Doodly doodly doo, twitter twitter twitter. Oh, what’s this? Bryan Fischer, of the wonderful and loving and Christian in totally the best sense of the religion American Family Association, do you have some Thoughts on the Sikh temple massacre, which you think would be important to share with the world? FANTASTIC. But hmmm, we are not sure that we follow the logic, as shown in your twit above. A neo-Nazi hated a Republican — who was black — and so must be a liberal? Might there be another reason for a neo-Nazi to hate a black man? Maybe because that is kind of their whole thing?

Maybe the white power aficionado who shot up all those Sikh people should have remembered to have a Derbyshirian black friend so that it was clear regarding his Herman Cain-hating that he hated Cain because Cain is a Republican, not because he is a black man. But since the white power aficionado who shot up all those Sikh people did not have the foresight to have a black friend, so as to differentiate between those hatreds based on skin color and those hatreds based on Republicanness, we are going to have to stick with the simplest solution as provided by Occam’s Razor: that Bryan Fischer is a fucking idiot.

Scrolling back through Fischer’s timeline, in a fruitless search for any commentary on the temple massacre that didn’t involve telling them to get guns or explaining that hating Herman Cain makes the shooter ipso facto a liberal, we came upon this:

So, yeah. It might be time for Fischer to find a Derbyshirian black friend too.


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  • viennawoods13

    OT, but everyone, go to Colbert and watch last night's show. His guest was Pete Seeger. It will make you happy. We live in a world where Brietbart is dead and Pete Seeger lives; someone must love us.

    • You had me at Breitbart is dead.

    • mormos

      the folk singer? fuck. yes. i didn't know he was still alive. you would not believe the amount of pete seeger i have on my computer.

      • James Michael Curley

        Still alive and still hosting a Clearwater Eco cruise at least once a year.

      • How much did you pay for? I have to ask, with you kids today.

    • OneYieldRegular

      I saw Pete Seeger perform when I was only a quarter his age. Union rules meant that the show had to stop at a certain hour, so he just kept playing while strolling out of the theater and into the street, where everyone (almost certainly including the union folks) followed him for a continuation of the concert.

      • mormos

        that is literally the coolest thing i have ever heard

  • Tequila Mockingbird

    I'll bet the temple shooter also thought O.J. was guilty.

    • He asked Casey Anthony out on a date, too.

      • ChernobylSoup

        You're saying she's available?!?!

        • She's not a single parent anymore.

          • ChernobylSoup

            I'm not looking for a date, just a babysitter.

          • chicken_thief

            Shoulda called last month when Jerry Sandusky was still available…

          • HistoriCat

            You have to admire a babysitter who gives the personal touch.

          • Nobody ever gives him credit for the thousands of kids he didn't molest!

          • chicken_thief

            Herman, that you?!

  • Schmannnity

    Is a left-wing fascist anything like a right-wing communist?

    • According to Jonah Goldberg, yes.

      Actually he may have a point: it's possible that Page was less of a hater than your average fascist, which would make him a left-wing fascist.

      • usuhname

        No, a left-wing fascist is more akin to a Stalinist Hitler. A right-wing communist is actually just a secret liberal traitor.
        See, right-wing is *Only Ever A Good Thing* – FOREVERZ x MILLION > ARGUMENT WUN

  • ChernobylSoup

    Some of my best straw men are black.

  • SorosBot

    Uh, dude, "leftwing fascist neo-Nazi" is kind of an oxymoron; what's next, "rightwing communist neo-Soviet"?

    • Generation[redacted]

      Don't forget the dreaded fifth wing. You never know where that's coming from.

    • mavenmaven

      No, because all of their Orwellian "history" is to deflect any criticism of themselves. So anything bad in history is, though their miraculous chalkboard, "left". Genghis Khan, for example, who was tolerant of religions and gender, was obviously a leftist.

      • emmelemm

        Wait… Genghis Khan was tolerant of religions and gender?

        • MosesInvests

          Gender I don't know about, but the Mongols were known for being tolerant of religion. If you didn't fight him, the Khan of Khans didn't care at all who you worshiped, and religious institutions, all of them, were protected in the Mongol Empire.

          • mavenmaven

            Yes, and women had a more equal part in Mongol society.

          • CthuNHu

            "If you didn't fight him, the Khan of Khans didn't care at all who you worshiped…"

            Well, I wouldn't exactly say that. More like, "If he didn't have a hankering to kill you and level your village/city/kingdom, or even if he did, the Khan of Khans didn't care at all who you worshiped…"

    • CthuNHu

      Um, actually, I think Russia's got those. And they probably overlap a fair bit with the neo-Nazis. But then "communist" means something a wee bit different in ex-commie countries than it does elsewhere.

    • Beowoof

      Well the right wing has gone so far right, they have become Stalinists.

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Yes…they say fascists were leftwing based upon the absolutely airtight explanation that Hitler loved sugar, leftists like sugar so Hitler was a leftist. Nevermind the racism, or the hostility to equality by the law or the religious bigotry, hatred of socialists and communists and the notion of society being permanently at war with everyone and everything. I mean, Hitler liked sugar and apparently was somewhat of an environmentalist (though not nearly as much so old-conservative standard bearer Richard Nixon or Barry Goldwater) therefore he's a liberal. That's pretty much the entire argument in a nutshell…alongside the socialist in national socialist…and Hitler DID like sugar…

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      These are things now because no one knows what those "ism" words really mean any more.

  • Blueb4sinrise


  • Blueb4sinrise


  • Blueb4sinrise


    • HEY! No fair tripling down on your p-ness!

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        Your awfully insecure considering the size of your pness.

        • The shower was cold in that video.

      • ChernobylSoup

        I only upthumbed the THE, just to keep him off balance.

        • proudgrampa

          Me, too.

      • Blueb4sinrise

        I was shocked that I managed to get three at the beginning of a thread without misspelling 'what the fuck'.

    • arihaya


      pun intended

  • Greensky Bluegrass.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      I'm not sure what this has to do with anything, but I really don't care. Saw them a couple of times at Telluride, including the year they won the band competition.

  • AlterNewt

    People be thinkin funny. It aint right.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I cracked your code Bryan Fischer. "Underground Railroad" is the name of a gay sex club.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Sling low, sweet bondage queen
      Cummin' for to carry me bone

      • Butch_Wagstaff


    • Beowoof

      Don't worry Brian, someone will be driving that train into your tunnel later.

  • Callyson

    Do tell, Wikipedia, how credible a source is Bryan Fischer?

    In November 2010, the SPLC changed their listing of the AFA from a group that used hate speech to the more serious one of being designated a hate group.
    The SPLC's Mark Potok said that the AFA's "propagation of known falsehoods and demonizing propaganda" was the basis for the change. Fischer's anti-gay comments were given as an example by SPLC in support of the hate group designation.
    Recently, Fischer has become a supporter of the AIDS denial movement. His guest on the January 3, 2012 edition of Focal Point was prominent AIDS denialist Peter Duesberg. On that show, Fischer strongly supported Duesberg's contention that AIDS is not caused by HIV, but by recreational drug use.

    Yeah, this guy's a real authority on racial issues, or any other issues for that matter.


    • usuhname

      Don't no one never tell an Amerikan they don't know what do for kooks. GOLD 4 EVER.

  • Goonemeritus

    Stalin hated FDR I guess he was a Republican.

    • Larry McAwful

      Well, your enemies' enemies are your friends, so… yeah!

    • Kidneys4Sale

      You know who ELSE ha….

      I cant even finish.

      • Fare la Volpe

        You know who else hated FDR?

        Mrs. FDR.

        According to Ellie, Frankie boy was like a dead fish in the sack.

        • Boojum

          Um, POLIO!

          Not to mention, Eleanor.

  • Generation[redacted]

    I have a dream that one day we will be judged not by the color of our skin, but by the content of arbitrary labels assigned by others who disagree with us on one or more issues.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    How does Fischer know that Wade Page detested Herman Cain? Did Page post here at Wonkette?

    • Herman Cain is "black". QED

      No. Really. That's all Fischer needs to know.

    • tessiee

      "How does Fischer know that Wade Page detested Herman Cain?"

      to be fair, it's a pretty safe guess.

    • chicken_thief

      Duh. 9-9-9. 9 mm. Connect the dots, sheeplez!!!!!!

  • mavenmaven

    Oh my, I predicted an attack on Sikhs here a few weeks ago, and earlier today posted a parody comment about nazis being leftists. I did not envisage a day when my worst nightmares would become every day life in America.

    • ChernobylSoup

      If you posted anything in 2007 about the economy being anything less than stable, we're going to have to take away your keyboard.

    • If you call Kevin Bacon dead, so help me God I will hunt you down and vote you!

    • mavenmaven

      And apparently I did post something once about being abused by my fellow wonketteers :)

      • proudgrampa

        But we only do so out of love and respect.

      • Fukui-sanYesOta

        Surveyor's insults.

    • Don't worry, your life is only a science fiction movie we're watching.

  • Fukui-sanYesOta

    "Takes care of that whole right wing Tea Party meme"

    I am utterly flummoxed as to what he's trying to get at here. The Tea Party is left wing? The Tea Party aren't racist because, uuh, what?

    It makes no fucking sense whatsoever, therefore Bryan Fischer is a world class dolt.

    • Generation[redacted]

      So he's tea party because of his ties to StormFront, which is not right wing because they hate black Republicans.

      I get it now!

      • Fukui-sanYesOta

        Fischer later claimed that Hitler was obviously Iranian because he wasn't keen on ham-dodgers.

        • James Michael Curley

          Than sounds interesting and Ms. Lindsey Graham would go all liquid.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Bryan Fischer's brain is a few bricks shy of running on three cylinders with marbles rolling around loose at the lobotomy farm.

    • ChernobylSoup

      Are you saying his thought train has a loose dull knife?

    • He's not the brightest bulb in the crayon box, no.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      He's not the sharpest doorknob in the loaf.

    • HogeyeGrex

      Definitely a few cans short of a full deck.

    • Fare la Volpe

      He's kinda dumb too.

    • Whatever

      A couple of loose screws from a picnic?

    • proudgrampa

      A couple of keys missing from the keyboard?

      • You're doing it wrong.

        • proudgrampa

          I am constitutionally unable to mix metaphors.

          • It says it right there in the Third Commandment to the Constitution!

    • EatFrankRich

      A few tacos short of a Happy Meal?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    He hated Cain because he once ate at Godfather's Pizza. You would too, if you did that.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      I worked there while in high school. Don't even get me started. Pretty sure I got a permanent injury from opening up cans of, well, everything.

      • Did the boxes come in cans? Cause that would be meta.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    How come Fischer didn't spell it "facist?" I thought that was the righty way.

  • Larry McAwful

    Does this mean that all the Republicans who worked so hard to deny Herman Cain the presidential nomination are also liberals who are planning to shoot up Sikh temples?

    Politics are getting so hard to keep up with these days.

  • Extemporanus

    Timothy McVeigh detested moving trucks.

    • RadioBowels

      Why do you hate the troops?

      • Extemporanus

        It gives me something to do now that I've stopped beating my wife.

  • Drug Limpballs and his ilk have been, for decades, hammering in the deranged concept that the Nazi party were "Liberals." This is some of the sweet, sweet fruit of their hard work.

    • HogeyeGrex

      And The Doughy Pantload "wrote" a whole book on the subject, just so that this sort of drivel might have some sort of pseudo-intellectual backup.


      Back in the day, the Right had the class and sense to be embarrassed about and marginalize these sorts of people. Nowadays, Neo-Nazis aren't right-wing enough for mainstream Republicans. WTF happened to my country?

  • Mittens Howell, III

    He detested Cain, but ate fuckloads of Chick-fil-A sandwiches.

    • Larry McAwful

      It makes sense that he ate fuckloads of Chick-fil-A sandwiches. That explains why he didn't care if the cops shot him—he was probably going to die, anyway.

  • emmelemm

    Clearly, Bryan Fischer has end-stage syphilis. It's the only explanation for this level of confusion.

    • rickmaci

      Crystal meth addiction and rent-a-boys might also.

    • GlowneyHouse

      From the looks of him the only way he could even GET syphilis is by eating off toilet seats.

  • tessiee

    Meh, who cares? I heard some guy from Rutgers said that Bryan Fischer was full of shit.

  • annettaj

    Bryan is just pissed cause he looks like James Brolin, only with Jeebus and a smaller weenie.

  • ph7

    This doesn't make sense even to my dog, and she ate from the kitty litter this morning.

  • bumfug

    Shooter's plan was obviously to kill all the Sikhs then turn the temple into a Planned Parenthood office. Fuckin' sneaky-ass liberals.

  • edgydrifter

    Herman Cain has a penis, so Wade Michael Page was probably a man-hating feminazi, too.

    • rmjagg

      wade is such a little bitch …

  • Wadisay

    Still waiting word on whether the temple shooter had a stash of porn showing Obama swimming in Hawaii.

  • Groupshrug

    If there's one thing us Liberals hate, it's foreigners who wear funny hats.

    And if there's one thing us Liberals love, it's solving our problems with guns.

  • Normally, it's sad to see someone crack and blow their minds away.

    In Fischer's case, please pass the popcorn.

    • HistoriCat

      Bryan Fischer is a fixture in the world o' crazy … this is nothing. Just don't get him started on bears.

    • lulzmonger

      A dust-mite breaking wind could blow Fischer's mind away.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    Will the oppression of his people ever come to light by the Lamstream Media?

  • tessiee

    I'm not that much of a history geek, but iirc, weren't Naziism and Fascism formed specifically in counter-reaction against leftist thought and politics, at least in part?

    *checks wiki*

    • mavenmaven

      Wiki is part of the 'conspiracy', don't you know?
      You need to put on your tinfoil hat, grab your gun, and listen to Glenn Beck more, who started this National SOCIALISM meme. It does, in fact, boggle the mind.

    • JustPixelz

      Not so fast missy. The conservapedia says "Wikipedia is a politically left leaning communist online wiki-based encyclopedia…".

      Anyway, conservapedia says Roosevelt's New Deal was fascist, so your theory of counter-reaction is wrong. Unless conservapedia is in The No Fact Zone™.

    • You had to check?

  • This can all be settled by finding out how often he used to eat at Chick-Fil-A.

    • proudgrampa

      That, or how many Twinkies he ate every day.

  • And Bryan Fischer makes excuses for the behavior of a homicidal paranoid racist — which says all that needs to be said about Bryan Fischer and the AFA.

  • fartknocker

    I don't give shit about Bryan Fischer, Fred Phelps, Pat Robertson or any of these other so-called religion icons of hate and utter stupidity.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Newsflash: Herman Cain Hating White-Supremacist Is Obiously Obama Loving White-Supremacist!!

    Thanks for reading Wingnut Weekly.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Thank you all for the fisting above. You're very kind to a bitter derelict.

    • What will you do with your winnings?

      • Blueb4sinrise

        Actually, I'm kinda sore right now………maybe a soak in the tub.

        Eventually I hope to divide the fistings into parts and sell each section to multiple buyers. Then arrange bets on both sides as to which of the buyers will profit .

        Or maybe trade for hobo beans.

  • tessiee

    Sarcastic Wonka:
    "Oh, you're trying to say that the Tea Party isn't really right wing? Why, is the right wing not popular or respected?"

  • a_pink_poodle

    Because we all know how liberal neo-Nazi's are. Embracing gay, minority and women rights as well as defending Muslims from Bachmannism, wanting to open the country to immigration and enact universal healthcare. In fact, Nazi Germany was a liberal paradise where everyone had equal rights and no one was discriminated based on their culture or origin!

  • widestanceromance

    Wait, I kin haz strate slayves?

  • tessiee

    "Might there be another reason for a neo-Nazi to hate a black man? Maybe because that is kind of their whole thing?"

    Also, might there be a reason for someone who doesn't hate black people in general to *still* think Herman Cain is a smarmy asshat?

    • HogeyeGrex

      Nahhhh. Everybody on the Right lurves them some Herms. That's why he won the Presidential primary.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    My brain can't handle this, I feel like I'm on acid at a Dianna Ross and The White Supremes concert.

  • “When fascism comes to America, it will come wrapped in the flag and waving a cross…held by Brian Fischer.”

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Any idea what we might cram down Bryan Fischer's throat?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      20 lbs of Portland cement, for starters.

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      Justin Bieber.

    • Estproph

      The truth won't work, unfortunately.

    • Barrelhse

      The staff of Cain.

  • kittensdontlie

    Duh…Herman Cain is as liberal as apple pie. His skirt-chasing/cohabitating, and that 9-9-9 plan(code for 6-6-6)….this man is a liberal devil.

    • JustPixelz

      "a liberal devil"

      "a liberal".

  • Oblios_Cap

    Is Bryan Fischer the king of Bizarro World?

    • ChernobylSoup

      Wouldn't being King of Bizarro World just make him a peasant? More like "Is Bryan Fischer the lowest untouchable of Bizarro World?"!

      You gotta think these things through, man.

  • tessiee


    Naughty slaves, who need to be spanked on their saucy bare bottoms?

    • Typodong3

      That made me laugh.

    • MosesInvests

      You been hanging out at Castle Anthrax?

    • Angry_Marmot

      Oh, wicked, bad, naughty Zoot!

  • elviouslyqueer

    Um, Bryan? Zombie Harriet Tubman would like to have a word. Right after she kicks you square in the nuts.

  • mrpuma2u

    Well yeah QED cuz no tea party jaggoffs sent emails with the white house lawn covered in a watermelon patch, oh wait yeah… nevermind. Twats shouldn't twitter.

  • mormos

    those left wing facists man, ruining it for everbody

  • MissTaken

    Leftwing fascist neo-Nazi

    See? Nazi is National Socialist = Socialist = Liberal = Leftwing = Left-handed = Obama = Kenya = British colony = British people sometimes holiday in Italy = Mussolini = Fascist = Bryan Fischer is a fucking lunatic

    • SorosBot

      Plus, Up – Up – Down – Down – Left – Right – Left – Right – B – A – Select – Start = 30 Lives, therefore the Contras are heroic freedom fighters.

  • MLite

    The New Black Panthers are the real neo-Nazis.

  • timbo71351

    I've said it before, I'll say it again: I can't wait for the day Bryan Fischer gets busted with a "wide stance" in the men's room at a Greyhound bus station.

  • Typodong3

    No no no no. He hates Cain because Cain is a conservative! Didnt you know, all skinheads are fluffy bunny panda kissing anti-gun carebear liberals? Sheesh. Pay attention.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Underground Railroad, eh?

    I take it he's endorsing international child kidnapping?

    • So long as you drop them off back at the swing set.

  • chicken_thief

    I'm holding off judgement until Sarah has had a chance to weigh in on this.

  • pdiddycornchips

    Bryan should track down some of the shooter's band mates and get their take on things.

    "Hi, I'm Bryan Fischer"

    "Fischer? Sounds Jewish…BLAM, BLAM!!!"

  • James Michael Curley

    I have a real problem with the Leftwing Fascist on my house. The builder installed it without venting so moisture forms in the eaves and leave a musty ordor. Now the Rightwing Fascist vents excessively and sometimes it keeps me awake at night.

  • BZ1

    "Leftwing fascist" and no irony intended, just simplemindedness.

  • Estproph

    Fischer comes up with a doozy, and me without any rotten tomatoes to throw at him…

  • AutomaticPilot

    Hey, say what you want about Bryan Fischer, but the guy was one heck of a chess player.

  • arihaya


    I confess, i have that (sexual) fantasy too.

    Is that mean I am a wingnut now? oh noes.

  • I'm going to go out on a limb and speculate that he didn't think overmuch of President Barack Obama.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Page was also a PUMA.

  • rickmaci

    Christianinsanity. That man needs a good blind faith healer.

  • Christ, this really is exactly like how Anders Behring Breivik was supposed to be a left-winger, even though he killed lefty children, and approvingly cited the Islamaphobic far-right in his manifesto, repeatedly.

    I mean, whenever the far-right took a break from talking about how the mass-murder was a totally-understandable response to the shariah-enabling liberals and you really can't blame him for finally fighting back, that is.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Bryan Fischer is a fucking idiot

    I am sorry to say that there are no upfists for the writer, because Editrix, you deserve one for this deft line in coordination with the Occam's Razor reference.

    Author! Author!!

  • Dance for us, Foole! Tweet the next thing that pops into that pebble-sized brain beneath your tinkling bells! Hohohoho! (swings leg of mutton)

  • Barrelhse

    Goddamn "left-wing fascist neo-Nazis."

  • DahBoner

    We're being enslaved by Blacks and gays Republicunts and The NRA.


  • fawkedifiknow

    So, does this mean the American Family Association is officially BFF with the philandering, sexual assaulting, two timing womanizer, Herman Cain?

    They've changed their mission in life, I guess.

  • docterry6973

    You can't argue with logic. I guess Bryan got us this time.

  • Billmatic

    How could anyone hate someone who brought so much entertainment to our lives?

  • "In a world where Straights are Slaves, forced to breed at the command of their Gay Overlords…" That is the first pitch Roger Corman has gotten excited about in years! Is Adrienne Barbeau still working?!

  • horsedreamer_1

    Fischer is implying Page was racist, which means Fischer is racist for the implication.

  • BoroPrimorac

    Now you know why Jonah Goldberg will never, never, never, ever get a Pulitzer.

  • ugodOH

    No, you see, the shooter was a Nazi, you know, National SOCIALIST! Socialist=leftist=liberal. Kind of like how Bryan Fischer is president of the American Family ASSOCIATION. What other group is called an "Association"? How about the North American Man Boy Love ASSOCIATION! Aha! I can play word "association" too.

  • ttommyunger

    Gosh, Bryan, but we all hate Herman Cain; almost as much as we hate you. Nothing personal, it's just the bigoted moron thing.

  • lulzmonger

    Bryan Fischer : "Now that the spirochetes have had a generous buffet courtesy of my frontal lobes, EVERYTHING IS PERFECTLY CLEAR NOW."

  • Just to be clear, Bryan Fischer is advocating the organized kidnapping of children in same-sex households.

    Hmm, maybe we should ask North Carolina state Rep. Larry Pittman what an appropriate Christian punishment for murderers (and I would include abortionists, rapists, and kidnappers, as well) is, in this sort of situation.

  • Incidentally, you know who else started an "Underground Railroad" to remove children of undesirables from their unsuitable homes?

    Goddamn those left-wing liberal fascists, who were praised by William Buckley for doing these exact things.

  • usuhname

    Give him a break – Bryan Fischer just doesn't see color.
    Or see the moments when you should simply STFU. Or common sense. Or reality…

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