlight of my fall.
There won't be a debate. Romney's team will figure out some excuse for him to not do it. He'll get very offended by something the Obama campaign has done and demand an apology or something as a condition for attending. Then his campaign will blame Obama for their not being a debate.
and/or Mittens will debate, make as big an ass of himself as Bush did, and Fox will declare him the winner, QED.
"There won't be a debate. Romney's team will figure out some excuse for him to not do it.
Isn't figuring out some excuse not to show his tax returns taking up all his time and energy these days?
If there is a God, someone working at the IRS will say "fuck the rules" and fire up the photocopier.
We should buy him burgers, and beers, for life, when he gets out of jail.
THIS. I have my worries.
Romney's brain is a dried out sack of fries.
Well I had kind of a free ticket in 1984 when the Ruskies and the East Germans boycotted the Olympics. You see McDonald's had game pieces on Hamburgers and French Fries for free food if the U.S won medals in an event. Since the Russians and East Germans didn't compete, the U.S. won about everything and I was eating free food about every day for a few weeks. So I know how cool that ticket was.
Wasn't that a Simpsons episode?
No, it is a true story that happened to me.
It's both!
"During the Summer of 1984, Krusty Burger launched a promotion that gave free burgers to those who pick Olympic Events won by the United States on their game cards. The games involved in the promotion were games that were traditionally won by the Russians. Unfortunately for Krusty, the Russians boycott the Olympics, and the United States win almost every event, costing him $44 million. He then vows on camera to spit on every fiftieth burger as a result of his loss [1]. " [from the Simpsons Wiki]
Krusty [on television]: I am PERSONALLY gonna spit in every fiftieth burger!
Homer: I like those odds! [munch munch]
And you are still alive. Congratulations.
Back then the burgers were .15 cents, cokes and french fries were a dime. So old dad saved a whopping .35. The Free Market at work. Emphasis on the "free" part.
And 35 cents is exactly what the Romneys paid in taxes, so this is working very well for them.
Mitt's dad knew he couldn't tell a joke so never tried to deliver one.
Why must Mitt go against his dad on everything from creating new taxes, to developing more fuel efficient cars, to refraining from trying to be funny?
Of course, if Obama told this story, Fox headline would read "Obama's father used food stamps at McDonald's."
Imagine if Michelle drove up to McDs in one of her Cadillacs looking to get her free stuff.
Stop it RIGHT NOW. You're giving Rush Limbaugh some serious morning wood.
Are you implying that they're prepubescent boys?
OT, but after you have fun considering what would happen if one of the Obama family expected a free .35 burger, just consider what the rightwingtards would say if Obama's grandfather had married 12 "wives".
He would have been Kenyan royalty if he had a dozen wives. Imagine how the wingtards would spin that.
Black Kenyan Immigrant Gets Free Fast Food for Lifetime While Other Americans Struggle to Get By
Black Kenyan *Illegal* Immigrant Gets Free Fast Food for Lifetime While Other Americans Struggle to Get By
Black Kenyan *Illegal* Immigrant Usurper Gets Free Fast Food for Lifetime While Other Americans Struggle to Get By, Bitches In Line About Exact Change and Free Game Pieces
So typical of demmycraps
Mitt's dad also had a Golden IRS Ticket, which gave voters access to 12 years of tax returns.
"I a fan of hamburger sandwiches. Indeed, some of my friends own international chain restaurants specializing in hamburgers. I'm just like you."
There's tone deaf, and then there's stone cold tone deaf.
He was so excited he almost peed his magic underwear.
In Rmoney's mind he believes he is Hamburglar, but in reality he's Grimace.
Another prime example of 1%er socializm! Giving rich people shit for free that the plebes have to pay for.
Romney senior still demanded a receipt for each free meal, which Romney junior later found in a shoebox. He proceeded to take the receipts to his accountant, who managed to finagle a gigantic sum of tax deductions, allowing Mittens to never, ever ever pay taxes again. True story. Seriously, wtf is the point of this stupid story? That rich people can perform a minor service and then are entitled to free shit for life? God I hate this man.
I think Mittens may have Assburgers.
I really do think that, I admire the pun here btw, but seriously is there a Wonketteer who could diagnose him a la Bill Frist and Terry Schiavo?
Hyper contracted anal sphincter, for starters.
Uncanny Valley Ureterolithiasis
Glad to oblige, Lizzie. This should be fun.
[SNARK:off]
Narcissistic Personality Disorder:
Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration. Those with narcissistic personality disorder believe that they're superior to others and have little regard for other people's feelings. But behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem, vulnerable to the slightest criticism.
Narcissistic personality disorder symptoms may include:
Believing that you're better than others
Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness
Exaggerating your achievements or talents
Expecting constant praise and admiration
Believing that you're special and acting accordingly
Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings
Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans
Taking advantage of others
Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior
Being jealous of others
Believing that others are jealous of you
Trouble keeping healthy relationships
Setting unrealistic goals
Being easily hurt and rejected
Having a fragile self-esteem
Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional
When you have narcissistic personality disorder, you may come across as conceited, boastful or pretentious. You often monopolize conversations. You may belittle or look down on people you perceive as inferior. You may have a sense of entitlement. And when you don't receive the special treatment to which you feel entitled, you may become very impatient or angry. You may insist on having "the best" of everything — the best car, athletic club, medical care or social circles, for instance. (Source)
Additionally, a narcissist will "rewrite history." By that I mean, he/she will recount an incident differently from the manner in which it occurred so as to glorify him/herself. In time, the incessent repetition of the revised truth becomes fact. They rewrite history to elevate their status. (Source)
Mitt. In. Nutshell.
Yeah. Asperbger's people are often rather sweet, in spite of being clueless. They are socially tone-deaf — but they don't think you're worthless; *that's* narcissism.
Sounds about spot on! I thought it might be high-functioning autism of some kind. The lack of empathy etc.
I think Mittens IS an assburger.
I bet each time they honored the card the hamburger came with very "Special Sauce".
"Enjoy your booger… BURGER! BURGER!! That's what I said, BURGER!"
Like my dad used to say, "The rich didn't get that way by payin' for their own burgers, boy."
Hahahahahha this is Mittens "relating" to regular people. "Hey, we Romney's eat at McDonalds too!! Only we get comped by the guy who owns the company."
Bragging about how your ultra wealthy family scores free junk food… so presidential.
"If you prevent your son's business from buying up and liquidating all my restaurants, I'll give you hamburgers. Forever. Deal?"
Jesus Christ. And I got excited when I got $8.00 worth of coupons for free Cheez Its because I found a bug in a box of them.
Did this get him any French fries whilst in Paris?
He and Vicent had a Royale with Cheese
I need more information about this magical pony. Sounds fancy.
Farts rainbows, shits glitter.
I got some ice cream
I got some ice cream
And you din't get none
'Cause you on de welfare
And you can't afford it
And your dad's an alcoholic.
I don't know why that old Eddie Murphy bit has been running through my head all morning, but it seems kind of appropriate to this post.
That was one of my favorite comedy sketches of all time.
Liar.
But how is this news?
Big fucking deal. Dick Nixon got free steaks for life at Golden Corral. And also got to be president.
I heard from "someone" that Rob Portman will be the Romney VP pick. Wonketeers, you heard it here first…
If it was someone on the internet you know it's true.
I'd like to laminate his mouth shut, that lip-smacking, lying, freakish laughing bastard gets on my last nerve.
What's that you say? Mitt's calling his father a junk-food scarfing skinflint?
I call bullstink. They don't serve Floppy Joe's at McDonald's. or else maybe there'd be something to this story, Mitts.
I am beginning to this this Romney dude is a bit clueless.
And I was, like, "Dad, what are you doing? Just because you CAN afford to eat anywhere you want doesn't mean that you shouldn't try to get free stuff all the time! Give me a couple of days and I'll make sure that we write off the lamination as a business expense, too."
Mitt Romney. He's just like us.
Yep, just the guy I want to have a beer with.
No, wait…
I'd love to see Nate Silver predict how many additional asinine things he will say before the election.
this is just gross.
this guy is just gross.
I bet he had a pink card that entitled him to a lifetime of Free Blowjobs at The Bunny Ranch and it was never turned down either!
Look it up…
Nahhh; in order to receive a blow job, you have to have a dick.
On election day, Mittens will present everyone with a "get a hamburger free at MacDononald's card", won't he??
My grandfather had a green card. All he got with that was coal worker's pneumoconiosis (black lung).
Derp/Albino Weasel 2012!
He'll have to take his foot out of his mouth long enough to eat the free-for-life burger, so there's that at least.
"Romney said he laminated the card for his father, who he said went “almost every day” to McDonald’s for either a hamburger or a fish sandwich.
“He would present this little card and of course the person behind the counter would look and say, ‘Well, what is that?’ They’d never seen something like that, but he said it was never turned down. They always honored it,” Romney said."
This makes no sense. Did George go to a different McDonald's every day? Because if he went to the same one, the workers would know who he was and remember the deal, wouldn't they?
This is usually how compulsive liars get caught. The stories they tell just don't hold together.
"Did George go to a different McDonald's every day?"
Now I'm picturing George Romney having his chauffeur drive him in his (American made, since he was the Gov of Michigan) limo to a different McD's every day, so he could get his 35-cent free burger.
"See here, young man! There will be no charge for this snark! Do you know who I am?!"
*Presents Wonkette pink card*
They should be paying US, amirite?
"“I found a little paper card, a little pink card, and it said, ‘This entitles George W. Romney to a lifetime of a hamburger, a shake and French fries at McDonald’s.’ It was signed by the hand of Ray Kroc."
This pretty much tells you everything you need to know, doesn't it?
The fucking hamburger, shake, and fries all put together probably cost Mickey D less than a dollar, *including labor costs*, and the billionaires are so tickled, even though it's three cents worth of toxic, lousy-tasting junk food made in a sweatshop — because it's *something for nothing*.
Oh, yeah, and the fact that he's so clueless, he doesn't even realize how telling that story makes him sound.
I can hardly wait for Mitt to go through the drive-up window (possibly with the dog on top of the car), and berate the guy who works there.
Homer: Greetings friend, are you looking for eternal happiness? Well if so send one dollar to 742 Evergreen Terrace and you shall. Don’t delay, eternal happiness if just a dollar away.
Mr Burns: Eternal happiness for one dollar eh? Hmmm, I’d be happier with the dollar.
First magic underwear, then a magic dancing horsie, now a magic Free McLuch card!
Magical!
It was signed "by the hand of Ray Kroc…" Having spent my working life around fuckers like Romney, I can't tell you how indicative that phrasing is of him and dicks like him. They always have to work that little extra factoid into every sentence that makes damn sure you know he is of a different, more evolved species than you. A platypus running for president would better represent average American interests better than Romney.
Where's MY magical pony, hengh??
*initiates whine-pout sequence*
What a Kroc.
All I could think (through the red haze of the indignance stroke I was fighting off) was how much fun it must have been for those in line behind Daddy Carbucks.
Sure, take your time with your special, handmade coupon. I've got a full thirty minutes before I get docked. No, I didn't mean to make eye contact, sorry. But I've got to tell you, that's quite the monstrously oversized head on that little slack-jawed son of yours, there. Oh, Willard, is it. I see.
I just watched a mob documentary where the Fed agents were talking about how all the mobsters just loved free stuff all of the time, even the man on top would double cross you just to steal some booze out of your car or something.
"Romney said he laminated the card for his father, who he said went “almost every day” to McDonald’s for either a hamburger or a fish sandwich.", which goes a long way towards explaining the legendary Romney flatulence.
This comment has been retroactively deleted by a future Romney administration.
This comment refuses to get drawn into THAT again
The bigger question here is not "What if you could eat at McDonalds for lunch every day"? It is "WHY would anybody, rich or poor, eat lunch at McDonalds every day"?
Because when money means everything to you, saving a buck trumps any other considerations — including your own health.
Didn't a similar dietary regimine kill Elvis?
♪♫ Love them tenders,
sauce so sweet,
gimme twelve to go. ♪♫
So there was a hole in Daddy's face where all the junk food goes?
I'd like to see the long form version of this alleged card it it even exists!
Bugis Street libel!
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