crimes against nature and music

Gay Men Goo-Goosh All Over Dictator’s Daughter, Unaware They’d Be Imprisoned in Her Country

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Our dear old friend Gulnara Karimova and her daddy-o, Uzbekistan’s dictator Islam Karimov, are up to their usual mafiosi behavior, like torturing poets who mock them. But the much-hated (by her own people) multi-careerist continues trying desperately to gain pop stardom in America. She keeps pushing her groovy new not-on-the-cover-of-Billboard album under her daddy’s pet name for her, GooGoosha, to American dance clubs. Unfortunately for her, some of the people GooGooshing all over her (and hopefully all over each other, later) are of the homosexual variety.

This is all well and good. We’ve all made sad mistakes in our time. “Boogie Shoes” comes to mind. But would these fine young gentlemen in the video above be throwing their hands up to the chorus if they knew that in Gulnara’s country it’s a crime, punishable by three years in prison, to have man-on-man love? And that homosexuals in Uzbekistan are victims of torture and extortion by the police? Perhaps they heard that she contributed to the US foundation for AIDS research (amFAR) in 2009 and was asked to co-chair their event at Cannes in 2010, but they probably didn’t hear about Uzbek anti-AIDS activist Maxim Popov who got seven years in the slammer for distributing brochures encouraging the use of condoms and clean syringes to combat HIV. Prolly not. Because when amFAR found out about Gulnara’s country’s gay stance, they removed her name as the event co-chair from their website… and then put it back the next day. They must still like her a lot because she attended their 2012 gala as well. Money talks, we thinks. And bullshit makes a dance hit.

About the author

Writer, teacher, traveler. Arizona girl living in Paris.

View all articles by Lisa Wines


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • nounverb911

    Obama should make Marcus B Ambassador to Uzbekistan.

    • Boojum

      Or Herman Cain. He would hit on GooGorgo and have his kneecaps broken off in his rectum.

      • sullivanst

        Well, either that, or she'd like him, and then he'd never be able to leave.

        • Boojum

          She would Uzbekibekibekistanstan by her man?

          • lisawines

            At first. But then she'd kill him when she got bored.

      • actor212

        It would take him too long to say the country name. She'd have moved down the line already

  • ChernobylSoup

    The Dead Milkmen already covered this issue.

    • widestanceromance

      As in, we'll dance to anything by any bunch of stupid Europeans?

      Edit: whoops, didn't see the YT link, but was I not spot on?

    • Baconzgood

      I like you Stewart. You're not like the others….here…in the trailor park…

    • widestanceromance

      On the other hand, what's a girl to do when she only has one leg?

      • James Michael Curley

        Definitely not attempt a wide stance.

  • ChernobylSoup

    I'd still do her.

    • Boojum

      In Russia, dictator's daughter do you!

      • actor212

        Where's visa? Must move to Russia.

  • edgydrifter

    Roses are red,
    violets are blue,
    GooGoosha sucks.

  • SorosBot

    Wait gay men like dance music now?

    • actor212

      This is music????

    • zippy_w_pinhead

      and go to clubs?

    • doloras

      You know what else? BROADWAY.

  • Boojum

    I'd hit it.

    By "it", I mean the floor, with a bullet in the back of my skull.

  • SorosBot

    "Money talks, we thinks."

    Yes, money talks; but it don't sing and dance and it don't walk.

    • actor212

      Why is no one playing basketball????

  • Baconzgood

    I'm not listening to this crap. I just discovered that the shitty song in the break room was Call Me Maybe.

    • fuflans


  • mavenmaven

    I hope Googosh sues her for use of the name. (here's a great old 70s tune of hers )

    • OneYieldRegular

      I was going to say – Googoosh is probably Iran's best known pop singer, and for whom this blatant rip-off of her name is probably not the sincerest form of flattery.

  • iburl

    I'm boiling with enthusiasm for Lady GooGoo's career.

    • LastGasp

      So her rich daddy makes homosexuality a crime — he can't help it. He was born that way.

    • bobbert

      Now, that is some terminally hot snark.

  • noodlesalad

    Steppe Herder was my favorite Village People extra.

  • Baconzgood

    GooGoosha sounds like somthing that should be NSFW.

  • SayItWithWookies

    I hear she comes from a long line of monster hit makers.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Number One with a bullet?

  • Exhausted66

    Uzbeks. Don't give them money or matches.

  • freakishlywrong

    The Goo Goo Dicks

  • actor212

    torturing poets who mock them.

    That explains the album

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Well, Daddy might throw them in the klink, but no doubt Googolplex would compassionately get them released, like in the movies.

  • coolhandnuke

    This music can borat in hell. And the dancing horse she rode in on.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Watching that video, even with the sound off, reminds me of why I stopped going to clubs and started going to bars.

  • MissTaken

    You do not want to know where GooGoosha got her meat dress from.

    • sullivanst

      I'm guessing it was boiled.

    • SorosBot

      Was it made with help from Ed Gein?

    • actor212

      The mohel warned her not to rub it too hard, or she'd get a set of luggage.

  • Spurning Beer

    Now, I'm not homophobic, anti-Semitic, or anti-Muslim. But I have to say that techno dance music and prohibitions against eating pork and shellfish just don't seem right to me.

    • Baconzgood

      Your ideas intrest me. How do subscribe to your news letter?

      • Spurning Beer


        • actor212

          Is that a charity to develop a home for wayward slabs?

          Any slab that hasn't made its way into my belly is a wayward slab.

  • Isyaignert

    Excuse me, but isn't it pronounced Uz-beke-beke-stani-stan?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Wait, all those guys are gay? How can you tell?

  • actor212

    What's a DUHB mix? Is it like a DUB mix but for the clinically stoopit?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Maybe they meant DUMB mix.

    • Tundra Grifter

      DUH mix. As in, "I won't listen to that crap no matter how much you paid me. DUH!"

  • CrunchyKnee

    That reminds me of when Stewie was all like, "oohnsk, oohnsk, oohnsk, oohnsk, oohnsk" and Brian's gay cousin and his boyfriend like started dancing. No it doesn't. But, Family Guy.

  • Generation[redacted]

    I'm impressed how Sasha Baron Cohen looks totally different in every movie he makes.

  • Goonemeritus

    We need a straight eye for the “fabulous “guy –realty show. We can have the gay community wearing flannel and listing to Primus in no time.

    • actor212

      And digging Winona's Big Brown Beaver

      • Billmatic

        What decade are you guys posting from?

        • actor212

          Dude, Clinton's not President?

          • HistoriCat

            I'm going to say one word to you, son – just one word : Yahoo.

          • Billmatic


      • Butch_Wagstaff

        Heh. My lesbian friends loved that song so they played it constantly.

  • coolhandnuke

    I think the only thing young gay men and republicans share in common is a taste for awful music.

    • widestanceromance

      See also, 'throbbing, salacious money-making beat.'

  • actor212

    “Boogie Shoes” comes to mind.

    Are you kidding? It's a great song to molest teenage boys to!

    • Butch_Wagstaff


  • RedneckMuslin

    Convention in town in a couple of weeks! *Snap* Snap*

  • chicken_thief

    Hey, there are Log Cabin Republicans, gays munching Chick-Fil-A shit as we speak, and people who admire Lou Sarah for standing by her pregnant teen daughter while bashing teenage pregnancy.

    Clearly, there is no requirement to remain consistent in one's logic.

  • Billmatic

    She's no Anna Semenovich.

    • actor212

      Come again?

  • Antispandex

    I believe the conservative response would be, "If we work REALLY hard, we can catch up to Uzbekistan…no,no, not at the Olympics, we're way ahead there, I meant in their extremely progressive attitude toward gays".

  • mavenmaven

    OT: Something to post every time a gun nut says that if only there were more weapons at terror sites- the cops didn't kill him, he killed himself. Perhaps if we put more arms in the hands of criminals, they will more likely kill themselves at their own terror sites?

    • Biff

      I'd be OK with this if the gunmen would start the shooting with themselves.

  • An_Outhouse

    I heard from a reliable source that GooGoosha is Mitten's illegitimate daughter and he declares her as a dependent on his Federal tax returns. I'm sure there must be some way for Willard to refute this once and for all.

    • widestanceromance

      He's made no denials. . .

  • ManchuCandidate

    She's fucking Paris Hilton with real power and mean ass daddy.

  • IonaTrailer

    GooGoosha's free and Pussy Riot is in prison? Where is the logic in that?

  • elviouslyqueer

    Meet Googoosha…..poet, mezzo soprano, designer and exotic Uzbekistan beauty. From her desire for self expression came her poems. From her poems came the music.

    Judging from the Razor and Guido minimix, these poems sound so much better overlaid with a pounding drum machine, autotune, and about 72 tracks of synthesized strings. Oh, and Gulnara, darling, every gay boy knows that the best dance club divas are all coloraturas. The more you know, sugar tits.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      *snap* *snap* and *snap*
      Mmmhmm. Thank you.

  • pinkocommi

    You can't hold against a person who their parents are. Just look at Meghan McCain and Bristol Palin … They've earned our loathing all by themselves.

    • Tundra Grifter

      J.W. Grant: "You bastard."

      Rico Fardan: "Yes, Sir. In my case an accident of birth. But you, Sir, you're a self-made man."

      ~ The Professionals

  • BZ1

    Pretty gooey, and not pretty in the conventional sense …

  • ttommyunger

    This woman is some seriously dangerous pussy…

  • DahBoner

    "My Daddy's a Dick Tater, Too!" –Mary Cheney

  • fuflans

    was somebody actually singing in that?

  • MiniMencken

    I'm reserving judgement on this music and club until I hear what Stefon Zolesky thinks of it.