John Conyers, how regularly you delight us! (Once, we sat next to the million-term Michigan Democrat at a recording industry handjob event, and could not wait to tell him about how we had read that the stupid TSA, post-9/11, was constantly pulling him out of line because of his bum ticker. “That’s Dingell,” he answered shortly, and did not speak to us the rest of the night.) But what has John Conyers done now? Oh, just expertly trolled the hearings for the English Language Unity Act (because of how Congress is so singlemindedly focused on jobs) by opening his remarks in Spanish, Newt Gingrich’s famed “language of the ghetto.”

It was so sweet of Conyers to attempt, quite belaboredly, the Spanish tongue. But then — d’oh! — those clever Trent Frankses et al. said that he made their point for them, about how difficult it would be if all communications were translated into multiple lingua. Of course, the bill says rather more than that — it bans federal and state employees from communicating with people in their native languages at all, and not just in official business on the House floor. Why? Well, probably because Steve King is a dick.

Oh right, would you have ever guessed that the English Language Unity Act was first introduced in 2005 by champion of animal rights (to fight to the death) and person who thinks raping little girls is not illegal in the United States of America, Iowa Congressman Steve King? Another feather in Iowa’s cap!

And now, a musical interlude:

You are welcome.


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