OUR TERRIFYING MODERN WORLD  3:06 pm July 30, 2012

Democratic Platform Endorses Mandatory Gay Marriages For All

by Jim Newell

Actual photo taken with Sullivan's instragramSome disturbing news for “traditional families” and their terribly insecure boy-girl marriages, from the Washington Blade: “The Democratic Party platform drafting committee approved on Sunday language endorsing same-sex marriage in addition to other pro-LGBT positions as part of the Democratic Party platform, according to two sources familiar with the drafting process.” Other confirmers have confirmed with the confirmy people. Are you reading this, Straight America? The Democratic Party has literally endorsed a mandate to end your straight marriage and force you to marry a gay person, like Elton John or the other one, within the next calendar year.

The Blade confirmed the news with Barney Frank, who knows everything that’s happening in the world thanks to his magical gay powers. The platform will not simply endorse gay marriage. That would be homophobic, if it ended there. But also rejects DOMA and supports ENDA, the evil twin acronyms who now make up the National Gay Agenda.

Retiring gay Rep. Barney Frank (D-Mass.), who sits on the committee, told the Washington Blade on Monday that the 15-member panel unanimously backed the inclusion of a marriage equality plank after a national hearing over the weekend in Minneapolis, in which several witnesses testified in favor of such language.

“I was part of a unanimous decision to include it,” Frank said. “There was a unanimous decision in the drafting committee to include it in the platform, which I supported, but everybody was for it.”

Frank emphasized that support for marriage equality is a position that has been established for the Democratic Party, from the president, who endorsed marriage equality in May, to House Democratic lawmakers who voted to reject an amendment reaffirming the Defense of Marriage Act earlier this month.

A Democratic National Committee staffer, who is familiar with the process and spoke on condition of anonymity, said the language in the platform approved on Sunday not only backs marriage equality, but also rejects DOMA and has positive language with regard to the Employment Non-Discrimination Act. The exact wording of the language wasn’t immediately available.

Don’t bother spending too much time on wording; “we endorse the opposite of whatever Rick Santorum thinks about gays” should be fine.

[Washington Blade]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 257 comments }

Barb_ July 30, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Hey Lizzie! Your face or mine?

actor212 July 30, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Note to self: clean vidcam lens

Chet Kincaid July 30, 2012 at 3:19 pm

The Scissor Sisters?

extreme_left July 30, 2012 at 6:43 pm

.. it's the face to be.

KeepFnThatOwl July 30, 2012 at 3:10 pm

This may annul my marriage, but will it invalidate my vasectomy?

kissawookiee July 30, 2012 at 4:05 pm

I think it makes all straight male penises invert. You're a lesbian! And *you're* a lesbian! EVERYBODY'S a lesbian!

LastGasp July 30, 2012 at 3:11 pm

If I have to get gay married, can I at least be paired up with someone who is fabulous ?

nounverb911 July 30, 2012 at 3:11 pm

This is good news for Lindsey Graham.

vulpes82 July 30, 2012 at 3:32 pm

HAM BISCUITS! (That's what he wants at the reception for his wedding to Raoul the poolboy: ham biscuit hors d'oeuvres.)

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 30, 2012 at 3:12 pm

I personally undermined several straight marriages this weekend.

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Nobody ever invites *me* to the good parties. *sulk*

HistoriCat July 30, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Pics or GTFO.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 30, 2012 at 4:03 pm

If I'm married to my job, is that straight enough for subversion?

anniegetyerfun July 30, 2012 at 9:51 pm

I'm so proud of you!

Boojum July 31, 2012 at 6:41 am

Is that what happened? And here I thought it was my fault (it's always my fault).

Dr_Zoidberg July 30, 2012 at 3:12 pm

I don't want to get gay married until after I've had my mandatory abortion!

actor212 July 30, 2012 at 3:17 pm

If you get a gay abortion, you get Green Stamps!

Dr_Zoidberg July 30, 2012 at 3:39 pm

But will I finally have enough for that four-slice toaster?

sullivanst July 30, 2012 at 3:52 pm

I thought that was the standard engagement gift…

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Maybe you can combine them. Have a fetus barbeque at the reception.

actor212 July 30, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Baby back ribs…mmmmmmmmmmmmm…

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Step right up! Get yours here. Fresh off the grill. Smokin' hot.

SorosBot July 30, 2012 at 3:13 pm

I'm just hoping my forced gay-marriage isn't to Marcus Bachmann.

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Geez, guys, you get to pick, OK? The leftover doods that nobody wanted have to do it through a Government Exchange program, kinda like the insurance thingy.

Jus_Wonderin July 30, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Okay, If I can pick and am forced to gay marry I want richest, oldest gay man around. Okay???

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 3:52 pm

You'll have to get up really *early.*

miss_grundy July 30, 2012 at 3:13 pm

This should make the right-wingers foam at the mouth at their convention. I can only imagine the shit they will be saying about the Dems and the Pres.

YasserArraFeck July 30, 2012 at 3:19 pm

uh, that's not foam on their mouths……

gullywompr July 30, 2012 at 3:26 pm

No, it's froth.

YasserArraFeck July 30, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Yes, there will be Santorum at the 'Tard Convention, even if Rick isn't invited.

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Oh, it's going to be *so very different* from what they've said before.

mavenmaven July 30, 2012 at 3:13 pm

So it will be gay marriage vs polygamy in 2012?

nounverb911 July 30, 2012 at 3:16 pm

What about gay polygamy?

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 3:36 pm

I'll be Madeline Kahn!

Boojum July 31, 2012 at 6:43 am

That would be polygaymy. Aka, a fabulous party!

ManchuCandidate July 30, 2012 at 3:14 pm

The GOPers will fume about this at the local Glory Hole.

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 3:36 pm

It's hard to fume with a mouthful.

Jus_Wonderin July 30, 2012 at 3:47 pm

I foresee a rash of nashin' injuries.

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 3:52 pm

That is downright cruel. Funny. But cruel.

Boojum July 31, 2012 at 6:44 am

No teeth grinding!

nounverb911 July 30, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Which way does Ann Coulter go?

Chet Kincaid July 30, 2012 at 3:18 pm

You know, like when you plug one end of an extension cord into its own rear end.

BaldarTFlagass July 30, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Man, this is getting bad. At first glance I thought your post said "…into your own rear end."

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 3:37 pm

I don't know about you, but that was happening to me A LOT during Dubya's second term, and I couldn't decide if it was my eyes that needed checking or my brain.

Boojum July 31, 2012 at 6:45 am

You plugged extension cords into your butt? A lot?

And why was that an eye problem?

Chet Kincaid July 30, 2012 at 3:49 pm

I believe she is equipped to go fuck herself.

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 3:53 pm

And since nobody *else* is volunteering …

YasserArraFeck July 30, 2012 at 3:19 pm

To Hell, please?

tessiee July 30, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Where do you think she got that freakishly long neck and that grotesque, bobbing, adam's apple? It's the result of centuries of deep-throating Satan's scaly pecker.

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Oh, girl! I'm'a have to RT that. I'll just say "tessiee @wonkette," OK?

tessiee July 30, 2012 at 9:12 pm

I don't know what RT is, but OK.

KeepFnThatOwl July 30, 2012 at 4:14 pm

ALL OF THEM, KATIE.

FlyOverGirl July 30, 2012 at 8:59 pm

She's a dude.

johnnyzhivago July 30, 2012 at 3:14 pm

OK, but no way I'm marrying Elton John!

YasserArraFeck July 30, 2012 at 3:20 pm

If I have to gay marry, can it be to a lipstick lesbian?

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Duh, he's *already* married — and he ain't no Mormon.

Jus_Wonderin July 30, 2012 at 3:49 pm

See, the upside to Sir Elton is that when pass, he will take an old song out of this book and change the words to fit your particular life.

Though, Zhivago is going to be hard to rhyme.

BaldarTFlagass July 30, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Meh, he'll just thieve Maurice Jarre's "Lara's Theme."

tessiee July 30, 2012 at 8:36 pm

"Zhivago is going to be hard to rhyme"

"Bad, bad johnny zhivago,
Baddest man west of Chicago"

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Not bad.

You just became (kinda) famous on Twitter.

Boojum July 31, 2012 at 6:52 am

He would get pissed off, when he had to cough
Because it irritated his lumbago.

OneYieldRegular July 30, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Me neither. That guy performed at Rush Limbaugh's wedding, so his gay marriage credentials are suspended indefinitely.

FakaktaSouth July 30, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Woo hoo Joe Biden, see what you started? I love you for this you crazy old hairplugging loud mouth – and would love to gay marry you, hoohah not withstanding. Do it again! Do women next.

Boojum July 31, 2012 at 6:53 am

Are you coming to the Drinky thing in Atlanta?

FakaktaSouth July 31, 2012 at 7:41 am

Yes! I cannot WAIT!

CapeClod July 30, 2012 at 3:15 pm

The Democrats will do just about anything to appear fabulous.

gullywompr July 30, 2012 at 3:16 pm

15 members, eh? Now that's what I call plank inclusion.

sudsmckenzie July 30, 2012 at 3:16 pm

So I'm going to "have" to marry some buff, well groomed, successful, fun loving man who can cook Coq au Vin while making me a margarita? the horror!

Chet Kincaid July 30, 2012 at 3:38 pm

It sounds like you already have Stockholm Syndrome!

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 3:38 pm

You *have* one? If you don't want 'im, send 'im over. I could use a relief in the kitchen.

Jus_Wonderin July 30, 2012 at 4:05 pm

"relief in the kitchen"

That should have a 70's soundtrack. Waa waa waa chicka boom.

Jukesgrrl July 30, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Waa waa CHICKEN boom boom.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 30, 2012 at 4:07 pm

The only problem with that is the dry rub.

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 4:50 pm

I definitely like the CHICKEN better.

doloras July 31, 2012 at 12:37 am

I originally read the above as "bend 'im over".

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 1:07 am

That could work too. Why not?

actor212 July 30, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Dibs on Nathan Filion!

CapeClod July 30, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Bastard!

FraAnima July 30, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Meh, he's letting himself go. Dibs on Darren Criss!

widestanceromance July 30, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Can I borrow a cup of your gay husband?

actor212 July 30, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Couple nights with me, he'll be firmed right up

anniegetyerfun July 30, 2012 at 9:53 pm

I feel like he'd be really mean in bed. Lots of sarcastic comments and stuff.

deanbooth July 30, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Don't you mean the Democrat platform?

Jukesgrrl July 30, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Unless you're watching FOX, in which case it's demoRAT platform.

tessiee July 30, 2012 at 8:37 pm

That's "demon-rat".

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 9:13 pm

How quickly they forget, eh? I remember the flash-subliminal ads with "DEMON RAT" on them.

JustPixelz July 30, 2012 at 3:16 pm

I used to tell my wife I would leave her if she got a sex change operation. But now I know I love her too much to live without her. Nice try Demoncrats, but after Obamacare pays for the Operation, we'll still be married.

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Aw, that's sweet!

I had two friends who both had the change. They broke up. So sad.

BZ1 July 30, 2012 at 3:16 pm

wingnut denunciations in 3-2-1…

BloviateMe July 30, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Well, if I have to gay marry, I want to marry Karl Rove so I can be a complete bitch, make his life miserable and not put out no matter how much he begs.

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Geez. OK.

widestanceromance July 30, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Even if his forehead miraculously stopped sweating?

Dudleydidwrong July 30, 2012 at 5:29 pm

That's the dicktionary definition of "taking one for the team." I applaud your bravery.

extreme_left July 30, 2012 at 6:46 pm

you can have an affair with Limbo just to really break his heart.". am I not enough of a megalomaniac for you baby?"

BaldarTFlagass July 30, 2012 at 3:18 pm

I guess this is a big fucking deal, eh?

prommie July 30, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Oh shit! Hetero marriages are all doomed, now! Gawd is gonna kill us all with Fire just like Sodom and Gomorrah (that was a song on the first Village People album, "Sodom and Gomorrah, Sodom and Gomorrah, cities full of hatred and lust. . . Because of all their lust the Lord decided destruction, was a must) all because we're gonna give fuck licenses for scissoring and ass-fucking.

FakaktaSouth July 30, 2012 at 3:24 pm

I'm all but sure that the hetero-marriage part is the punishment.

Scissoring and ass-fucking is good karma for avoiding that all together.

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Sometimes I just wanna quote you to everybody, you know? I just hope to gawd you don't have a Twitter account.

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 3:42 pm

I gotta tell ya, most gay people have a very diverse sex life, and none of the lesbians I talked to had a clue about scissoring (although they're all grateful to Sarah Silverman for something new to try), and not all gay male sex is ass-fucking. Believe it or don't.

prommie July 30, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Now you know I oversimplify and perpetuate ignorant stereotypes only out of love, and with all respect, too.

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 3:55 pm

I know, Prommie. It's why I love you. It's also why I'm a borderline aspie (or is that asshole? I forget) sometimes.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 30, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Yes?

prommie July 31, 2012 at 10:46 am

That didn't exist when I was of an age to be diagnosed. I'm just someone who can't read social cues at all and inadvertantly offends people all the time. But I don't stand too close, and I have learned to modulate my volume.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 30, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Scissoring only exists in straight guy porn.

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 3:56 pm

I swear, none of the wimminz here seem to have heard of it. We're talkin' some OLD dykes who have been sexin' on the wimminz for 50 years and more.

tessiee July 30, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Nothing against lesbians, but I'm pretty sure I don't want *any* of my parts scissored.

widestanceromance July 30, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Gay sex is assumed to be those activities that either horrify or inspire straight men, thus, it's buttsex for the gentlemen and scissoring for the ladies.

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 3:58 pm

I don't get why straight men get so hot at the idea of ladies sexin' each other and so horrified at the idea of dudes sexin' each other. If they're hot, they're hot, what does gender have to do with it?

prommie July 30, 2012 at 4:07 pm

weiners. Do Not Like weiners.

Boojum July 31, 2012 at 6:59 am

Monodirectional orifice, also too.

widestanceromance July 30, 2012 at 4:33 pm

'South Park' and 'Liquid Sky' are to blame for the scissoring myth, I think.

MosesInvests July 30, 2012 at 3:19 pm

If I have to get gay-married, I want gender reassignment, and then a marriage to Rachel Maddow. Or Gillian Anderson. Or Jodie Foster. Or Portia DiRossi, if she divorces Ellen (nothing against Ellen, but Portia…!)

BaldarTFlagass July 30, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Wait, Gillian Anderson is …..? So, Mulder never got a peek at her "X-File?"

SorosBot July 30, 2012 at 3:32 pm

She's said that she likes both oysters and snails; so Mulder still had a shot.

BaldarTFlagass July 30, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Can I get Daniel Craig? I mean, I'm straight, but if I had to fuck a guy, I'd fuck him. Clooney too.

mavenmaven July 30, 2012 at 3:28 pm

What are you, the Queen of England?

BaldarTFlagass July 30, 2012 at 3:28 pm

I could be….

prommie July 30, 2012 at 3:44 pm

I'd have to go with that Depp fella, if there was a gun to my head, of course, only with the gun to my head. Oh I am a fancy lad with my scarves and my purse and my fancy cocktails and tapas and such, but when it comes to penis, Do Not Want. Not that there is anything wrong with that, of course.

FakaktaSouth July 30, 2012 at 3:47 pm

OH NOW I am getting a gun. THAT would be a thing to see, you and Johnny Depp all tangled up in your scarves and such.

prommie July 30, 2012 at 3:56 pm

This is a true story, I was in the grocery store one day in a turtleneck, all in black and a big long silk scarf tied in a big knot like in France and wearing my purse, and a kid comes up to me, a young kid like maybe 8 or 10, and he looks up and asks me "Are you some kind of movie director or something?" Lord, I can at least pass for someone with style to a 9 year old.
Don't you be getting no gun, we can work something out. I guess this is another application of the "threesome rule." You have to talk Depp into it, though.

FakaktaSouth July 30, 2012 at 4:04 pm

The girl gets to pick the threesome and this might work out, except you sound like you dress like my Gramma did.

actor212 July 30, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Oh try a penis. They're small.

elviouslyqueer July 30, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Plus, deliciously saucy.

FakaktaSouth July 30, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Oh lord I feel like I just cheated on somebody, I laughed ever so hard at that.

prommie July 30, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Its OK, I'm not threatened, I think he might be gay.

tessiee July 30, 2012 at 8:43 pm

"if I had to fuck a guy, I'd fuck him. Clooney too."

One of the few funny scenes on "Two and a half men":
Alan: How do I know I'm not gay and just can't admit it to myself?
Gay guy: Well, are you attracted to any men?
Alan [thinks]: Maybe George Clooney?
Gay guy [exasperated]: Oh, George Clooney doesn't count!
Alan: Why not?
Gay guy: He just doesn't!

Hammiepants July 30, 2012 at 3:20 pm

I'm sure the Teabilly Fucksticks will have some delightfully wingnuttian pronouncements on this! Like you'll have to defend your straight marriage in front of a "death to marriage" panel made up of Rachel Maddow and Anderson Cooper. 'Cause you know. They have Teh Gey!!!

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 3:44 pm

If they knew how little gay people *cared* about their stoopid fucking marriages.

Boojum July 31, 2012 at 7:02 am

See, now this is the kind of thing that proves teh ghey are not so different from straights.

BaldarTFlagass July 30, 2012 at 3:22 pm

"Retiring gay Rep. Barney Frank"

How do you "retire" from being gay? Or do they mean "retiring" as in reticent, shy, reserved, introverted? No, I don't think so, not Barney.

I_P July 30, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Came here to day the same thing…

Billmatic July 30, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Retiring Rep. Barny Frank (D-Gay)

ThundercatHo July 30, 2012 at 3:23 pm

But then won't we have to get straight divorced, get gay married, get gay divorced, abduct our children and move to S. America?

BaldarTFlagass July 30, 2012 at 3:30 pm

That ought to kick-start the economy!

Chet Kincaid July 30, 2012 at 3:24 pm

I wouldn't throw Colbert out of bed, if FEMA was gonna shoot me about it.

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 3:45 pm

You have great taste, dood. Stephen would be welcome to play "Find the Bed Mice" with me ANY time.

tessiee July 30, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Is he a cat?

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 9:16 pm

A real cool kitty.

prommie July 30, 2012 at 3:45 pm

jesus, just don't want to think about it

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Lookatim, all blushing and squirming! Dude, I'm SO tempted to turn George Takei loose on you!

HistoriCat July 30, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Oh MY!!!

Jus_Wonderin July 30, 2012 at 4:11 pm

There's a joke in there somewhere about asking Mr. Sulu for Warp 9, me thinks.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 30, 2012 at 4:13 pm

This is The New Generation. Captain's log, "Engaged".

prommie July 30, 2012 at 4:14 pm

No, colbert is just so angular and skinny, he'd bruise you with the knees and elbows, I would think.

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Methinks our dear little Prommie needs a round bouncy girl! You get special dispensation. Exempt from teh Forced Ghey Marriage.

anniegetyerfun July 30, 2012 at 9:56 pm

I like 'em short, myself, but I'd probably make out with Colbert. I mean, if I were being all straight and shit.

elviouslyqueer July 30, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Lordy, I feel like Oprah today.

You get a gay! You get a gay! EVERYBODY GETS A GAY!

widestanceromance July 30, 2012 at 3:42 pm

How'd you like to go home in a new gay?

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Woo.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 30, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Would it be sufficient if we avoided the suburbs and only made it to town?

sullivanst July 30, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Passing ENDA and repealing DOMA was part of the DNC platform in 2008, no? The party platform doesn't seem to mean all that much to certain party members (*glowers at Ben Nelson, et al.*)

Still, better to have it than not.

Chet Kincaid July 30, 2012 at 3:27 pm

I support the Defense Of Anus Act!!1!!!!11!

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 3:45 pm

This is the Wonketz. There IS NO defense of anus. BUTTSECHS LIVES!

Chet Kincaid July 30, 2012 at 4:03 pm

(Twirling around and waving at own ass with a tennis racket)

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 4:57 pm

You fucking KILL me, Chet. And I mean that in the best way.

extreme_left July 30, 2012 at 6:49 pm

..perhaps some sort of annexation of the anus is called for 'specially since the Poles give it no respect.

Mumbletypeg July 30, 2012 at 3:27 pm

So if initially we had Bill Clinton who was the first "black" President who's a.) actually white and b.) kinda ill-poised to defend marriage;
and now Obama as the first pro-gay (-marriage-rights) President who's a.) actually straight and b.) has well-demonstrated the idylls of a strong marriage:

Aren't we just another election cycle or three away from our first Gay or Lesbian etc. President, and by extension, pro-gay-marriage embodying as such? This could be within my lifetime. Unless a straight woman gets to it first. I wonder. The possibilities thrill me to consider.

ThundercatHo July 30, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Maddow/Frank 2016!

BoatOfVelociraptors July 30, 2012 at 4:18 pm

That's a ticket I would punch. (with votes)

shelwood46 July 30, 2012 at 3:45 pm

If I have this correct, the first actual gay president will be male and will be widely known as the First Female President, so we then get a woman in 20 years or so, too, also.

Mumbletypeg July 30, 2012 at 3:54 pm

"another election cycle or three" indicating, given enough time within my lifetime remaining, and with regard to how progress in perception has manifested itself — let alone the mistakes committed with impunity, I don't mean *those* election choices — I have a lot to hope for on behalf of women as well as those who are of different sexual orientation than me.
Oh and the rest was just a little play on a pattern. An observation more than a quick-cooked conclusion.

SorosBot July 30, 2012 at 4:09 pm

But what about Buchanan?

On the other hand, considering how he was one of the worst Presidents this country has had I can see why the gays aren't quick to claim him.

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Yes, indeedy, and it makes me VERY happy. I never thought I'd live long enough to see this, I thought it would be at least another hundred years. It could happen, even in my lifetime, Mumblety. I could live to see a Vagina-American or Faggot-American take the White House!

BaldarTFlagass July 30, 2012 at 3:55 pm

I don't see any reason why not. Though the White House re-decorating bill might be a little steep, especially if the First Gay Prez follows a Repub into office.

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Oh, LORD, no pastels!

SayItWithWookies July 30, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Pastels are so over. Faux-finishing the columns on the front portico, however…

tessiee July 30, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Meh, if Nancy Reagan could spend 900K on china, and it was even ugly…

HempDogbane July 30, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Not too far away from the first gay President who uses the SS guys to abduct the First Child (FCOTUS) from his/her former wife/husband.

Tequila Mockingbird July 30, 2012 at 3:27 pm

BOYCOTT ALL MARRIAGES! CHICK FIL-As for EVERYONE!

extreme_left July 30, 2012 at 6:52 pm

ASS FILL-as

Chet Kincaid July 30, 2012 at 3:29 pm

2020 Presidential Address: "Much to our astonishment, the Vice President and I are very much in love."

ChillBill July 30, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Does that mean buttsecks is finally legal?

actor212 July 30, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Now we just gotta get skullfucking on the books

widestanceromance July 30, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Library head is the best, cuz you gotta be quiet when you really want to scream (or slurp dramatically, depending on where you are in the skullfucking equation).

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 3:32 pm

YAY! Fuckin' A, man. I don't give a shit what anybody says, this is fucking great.

Because you know what, fucking VIETNAM that we almost bombed right off the fucking map fifty years ago is on the point of legally permitting gay marriage. We should at least try to keep up with those poor Third-World countries we so despise, man.

prommie July 30, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Seems like an alarming segment of our society takes more to the kind of fundamentalist totalitarian theocracy model you see in, say, Saudi Arabia and The Taliban, than to any of the more "civilized" societies in the world, like Viertnam.

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 5:15 pm

I'm amazed that someone like Hun Sen in Kampuchea is busy exhorting his people to accord equal respect to gay people and publicly discussing his openly lesbian daughter, and that VietNam's current leadership, all elderly, sees recognition of gay marriage as part of the pledge of equality they made so long ago.

WTF is wrong with this country?

anniegetyerfun July 30, 2012 at 9:57 pm

That is fucking awesome and crazy. Thank you for mentioning it.

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 10:22 pm

You're welcome. They're on the verge of doing it. This would make them the first country in Asia to legalize. I'm sure Thailand and Singapore will follow, and who knows, in 20 years, the rest of Asia.

anniegetyerfun July 30, 2012 at 10:28 pm

It's actually amazing to me that Vietnam would do it before China. I mean, it just shows how little I know about Vietnam, really. There's no worldly reason why China hasn't bothered to become gay-friendly, but for some reason, they resist.

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Interesting, innit? I thought Singapore would be first, or maybe even the Philippines or Guam, but it's VietNam.

Just from talking to Chinese friends, I think many Chinese feel that homosexuality is a Western capitalist corruption that a good Chinese would never permit or admit to. (And yet traditional opera is full of stories of girls dressing up as boys and fighting in wars, and men who took male lovers.)

rickmaci July 30, 2012 at 3:33 pm

At last, someone to decorate this pit of blandness I call home.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 30, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Well, my wife will be upset, but my gay lover should be stocked!

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 4:03 pm

When she has her *own* gay lover, she won't complain so much.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 30, 2012 at 4:26 pm

I keep bringing other women over for us, but she insist that I'm "selfish."

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 5:11 pm

And after all your hard work, too!

BoatOfVelociraptors July 30, 2012 at 4:29 pm

With condoms?

tessiee July 30, 2012 at 8:50 pm

"my gay lover should be stocked"

On the shelves of your local supermarket?
gives a new meaning to "cleanup on Aisle 7".

BaldarTFlagass July 30, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Guess this means there's going to be a lot of happy closeted Republicans here soon.

HistoriCat July 30, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Not really – they don't want their boy-toys getting any ideas about "commitment".

kittensdontlie July 30, 2012 at 4:27 pm

I hear that House leader Boehner has dibs on Tom Delay, and how the tears will flow at that wedding!!

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 30, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Someone should just explain to the Conservatives that all of this is being done just to mess with the Muslims. They will support it then.

barto July 30, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Hey, maybe we can slip habeus corpus in there, too!

BaldarTFlagass July 30, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Habeas corpus? That's so 1215.

actor212 July 30, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Commie pinko.

swordfis July 30, 2012 at 3:54 pm

I think "having the body" is the point of the Democratic position.

actor212 July 30, 2012 at 3:55 pm

You can't have the body and eat it too!

BoatOfVelociraptors July 30, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Some cracker from the catholic church would beg to disagree.

Boojum July 31, 2012 at 7:10 am

I see what you did there.

vasty_derp July 30, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Michelle will probably sneak in a requirement that any corpus must pass some fitness tests…

HobbesEvilTwin July 30, 2012 at 3:36 pm

In other news, the Republican National Committee announced today that its platform will include a denunciation of Plessy v. Ferguson.

Jukesgrrl July 30, 2012 at 4:01 pm

That's just one of the newer things. It will also include a renunciation of the laws of gravity and thermodynamics.

tessiee July 30, 2012 at 8:51 pm

And the sun revolves around the flat earth, also too, you betcha.

Jukesgrrl July 30, 2012 at 9:49 pm

When it's dark in Alaska 24/7 it means the sun went under the plate?Hey, if it's what Jesus wants …

BaldarTFlagass July 30, 2012 at 3:37 pm

I gotta say that the rainbow halo takes years off of Obama's apparent age.

Charlie_Foxtrot July 31, 2012 at 2:09 am

Isn't it the same halo Joe Paterno had, that they painted over on the mural in downtown State College? Or was that one blood-red rather than rainbow?

MissTaken July 30, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Yay Gay!

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Thank you!~ (seizes MissTaken, dances around)

ThundercatHo July 30, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Hey, I know, tell them everybody has to get gay married in an islamic ceremony. I can see the blood-vessels bursting already.

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 4:03 pm

You might be a very cruel person. I like that in a person.

Beowoof July 30, 2012 at 3:47 pm

I am sorry, straight or gay, second marriage is the victory of hope over reason.

Charlie_Foxtrot July 31, 2012 at 2:12 am

No kidding. Same-sex marriage merely extends the right to make each other miserable that straight people enjoy so much.

pinkocommi July 30, 2012 at 3:49 pm

I've never understood Republitards' position on gay marriage. No, we don't want gay people to make lifelong commitments to one another, we would rather they (a) have lots of illicit gay sex without the limitations of a monogamous marriage, or (b) marry their beards and live lives that are totally a lie. Look at Michele Bachmann – she not only opposes gay marriage, but she also practices it by being married to Marcus.

Boojum July 31, 2012 at 7:12 am

If gays can marry, it reduces the number of people desperate for anxious anonymous sex in airport bathrooms. Really, it's all about their self interest.

coolhandnuke July 30, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Gay marriages for all, miniature American flags for others.

IncenseDebate July 30, 2012 at 3:50 pm

On behalf of the great state of K-Y, I am proud to cast our entire slate of delegates for Ben Dover.

Blueb4sinrise July 30, 2012 at 3:54 pm

A gay in every pot?

mrblifil July 30, 2012 at 3:55 pm

"Unanimous" sounds a bit dirty when it's Barney Frank saying it.

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 4:46 pm

And I am unanimous in that.

OneYieldRegular July 30, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Wingnut response in a nutshell: "They can have my traditional marriage when they pry it from my cold, dead, traditional marriage."

widestanceromance July 30, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Nice.

docterry6973 July 30, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Unfortunately, I think this might be better new for Mrs. Docterry than for me.

Jukesgrrl July 30, 2012 at 3:57 pm

I am 100% in favor of this so long as this lesbian wife of mine has some moniez. I can learn new skills, but I'll need incentive … the same kind traditional wives have always been accused of needing (e.g. a paid Visa card and dinner reservations).

Boojum July 31, 2012 at 7:18 am

I want to legalize polyamory, next, if for no reason other than taking advantage of economies of scale.

Antispandex July 30, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Oh, oh, oh, I want Rachel Maddow. No, wait, if we married, then that wouldn't be a gay marriage, because only one of us is gay, and she's a girl and…shit, now I'm really confused.

DahBoner July 30, 2012 at 4:03 pm

This gay stuff is just another fad.

I predict that 100 years from now, kids will just roll their eyes when you mention Assfucking

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 4:47 pm

They already do. Wut, you didn't know that? Apparently, it's all the rage (assfucking) because you don't have to worry about pragnutz and how is babby fromed.

SayItWithWookies July 30, 2012 at 4:07 pm

And when DOMA's finally repealed, I'm betting it takes about four years before the Republicans start taking credit for it.

Chet Kincaid July 30, 2012 at 5:41 pm

This post reminds of traditional Cuban rumba (the real thing, not ballroom "rhumba"): When a man and woman dance together, they playfully perform the "vacunao." As they dance, the woman is on guard for a quick gesture from the man toward her playground area. If she blocks the gesture while dancing she "wins"; if he catches her off-guard, he "wins." So everybody do the Gay Cuban Rumba!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DdgURtb83VM

chascates July 30, 2012 at 5:43 pm

As long as this leads to interviews with Newt Gingrich about the sanctity of marriage.

IceCreamEmpress July 30, 2012 at 8:00 pm

I don't know whom to call dibs on, because alla my lesbian ladycrushes are already married. Anna Paquin's bi, right? Dibs on her.

tessiee July 30, 2012 at 8:31 pm

"Are you reading this, Straight America? The Democratic Party has literally endorsed a mandate to end your straight marriage and force you to marry a gay person"

HELL YEAH!!
Dibs on Stephen Fry!!

What?
Stephen Fry is a gay person; he said so himself.

tessiee July 30, 2012 at 8:33 pm

“The Democratic Party platform drafting committee approved on Sunday language endorsing same-sex marriage in addition to other pro-LGBT positions as part of the Democratic Party platform, according to two sources familiar with the drafting process.”

Well, look who found their spine!

anniegetyerfun July 30, 2012 at 9:50 pm

I don't think I'd marry Elton John, but I'd be happy to fuck Joseph Gordon Levitt with a strap-on. Does that count?

ttommyunger July 30, 2012 at 11:03 pm

If these folk in both Parties could just get their attention above the waist for a little while, I would be one happy camper. I long for the good old days when dicks and pussies were confined to bedroom, motels, haylofts and the back seats of cars.

anniegetyerfun July 31, 2012 at 8:40 am

See? Further proof that Wonketteers are a sexy bunch.

notgross July 31, 2012 at 9:06 am

Since I'm a straight man myself, could they gay marry me to a lesbian? We'll both be miserable, but it'll be easier to explain to the family.

elgin_pelican July 31, 2012 at 9:15 am

Onion quote: "First the military, now marriage. Why do gays want to participate in our worst institutions?"

BoatOfVelociraptors July 30, 2012 at 4:10 pm

But why is Peter North a Celebrity?

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 4:53 pm

You're so cute when you're squirming. OK, just for you, no weiners.

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Oh, many many virtual upfists.

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 4:52 pm

I don't have a problem with admitting it. You?

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 4:58 pm

It would have to be *very* tastefully managed. Might have to replant the entire front area with a xeriscape garden, you know, to go with those no-longer-quite-so-white columns.

Chet Kincaid July 30, 2012 at 5:08 pm

One is OK, but two is a horror movie!!

BoatOfVelociraptors July 30, 2012 at 5:24 pm

I don't know. Why don't you try asking the question mark?

BoatOfVelociraptors July 30, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Like a paler version of the elevator scene in The Shining?

prommie July 31, 2012 at 10:44 am

Best short explanation ever! Precisely this.

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 5:29 pm

I haven't had a problem with you before that I can remember. If something I said or did upset you and you want to discuss it, fine. If I'm being oversensitive because real life intrudes that way sometimes, let me know. OK? Because I'm not here to big-dick anyone else to death. I just wanna get along with everybody and have a good time. Thanks.

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Doesn't sound too fun, does it? How about frogging?

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Re-Tweet. Sorry. I'm going back and forth between tabs and keep forgetting which universe I'm in.

anniegetyerfun July 30, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Yes, I just assumed that Vietnam, which was more or less culturally controlled by the Chinese for a long-ass time, would have had the same ideas about “Western corruption”. I think it might be tough in heavily Catholic countries, but I always assumed Thailand would get there first – which proves exactly how little I know about Thailand, as well.

MittBorg July 30, 2012 at 10:57 pm

I'm not sure I would consider VietNam "culturally controlled" by the Chinese, although it is certainly true that VietNam was the last of the countries with Chinese cultural influence to cease administering the "eight-legged essay." While the upper classes and the Northern peoples certainly experienced a great deal of Chinese influence, VietNam has a rich indigenous culture which accorded women a great deal more status and power than traditional Chinese culture. But YMMV, and I'm always happy to have my ignorance leavened.

Boojum July 31, 2012 at 6:57 am

one man's "big dick anyone else to death" is another man's euthanasia.

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 9:57 am

Um … which one? Ladies shove something the size of a watermelon through theirs.

actor212 July 31, 2012 at 11:02 am

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled…

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 1:29 pm

(Hugs prommie) Me too, sweetie. I just stay away from people IRL and smile a lot. But I don't dress *near* as cool as YOU.

MittBorg July 31, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Booj, I'm not sure being big-dicked to death is a euthanasish way to go. I'm thinking it could be painful. I always envisaged euthanasia as, you know, lilies on a white bed, weeping women, candles. Dignified, I guess.

Not anal stretching accompanied by loud screams.

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