How Many Stupid, Stupid Lawmakers Do We Have in Congress, Imperiling Very Existence of Life on Earth?

  god is in his heaven

sad polar bearExactly how many stupid, stupid people do we have in Congress these days, toiling away in the world’s most deliberative lawmaking body, making decisions that will probably imperil the very survival of the human race? And of these stupid, stupid people, how many are willing to talk to reporters and make good and sure that there is a RECORD of their stupidity for posterity? Turns out, quite a few!

Republican lawmakers say this year’s harsh weather that has produced devastating wildfires and the most widespread drought in 50 years has not changed their minds on climate change.

With more than a month left, the summer of 2012 is on pace to be one of the three hottest since 1950, according to an analysis by WeatherBank and AccuWeather. In June, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration announced the preceding 12 months in the continental U.S. had been the warmest since record keeping began. Many Republicans on Capitol Hill point out that weather is inherently cyclical.

“I think the science suggests you have to have long-term trends, not one-year droughts,” said Rep. Tim Huelskamp (R-Kan.), noting his district saw worse conditions in the 1950s and 1980s and “variability in the drought is not unusual.”

Don’t ever say that the GOP is anti-science because Representative Tim Huelskamp (R-Koch), used the word science in a sentence, so there! Anyway, why worry about any of this when it’s up to God?

In a floor speech last Monday, Sen. Jim Inhofe (R-Okla.) said, “Look at the patterns. It gets cold, it gets warmer, it gets colder, gets warmer. God is still up there, and I think it’ll continue in the future.”

See that? It’s because of God, who is still “up there,” causing all these droughts and wildfires and whatnot.

While polls indicate that most people believe that the Earth is warming as a result of human activity, Republicans say they are not being pressed on the matter back home.

“I’ve heard a lot about the drought,” said Rep. Tim Griffin (R-Ark.), “but I have not heard one thing connecting this to climate change.”

To be fair, it’s hard to hear information connecting droughts to climate change when you have no interest in listening, or alternatively, when Bernie Sanders is the one talking about it, RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE. It’s probably fine though! Turns out that the earth will probably only warm by about six, maybe eleven degrees within the next 50 years, that’s all, causing a “mass extinction of almost all life and probably reduce humanity to a few struggling groups of embattled survivors clinging to life near the poles.” No biggie. But then we’ll see who is right, and who is dead, and then all get together over the smoldering ruins of our civilization, look back at this, and laugh!

[The Hill]

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About the author

Kris E. Benson writes about politics for Wonkette and is pursuing a doctorate in philosophy. This will come in handy for when they finally open that philosophy factory in the next town over. @Kris_E_Benson

View all articles by Kris E. Benson

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161 comments

  1. randcoolcatdaddy

    “I’ve heard a lot about the drought,” said Rep. Tim Griffin (R-Ark.), “but I have not heard one thing connecting this to climate change.”

    It's hard to hear anything with your head stuck up your arse for two decades.

    1. RadioBowels

      Two decades?
      I clearly remember the prediction of greenhouse gases in the early 1970's. Oh yeah, science can't predict anything.

  2. Callyson

    Exactly how many stupid, stupid people do we have in Congress these days

    I'd say AOTK, except some of them are in state legislatures, governor's mansions, and black robes.

  3. YasserArraFeck

    Congress – the longest continuous fart* ever recorded.

    *Fart n. a noisy stream of hot air, laced with bullshit

  4. Baconzgood

    These people would be lighting a cigar on the cinders of your burnt down house if there was a buck in it for them. Makes me sick.

    (this comment is 100% snark free)

      1. Generation[redacted]

        I dunno. Dennis Hopper saying, "Ain't we a pair, Raggedy Man" just doesn't have the same ring to it.

    1. JustPixelz

      They seem to know "Who's Nailin' Paylin?" is a documentary. Maybe that's why they like her so much — she comes across as very "likeable" in that film.

    1. MissTaken

      That's the nice thing of tornadoes and hurricanes, they tend to smack those who don't believe in them.

      Oh, it's moran you moran.

  5. YouBetcha

    These dumb fucks from states with 4.618% literacy need to sit their asses down and let actual scientists do the talking. Don't be acting like you know shit about climate science, hillbilly clown.

      1. OkieDokieDog

        Jim Jebus Inhofe don't need no stinkin' science! God killed them dinosaurs for him to get money from oil companies!!11!!! Okie's lub their Big Oil Call Girl!

    1. tessiee

      Science? Science explains things better than the bibble, therefore science is eeeevulz and must be abolished, because we can't take the competition freedumbz.

  6. Callyson

    It’s because of God, who is still “up there,” causing all these droughts and wildfires and whatnot.

    Yeah, if you atheists would just simmer down, we'd cool off in no time…

  7. veritass

    Yea, but have these fancy pants "scientists" considered THE SUN? Or the fact that water EVAPORATES? Or SEASONS? Or how BIG the Earth is? Have they even thought about SNOW? What about HAIL, those are giant balls of ICE.

    I rest my case.

  8. MissTaken

    God is still up there, and I think it’ll continue in the future

    Sorry, God ain't 'up there'. But now a nuclear-powered all-terrain vehicle with lasers sure as hell is.

    1. CrunchyKnee

      I wonder why no one in the "lib'ral" media mentioned that if the rocket had malfunctioned in earth's atmosphere the entire southern hemisphere would have been blanketed in nook-a-lur radiation?

    2. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      What he's referring to of course are big money donors, that's all the Gawd these assholes know.

  9. pinkocommi

    “I’ve heard a lot about the drought,” said Rep. Tim Griffin (R-Ark.), “but I have not heard one thing connecting this to climate change.”

    Rep. Griffin's hearing would be greatly improved if he removed his fingers from his ears and stopped repeating "nah-nah-nah-nah-I-can't-hear-you-nah-nah-nah-nah."

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Well, his constituents are all from Arkansas, so there's that to take into consideration.

    2. tessiee

      "stopped repeating "nah-nah-nah-nah-I-can't-hear-you-nah-nah-nah-nah.""

      Although with those half a dozen oil company CEO dicks in his mouth, it *does* sound awfully mumbly.

  10. nounverb911

    "summer of 2012 is on pace to be one of the three hottest since 1950,"
    Except in Seattle.

  11. CheeseBro69

    Is this the point where we just give up, accept the end of the world and in engage in massive amounts of unprotected sex whilst high on every drug imaginable?

    1. actor212

      I find your thoughts very interesting and would like to research them further. Is there perhaps an email list I can join or URL I might obtain?

  12. Goonemeritus

    “Turns out that the earth will probably only warm by about six, maybe eleven degrees within the next 50 years”

    Suddenly my decision to eat a lot of red meat and drink intemperately seems totally rational.

  13. YasserArraFeck

    Sen. Inhofe, why don't you shove your pattern "up there", where the sun don't shine?

  14. Antispandex

    "How Many Stupid, Stupid Lawmakers Do We Have in Congress, Imperiling Very Existence of Life on Earth?"

    I can never remember the answer to this one! How, many Tea Party / Republicans are there again? Then you add the pandering Democrats, factor in the election year, carry the one…

  15. anniegetyerfun

    It’s probably fine though! Turns out that the earth will probably only warm by about six, maybe eleven degrees within the next 50 years, that’s all, causing a “mass extinction of almost all life and probably reduce humanity to a few struggling groups of embattled survivors clinging to life near the poles.”

    So… should I be buying guns?

      1. GunToting[Redacted]

        Make sure said place is on pontoons and you have a plane to get there, because the thawing "permafrost" is causing things like buildings and the roads to sink into the ground.

    1. LesBontemps

      I'm gonna buy a meth lab in Wasilla. 'Cause that's an investment that pays dividends now, too.

      1. Willardbot9000_V2.5

        Especially now that Bristol is back in Wasilla…there'll be a shitload of new business from her and Guido.

  16. CrunchyKnee

    Yep, invisible sky daddy cares for all of us. Well, not atheists, teh gehys, the browns or the "other." Yep, invisible sky daddy cares for Oklahoma and Texass dwellers, ah reckon.

    1. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      true…I mean according to these idiots evolution cannot be possible because we're all created in God's image yet we have to pray to Jeebus or we're not God's children. Now try and unravel THAT kind of circular logic and you might be able to explain how they hate non-whites and non-Christians so much….

  17. slithytoves

    I'd like to see these asswipes enjoy the summer's heat and be going through menopause at the same time. Bet they'd rally to save the planet then.

  18. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I am comforted by the fact that the people in Arizona and Texas will die before me. Sorry new Mexico! Sucks to be you.

    1. HistoriCat

      You're saying that now but wait until we all show up to crash at your place on our way further north.

  19. spends2much

    We are dealing here with idiots who don't "believe" in evolution because they've never seen a monkey give birth to a human. If palm trees spontaneously sprout on the Tundra Grifter's front lawn, they'd still chalk it up to "God's will". You can't cure this kind of stupid. But you can vote it the fuck out of office!!!!

    1. actor212

      Hm, I wonder…what if we moved all those polar bears down to the synchronized swimming pool in London. Two problems, one solution.

  20. fartknocker

    I find this discussion amusing. Down the road from the Senate Rotunda, the Department of Defense has a whole group of scientists who are figuring out how climate change will impact military operations. Imhofe, for all his bravado and bullshit, is nothing more than a fluffer for API and the American Coal Council.

  21. JustPixelz

    …noting his district saw worse conditions in the 1950s and 1980s and “variability in the drought is not unusual.”

    Thank God he won't be asking for any disaster relief funds. (Really, thank God for being up there, creating those not unusual droughts.)

  22. actor212

    With more than a month left, the summer of 2012 is on pace to be one of the three hottest since 1950, according to an analysis by WeatherBank and AccuWeather. In June, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration announced the preceding 12 months in the continental U.S. had been the warmest since record keeping began. Many Republicans on Capitol Hill point out that weather is inherently cyclical.

    Just once, I want a reporter to challenge climate pronouncements made based on the weather by saying something like "You haven't had a heart attack today, yet you still take your Lipitor daily."

  23. Trannysurprise

    When these fucktard red southern/heartland states turn into deserts I hope they don't think they are moving to where us blue people live.

    1. emmelemm

      Unfortunately, they have most of the guns, so they'll be taking over our lush forest paradises. Assholes.

    2. Jus_Wonderin

      I plan to retire on my (louisiana) farm in Mad Max style. Do we "need another hero"?

      Edit: I see I was not the first to say this but I still plan to retire in this style.

    3. Eve8Apples

      We have to start a marketing strategy to discourage them — government sponsored, FEMA, librule, re-edumacation, Moozlin camps required of all new citizens in blue states, or everyone in a blue states must get gay married, or banning NASCAR, guns and crappy, cheap beer in all blue states.

  24. mavenmaven

    I'm sure Romney and friends have already bought the prime polar real estate, and are circulating these denial stories in order to really drive up their value when the rest of the earth is uninhabitable.

    1. GunToting[Redacted]

      I'm sure you snark, but many folks are excited about the thawing Arctic Oceans, which will open up drilling and mining, as well as provide shorter shipping routes, reducing their costs.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Well, there certainly would be a great collective sigh of relief from the rest of the living beings on earth. Except maybe dogs and cats; who's going to open the cans?

    2. Eve8Apples

      I'm starting to think that I won't mind death so much as long as I get to live long enough to watch the stupid, climate change deniers die a slow, painful death before I do.

  25. actor212

    “I think the science suggests you have to have long-term trends, not one-year droughts,” said Rep. Tim Huelskamp (R-Kan)

    Psst, dude, it's been two years in your own district. I'm sure the farmers who actually plant shit would tell you that.

  26. Joshua Norton

    Republicans are white trash immorality on a grand scale. People who are ridiculous and yet dangerous, laughable but cunning, and really, really stupid.

  27. not that Dewey

    a few struggling groups of embattled survivors clinging to life near the poles —
    LET'S GO!

      1. not that Dewey

        They would have made some ice to replace the melting Arctic region, but they forgot the recipe.

  28. Fraudulently_Joe

    Honestly, we should be glad they don't believe that global warming is caused by man's activities, because if they did, they'd almost certainly blame it on the gays.

  29. hagajim

    I fucking knew that Zeus was going to get around to hurling his lightling bolts and that damn Apollo is flying to close to the planet as well. Where's a good soaking courtesy of Poseidon when you need it.

  30. HateMachine

    If there's any good news, it's likely that everything I've read recently indicates that China's leadership realizes their country is poisoning the entire planet, so to the extent that they can stop burning a hojillion tons of coal per hour without their society completely collapsing, they will probably try to get their green on. And they don't have all this pesky "voting" slowing their national decision-making down.

    Don't expect much, though, because there is almost no possible way they can kick their coal habit. Oh, damn, that wasn't very good news after all.

  31. Blueb4sinrise

    Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither ……….uhhhhhhhhhh……..
    Oops, they're gone.

  32. GortRay

    When the earth becomes a giant cesspool of seething hellishness the god-fearin' church-goin' repugs will be raptured to the cool cool meth lab of heaven, so they don't give a shit.
    I loathe and detest them with every cell of my body.

    1. natoslug

      My apologies to N. California — I've had my dehumidifier cranked up all day to try to get this room down to 60% r.h.. I didn't realize what I was doing to the rest of you.

    2. viennawoods13

      Great, I am right on the line where pale blue turns to pale green. Not a surprise if you see my lawn, though.

  33. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I'm thinking if this all works out just right the Puget Sound should end up looking something like Greece or Southern Italy does now. That's not so bad. Sucks for the rest of you in the giant desert!

  34. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    You guys can stop worrying. The zombie apocalypse is going to happen way before we need to worry about any of this global warming nonsense.

  35. Barrelhse

    If Inhofe and his supporters are among the first to go then I'm fine with the whole thing.

  36. KeepFnThatChicken

    When we said we were trying to protect the earth, we were lying. We admit it now.

    We're trying to protect everyone, you assholes.

  37. TribecaMike

    Frickin' bible nuts don't even know their own manual:

    If anyone speaks in a tongue, two — or at the most three — should speak, one at a time, and someone must interpret.
    But if there is no one to interpret, let each of them keep silent in church and speak to himself and to God. (1 Corinthians 14:27-28)

    In other words, shut the frick up.

  38. Eve8Apples

    I just want those inbred idiots living in the Redneck Riviera to drown first so I get the pleasure of watching them die as a result of their own stupidity.

  39. bravo_sierra

    The Pacific Northwest seems to be one of the few places in the country that isn't starting to resemble a circle of hell, climatically speaking. Almost as if forcing loggers to stop chopping down all the forests a few decades ago saved not just the spotted owls but ourselves.

    1. tessiee

      "The Pacific Northwest seems to be one of the few places in the country that isn't starting to resemble a circle of hell, climatically speaking."

      And politically speaking.

  40. CivicHoliday

    I used to honestly think that the big fat "I told you so" would be worth it in the end, when the Republican climate-change deniers lost their constituencies to crippling drought and coastal flooding, and the only one left to vote them into office were roaches and deer ticks. Alas I think that even then they will continue to deny the science, so at this point I'm just hoping that Curiosity finds evidence of intelligent microbial life on Mars and some of it will hitch a ride on an asteroid to come back here and become our benevolent overlords.

    1. TootsStansbury

      The roaches and deer ticks are smarter than the people who vote for these fuckheads.

  41. Baba_NinjaCat12

    That's great news for my investment of building a resort hotel by the Arctic Ocean coast. In 20 years, the area will become a pleasant and balmy tropical climate while the mid-latitude and down to the equator will become a hellish desert wasteland. Keep up the ignorant work, stupid legislatures. Plus, I will even start a tour of the underwater city of New York.

    1. TribecaMike

      You just know the MTA will charge $45 to go from Bay Ridge to 14th Street on the submersible subway and say it's a good thing for the straphangers.

  42. lulzmonger

    Shorter Inhofe: I say millions in Exxon perks, you say 30 pieces of silver … spends just as good either way, suckers.

    Anyone got any good cactus recipes? AFAF.

Comments are closed.