what is 'legal'?

Iowa Rep. Steve King: Why Is It Wrong To Dog-Fight If It Is Okay To Rape And Kidnap These Children?

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You guys, we are not even kidding about this. Iowa Rep. Steve King, perhaps feeling a little heat since ThinkProgress pointed out that he actually and for real loves it when people murder puppies, has gone absolutely around the bend. And we mean MORE around the bend than Steve King usually assays.

In explaining himself, King argues that animals have more rights than fetuses, and suggests that
liberals have so devalued life, that a man can rape a young girl, kidnap her, force her to undergo an abortion across state lines, and then “drop her off at the swingset….and that’s not against the law in the United States of America.”

Uh?

We think — and we’re just talkin’ out loud here, just spitballin’! — that if Steve King does not know it is against the laws of the United States of America for a man to impregnate a 13-year-old and take her across state lines and force her to have an abortion and then drop her back off at the swingset, perhaps Steve King has no business being employed in the body that makes the laws for the United States of America. Oh, who’re we kidding? Of course he should. Romney/King 2012, and cetera.

[ThinkProgress]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

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  • ElPinche

    Steve King reminds me of serial killer Ted Bundy:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYAxfdj5_hY&fe

    I bet he has a vast collection of toddler shoes.

    • HistoriCat

      Someone should check out his basement, just to be sure.

  • http://www.tumblr.com/blog/hamsterpantsworld Hammiepants

    Holy crap. Remind me to drive extra-fast through this clueless assbucket's state. God only knows what else might be "legal" there.

    • AbandonHope

      I am glad to say that we are actively avoiding driving through that state to attend a wedding in South Dakota. Have you ever seen aerial photos of Iowa? It's a perfect, unwavering grid of boredom. I mean, so perfect that from the right height the roads actually look like you're looking through a screen door. He's probably an advocate of dog fighting because it would break up the mind-numbing, soul-killing hell boredom that is Iowa.

      • http://www.tumblr.com/blog/hamsterpantsworld Hammiepants

        Been to Iowa. Once was enough.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        And all the vertical relief of a billiard table.

      • sullivanst
    • BaldarTFlagass

      I'll bet "driving fast with out-of-state plates" is probably one of those un-legal things. And if you aren't of lily-white dermis, fuggedaboudit.

    • Sacanagem

      Not nearly as much as Rep. King would like.

      Iowa's 5th District keeps re-electing this twatwaffle, don't know why. If it's any consolation, they've also kept Tom Harkin in the Senate for decades.

      • sullivanst

        It's a bigger consolation that Iowa's 5th District will cease to exist in January.

        • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

          I live in what is now his district. Vote Christie Vilsack! I've noticed on a recent road trip that there are far too many "Elect KING" signs, and a conspicuous absence of "Vote VILSACK" signs. I hope that's not foreshadowing, but I fear the worst. Fortunately, there's a lot more blahs and browns in his new district (he HATES that!), and there's more urban (for Iowa) areas. I hate to think that I might actually live where this guy represents me.

          • emmelemm

            Urban… for Iowa.

            Excuse me while I laugh until I pass out.

            (Truly, I love you, Iowan Wonketters. I don't envy you, but I still love you. No disrespect.)

    • Exhausted66

      Gay marriage is legal in Iowa.

      • http://www.tumblr.com/blog/hamsterpantsworld Hammiepants

        Hence my use of quotation marks around "legal". You know, since rape and kidnapping aren't actually legal anywhere.

        • sullivanst

          Plus there's that whole Federal jurisdiction when you cross state lines in the commission of a felony thing.

          Perhaps Steve King thinks it's only illegal if you can be executed for it, or something.

  • timbo71351

    Dear God.

  • Billmatic

    I dunno about you guys, but I always thought liberal was synonymous with child molester.

    • anniegetyerfun

      "a man can rape a young girl, kidnap her, force her to undergo an abortion across state lines, and then “drop her off at the swingset…"

      Or as we call it, A Liberal's Tuesday Night.

      • emmelemm

        That's what I do on Wednesday nights.

        Tuesday night is my book club.

        • anniegetyerfun

          What a snob!

          • Negropolis

            WIN

        • Billmatic

          Tuesday is my Jerry Sandusky appreciation vigil.

    • alteredimages

      You misspelled "priest".

  • IncenseDebate

    What state are we talking about? He might be right.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Well, let's not be TOO harsh. I agree he should not be a congressman, but perhaps House bathroom attendant would be a better fit?

    Then again, maybe something outdoors….

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    The real shitty part is that he thinks the abortion and the taxpayer paid swingset are the worst part of this straw-'fetus story. Sounds like Steve needs to be registered.

    • AbandonHope

      I know — it's like the abduction and child rape are bad, sure, but the forced abortion, man, that's the horrible part.

      Motherfucking scumbag.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        I know hundreds of thirteen year olds who would be proud to carry a rapist's baby to term and possibly even boast about it.

    • Boojum

      Of course it is! Little slut was a swinger!

  • AbandonHope

    He's obviously covering in advance for the crimes that he and Romney have allegedly committed and are currently hiding.

    • chicken_thief

      Rafalca is a girl?

      • Boojum

        No. Rafalca was pitching.

    • DahBoner

      PAGING KEN STAR! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN WE NEED YOU???

    • redarmyzombie

      Oh, you mean the child slavery ring they run in the Bahamas?

  • coolhandnuke

    Last time I checked Congressman, rape and kidnapping are against the law in the United States of America. Swingsets and abortion, however, are legal.

    • MacRaith

      They're still working on those. Give them time.

    • kittensdontlie

      King was fishing for answers here. He thought maybe if you drop a kid off at a swingset, all the other stuff would be forgiven…he is definitely up to something and it's not good.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    King of the Fews.

    • vasty_derp

      Brain cells?

  • Goonemeritus

    I’m passionately against organized fetus fighting as well as dog fighting so I believe I am consistent.

    • Boojum

      OK. I said something, but I don't know what. I was intri*gued by the whole "fetus fighting" concept.

      Is the ring a bowl of amniotic fluid? Can you have like a fetus-octopus match? Or fetus-sea cucumber? I see a big future.

    • Boojum

      OK, so this is a little excessive. I can't use a synonym for interested that contains a four letter string that resembles the name of a Palin spawn.

      • Chichikovovich

        How intrïguing.

    • alteredimages

      They're trying to kill Baby Buster!

      Arrested Dev FTW.

  • SoBeach

    Please tell me this asshole isn't going to be re-elected…

    • AbandonHope

      Are you kidding? This is Iowa we're talking about. This is probably his stump speech.

    • alteredimages

      This asshole is going to be re-elected.

  • spends2much

    I think Steve King got his definition of Liberal from Conservapedia.

    Also, Steve King is a psychopathic shithead- lethal combination.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Jesus Christ! If I were this man's parents and I were still living…I'd off myself. "Marge, please pull that cord there. No, that one over there. Ye…………………………………."

  • Steverino247

    Does he want a list of the Federal or State criminal codes those acts violate? Or both?

    Too bad it's not a Federal offense to be stupid in public…

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    And that's just if you're white.

  • FakaktaSouth

    13 year olds are impregnated and taken across state lines "more times than Steve King likes to think about." I mean, he likes to think about it SOMETIMES, but sometimes he likes to think about how much he hates gay people.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

      Yeah, his little hypothetical was verging closely on "If I Did It" territory.

    • prommie

      Damn. Just damn. Gone.

    • bibliotequetress

      "I don't want to think about those girls crossing state lines so often, especially like in those tiny New England states where you cross a state line every 8 miles and then you get to Canada or out westerly. Oh, my brain hurts. My thinking thoughts get all confused by those state lines and they bounce around like air hockey pucks and then I forget to have fun thoughts about tween-raping and puppy killing. They cross state lines more than I like to think about."

      • new_pic_for_NEWTer

        Steve – that you?

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Every time Steve King talks a unicorn savagely gets his horn chainsawed off.

    • ElPinche

      …and Tom Cruise sobs.

      • chicken_thief

        But it's a manly sob. Not gay at all.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

      Steve King believes unicorn jousts should be legal, so long as it's legal for Rachel Maddow to parade around mannishly.

  • Baconzgood

    Ramping up the crazy? I wouldn't have played a retraction like that but hey, we all forgot about him liking cock fighting. *Shrugs shoulders* Can't argue with results.

    • Crank_Tango

      I am not sure cock fighting is what he thinks it is.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    I hear it is legal for a billionaire to pay no taxes for 10 years, though.

    • Boojum

      And Romney still hasn't denied it.

    • alteredimages

      Why do you hate job creators? Socialist.

  • Wilcoxyz

    He's wrong. You can't just drop a kid off at a swing set. Unattended? No way.

    • emmelemm

      Neglect / endangerment / nanny state something something…

  • IncenseDebate

    Your move Mike Kelly.

  • el_donaldo

    Thank you, Wonkette. I know far too much now about Steve King's fantasy life to sleep comfortably without medicating myself.

    • Tundra Grifter

      You beat me to it. I think King should keep his sick fantasies to himself.

      TMI.

    • AbandonHope

      Yeah, let's all keep hoping this is just a fantasy of his.

  • memzilla

    Why does the Congressman from Iowa have the motto of the State of New Hampshire behind him? I guess his geographic knowledge is as good as his legislative knowledge.

    • DahBoner

      Because Iowa's motto "Eat Corn Syrup and Die" didn't sound quite macho enough….

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "it is against the laws of the United States of America for a man to impregnate a 13-year-old and take her across state lines"

    Just ask Jerry Lee Lewis. Jail time certainly sent his career off the rails. Though I don't think he impregnated. But she was his cousin.

  • CthuNHu

    …liberals have so devalued life, that a man can rape a young girl, kidnap her, force her to undergo an abortion across state lines, and then “drop her off at the swingset….and that’s not against the law in the United States of America.”

    This is good news for puppeteers.

    • Boojum

      Wait, so the abortion starts in one State and ends in another or do they just lay her across the border?

      Man, law is complicated!

    • anniegetyerfun

      Hey, hey, we didn't say anything about good eatin'.

  • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    In explaining himself, King argues that animals have more rights than fetuses, and suggests that
    liberals have so devalued life, that a man can rape a young girl, kidnap her, force her to undergo an abortion across state lines, and then “drop her off at the swingset….and that’s not against the law in the United States of America.

    I guess we now know how Steve King spends his afternoons.

    • 12X34X

      Bravo.

  • Wilcoxyz

    If you Mormon marry the 13 year old, I think it's ok in Utah and Nevada.

    • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      In Mississippi, it is considered an average Saturday.

      • BornInATrailer

        The swing set is also behind the rapist's own house though.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Wow. I mean, I can snark with the best of them but this is going to be a toughie

    • AbandonHope

      Rebecca has Wonkette set to "Expert Level" today, and you get no continues.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        That is certainly evident. AND, she has finely tuned the reception on the rabbit ears with bits of foil. Bravo!!

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Crap, I was kind of hoping for a liberal gold medal today. You know, the one you get for just competing?

        • AbandonHope

          "Achievement Unlocked: Participated In Forum"

    • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      You can do it. You got to do it every day!

    • Baconzgood

      It's an Iron man race of stupid today.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        A tri-DUH-thlon?

        • Boojum

          A tri-gath-alon?

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            D'oh! Tri-derp-thlon!

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Does King realize it takes a wee bit of time between the raping and the abortion? It's not like taking a shower…

    • IncenseDebate

      In his mind abortion begins when a period ends.

      • Boojum

        So, need more run on sentences?

      • Typodong3

        BOOM!

      • MosesInvests

        No, two weeks before a period begins.

    • AbandonHope

      King is the poster child for why we desperately need sex education in this country.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        So his birth would have been averted?

    • BornInATrailer

      In his mind, taking her across state lines to buy a Plan B pill gave the story a whiff of unbelievability.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

        Or he just believes Plan B is abortion.

    • bibliotequetress

      You could have just stopped that question at "Does King realize?" No.

    • mull_man

      No, it's just that the man's navigation skills are on par with his critical reasoning abilities. This is someone who can't find his ass with both hands; it would take him weeks to drive to Chicago.

  • mavenmaven

    I think someone needs to check what kind of pictures Mr King has on his computer.

    • el_donaldo

      Also his recipe file. And search for puppets.

    • vasty_derp

      Not volunteering. Nope.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    King probably has an illustrated guide on how to do this; complete with other playground equipment you might drop the youngster off near.

    • Boojum

      Who you calling near?

  • YouBetcha

    Another proud Liberty University School of Law graduate, perhaps?

    • el_donaldo

      High school diploma. Now, I'm not one to insist that college is the only way to determine a person's worth, but perhaps King does negatively demonstrate the possible advantages of higher education?

  • Tilley

    And he's not even from Tennessee! That's a relief, anyway.

  • widestanceromance

    He sounds all too familiar with the laws regarding this behavior, and that comes as a surprise to no one here.

  • CthuNHu

    "We need to respect humans more than we do animals…"

    RINO!!

  • StealthMuslin

    Okay fuck this, I want a search warrant for every place Steve King has ever been. I guarantee you he's got a trophy case full of old milk cartons somewhere.

  • pdiddycornchips

    Steve King is wrong about one thing. Raping thirteen year olds is only legal if they're boys and you're a Catholic priest.

  • coolhandnuke

    …King also claimed that he has broken up more dog fights than he started…
    He is quite the canine altruist. I bet he was caught pulling the wings off flies as a sadistic youth and would reply "but mom, I only pulled one of the wings off."

    • AbandonHope

      "Hey, in my defense, I stopped a few more rapes than I committed, so in the end I come out ahead." — King, possibly

      • coolhandnuke

        "We didn't start a lot more wars than we started."
        –George W Bush

        • Boojum

          For every little girl I raped, there are literally thousands I didn't!

          US 2010 female population, ages 10-14: 10,097,322.
          http://www.census.gov/prod/cen2010/briefs/c2010br

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

            A variation of the Sandusky Defense, when grilled by that pit bull of an interviewer, Bob Costas.

    • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

      Re: dogfights… let's not bring Bristol Palin into this.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      "I even left his right wing!"

    • ProgressiveInga

      Needs moar Cesar Millan!

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    The absolutely astounding bit of all this to me is King is equating dog fighting with child raping, and ranking dog fighting as "better," when they're both hideous crimes.

    This is akin to saying that Jews who died in the gas chamber had it better than Jews who died in the ovens.

    I mean, really, words cannot express how much, with votes, I wish King would be anally raped by a biker gang and forced to abort his colon.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I'd even pony up to buy King the wheelbarrow.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "This is akin to saying that Jews who died in the gas chamber had it better than Jews who died in the ovens."

      And those who perished in the death vans at least got a ride in the country out of the deal.

      • emmelemm

        Nice view of the countryside from the trains, and so forth…

    • anniegetyerfun

      "I mean, really, words cannot express how much, with votes, I wish King would be anally raped by a biker gang and forced to abort his colon."

      Seriously, this was like a little poem to me.

      • commiegirl99

        I know I'm not supposed to agree, but: yeah.

        • anniegetyerfun

          It was the colon-aborting that took it to the next level of art for me.

    • aussiefromafar

      Can we have that moment preserved forever in stone…a sculpture perhaps?

  • YasserArraFeck

    In some parts of the South, that's called courtship.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Yankees just don't understand.

    • extreme_left

      We at 'Surprise' Limo service offer sparkly gaffer tape, scented blindfolds, 'his and hers' hot pokers, fully padded boot etc for the man who really wants a yes.

  • ChernobylSoup

    Then ban swingsets. Duh.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Like I said yesterday, Steve King is waaaaaaaaay overdue for a thorough cockpunching.

    • Baconzgood

      If I knew I'd be waiting in line for 25 hours I'd have brought a sleeping bag and some booze.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        Bacon, let's monetize this. For a small donation you can get in the VIP line.

        • Baconzgood

          This isn't the VIP entrance? I am a V.I.P.

          • BornInATrailer

            If this were an actual event, the line would make people think some genius bar got the iPhone 5 early.

  • glamourdammerung

    I am thinking that the DoJ has an obligation to not only look into a guy claiming you can legally rape 13 year olds, but to publicly acknowledge they are doing so.

  • MissTaken

    That's nice that the rapist man leaves the girl at the swingset. After my daily abortions I find a romp on the monkey bars to be invigorating.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      You girls have all the fun. See me? I am over here on the Merry-Go-Round.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Repeated jarring on the teeter-totter as a lad rendered me sterile.

        • DahBoner

          The kids these days only have tator tots to swing on…

    • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      If it was really important to you, you would have more than one abortion every day.

      • HistoriCat

        The lines are really long at the Abort-a-rama. Now, if they ever get the Abortionplex finished, we can really get to some abortin'!

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Well as they say, the key to good health for a young girl/woman is to wait at least 30 minutes after the abortion to hit the monkey bars. I read it in Steve King's crazy-as-fuck-all book on the subject.

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    Would it be legal to have a couple of big dogs fight King? Or even just one?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I've been called "Big Dog." I humbly volunteer.

    • MosesInvests

      I say that he can fight the 50 or so pit bulls that I saw yesterday at the animal shelter. Pitties get dumped because they have a reputation for fighting-because of sociopathic SOBs like King. No snark here, just disgust.

  • BornInATrailer

    Just give her an extra hard push on the swing set and you can skip that lengthy (and expensive) kidnapping/interstate travel/abortion aspect.

  • coolhandnuke

    Moral of this story: If you see Rep. Steve King hanging around a swingset, release the fucking hounds on him.

  • poorgradstudent

    And yet "drop her off the swingset" remains the weirdest part of his statement…

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      You misunderstand.

      You have to get rid of the witness somehow.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      It's as if he speaks from experience.

      • DahBoner

        "Write what you know"

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Obviously, his is a date rape that will live in infamy.

  • Sacanagem

    On behalf of my people I'd like to extend my deepest apologies. They keep re-electing this psychotic twatwaffle back into Congress. I have no idea why.

    His district (5th Western Iowa) is somewhat more conservative than the rest of the state, but not THAT much. Hell, we used to have honest-to-god socialist farming collectives and everything.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    What the fuck. This asshole is so dumb he probably has a car without locks so he doesn't accidentally kill himself on a hot summer day.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Iowa
    Requirements for Involuntary Hospitalization and Treatment.

    “(1) afflicted with a mental illness, “ consequently (2) to lack “sufficient judgment to make responsible decisions with respect to [the person’s] hospitalization or treatment,” and (3) to be likely, if allowed to remain at liberty, to inflict physical self-injury or injury to others, or to inflict emotional injury on the designated class of persons.

    http://www.robertpetersonlaw.com/Mental%20Health%

  • HempDogbane

    Extremism in defense of wingnut prolife talking points is no vice.

  • Exhausted66

    He's the Daniel Tosh of apologies.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Um. Not sure which term Rep. King is not understanding.

  • BornInATrailer

    You know who else believed there is no such thing as bad publicity?

    • el_donaldo

      Well, there's Don King.

    • ProgressiveInga

      Fatty Arbuckle?

    • chicken_thief

      DON'T ANY OF YOU EVEN INSINUATE ME, FAGGOTS!!!!

      ~ Bristol

      • LetUsBray

        Okay, now I know you're just BSing us.

        Brisdull knowing a word like 'insinuate'. Pffftt.

    • Tilley

      Sarah Palin?

  • CommieLibunatic

    I have no words for this. Well, I'll go with "Happy thoughts… happy thoughts… happy thoughts…"

  • SorosBot

    No, crossing the moral line is when we elevate the "rights" of blastocysts over those of humans, like King wants us to do. Oh but then in his world if you have a vagina you're not a real human.

  • Guppy

    Those of us "of a certain age" think the slogan "Romney/King" sounds a little too much like something else.

    • LetUsBray

      Can we all just get a nice dog fight going?

  • SorosBot

    Notice that he has more of a problem with the imaginary crime against the fetus than the real one against the young woman in his hypothetical. Oh and how can he have a problem with forced abortion when he thinks forcing women not to have in abortion, which is morally the exact same fucking thing, is OK?

  • rickmaci

    This does not surprise me one bit. My work puts me around conservatwits quite often. As near as I can tell, they are coming to believe that BHO will defeat Romoney. That has them in a state of near demonic agitation and causes them to amp up the volume of the crazy talk to off the dial levels. As November draws near, it will get worse.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      I fear you are correct. I also fear how they will react if their wish doesn't come true.

    • Dildeaux

      Right. This is how it works for wingnut reps.

      Say something competely outrageous.
      See immediate increase in your fundraising.
      Repeat.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Just because this guy kidnapped a 13 year old, raped her, took her across state lines and forced her to get an abortion and got away with it doesn't make it legal. I think? But then I'm no lawyer.

  • MacRaith

    Rep. King, the fact that you got away with it does not make it legal.

    • Boojum

      There is a certain autobiographical air to the detailed description, isn't there? Like he finishes, waits a few seconds, and says "Or so I've heard, from a friend."

  • Ducksworthy

    Why do I sense that the floor of Steve King's office is sticky with the blood and entrails of the animals he has killed?

  • ph7

    A man can rape a young girl, kidnap her, force her to undergo an abortion across state lines, and then “drop her off at the swingset….and that’s not against the law in the United States of America.

    Steve, just because the statute of limitations may have run on you doesn't make it legal.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    OT – Great, a bomb threat at San Antonio International, whole place evacuated. I bet the freeway going by there is gonna be a nightmare, and here I head home in 10 minutes. Fuck.

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      Avoid the crowds — stop at the local Chick-fil-A.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Have fun!!

    • Naked_Bunny

      Just stay late. Browse the web. Then send your boss an email after hours as if you'd been working.

      Well, that's my plan, anyway.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        We think slightly differently, see. There are several bars en route and if the TransGuide says we're fucked, then Stonewerks here we come!!!

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ MumbletyAvian

    Man, it'd have to be a reeeeaaally wacked-out Dingo to eat your baby, Steve.

    • NYNYNYjr

      What about…a former dog-fight dog, who performs abortions? Voiced by Gilbert Gottfried. I'll call it Poochy Howzer. Put it on ABC at 8pm.

  • Naked_Bunny

    Rep. King appears to be sharing a bit of his personal life with us. Unfortunately, the only lesson he took away from the experience is, "If you don't get caught, it's legal."

  • Typodong3

    Oh thank god I was wondering what I was going to do this weekend… now I know!

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    He's surrounded by bald eagle sculptures — silly me, I would've bet it would be clown paintings.

    • Tilley

      Looks sorta like Henry Gibson (the Nazi) in "The Blues Brothers."

  • Antispandex

    You know what IS illegal in America? Kicking Steve King in the balls. What has become of this country?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I was gonna say "No wonder he went into politics, with his voluminous legal knowledge he'd have been a shitty lawyer," but I see on his Wikipedia page that he didn't even finish his college degree in wildlife management at Northwest Missouri State

    • Boojum

      Holy shit! What do you want to bet he got kicked out for torturing animals?

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Fraudulently_Joe

      He was unable finish his degree in animal husbandry because they caught him at it.

  • chascates

    He says that like it's just so easy to do. That will take a lot of effort I'd think.

  • JustPixelz

    "…liberals have so devalued life…"

    I take this a little personally … because I have a life that I value.

    Abortion is the sad ending to a longer story about love, sex and fear, sometimes with ignorance mixed in to all three parts. It's sad even when the girl gets to play on the swing set afterward.

    if conservatives are serious about protecting the unborn, they need to do a lot more to protect the born. WIC, food stamps, education, economic security — the social safety net that they hate so much — needs to be strong or those little girls of King's crocodile tears will have no choice when they're pregnant.

  • unclejeems

    Well, well, well. Looks like this lying sack of, er, honorable five-term United States representative from Iowa has a race on his hands this year. Iowa seems to have lost one district after the 2010 Census. And despite comments above, looks like its congressional districts are fairly split between Tea-tards and actual people, uh, Democrats, so rolling across Iowa might not be so boring after all.

    In 2010 Representative Douchebag, er, King won in a walk and outspent his opponent seven or eight to one http://www.opensecrets.org/races/summary.php?id=I… .

    This year, he has been redistricted. His opponent is Christine Vilsack, formerly Iowa's first lady. She's raised as much money as her dickish opponent http://www.opensecrets.org/races/summary.php?id=I… and we hope, can de-Congress the little creep. I'm sending her a few bucks just to say I did my part. Stay tuned.

  • GeorgiaBurning

    Forget it, Iowa. Florida, Arizona and Texas have the crazy playoffs wrapped up, take your lovely parting gifts and go home.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

    That video monologue is a masterpiece of some kind. It starts off silly, quickly becomes appalling, and ends with a flourish of creepy absurdity.

  • Naked_Bunny

    Why hasn't King outlawed dog abortions?

  • Larry McAwful

    It's still legal to rape and murder kitten fetuses and abandon them in empty booths in Chick-fil-A, though, right?

    • Misty Malarky

      WHere do you think they get their 'Secret Sauce'?

  • ihateyoutoo

    This must be how they do 'bring you daughter to work' day in the King household.

  • Carabella1

    This Reich wingnut obviously hangs out in schoolyards by the swing sets too often.

  • ph7

    Who thinks like this?

    • pinkocommi

      The use of the term "thinks" makes this a trick question.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ MumbletyAvian

    From the article:

    King also claimed that he has broken up more dog fights than he started

    REWRITE!:
    "I have not yet begun to start more fights than I have ended."

    That sounds much more muddle-Americana, Rep King, go with this version.

  • bobbert
  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

    Can we still abuse that rapper "Pit Bull"? All his fucking commercial endorsements are annoying, especially that liquor spot where he makes girls spin around at high speed and turn into sluts.

    • NYNYNYjr

      I despise people who I only know from commercials. Have I ever heard a Pit Bull song? No.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

        Have I offended the honor of Pit Bull in your eyes, or is our snark simply folding in on itself?

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    I'm still trying to get over Rep. Kelly's comparison of abortion rights to Pearl Harbor and now this …

  • TheGyrus

    The bit about the swingset was oddly specific.

  • Nesnora

    That's how I met my first boyfriend! And here I thought I was just turning lemons into lemonade…

  • Callyson

    a man can rape a young girl, kidnap her, force her to undergo an abortion across state lines, and then “drop her off at the swingset….and that’s not against the law in the United States of America.”

    Why am I not surprised that a Republican is not familiar with the fact that rape is, in fact, against the law?

    Christ…

  • Rotundo_

    Still hogshit upholstered in skin in a suit. I hope he's out of a job in January as well. he should be selling insurance to rubes.

  • Gleem McShineys

    If only science could work out some way for laws to be recorded in some way, so people could later refer to them and know what was legal and what isn't, maybe some of these playground rapebortion horrors could be averted.

  • HistoriCat

    I wonder if we could pool our money and hire Yolanda to come over from the Philippines and kick Steve King in the nuts. It would be honest money for her and deeply satisfying for us.

    • Tilley

      If Yolanda isn't available, I volunteer to do it for free.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Fraudulently_Joe

    In Steve King's defense, when he says "rape", what he really means is, "give a girl an HPV vaccination". And when he says "kidnap", he means "send her to public school".

    With that important context, suddenly Steve King don't seem so crazy after all, does he?

    …Does he? Uh, guys? Where'd everyone go?

  • bibliotequetress

    What type of swingset? After the rape and the state lines and the abortions, what if you can only find a see-saw or jungle gym? Is it still legal then?

  • doloras

    "…a man can rape a young girl, murder her, in 1990, and drop her body off at the swingset, and he gets his own wingnut teevee show."

  • Misty Malarky

    I hated his stupid Dark Tower cowboy books.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    What.the.fuck?

  • Misty Malarky

    So – It's either state line-crossing aborting, swingset defiling baby rape . . . or dog fights.

    Take you pick!

    • emmelemm

      Why can't I have BOTH?

  • MonkeyMotion

    If King was a 13-yr old girl, I'd love to see his claim put to the test — on him.

    You know, purely for academic purposes.

  • MadBrahms

    I actually missed the last little bit, in which King "claimed that he has broken up more dog fights than he started and has instructed his staff 'to post three of those family dogs up on the Facebook page tonight so you can see what goes on in our house.'"

    I… I don't think you quite understand what a "dogfight" is, Steve, unless you really are letting your kids use the rec room for throat-ripping canine combat ala Amores Perros.

  • http://matthewgreenbaum.com swordfis

    Isn't this the place in the movie when the "normal" guy starts decompensating and rambling and you suddenly realize that the child-rapist-murderer is actually HIM – THE GUY [Iowa Congressman] LEADING THE INVESTIGATION!!???

    • emmelemm

      I think I've seen that one.

  • Warpde

    Uhmm!!!
    Can I take them across the border to Canada for the abortion?
    It's free here.
    Just asking.

    • viennawoods13

      Depends where you are, if it's free or not. Seriously. I know someone who had that issue recently, was going to cost $600 locally, had to drive 3 hours to a free clinic.

  • ttommyunger

    Steve, I know you wear little girl panties under that $1,200 suit. I'm OK with that, just don't speak so much, please?

  • Willardbot9000_V2.5

    I'm guessing Steve King confessed to a crime in there…maybe the Iowa police should check their cold case files for a 13 year old girl who got raped by a wild-eyed psycho who forced himself on her after making her watch back alley dog fights. This demented fuck then drove her to Kansas during which he spouted insane bible-type references and forced her to get an abortion before depositing her back on the swingset thereafter. Because the demented sick fuck who committed that abomination all those years ago just totally confessed…

  • Stevola

    Wait, we can do that?

  • Negropolis

    that a man can rape a young girl, kidnap her, force her to undergo an abortion across state lines, and then “drop her off at the swingset….

    Whereas a conservative would rape her, kidnap her, and then force her to bare the child across state lines and raise it as if nothing happened.

    Fuck you, Steve King. Fuck you with shriveled Iowa drought corn. Oh, and votes, mais oui.

  • Cheburashka64

    You know what I would do if I thought it was legal to do that? I'd introduce the "Anti child raping, kidnapping, transporting across state lines to force to get an abortion, and then dropping off on a swingset bill" right away. I wouldn't use it to justify making other horrible things legal, because if I did that I wouldn't just be an unqualified moron with disturbingly realistic and detailed fantasies about 13 yr old girls and swingsets, I'd also be a dick.

  • DahBoner

    that’s not against the law in the United States of America.

    Well, even if that were true, which it's not (dumbass)–as a lawmaker, who's fault is that, dumbass?

  • Dildeaux

    How freaking difficult is it for media types to hound King demanding specific examples of said forced abortion? One example, please. Oh, right. There are none.

  • Dildeaux

    Imagine how outlandish crap like Kings fantasies will bloom later this year…

    the gop take back the Senate
    they hold on to the House
    Obama wins the election, while losing the popular vote

    A recipie for utter chaos.

    • DahBoner

      the gop take back the Senate

      They don't give a shit about Mitt, he's trash.

      The Senate is their prize, keep your eyes on the prize….

  • DahBoner

    "He has long been dedicated to adding value as close to the corn stalk and bean stubble as possible, as many times as possible"

    WHY IS IT STILL LEGAL TO KEEP ON RAPING THAT CORN N' BEAN STUBBLE!?11 WEIRDO

  • redarmyzombie

    No snark here. This man reminds me of a certain relative I have who barbeques roadkill and has fantasies about cannibalism…

  • Baba_NinjaCat12

    So Steve King wants to be the Don King of Dog Fightining.

  • walter77777

    My goodness! Where did Rep. King get the idea that raping a thirteen year old girl will not get you a long stretch in prison.

  • AbandonHope

    Oh, crap. I knew that there would end up being Iowan Wonketteers. Okay, I apologize for comparing the aerial view of your state to looking at a screen door. Seriously, though, it startled me. It's like a road grid system designed by the Borg.

  • emmelemm

    Thin, spindly little straws.

  • Chichikovovich

    Ames is a university town, isn't it? Home of Iowa State? That can't be good for King, can it?

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    No apology necessary. I deserve it for living in (maybe-but-hopefully-not-next-year!) or around the district of a "representative" who makes Arizona's elected officials look like the adults in the room.

    And yeah, Iowa is FLAAAAT. The RAGBRAI-ers say it's not and get huffy about it, but it's pretty flat. I think if you grow up on the plains, you either make if your life's mission to get away from it, or you fall in love with it.

  • sullivanst

    The part that amuses me most about the grid system is the way you have 330th St in the middle of absolutely nowhere, and then a couple of miles down the road it's 5th St and 330th St is five fields over. A couple more miles down the road, 5th St is now 150th St and the second 330th St is now 120th St.

    I thought grid systems were supposed to eliminate confusion?

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    He said other crazy shit today too, crazy enough for a whole separate Think Progress post. Does nobody love this crazy asshole? When is his family going to step in and commit him? How is it only Bachmann who made the Repigs criticize her rhetoric? Fuuuck.

    Edit: Had to come back and post someone's comment from the link:
    "I would like to see his Long-Form Sanity Certificate."

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    I hope not.

  • sullivanst

    1-ell ran for President, Steve King might conceivably be aware enough of others' perceptions of him to realize how pointless that would be, or at least his advisers might.