Your Wonkette knows that it is not allowed to make any lighthearted jokes about the rich presidential candidate and his wife who own a dancing horse that is competing in the Olympics. Americans have no history of making jokes about the playthings of the rich, in this case a German-bred mare. As Mitt Romney says, if we all work hard, we’ll all get rich and own dancing horses, and will we want the cretins to rib us then? Right. So here is an objective report of the first Olympics performance from the 15-year-old German-bred mare that dances and is owned by Ann and Mitt Romney.
- Mitt Romney, you’ll recall, has said the dancing horse was “Ann’s thing” and he didn’t know when the dancing horse would begin competition and he had no plans to show up anyway.
- Ann Romney, whose husband Mitt Romney has previously said that he doesn’t care about his wife’s dancing horse performing in the Olympics and won’t watch it, “was in the VIP section of the equestrian stadium at Greenwich Park for Rafalca’s competition” today, to cheer for Rafalca.
- The horse did not win this first round, but it didn’t totally lose either… there are still a lot of horses that have to dance… and more rounds… we have no idea how good Rafalca’s chances are going forward, what does this even mean:
She and Rafalca’s other two owners gave horse and rider Jan Ebeling a rousing standing ovation and a wave as they left the arena. Their score of 70.243 percent put them in 13th place with half the 50 competitors still to go. “She was consistent and elegant,” Romney told The Associated Press. “She did not disappoint. She thrilled me to death.”
- A quick recap of what the large animal owned by Mitt and Ann Romney does for a living: “The sport is the equine equivalent of ballet. A rider, clad in top hat and tails, takes the horse through a series of steps that look like the horse is dancing: twirling pirouettes, prancing trots and the crowd-pleasing ‘flying change,’ which looks like the horse is skipping.”
- Rafalca will dance again, later.
[ESPN]
{ 451 comments }
This is great news, for Mitt. Now he gets a bigger tax deduction.
it's also good news for John McCain…
♫ ♬ Nothing from nothing means nothing ♫ ♬
Despite distancing himself from RAFLAC!, Romney is in a bit of trouble if his horse doesn't at least win a team medal. Not only will he have to answer to losing a medal for the US, the damn commie hippie "Hate Amercia" bastard, he'll also have to answer the question "Just how much did the American people subsidize a loser?"
Fear not, Rafalca, you still have a future as Bristol's partner on next season's Dancing with the Stars!
This seems to be a popular subject.
Catherine the Great libel.
but the horse's ass is not the real hoofer
Yes…like NellCote71, I'm thinking why Rafalca would just be a dancing partner. I mean, since Bristol didn't marry that turd blossom father, why not think a Catherine the Great scenario. I'm tellin' ya–Rafalca is diggin' it and having fantasies.
Rafalca's a mare … we already know how Bristol feels about the Gheyz.
So which one will have the horse face? /joke
The more relevant question might be can you tell which one is the horse's ass? (OMG–is this a family site? I hope it's at least PG-13.)
There's no way Rafalca could be expected to drag Bristol around a dance floor. Animal cruelty laws, you know?
The horse would be 100 times lighter on its feet.
Given that Rafalca's a mare and Bristol's a cow, that would be some hot inter-species lesbo action. I'm sure someone's into it!
Eeew. Some might get into it, but only after being softened up by a whole lot of Skittles ads.
That would make it a dog and pony show.
Hey-ooooooo!!
Now that Rafalca's lost she can be Bristol's partner on DWTS.
Sooo… which one's the horse, again?
Rafalca/Bristol dance-off!
Rafalca has the advantage of leaner thinner legs.
I'm glad Ann is thrilled with her horse. Now she should pony up those tax returns and thrill the rest of us.
But it's an allowable MEDICAL EXPENSE!!!!! WHY DO YOU HATE THE MUSCULAR DYSTROPHY PATIENTS???!!!!1
When this first came to light, I wondered aloud why they didn't use the horse as a medical deduction instead of a business write-off.
Technically because ownership of the horse isn't necessary to the therapy. Plus, it wouldn't even come close to the 7.5 percent threshold for deducting medical expenses.
Now, I'd love to see them try to claim it as a reimbursable out of pocket on a flex spend account. "You want how much? For riding a fucking horse?"
you people have gotten all the thrills you deserve.
Nice one, Fuflans.
That was superb, in just nine words.
Thrills from each according to his ability, thrills to each according to his needs.
Neiiiiiiiggghhhhhhh!
Tucker Carlson's bare chest, or GTFO.
Tucker Carlson's bare chest, GTFO.
Tucker Carlson's bare chest, BARF. Nobody wants to see that shit.
Tucker Carlson is going to host "Mystery Men of the Public Toilets". It's gonna be great.
This is good news for Elmer's Glue.
is it a coincidence that Rafalca's owner is a horses ass?
I don't think America is ready for a President that can't win a Gold medal.
Three words: President Bill Bradley.
Jeez, I do wish he hadn't turned out to be such an underachiever.
He should have used his influence with the IOC to get them to introduce flip-flopping as a medal event.
Or a Nobel.
Is there non-VIP seating for horse ballet???
In the stables, next to the manure pile.
In Brixton.
OH-OH, the dungs of Brixton!
The horse kicked down your front door
Where are you gonna sit?
Next to Ann Romney, no
But in a pile full of shit
*boioing*
Oh no you di'int! 'Eff that. Tower Hamlets.
That would be the stalls.
Tomorrow is when the Singing Horse competition starts.
Will Simon Cowell be the head judge?
if Paula Abdul is another judge, I'll definitely watch it for the sheer entertainment value of watching a hopped-up has-been.
I'll bet they all sing better than Mitt…
Do you take a tax deduction for your birds, DW? If not, why not? Surely they're helping you with some physical or mental malady.
Can't wait for the Synchronized Horse Diving.
Submarine Steeplechase!
Perhaps the horse will learn to sing.
“She did not disappoint. She thrilled me to death.”
That's more about Ann Romney than I needed to know…
Mormons have a rare practice of 'reverse' polygamy, so Ann wouldn't have to choose between Rafalca and Mittens, but how would the brother husbands get along…??
No problem, since Rafalca's a girl horsey…
Ooops….I don't know how I missed that….better get to the eye doctor pronto…Sounds like Ann would love to have Rafalca as a sister wife. She would have fun grazing in M. Obama's garden.
That's exactly what I said the first time I made sexytime with one Mrs. Inga. Who is not a horse, btw.
Why is this an Olympic "sport"?
Rich people don't like to sweat?
They're just too meta. Mitt has a wife, to own the horse. His wife has a rider to train the horse. Mitt has a VIP slot to watch the horse. It's kind of like his foreign bank accounts. Plausible deniability.
The same reason rhythmic gymnastics, synchronized swimming and ice dancing are?
Fapping material?
Holy fuck, SorosBot; have you been eating the Skittles?
Wait, I thought Skittles would get you shot?
Chik-Fil-A: Official Sponsor of The USA Two Man Luge Team.
No, because in those events, the performers are humans.
Well, according to the horsey set lady from NPR (she normally is on the business side), this is very very hard and athletic and difficult.
All of which is somewhat undercut when you find out the oldest athlete in the whole games is a dressage rider from Japan, and that 50-60 year olds routinely compete.
Or, to put it more academically, fuck that noise.
To accommodate the petty whims of rich people with horses.
Because at one time the rich rode with their hounds in a merry dance with the fox.
Rupert Murdoch sure has a lot to answer for, that basterd…
When the modern Olympics were started (I believe it was 1912) one event was "Water Colours."
Ju$t becau$e.
Because horses are people, too, my friend.
/ Minimize snark
Fuck if I know. Why not have Olympic competitions for Utility Dogs? Or, if having a human "in charge" makes the diff, why not Olympic drag races?
/ Snark to normal
Because there would be too much objection to fox-hunting.
Because the Games were started by rich gentlemen for rich gentlemen – until some smart ass lower class kids who actually saw athletics as a way out of poverty ruined it for them. Baron de Coubritain (or whatever the fuck you call him) and a lot of his ilk thought "sport" was properly the province of the well mannered, well bred and otherwise self-righteous prigs.
Now, Hercules may be the son of Zeus but I don't think I'd call him a rich gentleman.
Zeus = George Romney
Hercules = Mitt Romney
… I'm trying to go somewhere with this but it just doesn't play out.
Mitt is Herculean at stepping on his own dick.
I know right?
It's like Sand Lap Dancing or Beach Pole Dancing.
Mm, Derrick. You may want to trademark those before you submit them to the IOC.
Heh. I'll bet it's a shitty dancer. It probs dances as well as Mittens sings, and just as whitely.
BFD a dancing horse. My pony brought home Olympic Gold in water polo.
I miss my dead pony.
Please tell me during the medal ceremony, the horses get to stand on the podiums and have the medals put around their necks while they play the horse national anthem.
And then pay income taxes on their USOC honorariums.
Sings…"a horse is a horse, of course, of course"
"Heroin" by Lou Reed?
"It's my life, it's my wife…" Your theme song, Mittens?
Well done. I had to read it twice.
Horses by Patti Smith?
Wild Horses by the Rolling Stones. They ARE in England, after all.
The horse better do better, or Romney will force it into bankruptcy and replace it with a Chinese horse.
Horses in China are either pulling plows or hanging up in butcher shops.
I bet Rafalca is still a better dancer than Mitt, though.
When Rafalca shits on the London Olympics, it's expected.
I had something, but it couldn't top this reply. Well done.
Well, that's a given. I mean, Terry Schiavo was a better dancer than Mitt.
Too soon?
And a better singer.
Not soon enough?
Sooooo, does this mean Ann gets the tiara, after Colbert is finished wearing it of course, or not?
My dog played drums in an Iggy And The Stooges tribute band. Top that, Miss Richey Pants Richey Rich!
I love you, especially if that is true.
Now I wanna be your drummer.
ISWYDT
I saw Iggy Pop play my high school gym on a rather memorable Friday night (which would be, as they say) back in the day.
Rafalca's Jewish?!
Oy neigh!
Really? He be?
Das ist ein Pferd von einer anderen Farbe.
Schlagen Sie die Duschen, Rafalca…
I thought horses were made into glue, not soap.
Natty dread ride again
When all else fails, we can whip the horse's eyes
Hay now!
A strawman argument, if I've ever seen one.
What does a gay horse eat?…..Heeay.
Oh, that's a winny comment right there, that is.
Maybe not Jewish, but could certainly be Kosher…
You mean, if he's slaughtered properly?
I think Elmer's got first dibs on the connective tissue.
Upon a closer review of the tape, it's now clear that Rafalca is not, in fact, wearing Chris Christie's comically oversized hand-me-down yarmulke with holes cut out for its ears, thus indicating that the German-bred third-rate gay dancing horse is not a practicing Jew.
Rather, Rafalca has a patriotic pair of sister-wife Ann's magic panties on its head, which suggests that it's actually a devout Mormon and devoted mare to owner-husband Mitt Romney. (The beaded cornrows are just something that it got on a recent family fun cruise to Bermuda.)
Your commenter regrets the error, as well as all subsequent replies.
Oy vey is mare.
I think more people would watch if they put Bikinis on the Horses.
snort!
Try putting a speedo on a water polo horse.
Whaddaya think this is, a Skittles commercial?
Dood, every time I turn on NBC for the Olympics, allI see are lanky chicks in bikinis playing beach volleyball.
Sold.
Do they get extra points for the part where they grab their ankles and wave their asses in the air? Do people pay extra for tickets south of that?
You betcha. All those empty seats they keep talking about? Not adjacent to that South of Ankle-Grabbing-Asses-in-the-Air view.
The Saudi team must be an interesting sight.
If the same two ladies have been winning the gold medals in this event for like 7 Olympics, I don't think it's much of an international sport, do you?
WTF were those full body suits Team USA was wearing yesterday?
Um. London in the summer. Like SF in the summer, but with more rain.
I know, right? They were practically in burqas/burquinis/burquettes.
Is this a problem?
That comment makes me feel funny "down there"
DW on a roll!!1!
I wish Ann Romney could be thrilled to death by people with pre-exisitng conditions finally being able to get health insurance.
Also, how did Mitt get back into Great Britain? Was British immigration just blithely rubber-stamping passports while watching dressage events on the telly?
Nah, we woz all thrilled to death 'coz we won a Gold Medal in Clay Pigeon Shooting, fuck yeah!
And Two Girls, No Cox.
And Wiggo.
Wiggo is having a hella month, no?
Someplace recently I saw an article about Michael Carter, who (twentyish years back) won an Olympic silver in shotput, and then was on — as a major player — the Superbowl champion Niners just five months later. Genuinely impressive.
I'm guessing I'll need to look at non-US sources to find anybody equally impressed by somebody winning the TdFuckingF, and getting gold in the Olympic time trial, within a goddam month.
He was in Colorado today.
That's what Rafalca wants you to think.
Is there an Olympic sport where my cats can dance? And I can take a big tax write-off for it? Because I would totally be into that.
Here:
http://omgcatsinspace.tumblr.com/
The cat wearing the bunny hat is gonna have some serious words with staff.
I think horse dancing is a stupid "sport" too, but you know, if my wife was into it and had a horse competing at the top international level I'd damn well be there to support her and cheer the animal on.
I have a feeling that this hobby was enouraged by Mittens so the lady could be off doing something with which he was not required to participate.
"Doing something with which he was not required to participate" – like the pool boy?
Stable boy.
I'll bet Rmoney is hoping Rafalca doesn't win gold because I read somewhere medalists have to pay ten gajillion dollars in taxes.
Also, our friend Meghan [ I LOVE YOU MEGHAN!!!] on Chick Fil-A
[via Atriot Erin]
http://mccainblogette.com/blog/post/meghan-mccain…
If someone wants to put this in Wonkville go right ahead because lazy Blue hasn't bothered to figure out which settings he needs to change to allow W-ville-Linkage..
I just tweeted my love to Megs.
Cool. Lemme know if she asks about me.
Re: the taxes thing (and I know you probably know this, but it still pisses me off).
The reason the medalists will owe taxes is BECAUSE THEY GET MUNNIEZ for winning the medals. So, you win a gold. You get $25,000 from the USOC. So you pay taxes on it, just like any other income. What pisses me off is that most of the "pundits" commenting on this are all over the TAXES, but they ignore the PAYMENT. Worst case, a gold medal winner still clears 15 large. How is this a problem?
Re: Meghan. I still think she's kind of an entitled twit, but that was a darn good post.
Oh you expect the facts to wind up in the corporate media. Unfortunately, how quaint.
Yeah, I've always been pretty quaint, even before I got old.
I can't wait for the swimsuit competition. ROWR!
Do they test the horses for dance-enhancing drugs?
That's called "Puke Shaking". Instead of baking soda, it's 2 gallons of Olde English.
I did that when I was fifteen. I don't think there was baking soda involved.
What, like ecstasy?
These horses are up all night at the clubs – you know they're taking something.
Funny you should mention that…
Dressage is thrilling when you're high on your horse's tranquilizers.
Has Ann been hanging with Cindy McCain?
In related news, immediately after the dressage competition ended, Ann Romney became visibly excited and then hugged her horse. Later that day she filed an amended tax return with a $77,000 deduction for theraputic horses.
Correction: $70,243.
Oh, right, you can only claim the full $77k if you perform a reach around at the same time.
I love that she says the horse is therapy for her yet she doesn't actually ride it, can I say my therapy is watching Sebastian Koch in 'Black Book" as he takes of his SS uniform?
You totally made me go look that up.
And yes, but only if he prances and that makes you feel better.
http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi2595881241…
I've seen that movie! And found it therapeutic.
I find it very therapeutic on a regular basis. Best, sexiest, kindest Nazi ever!
I should say: I found parts of it therapeutic. Sexiest Nazi ever.
The part where the girl gets a bucket of shit dumped on her head: not as sexy.
To get the tax deduction, I believe that you or one of your minions has to actually ride him.
Baseball is no longer an Olympic sport because obviously it's a lot easier to throw a 90 mile an hour fastball than it is to sit up straight while dressed like Mr. Peanut.
"The peasants can not afford cars," said the minister.
"Then let them ride dancing, German-bred horses," replied Queen Ann.
Poor Ann Romney. Headless and all alone.
Shiver and say the words
Of every lie you've heard
First I'm gonna make it,
Then I'm gonna break it til it falls apart…
The only good thing about Romney's dancing horse is that I get this refrain in my head from time to time. Reminds me of my youth.
So you know who else was German-bred?
Fred Rubschlager?
Samuel Wurzelbacher?
That's some pretty rye humor there, I tell you what.
Wikipedia says Bauernbrot is German bread, but I'm not sure I believe that.
Pumpernickel?
Bestest!
Wienerschnitzel!
Marie Antoinette?
King Charles II of Spain?
Santa Claus?
Werhner ("Not My Department") von Braun?
Nazi, Schmazi…
The Boys From Brazil?
Princes William and Harry?
Yeah, but they are actually some of the least German of the Royal Family. Thanks, Diana.
Well, sure, dilution.
It's actually not Hitler, this time. lol
Horse dancing today, horse fucking tomorrow. It's a slippery slope.
Only if done right.
Horse marriage.
Step away from the walrus, Rafalca.
that's why I use goats…oh, wait.
So she just co-owns the horse? Does she even do the sport–as in ride the horse & make it do its fancy moves? If not, does she just REALLY enjoy watching it? I really am confused about this.
She owns the horse's ass.
She married one too, also…
She enjoys it, which makes it therapeutic, which makes it a medical expense. Come on, we all do that.
Ann would look great in one a them plastic horse heads.
That's a pretty fucking smart horse because he's got his own twitter account:
http://twitter.com/RafalcaRomney
I love that person, they are very funny.
A modern-day Mr. Ed. Check out his hilarious interview with the Village Voice.
Thanks. That is a riot. Obviously Rafalca has two ends: front and rear. Mitt only has one of those.
It's not not so impressive when you see how gigantic the keypad is . Mitt uses his giant forehead to tweet with it too.
Ann Romney and Rafalca walk into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long faces, ladies?"
Ann Romney and Rafalca walk into a bar. The bartender says "We don't get many like you in here". Ann says " And YOU PEOPLE won't get anymore like us, if my husband doesn't win and keep the taxes low for us".
I can just 'borrow' some money from my parents to get me one of these dancing horses.
I'll bet you ten grand that your parents won't lend you 1.5 mil.
all that prancing and pirouetting ain't gonna get you a Chick-Fil-A sammich Mittens.
no gold medal- failure
Why aren't the Horses wearing their Monocles?
How do you do it?
Wear a Monocle?
How do you do it?
Shame tax evasion isn't an Olympic sport… bet 'ol Mittens would take the gold in that one!
"take the gold" — I see what you did there.
I think horses are beautiful, noble creatures. The ones I have known are all competitive in their own ways. That said; not sure about the dancing, it's not natural like jumping and running are. It's like putting costumes on dogs and cats. I'm sure the horses, being horses, aim to please but they'd probably be happier barrel racing or something. Unless they're Lipizzaner's; then that's a whole different story.
Poor horse can't choose its owner and determine its course in life.
OK OT sorta. When I was a horse-mad child I was able to take riding lessons at a local stable! Most of us rode the stable horses ("barn horses") but one or two rode their own. There was a stallion kept on premises for obvious purposes; he was fierce! His stall had chicken wire around it but we still snuck him treats. Anyhoo, we were in the ring doing drills and he was in his paddock when all of the sudden he decided he was going to get some of the pretty little sorrel mare one of the students was riding. I am probably not the only little tween horse-mad kid who was scarred for life.
So you're saying horse schlong was involved?
Do tell.
emmelemm said it all. That and the poor rider of said mare; although the rest of us giggled because she was one of the "elitist" kids on her own pony.
Yes, I'm vaguely familiar with the concepts, it's the details of this particular event that need to be filled-in….so to speak….
For example, did the rider stay on?
She did. The instructors managed to shoo Stu the nutzo stallion off. He was like the horse in Animal House only crazier, but he loved him some apples, carrots and sugar cubes but boy did he have some teeth; sorta like Mitt's they were.
Hung like a horse.
Yeah, well, no wonder … did you see what that hot little sorrel was wearing?
All that leather! That sassy bridle and her little English saddle; that minx.
Between the suggestive dress and dressage that little filly was asking for it!
Nay means naaaaaaayyy!
Hey guys. Horse rape is not something to joke about. Seriously.
When did you become a cartoon?
As anybody who's ever been raped by a horse can tell you.
I'm sure Rmoney figured out a way to declare a deduction on that.
Nobody doubts the horse has skills, we doubt the veracity of any of those skills coming from ann. Its like a nascar owner claiming he tunes the engines and changes the tires.
Dancing? "During horsehead bookends?"
Got any spare flying change, guvna?
After this Mittens and Rafalca can go on tour for his special big bucks donors doing select scenes from 'Equus'.
I hope Mitt keeps his magic undies on. "Never go full Radcliffe" would be excellent advice.
Aaargh! This is making think about Romney's penis.
Maybe Texas EquuSearch can locate an actual humanoid characteristic within the Rombot.
Did the dressage rider wear a hair net or a show bow? I cannot continue with my work this afternoon without this knowledge.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dressage
If the dressage rider has long hair, it is typically worn in a bun with a hair net or show bow. A hair net blends in with the rider's hair color, whereas a show bow combines a barrette or hair tie with a small bow and thick hair net, and is usually black
He wore a top hat.
I think undressage, where carefully-specified articles of clothing are removed to musical accompaniment, might attract a larger audience. But maybe that's just me.
What if she's a short-haired lesbian? And can you wear flannel in dressage?
As a fan of cycle ball and luge I don’t feel I’m in a position to comment negatively about this sport. However Mitt Romney is unfit for the office he seeks for any number of other reasons.
I really like the Horse Luge
This seems like a rival to Dwarf-Tossing-Into-A-Minefield.
Do you know who else owned a dancing horse?
Santa Claus? Wait no, that was a reindeer.
Archduke Maximilian, later Emperor of Austria, who first bred the line that lead to the Lipizzaners?
Barliman Butterbur, owner and proprietor of Bree's most prominent building and only inn?
That, my friend, cements your LOTRNerd gold.
My daughter was into My Little Ponies, but she grew out of it before accoutants could turn it into a $77,000 tax deduction.
Other than that, no.
My daughter's been begging me for a pony. 'till now I've been saying "no", but for that was before I realized you got a $77,000 tax break for 'em…
IRS Agent, peering over glasses, "Was the horse for therapy?"
"Yes to get my daughter to stop whining about wanting a pony — it was getting on my nerves!"
Always found it annoying so many rich take a "hobby farm" tax deduction. I raise Dust Bunnies, where's my deduction?
Gooooooooooooooooaaaaaalll!!!! http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_TSvly6B1EI0/R5-oVnrIcMI…
Hitler?
John Kerry? No wait, that was Teresa.
Echo and the Bunnymen?
Wilbur Post?
That's a WIN right there!
Tom Brady?
Well, his wife is "German-bred"…
The Celebrated Mr. Kite, late of Pablo Fanques' Faire? He owned Henry the Horse, who dances a waltz
(I can't believe I was first in with that!)
I believe those were the Hendersons…
*ahem*
Damn. I hate being old.
Alois Podhajsky?
Lisa Simpson?
Princess Sparkle?
You can dance if you want to. You can leave your mares behind.
—– Riders Without Tophats
Rafalca was shipped overseas, so there will be brief shortage of Pabst beer.
I love and know horses, and how to ride, but this has to be the most tedious "sport" for the poor horses. The Olympics should switch to something like barrel racing or steeplechasing. At least there's three-day eventing in the Olympics, which actually requires more than prancing (racing over jumps). I still don't understand how the Rmoney's were able to deduct $70 grand+ for this horse, since it's obviously a hobby and not a business, but the rich are different as they say.
Was it deducted as a medical expense?
…bingo. And here I am, worrying about my $5 per month contact-lense solution deduction.
Yes. Ann was diagnosed with Multiple Schlerosis in 1998 after experiencing "severe numbness and fatigue." She says she treats it with a combination of "mainstream and alternative treatments." She credits the steroids she took initially for "halting the progression of the disease" but suspended that treatment due to unpleasant side effects (they make you look fat, my words not hers). She now uses massage, acupuncture, and other holistic treatments (which are also, no doubt, tax deductible).
She told the Los Angeles Times that the muscle control required for riding proved physically and psychologically beneficial. "Riding exhilarated me; it gave me a joy and a purpose. When I was so fatigued that I couldn't move, the excitement of going to the barn and getting my foot in the stirrup would make me crawl out of bed. My desire to ride was, and is, so strong that I kept getting healthier and healthier." Voilà! Horse, stables, and practice ring = tax deduction.
I guess her family didn't provide that same joy and purpose. Then again, her children had ceased being tax deductible. And Mitt, well … certainly not as joy-producing as a $1.5 million dollar horse.
"My love of riding is so obsessive that I wouldn't even think of trying to put 'lipstick on the mare' by setting up a foundation that gives the little people a chance to ride — you know, a nonprofit that would serve as another tax shelter. I just can't 'front' as authentically as the Imuses with their ranch for little sick kids do, even if it would make Mitt and I look a hell of a lot more altruistic. This is for me, me, me!"
Like 85% of charitable giving, his largess is mainly bestowed on his own religion. That's an excellent suggestion for them (which means they won't take it, no chance in Hell).
Never underestimate the power of a good crotch-massage.
That is just such complete fucking crap. I know a few people with MS. The standard treatment is interferon, I believe, plus some newer biologics. Low dose steroids (which I take myself for RA) have minimal side effects. If Ann can treat her MS with no actual medication, her case has to be incredibly mild and/or in remittance. And, as it happens, one of the people I know with MS owns horses, which he had before he was sick. When his MS is flaring, he do much with a horse except maybe pat its nose. He definitely can't ride one. When the flare passes, he can ride, but that doesn't prevent the next flare. He does not deduct his horses as medical expenses. However, I'm pretty sure it's been stated that the Romneys are deducting Rafalca's expenses as a business, so at least that's slightly less insulting.
Thank you. One of my family members has MS too. Here he has been riding a bike from K-mart around, or walking the dog to get some exercise when he is able, but he could have been deducting tens of thousands of dollars on hobby horses all this time!
Business expense: the horse is an employee, with a $70 grand salary.
Alternative tax dodge: the "farm" is a business, and every dime they spend on it is deductible. They prolly get agricultural freebies and benefits and property tax abatements as well, being the sort of all-American family farmers we support with Farm Aid concerts.
Former NJ governor Christine Whitman did something similar – throw a few sheep out there, and now you're a "farm." Next year, I'm going to claim my cats as farm animals = profits.
Just knit a few cat hair sweaters and you're golden.
I used to have to review these applications for my job. The rule in NJ is that anyone with over three acres can be taxed at the very low farm rate for the whole property, no matter the size, if they gross $500/year as a "farm". You do have to do it for three years before you qualify, but that $500 applies no matter how many acres you have. Gov Whitman had over 200 acres and got her farm waiver by selling $500 worth of trees every year (I assume Xmas trees, but it could have just been deadfall sold as firewood). Also, there's really nothing in the law that prevents someone from giving their cousin $500 to buy dubious dead trees from you every year in order to save yourself thousands upon thousands in property taxes every year. (On the side of logic, that undertaxed land, even if it's not truly farmed, is undeveloped and presumably not causing a burden upon the local government with schoolkids and people using roads and cops, which it would if sold to a developer.)
No end of snark for the tax-dodging owners, but I'll defend the sport / skill set / art / craft of the trainers and riders. The horsey set reminds me a little of the boat people around the Great Lakes towns here: the hands who love sailing and can handle a big boat are not the same people who can afford the damn things. But if you want to stay around horses or boats, you learn to deal with the local gentry. I've known blue collar horse people and boat people my entire life, some of whom travel around the world, and never met a single "owner".
Well said. Horse owners are some of the biggest egotistical jerks around, re: the Rmoneys. Those who can handle them, especially the really good ones, are an entirely different story.
A bit like owning a Bugatti Veyron. The few who can drive the things properly are not among the few who can buy one.
The whole boater upper crust thing pisses me off. Mr. Stansbury and I are staunchly middle class and operate our own boat, A "yacht" is nothing more than a small boat used for pleasure. I know so many sailors and none of them are rich. Sure there are uh "yachts" out there that have uniformed crew but the bulk of us are just a couple or family who go out on the water. There was a time we kept our first boat up in the city, I would walk across the marina after having worked on it and people would be trying to hand me a dollar because of my ratty appearance. Not richy rich just love the water.
That's fair enough. Of course, on the other side of the coin, I grew up in coastal town where there was no such thing as a "marina". What we did have was:
a yacht club
two beach clubs
two shore clubs
five country clubs (though I think only one or two were water-adjacent)
And honestly, there was nothing about any of those activities that required the class distinctions; all of the 'yachts' involved were no different than what you're describing, honestly. But boy howdy, did my town love their class signifiers. The only way I ever set foot in any of the above was as a member of the service class (namely, as a babysitter in high school).
Still, it would have been awful nice to have been able to go to a beach, without needing to travel up to Connecticut or down to the city.
So much of the land is privatized,; it is unpossible to go up up on a beach fer crying out loud.
oh i know! this is from that tv show 'revenge' right!
You know, I think dressage catches a lot of hell not necessarily because it's a horsesport, but because it's probably the least athletic horsesport around. I'm not saying that you can be clincally obese and compete at a high level in dressage, but this isn't jumping or racing, either.
Flying change you can believe in.
He certainly did. If you'll recall, Romney said he's more of a Missouri Fox Trotter guy himself.
The horseshoe pitching, skoal dipping, beer chugging Romney voters never miss a second of this quadrennial equine ballet.
Skoal Rebels.
They're inclined to believe in fucking that shit, for the Pabst Blue Ribbon.
I'm surprised this wasn't covered on this site: http://horsesass.org/
I wonder if Romnuts has a horse elevator out in the barn.
With all of that exercise that horse is going to taste delicious! Bresaola!!!
A quick recap of what the large animal owned by Mitt and Ann Romney does for a living: she used to be a governor, but now she's mainly a reality show star.
"German -bred mare" is no way to refer to the wife and babymaker of the next failed candidate for PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF GODDAMN AMERICA.
No doubt. She's a nag, not a mare.
In 13th place, with half the 50 competitors still to go.
I predict, using my advanced mathematical training, that this horse will not climb in the rankings, no matter how many other horses have yet to compete.
You're welcome.
You under-estimate the reach of the "Citizens United" decision.
Or perhaps a few select judges will be found (retroactively) to lack acceptable voter IDs.
I'd even predict (as a bar bet) a decline.
The Romneys own a dancing horse. This fact in and of itself should be sufficient to make them a laughingstock for the entire country.
David Letterman is among those giving it his best shot. According to my mother, who watches his program, first he worked the dog-on-the-roof nightly. Now he's graduated to dancing horse jokes. He's probably as rich as the Romneys but appears to be an Obama voter.
He's been, the last few years, pretty clearly indicating that he does not consider himself a Republican. Sure, he makes jokes about Obama when Obama does something goofy, but he hits Republicans (*especially* Romney) pretty hard, and he invites "serious" guests on who talk about stuff like global warming (as in, it's real and it's bad).
He loves to make fun of the dancing horse. Also, I think he, as a dog owner, took the dog on the car thing personally. I think he really, really hates Romney.
Honestly now, who doesn't really, really hate Romney?
Even the Republican faithful that are going to vote for him hate him.
Dave is from Indy. I imagine his family was probably middle-class moderate Republicans, but it's been pretty clear he does not indentify with this Republican Party for years now. It's kind of hard to going inot the line of work he did so many years ago, anyway. Comedy is rarely the home of conservatives to say the least.
I read some polls from Michigan today. Do you think that hideous Hoekstra can actually be bounced out of office for good? Debbie Stabenow would be my BFF!
Did you have a good vacation?
Dave in fact went to high school with Marilyn Quayle, which he made a lot of jokes about during the non-insane Bush's years.
There has always been an undercurrent of liberalism in Letterman's jokes, but it seems he's gone all-in against the Republican party ever since John McCain skipped out on a schedules appearance on his show in 2008; it's now personal with him.
So when they flew the horse over to the UK, it was seated in first class. Being a Romnuts and all. The flight attendant was passing out cashews, shrimp cocktail and bales of hay. Then the animal had tee many martoonies and trashed the lavatory, leaving "aisle apples" rolling everywhere. At one point, it tried to mount a flight attendant. It finally passed out with its head in Ann's lap who seemed oddly pleased.
Holy fucking shit. I wonder if Mitt has one in his garage. (I bet he fights with Anne for riding time.)
He has a goddamn elevator fulla those things, are you kidding?
Oh my. I can see why Ann is always hot to trot! Throw a Twilight movie on the flat screen there and she can get her ride on!
Lots of videos you could put on that screen, now that you mention it. Very therapeutic indeed — it's the Sybian for the 1%.
Impregnate my ovum, Humanoid Husband Simulator
bleep blorp pleasure remittance horsethrill
SYNTAX ERROR
I was REALLY afraid to click that link, but now I want to see someone put the whole thing on wheels and roll it into one of those Down-South bars with the bucking bronco machines, rider and all, preferably one of those bars with chain-link around the stage and lots of motorcycles in the parking lot…
With Romney in top hat & tails atop, I hope?
Hell, why not? Snapshot of the moment says he's not winning anyway. Film it and run it as an ad tagged "Saving the Working Class". What could go wrong?
Does Rafalca live in Mitt's son's basement too?
Also, I suspect that deep inside his little horsey brain, Rafalca suspects that something is terribly wrong in his life.
Her
The good news is that in a few months you'll be able to go down to Home Depot, purchase a quart of Gorilla Glue and own a piece of Rafalca to treasure forever!
Oh, that's nasty. I like that in a person.
"She and Mitt’s other two owners (Sheldon Adelson and the Koch Brothers) gave Mitt a rousing standing ovation and a wave as they left the arena. His score of 209 electoral votes put him in 2nd place. “He was consistent and elegant,” Romney told The Associated Press. “He did not disappoint. He thrilled me to death.”
polite, upper-crust applause
Horse-clap?
Racehorse clap.
The horse is German? Where is its birf certificate? How did it get a Social Security card? It's taking up space in our Amurrican horse schools!!! How will our precious native horses get treatment at the horse hospitals? Build a damn fence!!1!!
What? It can jump over a fence?? Somebody call Oily Taint!
"Rafalca Romney" has some pretty gross anagrams:
Rare Comfy Anal (somehow I really doubt that)
Royal Acne Farm (horse has mad zits!)
Canola Fry Mare (from stable to table!)
Roan Fecal Army (anarchist horse org)
Canola Fry Mare FTW!!!
Is Rafalca the Dead End Kid with the cowlick? The one who likes that little Daria girl?
No, you're thinking of Alpaca. Alpacas don't dance. At least until the 2016 Olympics, in South America.
So – the Romneys don't ride the damned horse, or really have anything to do at all with its care or training.
What's the point of owning a horsey if you don't ever play with it?
Mitt's like most gazillionaires, in that, if a thing can in some conceivable sense be "owned" they want to own one. What's the point if owning one? Because itcan be owned. That's all. And that's enough.
Asset appreciation, silly.
They both ride. Most people who are born rich and go to boarding schools do. They just don't ride THIS ($1.5M) horse. They just look at it. It's like poors who own a camper that they park in their back yard but never use to go anywhere. But with a tax deduction.
When Ann Romney walked into the stadium with Rafalca, the Brits were wondering why Ann Romney was hanging out with Princess Ann.
Camilla.
Words cannot express how excited I am by this news.
Numbers, however, do a pretty good job. This number in particular: 0.
I love horses, too. Taste like chicken.
Kiss my ass! Dressage horses are people too my friends.
Probably common sentiment: Never heard of this shit before Romney; can't believe it's in the Olympics; think it's the dumbest thing I've ever heard of.
If it has this why isn't a toddlers and tiaras pageant show also part of the olympics? Or fiddlesticks? Or crunking?
You already get a tiara for being the fanciest of the fancy pants horses, so a Toddlers and Tiaras Olympic competition would just be redundant.
I think we need a whole other "special" Olympics. I'm sure there's some cable TV network that could cover it 24/7, and breathlessly keep tabs on the tiara count.
The Derp Games.
Or "badminton"?
You try to play badminton with those sharks.
Wait.
Anyhow, gunslinger reflexes.
Until Rafalca learns to Twerk, I will not be impressed.
Ralph the horse is 13th among the first 25, with another 25 yet to go! It won't even get a tin medal, much less the coveted gold-covered depleted uranium top prize. As a taxpayer, I want my money back.
Where's Don Corleone?
You can't afford a dancing horse?? How about a dancing cat?
http://youtu.be/SZCTN0Vl95U
Captain Kangaroo had a Dancing Bear.
A maleficent, Hell-spawned, empty-eyed Dancing Bear . . .
I liked Rabbit, but yeah, that bear sorta creeped me out.
Conan has a masturbating bear.
Already got one.
http://youtu.be/hS5QzGIVa7I
Does three people standing up count as a "standing ovation"? Who exactly was "roused"?
This "sport" "sucks", also.
"No" "shit".
Yeah, the horses dance, that's cool, but can they do it in a Bouncy Castle? Huh?
I thought this article was rather quaint-some conservatives are apparently hoping Rafalca doesn't medal b/c of the attention Romney will receive if she does. Why do conservatives hate TeamUSA?
http://www.cnn.com/2012/08/02/politics/romney-oly…
I sure hope Rafalca keeps doing well. Keeps her in the news.
Go, Raffy, go! She is dancing her way right into this liberal's cold, cynical heart…where he will capture her and coldly and shamelessly use her for the political gain of the incumbent president. Bwahahahahah!!!!
I like the way you think. Unfortunately, RAFLAC! seems to be about as good at horse ballet as Mittens is at preznit-campigning.
I love the smell of Rafalca in the morning. Smells like…horse shit.
Dressage is lame.
Hey you know if Rafalca loses, Mitt isn't going to pay the money to send her home. Nope it is off to Paris for Rafalca. There she will be enjoyed by the French, where they would call her viande de chaval.
Somehow I get the feeling that Mitt doesn't call the shots in this- or any- area of his life. Ann rides him at home & the Kochs & Adelson run his political career, may it be short-lived. And then there are the Church leaders…
Has this guy ever made his own decisions about anything?
how about the scene where ann and mitt wake up to find blood splattered all over and then pull back the covers and find rafalca's servered head?!?! yeah i m a gangster!
Funny thing is, I actually know two people into dressage – and neither are rich by any means – though certainly not homeless either. Although there is a lot of horseyness in this area of Jersey, one person is in NY and the other in California. I never gave much thought to it being any more expensive than any other horse related hobby – which is plenty expensive, but certainly not a zillionaire sport either.
But the curious thing is that like Mormanism, which no one gave a shit about until Mitt gives his moronic speech in 2008 saying he's more Christian than your average liberal democrat, until dopey Mitt gets caught saying "dressage" to Hanity and then gets laughed at and told by his consultants not to say it ever again who even cared?
Mitt is a wimp, his own worst enemy and as I tell the people I know who imply they want to vote for him, they are idiots to support this jackass. He's worse than Bush by a mile – at least Bush had a mild spine somewhere in there…
Although I don't think Bush found his mild spine until 2006, and a year later he stopped giving a shit about anything anyway.
I said this somewhere else on the page, but I think dressage gets criticized particularly because of all the horse hobbies, this one seems the least athletic for both rider and horse. If they owned a race horse, for instance, I think the criticism would be a bit different and less.
I have friends with horses. Hell, my late wife had a horse, although he was 32 when we were married, and dirt shortly thereafter. Only a few of the horsey folks I know are seriously rich. For almost all of them, it's a moderately expensive hobby, like raising show dogs or fucking high-end call girls.
Like anything, the expense goes exponential when you decide to try for world-class. As we know, this is true of human sports as well — hence the USOC and "sponsors".
I don't care that Rmoney has dropped what would be, for me, a very good bit of money into this rather stupid horsey arena. It is, under the current rules, his money, and at least some of it found its way into wages for regular people.
But I do care that his reaction to this matter, occurring right in the middle of his campaign for POTFUS, has been bland "Oh, who cares?". And, if they weren't deranged by the current President's skin color, so should be Republican voters.
Rmoney's non-reaction to this is absolute evidence of the class divide (yes, I said "class") in the US. He doesn't think there is anything unusual about the fact that he's got a million-plus-dollar horse in the Olympic fucking dressage
Minimum-wage Republicans: Why, exactly, do you think voting for this guy is a good idea? Just consider, for a moment, that it is almost 100% certain that you are NOT going to win the fucking lottery. [Hint: how many people do you personally know that have won the lottery big time?]
Ooops. I appear to be drunk. I'll stop now.
Rafalca is the soon-to-be glue that keeps the Romney's marriage together.
R-fal will be getting her own reality show, mark my words.
Late-breaking props for R-fal.
Mini Horse Meat Burgers with Mushrooms and Presqu’île Cheese
That should remind ol' Mittens of his wonderful youth in France.
And just like Mitt it's never served in Vietnam.
Hey-oh!
Too good.
Pate du perdre cheval
How do you say chickenhawk in French?
"poulet faucon", which sounds even more deliciously insulting than "chickenhawk".
I've never had horse. Or dog. That I know of.
On the other hand, I've had lots of pork, and I know that pigs are smarter than horses or dogs.
Don't mind me. I always go through this shit when I'm drunk.
Well, this horse did do much better than their former horse, Rotflmao. That horse could never complete a routine without cracking up.
Too good also too.
While on the subject of pretty horses, I would just like to say that I have a unicorn in my pants.
And also, if I see the camera shot of Michael Phelps' mother again, the flat screen is in the pool. It's worse than the infernal shots of the Manning booth during ground acquisition games.
True story: Mrs Dewey was working on an ad campaign which employed a horse wrangler for the filming. She got to talking with the wrangler, only to discover that when there was no wrangling work to be found, this woman worked as a horse fluffer on a stud farm.
Swear to god.
Thanks. I'll remember that next time I feel like b!tching about my job.
"It could be worse. I could be a horse fluffer."
She wrangled somethin' allright.
The mare appears to have more horse sense than either of her owners.
What happens to this poor animal if the Romneys are disappointed by the outcome of the dressage event?
She is 15 now, & some dressage horses are 20 or older- I would guess she has more competitions ahead for her if she remains healthy, possibly another Olympics, even.
If she doesn't remain healthy, she'll be doped up & sold as if she were still healthy cuz that's how those Romneyfolks roll… http://www.democraticunderground.com/125160313
"doped up & sold as if she were still healthy"
That sounds a lot like Bain Capital's modus operandi. Coincidence?
Ebeling got Refalica a sport psychologist in 2009,
after she refused to obey him in Las Vegas.
True story. maybe that accounted for $77,000 claim on his tax return in 2010.
OT Here's fun:
See if you can guess who said the following:
Answer here
Also, too, why all the hate for badminton? It's a fast-paced sport requiring good reflexes and subtlety. Can you tell I used to play it before I got fat?
Google "badminton scandal". Game fixing, widespread cheating, players quitting, oolala.
Oh, I saw that. Yeah, cheating is cheating.
Haha.
Also, too, aside from the stupid group thing, badminton rocks. When I was a good bit younger and quicker I had the chance to play against a serious (state-level) player, and was quickly exterminated. Now, if we had done a quick response of one-on-one hoop, I'm certain the outcome would have been reversed.
But that's what's cool about sports. Different sports require different talents. And badminton players would make scary gunslingers.
It's a lovely sport to play. Once you get good it's almost pure reaction – you cannot think quick enough. You're running sometimes before the shuttlecock has left the racquet of your opponent. Then you can watch the other player and judge the shot to play.
State-level I never met; best I got was second in the school. However, the number one was playing for the town team at junior and would consistently wipe the floor with me, the bastard.
Anyway, good fun. Sports are awesome and I'm loving the Olympics at the moment. Watching all kinds of sports I never, ever watch otherwise.
While I was always bollocks at badminton, I was pretty good at air hockey. I love quick reaction games.
They've started the Women's Heptathlon, which has caused me to remember, for yet another Olympics, just how unbelievable Jackie Joyner was.
The local GB hope, Jessica Ennis, ran the 100m hurdles in the gold medal individual time from Beijing. Amazing.
Pissing it down in the stadium at the moment, but the Brits doing ok so far in the high jump part.
Well, you know– even Mr. Ed had his bad moods every now and satan.
Some twitchy tart with a dancing horse is no basis for a system of government!
OK. Now tie the poor horse to the top of the plane and bring her home.
Speaking of dancing horses, will Ann Coulter be weighing in on this?
I didn't know horses could dance.
You have to sweet-talk them first.
Jobs report. Best gain in five months, unemployment rises a tenth of a percent because more people are back in the market looking for work. Still poor growth, but way better than the scare in June and way better than predicted after the June scare. If the GOP ever gets the hell out of the way, we might actually eventually be able to work our way back up to wear this growth isn't wiped out by population increase.
"If the GOP ever gets the hell out of the way"
Yep.
I see on a lot of news shows that Our Bammaz is being blamed for business uncertainty, even when the stock market is doing pretty well and companies are reporting pre-2008 levels of profit.
It's congress fucking everything up at the moment, is my opinion. Congress and Europe uncertainty. GOP house and senate filibuster. Fuck you, GOP, and your supposed "laser focus" on jobs.
Big deal RWN claim now is that Obama will 'veto' any 'job growth' measures the Republicans pass so he can run on a platform of 'don't change horses in the middle of a dressage event.'
The only true American sporting horses are the ones that play football and pull bottles of Budweiser around.
Rafalca? Sounds like the Minister of Defense in the Black Panther Party! But anyway, go Rafalca, go.
At least he isn't "windsurfing", which means "gay elitist" in French.
Nothing more All-American than having your horse pussyfooting around.
"Dressage" is an old English word that means 'put your money on the dresser over there'….
Clearly these people should never own animals. They mistreated their dog, but they also got into trouble for over-medicating a horse to hide how lame it was in order to sell it. That poor horse suffered. http://www.buzzfeed.com/rosiegray/ann-romneys-hig…
True. However any of the parts involving her seducing him are fantastic, he is so hawt.
My lame comment that started this has finally rendered me speechless.
Such dreariness! Such whining, tallow women!
Clearly, you need a better rendering engine.
Mmmm … bananas!
Yuck…
blArby's!<a href="http://www.london2012.com/http://www.london2012.com/<br />This is what I have been using for all results that don't involve Americans.
I've got a good friend hoo is convinced that Arby's roast beef is a liquid protein gel that they congeal into a beef-like substance. Oh, that and Horsey Sauce.
Congealed beef-like substance libel!!
Is that the one where Jews murder Christian children in order to eat their congealed beef-like substance?
Oy, the Curly Hair Fries are to die for!
The Protocols of the Pink Slime of Zion.
Thanks. A comprehensive Olympics results site. What a concept.
And it features Lisa Simpson blowing London. Double win.
EDTI: And, for some reason, the part of my overhead, that would normally display my trivial p for this comment, currently provides a link to the slightly screwed up link you provided in your comment.
You are magical, Lizzie.
The vacation was nice for one full day and then all went to hell. This is what happens when you get too many family members in one, searingly hot place.
Pete's been out of office since 2010, so this won't be about bouncing him out of anywhere, really; it's more like keeping him out. That said, he's actually been one of the more even-keeled Republicans around here until his campaign people told him to go all tea-party for this run. doesn't matter, though, 'cause Debbie's going to beat him like he stole something from her, just like she did to her previous competition.
People always underestimate Debbie. She does a lot of quiet work (though not in quiet rooms), and runs killer consituent services. People in the community remember that stuff come election time.
Randomly.
I've seen that show in Tijuana
Pretty fucking amazing, that.
EiDT: How did they ever decide on seven events for the wimminz? I'd kinda like to see hammer (for fun), or more seriously a 2K or 4K. 800m is just a really long sprint.
Edit 2: The ladies are now clearing 1.80m. I am about 1.85m. I'm having visions…wonderful visions. Probably time for bed.
Some of these ladies can clear 2m+ …
I'm not sure when it changed from pentathlon to heptathlon. I do prefer the more events, but 2K or 4K is quite specialized compared to the other events. Even the decathlon's biggest event is the 1500m.
That, and the Sarah Palin drones protesting him craptacular.
Are you referring to my avatar or my comments?
I hear ya!Glad you're back.
Av, of course. I have a high opinion of your comments.
You're too kind, Bobbert. I aspire to cartoonish super-villainy.
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