We forgot to say "between the sheets!"

Psychic Wonkette Post Foresaw Hero Journalist Jerome Corsi’s Next Move: Gaybama!

A male sheep, a baby sheep, and Jerome Corsi. (Opens envelope) "A ram, a lamb, a dingdong."What do we know about this “Barack Hussein Obama” person anyway? Beyond the obvious stuff, of course, like the fact that he is the son of Malcolm X, was a spy in Pakistan, and astrally projected to Mars, we mean. But how is it possible, in today’s modern media-saturated world of iPhones and 24-hour news and Interocitors, that we can know so little about the man who was (allegedly) elected president in 2008? Even now, as he seeks re-election, many people openly say he is an enigma.

Thankfully, a small corps of hero citizen-journalists are determined to find out the details of this mystery-man’s life, especially his college years, because as we all know, youth is when all the truly scandalous stuff emerges, like how Richard Nixon was so besotted with Thelma Catherine “Pat” Ryan that he would drive her to and from dates with other men (science fact! look it up!), a youthful quirk that clearly prefigured the secret bombing campaign in Cambodia.

As you may recall, Your Wonkette recently tackled the thorny question of young Barack Obama’s mysterious ring, which super-smart citizen-investigator Dr. Jerome Corsi, PhD, has pointed out, he wore even though he was not married!!! Rejecting the obvious explanation, which is that young Barry was simply so super-sexxxay that he needed something to hold the ladies at bay (or maybe he just liked wearing a ring, which is, we know, a stretch), we decided it might be amusing to play off Corsi’s nuttiness in a True Confessions first-person piece, from the perspective of Barry’s secret first wife, and then, for the lulz, to make it a secret first ghey wife, who he married in Pakistan during his spy mission.

Loyal Wonketteers, we are pleased to announce that we are psychic.

David Badash over at The New Civil Rights Movement has a story up about Corsi’s latest permutation on this lunacy, a video in which Corsi speculates that, not only was Obama maybe married to someone before Michelle, but just maybe that someone was a boy! And maybe it was also a Pakistani boy! Did we call it, or what? Here is Dr. Jerome Corsi, PhD, blathering on for nearly fourteen minutes:

No sane person should have to watch that, so here are some highlights! 6:35:

His Pakistani roommate, whom he also went to Pakistan with, from Occidental, seems to have been, take a look at pictures of he and his roommate together, Obama had all these roommate pictures, seems to be sitting about on the guy’s lap. I’ve not seen a lot of roommate pictures where two guys are that chummy. The issue is again, not an issue that we want to raise in terms of criticizing the homosexuality or the bisexuality or whatever Obama’s true inclinations are, the issue is why does he have to lie about this too.

Corsi is an open-minded guy about all that, really he is, but if the President is a former or current butt pirate, why does he feel so compelled to lie about it all the time? Why the cover-ups and the lies? Also, you would think that Dr. Corsi, PhD, would show us some of these many pictures of Obama sitting in his Pakistni roommate’s lap, but it is possible that he has not yet finished Photoshopping them yet.

7:35: “Who is this guy? Why does Barry Soetoro, here, have a wedding ring on, for twenty years? … Was he married before he was married? Was he married to a guy, I mean, what’s the deal?”

9:44: “This is Jerry Corsi reporting for 1776 Nation, thank you all very much.” (Camera continues to run. Corsi walks away, apparently finished. What the…? Oh, he’s adjusting the camera so he can show us pictures from his dumb website. No real interest here, until at 13:15, when Corsi asks, pointing not at a photo, but at blank space, “Is this a homosexual high sign that we need to have deciphered for us?”)

[The New Civil Rights Movement ]

About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom

Comments

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  • nounverb911

    I read on the internet that Corsi is in reality a figment of dead Breitbart's imagination.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I dunno. Corsi sounds more like what NotSoBrightBart might have seen/heard/vomited upon in a drug-and-alcohol-fueled hangover fugue state doodah.

    • el_donaldo

      Ubik?

      I mean, that would make sense. The right wing worldview has become a decaying paranoid fantasy sprung from the brain of the zombie Reagan. Now ghost Breitbart.

  • DrunkIrishman

    True story, I was at a bar one night and Jerome Corsi came up to me, his shirt unbuttoned just enough to show his graying chest hair, asked to buy me a drink, rubbed his hand on my thigh and then proceeded to ask if he could snort coke off my cock. Of course, I refused because I have standards and all – but he didn't end there!

    No, he kept pushing. Even pulled out a couple hundred dollar bills and gave me a wink. I was offended, to say the least, and got up to use the bathroom. He followed me into the bathroom, rambling on about how I don't respect my elders, and then flopped out his dried, uncut, shriveled, flaccid cock to my horror. I screamed, he laughed, and I reported him to the bar security. The head of said security told me that he's in there every night showing everyone what he likes to call his Corsi Cannoli.

    The guy is a real sick fuck.

    • nounverb911

      Sounds like Lindsey Graham's favorite dessert.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Wow, I just read that on the Internet somewhere!

      • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Fraudulently_Joe

        Multiple sources are now confirming…

        • zippy_w_pinhead

          anybody check with Harry Reid?

      • DrunkIrishman

        And if it's on the internet, you know it must be true!

    • NewtsUndies

      I'm sure you don't mean to ridicule him for this action but yeah, why has he never talked about it in the past?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Wonkette needs it's own analog to the Drudge siren.

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        I'm guessing it would have something to do with buttsechs.

        • Whatever

          A singing fart machine?

          • horsedreamer_1

            At the least, a Bigmouth Billy Bass.

          • Whatever

            Well Ok, that too may work.

          • Biff
          • tessiee

            "Bigmouth Billy Bass"

            Too Christian.

            [cause he's a fish, ya get it?]

          • tessiee

            "Bigmouth Billy Bass"

            Peter Griffin: Do you have fish Jesus?
            Dolphin: Of course we do; he was nailed to a board and hung up in a man's study.

          • Nostrildamus

            Maybe some rotating TruckNutz.

          • HogeyeGrex
          • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

            Hey, look out behind you!
            The vapor will find you!

        • Guppy

          The Terror Alert Bot stuck in a "Blood Libel!" loop.

          • Willardbot9000_V2.5

            Yep…the terror alert bot was awesome and conspicuous in its absence. What's bad is we need the terror bot now more than ever with the GOP nominating an aritificial person (to quote Aliens) as its nominee. The terror bot could analyze and interpret in the most insane, fearful way what the random bits of data that eminate as the Rombot's daily talking points say and why we should fear them. Besides, I think we could get a new meme going, something like "you people"….but yeah, sucks that the terror bot was retired, I loved that silly damn thing.

          • Guppy

            It probably just resembled actual work too much for our editors to bother with.

    • RedneckMuslin

      It's must be true cuz you said it.

    • C_R_Eature

      You too?! That Bastard! He said I was Special!

    • Negropolis

      Dear Penthouse,

      I never thought it'd happen to me…

      You typed it, so it must be true! Why is Jerome Corsi such a weird pervert, and why does he only hit on drunk Irishmen?

    • GhostBuggy

      I, for one, demand to know why Corsi has not refuted or denied this allegation. What does he have to hide? Why not simply say DrunkIrishman is not telling the truth? What are you hiding, Corsi?

  • fartknocker

    Conspiracy theorists will continue to conspire. And another old, pissed of member of the GOP is mad because we have a black man in the White House. Keep it up grampa, you'll stroke out shortly.

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Well there is a stratum that most conspiracy theorists occupy and then there's the insane wild cards of the bunch who can't keep it together long enough to occupy the political spectrum. Jim Maars for instance…I'm pretty sure given the epic boner Hannity and Beckers have for Corsi he's a wingnut. Especially given Corsi has also written books ascribing to the ridiculous idea that underground oil just magically replenishes itself as evidence of gods work.

  • MinAgain

    Michelle is so going to kick Corsi's ass.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Jerome Corsi, Piled High and Deep.

    /sorted

    • One_who_wanders

      Leeme fix that for ya – Jerome Corsi, Piled High and Derp.

  • Not_So_Much

    Maybe Jerome Corsi ate a lot of paint chips as a child. Maybe Jerome, who is clearly named after DJ Jerome, is a secret blah man his own self. Maybe Jerome is just really fucking stupid. (Ok, that last one isn't a 'maybe'.)

    • HempDogbane

      Maybe he watched My Beautiful Laundrette too many times. (As if that's possible.)

  • NewtsUndies

    David Badass, more like, amirite?

  • Gopherit

    I propose a new cocktail in honor of Jerome Corsi. Sterno, bitters, and Kool-aid. Go to it, Wonkateers.

    • 102415

      Top it with some cologne FTW.

      • C_R_Eature

        And some Rohypnol.

  • RadioBowels

    Well, have you ever seen him eat at Chik-Fil-A? Hmm……

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      He seems to prefer red meat. No doubt that's code for something.

      • RadioBowels

        It's pretty evident he likes dark meat too.

  • Callyson

    The issue is again, not an issue that we want to raise openly in terms of criticizing the homosexuality or the bisexuality or whatever Obama’s true inclinations are, the issue is to trump this up so we can ask why does he have to lie about this too.

    /fixed

    /asshole

  • MissTaken

    “Is this a homosexual high sign that we need to have deciphered for us?”

    One man's 'homosexual high sign' is another man's 'terrorist fist bump'

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      I always thought the homosexual high sign was the way in which Lindsey Graham holds a coffee cup…huh, the more you know…

  • MinAgain

    Someone has a little boy crush on the President.

    • HogeyeGrex

      I'm sure Corsi has Obama's Tiger Beat cover tacked up over his bed. He stares at it every night thinking "If it wasn't for that hussy, Michelle, we could be together forever!"

    • Negropolis

      Someone has a little boy crush on the President.

      /fixed

  • docterry6973

    There are lots of things that Corsi needs to have deciphered for him, like finding his butt with both hands.

    • zippy_w_pinhead

      you'd think that would be easy for him, all he has to do is open his eyes and get a closeup view…

      • Stevola

        It's hard to see from the inside

  • Hedley_Lamarr

    Fuck it. I just wanna get high and listen to some Neil Young. Door's open.

    • Chichikovovich

      Well, tell me more, tell me more, tell me more. Is Corsi a heavy doper, or is he just a loser?

      • C_R_Eature

        I heard he had bullet holes in his mirrors.

        • Chichikovovich

          He was a friend of yours.

          • C_R_Eature

            Yeah, I just wish he took my advice. He tried to do his best but he could not.

          • Chichikovovich

            Of all the thousands of brilliant lines Neil has written over the years, "He tried to do his best, but he could not" may be my favorite.

          • C_R_Eature

            That's right up there for me.

            I've seen the needle and the damage done
            A little part of it in everyone
            But every junkie's like a settin' sun.

            That one's pretty high on the list too. Neil's catalog is huge, just full of magnificent wordsmthery.

          • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

            My favorite Neil Young song. You got me getting back into his catalog, which is almost all on Spotify. http://open.spotify.com/artist/6v8FB84lnmJs434UJf

          • C_R_Eature

            Getting back into Niel young's catalog, always a good thing. Enjoy.

            Thanks for the Spotify link. I Did Not Know That.

          • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

            Spotify is pretty cool. It doesn't have all the really obscure stuff, but it's free, so…

            When I sit in my cube all day designing stuff, it's always there as an alternative to NPR's "Let's talk about how exactly, medically, did Chastity become Chaz?" or "We're going to give this guy from the Heritage Foundation a half hour to talk about why 'Climate Change' is nothing but a Leftist Conspiracy to give money to shiftless blacks with their highfalutin refrigerators".

            Love me some NPR, but sometimes a little music is in order.

          • C_R_Eature

            Yes. My canned MP3's and Sirius/XM radio has cut into my morning NPR/CSPAN Washington Journal drive-time listening.These days, that's no bad thing.
            My furniture and walls appreciate the slack.

          • not that Dewey

            Stick around while the clown who is sick
            does the trick of disaster

          • C_R_Eature

            That's a great one. We quote it sparingly, especially at night, because of the Clown reference.
            They hide under the bed. You can't be too careful.

          • tessiee

            "You see us together, chasing the moonlight"

          • C_R_Eature

            Golly. I think everyone here has a favorite Neal Young song. If not, they should get one.

            A dreamer of pictures, I run in the night

          • HempDogbane

            Got mashed potatoes. Ain't got no T-bone.

          • viennawoods13
          • C_R_Eature

            Yeahhhhhh. Thanks.

          • new_pic_for_NEWTer

            There are so many great lyrics just from this one song. Neil is truly astounding and a pretty cool Canadian fellow.

          • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

            You just had to go there, dinja? This is why Merika can't have nice things, cuz they're all from Canada.

          • tessiee

            Just think how cool Canadian Branson would be: Neil Young, Joni Mitchell, Bryan Adams, Bachman-Turner Overdrive…
            OK, somewhat cool, anyway.

          • viennawoods13

            Just keep Burton Cummings out. That guy is a dick.

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      O/T but I fucking LOVE Blazing Saddles…I just watched it again the other day. I can't upfist that avatar enough…"what are you worried about, this is 1874 you can sue her!"

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Sure, why not — 'cause you just know a fundamentalist Muslim nation like Pakistan would be the perfect setting for a romantic gay marriage. Or maybe he married a camel or something. Or maybe an iceberg — that's why all those damn liberals are all frantic about global warming — their iceberg-and-glacier spouses are all dying off. Keep digging, got-your-doctorate-at-some-diploma-mill Corsi — the truth is down there.

    • SheriffRoscoe

      I should have scrolled down before posting. But, yeah. WTF.

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Shhh…Corsi lives in a fact free zone…it's why he hangs out on Faux. You know of all the places I'd figure you could run into some real queens (aside from the RNC and Scott Brown's imagination) Pakistan isn't very high on the list for some reason…

      Corsi is a sophisticated douchebagger…most of his fellow totally not racist 100% teabaggers just accuse Obama of fucking Larry Sinclair (it's called transference) not his Pakistani roommate. I'm sure that when Bamz spent weeks unsuccessfully trying to get Michelle to go out with him he wasn't thinking of sex he just thought she'd make a good beard. You keep fucking that chicken, wingnuts.

  • coolhandnuke

    Ed McMahon: Big Ben, Lebron James and Jerome Corsi.
    Karmac: What is a clock, a jock and a cock.

    • Schmannnity

      May a diseased yak develop a liking for your sister.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        And may it be mutual. (You forgot the important part!)

    • DonnyKerabotsos

      Ed McMahon: Joan Rivers, Lindsay Lohan and Jerome Corsi
      Karnac: Name an old hag, a young skag and a douche-bag.

    • tessiee

      Oh, I like this! Can I play?

      Ed McMahon: Wells Fargo, a hand job, and Jerome Corsi.
      Karnac: What is a bank, a wank, and a loony old crank.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    This is hogwash! Obama's "boyfriend" was no "boy" but "it" was from Gamma-42 in the X23 galaxy…..

    In addition to devious interplanetary acts, the future president also retroactively changed his birthplace and other details to insure his eventual election.

    Obama is also a shapeshifter and could very well be Mitt Romney! Have you ever seen them in the same place?????????

    Intelligent readers like you shouldn't need any more corroboration to see that this is a fact.

    • MinAgain

      Those Gammans sure are clever. And they have excellent taste in men.

    • doloras

      "Obama is also a shapeshifter and could very well be Mitt Romney! Have you ever seen them in the same place????????? "

      Wow, that'll make the debates interesting.

    • Naked_Bunny

      Have you ever seen them in the same place?

      Even if I did, I once read a comic book where Superman used his super speed to make it look like he and Clark Kent were both in the same room. So it wouldn't disprove your hypothesis.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    When our president leaves office, they should go ahead and sign him up to play James Bond in the movies. Daniel Craig will probably be tired of the role by 2017.

    • tessiee

      I would actually pay 2017-era ticket prices to see that at the movies.

      • Ducandy

        He could play a Gay James Bond, ever see him throw a baseball?

  • SheriffRoscoe

    They let you get gay married in Pakistan, is that what I am to take away from this?

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      Yeah, right before they cut off your head.

    • TribecaMike

      Well, "junta" is Urdu for "butt-fuck to your heart's content."

  • Callyson

    No surprise, the Wikipedia entry on Jerome Corsi is loaded with gems:

    Corsi has discussed…the Abiogenic hypothesis of the origin of oil (arguing that oil is produced from chemical reactions in the Earth, in contrast to the general consensus of the scientific community that oil is produced from organic materials, such as zooplankton and algae)…
    Corsi went into banking and finance in 1981. In 1995 Corsi helped launch a mutual fund to invest in formerly Communist Poland after the fall of the Soviet Union, which eventually lost $1.2 million, much of it from a group of about 20 Minnesota investors. Some of the investors blamed the organizers, including Corsi, for their investment in the former Communist country. Two investors sued Corsi and his partners on the basis that the organizers had given their personal guarantee backing up the investment, and won judgments against them. They did not collect from Corsi because, as one investor claimed, the money "had been moved into his wife's name … There was nothing to get out of him." The FBI found no basis for bringing criminal charges.

    Ignoring basic science, ripping off honest investors–yep, that's the person to bring us the truth about President Obama.

    • Generation[redacted]

      If Obama has such unsavory people after him, you know he's hiding something!

    • fartknocker

      I truly hope that Elizabeth Warren titles her first Senate bill HR1Corsi Is a Thief and Teatard and Is About to Feel Buttsex from From the IRS CID . This is a favorite wish in my house.

      • sullivanst

        That'd be S.1, and she'd have to have something really damaging on Harry Reid to get him to give it up.

  • SorosBot

    Well I heard Jerome Corsi is an escaped mental patient, and he hasn't denied it yet.

    • emmelemm

      "Are you a pervert in a cage?"

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      There you go, predicting the future again.

    • bikerlaureate

      Not that there's anything wrong with a "respected" critic of the President being an escaped mental patient… but why does he keep silent about these accusations, essentially lying by omission?

    • Stevola

      I keep reading negative things about him on the internet

  • Generation[redacted]

    Is Corsi married to a walrus? And if so, why does he lie about it?

    • Exhausted66

      SKITTLES LIBEL!

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Just realizing you are psychic? No big deal. I have been psycho for years.

    • Naked_Bunny

      I'd correct your conflation of those words, but now I'm afraid of you.

    • C_R_Eature

      Recognizing it is half the battle.

      Winning the argument with the voices coming out of the taxidermy fish mount on the wall, that's the other half.

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        Who can win against that guy? Convincing.

        • C_R_Eature

          With me, usually yelling SHUT. UP. like Harcourt Fenton Mudd works very well.
          Usually.

    • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

      Psychic Killer, qu'est-ce que c'est ?

  • arihaya

    Say what you want but I'm sure Obama is GAY…

    … in Miss Lindsay's dream

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Is this a homosexual high sign that we need to have deciphered for us?

    If it will get me laid, I want it deciphered right away.

  • Schmannnity

    Decoder ring for lunatic teabaggers is my guess.

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Eh…this is wingnuts rehashing old attacks; they have zero creativity. During the Clinton years Hillary was the secret lesbian; now Bamz is gay. That dipshit who wrote that book criticizing Obama's decision to whack UBL also rehashed a tired, old line as well. After 9/11 when wingnuts were scrambling to cover up for Bush being a lazy, idiotic fratboy one of them wrote a book about how Clinton turned down three chances to get UBL which was of course totally bullshit. Now it's Obama's turn to be accused of being a pussy who waited and waited to get UBL and of course, ignored three supposed chances (which is total bullshit). This is what they do and they think it's going to make effete richboy Mittens seem like a badass for the election…good luck with that one, wingnuts.

  • rickmaci

    To Corsi I say, takes one to know one. I believe he is a raging self hating queen who wants to make it his life work to open every closed closet door of others so he can hide safely in his own closet.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Fat old toad not gettin' any obsessing over people who are. Nothing to see here.

  • Biff

    Yes Corsi, it would be irresponsible of you not to speculate…

  • mull_man

    Nurse, I need three 20 yard rolls of heavy mil aluminum foil STAT. Need to fashion a new hat.

  • bumfug

    Plus there was that summer job as a packer.at the fudge factory.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Yes, well, this is all very interesting about the gay thing, the birth certificate, the Pakistani spying, the secret Muslim Brotherhood initiation, the Manchurian Candidate astral projection back in time to be born as a secret foreign agent (not to mention the projection to Mars), the palling around with terrorists, the Malcolm X connection, the dueling Social Security numbers, the sordid secret affairs, the removing the flag from Air Force One, the support of communism, the support of fascism, the clandestine agreements to assign U.S. sovereignty to the United Nations, the FEMA concentration camps, the refusing to salute anyone in uniform, the intentional sabotaging of the American economy, the crack smoking, the funneling of funds to Hugo Chavez, the being a front man for Goldman Sachs, the confiscation of America's firearms, the faking of the Bin Laden killing, and the ownership of a gay dog – I mean all of this is very interesting, but:

    When will Barack Obama apologize for suggesting that Mitt Romney's tax returns may be embarrassing?

    • emmelemm

      Wait – the dog is gay?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Have you ever known a straight dog named "Bo"? Right. There's your proof.

      • tessiee

        The earring wasn't enough of a clue?

    • SorosBot

      http://www.boomantribune.com/story/2012/8/2/20523

      "Mitt Romney isn't really a Mormon. He's an atheist who only went along with his father's faith so he could duck the Vietnam draft. He didn't actually try to convert anyone when he was in France either. In reality, he spent all his time in Monte Carlo gambling and buying high-end hookers. When his daddy found out what he was doing, he made him come home and marry his high school sweetheart. Actually, he only made him marry her after the second time she got pregnant. The first time, they got an abortion. Then Romney started using some of the mafia connections he had made in Marseilles to import heroin. By the time he became governor, they were flying it straight into a secret airport they set up in the Berkshires. When one of the pilots started to talk, Romney had him killed.

      Now, if we started telling these stories to people, and a substantial percentage of the population started to actually believe these stories, and if congressmen humored and even encouraged the people who believed these stories, and if media figures talked about these stories, and if Congress actually had hearings about some of these stories, then Mitt Romney would know what it's like to be treated like a Democrat."

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        And besides, that cannot be true, because those of us who have been following the mounting evidence on the Internet are all but certain that Romney is the mastermind of a child sex slavery ring, not a heroin kingpin!

        • horsedreamer_1

          Today we are all cock-a-roaches.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Needz moar psychotic Arizona sherrifs, investigating on the taxpayers' dime.

  • IceCreamEmpress

    Back in my day, the crazy old men just bellowed nonsense on the street corners. Thanks to the Internet, they can do it from the comfort of their basements now!

    Crazy old men used to be a lot thinner, too. I guess it was all the walking back and forth to the street corners. I recommend it to Mr. Corsi.

    • arihaya

      We can blame Al Gore for this mess.

    • Negropolis

      Not just that, now they are in Congress in disturbing large numbers, even more so than when Clinton was there.

  • bauserdotcom

    He's never seen a college student sitting in his roommate's lap? Harumph. Corsi must have lived in the boring dorms.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Right. I have pictures of three of my straight male housemates dead drunk on top of each other in bed. Not to mention photos of them participating in an Easter egg hunt (the eggs were plastic ones filled with marijuana), and barbecuing wearing scrubs and using surgical instruments stolen from the hospital where one of them worked. It's no wonder no one wants to run for office.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    This is gay marriage all over again, only the opposite of retroactively, since Obama would have had to astrally project into the future with his Pakistani boy toy to gay marry and then go back in time to live secretly in sin lying about it all the time. And by "it" I mean buttsechs.

  • MissTaken

    Think of what we could accomplish if we were able to harness the energy wasted by nutjobs to create their conspiracy of the week.

    • SorosBot

      And the power of pure hot air is an infinitely renewable resource!

      • MissTaken

        I'd rather they just farted, it would smell a lot better.

        • SorosBot

          Hee you said fart.

    • Naked_Bunny

      We could measure it in timecubes.

      • bobbert

        Corsi is approaching a centitimecube.

    • Stevola

      We're supposed to accomplish things?

  • BlueStateLibel

    Eh, so what, the only thing that ever turned Mitt Rmoney on was a sack full of cash and his bank statements. I'll vote for the human, thank you.

  • horsedreamer_1

    I thought it was his pimp ring.

  • mosjef

    A sobering look at what too many inhalants can do to you. Next up on The Huffing Post…

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    That alt text kicks it 4:3 Standard Definition & Scan Lines Old School! Where is my wired remote with the loud click-mashers?

    • emmelemm

      I know right? "You know you're old when…" you pull out a Johnny Carson joke.

      (Seriously, though, I miss Johnny Carson.)

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        Twist the rabbit ears and tweak the fine tuning ring while you're up. (No, that's not a "gay high sign"!)

      • SorosBot

        Leno just sucks; not having cable, I miss Conan.

  • BarackMyWorld
  • MissTaken

    You guys, Corsi did a totally serious, in-depth, scientific analysis of high school rings and proved that Noobama is not wearing merely a class ring, but a wedding ring!, when he got a lap dance by his ghey husband/roommate. This is serious, folks.

    Exhibit 5: Punahou High School class ring

    The engraved Punahou class ring appears thicker in the middle, less shiny in the sunlight and more elaborate in design than the ring Obama appears to have worn for at least a decade, beginning with his attendance at Occidental College.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Ah yes … the ring worn in public, to commemorate the secret wedding. These teabagging cretins have permanently pegged the stupid-meter, which goes all the way to 11.

    • tessiee

      So, once he started going to college, he stopped wearing his high school ring, would be the take-away here?

      • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

        Ladies and gentlemen, that is indeed one magic ring.

  • b[redact]opple

    Yes, indeed, "take a look at pictures of he".

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Congrats on the prognostication, and fine piece o' writin', Dok!

  • Chichikovovich

    Ed McMahon: French for "mouth", French for "fly", and English for "Jerome Corsi"
    Karnac: What is bouche, mouche and douche?

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    Ed McMahon: Mr. Barnes, Mr. Breitbart, and Mr. Corsi
    Karnac: Name a Fred, a dead, and a dick-head.

  • ttommyunger

    Not gonna watch it, Zoomer. If I want to see a fat, white, greasy, tasteless mass of lard I'll go the Chik Fellatio, thankyouverymuch…

  • C_R_Eature

    Carnac the Magnificent, placing envelope on forehead: "Thorny."

    *Tears open Envelope*

    (reads): "Dethcribing A Thalor at Thea."

    Sorry. My favorite Carson bit.

    • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

      Carnac: "Siss-Boom Bah"

      McMahon: "Siss-Boom Bah"?

      Carnac: (Opens envelope)

      Carnac: "Describe the sound made by an exploding sheep."

      McMahon: Hey-ooooohhh!

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        Doc: (Dizzy Gillespie riff)

        • C_R_Eature

          Perfect.

      • C_R_Eature

        Woooo! Thank you for adding Ed. How could I have left him out?

  • mavenmaven

    corsi always looks so nervous when he scrolls the pictures, like he might accidentally reveal his stash of porn downloads.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    The answer is obvious: The ring indicates that during this time, Barack Obama was committing scientific misconduct with Elizabeth Warren from behind.

    • glasspusher

      Man it just got warm in here…

  • Naked_Bunny

    So, have any of these dedicated investigators turned up Dubya's military records yet?

    • BlueStateLibel

      Even God doesn't know where those records exist. Probably because they don't.

    • tessiee

      I think someone did find them, but then they were photocopied onto present-day copy paper, which proved their content false somehow.

      • bobbert

        Scanning that, I read "photocopied onto present day toilet paper …", which seemed oddly comforting.

  • Naked_Bunny

    I'd run for President, but that time I got detention in high school plainly disqualifies me.

    • UW8316154

      The little retail operation running out of my dorm room probably disqualifies me.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Obviously it is the One Ring, or whatever, and Barry is Sauron, who was an unrepentant socialist who wanted nothing but healthcare and free money to give to poor people, and Jerome Corsi and the other Hobbits have to get the ring from him and take it to Mordor and throw it into the volcano. Or whatever the fuck was happening in that movie.

    • BlueStateLibel

      Eh, just throw Jerome Corsi and the rest of the wingnuts down the volcano, problem solved.

    • tessiee

      Also, Orcs overrunning Middle Earth and sexing up all the white hobbit wimmenz.

    • sullivanst

      Sauron, who was an unrepentant socialist who wanted nothing but healthcare

      I guess Sauron must've won in the end then, because the NHS.

  • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

    My eternal gratitude to the anonymous person who made a $400 contribution to the Vlad The Impala repair fund / tip jar this morning. I am humbled and astonished and kind of questioning your sanity, but THANK YOU!

    EDIT: Reply & followups deleted for anonymity preservation, but damn, what fine human beings post here! The anonymous awesome commenter suggested this anthem for Vlad, and I repost it for all of us with our strange old cars and other irrational loves: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nszR0tfp4Es

    • not that Dewey

      I still get the Weedlord Bonerhitler Memorial Front Left Fender, though, right?

      • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

        Oh, totally.

  • barto

    Add Corsi to the long list of right wing operatives with a deep abiding interest in all things homosexual – all in the interest of truth, mind you.

  • C_R_Eature

    Jerome Corsi was the original Goatse Guy.

    He took up Anal Stretching in the mid 80's to relieve the tension of dealing with the workload of extensive political conspiracy research, his failed Polish Mutual Fund and the stress of the ensuing lawsuits.

    Corsi was pretty buff back in '99 when the website launched, but when he kicked the Bolivian Marching Powder he developed a severe cannoli addiction, which gave him the body we see today. Occasionally, Jerome will still perform Goatse for select closed fundraising events.

    Or so I read, on the Internet. He hasn't denied it and I think that's significant.

  • mlle_derp

    Jerome Corsi: projecting much?

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    OT: The Missouri primary starring Palin's shopping pal Sarah Steelman (she of the penciled-in Brooke Shields eyebrows) is TONIGHT! Will any Wonkets be hanging out here for the results?

    • mlle_derp

      Last I heard, Brunner was ahead in the polls, but the St Louis Post-Dispatch has Akin ahead with just a teensy weensy # of votes reported (mostly absentee & less than 1% of the vote): http://bit.ly/N1Jf44

    • mlle_derp

      Akin's lead is holding, but I don't know where the uncounted precincts are… http://apne.ws/TeaMyg

      ETA: Sarah Palin's pick for the race (Sarah Steelman) has conceded. The SLPD has called Akin the winner, but Brunner is saying it's still early….

      • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

        Gotta love a guy who thinks that “the heart of liberalism really is a hatred for God and a belief that government should replace God.”

        What a charmer.

        • mlle_derp

          Didn't he play Rev. Casaubon in the BBC production of Middlemarch?

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      So MO is not into 1980s eyebrows and S&M shoes?

      • mlle_derp

        Maybe they thought they were actually voting against Sarah PALIN?

        So remind me- is Claire McCaskill one of those Dems who are always trying to out-macho the Republicans?

        • sullivanst

          She's to the left of Ben Nelson, but does still like to kick the President in the nuts regularly for no other reason than to be able to say she did.

          • mlle_derp

            Left of Ben Nelson? How can that be??

            Ha ha- whatever- she's a damned sight better than Akin at any rate.

        • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

          Yes, Claire gives DINO a whole new spin.I'd throw up if I had to pull a lever for her … and yet I would over this opposition.

    • Negropolis

      In Michigan, the reindeer farming, libertarian, tea party Truther won the Republican primary! This opens the door for the moderate, Muslim Dem doctor to actually win the seat. Only in America, baby; only in America.

      • mlle_derp

        For anyone with some extra folding money: https://secure.actblue.com/entity/fundraiser/3024

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        Gee, I wonder who the Motor City Madman will be campaigning for?I'll be watching this.What a country.

      • Negropolis

        Dr. Taj FTW! From my lips to Allahs ears, hopefully.

  • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

    OT update on the "Christian doofus burns General Mills' lawn" story, courtesy of alert commenter "Billy Rubin":

    It took me a minute, but then I realized, "Holy shit! I KNOW that dude!" He used to come to the University of Minnesota in the 90's and harrass students on the campus mall, and he was an AM talk radio host on some now-defunct Christian station that was (in his words) "to the right of Rush Limbaugh ont he dial". His name is Michael Leisner, and he's also a former used car salesman. A quick google search confirms my memory.

    (sad trombone wah-wah)

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      So, not one of you fuckers?

      • C_R_Eature

        Not me. I know of at least 10 separate ways to set things on fire successfully and not look like a total jackass doing it.
        If, of course, I went totally insane and decided that burning a box of cereal in front of a factory made any kind of sense.

      • sullivanst

        Poe's law not restricted to the internets.

    • C_R_Eature

      Queerios !

      Now, that's funny!

    • mlle_derp

      That guy probably gets even hairier when the moon is full, amirite?

    • tessiee

      "courtesy of alert commenter "Billy Rubin":"

      Those crazy med students crack me up.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    OK, here is your picture of Obama "sitting in the lap of" his Pakistani roommate:
    http://gillreport.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/

    The only "loving" I am seeing going on there is lovin' the Sensamilla, but Barry has already copped to that. Also, this image comes from the website of a talk show host who is clearly batshit insane, from the "graphic design" of his webpage alone:
    http://gillreport.com/2011/11/obama-and-his-pakis

    • emmelemm

      Looks like a motherfuckin' party, amirite?

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        Shit! Goddamn! Get off your ass and jam!!

    • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

      "On the lap of" apparently means "adjacent to" in some parts of the country.

      The really stupid parts.

    • LetUsBray

      Is it possible Corsi thinks 'lap' is a synonym for 'sofa'?

    • mavenmaven

      The comments on that gillreport page are just classic. I think if William Buckley were alive today, he'd kill himself.

      • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

        heh… someone — from here obviously — just added "You're right! I bet the REAL birth certificate lists him as homosexual!"

        • bobbert

          Yeah, which of you fuckers is Michael Bauser?

      • Fare la Volpe

        "Mark" is my new favorite human being:

        "Why don't we know any of this information that any Wikipedia article will tell us? Why hasn't he released private documents that not even employers are allowed to see? Where is the used condom from the night he lost his virginity — why hasn't he released it?!!"

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

          The commenter who insists that nobody knows even one detail about Obama's life? Yeah, that guy is pretty droll. Makes you want to drop a shipment of Obama biographies on him with a forklift while he sleeps at night. Gently.

    • not that Dewey

      A true Pakistani Spy would never actually sit in someone's lap. His cover would be blown instantly.

    • bobbert

      I think I've owned versions of that rug.

      • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

        It really ties the room together, man.

    • Negropolis

      Bert & Ernie come to life, I tell you.

    • C_R_Eature

      Well, Lar Jorgen and E.(Jack) Ulate have weighed in on this marvel of Investigative Journalism. Anyone else?

  • the_redhead

    I think we need to face reality here: Jerome Corsi *really* wants some big black peen. Like, right now.

  • zippy_w_pinhead

    what's with the guy in the Turban?? Is he one of those Sikhs?

  • Barrelhse

    Let's take a moment to shit on the disgusting state of texas for executing a man with an IQ of 61.

    • C_R_Eature

      Texas. America's South Waziristan.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      It never ceases to amaze me that people who supposedly believe in heaven and hell also do things like this. The worst hell imaginable is too good for someone who can justify that action.

      • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

        At least strict Catholics are consistent in their "culture of life" schtick.
        They are anti-abortion and euthanasia, but also anti-death penalty and war.

        *sigh*
        Oh, I don't know, this whole thing makes me sad.
        (shakes head, and walks away)

        • LetUsBray

          They're just a lot louder about abortion and contraception. Death penalty and war, well, sure they're unfortunate, but, you know, stuff happens.

        • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

          Well, SOME Catholics are.They call it Cafeteria Catholicism.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Seems like a waste of perfectly good shit, but … OK. Just to make a point.

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Fraudulently_Joe

      Let's take an additional moment to shit on the personage of Antonin Scalia, who personally permitted them to do so. Also too.

    • GhostBuggy

      Yeah, did you see their defense of it? "Eh, his IQ was more like 70 or something, so it's cool."

    • doloras

      So sad. Dude kept asserting that he was the 43rd president of the United States.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Let's take a moment to shit on the disgusting state of texas for executing a man with an IQ of 61.

      In Texas, a "jury of your peers" is not necessarily a good thing.

    • James Michael Curley

      I also fear that this case was not very much about murder and just sentencing as it was about testing for loopholes in the Supreme Court's previous opinion on applying the death penalty to persons with limited mental capacity.

      It is terrifying that a bunch of Texas State attorneys were sitting around one day and calculating ways to bring the death penalty rate in the state into the marginal rate of the population. In other words, to what extend does our legal argument go to execute one more person.

  • DahBoner

    Isn't it about time America got back to taking about something that's real?

    Like…

    O'bama is really a secret drunken motherfucking Irish Leprechaun Terrorist

    • C_R_Eature

      Not those bastards again! They beat the shit out of my neighbor's Garden Gnomes last St. Patrick's day.

    • Negropolis

      Barry O'Bamaugh is an Irish sleeper agent.

  • http://citizenfuturist.wordpress.com/ gogogodzilla

    Connect the dots, sheeple!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Dots are random; the GOP supplies the numbers.

  • mlle_derp

    Pretty much OT, but some of you might like to see SPLC's Stand Strong Against Hate map: http://www.splcenter.org/get-involved/stand-stron

    Could be a nice thing to share with the youf…

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    A: Chernobyl, Love Canal, Three Mile Island.
    Q: The only places you can still get a house for under a hundred grand.
    ~ Carnac the Magnificent

  • kittensdontlie

    You People need to decipher these anagrams for 'President Obama'(These are WEIRD!): ___Baptised moaner.___One barmaids pet.___Penis, dreamboat.___A baptism redone. ___I met a born spade.__Am a Biden poster. WHO IS THIS MAN named Nobama??!!

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Fraudulently_Joe

      Anagrams for "Jerome Corsi":

      Cries re: mojo
      Jocose rim-er
      Micro, so jeer

      Who knew that anagrams contained so many (totally true) secrets?

      • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

        Make it "Dr Jerome Corsi PhD" and you get

        Crimped Rod Josher
        Cried Dorm Per Josh (What does Fruhlinger know?)
        Prod Scrod, Jeer Him

        • kittensdontlie

          Anagrams are better than palm reading.

  • glasspusher

    Fucking Mac user.

    -sent from my ipad

  • not that Dewey

    Watch out, Dok. Obama's Gaystapo is gunning for you.

    • RadioBowels

      (con voce lisp) the Eth Eth

      • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

        (*guffaw*!!!)

        • not that Dewey

          Speaking of guffaw, what's this I hear about you having a twitter?

  • Negropolis

    Gaybama? Sounds like some seedy nightclub in downtown Mobile.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      Ha!

    • Barb_

      My family, except for my daughters, live in Mobile, and I take exception to what you just said, Negropolis. Mobile isn't evolved enough to have a nightclub, seedy or not. The while town smells like the sink at the Waffle House.

      • Negropolis

        I was going to say Birmingham or any place where I could imagine a liberal contingent in Alabama and couldn't, so I pulled out Mobile, 'cause it was founded by the French which leaves some residual liberalism one would hope.

        • Barb_

          I visit Mobile from time to time out of some sort of family guilt. My kin will never reach for the check when we go out to dinner. They just sweat the amount I leave as a tip for the brown girl who doesn't dare to look us in the eye when she takes our order.

          • Negropolis

            Well, you know, gratuities for blahs is just another form of socialism. As Rick Santorum said: "I don't want to make black people's lives better by giving them somebody else's money."

          • James Michael Curley

            Sounds like they swipe the tip when you're not looking. I have a Pittsburgh relative who does that.

          • Boojum

            Hey, Barb! Send me an email at Wonkettegtfo@gmail.com, k, so I have a way to contact you off line?

      • James Michael Curley

        Stuck in Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    A male sheep, a baby sheep, and Jerome Corsi. (Opens envelope) "OMG!"

    • tessiee

      Would that be a ram, a lamb, a ding-dong?

  • tessiee

    So that's it.
    Almost four years after President Obama won the election, that's their best shot — "he's gay".
    Bra-fuckin'-vo.
    *slow, sarcastic applause*

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Imma gonna pretend you didn't see the alt-text up there.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Romney's free McDonalds ticket?? Weird!!!!!
    http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2012/08/07/r

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      I saw that. Another one of doofus' folksy stories about Dear Old Dad. WTF? It's OK to eat a fried sandwich every day, but you'll go to hell if you suck down can of soda? And this guy wants to be president? Even when Bubba was still eating that shit he knew it was bad.

      Is one of Willard's kids named George? He's probably still using that thing.

      • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

        I just don't get the point…  I can see “old dad loved McDonalds and used to go there every day to buy lunch”  – folksey!!!But “dad had a special fantastic all the food you can eat for FREE pass and he made sure he used it every single day, unlike you morons who have to pay for this shit.”

        • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

          You're right.I told my mother the story and her reply was, “I don't care what they eat but I care that millionaires are eating for free and I'm not.” Again, Willard demonstrates his voter sensitivity.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Best comment:
      "So there is such a thing as a free lunch… if your name is Romney."

      • sullivanst

        Yeah, I liked that one. Runner up was "You know what else your father did? Released 12 years of tax returns."

  • Negropolis

    I have a feeling this guy has a lot of child pornography on his hard-drive.

    • RadioBowels

      He was just doing "research".

  • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

    He has yet to deny it.

  • tessiee

    What a moron.
    It's "One Ring to rule them all".
    Corsi should pick up a fuckin' book once in awhile.

  • obfuscator2

    my fellow libtards and i* harbor numerous grievances against barry nobamar. these grievances are well-documented by pretty much every major media outlet. you're telling me that "secret fag atheist muslim socialist" is the best the right can come up with? if mittens and the gop can't shit out a win, they have no one to blame but themselves.

    *volunteered in iowa for the caucuses, door knocking in a blizzard, ran a caucus in a high school gym & whatnot.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      Do you live in Steve King's current or (gawd ferbid) future district?

      • obfuscator2

        nope, i live in illinois and i used my remaining vacation days to canvass a bunch of small towns in rural iowa in the last week before the caucuses. barry for america was generous enough to find me some SWANK supporter housing for my stay. and the field office was adjacent to a bar. we celebrated new year's eve in style after the des moines register gave barry a lead beyond the margin of error.

        • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

          Mm. Chicago-style politics it is then.

          Kidding! Good work.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      So if Mittens just stroked your grievances a little, he'd have your vote?

  • GhostBuggy

    "I’ve not seen a lot of roommate pictures where two guys are that chummy."

    And believe you me, he's been looking at a lot of "roommate pictures" for verification.

    • sullivanst

      Indeed, and while they were often very fucky, they were rarely at all chummy.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    "I want to talk about some of the stranger articles I've written recently for WND.com"

    I snortled.

    • mlle_derp

      I like that word!

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    Corsi is a complete and utter psychotic, too strong??

  • FajitaFriday

    Michelle used to be MIchael before her 'transition'. So it's all groovy now.

  • drconspiracy

    "No sane person should have to watch that"

    You area kind and thoughtful person.

  • EBGrey

    The real question is how President Obama manages to drive so many old whites completely out of their minds.

  • homotownrecords

    sign this guy up! he's going to be the new lead investigator for the homotownrecord$$$ detective agency.