BETTER SOURCED THAN THE DAILY CALLER  7:32 pm July 31, 2012

Harry Reid Is Pretty Much A Blogger Now

by Doktor Zoom

He knows things, manIn a Huffington Post interview, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid revealed that he has approximately the same standard of sourcing as a third-rate political blog.* Reid revealed that he is in possession of unprovable assertions from an unidentified person who seems unlikely to be in a position to know something very shocking! And that shocking thing is this: An unnamed investor with Bain Capital called Harry Reid with very damaging information about Mitt Romney: “Harry, he didn’t pay any taxes for 10 years,” Reid gleefully recounted the person as saying. Why would the unnamed investor have any knowledge whatsoever of Mitt Romney’s personal finances? Well, we will go with ‘why not?’

“He didn’t pay taxes for 10 years! Now, do I know that that’s true? Well, I’m not certain,” said Reid. “But obviously he can’t release those tax returns. How would it look?”

Well, that certainly is compelling! Some random rich idiot who invested in an asset management company is almost certainly going to have the inside scoop on the tax records of the head rich idiot who left that company a decade ago (or more, maybe, who knows)! BREAK OUT THE DRUDGE SIRENS WE MUST RUN THIS TOTALLY BASELESS SPECULATION AT ONCE!

Reid then compounded his offense by committing at least one count of Felonious Assault on a Syllogism:

“You guys have said his wealth is $250 million,” Reid went on. “Not a chance in the world. It’s a lot more than that. I mean, you do pretty well if you don’t pay taxes for 10 years when you’re making millions and millions of dollars.”

Absolutely, Mr. Senator! And if everything said over the telephone were true, Mike Hunt would have racked up one hell of a cellular bill calling home.

At any rate, Mr. Senate Majority Leader Reid has clearly eaten his Wheaties and his bull-semen smoothie, and is on a tear going after poor Ol Mittens. And we didn’t even include the part where he made fun of all the billionaire Adelson types for gumming their breakfasts because they are all old and got no teeth.

*And before you start making snide remarks, we wish to remind you that Your Wonkette is a second-rate humor blog, so just don’t you get snippy, HENGHH?

[HuffPo]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 303 comments }

PuckStopsHere July 31, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Harry Reid: It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

rickmaci July 31, 2012 at 7:54 pm

FuxNews couldn't exist any other way.

Boojum July 31, 2012 at 10:39 pm

But what about all the income shown on the returns from child pornography, sex slavery, drugs, and murder for hire? Should we assume that it is more than $100,000,000 or less than that?

Biel_ze_Bubba August 1, 2012 at 4:19 am

I'm holding out for Mitt's use of a tax amnesty program, where he fessed up to his Swiss accounts and paid taxes and penalties, in exchange for not being prosecuted.

A lot to hope for, I know … but a boy can dream.

knuck1es July 31, 2012 at 7:36 pm

If only there was a way for Romney to prove he did pay taxes.

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 8:33 pm

I weep for him. (pats conspicuously dry eyes theatrically but elegantly with a tissue)

Schmannnity July 31, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Better to weep for him than to veep for him.

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 8:59 pm

I certainly don't see a stampede in his direction.

BerkeleyBear July 31, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Well, I see some crabs in the bucket, between Bobby Jindal and Marco Rubio having a buck and wing contest to show who is more loyal to their masters, Pawlenty and Portman trying to eat more mayo on white bread than the other, and Santorum trying to reassure the poor wingnuts that the rich Mormon is really better than the dusky hued fella. They were sent out to be surrogates while Romney went junketing. But they aren't making much news because Mitt keeps being a dumbass (and because except for maybe Rubio they are better than Ambien at putting people to sleep).

Callyson August 1, 2012 at 1:32 am

And I cry for him. (Covers mouth with a tissue in a futile attempt to make copious laughter look like a loud sob.)

MittBorg August 1, 2012 at 1:43 am

(elbows you in the ribs, falls to the ground stifling laughter and rolling around)

It's gotten even worse for him, now. Obama just released 12 years' worth of tax returns, increasing the pressure on Romney. Salon's calling it The World Tour From Hell. BWAHAHA!

Negropolis July 31, 2012 at 9:57 pm

This.

I am not going to critize Harry on this…at all.

oldedinvn August 1, 2012 at 10:19 am

If you people can't accept the word of politician , there is no hope .

Nostrildamus August 1, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Running the gauntlet?

Veritas78 July 31, 2012 at 7:38 pm

Actually, this is good strategery: accuse Romney of things that he can only disprove by releasing his taxes. Did Reid get ungelded?

rickmaci July 31, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Demtosterone.

Gleem McShineys July 31, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Perhaps his wife sewed some truck nuts into his magic underwear.

BerkeleyBear July 31, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Eh, Reid's a nasty bastard when it comes to campaigning. It's just beating the snot out of centrist Dems he can't stand doing (since he's one of them and all) even if it would both further the President's agenda and say, help ensure the GOP is a historical footnote in 20 years or so.

UnholyMoses August 1, 2012 at 8:23 am

This makes me almost ready to forgive him for all the pansy-ass, get-walked-all-over-by-clinically-stupid-Repubs bullshit he's done through the years.

Almost.

Goonemeritus July 31, 2012 at 7:38 pm

Pretty damaging but if this is our new journalistic standard I would go with the unconfirmed rumor that he enjoys dressing as Margaret Thatcher when he has the down time.

Veritas78 July 31, 2012 at 7:40 pm

The sad part is that Thatcher enjoys dressing up as Refalca. Mitt puts a saddle on her and makes Ann ride. Mormon kink.

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Somehow I just can't see Mitt as being into anything quite as, um, stimulating as pony play.

He probably just likes to watch.

starfanglednut July 31, 2012 at 8:58 pm

While peering over the edge of the stock report.

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 10:34 pm

The stock report probly gets him hotter.

Chichikovovich August 1, 2012 at 4:16 am

I like the cut of your jib. Though I'm going with "Likes to be chained naked to the wall, wearing a Ronald Reagan mask, and get whipped by Jan Brewer wearing a Margaret Thatcher mask" myself.

user-of-towels July 31, 2012 at 7:38 pm

And if everything said over the telephone were true, Mike Hunt would have racked up one hell of a cellular bill calling home.

Not if he reversed the discharges.

WhatTheHeck July 31, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Does anyone at the Wonket know where Mike Hunt is?

not that Dewey July 31, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Hey! He said "no snide remarks".

Doktor Zoom July 31, 2012 at 11:49 pm

Oh, I only meant about "third-rate political blogs."

Retroactively, of course.

Barb_ July 31, 2012 at 7:40 pm

Harry Reed is now Perez Hilton!

anniegetyerfun July 31, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Needz moar penis-on-face doodles.

Chet Kincaid July 31, 2012 at 9:59 pm

Well, remember also how Nancy Pelosi said on TV that she knew stuff about Newt Gingrich that would insure that he would never be the Republican nominee? Maybe Reid & Pelosi are the next TMZ!

emmelemm July 31, 2012 at 10:13 pm

I think that it's just that when you've been in Congress as long as they have, you really do know where ALL the skellingtons are buried.

BerkeleyBear July 31, 2012 at 10:19 pm

And you know who knows what you want to keep hidden, and you give them a wide berth.

Boojum July 31, 2012 at 10:42 pm

She was right, too! She knew he was a bloviating fuckface!

bobbert July 31, 2012 at 10:44 pm

Well, shit I've known that for twenty years.

Chet Kincaid August 1, 2012 at 1:35 am

I would love to hear her say that on TV. Perhaps to Matt Lauer. Eyes going wide and flashing with passion: "Newt Gingrich never had a chance to be President!! Do you know why?! Because he is a bloviating fuckface!"

CapnFatback July 31, 2012 at 7:40 pm

Yes, but what does the young girl that Glenn Beck raped and murdered in 1990 think about Romney?

mrblifil July 31, 2012 at 7:48 pm

Dagnabbit.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 31, 2012 at 8:15 pm

She is upset that Mitt Romney outsourced all the being raped and murdered jobs.

pepperpat September 22, 2012 at 9:30 am

I was going to ask if it was a legitimate rape, but then I remembered nothing Beck does is legitimate.

imobannon July 31, 2012 at 7:43 pm

It's as good as what Arpaio's posse has… but it's our side's version, so I will stay silent about the idiocy, and silently hope this new angle gets a lot of coverage.

edgydrifter July 31, 2012 at 7:43 pm

Has Reid heard about Sarah Palin's hookworm infestation yet?

Fred_Wertham_Jr July 31, 2012 at 7:44 pm

I read on the internet that Mitt Romney fucks pigs.

Designer_Rants July 31, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Why won't Mitt just prove that he doesn't fuck pigs?

mrblifil July 31, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Pigs worry that coming forward might be viewed as "partisanship."

Schmannnity July 31, 2012 at 7:59 pm

I think Anne more equine than porcine.

sullivanst August 1, 2012 at 9:14 am

Objection your honor, irrelevant. There's no evidence that Mitt fucks Ann.

BerkeleyBear July 31, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Well he never would say when he stopped fucking pigs, so he must still be doing it. Pig fucker.

Designer_Rants July 31, 2012 at 11:00 pm

He probably has Swiss pigs.

Tundra Grifter July 31, 2012 at 9:49 pm

I just read that!

Negropolis July 31, 2012 at 10:32 pm

I heard he gay married one of his dressage horses. They are just the right height.

iburl July 31, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Dressage is the playful interplay of man and horse–but legal. – Colbert

Doktor Zoom July 31, 2012 at 11:36 pm

I heard he was a fucking prig, but that works, too.

vasty_derp August 1, 2012 at 12:07 am

If there is ANY truth to these reports on the Internet, can you imagine how this will affect the Jewish and Muslim votes?

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 1, 2012 at 1:05 am

If only he saved his receipts.

fartknocker August 1, 2012 at 1:58 am

I saw him and Rick Perry fuck a goat at Niggerhead. I witnessed a lot of smiles and glass beer bottles kinking together. And a bunch of ya-hoos.

sullivanst August 1, 2012 at 9:14 am

Pigs too? I'd heard about the rats already, but only just found out about the pigs.

Nostrildamus August 1, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Show us the Willy !!!

Designer_Rants July 31, 2012 at 7:44 pm

Such a pity when Mormons fight. I think Harry drank actual Kool-Aid today. That refined sugar goes straight to their heads.

mickeymusing July 31, 2012 at 8:40 pm

I think the church might have put him up to it. They are entitled to 10% of church member's income and probably want to see Mitt's returns just as badly as everyone else to see if they have an unexpected windfall coming…

horsedreamer_1 July 31, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Mormonism sounds like Dianetics. Which makes sense, since the three greatest Mur'can religions are the space cults Mormonism, Nation of Islam, & Scientology.

Designer_Rants July 31, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Harry has cast the First Rune into the IslamoMormoScigasmic Tax-Engram-Erasure-Circle! Or something.

edit: Sorry, been watching too much True Blood: Season 4 tonight.

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Can't take our eyes off you for a minute.

Doktor Zoom August 1, 2012 at 1:12 am

Dianetics, Diuretics, whatever

vasty_derp August 1, 2012 at 12:11 am

Why do I get the impression that the church knows exactly what's in those returns, & may be encouraging him to stay mum for that reason?

So Tired July 31, 2012 at 9:19 pm

More like he got the full-sugar Jello by mistake at the cafeteria. Got to take that out somehow.

Negropolis August 1, 2012 at 1:03 am

If it makes him act this way, hook that bastard up to a Kool-Aid drip, STAT!

CivicHoliday July 31, 2012 at 7:45 pm

I like this new side of Harry. We may as well use their playbook – baseless speculation to ramp up anger in the under-informed masses! Next up: "I can't confirm it, but it is highly likely that Mitt may have fathered children with a Mexican woman he keeps locked up in a swiss bank vault"

imobannon July 31, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Call Harry Reid's hotline.

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 8:38 pm

I hate to admit how much I am enjoying this. For eight years, no, twelve, I listened while the Republicans walked ALL OVER the Democrats and demonized every single American, visitor, resident, and foreigner who wasn't a screaming wingnut. I can't be too miserable about watching someone use their own fucking tactics on them.

emmelemm July 31, 2012 at 9:56 pm

A-men.

CAN I GET AN AMEN?

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Oh, hell to the – uh –

AMEN.

Schmannnity July 31, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Lucita of Lucerne?

vasty_derp August 1, 2012 at 12:18 am

Problem is that if anyone really wants to go Rove (or Atwater) for the Dems, one of the best points of attack is Romney's Mormonism. Reid obvsly can't go there, but if the GOP base even had a clue how foreign Mormonism to their own religious beliefs, I think their attendance at the polls in Nov. would be significantly diminished.

bobbert August 1, 2012 at 1:51 am

I used to think that, but I have become less optimistic.

1. In terms of "official" theology, there are huge differences between conventional Christianity and Mormonism. The LDS practically ignore the New Testament. The Book of Mormon is heavily cribbed from the Old Testament, with different dietary laws and a different Chosen People (see below). In a lot of places, the BoM explicitly accuses establishment Christianity (i.e., Catholics) of being instruments of the devil. At first blush, you would think this would at least irritate conventional Christians.

2. However, one must realize that many right-wing Xians (RWXs) do not actually subscribe to much of the Christianity that is described in the New Testament. As we hear every day, their version of Xianism is a bit of Genesis; a selective helping of Leviticus; the “absolve te” part of the NT; a bunch of shit they just make up (e.g., “God says life begins at conception”); and in some cases a dessert of Mushroom-John-of-Patmos. And for the better educated, a few selections from Paul-the-guy-who-actually-started-the-religion.

3. So, in terms of actual beliefs, LDS and RWX do not differ as much as you might suppose. (A quick check: how do you think members of either group react to being accosted by “That which you do to the least of them, you do to me”, or any of its variations?)

4. Now, some of the “non-public” LDS beliefs seem rather weird (Kolob, becoming God of your own planet after you die, Jesus and Satan are brothers, etc., etc.), but recall that a good many RWXs take the Revelation of St John as being literally true. Mormons have not had access to that quality of hallucinogen. (In fact, old Joe Smith had to steal most of his detailed arcana from the Masons, who he also considered tools of the Devil). So, it’s possible that RWXs will be repelled by the unfamiliar supernatural shit, but some of these folks believe in the Red Heifer Prophecy (which isn’t even in Revelation).

5. Some background. The central point of Old Joe’s scam in the early 1800s was the redefinition of the Chosen People. Those who are not familiar with the BoM may get this wrong, so I will try to summarize. In approximately 600BCE, a bunch of Jews took travelled from the Red Sea to North (or maybe Central) America, led by a vision from God that included a 600-year-advance notice of the whole story of Jesus. They ended up somewhere in the Americas (LDS historians have been trying for a hundred years to fit this into real archaeology), and established a society, and went up and down for fucking ever. At one point, they ran into the descendants of yet another bunch of Jews who had come over a thousand or so years earlier in what can only be described as submarines.

6. I digress. It’s a long book. Anyhow, they all knew (well, the believers did) that the birth, life, crucifixion, and resurrection of Christ were coming. They knew WHEN. They were still fuckups, like we all are. Eventually, year 33 rolled around. Unfortunately for the then-current inhabitants of America, they had achieved a high-level civilization, but were spiritually decrepit, so while He was off for three days, Extremely Muscular Jesus came to America and devastated the place (like Jesus always does, yo). There were still some survivors, and they carried on trading off believer/non-believer and beating the shit out of each other for a few hundred years, and then all died.

7. I’m getting there. Before they all died, all this shit was recorded onto a big sheaf of goldish plates and hidden in what proved to be upstate New York. Now, here’s the important bit: included on the goldish plates was a prophecy that at some future time the plates would be found, and that they would be used to found a new religion, which would be the one, true, and correct version of Xianity. And the followers of this religion would be the new, true and correct Chosen People.

8. [If you’ve lost track, this means that the LDS are the for-real-this-time Chosen People]. Again, this might seem to be a bit off-putting to non-Mormons. But remember, this means God’s Chosen People are Americans. As I said earlier, this was really the central point of Joe Smith’s religion (well, except for Joe being the Prophet). I ask you, are RWXs really going to be repelled by a religion that considers America to be God’s Country as one of its actual theological tenets?

vasty_derp August 1, 2012 at 2:22 am

Oh, I agree that you can't feed the RWer's the full story with all its details, but magic underwear, Kolob, posthumous baptisms, Garden of Eden in Missouri, etc.? That should get you somewhere.

Is it likely that most evangelicals will just tolerantly say to themselves that their own beliefs might also look strange to nonbelievers? I rather doubt it…

bobbert August 1, 2012 at 2:44 am

You've given me hope. There are, certainly, some specific things that will clang even against RWX beliefs. The Garden of Eden, posthumous (re-) baptism, yes. Maybe the fact that they have a living Prophet who outranks the Bible. Hmm.

Chichikovovich August 1, 2012 at 4:54 am

Hey thanks, that's some quality info right there, nicely compactified and explained.

One quibble though – it's not completely true they ignore the words of Jesus apart from absolution related stuff. They sure do loves them that Parable of the Talents. (Luke 19:12-27, and the drastically different version at Matthew 25: 14 – 30). And then there's the Rich man to heaven = camel through the eye of the needle, Sermon on the mount , Woman taken in adultery/"without sin, cast the first stone" [OK that one is almost surely uncanonical, a later addition to John] , do to the least of these = do to me , Parable of the good samaritan, Parable of the unforgiving servant, Parable of the Pharisee and the Publican, ….

Um. Well, they sure do loves them that Parable of the Talents, is what I'm saying.

Doktor Zoom August 1, 2012 at 9:10 am

I prefer Octavia Butler's version of that title, even if Parable of the Sower was the better book. Another excellent writer who died too soon.

UnholyMoses August 1, 2012 at 8:29 am

My dad's side of the family are RLDS (or whatever they call themselves now — Community of Christ, I believe; at least here in the "Garden of Meth Eden" that is Independence, Mo.).

The funny part?

My mom's side is Irish Catholic.

Just wish there were video of the first few meetings of the families, as the stories I've heard are fanfuckingtastically full of awesome.

(Apparently, the words "heretical heathens" and "violent and professional alcoholics" came up … more than once.)

Chet Kincaid August 1, 2012 at 8:54 am

Well, my father was a fundie minister/professor, and I was raised around fundie evangelicals. Regardless of what the average fundie Christian knows, understands or practices about their Bible, there is no way they could find common ground with that science fiction Mormon shit or countenance the direct contradiction of Biblical doctrine. What Joe Smith did is A-Number-1 Apostasy in their view: coming up with another "revelation" to extend, revise and supplant the Bible.

AbandonHope August 1, 2012 at 10:34 am

That was amazing. A billion upfists for you, good sir.

HistoriCat August 1, 2012 at 12:15 pm

(raises hand)

Will this be on the final?

mrblifil July 31, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Mitt still hash't denied that he didn't kill that girl Glenn Beck never denied killing.

Boojum July 31, 2012 at 10:44 pm

Or raped her, after Beck killed her!

RadioBowels July 31, 2012 at 7:47 pm

So what he is basically saying is that Romney hasn't benefitted from the Bush/Obama tax cuts anyhow. 3-4% marginal cuts? That's for losers. Ergo, they might as well extend them across the board.

WhatTheHeck July 31, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Now you’ve done it. You’ve gone and riled up the rest of the 1%ers.

StealthMuslin July 31, 2012 at 7:49 pm

I say, Senator Reid! Balls on a Democrat are most unbecoming! Please! Don't! Stop!

Designer_Rants July 31, 2012 at 7:49 pm

I'm enjoying the troll version of Harry Reid.

coolhandnuke July 31, 2012 at 7:49 pm

A Deep Throat type post is only fitting after the earlier Ron Jeremy post.

A tad OT. I pitched my one and only no-hitter in Little League thirty years ago. And my centerfielder who caught the game's last out–Mike Hunt.

deanbooth July 31, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Not too OT. He did catch it with his Mitt.

Dildeaux August 1, 2012 at 7:59 am

A centerfielder in LL caught a fly ball? Amazing.

MissTaken July 31, 2012 at 7:54 pm

I read on the internet that Harry Reid is starting Senate hearings about Romney being involved in a child-sex ring and that is why he won't release his tax returns.

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 8:40 pm

I heard that a lot of the money that Romney hasn't paid taxes on for the last ten years was invested in some kind of child sex ring that might be at some casino in Macau (the last part is totes snarkfree, btw).

BerkeleyBear July 31, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Yeah, the Sheldon Adelson as overseas pimp stuff is pretty freaky. It takes way too long to explain it for most Americans to pay attention, sadly, even with sex and gambling involved.

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 10:00 pm

And yet, I get the feeling Shelly Adelson despises Mitt to the depths of his soul. What kind of Jew doesn't tell his purported puppet, you're flying into town on a religious holiday, it's a fast day, don't schedule anything? Instead he let Mitt schedule a $50K/plate fundraiser which created an uproar and I hear it was mentioned in the Knesset, but have no details. Oy, gevalt, what a schmendrick this guy is.

BerkeleyBear July 31, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Well he did try to singlehandedly foist Newt on the GOP, so yeah, I'm guessing this marriage is not one Shel is verklempt with joy about. You think the team running Romney's mishagas of a campaign would even bother to ask, though? To them, Shelly's just another member of one of the lesser tribes of the old covenant, lost without the way of Moroni, and their quaint observances are irrelevant.

Just say it – Romney's a schmuck and a putz.

Antispandex July 31, 2012 at 7:58 pm

This is probably not true. I'm sorry, but everyone knows you get your money, and all of your quality information, over the intertubes these days. As a matter of fact, I was just told I have a TON of money waiting for me, that I can claim from some Nigerian guy I never heard of! Who knew? So, phone call? Naw.

DocChaos August 1, 2012 at 12:58 am

I hear the Nigerian thing is a scam, but apparently you can make $7000 an hour by just using your computer at home.

Schmannnity July 31, 2012 at 8:01 pm

From the picture, I see Newt has moved back to his mother's basement.

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Dang, it sure *does* look like him, durn't it? That, or the BTK killer.

sharethegrief July 31, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Kindly explain the difference.

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 10:04 pm

(Scratches head; finds pen and paper; starts list)
(Tears up list; starts new list)
(Tears up new list; starts next list)

OK. You got meh.

emmelemm July 31, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Tomato, to-MAH-TOE.

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 10:38 pm

You leave my tomatoes outa this, lady.

FakaktaSouth July 31, 2012 at 8:03 pm

NOTHING I love better than Mormon on Mormon violence. I just hope they bust out the bicycle chains next.

James Michael Curley July 31, 2012 at 8:15 pm
Designer_Rants July 31, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Bicycle chains? Why does the Party Crashers scene from Weird Science come to mind? http://www.anyclip.com/movies/weird-science/humil

TavariousChinaSmith August 1, 2012 at 9:08 am

Magic wedgies!

Callyson July 31, 2012 at 8:03 pm

“He didn’t pay taxes for 10 years! Now, do I know that that’s true? Well, I’m not certain,” said Reid.

The Senator went on to add "But what the fuck, Nevada Republicans couldn't defeat me in 2010 when my negatives were dangerously high, so let's roll…"

annettaj July 31, 2012 at 8:03 pm

Does anyone think Harry would be sexy if he had product in his hair? . . . . .What?

randcoolcatdaddy July 31, 2012 at 8:03 pm

REID SIRENS!

Chet Kincaid July 31, 2012 at 9:42 pm

haha

rickmaci July 31, 2012 at 8:05 pm

I read on the interwebs that Twitt is hiding from Ann the support payment deductions for his love child with some babe he knocked up when he had a missionary position in France.

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 10:05 pm

That's the latest rumour over on that DMV site, or whatever it's called.

pepperpat September 22, 2012 at 9:39 am

Oh yeah, that Department of Motor Vehicles is a cesspool of innuendo.

James Michael Curley July 31, 2012 at 8:08 pm

Yea? Well I have from almost unimpeachable sources that Harry Reid has not trimmed his eyebrows or nose hair in ten years. Like why do you think they call him Harry?

Blueb4sinrise July 31, 2012 at 8:11 pm

S'okay. We're just asking questions.

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 10:06 pm

It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

Sharkey July 31, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Asked about the arithmetic behind his conclusion, Reid replied, "I pulled it out of my ass."

TribecaMike July 31, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Yet for some reason I believe him.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 31, 2012 at 8:17 pm

In fact, the only damaging thing in Romney's tax returns is that he claimed Mexican citizenship.

Texan_Bulldog July 31, 2012 at 8:19 pm

So this is what Mormon on Mormon action looks like? (Yes, Harry is also a Mormon.) Still surprisingly less gross than those fat women on Sister Wives.

Fare la Volpe July 31, 2012 at 9:40 pm

It's the fat slimeball they all "love" that I don't get – if you're going to subjugate your will and self-determination to one guy, at least pick a guy who looks more like Cary Grant and less like Bruce Vilanch.

Negropolis July 31, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Oh, snap!

SexySmurf July 31, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Mittens is really bringing this on himself; Americans love conspiracy theories. Mittbot refusing to release his tax returns proves he rigged the 1985 NBA Draft, killed Heath Ledger and invented AIDS.

BerkeleyBear July 31, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Well, until we get the original long form security cameras showing otherwise, it could be true, right?

BlueStateLibel July 31, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Actually, it wouldn't surprise me one bit if Mitt bragged to some fellow plutocrat that he didn't pay taxes, that's entirely within his character (bragging about wife's cars, friends with sports teams, etc.). Good for Harry, turn the tables on them for once.

Isyaignert August 1, 2012 at 1:37 am

Feels good to kick the bully back doesn't it!

DrunkIrishman July 31, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Harry Reid must've stolen Sharron Angle's balls during his last election.

MissTaken July 31, 2012 at 8:29 pm

I don't remember Harry Reid looking so hawt before. Rawr!

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 10:08 pm

SorosBot might be around somewhere, getting all ready to bristle and pretend-jelus.

Fare la Volpe July 31, 2012 at 10:51 pm

It's so cute when he huffs and puffs like that.

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Ain't it tho?

Blueb4sinrise July 31, 2012 at 8:30 pm

Harry's source: Bibi Netanyahooooooooooo.

SirHotspur July 31, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Brilliant, really.

..old Harry might have a sack after all.

Beowoof July 31, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Is Harry interviewing to be a pundit. I mean Sean Hannity reports information everyday with that level of veracity.

GeorgiaBurning July 31, 2012 at 9:37 pm

So do sportstalk radio hosts. Hours are good, and there's free food and drink.

Beowoof July 31, 2012 at 10:15 pm

I can't imagine anything worse than sports talk radio. People complaining for hours about reality show contestants.

ThundercatHo July 31, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Just speculating, but has anyone else noticed how Mitt and a baby who must not be named seem to have the same forehead?

Fare la Volpe July 31, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Personally I think Mitt looks an awful lot like a Ferengi. He's got the attitude toward money and women too.

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Well, holy shit. I knew he reminded me of an alien.

BerkeleyBear July 31, 2012 at 10:26 pm

But without their lust for anything. Sort of like if a Ferengi's attitude infected a Borg hive mind just enough to make them switch from assimilation to accumulation of latinum.

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 11:10 pm

*cough*

BerkeleyBear July 31, 2012 at 11:27 pm

I was thinking of you as I wrote it, I swear!

Come here a minute July 31, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Oh, crap. With this level of ATTACKDOGGING, looks like Handsome Joe Biden is being replaced by Boring Mormon Reid.

bobbert July 31, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Oh, I'm sure that Old Handsome Joe will get his shots attacking Rmoney's policy proposals, just as soon as he has some. But for this kind of unsourced nudging, it's better to use someone who is not actually up for election (until 2014, as a matter of fact).

Designer_Rants July 31, 2012 at 9:45 pm

I think the Democrats are finally starting to realize that 90% of Americans are dumbfucks…. so who cares what what we say? Works for Fox "News".

BerkeleyBear July 31, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Reid ain't up til 2016. Which is also pretty much why Marco Rubio can do heavy lifting for Rmoney without fear of it biting him in the ass down the road.

bobbert July 31, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Agrh. That's what I meant, retroactively.

TootsStansbury July 31, 2012 at 8:41 pm

But, But, But, Solyndra! Fast and furious! College transcripts! Birf certificate! Leading from behind! Over his head! Huh?! Huh?!

bobbert July 31, 2012 at 8:59 pm

I wouldn't be too surprised to see the transcripts one of these days. I'm just wondering if they're trying to bait the Rmoney campaign into actually bringing the subject up officially.

Chet Kincaid July 31, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Oddly enough, those are all the names of Spanky2b's Intensedebate sock puppets.

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 11:11 pm

The GOP committee assigned to investigate Fast & Furious has just issued its report: The White House was not involved with the operation in any way.

Those fuckers must be eating dirt now.

BerkeleyBear July 31, 2012 at 11:36 pm

But according to the same report the DOJ indirectly and ultimately Holder is to blame, since by prosecuting the pathetic cases built by the Bush era Wide Receiver (you know, doing their jobs) they may have made the dumbass no nothing running the Arizona ATF office think he should ramp it up. Never mind that deciding to prosecute wasn't Holder's call but the career prosecutors trying to salvage something from a fucked up situation, the top echelon of the DOJ didn't have reason to know the specifics of the gun walking tactics, no one ever told the dumbass to do it again, and he didn't even bother letting DOJ higher ups know what he was up to until it went Fubar. There is literally no stretch they won't make to try and hang this on Holder, to in turn embarass Obama. (Oh but Rmoney has no responsibility for what Bain Capital did in his name from 99-02).

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 11:42 pm

Man, I just love when our Wonketteers get all hot around the collar and break a good sweat on a rant. Y'all just give good rant, yaknow that?

That was great.

BerkeleyBear August 1, 2012 at 12:57 am

Thank you kindly. Sadly, though, there's such a target rich environment (and I've gotten so used to it) I almost never can bring the full rant hammer down.

Isyaignert August 1, 2012 at 2:08 am

'k'na!!

pepperpat September 22, 2012 at 9:43 am

You forgot the New Blah Panthers.

chascates July 31, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Make everyone's income tax filings available online. All income, deductions, rates paid, etc.

Boojum July 31, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Sure. Why not?

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 11:12 pm

Obama just released 12 years' worth of tax returns.

Man's pacing this, for sure.

johnnyzhivago July 31, 2012 at 8:56 pm

My guess is that the word is around about his taxes (maybe from McCain people???) and Reid is assembling a story around it to put it out.

Note the Mitt "I can't recall if I paid less than 13% over the past xxx years". Bullshit!

BerkeleyBear July 31, 2012 at 9:52 pm

But I'll get back to you (ABC still waiting a week later – I wonder why)?

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 10:11 pm

And then telling ABC — oh, GODDAMMIT, Berkeley Bear!

horsedreamer_1 July 31, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Somebody told me, that you had a tax return, that showed zero owed in February of last year… & the year before… & the year before that… & the prior year to that… It's not confidential…. It's got potential… Rush in & rush in.

prommie August 1, 2012 at 9:53 am

Killer!

bobbert July 31, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Welcome back from your attempting-to-change-the subject-in-Europe tour, Mittens. Now, let's talk about your income taxes.

Designer_Rants July 31, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Have a seat, Mitty. Get nice and comfortable before you get all bothered and uncomfortable.

Dashboard Buddha July 31, 2012 at 9:09 pm

OT – Hey kids. Just a quick note to let you know that while I am still above the sod, I have started a new job and will be posting quite a bit less (and great hurrahs where heard across the land)

Yes, the job sucks. It's not excruciating, but never in my working life have I been so scrutinized at work. Our phone time is calculated down to the second, it seems. More updates to follow.

Mittens Howell, III July 31, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Hey Dashboard,

Stop hanging out with these commie losers.

Now get back to work,

Your Supervisor.

James Michael Curley July 31, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Congrats. Don't update yourself out of a job.
Those IT snoops are not only sneaky, but clever and vindictive.

Geminisunmars July 31, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Congratulations on getting/keeping a job. You still have your off hours to check in with us. So what are you doing, phone sex?

Dashboard Buddha August 1, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Given the tedium and boredom inherent with the job, phone sex actually sounds attractive.

Mittens Howell, III July 31, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Ah, yes, also–congrats!

BerkeleyBear July 31, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Far better than being totally unsupervised because you are unemployed.

Sounds like we are stepping back to the bad old pre-internet days when all phone calls of more than a couple minutes needed to be cleared.

Fare la Volpe July 31, 2012 at 10:47 pm

You'd think it would take at least a few months unemployed before you start going for the weirder varieties of masturbation.

You'd be wrong.

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 11:13 pm

And? Details?

emmelemm July 31, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Agreed, don't update yourself out of a job.

Wonkette may soothe the soul, but it won't pay the rental on your humble flat, or help you at the automat.

Eating trumps Wonking, is what I'm saying.

bobbert July 31, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Nice "Diamonds" reference. Also, too, DashBB, congrats and stay employed as long as you want to).

emmelemm July 31, 2012 at 10:11 pm

We all lose our charms in the end!

Isyaignert August 1, 2012 at 2:13 am

Really? *&^%$#)(&^$ I was counting on my charms to get me through. Now what'll I do?

Nothingisamiss August 1, 2012 at 7:37 am

A job is a girl's best friend.

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 10:13 pm

(Hugs DbB) I'm very happy for you that those miserable assholes finally got back to you, and you have a job. May it be a stepping stone in your climb up towards LOTS of MUNNIEZ for doing next to nothing.

Boojum July 31, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Working for a collection agency?

Doktor Zoom July 31, 2012 at 11:32 pm

Our phone time is calculated down to the second, it seems.

Oh, god. I've had those jobs. You have my every sympathy!

fuflans August 1, 2012 at 12:15 am

congratulations!

now you can demand more tax cuts.

Nothingisamiss August 1, 2012 at 7:39 am

I'll miss you.. Post when you can, we'll be happy to see you.

Mittens Howell, III July 31, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Next up, Harry's gonna wail on Bristol Palin over Facebook.

MilwaukeeKent July 31, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Obviously Mitt Romney couldn't file tax returns for those ten years since it would've exposed the Madoff-style Ponzi scheme he's been running since college.

James Michael Curley July 31, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Mittens and most republicans are running on a platform to abolish the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, PPACA or Obamacare.

Mittens world wind tour was to Great Britain, Israel and Poland. These three countries have had National Healthcare Systems for a combined total of 239 years or ten years longer than the first United States Congress was convened and 14 years longer than the first United States National Healthcare System was proposed by John Adams.

If we had had a NHS as long as Israel (under the British Mandate) we could have had flying cars with all the money we would have saved and the technology we could have developed.

BerkeleyBear July 31, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Making it even funnier, Mittens actually praised how little Israel spent on health care while there, without mentioning the fact it is pretty much Obamacare on steroids. Almost as bad as praising the far more socialist Poles for their awesome transition to capitalism.

James Michael Curley August 1, 2012 at 6:13 am

And Israel has the fourth highest life expectancy in the world if I remember correctly. Not bad for a country where you can get bombed on any Saturday night. The life expectancy of 88, 9 years higher than ours, means that dudes and dudettes who are 88 years old were in their late teens during the height of the concentration camps in Germany, Poland; a life event far from salubrious to getting old and staying healthy.In the period 2002 to a few years ago a debate raged in Poland about whether their National Healthcare System should be ‘privatized’ due to complaints that the waits were long yadayadayada. The argument that it remain public, with a mandate requiring a slightly higher tax on each working person and compulsory contributions by employers based on gross receipts won out with ratification at recent parliamentary elections with Donald Tusk’s center-right coalition supporting the Polish NHS and promoting the idea that ‘We have Doctors in abundance and nobody is prohibited from going to those who want to open private practice.”For all the legendary glamour and symbolism around Lech Walesa in respect to today’s politics the equivalent of Romney meeting him (and just about doing nothing else officially) is comparable to Kaczynsk coming here to meet Katy Perry. (Ms Curley and I were going to meet Walesa in 1984 but the shooting of nuns in Warsaw caused a government crackdown which forced a lot of the Solidarity people to go underground. We still went up to Gdansk but were tailed every time we left the hotel.)

Negropolis August 1, 2012 at 7:02 am

Quick correction, the difference between overall American and Israeli life expectancy is actually slightly less than four years, not eight, something like 82 to slightly over 78.

BTW, I was REALLY surprised to find that Denmark basically has the same life expectancy at us, especially considering our historically disadvantaged populations, which kind of pull down the average.

James Michael Curley August 1, 2012 at 10:54 am

Up or down on which?My figures were from BLS but now three years ago when I was doing a position paper on what effect Medicare had on the population of the US. Overall not a great increase in the life expectancy but a great increase in the age before onset of a disabling or terminal disease.

Designer_Rants July 31, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Such an excellent comment. Wait, Harry Reid's friend didn't call you on the phone and tell you all this, did he? Cuz that guy knows how to drop some knowledge.

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Nice rant, man.

Isyaignert August 1, 2012 at 2:15 am

Bravo!! Bravo!! Have you thought about running for office?

TribecaMike July 31, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Reid added, "And I know for a fact that Missy Franklin owes $60 million in back taxes."

Chet Kincaid July 31, 2012 at 9:33 pm

If Mittens has been donating 10% of his income to the Mormon Church, they might have to report those donations and amounts as well as his name annually, as a nonprofit organization, since he may be one of their biggest donors. If so, you could extrapolate at least what he is telling the Mormons he makes. N'est-ce pas?

BerkeleyBear July 31, 2012 at 10:07 pm

According to the IRS, schedule B of the 990 (listing contributors) isn't subject to public review as a matter of law. Damn! Good thought, though – maybe Harry has some pull with the elders to sneak a peak at a few years of returns?

Chet Kincaid July 31, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Kincaid & Bear, Speculative Detectives!

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 10:16 pm

I'm all for youse two starting a sideline business. Many things needing investigation out there.

iburl July 31, 2012 at 11:12 pm

You may have hit the nail on the head on why there is such secrecy. If he was short-changing the temple all these years, they'll be Hell to pay.

Chet Kincaid July 31, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Tomorrow in the blog, Harry Reid addresses the Romney Child Sex Slavery Conjecture.

vasty_derp August 1, 2012 at 1:31 am

Please let it be so!

Chet Kincaid July 31, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Well, the Mormons like to do business together, and Harry's a Mormon, so it's conceivable that he has Church connections/insights/sources into Mitt's affairs, and his Deep Throat isn't just some gabby anonymous broker.

Schmannnity July 31, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Not paying taxes proves culture matters.

BerkeleyBear July 31, 2012 at 10:15 pm

This, I buy. The near incestuous connections of Mormons in business (including Bain and Mitt himself) is pretty well documented. They do it with social organizations, too – Boy Scout troops and PTA chapters being two that I've seen basically be turned from essentially public to essentially Mormons only institutions, with almost all real decisions made at the stake house. I don't attribute malicious intent to it, but there is this whole persecution complex/insularity of the church body thing that is very reminiscent of certain other religious and ethnic minorities. Only Mormons aren't as noticeable when they do it since they mainly look like prototypical WASPS.

Isyaignert August 1, 2012 at 2:20 am

Those "protopycial WASPS" are the ones you have to watch out for. I have worked with Mormons many times over several decades and think they're weird. Sorry, but I do. Peace.

Tundra Grifter July 31, 2012 at 9:50 pm

"I'm just asking the question." – Harry Reid.

Your move, Michele Bachmann.

Negropolis July 31, 2012 at 9:54 pm

File this under "It'd be irresponsible not to speculate!" And, in this case, it would be given all the shit they are flinging at the president. Everyday Mitt doesn't release more returns is a day that the mad scientists at the DNC should just be making up random shit to speculate about Romney's finances. "Didn't pay taxes for 10 years" is tame. I hope the next one is "Buying and sell exotic animals and children on the black market" makes it in their some time soon.

Yes, children; Harry Reid is going to have a cut a bitch.

johnnyzhivago July 31, 2012 at 11:08 pm

Mitt's made tens of millions in unreported income from by whittling cat statuettes and selling them on Etsy!

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 11:16 pm

Our President just released 12 years' worth of tax returns. Man's paying this out minute by minute, all nicely paced to put maximum heat on Romney. At this point, Mittwit's got nothing left to lose. He should just release and take it like a man.

RadioBowels July 31, 2012 at 11:45 pm

If he were a man.

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 11:55 pm

Bigoted against Borgs, Radio? Huh? Is that what this is? A dissing of Borgage?

Oh, whatthefuck, it's Mittens. G'wan, put the boot in.

RadioBowels August 1, 2012 at 12:01 am

I'm robophobic to the nth degree. For now though we are protected by their susceptibility to water and weak battery technology.

RadioBowels July 31, 2012 at 11:54 pm

Frank Luntz, et.al. are working overtime to euphemize and deflect this bitch. When and how will they cut their losses? I would think the sooner they release it, probably partially, the more they can spin it.
Although I want to see Mitt smugly come out and say, "I WILL NOT RELEASE THOSE TAX RECORDS!" I now he said something to that effect before, but that was then; this is serious now.

MittBorg August 1, 2012 at 12:10 am

Well, he just reversed himself thrice on the issue of Palestinian culture, and in only two days, so I'm sure he can come up with some whiplash-inducing flip-flops on the taxes.

RadioBowels August 1, 2012 at 12:50 am

Ya know for a while there I forgot he has more flip-flops than a IHOP griddle. And again you are right my friend, that could be his out: just cold skate back and forth until the issue becomes unrecognizable. Kind of like the difference between HeritageFoundationCare, Romneycare and Obamacare.

MittBorg August 1, 2012 at 1:18 am

Hahaha, but we won't LET him, will we? People are tweeting, emailing, calling, and making video clips and signs and showing up to tell him what they think. Get out there, Radio. Git yourself a sign and turn out to his next talk. Or troll a Web site. Goodness knows the MittWit's trolls are out en masse.

AbandonHope August 1, 2012 at 10:42 am

American idiots are stupid. All Mitt has to do is claim he has released the returns, over and over, until it becomes true via repetition. It worked for Bush, dinnit?

Negropolis August 1, 2012 at 12:58 am

You know, I really do have a feeling that someone on opposition research knows what's going on with Mitt's taxes, and we'll hear about it come October, or maybe even a bit sooner.

Any who doesn't think that they aren't playing with Mitt like a cat plays with a mouse before it does it in is crazy.

Isyaignert August 1, 2012 at 2:22 am

I "heart" you!!

not that Dewey July 31, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Has anyone here ever made any snide remarks? Show of hands.

Chet Kincaid July 31, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Most of us only have one free.

not that Dewey July 31, 2012 at 10:38 pm

As you were. That dude in the picture is pretty hot.

vasty_derp August 1, 2012 at 1:41 am

If you mean overheated, I could agree.

not that Dewey August 1, 2012 at 8:20 am

It reminds me of this. Don't you feel dirty, now?

emmelemm July 31, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Your Wonkette is a second-rate humor blog

Disagree! Wonkette is a first-rate humor blog, but probably a third-rate political blog. It's also a world-class snarkfest second to none.

bobbert July 31, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Well, we do tend to go for the low-hanging meat.

emmelemm July 31, 2012 at 10:16 pm

To you, I say: buttsechs.

bobbert July 31, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Well, I've heard of affairs that are strictly Platonic, buttsechs sounds like more fun.

Boojum July 31, 2012 at 10:54 pm

Are you kidding? Plato invented buttsechs!

mosjef July 31, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Unproven rumors from an unidentified source = first rate unassailable journalistic reporting. Do you like the smell of napalm? Get Dirty, Harry.

ElPinche July 31, 2012 at 10:53 pm

I smell a TLC show, "Mormon Wars"

johnnyzhivago July 31, 2012 at 11:09 pm

When Reid sites Wonkette as a source, then I'll get concerned.

LetUsBray August 1, 2012 at 12:37 am

He hasn't accused Willard of failing to report income from the sale of black market truck nutz yet, has he?

iburl July 31, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Harry is still a failure, but now he's a failure… with attitude!

MonkeyMotion July 31, 2012 at 11:35 pm

Christ almighty, I take a day off and Harry Reid — goddamned HARRY REID — is talking like a Republican?! WTF?

Did any other Dem's wake up and realize they've been taking GOP sledgehammer up the ying-yang for the last 30+ years?

Isyaignert August 1, 2012 at 2:27 am

Yeah, 'cept I woke up about 30 years ago and have been fighting those mofos ever since. They have the $ but we have the peeps. After the millions they spent in California, Fiorini and Whitman showed that money can't buy you love.It's the damn voting machines we need to worry about and the BS anti-voter laws. The only way they can win is to CHEAT.

Left_Leftie July 31, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Hallelujah! The testicles of the Democrat party have FINALLY descended and it appears they are made of some sort of metal. Can they possibly be brass?

Let's see how the right likes a taste of their own medicine. Pretty nasty isn't it.

On another note I misspelled Hallelujah and in the three choices of correct spelling was Halliburton. WTF?

RadioBowels July 31, 2012 at 11:42 pm

On another note I misspelled Hallelujah and in the three choices of correct spelling was Halliburton. WTF?

Your Military-Industrial-Socialist Complex at work.

MittBorg August 1, 2012 at 12:12 am

This is where you say, "I, for one, welcome our new warmongering overlords."

Leftie? Leftie? Whoops. Looks like they got to her first.

bobbert August 1, 2012 at 1:59 am

Now you've got me looking for a new Leonard Cohen song, "Halliburton".

Boojum August 1, 2012 at 7:12 am

Halliburton: It's raining men. In pieces.

SayItWithWookies August 1, 2012 at 12:04 am

Hey, why not? I'm open to speculation and hearsay — in fact, I know someone who says they saw Mitt Romney eating a baby yesterday. And not a small baby either — a rather large baby.

barto August 1, 2012 at 12:23 am

Sorry but my comments actually make you a THIRD RATE humor blog. Still a notch above Harry.

doloras August 1, 2012 at 1:03 am
MittBorg August 1, 2012 at 1:16 am

Just heard that. So sad. The King of Snark. Long live the King!

Fukui-sanYesOta August 1, 2012 at 1:31 am

Gore Vidal calls Bill Buckley a crypto-nazi, Buckley calls him a "queeah" and threatens to punch him
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYymnxoQnf8

RIP

TribecaMike August 1, 2012 at 1:48 am

One of the best stylists of our time, a truly superb essayist, and a sublime curmudgeon. Too bad he spent much of the past 20 years endlessly recycling the America First crap he fell for in his childhood.

Bit o' trivia: Vidal was born at, of all places, the United States Military Academy at West Point, where his father was an aeronautics instructor.

Isyaignert August 1, 2012 at 2:32 am

Thanks for that Mike.

Isyaignert August 1, 2012 at 1:28 am

Holy chit! The dude in the pciture looks just like my geeky bro-in-law, except for the ciggie.

Fukui-sanYesOta August 1, 2012 at 1:54 am

OT: NBC Primetime Olympic Coverage vs "proper" Olympic coverage.

Sample: Women's Team Gymnastics final and the swimming

Methodology: Watch the IOC official feed of gymnastics and swimming (both with commentary), then watch NBC Primetime

So I've been getting well into the gymnastics for 2012 and was expecting a corker of a final, and it didn't disappoint. The IOC coverage is pretty damn good – great selection of individual coverage showing the best and worst routines in each rotation, packing as much action in as possible. Commentary by an American woman who won gold in Atlanta and some ocker who I don't know – informed, unobtrusive, worthwhile. Couple of ads because I'm getting it streamed by the NBC iPad app, but nothing too bad, only 30s at a time during quiet periods (e.g. rotation changes).

After that final, a little later, the swimming starts. Great coverage again – stick with the pool the whole time, show all the athlete entrances, informative stuff about each one. Shows all the events and the medal ceremonies.

A pleasurable Olympic experience.

Caught some of NBC this evening because I'd missed the synchro diving and wanted to see it. Anyway, left it on and caught the gymnastics. Only US athletes shown, showing every athlete's performance on the uneven bars (rotation 3, I think). Other athletes don't exist. Cut to eerily personality-less Bob Costas who tells us swimming is coming up next. Ads. Here's Ryan cunting Seacrest by a pool introducing a Phelps puff-piece. Then a poolside interview between Seacrest and Phelps, as if nobody in America knows anything about Phelps and an interview with Seacrest will inform and titillate. Ads. Race where Phelps loses to the saffer, poolside interview, ads. Gymnastics rotation 4.

Now, I know for a fact the gymnastics finished before the swimming even started. Even the event ordering has been changed.

If you watch NBC primetime Olympics you're not actually watching the Olympics – you're watching "NBC So you think you can Olympics Idol Got Talent" cut together by gameshow editors.

It's sad, really, because the Olympics really is something special in my opinion. It's insulting to viewers.

edit: sorry this is so long, I just felt like a rant because it pisses me off.

TribecaMike August 1, 2012 at 1:58 am

I felt really badly for the Russian gymnasts, bless their hearts. Agreed about NBC.

Fukui-sanYesOta August 1, 2012 at 2:00 am

Yeah, those poor girls were distraught. Two of them messing up the floor exercise was awful.

bobbert August 1, 2012 at 2:28 am

Fukui-san, you have to remember that a large fraction of the NBC audience probably weren't too sure about who Michael Phelps is — he's a swimmer for fuck's sake. (Although they certainly know who Ryan cunting Seacrest is).

Chet Kincaid August 1, 2012 at 9:11 am

This is the way Olympic coverage has been in America for as long as I have been alive (52 years), and it's only in the last 10 years that there has been any alternative way to view the Games, so what is the point in complaining about it? Personally, I wish the media would shut the fuck up about the events until I have time to view them at night, because my job does not have a Flex Time Watch Sports At Your Convenience Policy, but I just have to put up with the world as it is.

Fukui-sanYesOta August 1, 2012 at 9:25 am

I'm sorry to hear that. I grew up in England with the BBC and have always loved the Olympics.

There was a time when we (my family) were on holiday in France and found the 100m final on the radio … and it was one of the greatest. 1988, I think, Ben Johnson and Carl Lewis.

I tried to translate for my family. That's how much people care – a British family will stop in Brittany and try to find live commentary, even in French, for that event. It's something special.

The reason I complain about NBC (which is a meme, I think) is because the BBC would carry every damn event live no matter the time of day or night. Cut into primetime? Olympics wins. Have to broadcast at 3am? Olympics wins.

When I was a little nipper of seven then I remember this happening. 1980 Olympics – and I remember it being important.

NBC should be taken outside and shot.

Fukui-sanYesOta August 1, 2012 at 9:28 am

"Personally, I wish the media would shut the fuck up about the events until I have time to view them at night, because my job does not have a Flex Time Watch Sports At Your Convenience Policy, but I just have to put up with the world as it is"

I'd agree with this if the later coverage wasn't cut together in such a shitty way. As I said earlier, "So you think you can Olympics Idol Got Talent" … it's a poor edit. It's not the Olympics.

Chet Kincaid August 1, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Sorry to be snippy, it's just my American acting up. Mrs. Kincaid lived in Europe for almost a decade in the '80s-'90s, so I've listened patiently to 12 years of her "America is doing it wrong!!" rants. She may be right, and I dutifully hate America too, but it ain't changing!

Fukui-sanYesOta August 1, 2012 at 2:15 am

Remember that McCain / Romney oppo document?

Here's a peach:

Romney Sat On Board Of Damon Clinical Laboratories, A Bain Capital Portfolio Company Fined Nearly$120 Million In 1996 Due To Medicare Fraud.

“A Needham clinical laboratory agreed yesterday to pay $119million in criminal and civil fines after pleading guilty to charges that it defrauded the nation’s Medicare system byseeking reimbursements on millions of dollars worth of unnecessary blood tests. … Damon Clinical LaboratoriesInc. admitted it tried to boost its profits by submitting the unnecessary tests. The company, the government said,misled doctors into ordering the tests, ensuring that they would be covered by Medicare, the federal health careprogram for the elderly.”
(Kimberly Blanton, “Needham Lab Fined $ 119m For Fraud,”
The Boston Globe
, 10/10/96)

Isyaignert August 1, 2012 at 2:36 am

Wow! That's getting up there with convicted felon Florida governor Rick Scott's $600 Million fine that he had to pay for Medicare fraud. Way to go Florida. Smarten up, okay?

zippy_w_pinhead August 1, 2012 at 2:36 am

shorter Harry Reid: "You didn't pay that"

DerrickWildcat August 1, 2012 at 3:02 am

THIS IS A HOLY SITE!
STOP IT!

bobbert August 1, 2012 at 3:04 am

KISS MY WONKETTE!

Negropolis August 1, 2012 at 6:53 am

Holy?! **snorts derisively** Kiss my ass; this is Wonkette, buddy.

giorgianni August 1, 2012 at 7:03 am

Heh-heh…you said "bull-semen smoothie".

ttommyunger August 1, 2012 at 8:09 am

Oh, right; and don't forget, Harry is a boxer too, like Orrin Hatch…. These people.

DahBoner August 1, 2012 at 8:28 am

I bet Romney sews $100 dollar bills inside his Magic Underwear….

thetimchannel August 1, 2012 at 8:33 am

Mormons Gone Wild!! I love it. Enjoy.

johnnyzhivago August 1, 2012 at 9:09 am

Question – if property taxes are public information, why aren't income taxes?

Lazy Media August 1, 2012 at 9:10 am

With friends like Harry Reid, who needs enemas?

neiltheblaze August 1, 2012 at 9:12 am

I think this is a rumor we need to perpetuate.

Nopantsmcgee August 1, 2012 at 9:31 am

Well, played Harry. You're not as stupid as I thought.

prommie August 1, 2012 at 9:53 am

I fucking done told you all Harry was raging.

mr bojangles August 1, 2012 at 11:36 am

romney's preacher or whatever they re called closed all his sermons with 'god damn amerika!' according to a friend of a friend.

Ducksworthy August 1, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Thank you Dr. Zoom for your misguided attempt to elevate the standard of evidence for comments in Amurrikan political discourse.

Chet Kincaid July 31, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Republican ladies go wild when Rubio throws down the mike stand and breaks into "Livin' La Vida Loca."

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Between the "boring" and the "borderline felonious" is but a hop, skip, and jump, my dear Bear, and I believe both the dusky-hued Bobby and his slightly more "lightsome" companion Marco, it's a contest to see who gets caught with their hands in the most cookie jars. The P-Ps, being pale males into the bargain, it's no surprise that they can't catch the interest of the intended audience that has feasted on the Palin/Bachmann brand of raw red meat gobbets for so long.

Mittens isn't having much luck, is he?

Isyaignert August 1, 2012 at 1:31 am

Damn, you should have your own show with such insightful analysis. Maybe you can save CNN from itself.

Chet Kincaid July 31, 2012 at 10:07 pm

That may be one of your best-composed little ditties, Sir!

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Thank you, kind sir!

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 10:38 pm

No wonder Bibi dissed him so thoroughly. "Oh, yeah, I guess I might know that guy." Probly loved every second of sticking it to that smarmy "MyCountryClubDoesNotAdmitSemites" face.

bobbert July 31, 2012 at 10:49 pm

I thought Shel's support for Newter was entirely intended to flush Frothy, thereby clearing the path for the Junior Billionaire.

Designer_Rants July 31, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Shel don't seem that smart, sez me, the non-billionaire.

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 11:05 pm

I can't speak to the workings of Shelly Adelson's mind, but he didn't get to be a billionaire without breaking some kneecaps. He wants to buy him a puppet and he's not a stupid guy, and it cannot possibly have escaped him that the guy who is by default destined for that slot is a hopelessly bumbling, useless klutz who can't take two steps without falling over his own dick.

Rich people don't like getting, heh, stiffed when they're buying stuff. I'm betting Shelly isn't happy, and that Bibi has also been bending his ear.

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 11:07 pm

There's a huge difference between "smart" and "rich," and don't let anybody tell you different. In order to get anything in life, whether it's smarts, money, or the prettiest girl, you have to be willing to value it more than anything else you have. Some of us are just not willing to give up our families, lovers, art, or whatever else we might truly love — for money. Yeah, money keeps your stomach full and keeps you warm and dry in a storm, but when you don't love anything else you become a Mitt Romney.

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 11:38 pm

(Adjusts collar) *Sure* you were, BerkeleyBear. *Sure* you were.

MittBorg August 1, 2012 at 12:09 am

Who's "we," wetware meat-puppet?

MittBorg August 1, 2012 at 1:24 am

Aw, now, dude, take it as incentive to EXCEL! You're right, it is a target-rich environment, but DAMN if it isn't satisfying to let fly occasionally with every treasured expletive in languages many and ancient. Never have so many deserved your all, dear Bear, and it would be remiss of you, to say the least, to fail to rise to the occasion.

Skewer the motherfuckers. You'll make us all happy.

Isyaignert August 1, 2012 at 2:09 am

My gawd MittBorg, that was poetic and beautiful. Skewer the mofos! 'k'na!!

MittBorg August 1, 2012 at 2:11 am

Aw, thanky!

MittBorg August 1, 2012 at 2:12 am

(high-fives the girl)

Isyaignert August 1, 2012 at 2:23 am

Butt, what would Freud have to say?

bobbert August 1, 2012 at 2:29 am

Pornographic shadows on the cave wall.

Chichikovovich August 1, 2012 at 5:08 am

I do get the sense that it's a sticking point with many of the hard-core fundies that Mormons deny that God and Jesus are one person. LDS doctrine grants that Jesus is divine, but essentially distinct from God.

Negropolis August 1, 2012 at 6:58 am

Well, that, and the fact that they believe that Jesus isn't distinctively and uniquely divine, which is what really sets it apart. There are a number of other Christian factions that have differing views of the Trinity from the mainstream. What sends mainstream Christians over the edge is when you start telling them that they can essentially be their own Jesus over time.

Boojum August 1, 2012 at 7:10 am

"Mom?"

Negropolis August 1, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Up or down? I have no idea, though, I'd imagine both would be up if only negligbly for us. Ten year expectancy differences are usually only seen between developing and developed nations, not two developed nations. It is definitely true that white Americans rank up there with their European counterparts, and that it's also true that those same Americans don't have nearly the same quality of life in their elderly years as do said European counterparts.

Kind of goes back to the idiom that American health care is great if you can get it, or at least it does a pretty good job at treating things an a very horrible job at prevention.

James Michael Curley August 2, 2012 at 5:59 am

Trying a quick search for stats I came across this in Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by… Israel is shown as 4th and the US is shown as 38. Wondering where I make my mistake I find the interesting item that Israeli women live to 84 and US men live to 75.6. “Eat, eat; I spent the whole day in the kitchen. What me? I’ll just nibble a little of yours.”

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