CRIMES AGAINST NATURE AND MUSIC  1:30 pm August 8, 2012

Gay Men Goo-Goosh All Over Dictator’s Daughter, Unaware They’d Be Imprisoned in Her Country

by Lisa Wines

Our dear old friend Gulnara Karimova and her daddy-o, Uzbekistan’s dictator Islam Karimov, are up to their usual mafiosi behavior, like torturing poets who mock them. But the much-hated (by her own people) multi-careerist continues trying desperately to gain pop stardom in America. She keeps pushing her groovy new not-on-the-cover-of-Billboard album under her daddy’s pet name for her, GooGoosha, to American dance clubs. Unfortunately for her, some of the people GooGooshing all over her (and hopefully all over each other, later) are of the homosexual variety.

This is all well and good. We’ve all made sad mistakes in our time. “Boogie Shoes” comes to mind. But would these fine young gentlemen in the video above be throwing their hands up to the chorus if they knew that in Gulnara’s country it’s a crime, punishable by three years in prison, to have man-on-man love? And that homosexuals in Uzbekistan are victims of torture and extortion by the police? Perhaps they heard that she contributed to the US foundation for AIDS research (amFAR) in 2009 and was asked to co-chair their event at Cannes in 2010, but they probably didn’t hear about Uzbek anti-AIDS activist Maxim Popov who got seven years in the slammer for distributing brochures encouraging the use of condoms and clean syringes to combat HIV. Prolly not. Because when amFAR found out about Gulnara’s country’s gay stance, they removed her name as the event co-chair from their website… and then put it back the next day. They must still like her a lot because she attended their 2012 gala as well. Money talks, we thinks. And bullshit makes a dance hit.

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 89 comments }

nounverb911 August 8, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Obama should make Marcus B Ambassador to Uzbekistan.

Boojum August 8, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Or Herman Cain. He would hit on GooGorgo and have his kneecaps broken off in his rectum.

sullivanst August 8, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Well, either that, or she'd like him, and then he'd never be able to leave.

Boojum August 8, 2012 at 1:46 pm

She would Uzbekibekibekistanstan by her man?

lisawines August 8, 2012 at 5:48 pm

At first. But then she'd kill him when she got bored.

actor212 August 8, 2012 at 1:45 pm

It would take him too long to say the country name. She'd have moved down the line already

ChernobylSoup August 8, 2012 at 1:33 pm

The Dead Milkmen already covered this issue.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVGhHdRZJZc

widestanceromance August 8, 2012 at 1:37 pm

As in, we'll dance to anything by any bunch of stupid Europeans?

Edit: whoops, didn't see the YT link, but was I not spot on?

Baconzgood August 8, 2012 at 1:37 pm

I like you Stewart. You're not like the others….here…in the trailor park…

widestanceromance August 8, 2012 at 2:01 pm

On the other hand, what's a girl to do when she only has one leg?

James Michael Curley August 8, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Definitely not attempt a wide stance.

ChernobylSoup August 8, 2012 at 1:35 pm

I'd still do her.

Boojum August 8, 2012 at 1:36 pm

In Russia, dictator's daughter do you!

actor212 August 8, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Where's visa? Must move to Russia.

edgydrifter August 8, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Roses are red,
violets are blue,
GooGoosha sucks.

SorosBot August 8, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Wait gay men like dance music now?

actor212 August 8, 2012 at 2:07 pm

This is music????

zippy_w_pinhead August 8, 2012 at 8:36 pm

and go to clubs?

doloras August 9, 2012 at 5:48 am

You know what else? BROADWAY.

Boojum August 8, 2012 at 1:35 pm

I'd hit it.

By "it", I mean the floor, with a bullet in the back of my skull.

SorosBot August 8, 2012 at 1:36 pm

"Money talks, we thinks."

Yes, money talks; but it don't sing and dance and it don't walk.

actor212 August 8, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Why is no one playing basketball????

Baconzgood August 8, 2012 at 1:37 pm

I'm not listening to this crap. I just discovered that the shitty song in the break room was Call Me Maybe.

fuflans August 8, 2012 at 5:44 pm

sorry.

mavenmaven August 8, 2012 at 1:37 pm

I hope Googosh sues her for use of the name. (here's a great old 70s tune of hers http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COu908Tyz28 )

OneYieldRegular August 8, 2012 at 2:01 pm

I was going to say – Googoosh is probably Iran's best known pop singer, and for whom this blatant rip-off of her name is probably not the sincerest form of flattery.

iburl August 8, 2012 at 1:37 pm

I'm boiling with enthusiasm for Lady GooGoo's career.

LastGasp August 8, 2012 at 2:06 pm

So her rich daddy makes homosexuality a crime — he can't help it. He was born that way.

bobbert August 8, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Now, that is some terminally hot snark.

noodlesalad August 8, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Steppe Herder was my favorite Village People extra.

Extemporanus August 8, 2012 at 1:49 pm

♫♬ It's fun to stay in a Y-U-R-T! ♫♬

James Michael Curley August 8, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Next stop Asherville, North Carolina http://biltmore.com/visit/calendar/concerts.asp
and Headlined by KC and the Sunshine Band

Baconzgood August 8, 2012 at 1:39 pm

GooGoosha sounds like somthing that should be NSFW.

SayItWithWookies August 8, 2012 at 1:40 pm

I hear she comes from a long line of monster hit makers.

Tundra Grifter August 8, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Number One with a bullet?

Exhausted66 August 8, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Uzbeks. Don't give them money or matches. http://youtu.be/g1EIXG894Ng

freakishlywrong August 8, 2012 at 1:42 pm

The Goo Goo Dicks

actor212 August 8, 2012 at 1:42 pm

torturing poets who mock them.

That explains the album

BaldarTFlagass August 8, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Well, Daddy might throw them in the klink, but no doubt Googolplex would compassionately get them released, like in the movies.

coolhandnuke August 8, 2012 at 1:43 pm

This music can borat in hell. And the dancing horse she rode in on.

BaldarTFlagass August 8, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Watching that video, even with the sound off, reminds me of why I stopped going to clubs and started going to bars.

MissTaken August 8, 2012 at 1:44 pm

You do not want to know where GooGoosha got her meat dress from.

sullivanst August 8, 2012 at 1:47 pm

I'm guessing it was boiled.

SorosBot August 8, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Was it made with help from Ed Gein?

actor212 August 8, 2012 at 1:56 pm

The mohel warned her not to rub it too hard, or she'd get a set of luggage.

Spurning Beer August 8, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Now, I'm not homophobic, anti-Semitic, or anti-Muslim. But I have to say that techno dance music and prohibitions against eating pork and shellfish just don't seem right to me.

Baconzgood August 8, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Your ideas intrest me. How do subscribe to your news letter?

Spurning Beer August 8, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Visit BaconConservancy.org.

actor212 August 8, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Is that a charity to develop a home for wayward slabs?

Any slab that hasn't made its way into my belly is a wayward slab.

Isyaignert August 8, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Excuse me, but isn't it pronounced Uz-beke-beke-stani-stan?

BaldarTFlagass August 8, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Wait, all those guys are gay? How can you tell?

actor212 August 8, 2012 at 1:48 pm

What's a DUHB mix? Is it like a DUB mix but for the clinically stoopit?

BaldarTFlagass August 8, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Maybe they meant DUMB mix.

Tundra Grifter August 8, 2012 at 3:19 pm

DUH mix. As in, "I won't listen to that crap no matter how much you paid me. DUH!"

CrunchyKnee August 8, 2012 at 1:48 pm

That reminds me of when Stewie was all like, "oohnsk, oohnsk, oohnsk, oohnsk, oohnsk" and Brian's gay cousin and his boyfriend like started dancing. No it doesn't. But, Family Guy.

Generation[redacted] August 8, 2012 at 1:48 pm

I'm impressed how Sasha Baron Cohen looks totally different in every movie he makes.

Goonemeritus August 8, 2012 at 1:52 pm

We need a straight eye for the “fabulous “guy –realty show. We can have the gay community wearing flannel and listing to Primus in no time.

actor212 August 8, 2012 at 1:58 pm

And digging Winona's Big Brown Beaver

Billmatic August 8, 2012 at 2:19 pm

What decade are you guys posting from?

actor212 August 8, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Dude, Clinton's not President?

HistoriCat August 8, 2012 at 3:23 pm

I'm going to say one word to you, son – just one word : Yahoo.

Butch_Wagstaff August 8, 2012 at 7:56 pm

Heh. My lesbian friends loved that song so they played it constantly.

coolhandnuke August 8, 2012 at 1:54 pm

I think the only thing young gay men and republicans share in common is a taste for awful music.

widestanceromance August 8, 2012 at 2:18 pm

See also, 'throbbing, salacious money-making beat.'

actor212 August 8, 2012 at 1:54 pm

“Boogie Shoes” comes to mind.

Are you kidding? It's a great song to molest teenage boys to!

Butch_Wagstaff August 8, 2012 at 8:02 pm

Gah!

RedneckMuslin August 8, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Convention in town in a couple of weeks! *Snap* Snap*

chicken_thief August 8, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Hey, there are Log Cabin Republicans, gays munching Chick-Fil-A shit as we speak, and people who admire Lou Sarah for standing by her pregnant teen daughter while bashing teenage pregnancy.

Clearly, there is no requirement to remain consistent in one's logic.

Billmatic August 8, 2012 at 2:08 pm

She's no Anna Semenovich.

actor212 August 8, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Come again?

James Michael Curley August 8, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Анна Семенович

Russia's greatest repository of silicon.

Billmatic August 8, 2012 at 3:04 pm

That's not a nice thing to say!

Antispandex August 8, 2012 at 2:11 pm

I believe the conservative response would be, "If we work REALLY hard, we can catch up to Uzbekistan…no,no, not at the Olympics, we're way ahead there, I meant in their extremely progressive attitude toward gays".

mavenmaven August 8, 2012 at 2:18 pm

OT: Something to post every time a gun nut says that if only there were more weapons at terror sites- the cops didn't kill him, he killed himself. Perhaps if we put more arms in the hands of criminals, they will more likely kill themselves at their own terror sites? http://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/09/us/wisconsin-gu

Biff August 8, 2012 at 2:32 pm

I'd be OK with this if the gunmen would start the shooting with themselves.

An_Outhouse August 8, 2012 at 2:19 pm

I heard from a reliable source that GooGoosha is Mitten's illegitimate daughter and he declares her as a dependent on his Federal tax returns. I'm sure there must be some way for Willard to refute this once and for all.

widestanceromance August 8, 2012 at 2:50 pm

He's made no denials. . .

ManchuCandidate August 8, 2012 at 2:41 pm

She's fucking Paris Hilton with real power and mean ass daddy.

IonaTrailer August 8, 2012 at 2:46 pm

GooGoosha's free and Pussy Riot is in prison? Where is the logic in that?

elviouslyqueer August 8, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Meet Googoosha…..poet, mezzo soprano, designer and exotic Uzbekistan beauty. From her desire for self expression came her poems. From her poems came the music.

Judging from the Razor and Guido minimix, these poems sound so much better overlaid with a pounding drum machine, autotune, and about 72 tracks of synthesized strings. Oh, and Gulnara, darling, every gay boy knows that the best dance club divas are all coloraturas. The more you know, sugar tits.

Butch_Wagstaff August 8, 2012 at 8:20 pm

*snap* *snap* and *snap*
Mmmhmm. Thank you.

pinkocommi August 8, 2012 at 3:04 pm

You can't hold against a person who their parents are. Just look at Meghan McCain and Bristol Palin … They've earned our loathing all by themselves.

Tundra Grifter August 8, 2012 at 3:23 pm

J.W. Grant: "You bastard."

Rico Fardan: "Yes, Sir. In my case an accident of birth. But you, Sir, you're a self-made man."

~ The Professionals

BZ1 August 8, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Pretty gooey, and not pretty in the conventional sense …

ttommyunger August 8, 2012 at 5:10 pm

This woman is some seriously dangerous pussy…

DahBoner August 8, 2012 at 5:17 pm

"My Daddy's a Dick Tater, Too!" –Mary Cheney

fuflans August 8, 2012 at 5:53 pm

was somebody actually singing in that?

MiniMencken August 9, 2012 at 3:56 am

I'm reserving judgement on this music and club until I hear what Stefon Zolesky thinks of it.

Billmatic August 8, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Altavista?

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: