Briefly Famous Base-Ball Man John Rocker Thinks First Amendment Is Shield From Mockery

by Josh Fruhlinger

Fun fact: John Rocker played for both MLB teams whose logos are actual racist caricaturesWho could forget the magical year 1999? Bill Clinton proved that it was Constitutional for the president to get a blowjob from a lady to whom he was not married, the stock market was on a nonstop rocket ride to the moon thanks to the new-fangled Internet, and Atlanta Braves relief pitcher John Rocker was fourth in the National League in saves with 38. Shouldn’t that have earned him to right to have people respect his opinions, like that Mets fans are trash who throw batteries at opposing players (true) and that it’s better not to have to look at HIV positive people and people with dyed hair and people who don’t speak English (more troubling)? Now, 13 years later, John Rocker has turned to America’s most esteemed publication, WorldNetDaily, to explain how people with certain conservative views are basically censored and put in jail everywhere in this country, without the censoring and jailing part.

We don’t want to play “armchair psychologists” but it seems that John Rocker might still harbor a little bitterness about the fact that he made a bunch of racist and homophobic statements to a reporter, on the record, back in 2000, and then the reporter reported this, and then lots of people got mad at him, because being a racist homophobe makes you an asshole. Or maybe it’s because the media has decided that this makes you an asshole?

Over the past decades, media, in their infinite wisdom, have declared themselves judge, jury and executioner regarding what is acceptable and not so in the realm of exchanging ideas, thoughts and opinions. They also seem to be the ones who have created the ‘rule book’ we all must follow — which over the years has gotten extremely complex with a tremendous array of double standards and finite logic regarding those to whom true freedom of speech actually applies.

Haha, yes, “highly complex,” who can keep track of how it used to be OK to refer to people as “queers with AIDS” when you were hanging out with your bros in high school, but suddenly when you’re talking to a reporter from a national publication it isn’t? SO MANY DOUBLE STANDARDS!

Anyway, if you want to see John Rocker laboriously masturbating to his recently acquired thesaurus and then ejaculating with the famous Voltaire quote about disapproving of what you say but defending to your death your right to say it, be our guest! (Voltaire of course never said this, but then again John Rocker isn’t going to defend to the death your right to say anything either, so it works out.) But trust us when we say that his column basically can be encapsulated thusly: Sure, “freedom of speech” in reality means that you can’t be prevented from expressing your opinion by the force of the government, but shouldn’t it also mean that people can’t call you an asshole, if they think you’re an asshole, based on the things you say?

The answer to this question is, of course, no. John Rocker meanwhile was presumably paid money by WorldNetDaily to wonder this. WorldNetDaily in turns makes money to pay its writers by selling scam ads like this:

Seems legit

So, when it comes to John Rocker, there isn’t any such thing as free speech, haw, haw! Because he’s getting paid, you see (with money from fraudulent ads that prey on the gullible and desperate). [WND]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 121 comments }

nounverb911 August 2, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Didn't Rocker just use the first amendment to mock someone?

Nibbler of Niblonia August 2, 2012 at 1:59 pm

when he does it it's speech, when someone else does it to him it's oppression.

Fraudulently_Joe August 2, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Himself? His audience? His own understanding of the First Amendment?

Or did you mean intentionally?

Crank_Tango August 2, 2012 at 1:04 pm

I hate when media decide things. Paper is always getting a little too big for its britches if you ask me. Clay is pretty cool, and I am undecided re: canvas.

Boojum August 2, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Stone is the fashizzle.

actor212 August 2, 2012 at 1:42 pm

How are you with mosaic?

Crank_Tango August 2, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Depends–tile is dope, but glass is dead to me.

Billmatic August 2, 2012 at 1:44 pm

It's all about papyrus.

Toomush_Infer August 2, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Foam, it's the new Spanish…..

elviouslyqueer August 2, 2012 at 1:05 pm

John who?

Lascauxcaveman August 2, 2012 at 1:19 pm

That whiny little bitch that makes Curt Schilling almost look like a hero in comparison.

I love baseball. I'm glad most players have the common sense to STFU about things other than their hitting, fielding. etc.

Callyson August 2, 2012 at 1:06 pm

The biggest thing I don't like about New York are the foreigners. You can walk an entire block in Times Square and not hear anybody speaking English. Asians and Koreans and Vietnamese and Indians and Russians and Spanish people and everything up there. How the hell did they get in this country?

I take it this fucker never heard of planes, trains, or automobiles.

nounverb911 August 2, 2012 at 1:08 pm

I bet his family name was shortened from it's original Rockinskiowitz on Ellis Island.

vasty_derp August 2, 2012 at 1:36 pm

I hear it used to be Rocksferbrains. You can see that that's too many syllables…

vodkamuppet August 2, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Yeah! And what's with all the chinks on Canal Street? It's like Chinese-town down there.

ChillBill August 2, 2012 at 1:06 pm

What a waste of a completely awesome surname.

vasty_derp August 2, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Yeh- rocking chairs are the STUFF!

DaveJ August 2, 2012 at 1:06 pm

I hooked my e-meter up to that device, and discovered that it is a scam.

GhostBuggy August 2, 2012 at 1:18 pm

No, DaveJ, don't —

<Scientology lawyers burst into Wonkette commenting section with sternly worded letters>

Callyson August 2, 2012 at 1:09 pm

After retiring from baseball, Rocker embarked upon a successful career in real estate development.

You'd think this fucker would spend less time bitching about the fact that other people have the audacity to call him out on his hate, and more time focusing on reviving the real estate market…

Advn2rgirl August 2, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Ainorite? Job creator much?

ChillBill August 2, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Cause "Woman is 53 but looks 27" is not a scam ad at all, right?

BaldarTFlagass August 2, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Wait, you have one in your town too? Does your town also have barely-legal hotties that want to have sex with you tonight?

ChillBill August 2, 2012 at 1:21 pm

I'm a man in my early 30's. Why would I want to look like a 57 year old woman who looks 27? I wish I got the "hotties" ad instead…

BaldarTFlagass August 2, 2012 at 1:26 pm

You probably aren't going to the right websites.

Lascauxcaveman August 2, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Does your town also have barely-legal hotties that want to have sex with you tonight?

Yes! And a local mom who's discovered this one simple, crazy, absurd, ridiculous, easy, outrageous, parsimonious, inequitable, calciform, flatulent, herbaceous, ineffable, equanimitable, holographic, otiose, penumbrous, shambolic, fustian, capacious, metamnemophobic and ursine trick to clear up skin blemishes!

Needless to say, dematologists just hate her.

Jus_Wonderin August 2, 2012 at 1:27 pm

My woman is a Land Rover. But wow, look at her headlights.

GunToting[Redacted] August 2, 2012 at 1:09 pm

This "Constitution" they keep talking about… I do not think it says what they think it says.

BaldarTFlagass August 2, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Surprise, surprise, surprise.

BaldarTFlagass August 2, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Your move, Kenny Powers.

FNMA August 2, 2012 at 1:18 pm

"Kiss my ass and suck my dick… everyone."
– Kenny Fucking Powers

ph7 August 2, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Rocker would never rock a boogie board like this.

Trannysurprise August 2, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Sorry you think it's intolerant of me not to tolerate your intolerance.

Baconzgood August 2, 2012 at 1:20 pm

?? I haz teh confuzez???

PhilippePetain August 2, 2012 at 1:47 pm

It's almost as if the man has never read Karl Popper.

DahBoner August 2, 2012 at 6:16 pm

I prefer John Popper, because he can hit all the 1/16th notes without breathing….

Baconzgood August 2, 2012 at 1:10 pm

BUT IT'S GOT "2000" WRITTEN ON IT!!!! HOW CAN IT NOT WORK? 2000!!!!!!

nounverb911 August 2, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Y2K bug?

SigDeFlyinMonky August 2, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Why tokay buzz? Well, it goes down smooth and gets me ripped!

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 2, 2012 at 1:11 pm

That thing they are trying to sell looks like Napoleon Dynamite's time machine.

SorosBot August 2, 2012 at 1:12 pm

"with money from fraudulent ads that prey on the gullible and desperate"

But those pills really will make my penis bigger, right?

freakishlywrong August 2, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Jesus, these swaggering, obnoxious, bullying, bloviating wingers are such girly victims; cowering before the mighty librul media. (See previous Lumptard post).

MissTaken August 2, 2012 at 1:12 pm

I like to takes me Free Electricity deviec with me on th subway. Keeps all them kweers with AEdS speakign teh MEssicans away from me. Also, children, also

thefrontpage August 2, 2012 at 1:12 pm

By gum, dagnabit, it looks like John Rocker is Off His Rocker!

Mindy Meyer for President

John Rocker for Defense Secretary!

Michele Malkin for National Endowment of the Arts Chairman!

Sarah Palin for Secretary of State!

Ted Nugent for Interior Secretary!

Chuck Norris for Homeland Security Director!

Yes, they are all crazy; yes, they are all incompentent idiots; yes, anyone of them in any political post is scary; and, yes, all of these people are morons, idiots and pyschos.

Tequila Mockingbird August 2, 2012 at 1:12 pm

I don't follow the volleyball, so I've never heard of this douche. But I'm fucking tired of wingnuts throwing around the words "freedom of speech" like cheap currency. The First Fucking Amendment only applies to government censorship of legitimate speech, not to private corporations or media. If the media think you're a racist cuntrag, they have every right to use facts to portray you as such. And if I want to call you a "dripping bag of jizz" on an internet message board, I can do that, too. That's why America is awesome!

Arkoday August 2, 2012 at 1:28 pm

I don't follow the volleyball

WIN

GhostBuggy August 2, 2012 at 1:34 pm

You're missing out. Have you seen the beach volleyball? It's really something else.

bumfug August 2, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Just like all the other conservatives and bible-thumpers, Rocker's never happy unless he's feeling oppressed.

Billmatic August 2, 2012 at 1:48 pm

You don't know what it's like
being male middle class and white
it's a bitch if you don't believe
listen up to my new cd

i got shit runnin thru my brain
so intense that i can't explain
all alone in my white boy pain
shake your booty while the band complains

ManchuCandidate August 2, 2012 at 1:13 pm

You gotta be pretty pathetic to make the Mets and Mets "The Ni Mets are my favorite Squadron!" Fans look really good.

Yeah, that's John Rocker. The only reason anyone tolerated him was because he could throw 100mph. Once he lost his heater… well it's DFA time (aka Designated For Assignment.)

Texan_Bulldog August 2, 2012 at 1:13 pm

I don't get into a high dudgeon about mascots not being PC, but that Cleveland Indians mascot is pretty offensive (and I'm not even a Native American).

Oh and John Rocker is a textbook case on how to destroy your career because you think the journalist interviewing you is your friend. He is almost too stupid to live. And I bet he was at Chik-Fil-A yesterday.

GhostBuggy August 2, 2012 at 1:28 pm

In a town nearby some years ago, the high school had a Redskin mascot. Some actual Native Americans, who actually had kids in the school system, were like, "eh, that kind of bothers us." The school board, in a rare moment of intelligence for an American school board, decided to change the mascot.

Of course, they were all recalled.

Texan_Bulldog August 2, 2012 at 1:56 pm

I think there are a lot of Indian mascots (Washington Redskins) that aren't that bad, but this one is really awful. I don't follow baseball so I guess I hadn't ever noticed it before.

Lascauxcaveman August 2, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Chief Wahoo is as American as Bugs Bunny and Mickey Mouse. And probably created by the same folks, come to think of it.

Texan_Bulldog August 2, 2012 at 1:39 pm

You may be right. He looks like Elmer Fudd in red face.

SexySmurf August 2, 2012 at 1:14 pm

The only reason he got this gig with WorldNetDaily is because he spent his youth playing with balls.

Boojum August 2, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Like most conservatives.

Toomush_Infer August 2, 2012 at 4:11 pm

You mean there's a job at WorldNetDaily waiting for me???? Whoohoo!!!!!….

Slim_Pickins August 2, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Wait, free electricity?!!!

mavenmaven August 2, 2012 at 1:16 pm

"The reporter wrote that during the interview session, Rocker spat on a Georgia 400 toll machine and mocked Asian women."
He hates America and he has bad taste in women…

Buzz Feedback August 2, 2012 at 1:16 pm

If John doesn't reverse the polarity on his tinfoil hat the black helicopters are going to get him.

randcoolcatdaddy August 2, 2012 at 1:16 pm

They shouldn't be put in jail for speaking their minds.

A thorough program of mental health treatment and medication for delusions and psychotic behavior is a different matter.

rickmaci August 2, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Poetic justice that Rocktard is left with this legacy. A washed up fucktard loudmouth jock who had 15 minutes in the major leagues, now reduced to ranting in the Wing Nut Douchely.

kittensdontlie August 2, 2012 at 1:21 pm

As if the Cleveland Indians didn't have enough curses placed on them…

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 2, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Poor white, straight, male former pro athlete. Soooo oppressed!

rmjagg August 2, 2012 at 2:04 pm

on the bright side , i heard he's fucking victoria jackson ….

SoBeach August 2, 2012 at 1:22 pm

If the media gets to be judge, jury, and executioner why do they bother even printing/broadcasting? Can't they just take care of business without pestering me?

SoBeach August 2, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Some day we're all going to wake up and realize how unfair it is for the media to report what people say.

TheGyrus August 2, 2012 at 1:23 pm

I'm a bit concerned that small, unlicensed nuclear-reactors-in-a-box are for sale on Wing Nut Daily.

BaldarTFlagass August 2, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Don't worry, the folks who spend their days over there are mostly too stupid to know how to convert the fuel to weapons-grade plutonium.

GhostBuggy August 2, 2012 at 1:28 pm

I blame myself.

Kid_Charlemagne August 2, 2012 at 1:34 pm

No worries, when you turn it on it only plays AC/DC.

fuflans August 2, 2012 at 1:23 pm

my ex husband was a cleveland indians fan too and now we are not married.

freakishlywrong August 2, 2012 at 1:24 pm

What's that confabulator? I think we've found the elusive "Democrat Talking Points Generator". It's constantly on the defensive and nobody books it on the Sunday shows.

Jus_Wonderin August 2, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Rocker really does have a pretty mouth.

rmjagg August 2, 2012 at 2:01 pm

for an anus

Generation[redacted] August 2, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Mr Rocker? Dixie Chicks on line 2…

OneYieldRegular August 2, 2012 at 1:26 pm

The penchant of that column for obviousing words it cannot imbibe with correctness has founded an aptitude in me suspecting the one which authored it may not possess completeness in understanding of what they written.

chicken_thief August 2, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Awesomest post. I confur 100%!!!

IceCreamEmpress August 2, 2012 at 1:29 pm

I wish we could put him in Shame Jail for Aggravated Idiocy. Or the Shame Pillory, where we could throw the vegetables of dishonor at his head.

Americans want to know—WHY IS JOHN ROCKER SUCH A GODDAMNED PUSSY THAT HE CAN'T TAKE A LITTLE MOCKERY?

actor212 August 2, 2012 at 1:45 pm

I blame the steroids.

No, really

Stevola August 3, 2012 at 1:05 am

" I am not coming to the mound halfcocked."

Heehee

Tommy1733 August 2, 2012 at 1:29 pm

There are a lot of excellent rebuttals to Rockers' nonsense on WND right now (I'm not being sarcastic either).

Arkoday August 2, 2012 at 1:31 pm

America’s most esteemed publication, WorldNetDaily…?

Wonkette Libel!!11!

An_Outhouse August 2, 2012 at 4:45 pm

WorldNetDaily? Its like someone is contractually obligated to so many posts per day and they wanted to leave early so its troll WND for something that writes itself.

actor212 August 2, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Mets fans are trash who throw batteries at opposing players (true)

…in 1973, squirt. Now STFU and get me an iced tea. I've got a Duracell and I'm not afraid to use it.

Billmatic August 2, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Well Giants fans threw snowballs with batteries hidden in them at the Chargers back in the 90s.

actor212 August 2, 2012 at 2:18 pm

NY Giants fans are Republican fans who root for the Yankees in the summer.

PLEASE do not confuse the honorable liberal lunchpail Mets fans with those losers.

Billmatic August 2, 2012 at 3:42 pm

I love the Giants. You realize that this means war.

chicken_thief August 2, 2012 at 1:38 pm

"….relief pitcher John Rocker was fourth in the National League in saves with 38."

But did he still get a trophy like he did in Little League?

SayItWithWookies August 2, 2012 at 1:40 pm

If John Rocker's soooo fuckin' oppressed, why am I still hearing from him? Really, you Stalinist jackbooted PC media police are doing a shitty job.

actor212 August 2, 2012 at 1:40 pm

I've always loved the fact that Rocker ended his professional baseball career playing for the Long Island Ducks, a semi-professional team located in Central Islip…

…ground zero for undocumented immigrant lawn-care workers!

timbo71351 August 2, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Good to know the real life version of Kenny Powers is doing OK. Swear to God, Rocker's neck used to be bigger around than his head. Why anyone would care what someone like that thought about any fucking thing is beyond me.

OhDeerMee123 August 2, 2012 at 1:43 pm

He coulda been a contender! Damn bigots against bigotry.

Blueb4sinrise August 2, 2012 at 1:44 pm

' …and finite logic…'

Here, Rocker is alluding to Kurt Gödel.
QE FUCKING DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Doktor Zoom August 2, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Kid Zoom starts Hi School in a few weeks at Boise High, home of the Braves. Grrrrrrr.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 August 2, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Haha…I attended Boise High for a year and a half so my condolences. What was REALLY wierd about Boise High when I was there is that one year all the white kids were trying to be black and were into rap. Then, over the summer it appeared David Duke must have been the new idol because all the kids I hung out with became disgusting, awful racists. But yeah…Boise High doth suck…

barto August 2, 2012 at 1:47 pm

WND is probably one of the few places the "Free Electricity Machine" can be advertised as it automatically filters for the only subset of the population that would actually buy such a thing.

Chichikovovich August 2, 2012 at 1:48 pm

True, Voltaire never did say what Rocker quotes. But we have to give Rocker points for appealing to that great sage.

For example, this seems to fit the topic of Rocker's piece quite well:

I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it.

And for WorldNetDaily as a whole:

Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.

But I regretfully report that he has some harsh words for Mr. Rocker:

To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered.

Billmatic August 2, 2012 at 1:50 pm

The only thing John Rocker ever did that benefited humankind was inspiring the creation of Kenny Powers.

Guppy August 2, 2012 at 1:54 pm

I wanted to check out the ad for the magical device that makes a mockery of Newton, but Jesus fucking Christ, I've seen fewer smarmy pop-ups on porn sites!

Has WND been reported as an attack site lately?

Generation[redacted] August 2, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Are you a Mod or a Rocker?

metamarcisf August 2, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Ringo: "I'm a mocker."

rmjagg August 2, 2012 at 1:58 pm

does he think saying " nigger " and " queers " is about exchanging ideas , thoughts and opinions ? who wrote the column for him ?

Nostrildamus August 2, 2012 at 2:08 pm

I await a reasoned response from Ozzie Guillen.

YasserArraFeck August 2, 2012 at 2:15 pm

How did WND get a pick of Mitt with his head casing removed?

Tangled sin tax August 2, 2012 at 2:19 pm

My wife's electrical engineer dad built her one of those gizmos when she was a kid. Only it was in a cigar box. I think she used it for her trip to Mars.

Fraudulently_Joe August 2, 2012 at 2:20 pm

WorldNetDaily in turns makes money to pay its writers by selling scam ads like this:

I assume that this is because WND's readership is neither hot nor rich nor nakedandasian enough to participate in Mutually Beneficial Arrangements.

metamarcisf August 2, 2012 at 2:23 pm

They should call him John Mocker!!! Ho. Ho. Need my meds…

Fraudulently_Joe August 2, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Does everyone remember how, back when John Rocker first made that bigoted rant, he had a momentary MASSIVE SURGE in popularity amongst assholes, racists, homophobes, and people who just generally despise the urban Northeast because Culture War?

What I'm getting at, basically, is that John Rocker was the Chick-fil-A of his day.

DahBoner August 2, 2012 at 2:50 pm

A "unique" device?

Translated: We're still waiting for some sucker to buy the first one.

BZ1 August 2, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Again, free speech up to a point, you don't shout "Hi Jack" at an airport!

poorgradstudent August 2, 2012 at 3:09 pm

For people who blather on about how society has rejected the virtues of "personal responsibility" the John Rockers of the world sure hate the idea that they bear any responsibility for what they say.

gurukalehuru August 2, 2012 at 3:26 pm

regarding those to whom true freedom of speech actually applies. …

which would be everybody, asshole.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 August 2, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Yet another example of a moron who doesn't understand freedom of speech is only guaranteed against Government attempts to censor. Even then freedom of speech has become so modefied it's hard to tell if it really exists…but I love how pretty much every stupid, racist, idiotic blowhard I've come across at one time or another claims "freedom of speech" to spout their awful bullshit without any consequences…and it doesn't work that way WND you bunch of porn 'stached wierd morons.

An_Outhouse August 2, 2012 at 4:43 pm

John Rocker: "Wikipedia? Never heard of it'

ttommyunger August 2, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Now I know how he got his nick-name: "Offhiz".

e_z August 2, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Acrually this explains how he got his real nic name, John "off his" Rocker. Of course he has to share it with all the other cretins who read and believe WND.

djneedlz August 2, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Also finite logic!

DemmeFatale August 3, 2012 at 12:04 am

What's with his eyes?

LetUsBray August 3, 2012 at 1:00 am

Wait, I know I'm way late to this thread, but: This loser said a bunch of dumb, hateful shit 12 or 13 years ago and after all this time he STILL haz a sad about people telling him it was a bunch of dumb, hateful shit?

Congratulations, Rockhead; I would have thought it impossible to be simultaneously dickless and a dick, but here it is.

In fact, someone should work up a family tree on this guy; we may well have a long-lost Palin here.

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