Win The Strip Club: How Mitt Romney Got Jenna Jameson’s Endorsement

  there's no sex in the champagne room

scoopsNews. What is it? No one knows. Total mystery. I’m a wire service reporter. I should have a good definition of it, but I do not. What will people click on and read and “like” on YouFace? That’s easy – celebrity nakedness, superficial political stories, unexpected quotes. And if you can combine all three, the interwebs will reward you. Which is exactly what happened when I asked Jenna Jameson about politics last night.

This happened because my friend, the SF blogger Beth Spotswood, asked me to escort her to a strip club where she was going to get to meet Jenna Jameson. It would be in the VIP room with an open bar. “Don’t make me go to the Gold Club alone,” she said. I obliged because, GENTLEMAN.

She told me we might get to talk to her, so I thought – What Would Politico Do? How do I WIN THE STRIP CLUB? I figured it was a long shot but if she said she’s supporting Mittens, we might have something.

And what do you know! I asked her about the presidential campaign and she said:

“I’m very looking forward to a Republican being back in office,” she said. “When you’re rich, you want a Republican in office.”

BALLER.

So Beth and I write a five line story on her iPhone and send it to a desker at CBS SF. And we call it a night.

Cut to this morning and the story is EVERYWHERE.

CBS, ABC News, HuffPo, Comedy Central, The Atlantic, Yahoo News, Washington Post, Gawker, New York Magazine, New York Daily News, the list goes on.

Is it news? I have my doubts. Did thousands of people “like” and “tweet” and “share their inane/misogynistic comments”? They did!

Even Politico, also too.

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318 comments

  1. Barb_

    That's nice that she supports the Republicans. She should, however, spend more time supporting those mismatched boobies of hers.

    1. SorosBot

      And that mismatched face – she's now a walking warning on the dangers of too much plastic surgery.

      1. Butch_Wagstaff

        I heard Beverly Johnson (first African-American model to appear on the cover of American Vogue) say in a recent interview that cosmetic surgery doesn't make you look younger, it's a "trade off" that just makes you look different. She wasn't opposed to cosmetic surgery, though.
        But I thought it was probably the most accurate summation of what cosmetic surgery really does to one's looks. It just makes someone look different. You can have the lines smoothed out, makeup tatted on, etc. but it's not really going to make you look younger.
        And IMO, I think it sometimes makes people look worse (Jenna, for example) and can make someone look older than they are (Courtney Stodden).
        And, yes, I'm ashamed that I know who Courtney Stodden is.

    2. Terry

      Jaysus, she's got bolted on melons and crooked to boot. Honestly, why do men find stuff like that attractive?

        1. Lascauxcaveman

          I wasn't against them until I saw a porno with some artificially enhanced bouncy-bouncy action (in slo-mo, no less). Ugh. Talk about things you can't un-see. The creases and crevices revealed where flesh and plastic were just not in synch… truly bizarre.

    3. JustPixelz

      By her "mismatched boobies", I assume you're referring to her Repubican admiration for Michele Bachmann and Steve King.

  2. miss_grundy

    Oooooooo, the rich white hootchie wants a Repub in office. Perhaps someone should take a pin to the balloons she has on her chest. Comemierda!

  3. Dr. Nick Riviera

    "When you're rich you want a Republican in office"

    Jenna Jameson: American's most honest Republican

    1. Negropolis

      What she said is such a breath of fresh air. It really is that shallow for most of the 1%.

  4. spends2much

    I wonder how this endorsement will "go down" at Mittens' headquarters?

    That was too easy; I am ashamed of my lack of effort…

  5. C_R_Eature

    I'm disappointed that there was no, shall we say, quid pro quo involved in this endorsement. I was looking forward to the leaked action photos.

    "These dildos are just the right height!"

    1. tessiee

      Jenna Jameson's net worth is 30 million dollars.
      Newt Gingrich's net worth is 7 million dollars.
      Maybe she can hire him to do her yardwork.

  6. sewollef

    Oh my god…. what the fuck is that image of? Jesus, I'm just about to have dinner and that 'thing' has made me throw up a little in my mouth.

    Not good with a 2008 Napa Valley Marsanne.

    Thanks a bunch Wonkette!

      1. emmelemm

        Never fucked anyone just out of the goodness of her heart, either. Always a business transaction.

      1. emmelemm

        Really? I mean, REALLY? Those things are… well… wonky!

        They look sad and mismatched and stretched – look at the right (our right, her left) one! It looks like it might explode.

    1. edgydrifter

      Seriously. It's like she took a screen shot from "Species" into her surgeon's office and said "That–make me THAT."

  7. Callyson

    Purely a business decision, I'm sure. Everyone knows Republicans spend more on sex workers than Democrats do.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      Some years ago both the Republican and Democratic conventions were in San Francisco. '84, if memory serves (sometimes it double-faults).

      When the Democrats came to town so did the hookers. No surprise there.

      Then came the Republicans, and the hookers returned. So did the S&M and golden shower and other kinky boys from LA and Vegas and assorted Western states.

    2. fitley

      Three times as much according to a strip club owner in Florida. Was just in the news the other day.

      1. janicket

        Dance? Those bloated balloons of silicon? They're probably harder than a plutocrat's heart.

  8. C_R_Eature

    "HI, I'm Jenna Jameson. I've worked with giant robotic penises before and I know that they can really get the job done. That's why I'm endorsing Mitt Romney."

    1. zippy_w_pinhead

      and at this point she looks like she was drawn with an Etch-A-Sketch, so there is that..

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      I'm a bourbon guy, and I just don't get the big deal bout that stuff. It's not that different from the cheaper hootch I guzzle regularly. In fact, it seems pretty similar.

      OTOH, I can really taste the differences between the various single malt scotches (I'm a scotch guy, too – current fave Aardbeg, FWIW) but Makers Mark doesn't do that much for me.

  9. Goonemeritus

    Since puberty I have regularly been in the presence of breasts both clothed and not clothed, those breasts look odd to me.

    1. Angry_Marmot

      I'm sure I must've seen some before puberty, but the memory is a little vague and I'm not sure if I left a tip.

    1. bobbert

      Well, at least that's consistent. It's the "I don't got shit, so I don't want anybody else (except the already-rich) to have shit" that drive me bonkers.

  10. imobannon

    Mitt Romney said, "I can see Jenna's clitoris from my backyard." Sarah Palin plans to file a suit for "theft of intellectual property."

    1. Biff

      I took a woman to see Ron White last night. Glad it was her idea, far be it from me to suggest spending 1 1/2 hours listening to a misogynist on stage, but the one tidbit of useful information he dispensed was that the human eyeball is just as sensitive as the clitoris. I parlayed that into a very interesting evening.

      Sorry, BeccaLou…

      1. Negropolis

        Misogynist? Really? I've watched a few of his specials, and outside of being a bit blue in his language, I've found him to be refreshingly progressive. I've heard him criticize machismo in his act as much as anything else. Perhaps you meant a little sexist? Even then, I'm not sure. Dude is like the anti good, ole boy; I love how he uses his accent to trick people before surprising them with his beliefs.

        1. Biff

          You are correct, as always, but you must begin to realize I usually don't know what I'm talking about, and defend my right to my own ignorance.

  11. MissTaken

    Ah hell, several of my coworkers went to this last night and have the hangovers and left behind credit cards to prove it. Although none of them were smart enough to ask her political opinions. Then again, I doubt any of them were able to say more than just 'uh, hey, baby'

    1. bobbert

      You certainly seem to have a rowdy office there, what with cabanas in Vegas and Thursday nites at the Gold Club. Also, careless with their credit cards.

      Ah, youth.

  12. Misty Malarky

    Chick-Fil-A would make a killing if all their little chickies had dirty pillows like that.

    1. tessiee

      Pity the customer who thinks his chicken sandwich contains a plump, succulent breast, only to discover it's a cheap, nasty piece of plastic.

      Then again, it's chik-fil-a, so fuck 'em.

  13. johnnymeatworth

    This is probably why Mitt won't release his tax returns–he doesn't want the world to know he secretly co-produced Zombie Strippers….

  14. zippy_w_pinhead

    I'm pretty sure that Jenna is what you'd get if the Tin Man, the Scarecrow and the Cowardly Lion had a three way and produced a love child…

  15. BarackMyWorld

    Republicans blame Obama for everything, so she probably blames him for that busted plastic surgery someone did to her.

    1. tessiee

      "that busted plastic surgery someone did to her"

      No kidding. Girlfriend is verging dangerously close to Joan Rivers territory.

    1. Angry_Marmot

      Seeing as she and Asia Carerra are supposed to be brainboxes, I'm gonna lose all hope if they side with the party of Rand and Palin.

  16. DalePues

    It's not like that where I live. I have to come here to see it and read about it. You have to admit it's fun to watch!

  17. Rotundo_

    I thought Mittens already had the silicon life form vote locked up. Oh, silicone, I see, silicon versus silicone….

  18. iburl

    Is this whole thing some kind of sleazy viral PETA ad with the sexy sex worker pros?

    Well, we all know what U.S. state's citizens give Jenna the most money, right?

    It's Mitt Romney's Vatican City, the Beehive State(?), the great state of… UTAH!

      1. Negropolis

        I don't know; I was getting more of a gorilla vibe from that picture. lol I have the strangest urge to communicate with her in ASL, now.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      That body + Patton's Army + hard road.

      Argh. I know I can do this, but it's just not coming. [pours another shot]

      1. C_R_Eature

        This one's difficult because usually it's a Navy joke. 7th Fleet, down at the pier, etc.

        Keep at it. I have faith in you.

      2. C_R_Eature

        "Argh. I know I can do this, but it's just not coming."

        That's exactly what she said to Patton's Army, struggling with that body to keep them hard on the road

        …sorry…

  19. HarryButtle

    Doesn't that cunt* remember that it was the Republicans who tried to shut down her strip club in Arizona? Classic case of she got hers so fuck everybody else. Incidentally, I think she DID fuck everybody else.

    *I don't normally use this word, but in this case, it seems awfully appropriate.

  20. Fare la Volpe

    Why is that Oompa Loompa corpse in a straw hat trying to smuggle bowling balls under its skin?

    They make bags for those things, y'know.

  21. Veritas78

    She may be unaware of Rmoney's vow to stamp out pornography if elected (thus assuring him a one-year presidency).

    Or, she may be fully aware of it.

    1. tessiee

      "She may be unaware of Rmoney's vow to stamp out pornography if elected"

      I'd be amazed if she had more than a year to go until retirement, anyway.

      1. shelwood46

        I became aware today, due to the cavalcade of coverage on this "story", that she has moved from acting to production.

        1. Mojopo

          What kind of empty shell goes from sex worker to "person who instructs others how to take a cum shot to the eyeball"?

    2. Zango Crudmonger

      But with Prohibition, she may be looking to cash in on her wharehouses of pron, vast tracts of pron even, as the price skyrockets. Truly, she is Romneyesque.

      1. Veritas78

        I'm taking no chances—stockin' up now.

        See, that's the difference between Rs and Ds. They stock up on guns, and we stock up on porn.

        1. arihaya

          No no no… the difference is that Dems knew where to find free porn, while Repubs are stuck with pay porn.

  22. tessiee

    I've had a quibble with Ms. Jameson ever since I read her book, "How to Make Love Like a Porn Star" in which she recommends looking into the, er-uh, blow-ee's eyes when you're giving head.

    Now, you know me, guys; I'm all about the self-improvement — however, even one moment of thought would make it clear that that's impossible unless the guy's boner points straight down like Gonzo's nose.

    But because I am a fair-minded person, I will set aside my disapproval of her misguided blowing advice, and my concern for those who may be led astray by it, and judge her latest statement solely by its content. “When you’re rich, you want a Republican in office” is hardly an endorsement of Republicans; it's just an accurate observation that Republicans and their policies favor the rich.

    1. pattycake

      1. if he's laying down, it's really pretty easy to look into his eyes once in a while.

      2. when I first read about this, I thought that it might be possible that this endorsement, given its source and that "When you're rich" quote, is a sort of false-flag anti-endorsement.

      1. aklibtard

        It's sort of disturbing that you're talking about giving blow jobs when your profile picture is a six year old girl.

        1. pattycake

          I do that to help people try to remember that any woman that you are having it off with was once a six year old girl. Unless, of course, she's five, which is even more disturbing.

    2. Geminisunmars

      Well, it was simply a typo that was made when she was dicktating her book. What she really said was "keep your eyes on his thighs."

      And I like your interpretation of her statement.

    3. Negropolis

      Different curvess for different perves. Our penises are like special snowflakes, unique in their own ways.

  23. tessiee

    Also, she's at least 20 years past the point where the cherry-themed jewelry has crossed over from cutesie to downright pitiful.

  24. Blueb4sinrise

    I just want to take a moment to thank this Wonkette Jr. for breaking the story. Not since Riley and Breibart has there been such a scoop.

    1. Blueb4sinrise

      Marcus?

      Saw that you commented about being kinda puzzled about the drive-through CFO rant. I have no answers except that it does seem weird. And a CFO in Tucson is maybe not quite up to a CFO in NY or Chi or Tokyo…..

  25. Tundra Grifter

    Bain Capital invested in a company named Lifelike. Which is much more than one can honestly say about Jenna Jameson.

  26. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    This makes perfect sense.
    1. Christian assholes take over Republican party.
    2. Outlaw porn.
    3. Porn black market develops at 10x the price.
    4. PROFIT!

  27. MonkeyMotion

    You know, with the Ted Nugent and Jenna Jameson endorsements, Mittens has the racist dumbfuck wanker vote pretty much locked up.

    And it ain't even October.

    1. LetUsBray

      Now, THIS is the wonderfully sick, twisted shit that makes wonkette my fave-rave web site!

  28. Mojopo

    God, this takes me right back to the halcyon days of Caesar haircuts and penciled-in brows, when "Steal My Sunshine" was playing on every brand new iPod Shuffle.

    1. tessiee

      OMG!! I can't believe you said that! I had totally forgotten about "Steal my Sunshine" until today, when I heard it on the car radio for the first time in… oh, gotta be ten years at least.

      1. Mojopo

        Best part of that song is the bridge dubbed from "More More More" by The Andrea True Connection. Andrea, the porn star turned one hit wonder.

    2. horsedreamer_1

      Since the iPod debuted in Nov 2001, I have to admit — LEN had more staying power than I thought. Since "Steal My Sunshine" was the hot summer jam of 99. (I heard it first in April that year, on the soundtrack to pre-Cruise Katie Holmes action comedy GO.

        1. Negropolis

          Abandon hope all ye who enter here. I beg of you to reconsider such recklessness. That which is seen can not be unseen.

  29. Steverino247

    What was that about Bob Dole conceding the "Bunny vote" to Jimmy Carter after his interview in Playboy?

  30. fitley

    What's the difference between Mitt Romeny and Jenna Jameson? One is a whore for money and the other one has sex in videos for money.

  31. Negropolis

    How do I WIN THE STRIP CLUB?

    Why, you make it rain, mais oui! Because, again, GENTLEMAN.

    BTW, I'm glad to know that our press is some kid on an iphone at a strip club; that makes me feel very safe with our democracy. lol

  32. Negropolis

    I think we found out where Saddam hid those Weapons of Mass Distraction. My god, can you imagine how long it must take her to get beyond the TSA at the airport with all of those detection wands and aggressive pat-downs and….? I think I just thought up her next movie. Someone open a window; it just got hot in here.

  33. bobbert

    Jesus. She was never exactly "cute", but all the bodmods have left her looking like a parody of Mme Tussaud's. OTOH, she's evidently achieved financial security, so best of British luck to her.

  34. Fukui-sanYesOta

    Well, Jenna always seemed to enjoy getting assfucked.

    OT Olympics moment. Sir Steve Redgrave on the rowing: "I've heard some of the crowd booing the Australians. We're British; we don't do that, we cheer for everyone. We do cheer for the British a bit more"

    And then Britain win in the rowing. Hurrah!

    edit: and great bronze for the USA team too

  35. C_R_Eature

    Hey, I have a question:

    If she flattens those things on a newspaper comic, will they pick up the image?

  36. Lazy Media

    Poor Jenna Jameson used to be super pretty, before she got insecure about aging and let the plastic surgeons at her.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      I checked Google Images and she's been all over the place. Yes, it does look like at one time she was pretty. Then she got her first boob job, then she had some face work, then she had the boobs removed, then replaced…

      She's been under the knife more than a pullet at Chick-fil-A.

  37. Tundra Grifter

    She'd better be wearing some lead shoes. She goes outside, she's heading for the sky faster than the house in "Up."

  38. thefrontpage

    With one small comment, Jenna Jameson just completely lost all of her attractiveness, sexiness, attraction, allure and interest. First, her statement about Romney and Republicans is just plain stupid–that's right, stupid. Second, she's wrong–that's right, factually wrong. Third, she doesn't even know that morons, idiots, pruds, prigs and psycho Puritans and religious nuts in the Republican party would love to shut down every strip club, outlaw porn, outlaw exotic and naked dancing, outlaw everything and anything having to do with strip clubs and porn? She doesn't know that? She should, because it's true. What a moron and what an idiot. Of course, she should be supporting Barack Obama–as anyone with any sense and intelligence should be. Jenna–wake up and smell the greasepaint!

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