better sourced than the daily caller

Harry Reid Is Pretty Much A Blogger Now

He knows things, manIn a Huffington Post interview, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid revealed that he has approximately the same standard of sourcing as a third-rate political blog.* Reid revealed that he is in possession of unprovable assertions from an unidentified person who seems unlikely to be in a position to know something very shocking! And that shocking thing is this: An unnamed investor with Bain Capital called Harry Reid with very damaging information about Mitt Romney: “Harry, he didn’t pay any taxes for 10 years,” Reid gleefully recounted the person as saying. Why would the unnamed investor have any knowledge whatsoever of Mitt Romney’s personal finances? Well, we will go with ‘why not?’

“He didn’t pay taxes for 10 years! Now, do I know that that’s true? Well, I’m not certain,” said Reid. “But obviously he can’t release those tax returns. How would it look?”

Well, that certainly is compelling! Some random rich idiot who invested in an asset management company is almost certainly going to have the inside scoop on the tax records of the head rich idiot who left that company a decade ago (or more, maybe, who knows)! BREAK OUT THE DRUDGE SIRENS WE MUST RUN THIS TOTALLY BASELESS SPECULATION AT ONCE!

Reid then compounded his offense by committing at least one count of Felonious Assault on a Syllogism:

“You guys have said his wealth is $250 million,” Reid went on. “Not a chance in the world. It’s a lot more than that. I mean, you do pretty well if you don’t pay taxes for 10 years when you’re making millions and millions of dollars.”

Absolutely, Mr. Senator! And if everything said over the telephone were true, Mike Hunt would have racked up one hell of a cellular bill calling home.

At any rate, Mr. Senate Majority Leader Reid has clearly eaten his Wheaties and his bull-semen smoothie, and is on a tear going after poor Ol Mittens. And we didn’t even include the part where he made fun of all the billionaire Adelson types for gumming their breakfasts because they are all old and got no teeth.

*And before you start making snide remarks, we wish to remind you that Your Wonkette is a second-rate humor blog, so just don’t you get snippy, HENGHH?

[HuffPo]

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About the author

Doktor Zoom lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his pseudonym after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom

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303 comments

    1. Boojum

      But what about all the income shown on the returns from child pornography, sex slavery, drugs, and murder for hire? Should we assume that it is more than $100,000,000 or less than that?

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        I'm holding out for Mitt's use of a tax amnesty program, where he fessed up to his Swiss accounts and paid taxes and penalties, in exchange for not being prosecuted.

        A lot to hope for, I know … but a boy can dream.

          1. BerkeleyBear

            Well, I see some crabs in the bucket, between Bobby Jindal and Marco Rubio having a buck and wing contest to show who is more loyal to their masters, Pawlenty and Portman trying to eat more mayo on white bread than the other, and Santorum trying to reassure the poor wingnuts that the rich Mormon is really better than the dusky hued fella. They were sent out to be surrogates while Romney went junketing. But they aren't making much news because Mitt keeps being a dumbass (and because except for maybe Rubio they are better than Ambien at putting people to sleep).

          2. MittBorg

            Between the "boring" and the "borderline felonious" is but a hop, skip, and jump, my dear Bear, and I believe both the dusky-hued Bobby and his slightly more "lightsome" companion Marco, it's a contest to see who gets caught with their hands in the most cookie jars. The P-Ps, being pale males into the bargain, it's no surprise that they can't catch the interest of the intended audience that has feasted on the Palin/Bachmann brand of raw red meat gobbets for so long.

            Mittens isn't having much luck, is he?

          3. Isyaignert

            Damn, you should have your own show with such insightful analysis. Maybe you can save CNN from itself.

      1. Callyson

        And I cry for him. (Covers mouth with a tissue in a futile attempt to make copious laughter look like a loud sob.)

        1. MittBorg

          (elbows you in the ribs, falls to the ground stifling laughter and rolling around)

          It's gotten even worse for him, now. Obama just released 12 years' worth of tax returns, increasing the pressure on Romney. Salon's calling it The World Tour From Hell. BWAHAHA!

  1. Veritas78

    Actually, this is good strategery: accuse Romney of things that he can only disprove by releasing his taxes. Did Reid get ungelded?

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Eh, Reid's a nasty bastard when it comes to campaigning. It's just beating the snot out of centrist Dems he can't stand doing (since he's one of them and all) even if it would both further the President's agenda and say, help ensure the GOP is a historical footnote in 20 years or so.

    2. UnholyMoses

      This makes me almost ready to forgive him for all the pansy-ass, get-walked-all-over-by-clinically-stupid-Repubs bullshit he's done through the years.

      Almost.

  2. Goonemeritus

    Pretty damaging but if this is our new journalistic standard I would go with the unconfirmed rumor that he enjoys dressing as Margaret Thatcher when he has the down time.

    1. Veritas78

      The sad part is that Thatcher enjoys dressing up as Refalca. Mitt puts a saddle on her and makes Ann ride. Mormon kink.

      1. MittBorg

        Somehow I just can't see Mitt as being into anything quite as, um, stimulating as pony play.

        He probably just likes to watch.

    2. Chichikovovich

      I like the cut of your jib. Though I'm going with "Likes to be chained naked to the wall, wearing a Ronald Reagan mask, and get whipped by Jan Brewer wearing a Margaret Thatcher mask" myself.

  3. user-of-towels

    And if everything said over the telephone were true, Mike Hunt would have racked up one hell of a cellular bill calling home.

    Not if he reversed the discharges.

    1. Chet Kincaid

      Well, remember also how Nancy Pelosi said on TV that she knew stuff about Newt Gingrich that would insure that he would never be the Republican nominee? Maybe Reid & Pelosi are the next TMZ!

      1. emmelemm

        I think that it's just that when you've been in Congress as long as they have, you really do know where ALL the skellingtons are buried.

        1. Chet Kincaid

          I would love to hear her say that on TV. Perhaps to Matt Lauer. Eyes going wide and flashing with passion: "Newt Gingrich never had a chance to be President!! Do you know why?! Because he is a bloviating fuckface!"

  4. CapnFatback

    Yes, but what does the young girl that Glenn Beck raped and murdered in 1990 think about Romney?

  5. imobannon

    It's as good as what Arpaio's posse has… but it's our side's version, so I will stay silent about the idiocy, and silently hope this new angle gets a lot of coverage.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Well he never would say when he stopped fucking pigs, so he must still be doing it. Pig fucker.

    2. vasty_derp

      If there is ANY truth to these reports on the Internet, can you imagine how this will affect the Jewish and Muslim votes?

    3. fartknocker

      I saw him and Rick Perry fuck a goat at Niggerhead. I witnessed a lot of smiles and glass beer bottles kinking together. And a bunch of ya-hoos.

    1. mickeymusing

      I think the church might have put him up to it. They are entitled to 10% of church member's income and probably want to see Mitt's returns just as badly as everyone else to see if they have an unexpected windfall coming…

      1. horsedreamer_1

        Mormonism sounds like Dianetics. Which makes sense, since the three greatest Mur'can religions are the space cults Mormonism, Nation of Islam, & Scientology.

        1. Designer_Rants

          Harry has cast the First Rune into the IslamoMormoScigasmic Tax-Engram-Erasure-Circle! Or something.

          edit: Sorry, been watching too much True Blood: Season 4 tonight.

      2. vasty_derp

        Why do I get the impression that the church knows exactly what's in those returns, & may be encouraging him to stay mum for that reason?

    2. So Tired

      More like he got the full-sugar Jello by mistake at the cafeteria. Got to take that out somehow.

  6. CivicHoliday

    I like this new side of Harry. We may as well use their playbook – baseless speculation to ramp up anger in the under-informed masses! Next up: "I can't confirm it, but it is highly likely that Mitt may have fathered children with a Mexican woman he keeps locked up in a swiss bank vault"

    1. MittBorg

      I hate to admit how much I am enjoying this. For eight years, no, twelve, I listened while the Republicans walked ALL OVER the Democrats and demonized every single American, visitor, resident, and foreigner who wasn't a screaming wingnut. I can't be too miserable about watching someone use their own fucking tactics on them.

    2. vasty_derp

      Problem is that if anyone really wants to go Rove (or Atwater) for the Dems, one of the best points of attack is Romney's Mormonism. Reid obvsly can't go there, but if the GOP base even had a clue how foreign Mormonism to their own religious beliefs, I think their attendance at the polls in Nov. would be significantly diminished.

      1. bobbert

        I used to think that, but I have become less optimistic.

        1. In terms of "official" theology, there are huge differences between conventional Christianity and Mormonism. The LDS practically ignore the New Testament. The Book of Mormon is heavily cribbed from the Old Testament, with different dietary laws and a different Chosen People (see below). In a lot of places, the BoM explicitly accuses establishment Christianity (i.e., Catholics) of being instruments of the devil. At first blush, you would think this would at least irritate conventional Christians.

        2. However, one must realize that many right-wing Xians (RWXs) do not actually subscribe to much of the Christianity that is described in the New Testament. As we hear every day, their version of Xianism is a bit of Genesis; a selective helping of Leviticus; the “absolve te” part of the NT; a bunch of shit they just make up (e.g., “God says life begins at conception”); and in some cases a dessert of Mushroom-John-of-Patmos. And for the better educated, a few selections from Paul-the-guy-who-actually-started-the-religion.

        3. So, in terms of actual beliefs, LDS and RWX do not differ as much as you might suppose. (A quick check: how do you think members of either group react to being accosted by “That which you do to the least of them, you do to me”, or any of its variations?)

        4. Now, some of the “non-public” LDS beliefs seem rather weird (Kolob, becoming God of your own planet after you die, Jesus and Satan are brothers, etc., etc.), but recall that a good many RWXs take the Revelation of St John as being literally true. Mormons have not had access to that quality of hallucinogen. (In fact, old Joe Smith had to steal most of his detailed arcana from the Masons, who he also considered tools of the Devil). So, it’s possible that RWXs will be repelled by the unfamiliar supernatural shit, but some of these folks believe in the Red Heifer Prophecy (which isn’t even in Revelation).

        5. Some background. The central point of Old Joe’s scam in the early 1800s was the redefinition of the Chosen People. Those who are not familiar with the BoM may get this wrong, so I will try to summarize. In approximately 600BCE, a bunch of Jews took travelled from the Red Sea to North (or maybe Central) America, led by a vision from God that included a 600-year-advance notice of the whole story of Jesus. They ended up somewhere in the Americas (LDS historians have been trying for a hundred years to fit this into real archaeology), and established a society, and went up and down for fucking ever. At one point, they ran into the descendants of yet another bunch of Jews who had come over a thousand or so years earlier in what can only be described as submarines.

        6. I digress. It’s a long book. Anyhow, they all knew (well, the believers did) that the birth, life, crucifixion, and resurrection of Christ were coming. They knew WHEN. They were still fuckups, like we all are. Eventually, year 33 rolled around. Unfortunately for the then-current inhabitants of America, they had achieved a high-level civilization, but were spiritually decrepit, so while He was off for three days, Extremely Muscular Jesus came to America and devastated the place (like Jesus always does, yo). There were still some survivors, and they carried on trading off believer/non-believer and beating the shit out of each other for a few hundred years, and then all died.

        7. I’m getting there. Before they all died, all this shit was recorded onto a big sheaf of goldish plates and hidden in what proved to be upstate New York. Now, here’s the important bit: included on the goldish plates was a prophecy that at some future time the plates would be found, and that they would be used to found a new religion, which would be the one, true, and correct version of Xianity. And the followers of this religion would be the new, true and correct Chosen People.

        8. [If you’ve lost track, this means that the LDS are the for-real-this-time Chosen People]. Again, this might seem to be a bit off-putting to non-Mormons. But remember, this means God’s Chosen People are Americans. As I said earlier, this was really the central point of Joe Smith’s religion (well, except for Joe being the Prophet). I ask you, are RWXs really going to be repelled by a religion that considers America to be God’s Country as one of its actual theological tenets?

        1. vasty_derp

          Oh, I agree that you can't feed the RWer's the full story with all its details, but magic underwear, Kolob, posthumous baptisms, Garden of Eden in Missouri, etc.? That should get you somewhere.

          Is it likely that most evangelicals will just tolerantly say to themselves that their own beliefs might also look strange to nonbelievers? I rather doubt it…

          1. bobbert

            You've given me hope. There are, certainly, some specific things that will clang even against RWX beliefs. The Garden of Eden, posthumous (re-) baptism, yes. Maybe the fact that they have a living Prophet who outranks the Bible. Hmm.

          2. Chichikovovich

            I do get the sense that it's a sticking point with many of the hard-core fundies that Mormons deny that God and Jesus are one person. LDS doctrine grants that Jesus is divine, but essentially distinct from God.

          3. Negropolis

            Well, that, and the fact that they believe that Jesus isn't distinctively and uniquely divine, which is what really sets it apart. There are a number of other Christian factions that have differing views of the Trinity from the mainstream. What sends mainstream Christians over the edge is when you start telling them that they can essentially be their own Jesus over time.

        2. Chichikovovich

          Hey thanks, that's some quality info right there, nicely compactified and explained.

          One quibble though – it's not completely true they ignore the words of Jesus apart from absolution related stuff. They sure do loves them that Parable of the Talents. (Luke 19:12-27, and the drastically different version at Matthew 25: 14 – 30). And then there's the Rich man to heaven = camel through the eye of the needle, Sermon on the mount , Woman taken in adultery/"without sin, cast the first stone" [OK that one is almost surely uncanonical, a later addition to John] , do to the least of these = do to me , Parable of the good samaritan, Parable of the unforgiving servant, Parable of the Pharisee and the Publican, ….

          Um. Well, they sure do loves them that Parable of the Talents, is what I'm saying.

          1. Doktor Zoom

            I prefer Octavia Butler's version of that title, even if Parable of the Sower was the better book. Another excellent writer who died too soon.

        3. UnholyMoses

          My dad's side of the family are RLDS (or whatever they call themselves now — Community of Christ, I believe; at least here in the "Garden of Meth Eden" that is Independence, Mo.).

          The funny part?

          My mom's side is Irish Catholic.

          Just wish there were video of the first few meetings of the families, as the stories I've heard are fanfuckingtastically full of awesome.

          (Apparently, the words "heretical heathens" and "violent and professional alcoholics" came up … more than once.)

        4. Chet Kincaid

          Well, my father was a fundie minister/professor, and I was raised around fundie evangelicals. Regardless of what the average fundie Christian knows, understands or practices about their Bible, there is no way they could find common ground with that science fiction Mormon shit or countenance the direct contradiction of Biblical doctrine. What Joe Smith did is A-Number-1 Apostasy in their view: coming up with another "revelation" to extend, revise and supplant the Bible.

  7. RadioBowels

    So what he is basically saying is that Romney hasn't benefitted from the Bush/Obama tax cuts anyhow. 3-4% marginal cuts? That's for losers. Ergo, they might as well extend them across the board.

  8. StealthMuslin

    I say, Senator Reid! Balls on a Democrat are most unbecoming! Please! Don't! Stop!

  9. coolhandnuke

    A Deep Throat type post is only fitting after the earlier Ron Jeremy post.

    A tad OT. I pitched my one and only no-hitter in Little League thirty years ago. And my centerfielder who caught the game's last out–Mike Hunt.

  10. MissTaken

    I read on the internet that Harry Reid is starting Senate hearings about Romney being involved in a child-sex ring and that is why he won't release his tax returns.

    1. MittBorg

      I heard that a lot of the money that Romney hasn't paid taxes on for the last ten years was invested in some kind of child sex ring that might be at some casino in Macau (the last part is totes snarkfree, btw).

      1. BerkeleyBear

        Yeah, the Sheldon Adelson as overseas pimp stuff is pretty freaky. It takes way too long to explain it for most Americans to pay attention, sadly, even with sex and gambling involved.

        1. MittBorg

          And yet, I get the feeling Shelly Adelson despises Mitt to the depths of his soul. What kind of Jew doesn't tell his purported puppet, you're flying into town on a religious holiday, it's a fast day, don't schedule anything? Instead he let Mitt schedule a $50K/plate fundraiser which created an uproar and I hear it was mentioned in the Knesset, but have no details. Oy, gevalt, what a schmendrick this guy is.

          1. BerkeleyBear

            Well he did try to singlehandedly foist Newt on the GOP, so yeah, I'm guessing this marriage is not one Shel is verklempt with joy about. You think the team running Romney's mishagas of a campaign would even bother to ask, though? To them, Shelly's just another member of one of the lesser tribes of the old covenant, lost without the way of Moroni, and their quaint observances are irrelevant.

            Just say it – Romney's a schmuck and a putz.

          2. MittBorg

            No wonder Bibi dissed him so thoroughly. "Oh, yeah, I guess I might know that guy." Probly loved every second of sticking it to that smarmy "MyCountryClubDoesNotAdmitSemites" face.

          3. bobbert

            I thought Shel's support for Newter was entirely intended to flush Frothy, thereby clearing the path for the Junior Billionaire.

          4. MittBorg

            There's a huge difference between "smart" and "rich," and don't let anybody tell you different. In order to get anything in life, whether it's smarts, money, or the prettiest girl, you have to be willing to value it more than anything else you have. Some of us are just not willing to give up our families, lovers, art, or whatever else we might truly love — for money. Yeah, money keeps your stomach full and keeps you warm and dry in a storm, but when you don't love anything else you become a Mitt Romney.

          5. MittBorg

            I can't speak to the workings of Shelly Adelson's mind, but he didn't get to be a billionaire without breaking some kneecaps. He wants to buy him a puppet and he's not a stupid guy, and it cannot possibly have escaped him that the guy who is by default destined for that slot is a hopelessly bumbling, useless klutz who can't take two steps without falling over his own dick.

            Rich people don't like getting, heh, stiffed when they're buying stuff. I'm betting Shelly isn't happy, and that Bibi has also been bending his ear.

  11. Antispandex

    This is probably not true. I'm sorry, but everyone knows you get your money, and all of your quality information, over the intertubes these days. As a matter of fact, I was just told I have a TON of money waiting for me, that I can claim from some Nigerian guy I never heard of! Who knew? So, phone call? Naw.

    1. DocChaos

      I hear the Nigerian thing is a scam, but apparently you can make $7000 an hour by just using your computer at home.

        1. MittBorg

          (Scratches head; finds pen and paper; starts list)
          (Tears up list; starts new list)
          (Tears up new list; starts next list)

          OK. You got meh.

  12. FakaktaSouth

    NOTHING I love better than Mormon on Mormon violence. I just hope they bust out the bicycle chains next.

  13. Callyson

    “He didn’t pay taxes for 10 years! Now, do I know that that’s true? Well, I’m not certain,” said Reid.

    The Senator went on to add "But what the fuck, Nevada Republicans couldn't defeat me in 2010 when my negatives were dangerously high, so let's roll…"

  14. rickmaci

    I read on the interwebs that Twitt is hiding from Ann the support payment deductions for his love child with some babe he knocked up when he had a missionary position in France.

  15. James Michael Curley

    Yea? Well I have from almost unimpeachable sources that Harry Reid has not trimmed his eyebrows or nose hair in ten years. Like why do you think they call him Harry?

  16. Texan_Bulldog

    So this is what Mormon on Mormon action looks like? (Yes, Harry is also a Mormon.) Still surprisingly less gross than those fat women on Sister Wives.

    1. Fare la Volpe

      It's the fat slimeball they all "love" that I don't get – if you're going to subjugate your will and self-determination to one guy, at least pick a guy who looks more like Cary Grant and less like Bruce Vilanch.

  17. SexySmurf

    Mittens is really bringing this on himself; Americans love conspiracy theories. Mittbot refusing to release his tax returns proves he rigged the 1985 NBA Draft, killed Heath Ledger and invented AIDS.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Well, until we get the original long form security cameras showing otherwise, it could be true, right?

  18. BlueStateLibel

    Actually, it wouldn't surprise me one bit if Mitt bragged to some fellow plutocrat that he didn't pay taxes, that's entirely within his character (bragging about wife's cars, friends with sports teams, etc.). Good for Harry, turn the tables on them for once.

  19. Beowoof

    Is Harry interviewing to be a pundit. I mean Sean Hannity reports information everyday with that level of veracity.

      1. Beowoof

        I can't imagine anything worse than sports talk radio. People complaining for hours about reality show contestants.

  20. ThundercatHo

    Just speculating, but has anyone else noticed how Mitt and a baby who must not be named seem to have the same forehead?

    1. Fare la Volpe

      Personally I think Mitt looks an awful lot like a Ferengi. He's got the attitude toward money and women too.

      1. BerkeleyBear

        But without their lust for anything. Sort of like if a Ferengi's attitude infected a Borg hive mind just enough to make them switch from assimilation to accumulation of latinum.

  21. Come here a minute

    Oh, crap. With this level of ATTACKDOGGING, looks like Handsome Joe Biden is being replaced by Boring Mormon Reid.

    1. bobbert

      Oh, I'm sure that Old Handsome Joe will get his shots attacking Rmoney's policy proposals, just as soon as he has some. But for this kind of unsourced nudging, it's better to use someone who is not actually up for election (until 2014, as a matter of fact).

      1. BerkeleyBear

        Reid ain't up til 2016. Which is also pretty much why Marco Rubio can do heavy lifting for Rmoney without fear of it biting him in the ass down the road.

  22. TootsStansbury

    But, But, But, Solyndra! Fast and furious! College transcripts! Birf certificate! Leading from behind! Over his head! Huh?! Huh?!

    1. bobbert

      I wouldn't be too surprised to see the transcripts one of these days. I'm just wondering if they're trying to bait the Rmoney campaign into actually bringing the subject up officially.

    2. MittBorg

      The GOP committee assigned to investigate Fast & Furious has just issued its report: The White House was not involved with the operation in any way.

      Those fuckers must be eating dirt now.

      1. BerkeleyBear

        But according to the same report the DOJ indirectly and ultimately Holder is to blame, since by prosecuting the pathetic cases built by the Bush era Wide Receiver (you know, doing their jobs) they may have made the dumbass no nothing running the Arizona ATF office think he should ramp it up. Never mind that deciding to prosecute wasn't Holder's call but the career prosecutors trying to salvage something from a fucked up situation, the top echelon of the DOJ didn't have reason to know the specifics of the gun walking tactics, no one ever told the dumbass to do it again, and he didn't even bother letting DOJ higher ups know what he was up to until it went Fubar. There is literally no stretch they won't make to try and hang this on Holder, to in turn embarass Obama. (Oh but Rmoney has no responsibility for what Bain Capital did in his name from 99-02).

        1. MittBorg

          Man, I just love when our Wonketteers get all hot around the collar and break a good sweat on a rant. Y'all just give good rant, yaknow that?

          That was great.

          1. BerkeleyBear

            Thank you kindly. Sadly, though, there's such a target rich environment (and I've gotten so used to it) I almost never can bring the full rant hammer down.

          2. MittBorg

            Aw, now, dude, take it as incentive to EXCEL! You're right, it is a target-rich environment, but DAMN if it isn't satisfying to let fly occasionally with every treasured expletive in languages many and ancient. Never have so many deserved your all, dear Bear, and it would be remiss of you, to say the least, to fail to rise to the occasion.

            Skewer the motherfuckers. You'll make us all happy.

  23. chascates

    Make everyone's income tax filings available online. All income, deductions, rates paid, etc.

  24. johnnyzhivago

    My guess is that the word is around about his taxes (maybe from McCain people???) and Reid is assembling a story around it to put it out.

    Note the Mitt "I can't recall if I paid less than 13% over the past xxx years". Bullshit!

  25. horsedreamer_1

    Somebody told me, that you had a tax return, that showed zero owed in February of last year… & the year before… & the year before that… & the prior year to that… It's not confidential…. It's got potential… Rush in & rush in.

  26. bobbert

    Welcome back from your attempting-to-change-the subject-in-Europe tour, Mittens. Now, let's talk about your income taxes.

  27. Dashboard Buddha

    OT – Hey kids. Just a quick note to let you know that while I am still above the sod, I have started a new job and will be posting quite a bit less (and great hurrahs where heard across the land)

    Yes, the job sucks. It's not excruciating, but never in my working life have I been so scrutinized at work. Our phone time is calculated down to the second, it seems. More updates to follow.

    1. Mittens Howell, III

      Hey Dashboard,

      Stop hanging out with these commie losers.

      Now get back to work,

      Your Supervisor.

    2. James Michael Curley

      Congrats. Don't update yourself out of a job.
      Those IT snoops are not only sneaky, but clever and vindictive.

    3. Geminisunmars

      Congratulations on getting/keeping a job. You still have your off hours to check in with us. So what are you doing, phone sex?

      1. Dashboard Buddha

        Given the tedium and boredom inherent with the job, phone sex actually sounds attractive.

    4. BerkeleyBear

      Far better than being totally unsupervised because you are unemployed.

      Sounds like we are stepping back to the bad old pre-internet days when all phone calls of more than a couple minutes needed to be cleared.

      1. Fare la Volpe

        You'd think it would take at least a few months unemployed before you start going for the weirder varieties of masturbation.

        You'd be wrong.

    5. emmelemm

      Agreed, don't update yourself out of a job.

      Wonkette may soothe the soul, but it won't pay the rental on your humble flat, or help you at the automat.

      Eating trumps Wonking, is what I'm saying.

      1. bobbert

        Nice "Diamonds" reference. Also, too, DashBB, congrats and stay employed as long as you want to).

    6. MittBorg

      (Hugs DbB) I'm very happy for you that those miserable assholes finally got back to you, and you have a job. May it be a stepping stone in your climb up towards LOTS of MUNNIEZ for doing next to nothing.

  28. MilwaukeeKent

    Obviously Mitt Romney couldn't file tax returns for those ten years since it would've exposed the Madoff-style Ponzi scheme he's been running since college.

  29. James Michael Curley

    Mittens and most republicans are running on a platform to abolish the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, PPACA or Obamacare.

    Mittens world wind tour was to Great Britain, Israel and Poland. These three countries have had National Healthcare Systems for a combined total of 239 years or ten years longer than the first United States Congress was convened and 14 years longer than the first United States National Healthcare System was proposed by John Adams.

    If we had had a NHS as long as Israel (under the British Mandate) we could have had flying cars with all the money we would have saved and the technology we could have developed.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Making it even funnier, Mittens actually praised how little Israel spent on health care while there, without mentioning the fact it is pretty much Obamacare on steroids. Almost as bad as praising the far more socialist Poles for their awesome transition to capitalism.

      1. James Michael Curley

        And Israel has the fourth highest life expectancy in the world if I remember correctly. Not bad for a country where you can get bombed on any Saturday night. The life expectancy of 88, 9 years higher than ours, means that dudes and dudettes who are 88 years old were in their late teens during the height of the concentration camps in Germany, Poland; a life event far from salubrious to getting old and staying healthy.In the period 2002 to a few years ago a debate raged in Poland about whether their National Healthcare System should be ‘privatized’ due to complaints that the waits were long yadayadayada. The argument that it remain public, with a mandate requiring a slightly higher tax on each working person and compulsory contributions by employers based on gross receipts won out with ratification at recent parliamentary elections with Donald Tusk’s center-right coalition supporting the Polish NHS and promoting the idea that ‘We have Doctors in abundance and nobody is prohibited from going to those who want to open private practice.”For all the legendary glamour and symbolism around Lech Walesa in respect to today’s politics the equivalent of Romney meeting him (and just about doing nothing else officially) is comparable to Kaczynsk coming here to meet Katy Perry. (Ms Curley and I were going to meet Walesa in 1984 but the shooting of nuns in Warsaw caused a government crackdown which forced a lot of the Solidarity people to go underground. We still went up to Gdansk but were tailed every time we left the hotel.)

        1. Negropolis

          Quick correction, the difference between overall American and Israeli life expectancy is actually slightly less than four years, not eight, something like 82 to slightly over 78.

          BTW, I was REALLY surprised to find that Denmark basically has the same life expectancy at us, especially considering our historically disadvantaged populations, which kind of pull down the average.

          1. James Michael Curley

            Up or down on which?My figures were from BLS but now three years ago when I was doing a position paper on what effect Medicare had on the population of the US. Overall not a great increase in the life expectancy but a great increase in the age before onset of a disabling or terminal disease.

          2. Negropolis

            Up or down? I have no idea, though, I'd imagine both would be up if only negligbly for us. Ten year expectancy differences are usually only seen between developing and developed nations, not two developed nations. It is definitely true that white Americans rank up there with their European counterparts, and that it's also true that those same Americans don't have nearly the same quality of life in their elderly years as do said European counterparts.

            Kind of goes back to the idiom that American health care is great if you can get it, or at least it does a pretty good job at treating things an a very horrible job at prevention.

          3. James Michael Curley

            Trying a quick search for stats I came across this in Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by… Israel is shown as 4th and the US is shown as 38. Wondering where I make my mistake I find the interesting item that Israeli women live to 84 and US men live to 75.6. “Eat, eat; I spent the whole day in the kitchen. What me? I’ll just nibble a little of yours.”

    2. Designer_Rants

      Such an excellent comment. Wait, Harry Reid's friend didn't call you on the phone and tell you all this, did he? Cuz that guy knows how to drop some knowledge.

  30. TribecaMike

    Reid added, "And I know for a fact that Missy Franklin owes $60 million in back taxes."

  31. Chet Kincaid

    If Mittens has been donating 10% of his income to the Mormon Church, they might have to report those donations and amounts as well as his name annually, as a nonprofit organization, since he may be one of their biggest donors. If so, you could extrapolate at least what he is telling the Mormons he makes. N'est-ce pas?

    1. BerkeleyBear

      According to the IRS, schedule B of the 990 (listing contributors) isn't subject to public review as a matter of law. Damn! Good thought, though – maybe Harry has some pull with the elders to sneak a peak at a few years of returns?

    2. iburl

      You may have hit the nail on the head on why there is such secrecy. If he was short-changing the temple all these years, they'll be Hell to pay.

  32. Chet Kincaid

    Well, the Mormons like to do business together, and Harry's a Mormon, so it's conceivable that he has Church connections/insights/sources into Mitt's affairs, and his Deep Throat isn't just some gabby anonymous broker.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      This, I buy. The near incestuous connections of Mormons in business (including Bain and Mitt himself) is pretty well documented. They do it with social organizations, too – Boy Scout troops and PTA chapters being two that I've seen basically be turned from essentially public to essentially Mormons only institutions, with almost all real decisions made at the stake house. I don't attribute malicious intent to it, but there is this whole persecution complex/insularity of the church body thing that is very reminiscent of certain other religious and ethnic minorities. Only Mormons aren't as noticeable when they do it since they mainly look like prototypical WASPS.

      1. Isyaignert

        Those "protopycial WASPS" are the ones you have to watch out for. I have worked with Mormons many times over several decades and think they're weird. Sorry, but I do. Peace.

  33. Negropolis

    File this under "It'd be irresponsible not to speculate!" And, in this case, it would be given all the shit they are flinging at the president. Everyday Mitt doesn't release more returns is a day that the mad scientists at the DNC should just be making up random shit to speculate about Romney's finances. "Didn't pay taxes for 10 years" is tame. I hope the next one is "Buying and sell exotic animals and children on the black market" makes it in their some time soon.

    Yes, children; Harry Reid is going to have a cut a bitch.

    1. MittBorg

      Our President just released 12 years' worth of tax returns. Man's paying this out minute by minute, all nicely paced to put maximum heat on Romney. At this point, Mittwit's got nothing left to lose. He should just release and take it like a man.

        1. MittBorg

          Bigoted against Borgs, Radio? Huh? Is that what this is? A dissing of Borgage?

          Oh, whatthefuck, it's Mittens. G'wan, put the boot in.

          1. RadioBowels

            I'm robophobic to the nth degree. For now though we are protected by their susceptibility to water and weak battery technology.

    2. RadioBowels

      Frank Luntz, et.al. are working overtime to euphemize and deflect this bitch. When and how will they cut their losses? I would think the sooner they release it, probably partially, the more they can spin it.
      Although I want to see Mitt smugly come out and say, "I WILL NOT RELEASE THOSE TAX RECORDS!" I now he said something to that effect before, but that was then; this is serious now.

      1. MittBorg

        Well, he just reversed himself thrice on the issue of Palestinian culture, and in only two days, so I'm sure he can come up with some whiplash-inducing flip-flops on the taxes.

        1. RadioBowels

          Ya know for a while there I forgot he has more flip-flops than a IHOP griddle. And again you are right my friend, that could be his out: just cold skate back and forth until the issue becomes unrecognizable. Kind of like the difference between HeritageFoundationCare, Romneycare and Obamacare.

          1. MittBorg

            Hahaha, but we won't LET him, will we? People are tweeting, emailing, calling, and making video clips and signs and showing up to tell him what they think. Get out there, Radio. Git yourself a sign and turn out to his next talk. Or troll a Web site. Goodness knows the MittWit's trolls are out en masse.

      2. AbandonHope

        American idiots are stupid. All Mitt has to do is claim he has released the returns, over and over, until it becomes true via repetition. It worked for Bush, dinnit?

    3. Negropolis

      You know, I really do have a feeling that someone on opposition research knows what's going on with Mitt's taxes, and we'll hear about it come October, or maybe even a bit sooner.

      Any who doesn't think that they aren't playing with Mitt like a cat plays with a mouse before it does it in is crazy.

  34. emmelemm

    Your Wonkette is a second-rate humor blog

    Disagree! Wonkette is a first-rate humor blog, but probably a third-rate political blog. It's also a world-class snarkfest second to none.

  35. mosjef

    Unproven rumors from an unidentified source = first rate unassailable journalistic reporting. Do you like the smell of napalm? Get Dirty, Harry.

    1. LetUsBray

      He hasn't accused Willard of failing to report income from the sale of black market truck nutz yet, has he?

  36. MonkeyMotion

    Christ almighty, I take a day off and Harry Reid — goddamned HARRY REID — is talking like a Republican?! WTF?

    Did any other Dem's wake up and realize they've been taking GOP sledgehammer up the ying-yang for the last 30+ years?

    1. Isyaignert

      Yeah, 'cept I woke up about 30 years ago and have been fighting those mofos ever since. They have the $ but we have the peeps. After the millions they spent in California, Fiorini and Whitman showed that money can't buy you love.It's the damn voting machines we need to worry about and the BS anti-voter laws. The only way they can win is to CHEAT.

  37. Left_Leftie

    Hallelujah! The testicles of the Democrat party have FINALLY descended and it appears they are made of some sort of metal. Can they possibly be brass?

    Let's see how the right likes a taste of their own medicine. Pretty nasty isn't it.

    On another note I misspelled Hallelujah and in the three choices of correct spelling was Halliburton. WTF?

    1. RadioBowels

      On another note I misspelled Hallelujah and in the three choices of correct spelling was Halliburton. WTF?

      Your Military-Industrial-Socialist Complex at work.

    2. MittBorg

      This is where you say, "I, for one, welcome our new warmongering overlords."

      Leftie? Leftie? Whoops. Looks like they got to her first.

  38. SayItWithWookies

    Hey, why not? I'm open to speculation and hearsay — in fact, I know someone who says they saw Mitt Romney eating a baby yesterday. And not a small baby either — a rather large baby.

    1. TribecaMike

      One of the best stylists of our time, a truly superb essayist, and a sublime curmudgeon. Too bad he spent much of the past 20 years endlessly recycling the America First crap he fell for in his childhood.

      Bit o' trivia: Vidal was born at, of all places, the United States Military Academy at West Point, where his father was an aeronautics instructor.

  39. Isyaignert

    Holy chit! The dude in the pciture looks just like my geeky bro-in-law, except for the ciggie.

  40. Fukui-sanYesOta

    OT: NBC Primetime Olympic Coverage vs "proper" Olympic coverage.

    Sample: Women's Team Gymnastics final and the swimming

    Methodology: Watch the IOC official feed of gymnastics and swimming (both with commentary), then watch NBC Primetime

    So I've been getting well into the gymnastics for 2012 and was expecting a corker of a final, and it didn't disappoint. The IOC coverage is pretty damn good – great selection of individual coverage showing the best and worst routines in each rotation, packing as much action in as possible. Commentary by an American woman who won gold in Atlanta and some ocker who I don't know – informed, unobtrusive, worthwhile. Couple of ads because I'm getting it streamed by the NBC iPad app, but nothing too bad, only 30s at a time during quiet periods (e.g. rotation changes).

    After that final, a little later, the swimming starts. Great coverage again – stick with the pool the whole time, show all the athlete entrances, informative stuff about each one. Shows all the events and the medal ceremonies.

    A pleasurable Olympic experience.

    Caught some of NBC this evening because I'd missed the synchro diving and wanted to see it. Anyway, left it on and caught the gymnastics. Only US athletes shown, showing every athlete's performance on the uneven bars (rotation 3, I think). Other athletes don't exist. Cut to eerily personality-less Bob Costas who tells us swimming is coming up next. Ads. Here's Ryan cunting Seacrest by a pool introducing a Phelps puff-piece. Then a poolside interview between Seacrest and Phelps, as if nobody in America knows anything about Phelps and an interview with Seacrest will inform and titillate. Ads. Race where Phelps loses to the saffer, poolside interview, ads. Gymnastics rotation 4.

    Now, I know for a fact the gymnastics finished before the swimming even started. Even the event ordering has been changed.

    If you watch NBC primetime Olympics you're not actually watching the Olympics – you're watching "NBC So you think you can Olympics Idol Got Talent" cut together by gameshow editors.

    It's sad, really, because the Olympics really is something special in my opinion. It's insulting to viewers.

    edit: sorry this is so long, I just felt like a rant because it pisses me off.

      1. Fukui-sanYesOta

        Yeah, those poor girls were distraught. Two of them messing up the floor exercise was awful.

    1. bobbert

      Fukui-san, you have to remember that a large fraction of the NBC audience probably weren't too sure about who Michael Phelps is — he's a swimmer for fuck's sake. (Although they certainly know who Ryan cunting Seacrest is).

    2. Chet Kincaid

      This is the way Olympic coverage has been in America for as long as I have been alive (52 years), and it's only in the last 10 years that there has been any alternative way to view the Games, so what is the point in complaining about it? Personally, I wish the media would shut the fuck up about the events until I have time to view them at night, because my job does not have a Flex Time Watch Sports At Your Convenience Policy, but I just have to put up with the world as it is.

      1. Fukui-sanYesOta

        I'm sorry to hear that. I grew up in England with the BBC and have always loved the Olympics.

        There was a time when we (my family) were on holiday in France and found the 100m final on the radio … and it was one of the greatest. 1988, I think, Ben Johnson and Carl Lewis.

        I tried to translate for my family. That's how much people care – a British family will stop in Brittany and try to find live commentary, even in French, for that event. It's something special.

        The reason I complain about NBC (which is a meme, I think) is because the BBC would carry every damn event live no matter the time of day or night. Cut into primetime? Olympics wins. Have to broadcast at 3am? Olympics wins.

        When I was a little nipper of seven then I remember this happening. 1980 Olympics – and I remember it being important.

        NBC should be taken outside and shot.

      2. Fukui-sanYesOta

        "Personally, I wish the media would shut the fuck up about the events until I have time to view them at night, because my job does not have a Flex Time Watch Sports At Your Convenience Policy, but I just have to put up with the world as it is"

        I'd agree with this if the later coverage wasn't cut together in such a shitty way. As I said earlier, "So you think you can Olympics Idol Got Talent" … it's a poor edit. It's not the Olympics.

        1. Chet Kincaid

          Sorry to be snippy, it's just my American acting up. Mrs. Kincaid lived in Europe for almost a decade in the '80s-'90s, so I've listened patiently to 12 years of her "America is doing it wrong!!" rants. She may be right, and I dutifully hate America too, but it ain't changing!

  41. Fukui-sanYesOta

    Remember that McCain / Romney oppo document?

    Here's a peach:

    Romney Sat On Board Of Damon Clinical Laboratories, A Bain Capital Portfolio Company Fined Nearly$120 Million In 1996 Due To Medicare Fraud.

    “A Needham clinical laboratory agreed yesterday to pay $119million in criminal and civil fines after pleading guilty to charges that it defrauded the nation’s Medicare system byseeking reimbursements on millions of dollars worth of unnecessary blood tests. … Damon Clinical LaboratoriesInc. admitted it tried to boost its profits by submitting the unnecessary tests. The company, the government said,misled doctors into ordering the tests, ensuring that they would be covered by Medicare, the federal health careprogram for the elderly.”
    (Kimberly Blanton, “Needham Lab Fined $ 119m For Fraud,”
    The Boston Globe
    , 10/10/96)

    1. Isyaignert

      Wow! That's getting up there with convicted felon Florida governor Rick Scott's $600 Million fine that he had to pay for Medicare fraud. Way to go Florida. Smarten up, okay?

  42. mr bojangles

    romney's preacher or whatever they re called closed all his sermons with 'god damn amerika!' according to a friend of a friend.

  43. Ducksworthy

    Thank you Dr. Zoom for your misguided attempt to elevate the standard of evidence for comments in Amurrikan political discourse.

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