yeah, this guy againWe at Wonkette are not experts in Constitutional law or contemporary American jurisprudence, but it seems to us that the Amendments are supposed to be of equal importance and subjected to the same standards of inquiry. So we were surprised (but not really that surprised, actually, now that we think about it for a minute) to learn that the Second Amendment is more important than the First Amendment, but only for doctors, and only if they live in Florida.

Gov. Rick Scott announced Monday that his administration will pursue a court appeal to defend the state’s controversial “Docs vs. Glocks” law, which makes it a crime for doctors to ask patients if they own guns.

The 2011 “Firearm Owners’ Privacy Act”—one of a series of NRA-backed, aggressive pro-gun laws passed by Florida’s conservative Legislature in recent years—aims at keeping physicians from gathering information on patients’ weapons while discussing their health risk factors. (Decades of studies have shown that even law-abiding, responsible gun owners and their families have higher risks of death by gunshot when they keep a firearm in the home.)

But it’s ok, you guys. This is about protecting patients! Don’t you want to protect patients?? Parents don’t like it when they take their kid to the doctor for a sore throat, and doctor is all “blah blah blah, smoking around your kid and whatnot” or “blah blah, something about diet and exercise” and they ESPECIALLY do not like it when their doctor warns them about the risks of keeping a firearm in the home. That just crosses the LINE.

“Patients don’t like being interrogated about whether or not they own guns when they take their child with a sore throat to a pediatrician, nor do they like being interrogated in an emergency room when their Little Leaguer broke his leg sliding into first base,” the NRA’s gun for hire in Florida, longtime firearms lobbyist Marion Hammertold the Tampa Tribune last fall.

First of all, the joke is on lobbyist Marion Hammer, because one in five Floridians are uninsured and probably don’t even go to the doctor, with or without their fictional kid who is in Little League. Anyway, in sum, the true test of freedom is your willingness to use the Second Amendment to bludgeon all the other Amendments, but mostly for doctors and primarily in places like Florida.

[Mother Jones]

Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • Come here a minute

    This is especially important because nobody lies to doctors.

    • nounverb911

      Paging Dr. House, paging Dr. House.

    • bikerlaureate


  • Jus_Wonderin

    Honestly, the look on his face looks like he was just beamed with a 2X6.

    • nounverb911

      Or by Anne Coulter from behind.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        I also think Anita Bryant is sucking his cock.

        • EatsBabyDingos

          I think Anita Bryant is his dick.

        • chicken_thief

          Is she still alive? Ah, never mind – I'm not sure Scott is either so it don't matter much. I don't think zombie on zombie sexy times is a crime.

      • RayneMan

        Never say, "Ann Coulter from behind" in a crowded room.

  • PuckStopsHere

    Probably the doctors are asking so they can properly assess their own risk of getting their ass shot off by a disgruntled/crazy patient.

    • Beowoof

      Have the "reformed" malpractice in Florida? Then you know firearms are the only reasonable solution.

    • Naked_Bunny

      Gun owners have a Constitutional right to not warn their intended victim.

  • nounverb911

    Can the doctor ask if they own hoodies?

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Stand your Tongue Depresser!!

  • freakishlywrong

    Oh Batboy. So crazy, so hateful and corrupt.

  • Fukui-sanYesOta

    It's a slippery slope! What's next? Asking pregnant women if they own cats?

    WAIT! There's no 2nd Amendment for cats!

    Although cats with glocks would be pretty bad-ass.

  • Oblios_Cap

    First of all, the joke is on lobbyist Marion Hammer, because one in five Floridians are uninsured and probably don’t even go to the doctor, with or without their fictional kid who is in Little League.

    Being a Flor-i-duh resident, I can't wait until this asshat is voted out of office.

    If our Democratic Party can finally field a decent candidate. It's been a while.

    • nounverb911

      What about Charlie Crist?

      • Not gay enough.

      • Oblios_Cap

        He could beat Scott. A couple of different ways. If Greer doesn't take him down first, in court. We all know he's gay, so that won't effect anything.

        • YasserArraFeck

          The line of people who could beat Scott is miles long. The questions is – are there enough 2x4s for everyone?

    • is he really in trouble?

      because, you know, voldemort.

  • freakishlywrong

    “Patients don’t like being interrogated about whether or not they own guns when they take their child with a sore throat to a pediatrician".

    How often does this happen outside of the fever swamp, really?

    • Mahousu

      If the sore throat is due to a gunshot wound, some nosy pediatricians might be inclined to ask.

  • just as long as Doctors are still required to shame women I'm fine with this.

  • And there's a new law being introduced that makes it a crime for a doctor or hospital to ask a patient bleeding from bullet wounds if they've been shot.

    • I'm sure that is on the NRA/GOPbagger list of important things to do 'cause it is no one business how and by whom you got yourself shot, dammit. Because of 2nd amendment Freedumz.!

  • Come here a minute

    When a doctor asks, "Where does it hurt?", Governor Scott answers, "NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS!"

  • In fairness, in Florida "Do you own a gun?" is a pick up line

  • Goonemeritus

    It will still be legal to ask them if they voted Republican in the last 12 years though.

    • Come here a minute

      IQ test.

      • They live in Florida. You expect them to pass an IQ test?

        • Oblios_Cap

          Watch it. Some us are here for the Gulf Coast and don't want to live in MS, AL, LA, or TX.

  • mavenmaven

    The facts don't matter to a patriot, what matters is that a patriot "feels" it, so if they "feel" the second amendment is more patriotic than the first amendment, then so it is:

    "A new NAZI curriculum was introduced to promote a new German consciouness. Only teaching materials that had an "affinity with the spirit of the new Germany" were permitted. Material that "contradict German feelings or paralyze energies necessary for self-assertion" was rejected. [Noakes and Pridham, p. 437.] Teachers were encouraged to in effect forget facts. They were to teach "right" attitudes or "character" through feel-good experiences: NAZI education gave great importance to was the cult of "experience" as being of greater importance than academic study. Unlike knowledge which involved intellect thought, experience involved "feeling" which the NAZIs cultivated."

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      AUSTIN, Tex. — After three days of turbulent meetings, the Texas Board of Education on Friday approved a social studies curriculum that will put a conservative stamp on history and economics textbooks, stressing the superiority of American capitalism, questioning the Founding Fathers’ commitment to a purely secular government and presenting Republican political philosophies in a more positive light.

      In recent years, board members have been locked in an ideological battle between a bloc of conservatives who question Darwin’s theory of evolution and believe the Founding Fathers were guided by Christian principles, and a handful of Democrats and moderate Republicans who have fought to preserve the teaching of Darwinism and the separation of church and state.

      Since January, Republicans on the board have passed more than 100 amendments to the 120-page curriculum standards affecting history, sociology and economics courses from elementary to high school. The standards were proposed by a panel of teachers.

      • Beowoof

        We are on our way to a more Aryan society.

  • Baconzgood

    I don't think I'm being interrogated if my kid breaks his arm in Pee-Wee football and the DR. asks me "how did this happen?" or inspects his pads and helmet. I would actually be pissed if he didn't.

  • TootsStansbury

    Eeeek! That picture is the thing at night that lives under the bed!

  • fartknocker

    Based on the Brady statistics, ensuring someone with a weapon and mental illness isn't asked about weapons in their home increases the chance of either a homicide or suicide. This is good for the Florida funeral parlors, law enforcement, and ammo sales economy.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Re: Rep. Steve Southerland; he's the GOP congress critter from these parts. I bet you can't guess what kind of business he owns.

    • CivicHoliday

      Indeed, why in the world would we want well-meaning doctors who suspect or know a patient is suffering from mental illness to assess risk factors in the home, such as weapons? Tyranny I tell you!

  • ChernobylSoup

    Take two Skittles and call me when you're white.

  • But how will the doctors be able to stand their ground if they don't know which patient is potentially armed? Are they just supposed to shoot anyone that comes into the office?

    • Blueb4sinrise

      Ask questions later.

    • JohnyEdge

      As long as they then treat them and charge Medicare/Medicaid/Insurance Company for the costs.

      It's called "Business Development."

  • Can they still ask Scott where he keeps his wand and horcruxes?

    • Swampgas_Man

      I really don't want to know about Scott's whores.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Prolly, they're on the Bang Bus. Ramon is his wingman.

  • anniegetyerfun

    "We at Wonkette are not experts in Constitutional law or contemporary American jurisprudence"

    Haha, no, of course not. You have a REAL job.

  • This so-called Second Amendment — that's the one that says the NRA can do whatever the fuck it wants and the laissez-faire hands-off governor will take extraordinarily heavy-handed actions to keep gun and ammo sales cranking, right?

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Doctor: Where does it hurt?
    Rick: It is none of your business. Why do you ask?

  • BarackMyWorld

    Not only should doctors not be allowed to ask questions, but should be allowed to share that what info they do have in any way they choose.

    I mean, didn't Scalia just last week say there was no right to privacy?

  • chicken_thief

    Marion Hammer is as dumb as a box of nails.

    First of all, "the patient" in her scenario is the kid, not the parent. But beyond that, any gun ownership type questions are for the patient, not the next of kin. And depending on why one is visiting the doctor, gun ownership might be relevant.

    • Beowoof


  • CrunchyKnee

    You'll pry that glock outta my sons chubby chic-fil-a sauce stained dead hands.

    • Boojum

      Where I planted it after the little shit smarted off one too many times.

  • coolhandnuke

    Does this Florida law apply to veterinarians? Cuz I sure don't want my armadillo and gator having to rat me out on my arsenal.

  • Scott is addressing the Repub convention. This raises my hope that it will be a total hate fest. Nicki and Condi, too!

  • RadioBowels

    He also wants a bill passed wherein doctors won't be able to ask patients if they have ever been involved in Medicare fraud.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    My LAST doctor made sure to tell me how he hated Obama and that his policy would ruin his practices. Pearlman was his name. Being a crabby bastard was normal for him.

    I have a new doctor now.

    • WhatTheHolyHeck

      More patients with better commercial insurance coverage is such a burden.

  • RayneMan

    Absolutely the dumbest thing I've heard all year. So, I'm having a pretty good year. But it's still pretty dumb.

    Also, how have I lived 44 years without any of my doctors asking about my guns??

  • SorosBot

    "responsible gun owners"

    Ain't no such thing.

    • Naked_Bunny

      Well, if you don't own any ammunition….

  • RadioBowels


    That works too.

  • FNMA

    Doctor asks a patient if he has a gun and the patient says, "Nope, Doc, just happy to see you."

    Thank you. I'll be here all week. Try the veal.

  • "Mr.Clean after a four-week meth binge Rick Scott liberates doctors from burdens of the first amendment"

    "Embalmed corpse Rick Scott liberates doctors from burdens of the first amendment"

    "Zombie from I Am Legend movie Rick Scott liberates doctors from the burdens of the first amendment"

  • Eve8Apples

    The Second Amendment is the mostest specialist Amendment cause it gives you the God given right to shoot the fuckers who are trying to exercise their other rights.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    No snark here: when you live through having a parent with Alzheimer's who happens to be a gun owner, you understand why doctors need to talk about guns.

    • emmelemm


    • YouBetcha


  • OneYieldRegular

    I work with doctors. All the ones I know would refuse to to participate in this absurdity not simply on constitutional grounds, but also because they'd see it as a violation of the Hippocratic oath.

  • YasserArraFeck

    OMFG!! Who shaved BatBoy??!!

  • The blue states need to start acting on gun control the same way the red states treat abortion. For example, requiring anal probes before entering a gun store does not in any way interfere with one's right to bear arms. Any lame-ass rationalization will suffice.

  • RedneckMuslin

    Doctor: Touch where it hurts.
    Rick: Doc, it hurts here, here, here, and here.
    Doctor: You have a broken finger.

  • Yeah, God forbid doctors ask the parents of depressed children, with suicidal ideation, whether they keep firearms at home. Don't you know how annoying that is, for parents? Super-annoying, that's how much.

    • SorosBot

      Next they'll want to find out if victims of domestic violence are in a home with guns.

  • widestanceromance

    My doctor never even has to ask, because I'm pointing it at his head during an exam, just to make sure he doesn't bad-touch me.

    • kittensdontlie

      I use that technique with bank tellers, and get great service…never had a complaint.

  • MissTaken

    Recently during my well-woman annual visit my doctor asked me in several different ways if there is violence in my life and if I feel safe in my physical environment.

    I thought it was a good thing to be asked such questions in a private, safe place. I didn't realize my Constitutional rights were completely violated. Now I know better. Thank you Rick Scott.

    • I think we aren't thinking broadly enough, and should extend this logic to other forms of medical interrogations.

      Like, when the head-doctor asks me if I hear voices when there's nobody else around, isn't that a violation of my first-amendment rights of assembly and/or religion? I think it probably is! Stop collecting data about my social life, head-shrinkers!!!

      • SorosBot

        Hey, I'm hearing voices when there's nobody else around right now! Oh wait, that's the podcast I'm listening to.

        • Actually, and no joke here, that question has always been sorta a thorny issue and a few psychologists sort of look for different ways to phrase it, because people who are a little more autistic than I am tend to interpret the question a little too literally and actually give that answer. Resulting in accidentally getting diagnosed with some sort of psychotic disorder.

  • Antispandex

    "How did your kid get this bullet in his leg? HEY! You can't ask me that! I'm a constitutional scholar." Something like that?

  • yrbmegr

    I don't like being asked whether I have a job when i go to a bank for a loan.

  • I always wondered what happened to the batboy!

  • SorosBot

    A doctor asking a patient if they own guns destroys freedom, but telling the doctor that before an abortion they must stick a metal rod up the woman's vagina against her will is perfectly OK.

    • You forgot the part about requiring doctors, by law, to lie to patients about medical facts.

      Speaking of which, I have't followed too closely, but have any of the medical professional organizations cartels lobbying groups actually spoken out about the whole "forcing doctors, by law, to violate the basic professional ethics of informed medical consent" thingy? Because I haven't really heard all that much noise from them.

      • SorosBot

        Oh yes, we have to make sure doctors tell patients about the completely fictional and thoroughly debunked link between abortions and breast cancer.

  • YouBetcha

    Flori-duh: Making Doctors Less Doctory, For Your Pleasure

  • Because of this asshole and this moronic law, I had to go to Tallahassee (*shudder*) and talk to legislative aides and at least one legislator (actually, the sponsor of the bill) about how it would cause psychologists just a little bit of difficulty evaluating patients with risks of suicide or violence.

    In its original form, the penalty would have been five million dollars plus jail time. Honest.

    This all started because one pediatrician in Tampa would not accept a new patient whose parent refused to answer the question about guns in the home. Because of safety. Making sure they are secured. So children don't get accidentally shot.

    The outrage that followed was the "rumor" that what with electronic medical records and such in this modern day and age, the government could track you down and take your fucking Smith & Wesson, or Briggs & Stratton, or whatever.

    • bikerlaureate

      ATF's doing a pretty lousy job if medical records are going to tell them something they can't easily find out some other way.

      Naturally Florida legislators and the other intelligent patriots down that way know better than physicians about how to do a thorough patient survey.

    • HistoriCat

      Five million dollars – is that all? They should have made it a one kajillion dollar fine – that would show those smarty-pants doctors who's in charge.

      • Boojum

        No! A Brazillian dollars!

        • mormos

          a brozillian dollas

  • uselessloser

    Yeah, if you are in the doctors office talking about suicide, there shouldn't be any questions about your access to weapons, because that would mess with your freedoms. Actually, it would, usually. Becaus it should. But i'm sure it's cool. Go freedom!

  • Exhausted66

    Sliding into first base?

    You've got bigger problems than dumb gun-owning parents. You've got a bad baseball coach!

  • it's all fun and games til someone admits to 14 Medicaid felonies and pays a $600M fine.

  • Naked_Bunny

    The NRA: Defending Americans' right to be ashamed they own a gun.

  • tessiee

    Could you guys put that picture of Voldemort, or Mr. Burns, or the guy from The Gentlemen, or whatever that thing is, behind a link? Or at least a tr1gger warning or something?
    Thank you.

  • RRoccoco

    This pic confuses me–is Nosferatu now governor of Floriduh?

  • fawkedifiknow

    Although I have Type 2, I wish my doctor would quit asking me about my diet, because ice cream on a hot day. Make him stop!!!

  • rickmaci

    What war on women? You can mandate that a doctor MUST berate, harass, browbeat, harangue a woman seeking an abortion with a state mandated propaganda spiel, and then stick a giant probe up her whoha, but we are not going to let the gubbermint interfere with, and will even prohibit a doctor from, properly interviewing a patient over whether the patient may own dangerous weapons before treating the patient. Fuck you Dickhead Scott.

  • James Michael Curley

    No more Photoshopped pictures!

  • 1stNewtontheMoon

    Not that big a deal. A full 17% of Fla. ER visits are for those who have suffered at least one self-inflicted gunshot wound. So you're really only going to need ask about guns for 83% of patients.

  • DahBoner

    Patient: It hurts when I do this.

    Doctor: (Takes out Glock) BAM! BAM! How does it feel now?

    Patient: (on floor bleeding) Mmphgh, awguh…

    Doctor: Next!!!

  • Naked_Bunny

    My doctor doesn't ask if I have a gun. He does a colonoscopy and looks for it! Stop being lazy, Florida doctors.

  • greypanter

    So, these brave gun owners who are afraid of a nurse asking them about their guns are going to protect me when Janet Reno comes to abort my baby?

  • TribecaMike

    Gollum fucked himself and Rick Scott was the result.

  • My fictional son isn't in Little League. He's in synchronized swim, because I'm a fictional single parent, and we all know that's no fictional good.

    • TribecaMike

      Interesting. My fictional daughter is an Ivy league-educated lawyer who works for a big-time international mergers and acquisitions firm and has a habit of going to work every morning with ten pounds of nitroglycerin strapped to her waist.

      • She sounds sweaty.
        Hot, but sweaty. Although that can't be slimming. Undetonated, anyhow.

  • Thunderclees

    The interposition of the federal government between doctor and patient is not only invasive, it is the first step on the road to serfdom.

    Except when it's done at the state level, in which case, it's what Thomas Jefferson and his slaveholdin' buddies would have wanted.

  • mormos

    America: making it more difficult for providers to provide adequate medical care since 1980!

  • ttommyunger

    Thanks Rick. Speaking as a Georgia Resident I can only say, "I needed that.".

Previous articleSpite-Generated Harpy Michelle Malkin Has Thoughts On NASA, Science, Forced Abortions Probably
Next articleWhat Are Humble Followers Of Jesus Burning To The Ground Today?