crimes against nature and music

Gay Men Goo-Goosh All Over Dictator’s Daughter, Unaware They’d Be Imprisoned in Her Country

Our dear old friend Gulnara Karimova and her daddy-o, Uzbekistan’s dictator Islam Karimov, are up to their usual mafiosi behavior, like torturing poets who mock them. But the much-hated (by her own people) multi-careerist continues trying desperately to gain pop stardom in America. She keeps pushing her groovy new not-on-the-cover-of-Billboard album under her daddy’s pet name for her, GooGoosha, to American dance clubs. Unfortunately for her, some of the people GooGooshing all over her (and hopefully all over each other, later) are of the homosexual variety.

This is all well and good. We’ve all made sad mistakes in our time. “Boogie Shoes” comes to mind. But would these fine young gentlemen in the video above be throwing their hands up to the chorus if they knew that in Gulnara’s country it’s a crime, punishable by three years in prison, to have man-on-man love? And that homosexuals in Uzbekistan are victims of torture and extortion by the police? Perhaps they heard that she contributed to the US foundation for AIDS research (amFAR) in 2009 and was asked to co-chair their event at Cannes in 2010, but they probably didn’t hear about Uzbek anti-AIDS activist Maxim Popov who got seven years in the slammer for distributing brochures encouraging the use of condoms and clean syringes to combat HIV. Prolly not. Because when amFAR found out about Gulnara’s country’s gay stance, they removed her name as the event co-chair from their website… and then put it back the next day. They must still like her a lot because she attended their 2012 gala as well. Money talks, we thinks. And bullshit makes a dance hit.

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Writer, teacher, traveler. Arizona girl living in Paris.

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    1. widestanceromance

      As in, we'll dance to anything by any bunch of stupid Europeans?

      Edit: whoops, didn't see the YT link, but was I not spot on?

  1. SorosBot

    "Money talks, we thinks."

    Yes, money talks; but it don't sing and dance and it don't walk.

  2. Baconzgood

    I'm not listening to this crap. I just discovered that the shitty song in the break room was Call Me Maybe.

    1. OneYieldRegular

      I was going to say – Googoosh is probably Iran's best known pop singer, and for whom this blatant rip-off of her name is probably not the sincerest form of flattery.

    1. LastGasp

      So her rich daddy makes homosexuality a crime — he can't help it. He was born that way.

  3. BaldarTFlagass

    Well, Daddy might throw them in the klink, but no doubt Googolplex would compassionately get them released, like in the movies.

  4. BaldarTFlagass

    Watching that video, even with the sound off, reminds me of why I stopped going to clubs and started going to bars.

  5. Spurning Beer

    Now, I'm not homophobic, anti-Semitic, or anti-Muslim. But I have to say that techno dance music and prohibitions against eating pork and shellfish just don't seem right to me.

  6. CrunchyKnee

    That reminds me of when Stewie was all like, "oohnsk, oohnsk, oohnsk, oohnsk, oohnsk" and Brian's gay cousin and his boyfriend like started dancing. No it doesn't. But, Family Guy.

  7. Generation[redacted]

    I'm impressed how Sasha Baron Cohen looks totally different in every movie he makes.

  8. Goonemeritus

    We need a straight eye for the “fabulous “guy –realty show. We can have the gay community wearing flannel and listing to Primus in no time.

  9. coolhandnuke

    I think the only thing young gay men and republicans share in common is a taste for awful music.

  10. chicken_thief

    Hey, there are Log Cabin Republicans, gays munching Chick-Fil-A shit as we speak, and people who admire Lou Sarah for standing by her pregnant teen daughter while bashing teenage pregnancy.

    Clearly, there is no requirement to remain consistent in one's logic.

  11. Antispandex

    I believe the conservative response would be, "If we work REALLY hard, we can catch up to Uzbekistan…no,no, not at the Olympics, we're way ahead there, I meant in their extremely progressive attitude toward gays".

  12. An_Outhouse

    I heard from a reliable source that GooGoosha is Mitten's illegitimate daughter and he declares her as a dependent on his Federal tax returns. I'm sure there must be some way for Willard to refute this once and for all.

  13. elviouslyqueer

    Meet Googoosha…..poet, mezzo soprano, designer and exotic Uzbekistan beauty. From her desire for self expression came her poems. From her poems came the music.

    Judging from the Razor and Guido minimix, these poems sound so much better overlaid with a pounding drum machine, autotune, and about 72 tracks of synthesized strings. Oh, and Gulnara, darling, every gay boy knows that the best dance club divas are all coloraturas. The more you know, sugar tits.

  14. pinkocommi

    You can't hold against a person who their parents are. Just look at Meghan McCain and Bristol Palin … They've earned our loathing all by themselves.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      J.W. Grant: "You bastard."

      Rico Fardan: "Yes, Sir. In my case an accident of birth. But you, Sir, you're a self-made man."

      ~ The Professionals

  15. MiniMencken

    I'm reserving judgement on this music and club until I hear what Stefon Zolesky thinks of it.

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