Briefly Famous Base-Ball Man John Rocker Thinks First Amendment Is Shield From Mockery

  i do not think those words mean what you think they mean

Fun fact: John Rocker played for both MLB teams whose logos are actual racist caricaturesWho could forget the magical year 1999? Bill Clinton proved that it was Constitutional for the president to get a blowjob from a lady to whom he was not married, the stock market was on a nonstop rocket ride to the moon thanks to the new-fangled Internet, and Atlanta Braves relief pitcher John Rocker was fourth in the National League in saves with 38. Shouldn’t that have earned him to right to have people respect his opinions, like that Mets fans are trash who throw batteries at opposing players (true) and that it’s better not to have to look at HIV positive people and people with dyed hair and people who don’t speak English (more troubling)? Now, 13 years later, John Rocker has turned to America’s most esteemed publication, WorldNetDaily, to explain how people with certain conservative views are basically censored and put in jail everywhere in this country, without the censoring and jailing part.

We don’t want to play “armchair psychologists” but it seems that John Rocker might still harbor a little bitterness about the fact that he made a bunch of racist and homophobic statements to a reporter, on the record, back in 2000, and then the reporter reported this, and then lots of people got mad at him, because being a racist homophobe makes you an asshole. Or maybe it’s because the media has decided that this makes you an asshole?

Over the past decades, media, in their infinite wisdom, have declared themselves judge, jury and executioner regarding what is acceptable and not so in the realm of exchanging ideas, thoughts and opinions. They also seem to be the ones who have created the ‘rule book’ we all must follow — which over the years has gotten extremely complex with a tremendous array of double standards and finite logic regarding those to whom true freedom of speech actually applies.

Haha, yes, “highly complex,” who can keep track of how it used to be OK to refer to people as “queers with AIDS” when you were hanging out with your bros in high school, but suddenly when you’re talking to a reporter from a national publication it isn’t? SO MANY DOUBLE STANDARDS!

Anyway, if you want to see John Rocker laboriously masturbating to his recently acquired thesaurus and then ejaculating with the famous Voltaire quote about disapproving of what you say but defending to your death your right to say it, be our guest! (Voltaire of course never said this, but then again John Rocker isn’t going to defend to the death your right to say anything either, so it works out.) But trust us when we say that his column basically can be encapsulated thusly: Sure, “freedom of speech” in reality means that you can’t be prevented from expressing your opinion by the force of the government, but shouldn’t it also mean that people can’t call you an asshole, if they think you’re an asshole, based on the things you say?

The answer to this question is, of course, no. John Rocker meanwhile was presumably paid money by WorldNetDaily to wonder this. WorldNetDaily in turns makes money to pay its writers by selling scam ads like this:

Seems legit

So, when it comes to John Rocker, there isn’t any such thing as free speech, haw, haw! Because he’s getting paid, you see (with money from fraudulent ads that prey on the gullible and desperate). [WND]

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About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger

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121 comments

    1. Nibbler of Niblonia

      when he does it it's speech, when someone else does it to him it's oppression.

  1. Crank_Tango

    I hate when media decide things. Paper is always getting a little too big for its britches if you ask me. Clay is pretty cool, and I am undecided re: canvas.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      That whiny little bitch that makes Curt Schilling almost look like a hero in comparison.

      I love baseball. I'm glad most players have the common sense to STFU about things other than their hitting, fielding. etc.

  2. Callyson

    The biggest thing I don't like about New York are the foreigners. You can walk an entire block in Times Square and not hear anybody speaking English. Asians and Koreans and Vietnamese and Indians and Russians and Spanish people and everything up there. How the hell did they get in this country?

    I take it this fucker never heard of planes, trains, or automobiles.

    1. nounverb911

      I bet his family name was shortened from it's original Rockinskiowitz on Ellis Island.

    2. vodkamuppet

      Yeah! And what's with all the chinks on Canal Street? It's like Chinese-town down there.

    1. GhostBuggy

      No, DaveJ, don't —

      <Scientology lawyers burst into Wonkette commenting section with sternly worded letters>

  3. Callyson

    After retiring from baseball, Rocker embarked upon a successful career in real estate development.

    You'd think this fucker would spend less time bitching about the fact that other people have the audacity to call him out on his hate, and more time focusing on reviving the real estate market…

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Wait, you have one in your town too? Does your town also have barely-legal hotties that want to have sex with you tonight?

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        Does your town also have barely-legal hotties that want to have sex with you tonight?

        Yes! And a local mom who's discovered this one simple, crazy, absurd, ridiculous, easy, outrageous, parsimonious, inequitable, calciform, flatulent, herbaceous, ineffable, equanimitable, holographic, otiose, penumbrous, shambolic, fustian, capacious, metamnemophobic and ursine trick to clear up skin blemishes!

        Needless to say, dematologists just hate her.

  4. GunToting[Redacted]

    This "Constitution" they keep talking about… I do not think it says what they think it says.

  5. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    That thing they are trying to sell looks like Napoleon Dynamite's time machine.

  6. SorosBot

    "with money from fraudulent ads that prey on the gullible and desperate"

    But those pills really will make my penis bigger, right?

  7. freakishlywrong

    Jesus, these swaggering, obnoxious, bullying, bloviating wingers are such girly victims; cowering before the mighty librul media. (See previous Lumptard post).

  8. MissTaken

    I like to takes me Free Electricity deviec with me on th subway. Keeps all them kweers with AEdS speakign teh MEssicans away from me. Also, children, also

  9. thefrontpage

    By gum, dagnabit, it looks like John Rocker is Off His Rocker!

    Mindy Meyer for President

    John Rocker for Defense Secretary!

    Michele Malkin for National Endowment of the Arts Chairman!

    Sarah Palin for Secretary of State!

    Ted Nugent for Interior Secretary!

    Chuck Norris for Homeland Security Director!

    Yes, they are all crazy; yes, they are all incompentent idiots; yes, anyone of them in any political post is scary; and, yes, all of these people are morons, idiots and pyschos.

  10. Tequila Mockingbird

    I don't follow the volleyball, so I've never heard of this douche. But I'm fucking tired of wingnuts throwing around the words "freedom of speech" like cheap currency. The First Fucking Amendment only applies to government censorship of legitimate speech, not to private corporations or media. If the media think you're a racist cuntrag, they have every right to use facts to portray you as such. And if I want to call you a "dripping bag of jizz" on an internet message board, I can do that, too. That's why America is awesome!

  11. bumfug

    Just like all the other conservatives and bible-thumpers, Rocker's never happy unless he's feeling oppressed.

    1. Billmatic

      You don't know what it's like
      being male middle class and white
      it's a bitch if you don't believe
      listen up to my new cd

      i got shit runnin thru my brain
      so intense that i can't explain
      all alone in my white boy pain
      shake your booty while the band complains

  12. ManchuCandidate

    You gotta be pretty pathetic to make the Mets and Mets "The Ni Mets are my favorite Squadron!" Fans look really good.

    Yeah, that's John Rocker. The only reason anyone tolerated him was because he could throw 100mph. Once he lost his heater… well it's DFA time (aka Designated For Assignment.)

  13. Texan_Bulldog

    I don't get into a high dudgeon about mascots not being PC, but that Cleveland Indians mascot is pretty offensive (and I'm not even a Native American).

    Oh and John Rocker is a textbook case on how to destroy your career because you think the journalist interviewing you is your friend. He is almost too stupid to live. And I bet he was at Chik-Fil-A yesterday.

    1. GhostBuggy

      In a town nearby some years ago, the high school had a Redskin mascot. Some actual Native Americans, who actually had kids in the school system, were like, "eh, that kind of bothers us." The school board, in a rare moment of intelligence for an American school board, decided to change the mascot.

      Of course, they were all recalled.

      1. Texan_Bulldog

        I think there are a lot of Indian mascots (Washington Redskins) that aren't that bad, but this one is really awful. I don't follow baseball so I guess I hadn't ever noticed it before.

    2. Lascauxcaveman

      Chief Wahoo is as American as Bugs Bunny and Mickey Mouse. And probably created by the same folks, come to think of it.

  14. SexySmurf

    The only reason he got this gig with WorldNetDaily is because he spent his youth playing with balls.

  15. mavenmaven

    "The reporter wrote that during the interview session, Rocker spat on a Georgia 400 toll machine and mocked Asian women."
    He hates America and he has bad taste in women…

  16. Buzz Feedback

    If John doesn't reverse the polarity on his tinfoil hat the black helicopters are going to get him.

  17. randcoolcatdaddy

    They shouldn't be put in jail for speaking their minds.

    A thorough program of mental health treatment and medication for delusions and psychotic behavior is a different matter.

  18. rickmaci

    Poetic justice that Rocktard is left with this legacy. A washed up fucktard loudmouth jock who had 15 minutes in the major leagues, now reduced to ranting in the Wing Nut Douchely.

  19. SoBeach

    If the media gets to be judge, jury, and executioner why do they bother even printing/broadcasting? Can't they just take care of business without pestering me?

  20. SoBeach

    Some day we're all going to wake up and realize how unfair it is for the media to report what people say.

  21. TheGyrus

    I'm a bit concerned that small, unlicensed nuclear-reactors-in-a-box are for sale on Wing Nut Daily.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Don't worry, the folks who spend their days over there are mostly too stupid to know how to convert the fuel to weapons-grade plutonium.

  22. freakishlywrong

    What's that confabulator? I think we've found the elusive "Democrat Talking Points Generator". It's constantly on the defensive and nobody books it on the Sunday shows.

  23. OneYieldRegular

    The penchant of that column for obviousing words it cannot imbibe with correctness has founded an aptitude in me suspecting the one which authored it may not possess completeness in understanding of what they written.

  24. IceCreamEmpress

    I wish we could put him in Shame Jail for Aggravated Idiocy. Or the Shame Pillory, where we could throw the vegetables of dishonor at his head.

    Americans want to know—WHY IS JOHN ROCKER SUCH A GODDAMNED PUSSY THAT HE CAN'T TAKE A LITTLE MOCKERY?

  25. Tommy1733

    There are a lot of excellent rebuttals to Rockers' nonsense on WND right now (I'm not being sarcastic either).

    1. An_Outhouse

      WorldNetDaily? Its like someone is contractually obligated to so many posts per day and they wanted to leave early so its troll WND for something that writes itself.

  26. actor212

    Mets fans are trash who throw batteries at opposing players (true)

    …in 1973, squirt. Now STFU and get me an iced tea. I've got a Duracell and I'm not afraid to use it.

    1. Billmatic

      Well Giants fans threw snowballs with batteries hidden in them at the Chargers back in the 90s.

      1. actor212

        NY Giants fans are Republican fans who root for the Yankees in the summer.

        PLEASE do not confuse the honorable liberal lunchpail Mets fans with those losers.

  27. chicken_thief

    "….relief pitcher John Rocker was fourth in the National League in saves with 38."

    But did he still get a trophy like he did in Little League?

  28. actor212

    I've always loved the fact that Rocker ended his professional baseball career playing for the Long Island Ducks, a semi-professional team located in Central Islip…

    …ground zero for undocumented immigrant lawn-care workers!

  29. timbo71351

    Good to know the real life version of Kenny Powers is doing OK. Swear to God, Rocker's neck used to be bigger around than his head. Why anyone would care what someone like that thought about any fucking thing is beyond me.

  30. Blueb4sinrise

    ' …and finite logic…'

    Here, Rocker is alluding to Kurt Gödel.
    QE FUCKING DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

    1. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Haha…I attended Boise High for a year and a half so my condolences. What was REALLY wierd about Boise High when I was there is that one year all the white kids were trying to be black and were into rap. Then, over the summer it appeared David Duke must have been the new idol because all the kids I hung out with became disgusting, awful racists. But yeah…Boise High doth suck…

  31. barto

    WND is probably one of the few places the "Free Electricity Machine" can be advertised as it automatically filters for the only subset of the population that would actually buy such a thing.

  32. Chichikovovich

    True, Voltaire never did say what Rocker quotes. But we have to give Rocker points for appealing to that great sage.

    For example, this seems to fit the topic of Rocker's piece quite well:

    I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it.

    And for WorldNetDaily as a whole:

    Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.

    But I regretfully report that he has some harsh words for Mr. Rocker:

    To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered.

  33. Billmatic

    The only thing John Rocker ever did that benefited humankind was inspiring the creation of Kenny Powers.

  34. Guppy

    I wanted to check out the ad for the magical device that makes a mockery of Newton, but Jesus fucking Christ, I've seen fewer smarmy pop-ups on porn sites!

    Has WND been reported as an attack site lately?

  35. rmjagg

    does he think saying " nigger " and " queers " is about exchanging ideas , thoughts and opinions ? who wrote the column for him ?

  36. Fraudulently_Joe

    WorldNetDaily in turns makes money to pay its writers by selling scam ads like this:

    I assume that this is because WND's readership is neither hot nor rich nor nakedandasian enough to participate in Mutually Beneficial Arrangements.

  37. Fraudulently_Joe

    Does everyone remember how, back when John Rocker first made that bigoted rant, he had a momentary MASSIVE SURGE in popularity amongst assholes, racists, homophobes, and people who just generally despise the urban Northeast because Culture War?

    What I'm getting at, basically, is that John Rocker was the Chick-fil-A of his day.

  38. poorgradstudent

    For people who blather on about how society has rejected the virtues of "personal responsibility" the John Rockers of the world sure hate the idea that they bear any responsibility for what they say.

  39. Willardbot9000_V2.5

    Yet another example of a moron who doesn't understand freedom of speech is only guaranteed against Government attempts to censor. Even then freedom of speech has become so modefied it's hard to tell if it really exists…but I love how pretty much every stupid, racist, idiotic blowhard I've come across at one time or another claims "freedom of speech" to spout their awful bullshit without any consequences…and it doesn't work that way WND you bunch of porn 'stached wierd morons.

  40. e_z

    Acrually this explains how he got his real nic name, John "off his" Rocker. Of course he has to share it with all the other cretins who read and believe WND.

  41. LetUsBray

    Wait, I know I'm way late to this thread, but: This loser said a bunch of dumb, hateful shit 12 or 13 years ago and after all this time he STILL haz a sad about people telling him it was a bunch of dumb, hateful shit?

    Congratulations, Rockhead; I would have thought it impossible to be simultaneously dickless and a dick, but here it is.

    In fact, someone should work up a family tree on this guy; we may well have a long-lost Palin here.

Comments are closed.