THERE'S NO SEX IN THE CHAMPAGNE ROOM  7:08 pm August 3, 2012

Win The Strip Club: How Mitt Romney Got Jenna Jameson’s Endorsement

by Wonkette Jr.

scoopsNews. What is it? No one knows. Total mystery. I’m a wire service reporter. I should have a good definition of it, but I do not. What will people click on and read and “like” on YouFace? That’s easy – celebrity nakedness, superficial political stories, unexpected quotes. And if you can combine all three, the interwebs will reward you. Which is exactly what happened when I asked Jenna Jameson about politics last night.

This happened because my friend, the SF blogger Beth Spotswood, asked me to escort her to a strip club where she was going to get to meet Jenna Jameson. It would be in the VIP room with an open bar. “Don’t make me go to the Gold Club alone,” she said. I obliged because, GENTLEMAN.

She told me we might get to talk to her, so I thought – What Would Politico Do? How do I WIN THE STRIP CLUB? I figured it was a long shot but if she said she’s supporting Mittens, we might have something.

And what do you know! I asked her about the presidential campaign and she said:

“I’m very looking forward to a Republican being back in office,” she said. “When you’re rich, you want a Republican in office.”

BALLER.

So Beth and I write a five line story on her iPhone and send it to a desker at CBS SF. And we call it a night.

Cut to this morning and the story is EVERYWHERE.

CBS, ABC News, HuffPo, Comedy Central, The Atlantic, Yahoo News, Washington Post, Gawker, New York Magazine, New York Daily News, the list goes on.

Is it news? I have my doubts. Did thousands of people “like” and “tweet” and “share their inane/misogynistic comments”? They did!

Even Politico, also too.

 
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{ 318 comments }

Barb_ August 3, 2012 at 7:11 pm

That's nice that she supports the Republicans. She should, however, spend more time supporting those mismatched boobies of hers.

zippy_w_pinhead August 3, 2012 at 7:17 pm

in all fairness, the republicans have been supporting her for most of her career

hippie13 August 4, 2012 at 7:20 am

She does look like half the state of utah…blond leather too long in the sun.

SorosBot August 3, 2012 at 7:37 pm

And that mismatched face – she's now a walking warning on the dangers of too much plastic surgery.

Butch_Wagstaff August 3, 2012 at 9:39 pm

I heard Beverly Johnson (first African-American model to appear on the cover of American Vogue) say in a recent interview that cosmetic surgery doesn't make you look younger, it's a "trade off" that just makes you look different. She wasn't opposed to cosmetic surgery, though.
But I thought it was probably the most accurate summation of what cosmetic surgery really does to one's looks. It just makes someone look different. You can have the lines smoothed out, makeup tatted on, etc. but it's not really going to make you look younger.
And IMO, I think it sometimes makes people look worse (Jenna, for example) and can make someone look older than they are (Courtney Stodden).
And, yes, I'm ashamed that I know who Courtney Stodden is.

Lascauxcaveman August 3, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Boobies!

(sorta)

smokefilledmeltdown August 3, 2012 at 11:41 pm

Goobies.

Lascauxcaveman August 3, 2012 at 11:53 pm

Gooby-dooby-doo! (makes motorboating sound)

[/slinks off in shame]

Terry August 3, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Jaysus, she's got bolted on melons and crooked to boot. Honestly, why do men find stuff like that attractive?

Dudleydidwrong August 3, 2012 at 10:09 pm

I don't. Striking, maybe. But not attractive. No way.

BoroPrimorac August 3, 2012 at 11:45 pm

I think they're a complete turn off.

Lascauxcaveman August 4, 2012 at 1:29 am

I wasn't against them until I saw a porno with some artificially enhanced bouncy-bouncy action (in slo-mo, no less). Ugh. Talk about things you can't un-see. The creases and crevices revealed where flesh and plastic were just not in synch… truly bizarre.

smokefilledmeltdown August 3, 2012 at 11:55 pm

I'm sure those tits are insured so they don't go Full Homer. yeah, I made that up. you heard it here first.

deanbooth August 3, 2012 at 8:15 pm

They look like they rumble. Boobies should be seen and not heard.

johnnymeatworth August 3, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Turns out Ron Jeremy's left-handed….

Tundra Grifter August 3, 2012 at 9:46 pm

That is not a Ruddnick Rack.

hippie13 August 4, 2012 at 7:19 am

I did notice a tilt to starboard (the right) ironically.

harry_palmer August 4, 2012 at 10:59 am

The off-kilter balloons are how she supports herself, obvs.

JustPixelz August 4, 2012 at 12:03 pm

By her "mismatched boobies", I assume you're referring to her Repubican admiration for Michele Bachmann and Steve King.

rickmaci August 3, 2012 at 7:12 pm

Tits Romney. Let's see him baptize those.

zippy_w_pinhead August 3, 2012 at 7:20 pm

if they float- she's a WITCH!

Negropolis August 4, 2012 at 3:33 am

Comment of the Week.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 3, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Don't they have to be dead first?

rickmaci August 3, 2012 at 7:34 pm

I believe they are.

le_derppage August 3, 2012 at 7:36 pm

Silicone never dies!

zippy_w_pinhead August 3, 2012 at 7:41 pm

and rust never sleeps…

Biff August 3, 2012 at 8:27 pm

No, I believe they're incorporated.

BoatOfVelociraptors August 3, 2012 at 11:02 pm

Isn't that the name of one of his children?

miss_grundy August 3, 2012 at 7:12 pm

Oooooooo, the rich white hootchie wants a Repub in office. Perhaps someone should take a pin to the balloons she has on her chest. Comemierda!

Dr. Nick Riviera August 3, 2012 at 7:13 pm

"When you're rich you want a Republican in office"

Jenna Jameson: American's most honest Republican

smokefilledmeltdown August 3, 2012 at 11:48 pm

The sentiment echoes in her ass canyon.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 4, 2012 at 1:56 am

A bumper sticker you can believe in.

Negropolis August 4, 2012 at 3:34 am

What she said is such a breath of fresh air. It really is that shallow for most of the 1%.

spends2much August 3, 2012 at 7:13 pm

I wonder how this endorsement will "go down" at Mittens' headquarters?

That was too easy; I am ashamed of my lack of effort…

Terry August 3, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Mitt will be compelled to do some one on one counseling.

Callyson August 3, 2012 at 8:40 pm

In a quiet room somewhere.

tessiee August 3, 2012 at 9:07 pm

If only this had happened a week earlier, Mitt could've entered her… in the Olympics.

Dudleydidwrong August 3, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Water polo. Those things'll float.

horsedreamer_1 August 5, 2012 at 11:12 am

Ooh, water sports. I love to go in the water. But, I can't, because of my hip.

C_R_Eature August 3, 2012 at 7:13 pm

I'm disappointed that there was no, shall we say, quid pro quo involved in this endorsement. I was looking forward to the leaked action photos.

"These dildos are just the right height!"

zippy_w_pinhead August 3, 2012 at 7:21 pm

I dunno, did anyone check with Rafalca?

C_R_Eature August 3, 2012 at 7:22 pm

He did seem off his game. You know what they say about athletes and sex?

zippy_w_pinhead August 3, 2012 at 7:27 pm

gives a whole new meaning to hoof and mouth disease…

Biff August 3, 2012 at 7:32 pm

Except he is a she.

zippy_w_pinhead August 3, 2012 at 7:34 pm

like that ever stopped Jenna…

C_R_Eature August 3, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Even Better!

brb

Veritas78 August 3, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Hubba hubba!

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 3, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Sex Star Supports Ken Doll:

Film at 11.

MinAgain August 3, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Way to keep abreast of breaking political news, Wonkette, Jr.

Biff August 3, 2012 at 7:32 pm

Two breasts. Two.

valthemus August 4, 2012 at 12:10 am

Be ashamed of yourself, MinAgain!

Someone spank Min with a copy of The Collected Works of Jonathan Swift. Unabridged!

zippy_w_pinhead August 3, 2012 at 7:16 pm

ladies and gentlemen, the next Mrs Gingrich

tessiee August 3, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Jenna Jameson's net worth is 30 million dollars.
Newt Gingrich's net worth is 7 million dollars.
Maybe she can hire him to do her yardwork.

emmelemm August 3, 2012 at 9:19 pm

She can buy her own whore diamonds at Tiffany's.

Diamonds are a girl's best friend ♫

NellCote71 August 3, 2012 at 10:14 pm

How, she whimpered. How is her net worth $30 million?

Lascauxcaveman August 4, 2012 at 1:33 am

Some whores are *very* well paid. Look at Tom Delay; Jack Abramoff…

Biel_ze_Bubba August 4, 2012 at 2:00 am

Now you know where the money shot really gets deposited.

bobbert August 4, 2012 at 3:30 am

Investments in Bain Capital retroactive IRA?

arihaya August 3, 2012 at 11:22 pm

Too tanned for Gingrich.

On the other hand, she might be Romney's secret celestial wife.

not that Dewey August 3, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Callista has cancer?

anniegetyerfun August 4, 2012 at 11:43 am

Nah, too much soul.

sewollef August 3, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Oh my god…. what the fuck is that image of? Jesus, I'm just about to have dinner and that 'thing' has made me throw up a little in my mouth.

Not good with a 2008 Napa Valley Marsanne.

Thanks a bunch Wonkette!

zippy_w_pinhead August 3, 2012 at 7:21 pm

you must be one of them thar elitists

BarackMyWorld August 3, 2012 at 11:42 pm

A friend of mine who is a DJ at a bar in Baltimore posted a pic of him and her together on Facebook last weekend when she was doing a public appearance.
She looks even worse now.

le_derppage August 3, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Jenna who?

mookwrthwilson August 3, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Makes sense. Both got rich fucking people.

rickmaci August 3, 2012 at 7:20 pm

^Win.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 3, 2012 at 7:32 pm

Yeah, but Jamesons not a true Republican, as I'm pretty sure she never fucked the poor.

emmelemm August 3, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Never fucked anyone just out of the goodness of her heart, either. Always a business transaction.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 3, 2012 at 8:05 pm

True. Republicans, on the other hand, like fucking the poor whether it makes money for them or not.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 3, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Although, that raises the question: do you have a good heart?

mookwrthwilson August 3, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Men in porn don't make that much

Lascauxcaveman August 4, 2012 at 1:35 am

I'm pretty sure some of them are moneymen to any given production.

anniegetyerfun August 4, 2012 at 11:44 am

Gay for pay = $$.

StealthMuslin August 3, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Mittens has found his Palin!

Slim_Pickins August 3, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Talk about liquid assets. Well gelatinous, any way.

sewollef August 3, 2012 at 7:19 pm

ugly and gelatinous.

Yeuk.

ChernobylSoup August 3, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Plastic on metal.

Chet Kincaid_ August 3, 2012 at 7:21 pm

Undressage horse.

rickmaci August 3, 2012 at 7:25 pm

I believe that is spelled with a "w" before the "h".

RadioBowels August 3, 2012 at 10:04 pm

She's sure had plenty of Horsey Sauce though.

emmelemm August 3, 2012 at 7:21 pm

It's like a praying mantis with grapefruits glued on the front.

C_R_Eature August 3, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Silicone Valley!

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 3, 2012 at 7:29 pm

I"m sorry. There was something above the grapefruits?

emmelemm August 3, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Really? I mean, REALLY? Those things are… well… wonky!

They look sad and mismatched and stretched – look at the right (our right, her left) one! It looks like it might explode.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 3, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Well, compared to most blow up dolls I've seen, she looks almost real.

Designer_Rants August 3, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Those globes that are still somehow attached by the smallest, angriest stretch of skin to her chest are real attractive.

edgydrifter August 3, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Seriously. It's like she took a screen shot from "Species" into her surgeon's office and said "That–make me THAT."

Negropolis August 4, 2012 at 3:37 am

ROTFLMAO!

sewollef August 3, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Jesus, everything on this woman is pumped up, except her painful-looking collarbones.

Callyson August 3, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Purely a business decision, I'm sure. Everyone knows Republicans spend more on sex workers than Democrats do.

Tundra Grifter August 3, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Some years ago both the Republican and Democratic conventions were in San Francisco. '84, if memory serves (sometimes it double-faults).

When the Democrats came to town so did the hookers. No surprise there.

Then came the Republicans, and the hookers returned. So did the S&M and golden shower and other kinky boys from LA and Vegas and assorted Western states.

fitley August 4, 2012 at 12:51 am

Three times as much according to a strip club owner in Florida. Was just in the news the other day.

le_derppage August 3, 2012 at 7:23 pm

Is this news or just sloppy seconds?

Designer_Rants August 3, 2012 at 7:25 pm

She named her fake rack "Rafalca".

rickmaci August 3, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Rackfalca.

Angry_Marmot August 3, 2012 at 8:44 pm

Watch 'em dance!

janicket August 4, 2012 at 1:36 am

Dance? Those bloated balloons of silicon? They're probably harder than a plutocrat's heart.

barto August 3, 2012 at 7:26 pm

I think she's just fishing for the VP slot, the little tramp.

HistoriCat August 3, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Probably better qualified than Sarah Palin.

Lascauxcaveman August 4, 2012 at 1:39 am

And more interesting than Condoleeza. (Although I still like her boots.)

HistoriCat August 4, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Colonel Qaddafi? We thought you were dead!

Spurning Beer August 3, 2012 at 7:26 pm

"Oh, I thought you said corn subsidies."

weejee August 3, 2012 at 7:36 pm

It's those sillicorn injectables that have her hootering for Mittens.

Spurning Beer August 3, 2012 at 7:49 pm

Corn star produces cornography.

(Me so corny.)

weejee August 3, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Ya got the tassels spinning both directions, you have.

Lascauxcaveman August 4, 2012 at 1:39 am

Me shuck you long time!

C_R_Eature August 3, 2012 at 7:27 pm

"HI, I'm Jenna Jameson. I've worked with giant robotic penises before and I know that they can really get the job done. That's why I'm endorsing Mitt Romney."

rickmaci August 3, 2012 at 7:38 pm

"I'm Mitt Romney and I approve those mammaries."

C_R_Eature August 3, 2012 at 7:41 pm

This post wins the Solid Gold Mammalian Protuberances Reference award.

Lascauxcaveman August 4, 2012 at 1:40 am

"Aaand here comes the icepick in the forehead!"

Limeylizzie August 3, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Mitt changes positions as often as she does, so perfect match.

zippy_w_pinhead August 3, 2012 at 7:44 pm

and at this point she looks like she was drawn with an Etch-A-Sketch, so there is that..

Limeylizzie August 3, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Also could be Rafalca's mother.

janicket August 4, 2012 at 1:37 am

Naw, Rafalca's a lot better bred. Doubtless dances better, too.

BoatOfVelociraptors August 3, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Win to the third degree.

weejee August 3, 2012 at 7:55 pm

And when we get to see Willard's tax returns we'll find that his 'Hard Work' treasure chest it as phony as hers.

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 3, 2012 at 10:08 pm

And she is just as convincing acting human as he is.

arihaya August 3, 2012 at 11:21 pm

And both of them did it for the right price.

seppdecker August 3, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Those have to be the most ludicrous chest-mounted implants since Dick Cheney's heart.

Come here a minute August 3, 2012 at 7:36 pm

OT — but I just want to say that I refuse to let Carville & Matalin spoil my enjoyment of Maker's.

Angry_Marmot August 3, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Or Jenna to spoil my enjoyment of Jameson's.

Lascauxcaveman August 4, 2012 at 1:50 am

I'm a bourbon guy, and I just don't get the big deal bout that stuff. It's not that different from the cheaper hootch I guzzle regularly. In fact, it seems pretty similar.

OTOH, I can really taste the differences between the various single malt scotches (I'm a scotch guy, too – current fave Aardbeg, FWIW) but Makers Mark doesn't do that much for me.

Gleem McShineys August 3, 2012 at 7:38 pm

You get a Republican in office, you get a Republican in orifice FOR FREE!

edgydrifter August 3, 2012 at 7:41 pm

For a great number of reasons, I would not hit that.

Angry_Marmot August 3, 2012 at 8:49 pm

I, too, find this surprisingly difficult to fap to.

tessiee August 3, 2012 at 10:14 pm

There's not enough Viagra in the world. Hell, there's not enough *penicillin* in the world.

janicket August 4, 2012 at 1:38 am

Yeh, hit it the wrong way and one of those globes might shatter.

rickmaci August 3, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Her next movie. "Inaugural Ball."

zippy_w_pinhead August 3, 2012 at 7:48 pm

featuring the hanging Chad

Negropolis August 4, 2012 at 3:39 am

"Tea Pee Party"

SorosBot August 3, 2012 at 7:41 pm

So who gets the all-important Ron Jeremy endorsement?

Spurning Beer August 3, 2012 at 7:53 pm
Goonemeritus August 3, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Since puberty I have regularly been in the presence of breasts both clothed and not clothed, those breasts look odd to me.

rickmaci August 3, 2012 at 7:50 pm

The impact of gravity on silicone.

Spurning Beer August 3, 2012 at 7:53 pm

If not odd, at least uneven.

Angry_Marmot August 3, 2012 at 9:00 pm

I'm sure I must've seen some before puberty, but the memory is a little vague and I'm not sure if I left a tip.

Goonemeritus August 3, 2012 at 7:48 pm

Typical Republican, I’ve got mine time to pull up the ladder.

bobbert August 3, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Well, at least that's consistent. It's the "I don't got shit, so I don't want anybody else (except the already-rich) to have shit" that drive me bonkers.

rickmaci August 3, 2012 at 7:58 pm

I think she got rich for being good at getting things up, and going down.

tessiee August 3, 2012 at 9:14 pm

"I’ve got mine time to pull up the ladder"

Perfect.

imobannon August 3, 2012 at 7:52 pm

Mitt Romney said, "I can see Jenna's clitoris from my backyard." Sarah Palin plans to file a suit for "theft of intellectual property."

Negropolis August 4, 2012 at 3:41 am

My god, they need to elect this man! Someone has finally found the elusive clitoris!

Biff August 4, 2012 at 12:25 pm

I took a woman to see Ron White last night. Glad it was her idea, far be it from me to suggest spending 1 1/2 hours listening to a misogynist on stage, but the one tidbit of useful information he dispensed was that the human eyeball is just as sensitive as the clitoris. I parlayed that into a very interesting evening.

Sorry, BeccaLou…

Negropolis August 4, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Misogynist? Really? I've watched a few of his specials, and outside of being a bit blue in his language, I've found him to be refreshingly progressive. I've heard him criticize machismo in his act as much as anything else. Perhaps you meant a little sexist? Even then, I'm not sure. Dude is like the anti good, ole boy; I love how he uses his accent to trick people before surprising them with his beliefs.

Biff August 5, 2012 at 1:56 pm

You are correct, as always, but you must begin to realize I usually don't know what I'm talking about, and defend my right to my own ignorance.

wvfii August 3, 2012 at 7:53 pm

when you're a "three-input" gal, you really want a Republican in office

chascates August 3, 2012 at 7:55 pm

How many Whore Zircons does she rate?

Fare la Volpe August 3, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Made of REAL Hooker Diamondelle.

tessiee August 3, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Those aren't zircons, they're stimulated diamonds.

MissTaken August 3, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Ah hell, several of my coworkers went to this last night and have the hangovers and left behind credit cards to prove it. Although none of them were smart enough to ask her political opinions. Then again, I doubt any of them were able to say more than just 'uh, hey, baby'

bobbert August 3, 2012 at 8:34 pm

You certainly seem to have a rowdy office there, what with cabanas in Vegas and Thursday nites at the Gold Club. Also, careless with their credit cards.

Ah, youth.

coolhandnuke August 3, 2012 at 7:59 pm

How romantic. She made a necklace out of Grover Norquist's nuts.

Blueb4sinrise August 3, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Chick Fil – DD

Designer_Rants August 3, 2012 at 8:02 pm

Cocaine makes everyone an asshole.

John Birf Society August 3, 2012 at 8:02 pm

Who put fake boobs on that catcher's Mitt? Or is Mitt more of a pitcher?

Misty Malarky August 3, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Chick-Fil-A would make a killing if all their little chickies had dirty pillows like that.

tessiee August 3, 2012 at 10:20 pm

Pity the customer who thinks his chicken sandwich contains a plump, succulent breast, only to discover it's a cheap, nasty piece of plastic.

Then again, it's chik-fil-a, so fuck 'em.

Chow Yun Flat August 3, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Jenna has a credit card reader installed between her breasts. Just swipe your card for another five minutes @ $49.99 per minute.

zippy_w_pinhead August 3, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Oh, THAT'S what it's for (quickly grabs a paper towel and bottle of 409)

johnnymeatworth August 3, 2012 at 8:07 pm

This is probably why Mitt won't release his tax returns–he doesn't want the world to know he secretly co-produced Zombie Strippers….

emmelemm August 3, 2012 at 8:13 pm

That might almost make me want to vote for him.

/NO NOT REALLY

Biff August 3, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Figures that he lied about not liking zombies, too.

coolhandnuke August 3, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Just another Rmoney shot in her illustrious career.

Guppy August 3, 2012 at 8:17 pm

She didn't build that rack, somebody else did!

Tundra Grifter August 3, 2012 at 9:48 pm

We can be quite sure God didn't give it to her.

Negropolis August 4, 2012 at 3:44 am

I spoke too soon, up thread. THIS is the comment of the week.

zippy_w_pinhead August 3, 2012 at 8:17 pm

I'm pretty sure that Jenna is what you'd get if the Tin Man, the Scarecrow and the Cowardly Lion had a three way and produced a love child…

tessiee August 3, 2012 at 9:16 pm

and the Cowardly Lion

*Cowardly Lion voice*
"Put-it-in! Put-it-in!"

BarackMyWorld August 3, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Republicans blame Obama for everything, so she probably blames him for that busted plastic surgery someone did to her.

tessiee August 4, 2012 at 1:28 am

"that busted plastic surgery someone did to her"

No kidding. Girlfriend is verging dangerously close to Joan Rivers territory.

BarackMyWorld August 3, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Your move, Katie Morgan.

Angry_Marmot August 3, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Seeing as she and Asia Carerra are supposed to be brainboxes, I'm gonna lose all hope if they side with the party of Rand and Palin.

HogeyeGrex August 4, 2012 at 2:16 am

We can probably count on Sasha Grey, though.

DalePues August 3, 2012 at 8:22 pm

It's not like that where I live. I have to come here to see it and read about it. You have to admit it's fun to watch!

Rotundo_ August 3, 2012 at 8:23 pm

I thought Mittens already had the silicon life form vote locked up. Oh, silicone, I see, silicon versus silicone….

DahBoner August 4, 2012 at 10:18 am

I can see Silicone Valley from my house!

mosjef August 3, 2012 at 8:25 pm

I'm sure Jenna's political influence is like her boobs: falsely inflated.

zippy_w_pinhead August 3, 2012 at 8:56 pm

it's the new bubble economy…

iburl August 3, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Is this whole thing some kind of sleazy viral PETA ad with the sexy sex worker pros?

Well, we all know what U.S. state's citizens give Jenna the most money, right?

It's Mitt Romney's Vatican City, the Beehive State(?), the great state of… UTAH!

BZ1 August 3, 2012 at 8:34 pm

That's a picture of a Barbie doll, isn't it?

tessiee August 3, 2012 at 10:44 pm

No, that's the Walmart knockoff. The real Barbie has a more lifelike facial expression.

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 4, 2012 at 1:48 am

Barbie has symmetrical boobs.

Negropolis August 4, 2012 at 3:46 am

Nah. A Barbie doll actually has better proportions, curiously enough.

BarackMyWorld August 4, 2012 at 3:59 am

I think the above pic was a couple of surgeries ago, because now she's gone full-Barbie in the face too.
Compare.

Negropolis August 4, 2012 at 4:07 am

I don't know; I was getting more of a gorilla vibe from that picture. lol I have the strangest urge to communicate with her in ASL, now.

C_R_Eature August 3, 2012 at 8:35 pm

What a ghastly picture. That body has seem more hard road than Patton's 3rd army.

Angry_Marmot August 3, 2012 at 9:04 pm

And taken more shots to the face.

zippy_w_pinhead August 3, 2012 at 9:05 pm

More like the Pyrenees after Hannibal got done with them…

Angry_Marmot August 3, 2012 at 9:39 pm

She's "been to see the elephant".

zippy_w_pinhead August 3, 2012 at 10:02 pm

she was making mountains out of molehills…

Biel_ze_Bubba August 4, 2012 at 2:11 am

That body + Patton's Army + hard road.

Argh. I know I can do this, but it's just not coming. [pours another shot]

C_R_Eature August 4, 2012 at 7:06 am

This one's difficult because usually it's a Navy joke. 7th Fleet, down at the pier, etc.

Keep at it. I have faith in you.

C_R_Eature August 4, 2012 at 11:18 am

"Argh. I know I can do this, but it's just not coming."

That's exactly what she said to Patton's Army, struggling with that body to keep them hard on the road

…sorry…

Biff August 3, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Looks like she bought those off the rack.

glamourdammerung August 3, 2012 at 8:40 pm

But everyone knew the Republicans were the party for whores for a while now.

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 3, 2012 at 10:10 pm

yes, but most of them are rent boys.

zippy_w_pinhead August 3, 2012 at 8:42 pm

and in the event of a water landing…

HarryButtle August 3, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Doesn't that cunt* remember that it was the Republicans who tried to shut down her strip club in Arizona? Classic case of she got hers so fuck everybody else. Incidentally, I think she DID fuck everybody else.

*I don't normally use this word, but in this case, it seems awfully appropriate.

Fare la Volpe August 3, 2012 at 8:49 pm

Why is that Oompa Loompa corpse in a straw hat trying to smuggle bowling balls under its skin?

They make bags for those things, y'know.

HogeyeGrex August 4, 2012 at 2:27 am

I think she is the bags for those things.

Igor! Help me with the bags…

imissopus August 4, 2012 at 2:32 am

Certainly. You get the blonde and I'll take the one in the turban.

Negropolis August 4, 2012 at 3:47 am

You know what? Your a good egg, volpe, a very good egg.

Veritas78 August 3, 2012 at 8:50 pm

She may be unaware of Rmoney's vow to stamp out pornography if elected (thus assuring him a one-year presidency).

Or, she may be fully aware of it.

tessiee August 3, 2012 at 9:19 pm

"She may be unaware of Rmoney's vow to stamp out pornography if elected"

I'd be amazed if she had more than a year to go until retirement, anyway.

shelwood46 August 3, 2012 at 10:50 pm

I became aware today, due to the cavalcade of coverage on this "story", that she has moved from acting to production.

Mojopo August 4, 2012 at 1:12 am

What kind of empty shell goes from sex worker to "person who instructs others how to take a cum shot to the eyeball"?

Biel_ze_Bubba August 4, 2012 at 2:12 am

A Republican?

Zango Crudmonger August 3, 2012 at 10:01 pm

But with Prohibition, she may be looking to cash in on her wharehouses of pron, vast tracts of pron even, as the price skyrockets. Truly, she is Romneyesque.

Veritas78 August 3, 2012 at 10:10 pm

I'm taking no chances—stockin' up now.

See, that's the difference between Rs and Ds. They stock up on guns, and we stock up on porn.

arihaya August 3, 2012 at 11:17 pm

No no no… the difference is that Dems knew where to find free porn, while Repubs are stuck with pay porn.

Negropolis August 4, 2012 at 3:48 am

If she's aware of anything beyond her immediate surroundings I'd be shocked.

Mittens Howell, III August 3, 2012 at 8:53 pm

That reminds me, I need to head down to Safeway and get some melons.

C_R_Eature August 3, 2012 at 8:54 pm

So this is where the United States' Strategic Reserve of Silicone is kept.

arihaya August 3, 2012 at 11:19 pm

Yes it is called Fort Knock.

johnnyzhivago August 3, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Looks like she could use a boost in infrastructure spending, if you know what I mean.

tessiee August 3, 2012 at 9:01 pm

I've had a quibble with Ms. Jameson ever since I read her book, "How to Make Love Like a Porn Star" in which she recommends looking into the, er-uh, blow-ee's eyes when you're giving head.

Now, you know me, guys; I'm all about the self-improvement — however, even one moment of thought would make it clear that that's impossible unless the guy's boner points straight down like Gonzo's nose.

But because I am a fair-minded person, I will set aside my disapproval of her misguided blowing advice, and my concern for those who may be led astray by it, and judge her latest statement solely by its content. “When you’re rich, you want a Republican in office” is hardly an endorsement of Republicans; it's just an accurate observation that Republicans and their policies favor the rich.

pattycake August 3, 2012 at 9:06 pm

1. if he's laying down, it's really pretty easy to look into his eyes once in a while.

2. when I first read about this, I thought that it might be possible that this endorsement, given its source and that "When you're rich" quote, is a sort of false-flag anti-endorsement.

aklibtard August 4, 2012 at 3:42 am

It's sort of disturbing that you're talking about giving blow jobs when your profile picture is a six year old girl.

pattycake August 5, 2012 at 4:10 pm

I do that to help people try to remember that any woman that you are having it off with was once a six year old girl. Unless, of course, she's five, which is even more disturbing.

Geminisunmars August 3, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Well, it was simply a typo that was made when she was dicktating her book. What she really said was "keep your eyes on his thighs."

And I like your interpretation of her statement.

Negropolis August 4, 2012 at 3:51 am

Different curvess for different perves. Our penises are like special snowflakes, unique in their own ways.

Biff August 4, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Mine generally roll back into my head. Maybe that's why it's called head…

Misty Malarky August 3, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Boobies!

Angry_Marmot August 3, 2012 at 9:09 pm

That reminds me, anybody see the remake of Total Recall yet?

tessiee August 3, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Also, she's at least 20 years past the point where the cherry-themed jewelry has crossed over from cutesie to downright pitiful.

janicket August 4, 2012 at 1:44 am

Maybe she figures the jewelry's asymmetry balances out the boobies.

tessiee August 3, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Vapid whore is vapid.

gogogodzilla August 3, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Oddly enough, I find this post surprisingly difficult to masturbate to.

Zango Crudmonger August 4, 2012 at 12:03 am

Yes, it seems to be cunterituitive to me as well.

Blueb4sinrise August 3, 2012 at 9:17 pm

I just want to take a moment to thank this Wonkette Jr. for breaking the story. Not since Riley and Breibart has there been such a scoop.

Veritas78 August 3, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Two scoops!

tessiee August 3, 2012 at 9:20 pm

You know who ELSE had giant fake ta-tas?

Blueb4sinrise August 3, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Marcus?

Saw that you commented about being kinda puzzled about the drive-through CFO rant. I have no answers except that it does seem weird. And a CFO in Tucson is maybe not quite up to a CFO in NY or Chi or Tokyo…..

DemmeFatale August 3, 2012 at 9:31 pm

You'll have to be more specific.
(I live in California.)

Biff August 4, 2012 at 1:04 pm

So, definitely AOTK…

RadioBowels August 3, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Eva Braun?

C_R_Eature August 3, 2012 at 10:43 pm

The Statue of Liberty?

littlebigdaddy August 4, 2012 at 12:40 am

Eva Peron?

CapnFatowls August 4, 2012 at 1:07 am

Titler?

Negropolis August 4, 2012 at 3:52 am

Lisa Ann?

not that Dewey August 4, 2012 at 9:19 am

Woody Allen, in Everything you Wanted to Know about Sex?

C_R_Eature August 4, 2012 at 9:27 am

It's not over. They usually travel in pairs.

Barrelhse August 3, 2012 at 9:35 pm

"Two pickets to Tittsburgh!"

C_R_Eature August 3, 2012 at 10:26 pm

"I'd like the change in Nipples and dimes, please!"

Tundra Grifter August 3, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Bain Capital invested in a company named Lifelike. Which is much more than one can honestly say about Jenna Jameson.

RadioBowels August 3, 2012 at 10:05 pm

MONEY SHOT!!1!

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 3, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Doesn't she know that Republicans only watch gay porn?

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 3, 2012 at 10:13 pm

This makes perfect sense.
1. Christian assholes take over Republican party.
2. Outlaw porn.
3. Porn black market develops at 10x the price.
4. PROFIT!

tessiee August 3, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Incomprehensible Jon McNaughton painting of Jenna in
5…
4…
3…

RadioBowels August 3, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Tits and GTFO.

rocktonsam August 3, 2012 at 10:47 pm

JJ's boobs and cunt and cocksucking mouth are people too my friends, also

RadioBowels August 3, 2012 at 10:58 pm

And don"t forget the buttsechs!

rocktonsam August 3, 2012 at 11:11 pm

the real money maker

MonkeyMotion August 3, 2012 at 10:57 pm

You know, with the Ted Nugent and Jenna Jameson endorsements, Mittens has the racist dumbfuck wanker vote pretty much locked up.

And it ain't even October.

Beowoof August 3, 2012 at 10:59 pm

Jenna is pretty good at taking it in the ass, so Rmoney would be a good choice for her.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 4, 2012 at 2:17 am

"If you like taking it in the ass, you want a Republican in the White House."

arihaya August 3, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Finally some boobz

if it was left to Rebbecca, the will never be any boobz

not that Dewey August 3, 2012 at 11:21 pm
not that Dewey August 3, 2012 at 11:20 pm

You guys are all perverts. That's just her distended small intestine.

LetUsBray August 4, 2012 at 1:43 am

Now, THIS is the wonderfully sick, twisted shit that makes wonkette my fave-rave web site!

not that Dewey August 3, 2012 at 11:24 pm

Dirk Diggler 2016!

mrblifil August 3, 2012 at 11:25 pm

If she's so rich why's she still working the strip clubs? Methinks the lady doth shake her twat too much.

DerrickWildcat August 3, 2012 at 11:32 pm

She's only been in 115 movies so she can't be all that great.

smokefilledmeltdown August 3, 2012 at 11:38 pm

So great to see Arizona in the news again..

fartknocker August 3, 2012 at 11:42 pm

Someone over-torqued her bolt-on tits.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 3, 2012 at 11:55 pm

Don't listen to her. It's the silicon talking.

Guppy August 4, 2012 at 1:23 am

No, she has silicone in her. Silicon is what's inside Mittens.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 4, 2012 at 2:18 am

But she's still in her element.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 3, 2012 at 11:57 pm

“When you’re rich, you want a Republican in office.”
Slut.

MonkeyMotion August 4, 2012 at 12:02 am

Jenna's just impressed that Mitt's sucked more dick than she has.

valthemus August 4, 2012 at 12:16 am

One famous twat endorses another.

SayItWithWookies August 4, 2012 at 12:21 am

That's a real treat — I mean, what more would a half-plastic money-loving cocksucker like than an endorsement from a porn star?

CountryClubJihadi August 4, 2012 at 12:28 am

I wish her luck with her Jizz-Fil-A franchise.

littlebigdaddy August 4, 2012 at 12:31 am

Maybe I am just a weenie, but that thing is scary and there is no way I would fuck it!

Joshua Norton August 4, 2012 at 12:36 am

How does she walk? Or even sit up?

Mojopo August 4, 2012 at 1:03 am

God, this takes me right back to the halcyon days of Caesar haircuts and penciled-in brows, when "Steal My Sunshine" was playing on every brand new iPod Shuffle.

tessiee August 4, 2012 at 1:30 am

OMG!! I can't believe you said that! I had totally forgotten about "Steal my Sunshine" until today, when I heard it on the car radio for the first time in… oh, gotta be ten years at least.

Mojopo August 4, 2012 at 1:33 am

Best part of that song is the bridge dubbed from "More More More" by The Andrea True Connection. Andrea, the porn star turned one hit wonder.

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 4, 2012 at 1:50 am

Fuck. I had totally erased that song from my memory. THANkS A LOt!

horsedreamer_1 August 5, 2012 at 11:24 am

Since the iPod debuted in Nov 2001, I have to admit — LEN had more staying power than I thought. Since "Steal My Sunshine" was the hot summer jam of 99. (I heard it first in April that year, on the soundtrack to pre-Cruise Katie Holmes action comedy GO.

sudsmckenzie August 4, 2012 at 1:26 am

Who is she?, oh never mind, I'll just Google it.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 4, 2012 at 2:22 am

Do so at your own risk: no SafeSearch setting will save you.

sudsmckenzie August 4, 2012 at 4:30 am

You're right, that was terrible. Now I must find out who that Ron Jeremy fellow is.

Negropolis August 4, 2012 at 4:36 am

Abandon hope all ye who enter here. I beg of you to reconsider such recklessness. That which is seen can not be unseen.

Steverino247 August 4, 2012 at 1:33 am

What was that about Bob Dole conceding the "Bunny vote" to Jimmy Carter after his interview in Playboy?

fitley August 4, 2012 at 2:40 am

She's built like a monster truck. All the parts are way way way too big for the frame.

fitley August 4, 2012 at 2:44 am

What's the difference between Mitt Romeny and Jenna Jameson? One is a whore for money and the other one has sex in videos for money.

Negropolis August 4, 2012 at 3:30 am

How do I WIN THE STRIP CLUB?

Why, you make it rain, mais oui! Because, again, GENTLEMAN.

BTW, I'm glad to know that our press is some kid on an iphone at a strip club; that makes me feel very safe with our democracy. lol

Negropolis August 4, 2012 at 3:56 am

I think we found out where Saddam hid those Weapons of Mass Distraction. My god, can you imagine how long it must take her to get beyond the TSA at the airport with all of those detection wands and aggressive pat-downs and….? I think I just thought up her next movie. Someone open a window; it just got hot in here.

bobbert August 4, 2012 at 5:40 am

Jesus. She was never exactly "cute", but all the bodmods have left her looking like a parody of Mme Tussaud's. OTOH, she's evidently achieved financial security, so best of British luck to her.

Paddy_McStagger August 4, 2012 at 6:42 am

Watch for her upcoming campaign commercial on redtube.com

Fukui-sanYesOta August 4, 2012 at 6:44 am

Well, Jenna always seemed to enjoy getting assfucked.

OT Olympics moment. Sir Steve Redgrave on the rowing: "I've heard some of the crowd booing the Australians. We're British; we don't do that, we cheer for everyone. We do cheer for the British a bit more"

And then Britain win in the rowing. Hurrah!

edit: and great bronze for the USA team too

Negropolis August 4, 2012 at 11:05 pm

I forgot which track event it was, but I heard them booing someone else, today.

gurukalehuru August 4, 2012 at 6:48 am

Most honest political endorsement ever. Give the girl some credit.

C_R_Eature August 4, 2012 at 8:41 am

Hey, I have a question:

If she flattens those things on a newspaper comic, will they pick up the image?

not that Dewey August 4, 2012 at 9:16 am

"Bounces, molds, stretches, snaps & more!"

C_R_Eature August 4, 2012 at 9:24 am

Silly, they're Putty in her hands.

Lazy Media August 4, 2012 at 9:12 am

Poor Jenna Jameson used to be super pretty, before she got insecure about aging and let the plastic surgeons at her.

Tundra Grifter August 4, 2012 at 4:51 pm

I checked Google Images and she's been all over the place. Yes, it does look like at one time she was pretty. Then she got her first boob job, then she had some face work, then she had the boobs removed, then replaced…

She's been under the knife more than a pullet at Chick-fil-A.

ttommyunger August 4, 2012 at 9:48 am

I don't get it, why the picture of Joan Rivers?

DahBoner August 4, 2012 at 10:17 am

286 COMMENTS 3645 VIEWS

Knock, knock!!!

aaarrrgh August 4, 2012 at 10:26 am

mitt and jenna. both plastic. both a little off.

BarackMyWorld August 4, 2012 at 10:57 am

Her tits look like they want to GTFO.

neiltheblaze August 4, 2012 at 10:58 am

Jenna and Dirty Harry on the same day! Mittmentum!!1!

C_R_Eature August 4, 2012 at 11:02 am

That has to be the worst case of Mumps I've ever seen.

emmelemm August 4, 2012 at 11:58 am

That made me laugh.

C_R_Eature August 4, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Good!

Sharkey August 4, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Would it have killed you to embed a video, dear Wonkette?

Isyaignert August 4, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Here's Andy Borowitz's take on this endorsement: http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzrep

Self-Uploader August 4, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Is it Dia de los Muertos, already? That la Catrina sure has some big chi-chis.

Tundra Grifter August 4, 2012 at 4:52 pm

She'd better be wearing some lead shoes. She goes outside, she's heading for the sky faster than the house in "Up."

carlgt1 August 4, 2012 at 6:34 pm

maybe the Repugs can have her & Meg McCain go on a "Fake & Naturals" tour?

NYNYNYjr August 4, 2012 at 11:17 pm

She's rich, but she's nasty and gross. Is that mysogenistic?

thefrontpage August 6, 2012 at 12:33 pm

With one small comment, Jenna Jameson just completely lost all of her attractiveness, sexiness, attraction, allure and interest. First, her statement about Romney and Republicans is just plain stupid–that's right, stupid. Second, she's wrong–that's right, factually wrong. Third, she doesn't even know that morons, idiots, pruds, prigs and psycho Puritans and religious nuts in the Republican party would love to shut down every strip club, outlaw porn, outlaw exotic and naked dancing, outlaw everything and anything having to do with strip clubs and porn? She doesn't know that? She should, because it's true. What a moron and what an idiot. Of course, she should be supporting Barack Obama–as anyone with any sense and intelligence should be. Jenna–wake up and smell the greasepaint!

Tricky_Dick August 6, 2012 at 3:49 pm

I thought it was, when your a hoe you vote republican.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 3, 2012 at 8:01 pm

True, the chances of there being anything organic involved seems quite remote.

Lascauxcaveman August 4, 2012 at 1:32 am

[/heads for teh googles]

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