20+ Year House Grump John Boehner: Obama Has Never Had ‘Real Job’ In ‘Real World’

by Jim Newell

EAT THE CAPITOLJohn Boehner is a quick study: He didn’t really care about politics much as a youth, eventually worked his way up to the presidency of a small business in plastics, decided he didn’t like dealing with the hassles of government regulatory compliance, and boom: A Republican lifer was born. And here’s the thing about small businessmen: they don’t think anything counts as a “real job” if it’s not a job growing a small business, and they despise anyone who doesn’t have one of these jobs. You know all that rhetoric in both parties about the Noble Small Businessman selling his Wares? Neither party ever points out that small businessmen, at least in their role as political actors, are dicks. This is their mindset, as spoken by John Boehner today on one of the Fox idiot’s radio shows: “But the President has never created a job. He’s never even had a real job for Christ’s sake. And I can tell you from my dealings with him, he has no idea how the real world, that we actually live in, works.” Who actually lives in the real world?

We’re sure John Boehner moved a lot of plastic in the ’80s. Since 1990, though, he has mostly kissed as much ass as possible through various congressional leaderships, even having to start from the beginning once after getting caught distributing tobacco lobbyist checks on the House floor. The Real World, yes. Now he is House Speaker, and powerless. Obama is president, and powerless. The only person with power in the whole idiot government is the Senate minority leader. That’s a broken system, there, so clearly whatever jobs any of these people had didn’t prepare them for shit. So let’s stop talking about who had a job doing what in the previous century.

[Yahoo]

 

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{ 201 comments }

nounverb911 August 2, 2012 at 4:33 pm

As a congresscritter, you should talk Boner.

nounverb911 August 2, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Boehner's created many jobs in the spray-on tan industry.

SexySmurf August 2, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Don't forget handkerchief manufacturers.

BaldarTFlagass August 2, 2012 at 4:39 pm

And distilleries!!

viennawoods13 August 2, 2012 at 4:43 pm

And no doubt employs many the golf caddy.

actor212 August 2, 2012 at 4:40 pm

And in a pinch, he helps the furniture stain industry.

chicken_thief August 2, 2012 at 4:40 pm

And watch manufacturers – whoa! Look at that – 5 PM. I'm outta here!

imissopus August 2, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Don't forget D.C. bartenders.

Callyson August 2, 2012 at 4:46 pm

And his colleagues keep the rent boys (and occasional call girl) in business.

coolhandnuke August 2, 2012 at 4:57 pm

And the 100 or so laundry technicians he's added to the D.C economy that labor for hours to scrub the orange ring around his collars.

Negropolis August 3, 2012 at 1:11 am

Oh, I bet you he has quite a few money laundering technicians, too.

Negropolis August 3, 2012 at 1:11 am

What?! You mean to tell me that that's not a natural, Southwestern Ohio tan?!

Blunderthing August 2, 2012 at 4:35 pm

To most of these people The Real World is a fucking carnival ride. They throw up when they ride it. Then they get off and go home.

BaldarTFlagass August 2, 2012 at 4:36 pm

I wonder if Boehner and his Republican colleagues ever had a "real job" in the US military.

nounverb911 August 2, 2012 at 4:38 pm

"Serving in the military is for the little people".
–Any Romney

NellCote71 August 2, 2012 at 6:37 pm

You mean: "Serving in the military is for you people." –Ann Romney

actor212 August 2, 2012 at 5:07 pm

To his credit, Boehner enlisted.

He was discharged weeks later with a bad back.

Dudleydidwrong August 2, 2012 at 5:26 pm

They should have kept him. When an enemy would charge his position and see an orange soldier they would have retreated in terror. Boehner: secret weapon.

vasty_derp August 2, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Orange peril, much?

NellCote71 August 2, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Agent Orange?

subsum August 2, 2012 at 10:34 pm

I wonder how het got that bad back… too much bending over, perhaps?

Negropolis August 3, 2012 at 1:12 am

I'm sure "bad back" was the new "flat feet" at the time.

bobbert August 3, 2012 at 1:47 am

Now, these are a couple of small points, but still:

1. Boner played linebacker in high school.

2. He enlisted in the Navy after graduating, in 1968. In 1968, I had college classmates who would have killed (or at least maimed) for the opportunity to enlist in the fucking NAVY. Where nobody was shooting back.

3. Now, enlistment opportunities did vary by geographical location. But in Wisconsin, I can tell you, the Navy was motherfucking tough to get into. Maybe Ohio was easier.

4. He was released after eight weeks because of a bad back. From the Navy.

Schmannnity August 2, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Tan Envy!

nounverb911 August 2, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Amy Tan?

kittensdontlie August 2, 2012 at 5:27 pm

He wants Obama's perfect skin coloring, but has went as far black as he dare–his spray tan color is called, Mexican Mitt.

Tommy1733 August 2, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Asskissers are people too my friend.

BaldarTFlagass August 2, 2012 at 4:37 pm

And no doubt when he leaves Congress, Boehner will return to the world of real jobs, this time in the demanding lobbyist field.

MOG2410 August 2, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Beltway Bandit Alert!!!

Thunderclees August 2, 2012 at 4:38 pm

"Caddying at my country club, that's where the president could learn a thing or two about a thing or two."

chicken_thief August 2, 2012 at 4:38 pm

"…he has no idea how the real world, that we actually live in, works.”"

Boehner's real world is so alcohol soaked that only him, Nick Nolte, and Mel Gibson live there.

GlowneyHouse August 2, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Henry Chinaski libel!

Sparky McGruff August 2, 2012 at 9:24 pm

For Christ's sake — keep him away from any open flames!

OkieDokieDog August 2, 2012 at 4:38 pm

OBUMMER has never had a real JAWB also too; he's not even a REAL MERICAN!!111!

*just trying to beat the Teabaggies.

actor212 August 2, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Is Weaker Boener aware that "community activist" is an actual real job? One that requires the employee to bust his ass to improve the lot of people in the community?

Yes, a lot of the work involves talking to politicians, but the man still had to sell them on the idea of helping the blahs and Latinos and the poor.

nounverb911 August 2, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Do you know who else was a "community activist"?

actor212 August 2, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Saul Alinsky?

Geminisunmars August 2, 2012 at 5:49 pm

What's real about that?

Baconzgood August 2, 2012 at 4:39 pm

He's still a fucking fuck head.

weejee August 2, 2012 at 4:40 pm

As a small bidness owner & jerb creator I must complain about Boner's jets that are strafing our building. The Blew Angelz are practicing today & tomorrow before conducting bombing runs during the hydroplane races that is some tradition here in Webfootlandia. Will RethugzDon'tCare health plan cover replacing all our employees dental fillings that were rattled loose and are now on the floor?????

nounverb911 August 2, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Just flew over Bellevue a few minutes ago.

widestanceromance August 2, 2012 at 4:56 pm

I feel your pain. We were graced with their presence last month and each and every time they passed, everyone ooo-ed and aah-ed like it had not just happened 5 minutes prior. Went on for a week, at least (and nobody cared for my "Too 9/11-y" quips, either).

Lascauxcaveman August 2, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Heh, I kinda miss the Blue Angels, not living in Seattle anymore.

Of course, I never had to cross the I-90 bridge when they were rehearsing their stunts, either.

BoatOfVelociraptors August 2, 2012 at 6:22 pm

That actually led to a scar on my right eyebrow. The f-18 can only roughly hit a 98% vertical climb, and that means the afterburners are fully on during stunt climbs. The flight plan placed the stunt climbs directly above my house. How does this lead to a busted forehead you might ask? Well, an old roommate came back from Japan and we wound up staying out all night. After 0 hours of sleep, fighter planes were shaking my house at full throttle. When they ran out of fuel, I welcomed the opportunity for sleep and dove into my couch. And missed.

At hospital, the triage is going to put you after the guys breaking their spine playing pirate.

anniegetyerfun August 2, 2012 at 6:53 pm

Although I have no idea why this is the case, I find the sound of the Blue Angels absolutely thrilling. They were over Bellevue a while ago, and even though I'm in Redmond, I just about shivered with happiness at the distant roar.

weejee August 2, 2012 at 9:07 pm

I guess, but as one who had fast fliers in F4s providing strafing, rockets, and napalm on poor Charlie's head just a few yards away, the F16s give me the wim-wams. Yeah, the fighters provided support, but sometimes they hit the wrong coordinates.

anniegetyerfun August 2, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Yea, that would make all the difference.
ETA: God, Weej, I'm sorry. I forget how many people here are Vietnam vets. I've led a pretty sheltered existence.

BaldarTFlagass August 2, 2012 at 4:40 pm

"he has no idea how the real world, that we actually live in, works.”

Wait a minute. Is he talking about Obama or is he talking about Romney?

PsycWench August 2, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Bush the Second.

Texan_Bulldog August 2, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Someone sounds a little bitter that someone who has never had a job before is his boss. Irony is a bitch, eh, Johnny?!

bikerlaureate August 2, 2012 at 4:42 pm

I knew "lawyer" and "college professor" weren't real… uh, real jobs.

Chet Kincaid_ August 2, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Why do we even tolerate their existence?! They're worse than those squeegee guys that used to run out and clean your window and demand money!!

HistoriCat August 2, 2012 at 5:29 pm

What do you mean "used to"? We have to wave them off at every third or fourth intersection.

PsycWench August 2, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Yeah, I don't have to fill out a time sheet or anything. I don't have to call my chair Sir or Ma'am. I don't have to wear a uniform and I don't have track my every hour of sick leave. So I am clearly not gainfully employed.

Chet Kincaid_ August 2, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Are you serious about the uniform and Sir/Ma'am?!

PsycWench August 2, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Oh yeah, I only do that when my husband asks me …oh, never mind.

JadedDissonance August 2, 2012 at 4:43 pm

I, for one, would like to hear more about this "Distribution of sweet sweet tobacco monies on the floor of our political nexus."

LesBontemps August 2, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Distributing tobacco lobbyist checks on the House floor = Making it rain up in this bitch.

Jus_Wonderin August 2, 2012 at 4:44 pm

I heard yesterday (on NPR local) that Paul Ryan has never had a job. And, took SSA benefits (from 16 years of age until ineligible) after the death of his father.

I have ALWAYS maintained that my personal benefits of SSA after my father's death (I was 12, 40 years ago on the 31st) helped me and my brothers go to college, be self sustaining and contribute (taxes and otherwise) to the economy.

Of course, Ryan wants to privatize SSA. Fucker.

weejee August 2, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Ryan should be drafted and sent in on the first wave of the Coca Cola invasion of Bolivia.

fuflans August 2, 2012 at 5:11 pm

fresh air, Ryan Lizza ?

entire goddamned thing pissed me off.

and the icing on the cake is his family's relative wealth. one of four families in town 'of means',

(of course, the other icing on the cake is that he was tipped into anti-gov't ardor by ayn fucking rand. people who still think ayn rand is a role model should be automatically disqualified from federal office.)

Billmatic August 2, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Especially if they are named Rand.

SpiderCrab August 2, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Another republican putz with an Oedipus complex….dreams every night about killing his old man, who is, unfortunately, dead already. Ryan can't get no satisfaction.

Slim_Pickins August 2, 2012 at 8:14 pm

But that was all before he read Ayn Rand. She opened his eye slits.

MilwaukeeKent August 2, 2012 at 10:59 pm

I, too, with the survivors benefits, and you'd think Ryan would exhibit a little empathy, no? Instead he represents this nasty trend in the country of people who have less and less compunction about gleefully pulling the ladder up behind them.
Hint, though: his Ayn Rand is on a collision course with his Catholicism. He is one visit-to-a-homeless-shelter-on-Chirstmas-Eve away from a "Saul on the Road to Damascus (co starring Bob Hope)" moment.
He knows Social Security isn't in trouble for a least 25 years and that he's hauling water for Finance types who can't stand to see 2.5 trillion in assets not paying fees, commissions and bonuses to, well, them.

bobbert August 3, 2012 at 1:31 am

I certainly hope your optimism is rewarded, but I see him as a soul-dead asshole. Certainly smart enough to know that he's advocating bullshit, but too focused on the prize (converting the USA into a feudal republic) to give a shit.

reliefsinn August 3, 2012 at 11:38 am

Your mother should have gone to work and pulled herself up by her own initiaitive. She might have discovered a cure for cancer, or become president of IBM. Or she might have had a nervous breakdown trying to raise kids at the poverty level by herself, and had the pleasure of seeing her kids grow up with minimal health care and educational opportunities, instead of the fine adult I see here. In any case, we would have avoided the creeping Socializms that is ruining this country.

Negropolis August 3, 2012 at 1:16 am

God, they are a walking, talking hypocrisy, nearly the lot of them.

Callyson August 2, 2012 at 4:45 pm

"Sometimes I have to catch my breath and slow down because the rhetoric in this campaign is just so over the top. And that's because the GOP's policies have failed…But the GOP has never created a job. They've never even had a real job for Christ's sake. And I can tell you from my dealings with them, they have no idea how the real world, that we actually live in, works."

/fixed

/fucker

OhDeerMee123 August 2, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Wow. A man whose only work appears to be working the pole for his corporate masters, talking to 3 people who have never worked a real job ever, (except Gretchen….way to make that Bachmann!), about a man not really working at the hardest job in the world. Then taking his favorite deity's name in vain. Cognitive dissonance tsunami warning.

deanbooth August 2, 2012 at 4:45 pm

If being a state senator, a law professor, or writing books don't count as real jobs, "real" unemployment must be somewhere around 47%. Where are the jerbs, Boner?!

BarackMyWorld August 2, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Book publishers and law firms are state-run enterprises.

Tundra Grifter August 2, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Ken Lay had a private sector job at Enron. Bernie Madoff had decades of work experience. Jackemup N. Ripemoff worked in private enterprise and then started his own firm. Alan Stanford had a gold firm that advertised on Sheer InSannity's show.

Sorry, Boner – experience isn't exactly everything.

Chet Kincaid_ August 2, 2012 at 5:14 pm

You don't need to argue on Boner's terms, because his premise is false. Every job Obama has had has been real, even if you throw out the elective offices. (Or especially.) This was just a way for Boner to pucker up and blow a combo racist/liberal-elitist-hating dog whistle. Like in 2008, when the one dipshit magoo Southern Congressman was going on about how we "can't let that boy near the nukular codes. He ain't ready!"

Boojum August 2, 2012 at 5:36 pm

I think he said "let that near boy." And by "he" I mean AOTK.

Tundra Grifter August 2, 2012 at 5:45 pm

CK: You are correct. I just get very tired of this worship of private enterprise as if it were a perfect world in which mistakes are never made. It's just as inefficient, cumbersome, bureaucratic, and generally fucked up as government.

GunToting[Redacted] August 2, 2012 at 6:30 pm

This. I work for an $11B, 55k employee company, and we are like a monkey fucking a football most of the time.

Chet Kincaid_ August 2, 2012 at 6:36 pm

And you are correct as well!

MOG2410 August 2, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Correct, sir.

OneYieldRegular August 2, 2012 at 5:24 pm

I always figure when I hear people like this use the term "real world" that it's just code for "involves bribes, special favors and other forms of corruption."

OkieDokieDog August 2, 2012 at 4:49 pm

This annoyed me so much I had to send a harshly worded tweet to that orange twat on the twitter.

Callyson August 2, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Speaking of Republicans in Congress…

“I’ve argued once that maybe the economic downturn was the best thing to happen to them because then they weren’t… so… everybody gets a trophy; maybe they had to go back home and work at the Quizno’s and the Blockbuster and learn the value of a dollar.”

Ah, what a beautiful thought…

Jus_Wonderin August 2, 2012 at 5:06 pm

I imagine she raised a few winner kids, don't you think?

SigDeFlyinMonky August 2, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Dear Mr. Speaker; Blow me. Let's see you get up at midnight, inspect a 400 cu. yd. concrete pour that lasts seven hours. Oh, and do it twice a week with regular shifts the other days. Then you shit on us with your policies and call us "union thugs" inyour talking points. The leadership of the Publican party lacks the moral authority of the Borgia popes.

nounverb911 August 2, 2012 at 4:56 pm

"I love the smell of wet concrete in the morning."
– H. Roark

Angry_Marmot August 2, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Except that the Borgia popes got laid more often.

Biff August 2, 2012 at 5:57 pm

So it was you that made me pour 2" slump mud into the Whiteman pump all those times…

Negropolis August 3, 2012 at 1:20 am

Oh god, if that wasn't some awesome, righteous indignation, my friend. And you wrap it all up with a bow with a reference to the Borgia popes.

This is why I love these Wonkettes.

Jus_Wonderin August 2, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Dude, the President, his wife and his family are a success story if I have EVER seen one. What fuckin' planet do you live on? Entitled prick!

TootsStansbury August 2, 2012 at 4:52 pm

To the oily sot's credit, the Republicans' real world is one where up is down, the sky is plaid and money equals speech.

zippy_w_pinhead August 2, 2012 at 5:24 pm

oily sot? So Bonehead is a dentist/lawyer/birfer too also?

sharethegrief August 2, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Hey! It's hard work lifting bourbon to your parched lips all day long.

boobookitteh August 2, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Don't I know it.

actor212 August 2, 2012 at 5:04 pm

That reminds me, I have to start lifting for the 13th Drinky Thingie

weejee August 2, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Boner was a pimp for a firm that provides manufacturers' reps for the plastics industry. That means he knows how to hide knee pads under his slacks. And what did he learn from Gollum to keep in his pocketses? Lip balm, obvs. So the sneaky Mr. Speaker knows how to tart himself up and not blow the close with chapped lips. Sounds like a Repubelican to me.

boobookitteh August 2, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Huh. In the 'real world' that I live in, you'd get early retirement for talking shit about the CEO.

anniegetyerfun August 2, 2012 at 5:01 pm

This. Thank you. I'm amazed that someone of Boehner's age and political status still finds it wise to be incredibly rude to the Commander in Chief. May Obama do everything to destroy him in his second term.

Misty Malarky August 2, 2012 at 4:57 pm

This reminds me: The New Jersey Tanning Mom is one month tanning booth-free!

actor212 August 2, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Yes, but she's back on the bottle.

widestanceromance August 2, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Yeah, Obama never swept a floor in his. . . .WAAAH, BOOOOO HOOOO, GASP, BWAAAAH.

MOG2410 August 2, 2012 at 5:52 pm

oops, neither have I, but I've been working for over 45 years, guess that doesn't count.

Redhead August 2, 2012 at 4:59 pm

"But the President has never created a job. He’s never even had a real job for Christ’s sake. And I can tell you from my dealings with him, he has no idea how the real world, that we actually live in, works.”

So just curious… but what world does he think Romney lives in? How many "real jobs" does he think Romney's had? Is "creating real jobs" somehow synonymous with "shipping real jobs overseas and then hiding the money in 9384759384739845 foreign countries to avoid paying taxes?"

MOG2410 August 2, 2012 at 5:53 pm

And maybe Barry was too busy saving existing jobs at GM, etc. the past few years. Hard to create when you're busy trying to shore up the damage left by Shrub.

Pragmatist2 August 2, 2012 at 5:02 pm

The "Real World" is, I believe, a show on MTV filled with pretentious and self-absorbed people who have done nothing and never will. Mr. Boehner, the ball is now in your court.

Negropolis August 3, 2012 at 1:29 am

One of the MTV Real Worlders actually became a tea party congressman (and a particularly obnoxious one) from Wisconsin in 2010…so, yeah, have done nothing and never will is about right.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 2, 2012 at 5:03 pm

What would happen if we just locked them all int he Capitol building with a bunch of cameras, and see what happens when things get real.

coolhandnuke August 2, 2012 at 5:03 pm

I read on the outer edge of the innertubes that Obama got kicked off season three of the "Real World, Kenya" for failing to produce a legitimate birth certificate.

Negropolis August 3, 2012 at 1:30 am

It'd actually watch "Real World: Nairobi." How many more times can they go to boring-ass San fuckin' Diego?

anniegetyerfun August 2, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Translation: Obama still black – blacks don't work.

bobbert August 3, 2012 at 1:52 am

Yup.

Joshua Norton August 2, 2012 at 5:05 pm

No "business man" should ever be president. The only things they bring to the table are:

1. how much can they steal? and

2. how fast can they do it without getting caught?

karlamarx August 3, 2012 at 9:15 am

The BEST summarizing of capitalism I have ever read. BRAVO, sir!

Guppy August 2, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Does selling perpetual motion machines on WND count as a real job?

WhatTheHeck August 2, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Is it me, or, are the Republicans in “panic mode” these days, throwing out all manner of shit to keep their base focused.

widestanceromance August 2, 2012 at 5:21 pm

It's not you. Rhetoric this wild speaks volumes about how soiled-pants scared they are. After losing in 2008 with McCain to this "socialist from hell!!!", in 4 years, they came up with Willard to save the world. Think about that. That's equally hilarious and tragic.

Limeylizzie August 2, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Fuck you, Tan Man! MrLimeylizzie has managed to make a lot of money making things look beautiful, scary, insane, real, war-torn, delicate and fantastic and even at his age, 71, he works about 18 hours a day when he is designing a motion picture, and he quit drinking 30 years ago, plus he is still fucking gorgeous! So, fuck off , I am so fucking tired of people denigrating those of us who work in the arts or social work or in ways that benefit, beautify or help people, when all you have done is guzzle booze, fuck lobbyists, be dreadful at your job and malign anyone who isn't a fucking toadying Republican.

Jus_Wonderin August 2, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Excellent. I couldn't have said it better. And I bet hearing you say it out loud with accent would be exquisite.

WhatTheHeck August 2, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Mizz Lizzie, you’ve done gone and said it all.

MOG2410 August 2, 2012 at 5:54 pm

We are not worthy, now I have to get back to hod carrying. That's a real job,right?

Limeylizzie August 2, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Fucking right, mate!

viennawoods13 August 2, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Yeah, but the guy who's paying you to carry the hod- he's the one with a REAL job! Because creating!

Chet Kincaid_ August 2, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Back with a vengeance!

Limeylizzie August 2, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Ha! I just hate it when the R-W seem to think that all that is important in life is making money, what kind of hell-hole would that make our planet?

unclejeems August 3, 2012 at 12:58 am

What LL said.

fartknocker August 3, 2012 at 1:47 am

When BO asks me to the White House, will you be my date?

Limeylizzie August 3, 2012 at 1:56 am

Of course, I will try to behave.

fartknocker August 3, 2012 at 2:03 am

Lovely. I'll respect you (as I always do with all females), make sure your travel is 1st class, and we'll arrive in separate cars.

HistoriCat August 2, 2012 at 5:08 pm

So is there an official list of "real jobs" somewhere? Because I want to see it. If "CEO" is on that fucking list, then it don't mean shit.

fartknocker August 2, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Arrogant, smug goat fucker. Speaker Shit-Fer-Brains fails to understand that it's the tax dollars we all pay is how he gets a paycheck, healthcare and a pension for life.

CommieLibunatic August 2, 2012 at 5:37 pm

So if we're his boss, can we convene to fire his worthless fart portal?

bflrtsplk August 2, 2012 at 5:10 pm

I`ll trade him my fake job for his “real job“ any time.

fuflans August 2, 2012 at 5:12 pm

i can see i am going to be listening to a lot of punk music for the next three months.

Wilcoxyz August 2, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Yes, not working a real job was part of the master conspiracy Hopey began orchestrating in utero and worked for 45 years until he could magically win a national election in a huge fucking landslide because everyone votes for the candidate they know least about. Or just the black guy, who always wins in an election. QED

MissTaken August 2, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Fuck off Boner. Not everyone can run a small business. *MOST* of us have to be slaves to corporate America so THOSE FUCKING CORPORATIONS CAN STAY IN BUSINESS.

Come to work in the "real world" where we don't get lovely summer recesses and multiple days (if not weeks!) off for holidays. I'd love to see your orange-wrinkly face roll into the office at 6 am for conference calls with Europe after staying late for calls with Singapore the night before.

I repeat, FUCK OFF

MOG2410 August 2, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Without staring a flame attack, I work with a lot of vendors who own small businesses, they are a whiny lot. And without the big corps, they wouldn't have anyone to buy their wares.

SorosBot August 2, 2012 at 6:30 pm

This is awesome; is it any wonder I love this woman?

anniegetyerfun August 2, 2012 at 6:57 pm

I would enjoy starting my own business (in some ways), but I can't afford private health insurance. The only way that I can pay less than $1500 per month for health insurance is to work for a company that has an insurance pool.

And Republicans want to make sure that that never changes.

bobbert August 3, 2012 at 3:01 am

EDIT: I just realized how long this is, so please feel free to ignore it. I'm just whining. I'm going to leave it up, because I mean it, and it helps me to deal with the disgusting existence of Mitt Fucking Rmoney. But, just skip it.

This didn't come up during the SF Drinkup, but back when I was a real (i.e., employed) person, I spent 30-ish years as a corporate employee. During that time, I have to admit that my signature never appeared on the front of my paycheck. (I doubt that Mitt's did, either; it's usually the corporate treasurer whose xeroxed sig is on the checks, but never mind).

During my corporate career, I'd guess that I "created" between 100 and 150 jobs in the US, and maybe 300 in Hong Kong, Taiwan, Singapore, and Malaysia. (I wasn't keeping exact track at the time). The "job creation" happened because we achieved technical and/or marketing advantages over our competitors, and so the demand for our products increased. D'oh.

Business is cyclical, at best, and so I also got to lay off 15 or 20 folks in the US, and by extension, probably 100 overseas employees got laid off because of volume decline. Neither the hiring or firing happened all at once — there were four or five business cycles during my active period. But I would like to emphasize that the hires were legitimate — full time, with whatever benefits applied at the location, and all of the jobs lasted for at least a couple of years. (I took a lot of criticism for under-hiring).

Do I have a point? Well, yes, and it is that even though I was never a sainted small business owner, I was responsible (in the sense that I was the leader of a whole lot of great people) for generating more net employment than 90% of small-business-people, and, at my best, generating $140M per year of very profitable revenue for my corporate employer. For which, in the best traditions of corporate USA, we had a staff of dozens of lawyers and accountants do their very best to reduce the tax liability to below zero.

[An admission: I enjoyed working with the accounting wizards. They were crazier, and much more fun, than the patent lawyers].

Sorry, I'm wandering. Point 1– I know how to run a fucking business. Point 2 — Boner may once have known how to run a business, but I'll have to google extensively to see if it was $140M with 120 US employees.

Point 3 — Mittens knows how to run a fucking vulture capitalist fund. And I emphasize VULTURE. I spent my work life in Santa Clara County. I'm aware of Sand Hill Road. I have friends who are VCs. There is an enormous difference between real venture folks and the deconstruct-and-pick-over-the-remains assholes like Bain. It's the difference between "We'll stake you, and if you succeed we will take a big chunk of your initial profits, and if you fail, we'll say bye-bye"; and "We'll prop you up for a while as you fail, and sell off your bits, and collect huge fees while we're here".

There is a difference.

Mitt pisses me off. I've never been in his league, but it's not hard to see the hollowness behind his accomplishments. It's all financial hocus-pocus.

I am a motherfucking capitalist. You put up the capital, you run the biz, you succeed or fail. (If you succeed, you do a lot of good for labor, cause that's how it works).

Rmoney is a fucking anti-capitalist — you set up a deal where you win whether the biz succeeds or fails. Nobody else gets shit.

Sorry. I am, in fact, drunk. But I really do hate fucking Mittens Romney, and all the other very clever motherfuckers who are making themselves rich without making the society they live in even a little rich.

Estproph August 2, 2012 at 5:17 pm

1) it amuses me no end that Boehner was a plastics CEO. You literally can't get more appropos than that.

2) Every time I hear "job creator" or some variant thereof, I think of Mickey Mouse from Fantasia trying to enchant the universe set to The Sorcerer's Apprentice.

anniegetyerfun August 2, 2012 at 6:59 pm

If he still worked in plastics, I'm sure he'd be fighting to get extra BPAs into baby bottles.

MilwaukeeKent August 2, 2012 at 11:36 pm
SayItWithWookies August 2, 2012 at 5:19 pm

When Boehner gets tearful at memories of his childhood, it isn't due to sentimentality — it's because he still has night terrors about having to mop floors and bus tables for a living.

Sparky McGruff August 2, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Those aren't night terrors, it's just the delirium tremens. It kicks in anytime he's away from the bar for more than a couple of hours.

DahBoner August 3, 2012 at 9:09 am

THEY PUT BREAD IN MY JAR AND SAY MAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE

Come here a minute August 2, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Send the bastard to work at the Blockbuster's or the Quizno's or the Chi-Chi's.

qwerty42 August 2, 2012 at 5:22 pm

"Never had a job" ???? Wasn't BHO a lawyer with some firm in Chicago (in fact, isn't that where he met Michelle?).

Tundra Grifter August 2, 2012 at 5:41 pm

I believe he was at that while while he had a job teaching at the University of Chicago.

Chet Kincaid_ August 2, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Visiting Fellow, Lecturer & Senior Lecturer at U. of C. from '91-04. Associate at a civil rights law firm from '93-96, and "Of Counsel" at the firm from '96-'04. (He actually met Michelle as a Summer Associate at a different firm while in law school.) We must protect America's children from exposure to the idea that this man is any kind of role model!!

bobbert August 2, 2012 at 10:26 pm

To be nit-picky, "Of Counsel" might or might not be what I would consider a "real job". But associate certainly is, as is lecturer.

And so is community fucking organizer.

Chet Kincaid_ August 3, 2012 at 7:15 am

Yeah, I wasn't sure exactly what that meant. Is that just a way for someone in political office to stay associated with a law firm?

MOG2410 August 2, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Stop confusing us with facts.

ingloriousbytch August 2, 2012 at 5:24 pm

So NOW am I allowed to say Ann Romney never worked a day in her life?

anniegetyerfun August 2, 2012 at 7:00 pm

LEAVE ANN ALONE!!!!!!!!!!1eleventy

Misty Malarky August 2, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Is Chick-Fil-A hiring?

NellCote71 August 2, 2012 at 6:49 pm

If you aren't light in the loafers, they are.

Chet Kincaid_ August 2, 2012 at 5:27 pm

When Speaker Boehner staggers floridly into your radio studio for an in-depth interview, the noxious fog of English Leather, Parliament Lights and Old Grand-Dad is as good as a pest-control treatment.

IonaTrailer August 2, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Amen, daddy!

Chet Kincaid_ August 2, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Just pick an archaic after-shave, a tired cigarette brand and a picturesque hard liquor, and you too can play Boehner Mad Libs!

anniegetyerfun August 2, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Aqua Velva, Lucky Strikes, and Crown Royal.

This is fun!

Chet Kincaid_ August 2, 2012 at 7:21 pm

Now, just weave them into a description of some appalling Boehner activity or event. Mention his rheumy eyes and blubbery self-absorption. You really want the reader to have a headache from the imagined physical and emotional reek. Revulsion at his yam-like coloring is also de rigueur.

bobbert August 2, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Gawd, English Leather. (And, of course, I am of the correct age and whiteness to have used it. For a while.)

However, I am appalled at the association of Boner with Old Grandfather.

OneYieldRegular August 2, 2012 at 5:27 pm

It almost makes one long for the days when working class hero and successful real-world businessman George W. Bush was President.

Tundra Grifter August 2, 2012 at 5:42 pm

"Our First MBA President."

His hostile, leveraged take-over of Iraq was pure management genius.

bobbert August 2, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Actually, if Goldman had that kind of firepower supremacy, there would be no other existing corporations.

Fraudulently_Joe August 2, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Well, sure, if we go by the standard that it's only a "real" job if you pay yourself millions for driving businesses into bankruptcy, then I haven't had a real job, either.

AncienReggie August 2, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Elect Mitt Romney. He has a firm grasp on the real world.

fuflans August 2, 2012 at 5:30 pm

and boehner knows from job creating:

sarah palin
john mccain
joe the plumber
paul ryan
scott walker

bobbert August 2, 2012 at 10:34 pm

Be fair now. Sarah and John have created quite few flack jobs.

Fraudulently_Joe August 2, 2012 at 5:31 pm

It's worth noting that Bohner started that "Obama's never had a "real" job" rant by first complaining about all the overheated, intemperate rhetoric that's unfairly directed at (his) presidential candidates.

Not kidding.

Eve8Apples August 2, 2012 at 5:34 pm

George W. Bush had plenty of experience working in the private business sector prior to being elected President. It taught him absolutely nothing about running a nation.

Fraudulently_Joe August 2, 2012 at 5:38 pm

"Into the ground" is a kind of running the nation…

CommieLibunatic August 2, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Fetch my bowel disruptor, as this guy is full of shit.

Jus_Wonderin August 2, 2012 at 5:37 pm

Here. I taped it to the end of this ten foot pole. Got it?

djneedlz August 2, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Excuse me, but did you say small dickless-men? It sounded like you said that.

IonaTrailer August 2, 2012 at 5:54 pm

As if being the President of the USA and having to put up with your bullshit Boner, isn't a real job.

"I want a job, I want a job, I want a real job…
One that won't mess with my integrity"

(Spinal Tap)

MOG2410 August 2, 2012 at 5:57 pm

this seems like a good time to go on vacation and so I will! Here's hoping my real job is still here when I get back.

Geminisunmars August 2, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Try to have fun, and don't listen to no tv or radio.

bobbert August 2, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Seriously, what Gem said. Stay offline. Enjoy the, you know, real real world.

All this shit will still be here when you get back. (Oh, maybe that wasn't as encouraging as I meant it to be).

MOG2410 August 3, 2012 at 8:24 am

Great advice, the scandal rags it is, with plenty of Cosmos to keep things going smoothly! tx

Slim_Pickins August 2, 2012 at 6:07 pm

The only real job in the USA is running a lemonade stand.

BoatOfVelociraptors August 2, 2012 at 6:35 pm

When your job consists primarily of voting no unless the bill hates on women…

Gorillionaire August 2, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Let us not forget that Speaker Boner only "got into politics" because his predecessor got caught arguing about the fee for his teenage prostitute in a heated argument in a McDonalds, caught on a security camera and everything. What was that? Yes he was a Republican!

ttommyunger August 2, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Shit, John. You seem a little down. How 'bout a drink? Just one, to make you feel better…

bobbert August 2, 2012 at 10:37 pm

One's not enough, a thousand is too many.

ttommyunger August 2, 2012 at 10:41 pm

I could do one. Still can, but two or three is the same as twenty; my judgement goes kaput.Sent from my iPhone

bobbert August 2, 2012 at 11:45 pm

I do understand that.

chascates August 2, 2012 at 7:47 pm

We know that reducing taxes, regulations, and oversight of big businesses and extremely-high wealth individuals is not going to bring back middle class jobs or even living-wage working class jobs. Allowing those who tell Congress what to do to RUN FUCKING AMOK is not going to help underwater mortgages, crippling student loan debt, or the high un/underemployment rate.
But it will cause money to flow outside the country, avoid paying for a social safety net, and enrich the richest even further.
Fortunately the unwashed are promised Guns, God, and no Gays so they'll have that.

mosjef August 2, 2012 at 7:57 pm

I wonder if Mr. Boner is giving a lot of thought to the real world while he is laying in the tanning bed getting his fake tan.

SolitaireRose August 2, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Thank goodness firemen, soldiers and policemen don't have jobs. Maybe Boener can figure out how not to pay them….then the US will be like a REAL corporations!

iburl August 2, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Only people who haven't had a real job would think that firing people and selling off assets is a real job.

owhatever August 2, 2012 at 9:48 pm

His weird rant came after he had the symbolic Chick-fil-A for lunch. Burp. Phht. (Excuse me).

Beowoof August 2, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Have another Barclay John, have lots of them. There are no consequences to enjoying smokes.

Negropolis August 3, 2012 at 12:34 am

Get it, guys? Of course he didn't have a "real job" in the "real world"; he's blah and liberal after all. Har-har-har.

Seriously, Sarah Palin can see Obama winning in November from her house, and these bastards are spinning out of control at the cold realization.

12X34X August 3, 2012 at 2:12 am

Boehner has a real job clipping the public of their tax dollars and collecting graft.

DahBoner August 3, 2012 at 8:33 am

Shit, I want to dump this leftover, cancer-causing plastic garbage in the river, but those Big, Bad Gum'mint Regulations won't let me!!!

Now, I'll have to pay 2 cents per unit to properly dispose of it.

BOO HOO HOO

randcoolcatdaddy August 3, 2012 at 8:44 am

The President's never created a job?

How many jobs has he created for right-wing flacks and nutjobs at FoxNews, Brietfart, and other misinformation outlets?

karlamarx August 3, 2012 at 9:10 am

And if you're reading this it's because someone who didn't have a real job taught you how to read. Funny. I came home fulfilled and exhausted every night from my fake job.

Ducksworthy August 3, 2012 at 11:23 am

Every time I see the Boner I think: "What's the matter with Norwood?" Then I remember. It's alcoholic resentment.

Baba_NinjaCat12 August 3, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Silly Obama, real job experience is for corporate cash hoarders. Wise words from the top boner in congress.

BZ1 August 3, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Lawyer, Lecturer, Director, Legislator, Author, Consultant, obviously doesn't count??

bobbert August 3, 2012 at 11:19 pm

That's one use. Basically it means you rank like a partner, but you're not exactly a member of the firm. Pols, senior attorneys who want to part-time it, even things like lawyer spouses of VIPs.

It's not normally something you buy, or just ask for. The law firm generally has a reason for carrying you.

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