GREAT MOMENTS IN PUNDITRY  5:55 pm August 6, 2012

World’s Greatest Operative Dick Morris Says Magical Poll Numbers Show Mitt Not Losing

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

nom nom nomThis is interesting! Dick Morris, professional toe-sucker, says His Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romney should not sweat the poll numbers showing him down 10 or a thousand nationally, forever, because he has seen the real poll numbers, done by an outfit he trusts (Rasmussen, probably), and they show a trend for his Mittness!

On Friday, I saw the real numbers. These state-by-state polls, taken by an organization I trust (after forty years of polling) show the real story. The tally is based on more than 600 likely voter interviews in each swing state within the past eight days.”

“The trend line is distinctly pro-Romney. Of the thirteen states studied, he improved or Obama slipped in nine states while the reverse happened in only four. To read the media, one would think that Romney had a terrible month. In fact, the exact reverse is true.”

But where are these real poll numbers? Are they from Harry Reid’s double secret source? Are they with the yellowcake in Niger?

real killers

No. They are with the real killers.

[PoliticalWire]

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 179 comments }

nounverb911 August 6, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Do the numbers include Mitt's 0% tax returns too, also?

grex1949 August 6, 2012 at 5:58 pm

I have consulted my magic 8-ball and the answer was "Not Likely". I'm going with that. Sorry, Mitt.

sullivanst August 6, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Magic 8-ball's record is significantly more accurate than Dick "always wrong, all the time" Morris'.

Boredw/Gravitas August 6, 2012 at 5:58 pm

You people don't need to know the source of the poll numbers.

nounverb911 August 6, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Is that the same source that Sen. John Iselin used?

Callyson August 6, 2012 at 6:07 pm

No, it's the same source who counted the votes for Stalin.

grex1949 August 6, 2012 at 6:30 pm

That's right! By the way, kiss my ass and show some respect!

LetUsBray August 6, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Owing to a case of the runs, I've released a couple of sets of Toe-suck's poll numbers in the last hour.

snarkycomments August 6, 2012 at 10:33 pm

What do you mean "you people"?!

nounverb911 August 6, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Also:

Up is down,
black is white,
Breitbart is alive.

Serolf_Divad August 6, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Andrew Brietbart is not dead. He lives on in the chocolate smeared visage of every child who tells you with a straigh face that it was the family dog that pushed the stool up to the refrigerator, opened up the freezer and ate all the ice cream.

kittensdontlie August 6, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Charlie Sheen concurs: Andrew B lives on, and Francophile Mitteromney is WINNING!!

Schmannnity August 6, 2012 at 6:00 pm

The real poll numbers are written on golden tablets.

Serolf_Divad August 6, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Either that or they're locked away in one of the safety deposit boxes in a bank in Switzerland.

mlle_derp August 6, 2012 at 6:21 pm

So Dick Morris = Joseph Smith?

MissTaken August 6, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Nah, he's Moron(i)

mlle_derp August 6, 2012 at 6:50 pm

He's no angel…

horsedreamer_1 August 6, 2012 at 7:15 pm

When he wins, he'll move the White House to Jackson County, Missouri.

Negropolis August 6, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Golden tablets that Dick Morris can only translate, of course. How convenient.

DrunkIrishman August 6, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Dick Morris should go choke on a toenail. His absurd analyst can be summed up by his '08 prediction:

As Obama has oscillated, moving somewhat above or somewhat below 50 percent in all the October polls, his election likely hangs in the balance . . . Likely a disproportionate number of the undecideds will vote for McCain.

But don’t write Obama off. His candidacy strikes such enthusiasm among young and minority voters that there is still a chance that a massive turnout will deliver the race to the Democrats.

Yes, folks, don't write Obama off just yet! He may, though I'm not betting on it, possibly beat McCain!

Leave it to FOX to employ such a disgraced, hooker-lovin', fat faced piece of shit like Morris.

Gorillionaire August 6, 2012 at 6:10 pm

That last sentence should be memorized and repeated everywhere.

LetUsBray August 6, 2012 at 8:42 pm

The United Association of Disgraced, Hooker-Lovin', Fat Faced Pieces of Shit says, "Whoa, whoa, don't lump us in with that loser…"

PuckStopsHere August 7, 2012 at 1:43 am

per Gorillionaire: Leave it to FOX to employ such a disgraced, hooker-lovin', fat faced piece of shit like Morris.

Serolf_Divad August 6, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Don't write Obama off just yet, there's still a slight chance that he'll beat McCain by a 365 to 173 electoral vote margin (and nearly ten million votes in the popular count).

Wadisay August 6, 2012 at 6:38 pm

When you rent whores regularly, being one yourself seems like no thang.

nounverb911 August 6, 2012 at 6:01 pm

"World’s Greatest Operative Dick"
I thought was Dick Cheney.

sullivanst August 6, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Cheney's not an operative, he's more of a directing mind.

Fraudulently_Joe August 6, 2012 at 6:06 pm

No, Dick Cheney is post-operative.

PsycWench August 6, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Truly a tale of two Dicks.

Isyaignert August 6, 2012 at 7:33 pm

You mean "Cheney The Dick?"

LetUsBray August 6, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Somewhere (was it Democratic Underground? Seems a bit clever for there), he was known for a while as the Dick of Death, although during his pulseless stretch Dick the Undead seemed a lot more apt.

zippy_w_pinhead August 6, 2012 at 6:01 pm

* this comment paid for by the Frank Luntz School of Verbal Diarrhea

zumpie August 6, 2012 at 6:02 pm

No snark here, this could actually be true…but

A) the four swinging the Prez's way probably include Florida and Ohio, so still, game over, Mittens.

B) 13 swing states???? So do they consider Idaho and Alaska to be swing states, then?

Tundra Grifter August 6, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Probably Colorado, Florida, Michigan, Missouri, Nevada, New Hampshire, North Carolina, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Virginia, Wisconsin and maybe Iowa. Don't know about the 13th…

BerkeleyBear August 6, 2012 at 8:12 pm

CNN lists all those, plus New Mexico, Arizona and Indiana as leaners or true toss ups. Add that to the lack of discussion of things like magnitude and the reliance on small sample size polls of "likely voters" and you have a recipe for crap.

sewollef August 7, 2012 at 9:02 am

…. Don't know about the 13th…"

Well, that's New York, obvs. Biggest swing state of them all. Right, Mitt?

Steverino247 August 7, 2012 at 9:55 am

The 13th state was Rhode Island. Duh!

smokefilledmeltdown August 6, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Shhh. The ancient Chinese secret is… Asians.

One_Man_Band August 6, 2012 at 7:14 pm
horsedreamer_1 August 6, 2012 at 7:16 pm

My favourite audio daily double on SNL celebrity Jeopardy.

DaSandman August 6, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Dick mouth suctioned the REAL numbers off some particularly attractive pollsters piggies.

Maman August 6, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Let's add Dick Morris to the other clever Romney advisors, like the ones that keep telling him that Americans fear the Soviet Union and don't care about Mitten's tax returns

sullivanst August 6, 2012 at 6:03 pm

I seem to recall having heard something similar from this Morris guy in the last election. How'd that work out again?

Gleem McShineys August 6, 2012 at 6:58 pm

He still has a lucrative job inventing fantasy scenarios on teevee.

So, good?

HogeyeGrex August 6, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Clearly, this is good news for John McCain Mitt Romney.

Plus ça change…

Callyson August 6, 2012 at 6:04 pm

These state-by-state polls, taken by an organization I trust

So far today, we've seen that Mittens has a dramatic plan that he won't name and Toe-sucker has a polling organization with Rmoney ahead that he won't name. I fully expect the next story to be about how the VP has been selected, but will not be named on this fall ballot…

sullivanst August 6, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Note Morris didn't actually say Romney was ahead, merely that he was trending the right way in an unnamed subset of swing states. Note also that Morris feels comfortable calling a comparison between a total of two snapshots a "trend".

HogeyeGrex August 6, 2012 at 7:01 pm

But it's Very, Very Important that Harry Reid disclose the name of his source.

feh

ManchuCandidate August 6, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Um… okay Dick.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 7, 2012 at 2:34 am

Not OK. Telling tasteless Poll jokes is so politically incorrect. And Morris knows that these are, literally, tasteless.

anniegetyerfun August 6, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Is that the image of the young woman that Dick Morris raped and murdered in the 1990s?

Oh, that wasn't Dick Morris? Has he denied it, though?

sullivanst August 6, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Did he help dispose of the body? Has he denied that? IWBINTS.

emmelemm August 6, 2012 at 6:26 pm

That header photo is kind of rape-y looking, isn't it?

anniegetyerfun August 6, 2012 at 6:59 pm

It's kind of disturbing, yeah.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 7, 2012 at 2:36 am

She's not dead, she's on her knees. You can fap with a clear conscience.

Beowoof August 6, 2012 at 6:06 pm

An old adage of us CPA's is: figures don't lie, but liars figure. Dick is a champion liar and douchebag so his numbers are suspect.

coolhandnuke August 6, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Was Dick Morris hazed, buggered, and lobotomized at his Electoral College?

Angry_Marmot August 6, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Not nearly enough.

Schmannnity August 6, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Put up or shut up Morris, as Mitt would say.

MissTaken August 6, 2012 at 6:07 pm

On Friday, I saw the real numbers.

On Friday, this little piggy went to the market. This little piggy stayed home. This little piggy had roast beef. This little piggy had none. And this little piggy went wee wee wee all the way to a swing state to pull poll numbers out of his ass.

Boojum August 6, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Will you count my piggies?

timbo71351 August 6, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Even Fox News has to be embarrased by this hunk of shit. He's wrong 95% of the time about politics. Therubes that watch the channel should have noticed by now that so many of his predictions don't come true.

zippy_w_pinhead August 6, 2012 at 6:10 pm

given that people still actually listen to Bill Kristol, I wouldn't count on it

timbo71351 August 6, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Dick Morris is the only person in America who is more wrong than Bill Kristol. Shit, Morris wrote a billion columns on how Hillary Clinton wouldn't get elected to the Senate, then he wrote a book that the 2008 Presidential race would come down to her and Condi Rice

HogeyeGrex August 6, 2012 at 7:04 pm

You're assuming an attention span longer than a commercial break.

An_Outhouse August 6, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Their viewers like what he says, that's all that matters. Oh yeah, thanks again, Bill Clinton.

Ducksworthy August 6, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Yeah. I can forgive him for Monica. I mean who'd turn down an office blowjob. But forgiveness for bring this toejam sucking muther onto the national stage will not be forthcoming.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 7, 2012 at 2:42 am

Are you kidding? These are people who still pay attention to Jim Cramer. I've heard rumors that some of them even voted for Dumbya in 2004!

StarsUponThars August 6, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Can't trust a Dick, am I right ladies?

Boojum August 6, 2012 at 11:19 pm

Why do you use Rick Scott as your avatard?

dyedwool August 6, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Of course, Dick Morris' REAL poll numbers are probably about as REAL as Dick Cheney's fabricated and felonious fucking WMDs. Won't stop him fapping while fantasizing about them, though.

Callyson August 6, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Oh, and for people who aren't concerned with making snarky comments using a Facebook account, Toe-sucker's website takes comments:

http://www.dickmorris.com/the-real-poll-numbers/

ETA: OK, which one of you is responsible for this gem?

Poor little Dick. That's the best you can come up with to push back against Obama's obvious lead? And you claim that Forbes-owned RCP is also lying by showing Obama heading for an electoral landslide, by citing some nameless source? At least Harry Reid fed into an existing narrative with his nameless claims. You can't even do that.
Go back to sucking toes, you fat douche.

Whoever you are, you get the gold…

AncienReggie August 6, 2012 at 6:55 pm

Thanks for that link, Callyson. I had a ball!

montreal_bruin August 6, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Can I get an honorable mention for getting Joe the Plumber the Anna Lingus endorsement?

viennawoods13 August 6, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Are the comments gone or is it just me?

Callyson August 7, 2012 at 1:05 am

I just checked and saw them–scroll down toward the bottom.I see the same comments I saw this morning, which tells me how much traffic the toe sucker's site gets…

SayItWithWookies August 6, 2012 at 6:10 pm

This reminds of 2008, when Karl Rove told an NPR host that while the host had numbers, Karl had the numbers, and those told him McCain and Palin would win it. Thems was some numbers.

HogeyeGrex August 6, 2012 at 7:08 pm

Ah, THE math. I remember it well.

You may end up with a different math but you are entitled to your math and I'm entitled to THE math.

First thing I thought of when I read this post.

emmelemm August 6, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Great god almighty, what an asshole.

BerkeleyBear August 6, 2012 at 8:16 pm

And oh, how I enjoyed watching him having to choke on Pennsylvania going comfortably for Obama in 08. He knew, live on air, that he had shit the bed. I was hoping he'd be banished even by Fox when that debacle went down. But like all good pathological political critters, he just shook it off and suckered billionaires out of millions in secret donations for Crossroads.

RRoccoco August 6, 2012 at 6:12 pm

I believe More Dickless is using the Rovian mathematics system that its discoverer, Karl Rove, employed to call the 2008 election: But as Rove told NPR in an interview, “You’ve got the numbers, but I’ve got the real numbers.” http://www.lostnation.tv/html/karl_rove.html

Gorillionaire August 6, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Dick is right. After I saw pictures of Willard buying hardware stuff, I knew it was over.

zumpie August 6, 2012 at 11:53 pm

Buying "hardware stuff" and "groceries" in his mom jeans, no less!

RadioBowels August 6, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Like OJ, Dick knows how to slice up the data.

gullywompr August 6, 2012 at 6:15 pm

"In fact, the exact reverse is true.”

That's the official GOP motto.

sullivanst August 6, 2012 at 6:22 pm

It certainly applies to everything Romney says.

AlterNewt August 6, 2012 at 6:16 pm

What the fuck numbers do the rest of us have, then? God damn it! I've got work to do and it involves numbers ALL THE TIME!

MissTaken August 6, 2012 at 6:20 pm

That's because you're using base-10 when you should be using base-derp.

Fraudulently_Joe August 6, 2012 at 6:29 pm

ARABIC NUMBERS ARE CREEPING SHARIAH

zippy_w_pinhead August 6, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Fake numbers? Didn't we just see a couple of those on the Jenna Jameson thread?

smokefilledmeltdown August 6, 2012 at 6:22 pm

I thought those were honkin' fake-ass tits.

Blueb4sinrise August 6, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Hmmph.
Fine!

Negropolis August 6, 2012 at 11:52 pm

I think those were fake double-letters.

Antispandex August 6, 2012 at 6:18 pm

600 voters polled from red states, that's the real test!

smokefilledmeltdown August 6, 2012 at 6:29 pm

They went to Sun City, AZ and did an exit poll from a church.

johnnyzhivago August 6, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Dick Morris: Proud Graduate of the Baghdad Bob School of Punditry.

Ducksworthy August 6, 2012 at 8:29 pm

What is the word for this kind of misdirection? It's propaganda and, if sincere, a product of doublethink…..Oh I remember. It's called lying.

Blueb4sinrise August 6, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Musta been the Jenna Jamison bump[s].

NellCote71 August 6, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Yeah, fake.

Angry_Marmot August 6, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Did Shrimper Dick have the shrimp kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo, pan fried, deep fried, stir fried, pineapple, lemon, coconut, pepper, shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp in potatoes, shrimp burger, or shrimp sandwich?
Scratch that last one, he can't afford the sandwich anymore.

Come here a minute August 6, 2012 at 6:20 pm

If I told you where the numbers came from, I'd have to kill you, and I'm too much of a goddamn pussy.

spends2much August 6, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Assuming this were true, can you imagine the brain power of someone who watched Mittens' performance over the last month, and said to him or herself, Yes, this is the man I want in the White House! ??

zippy_w_pinhead August 6, 2012 at 6:24 pm
Isyaignert August 6, 2012 at 7:50 pm

CNN is going down the toilet faster that last night's dinner.

DemmeFatale August 6, 2012 at 8:13 pm

I clicked cause I thought this was the GOOD Bennett brother.
(My bad, I always get them mixed up.)

viennawoods13 August 6, 2012 at 9:31 pm

What a maroon.

deanbooth August 6, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Remember, they voted for Palin.*

* A wise Wonketeer once told me to think about this whenever I talk to a conservative. It's like imagining them in their magic underwear.

NellCote71 August 6, 2012 at 6:33 pm

I heard a conservative commentator say on a Sunday talk show that a candidate's foreign policy (and behavior on foreign soil) accounted for less than one percent of the vote. Funny, how four years ago–and eight years ago–they were all "we are the only ones with international terroir experience," and "we are the only ones who can jump all over battleships in parachute thongs."

Isyaignert August 6, 2012 at 7:48 pm

Unfortunately, I can do more than imagine – I'm related to fidiots who support Mittens. Woe is me!!

johnnyzhivago August 6, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Rasmussen is a fair poll even though they only question people driving Escalades and bald men with 9/11 tattoos

NellCote71 August 6, 2012 at 6:34 pm

And those taking erectile dysfunction meds.

coolhandnuke August 6, 2012 at 6:22 pm

If the Mitt doesn't fit
you must give a shit

BarackMyWorld August 6, 2012 at 6:23 pm

You won't go broke betting against Dick Morris.

NellCote71 August 6, 2012 at 7:48 pm

Man, true dat.

Negropolis August 6, 2012 at 11:54 pm

That's quite possibly the understatement of the entire year.

Rotundo_ August 6, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Fox News Consultant is enough of a tell that this is bullshit, the name Dick Morris fairly screams it.

smokefilledmeltdown August 6, 2012 at 6:26 pm

How does "GOP described as a whole" Dick Armey weigh in?

Barrelhse August 6, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Dick Morris has the math.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 7, 2012 at 2:48 am

I think he's using the meth. It's an easy mistake to make.

zumpie August 6, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Oh also, Dick says the media's "trying to create a sense of inevitability". Huh??? The media knows full fucking well that if they call it now, no one will watch their stupid pantomime/puppet show. the media works really, really hard to make things seem closer than they really are.

sullivanst August 6, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Just because it's nowhere even remotely close to anything vaguely approximating the truth, doesn't mean it doesn't feed in neatly to the propaganda Fox has been disseminating for years, or that it doesn't help Romney to be reinforcing said propaganda.

Remember, a huge swathe of the American population lives their lives in perpetual pant-shitting terror that a vast conspiracy is out to get them, personally, in more ways than they can possibly imagine, and they have some really fevered imaginations. Meanwhile, a vast conspiracy has been, for decades, extremely effective at leveraging that fear and converting into careers and vast personal wealth.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 7, 2012 at 2:51 am

the media's "trying to create a sense of inevitability"

He's right. The NY Times not only predicts a sunrise tomorrow, they're giving the exact time. If they say it often enough, I bet people will think it's true.

not that Dewey August 6, 2012 at 6:34 pm

As long as Dick Morris uses the same poll numbers that Mark Penn used, we're all gonna be fine.

gullywompr August 6, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Math is hard!

FlownOver August 6, 2012 at 6:35 pm

WORLD’S GREATEST OPERATIVE DICK MORRIS SAYS MAGICAL POLL NUMBERS SHOW MITT NOT LOSING

Headline's WAY too long, Becks.

weejee August 6, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Morris' first name is so apropos.

MinAgain August 6, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Where exactly is that poll? Stuck up his ass?

smokefilledmeltdown August 6, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Yep. That's prolly how Keith Morris feels.

TribecaMike August 6, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Rasmussen is really showing his true colors in this election, and they're a shade lighter than anti-flash white.

fuflans August 6, 2012 at 6:45 pm

To read the media, one would think that Romney had a terrible month

so what does 'a terrible month' look like to you dick?

anniegetyerfun August 6, 2012 at 7:08 pm

If he didn't think that this was terrible, I can't wait to see what happens when the campaign REALLY implodes.

TribecaMike August 6, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Mitt Romney drinks your pink gun! Well, he would if the Elders let him, but you know he wants to.

fishwharf August 6, 2012 at 6:52 pm

The only numbers that matter are in the Diebold machines.

Ducksworthy August 6, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Its not who votes that counts, its who counts the votes. I can't remember, did Diebold "deliver Ohio" for McCain?

TribecaMike August 6, 2012 at 6:56 pm

Tonight on the BBC News America broadcast, an American pollster was interviewed (and taken seriously) about a focus group his company did with 12 – count 'em 12 — people. "It was representative," he said. "We had an African-American, and a … it was a real cross section."

[I made up those last six words because after his mention of 12 people I drifted off to thoughts of how underrated The Youngblood's 1969 Elephant Mountain album is and how strange that it was produced by Charlie Daniels, who's such an a-hole, but he also played rhythm guitar on Dylan's Blonde On Blonde, which in my opinion is second only to the Chuck Berry compilation The Great Twenty-Eight as the greatest rock 'n roll album, so he couldn't have been all bad back in the day, and then I thought about what it would be like to share a slice of pizza with Claudia Cardinale, though she's Tunisian not Italian but she lives in Italy, I think. Anyway, you get the idea.]

bobbert August 6, 2012 at 11:25 pm

Freedom of Association !!!!!!

TribecaMike August 7, 2012 at 12:48 am

Freedom of Dissociation!

rickmaci August 6, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Can't understand a word this clown says. Always sounds like he has a hoe toe in his mouth

sullivanst August 6, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Along with the rest of his foot, of course.

mlle_derp August 6, 2012 at 6:58 pm

OT- Yay for Grenada winning their 1st gold medal in the Olympics!

TribecaMike August 6, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Fantastic. And Dominican Republic and Trinidad and Tobago took the silver and bronze, respectively.

Callyson August 6, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Hey! This is pretty much the ONLY news site I can go to that *doesn't* post spoilers!

mlle_derp August 6, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Sorry- but I was careful not to say what the medal was for…

TribecaMike August 6, 2012 at 11:22 pm

My bad.

Callyson August 7, 2012 at 1:03 am

Ah, except I knew what his race was…but that's OK, turns out I did not get home enough to see the event live anyway. And yes, it is pretty cool for his country.But yeah, it's been annoying that I can't go to *any* news site without spoilers right on the home page–I've got no idea WTF is going on in the world, other than what Wonkette tells me.Which might be a good thing…

BZ1 August 6, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Dick Morris speaking out of his nether region, again, and always.

YouBetcha August 6, 2012 at 7:00 pm

His voice is such a libido killer. Every time he talks I feel like I will never have sex again.

anniegetyerfun August 6, 2012 at 7:10 pm

It is an astoundingly terrible voice. I mean, I cringe when I hear my own voice on voicemail, but how does this fucker sleep at night?

Tundra Grifter August 6, 2012 at 7:06 pm

This is good news for Barack Obama.

Negropolis August 6, 2012 at 11:56 pm

We should make this a thing. Seriously.

Tundra Grifter August 6, 2012 at 7:08 pm

When political pundits start talking about "the internals," it's code for "My gut tells me were going to get shellacked.

BerkeleyBear August 6, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Yep – nothing like the "I've got super secret bought and paid for polling showing me slightly better off than dead" to signal desperation.

zumpie August 7, 2012 at 12:00 am

Heh. In our special congressional election, the unqualified, job fabricator, Mormon Puggie with family $$$ (his wife's in this case) ran against an experienced Dem, He wet his pants because a week or so before the election his own poll showed him down by just 4 points, instead of the double digits the real polls did.

Election was called for the Dem literally 3 minutes after the polls closed.

Generation[redacted] August 6, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Sounds like he pulled those magic poll numbers out of his magic underwear.

Ducksworthy August 6, 2012 at 8:39 pm

They were inscribed in brown letters in the seat of his magic underwear.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 6, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Mittens is pulling in more money than Obama. In the Republican mind $$$= Win!!!111!

horsedreamer_1 August 6, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Dick Morris makes Bob Shrum look like a winner.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 6, 2012 at 8:08 pm

Basic rule of Politics: What ever Dick Morris says, the opposite is true.

I don't believe there has ever been an exception.

bobbert August 6, 2012 at 8:12 pm

Jesus H Piaffing Christ, talk about pulling it out of your ass. I don't even care who the fucking pollster is (guessing it's not Republicomussan, because those numbers would likely become public).

1. 13 "swing" states is one more than any other analysis I've seen.

2. Of the "swing" states, almost all of them currently "lean Obama". Fluctuations don't really matter much until they get into the "tossup" range.

3. Speaking of fluctuations, while 600 is a respectable sample, it still has an error margin of what, about plus-minus 3%? I'm speaking very loosely about statistics here, but my point is this: unless the alleged "improvements" or "slips" exceed the relevant probable errors, they are statistically meaningless. Of course, we have no way to judge this, because we don't have the "real numbers".

4. As a consequence of propositions 1-3 above, Dick Morris is an irredeemable piece of shit. QEMFD.

BerkeleyBear August 6, 2012 at 8:22 pm

You forgot the key tell that it is a pile of shit. Namely, that it was a sample of "likely voters" without any disclosure on sample breakdown. Which is Rasmussen speak for double counting conservatives since the GOP is paying it to produce a propaganda piece rather than actual intelligence.

TribecaMike August 6, 2012 at 8:50 pm

C'est si bon!

DemmeFatale August 6, 2012 at 8:28 pm

I think Don should cover this… http://ww3.hdnux.com/photos/14/37/51/3275334/3/10

Ducksworthy August 6, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Say. Now I get it. Nom-Nom-Nom..dirty toes. The picture of legs lying on the ground right above O.J.'s picture confused me.

rocktonsam August 6, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Thats why he is on FOX NEWZ.. Opposite world, where they laugh at how stupid and gullible their viewers are.

Beowoof August 6, 2012 at 9:21 pm

There are many: Constant Pain in the Ass, Cleaning Pressing and Alterations, and my personal favorite, Cheap People's Association.

PubOption August 6, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Poll questions
1. Do you consider 'Obamacare' to be either an evil,socialist, anti-religious, government take-over of health care, or do you consider it a sell-out to insurance companies?

2. Do you, therefore, think that Obama has failed to deliver a meaningful solution to the health-care problem?

3. Based on your answers to the previous two questions, are you less likely to support Obama in this election than in the previous one?

DemonicRage August 6, 2012 at 9:51 pm

The lamestream media polls are all wrong and Morris is right. Anyone can see that Romney is running the greatest campaign since the German corporal took over all those European countries, like feeble dominoes falling. Start saving up for a dressage horse, because, come fall, this will be the must-have pet to take to work with you on the subway.

MilwaukeeKent August 6, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Sure, Dick Morris can suck toe — but can he do ass to mouth?

Negropolis August 6, 2012 at 11:06 pm

Can I just say that I like your creativity in choosing pictures for Dick Morris posts in particular?

Negropolis August 6, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Shhh. We're only to talk of Mitt's hypothetical lead in quiet rooms.

smitallica August 6, 2012 at 11:16 pm

Dick Morris. The only guy on earth who makes William Kristol look astute.

TribecaMike August 6, 2012 at 11:23 pm

That's goooood snark.

glamourdammerung August 6, 2012 at 11:57 pm

When did people consider a guy that paid whores to let him suck their toes credible?

Negropolis August 6, 2012 at 11:59 pm

Truth be told, Obama had this thing in the bad months ago. Anything can happen, but to pull out any time since, say, Romney clinching the nomination that he's ever been in the lead in a real way is fucking insane. Republican pollsters have tried for months to make this into a horse race but even their most partisan pollsters couldn't ever get Romney up more than a few points over the president, bless their hearts.

This is true even on a state level. Republicans tried so hard to fix the polls here in June to make it look like my state (Michigan) is a legitimate swing state and had to be slapped back down to reality. Can you believe that they were trying to put Willard "Let Detroit Go Bankrupt" Romney as a legitimate challenger in Michigan?!

TribecaMike August 7, 2012 at 1:26 am

Dick Morris before he dicks you.

DahBoner August 7, 2012 at 7:15 am

It's The Trend, people!!!

By the year 2135, there will be enough Mormons in the world to elect Mitt Emperor of China!

True fact!

Thunderclees August 7, 2012 at 9:00 am

Of the thirteen states studied, he improved or Obama slipped in nine states while the reverse happened in only four.

Since every state has the same number of electoral votes, I think we all have enough facts to jump to the conclusion that Mitt Romney will crush Barack Obama and hire a private contractor to ship him back to Kenya.

nobodyssweetheart August 7, 2012 at 11:57 am

The best thing about Dick Morris is that Martin Short played him in Mars Attacks!

And he got blown up by a Martian in drag.

ttommyunger August 7, 2012 at 7:53 pm

I'm withholding judgement until I hear from Sarah Palin/Michelle Bachmann (take your pick).

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: