You should see what he does to Census workersExcellent, now even the “neighborhood crazies” have learned the Get Out of Jail Free code word for Stand Your Ground: “I was in fear.” Unfortunately for “neighborhood crazy” Kenneth Roop, there was a witness who saw him gun down a door-to-door salesman who had knocked on the door, found no one home, and was walking back down the driveway when Roop pulled up, asked him what he was doing there (selling frozen seafood and steaks) and then shot him. Oh, and as the salesman lay dying, he shot him again, in the back of the head. Good job, FLORIDA.

Also, a nearby deputy came on the scene as Roop was reloading in his garage, and held him at gunpoint until he could be properly arrested for being an insane person and homicidal maniac. As she did, he explained, quite properly, that after all he had three no-trespassing signs, and he was “in fear.” (He was also doubtless “in fear” the time he pointed a gun at a woman who wanted to read his meter. Back then, the wisdom of a Florida jury found him not guilty.)

Explaining his actions to police after the shooting, Roop said he became “more than a little nervous” as Rainey walked down the driveway toward his truck and appeared to have something in his hand.

As Rainey drew within 4 feet, Roop grabbed his 9mm Glock from his pocket and fired once, striking Rainey in the shoulder, he told police. Rainey fell to the ground, screaming, ‘You shot me,’ in what Roop described as an “antagonistic” manner, according to the report.

How about Stand Your Ground. Does that apply, News Press?

Cape Police Chief Jay Murphy said it’s too early to say whether Roop was defending himself under the parameters of Florida’s justifiable use of force statute.

“Until all the facts are known, it would be premature to discuss how stand your ground law applies to this particular incident,” Murphy said in an emailed statement.

Indeedy! Hey remember during the Census, when the “fun” thing on the Right was to explain that you would shoot any gubmint who came to your door? Good times.

[WTSP/NewsPress, via RawStory]

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  • Barb_

    It shouldn't take a hurricane to encourage people to get the hell out of Florida.

  • Oh hellz. That could be my next door neighbor. Steer clear of those people with the no-trespassing signs on a city street

    • HateMachine

      Oh yeah, I've got a couple George Zimmerman wanna-bes on my street, one with the confederate flag the size of his front door, and the other with "Don't Tread On Me" signs and "No Trespassing" all over his property.

      The former made the rather sensible decision to take his flag down (it can't be great for property values in a majority-black city), but he's still the guy who marched across the street and sharply questioned the Papa John's employee (the place is on our street, two doors down) about his suspicious behavior, namely pacing the sidewalk during his smoke break. I'm sure I don't need to tell you that the suspicious person was significantly browner than said neighbor.

  • Trannysurprise

    To be fair, the victim wasn't as white as Kenny and that IS the going standard these days.

  • mavenmaven

    News Flash: The sudden disappearance of large numbers of Jehovah's Witnesses has been traced to one man…

    • sullivanst

      So, he's not all bad then.

      I know, I know, too soon.

      • HistoriCat

        You know who else made large numbers of Jehovah's Witnesses disappear …

        • sullivanst

          I heard they ran off with the gypsies, or something.

        • An_Outhouse


        • Boojum

          Jehovah's hit man?

  • James Michael Curley

    When I came to this post it said "No Comments" which pretty much is the way I feel.

    • Barb_

      Yikes, looks like someone needs a toaster strudel and a few moments looking at kittens on the intertubes. I hope your day gets brighter.

      • James Michael Curley

        How can I? I'm at work and the Women's Volley Ball is not on.

        • An_Outhouse

          I watched thw womyn's volleyball last night. Apparently it was either cold there or they were all from conservative muslin countries.

  • MosesInvests

    So, if I live in Florida (never again!), I can "stand my ground" against Mormon missionaries and Jehovah's Witnesses?

    • That is Elder Ross to you Moses.

      • sullivanst

        Sounds to me like the correct name is in fact "Target Practice"

        • Texan_Bulldog

          Surveyor marks libel!!1!!!!!!!!

    • Terry

      Certainly. You are in fear…that they won't leave until you take some leaflets.

    • An_Outhouse

      Those are some scary proselytizers.

    • rmjagg

      they are trying to steal your soul , and if you don't let them , they will kill you and baptize you anyway …

    • grace_nearing

      And dudes looking for driveway seal coat jobs.

    • BlueJoubert

      Precisely. I am scared to death of those fucks. What a great idea. Only thing is, we would go to jail. This idiot will walk, just like the toothless guy who cooked dinner while his victim was laying on his porch, and Zimmerman, who stalked and assassinated an innocent young man.

  • freakishlywrong

    "Stand yer ground" will only be applicable if Rainey is blah.

  • Pragmatist2

    Of source he was in fear. Gun owners live in fear. That's why they have guns. That's why we should call them pussies.

    • FNMA

      Had a gun-nut tell me that I should put a sign in front of my house saying that there are no guns in the house. He said I'd be dead in a day.
      I told him, You know, they're doing some very good things with medication these days.

      • SorosBot

        Yet somehow, the vast majority of people, including those of us in the scary urban areas, manage to go around about our business every day without even coming close to being murdered, or even to worry about it.

        I've lived in cities my entire life and know exactly one person who was murdered, or even the victim of an attempt – and he was a drug dealer, killed by other dealers. Which, along with crimes of passion, are the vast majority of murders in the US.

        • FNMA

          Seriously, I have no idea how these people are able to get through the day without shooting somebody in a fit of paranoia…Wait a minute…

      • CommieLibunatic

        How about a sign declaring that I don't have a gun, but I do have a sinister-looking crowbar?

        • Generation[redacted]

          "I don't have a gun, but I have a state of the art alarm system that will take your picture. Also the doors are locked. My neighbor, however, has a collection of expensive guns just waiting to be burgled and pawned."

          • "I don't have a gun but I have a cellphone. Oh, and a fucking library card."

    • prommie

      Thank you thank you thank you for this, the fundamental irony surrounding all of these gun-fetishists, they are fucking pussies, they love their guns exactly as much as they live in fear. The more of a walking bundle of cowardice and fear they are, the more they cling to their guns. The more they piss their pants whenever they see a black man, the more likely they are gonna carry and freak out in a pussy-fit and shoot someone some day. Yes, indeed, they should change the name to the "National I Need The Security of a Gun Because My Dick Is Tiny And I Am A Craven Quaking Pussy Association."

      • Fairtackle

        "Craven Quaking Pussy Association"

        Best band name ever.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Ummm …. what do you mean, "we"?
      This fuckwit had 14 guns … you go tell him.

    • Steverino247

      Perfect comment. They are afraid.

    • Yea, just not to their faces.

      I mean, I totally agree with your sentiment and your assessment (in many cases, like this one), it's just that when the jackass is pointing his weapon at me, I'm not about to start an argument. Been there, done that, have the soaked undies to show for it.

      There are times I wish I could keep my mouth shut.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Hey, the man had a package, with some stiff meat. Of course he felt inferior.

    • Katydid

      Had a nephew-in-law, a skinny little guy, who had a gun, a pit bull, and piranha. I don't know what the hell he was so afraid of.

      • A burglar who would snorkel in through the pipes?

      • Boojum


        • doloras

          No-one's afraid of Aquaman except for his own side. He gets captured by supervillains so often they have a cell with his name on it.

    • MosesInvests

      I don't want to be overly PC here, but can we stop referring to cowards as "pussies"? Some of the bravest people I know are possessors of that organ.

      • Pragmatist2

        It's true. It's true. But it's also true that all of the nicest people I know have a**holes.
        Nonetheless, point taken.

        • I use "sissies" now, for that very reason.

          • TheGyrus

            Still sexist, as the word derives from "sister." Maybe "ninnies?"

      • sullivanst

        It's not necessarily a reference to ladyparts, it turns out. Although most people nowadays think of it that way, so the etymology is likely irrelevant.

      • Boojum

        I would think the name derives from 'fraidy cats, not lady parts. Maybe it was Cockney rhyming slang, with a twist.

  • Goonemeritus

    Funny he seems a little chubby to be a Vegan.

  • Crank_Tango

    Good job, asshole. All that practice at the range and you could only hit an unarmed man in the shoulder from 4 feet away?

    • Not_So_Much

      Sounds like he did better with the second shot.

      (and was reloading? was he going to shoot the meat too?)

      • Crank_Tango

        Not sure why he would have needed to reload after only two shots–I think even the littlest 9mm glocks hold at least 10 shots.

        • CommieLibunatic

          Maybe he was packing something like this. Overcompensating, etc.

    • Harrison Wintergreen

      Shooting him in the back of the head when he was already on the ground was a neat touch — dead men don't file lawsuits.

    • Caelan Aegana

      Don't worry, quite soon it will capsize* soon from the weight of all the obese diabetic scooter-riding old farts.

      *Shamlessly stolen from an Onion headline.

    • hippie13

      he was brandishing a clipboard after all

  • jodyleek

    Oh, Florida! When are you going to break off the continent and fall into the ocean?

    • nounverb911

      Hopefully August during the republitard convention.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      FL: the Syphilis-riddled penis of America

    • JustPixelz

      Let's get Lorena Bobbit to cut it off.

    • CommieLibunatic

      I'll be happy if it just sinks. A very real possibility, what with climate change and most of that shithole being just a few feet above sea level.

    • sewollef

      A friend of mine doesn't like Florida. He blogged about it just after the fraudulent Bush election 'win' back in 2004:

      And the next time Florida gets hit by a hurricane you can come crying to us if you want to, but you're the ones who built on a fucking swamp. "Let the Spanish keep it, it’s a shithole," we said, but you had to have your fucking orange juice.

      To that we can add Stand Your Ground.

      • emmelemm

        I don't even like orange juice.

  • Standing his ground for the right to eat chicken!

    It's in the Bill of Rights, sheeple!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    • FNMA

      Leave Chic-Fil-A alone!

    • Please! Hetero chicken.

  • What are you gonna do, bleed on me?

    [Added: Is this a new thing, or is it just that we've started to pay attention?]

    • glasspusher

      "I am invincible!"

    • sullivanst

      The Florida SYG law was signed into law by Jebbush, so it's newish, but not shiny new. Trayvon was really the point at which people started to pay full attention.

      • Yea. Dead kids have a way of bringing things to light

        • sullivanst

          Whereas noone seems to care about gangs blowing each other away and then successfully claiming SYG.

          • Them's just the nearers playing amongst theyseffs.

          • sullivanst

            In Flah-di-dah, it's as likely the browns as the blahs.

        • Crank_Tango

          Didn't that used to be GE's slogan in the 80's?

    • SorosBot

      The fact that the NRA has handed crazed killers an apparent get-out-of-jail-free card with Stand Your Ground has probably contributed just a bit.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors Tis but a scratch.

  • elviouslyqueer

    “Until all the facts are known, it would be premature to discuss how stand your ground law applies to this particular incident,” Murphy said in an emailed statement.

    I'll take "What is 'It motherfucking DOESN'T apply here, you pea-brained dimwit'?" for $500, Alex.

    • pdiddycornchips

      You're obviously unaware of the Florida penal code. The guy said " you shot me" in an antagonistic manner for one and he was not white for two. He was walking back to his truck rather than crawling on the ground with his hands clasped together in prayer. That's the three strikes rule in Florida. Well, for non-whites who get shot by their betters at least.

    • rmjagg

      to put it mildly …

  • Baconzgood

    "He was wearing his hoodie menacingly"

  • ttommyunger

    This surprising to me, since this chap looks so normal; for Florida.

  • Goonemeritus

    How long before Spanky claims this guy is a Democrat?

    • bflrtsplk

      Fox News this morning showed the guy`s photo. Underneath it said Roop (D-Fl). Just kidding, I hope.

  • Stand your ground beef?

  • nounverb911

    Move along folks, nothing new to see here, just Florida acting normal.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Also, Meat is Murder, obvs.

    • Nothingisamiss


  • Allmighty_Manos

    Hate to be grim and all, but in all seriousness how long will it be before a Obama volunteer gets shot?


      • pepperpat

        Like they haven't thought of it by themselves already?

    • SoBeach

      I can tell you this: the volunteers in my little part of Florida are NOT thrilled with the idea of canvassing.

    • randcoolcatdaddy

      Or a Republican volunteer. Or a utility worker. Or a postman.

      • tessiee

        Although at least the postman can whip out his Uzi and return fire.

  • Mapmonger

    What a load of fuckwits.

    • Nostrildamus

      A perfect comment – for all occasions.

  • sullivanst

    Nobody could've predicted that giving the gun freaks free license to just cold shoot anyone in any situation and claim they were a-feared might lead to senseless bloodshed.

  • SexySmurf

    Rainey fell to the ground, screaming, ‘You shot me,’ in what Roop described as an “antagonistic” manner, according to the report.

    Just because someone guns you down in a homicidal rage doesn't mean you have to be rude about it.

    • ChernobylSoup

      It's all there in Emily Post's Guide to Stand Your Ground

      • The proper phrasing is "Oh, dear! It appears that I have been shot by someone in your general direction! I do not wish to give offense, but do you have perhaps a bandage or an aspirin I might secure?"

        Toujours la politesse! And all this must be said while your pinkies are up.

        • sullivanst

          "Actually, would you mind making that a Tylenol? I wouldn't want to bleed on your driveway any more than strictly necessary."

          • PsycWench

            Also the use of "You" makes it appear accusatory. It would be best to use "I statements" as in "I have been shot, probably by the asshole with the gun".

        • Exhausted66
        • tessiee

          "Thank you, Sir! May I have another?"

      • Gleem McShineys

        I believe Dick Cheney's victim set the bar pretty high for post-firearm etiquette.

        • That's right. The frozen steak salesman should have apologized!

    • mbobier

      Well, to be fair to the victim, if somebody had just shot me, I might be feeling a bit antagonistic, myself….

    • keinsignal

      "What's the difference between "aggravated" assault and regular assault?"
      "Dogg, that's cake. Regular assault is when you are assaulted and you're cool about it. But when you get aggravated assaulted you get super angry about it."
      "I always get super angry when I get assaulted."
      "Man why do you always gotta be a dick about it."

    • Man, that line smacked my gob so hard, I exclaimed out loud in my office. (I guess I am lucky the Art Director next-door didn't shoot me.)

  • smashedinhat

    Cop would've shot him if he weren't a white oldster I bet!

  • Does "Stand Your Ground" apply on the telephone? Is there a way to shoot telemarketers???

    • I wanna have sex with this comment

    • viennawoods13

      Jesus. I get the Windows registry scammers phoning like every day. I have my response down to a fine art by now: "You people are fucking cocksuckers"

      • pepperpat

        Do they ever reply, "If they're cocksuckers, why would I be fucking them?" Because I would totally say that.

      • glasspusher

        I don't know if you're kidding about the Windows registry scammer thing or not. I know just enough about the windows registry to think you might be telling the truth.

        • viennawoods13

          Oh, it's real. A friend of mine actually got sucked in by them once! I only found out about that a couple of weeks ago, but I've been cussing them out for a year now.

          • glasspusher

            So what do they do? Tell you you have to have it cleaned out or something? I would love to keep them on the line, I only use macs…

          • viennawoods13

            Here's a great example of how to fuck them over.

          • glasspusher

            Awesome. Yeah, if I get a scammer I try to spend as much time on the phone with them as possible, figuring I'm saving some poor schmuck from them, at least for a while. As a bonus, my family doesn't have to deal with me while I'm thus occupied.One time there was a “you've won a free trip to Las Vegas!” Nahh, not interested in Las Vegas. “OK, how about Florida? Nahh, lived there for 2 years, been there done that…

          • 102415

            Some one tricked me into picking up the phone the other day with that bullshit and I chatted for awhile explaining that I didn't know how the computer worked and asked them how do you turn it on.

    • James Michael Curley

      Try the, "I have a button on my phone that will electrocute you if I push it." Works for bored 8 year olds who just learned the 'Is your refrigerator running?" joke and telemarketers who are mentally the same age.

  • Why don't I get more frozen steak salesmen finding their way to my house? Instead I just get the usual Frozen Chosen, the Jehovahs witness sales reps, because such is my luck.

    • HistoriCat

      If you lived in a more genteel neighborhood you would get Mormons instead of Jehovah's Witnesses.

      • SorosBot

        Is that it? I thought I didn't get Mormons by virtue of living on the East Coast.

        • HistoriCat

          I think they're slowly working their way back east.

        • sullivanst

          Has to be said, I saw more of them in England than I have so far in New York.

  • glasspusher

    "I was afeared"

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    This would not have been a problem if the salesman was armed.
    *points finger to head and pulls an imaginary trigger*

  • SorosBot

    "he explained, quite properly, that after all he had three no-trespassing signs,"

    Yeah um, as annoying as they may be, salesmen, along with proselytizers or canvassers, who come to your front door are not in fact trespassers.

    • Depends if you put up a "No Solicitation" sign, too.

      • anniegetyerfun

        I have recently put up "No Solicitation" signs – this will justify my increased violent threats toward those pesky Girl Scouts.

        • Those little gay abortionists!

          • anniegetyerfun

            I support their gay abortions, but I hate crunchy cookies. An abomination!

  • edgydrifter

    He was aggressively bleeding on my driveway–HE HAD TO DIE!!

  • IncenseDebate

    He had ordered a pizza.

  • "I get my meat at the Food Lion" *BLAM*

  • Estproph

    "Yer Honner, he wuz in hiz house THINKIN' at me! I hadda stan' mah groun' in his bathroom an shoot him inna haid whiles he wuz busy, afore he dun got any odder idears!"

    • He was standing on the sidewalk, looking at my driveway.

      The sidewalk across the street.

      One block over.

      • sullivanst

        I could tell he was looking at my driveway because my sniper scope gives a super-clear visual.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Tampa is going to be SO interesting this month.

    • randcoolcatdaddy

      "May you live in interesting times" is a curse not a blessing.

      • Generation[redacted]

        "May your ground be always standing."

    • *Runs out for popcorn.

  • MissTaken

    I totally understand. The idea that steaks and seafood can remain frozen in the Florida heat makes no sense. I'm scared of salmonella, too.

    • kittensdontlie

      The meat was no doubt irradiated for preservation. i wouldn't tolerate it and I see others won't either.

    • DahBoner

      Quantum Steak Mechanics: Spooky Action from a Jar…

    • Caelan Aegana

      Refrigeration truck = spy operation headquarters. Obviously.

  • Someone should re-do this Norman Rockwell travelling salesman with a tactical ballistic vest, an M4A assault rifle and a Glock strapped to his leg:

    • tessiee

      And by "someone", we mean "not John McNaughton".

      Although, come to think of it, that doesn't rule out David Bugnon, who did the Breitbart in armor portrait. I'll bet he's got plenty of time on his hands these days.

  • JustPixelz

    I am in fear too.

  • SorosBot

    So does Colorado have a Stand Your Ground law? Because movie theater crowds can scare masked madmen.

  • bflrtsplk

    Are we supposed to be shocked? Surprised? At a loss?. I mean, Jesus. Fucking Jesus!

  • prommie

    Its the living under Kenyan socialist tyranny that unhinged him, and Obama pissing on the Constitution!

    • RadioBowels

      Anmd subjecting him to White Slavery.

      • prommie

        Unnecessarily shooting people in the defence of Liberty is no Vice!

  • prommie

    I would NOT want to be a GOTV walker in Florida!

    • Hey, that gives me the idea for an invention!

      We could modify a walker-cane with twin 50cal for handles. This way, if an old person is accidentally wandering the neighborhood and happens upon a gun nut about to preserve his Ground, she can open fire first!

    • SoBeach

      Well…when I've done it we only knocked on the doors of registered dems.

      A few elections back I was walking around what is considered the worst neighborhood in the area, talking to people, seeing if they needed a ride to the polls, etc. From the moment I got out of my car I was watched like a hawk. I stuck out like a sore thumb, and everyone was suspicious. Before I could knock on my first door a couple of guys came off a front porch and asked me what I was doing. I told them and it was instantly cool. After that everybody was as nice as can be to me.

      Now if I were to try the same thing in the neighborhood where I live I'm certain I'd get cussed out, have doors slammed in my face, and maybe even get a gun pointed at me. But that's because I live in a nice, safe, upscale neighborhood.

  • JustPixelz

    In fairness, the salesman was representing Surveyor's Mark Steak & Seafood. They really need to change that blazer design.

  • Goonemeritus

    About 1% of the populations anywhere are sociopaths, if you live in an area that even has modest population density you can probably toss a biscuit and hit the house of one. The thing that makes this worse in the States is to a man they are all gun owners.

    • So in non-Queenly/Olympic English words, your tellin' us we need to be careful where we toss our cookies?

  • BarackMyWorld

    Someone set us up the bomb. All your steaks are belong to us.

  • This guy scares me, all the way from Florida. I should fly down and shoot him, just so I can be safe.

    • mavenmaven

      At this rate we may actually need a Wonkette Militia for defense.

    • prommie

      Airfare is on me! I'm scared too!

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Well, that's reasonable. It's called "Stand YOUR ground" as opposed to "Stand MY ground".

    • Veritas78

      No need to hassle with TSA about your guns—you can easily buy them all there within minutes of landing.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I don't blame the guy, I hate that Omaha Steaks shit too.

    • I dunno. Their bacon-wrapped filet mignon is pretty tasty.

      Mmmmm, bacon….

    • Exhausted66

      Obama Steaks?

    • HistoriCat

      Omaha = Warren Buffet = Obama = Communism

      Wake up sheeple!

  • Steverino247

    Stand your sales territory!

  • StealthMuslin

    I am in fear of Florida. Can we nuke it now?

  • JustPixelz

    When "stand your ground" is outlawed, only outlaws will stand their ground.

    • mrpuma2u

      That gets my vote for comment of the day. Well played.

    • FNMA

      Well, in Florida, anyway, outlaws are standing their ground. A Florida newspaper, I think it was the Tampa paper, recently reviewed a bunch of cases in which Stand Your Ground had led to no charges being filed and found that something like 60 percent of the cases involved suspects with records for committing violent crimes or were drug dealers. One case involved a guy who shot his ex-wife's boyfriend, who was unarmed at the time. The guy got off.

      • Boojum

        That would totally get me off, also too.

  • To be fair those Frozen Lobsters and Steaks would have killed the chicken hearted thug… with a heart attack.

  • MissTaken

    Rainey fell to the ground, screaming, ‘You shot me,’ in what Roop described as an “antagonistic” manner, according to the report.

    If you get shot, don't shout "You shot me" like an antagonizing bastard. Instead, gleefully serenade your gunman with a lovely rendition of "America The Beautiful" to make your gunman feel warm and fuzzy inside.

    The More You Know!

    • SorosBot

      Why would someone feel antagonistic towards a guy who just shot them for no reason anyway?

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Seems proper, since the protagonist was speaking with bullets.

    • An_Outhouse

      Damn right. Where did this salesman learn his manners? Not from my mother, I'm telling you.

    • Generation[redacted]

      If you start singing the 1812 Overture, the shooter can play along.

  • Steverino247

    Maybe Houston needs to make a video about what to do when visiting Florida.

  • Callyson

    Gene Snyder, a former volunteer firefighter who lives across a canal from the shooting scene, said he witnessed part of the incident. He said his wife heard two gunshots, so he rushed to the house to help.
    What happened next, he said, was horrifying.
    “I went to bend over to help the guy on the ground, the victim, and out of the garage I heard something: ‘I’ll kill everybody or shoot everybody,’ Snyder said. "And he cocked his gun and thank God for the Collier County sheriff’s (deputy), she probably saved my life and everybody else’s life that was in the area,” Snyder said.

    Jesus. Fucking. Christ.

    • HistoriCat

      Ah but if Mr. Snyder had been armed he could have shot the guy … after all, he feared for his life.

      If I were in Florida, I think I would just have the music from The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly playing all the time. Just to set the mood.

  • nirrti_rachelle

    Seafood, steak, Skittles, and cans of tea are apparently considered deadly weapons in Florida. I know unhealthy food kills but are they taking SYG a bit too literally?

  • ChrisM2011

    Florida is apparently our Germany when it comes to bat-shit crazy-weird.

  • annettaj

    Give Florida back to the gators. Then have them eat the buck naked crazies who straggle.

    • tessiee

      "How about some crackers for an appetizer?"

      "Southern man, gonna eat your head…"


  • On the lighter side, FSU's Drama Department says it has an innovative ending planned for its upcoming re-imagining of a classic Arthur Miller play, which for copyright purposes they are calling "Willie Loman Stands His Ground."

  • Dumbedup

    So, dude is reduced to selling frozen food door to door, certainly one of the harder gigs in the world, and small penis white guy, who's been itchin' to shoot someone since he bought the fucking thing, pulls out a gun and shoots the guy. Other guy says the sensible thing "you shot me, WTF?" whereupon dickless gets out and murders him by shooting him in the head. Jesus wept.

  • Beetagger

    To be fair, steaks scare me too.

    • An_Outhouse

      I'm often afraid they may reanimate into a very large angry bovine.

  • Someone else here has said it better than me … but if our surplus of manufactured fear with a side helping of paranoia could be frozen, packaged and exported, the only thing left obstructing the potential boon to our GNP would be how to find a market outside the US with a greater appetite for fear and paranoia than ourselves.

    • IncenseDebate

      We lead the world in paranoia. USA! USA! Amercia!!

    • Goonemeritus

      I disagree no one could have said that better, to me it is the smartest thing said by anyone about anything.

      • You are gracious. It was inspired by a more succinct comment by one SayItWithWookie, sthg about commodification of Crazy, U.S.-grade… If I dig it up successfully from the intertubez netherworld I'll come back and link it~

  • RadioBowels

    Death of a Salesman always depressed me.

    • Generation[redacted]

      I liked the bit about Simonizing, though. That was nice.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    FL is making TX look better and better every day.

    • MosesInvests

      The only things I miss about Florida are my family, old friends and the beaches.

  • Local_Mojo

    Ah, a simple misunderstanding.

    “The stand your ground is a good piece of legislation,” said Marion Hammer, the NRA's lobbyist. “It was designed to protect he rights of law abiding people to defend themselves when they are under attack or assault. That’s all it does.”

    No harm intended. Rainey should just get up and Roop should shake his hand like a gentleman and they should go on about their business.

  • Steverino247

    True Story Time, kiddies.

    Saturday evening my dinner is interrupted by a teenager vaulting my side gate and running along the side of the house. I go to the sliding door of my bedroom and see a frightened Hispanic male about 18. I ask if I can help him. He says he's afraid he's being followed and asks if he can hide in my backyard. I offer to call the police and tell him he really can't run through people's yards like this. He does not want the police called, probably because he's in a gang, but possibly because the police can be dicks, too. He finds his courage and leaves. On the way out, my neighbor addresses him in Spanish. The kid says he's OK and thanks him. My neighbor and I shrug our shoulders.

    If this happened in Florida, the kid would be dead.

  • smitallica

    So it's ok to shoot someone who walks up or down your driveway with "something in his hand"?

    Mailmen, Mormons, and new neighbors bringing brownies, you've been fucking warned.

    • sullivanst

      Girl Scouts too. The nuts are most a-feared that there's gayness baked into those cookies…

      • Generation[redacted]

        "They were coming to abort my fetus!"

        • We just gotta give those fetuses tiny little guns of their own.

          • sullivanst

            I just had a vision of what a Robert Rodriguez remake of Alien would look like.

  • x111e7thst

    Was the salesman in question walking while brown? Because that makes a difference.

  • DahBoner

    So how come the Colorado shooter was charged with 24 counts of murder?

    He only killed 12….

    • Tundra Grifter

      I don't understand your "only."

      I believe there were 12 counts of first-degree murder and 12 counts of murder under special circumstances (or similar language). They aren't throwing the book at him – they're throwing the library.

      And well they should!

      • DahBoner

        Special murders?

        Kids these days have it easy!

        Back in the day, you had to actually kill 24 White people….

        • Generation[redacted]

          (fidgets nervously) So… did you pass your PhD exam?

      • That guy annoys me profoundly. That phony bewildered expression on his face makes me wanna punch him.

  • Tundra Grifter

    It wasn't that long ago in Florida when a Japanese exchange student was gunned down on Halloween.

    Now that appears to just be routine.

    • MosesInvests

      Not to give Florida any undeserved credit, but that incident was in Louisiana.

      • Tundra Grifter


        Thank you. I was sure it was Florida. The young man's name was Yoshihiro Hattori – he deserves to be remembered.

  • Neoyorquino

    He began bleeding all over my front lawn, in an antagonistic and threatening manner.

    • Serolf_Divad

      Plus, that stuff is terrible for your lawn.

  • Serolf_Divad

    Hey, come on now, people: what good's the right to bear arms if you don't get to go out and shoot random strangers from time to time?

    • Gleem McShineys

      The Driveway of Liberty needs to be watered too.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    If only Rainey had been packing heat as well, this tragedy could have been avoided.

    • tessiee

      Ironically, he had just switched to selilng steaks, and previously had been selling Cutco knives.

  • Guppy

    I am in fear of the Republican National Convention in Tampa.

    (with votes!)

  • In fairness, though, if this door-to-door salesman had ALSO been armed, or at very least, sold Ginsu knives, he could have stood his ground against the ground-standing, the way our Founders, who were anarchists, envisioned.

  • Eve8Apples

    The more I learn about Floridians, the more I become convinced too much sunshine and moderate temperatures rot the human brain.

    • emmelemm

      Temperatures in Florida are *moderate*? Since when?

    • Caelan Aegana

      Nah, it's just all the Syphilis.

  • Eve8Apples

    Instead of People of Walmart, Wonkette needs to start a new website called, "People of Florida."

    • pepperpat

      Fark's been there, done that with their "Florida" tag.

  • Dildeaux

    I blame Obama.

  • pdiddycornchips

    I lived in Florida in back in the 80's but I got sick of the senseless violence.

    Tony Montana

  • Guy Montag

    Mr Roop apparantly misunderstood the door-to-door meat salesman when he asked 'steak or ground'?

  • Isyaignert

    There's a reason that Florida looks like a dick.

  • mookwrthwilson

    Get the needle.

  • Generation[redacted]

    If only someone had a gun, this could have been avoided.

  • AlNewMan

    someone has to counteract our geographic flacidity

  • ElPinche

    If the salesman had a weaponized steak, this would have never happened.

  • chascates

    Never mind the dog. Beware of the bat-shit crazy tri**er-happy homeowner.

  • finallyhappy

    I had a meat salesman come to my door about a month agoand I explained I and my two next door neighbors wouldn't buy because we keep kosher(a fact). He said he never heard that before- i explained that we are all Jewish and observe certain rules that require our meat to be prepared(I didn't get into the slaughtering- too long a story) a certain way- and that only an observant Jewish person could do that. Now I realize I should have just shot him- or he should have shot me

  • anniegetyerfun

    Well, this is certainly not the result of decades of Floridian inbreeding. I mean, based on the photo.

  • owhatever

    Florida has a lot of sunshine. So does Arizona. Coincidence? I think not.

  • Gleem McShineys

    Everyone knows "Guns Don't Kill People"

    Meaning, don't blame firearms for their ability to easily be used by freakishly paranoid lunatics to murder innocent people.

    Also, while we are averting blame, don't blame nonsensical fuckwit bumper-sticker slogans drilled into everyone's head for making it impossible to address cold-blooded murder with reason or logic.

  • TavariousChinaSmith

    This is like that time Germany stood their ground to the Jews.

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      Some of them were holding dreidels in an antagonistic manner. Or diaries.

  • veence69

    Someday, a hurricane is going to finally finish the job. This f'er should be thrown in jail and forgotten.

  • groundhogger

    Stand your ground round.

  • dude. you got nothing i want to steal.

  • tessiee

    And then he stole all his steaks and ate them.

  • hippie13

    I wrote off Florida years ago as a choice for giving my tourist $ and time, I can barely visit family in NC without needing to shower ala silkwood, any suggestions for non crazy places to visit in the US?.

  • hippie13

    another militant vegan goes over the edge

  • danielwalldammit

    Freezer burn, perhaps?

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