judeo-puritan work ethic

Mitt Romney Did Not Say Any of the Things You Heard Him Say

romney gets his shoes shinedWho ELSE can Romney offend, now that he is done insulting England, praising socialism (seriously), scheduling a $50,000 per plate fundraiser on a national day of fasting set aside to commemorate Holocaust victims, making thinly veiled anti-Semitic comments praising Israel’s “business acumen,”and basically telling Palestinians that they suck for being poor?  A Palestinian official summed up our thoughts exactly when he said, “What is this man doing here? Yesterday, he destroyed negotiations by saying Jerusalem is the capital of Israel, and today he is saying Israeli culture is more advanced than Palestinian culture.” Indeed. What IS this man doing here, and would you like to exchange him for Rick Santorum or Michele Bachmann, because we can maybe work that out for you! Anyway, you are thinking that there is no one left that he can possibly insult, but you are WRONG, there is someone, and it is you and your intelligence.

Under fire from Palestinian leaders for recent comments suggesting that Israel’s economic success is borne out of its “culture,” Mitt Romney on Tuesday attempted to clarify his remarks, telling Fox News that he had not talked about “the Palestinian culture or the decisions made in their economy.”

“I’m not speaking about it, did not speak about the Palestinian culture,” Romney told Fox’s Carl Cameron, in an interview taped before the candidate’s departure from Poland. “That’s an interesting topic that perhaps could deserve scholarly analysis but I actually didn’t address that. I certainly don’t intend to address that during my campaign. Instead I will point out that the choices a society makes have a profound impact on the economy and the vitality of that society.”

Choices like…socialized medicine? Which he seemed pretty excited about when he was in Israel? Or choices like…letting gays in the military maybe, which, as it turns out, he is also super into (so long as Poland does it or he happens to be Governor of Massachusetts).

Then there’s the small matter of coming perilously close to invoking a “Culture of Poverty” argument, which wouldn’t bode well for his Southern chances, since he seems to be explaining that it’s the South’s own damn fault they aren’t as rich and awesome as every single blue state. Or at least, it wouldn’t bode well for his Southern chances if Barack Obama were a white man.

Hopefully he will continue this winning streak when he is back in the U.S. We can’t wait.


About the author

Kris E. Benson writes about politics for Wonkette and is pursuing a doctorate in philosophy. This will come in handy for when they finally open that philosophy factory in the next town over. @Kris_E_Benson

View all articles by Kris E. Benson
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      1. kittensdontlie

        London's Sun tabloid went with the standard "Mitt the Twit", which has a certain understated legant succinctness befitting for his royalhindassyness.

    1. miss_grundy

      If you don't want to hurl, please do not look at a Daily Kos article in which Jed Lewison reports on how Mittens and Anne had it so hard in the early years of their marriage. Here are a few pearls:

      They were not easy years. […]

      We were happy, studying hard. Neither one of us had a job, because Mitt had enough of an investment from stock that we could sell off a little at a time. […]

      Mitt and I walked to class together, shared housekeeping, had a lot of pasta and tuna fish and learned hard lessons. […]

      We were living on the edge, not entertaining. No, I did not work. Mitt thought it was important for me to stay home with the children, and I was delighted.

      Right after Mitt graduated in 1975, we had our third boy and it was about the time Mitt’s first paycheck came along. So, we were married a long time before we had any income, about five years as struggling students.

      If you would like to read the rest of the article and then punch a few holes in the wall, here's the link:

  1. Maman

    A national day of fasting? Those schmucks aren't getting squat for the 50Gs. Why hadn't Romney thought of that before?

    1. actor212

      He was going to retroactively feed them

      By the way, don't those count as illegal foreign donations? I mean, you know, Israel is thought of as the 51st state, but I was not aware they had a star on the flag yet.

      1. Callyson

        Supposedly, they are checking for US Passports.

        No word on whether the sketchy types who sell fake ID's in MacArthur Park got the guest list first…

      2. sewollef

        Believe it or believe it not, Mitten's 'friends' — all good upstanding Americans — flew out to Europe to attend.

        Now there's some schmucks for you.

      3. Maman

        I think that the Baby Jesus sprays the money with "Let My People Pay" dust and all is right in the universe again.

  2. SorosBot

    "Instead I will point out that the choices a society makes have a profound impact on the economy and the vitality of that society."

    Choices like being occupied with every member of that society treated at virtual prisoners within their own land, while that land keeps getting stolen by a bunch of fundamentalist nuts who want your people exterminated?

    1. Charlie_Foxtrot

      When you describe the American middle class like that, it almost sounds like we're Palestinians.

        1. Charlie_Foxtrot

          Very kind of you. I think what I REALLY need, though, is to bury my head in the sand, whimper, and ignore the news. This commenting system is at the ragged edge of my technical abilities, also.

          1. emmelemm

            Hey, you were able to get a little avatar, and fill in your little "motto / personal description" thing-y. That's pretty darn good.

            Comment more.

  3. coolhandnuke

    A Brit, a Jew and a Pole walk into a bar, they turn to each other, laugh, and say together "Mitt Romney what a douchebag."

  4. Billmatic

    This has got to be the most hilarious foreign trip by a candidate for president in the history of the country. I mean, unless Rutherford B. Hayes told Bismarck that his hat looked stupid.

    1. Isyaignert

      More evidence that he considers himself superior. He has no idea or compassion for what the Palestenians have been through. I loathe heartless stuffed shirts, especially when driven by religion.

      Didja see where Harry Reid said a Bain investor told him that Rmoney hasn't paid taxes for ten years? That's why he won't show us anything.

  5. Baconzgood

    If I was some sort of computer nerd in my computer nerd lair and not the macho love stud that I am I'd write some sort of "error/reboot" computer message snark here. But alas I'm not computer smart.

      1. Baconzgood

        I'm comfortable enough with my heterosexuality that I can get away with wearing that.

    1. bobbert

      And when his campaign team changes what they say he said, he has always said that retroactively. Also. Too.

  6. le petit mort

    Next up for Abu Mitt – a leisurely stroll through Al Aqsa Mosque with his muddy shoes on, followed by finger painting on the Wailing Wall.

    1. sewollef

      And as an encore, perhaps a bake off at a little outdoor camp north of Munich….


  7. LastGasp

    "Seriously, some of my best friends are Jews — even if they are going to hell."
    — Mitt Romney

    1. AbandonHope

      "Don't be silly, we need the Jews. To bring about Armageddon. After which they can all burn in the fiery lakes of Hell, evil Christ-killers that they are."

      1. bobbert

        Do the Mormons have an End-Time prophecy? I thought it was just that they "save" the US (i.e., convert it to a theocracy) and it just goes on in perfection forever, with the dead (men) turning into gods of an infinity of other planets.

  8. Estproph

    And now Romney has figured out how to be on both sides of the issues that he is on both sides of.

    1. emmelemm

      Only if it devolves into some kind of Edward Norton hitting himself Fight Club-style spectacle.

        1. emmelemm

          So more like Stephen Colbert and "You, sir, are a formidable opponent!"? Eh, sounds dull.

  9. Eve8Apples

    There hasn't been an American foreign trip as successful as Romney's since National Lampoon's European Vacation.

    1. Advn2rgirl

      I just keep thinking of Evita's "Rainbow Tour:"
      "You'd better get out the flags and fix a parade;
      Some kind of coming home in triumph is required."

    2. littlebigdaddy

      I'd like to see Mittens driving on the wrong side of the road in a stickshift (requiring all shifting to be done with the left hand) navigating a roundabout. I don't think Mitt would do any better than Griswold, and probably worse. BTW, I have always wondered if the name Griswold is some Harvard smarty-pants reference to the key right to privacy case.

  10. Jus_Wonderin

    I really am pleased that Mitt Romney took this trip to highlight his understanding of Foreign Affairs.

  11. fartknocker

    If he was to win the election, it's scary to think who this guy would pick as the Secretary of State.

    1. SayItWithWookies

      I'm not sure whether John Bolton or John Sununu would be more offensive to foreigners — but either of them could be just as bitchy and petty on purpose as Mitt is in a completely offhand way.

    2. Chichikovovich

      Before I make a conjecture I need to clarify one thing. Is there a law that says the Secretary of State can't be at the same time the Israeli Prime Minister?

  12. VA_Dreaming

    This is what happens when you spend your time kissing somebody's ass, instead of actually learning about their culture and situations. Romney may well be as self satisfied and arrogant as Sarah Palin.

  13. Maman

    I appreciate the sheer balls of denying things that Romney has said that people have heard and in some cases recorded. He is the perfect candidate for Bizarro Amerika – just not this one.

  14. bumfug

    People in the Middle East don't understand that it's OK, in a day or two he'll say the exact opposite of what pissed them off.

  15. BloviateMe

    Romney: "I'm going to make it my personal crusade to straighten out this Palistinean situation."

  16. BaldarTFlagass

    I hope he pays a visit to Mexico next. I'm sure he won't piss anyone off there.

    1. Generation[redacted]

      "Liberals look at drug lords and say no one should live like this. I look at drug lords and say everyone should live like this."

    2. viennawoods13

      Hey, time for a family reunion! You know, to celebrate his special understanding of the ties between Mormon fundamentalists and the Mexican people.

  17. Goonemeritus

    I consider his trip a success because England has not re-burned my home town to the ground. I mean how pissed can they have been, they have been known to sail up a river and burn a town just for fun.

    1. sewollef

      On behalf of my people, please accept our humble apologies. A bit late I know, but back then we had some, er, anger issues with colonies.

      1. Goonemeritus

        Think nothing of it how could we stay mad at you guys. On that note however could you tell that Jeremy Clarkson chap to ease up on the fat American jokes, we have feelings too you know.

  18. rickmaci

    You laugh but look what he did with this trip. He released all the pressure from the "disclosure the tax returns" balloon. Nobody in the press at home is saying boo about the tax returns anymore because it's so much fun to take shots at Twitt's faux paux of the day. A total smoke screen put up by the Gaffmaster.

    1. Geminisunmars

      Well, that does give me some reason to look forward to his return to our fair country that I didn't think about before.

    2. Limeylizzie

      Except that Harry 'He's Our Mormon' Reid just came out and said that some Bain investor just told him that Mitt hasn't paid any taxes for 10 years….

      1. rickmaci

        I am still convinced Twitt is less concerned about the fall out from not paying the IRS and more worried about his returns showing way more income than he has been reporting for calculating the amount of his tithe to Salt Lake City. After all, according to Twitt, stiffing the IRS is the national pastime but shorting on the tithe, man that's cheating Elohim.

        1. Katydid

          Because God wouldn't have access to his 1040s otherwise? i wish I had the balls to do reigion like the fundies, I swear.

        2. IonaTrailer

          Especially when his returns will reveal contributions to fetus killing organizations.

      2. Isyaignert

        Hi Lizzie! You beat me to it. Wow, oh wow, oh wow!

        Hey Rmoney – Show us your worth certificate – the long form!

  19. ph7

    I will point out that the choices a society makes have a profound impact on the economy and the vitality of that society.

    Now that's been cleared up, let's get back to extending those Bush tax cuts.

  20. Generation[redacted]

    "I didn't say anything about Palestinian culture. How could I? As far as I'm concerned, it doesn't exist. All I said is Israel is prosperous because Jews are good with money. Now kiss my ass, shove it, and God Bless America."

  21. YasserArraFeck

    I'm surprised Der GaffeMeister didn't praise the Israelis for their work ethic, and how the work makes them free….

      1. YasserArraFeck

        The truly great gaffes transcend borders, languages and cultures. A "gaffe for all seasons", as it were.

  22. BloviateMe

    "If I was so ignorant and uncaring of the Palistinean situation, would I be wearing my smiling Muhammed T-shirt? Huh, smart guys?"

  23. Typodong3

    Before returning to the United States, Mitt Romney made an unscheduled stop to North Korea, where he told them to "eat something, you're skin and bones", and suggested they may have left the water running. He then stopped off in India, where he told them he loved Pakistani dishes, and suggested they "turn on the lights." Finally he went home and everyone in the entire world hated him.

  24. anniegetyerfun

    Yesterday, he destroyed negotiations by saying Jerusalem is the capital of Israel, and today he is saying Israeli culture is more advanced than Palestinian culture.

    Well, not to defend Rmoney, but I don't think any of those issues were really going well before he arrived. I mean, it's not like Israel was in the midst of allowing Jerusalem to be the capitol of a unified Palestine when Rmoney showed up and busted up the meeting or anything.

  25. spends2much

    So Mittens wants to be both the First Mormon President and the First Insult Comic President? I'm sure I'd prefer the foreign policy of Mr Don Rickles.

  26. Callyson

    scheduling a $50,000 per plate fundraiser on a national day of fasting set aside to commemorate Holocaust victims

    Wait–this really happened? Capital WTF? Even for Mittens, capital WTF?

    1. Jukesgrrl

      That literally took my breath away. That's not even a spit-your-coffee-on-the-keyboard gaffe, that's a fall-back-in-your-chair-with-your-mouth-open gaffe.

    2. Caelan Aegana

      But think about all the money they would have otherwise wasted on actually having food.

    3. Katydid

      Look, Ramadan lasts for another two weeks…the Twit still has time to insult the Saudis, if he puts his mind to it.

  27. Callyson

    Maybe, per the poll at the right hand side, Mittens should hire that new CEO Marissa Mayer to return Mittens to prominence.

    No, definitely not…

  28. elviouslyqueer

    Quoth Stu Stevens: "I think people understand that big elections are about big things. And I think that one thing we've learned about this race is only that which is important matters," he said. "This is not a race that has been affected by small things at all. I think it means absolutely nothing to the people at home because it has no relevance to their life. It doesn't matter."

    Translation: Fuck these foreign assholes. USA! USA! USA!

    1. bobbert

      "I think people understand that big elections are about big things. And I think that one thing we've learned about this race is only that which is important matters," he said. "And what is important is that the President is a black man."

  29. subsum

    If he told Fox News he did not say what he actually said then that's what it is. Remember that Fox News is this awesome machine that has the unique ability to trransform reality into whatever fantasy you want it to be.

    1. Rotundo_

      Billy at least had the excuse of being perpetually shitfaced to fall back on. Mitt's strongest brew is grape juice. What is Mittens excuse?

  30. HogeyeGrex

    Y'know, I'm really happy that the Republican candidate is the biggest nitwit of an incompetent, detached from reality empty suit gasbag as may have ever graced a Presidential ticket. It does disturb me, though, that the race is somehow close. Mind boggling, even.

    1. Isyaignert

      Just wait until the debates when Mitt debates Mitt and Obama, and when the tax returns come out and show he hasn't paid anything for ten years!

  31. Geminisunmars

    Well, you must admit that he releases his gaffes at a nice steady pace. He has that going for him.

  32. Jukesgrrl

    Mitt's trip was a success for me because he cleared up an important point. By making success and failure dependent on "the choices a society makes," he's certainly let me off the hook for everything about my life that sucks. What's a grrl to do when she lives in Arizona? I may as well go back to bed.

  33. SayItWithWookies

    "As you come here and you see the GDP per capita for instance in Israel, which is about $21,000, and you compare that with the GDP per capita just across the areas managed by the Palestinian Authority, which is more like $10,000 per capita, you notice a dramatic, stark difference in economic vitality," he said. "And that is also between other countries that are near or next to each other."

    So when Mitt said that he wasn't talking about the superiority of Israeli culture to Palestinian culture — notwithstanding that he got their GDPs completely wrong, or that Israeli and Palestinian cultures have much more in common than they have differences — he was just saying Israeli culture is innately superior in some way not meant to compare it to the one he was comparing it to?

    You know — I at least thought he was smart in some way, not just a rich entitled asshole. If he won the election, he might just make Dubya look like not quite the worst president ever.

  34. spudgun

    "…scholarly analysis…" Mittens wouldn't know scholarly analysis if it bit him in the ass. And I have YET to read anything analyzing why the HELL (besides fundraising) he's going global and acting like he's already mothereffin' president?!?!? I don't recall any other presidential candidate having done what he's doing.

    I hate this man. Never met him, but I hate him.

    1. viennawoods13

      Well, to be fair, Obama did a European tour- more successfully- in the summer of 2008.

        1. Isyaignert

          I hate him too. Rmoney is no Obama – people actually trust, admire and love that guy. Rmoney is a jerk-off and it shows.

          BTW, I gave my BFF a spud gun and a potato for her birthday. She loved it.

      1. Isyaignert

        I was in Munich when Obama gave his speech in Berlin. I brought along an extra Obama button and gave it to the front desk clerk the the next morning. She was thrilled!!

        1. Jukesgrrl

          I went to London the day after Bill Clinton was elected. When I checked into the hotel, I still had a Clinton for President pin on my coat. The Jamaican porter who took my bags to the room told me how happy he was about the election and how much he hated Maggie Thatcher. I took the pin off and gave it to him. He wouldn't take any other tip.

  35. qwerty42

    Then there’s the small matter of coming perilously close to invoking a “Culture of Poverty” argument, which wouldn’t bode well for his Southern chances, since he seems to be explaining that it’s the South’s own damn fault they aren’t as rich and awesome as every single blue state. …

    Oh, wouldn't that play well down in Dixie. OTOH, he has opened the door to this very thing …

  36. deanbooth

    Reminds me of a child story. When my son was about 5 years old, I came into a room, unnoticed, where he was looking out the window. "Damn!" he said. I said, "Little Dean!" His response: "I was thinking of the river dam." Romney should be as quick.

  37. Nostrildamus

    The WP story pic, he's trying reach higher on the wall than anyone else can. Take that, ya' mid-East midgets!

  38. Biel_ze_Bubba

    Gaza: Behind a blockade that won't even let them import cement.
    Israel: Billions in US aid.

    That's one hell of a cultural difference, no question.

    1. Isyaignert

      Damn skippy it's a difference. Well said!!

      Rmoney thinks if you're poor or oppressed, it's because you are not worthy. He's rich because God wants him to be. If you're not rich, it's because you suck and God hates you. Willard and Ayn Rmoney think they're American royalty.

      Fuk them and the prancing sissy horse they rode in on.

  39. TribecaMike

    "…which wouldn’t bode well for his Southern chances, since he seems to be explaining that it’s the South’s own damn fault they aren’t as rich and awesome as every single blue state."

    There you go assuming that all southerners are intellectually capable of grasping high fallutin' concepts. They're not all William Faulkner, ya know.

  40. OneYieldRegular

    Wait, you mean he's coming here, to the United States, and not flying directly to MittRomneyLand? What did we do to deserve this?

  41. DustBowlBlues

    Do any of these douches realize there are, or were 'till they were all killed or fled, Palestinian Christians?

  42. DustBowlBlues

    Wasn't it our dear wonkette who pointed out the q and a that Grover N. did, saying they didn't need a president, just an R congress and a puppet to sign the laws? As a way to dismiss how–christ, I'm going to have to use Thesaurus to find synonyms for stupid for this guy, just like I did Bush– this guy is a nincompoop.

  43. Antispandex

    Stop putting words in his mouth! There isn't much room there anyway, what with that foot in there and all.

  44. DustBowlBlues

    Really, I'm surprised he didn't explain that holding a $50,000 fundraising dinner was in no way being disrespectful of the Day of Fasting for Holocaust victims. He'd already honored them by personally being dunked when they were baptized into Mormons.

    Whiners that they are (it's cultural–ask Rmoney), the Jews would probably fail to thank him.

  45. Slim_Pickins

    "Humour" the Brits, check
    Piss off both the Israelis and Palestinians, check
    Kowtow to the Poles, check.

    Greatest victory tour, ever!

  46. Butch_Wagstaff

    "I've never said what I've actually said including what I've just said."

  47. DahBoner

    "Culture of Poverty" is what a Rich man pretends to be when the Tax man comes a knockin'…

  48. Porter Melmoth

    Hey, if you had ancestors who were among the first Mormons baptized in the Ribble River of the UK's Lancashire in 1831 and emigrated to the US shortly thereafter, when Deseret was a mere pre-twinkling of the eye, and yo daddy was born in the eminent Mexican enclave of exiled polygamists, and you are firmly convinced that yes, indeed, you CAN take your accumulated with you to the awaiting universe of planets ye shall be Lord over, you'd make some throw-away, piss-ant comments to the sorry-ass peasants who are doomed to be deprived of Willardian enlightenment in the hereafter, too.

    Besides, the peasants that await on said planets are gonna need all the hard cash they can scrabble from the feudalism to come. Willard shall provide. Up to a point.

  49. littlebigdaddy

    When he goes overseas does he have to wear one of those cheap black suits with a plastic name tag saying "Elder Rmoney"? Cuz I was on a plane today coming back from Europe and there were shitloads of em.

  50. mosjef

    I think he would be taken more seriously if he would give up that habit of wearing his underpants on his head.

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