PASS THE POPCORN  10:30 am July 30, 2012

Romney, Cheney and McCain All Busy Interventioning Each Other Over Impending Presidential Loss

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Does your family throw great interventions? Catered, maybe, with a really soothing jazz band noodling in the background to provide that little oomph? Don’t worry, it comes with practice. Soon you’ll have it down to the point where you no longer even need to assign roles like “stop and get the deli platter,” and “don’t forget a nice malbec, maybe.” And what is true for you is true for the GOP (haha, no it isn’t), as they are getting so much practice in with their interventions that soon they’ll be really tops at it too! For now, though, they are still at the stage where they just walk around screaming “INTERVENTION!” at each other and then punching themselves with tire irons, like the Fawcett/O’Neals. But they’ll be Downey Juniors and Sheens in no time, maybe. We can only hope.

A losing campaign is an orphan or something, and all the GOP is swearing to Maury that the baby ain’t theirs. And so you have Dick Cheney sneering at John McCain’s Sarah Palin pick — from four years ago — and John McCain smiling that smile where he tries not to murder you while reminding the world that Dick Cheney is a torturer, and everybody leaking to Howard Kurtz that they’ve “interventioned” Mitt Romney, for being so bad at running for president.

When Mitt Romney declared, during a Republican primary debate in Tampa, that he would pressure illegal immigrants to “self-deport” back to their home countries, John McCain was downright disturbed. Worried that his former rival was grievously wounding himself with Hispanic voters, the Arizona senator staged an intervention. He and fellow senator Lindsey Graham placed a joint call to Romney in January, urging him to tone down his rhetoric. Romney listened politely, sources say, and did not use the phrase again.

The rest of that story is about how everyone hates John McCain.

But let’s watch John McCain call Dick Cheney a torturer, at about 3:30 in:

We got a fin says it’s McCain who ends up throwing the chair that breaks Geraldo’s nose.

[Mediaite/Howard Kurtz via PoliticalWire]

 
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{ 205 comments }

Limeylizzie July 30, 2012 at 10:33 am

Cheney sounds terrible, I can only hope that he is sick in some way.

MissTaken July 30, 2012 at 10:35 am

His body is still adjusting to having a heart for the first time.

actor212 July 30, 2012 at 10:39 am

The noise. It scares.

Terry July 30, 2012 at 11:06 am

Can you imagine the pharmaceutical cocktail it must take to prevent his body from rejecting that heart?

viennawoods13 July 30, 2012 at 11:08 am

Or that heart from rejecting that body?

Terry July 30, 2012 at 11:12 am

True, the heart keeps trying to crawl back out.

ChillBill July 30, 2012 at 10:44 am

We've been saying this for over 20 years, but he'll most likely end up outliving us.

WIDTAP July 30, 2012 at 11:23 am

If it is true that the good die young, Cheney will live forever

Hera Sent Me July 30, 2012 at 10:44 am

The Undead don't get sick. But they can succumb to starvation if their supply of babies' brains runs out.

Unfortunately, Cheney has a ranch where he raises them. And you can bet it's not free range.

annettaj July 30, 2012 at 11:00 am

But isn't he afraid he'll be caught as he has no reflection
and can't see if there are little bits of grey baby matter in his
teeth?

Chet Kincaid July 30, 2012 at 11:33 am

On the bright side, Cheney's puppet shows are outstanding. One lasted 8 years.

Chichikovovich July 30, 2012 at 11:39 am

And he didn't even cook and eat any children.

That we can trace.

viennawoods13 July 30, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Win!

prommie July 30, 2012 at 10:44 am

You know there is a kinda alternate version of the golden rule that you can find in the old testament, its not as snappy as "do unto others as you would have them do unto you," (or "from each according to their ability"), but it is somehow especially appropriate here, talking about Dick Cheney. This old admonition, and I am paraphrasing, says "conduct yourself such that noone ever has to pray to god to smite your ass for being a prick." You know, like, be nice, so other people won't go around wishing you were dead. Its Dick Cheney's own fucking fault that people actively wish for him to be sick, hurting, and dead. Fuck him.

Gorillionaire July 30, 2012 at 10:46 am

The first year after a transplant is usually pretty rough. I got two new lungs on Jan 30th. I'm doing alot better than Darth Cheney tho. I'm suprised they even listed him considering his age and prior health history. Who ya know and who ya blow I guess.

prommie July 30, 2012 at 10:51 am

Jeezum Crow! Thats some shit, good luck to you, really.

Limeylizzie July 30, 2012 at 10:54 am

Wow, I did not know that about you, how are you doing?

Gorillionaire July 30, 2012 at 11:09 am

Most of the time I feel pretty great Liz, thanks.

AutomaticPilot July 30, 2012 at 11:00 am

continued good heatlh to you!

BaldarTFlagass July 30, 2012 at 11:06 am

If I had known that lung transplants were possible, I might not have been in such a hurry to quit smoking.

JustPixelz July 30, 2012 at 11:31 am

Are you saying you got two new lungs transplanted into your chest? Or are you saying you have a couple of lungs in your freezer from someone who, um, suddenly stopped using them (wink, wink)?

Gorillionaire July 30, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Two pre-owned lungs in my chest, working just like regular. Had an illness called Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis. Never smoked. Never worked in an asbestos mine. Nobody knows the cause, hence the "idiopathic" deal. I had to quit my job and go on oxygen 24 hours a day and my doctor told my wife to make arrangements with Hospice. That was two years ago. Yesterday I washed my dog and we took a long walk in the summer sun to the market and came home and it was the greatest day ever.

Doktor Zoom July 30, 2012 at 10:51 am

Obligatory "He's more machine than man now."

new_pic_for_NEWTer July 30, 2012 at 10:53 am

I saw Cheney's face on a monitor at the gym this morning- it made me feel strangely weak, as if I was having all my live orgone energy sucked out and replaced by dead bullshit. I'm positive that at that moment I was totally impotent.

It wasn't till after I watched the Turkish Women's volleyball team for 30 min or so that I started to feel better.

Chet Kincaid July 30, 2012 at 11:34 am

Women's diving always resets my tire pressure.

Guppy July 30, 2012 at 11:11 am

He's sick in every way.

IncenseDebate July 30, 2012 at 11:19 am

One thing you can't hide is when you're crippled inside. – J.L.

dennis1943 July 30, 2012 at 11:24 am

Oh,you mean physically………………

ChillBill July 30, 2012 at 10:35 am

The Scarecrow, the Tin Man and the Cowardly Lion; which one is which?

ManchuCandidate July 30, 2012 at 10:39 am

Tin Man – Cheney
Scarecrow – Mittens
Cowardly Lion – <Pick a GOPer>

ChillBill July 30, 2012 at 10:57 am

Don't forget that Mitt also strapped Toto to the roof of the minivan.

Boojum July 30, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Cheney is all of the flying monkeys.

actor212 July 30, 2012 at 10:39 am

Well, Oz never did give nothing to the Tin Man that he didn't already have.

thatsitfortheother1 July 30, 2012 at 10:50 am

So please believe in me When I say I'm spinning round, round, round, round

prommie July 30, 2012 at 10:56 am

Yeah, but Sheena is a punck rocker, now.

Chet Kincaid July 30, 2012 at 11:36 am

Something something tropic of Sir Galahad?

jqheywood July 30, 2012 at 12:06 pm

i want to fly like an eagle…

ThundercatHo July 30, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Thanks for the earworm, gah!

Chet Kincaid July 30, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Yeah!!

RadioBowels July 30, 2012 at 10:41 am

Wolf Blitzer, Howie Kurtz and Richard Cohen?

not that Dewey July 30, 2012 at 10:58 am

I don't think I could fuck or marry any of them.

Puffperney July 30, 2012 at 11:22 am

W. clinched the cowardly lion role with his: "Bring it on!", "Bring it on!" comment on Iraqi insurgents. (Can't you just see W. windmilling his fists in the air like Bert Lahr?).

CthuNHu July 30, 2012 at 11:25 am

AOT,K.

NYNYNYjr July 31, 2012 at 1:38 am

Marry Tin Man, Fuck the Lion, Kill Scarecrow

Baconzgood July 30, 2012 at 10:36 am

The best intervention was the one for Frank Reynolds in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

FNMA July 30, 2012 at 10:41 am

The one for Christopher on "The Sopranos" was pretty good too.

BarackMyWorld July 30, 2012 at 10:50 am

Or when Titus tried to get his dad to start drinking again.

actor212 July 30, 2012 at 10:38 am

Nobody ever had an intervention for me.

Or a dinner, for that matter. I never had a dinner. Or an intervention.

prommie July 30, 2012 at 10:45 am

If my family ever had an intervention, they'd bring a keg.

FNMA July 30, 2012 at 10:49 am

True story: Some friends had an intervention for another friend who was having some serious issues and one of our other friends showed up with a six-pack. That was terrible form. I mean, he should have brought a case at the very least.

prommie July 30, 2012 at 10:52 am

The only useful thing I ever learned in grade school is that if your gonna bring treats, bring enough for everybody.

FakaktaSouth July 30, 2012 at 10:53 am

This is how I got out of the intervention with my folks, everyone was too high to remember which one we were gunning for.

prommie July 30, 2012 at 11:06 am

One of the better Mojo Nixon songs might as well be my family motto: "Beer Ain't Drinking." When I was growing up, I only ever saw adults drink two things, coffee, and beer. Coffee in the morning, until noon, or when the sun was warm, or when it was declared that it was "noon somewhere." Thereafter, beer only. I never saw an adult drink water, soda, milk (ha, that makes me laugh even) or anything else. Except for 7 and 7s or rye and ginger ale, thats what aunts drank. In my mind, all aunts smell like cheap canadian whiskey.

BaldarTFlagass July 30, 2012 at 11:09 am

Cousin Mike? Is that you?

FNMA July 30, 2012 at 11:28 am

Water? Fish fuck in that.

(I think W.C. Fields said it first, followed by Sterling Archer.)

Nothingisamiss July 30, 2012 at 11:24 am

Poor, poor actor212. You come on down to Atlanta and we'll fix you up. Dinner and an intervention! Just not an intervention for addiction.

actor212 July 30, 2012 at 12:01 pm

What other kind of intervention is there?

And does it involve condoms?

prommie July 30, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Ask Mathew Sweet, or his girlfriend Tuesday Weld.

Boojum July 30, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Perhaps it would be better to say not an intervention AGAINST addiction.

Boojum July 30, 2012 at 2:52 pm

For God's sake, nobody say anything about meth! Or about those proud knights of the open road!

Ttommy, love you, man. Joking, as always.

weejee July 30, 2012 at 10:38 am

Cheney and McWalnutz trying to help Rmoney with the prune-juicers? As an olde I'm offended.

/ tosses some Post™ 100% Bran at screen and speedz away on HoverRound

Trannysurprise July 30, 2012 at 10:38 am

It's nice to think that they think they've already lost. So fuck them.

thatsitfortheother1 July 30, 2012 at 10:51 am

Might be the first time any of them were ever correct.

James Michael Curley July 30, 2012 at 10:39 am

I do not want to see any GOPer, specially Cheney, going through the four great rituals of intervention.

Cajole
Scream
Cry
Gloat.

GemlikeFlame July 30, 2012 at 11:50 am

I do not want to see any GOPer, period. And it'd be really nice if I couldn't hear them, too.

Honestly, there must have been a moderate in that party at some point, but I have the feeling that if so, Cheney killed them and is using their tanned hide as a bathroom mat.

PuckStopsHere July 30, 2012 at 10:39 am

I call bullshit. I think Mittwit is running a brilliant campaign. He hasn't mentioned George W. Bush a single time, not once. Do you think that is by accident? Hell, no it's not. That there is some strategery.

James Michael Curley July 30, 2012 at 11:02 am

I agree and slowly the lie is spreading that Obama caused the bank failures, Obama authored the Bail Out, Obama Bailed Out GM and Chrysler and the Stimulus did not work. Bull shit all. What is considered the current recession started in 2007, the bank failures and Bank Bail Out were implemented before Obama's inauguration, the GM & Chrysler Bail Out was introduced to Congress before Obama's inauguration and the Stimulus Plan was passed to self terminate all spending in 2011.

Furthermore, when Bush and the Republican controlled Congress (including a Republican majority in the Senate up to 2002 when Jim Jeffords switched from republican to independant) authored and passed the 'extraordinary appropriations' for the Afghanistan War in 2001 and the Iraq War in 2003 they were passed and signed to be off the budget until December 31, 2008. Obama took office with an additional $1.3 trillion in deficits that the Republicans and John McCain never mentioned for the whole campaign cycle in 2004 to 2008.

Many political pundits and the CBO suggested the 'hidden deficit' could have remained off budget because it was inappropriately created and the legislation which allowed the concept to exist continued after the expiration of the off budget term. However, Obama's administration manned up, accepted it and worked to try to provide for the US under extremely onerous budgetary demands.

Dubya was given a surplus. He burned that up with $1.1 trillion in tax breaks for himself and Mitt Romney and left most of us twisting in the wind after 2005. He left Obama $600 billion deficit with the additional $1.1 trillion off budget. The fact that Obama's economic steering has reduced $1.8 trillion to $1.3 with two wars and continued tax gifts of over 20% to the richest 4% of the population is a herculean feat with an obstructionist House that continually follows a philosophy of "I want more. We can't afford it so take it from them."

eggsacklywright July 30, 2012 at 11:03 am

Is our candidates learning?

prommie July 30, 2012 at 10:40 am

I know this great little Argentinian malbec for just $11 a bottle, I think I am gonna pick up a couple of bottles.

actor212 July 30, 2012 at 10:43 am

How's that go with popcorn?

prommie July 30, 2012 at 10:53 am

Dent or flint corn?

jqheywood July 30, 2012 at 12:09 pm

A good malbec goes with everything!

user-of-towels July 30, 2012 at 10:40 am

Can't snark–too busy making popcorn.

ManchuCandidate July 30, 2012 at 10:40 am

It takes a Romney to make GW Bush look like a fucking geniuz.

thatsitfortheother1 July 30, 2012 at 10:53 am

Hey, trashing 50 years of Mid East diplomacy on his first day in Isreal ain't easy.

metamarcisf July 30, 2012 at 10:41 am

As long as he has a pulse, Cheney will continue to be a dick.

FNMA July 30, 2012 at 10:43 am

He was a dick even when he didn't have a pulse.

jqheywood July 30, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Actually, he doesn't have a pulse: http://tinyurl.com/3tpf5tw

Isyaignert July 30, 2012 at 1:23 pm

He has a pulse now that the taxpayers paid for the heart of some poor dead person to be implanted in his evilness.

Cheney The Dick should have been dead long ago, but noooooo, the taxpayers had to fix him after every heart attack so he could live to destroy them.

mavenmaven July 30, 2012 at 10:42 am

It's a GOP "under the bus throwing" party!

HistoriCat July 30, 2012 at 12:00 pm

We're gonna need a bigger bus …

mavenmaven July 30, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Perhaps Palin's is up for sale?

danielwalldammit July 30, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Palin will win that every time.

RadioBowels July 30, 2012 at 10:43 am

Enhanced Intervention?

Estproph July 30, 2012 at 10:43 am

The country is the most in need of an intervention since it keeps giving these assholes attention.

new_pic_for_NEWTer July 30, 2012 at 10:45 am

Dick Cheney – the original child cannibal.

kittensdontlie July 30, 2012 at 11:52 am

With that surprise heart transplant, you gotta believe he is cannibalizing child parts. His must picked up his brain from a five year old.

FakaktaSouth July 30, 2012 at 10:46 am

Romney, Cheney and McCain – worst game of fuck, marry or kill ever.

AutomaticPilot July 30, 2012 at 11:02 am

If I gave my answer, it would violate the Wonkette commenting rules. Three times.

RadioBowels July 30, 2012 at 11:40 am

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! Kill!
What a great movie.

prommie July 30, 2012 at 11:10 am

Would it be cheating to fuck one of them to death with the other two, then marry those two to each other?

FakaktaSouth July 30, 2012 at 11:16 am

As long as it's Mitt who's dead first, them other two CAN'T hang around MUCH longer, can they? McCain looks even worse than Cheney and I think Dick died for the first time when Nixon resigned.

Chet Kincaid July 30, 2012 at 11:42 am

No, but it would be called…The Aristocrats!

prommie July 30, 2012 at 11:47 am

They're changing the name of that joke, it will now be called "The Palins."

SorosBot July 30, 2012 at 10:46 am

Aren't they supposed to try and turn the campaign around, and wait until after the election is hopelessly lost to start the finger-pointing?

MissTaken July 30, 2012 at 10:54 am

It's the 2012 version of 'preemptive strike'. I'm eagerly awaiting the smoking gun in the form of a mushroom tip ($10,000 it will be Lindsey Graham).

SorosBot July 30, 2012 at 11:09 am

It's like the Republicans have already decided they're going to lost; it's great to watch, really.

Doktor Zoom July 30, 2012 at 10:54 am

The finger-pointing IS the attempt to turn the campaign around. That way…and that way…, no that way….

bikerlaureate July 30, 2012 at 2:04 pm

and wait until after the election is hopelessly lost

Good news, Bot!

BarackMyWorld July 30, 2012 at 10:47 am

"Fawcett/O'Neals"

Wow…I actually got that reference. I don't feel old at all. I'm like Capt. America patting himself on the back for remembering seeing "the Wizard of Oz" right now.

FakaktaSouth July 30, 2012 at 11:00 am

I still long for the days of Farrah Fawcett-Majors. I loved the 6million Dollar Man the most. Ass cancer is a terrible thing.

BaldarTFlagass July 30, 2012 at 11:05 am

That poster of her… man, what can I say?

FakaktaSouth July 30, 2012 at 11:11 am

She made me proud to be a girl. A girl with a lot of – teeth? Big hair? and from her I learned the value of being cold in a bathing suit. Them things are power.

prommie July 30, 2012 at 11:24 am

Oh fucking holy hell, what the fuck was I thinking? Pamela Anderson, Anne-Margaret? Of course, Farah! my forehead, it is being smacked now.

chicken_thief July 30, 2012 at 11:42 am

Lined suits – worst invention ever.

Schmannnity July 30, 2012 at 10:48 am

Maybe the top 1% would rather contribute their sons and daughters to the armed forces instead of paying 5% more income taxes.

jakegittes July 30, 2012 at 10:52 am

Let's make a deal with the 1%. Keep the tax rates where they are, but give us your children to be sacrificed at the altar of Mars.

Puffperney July 30, 2012 at 11:25 am

Excellent!

Doktor Zoom July 30, 2012 at 10:49 am

John McCain smiling that smile where he tries not to murder you

I know exactly what that smile is. (*shudder!*) From anyone other than John McCain, it would be scary. With him, it's just sort of sickmaking.

Mittens Howell, III July 30, 2012 at 10:49 am

The new 3 Stooges: Romney, Walnuts and Curly Dick.

"Woo-Wooo-Wooo-Wooo Wooo!" Thunk.

"Oh a WISE GUY huh?"

Slap-Slap-Slap-Slap-Slap-Slap Nyah nyah nyah nyah POKE!!

"Why, I oughta …" fappa fappa fappa fappa SMACK!!

jqheywood July 30, 2012 at 12:17 pm

"Why, I oughta …" fappa fappa fappa fappa SMACK!!

Ahhh, the soundtrack of our Wonkette…

Isyaignert July 30, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Pick two, pick two!!! Poke!!

Hahaha – Also, too, I can do that Curly finger-snappin' hand clappin' thingy pretty well, but ti's hard to illustrate in qwerty.

StealthMuslin July 30, 2012 at 10:50 am

Someone is seriously underestimating the Democrats' "fuck this up" superpowers.

Jus_Wonderin July 30, 2012 at 11:02 am

That is what is worrying me.

eggsacklywright July 30, 2012 at 11:06 am

Right. Between that, voter suppression, and voting machine fuckery, I am not confident.

rickmaci July 30, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory is a Dem trademark. Will hold my breath until November 7.

Goonemeritus July 30, 2012 at 10:50 am

When Romney loses the narrative will overwhelmingly be that he was just too darn liberal. Both Lindsey Graham and John McCain’s opinion will be as welcome as a raging dose of the clap with mainstream Republicans.

BaldarTFlagass July 30, 2012 at 10:52 am

♫ Dysfunction junction, what's your function? ♪

prommie July 30, 2012 at 10:53 am

Whats that old saying about success having many parents, but failure is always an orphan?

Jus_Wonderin July 30, 2012 at 11:04 am

I love that. I am going to snag that and use it today.

Guppy July 30, 2012 at 11:16 am

You mean the one our Editrix alluded to right in the second graf?

prommie July 30, 2012 at 11:22 am

You read these things?

BaldarTFlagass July 30, 2012 at 11:24 am

Yeah, really. How are you going to get a high-visibility quick comment in if you actually stop to read the post?

prommie July 30, 2012 at 11:31 am

Do you mean you actually try?

Guppy July 30, 2012 at 11:35 am

That's why I get my pee by just stalking the high-performers and slapping a "me too" response onto them.

Me too.

Chet Kincaid July 30, 2012 at 11:55 am

You're doing it wrong! If you read the post and catch the author in an error, hasty judgement or Dumb Thing Everybody Knows, you get to be Mother Morally Superior for the day! I live for that shit.

TavariousChinaSmith July 30, 2012 at 11:32 am

No! Success is solely due to Entrepreneurs. Failure is due to Barack Obama.

Tundra Grifter July 30, 2012 at 11:47 am

It takes a village to raise a successful child?

Even if it's a village in Kenya?

PeaceWithHonor July 30, 2012 at 10:56 am

They were so loveable when they were just cutters.

randcoolcatdaddy July 30, 2012 at 11:01 am

Kind of early to be throwing around blame for loosing the election, don't you think?

Chow Yun Flat July 30, 2012 at 11:04 am

I respect the Vice President. He and I had strong disagreements as to whether we should torture people or not. I don’t think we should have

Fucking McCain. He occasionally says something that makes sense and is morally legitimate. But since he is a whining lickspittle and lackey it doesn't count.

bikerlaureate July 30, 2012 at 2:10 pm

He was consistent, once.
But this is from a 28-Jul-2008 Newsweek interview:

But we have made it very clear that there is nothing [the CIA] can do that would violate the Geneva Conventions, the Detainee Treatment Act, which prohibits torture. We could never torture anyone, but some people misconstrue that who don't understand what the Detainee Treatment Act and the Geneva Conventions are all about.

widestanceromance July 30, 2012 at 11:07 am

"NO, damnit, YOU are Spartacus!"

SayItWithWookies July 30, 2012 at 11:13 am

Remember back in the Reagan-Bush era when Pat Buchanan (who was actually paid attention to back then for some reason) said we were in a war for the very heart and soul of America? Well he did, so stop rolling your eyes.

Anyway, we're now in a war for the very heart and sould of the Republican Party. Which means their awful corporate revolution has imploded and they're now fighting over the remains — which is so much fun, even though there's still shitloads of work to do to get back on the tracks, but it's worth it if they keep bickering amongst themselves for a few more years.

RadioBowels July 30, 2012 at 11:49 am

Four things they will never bicker about:
1. No 3-4% marginal tax "hikes."
2. Eliminating the "Death Tax."
3. Hating Obama 365, 24/7, all the time.
4. Cutting the Military-Idustrial-Socialist Complex.

SayItWithWookies July 30, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Cheney might find room to compromise on point #2, if the tax can be amended so that the pre-undead won't have to be forced to pay it.

Isyaignert July 30, 2012 at 1:32 pm

"…the sould of the Repuiblican party." I always knew they didn't have a soul and wondered what they did have and now I know. Thx.!

IncenseDebate July 30, 2012 at 11:24 am

It's a tale of two shitties.

Blueb4sinrise July 30, 2012 at 11:26 am

Who wrote that segment for not-Doocey? It was relatively coherent!

Dumbedup July 30, 2012 at 11:27 am

Sometimes, I really wish Hunter S. Thompson were alive, to see this cage of rats turn on each other, Cheney practically from the grave.

FakaktaSouth July 30, 2012 at 11:33 am

I wish he was alive all of the time. It makes me mad that he thought it was acceptable to bail on me before W was even out and he could point out exactly how shitty it was.

prommie July 30, 2012 at 11:53 am

There's always Mencken.

FakaktaSouth July 30, 2012 at 11:56 am

He's been dead since before I was alive – all I have left in the here and now is Matt Taibbi, and he's WAY too sane and reasonable.

prommie July 30, 2012 at 11:58 am

I blame Johnny Depp and his fanboy creepy harrassment for driving HST to kill himself.

FakaktaSouth July 30, 2012 at 12:04 pm

If I had had that access, I'd've stalked, become, shot some things and imbibed everything to be in his presence til he wanted to die too. And shut up Johnny Depp is even creepier-hot than Taibbi. I likes em wEIrd.

prommie July 30, 2012 at 12:14 pm

This Depp guy is only a year and a half younger than me, you likes em old, too, you wheelchair-robber.

Chet Kincaid July 30, 2012 at 1:32 pm

I've never seen Depp and Jack White in the same room!

MosesInvests July 30, 2012 at 12:41 pm

I wish that Mollie Ivins hadn't gone and died *before* I moved to Austin, dammit.

Jus_Wonderin July 30, 2012 at 11:29 am

Wait! Didn't McCain torture the American public with Sarah Palin. Oh, and its the torture gift that keeps on giving.

Isyaignert July 30, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Thanks for the segue – Here's my favorite video of John McCain unleasing $arah Palin on the world – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qUVQDmLf7s

TavariousChinaSmith July 30, 2012 at 11:31 am

How about Sarah Palin? How about that job she did, Hengggh!

FNMA July 30, 2012 at 11:34 am

She was a better candidate that Mitt.

viennawoods13 July 30, 2012 at 11:35 am
Tundra Grifter July 30, 2012 at 11:49 am

That's some seriously funny shit right there!

mrblifil July 30, 2012 at 11:31 am

John McCain is proud of the job Sarah Palin CONTINUES to do…

Sounds like the viagra's taking a long-ass time to kick in.

JustPixelz July 30, 2012 at 11:32 am

When Cheney said Obama would be a one-term President, I knew we (Demoncrats) had the election in the bag. Because Dick Cheney has never been right about anything.

Isyaignert July 30, 2012 at 1:36 pm

'cept he was real good at turning Haliburton from a near bankrupt company to one making billions from no-bid contracts. What a guy!

Chet Kincaid July 30, 2012 at 1:45 pm

"The American public will greet us as liberators."

James Michael Curley July 30, 2012 at 11:33 am

SurveyUSA gave Obama Florida 48% to 43% today. In July 2008 Florida was still heavy in for McCain.

Is it important or significant? SurveyUSA is not the only pollster but the first in recent months to cross so heavily into Obama territory. The James Michael Curley analysis of the importance of Florida is that if Obama gets Florida Romney CAN'T win. If Romney get Florida he still has a big fight.

In other words that long dangly thing at the bottom of the east coast can cock block Romney.

prommie July 30, 2012 at 11:51 am

Have they developed a means to correct for registration purges and onerous new ID requirements that will have the olds all confuzed?

James Michael Curley July 30, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Yes, all voter purges prior to election day are premature ejections of valid voters and thus a stain on the fabric of life where all sperm gets an equal chance to become a voter.

Tundra Grifter July 30, 2012 at 11:53 am

JMC:

I've been following Real Clear Politics, and they have Mr. Obama with 231 electoral votes; (r)Money 191.

18 votes from Ohio (Mr. Obama up by 5.0); 6 from Nevada (5.3) and 16 from Michigan (4.2) puts our man at 271. They have Mr. Obama's lead in Florida at 0.6.

One of the more interesting trends is (r)Money up in North Carolina by 0.4 – that's a dead heat.

James Michael Curley July 30, 2012 at 2:35 pm

This was from http://www.electoral-vote.com which I have been following since 2003 and find to be more balanced and samples more polls than RCP (Republican Count Policies).

HistoriCat July 30, 2012 at 12:06 pm

But are those numbers adjusted for voter suppression?

edit – that will teach me to refresh before commenting. I yield to prommie.

BTWBFDIMHO July 30, 2012 at 11:37 am

Popcorn? Soon, only the 1% will afford that.

mavenmaven July 30, 2012 at 11:41 am

We'll only accept vintage chateau Orville popping corn at THIS function.

James Michael Curley July 30, 2012 at 11:40 am

Still can't take him ANYWHERE.

"As you come here and you see the GDP per capita, for instance, in Israel which is about $21,000 dollars, and compare that with the GDP per capita just across the areas managed by the Palestinian Authority, which is more like $10,000 per capita, you notice such a dramatically stark difference in economic vitality," the Republican presidential candidate told about 40 wealthy donors who ate breakfast at the luxurious King David Hotel."
Did he just say Palestinians are the Welfare Queens of the Middle East?

BoroPrimorac July 30, 2012 at 11:53 am

"It seems to me this man lacks information, knowledge, vision and understanding of this region and its people"

I doubt this is the last time we'll here someone say this about the American Borat.

PubOption July 30, 2012 at 12:01 pm

The King David Hotel, once bombed by some Jewish terrorists, including Menachem Begin.

MosesInvests July 30, 2012 at 12:44 pm

That wing of the King David was being used as a headquarters by the British Army, who were warned beforehand that there were bombs there. Not a fan of Begin, but let's set the record straight.

James Michael Curley July 30, 2012 at 2:40 pm

In the documents which make up the body of documents produced for the Senate Joint Multinational Hearings in 1973 there are documents that show Saramco (a Saudi/Aramco oil partnership of the time) was aware of the plot but did not feel an urgency to inform British government but sent copies of the telex's to BP and RDS.

Chichikovovich July 30, 2012 at 12:30 pm

In the movie "Breaker Morant" there's a terrific moment when an eager-beaver young King-and-Country aide is discussing the delicate situation in South Africa with Lord Kitchener. Kitchener is describing how the Germans are just dying to have an excuse to enter the conflict, ostensibly to protect the Boers from English mistreatment. Kitcher then says that of course, the Germans have no concern at all for the welfare of the Boers, they are just interested in the gold and diamonds of South Africa.

The aide says keenly: "They lack our altruism, sir!"

Kitcher looks at the eager-beaver aide in disbelief that anyone could be so naive, then satisfied that the aide was not being a smartass, says dryly, with a still vaguely disbelieving air: "Yes. Quite".

I imagine the 40 wealthy donors all had that Kitchener look on their faces when eager-beaver Romney came out with those pearls of analysis.

James Michael Curley July 30, 2012 at 2:42 pm

I vaguely remember that. In my opinion Rowan Atkinson did it much better in "The Black Adder Goes to War."

doloras July 30, 2012 at 7:07 pm

"George, the British Empire covers a quarter of the globe. The German Empire consists of a small sausage factory in Tanganyika. I hardly think we can be excused on the empire-building front."

BTWBFDIMHO July 30, 2012 at 11:41 am

Fawcett/O’Neals..
Oh, I remember when Tatum was a delightful, beautiful, 7-year-old Christian girl.

metamarcisf July 30, 2012 at 11:41 am

Romney's been drinking wine out of a soda can.

Tundra Grifter July 30, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Wine out of a soda can. That is so lame.

You use a hypo to inject vodka into an orange. Didn't that young lady (and Frank) go to high school?

metamarcisf July 30, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Yeah, lame. Like telling the therapist to being a gun to an intervention. At a bar.

Tundra Grifter July 30, 2012 at 3:20 pm

I don't know about that. I think they were just looking out for the therapist – wanted her to be ready and stuff.

Chet Kincaid July 30, 2012 at 11:45 am

Cool, Cheney vs. Walnuts, it'll be one of the great Undead Battles, flying through the air at each other in the middle of a full moon, fangs and claws bared, while their hissing Brides knock babies out of each other's frigid fingers!

chicken_thief July 30, 2012 at 11:49 am

Sucks to be Lindsay – two essentially dead guys battling it out and he barely gets a mention.

Tundra Grifter July 30, 2012 at 11:55 am

Over the weekend Dick Cheney said Sarah Palin wasn't qualified to be President (duh).

Karl Rover said pretty much the same thing in 2010.

While I agree with both of them, it demonstrates an astonishing lack of integrity – and disregard for the best interests of America – to state that years after the 2008 election.

Pragmatist2 July 30, 2012 at 12:03 pm

The first step is to admit you're an idiot.

Isyaignert July 30, 2012 at 1:43 pm

The problem, however, is that like mentally ill people, idiots think they're just fine and YOU are the one with the problem.

DahBoner July 30, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Women, Conservatives and Idiots are always right.

Designer_Rants July 30, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Beccs, much appreciated that you called out almost the exact second-mark to watch for that fun nugget. Or do you just now know that we're not going to watch any Fox clips without express assurances of what we're in for?

Chichikovovich July 30, 2012 at 12:07 pm

The fact that Cheney and those like him pass through life in a generally un-smote state does seem to me pretty compelling evidence that there is either no God, or there is a God but He/She doesn't intervene in the normal course of nature in response to prayers, or there is a God and He/She does intervene in the normal course of nature in response to prayers, but He/She has no interest in moral questions, only those related to sporting events with substantial revenue potential in major media markets, …. etc.

But maybe I've been getting it wrong. Perhaps God does intervene in the ordinary course of nature in response to prayer, but there is some red tape you have to go through, as characterised in the Providential Standards and Best Practices Manual. No lightning bolt zapping without the proper form of request. But he is just itching to introduce Cheney to an enormous potential difference. He's just waiting for someone to say "Dear God. I know I don't talk to you often, blah, blah, anyway, bottom line: the PIN code is 5523H25J. Please smite Dick Cheney. You know the one I mean." And then immediately, before the "You" is pronounced in the final sentence, ZAP! Pile of ashes large enough to fill a man-sized safe and the world hears a contented sigh of Divine Relief. A Divine Itch was finally scratched.

Now the 5523H25J PIN number doesn't work – I just tried it, and no dice. But maybe something like that will do the job. Perhaps it's not numbers, but old song lyrics: "Dear God, Some enchanted evening you may meet a stranger. Please smite Dick C[Rest of prayer drowned out by sound of loud ZAP, plus Divine Sigh, etc.]

So look, if everyone in the world will just try a couple of prayers like this every night – I mean, that's billions of people, even allowing for a few thousand people who don't do it because they think it's silly. We're bound to get lucky sooner rather than later. Spread the word!

prommie July 30, 2012 at 12:22 pm

I was talking about this on the other post, God is just too busy policing the penises and vaginas, on account of apples and snakes, to be concerned with trivia such as suffering and injustice.

Isyaignert July 30, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Whenever I accidentially see one of those televangalist crooks on TV, I am reminded that they obviously don't believe in God and the bullchit they're spouting, because if they did, they'd know their blasphemist scam would damn them to Hell and they wouldn't do it.

Nostrildamus July 30, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Now the 5523H25J PIN number doesn't work – I just tried it, and no dice.

Silly, you can only get angel heads on a PIN.

thefrontpage July 30, 2012 at 12:27 pm

This is an actual transcript from a recent meeting between Romney, Cheney and McCain, as obtained by The Washington Herald-Courier-Journal:

Cheney: Picking that Palin moron was stupid.

McCain: I didn't ask for your opinion.

Cheney: That's the problem.

McCain: Well, who would you have chosen in 2008?

Cheney: Either Michelle Bachmann, or Michelle Malkin, Voters love the name Michelle in politicis.

McCain: That's the most stupid thing I've ever heard.

Romney: Who should I pick, fellas?

Cheney: Don't call me "fella," Mormon.

McCain: There's this young, beautiful, insightful, wildly experienced political prodigy in New York, Mindy Meyer. I think you should choose her.

Romney: Johnny boy, that's a nifty idea! Thanks, son!

McCain: Don't call me Johnny, don't say anything I do is "nifty," and don't call me son, Mormon.

Tape ends at this point, with sounds of struggling, fighting, and dishes breaking.

# # #

Isyaignert July 30, 2012 at 1:51 pm

L to the O to the L!!!

Nostrildamus July 30, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Nice, but the first and last words for each of Cheney's lines s/b "Asshole".

danielwalldammit July 30, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Freakin hilarious.

helefink July 30, 2012 at 1:05 pm

They'd be better off lemonpartying each other.

DahBoner July 30, 2012 at 1:47 pm

I haven't seen this much interventioning since that Shirley McClaine New Age seminar back in the 80's…

Fraudulently_Joe July 30, 2012 at 2:27 pm

And I'm proud of the job she continues to do

Umm, posting on Facebook isn't a job, or else I'd be making way more than I do right now.

ttommyunger July 30, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Luvz ya Becca, but I'm not watching those fuckwads for anybody, not even you.

RadioBowels July 30, 2012 at 11:42 am

You are a success!

prommie July 30, 2012 at 11:48 am

Trying is for grinds.

Graham Cracker July 30, 2012 at 11:52 am

Crawl, hell, it is trying to run for its life!

FakaktaSouth July 30, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Yes I suppose I do. Like my hero and personal prophet Crash Davis said, ""I'm not interested in a woman who's interested in that boy"

Geminisunmars July 30, 2012 at 12:18 pm

You are so good at it, too!

BaldarTFlagass July 30, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Your you're there their they're!!!

Chet Kincaid July 30, 2012 at 1:27 pm

SCOLDGASM

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