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Ron Jeremy Wants A Threesome With Romney And Obama, For Civility

Seems like a nice manHow low has American political discourse sunk? Well, if a prominent human choses to say something nice about a person running for president, even if that something nice is about something totally unrelated to politics, and even if that human is prominent mostly for putting his wang inside a bunch of ladies, and also occasionally his own mouth, on film, then people are surprised that you might not agree with him politically! Why would you praise some quality of the person running against the person you are going to vote for, what if they accidentally win and it’s your fault, because you weren’t mean to them constantly? Anyway, point is, Ron Jeremy should really think hard about praising Mitt Romney’s parenting skills in bland, generaly terms, because President Romney will ban all pornography forever and Ron Jeremy will be unemployed.

Look at what this RethugliKKKan porn star, who’s clearly on the Koch Brothers payroll, said about Mitt Romney, right after he announced his plans to vote for Obama:

I think he means well, I think he’s a good man … I think the fact that he’s such an amazing father proves a lot. I give him a lot of credit. He’s raised some good sons. When a man is a really, really good father, that’s very important.

Man, it’s almost as if being a wealthy man paid well to have sex with ladies and endorse alcohol products (that is why Ron Jeremy was in Massachusetts talking about Mitt Romney, he was promoting his own line of rum) makes you mellow and agreeable!

But wait, doesn’t Mitt hate porn?

I wanna make sure that every new computer sold in this country after I’m president has installed on it a filter to block all pornography and that parents can click that filter to make sure their kids don’t see that kinda stuff coming in on their computer.

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Ron Jeremy is no doubt smart enough to know that there is no technical way such a filter can be developed, so he is not worried about his job. On the other hand, he said, of the terrible awful 2012 campaign, “It’s a good race,” so maybe he just isn’t paying attention. [Boston Herald]

Photo courtesy Nate “Igor” Smith/Wikipedia

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About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger

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110 comments

  1. Hammiepants

    Well, damn, I know the porn star demographic is certainly a coveted one. Let's hope Candy Bottoms lets her voice be heard as well, and by that I mean gets in some hot girl on girl action.

  2. Texan_Bulldog

    "…for putting his wang inside a bunch of ladies, and also occasionally his own mouth," So this guy can put his own dick in his mouth? You have GOT to be kidding me. And, no, I don't want to see the video.

    Actually Ron Jeremy is probably still slightly less loathsome/less insane than Willard's friend Ted Nugent…and Donald Trump…and Sheldon Adelson. Shit, Mitt's friends all suck.

    1. SaintRond

      Actually, I know Ron Jeremy quite well. He's a very kind person and I cannot imagine him endorsing any Republican platform.

      He's never smoked a cigarette, had a drink, smoked pot or said anything mean about anyone. Whenever he sees a woman, he always zeroes in on her best quality, even if nobody else in the world can see it and makes a kind remark.

      And he'll fuck anything female that moves.

        1. SaintRond

          He also has a degree in Special Ed for kids with learning disabilities.

          The only fault I can find with the man is, I think he's circumsized.

          1. viennawoods13

            Dear lord. I thought you were joking about about the special ed thing, but I googled it. Will wonders never cease.

          2. HistoriCat

            Before he got into the entertainment industry he was a teacher … hidden depths all around I tells ya.

      1. themcwow

        "…right after he announced his plans to vote for Obama:"

        You're correct, he just doesn't want to say anything bad about anyone. I've observed him at parties, and he's very sensitive and human.

  3. BloviateMe

    Well, Ron and Mittens have both shamelessly fucked a whole lot of people to make money…so, yeah.

  4. Baconzgood

    I find this difficult to masterbate to.

    (that's the first time that said that about Ron)

    1. actor212

      No one watches a Ron Jeremy film because of Jeremy. They watch it because he can make the most ragged out old star look like a twenty year old cheerleader again by comparison

  5. FakaktaSouth

    I am disappointed Ron thinks Mitt is a good man, he should know a HUGE dick when he sees one.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        Shit, liking Mittster ain't the reason I wouldn't want a WAY hairy, WAY blubbery, WAY over-hung eye-jizzer to sign my memory book. I just don't want him getting pee-hole on my sharpie. So gross.

        1. James Michael Curley

          I don't think I understood a word of that but I think I would feel the same way.

          1. FakaktaSouth

            Oh please, you KNOW he signs his name with his pecker. (I tried and failed to go to a Porn Expo in Vegas once, so I am also being made fun of here, alls fair in porn and commenting. ALso, my favorite thing I ever saw RJ do was accidentally um, blow a load? in a gal's eye. She was a TROOPER but it was hilarious. Taboo3, worth a watch.)

          2. viennawoods13

            My favorite thing (admittedly, I've never seen him in action-eww) was a segment on SexTV where he pondered the ethics of using viagra to get wood for on-screen action. He didn't like it.

          3. FakaktaSouth

            Well if getting it up anytime anywhere is how you make bank, people cheating with big-pharma would tend to be aggravating I suppose. I'm for it. Nothing worse than floppy-dick in the middle of your porn. "HEY! THAT GUY'S FAKING, he's not really in to this, I can tell" is SO annoying.

          4. viennawoods13

            Yes, but dammit, Ron wants authenticity in his films- you know, like those breasts, and lady orgasms.

          5. Guppy

            Take the sex out of it, and you're left with "My employer wants me to take drugs for my job."

  6. fartknocker

    10 minutes ago I was sad over a dipshit in Florida killing a traveling salesman. Now its a porn star preaching his own form of morality. Fuck it, I'm going home to start drinking and watch The View.

        1. Mumbletypeg

          Who are the cuties in your avatar

          "Wynken, Blynken and Nod."
          Not their real names — it references one nursery poem my grandmother (center) would read to her sisters, eventually reading it to me too.
          Put it in your pocket for safekeeping. The tiniest of listeners respond well to its somnolent rhymes when it's read aloud~

  7. SoBeach

    Do not, under any circumstances, show a Ron Jeremy movie to a chick. Not if you want her to be aroused, anyway.

  8. Serolf_Divad

    “When I do autograph signings for the rum, I get 20 or 30 people at least wanting me to sign the DVD cover of ‘Boondock Saints.’”

    You mean when people show up in public for a your autograph, they don't ask you to sign their copy of "Girls Who Take It On All Fours From Both Ends VIII"? Wow.*

    *Actually, you know… maybe I should be impressed.

  9. prommie

    Ron Jeremy can suck his own dick? When I woke up this morning, this was not something I would have suspected that I would learn to do. This life is certainly filled with marvels and surprises, isn't it?

    1. FakaktaSouth

      That goes to show you really how impressive his schlong is. It's not even bending over that far, it's clearing that gut that impresses me.

      1. prommie

        Most men his size can't even SEE their schlong, let alone bestow oral favors upon it. Chris Christie can't even reach his dick with his hands.

        1. FakaktaSouth

          What is that joke about T-Rexes and being all angry for that there reason and it leading to the extinction of the dinosaurs? Maybe CC will blow up in frustration. Also, gross, that means he pees sitting down. I wonder if you could even see the potty?

          1. prommie

            Oh, but wait, now I just thought of something funny, it must look just like the famous "Autofellatio Walrus!" And Autofellatio Walrus is hilarious!

          2. prommie

            Oh seriously, you must; its a walrus in a tank at an aquarium, and that boy is just sucking his dick with joyous abandon, and kids are pointing and asking their parents whats going on, oh its truly awesome!

  10. Goonemeritus

    If porn was removed from the internet our nation would find itself with 500% more bandwidth than it needed. Tech companies would become penny stocks over night and assholes would find they had an extra couple of hours a day to make our lives miserable.

  11. weejee

    Mittenz can keep the porn off his computer the same way the DoD keeps the computers they really care about from being hacked, don't connect to the Tubes.

    Don't forget Rmoney still has to dig-up a Veep, perhaps

    Mittens/Johnny Wadd 2012

  12. coolhandnuke

    Ron Jeremy gave the people what they wanted with the"money shot." Mitt Romney gave away a lot of peoples' shot at money.

  13. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Mitt's a good father because he forced Ann to make the choice to be a stay at home mom.

  14. prommie

    Interesting, isn't it, that the State with the highest per-capita consumption of internet porn is Utah, land of the smiling stepford mormons. That is funny, but what is hilarious is the theory that this stat does not actually reflect a higher incidence of Mormon horndoggery than the national average, but rather, since the stat is based on PAY porn sites, that it suggests that Utah-ans, and thus mormons, are just the only people on the planet stupid enough to pay for porn.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      Hilarious ain't exactly the way I would put it. And from my own experience, no one loves porn more than a "Conservative Christian Right Wing Republican Straight White American male" in Ala-no-dildos-bama. NO ONE. (especially the insurance agent strap on fetishists ones)

      1. prommie

        I once read Jung's explanation for the prevalence of that kind of hypocracy, and it was a brilliant and compelling explanation, appealing to my desire to try to make sense of human behavior and why people are so WEIRD so often. But I am an old, and my brain is full, so I forgot it.

  15. BaldarTFlagass

    There's one porny thingy that Mitt probably knows front and back, and that's the Rmoney shot.

  16. MissTaken

    I'm looking forward to Seymore Butts showcasing Tampa Tushy Fest 1 at the GOP convention this year.

  17. Fraudulently_Joe

    Someone should probably point out to Ron Jeremy that Mittens is taking cues from his good friend Rick "Frothy" Mix, and has been shhh-don't-talk-about-it-too-loudly promising to vigorously prosecute US-based pornographers.

    Not so different as you might want to believe, dude.

  18. Fairtackle

    Weirdly, I have a lot more respect for Ron Jeremy's career choice than Mitt's. At least when Ron screws someone are getting a job instead of losing one.

  19. DahBoner

    I thought Bush got Kalid Sheikh Mohammed????

    What's he doing now, besides making porn?

    I meant Bush…

  20. mrblifil

    Ron has one of the most famous monikers in porn, "The Hedgehog." He's not known for his discernment, nor his discretion. I don't think his body of work involves much interracial activity either, which is perhaps worth noting. He's also a disgusting, gross, flabby, pathetic, aging rapist for hire. So all in all, the quintessential Romney supporter, per excellence.

    Also, given the fact that bin Laden had a huge stash of porn when he was found in his lair, it stands to reason that Osama beat his meat to Ron's timeless stylings on a number of occasions. Another factor that he has in common with the presumptive nominee, since President Romney will be largely dedicated to ensuring that nothing stands in the way of a bunch of Saudis getting their rocks off.

  21. Lazy Media

    Wait, what, the Hedgehog can self-fellate? I don't see how that's possible; that dude's always been a bit zaftig. I mean, it's a sizable schlong, but it's not THAT long.

    I would think Ron Jeremy would be all in favor of anti-porn internet filters, because it would force people to go back to actually PAYING for porn on DVDs.

  22. barto

    Ron should probably schtick to schtupping. There may be lead in his pencil, but it ain't very sharp.

  23. pattycake

    I once gave a lift to Ron Jeremy, in Austin, TX. It was pouring down rain and he was heading uptown to a film festival. I didn't know who he was, but he was soaked and his driver hadn't shown up, and it wasn't out of my way at all. He did not mention his claim to fame, he was a perfect gent and he gave me $50 cash for carrying him twenty blocks in my Saturn.

    Later I saw his picture in the local alt-weekly in a story about the erotic film festival.

  24. joyinil

    Anytime I see the words Mitt, wang, and porn in the same sentence I get really queasy. Then that picture of Mitt in his mom jeans pops into my mind and I start wondering about the special underwear…… Now I really am sick to my stomach. It's too early to start drinking wine straight from the bottle.

  25. horsedreamer_1

    Coming soon to Fred Willard endorsed theaters near you. A BurningAngel Production. Directed by Uwe Boll.

    Ron Obamney: The Human Centipede 3.

  26. ttommyunger

    Greasy old fat has-been opines about squeaky-clean old wannabee. Oh, yes; do go on…..

  27. spookydave1031

    It's official today! Ron Jeremy has been cast in the upcoming hit off-Broadway play "THE DEEP THROAT SEX SCANDAL" opening at the Zephyr Theater in Los Angeles in January 2013.
    Ron will play the judge that was appointed to convict the adult film stars in the original Deep Throat trial. This is the play about the movie the government didn't want you to see! http://www.deepthroattheplay.com

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