also she calls him a dick

Sarah Palin Is So Mad At Dick Cheney, You Guys

It is fair to say that Sarah Palin got her feewees just the littlest bit hurted by Dick Cheney’s declaration that, let’s see, what did he say … oh yes, she was a stupid moron who should have never been born, let alone attempted to fill his shoes in the highest and most powerful office in the land, the vice presidency. Or something close to that anyway. Anyway, the only person who could disagree with Cheney’s statement is Palin herself, considering it is a Science Fact.

But do watch and listen (yes, you have to take it off “mute”) to how actually upset Palin is here, her words coming in even sharper staccato machine gun bursts than usual as it seems like she is trying not to cry. And that first sentence, about Cheney never misfiring … first we had John McCain reminding the country that Dick Cheney loves to torture people. Is Sarah Palin reminding the country that Dick Cheney once shot an old man in the face? We are going to go with “fuck yeah!”


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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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    1. prommie

      Yeah, but McCain went out of his way to do just that, his response was "he and I have had our disagreements, I didn't think we should be torturing people, and he did."

      1. freakishlywrong

        Continuing to pretend as though either of these assholes is relevant and constantly "interviewing" them as though they have anything to contribute is fucking torture.

    2. Lascauxcaveman

      At least she didn't call him a war criminal, yet.

      She's still sore she never got her chance to be one herself. You just know she was slavering for some Ahmed-kebab.

    1. JadedDissonance

      It's a pretty banal show, or so I'm told. If we had an election around whoever can create the least interesting sentences, I think we know who would win (psst: it's queen of the run-on!).

      1. OhDeerMee123

        There's a Palin on that show again? I can't stand the thought of watching it. You can't spell banal without "anal", and a Palin on that show will triple the scatology.

        1. JadedDissonance

          Let's hope they contain the hookworm outbreak this time. Difficult to dance in spandex with those suckers.

    1. prommie

      My Daddy actually truly taught me that, he said don't kick, knee, or punch people in the balls either, he said grab em, hard, and then put their eye out, or rip open their mouth or a nostril. Dad was a big proponent of mayhem.

      1. cheetojeebus

        Daddies right. One of the most brutal descriptions of mayhem is in "Among theThugs" by Bill Buford. An account of a football hooligan sucking the eye out of a victim and biting it off truly horrifies.

        1. prommie

          He was also adamant about avoiding, never starting, and even running from, any fight. The mayhem was strictly for when forced. He said, people die accidentally in stupid bar fights all the time, so if someone forces you, disable them quick.

  1. One_who_wanders

    It is nice to see the GOP adopt that old Democratic standby; the Circular firing squad!

    1. Larry McAwful

      We Democrats stole the GOP's subpar health care plan, so I'm pleased to see the GOP taking one of our crappy ideas for themselves, too.

  2. CivicHoliday

    JELLO WRESTLING MATCH is scheduled for next weekend. Make sure to blind yourself well in advance.

  3. actor212

    Fuck, man, I'm running out of popcorn and the couch needs a good vacuuming. Can SOMEone put a stop to these Republican civil wars, at least for a moment?

    1. paulabflat

      might i suggest a good rooting dog by your side on that there couch?

      nothing gets by the one we have. hell. the other day she shat forest green. twice. the crayola wrapper came out almost good as new, too.

        1. paulabflat

          low to the ground, burrowing type, best exemplified by your basic dachshund, your jack russells. the kind that eats first and leaves you to ask the questions later, like "ethel? did you feed the dog what looks like it could be a manilla folder containing something that was probably top secret?"

          the kind of dog that will proudly cough up a whole chipmunk. in front of guests. her contribution to the buffet.

          if blind gluttony ain't a breed standard at westminster, it should be. some dogs shine at it.

          1. actor212

            I used to live in an apartment which had a rodent difficulty (to be polite), and one day I was presented with half a mouse on my pillow.

            But thanks for the offer.

    1. OhDeerMee123

      Todd never misfires…….but sometimes he gives someone else a shot. Otherwise, how do you explain why Piper doesn't have his slack-jawed yokelness?

    1. tessiee

      Cheney [snarling]: That pisspot white trash cum dumpster is gonna be sorry she ever started with ME! I'll RUIN her stretchmarked ass!
      *throws crumpled up paper into wastebasket*
      *slams out of office*

    1. NorthStarSpanx

      $740 million of State dollars going to every man, woman and child in Alaska in the form of an 'energy rebate' sure buys a lot of popularity, and the RNC's attention.

    1. bikerlaureate

      We should run ads with a few short, nutty quotes from her, and an ending tagline that says something like "the Republicans tried to put this person a heartbeat away from the Oval Office."

    1. rmjagg

      she's like the girlfriend who gets ditched and threatens to tell the wife – she's in that kind of space …

    2. prommie

      She seems not to have a realistic awareness of her own abilities. Kinda like one of those little pussy Yorkie dogs barking at a pit bull.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        My roommate's Jack Russell terrier had balls like bell clappers and got out of the yard and went across the street and fucked with the neighbor's big-ass hunting cur dogs. Notice I said "had."

    1. CthuNHu

      Oookay, let's try that again like you're not bringing a scrunchie to a gunfight.

      "Your response to Dick Cheney?"

      "Greta, I just don't think anyone cares what Dick Cheney thinks about anything."

      There ya go.

    2. tessiee

      Although she *did* get it confused with her "Things to do Today" list that was written on the other palm.

  4. SorosBot

    Turn off mute to hear Palin's voice? Sorry, but I'd rather stick a hole in my eardrum than hear that.

    1. kittensdontlie

      My video wouldn't play but I can imagine the conversation to be "squawk squawk squickity squawk…dumb dumb dummity dumb…diddily diddily diddily squat….(and the droning on continues after you fall asleep….

    2. Charlie_Foxtrot

      No way I would un-mute this. I watched some of it silent. The background was disorienting. I haven't seen anything like those wiggly red lines since I was in college. Where's the turkey grinder??

    1. rmjagg

      camel face is a high ranking scientologist , worthy of respect … ahahahahahaha … ( really , she is …. )

      1. PhilippePetain

        Oooooh…. man, what if she was able to get Lou Sarah involved. THAT would be a fitting end.

  5. Nibbler of Niblonia

    I wanna fill that neck-dimple between her collarbones with a healthy load of my dick cheney misfire

    1. Tundra Grifter

      The FoxPAC is the only "news" network that interviews its own employees and fails to disclose that.

      I missed the part where Greta pointed out her husband used to work for Duh Gov'.

    2. freakishlywrong

      No, but Greta and Sean do, and until they go, she has a platform to just mean-girl snipe away.

  6. JustPixelz

    All that waterboarding and now we learn the real torture is have Cheney call you a mistake. But let's be sure. I'll call Sarah Palin™ a mistake 180 times to see if she cracks.

    (shouts the magic words)

    Did it work? No? I'll keep trying, for as long as it takes.

  7. timbo71351

    Annoying dumb thin-skinned woman is an annoying dumb thin-skinned woman. The only good thing that would come out of Mittens being elected president is that Fox News wouldn't renew her contract and she might have to get a real job.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Maybe she could go on unemployment, or get some kind of Social Security disability stipend.

        1. tessiee

          More in one year than I've made in the last five years, I'm certain of that.
          Also, now I haz a sad.

  8. Biel_ze_Bubba

    She's upset because in Alaska, she has to hunt lawyers from a helicopter. It's those darned socialist regulations, taking away her freedumbs again.

  9. MumbletyAvian

    Unable to watch. Shrill harpy ups the shrill factor. If anyone can put an arctic freeze over the national populace in fuckin' August, its her White Witch caricature. All the icy posturing and none of the Turkish delight. Cheney'd get turned to stone with one withering glance if she had even that shred of remaining credibility that didn't get mired in her instability.

    1. freakishlywrong

      Jesus, me neither, Mumblety, I can't stand hearing Sir Laffs Gaffs Alot anymore either. It's going to be an excruciating three months.

  10. qwerty42

    I tend to forget her stream-consciousness, word salad commentary. But she did seem irritated.

    1. NorthStarSpanx

      Evidently, she also too got stuck on the word of the day too, that Bristol's PR Group BSMP, LLC must have Google'd.

  11. Larry McAwful

    Seriously, I think something's changed with Sarah. I can't tell what it is, though. She looks kinda stoned in this video, and she definitely looks trashier. How does she do it?

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        I guess Fucks Gnus (hey, it's bestiality day!) doesn't have the wardrobe and makeup budget that the GOP had. It takes a lot of dough to make a MILF out trailer trash.

  12. Antispandex

    I saw "Sarah Palin" and "Dick" in the header, (I never notice when it says Cheney for some reason), and I just had to check out the story, but I just don't know if I have the courage to press the button and listen to the shrill momma moose whine about…well, anything. What to do, what to do?

  13. Mahousu

    It's a close call, but perhaps we would have been better off if Palin had been VP under Bush instead of Cheney. Yes, the country still would have done random, stupid, counterproductive things, but it would have been less competent at it.

    Admittedly, this is one of those "would you rather freeze to death or burn to death" questions.

  14. Mittens Howell, III

    Handy tip for watching Sarah Palin videos: stop when you feel a part of your soul being sucked through the screen.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      That feeling? It's actually your lunch being sent back up your throat.
      I made it to 42 seconds.

  15. BaldarTFlagass

    As much as I hate Dick Cheney (with votes), I really love that he pissed in her cornflakes.

  16. Limeylizzie

    Alaskunt seems to think that if you become a complete physical caricature of yourself that that is going to make you prettier, sexier, more appealing, so she now has massive and hideous hair extensions and much too much make-up on. That would be like me stuffing my bra and talking like Dick Van Dyke in "Mary Poppins".

    1. prommie

      Lewis Black made a funny last week during one of his rants, about how its so unnecessary for Katie Perry to put fireworks on her tits, because WE ARE ALREADY LOOKING.

    2. tessiee

      "Alaskunt seems to think that if you become a complete physical caricature of yourself that that is going to make you prettier, sexier, more appealing, so she now has massive and hideous hair extensions and much too much make-up on."

      I'm unfamiliar with whatever species she belongs to, so I'm not sure whether that's a mating display or intended to scare away predators.

  17. carlgt1

    Cheney is a top dick of the world – but at least he knows what a Vice President does (and then some…)

  18. Dudleydidwrong

    Listening to Snowbilly is still like fingernails on a chalk board. The problem is that the chalk board has a more rational response to what is going on around it. Could we combine the two ideas in the video and send Palin to the Moon?

  19. prommie

    You know there is a coldness in the air, a chill. You can actually feel the evil as the crypts clank open and Cheney's army of the undead emerge to wreak his revenge on her.

  20. prommie

    You know I just realized this, I get more fruede from Sarah Palin's schaden, than from anyone else's.

  21. prommie

    You know, I start too many posts with "you know," you know? Remember the time we couldn't remember remembering? 'Member?

  22. ElPinche

    Palin's run-on sentence structure is like Inception. It's a clause within a clause wrapped by another clause, and all those clauses are wrapped by outer-shell clause. She never ever closes the original point of a sentence. I'm trapped inside one her run-on sentences right now.

    1. prommie

      I do that too, but, well, I use appropriate connectors so the whole thing makes sense and I do get to the point somewhere along the way, even if the wait can be longer than is probably worth it to most people, who are busier than ever these days as a result of economic conditions and the labor market giving employers the upper hand so people feel they have to work longer and longer hours just to keep their heads above water.

  23. ColHeightsChic

    My brain is going to explode from listening to that tirade. Have I really forgotten how overwhelmingly confusing and tiring it can be to try to make sense of the random string of words that come spewing out of that woman's mouth? I did love, however, the random "Dick Cheney hates women" assertion by Greta. I guess I must hate women too. Shit, I guess I must hate myself then.
    Great, now i hate myself, and I haven't even had lunch yet.

    1. not that Dewey

      Evidently. And Dick Cheney has been brainwashed by the Daily Kos/Media Matters/George Soros LSM, evidently.

  24. tessiee

    "Is Sarah Palin reminding the country that Dick Cheney once shot an old man in the face? We are going to go with “fuck yeah!”"

    And the inevitable follow up question: Can we somehow get Dick Cheney to shoot Sarah Pa…
    [giant hook comes out of wings and yanks comment offstage]

    1. An_Outhouse

      The country needed her – to arrive on a bus and sell a book – then fly to the next city and wait for the bus to arrive and do it again. Griftin' is hard work.

      1. NorthStarSpanx

        Evidently, there's also no glory in perhaps engaging your servant's heart as she's so blessed to representing the United States without the shackles of a title there.

  25. rockyoumonkeys

    I never actually watched Greta talk for any real length of time so I only just now noticed….when did she have a stroke?

  26. Nostrildamus

    Lock Palin, Cheney, Walnuts and W in a house with a case of mackerel and a half-a-roll of toilet paper. Release a quart of lice and a couple dozen tarantulas.

    1. tessiee

      It's also the only way Sarah's ass has even a chance of equaling all the shit that comes out of her mouth.

  27. BarackMyWorld

    Logically speaking, you would think someone who has actually been VP would have a better grasp on what qualifies you for the job than someone who had to have the basic job responsibilities of the office explained to her after screwing it up when talking to school children, and maybe Palin should have just said "The former Vice President is entitled to his opinion, but I would not have accepted the nomination if I agreed with his view."

    1. NorthStarSpanx

      But "misfire" wouldn't make sense in that response, cause she was hell bent on making sure to put in that dig.

  28. elviouslyqueer

    Oh bless her heart, but Sarah's hair looks like it hasn't been touched by a gay man in a very, very, very long time.

    1. paulabflat

      now there aren't any poles anywhere near long enough and if there were, i doubt any of the gay mens would do her hair with it.

      as if.

  29. barto

    I think she put him up to it just to get her stupid face back in the news (and she does appear exceptionally stupid, even for her, in this clip). She had to have rehearsed her response, not quite rambly jambly enough to be her usual schtick.

  30. owhatever

    Sarah, please do what you do best. Quit and go away. But stop coming back. It's Willow's turn.

  31. dcjdjay

    The a-hole farts and the C-you-next-Tuesday queefs in response.

    Stinks up the immediate surroundings, but the rest of the world really doesn't give a damn.

  32. tessiee

    At last, the great, world-ending Republican battle we've all been waiting for since 1980 or so:
    I'm going to call it:

  33. Isyaignert

    The ONLY reason $arah Palin had any approval ratings in Alaska at the time of her selection as VP is because everyone had just gotten their socialist gummint checks for their share of the Alaskan oil, not because she's a Dudly Do-right fighting against corruption (ha!) – she's a twit and a twat.

  34. widestanceromance

    Hate to say it, but I thank Cheney for twisting her up good.

    Curiously, his daughter, the one who can speak, extolled Palin just days ago.

  35. thefrontpage

    August 2, 2012


    Please come home. All is forgiven.


    Ellen, Rosie, Rachel, Anne, Meredith, and Margaret.

  36. MiniMencken

    Genius! Mooselini begins the response by opining that Cheney was only responding to descriptions of her in the "lamestream media" and doesn't really know the actual Wasilla Wunderkind. If only the lawyers for the Nazi officials at Nuremburg had thought of this argument, every one of their clients would have gotten off scot free.

    1. NorthStarSpanx

      If only she and Bristol and Todd had an outlet to counter all this lamestream make-stuff-up-istan crap to set the record straight all these years later. . .

  37. YouBetcha

    The shrill whine the tortured syntax, the bad wig. Am I the only one turned on right now?

  38. chascates

    The newest Palin reality show: PAYBACK ARM WRASSLIN'!, in which an aggrieved Palin gets to arm wrestle their accusor BUT in fact using the combined arm power of the entire clan by a method yet to be determined.

  39. AutomaticPilot

    If for some reason you didn't get the video to play, here is a full transcript:
    “I personally believe, that U.S. Americans, are unable to do so, because uh, some, people out there, in our nation don’t have maps. and uh…I believe that our education like such as in South Africa, and the Iraq, everywhere like such as…and, I believe they should uh, our education over here, in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa, and should help the Iraq and Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future, for us.”

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