don't forget poland

Success! Romney (Barely) Ends Foreign Trip Without Savage Brawl Between Campaign And Press

Here is a Romney press secretary telling the shouty press corps assembled at the Polish Tomb of the Unknown to “shove it” and “kiss [his] ass” and “show some respect.” THEY ARE AT A HOLY SITE! (Actually, reporters, dude’s kind of got a point about that one.) They’re so cute, though! GOVERNOR ROMNEY! WHAT ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU ARE A DUMB IDIOT? GOVERNOR ROMNEY! WHY DO YOU SAY SUCH STUPID THINGS ALL THE TIME, WITH YOUR MOUTH? Even Greta Van Susteren has been a-bitchin’ and a-whinin’ about the lack of press access to Romney on his awesome world tour, kvetching that the press were being penned up like a “modified petting zoo.”

It has not been a great trip for Mitt Romney, we think? Since he started an international incident with our closest ally, and explained that Mississippi is poorer than New York because they are cultureless swine (that is what he said, right?), it has become one dumb fucking thing out of his mouth after another! Perhaps traveling press secretary Rick Gorka has had rather a rough few days of it! Eh, fuck ‘im.

But other than that, Romney camp, how was the play?

[CNN]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

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  • Barb_

    Who do those people think they are? You don't just ask questions of and about Mitt Romney.

  • Not_So_Much

    'You people' have all the answers you're going to get about Sir Mittens of Romneyshire.

    • ms_mcgee

      Just answer yes to something, then answer no to it 45 minutes later. Done and done.

  • Terry

    "Kiss my ass! This is a Holy site!"

    That classy and respectful comment is worry of being embroidered on a pillow.

    • noodlesalad

      I think that's what the Lord said to Moses at the burning bush. "Take off those fucking sandals and show a little goddamn respect. I am who I fucking am."

      • MosesInvests

        ZOMG, that was funny, my friend!

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

        Tony Supremo.

        • noodlesalad

          The old testament makes more sense when you think of Yahweh as a Mafioso don. You fuck with my people, you get fucked with. That's a fucking promise.

          • BerkeleyBear

            And saying it like that makes pretty clear why the OT punisher God was preferred by most rulers who converted to Christianity. None of this "meek shall inherit the Earth" shit for them!

    • kittensdontlie

      I would like to order two of those pillows for my sweet dear auntie.

    • Serolf_Divad

      Funny thing: my ass is a hole-ey site, too.

    • Crank_Tango

      I liked it better when Whitney said it.

    • Terry

      Thank you all for ignoring my spelling there. It must have been the six bourbons I had for lunch.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

      The Official Butt-Sticker for the next Wonkette meet-up!

    • prommie

      A beautiful ass is a holy sight, and should be kissed with reverence and appreciation.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

        The Ark Of The Fundament is the holiest of relics in the buttocks worship cult.

        • prommie

          The cult of Venus Calypygos!

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

            Ah, the serenity and harmony of Assical Sculpture!

      • Angry_Marmot

        Sacral dimples FTW.

  • annettaj

    Nobody knocked up a waitress. Ran over small children. Played drunken strip poker that ended up on YOUTUBE or insulted two countries and cussed out people in a designated
    holy site. Romney Win!!!!

    • Tundra Grifter

      It will be another few months before we can confirm what you wrote about the waitress.

      • MosesInvests

        But I thought the pregnancy starts two weeks *before* she gets knocked up!

  • noodlesalad

    I think this Romney trip caused the earth to collectively tighten its sphincter.

    "Surely, the Americans can't be doing THIS again, can they? Don't they have any sort of memory at all?"

    • Isyaignert

      Americans have very short, selective memories and are becoming dumber than litter box thanks to Fux News and the Orwellian news media. The smart people have been locked in a room with the fumducks for far too long.

      Thank gawd for Wonkette and The Daily Show for sharing the important truths with a healthy dose of humor. Carry on!!

    • annettaj

      I can't speak for all the Americans who have amnesia. But I know my ass is a bit tighter after Mitt's foreign fallacy–errr policy tour.

  • BlackRhino

    Mitt to his aides; “That was successful, let’s go home”

  • anniegetyerfun

    Maybe Mormons have a different concept of "holy" than I do?

    • ph7

      Holy as in buried in a hole, I guess.

  • Geminisunmars

    "THEY ARE AT A HOLY SITE! (Actually, reporters, dude’s kind of got a point about that one.)"

    Actually, dude doesn't really have a point. They had already exited the Holy Shit (whoops, the Holy Site), were 100 feet beyond it and in a public square, and had had no access to quiet rooms where they might ask the *candidate* some questions in non-shouty ways.

  • http://matthewgreenbaum.com swordfis

    Is there any possibility that Mitt Romney is really Sasha Baron Cohen?

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      "How was your 'foreign policy' trip?"
      "Very Nye-isss"

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

      Applying "same room" test….

  • SmutBoffin

    "The kielbasa are just the right height, my friends."

    • Gleem McShineys

      K-I-E-L-B-A-S-A, you know, to rupture intestines…?

    • Wadisay

      Guide: Governor Romney, this is the Tomb of the Unknown Polish Soldier.
      Romney: I don't know any Polish soldiers, ah-heh-heh. But seriously folks, I've been here all week, you're a great crowd. Kiss my ass! G'nite, y'all, g'nite!

  • Tundra Grifter

    Remember in '08 when Sen. McCain just pretty much packed it in and began tossing reporters off the bus?

    Good times!

  • SexySmurf

    I wonder if Mittbot told anyone to "bite his shiny, metal ass?"

    • Isyaignert

      Haha! My son has a t-shirt that says that. I think it's funny, but he's not allowed to wear it around his bible-thumpin' grandma.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Chill, Rick. It's not like they asked Mitt where his fucking tax returns were or about all his shady money planted in other countries or how many wives his grandpappy had.

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      This is the perfect location for asking how many holocaust victims he baptized though.

  • FakaktaSouth

    If the press is a "modified petting zoo," Greta's butchered up plastic donkey face fits right on in. Heehaw heehaw.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

      Greta Van Suturin'.

  • ChernobylSoup

    "All the world's a quiet room."

  • Gleem McShineys

    THAT TEARS IT! ITS THE QUIET ROOM FOR YOU!

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    I have been waiting for some commentary about how the Poles are smarter than previously reported… or some such nonsense.

  • SorosBot

    Well how dare those reporters try asking questions of Romney, don't they know he is a superior human being by virtue of his being a billionaire, which he achieved all by himself.

  • SorosBot

    He's already answered enough questions for you people.

  • cheetojeebus

    Today, we are all store bought cookies.

    • Tundra Grifter

      If I could give that comment two thumbs up I would !

      • cheetojeebus

        ah shucks. thank ya.

      • NellCote71

        Me, too!

  • Steverino247

    The First Rule of Romney Club is "Nobody talks about Romney Club!"

  • Serolf_Divad

    In the future the Polish tomb of the Unknown Soldier will be revered as a holy site, because it marks the exact spot that Mitt Romney's campaign jumped the shark and ascended into a divine parody of awfulness.

  • BerkeleyBear

    You watch – they'll spin this as showing he's just like normal Americans – ignorant as fuck about the rest of the world and proud of it.

  • Crank_Tango

    Is this that press vetting that everyone is so excited about these days?

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      Was Ghost Andrew Breitbart in Poland? If so, it was a Pettening (Polish Vettening).

      • Blueb4sinrise

        Ya know, yesterday when I went looking for Lech and his Rmoney cheerleading, I wondered about the rumor that Lech was going to visit OWS, but then canceled, Teh Google search came up with a few sites claiming that it was Breitbart that had convinced Lech that OWS was a bunch of Nazi Commies.

        • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

          Gotta admit, I didn't know who this Lech fella was until my Googling just now, despite having heard at least 2 stories about him on NPR over the last 24 hours. Sounds like he endorsed Mittens yesterday, then his Union Thug coalition came right back and said, 'Hah! No. We don't like him.' The Solidarity is awesome.

          • BerkeleyBear

            Lech would be a right wing hack in America, worshipping the cult of St. Ronnie. But through a quirk of fate, the capitalists were on the side of the unions against the totalitarian supposed leftists (who were really kleptocrats), so people on the left tend to assume he was one of them.

  • kittensdontlie

    His foreign affair junket was like a trip down memory lane….Who can forget, "I am Williard…who are you people?! And , "The Great and Powerful Wizard Williard has done spoken….

  • Patrick Chester

    Was I the only one waiting for Romney to tell a Pollock joke?

    • Isyaignert

      No, I was betting money on it. When I made the same comment on the Fluffington Post some fidiot asked me, "What's a Pollock?"

      • MosesInvests

        It's a kind of fish, no?

        • Isyaignert

          You're right – I should have spelled it "Polak" LOL!! In defense of my fidootness, I will confess to being half Polish.

          About 10 years ago, I hosted a family reunion for about 50 people from that side of the family. As a takeaway, I put together a booklet with the Polish flag, history, maps, famous Pols, and a bunch of Polish jokes. I intentionally bound it on the right side instead of the left as another joke.

          After receiving a copy, a cousin called me aside to confidentially point out that I had made a terrible mistake in the booklet; she didn't get the joke.What a Polak!!

    • NellCote71

      Jackson Hole?

  • tihond

    Meanwhile, Romney asks to see the screen doors on the Polish submarines.

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    Greta should use her powers as a Level X Thetan to erase Romney's Engrams, so he isn't such a fucking idiot.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

      The only non-idiots in Scientology are the handful at the top of the pyramid.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Only those who have advanced all the way through the program, spending half a million dollars and decades of their lives, have earned the right to be let in on the joke.

      • doloras

        I heartily disagree. David Miscavige is a shrieking idiot who has let his BFF Tom Cruise destroy any PR his so-called "Church" ever had.

        • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

          Here's what Google served up when I searched for Miscavige. http://goo.gl/XVmjz

  • coolhandnuke

    Rick Gorka 1992 valedictorian of the Dick Cheney Charm and Finishing School for Press Secretaries.

  • Goonemeritus

    Everyone is trying to say Mitt is ill prepared to keep us out of trouble on the world stage because of his lack of diplomatic credentials. While it is true that CEO’s in general are among the least diplomatic people on the planet you need to accept that no presidency is run by just one man. After all shouldn’t we take comfort in the team Romney has surrounded himself with? Long term men of vision such as his press secretary and John Bolton.

    • Katydid

      John Bolton is a horrible, horrible, man, and I can't believe anybody can stand him…is there anybody on the left as reprehensible as Bolton? Serious question.

      • Goonemeritus

        Yes but not in a position of authority, every group has its numskulls the left is better about cutting them loose when they become unhinged.

    • Angry_Marmot

      There are 107 horrible, horrible people on the American left: three of them work at a Trotskyite bookstore in Chicago, four of them insist on wearing Tibetan hats and dancing at every event, two more are film students, and the remaining 98 are paid right-wing provocateurs. Fairly easy to identify and keep them away from the mikes and the cameras.

      Being a horrible, horrible person on the right just makes you a careerist.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    The press is in a modified petting zoo. They should be in a hunting preserve.

    • not that Dewey

      "The Fourth and Most Dangerous Game Estate"

  • qwerty42

    A "great success"? What color is the sky in his world?

    • Gleem McShineys

      To be fair, it's hard to see it through the Seamus runoff.

    • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

      You're just envious.

  • ElPinche

    Where can one buy a "Romney's Kiss My Ass World Tour 2012" t-shirt?

    • Tundra Grifter

      Cafe Press?

      After reading the above comment, I would amend that to "(r)Money's Big Time Kiss My Ass World Tour 2012" with "London / Israel / Poland " listed like the rock bands do.

      • ElPinche

        Ha! I wished I had the time, I'd really draft one up . Stupid work!

        • Tundra Grifter

          There's always the classic "My Presidential Candidate Went on an International Tour to Prove He Could Be a World Leader and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt."

      • NellCote71

        Cool. I want one.

        • Tundra Grifter

          Your move, Rebecca. Looks like a Wonkette fundraiser to me.

          Or, at least, a funraiser.

  • SorosBot

    You'd think the GOP would have learned not to nominate anyone who can't even handle the simplest media questions after their last VP pick, but no.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Wait until (r)Money's first debate with President Obama. After rolling over his opponents in the primaries, and months of softball infomercials with the FoxPAC, (r)Money won't know what hit him.

    • Mittens Howell, III

      hahaha … you said 'GOP' and then you said 'learned'.

    • NellCote71

      No wonder they defend the second amendment. They need those guns to keep shooting themselves in the foot.

  • viennawoods13

    CJ never talked to the press like that.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

      Christ Jesus?

    • Advn2rgirl

      She would sing "The Jackal" to them.

      • viennawoods13

        With interpretive dance!

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    2008: Barack eloquently addresses throngs in Berlin.

    2012: Mitt dodges reporters in Poland and Israel.

    • Nostrildamus

      Gotcha. Those German thongs are a menace, man. Especially on the beach.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Reminded me of Sheer InSannity being chased through the snows of New Hampshire by Ron Paul's fans.

    • NellCote71

      I was remembering the same epiphanic moment in Berlin. I was so young and innocent four years ago.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

    "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!"

  • ph7

    Lincoln advisor Stuart Stevens on trip to Ford's Theater: "I think it was a great success"

  • chascates

    See? There's just something about the 'Holy Land' that makes people want to kill!

  • Baconzgood

    GODDAMN IT MUTHER FUCKN COCK SUCKER!!!!!!!!! SHOW SOME RESPECT YOU BITCH CUNTS!! THERE'S SOME HOLY SHIT ABOUT!

    • ElPinche

      ..HERE LET ME PULL DOWN MY COCKFUCKIN MAGIC BRIEFS SO YOU CAN SUCK MY KOKNOB AND LICK MY HOLY HOLE, YOU FUCKIN SHIT EATING FURRINERS. HEY SHOW SOME RESPECT!

    • prommie

      Dad?

      • emmelemm

        I always laugh when someone posts that. I'm not sure why.

        /hasn't gotten old yet

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        True story: My dad once panned a movie because "I didn't like the language and shit."

        Then there was one of those *blink* *blink* moments when your 11 year old ass starts to consider the genetic implications of such self unawareness in your heritage.

  • CountryClubJihadi

    "KEEP CALM AND KISS MY ASS"

  • Billmatic

    Man, I was really looking forward to a barrage of all the Polak jokes Mittens knows. I'm pretty disappointed.

  • Gleem McShineys

    Yes, that sure is quite the holy site.

    Walter can explain all about holiness:

    Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't drive a car, I don't fucking ride in a car, I don't handle money, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit *don't fucking roll*!

    Shomer shabbos!

  • Tundra Grifter

    Elizabeth Berkley just had a baby!

    Which gives me the hook to point out the remarkably similarity between the very boring "R" logo of the (r)Money campaign, and the never boring Showgirl's movie poster with Ms. Berkley's leg.

    • prommie

      That movie got a bad rap, I tells ya. It was unfairly maligned.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

        Pretentious twaddle!

        • prommie

          De gustibus non disputandem, dude!

          • SmutBoffin

            WHAT MAJIK HOBBIT LANGUAGE IS THIS

      • SorosBot

        A bad rap? How has a beloved movie with the reputation of a camp cult classic been maligned? Indeed, I'd say the problem with that movie is that it's overrated, as it's really not all that good despite its reputation.

  • Limeylizzie

    OK I am scared that this man will be President, not the aide, Mittens Romney. Someone hold me and comfort me.

    • Goonemeritus

      There will plenty of time for that when we are all a few tents away from each other in the Romneyville tent encampments.

    • prommie

      I think I can get away with that; when are you back in the East?

      • Limeylizzie

        No clue, my darling, probably September.

    • NellCote71

      Really too soon. Poor guy is probably still on the sidewalk.

      • Tundra Grifter

        NC71:

        Thank you! You are correct and I was absolutely wrong.

        • NellCote71

          TG: you're a class act.

          • Tundra Grifter

            NC71:

            You give me far too much credit. At this point in my life, I'm just trying to be a better person than I've been.

  • James Michael Curley

    Want to know whether or not presumptive Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney is naming Governor Christie his vice presidential candidate?

    There’s an app for that — Mitt VP.

    • prommie

      Oh, please say it IS so! The ruination of TWO careers, plus, too, Christie has never been vetted, and his history of prosecutorial extortion, pre-indictment plea deals and no-bid contracts to cronies, this will be something extra fun if he becomes VP candidate, I think.

      • James Michael Curley

        El Purko named Bruce Harris as Legal Director of the Turnpike Authority @ $165,000 and Phillip Kwon as Deputy Director of PA @ $215,000; both after being turned down as Supreme Court Judges over the alleged boondoggle that El Purko would not accept a request to name a democrat before naming more republicans. But speaking with a couple of Assembly Members at meetings during the process, and ones whom I find to be fairly straight forward, there was a lot in the backgrounds of these two that raised doubts. Now they are appointed to $380K worth of tax payer dollars and no oversight in the process.

    • An_Outhouse

      android or iOS?

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        Windows Phone.

      • James Michael Curley

        GORT 2.0

  • ph7

    Mind your fucking manners!

  • Callyson

    Yeah, no asking Mittens any questions about his gaffes in a foreign land. Save that unpleasantness for a quiet room somewhere.

  • Tundra Grifter

    I don't understand why The Press would bother to ask (r)Money any questions. Within about 24 hours he'll have all different answers.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    "Yes, Mr. Burns, very successful. Shall I kiss your ass again, Mr. Burns?"

  • prommie

    Camel-toe is common, you can see that anywhere, but Greta is the only woman on earth with camel-face. I would not pet her, if she were in the petting zoo, no I would not. I would not pet her with my cock, I would not pet her with a rock. I would not pet her here or there, I would not pet here anywhere!

    • James Michael Curley

      EGGSelent! Mr. Green. You hammed that up nicely.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

      But let us not forget, Van Suturin' saved the life of Original Wonkette Editrix Ana Nicole "Sweet Cheeks" Cox on a speeding train! http://www.usnews.com/news/blogs/washington-whisp

  • Lazy Media

    On the one hand, Romney's prissy-assed, closeted press aide is, well, what I just said. On the other hand, anyone who thinks "What about your gaffes?" is a legitimate question needs a good, hard cockpunch.

    • Mittens Howell, III

      Mr Romney, when will you release your giraffes?

      • NellCote71

        "You people" have seen all of his giraffes that he is legally obliged to display.

  • Guppy

    The Rahm Emanuel/Joe Biden School of Public Decorum.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Guppy:

      I can't agree with you on that one. Joe Biden is genuine. Not perfect, but at his core a really good guy who wouldn't try to hurt anyone else. Particularly in light of what he's been through in his life, I can't see him just being a jerk.

      Sometimes Mr. Biden is too out there – but never out of malice. And he's a heck of a lot smarter than many people credit. I am really looking forward to the Vice Presidential candidate debate. It's going to be Lloyd Bentson vs. Dan Quayle all over again. Can't wait…

  • barto

    I think Greta meant to say "heavy petting zoo", at least in her case.

  • Terry

    If Romney's staffer had been culturally sensitive, he'd have said "Pocałuj mnie w dupę".

  • An_Outhouse

    Fucking CNN thinks the world revolves around them. Romney gave an interview while in Poland, to Faux Noose. Wait your turn, CNN, multi tasking is slated for Romney 2.3

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    This will all be taken care of when Romney names his horse as his vice presidential nominee, and allows him to field all the questions.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

      You never go Full Caligula.

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        He's running for president for pete's sake!

  • smashedinhat

    Mittens/Palin would be a gruesome twosome. Just throw in some brownshirts and you're good to go!

  • mavenmaven

    "Have respect, its a very holy site, the Polish Unknown Soldier has just become a retroactive Mormon"

  • owhatever

    The candidate will refuse to answer any more questions, ever, about anything, except those pre-screened from Sean Hannity. "Governor, why are you so awesome?"

    Imperial statements will be issued when he deems them appropriate.

  • HistoriCat

    the press were being penned up like a “modified petting zoo.”

    That's odd – the media never made a big deal about the "free speech zones" far away from GWB. It's all part of the same amendment, so what's the big deal?

  • lochnessmonster

    How about Mitt Romney holds a press conference and no one shows up?

  • Arkoday

    Politics today… We've progressed from "read my hips" ™ to "kiss my ass".

  • Gleem McShineys

    Mitt's trip was a success!

    And most androids consider Chuck E. Cheese a "modified petting zoo."

  • DahBoner

    But I thought everywhere in Poland was a Hole-y Sight?

    //puts away screen door on submarine joke

  • mr bojangles

    hey mitt!!! do you fuck goats?!?!!?

  • ttommyunger

    Admit it; you'd be more than a little testy too if you had to sell Mittens to the unwashed masses.