orgazmo

Ron Jeremy Wants A Threesome With Romney And Obama, For Civility

Seems like a nice manHow low has American political discourse sunk? Well, if a prominent human choses to say something nice about a person running for president, even if that something nice is about something totally unrelated to politics, and even if that human is prominent mostly for putting his wang inside a bunch of ladies, and also occasionally his own mouth, on film, then people are surprised that you might not agree with him politically! Why would you praise some quality of the person running against the person you are going to vote for, what if they accidentally win and it’s your fault, because you weren’t mean to them constantly? Anyway, point is, Ron Jeremy should really think hard about praising Mitt Romney’s parenting skills in bland, generaly terms, because President Romney will ban all pornography forever and Ron Jeremy will be unemployed.

Look at what this RethugliKKKan porn star, who’s clearly on the Koch Brothers payroll, said about Mitt Romney, right after he announced his plans to vote for Obama:

I think he means well, I think he’s a good man … I think the fact that he’s such an amazing father proves a lot. I give him a lot of credit. He’s raised some good sons. When a man is a really, really good father, that’s very important.

Man, it’s almost as if being a wealthy man paid well to have sex with ladies and endorse alcohol products (that is why Ron Jeremy was in Massachusetts talking about Mitt Romney, he was promoting his own line of rum) makes you mellow and agreeable!

But wait, doesn’t Mitt hate porn?

I wanna make sure that every new computer sold in this country after I’m president has installed on it a filter to block all pornography and that parents can click that filter to make sure their kids don’t see that kinda stuff coming in on their computer.

Ron Jeremy is no doubt smart enough to know that there is no technical way such a filter can be developed, so he is not worried about his job. On the other hand, he said, of the terrible awful 2012 campaign, “It’s a good race,” so maybe he just isn’t paying attention. [Boston Herald]

Photo courtesy Nate “Igor” Smith/Wikipedia

About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger

Comments

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  • Wilcoxyz

    So Romney is pro porn. Just not for the kids. Wonder what sites he likes…

    • horsedreamer_1

      BarelyLegalFundamentalistMormonBridesLikeItBig.Com.

    • JohnnyQuick

      Just search for "holding down boys for haircuts".

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Nothing like an opportunistic gigolo in the campaign… and Ron Jeremy too.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Romney/Jeremy 2012

    Y'know, when Jeremy vowed to screw the country, I had something a little more sexay in mind.

  • RadioBowels

    Ron Jeremy, the Wolf Blitzer of Free Market Porn.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    I haz a sadz. I may have to cut back on teh buttsechs today.

  • http://www.tumblr.com/blog/hamsterpantsworld Hammiepants

    Well, damn, I know the porn star demographic is certainly a coveted one. Let's hope Candy Bottoms lets her voice be heard as well, and by that I mean gets in some hot girl on girl action.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    "…for putting his wang inside a bunch of ladies, and also occasionally his own mouth," So this guy can put his own dick in his mouth? You have GOT to be kidding me. And, no, I don't want to see the video.

    Actually Ron Jeremy is probably still slightly less loathsome/less insane than Willard's friend Ted Nugent…and Donald Trump…and Sheldon Adelson. Shit, Mitt's friends all suck.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I've seen video of it.

      He's remarkably flexible. It doesn't hurt that he's got a big knob.

      • Texan_Bulldog

        Wow…I'm surprised he ever even leaves his house.

      • fartknocker

        TMI.

    • SaintRond

      Actually, I know Ron Jeremy quite well. He's a very kind person and I cannot imagine him endorsing any Republican platform.

      He's never smoked a cigarette, had a drink, smoked pot or said anything mean about anyone. Whenever he sees a woman, he always zeroes in on her best quality, even if nobody else in the world can see it and makes a kind remark.

      And he'll fuck anything female that moves.

      • prommie

        Thats kinda nice. I think.

        • SaintRond

          He also has a degree in Special Ed for kids with learning disabilities.

          The only fault I can find with the man is, I think he's circumsized.

          • viennawoods13

            Dear lord. I thought you were joking about about the special ed thing, but I googled it. Will wonders never cease.

          • HistoriCat

            Before he got into the entertainment industry he was a teacher … hidden depths all around I tells ya.

          • horsedreamer_1

            He's a Jew. So, eh, he kind of had to be snipped.

      • themcwow

        "…right after he announced his plans to vote for Obama:"

        You're correct, he just doesn't want to say anything bad about anyone. I've observed him at parties, and he's very sensitive and human.

  • Katydid

    Mittens wants to install porn filters because freedom.

  • BloviateMe

    Well, Ron and Mittens have both shamelessly fucked a whole lot of people to make money…so, yeah.

  • Baconzgood

    I find this difficult to masterbate to.

    (that's the first time that said that about Ron)

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      No one watches a Ron Jeremy film because of Jeremy. They watch it because he can make the most ragged out old star look like a twenty year old cheerleader again by comparison

      • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

        Hey. we oldz have sex too.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          Yea, but who wants to watch? I'm just glad most women I date take off their glasses before getting into bed.

          • Guppy

            That reminds me…

            Bedroom etiquette: glasses on or off?

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            Always off. I hate smudges.

          • Guppy

            But then you can't see what's happening.

          • Baconzgood

            It's a 50/50 for me.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            That's pretty good eyesight.

          • viennawoods13

            It's the glasses knocking into each other pisses me off.

          • Advn2rgirl

            Your partner takes them off. That's dead sexy.

  • Crank_Tango

    So much for letting the invisible hand of the marketplace decide about pr0n.

    • JustPixelz

      The hand may be invisible. I've never actually looked.

  • FakaktaSouth

    I am disappointed Ron thinks Mitt is a good man, he should know a HUGE dick when he sees one.

    • prommie

      So much for asking for HIS autograph!

      • FakaktaSouth

        Shit, liking Mittster ain't the reason I wouldn't want a WAY hairy, WAY blubbery, WAY over-hung eye-jizzer to sign my memory book. I just don't want him getting pee-hole on my sharpie. So gross.

        • James Michael Curley

          I don't think I understood a word of that but I think I would feel the same way.

          • FakaktaSouth

            Oh please, you KNOW he signs his name with his pecker. (I tried and failed to go to a Porn Expo in Vegas once, so I am also being made fun of here, alls fair in porn and commenting. ALso, my favorite thing I ever saw RJ do was accidentally um, blow a load? in a gal's eye. She was a TROOPER but it was hilarious. Taboo3, worth a watch.)

          • viennawoods13

            My favorite thing (admittedly, I've never seen him in action-eww) was a segment on SexTV where he pondered the ethics of using viagra to get wood for on-screen action. He didn't like it.

          • FakaktaSouth

            Well if getting it up anytime anywhere is how you make bank, people cheating with big-pharma would tend to be aggravating I suppose. I'm for it. Nothing worse than floppy-dick in the middle of your porn. "HEY! THAT GUY'S FAKING, he's not really in to this, I can tell" is SO annoying.

          • viennawoods13

            Yes, but dammit, Ron wants authenticity in his films- you know, like those breasts, and lady orgasms.

          • Guppy

            Take the sex out of it, and you're left with "My employer wants me to take drugs for my job."

          • prommie

            I speak fluent fakakta, need a translation? I don't advise it, though.

          • FakaktaSouth

            You hush, I tried to go easy on him.

          • prommie

            I swear its like you don't know your own strength.

          • FakaktaSouth

            Huh. I think I like that.

  • fartknocker

    10 minutes ago I was sad over a dipshit in Florida killing a traveling salesman. Now its a porn star preaching his own form of morality. Fuck it, I'm going home to start drinking and watch The View.

  • Barb_

    Ron Jeremy, blow job creator.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      And he makes it look so sleazy.

      • Barb_

        Doesn't he though?
        Who are the cuties in your avatar?

        • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

          Who are the cuties in your avatar

          "Wynken, Blynken and Nod."
          Not their real names — it references one nursery poem my grandmother (center) would read to her sisters, eventually reading it to me too.
          Put it in your pocket for safekeeping. The tiniest of listeners respond well to its somnolent rhymes when it's read aloud~

  • SoBeach

    Do not, under any circumstances, show a Ron Jeremy movie to a chick. Not if you want her to be aroused, anyway.

    • BerkeleyBear

      And if she is, get the fuck out of there.

  • Serolf_Divad

    “When I do autograph signings for the rum, I get 20 or 30 people at least wanting me to sign the DVD cover of ‘Boondock Saints.’”

    You mean when people show up in public for a your autograph, they don't ask you to sign their copy of "Girls Who Take It On All Fours From Both Ends VIII"? Wow.*

    *Actually, you know… maybe I should be impressed.

  • HateMachine

    I hate to even mention it, but this story is a horrible waste of an opportunity to use that picture of Ron Jeremy dressed as Super Mario.

    SFW, except for the sheer terror of it: http://plumberplace.files.wordpress.com/2007/01/i

  • BarackMyWorld

    You fuckers already beat me to all the easy jokes.

    Balls.

  • SorosBot

    But what does Long Dong Silver think?

    • MissTaken

      That you need to call up Ginny Thomas and apologize.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Why? Wait a week until she's got a good drunk on and she'll call.

  • prommie

    Ron Jeremy can suck his own dick? When I woke up this morning, this was not something I would have suspected that I would learn to do. This life is certainly filled with marvels and surprises, isn't it?

    • FakaktaSouth

      That goes to show you really how impressive his schlong is. It's not even bending over that far, it's clearing that gut that impresses me.

      • prommie

        Most men his size can't even SEE their schlong, let alone bestow oral favors upon it. Chris Christie can't even reach his dick with his hands.

        • FakaktaSouth

          What is that joke about T-Rexes and being all angry for that there reason and it leading to the extinction of the dinosaurs? Maybe CC will blow up in frustration. Also, gross, that means he pees sitting down. I wonder if you could even see the potty?

          • prommie

            Ewwwww! Bad associations everywhere, Ron Jeremy and fucking is bad enouugh, ewwww.

          • FakaktaSouth

            I LOVE when I win the gross-out game.

          • prommie

            Fuck, I can't win the gross-out game nor the shock and surprise game neither.

          • prommie

            Oh, but wait, now I just thought of something funny, it must look just like the famous "Autofellatio Walrus!" And Autofellatio Walrus is hilarious!

          • FakaktaSouth

            You are NOT tricking me in to googling that. No way.

          • prommie

            Oh seriously, you must; its a walrus in a tank at an aquarium, and that boy is just sucking his dick with joyous abandon, and kids are pointing and asking their parents whats going on, oh its truly awesome!

  • Callyson

    Meh, wake me when Nina Hartley gives her endorsement.

    • Gorillionaire

      She was a very active supporter of Hillary back in the day.

  • Goonemeritus

    If porn was removed from the internet our nation would find itself with 500% more bandwidth than it needed. Tech companies would become penny stocks over night and assholes would find they had an extra couple of hours a day to make our lives miserable.

    • sewollef

      But, but, what's your point?

    • JustPixelz

      Or as (I think) Lewis Black put it: "If porn was banned from the internet, there'd be just one web site left: http://www.bringbacktheporn.com.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Mittenz can keep the porn off his computer the same way the DoD keeps the computers they really care about from being hacked, don't connect to the Tubes.

    Don't forget Rmoney still has to dig-up a Veep, perhaps

    Mittens/Johnny Wadd 2012

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    In fairness, Jeremy did a lot of poleing before making his endorsement.

  • coolhandnuke

    Ron Jeremy gave the people what they wanted with the"money shot." Mitt Romney gave away a lot of peoples' shot at money.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Mitt's a good father because he forced Ann to make the choice to be a stay at home mom.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    First Lech Walensa, now Ron Jeremy!!!!!!!!!1111111111
    Mittmentum!!!!!!!!!!

  • prommie

    Interesting, isn't it, that the State with the highest per-capita consumption of internet porn is Utah, land of the smiling stepford mormons. That is funny, but what is hilarious is the theory that this stat does not actually reflect a higher incidence of Mormon horndoggery than the national average, but rather, since the stat is based on PAY porn sites, that it suggests that Utah-ans, and thus mormons, are just the only people on the planet stupid enough to pay for porn.

    • FakaktaSouth

      Hilarious ain't exactly the way I would put it. And from my own experience, no one loves porn more than a "Conservative Christian Right Wing Republican Straight White American male" in Ala-no-dildos-bama. NO ONE. (especially the insurance agent strap on fetishists ones)

      • prommie

        I once read Jung's explanation for the prevalence of that kind of hypocracy, and it was a brilliant and compelling explanation, appealing to my desire to try to make sense of human behavior and why people are so WEIRD so often. But I am an old, and my brain is full, so I forgot it.

  • http://gorejusgeorge.tumblr.com CheeseBro69

    So who pitches and who catches?

  • Fairtackle

    Wait, was Ron playing Not My Job, then that would have been awesome.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    There's one porny thingy that Mitt probably knows front and back, and that's the Rmoney shot.

  • MissTaken

    I'm looking forward to Seymore Butts showcasing Tampa Tushy Fest 1 at the GOP convention this year.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Ybor City? More like "I, Bro City".

      /high-fives to nearest bros

  • Beowoof

    Hmmmm, seems that with schlong that big, he is getting no blood to his brain.

  • An_Outhouse

    I have a computer in my pants, Mitt. Want to check my filter? No teeth, okay?

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Fraudulently_Joe

    Someone should probably point out to Ron Jeremy that Mittens is taking cues from his good friend Rick "Frothy" Mix, and has been shhh-don't-talk-about-it-too-loudly promising to vigorously prosecute US-based pornographers.

    Not so different as you might want to believe, dude.

  • IncenseDebate

    He's thinking with his dick. You'd think his thoughts would be bigger.

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    Ron's superPAC is not big enough to compensate for Obama' stimulus package.

  • Fairtackle

    Weirdly, I have a lot more respect for Ron Jeremy's career choice than Mitt's. At least when Ron screws someone are getting a job instead of losing one.

  • Tribbz

    One could say they both think outside the box when seizing assets.

  • AlNewMan

    what a dick!

  • ShreditorsDesk

    Romney's jobs plan is knob jobs? Who knew?

  • DahBoner

    I thought Bush got Kalid Sheikh Mohammed????

    What's he doing now, besides making porn?

    I meant Bush…

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Ron has one of the most famous monikers in porn, "The Hedgehog." He's not known for his discernment, nor his discretion. I don't think his body of work involves much interracial activity either, which is perhaps worth noting. He's also a disgusting, gross, flabby, pathetic, aging rapist for hire. So all in all, the quintessential Romney supporter, per excellence.

    Also, given the fact that bin Laden had a huge stash of porn when he was found in his lair, it stands to reason that Osama beat his meat to Ron's timeless stylings on a number of occasions. Another factor that he has in common with the presumptive nominee, since President Romney will be largely dedicated to ensuring that nothing stands in the way of a bunch of Saudis getting their rocks off.

  • Estproph

    fapfapfap

  • Guppy

    Ron Jeremy doesn't do much discussing in quiet rooms.

  • Lazy Media

    Wait, what, the Hedgehog can self-fellate? I don't see how that's possible; that dude's always been a bit zaftig. I mean, it's a sizable schlong, but it's not THAT long.

    I would think Ron Jeremy would be all in favor of anti-porn internet filters, because it would force people to go back to actually PAYING for porn on DVDs.

  • barto

    Ron should probably schtick to schtupping. There may be lead in his pencil, but it ain't very sharp.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Jiust what we need, another big dick.

  • pattycake

    I once gave a lift to Ron Jeremy, in Austin, TX. It was pouring down rain and he was heading uptown to a film festival. I didn't know who he was, but he was soaked and his driver hadn't shown up, and it wasn't out of my way at all. He did not mention his claim to fame, he was a perfect gent and he gave me $50 cash for carrying him twenty blocks in my Saturn.

    Later I saw his picture in the local alt-weekly in a story about the erotic film festival.

  • joyinil

    Anytime I see the words Mitt, wang, and porn in the same sentence I get really queasy. Then that picture of Mitt in his mom jeans pops into my mind and I start wondering about the special underwear…… Now I really am sick to my stomach. It's too early to start drinking wine straight from the bottle.

    • emmelemm

      Depends… what time zone are you in?

  • horsedreamer_1

    Coming soon to Fred Willard endorsed theaters near you. A BurningAngel Production. Directed by Uwe Boll.

    Ron Obamney: The Human Centipede 3.

  • ttommyunger

    Greasy old fat has-been opines about squeaky-clean old wannabee. Oh, yes; do go on…..

  • spookydave1031

    It's official today! Ron Jeremy has been cast in the upcoming hit off-Broadway play "THE DEEP THROAT SEX SCANDAL" opening at the Zephyr Theater in Los Angeles in January 2013.
    Ron will play the judge that was appointed to convict the adult film stars in the original Deep Throat trial. This is the play about the movie the government didn't want you to see! http://www.deepthroattheplay.com