Bill Kristol's Dirtiest Fantasy: Watching Mitt Romney Eat Chicken

How is American journalism's most fearless armchair-warrior,Weekly Standardeditor and former New York Times fail dragon Bill Kristol, keeping himself occupied this election? Some may recall his useful role in the last presidential election, which was to recommend to his good friend John McCain the VP selection of Sarah Palin, whom he met during aWeekly Standardcruise one time and enjoyed. But Kristol's been glum for most of the year, since none of his 10,000 entreaties to Rep. Paul Ryan could convince him to join the presidential race. No Iran wars yet, no fun VPs to recommend, no Paul Ryan to do his bidding: these are the dark days for William Kristol. The best he can offer to the Party these days is a cynical, borderline-gross blog post about how much he wants to watch Mitt Romney eat fast-food chicken.

"'Romney to Chick-fil-A?' by William Kristol," the headline roars, at the Weekly Standard . How awesome would it be if he did it? There are 900 Chick-fil-As around him, RIGHT NOW, and he could so just go to one, and smile, and everyone would think he was a badass. Yeah...

Mitt Romney's hosting a campaign event at Jeffco Fairgrounds in Golden, Colorado around lunchtime today, and a quick scan of Chick-fil-A's website shows several locations within fifteen miles or so of the Romney event. So it should be easy for Romney to stop at a Chick-fil-A for a photo-op (and a sandwich!) on his way there. He could also place a large take-out order from one of the stores for folks at his campaign event. And while he's at it, he might follow the example of a caller from Wisconsin to Laura Ingraham's radio show yesterday, and use his credit card to pay ahead of time for the next several members of the military who show up for a meal.

Bill Kristol is salivating at the idea of Mitt Romney pulling off this intricate, multistage pander to the social conservative chicken mob. He really is Irving's boy, isn't he? Back to the fantasy:

Mitt munching on a Chick-fil-A sandwich ... the right thing to do, and politically smart, too. And tasty.

And dreamy... oh, the chicken... Mitt just... pandering... pandering so hard... right into that chicken baby... just makes me feel... SO ALIVE!

[ Weekly Standard ]