Fight the power Wingnuts, are you guys okay? Free Republic? Free Beacon? Daily Caller? Anybody home? Should we alert the Med-Alert people that your lifelines have run out of batteries, and you have fallen and you can’t get up? Because World’s Awesomest Gymnast Gabby Douglas has a mom, and she did the Black Power salute, and you have yet to freak the fuck out about it.

The closest thing we could find, in fact, is this Debbie Schlussel column tut-tutting about black women being racist for not liking Douglas’s hair. (Everybody knows that only black people can be racist.) Where’s the outrage? Where’s the treatise on Reverse Racism and the New Black Panther Party and Eric Holder and flerba merba yglerba DEEEEERRRRRRPPPP?

Yeah, that's it

You guys are getting soft. Pfft. Here, have a little hit of Pure, Uncut, Mexico City-Style Rage. Doesn’t that feel so good, wingnuts? Don’t you want more? No, put away your wallets. The first one’s free.


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  • memzilla

    Arrid Extra Dry deodorant teevee commercial offer in 5… 4… 3…

  • Barb_

    Did anyone notice on NBC after Gabby was awarded her gold medal a commercial of a monkey, doing gymnastics played?

    • eaglewon

      commercial spots are bought way in advance, and punched into the computer to run at a certain time. I'm not getting your point here.

      • BerkeleyBear

        That's not entirely true – this games has shown a tight group at NBC adjusting ad plays based on results (including same day re-cuts of ads about swimming times down to the hundredths of seconds). There's a definite level of near real time manipulation of the advertising message.

        Still, I don't think the juxtaposition Barb noticed is meant to mean anything – NBC has been running that capuchin on rings (which isn't even a woman's event) for the whole length of the games in its bid to desperately sell a stupid show about an animal hospital staffed with B-list actors and a bunch of cute animals.

      • Barb_

        You aren't getting my point because I didn't make one.

        It doesn't matter how long ago the commercial was made. Someone came up with the idea to put the little primate on the gymnastics rings in the commercial to air during the Olympics. The Olympic games are when all the lovely people of the world get together with their happy multicolored faces. Some of the lovely brown people are referred to as "monkeys", like several of the anti-Obama cartoons that creepy people send to each other.

        We had a local ad here in New Mexico where the mascot of the University of New Mexico was in his costume, Lobo Louie, (a large wolf) in the kitchen and a lovely woman walks out of his bedroom in the morning, wearing her skimpy P.J.'s and he offers her a hot dog on a stick with his tongue hanging out. The first time I saw the ad I thought, "That didn't look good." I feel the same about the primate ad. Was it meant to be racist? Probably not. To me, it just didn't look good. Someone didn't think that all the way through.

        • tessiee

          "Lobo Louie, (a large wolf) in the kitchen and a lovely woman walks out of his bedroom in the morning, wearing her skimpy P.J.'s and he offers her a hot dog on a stick with his tongue hanging out."

          Tex Avery libel?

    • anniegetyerfun

      The ad was for a show about animals.

      If you want to see a "liberal" make a terrible case for why it was racist, here's a great example.

    • The Tea Party bought advertising?

    • shelwood46

      NBC has officially apologized, so you weren't the only one.

  • sati_demise



  • CrunchyKnee

    All the wingnutz are in a post-chickin' fest diabeetus coma right now.

    • memzilla

      A better case for the aerial spraying all of the Confederate States of America with High Fructose Corn Syrup could not be made.

      • I'm Ayn Rand Paul Tard, and I approve this message!

      • ibwilliamsi

        Being new to the Heart of Dixie, I can tell you that it's not so much the corn syrup as it is the corn oil that they deep fry EVERYTHING in.

    • That deserves more upfists than the universe can possibly contain.

      • Guppy

        Black power salute fists?

    • Endocrine libel!

      (The medical/science nerds will think that's funny.)

      • C_R_Eature

        Q: How do you make a Hormone?

        A: Pick her up in a Gland Rover.

        • Laughing my pancreas off.

          • C_R_Eature

            Alimentary, my dear Watson.

          • I can't stomach anymore puns.

          • RadioBowels

            That joke took some guts.

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            Agreed. Perhaps we should rest upon this stool.

          • C_R_Eature

            Agreed. this kidneying around has got to stop.

          • Now urine trouble!

          • C_R_Eature

            I can be such a Dopamine.

          • thatsitfortheother1

            Ima busta capillary in yo ass.

          • thatsitfortheother1

            I guess you can't say capillary here. Not if you mention busting it, at any rate. Inyoass, as it were.

          • thatsitfortheother1

            Very humerus.

          • rickmaci

            They are getting hard to swallow.

      • That's NOT funny. (folds arms, gives boobookitteh the hairy eyeball, taps toes)

        • You're right. It's not funny. It's hilarious.

          • TEN points to boobookitteh! That was fast and good.

            Ears and tail to boobookitteh as well. Return them when you're done.

  • sati_demise

    Love this mother

    the end

  • C_R_Eature

    I'm sure there is a Freakout in the pipeline, but Free Republic's too busy getting ready to freak out about Iranian Muslim Jihadi Monkeys from Space attacking US America.

    This is why we need Missile Defense. Monkeys from Space!

    EDIT: Both Gabby and her Mom are awesome and the Wingnuts had just better keep their dammed mouths shut for once. At least in public, anyway.

    • Anchor baby monkey libelz!

      • C_R_Eature

        What's Michelle Malkin got to do with this?

    • Steverino247

      Well, to be honest, all that stuff about men in space was really a cover for developing the technology necessary to deliver nuclear weapons and spy on the Soviets. We got a lot of cool stuff out of it for civilian use, but that's no different than any other military research we've undertaken (automatic transmissions came from tank development, for example). There really is a need to be concerned when places like Iran and North Korea can do shit like launch monkeys and recover them. This launch has nothing to do with Iran's stated purpose for developing nuclear technology for power because their oil is running out in 50 years. It means they are trying to develop a launch vehicle for nukes and everybody who has nukes knows that.

      • C_R_Eature

        That's pretty true, in that rocketry has always been a dual-use technology and most of it – and the scientists- we appropriated from the Nazi V-program (Werner Von Braun, anyone?). That said, a robust, successful space program, manned or otherwise, is an effective boost to a countries' morale and national pride. That's what I think the Iranians short term goals are.
        No doubt they have an eye on heavy lift rocket tech for weapons purposes.But to have an effective nuclear missile requires nuclear warhead miniaturization, something highly technical and apparently a very closely guarded secret among the current nuclear powers. That's why we won't be seeing a North Korean nuclear ICBM any time soon, in spite of what Gingrich says.

        • Steverino247

          Snark off:

          If they orbit the monkey, they can nuke anybody on the planet. Nukes are a 1940's technology. Little Boy weighed 9,700 pounds and was 28 inches across by 120 inches long. No heavy lift needed for that. Rockets to put that payload anywhere on the planet are a 1960's technology. Eventually, even pygmies in Africa could have nukes and the means to deliver them. This was part of the argument against building them in the first place–we proved it could be done.

          Snark back on:

          Besides, the Greeks are bankrupt, so why aren't the Persians happy?

          • C_R_Eature

            On the Beach by Nevil Shute. Eventually, even tiny countries had atomic weapons so of course they were used. Then everyone used them.
            This would be a great topic for Danger Room but I think we're getting too far in the weeds for Wonkette though this really is fun. Thanks!

            I think the Persians should have taken all that Uranium Enrichment, bunker building and rocketry development money, put it all together, buy Athens and a great big wooden horse. I think you know what would happen next.

          • tessiee

            *waves hand*

            Ooh! Ooh!
            Ann Romney would enter the giant wooden horse in the Olympics, and lose like hell; and then Mitt would buy a bunch of companies and put a bunch of Americans out of work.

          • C_R_Eature

            Now that's the kind of thinking that makes America great!

          • And you *should* be.

          • redarmyzombie

            To be fair, they already sent Omid in orbit around the world once before, which means they already possess that capability in the first place.

        • Once the rockets go up
          Who cares where they come down?
          That's not my department
          Said Werner Von Braun

          • C_R_Eature

            That's perfect.

          • Tom Lehrer. Lerve that man.

      • tessiee

        "(automatic transmissions came from tank development, for example)"

        One reason why I love it here is that I learn so much, no snark.
        Did you know that Hedy Lamarr (the beautiful actress) developed cell phone technology during WWII as a way to send messages safe from spying?

    • They're too busy threatening the lives of others right now to bother with little Gabby.

      • C_R_Eature

        Ah, thanks. The Stars are properly aligned, Wingnuts are behaving with violent irrationality and the world is back on it's course. AM radio is a helluva drug.

        Judging from his self portrait-with-sidearm, he's still sleeping off his factory fried chicken coma today.

        Judging from his Facebook Quotes, he's about to have a visit from the SS. I don't mean the Schutzstaffel either. Luckily for him.

        • I'm sorry, I hope I didn't ruin your morning, CRE. After all the wonderful gifts you gave me last night.

          The jerk didn't even have the guts to post under his own real name (Carmine Marcello). He used the name of a dead man, one Kevin Kordes. I hope the decedent's estate sues his ass off.

          • C_R_Eature

            No worries, I'm getting so used to this sort of behavior I just shake my head. It's no longer morning here, anyway, I'm at Zulu – 5, (EDT).
            Most of the worst actors are blowhards and paranoid cowards, anyway. Why else would they feel the need to surround themselves with weapons to keep the scary dark monsters away?
            I wonder what it was that set him off, though. Dollars to donuts it was some outrageous falsehood on RW propaganda media. It's likely he's saturated with it.
            Hope your doing better, anyway.

          • (Hugs the CRE_ature in a cephalopod hug) I'm doing a great deal better, and it's largely thanks to you. I can still hear each of those pieces. Just amazing. Everybody should be so lucky as to be gifted with a CRE_ature of rare musical taste for a friend.

            I have decided, in the interest of my continued sanity and wellbeing, to stop reading about war and torture for a while. It's been two years now, and just about all I've read is accounts of conflict and the darkest descriptions of our inhumanity. I am putting those books aside this very day and reading about photography and film instead. Just got a new camera and it's time to take it out somewhere and take pretty pitchers instead of reading about Tuol Sleng.

          • Geminisunmars

            Good idea, MB. I think I'll just spend more time hanging with the dogs and maybe drawing and maybe sending you stalking emails. That is, when I'm not shlepping the ole man to the docs.

          • That sounds utterly thrilling, darls! I haven't been stalked via email in ages. Let's withdraw into the quiet room of our minds, and chat as good friends will.

          • *puts email stalking of Z on to do list.

          • (Hugs you) Oh, sweetie, you can stalk me any time, you know that.

            ETA: Off to do some much-needed shopping, so please wait for at least 2 hrs before beginning Teh Stalkment. (mwah)

          • C_R_Eature

            It's my honor to do these things and I am very glad to hear that you are better.

            Putting down The Horror for now is a wise choice. I can't watch disturbing movies or read disturbing books anymore either and I've really had to cut down on my Media intake. These are not good days for a News Junkie. At least, for one who has any hope for the future at all. Real Life is sufficiently furnished with terrible things that I don't want to go looking for more.

            Have fun and gook luck with your photo hobby. I hope you'll be posting pretty pictures, soon.

            As your Electronic Cephalopod, I advise you to read this book when you get the time. It won't take long and you will laugh. Quite a lot, if you have the same kind of humor that I have. Trivia fact: My very first Avatar on IntenseDebate was a character from this.

            Lastly, Jimmy Cliff is back! Touring, with a new album.


          • Thank you, my dear.

          • tessiee

            If you're on facebook, you might enjoy Fans of Photography and/or Earthschool Harmony — both have beautiful and unusual nature photos.

          • Thanks, sweetie! (Hugs the tessiee) What a lovely gift to get.

          • HistoriCat

            I admire your dedication to a theme but mixing things up is a good strategy – especially when you have a focus on the worst acts of humanity. You have to mix some toe-tapping musical in with your Ingmar Bergman is what I'm saying.

          • I know, sweetie. I'm trying to cram 20 years of reading into five, I suppose.

          • le_derppage

            This is an incredibly kewl web site of panoramic photos of World Heritage sites.

            The link below takes you to Angkor, but you can navigate to other parts of the world if you like. The nifty part is that if you click on the photos & drag your mouse around, you get a 360-degree panorama of the site photographed:

      • Callyson

        I've got no comment beyond quoting the link:

        He works at Lowe Boats
        2900 Industrial Drive
        Lebanon, Missouri 65536
        (417) 532-9101
        Facebook fan page here:
        Note: Please do not harass his employer. It’s probably not their fault they have a gun-crazy _____________ (you fill in the blank) working for them. Feel free to let them know who they’ve hired though.

        • For reasons I don't quite understand, I can't access that FB page, even though I'm logged into FB right now. I have no doubt the Secret Service will be talking to this eejit soon, though.

          • Butch_Wagstaff

            Same problem here.
            If I found out someone like this was one of my coworkers, I would break out in a cold sweat everyday that I showed up for work. Or quit.
            Probably just quit.

          • Rest assured, he's not even in your state. But, yeah, one just gets the chills from reading shit like this. Of course, thank TPTB, the last bazillion murders in this area have almost ALWAYS been attributable to (1) domestic violence; (2) insanity; and (3) gangs. Not to discount the murders of Moscone and Milk, but not much liberal-killin' has gone on in these parts since then.

          • C_R_Eature

            Page is probably either locked out or overwhelmed with traffic, now. I'm real sure it won't be up again – if this guy knows what's good for him.

            Unfortunate, because I could craft a response photo to him, looking down the barrel of Goatse instead of a Gun. That would be appropriate.

          • Ooooo. Also, too O_o.

  • Isn't it just too, too precious that our amiable Editrix is so filled with care and concern for the Cheeto-stained and diabeetus-coma'ed?

    • Boojum

      Our Editrix is a superlative metaphor among superlative metaphors. She is Beauty, wrapped in Revolution, inside a Giggle.


      • She's hot stuff all right, ya horndog, but I was referring to the flensing knife of her wonky wit in filleting the RWNJs as she does so well.

  • Beowoof

    Has John Carlos weighed in on this?

    • TribecaMike

      Beats me, but Wendy Carlos is taking it in her stride.

      • bobbert

        Carlos/Moog 2012!

  • smashedinhat

    I'm sorry. This was not placed on a tee-shirt so I cannot opine.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Trying to figure out the real-life Calvinball that is wingnut logic probably isn't th best of that gorgeous head of yours I can think of, Rebecca.

    (Damn, I'm being kind of a horndog today.)

    • Biff

      (Damn, I'm being kind of a horndog today.)

      In other words, Saturday.

      • BarackMyWorld

        Amiright thisguyknowwhatimtalkingabout!

  • NellCote71

    But to the point: how does this affect Sarah Palin?

    • Sarah is a lifelong supporter of Black Powder.

    • BarackMyWorld

      What's funniest to me about this recurring question…you just KNOW she doesn't know the difference between "affect" and "effect."

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        "I'll tell ya Greta how I feel about this and how it effects me. It effects me because didn't Obama do that fisting thing right after he took the Oath? I think he did because I've not heard anyone say he didn't, y'know? It was totally disrespectful to our Troops, Real Americans, Todd and my family. And now the mother of one of Olympimatic athletes does it? Is this what's become of the country our Founding Fathers floundered?"

        • tessiee

          OK, now you're scaring me.

    • Boojum

      Sarah has a life long acquaintanceship with Black Fisting.

  • SexySmurf

    Let me try: "Negress tries to punch God; Obama says nothing because he wants to take our guns away."

    • Biff

      Nailed it!

      • MissNancyPriss

        stuck the landing

    • ChernobylSoup

      You've obviously spent too much time behind the lines.

      Get Smurf two subsidized housings, three socialized medicines, and 50ccs of gay marriage STAT.

    • Your arms too short to box with God!

    • It would be very cool if Gabby did say to one of the NBC floor correspondents, in her bubbly voice, "My goal is to achieve so much air on my release skills that I could punch Jesus on the way down!"

  • LetUsBray

    So now it's news when Teabaggistanis aren't self-righteously butthurt.

  • smashedinhat

    What is la toya jacksons tee-shirt design on this?

  • bumfug

    Too bad nobody there would do a terrorist fist-bump with her so they could really lose their minds.

  • They're so focused on being outraged by imaginary stuff that something real doesn't even register.

  • Serolf_Divad

    Just as, every time a black person raps knuckles with another black person, it's a "terrorist fist bump," every time a black person raises a fist in the air it's a "black power salute."

    • finallyhappy

      I use the fist bump with small children so I am not touching their hands(germ- laden!!). Little kids seem to want to high five me at the museum- I fist bump but I am white so I guess it is ok.

    • Pretty manly, weej.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Nuthin' wrong with a little bump and grind…

  • Steverino247

    I'll take the blond and you take the one with the sweater.

    • C_R_Eature

      I'll take the blond and you take the one with the sweater Turban.

      • Steverino247

        Now listen very carefully…

        • C_R_Eature

          It's Fronnnn Ken STEEN!

          • MosesInvests

            A rrrriot iss a terrible ting…UND…it's about time ve had vun! To ze castle!

  • Is that a black power salute, or a Heil Hitler directed at Uberfuhrer Nobama????

  • Biff

    Who's the token white chick in the picture?

    • ChernobylSoup

      Bussed her in from Westchester. Court order.


  • Up Against the Waldorf, My Friend.

  • eaglewon

    Gabby's cousin.

    • Biff

      That's kinda how my family tree looks, too.

      • DCBloom

        Yeah, mine too. All we need is an Australian aborigine and we just about got all our bases covered

        • That is wonderful! Dinner with the extended family must be like a UN meeting. :)

          • It's Shawn Johnson, American gymnastic medalist from the 2008 Olympics, dumb-dumbs.

          • Who, the token white chick? OK.

          • I regret using that kind of language, and I apologize in advance for doing so again in the future.

          • NellCote71

            So you apologize if we were offended or will be offended in the future?

          • And I retroactively offend you.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            You're doing it wrong: You want to retroactively apologize in advance.

          • Biff

            I haven't watched any of the Games this year, and haven't really watched girls gymnastics since I was a teenager myself, so I forgive myself for being ignorant on the stars of the sport.

  • DonnyKerabotsos

    Be patient. I'm sure we are just hours away from an exclusive Jerome Corsi expose' about socialist euro-elitist, NWO loving, NATO worshiping, Olympic judges declaring her the winner because it's a certain Kenyan's usurper's birthday (according to his forged birth certificate).

    What other reason could there be?

    Oh yeah. And she's awesome. So there's that.

  • Power salutes — rather generic seeming, easily loaded with multiple associations. Anyway, Ann Romney and her horse are standing by to claim they thought of it first.

    • Blueb4sinrise

      Horse Power!

      • Riders, too. All that's left is the trainer for full triangulated poseur confluence.

      • RadioBowels

        Blah Power!

        • Blahk Beauty, notably, is Santorum's favorite documentary on the equestrian arts.

          • tessiee

            I woulda guessed The Black Stallion , but whatevs.

          • Touchéighhh.

    • I thought when the horse had two hooves in the air, it was hoping its rider would die in battle. And yet miraculously, no Romney in living memory has ever been harmed in war.

      • Well that explains why the local living monuments to history's equine heroes aren't saluting their illustrious forebear when provided the opportunity — if they did, their seated passengers would get the wrong idea.

        • Aww — and you met some of them last night. Hope you had a wonderful birthday, my love.

          • ; )
            I did, and still am! in spite of NBC-selected event coverage being boring as beans.

        • Butch_Wagstaff

          Heh. I used to live a just off of Stuart Circle which is a block away from this. I always found Stuart's monument to be very cartoonish compared to Mr. Robert E. Lee's.

          • Ha, I lived around there too, late 1990s. One could see St. Bob's head, barely among the treetops, from the apartment's conveniently flat roof (accessible via fire escape stair-ladder, of course)

          • A friend of mine had an apartment on the north side of the Lee monument, i.e. facing the back end of the horse. We used to refer to his address as "Traveller's Asshole, VA."

  • Wadisay

    Gabby's mom is intimidating white voters!!!

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Gabby's 'The Glory Belongs To God' talk threw them.

    Cognitive dissonance. It's a bitch.

    • Negropolis

      And then they were thrown by the fact that's she's been raised by the whitest family in the state of Iowa for the past two years during her training.

  • They used up all their pout-rage over Broadway paying tribute to Gore Vidal. They haven't had time to digest their breakfast bile yet.

    Give them a chance to take it all in and decide how this is the worst thing since 9/11…

  • humanmanc

    I'm Barack Obama and I endorse this Black Power Salute because its the same one we use in Kenya whenever a white person is beheaded.
    Brought to you by sum mightily richer than shazit white guyz that have a colored guy for a friend.

    • Guppy

      Not sure if snark or troll…

      • humanmanc

        Snark snark snark…this is a humor induced site my friend. Thanks for policing the intertubes however.

  • RadioBowels

    Maybe they are still "vetting" Jenna Jameson?

    • So that's what they call it. Oh wait — it's not really a double entendre if it's literally true, is it? Nevermind.

    • Boojum

      Years ago, that would have been the job to have. Now, it'd be more like an archaeological dig.

    • tessiee

      With a fisting gesture…? …oh, I get it.

  • Left_Leftie

    They're too busy talking about her hair.

    Oh, Serena just took gold in tennis. Black Womenz be DOMINATING!!!!

    Michelle Obama 2016!

    • "Michelle Obama 2016!"

      That would be a fine rumor to start. A surefire head-exploder.

      • Obama-Clinton 2016. Actually Hillary would probably eat her own heart out before becoming anybody's VP. Nevertheless, it wold add to the shock value.

        • Negropolis

          I still think if Obama offered her the spot in the next few months, she'd take it. But that window is closing quickly.

    • MissNancyPriss

      Sasha/Malia 2052!

    • bobbert

      Serena needs to move up to a higher league.

    • Left_Leftie

      FOX found a way to complain about the Olympics without appearing racist: No one is chanting USA

  • gullywompr

    The wingnutz silence is easy to explain – since England insulted Romney, they're refusing to watch.

    • Biff

      The fact that it was the right wingnutz who first insulted him notwithstanding…

    • AutomaticPilot

      I know, can you BELIEVE Great Britain has not yet apologized to Romney??

  • BarackMyWorld

    Good thing nobody ever gave that salute on the podium while getting a medal. Then you'd really see people lose their shit. (Especially if it was held in a non-white place like Mexico City.)

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I suppose the American flag she's clutching ing her other hand is confusing them.

    Ooh let me try.
    Well, there goes the watermelon sponsorship.

    • Guppy

      There's gold fringe on it, therefore she's an admiralty court and doesn't count.

    • I just assumed she got out her lighter and burned it the moment after the photo was taken.

  • Lynne

    Gabby Douglas is the most awesome example of black power that I have seen in a very long time. Go, Gabby!

  • le_derppage

    OT, but Jessica Ennis is fucking amazing!

    • Negropolis

      I know, right? She beat all of those Amazons.

      • le_derppage

        The bronze & silver medalists towered over her on the podium. I can see how being smaller could be helpful in some of those events, but watching her throw that javelin that far just fucked up my notions of possibility & impossibility.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    During Serena William's medal ceremony the US American flag fell off and flew away during the Star Spangled Banner! I think we all know what that means!!!

    • Biff

      Why does Serena Williams England hate America?

      • NellCote71

        Because Romney?

    • God has caste his judgment on this whore and homo loving country?

  • HarryButtle

    "Where’s the treatise on Reverse Racism and the New Black Panther Party and Eric Holder…"

    What's speed skating got to do with this? Isn't this the Summer Games? Oh, wait, you said Eric HOLDER. Nevermind.

    • finallyhappy

      Holder – the guy with the huge thighs- not that I was looking

  • Actually FOX is freaking out – notz enufz starz n' stripes on them there uniforms!!!!!

    • Them there uniforms that was made in China?

      Also, too, isn't it technically against the Flag code to wear the flag as clothes?

      Oh, yes. It totally is.

      Why does Fox news hate the American Flag?

      • Misty Malarky

        The horizonal stripes make their chicken diabetes bloated bodies look fat.

        And the stars make it look 'faggy'.

  • GregComlish

    The black power salute has lost its ability to shock in the wake of the Barack Hussein Hussein Obama Hussein "Fuck the Police" terrorist fist jab

  • Don't worry. FOX News will be using this photo after the election with the caption "Black Power Protester Suppresses White Vote."

  • I am outraged.

    • Biff

      Calm the fuck down…

    • tessiee

      Won't SOMEONE think of the childrzzzzzzzzzzzz…

    • Negropolis

      I am outraged at your outrage!

      • This is getting completely out of hand.

        • Negropolis

          How dare you, sir! I challenge you to a duel! Snark at dawn, twenty paces.

          • As long as performance-enhancing drugs are allowed — specifically mimosas and weed.

          • shelwood46

            I believe the approved duel weapon in America is now the chicken sandwich.

          • Negropolis

            Judging by all of the mass shootings, I think it's still assault rifles.

          • C_R_Eature

            We don't do that here at Wonkette. The Approved Duel Method here is hurling TruckNutz at 6 paces, after drinking a fifth of Wild Turkey.
            Closest miss wins (as measured to the center of body by Your Second). Last one to fall over wins bonus round. Vomiting on yourself, or bystanders, is an immediate forfeit.

          • Negropolis

            Gawd. And then there is another mass shooting, today. It doesn't even make it worth it to snark about them, anymore. :(

  • Come here a minute

    Gets elected to the House of Representatives from Arizona, gets shot in the head, and then goes on to win Olympic gold — what an incredible woman! Gabby, we salute you!

    • ChernobylSoup

      Satan would like a word with you. Something about a job opportunity.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        More like an internship.

    • Negropolis

      What, too soon?

    • Wait — she's, like, 14 and married to an astronaut? What's going on here? Could she be some sort of Muslim? Why isn't the State Department investigating this? I'm not accusing, I'm just asking the questions.

      • Negropolis

        Either a Muslim or a Texas Mormon.

    • sati_demise

      that was so bad but I laughed anyway. you from Floriduh, amirite?

  • Thanks to Chascates' link in Wonkville, I've fixed up and corrected the article on "25 things about America if everyone was a conservative tea partier":

    • chascates

      Masterfully done, sir!

    • C_R_Eature

      Magnificent! Thank you for reading Wonkville.

      #7: "Mutants for Nukes"!

    • BlueStateLibel

      Very nicely done!

    • sewollef

      13) English would be the national language, just like Jesus used.

      Sir, you have taught me something here. I never knew Jesus spoke the Queen's English, I always thought he was of a darker complexion who therefore spoke one of those lesser languages, from one of our former colonies.

      I'm so glad to be straightened out on that one.

      • C_R_Eature

        It's not widely publicized, but He did speak with a Cockney accent.

        Matthew 5:9 : "Blimey! Blessed are da peacemakers:
        fer they shall be called da children ov God. Nuff said, yeah?"

  • AlterNewt

    …And what's with Gabby and her family being all, y'know…attractive?

    I think they're up to somthin'. That's what I think.

  • buffalogal

    Yes, "I don't like her hair," is far worse than anything that Klan could have dished out.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Oh, I see you beat me to this by eight hours. The gall of that fucking Schlussseelllslslslldldk woman, I swear.

  • mavenmaven

    Don't worry, we will hear it all the moment she says she supports Obama (or says anything).

  • fishwharf

    Fear not. Rush will have talking points for the wing nuts come Monday.

  • Misty Malarky

    Yeah – but can she out dance Rafalca?

    • HistoriCat

      Helloooo! She's black – of course she can dance!

  • ibwilliamsi

    Honestly, they are all so sick and feeble they didn't even make the connection to 1968. You KNOW they can't keep a thought in their head that wasn't planted there by Fox News beyond the time that it takes them to crap it back out again.

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Oh don't worry…they have the national review, john birch society, the Koch brothers, Faux Nuuz to make that connection for them. They are not referred to as authoritarians for nothing after all…

  • Angry_Marmot

    It's not as if they gained wisdom after being mocked for the "terrorist fist bump"; they simply learned to panic over something else.

  • ChernobylSoup

    OT, but @neiltyson and @marscuriosity are carrying on a cool conversation on twitter right now.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      The NBC jab was hilarious.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Is he cheering for the Mars Curiosity probe to stick its landing?

      • ChernobylSoup

        He actually did do just that.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Not the first time Tyson's been a step ahead of me…

    • C_R_Eature

      "Dear @MarsCuriosity, What are your instructions if a Martian crawls onto your back and rides you like a Rodeo Bull?"

      Those NASA people really plan for everything, don't they?

  • Schmegeg

    What kind of chicken sandwiches does Gabby like?

  • Carabella1

    Gabby looks like the child I would have had with the black guy I was so crazy about years ago. No, really. True story. She's adorable.

  • VinnyThePooh

    Glenn Beck will tell his loyal listeners to sell their gold to devalue her medals.

  • TribecaMike

    Bit o' trivia: Notice how in the photo from the 1968 Mexico City Olympics the Americans, Tommie Smith and John Carlos, are raising different arms? That's because they were so nervous or busy before coming out to receive their medals that they forgot to bring their gloves. The bronze winner, Aussie Peter Norman lend them his, and for this gesture of solidarity he was ostracized by his nation's athletic establishment until his dying day. The three became fast friends and Smith and Carlos were pallbearers at Norman's funeral in 2006. They were not only superb athletes but class acts all the way.

    Good on ya, Pete, wherever you are!

    • LagunaB

      Fair dinkum.

    • LagunaB

      Fair Dickum.

    • LagunaB

      Mike – Sorry about the double post. Apparently my I-Phone account for posting is being blocked. But it shows up on my main computer. Maybe this will go through.

      Fair dinkum.

      • TribecaMike

        I thought it was aptly hilarious, and still do!

  • BZ1

    Congrats Gabby, ya did good.

  • This is the top story on Sideboob right now.

  • I read somewhere that Gabby's dad is serving in Afghanistan right now with the Air Force. So maybe that will keep the nuts from coming out of the woodwork. Or else they will bitch at her mother for defaming FREEDOM while Gabby's dad is in uniform defending it. Could go either way. I'm going to start my Saturday night drinking now.

    • TribecaMike


    • not that Dewey

      Well, I read on the Breitbart sites that Gabby praised God for her victory, and the Breitbunatics were all like "AHA CHOKE ON THAT, LIEBRULS" as though anybody would actually object to Gabby's faith, or indeed even notice.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    I'm thinking that the overwhelming proof of the existence of Serena Williams, Gabby, and the Obamas, all at once, may have finally knocked the fuckers out of their Faux-News induced alternative universe.

    • TribecaMike

      There was a collective cracker pants crap when African-American Lauren Perdue appeared on the US women's swimming team. Good times, unless you happened to be working at a dry cleaning joint.

      As for Ms. Williams, don't get me started. I'm a fan of the old skool serve and volley who has no interest in our era's obsession with bam bam bam. The same goes for baseball and its obsession with homers. Feckin' kids with their aluminium bats and loud rock & roll, get off my astroturfed™ lawn!

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        The only way Williams gets into a sustained volley is if she's going easy on her opponent. I guess she was just in a hurry today.

      • Negropolis

        "In my day…"

        • TribecaMike

          Why, in my day roosters were as tall as skyscrapers and crinoline was never confused with taffeta. That is until Rupert Murdoch came on the scene and convinced millions to believe otherwise.

        • C_R_Eature

          In My Day, we didn't have fellatio. We had to do everything by hand.

      • tessiee

        "Feckin' kids with their aluminium bats"

        the guy who played Paulie Walnuts on "The Sopranos" used to be a real leg-breaker for the mob before he became an actor. His preferred weapon of choice was golf clubs, because wooden baseball bats broke too easily. Of course, aluminum bats wouldn't break, but then ya got no respect for tradition.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          "Hey Paulie — watch this swing!"

      • viennawoods13

        My son plays in a league which only permits wooden bats. (Of course, he went out and bought himself a Louisville Slugger) Dammit, they just sound right.

    • C_R_Eature

      You know who else got very upset when a Black Person won Gold at the Olympics?

      • NellCote71

        Finally. An appropriate use of that particular meme.

  • Willardbot9000_V2.5

    Rebecca…just give 'em time, this all must filter through the dogshit repository of wingnut facts. If Obama comments on, or congratulates Gabby Douglass whatsoever, then it's on sort of like how wingnuts 'allegedly' weren't going to get involved in the Zimmerman-Martin affair (pure revision, those fuck faces were in full blown racism mode) until Obama said the 'vicious' "we will take this seriously" line and apologized to Trayvon's parents. Just you wait, they are baiting the outrage trap and waiting for Bamz to single out Gabby and then "OMG he's black and saying something nice to a black woman, racism, racism!" "Gabby's mom evoked black power!" Derp, Derp, "thems is worse than abortions and 9/11s" will begin. Beck: "see, I told you he's racist!" and others will chime in. This entire non-controversy I'm thinking is predicated upon what Bamz McHopey does as always, hence the term reactionary…

    • TribecaMike

      The Large Hadron Collider has disproved the existence of the Zimmerman-Martin particle, excepting for the crackpot dissent of physicist-Scientologist-Stabschef SA Viktor Rove, brother of Karl and first cousin of those microscopic worms that live in one's eyebrows.

  • ttommyunger

    They're just waiting for the "go-ahead" from Generalissimo Limbaugh. He usually takes weekend off with his rentboys to "recharge".

    • TribecaMike

      According to rightwing lore, Lush Rimbaugh was born in a log cabana and made his name as a tail splinter. The entire nation was highly amused when he was assassinated at Ford's Theater by a Libertarian vegan. (Source: Conservapedia)

  • littlebigdaddy

    It's a Reverend Wright moment. I demand to see Obama's long form birth certificate. Too, also.

  • barto

    Uhoh. The blahs are being racist against themselves now. Give 'em and inch…

  • barto

    I was actually living in Mexico when that happened (and of course the student massacre that preceded the Olys). It was complete BULLSHIT that they pulled their medals. Go Gabbys Mom!

  • TribecaMike

    Meanwhile, Wolf Blitzer and Oprah Winfrey are facing stiff competition from Deepak Chopra in the one meter narcissist sprint. My money's on the veteran Arianna Huffington regaining her title, and the NY Times' Bill Keller pulling off an upset for the bronze, that is if he doesn't drunkenly pull off Tina Brown's camisole first, then all bets are off.

  • Negropolis

    Let me offer my well-placed "Fuck 'em". Gabby and her family are proud Americans and can display that pride however the hell they want.

    Sorry, wingnuts. Your president is still black, and he's still going to be black when he is re-elected in November against that human-like robot foisted upon you by your monied establishment. Go take out your rage on somebody else.

    • fartknocker

      Thank you. And tonight, I am going to sit in front of my tee vee and watch these young women compete one more time in London. This nonsense is utter bullshit.

    • C_R_Eature

      Vigorously Thumbed Up.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    The 'baggers are topping up their outrage tanks for the moment they find out about the coke-fueled orgy between the USA "Dream Team" and the Dutch field hockey team.

    • le_derppage

      Orange knee socks are known to be a powerful aphrodisiac.

    • TribecaMike

      I'm Dutch on my momma's side, and nobody in my family is a gazillioneth a % as tanned as they are. They must be ringers. Very hot ringers, but their lack of beer bellies makes them suspect.

    • RadioBowels

      It's like that night in the Olympic Village in '36 when Jesse Owens and Leni Riefenstahl hooked up. Needless to say, the "community organizers" were not happy.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        You know how it is … she never thought the film would get out.

    • sudsmckenzie

      My Olympic Dream is to watch them all run down the field and whack Bob Costas in the nutz.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Ow. Any ball that's in line for whacking by these women is in for a world of pain.

      • C_R_Eature

        That comment made my entire Olympics experience great. Thank you.

    • ElPinche

      Why am I thinking "Human Centipede" when I see the Dutch field hockey team.?? ..i blame the jagermeister

  • HistoriCat

    Maybe they didn't catch the black power salute buried in among the 2000 hours of coverage about Michael Phelps at the 2012 Michael Phelps Games. I'm sure I've seen them talk about him drying his hair and his ass-wiping technique.

    Also, I saw Jessica Ennis after she won the heptathalon. I hereby declare a moratorium on jokes about British teeth – her smile is fantastic and she is faptastic.

    • RadioBowels

      I'm with you on the Phelps hype, worst of all is the infernal shots of his mother in the stands. Arghh.

      But yeah on Jessica Ennis.

    • anniegetyerfun

      That's why this headline made me choke on my dinner.

  • DHarcavy

    I suspect the wingnuts haven't said anything because she gave all the credit for her performance to Jesus. So precious!

  • I'm watching Ken Burns' "The War" right now. Even in a time of coming together in our nation, where all citizens who weren't fighting overseas were working their asses off in factories toward a single cause; there was extreme and widespread racial hate. When the shipyards in Mobile tried to integrate, there was a knock-down drag-out in the parking lot where women even got in and bloodied. The integration didn't happen.

    When some Japanese-American got out of his internment camp to be sent to the front line, he found himself on a bus in the south where all the "coloreds" had to sit in the back and the whites sat in the front — he didn't know where he fit in.

    But reconcile that with the fact we now have a black president.

    Even though it feels sometimes this country is a cauldron of bubbling nationalism, racism, jingoism, (and whatever hateful ism) ready to boil over, I still think these assholes are a dying breed. I think each generation leaves more hate and ignorance behind. And "Greatest Generation" my ass.

    • TribecaMike

      Every time someone calls into question the idea of "the greatest generation" Tom Brokaw and his publisher lose one day of their hackish lives. Kinda like Zuzu's petals, if Zuzu hadn't dropped acid in the sixties while reading Thomas Pynchon.

  • Yeah, but look, Old Glory's in her *left* hand – the Unclean Hand, according to Islamic custom. Ergo, she's a radical Muslim black lady Terror Symp who hates our freedoms, QED.

    • TribecaMike

      "The Unclean Hand" is also Callista's nickname for Newt, but enough about pillow talk.

      • I heard that The Smothering Meatmallow is her pet name for Newt's scr – oh, God, never mind.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Debbie Schlusselmuncher's column is really worth a read, though. Something about Black people being more racist than the Klan could have ever hoped to be.

  • danielwalldammit

    Heh, …they didn't recognize it.

  • neiltheblaze

    Maybe they're afraid she'll beat them up.

  • Lynne

    You know, as I think of this, when I was sitting in front of the television cheering for all our U.S. Olympic athletes, every time anyone got the gold, while I was yelling like crazy, I did two very obvious black power salutes (one with each fist) and I never realized how wonderfully radical I was…me bein' white an' all.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Tucson Lunatic to plead 'Guilty' [warning-large photo ]

    Tucson Wanker apologizes.

  • PuglyDoRight

    She has every right to give a power salute…it's my understanding that Gabby's dad was watching from Afghanistan, where he's currently serving.

    So they can all suck it as far as I'm concerned.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Re the shootings in Wisconsin, the howling freeper nutbags have already arranged the not-facts rattling around in their hollow, tinfoil-covered heads:

    "You know damn well that some media folks know the perp’s name though already. They don’t want his name released where the new media [i.e., wingnuts Googling one another's blogs] can do any digging on him. Everything and anything linking him to the left or away from the right will be erased off the Internet by tonight. Something stinks for sure."

    Sheer genius: all the facts that we're going to learn about this teabagger-wingnut-skinhead nutcase have already been pre-denied — and the absence of proof that the guy was a commie ACORN operative on the Obama payroll is proof that it used to exist. Seems they've discovered that that Romney-retroactive shit is some powerful juju.

    Oh, and anything that Obama says (it don't actually matter what he says) is already pre-condemned as politically motivated, obviously, Q.E.D.

  • dopper0189

    You guys are all idiots! That is clearly a long distance terrorist fist bump, not a black power salute, what hell is your ghetto IQ. GEEEEEZZZZZZZZ

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