girl on walrus

‘Big Hollywood’ Saves America from Candy And Chewing Gum Company’s Pro-Bestiality Agenda

Oh noes! Itz a moral crisis -- SRSLY guyz!Has John Nolte of the Breitbart remnant blog Big Hollywood gone completely nuts, or has he perhaps just read so much of his own bullshit that he is incapable of distinguishing his usual brand of faux outrage from absurd self-parody? Or is he actually indulging in self-parody? It would be irresponsible not to speculate! How else can we explain his thoroughly bizarre post that purports to expose the sinister purpose behind a rather odd advertisement for Skittles? Is Nolte serious, or is this a brilliant example of Poe’s Law in action?

Consider, if you will, the stilted intro to the piece:

Skittles is sold and manufactured by the Wm. Wrigley Jr. Company and according to Merriam-Webster, one of the definitions of bestiality is:

sexual relations between a human being and a lower animal

John Nolte is a grown-up human being, a professional screenwriter, blogger, and occasional columnist for what almost counts as a real newspaper, the Washington Times. He is well-known enough to have been honored for writing “the most epically idiotic article on the internet.” And yet he begins an actual article, for which he was presumably paid money, with 1) a complete nonsequitur and 2) a goddamned dictionary definition??? The guy says he’s a traditionalist, but isn’t honoring the conventions of fifth grade Language Arts class taking tradition a little far? This introduction alone suggests that we are being toyed with. In fact, Webster’s defines “taking the piss” as “what that puffed-up dildo Nolte did in that Skittles thing.”

Now, on to Nolte’s actual book report on “Our Friend the Walrus” analysis of the Skittles ad. You see, it’s not merely a kind of stupid ad featuring a woman making out with a computer-generated walrus. No, indeedy — it is part of a coordinated Hollywood “assault to define deviancy down and to normalize destructive behavior.” Wow, this is going to be shocking! Nolte warns the viewer to “Pay special attention to the thoroughly disgusting sound effects:”

“Humor,” Nolte intones, “is an excellent way to get us used to and to take the shock value out of something hideous and immoral.” Indeed! Were it not for the little comic strips, we almost certainly wouldn’t have gone on to chew that awful Bazooka Joe bubble gum. Nolte continues:

If you don’t think there’s an agenda behind this, you haven’t been paying attention the last 40 years. And if you don’t think that there are those who hold the levers of power in our popular culture that would like to remove the stigma from bestiality, you don’t understand the depths of sexual depravity the human animal is capable of.

I used to laugh at loud at the term “slippery slope.”

Then I grew up.

Oh, my. A lady is making slurping sounds with a pinniped, and Nolte says it’s a “slippery slope”? Yes, this is the lowest sort of buffoonery, is it not? The good gentleman is winding us up — he has to be. We know exactly where he’s headed with this. We saw it coming way back in 1982:

[Big Hollywood]

About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom

Comments

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  • ChernobylSoup

    Shorter John Nolte: Come on, you know you want to.

    • Nibbler of Niblonia

      Nolte must have a lot of bottled up self-loathing over that marathon weekend masturbation session with the DVD box set of Blue Planet

  • ChernobylSoup

    I miss I Miss Opus.

    • freakishlywrong

      Word.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Can't upfist this enough

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      A nation turns its lonely eyes to Berkely Breathed.

    • emmelemm

      Agreed.

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Aw, you guys are killing me.

  • Barb_

    Isn't Paul the walrus?

    • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

      I was the Walrus – Paul wasn't the Walrus!
      I was just saying that to be nice, but I was actually the Walrus!

      "Magical Misery Tour," Tony Hendra, 1972

      (Also: Bonus reading! http://everything2.com/title/Magical+Misery+Tour?… )

      • Barb_

        Thanks for the link Dok! You rock!

    • Nostrildamus

      Bristol is the walrus.

    • redarmyzombie

      Actually, that would be my friend/former boss. I myself am the Carpenter.

  • http://tonguepunch.insanejournal.com/ Andrew Drinker

    Amateurs. All of 'em. Breitbart was the only one any good at this stuff over there.

  • eggsacklywright

    Koo – Koo – Ka – Choo.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    She's got Skittles!! Shoot dat bitch!!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      But she ain't wearing a hoodie!

      • Terry

        …and where is the iced tea?

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      Considering the epidemic of Diabeetus 2… justifiable.

  • elviouslyqueer

    You can laugh and say it's just a joke, but through a war of inches, Hollywood continues its assault to define deviancy down and to normalize destructive behavior

    Wow. Just… WOW.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Gay men are taking over this country, one inch at a time.

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        According to craigslist, you are incorrect by a factor of 8.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          These are Republicans.

      • redarmyzombie

        Would you go so far as to say that they've penetrated deeply?

    • Nibbler of Niblonia

      In Nolte's case, it's probably a war of about three inches.

    • Boojum

      Our dicks are bigger?

    • elgin_pelican

      "You can laugh and say it's just a joke, but we actually plan to vote for a robot in November."

    • HogeyeGrex

      “assault to define deviancy down and to normalize destructive behavior.”

      Ah. Like normalizing torture, wars of aggression and extralegal murder and rendition.

      What? That's not what he was talking about?

  • DonnyKerabotsos

    I'll bet he offered her a mustache ride.

    • RedneckMuslin

      Her koo koo kachoo.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Two tusks, one walrus.

  • Hera Sent Me

    Ever noticed that the people most easily shocked are also the ones who go out of their way to find things that shock them?

    • Nibbler of Niblonia

      There's an overactive revulsion/arousal drive going on there. I bet he had a raging semi the entire time he wrote his column, with the offending walrus-fucking skittles video on a continuous repeat loop.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ MumbletyAvian

      Victim of malevolent social ills, peddles shock value of those same delusional observations for attention and personal gain. The viper bite stings only long enough til you realize you can take and distill the poison into an antidote, marketed and sold to the nearest rabid buyer, for profit$.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Clancy_Pants

    "sexual relations between a human being and a lower animal"

    So by that definition, sex (or sharing Skittles) with a Breitbart-o-phile is bestiality?

    • RedneckMuslin

      Ann Rmoney libel!!!

  • widestanceromance

    In the photo, which one is the lower animal?

  • memzilla

    …you don’t understand the depths of sexual depravity the human animal is capable of.

    Presumably, judging from his sentence structure, John Nolte does know.

    • bobbert

      Exactamundo.

  • metamarcisf

    John Nolte majored in Animal Husbandry at the University of Phoenix School of Genetic Mutations

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      And animal wifery in his dorm room

  • veritass

    The only thing stopping me from having sex with a walrus is geography.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Who thinks about shit like this?

    The mind of RW nutjobs is a scary sick place

    • bikerlaureate

      If he sees kissing and races to the dictionary to cut-and-paste the definition of a sex act, that loony wing nut panic about anything sensual seems to be affecting his deductive reasoning skillz.
      Exactly the kind of perv I don't want telling teenagers that abstinence is a cake walk.

  • ph7

    This slippery slope started when that princess kissed that frog.

    • Angry_Marmot

      Yeah, her father didn't believe that story either.

    • emmelemm

      Win.

  • Goonemeritus

    “Humor,” Nolte intones, “is an excellent way to get us used to and to take the shock value out of something hideous and immoral.”

    I don’t know the world has been making fun of the political right for my whole life and they seem just as hideous and immoral as ever to me.

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Fraudulently_Joe

      It's amazing how thoroughly they don't understand how humor -which in this case relies on the "shock value" in question- works. Yes, they're trying to make this less shocking, just like when Charlie Chaplin made fun of Hitler, or when the Daily Show makes fun of Fox News, or when we make fun of the ghost of Andrew Breitbart, who is dead. It's because we all want more of those things in our society, not because we're trying to ridicule them into irrelevance.

      Well, I suppose this all goes a ways to explaining conservative "comedians", at least.

      • Goonemeritus

        All true and on a side note no day is so dark that being reminded of Breitbart absence can’t bring a smile.

        • LesBontemps

          Is true. Among the things we all want more of is dead Andrew Breitbart.

  • GuanoFaucet

    Keep fucking that chicken, Nolte!

  • FakaktaSouth

    This commercial doesn't even make me want to eat skittles (it's the ground up beetles that make 'em shiney!) much less fuck a walrus, so I'm not sure WHO wins here.

    • prommie

      Mrs. Christie has to fuck a walrus, I suppose as frequently as walri can muster the energy.

      You must google "autofellatio walrus," I tell you, you just gotta.

      • FakaktaSouth

        All right, all right, I guess I kind of have to now. Since apparently walruses now define my sexual preferences, I suppose I need to see what they like.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          Looks like I picked the wrong summer to go on a diet…

          • FakaktaSouth

            Oh god no. I watched the video. I am afraid of walruses now. One of the best comments was "now we know why President Taft REALLY drowned in the bathtub" so, that was kinda worth it.

          • prommie

            Which one of the Fantastic Four was made of rubber? Rubber man? He could stretch? That is clearly that walrus's superpower, as well.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            Mr Fantastic

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            Fantastic indeed.

          • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

            "Because he CAN."

          • bobbert

            This reminds me of Plastic Man jokes from my yout'.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Prommie, I'm not even gonna ask how you know about this.

        • prommie

          Hey, you know, guys talk, word gets around.

      • tessiee

        Pardon me good sir, but haz you seen mah…
        NOOOOOOO!!!!

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      But look at those tusks!

      • FakaktaSouth

        Luckily the one doing his ownself in the video didn't have such puncture-possibilities. Even walri know the "no teeth" rule.

        • prommie

          Its as important as the golden rule.

    • chicken_thief

      Agreed. But it does make me want to have lunch with the blond.

    • prommie

      Just to make up for the walrus, if you think the ground up beetles is strange, go read the wiki article on how xanthan gum is made, weird as hell. Its ground up bacteria, and its in everything. They even pump it into oil wells for some fucking reason.

      • FakaktaSouth

        At the risk of exposing myself for the complete nerd I truly am, I have actually watched an episode of "How's It Made?" on the topic of xanthan gum. It's an amazing, disgusting, ubiquitous substance, you are right.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    I'm shocked Nolte went with such a subtle ad when theres one that even MORE about bestiality…

  • StealthMuslin

    Going anti-beastiality is gonna totally alienate the GOP base.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Right? It would be like coming out against incest.

    • Boojum

      "A good goat will do that" is the punch line of an old, old joke.

    • shelwood46

      Steve King is drafting his rebuttal right now.

  • MacRaith

    You can also rape a walrus, abduct it and force it to have an abortion across state lines, and drop it off at the swimming pool, and that's perfectly legal in the United States of America.

    • Nibbler of Niblonia

      MacRaith for congress!

    • emmelemm

      Actually, I think the raping the walrus part might prove difficult.

      How do you get a 2-ton animal with tusks to do what you want? Answer: you don't.

    • doloras

      AND STEAL ITS BUKKIT

  • johnnymeatworth

    100% of individuals wearing hoodies and carrying Skittles who are shot by George Zimmerman end up dead. Ergo, Skittles are fatal. OUTLAW SKITTLES IMMEDIATELY.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    If you soak Skittles in cat piss and dry them out in the oven and then smoke them, you can get super high and it's totally legal!

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Brother? Is that you?

  • freakishlywrong

    This will give me night terrors. Not the bestiality; the thought process of a wingnut. Speaking of "slippery slopes" fer fucks sake.

  • Dumbedup

    He is correct that humor is his true enemy, and the enemy of humorless, angry batshit crazy wingnuts everywhere, John Stewart, watch yourself!

    • Boojum

      You know, it is wonderful how the debate has gone from the right mocking the left for being too sensitive (It's just a joke!) to the left (the good guys in this story) mocking the right for their incredible lack of humor. It is a sign of their increasing marginalization.

  • Clown_Baby

    Just wait until he finds autofellatio walrus (google it)

  • ChernobylSoup

    Has this dude even ever seen an Old Spice commercial?

    • widestanceromance

      For many reasons, he only watches the first 15 seconds and nods off.

      • tessiee

        Yeah, NODS off.

  • metamarcisf

    The Walrus was Paul.

  • Dildeaux

    "sexual relations between a human being and a lower animal"

    So by this definition, whoever bangs Nolte is into beatiality?

  • Terry

    That's no walrus. It's John Bolton. Ewwwww, even worse.

    • tessiee

      Every time I see the words "John Bolton" (mercifully seldom these days), I think of the cranky old guy's blog that called him "mustache on his ass".

      • bobbert

        Tusks up on the new motto.

  • RedneckMuslin

    "you don’t understand the depths of sexual depravity the human animal is capable of."

    We just sit back and enjoy it, dude. We don't analyze it.

  • Baconzgood

    This guy needs to log on to 4chan random if he wants to see depravity.

  • IncenseDebate

    Conservitards will never understand humor.

  • Not_So_Much

    When he sees those tusks, it takes him to a very different place than it does the rest of us.

  • Boojum

    True story.

    I was cross-examining a sexual harasser in a case (partially) involving beastiality porn. I asked him if he had ever viewed or shown beastiality porn. His answer:

    "No. I would never do that. I'm an animal lover."

    • prommie

      Albanian, huh?

  • Antispandex

    I blame Chick Fil A.

  • Billmatic

    Wow, I didn't know growing up meant deciding that logical fallacies are actually pretty fuckin awesome.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Or just lurk here.

    Say, that's a really pretty chinchilla you got there…

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    I can understand taking offense at lower animals, but them giraffes have some serious tongue skills.

  • BarackMyWorld

    NO ONE TELL HIM ABOUT FURRIES.

    • AbandonHope

      I disagree. Tell him about furries, please. It would be so hilarious to see the ensuing explosion.

    • viennawoods13

      Hell, he probably IS a furry.

    • tessiee

      EVERYONE TELL HIM ABOUT FURRIES.

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    Given his logic skills, he must also assume that 'animal husbandry' is a marital state.

  • Biff

    Wait–I thought it was Nick Nolte that was dain-bramaged?

  • thatsitfortheother1

    I dunno about a walrus, but it is definitely better to do a chiken than pullet.

    • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

      You will win the Pullet Surprise for that one.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    If it had been sheep instead of a Walrus I suspect that Mr. Nolte would not be objecting.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Brown chicken, brown cow

    • emmelemm

      Hee!

  • SoBeach

    That's a creepy ad that doesn't make me want to buy skittles. Or make out with walruses.

  • RadioBowels

    Um, that's not a boy walrus. Hey look over there, there's no line at Chik-Fil-A today.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Nolte probably won't like this one either. Warning: swallow your coffee first.

    • tessiee

      Aw, I bet that's not a real skittles commercial.
      $>: – ]

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Now that's fucking funny! Hey Nolte! Which one is the lower animal?

    • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

      Thanks for the link. Kid Zoom informs me he is now going to research which monastic orders offer a vow of celibacy.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Fraudulently_Joe

    Nolte is trying to start a moral panic over a commercial that is obviously fiction and played for laughs? In that case, nobody tell John Nolte about furries, or about anthro cartoon fandom, or My Little Pony fandom.

    Actually wait, do tell him, about all those things I'm pretty sure the resulting rage-derp will be hilarious. "WARNER BROTHERS AND HASBRO ARE TRYING TO CONVERT US ALL TO BESTIALITY!!!!1!!1"

    • tessiee

      "Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played a girl bunny?" — Garth Algar

      • emmelemm

        "Me neither."

    • Grokenstein

      I am beset by recurring overwhelming urges to hug and/or snuggle Pinkie Pie. TELL ME, NOLTE, AM I THE SYMPTOM OR THE DISEEEEASE? (Disclaimer: I do NOT hang around farms or stables in a raincoat, "clop," nor wear any sort of "fursuit.")

      (quote) “Humor,” Nolte intones, “is an excellent way to get us used to and to take the shock value out of something hideous and immoral.” (endquote)

      This…this is actually true. It's my primary concern about Jon Stewart's daily LOL! YOU'RE ALL SCREWED *GOOFY FACE* AND NOBODY CAN DO ANYTHING TO STOP IT LOLOLOLOL! routine.

      But in this case, Nolte? You just batshit crazy, boy.

  • annettaj

    I'm so much dumber after reading Nolte's idiocy, I'm going to sign my kid's college fund over to the GOP.

    • tessiee

      OK, make the check out to me, and I'll make sure that the funds are handled responsibly.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    It probably took Nolte about ten viewings to realize this wasn't some redneck cousin of his from Alabama. He should have noticed right away there was more than one toof.

    • FakaktaSouth

      Hey buddy, go fuck yourself, I have ALL my teeth and they are spectacular. And sharp.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Are they the wax ones you can buy at a novelty shop?

        • RadioBowels

          I don't know about you, but i wasn't looking at the walrus. That chick, ahem, "acts" very well. But, you are right I'm sure Nolte never even looked on the left half of the screen.

        • FakaktaSouth

          I'm not sure why wax is sharp wherever you live in superior land, but I can ASSURE you, you would not be confused if I bit you. Come here.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            This had better be foreplay…

          • prommie

            Thats probably what John Bobbit was hoping, too.

          • FakaktaSouth

            Please, Lorena needed a knife – I got angry resentment and something to prove after years of this shit on my side.

          • prommie

            I just know I don't ever want you mad at me. It'd be like Treasure of the Sierra Madre.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            I was thinking Species, but whatever.

          • FakaktaSouth

            suuuuure it is, I prooooomise, truuuuust meeeee.
            I kinda like a guy willing to take chances with the redneck underbelly of society.

  • ph7

    Nolte feels threatened by a walrus stealing the pool of available women.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    My name is Jus_Wonderin, and I must admit I have a monkey on my back and an albatross around my neck.

    • tessiee

      *raises hand*

      Bats in the belfry, here.
      Also, sometimes when I'm nervous, butterflies in my stomach.

    • Angry_Marmot

      And a tiger in my tank.
      Ladies…

      • Jus_Wonderin

        Do you remember when Esso used to give a free tiger tail to hang out/under our gas caps???? I'm an oldz.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Does a trouser snake count?

  • An_Outhouse

    The comments are precious:

    Now, I'm not saying it should be ILLEGAL (it shouldn't — animals are property, you can do what you want with your own property as long as you aren't violating someone else's rights) but it certainly isn't moral or normal psychologically.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      At least the libertardian is being consistent.

    • tessiee

      "Now, I'm not saying it should be ILLEGAL (it shouldn't — animals are property, you can do what you want with your own property"

      I sure hope this person doesn't have kids.

      • Generation[redacted]

        He can't have kids from fucking a walrus, can he?

  • JustPixelz

    When someone reaches for the dictionary to make their argument, they've already lost.

  • Guppy

    I've watched the ad, and I feel no perverse sexual lust for a walrus. For the bespectacled brunette, on the other hand…

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      You need to watch it as much as Mr. Nolte did. You'll never look at tusks again the same way.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Methinks the goatfucker doth protest too much.

    • Generation[redacted]

      walrusfucker

  • finette_

    You know he's just trying to work this into his pre-conceived narrative that says woman-on-walrus is the next step after gay marriage. Taste the Rainbow!

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    "thou shalt not fuck a walrus". Unfortunatly Moses' hands were too full for that last stone tablet.

    • tessiee

      Also, no walruses in the desert.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      "The Lord Jehovah has given unto you these fifteen … oy … ten, ten commandments, for all to obey."

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        I remember my children's illustrated bible. Those things look heavy. Ima go ahead and thank you for god not being smart enough to use paper or papyrus or whatever. Then we would have the 1001 commandments and 900 of them would be about where we should and shouldn't put our privates.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Funny how it's only your neighbor's wife that's actually off-limits. That leaves a pretty wide open field, when you think about it.

  • Buckminster

    When are we going to get civilized and institute public flogging for such flagrantly bad writing? When?

  • http://thesecondcomingofjeri.blogspot.com Jeri 2.0

    By fundie Republican standards any human male having sexual relations with a human female is having sex with a lower life form, we being too stupid to make our own healthcare choices and using inappropriate words in senate hearings and all.

    Oh wait! I get it now! Rainbows = accepting teh ghey = accepting pedophilia/bestiality/necrophilia/toe-sucking/gerbil farming/etc. The man's a genius.

    • tessiee

      "By fundie Republican standards any human male having sexual relations with a human female is having sex with a lower life form"

      What a coincidence: By my standards, anyone having sexual relations with a Republican is having sex with a lower life form.

      • http://thesecondcomingofjeri.blogspot.com Jeri 2.0

        But, anyone having sexual relations with a Republican is a lower life form having sex with a lower life form, so it's like two jackals or badgers or Tasmanian devils going at it, if two jackals or badgers or Tasmanian devils could actually have boring sex.

  • Larry McAwful

    These people have a point, though. Those Five Gum commercials ruined my hearing by getting me to buy huge stereo speakers and lay naked on them while surrounded by ball bearings.

    Mine is but a cautionary tale, ladies. Don't let Wrigley's lead you into walrus sex. It can happen here. Really it can.

  • An_Outhouse

    I have seen this stuff i speak of in the course of doing a research paper. If you won't see it for yourself then you cannot know if it poses a threat or not.

    'It was all for a research project, really.' This stuff is golden. I always assumed Big Morons visit Big Whatever but I didn't think it would be so blatant.

    • Generation[redacted]

      The paper was supposed to be on the Lincoln-Douglas debates, but that's how academic exploration works.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      "I'm just doing this for research purposes." Is this Nolte's new pickup line? At Sea World?

  • tessiee

    "that would like to remove the stigma from bestiality"

    I'm thinking that removing the smegma from bestiality is probably the worst job in the pron industry.

  • tessiee

    No wonder Lowell Turpin is so jealous. His girlfriend is HAWT!

  • Estproph

    The walrus P-E-N-I-S goes into the anus…

  • Geminisunmars

    Hollywood is just continuing the fine work started by Hieronymus Bosch.

  • not that Dewey

    Post walrus, ergo propter walrus.

  • DahBoner

    Don't look to the Animal Kingdom for "moral values".

    Over 1500 species have homo behavior:
    http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homosexual_behavio

    WHERE IS THE DEFENSE OF GUT WORM MARRIAGE ACT???

  • Pragmatist2

    Uh, he missed the big Skittles story. If you go to Skittles.com it greets you with an invitation to "Taste the Rainbow." So really it is gay bestiality going on and that's, as we know, the worst kind.

  • tessiee

    "If you don’t think there’s an agenda behind this, you haven’t been paying attention the last 40 years."

    Step 1: Make commercials that subtly imply bestiality.
    Step 2: Get everyone to accept that bestiality is OK.
    Step 3: ?????
    Step 4: Profit!!

  • MosesInvests

    Blonde-"No, this is the eggman."

  • tessiee

    Where the land-dwellin' wimmenz at?

  • tessiee

    I watched it with the sound off. Is Zooey Deschanel distressed because she disapproves, or because her roommate didn't share the skittles and/or walrus?

  • Generation[redacted]

    I agree with Nolte, this is insensitive and offensive to all of us who enjoy having sex with walruses. And those sound effects! It's like they secretly recorded Nolte in the Sea World men's room.

  • pdiddycornchips

    Why are we blaming the woman here? What about that walrus? Isn't he just as responsible? What about Walrus morality? That walrus was probably paid handsomely to whore himself out like that on national TV. Oh wait, how can we even be sure that's a male walrus? Could this be a lezzie walrus? Impossible to tell but they aren't denying it are they? Also, too, I found this on the google.
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/07/walrus-o

  • pdiddycornchips

    Why are we blaming the woman here? What about that walrus? Isn't he just as responsible? What about Walrus morality? That walrus was probably paid handsomely to whore himself out like that on national TV. Oh wait, how can we even be sure that's a male walrus? Could this be a lezzie walrus? Impossible to tell but they aren't denying it are they? Also, too, I found this on the google.
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/07/walrus-o

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      A lezzie walra and her girlfriend would be a couple of walrae.

  • mindo99

    Sorry, but this commercial is disgusting!

  • Guppy

    According to Wikipedia, walruses are fond of eating clams.

    You're welcome.

  • HistoriCat

    Really, Andrew said it more succinctly, "behave yourselves!!"

    • Generation[redacted]

      "STOP RAPING WALRUSES!"

  • mavenmaven

    What the Breitbart people are really saying is "see, anyone who eats skittles deserves to be shot, so free Zimmerman"

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    i don't think that lady and that walrus actually happened.

    but i guess that's just me.

  • Angry_Marmot

    You're out of your element here, Donnie.

  • emmelemm

    A Bloom County cartoon on Wonkette. This is THE BEST THURSDAY EVER.

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Would that I had more thumbs to give. Or any.

      • emmelemm

        Poor little flightless wings. {flap flap flap}

    • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

      Extra-special secret: I personally scanned that from my very own copy of the first Bloom book, acquired in college in 1983.

  • Angry_Marmot
  • http://matthewgreenbaum.com swordfis

    This is it; the prophecy has been fulfilled: right wing Götterdämmerung, It can't get any worse than this. From here on in, it's drooling and Napoleon hats.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    When you fixate on bestiality, then you see bestiality everywhere!

  • chascates

    Skittles do refresh the mouth after fellating a horse.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Fraudulently_Joe

    I'd say what I think of John Nolte, but it violates the rules of commenting on this forum. John Nolte, as a paid editor at Breitbart's Decaying Earthly Remains, evidently is under no such restrictions as to what sorts of things are acceptable to say, as he regularly calls for people to be murdered for such crimes as allowing their children appear on television.

  • TribecaMike

    Our society has been going downhill since the Army started recruiting talking mules in the 1940's.

  • ttommyunger

    I cannot for the life of me understand how some people can totally obsess with what others do with their genitals. I've spent over 71 years on this mortal coil and I'm still totally preoccupied with my own.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    What's fascinating to me is that there's an "agenda behind this" — and has been for 40 years. I look forward to reading Nolte's disclosure of who is behind this 40-year-old plot to make Nolte succumb to the temptations of bestiality.

  • Misty Malarky

    "I has an interspecies sexual relationship!"

    "Noooo – They be stealing my interspecies sexual relationship!"

  • HeartlandLibral

    Someone seriously needs to do a psychological profile of these people. There sexual hangups are so blatantly obvious in their self conscious homophobia, there frequent reference to injuring others by anal penetration when they get all hot and bothered during comment wars online; and now this bestiality focus.

    Seriously, it's called projection, guys, Psych 101 stuff. Blatantly obvious.