JOURNAMALISM  2:24 pm August 3, 2012

You Will Never Guess CNN’s Double-Secret Source About Romney’s Taxes

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Look at that punim!
It’s good to be Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid. Sure, all the establishment whiners are like, OH, HOW RUDE, Harry Reid is positing terrible things about poor Mittens Romney, who has no possible way to clear himself of Harry Reid’s terrible charges! Worse, Reid refuses to say who his source is, and we ALL KNOW you are always supposed to give up your source, immediately, because that is how sources work! Jon Stewart especially, in his role as Defender of Civility and the Faith, is most dismayed by the Ethics of it all. But, hrrrm, now CNN’s Dana Bash is doubling down in defense of Harry of the Mighty Balls, with her own source, who also knows the source, and who says if we knew the source we would all be like DAYUMM, yeah, that source WOULD be in a position to know that Mitt Romney, despite his heated avowals that he has paid taxes and a lot of them every year forever, could actually have been telling the truth and lying at the same time, because he never said “income” tax. Haha, gotcha stupid media. Where were we? Yes, Dana Bash says that her source says that the first source is like a super famous person or something that we would all know, and who would know. Here, since the HuffPo video player is being rather cunty, is a transcript:

Bash: But I did speak, I just have to tell you, that I did speak to one source who’s very close to Senator Reid who claims to also know who this Bain investor is that Reid spoke with, and insists that this is a credible person and this person if we knew the name we would understand that they would have the authority and the ability to know about Romney’s tax returns. Whether we’ll find it out ever, who knows. But they’re doing this on purpose so that this is the discussion.

Which can mean only one thing:

the source is Ann Romney. You guys, it was staring you in the face THE WHOLE TIME. (And by “it,” we mean “Ann Romney’s nipple.”)

ann romney's nipple

[Fuck you, HuffPo, guess we have to link to PoliticsUSA]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 276 comments }

nounverb911 August 3, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Rafalca?

actor212 August 3, 2012 at 2:31 pm

"OK, Rafalca, I know we can't quote you directly, but here's a thought: to confirm this story, finish thirteenth in the opening day of horsey dancing. Then we'll publish the taxes story and your claim that he touches you inappropriately"

kittensdontlie August 3, 2012 at 2:41 pm

How devious of Rafalca, but a well deserved payback for all those silly horse dancing lessons…

actor212 August 3, 2012 at 3:00 pm

He really wanted to learn the violin. Sad.

Veritas78 August 3, 2012 at 2:33 pm

No, the whores who rode in on her.

Lascauxcaveman August 3, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Straight from the horse's mouth.

Chet Kincaid_ August 3, 2012 at 3:30 pm

"Stamp once if it's 5 years of no taxes, twice if it's 10 years."

MittBorg August 3, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Straight from the horse's mouth, eh?

GodDAMNit. (writes "I will read all comments before commenting" 100 times on whiteboard)

Nostrildamus August 3, 2012 at 2:27 pm

My guess is Martha Mitchell.

OneYieldRegular August 3, 2012 at 3:02 pm

If ever there was anyone who'd still be talking from beyond the grave…

MittBorg August 3, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Yeah, but she wouldn't *know.*

Beowoof August 3, 2012 at 2:28 pm

I bet its one of the sons, the gay one.

OkieDokieDog August 3, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Which one is not the gay one?

actor212 August 3, 2012 at 2:32 pm

NOTK

nounverb911 August 3, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Your abbreviation is missing a comma.

actor212 August 3, 2012 at 2:36 pm

I saw what you did there.

nounverb911 August 3, 2012 at 2:32 pm

None of them, Katie.

Beowoof August 3, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Oh I bet there is a big closet in Utah somewhere.

le_derppage August 3, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Utah: the land of spacious closets and canyons.

glasspusher August 3, 2012 at 2:45 pm

That sounds like a great title for a movie

BaldarTFlagass August 3, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Well, I'm sure that the ones that served in the military were all straight.

glasspusher August 3, 2012 at 2:34 pm

at least they were when they went in…

Lascauxcaveman August 3, 2012 at 2:41 pm

You didn't see what he did there…

misantropo August 3, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Zing!

Gleem McShineys August 3, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Seamus?

MittBorg August 3, 2012 at 3:44 pm

You think he might have written Harry before he kacked? I would, if someone tied me on top of a car all wet and crappy and freezing.

Veritas78 August 3, 2012 at 2:34 pm

You need to be a lot more specific.

Chet Kincaid_ August 3, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Or the Mexican one. Don't all Republican politicians have to have at least one Mexican offspring, for photo ops?

MittBorg August 3, 2012 at 4:18 pm

G.H.W. Bush and his "little brown ones," remember?

Chet Kincaid_ August 3, 2012 at 4:25 pm

One of these days, when you least expect it, I'm going to unnecessarily explain one of your jokes!

MittBorg August 3, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Man, you're talking to the one person in the room who ALWAYS fucks up the social cues, yaknow? I won't even notice. I'll just hug you and then you'll feel bad for making fun of the village idiot.

Is THAT what you want, Chet? IS IT?

anniegetyerfun August 3, 2012 at 2:28 pm

That fishbird on her shirt has been staring me in the eye for MONTHS now. I can't unsee it.

kittensdontlie August 3, 2012 at 2:35 pm

I wonder how much it cost Ann to have her nipple replaced with an eye? That could come in handy in so many ways…

MittBorg August 3, 2012 at 3:45 pm

The "Ann" model doesn't come with.

viennawoods13 August 3, 2012 at 8:30 pm

That would be one hell of a high nipple.

Mittens Howell, III August 3, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Fun Fact: That $1,000 t-shirt actually counts as a $1,200 tax deduction. The Romneys entered it in the Dancing Fish event at the 2010 Aqua Olympics, held in the Bahamas.

fuflans August 3, 2012 at 2:44 pm

she has terrible taste in clothes. you expect some kind of amped up ll bean (like the mittbot himself). but NOOOOOOOO. instead we are treated to some reductive nancy reagan 80s crap with florid colors and bizarre patterns. and fish.

did you see that spikey zig zaggy candy cane pink and white thing she had on last week? horrid.

i can only imagine how she decorates the car elevator.

MissTaken August 3, 2012 at 3:02 pm

For realz. One thing my grandma (pre-Alzheimers) taught me was to wear prints very sparingly. If you look back at photos of yourself that make you cringe, chances are you were wearing a print.

Wonkette Fashion Tips!

anniegetyerfun August 3, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Actually, you can wear TONS of prints these days, as long as you are razor-thin.

I am not, and as such, wear nothing but solid black.

ChessieNefercat August 3, 2012 at 6:59 pm

I'm such a fashion don't.

I wear jeans and blouses every day to my fabulous job. And the blouses are, without exception, plain or (brace yourselves) floral prints. In cotton. I prefer small dainty prints but I will take cabbage roses or bird of paradise prints if I have to (clearance!). There. I said it. I'm a botanist. I like flowers. I feel happy wearing them. (And moss, but there aren't many blouses for bryologists. But I digress).

Sniffle. I will just never be one of the cool, stylish, fashionable kids, will I?

MittBorg August 4, 2012 at 1:01 am

(Hugs Chessie fervently) I don't know if you *will* ever be one of the cool, stylish, fashionable kids, but I suspect if shit like that mattered to you, you wouldn't wear what pleases you. That said, I just want to say that, as a lover of all things plantlike and especially of flora, you would certainly delight my eyes.

MittBorg August 3, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Or the weird dress she was wearing on her trip to London, black-and-white with giant yellow splotches like Rafalca had just peed all over her.

ChessieNefercat August 3, 2012 at 7:36 pm

Golden… oh never mind, it's just too gross.

MittBorg August 4, 2012 at 12:31 am

All my life I got into trouble because whenever people said "Don't do ____, whatever happens, I would do ____.

And now you tell me this. You know I'm gonna lie awake all night wondering, right? I'll check tomorrow and see if you relented yet.

BeefHardcake August 3, 2012 at 2:44 pm

That bird-eyenipple thing makes me wake up in a cold sweat. Brrrrrr.

kittensdontlie August 3, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Ann knows you people can not be trusted, and has at least eye on you at all times.

MittBorg August 3, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Er … ew. One cold fishy eyenipple.

JadedDissonance August 3, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Who wants to make out with ME at Chick-fil-a????? C'Mon! I know ALL about taxes!

Gopherit August 3, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Only if I can get a reach around……for freedom.

widestanceromance August 3, 2012 at 3:01 pm

All of us, JD.

deanbooth August 3, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Dirty Harry meets Tax-Free Willie.

Isyaignert August 3, 2012 at 2:28 pm

John McCain? He saw Rmoney's tax returns; he knows what's in them.

MissTaken August 3, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Logic? How's it work?

actor212 August 3, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Maybe we should try torturing him? It worked once before.

JadedDissonance August 3, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Not sure how I feel about this….

Veritas78 August 3, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Actually, this might be the real answer. Crashie McBitter knows how to carry a grudge.

Isyaignert August 3, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Oh boy! A brand new episode of "Republicans Eating Their Own!"

nounverb911 August 3, 2012 at 2:38 pm

John Kerry can provide the Heinz Ketchup.

annettaj August 3, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Yeah, once you've push the elderly sister of a soldier MIA
you can never go back.

An_Outhouse August 3, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Grumpy caries a grudge alright but who do think he hates more, Mittens or Barry?

MittBorg August 3, 2012 at 4:44 pm

If you look at John McCain's LENGTHY Senate career, over the years he has tended to be fairly nonpartisan in his hatreds. I.e., at least in my humble opinion, the miserable fuck is an equal-opportunity hater.

ibwilliamsi August 3, 2012 at 2:38 pm

I can see that. There's no love lost there.

Nostrildamus August 3, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Lovely theory, but Reid said it was a Bain investor, which I doubt McNutz is.

Isyaignert August 3, 2012 at 3:02 pm

This story is about a CNN reporter who said she had a very reliable someone who could back up Harry Ried. I'm speculating it could be John McCain for various reasons.

widestanceromance August 3, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Maybe Walnuts invested retroactively?

An_Outhouse August 3, 2012 at 3:04 pm

I'm guessing a fellow Mormon – small circles of powerful families that despise each other.

Beetagger August 3, 2012 at 3:17 pm

John Huntsman also hates Romney.

MittBorg August 3, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Really? Evidence? I can imagine Huntsman wouldn't be overly fond of Rmoney, but I have no evidence for any major rift between them. (They're very much alike, except Huntsman's a little nicer.

BonoboReview August 3, 2012 at 5:37 pm

That's actually a really plausible guess. Huntsman did not endorse Romney in 2008 but went with McCain. He is also "famous" and rich enough that he would be credible.

Beetagger August 3, 2012 at 3:16 pm

McNutz's rich wife could be…

Chet Kincaid_ August 3, 2012 at 3:42 pm

"Hello, Dana? You wanna know Reid's source? Henggh?!"

Isyaignert August 3, 2012 at 5:38 pm

You wanna see what "Henggh" looks like? Watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qUVQDmLf7s

viennawoods13 August 3, 2012 at 8:34 pm
MittBorg August 3, 2012 at 4:40 pm

There ya go. He doesn't LIKE RMoney very much, either. And he has a million opportunities to speak to Harry all casual-like. My money's on John-Boy.

Nostrildamus August 3, 2012 at 2:28 pm

"Restricted Content"

tit pix?

GunToting[Redacted] August 3, 2012 at 2:28 pm

It's nice to see Harry grow a set of danglies just before he quits his job.

Isyaignert August 3, 2012 at 3:51 pm

I was always amazed that he was a boxer and wondered what he boxed – dustbunnies? Glad to see he's strapped on the gloves.

BaldarTFlagass August 3, 2012 at 2:28 pm

You'd think with all their loot that she'd be able to get that Wandering Nipple Syndrome fixed.

Nostrildamus August 3, 2012 at 2:38 pm

I am a poor, wayfaring nipple,
A-pokin' through this blouse of woe…

zippy_w_pinhead August 3, 2012 at 2:48 pm

or at least a makeover…

BZ1 August 3, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Is it someone who wears a squirrel on his head (and hangs out at the Trump Towers, and has a TV show …)???

actor212 August 3, 2012 at 2:29 pm

CNN's SOOPERSEKRIT SOURCE IS…..Editrix.

Or so I was told by Wolf Blitzer. Through an intermediary. Some guy named Bur Bunn.

OkieDokieDog August 3, 2012 at 2:29 pm

I think it's that big-boobied McCain girl.

ph7 August 3, 2012 at 2:44 pm

She's been stuffing her bra with Mitt's 1040s since 2008.

memzilla August 3, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Of course, a man whose wife wears a $1000 eagle t-shirt without a hint of irony or shame must be telling the truth.

BaldarTFlagass August 3, 2012 at 2:30 pm

"he has paid taxes and a lot of them every year forever,"

Yeah, it's pretty difficult to hide your mansions in a Swiss bank, so property taxes are hard to dodge.

anniegetyerfun August 3, 2012 at 2:38 pm

That's what the mansion elevator is for. You just lower the whole thing into the ground.

emmelemm August 3, 2012 at 3:36 pm

That's some James Bond villain island lair shit, right there.

ibwilliamsi August 3, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Not to mention sales taxes on all of the Caddies that Ann drives. Of course, he writes them off, but he PAYS them at the point of sale!

fredbell August 3, 2012 at 2:30 pm

So Adnan Khashoggi has access to Rmoney's tax returns?….But this guy is like super secretive…He's not going to say an effing thing….

C_R_Eature August 3, 2012 at 2:30 pm
MissTaken August 3, 2012 at 2:30 pm

I just checked and my double-secret nipples say they are *not* the source. Sorry.

el_donaldo August 3, 2012 at 2:32 pm

I give you permission to check again, if you need it.

actor212 August 3, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Slowly. And in better light

Lascauxcaveman August 3, 2012 at 2:44 pm

I don't trust her. I'll check em' myself.

actor212 August 3, 2012 at 2:33 pm

You have a spare set?

Steverino247 August 3, 2012 at 2:34 pm

I won't believe it until SorosBot checks them. Carefully and gently, no doubt.

actor212 August 3, 2012 at 2:37 pm

To be certain, someone should pinch them. Maybe even clamps.

emmelemm August 3, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Or roughly…. if you like that way, I mean.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 3, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Isn't that what office supplies are for?

emmelemm August 3, 2012 at 4:20 pm

So you're one of those cheapskates who says, "Why buy nipple clamps, just use binder clips?"

kittensdontlie August 3, 2012 at 3:28 pm

At least one pair of my not-so-secret nipples, are denying the leaking also.

muthalovin August 3, 2012 at 2:31 pm

A Kenyan, right? That is like double, double secret source sauce.

Boojum August 3, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Who's the bald guy who worked for McCain, Steve Schmidt or something like that? Him.

Steverino247 August 3, 2012 at 2:36 pm

No, he's already denied ever seeing the returns. I wouldn't put it past Sarah Palin to have taken a peek, but she's too stupid to read them.

Weenus299 August 3, 2012 at 2:41 pm

She's too hot and bothered by/for Dick to worry about some other governor's taxes.

mayor_quimby August 3, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Woody Harrelson?

el_donaldo August 3, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Mark Felt?

Amanda Seyfried? Malin Akerman?

No, it's Jenna Jameson, isn't it?

rickmaci August 3, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Seamus?

noodlesalad August 3, 2012 at 2:32 pm

The secret source is also reporting that the turkey is done, and that the headlights are on.

el_donaldo August 3, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Cold in here, isn't it.

imissopus August 3, 2012 at 4:08 pm

And when he was tuning in Tokyo, the reception was excellent.

Fraudulently_Joe August 3, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Personally, I just love the fact that Romney has Responded! Forcefully! By demanding that Harry Reid release Mitt Romney's tax returns.

Isyaignert August 3, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Haha! What's with that "Put up or shut up" comeback from Rmoney. What a fukkin' douche!

Texan_Bulldog August 3, 2012 at 3:22 pm

I would love to see them two duke it out. Mitt's so dumb he told a former boxer to 'put up'. I would give my husband's left testicle to see Harry slap Mitt around and mess up his perfect Grecian-formulated coif.

Chet Kincaid_ August 3, 2012 at 3:46 pm

That's rather cavalier of you!! I wonder what my wife is volunteering of my anatomy on those sites she hangs out on…

Chet Kincaid_ August 3, 2012 at 3:48 pm

You just can't make this stuff up!

Steverino247 August 3, 2012 at 2:32 pm

It's got to be John McCain. He doesn't like Mitt Romney, has seen his returns and is a member of a very collegial organization, the United States Senate. Political posturing aside, they do respect each other and often are sorry to see other members go. See Kennedy and Hatch, for example.

fuflans August 3, 2012 at 2:47 pm

that's good. and i could see jammakin being spiteful enough to want someone else to lose to bamz as well.

SmutBoffin August 3, 2012 at 2:32 pm

As it turns out, Mitt Romney just wants to hide the fact that his tax returns contain write-offs like the cost of Extra-Virgin Robot Oil, magic underwear repair, "full release" rubdowns for his horse, and soul depreciation.

larrykat August 3, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Mormonthroat?

Weenus299 August 3, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Mormons don't have throats.

sharethegrief August 3, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Their Tabernacle Choir uses hand gestures.

Dudleydidwrong August 3, 2012 at 3:36 pm
MittBorg August 3, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Lovely.

not that Dewey August 3, 2012 at 3:59 pm

But some of them have penises on their throats.

h/t C_R_Eature

Nothingisamiss August 3, 2012 at 3:33 pm

You just made me gag.

SorosBot August 3, 2012 at 2:33 pm

You know, if Reid's source is wrong then Mitt could prove it just by releasing his tax returns instead of attacking the messenger, just saying.

Steverino247 August 3, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Aren't you supposed to be checking somebody's nipples?

MissTaken August 3, 2012 at 2:50 pm

His arms are long, but not *that* long!

SorosBot August 3, 2012 at 2:57 pm

But it would be nice if I could…

ph7 August 3, 2012 at 2:40 pm

That's ridiculous. That would be akin to demanding that the President of the United States produce his birth certificate to prove he wasn't hiding something.

deanbooth August 3, 2012 at 2:33 pm

I've always loved Jon Stewart, but I stopped watching him when he went after ACORN a second time (based on false wingtard premises). I didn't decide to stop watching him, it just kinda happened.

Isyaignert August 3, 2012 at 2:45 pm

I hear ya! I watched Wednesday's Daily Show and was hugely pissed off when Stewart did a whole bit dissing Harry Reid for saying he had a reliable source for Rmoney's not paying income taxes for 10 years. I almost threw something at the TV. Most of the time, he's spot-on, IMHO. I hope he eats his words on this one tho.

larrykat August 3, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Stewart's just ass-covering. He probably has an interview coming up and wants once again to be able to claim he goes after both sides. I like him generally, but this "equal sides" shit from him is chapping my ass, I must say.

Jukesgrrl August 3, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Yes, especially when one side is obviously a lie.

LetUsBray August 3, 2012 at 5:27 pm

I can't pinpoint when I gave up on him, but that's pretty much where I'm at. I think his intentions are honorable, but when a person gets too Inside it becomes all too easy for them to be co-opted.

mavenmaven August 3, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Jonah Lehrer says that Bob Dylan told him.

Baconzgood August 3, 2012 at 2:34 pm

It's the Lindbergh baby sheeple!!!!!!!

Weenus299 August 3, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Rush Lindbergh?

glasspusher August 3, 2012 at 2:35 pm

As long as this taxes on Mitt's poll numbers, it's all good.

johnnymeatworth August 3, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Hal Holbrook?

Goonemeritus August 3, 2012 at 2:36 pm

William Mark Felt, Sr. strikes again.

Mittens Howell, III August 3, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Come clean Walnuts, your country needs you!

barto August 3, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Nah, obvsly it's Rafalca -got it straight from the…

OK don't kill me.

larrykat August 3, 2012 at 3:35 pm

…horse's ass?

Weenus299 August 3, 2012 at 2:38 pm

I don't care what anybody says, that thing on Annie's shirt or whatever looks like a fish or an eel.

MissTaken August 3, 2012 at 2:51 pm

For a thousand bucks you'd think they'd make it obvious to tell. Or at least give her two nipples.

le_derppage August 3, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Supposedly an Audubon-inspired falcon: http://blog.bergdorfgoodman.com/womens-style/desi

Comrade Wingtardd August 3, 2012 at 3:17 pm

I thought it was an extinct Finchfish, If we are to believe that, then this describes RHoney?

"She works hard, walks with a purpose and enjoys the sort of lunches you have at the Modern or STK in midtown. While always full, her handbag never is messy. She shops the third floor (obviously) but you also may find her mixing in pieces from the sixth floor and 5F (think ALC, Peter Som or Helmut Lang). She prefers a low pony, parted down the middle…but it’s ok if her hair is a bit rumpled — she’s busy, industrious. You’ll find fresh flowers in her entryway, always."

le_derppage August 3, 2012 at 3:19 pm

I might believe the bit about her preferring a low pony.

Veritas78 August 3, 2012 at 2:39 pm

I particularly like Mitt's belligerent "put up or shut up", which I believe was exactly the desired response, given that his tax returns would accomplish the same.

I'm beginning to think that Mitt might not be that bright. Perhaps it's the inbreeding.

proudgrampa August 3, 2012 at 2:51 pm

"Perhaps it's the inbreeding. "

That, or it's the Mormon mindset. On a certain level, they are very intelligent. But the lies that they profess to believe (Jesus in the New World, Golden Tablets, etc.) twist the point of view so that they tend to not think as critically as they should.

Soylent Green August 3, 2012 at 3:19 pm

It was in the same tone as "I did not have sex with that woman". And we all know how well that turned out.

anniegetyerfun August 3, 2012 at 2:39 pm

In the same way that Mittens sat around blabbing with his dressage horses with Hannity, I can see Ann blithely discussing how she and her hubby haven't had to pay a cent in income taxes for years (yay, her!).

coolhandnuke August 3, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Al "Kilgore" Trout?

HistoriCat August 3, 2012 at 2:39 pm

I clicked on the "journamalism" tag – talk about a trip down memory lane! Some great stories from the last four years there. Good times!

Allmighty_Manos August 3, 2012 at 2:40 pm

I appreciate Democrats who don't bring knives to a gun fight.

Wadisay August 3, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Well, if Rmoney did pay nothing, at least he can honestly say that he won't personally benefit from his tax proposal.

ChillBill August 3, 2012 at 2:41 pm

This is what happens when you bail on Rafalca.

Gleem McShineys August 3, 2012 at 2:41 pm

"Dana, when you interview David Banner; two things. One, don't make him angry, and two, definitely don't tell him your full name."

Isyaignert August 3, 2012 at 2:41 pm

If Harry Reid is right and Rmoney is worth far more than a measly $250M, then perhaps the Moron church hasn't been getting its fair share from him. Wouldn't that be delicious to watch unfold?

proudgrampa August 3, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Ooooh. You may be on to something. Good catch!

BoroPrimorac August 3, 2012 at 8:26 pm

It wouldn't surprise me if all the head honchos in the Mormon church report less than what they make in order to keep a bigger share for themselves.

Check this out. This is an article from Businessweek called: "How Mormons make their money."
http://www.businessweek.com/articles/2012-07-10/h

deanbooth August 3, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Horray! I finally hit 109p today, after one and a half years of 108p. ONE AND A HALF YEARS, ALAN!

ph7 August 3, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Movin' on up! We'll miss you here in the land of mediocrity, brother!

TavariousChinaSmith August 3, 2012 at 3:24 pm

When will it be my turn??? I'm tired of having such tiny p-ness!

Extemporanus August 3, 2012 at 3:24 pm

P-NUTS!

ChessieNefercat August 3, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Oh my. Well. I can be patient. Congratulations.

StealthMuslin August 3, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Mitt, stay on the line! The source is coming from inside the house!!!

OneYieldRegular August 3, 2012 at 3:07 pm

I saw what you did, and I know who you are.

Comrade Wingtardd August 3, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Oh my god … this is in real time!

Doktor Zoom August 3, 2012 at 2:42 pm

I'm having some secret source with my onion rings today.

ChillBill August 3, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Santorum?

not that Dewey August 3, 2012 at 4:00 pm

I put that shit on everything!

MittBorg August 3, 2012 at 4:20 pm

That's Negropolis' line!

not that Dewey August 3, 2012 at 4:31 pm

I know, but he wasn't saying it.

It came up the other day in the context of the chick-fil-a Santorum sauce.

Weenus299 August 3, 2012 at 2:42 pm

This whole thing is going to end up with a Rickroll, count on it.

Gleem McShineys August 3, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Or, worse.

Billmatic August 3, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Did Ann get that shirt at the exclusive 1% only Wal-Mart?

MittBorg August 3, 2012 at 4:54 pm

aka Needless Markup? I do b'leev she did.

BarackMyWorld August 3, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Reid and Romney are both Mormon, so my guess is Joseph Smith, in an email to Reid from the planet Kolob.

(I don't like to make fun of Mormons, in general, but you gotta admit that's a weird coincidence.)

MittBorg August 3, 2012 at 2:46 pm

I figured it was Ann. And WHAT nipples? She has one boob high on her left shoulder. That's it.

not that Dewey August 3, 2012 at 4:00 pm

That's one high-ass nipple, alright. Now, Imagine her naked. You're welcome.

MittBorg August 3, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Have I hated on you lately? With, you know, a sort of white fire of righteous hatred?

Because if not, we could fix that. Just so's you know.

neiltheblaze August 3, 2012 at 2:46 pm

I say "Fuck you Huff Po" at least twice a day.

ph7 August 3, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Three times if Arianna posts a video of herself being interviewed.

Billmatic August 3, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Also I'd like tos ay that while the Editrix makes some good sarcastic points about anonymous sources I still don't think it's Harry Reid's job as the Senate Minority Leader to be this petty. It could be total misinformation, and I don't think Democrats need to resort to that like the right does. Facts tend to work pretty good for us, maybe he should have a little chat with Bernie Sanders, whose info-graphics on Facebook about income inequality and global warming are always accurate and devastating.

deanbooth August 3, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Facts tend to work pretty good for us

I'm not so sure this is a fact.

Dr. Nick Riviera August 3, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Didn't they just post a survey that one out of 3 Americans think Obama is a muslim?

SorosBot August 3, 2012 at 4:05 pm

And the majority of Fox "News" viewers believe we actually found weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.

Billmatic August 3, 2012 at 2:50 pm

EDIT: Reid is so useless that I forget that he's the Majority leader.

BeefHardcake August 3, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Ann Romney's creepy bird T-shirt proves in and by itself that money and taste, indeed, do not always skip happily along together hand-in-hand.

MittBorg August 3, 2012 at 4:56 pm

I don't know what is it about this rich bitch and clothes. She NEEDS a fashion advisor STAT. She dresses like a fucking Goodwill garbage-bag-rummaging hobo.

Somebody needs to tell her old women shouldn't wear bright, snappy young colours and loud prints. They just look like cheap attention-whores when they do. (Unless they're black, or regally tall, and she's neither.)

BeefHardcake August 3, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Plus, it's just something about having a BIG FACE on your t-shirt. It's not like Ann gives us enough of the crazy-eyes on her own, oh no; she has to have more of them on her clothes, too! *shudder*

MittBorg August 3, 2012 at 5:15 pm

As some other Wonketteer pointed out, it might be her way of letting us know that she's watching us.

ChessieNefercat August 4, 2012 at 4:57 pm

I just realized how mean that shirt is to guys. Trained to look at a gal's eyes</i., damn it! their eyes are inevitably drawn to the eyes on that godawful shirt. Giving Ann an excuse to tell her huntsman to lop off the poor disrespectful shmuck's head. For fun.

ph7 August 3, 2012 at 2:49 pm

It's Harry Dean Stanton.

chascates August 3, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Can't somebody start waterboarding politicians and pundits so we'll know their real agenda, sources, and political backers? I mean, it probably doesn't work like the experts say and you end up with false confessions. But we need to start somewhere.

Dildeaux August 3, 2012 at 2:50 pm

I blame Obama.

fuflans August 3, 2012 at 2:51 pm

i think it was britain.

Gleem McShineys August 3, 2012 at 2:51 pm

"PUT UP OR SHUT UP!"

Mr. Romney, Inigo Montoya is on line #2 for you.

Extemporanus August 3, 2012 at 2:52 pm

"Follow the Moroni…"

Pragmatist2 August 3, 2012 at 3:22 pm

An instant classic.

not that Dewey August 3, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Cui bono?

Callyson August 3, 2012 at 2:56 pm

this is a credible person and this person if we knew the name we would understand that they would have the authority and the ability to know about Romney’s tax returns.

See–there *is* a God…

zippy_w_pinhead August 3, 2012 at 2:57 pm

So Ann Romney is deep throat?

MissTaken August 3, 2012 at 3:05 pm

No, but what you think is a fish/bird eye is actually her clitoris. They call her Deep Nipple.

MittBorg August 3, 2012 at 5:01 pm

I very much doubt Ann Romney has ever used her patrician throat for anything other than yodeling at the servants.

coolhandnuke August 3, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Linda "Lovelace" Tripp?

johnnyzhivago August 3, 2012 at 2:58 pm

It's Superman.

But seriously, it's so obvious that it's someone close to McCain, who hates Romney and wants to scuttle the convention.

Sarah Palin???

Newt???

The point is, this is probably true.

ph7 August 3, 2012 at 3:15 pm

it's someone close to McCain, who hates Romney

That puts John McCain at the top of list, then.

ibwilliamsi August 3, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Scarah would totally do this for not being invited to the Convention.

johnnyzhivago August 3, 2012 at 3:01 pm

That shirt looks more like a carp than an eagle.

zippy_w_pinhead August 3, 2012 at 3:11 pm

why is that fish sucking her armpit???

ph7 August 3, 2012 at 3:26 pm

and why is it making me horny?

Barrelhse August 3, 2012 at 4:31 pm

It does, but you misspelled "crap."

MittBorg August 3, 2012 at 4:59 pm

I always thought it was a large salmon. There's the gill right where Ann's breast should be if you were a mutant and had a breast growing out of your shoulder.

majicunderwear August 3, 2012 at 3:01 pm

HENNNNNG!!! Sorry, It's WALLNUT'S revenge for lack of respect. Even "members" of the rich pricks club find Mitten's blend of pious sociopathic behavior insufferable.

C_R_Eature August 3, 2012 at 3:04 pm

You know who else used covert information from a famous source who wished to remain anonymous?

PubOption August 3, 2012 at 3:48 pm

The editor of the 'National Enquirer'.

MittBorg August 3, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Hitler.

I don't wanna hear any argument. Last time I *didn't* say "Hitler," it turned out to be Hitler after all, and I STILL haz a butthurt.

C_R_Eature August 3, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Well, I would have said "Glenn Beck", but the Judges will accept "Hitler"

500 points to you and you get to spin the Wheel of Fish!

MittBorg August 3, 2012 at 5:13 pm

CRE! (Hugs the CREature)

I went to SciAm looking for that phallus-throated marine life, but couldn't find it and wandered back here. Has SciAm always been so *perky*? I seem to remember them being more sciency, but maybe I've just gotten used to the ScienceNews format. Anywho. If you tell me its name, I'll go look for it on Teh InterToobz, which are stuffed full of interesting things, I hear tell.

C_R_Eature August 3, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Hey, MB!

Phallostethus cuulong.

It's Here in a Blog called, oddly enough "Running Ponies" by an incredibly funny Oz woman called Becky Crew. My New Favorite writer. Go there & give her some love.

rickmaci August 3, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Hey Tricky Mitty! Show us your papers!!

SayItWithWookies August 3, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Hell, I'm betting it was Mitt — not directly, but if that bastard could keep himself from blabbing to all his fellow Bain investors that he hasn't paid income taxes in years I'm a monkey's uncle.

Blueb4sinrise August 3, 2012 at 3:12 pm

I think that Dana clicked on one those ads that tell you "You have one new message"

Barrelhse August 3, 2012 at 4:33 pm

"See who sent you a Flirt!"

GorzoTheMighty August 3, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Keyser Soze!

James Michael Curley August 3, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Challenge Mitt regarding this "I pay lots of taxes" issue. What? Sales taxes? Taxes paid by partnerships which are created to launder earnings to his personal accounts? $1 in taxes because the earnings are in the Caymen Islands and he would have to pay $10 if that same money were invested in the US?

This guy is worse then a phony, he is a stupid phony and worse than that he is a stupid phony who thinks we don't know he is a stupid phony because he is so much smarter than we are.

Madame Defarge, you're on!

coolhandnuke August 3, 2012 at 3:20 pm

We can rule out Mitt paying any alcohol, tobacco and gambling taxes.
Tis a shame there is no lying tax on the books. If it was, by Mitt alone, we'd be in surplus.

C_R_Eature August 3, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Is it me or does Ann Romney dress like someone that's been surrounded, for years, by people who's jobs depend on telling her exactly what she wants to hear?

Come to think of it, that's exactly the way Mitt speaks.

Extemporanus August 3, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Serious question, you guys:

Is it even physiologically possible for a post-menopausal woman's nipple to be the source of a leak?

MissTaken August 3, 2012 at 3:24 pm

I'm gonna go with 'no', but then again, she may be on hormones to help with hot flashes (it would explain her horrible fashion sense) so who knows?

I'm seriously thinking about Ann Romney's nipples right now. That counts as the 3rd stage of Hell, right?

Extemporanus August 3, 2012 at 3:49 pm

"Abandon all hope, ye who suckle here…"

Nostrildamus August 3, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Wikileaks, don't fail us now !!!

C_R_Eature August 3, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Nippieleaks?

a_pink_poodle August 3, 2012 at 3:28 pm

The same ones Fox & Friends use about Obama's birth certificate?

Soylent Green August 3, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Jeez Willard, why so serious? It's not like we're doubting your citizenship and demanding a birth certificate or anything. PS: Oh yeah – it is.

C_R_Eature August 3, 2012 at 3:30 pm
fuflans August 3, 2012 at 3:37 pm

all i hope is this makes mittbott angry. the mittbott is wildly unpredictable when angry.

Chet Kincaid_ August 3, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Tends to let his downward-pointing class warfare out when he's pissed.

ph7 August 3, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Treats the populace the same way he treats a slow parking valet.

TribecaMike August 3, 2012 at 3:38 pm

The Masonic-Mormonic nipple sees all and knows all. That's why it's on the dollar bill.

Isyaignert August 3, 2012 at 3:42 pm

"…there "is" a God…" and her name is Karma.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 3, 2012 at 3:47 pm

I'm thinking with all those kids, at least one of them must have turned out to be a commie hippie. Happens to all big Mormon clans.

DemonicRage August 3, 2012 at 3:52 pm

It's that girl in the vampire movies. She did it to get the press to stop barking about who she's been doing.

Chet Kincaid_ August 3, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Scooter Libby?

Gleem McShineys August 3, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Out West, where you vacation, the nipples will already be turning. They turn in clusters, because their fishbirds connect them. Come back to work—and life. Until then, you will remain in my thoughts and prayers.

Chet Kincaid_ August 3, 2012 at 6:26 pm

100 years from now, Scooter's stark and wistful poem will be read by schoolchildren alongside the finest Whitman and Sandburg.

keinsignal August 3, 2012 at 4:05 pm

God I love it when Harry Reid goes aggro. It's like watching a hamster kick somebody's ass.

Soylent Green August 3, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Survey Sez: Kevin Bacon. Ding-Ding-Ding-Ding

Barrelhse August 3, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Didn't he write those so-called "Shakespeare" plays?

Gleem McShineys August 3, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Painted some awesome paintings too?

Barrelhse August 3, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Susan Underhill?

Jukesgrrl August 3, 2012 at 4:42 pm

C'mon, Megs McCabe, this is your chance to do some real journalism! Pulitzer Prize, baby. You know your Mommy pays at least SOME income tax, so she must hate the Rmoneys. Not to mention Tina Brown would owe you, big time.

I haven't convinced you yet? I hear the Pulitzer comes with a boyfriend and a weekly spot on TRMS.

Chet Kincaid_ August 3, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Luke Russert volunteered to help you with your paper!

Jukesgrrl August 4, 2012 at 2:32 am

He probably DID ask her out. And she laughed.

zippy_w_pinhead August 3, 2012 at 4:50 pm

a fish shirt called Wanda

SpeedoFart August 3, 2012 at 5:53 pm

WHY DO YOU KEEP SHOWING THE PICTURE OF ANN IN THAT TACKY TACKY SHIRT! MY EYES! *sobs!*

MittBorg August 3, 2012 at 6:11 pm

(Hugs the SpeedoFart)

Aw! Poor sweetie. Come look at some nice pitchers instead.

zippy_w_pinhead August 3, 2012 at 6:07 pm

I'm pretty sure you could post a picture of Calista Gingrich with this article and no one would know the difference…

ttommyunger August 4, 2012 at 9:31 am

I'm sorry for always thinking about my dick, but Ann's face says only one thing to me: instant soft-on.

Warpde August 4, 2012 at 7:30 pm

The source is……wait for it……Romney's flop side……Yenmor Ttim.

Negropolis August 5, 2012 at 4:28 am

It's gotta be Judith Miller or Irvine Scooter Libby (read: Cheney).

glasspusher August 3, 2012 at 2:44 pm

or what they didn't do?

MittBorg August 3, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Did so.

MittBorg August 3, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Thank you so much. She's a hoot!

Unfortunately, I'm not a Scientific American, so I can't leave her meaningful leers over her comments on priapiumfish. Pity!

C_R_Eature August 3, 2012 at 7:05 pm

The thought's what counts and I'm sure that the extra site traffic doesn't hurt either.
I'm looking for her book, supposedly coming out later on through the U of NSW Press called " Zombie Tits, Astronaut Fish and Other Weird Animals". Although the Tit is probably an Avian, rather than a mammalian reference just the title alone's got me hooked.

MittBorg August 3, 2012 at 7:20 pm

I'm sending out her blog URL to all my sciency friends. They'll love her, being, basically, horrible snarky people.

I saw that! Of COURSE I thought of the bird immediately. (Not.) I'm reading more and more about *zombies* lately, dude. Beetles, ants, now bees and tits. Oh, and crazy cat ladies, too. Geesh. What's this shit about free will?

C_R_Eature August 3, 2012 at 7:32 pm

Outstanding! Horrible, snarky people need fun too. They will thank you.

Just watch out for that Zomby Woof.

ChessieNefercat August 3, 2012 at 7:38 pm

I will question our grad students more closely when they ask for office supplies.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 3, 2012 at 8:04 pm

In these tough economic times, we all must make sacrifices. Plus, in Seattle, I would think people would prefer the Reduce/Reuse/Recycle theme.

MittBorg August 3, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Oh, man. CRE. You couldn't have known, but I have been in the worst fucking depression, and listening to this … I just lit up some FINE JillyBean and Steve Vai is doing things to my spinal column long distance that should *surely* be outlawed.

Talk about "the band was tight." Thank you. You are one helluva fine fucking friend.

C_R_Eature August 3, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Well, this makes me very happy and I'm glad that I can help.
Just by happenstance, for 18 days at this time of year I make it a point to do One Good Thing every day. I don't have to stop at one, though and I think you'll need something to get you through the rest of the night:

Frank and Stevie live.

ZPZ's Call Any Vegetable
(I have a bit of a Creature Crush on Schelia Gonzalez)

Susan Tedeschi & Derek Trucks jamming on "Anyday".

Stevie Ray Vaughan. 'Nuff Said.

Clapton. Badge. 1977.

Go and be happy.

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