Strength: 2, Charisma -5, Wisdom: infinitesimalHey, so what’s the deal with right-wingers, huh? They’re always going on about how sacred PRIVATE PROPERTY is, how it’s all IMMORAL for anyone to benefit from SOMEBODY ELSE’S “hard work,” am I right? And then you hear about something like THIS genius who goes and RIPS OFF an image from a VIDEO GAME so he can turn it into a picture of Dead Andrew Breitbart as an avenging angel! I guess these guys don’t mind a little REDISTRIBUTION as long as THEY’RE the one’s doin’ it and not the GOVERNMENT, know what I mean?

So, yes, it turns out: they didn’t build that. SciFi and Fantasy blog i09 advises us that the cover of a recent Limbaugh newsletter bears the image at the above left, depicting Rush Limbaugh as a glaive-wielding homunculus fighting a ravening Hell-Spawned Obamanation. The image was credited to artist Christopher Hiers, but a sharp-eyed reader recognized the picture as the “Nightmare Beast” from the 2002 Dungeons & Dragons 3rd Edition Monster Manual II. The actual artist turns out to be Wayne Reynolds, who makes pictures the old-fashioned way, by “drawing them.”

On his Facebook page, real artist Reynolds is something less than flattered by the imitation:

“That’s a bad copy of an illustration I was never happy with in the first place. [Dungeons & Dragons publisher Wizards of the Coast’s] legal team might be interested in this one though!”

Also, too: Did you notice that the “Nightmare Beast” seems to have gotten the O.J. Simpson treatment? We’re just sayin’, is all.


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  • Barb_

    Rush Limbaugh's superpower is to effortlessly remind the world to hate Rush Limbaugh.

  • edgydrifter

    Doktor Z gets +10 geek diamonds for correctly identifying a glaive.

    • I *was* rather proud of that. I think I saw glaives mentioned in one of Kid Zoom's Tamora Pierce novels.

      • I dunno, are you sure it's not a volge, bardiche, guisarme-glaive, or guisarm-guisarme-guisarme-glaive?

        Warning: do not click that link if you are susceptable to Nerd Overload.

        • Dear god, that's good.

        • tessiee

          Meh, I think I'm doing the good thing if I can remember which is a mace and which is a morningstar.

    • Mahousu

      Geek diamonds, aka antimatter whore diamonds. Never try to bring the two together.

      • Plus, you lose the geek diamonds, which sucks, because you have to spend a ton of time looking around underground near lava to find even one block.

    • SmutBoffin

      Typical elf, bringing a glaive to a giant befanged monster fight.

  • SpaghettiLee

    Wait a minute, I county two Nightmare Beasts.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I hate to say this, but I think the Obama-eyed monster is going to win. No wait, I love to say that.

  • Sorry Rush, your +9 Blowhard, +3 Viagra and +4 Barrel of Fried Chicken spells failed against the Evil Corprat Copyright Lawyer.

  • Sorry Rush, your +9 Blowhard, +3 Viagra and +4 Barrel of Fried Chicken attacks failed against the Evil Corprat Copyright Lawyer.

    • Don't forget the Bag of Oxycontin Holding.

      • HateMachine

        Don't you dare bring that near the Portable Glory-Hole.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    "…but a sharp-eyed reader recognized the picture as the “Nightmare Beast” from the 2002 Dungeons & Dragons 3rd Edition Monster Manual II." I can't help but think this dude is still a virgin.

    • Antispandex

      Virgin? I don't know. Lives in his mom's basement? Oh, yeah.

      • Graythebruce

        Yeah, Stephen Colbert or Vin Diesel probably would have spotted it too (, and everyone knows what basement-dwelling zit-poppers they are. Ditto for all of the gamers I used to know in the Armed Forces. They may be getting shot at abroad, but they brought their mom's basements and sweaty right hands with them. … Okay: I shouldn't be irked by the above comments, but I am. Yes, the basement-dwelling mouth-breather is a real guy. But he's a minority even in the population of people who would have recognized that picture. I knew the picture on sight despite having two children, a long, successful marriage, exercise, military service, a job, my own house, and no mortgage. Ease off on the nerd-lashings, dudes. Or at least realize that you're posting comments on an online discussion board that requires registration before posting, and that somewhere out there is a super-dude, far dudelier than thou, who thinks anyone who's posting on Wonkette must be a serial masturbator munching Doritos in his mother's dungeon. That crap rolls downhill, and you're on the same slope.

    • Fuck Toad

      Spoken like someone who's never gotten laid at a D&D game.

      • AbandonHope

        Your avatar makes my *many fingers* *smiley*!

        • Fuck Toad

          Hello *camper*! I am *expanding*!

  • Not_So_Much

    Which one is Rush?

    • The ugly beast.

    • The overrated Canadian trio.

    • The bloated, evil, rapacious one from hell.

    • Boojum

      OK, I see him, but who's the fat guy with the stick?

  • Billmatic

    So I was trolling thru the internet one day, I happened upon this lovely diagram about the Aurora shootings which features an NCR Ranger from Fallout New Vegas:

    i'm not sure where it's located on the original site and i don't really want to know. On the front page there's some stuff about "fuck facebook" and then the side bar says FOLLOW ME ON FACEBOOK. Good job staying off the grid there, miladdo.

    • to be fair, i completely agree with the 'fuck facebook' sentiment.

      • Billmatic

        oh absolutely, not necessarily lampooning the concept, just the hilarity of having FOLLOW ME ON FACEBOOK right next to it

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Has anyone thought to open a "fuck facebook" facebook page?

      • HuddledMass

        Ooo, I would totally "friend" that. Or whatever it is you do with F'book pages.

    • OhDeerMee123

      Wow, you troll some hardcore crazy.

  • Arkoday

    Rush is such a slut.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Instead of a Hell-Spawned Obamanation, they should have pictured Rush wielding his "glaive" at a bevy of underaged Dominican rentboys.

    • YasserArraFeck

      Is that a glaive in your pocket, Señor, or are you just happy to see me?

    • Advn2rgirl

      Glaive, please. That's a knife-throwing halfling if I ever saw one. (See, last panels:

    • tessiee

      No, they should not have; because face it, nobody wants to see that, least of all the rent boys.

  • Callyson

    Of course, this now brings up the pressing issue of Limbaugh's character class. Shadow elf milliner? Hobgoblin grain speculator? Merman old-timey megaphone screamer?

    Shit, I need to get into this stuff–these D&D fans know all the good insults…

    • GhostBuggy

      What class?

      • tessiee


    • You are probably at least a dozen years to late for the D&D stuff

    • HateMachine

      Flatulent kobold.

    • Boojum


  • Jus_Wonderin

    I am rooting for the beast.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Go, Hell-Spawned Obamanation, go!

  • Crank_Tango

    Nerd thread alert!!!!

  • HempDogbane

    McNaughton was busy that week.

  • Fairtackle

    Ha great picture. I like the expression on homunculus Rush's face. He looks very scared.

  • elviouslyqueer

    I'm all for artistic license, but depicting Rush Limbaugh as svelte and manly is really a bridge too fucking far.

  • SorosBot

    There you, bringing back fond memories of when D&D was good; 4th Edition sucks ass.

    • OhDeerMee123

      And Wizards are going to fuck him with a glaive sideways.

      • HateMachine

        If there's one thing Wizards is good for when it comes to D&D (and there IS only one thing), it's being litigious as all fuck.

        • Corrugated Palin

          I dunno. When it comes to unnecessary litigation over nerd games, they're no Games Workshop. They haven't even reached the heights of the TSR era.

    • Meh, 3.5 and 2 each sucked ass in their own special ways, too, people just learned to adjust their own way of playing to accomodate the suck, until they internalized that as a feature of the game, rather than a rather serious flaw. Which is why the Pathfinder game line managed to be successful at all, even though it's just 3.5 with more feature creep: they made it very clear that they were going to fix zero mechanical issues in the game, and instead insist "if it's fun for your group (which has developed house rulings to circumvent the issues), then clearly there's nothing at all that needs fixing!".

      Honestly, I totally get why all of my friends ragequit D&D for indie-gaming long ago; there's something to be said for game design that sets out to do a particular thing, and then writes mechanics that actually accomplish that thing. Very little about D&D holds a candle to Burning Wheel, Dogs in the Vineyard, or even just a game that actually tries to fix D&D's problems, like Legend.

      Wow, that was a long rant about D&D right there.

      • HateMachine

        Oh man, I love Legend to death. Enough that my crew has fully switched and streams our weekly campaign online.

        Their current release still has quite a few balance issues, but it's really refreshing to see a d20 dev say "fuck no, that's not a feature, monks should not be able to do that." It also helps that they're pretty open about their design process and planned changes, so I'm not obligated to continue watching a monk do like twelve attacks in a round while somebody typesets a rulebook.

        But most importantly, their grapple rules fit on a page and are pretty easy to remember.

        • The biggest problem with the D&D monk is that it's incoherent. The idea was to emulate the highly mobile, fast-paced combat of wuxia fiction, and they accomplished by giving the monk a handful of movement-enhancing abilities…

          …that the monk never uses, because their only combat ability worth a damn, flurry, requires them to stand in one spot to use it.

          I admit that machine-gun spam is a modest issue, since it does tie up the focus in one person for way too long, but it's nothing compared to the fact that class was built around two mutually exclusive combat mechanics.

          • HateMachine

            I thought 4E, for all its flaws, took a step in the right direction on monks by tying their offensive abilities directly to their movement abilities.

            My call-out of monks, though, was specifically about Legend's monk, which had one of the most insanely powerful tracks in the game (which was focused on attacking a lot and using flurry, ugh). Which is in no small part why I was thrilled to see the Legend devs burn their own monk design to the ground to start over, and also to remove flurry from the game.

            "Working as intended" is far too common an attitude when it comes to D&D, or even devs making games based on D&D, like Pathfinder. It's sadly telling that I'm so happy to see a developer in this space that is committed to fixing what is broken about their game.

    • Fuck Toad

      Fuck that, 4th Edition is awesome. It's WOTC's support for 4th Edition which sucks ass, and now us poor 4e bastards are stranded without a Paizo to rescue us.

      • HateMachine

        I remember hearing about a little miniature shitstorm where a fair number of DM's in WotC's official DM Association got super butthurt about players leaving them for Legend and a few other indies. The funny part is that those DMs without exception were still running 3.5. This was this year.

        Seriously, four years in and Wizards doesn't even ask the DMA to push their goddamn flagship product? 4E's pretty much orphaned. Think 5th Edition will fare better?

        • Fuck Toad

          4E was orphaned because the third-party license was absurdly restrictive and not even available until some time after it was released. Then WOTC overhauled it twice, each overhaul incomplete and only formally compatible with the others. This is what to expect from a tabletop system released by a big corporation.

          "Next" will fare better if WOTC stops treating third parties like thieves, maybe. I doubt anyone's going to come back to them, though. As much as I like 4E, D&D collapsing would probably be the best thing that ever happened to tabletop.

      • Honestly, any thought of ever going back to D&D per se died the second WotC decided to rehire Monte Fucking Cook as a developer, and he then proceeded to clearly demonstrate that he lacked even a passing familiarity with the current iteration of the game. In a regular column about ways to improve it.

        Even if you think 4e made some missteps, how the fuck do you expect to correct them by hiring someone whose alternating ignorance of and indifference to reasonable game design have been in-evidence for over a decade?

  • ph7

    At least the plagiarist put in the effort to make Rush fatter and slouchier than the original.

  • FakaktaSouth

    What else should you use to illustrate a lie founded in stealing all the moneys in the world for rich people with, besides some actually creative person's stolen art?

    • tessiee

      They're trying to make everybody else work for free, so why not some poor schmuck of an artist, too?

  • Wadisay

    Speaking of Hell-beasts, I see that Rafalca placed no better than 4th in London. I bet he's glue by this time next week.

    • emmelemm

      And that's the really important news of the day!

    • OhDeerMee123

      Aw, I bet he was hoping for Anne to go all Catherine the Great on him, too.

    • YasserArraFeck


    • I'm more concerned about Mittens placing no better than 4th in November.

    • OzoneTom

      Cha-ching! I smell a big write-down.

    • tessiee

      Mitt is tying a kennel cab to the top of the plane as we speak.

  • Oblios_Cap

    They're not really laws for things like limbaugh; they're more like guidelines. Sort of.

    There is no God in a world where Limbaugh can make money or have any followers doing what he he does.

  • mavenmaven

    One can simply post "do as we say, not as we do" on every story regarding the GOP, and it would be appropriate.

  • Typodong3

    Nat 20! Double damage! Rush, your fat disgusting dwarf falls unconscious on the ground while the monster continues to gore you. You are at -7hp and falling fast. None of your party members likes you, so they refuse to help. What do you do?

    • One_who_wanders

      Die horribly?

    • tessiee

      Choke to death on a piece of Chick-Fil-A while everybody watches with their hands folded in their laps and a slight smile on their faces. It takes fifteen minutes start to finish.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I remember when Rush had his TV show during Clinton's first term. He had this logo based upon the old Nightline graphic during the Iranian hostage crisis, "America Held Hostage," and it had a running countdown of how many days left until Clinton left office in January 1997. I would have loved to see how they handled that after Election Day 1996, but his show was canceled long before then. Ha.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    O.J. treatment

    If the glaive don't fit, you must acquit!!!

  • misantropo

    I thought Rush was a level 15 Oxy Goblin.

    • bureaucrap

      multiple upfists!!!

    • emmelemm


    • Boojum

      He's a half-pork cock-goblin.

    • tessiee

      Oxy is only one of the things Rush is gobblin'.

  • Antispandex

    But, if you kind of squint a little, it looks just like Rush. So, who stole from whom?

  • TootsStansbury

    Asphyxiation by one's own farts would be an interesting way to go. For some people.

  • Thunderclees

    DM: You're in a big, dark cave, and you can't see anything. But you do hear a low breathing sound, and it sounds angry.

    Limbaugh: Perception check.

    ::rolls a 1::

    DM: Ok, you go deaf in one ear until the end of the next encounter.

  • ♪♫ Photoshop, photoshop, hey photo Photoshop ♫♪

    / well slightly different tune, but close…

  • CrunchyKnee

    LARGEST tax increase in the HISTORY of the WORLD? That sounds scary. I'd better go buy another diabeetus chickin' sammich to soothe my troubled soul.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Must be an article about Ronald Reagan.

      • JustPixelz

        EXACTLY! Plus he legalized abortion in California long before Roe v Wade. And gave Iran all those weapons to help bin Laden in Afghanistan. (Have we ever not been fucking around in Afghanistan?)

        • emmelemm

          We've always been at war with Eastasia.

  • owhatever

    Just a private marital dispute between Rush and his fourth wife about whether the box of Oxys was moved without his consent.

  • Generation[redacted]

    That's a horrific looking nightmare beast, alright. But what's the animal with the tusks?

  • RadioBowels

    Yes, a 3-4% marginal tax reinstatement on the 2% would be the 'greatest tax increase in the history of the world.'

    • Generation[redacted]

      Since this is the comic book realm, I'd go further and say it's the biggest tax increase in all the multiverse history reboots.

      • HateMachine

        Crisis in Infinite Americas

      • I'd say we could time punch our way out of this one, but I don't want to give the wingnuts any ideas.

    • freakishlywrong


    • I picked up somewhere that this tax increase is a reference to the ACA. If you're gonna lie, why not?

  • Mittens Howell, III

    To be fair, Rush hallucinated that image during an Oxycotin/Chick-fil-A/Rent-a -Wife orgy before the other guy drawed it.

    • OhDeerMee123

      I thought it was Rush's 3rd wife after she found him making friendly with a Dominican boy.

  • bureaucrap

    Personally I would have been much more scared if they had used the famous (noncopyrighted?) microsoft clipart "business people of various races and genders shaking hands at conference table". That clipart terrifies me every time I see it, because I know that the material attached is going to be mindnumbingly dull and/or trite.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Awwwww, that hell-spawn monster looks ADORABLE with those Obama eyes.

    Who's the hunchbacked drug addict poking him?

  • Baconzgood

    You want to know why consertives steal others work? Because they can't do anything but regurgitate.

    • JustPixelz

      That's not fair. They invented the individual health care mandate. Which I just learned is the "largest tax increase in history". Be Proud GO-Pee'ers!!

  • Guppy

    Why are they even reading D&D books to begin with? Haven't they read any Chick Tracts at all?

    Speaking of, why aren't they ganking Chick Tracts?

    • Barrelhse

      The name is really misleading, but I fapped there anyway.

      • johnmburt

        That is the most TMI / hit-the-unsee-button moment I have had all day, and I have spent much of it online.

  • CommieLibunatic

    Rush, darling. If you're really that hard up for a fantasy drawing, I know some starving artist friends who could use the work.

    Hell, I'LL do it for you! I mean, the end product might contain an undue amount of phalluses and rainbows, but still!

  • BarackMyWorld

    The Limbaugh Letter? An "f" obviously.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Outlandish fiction has always called for these sorts of illustrations … but when it comes to artists, it looks like the wingnuts aren't all that into job creatin' after all.

  • Dungeons & Douchebags.

  • It is pitch black. Rush is likely to be eaten by a grue's lawyer.

  • Trannysurprise

    Rush is such a fucking noob. I would pwn his ass in a second or tk him like a little bitch until he left teh server.

  • maybe if the right spent more time, i don't know, supporting the arts and stuff and less time being, well, you know, assholes and stuff, maybe they could have actual artists of their own.

    but maybe that's just me.

    (BTW: looking forward to the inevitable series of songs removed from the mittbott campaign amidst author protests. you KNOW it's going to happen).

    • HuddledMass

      Already there:
      "K'naan objects to Romney's use of song Wavin' Flag"
      "Romney Ad With Al Green Song Pulled From YouTube Over Copyright"

      Plus, also too:
      "Bob Schieffer objected to Mitt Romney's use of his image in a campaign spot that ran during Sunday's "Face the Nation."

  • kittensdontlie

    Our library gets that idiot newsletter. Caution should be used on disposal, so that piece of trash does not contaminate your real garbage.

  • Since we have the wealthiest corporations and plutocrats in the history of the world, I think the largest tax increase in the history of the world might be quite appropriate.

  • thefrontpage



    Gameville, N.Y., August 2, 2012–The Hasbrough Gaming Corporation announces the release today of "Devoid of Honor," its new political war video game featuring the new gaming character Grush Lameball, a Sinister Monster from Hell who is intent on destroying the world through killing Earth's residents' brain cells with his Horrific Brain-Cell-Killing-Airwave Weapon, a bizarre weapon in which Lameballs can actually destroy human brain cells through the airwaves. In "Devoid of Honor," Proud Intellectuals fight to destroy and kill Lameballs and his minions, most of whom look like Faux News Spawn-of-Satan Anchormen.

  • thefrontpage

    "Devoid of Honor" is available worldwide at all gaming stores, toy stores, department stores, bookstores, video stores, WalMarts, KMarts, Sam's Clubs, CostCos, Targets, Blockbusters, Dave and Buster's, Hollywood Videos, Erol's Videos, Potomac Videos, Waldenbooks, Border's Books, Barnes and Nobles, Melody Records, SMASH Records, Waxie Maxies, Penguin Feathers, Kemp Mill Records, and Tower Records. "Devoid of Honor" is also available online at # # #

  • Before anyone asks, Rush Limbaugh is a Barbarian/Bard with INT and WIS as his dump stats. Also too, Constitution.

    And Dok got the alignment correct, btw.

  • BornInATrailer

    Rush: My level 6 Orc Bloviator draws his +1 Short Pork Sword of Flaccidity.
    GM Rove: You need to make a saving throw vs. 13 year old Central American boys first.

  • rickmaci

    Their continuing reliance on plagiarism reflects the overall nature of their politics; lacking in imagination, creativity or mature thought.

  • DahBoner

    Property Rights=If you're a Conservative, you have the RIGHT to steal any PROPERTY you want.For Jesus.

  • dennis1943

    It appeared to me to be a self-portrait………………..

  • HateMachine

    Semi-OT: as we all proceed to out ourselves as massive nerds, I just wanna say that Christ on a bike do I love all of you.

    I love you like a plus 5 item bonus to hit.

    • Awwww, we're all just one big happy raiding party here. C'mon, climb inside my Bag of Holding.

  • ElPinche

    Rush Limbaugh is a Leviathon Druggobler , HP=20, Charisma=-10, Special Attacks: Sucks underage prostitute cock.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Ew, it almost looks like that Hell-Spawned Obamanation is going to try to make out with that lower animal.

  • YasserArraFeck

    The missing Eighth Dwarf, Carbunculus

  • They should have used something by Erol Otis

    • tessiee

      Giger and Bosch put together couldn't capture the horror.

  • chascates

    I bet that hell beast smells better than Limbaugh does too.

  • It sort of reminds me of the Demon Sheep ad.

  • DahBoner

    Does everyone know Romney owns PigBoy?

    Yup, Bain is a part owner of Clear Channel, which owns The Drug Addict:


  • glamourdammerung

    Why do conservatives hate private property?

    • bikerlaureate

      Their notion of "creative freedom" is along the same lines as the most excellent definition of "religious freedom" explained here yesterday.

  • ttommyunger

    Nice of them to keep their politics at the cartoon level where their 'Tards can understand it.

  • tessiee

    "Hey, so what’s the deal with right-wingers, huh? They’re always going on about how sacred PRIVATE PROPERTY is, how it’s all IMMORAL for anyone to benefit from SOMEBODY ELSE’S “hard work,” am I right?"

    What they mean is, it's immoral for anyone *other than the 1%* to benefit from somebody else's hard work.

  • tessiee

    Thomas Kincade approves of this from the Republican afterlife.

  • tessiee

    John Nolte is OK with this, because it's not bestiality when both parties are immense, horrifying hellbeasts.

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