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A male sheep, a baby sheep, and Jerome Corsi. (Opens envelope) "A ram, a lamb, a dingdong."What do we know about this “Barack Hussein Obama” person anyway? Beyond the obvious stuff, of course, like the fact that he is the son of Malcolm X, was a spy in Pakistan, and astrally projected to Mars, we mean. But how is it possible, in today’s modern media-saturated world of iPhones and 24-hour news and Interocitors, that we can know so little about the man who was (allegedly) elected president in 2008? Even now, as he seeks re-election, many people openly say he is an enigma.

Thankfully, a small corps of hero citizen-journalists are determined to find out the details of this mystery-man’s life, especially his college years, because as we all know, youth is when all the truly scandalous stuff emerges, like how Richard Nixon was so besotted with Thelma Catherine “Pat” Ryan that he would drive her to and from dates with other men (science fact! look it up!), a youthful quirk that clearly prefigured the secret bombing campaign in Cambodia.

As you may recall, Your Wonkette recently tackled the thorny question of young Barack Obama’s mysterious ring, which super-smart citizen-investigator Dr. Jerome Corsi, PhD, has pointed out, he wore even though he was not married!!! Rejecting the obvious explanation, which is that young Barry was simply so super-sexxxay that he needed something to hold the ladies at bay (or maybe he just liked wearing a ring, which is, we know, a stretch), we decided it might be amusing to play off Corsi’s nuttiness in a True Confessions first-person piece, from the perspective of Barry’s secret first wife, and then, for the lulz, to make it a secret first ghey wife, who he married in Pakistan during his spy mission.

Loyal Wonketteers, we are pleased to announce that we are psychic.

David Badash over at The New Civil Rights Movement has a story up about Corsi’s latest permutation on this lunacy, a video in which Corsi speculates that, not only was Obama maybe married to someone before Michelle, but just maybe that someone was a boy! And maybe it was also a Pakistani boy! Did we call it, or what? Here is Dr. Jerome Corsi, PhD, blathering on for nearly fourteen minutes:

No sane person should have to watch that, so here are some highlights! 6:35:

His Pakistani roommate, whom he also went to Pakistan with, from Occidental, seems to have been, take a look at pictures of he and his roommate together, Obama had all these roommate pictures, seems to be sitting about on the guy’s lap. I’ve not seen a lot of roommate pictures where two guys are that chummy. The issue is again, not an issue that we want to raise in terms of criticizing the homosexuality or the bisexuality or whatever Obama’s true inclinations are, the issue is why does he have to lie about this too.

Corsi is an open-minded guy about all that, really he is, but if the President is a former or current butt pirate, why does he feel so compelled to lie about it all the time? Why the cover-ups and the lies? Also, you would think that Dr. Corsi, PhD, would show us some of these many pictures of Obama sitting in his Pakistni roommate’s lap, but it is possible that he has not yet finished Photoshopping them yet.

7:35: “Who is this guy? Why does Barry Soetoro, here, have a wedding ring on, for twenty years? … Was he married before he was married? Was he married to a guy, I mean, what’s the deal?”

9:44: “This is Jerry Corsi reporting for 1776 Nation, thank you all very much.” (Camera continues to run. Corsi walks away, apparently finished. What the…? Oh, he’s adjusting the camera so he can show us pictures from his dumb website. No real interest here, until at 13:15, when Corsi asks, pointing not at a photo, but at blank space, “Is this a homosexual high sign that we need to have deciphered for us?”)

[The New Civil Rights Movement ]

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