Mitt Romney Did Not Say Any of the Things You Heard Him Say

Who ELSE can Romney offend, now that he is done insulting England, praising socialism (seriously), scheduling a $50,000 per plate fundraiser on a national day of fasting set aside to commemorate Holocaust victims, making thinly veiled anti-Semitic comments praising Israel’s “business acumen,” and basically telling Palestinians that they suck for being poor ?  A Palestinian official summed up our thoughts exactly when he said , "What is this man doing here? Yesterday, he destroyed negotiations by saying Jerusalem is the capital of Israel, and today he is saying Israeli culture is more advanced than Palestinian culture.” Indeed. What IS this man doing here, and would you like to exchange him for Rick Santorum or Michele Bachmann, because we can maybe work that out for you! Anyway, you are thinking that there is no one left that he can possibly insult, but you are WRONG, there is someone, and it is you and your intelligence.

Under fire from Palestinian leaders for recent comments suggesting that Israel's economic success is borne out of its "culture,"Mitt Romney on Tuesday attempted to clarify his remarks, telling Fox News that he had not talked about "the Palestinian culture or the decisions made in their economy."

"I'm not speaking about it, did not speak about the Palestinian culture," Romney told Fox's Carl Cameron, in an interview taped before the candidate's departure from Poland. "That's an interesting topic that perhaps could deserve scholarly analysis but I actually didn't address that. I certainly don't intend to address that during my campaign. Instead I will point out that the choices a society makes have a profound impact on the economy and the vitality of that society."

Choices like…socialized medicine? Which he seemed pretty excited about when he was in Israel? Or choices like…letting gays in the military maybe, which, as it turns out, he is also super into (so long as Poland does it or he happens to be Governor of Massachusetts ).

Then there's the small matter of coming perilously close to invoking a "Culture of Poverty" argument, which wouldn't bode well for his Southern chances, since he seems to be explaining that it's the South's own damn fault they aren't as rich and awesome as every single blue state. Or at least, it wouldn't bode well for his Southern chances if Barack Obama were a white man.

Hopefully he will continue this winning streak when he is back in the U.S. We can't wait.

 [CBS]