We’re sure the fancy Madison Avenue Focus Groups have data showing that this stuff works like hot hell, but the President’s brand new haymaker — “He’s Robin Hood in reverse. He’s Romney Hood” — is basically just as hackneyed as a straightforward metaphor comparing a charitable person to Robin Hood. His Super PAC has been using the same line. “Chicago” really loves this shit, huh? Sure, run with it. It’s on message and the copy is marginally snappier than “He’s Robin Hood in reverse. He’s, you know, King John or the Sheriff of Nottingham, the story’s antagonists, who necessarily represent a counter ideology of upward wealth redistribution.” Your Wonkette would pass out laughing if he dropped that, but we’re degenerates.

Our national errand boy, Mitt Romney, had just the right response in the tank: “And if I were to coin a term, it would be ‘Obamaloney.’ He’s serving up a dish which is simply in contradiction with the truth.” The classic American meal of baloney on a dish never tasted so bad, derpa derp. Or perhaps Romney, being weird, intended to draw a comparison between the president and Rep. Carolyn Maloney, to highlight his opposition to generic Democratic policy stances?

Yesterday was more fun.

[ABC News]

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  • Pragmatist2

    "Romnesia" – when you forget you used to be a liberal.

  • 'Romnerrhea' is the shit that comes out of his mouth.

  • Come here a minute

    Meanwhile, polls show the voters have a case of "Barackoholism" and are not becoming any more "Romneydirectional".

    • Fare la Volpe

      Nobody has ever been Romneycurious.

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        Except for the yes men that surround him. There's good money to be made in telling a rich man he's right. The entire business industry press is based on this fact.

        Fluffing a rich guy is how trickle down works.

  • Romney "For a Stronger Middle Class"– fuck me gently with a fucking chainsaw.

    • sullivanst

      Well, things that don't exist are unbreakable, and how much stronger can you get than that?

    • Fare la Volpe

      It went over better than

      Romney "Friend to the Animals"

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Unfortunately, Obama can't come right out and call a spade a spade (i.e., "My opponent is a fucking asshole"). Romney could call a spade a spade, but that'd probably be crossing over the line and even he isn't that stupid, so he uses the standard issue dog whistles.

    • zippy_w_pinhead

      see, that's the advantage of the magic Etch-A-Sketch. Don't like a line? Give it a shake and just draw a new one

    • sullivanst

      I'd settle for "My opponent is a compulsive liar".

  • HempDogbane

    Someone at Fox News thinks "Witty Willard" is a good way to play up Mitt's response.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      They left off the "T" in front of "witty."

      • Half-wit Mitt..

      • mlle_derp

        Or they forgot the D-I-M in front of "witty"….

    • Gleem McShineys

      For accuracy, his name should really be "Shillard."

  • PuckStopsHere

    I'm sure Mitt Fucking Romney eats fucking baloney every fucking day. I'll bet he picked some up at the store yesterday, right after he got his "hardware stuff."

    • Wadisay

      He was looking for some tool to be his running mate.

    • mlle_derp

      That's why he's so full of it.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I'm sure Mitt has never tasted bologna in his life. His reference to "Obamaloney" is more likely a takeoff on abalone.

    • Mitt has eaten plenty of baloney! The Scholarship Kids he and the boys used to beat the hell out of always brought baloney sandwiches for lunch!

    • Callyson

      No, but he's served plenty of it.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    "Momney'd" – when your party and its policies kick Mom in the cunt.

  • labman57

    In both policy positions and plays on words, Team Romney comes up short.

  • This sums up Romney Bullshit pretty well:

  • pinkocommi

    Romnipotent – The unlimited power to be an out-of-touch rich asshole everywhere all at once.

  • mlle_derp

    O'Bamaloney sure sounds Irish to me…

    • MissTaken

      I wanna kiss the O'Bamalarny Stone

      • Jus_Wonderin

        "Oh, my eye!!!!!"

  • SexySmurf

    Then Obama replied by calling him "Shitt Dumbney." And then Mitt called him "Bacock Yomama." And then Obama was all like, "you, me, flag pole 3 o'clock."

    • anniegetyerfun

      This actually needs to happen.

  • Goonemeritus

    When will we finally stop pussy footing around and admit that we will be rounding up anyone richer than me the day after the election.

    • emmelemm

      Uh, wrong. They'll be rounding up anyone who makes LESS than $250k and putting them in the work camps. For America and Jesus.

      • Beowoof

        Don't forget your Buybull, that could earn you an extra spoonful of the thin gruel.

      • Generation[redacted]

        Because the poor haven't paid their fair share of taxes.

  • You might be a redneck Romney supporter..

    If you're only experience with science is from your common-law wife's meth lab…

    If you're morally opposed to your sister using birth control when you're having sex with her….

    If you have no idea what a 99%er and a 1% because you don't know what math is….

    If every time you go near one of your farm animals, they blow a rape whistle…

    If when watching your girlfriend's state-mandated sonagram, you ask for the remote so you can change it to "Walker, Texas Ranger"…

  • Callyson

    We have:


    Rob Me

    Romney Hood

    They have:


    We're still up 3 -1. USA! USA!

    • Don't forget 'Shitty Mitty'!

      • elviouslyqueer

        I much prefer the tried and true "Lying Douchebag," personally.

        • ElPinche


        • Nostrildamus

          My wife insists this term a poor term because a douche bag is useful.

    • mlle_derp

      Don't forget all the versions of the Mittbot…

    • Negropolis

      Shit Romney. You forgot Shit Romney.

    • Isyaignert

      Then there's "Mint Raw Money" and "Mitt Robbed Me" courtesy of the awesome progressive talk show host Norman Goldman –

  • coolhandnuke

    Mitt's all jazzed after his shopping adventure to connect with the Wal Mart moms. As the inveterate shopper at Romney Manor, Mitt showed the moms how it's done by putting the groceries under the hood and strapping the bag boy to the car roof.

  • Barb_

    Romney Hood of Loxley, cutting the hair of the Merry Men, whether they liked it or not.

    • Oof! I bet he just felt a swift kick in the nethers.

      • Barb_

        Unless he was wearing his magic codpiece.

  • cookieparty

    Romney is King Midas in Reverse…oh wait…he's King Midas.

  • Tequila Mockingbird

    "Obamalogney"? I can just imagine Mittens licking his lips, smiling smugly with cognac and white fish in his belly, and sliding back in his upholstered chair at his own snappy, shoot-from-the-hip, tell-it-like-it-is folk wisdom, right there.

    • schvitzatura

      He's the Intercontinental!

    • Negropolis

      If by cognac you meant a cup of green tea, and by white fish you meant a baloney on white bread with mayo ('cause mustard has too much kick, of course), I completely agree.

    • Isyaignert

      There won't be any cognac since he's a Mormon. But wouldn't it be fun to slip him an Alice B. Tokeless brownie?

  • Extemporanus

    It's good to see that Wonkette commenters are finally getting some work.

  • I prefer Romlyingsackofshitney.

  • Billmatic

    These puns are Obamanable.

    • UnholyMoses

      They're Baracking my world.

      • Billmatic

        Don't make me Koch slap you.

        • MinAgain

          Yeah, you and what Romney?

    • Negropolis

      Why is Obama so damned hussein in the membrane?

  • Romneypresence — that's the ability to be in every possible location on a given issue.

    • mlle_derp

      (Big smile.)

  • Romney Hood: Men In Tights Magic Undies.

  • JackDempsey1

    There should be a Madmen episode where the gang brainstorms this set of lame neologisms, exasperating Don Draper so much that he drinks himself into a floozy and then beds a bottle of liquor, just to change things up a bit.

  • mavenmaven

    Remember, those are the people who think "libunatic" is witty and clever.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Yeah, well, they're totally unprepared for Obamageddon. They're gonna be left behind after the Barackture.

      I hope it only happens once – multiple Baracktures are painful.

  • SorosBot

    Mitt has even less charisma that Kostner's shitty Robin Hood. And at least Morgan Freeman and Alan Rickman made that movie watchable.

  • Gopherit

    I'll just leave this here.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Has someone already created Romney-Romulan mash-up art? I am no good with the Photoshop.,

  • mavenmaven

    Perhaps he meant ObamaLeone, in a reference to spaghetti westerns for his killing bin Laden? Or Obamazony, something to do with erogenous areas? Would a well dressed man be Obamatony? You know we can do this all day.

  • Tequila Mockingbird

    Barack it off with these lame puns. They're driving me Hussein.

    • Negropolis

      Barack and Hussein? Those jokes? I already Dunham.

  • ingloriousbytch

    Romnivore – someone who will swallow anything.

  • hagajim

    I think we all just ought to start calling R'Money a Kochsucker and be done with it.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Proper pronunciation, please: He has a bad Koch habit.

  • WhatTheHeck

    Help. I’ve been Romkneed in the balls.

  • The "Truth" being somewhere between "I Uhhhhhh Errr Pay Lots of Taxes" and "I'll get back to ya. Yeah RmOney "the checks in the mail" doesn't even work for rich people. That bill comes due no matter what.

    • Isyaignert

      It's right up there with $arah Palin's "I'll find ya some and bring 'em to ya."

  • king john was also an entitled little twerp who went to france, sacrificed his authority, had his party turn against him and died from peaches or poison.

    coincidence? i think not.

  • StarsUponThars

    Waiting for the inevitable "I know you are but what am I?"

  • barto

    Romnomatopaoea. DONE!

    • Generation[redacted]

      Ooooh, he sounds like whatever it is he means at the time.

  • MinAgain

    I ate a ton of fried baloney in my childhood, and it was deeelicious.

  • Nostrildamus

    That video shows Willard gets along well with rats.

  • schvitzatura

    Willard is King Midas in Reverse…for the middle class.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Trying to wrap my head around it…Bologna is a "dish"? What? Has Mitt Romney ever met an actual human long enough for his subroutines to assimilate normal speech patterns?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      In the Romney household, bologna is served on a silver plate, with truffles. It's quick, easy, and convenient — or so say the cooks.

  • Midway117

    Bozo and Ozone Man. Look it up.

    • DahBoner


  • ttommyunger

    ‘Obamaloney.’ Freud would be pleased. Romney & Co. just can't keep from fixating on Barry's enormous shlong, can they?

  • LetUsBray

    What a big, steaming pile of Mitt.

  • kittensdontlie

    "Mitt's balogna has a first name, it's B-a-r-r-y.
    Mitt's balogna has a second name, it's N-o-b-a-m-a.
    Oh he loves to beat himself everyday,
    And if you ask him why he'll say,
    'Cause Barack Obama has a way with O-B-A-L-O-G-N-A !!

  • mosjef

    Mutt Ramrod
    Madge Ringworm
    Master Romnabator
    Mudman Rentawreck
    Muttworth Romnington
    Heavy Multtles
    Mental Romtardation

  • Negropolis

    I'm still partial to my coining of "Romnelescent." I mean, it's a perfectly cromulent term, I'd think.

  • DahBoner

    Romneo, there he goes again–slipping that date rape drug into America's drink…

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