quit yer bitchin

Now Announcing Your Wonkette Drinky Thing And Meetup East Coast World Tour

Actor 212, probablyHave you been so, so angry that the Wonkette Drinky Thing and Meetup World Tour has not yet made its way to you? WE KNOW! JESUS! Well, with the coming conventions, we’re pleased to announce a lineup of tour dates for you Right Coasters.

We will start with a party at the Republican National Convention in Tampa, so sometime between like Aug. 27 and Aug. 29. We don’t know the date yet. Whichever night is neither the keynote, nor Michele Bachmann’s veep acceptance speech. It will probably be in a titty bar, knowing us. Please don’t bring your guns into town.

Then, it’s your turn, Atlanta! Be ready Sat., Sept. 1! At a place to be determined!

From there, we will grace with our presence Charlotte, North Carolina, and the DNC. We have to check with our aunt first before we get a date for this one. “What are your plans in Charlotte?” she emailed us. “I’m a member of the DNC so have a vote, for what it’s worth.” “Wait wait wait, let me guess,” we emailed back. “RANDALL TERRY???” We guess she didn’t think that was funny, because she never wrote back again, but we for one found it FUCKING HILARIOUS.

From there, we will hit DC — let’s call that “September 8″ — and then Philly (Sept. 11, Never Forget) and NYC (Sept. 13). Are you happy now, Actor 212? ARE YOU???

By all means, donate your sad little muneez below. (And by the bye, did you know that if you click through on our Amazon linky to the right, any shit you buy gives us a sweet little cut? Well, now you do.)

As to those of you who donated to our Beer Fund, expect your NPR totes and kitten with a whip stickers in August. We just have to, like, print them first.

Keep calm and carry on.

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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  1. finallyhappy

    Seriously, DC- the 8th- when I will be in Philly! and Philly the 11th when I will be back in DC! Do it Friday night the 7th- I don't leave until Sat. morning!

    1. G. Friday

      Great night in DC on the 8th! Wonkette meetup followed by Bob Mould or Mission of Burma (your choice)!

  2. nounverb911

    Mrs. Noun and I have been talking about a trip back to civilization in September, now I have something to live for.

      1. bibliotequetress

        Rebecca, you are invited to come to Boston for Election Boxer Day on Nov 7, when we can celebrate our many victories from the night before (yay, Liz!). Or get pissed, drunk, malicious, dress up as Indians and throw our civil rights in the Boston Harbor.

  3. johnnyzhivago

    Great, I've got 2 months to save up the trainfare to get to New York City!

    Will there be hats and party favors as shown in the publicity photo above?

  4. memzilla

    Every time you linky-click and glom onto official Wonkette tchotchkes, another cancerous mole grows on Sherman Adelson's back.

      1. Spurning Beer

        I commented on this before, but I traveled up to DC for my daughter's 21st birthday three years ago this week, and we went to Madam's Organ for dinner. You can't know how proud a papa I was to sing along with "Here I Am, Baby" by Al Green with my little girl, half schnockered.

        1. gullywompr

          Only half? Come on back, and we'll give you another chance. Also too, happy father's day.

    1. Mumbletypeg

      That link's pub date, c. 2009, feels like so long ago.

      Mark Sanford blew away the privacy of the place over the past week, revealing that he had confided in his "C Street" "Christian friends" the cross-continental affair that he had hidden from his wife.

      And yet that story seems like it was just yesterday.

    1. Veritas78

      Alas, we're too European and leftish, what with our gay marrying and RomneyCare™. No Chick-Fil-A, neither.

    1. Steverino247

      I don't insist my wife wear that stuff and nothing else, but she does look very nice in it. And besides, if people who dressed like that back then didn't fuck we wouldn't be here.

  5. MinAgain

    "We will start with a party at the Republican National Convention in Tampa"

    Will there be a field trip to see the Cock-Rocking Kings of Tampa?

  6. SorosBot

    Yay for coming to Philly – and it'll be while MissTaken is out here, so that can be her second Wonkette drink-up!

          1. chascates

            Well, maybe commiegirl can make it in the fall sometime or we'll have our own whingding with LIVE BLOGGING!!!!

          2. HistoriCat

            Make it in the fall … so November?

            Although I would register as a lobbyist so I could lobby for October. I probably couldn't make a November meetup.

          3. chascates

            October sounds good. Could be in the low 80s then and not so hot. We could have a picnic on the State Capital grounds across from the Texas' Governor's Mansion.

          4. HistoriCat

            October Wonkette headline : "Wonketteers deny involvement in latest fire at Governor's Mansion"

          5. Barb_

            Where do you live Histori?
            I have a whole crazy trip planned for October. I will be going from Albuquerque to Tampa, to see Victoria Grace and then up to Delaware to see Christine and Mina, the megabeast, then to DC for our 6th wedding anniversary, and then over to Chicago for Jeff's best friend's wedding.

            I have tickets for San Diego in November for a Chargers v Ravens game. We will be staying at Jeff's dad's place in La Jolla, for that event.

            I'll be in Vegas, twice in between all of this hooey. I hope that one of these trips would be convenient for you. If not, you just have to come along with us.

          6. Jeffer

            I'm thinking we'll be in Vegas the weeks of September 9th and October 1. Barb and I first met September 12, so that should work. October 1 is the week of the big gaming show, and I usually have to make an appearance at that.

          7. Barb_

            I don't want to go to the big gaming show, please. I don't like the people, the vendors suck and it is too much like speed dating. Yeah, you are sitting 10 inches away from me and I don't have the ballz to say this to you.

          8. HistoriCat

            I'm in Houston. Accepting the fact that Austin is a) far more friendly territory for a drinky thing and b) more central for the rest of the Texas Wonkette contingent, I'm willing to do Austin.

            I just need to make sure I have good timing to keep Mrs. Historicat happy.

      1. FraAnima

        I'd make the long trip from New Haven, but I don't want everyone to discover that I'm actually an 11 year old girl.

  7. mrblifil

    NYC is rather open ended. I have in mind a ironic hipster open air beer hall like in Williamsburg or Greenwood, or that crab joint in Red Hook. Instead I am getting the sense it will be outside some OTB branch past closing hours in Jamaica Estates.

    1. NYNYNYjr

      Please not some stupid ass place like Jamaica Queens or Redhook that will take most people IN NYC over an hour to get to. And Greenwood? You must live in Greenwood. I say Bushwick… in fact, Roberta's Pizza– look it up. Good

        1. sewollef

          Been waiting for that new crab joint to open. Every time I drive by after getting my groceries from my local Fairway. It's right by the water, it'd be cool…. we can wave at Lady Liberty.

        2. NYNYNYjr

          10 min from you. It's like a weird train and bus ride, or a weird train and ferry then bus ride, depending on where you are. LAME

    2. Preferred Customer

      I say Staten Island. And let's make it a fund raiser for Mindy Meyer. If you are going to do irony, DO IRONY.

    3. 102415

      I'm in and I'm in the East Village. I love Red Hook and the ferry or any place you want. I actually do look like the lady in the black dress so I will need a reminder and a car service and another reminder. Staten Island should be saved for the New Jersey people though because as far as I am concerned that is where it is located for more reasons than one.

  8. kittensdontlie

    All I heard was Tampa and no guns…do you know how long it takes to pack a bazooka, and now unpack…geesh.

      1. Monsieur_Grumpe

        Hey, I'm pretty sure we have indoor plumbing. We just don't know how it works.

      2. Negropolis

        That's the South, my dear. We're the one with the corn the snow and the Kansas-sized tornadoes; they're the one without the potable water and teeth and cousin-fuckin'.

    1. chascates

      Come to think of it we should all just go to the editrix's place and plan to crash there after the party.

  9. Mumbletypeg

    I will donate to this cause. I feel the stars have aligned for the DC date to fall on a weekend. It is possible that Riley Waggaman will still be in the country, nay even in that area around that time*. And based on past experience at the DC-based shindig years ago, Virginian area lurkers come out of the woodwork for these things. So Yes, and Can't Hardly Wait.
    * any suggestions how to entice him to join the festivities are welcome. I suspect his time overseas put him in touch w/ enough experiences to temper one's perspective, as I know living overseas did for me at that age, enough to feel one had "outgrown" certain past endeavors~

    1. RadioBowels

      I'm still reeling from Halloween '10 at the Big Hunt. This will be the true test of sobriety. ; )

  10. Estproph

    1. That's CORRECT Coast to you – not Right Coast;

    2. There is a conspicuous lack of Boston on this list.

    Any news was good news
    And the feeling was bad at home
    I was out of mind and you
    Were on the phone
    Lonnie was the kingpin
    Back in nineteen sixty-five
    I was singing this song
    When Lonnie came alive

    Bring back the Boston Rag
    Tell all your buddies
    That it ain't no drag
    Bring back the Boston Rag

    You were Lady Bayside
    There was nothing that I could do
    So I pointed my car down
    Seventh Avenue
    Lonnie swept the playroom
    And he swallowed up all he found
    It was forty-eight hours til
    Lonnie came around

    Bring back the Boston Rag
    Tell all your buddies
    That it ain't no drag
    Bring back the Boston Rag

    1. vasty_derp

      I think somebody might be testing your ability to keep posting obscure song lyrics?

    1. OneYieldRegular

      I met William Burroughs once. He looked a hell of a lot older than that and wasn't in a rest home.

  11. Aridzona

    If you had any cojones (although being a feemail probably precludes that), you'd hold a drinkee thingy somewhere really hostile and challenging — like Phoeniz AZ, at Sheriff Joe's favorite watering hole, the Pink Underwear Lounge. C'mon, woman up!

    1. 102415

      I promised my dear departed Mom I would never set foot in Arizona again but I have a very cool cousin who would love to find a few nice peoples in her home town.

  12. Extemporanus

    "We will start with a party at the Republican National Convention in Tampa, and we will end with every Wonketteer on the East Coast suffering from a brain-curdling STD."

  13. thefrontpage

    Where in D.C.?! And, no conservatives or Repubicans allowed.
    Except Michelle Malkin, if she wears a bikini.

  14. thefrontpage

    And the beautiful, educated and talented and politically-experienced Mindy Meyer can come if she wears a bikini, too! Mindy Meyer for President!

  15. Trannysurprise

    I'm not going to that shit in Tampa. I don't want my Grindr blown up every 2 minutes from some headless asshole in a bedbug infested motel room.

  16. Monsieur_Grumpe

    I don't see Minneapolis on that list.
    Hurrrrrumph Madam!
    That's right… harrrrrrrumph!

    1. weejee

      MG, perhaps you can get the Editrix attention if you can work with Marcus and put together a surprise party for She1ey. For example in yer parts the rental rates on those throw the ball at the target dunk tanks should be a steal in The first Wednesday after the first Monday in Blovember. Also too, She1ey should find taking a dip outdoors at that time of year downright refreshing.

      1. ElPinche

        She didn't forget. That's why the guy in the hat is so happy.

        Excuse me while I go bleach those thoughts out of my brain.

      1. ElPinche

        That would be fun. I'm thinking Wonkette is a little reluctant. There's a bunch of crazy ass Austinites up in here, and it might end with arrests and deportations.

        1. chascates

          Wasn't there a gal from Waco back several years ago? I hope the Baptists didn't absorb her.

  17. ttommyunger

    Well, you can play it safe in Atlanta and have it in Little Five Points, where nobody is judged-regardless. You can have it in Buckhead or North Highlands, where everybody is just too fucking refined to be rude, or you can party in the Belly of the Beast, my hangout in Cobb (Whitebread) County, in Marietta (Whiter-Bread) at Mulligans (Shit-Kicker Biker Bar where everybody but me hates the "Bammer"). I promise to be on hand (to referee, mostly) and it won't be your average soiree, ladles and germs, you can be sure of that.

    1. Nothingisamiss

      ttommy, don't go putting ideas into anyone's head about going out to Cobb Co. It's too far for me to drive drunk and to redneck for me to say the word democrat.

      1. ttommyunger

        I'll drive you home, I don't drink. I'm Liberal, but I can barely say the word Democrat without throwing up in my own mouth. I consider them only minimally less sold-out the the Repugs.

      1. ttommyunger

        Sure, play it safe. The main watering hole for white Democratic Pols and Hacks. Fuck that and fuck them! Ps Virginia Highlands? Really?Sent from my iPhone

          1. ttommyunger

            My reply to your suggestion included no personal attacks or references to you. I'm used to generalizations (bikers are drug abusers), false equivalence (only the drug-addled would find disagreement with you) and marginalization (therefore my opinions don't matter) from the Right; but I rarely see Wonketeers use such lame tactics. They do nothing to bolster your argument. I've been riding (on our roadways) since I was fifteen but have never referred to myself as a “biker” because of the negative implications of the term (which I'm sure you intended). If your intent was to piss me off a little, then you done good. If your intent was to move the discussion about a meeting venue, then I fail to see how that was accomplished. Your move.Sent from my iPhone

          2. Boojum

            TTommy! Joke! You seemed a little tense, is all, so I was free associating and, being from East Tennessee (accent on the FIRST syllable, motherfuckers!), my head went towards chemicals. The "biker" reference came from your description of the bar as a "Shit Kicker Biker Bar". One plus one apparently equalled 57.

            I'm sorry that I offended you, really and truly.

          3. ttommyunger

            Cranky old farts need a clue; maybe a smiley face. Had a hard day yesterday, sorry, my bad.Sent from my iPhone

          4. Boojum

            Sorry. "Teh meth" was supposed to be the reveal.

            I hereby owe you one drink of your choice, with an option to renew.

            Edit: Oops. You don't drink. Well, damn.

      2. Nothingisamiss

        It may be an obvious choice, but I do love me some Manuel's. I remember watching the Quayle/Bentson VP debate there. Racous drunken times were had by all.

      1. ttommyunger

        Exactly! We have rental property in Jefferson park, you are so spot-on.Sent from my iPhone

    2. finallyhappy

      Can it be somewhere Marta accessible? I may well be in Atlanta that night(I will tell people why at the meet-up)

      1. ttommyunger

        Or, you can call 404 372 9907 (with a little advance notice) and get a ride there and back, free, of course.

        1. finallyhappy

          Thanks! I am pretty sure I will be in Atlanta that weekend(I just told someone else -not wonkette- that I would be).

    3. FakaktaSouth

      I will see you there – without a doubt. I will help start the trouble that you can break-up and drink all the liquor you won't. We will have so much fun!

      1. Nothingisamiss

        Oh my fucking Lord. I have GOT to be there. I'm looking forward to meeting you, FS.

        Now…how to get out of some un-get-outable plans for that same night…….

  18. Butch_Wagstaff

    Okay, now I'm gonna have to schedule some days of panhandling downtown to get some $ for DC. I mean, I wouldn't be able to just do an overnight stay. I'd have to make a weekend of it, for sure (I don't travel well all hungover and shit).
    Fuck it. I probably won't be able to make it. But I will be there in spirit, leering at the cute Wonker menz.

  19. Nothingisamiss

    You have got to be fucking kidding me. My first wonkette drinky thing and I just realized that night I have absolutely un-fucking-breakable plans that night.

    Un fucking believable! I'mma gonna have to drive to Charlotte and find a nice couch to sleep on.

    1. FlyOverGirl

      Yay. Charlotte. Now good luck getting a venue without a $12k fee or having to give the DNC a cut.

  20. Tribbz

    We're going to pray about going to Atlanta. We will ask the Lord for guidance as we may have to skip out on tithing for that week to get there.

  21. Fraudulently_Joe

    I have friends, and a lady-friend, in DC and Philly, respectively! I'm tempted to budget some extra days off work, and follow Wonkete up the mid-Atlantic like a Grateful Dead tour.

    Incidentally, if we're looking for a place to hold this in New York, I feel honor-bound to mention that the Original Famous Drinking Liberally meets Thursdays at Rudy's in Hell's Kitchen. Which is nice and accessible to most city folk. So, it might be an option to either hold it nearby, and drop in before or after, or to just hold it at Rudy's and take over DL for a night (I've asked the organizers in the past, and they're totally cool with that!!!)

    1. Millennial Malaise

      There is a Williamsburg drinking liberally that's only once a month. I've never been to the Hell's Kitchen one even tho I work there. I second this idea to take over/merge the Drinking Liberally. Indeed, I was going to invite the wburg crew to the Wonkette drinking thing once we found a place.

    2. 102415

      I love that place. I will definely go there and the hot dogs are nice and cheap. Okay I am officailly begging for Rudy's and I will wear my Drinking Liberally button.

  22. OneYieldRegular

    Hell, this means I may just have to fly back to my hometown, as the only way I foresee getting through another family visit is if I can attend a Wonkette gathering just afterwards.

  23. Self-Uploader

    Never having been to one of these train wrecks festivities, what should one expect? (Also, please not Williamsburg. I am too old and too poor. I am not allowed there.)

    1. Fukui-sanYesOta

      Drinking. Fun people. More drinking. Good conversation. Even more drinking.

      They're great.

  24. finallyhappy

    WHOA!!!! I skipped something- ATLANTA- 9/1 – I may well be in Atlanta 9/1. I hardly know Atlanta except for the airport and the Flying Biscuit near Midtown/arts center

  25. TootsStansbury

    Rats. I have a fambly thing for the DC drinky thing. Horse heads in my bed would be the least of my worries if I missed it.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        My condolences. I habitate San Antonio. However, the Casa de Flagass is located 25 miles north of town, and therefore only a hop, skip, and a half-jump from everone's favorite Texas town.

      1. actor212

        I'm letting her chase me, and doing other posters the favor of getting the drinky thingy in their home towns.

        I'll probably go. You know, if I don't find someone something better to do…

  26. prommie

    What am I, chopped liver? You give Actor 212 a shout out but I know I am the biggest fucking whiner around here. Fuck you, I'm gonna come to all of them, I am gonna follow the Wonkette tour like one of those Greatful Dead trustafarians!

  27. BlueStateLibel

    What's wrong with New Jersey? Are all you hip New Yorkers afraid you'll get bridge-and-tunnel disease if you come over here?

  28. PlanetWingNut

    we need a wonkette facebook page so we can know what people look like and stuff..or is that most of the fun? BUT WILL KEN BE AT ANY OF THESE PLACES WITH THE BANHAMMER I HEAR ITS BIG!

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