kenyan anticolonial also too

Wingnuts Outraged Over Socialist Marxist Hippie-Dippy Multi-Culti Antiwar Olympics Love-In

Which part of the Olympic Opening Ceremonies did you like best? Was it the plutocrats murdering the workers in the Industrial Revolution, or the pagans calling forth their gods with sacrificial virgins and maypoles? Was it the reference to the Industrialization of War? Was it the stunning black British girl texting, or the dorky boy in the bowler trying to smush on her about as convincingly as Michael Jackson stalking the lady through the alley in The Way You Make Me Feel? It is too bad that those British youngsters couldn’t understand why Special Relationship is Special, due to their sad lack of Anglo-Saxon heritage. Oh well, better luck next time, non-white people!

Well we can tell you which part you should not have liked best, and that is all of it, because it was a disgrace!

First, there was all of the aforementioned, plus some Tory dude is apparently going to get sacked, again, for Tweeting that the multiculturalism of the ceremony was crap — smooth move, Ex-Lax — but also it was a naked paean to Socialism.

Grr! Shriek! Free universal health care? Murder it!

An uncharacteristically subdued story in Glenn Beck’s The Blaze notes the mid-ceremony celebration of Britain’s National Health Service — where each hospital has a window to hand out cab fare to you if you need it after your stay. We’re as intrigued by the Blaze’s nonconfrontational tone — like, it’s almost Just the Facts Ma’am — as we are by its always weird commenters.

Institutionalized death panels! they scream. I won’t be watching this POS! they pout. But then a large number of commenters there actually are British, and like their NHS, which of course is driving everyone else batshit, telling them to go ahead and go to Britain and die while waiting for a pap smear, because obviously.

[TheBlaze]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here with a few helpful links to ease your transition to Disqus - Claiming Old Accounts - Claiming Your ID Comments [Looking into whether this is still possible - Shy] - Turning off Disqus Notifications. And, as always, remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Well the Brits made it super easy for the droolers. I thought it would be some rather innocuous thingie, but it was all like, "Fuck it! Let's give them something really really easy to go into uncontrollable spasms over."

    • valdemar

      Oh yeah. Believe me, when the little house lifted up to reveal Sir Tim Berners-Lee I don't think I was the only Brit who (having imbibed a little gin a tonic) said 'Hah! Fuck you, Romney, and the rest!'

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    I thought it was missing one element. Rolling out Stephen Hawkings and having him flip off Mittens. That would have been perfect

    • LetUsBray

      "if you're looking for trouble, you've found it."

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Science, bitches…respect!

    • CivicHoliday

      And in his awesome robot computer voice he could say "fuck you and the horse you literally rode in on"

    • BoatOfVelociraptors
      • tessiee

        This wins the gold medal for awesomeness, and booty dancing.

    • BenGleck

      Check.

    • 12X34X

      THAT would have been divine.

  • Barb_

    I liked the literary character references. I was looking at each one and trying to guess if Sarah Palin banned those books in the Wasilla library.

    • Vecchiojohn

      That library has books now?

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Nah, just Buffy the Vampire Slayer episodes and snowmobile repair manuals.

        • tessiee

          I would think a place that goes six months without the sun would *like* Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but *shrug* whatevs.

        • GunToting[Redacted]

          I don't think Sista Sarah would allow Buffy, what with the witchcraft and lesbianism.

    • kittensdontlie

      And with the long cold Alaskan winters, the heat from burning those books afforded her a warm cozy home free from any crazy liberal ideologies….those were the days…

    • HistoriCat

      She banned all of them Katie.

  • barto

    That's just embarrassing – for US! God, how I wish we could celebrate our health care system. The first step is fixing how we pay for it. Single-payer, anyone?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      You're forgetting the first Exceptional American Constitutional Commandment:
      Thou shalt do nothing without profit.

      • Comrade Snowball

        We have become the Ferengi. Replace the Constitution with The Rules of Acquisition!

      • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

        I wish someone would explain to the GOP that capitalism is an ECONOMIC system not POLITICAL

    • vasty_derp

      Yes, please!

    • Guppy

      Celebrations of the US healthcare system will be held during the opening ceremonies of the Republican National Convention.

      • Geminisunmars

        I'm sure the insurance companies would be happy to cough up a few million to put on a pageant wherein a 100 foot Darth Vader puppet will select only the healthy and wealthy to have nurses and doctors dance around them while Dickensian millions languish, trying to reach gilded bootstraps dangling from above.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

    Wingunts still miss Berlin 1936.

    • LetUsBray

      Except for the part where that uppity Jesse Owens ruined everything.

    • NellCote71

      Sadly, you speak too close to the truth.

  • http://www.wonkette.com WordSaladNation

    The latest conspiracy theory I've seen on Facebook goes like this: "they" brought in Mike Oldfield to play Tubular Bells over the NHS section because what "they" REALLY want all of us to do is to subliminally equate the NHS with The Exorcist, because the only way that ANYONE actually knows Tubular Bells is because they've seen The Exorcist, and not because it was actually a groundbreaking album written, recorded, and performed by a seventeen-year-old genius and that has sold over 20 million copies since its release. Not that I'm a Mike Oldfield fan or anything.

    Of course, I couldn't fucking HEAR Mike Oldfield play over the whining of my friends, so fuck you if you could. Some choice comments from the gallery: "This is so boring!" "The Chinese did it better!" "What's happening? I'm so confused!" "Why did they have to make this about Britain? Where are all the cool fireworks?!"

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Nobody's figured out yet that Obama was behind the whole thing? The right-wing nutbars should have figured that one out within the first two minutes.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      because the only way that ANYONE actually knows Tubular Bells is because they've seen The Exorcist

      FFS, indeed. I loved "The Exorcist" in its own right, apart from music. Whereas, that peddler of malignance-by-associations should appreciate music in its own right, apart from films it's aligned with. And s/he would be a happier person just leaving it at that, no further. The complexity of enjoying musical scores and their films apart/ together/ separately/ entwined for good thoughtful contemplation or conversation is best left to those of us more complex thinkers.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Best movie about Washington, D.C.

    • tessiee

      ""they" brought in Mike Oldfield to play Tubular Bells over the NHS section because what "they" REALLY want all of us to do is to subliminally equate the NHS with The Exorcist"

      Thus conclusively proving that soshul medicine is the work of the Debble.

      • Comrade Snowball

        If we had decent health care those people on Facebook could get the medication they need to stop those paranoid delusional thoughts. They could stop living in fear.

    • creativegraveyard

      And in the Wingnuttanschauung, it's irrelevant that "Oldfield's parents are Raymond Oldfield, a general practitioner, and his wife Maureen Liston, a nurse." That is, if they bothered to extend their fact-finding to wikipedia.

    • doloras

      Oldfield stole the main theme for "Tubular Bells" from Magma's "Mekhanik Destruktiw Kommandoh".

      • tessiee

        *puffs Gauloise*
        I found it bourgeois and banal.

        • HistoriCat

          Nice beret – what's your event?

          • tessiee

            Farting in people's general direction.

    • http://twitter.com/Rainbow_Meow Rainbow_Meow

      You need new friends.

      • http://www.wonkette.com WordSaladNation

        At one point last night, I said, with frustration, "You know, I have to spend all fucking year watching you people jizz yourselves over football players and baseball players and fucking SOCCER players, for God's sake. And finally, when there is ONE night when I'm actually excited about something on the tee vee that a billion other people are watching, you won't shut the fuck up because it doesn't involve some steroid-addled meathead who's going to need two new knees by the time he's 35." Needless to say, they weren't impressed with my logic.

        • http://twitter.com/Rainbow_Meow Rainbow_Meow

          I have heard that you can visit a website called "Craig's List" if you are looking to expand your social circle.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      I'm still fucking pleased with myseld that I called Mike Oldfield. About 10 minutes before the Tubular Bells part, I commented to my wife how much the music sounded like Oldfield. She nearly fell off the sofa when the announced him.

      • Geminisunmars

        You get bonus points!

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Was anyone else surprised to hear Frankie Goes to Hollywood's "Relax" in the middle of all that?

    Also the celebration of the digital revolution seemed to feature a whole lot of British Invasion-era tunes, or else I short-circuited the time machine when I was fiddling with it.

    • http://www.wonkette.com WordSaladNation

      WELCOME TO THE PLEASUREDOME, BITCHES!

    • savethispatient

      The digital bit did music from the 60s, then the 70s and then the 80s. The dancers danced in a shape of a anti-nuclear peace sign for the sixties, a star for the 70s and what I think was an outline of Reagan for the 80s…

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      Yeah, the incongruity. They might've at least acknowledged the time warp by including some Rocky Horror, a sort of meta joke-within-the-joke it was coming across as. That would've spiced it up for me, anyway.

      • valdemar

        Erm, so you didn't catch the pop-culture time travel reference on the soundtrack – the TARDIS noise from Doctor Who?

        • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

          Related. (was making its rounds on FB this morning)

      • doloras

        Rocky Horror was written by a New Zealander.

        • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

          Oh — that's NewZ to me!~

    • salt_bagel

      They could have played Sex Dwarf. It would've gone well with the whole giant pagan ritual.

      • vasty_derp

        No Sex Dwarf, please- we're British.

    • vasty_derp

      Yes, I was surprised. I had forgotten all about Frankie.

      • lumpenprole

        Frankie Say Libel!

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

      I think Trevor Horn is still one of the most powerful guys in the UK music industry. Stands to reason he or people loyal to him would be involved in the pageant.

      • doloras

        He was also lead singer of Yes for one album. Glorious days.

    • not that Dewey

      When two tribes go to war, "one" is all that you can score.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      Where did you watch it all at? Live? Earlier I spent a half-hour trying to find the full opening ceremony video on the internet and become extremely frustrated.

      • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

        It was on broadcast tv — NBC — about four hours after it actually happened. Fortunately I was distracted about half the time so didn't have to give it my full attention.

      • viennawoods13

        If anyone wants to see the whole thing, it's on ctv.ca Worth it for the opening sequence.

        • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

          Is there some licensing agreement where the website can tell if a viewer isn't in Canada and denies viewing? I'm getting "application error" on each video on the CTV site.

          • viennawoods13

            I'm afraid that means you're SOL. It's like I can't watch Comedy Central or NBC online here in Canada.

  • littlebigdaddy

    It was distressingly Python-less, imho.

    • LetUsBray

      Needz moar Ministry of Silly Walks, no question.

      • tessiee

        Also, upper class Twit of the Year should have been an Olympic event.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Giving the Romneys a chance for two medals.

          • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

            FTW

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      Is there a Lumberjack category among the athletic divisions? No? What an oversight. I feel deprived.

      • Beowoof

        That classification is for American Republicans.

      • tessiee

        I feel depraved.

    • Kgprophet

      You silly person, the entire event was an extended sketch of "Confuse-A-Cat"

  • savethispatient

    This was all Danny Boyle's way of saying "You may call it socialized medicine, but we call it civilization, my dear chap". Basically, it was one big passive-aggressive note to the wingnuts.

    • NellCote71

      Agreed. As I was watching it. I kept thinking, this is really going to piss off the wingtards. Hengghhh.

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      I knew it was going to piss off the wingnuts, but it's rather, hmm, arrogant to assume everything is always about Americans.

      Brits are simply proud of the NHS (as you knoa being one), which is wildly popular.

      Reading comments over at the SF Chronicle site, a lot of people were commenting that it "seemed like a big Obama advertisement" – making it all about their political views, since they're incapable of comprehending any kind of viewpoint independent of their quarter-witted own.

      • anniegetyerfun

        But what about that special Anglo Saxon relationship that is special? Obama doesn't understand that (because he is black), so why would the British send him such a lovely gift?

        • Negropolis

          I don't know, "Dunham" sounds awfully British, to me. lol

          I know you were snarking, but the wingnuts need to be reminded…often.

      • tessiee

        "Reading comments over at the SF Chronicle site, a lot of people were commenting that it "seemed like a big Obama advertisement""

        Hasn't the SF Chronicle been atypically reactionary since at least the 1950s, though?

  • PuckStopsHere

    I was surprised when they shoved the Queen out of a helicopter. A little.

    • kittensdontlie

      She's fine. Being a bit catty, she knows how to land on her own feet.

    • tessiee

      Although it really was cool as fuck when those big wings unfolded from her back and she flew.

    • BarackMyWorld

      I wasn't impressed…I can't be the only person whose suspension of disbelief was killed by the fact it was daylight inside the Queen's helicopter and night time when she jumped out of it.

      Or the fact that James Bond spent five minutes with a woman without trying to sleep with her.

      • savethispatient

        without trying to sleep with her THAT WE SAW. The big Q looked fairly pleased with herself all evening, don't discount anything.

    • zippy_w_pinhead

      as God is my witness, I thought Queens could fly

      • fatbob54

        WKRP allusion! Well played sir and/or madam, well played.

      • ChessieNefercat

        Oh good, a tune that is catchy and that I think fondly of. I usually never get those stuck in my head. Thank you kindly.

        (Wanders off humming, "Baby, if you're ever wondering, wondering whatever became of me…)

      • viennawoods13

        I judge the coolness of new acquaintances by their reaction to that line. If they know it, they are all right.

        • tessiee

          *crestfallen*
          I have failed that test.
          *perking up*
          But I *did* pass the test where some random guy was wearing a Sonny Boy Williamson t-shirt, and I said, "Is that Sonny Boy Williamson 1, or 2?"
          I suppose if everyone knew the *same* things, life would be less interesting.

          • viennawoods13

            We're even- I have no clue who Sonny Boy Williamson is. (goes to the google)

          • tessiee

            Short answer: Sonny Boy Williamson 1 (John Lee Williamson) was a famous and popular blues musician around the time of the first Great Depression. Sonny Boy Williamson 2 (Aleck Miller) was a less famous blues musician who figured that he could be more successful if he pretended to be Sonny Boy Williamson. Since Sonny Boy 1 was in Chicago and Sonny Boy 2 was in Arkansas, and television hadn't been invented, and the two men covered many of the same songs, he actually got away with it for five or six years.

            Some chutzpah, huh?

          • Angry_Marmot

            Little Walter would have cut a bitch trying to steal his name.

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            Oh my god, is that Windows XP?

    • Beowoof

      Did they use The Who's, Had Enough? That was the backing music to Les Nesmen's infamous turkey drop.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

        Entwistle's "Had Enough", or Pete's "I've Had Enough"?

        • Beowoof

          Entwistle's. Actually one of the funniest bits I have ever seen on TV.

  • docteur_giraud

    Missed the telecast. Which I'm now regretting, because those Becktarded comments suggest it was some kind of a lesbian nurse disco spectacular ending in the Queen and James Bond cockpunching Uncle Sam.

    • fatbob54

      The best part was when Johnny Rotten and a Sid Vicious look-a-like lip-synched "Anarchy in the UK" while spitting at the queen. She was not amused.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dAsWdUo7r4c

    • MiniMencken

      It was all that, plus a bag of crisps, old Gireaud.

    • tessiee

      "those Becktarded comments"

      For no reason whatsoever, I thought you meant Beck the musician/Scientologist (as distinct from Jeff Beck, the musician, who actually *is* English), and I had a confuse, because *meh* he's not my favorite, but he's OK.

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        O-M-GEEEE! Beck is a SCIENTOLOGIST? I've spent countless hours listening to his albums, at least years ago. That is so disturbing. He also seems to have as much knowledge about his religion as the typical xtian who grew up indoctrinated yet completely disinterested.
        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beck#Scientology

      • Angry_Marmot

        Beck's not a musician, 'e's a ruddy xerox machine.

  • decay500

    If Mother Teresa resurrected and saved a starving infant during the ceremony, someone would trash it. Most people now seem feel their creativity through commentary/criticism. Life can feel more solid when you have an adversary, however non-existent in the outside world it is. And when Jesus has your back, wow, you're ready for battle…

    • bikerlaureate

      It's easier to be catty than creative.

      At least they're not influencing anyone outside their own brainless echo chamber… er, anyone with a functioning brain.

    • tessiee

      "If Mother Teresa resurrected and saved a starving infant during the ceremony, someone would trash it."

      Let that lazy (and probably blah) infant save itself by the bootstraps! It's not like it's a fetus or anything.

  • coolhandnuke

    I enjoyed the hologram of Sid Vicious skull-fucking Margaret Thatcher.

    • dennis1943

      I knew i went to bed too soon………….

    • Pragmatist2

      Yes, but it's such a cliche.

    • Barrelhse

      That was Sid Vicious?

  • Veritas78

    The wingnuts are just pissed that the Brits left out the Empire part. Because taxing and shooting brown people and acting like dicks is the good part. Shakespeare and Dickens are crap.

    • valdemar

      Well, the first empire part was the moving tribute – complete with 'soldiers' in uniform – to our war dead. The second (which anyone outside the UK can be forgiven for not getting) was the arrival of the Empire Windrush, the first ship bringing migrants to the UK from the former empire after WW2.

      Given that the honoured guests on the night included a. all the people we've had bloody great wars with b. all the people we conquered/colonised and c. all the people who dodged the bullet, so to speak, I think that was quite tactful.

  • Pragmatist2

    The upset MP should have closed his eyes and thought of England.

    • Negropolis

      This is SOOO full of Win.

  • KeepFnThatOwl

    The olympics have started?! Man, I should not start drinking at the office, even if it is five on Friday.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    The opening ceremony was no Jon McNaughton painting, so cue Wingnut festival of hate.

    • tessiee

      John McNaughton would be lost like a freaking Bedouin in a sandstorm trying to paint the opening ceremony, since the only non-American historical figure he knows is Jesus.

      • ChessieNefercat

        Jesus was so an American! Everybody knows that! Are you one a them gay commie lesbo marxist socialist libruls?!

        • tessiee

          I am not a communist. I may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but I am *not* a porn star!

          [with apologies to Grandpa Simpson]

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          Spoken like a Mormon.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    I noticed there was no segment featuring the Queen blowing the President of the NRA either, so I suppose the Brits lose points there too. Fucking UnAmerican, eh what?

    • tessiee

      "there was no segment featuring the Queen blowing the President of the NRA either"

      At her age, do you really expect Queenie to fight her way past Ted Nugent?

      • ChessieNefercat

        I think it would be fun to watch her discreetly hand her purse to an attendant with quiet instructions to strike Nugent several times, severely.

        • tessiee

          " send big dogs after her that bite her bum. Let them chase after her and rip her knickers off…' That'd be fantastic! Then she'd have to fight the crazy dog with a handbag with a brick inside of it.

          'Crazy dog! Crazy dog!'

          'Arrgghh, kill the Queen!'

          'No — crazy dog!'

          And maybe she'd kill the crazy dog and everyone in Britain would go, 'Hey, fair play to the Queen — killed the crazy dog.' And the Queen would have self-respect for the first time in her life! Yes. It would work. It'd be fantabulous."

          Eddie Izzard, Dressed to Kill

          • ChessieNefercat

            I saw that! What I understood was really funny.

  • viennawoods13

    i just finished watching it, and dammit I liked it. But then the last one I really enjoyed before this was Lillehammer. I am an anglophile, a history geek, and it was a pleasure for me. I liked the way that they focused on what got them to where they are today, and then celebrated who they are. A country that takes care of its people, and is becoming more ethnically inclusive. (not there yet, but…) I loved the NHS part, glowing beds and all. The tor is beautiful, and the torch was cool too. Hey- even Beckham in the speedboat was awesome. (At least he got to keep his mouth shut, because that voice spoils everything) AND they even included The Specials in the digital bit- nice!

    • vasty_derp

      I liked it too! There were bits I didn't really understand & I missed the earliest pagan stuff because I was trying to figure out the BBC1 link on my computer, but I liked it overall.

    • Limeylizzie

      Made me really proud, seriously, and I was weeping when they Welsh choir sang 'Bread of Heaven", I am such a sap for the Welsh music. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mXiWsTExlgE&fe

      • sewollef

        Not the best rendition of Men of Harlech, since it was so rushed…. but I'm with you on that whole choral thingie.

        I'm no fan of the Olympics, and being in New York couldn't watch the opening ceremony live — just because. It was really enjoyable though…. I think Danny Boyle did a brilliant job with what must be a difficult event to direct.

        I particularly liked the NHS, Queenie and digital parts [for me]… oh, and glad Beckham kept his trap shut too.

        • Limeylizzie

          It was the only version I could find in Welsh. I'm in Los Angeles, right now, and it was insane had to watch it hours after it had ended,but we had a great day in the gymnastics, not you and I, UK.

    • Chichikovovich

      History geek alert.

      Hey viennawoods — I just got back to my apartment from a day trip to Bayeux, where I saw the Bayeux Tapestry this morning. What follows is the best advice I've ever given: You should drop whatever you are doing and go to see it immediately. Don't even take time to pack – you can buy a change of clothes and a toothbrush at the airport….

      That has got to be the coolest thing I have ever seen. And somehow it never quite registered in my mind just how long a 70 metre long tapestry was going to turn out to be.

      • viennawoods13

        JEALOUS!!!! Dammit- some day I will get to France.

      • tessiee

        I once saw a very old, when I say old I mean circa 1600, tapestry. It was very faded but surprisingly legible, considering its age. It depicted an outdoor scene with dodo birds, which confused me at first, until I realized that it had been made *before dodos went extinct*.

        • bobbert

          Wow. That's pretty exotic subject matter for a tapestry. Very cool.

      • sewollef

        As another history buff, I've also seen it. 70 metres of fucking amazing… gave me chills similar to walking through the Roman Forum.

        Difficult to wrap your head around history — tactile history — right there in front of you.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      I thought it was very good. In fact, once I figured out what they were doing the first part was wonderful. And "Jerusalem" always brings tears to the eyes of this Anglophile Kraut. Some day I'll attend the Last Night of the Proms and really get choked up.

      And if the NHS segment was a kick in the nuts to the batshit crazy right wingers, I hope they're still clasping their groins and moaning in pain.

      • viennawoods13

        Oh, that rendition of "Jerusalem" was beautiful . Chills down my spine beautiful. There really is nothing as pure as the voice of a young boy. I understand the whole Cathedral choir thing when I listen to a performance like that.

  • chascates

    The Two Minutes Hate is not nearly long enough for these folks.

    • PuckStopsHere

      How do they differentiate it from the other 1438 minutes in a day?

  • MinAgain

    The Queen did not look pleased. She was probably counting all the countries in the Parade of Nations that she no longer owns.

  • CrunchyKnee

    Poor wingnut tards. The entire world, except for such wonderful places like Saudi Arabia and Somalia are anti to their mindset.

  • salt_bagel

    Stonehenge was for group fapping.

    • tessiee

      And dancing dwarves.

      • doloras

        It's a magic place where the moon doth rise with a dragon's face.

        • tessiee

          No one knew quite who they were… or what they were doing.

    • Mittens Howell, III

      So, it was like an ancient, British Wonkette?

      • salt_bagel

        Yes, except SOCIALIST. No solo fapping.

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        It was THE place to henge your stones, if you catch my drift.

        • Nostrildamus

          HENNGGHHHE !!!

      • Angry_Marmot

        Wankette?

  • Goonemeritus

    Our wingnuts have some brave compatriots across the pond. And it’s not just the skin heads, some of the main stream conservatives sound just like Sarah when you get a pint or two in them. My favorite example is the reflexive reaction that they take to modern architecture. Apparently they associate many of the Mid-Century schools with communism therefore it is all fruit from a poison tree. I have seen screeds about buildings on Flicker that make the Breitbart blog seem like New York Review of Books by comparison.

    • vasty_derp

      And then there are the liberals who dislike much of that architecture because it was de-humanizing. But then, I'm thinking of council housing, much of which was pretty depressing.

      • Goonemeritus

        I’m a huge fan of Alison and Peter Smithson who designed among other things The Robin Hood Gardens housing complex. I contend it wasn't the building that was dehumanizing it was the states unwillingness to invest in its upkeep. I’m not singling out the UK here, we were worse in the USA.

      • PubOption

        Hulme Crescents, probably the worst example. http://manchesterhistory.net/manchester/gone/cres

        • schvitzatura

          Reformers on both sides of the Atlantic cheaped out on the post-war urban renewal projects: Pruitt-Igoe is the prime 'Murican example.

          And we've never been ones to budget for upkeep on any infrastruture in any systematic way. It would not be considered "successful" if there was such planning.

    • Rotundo_

      Idiots are everywhere: Ours are only notable for their quantity and professional status. Our idiots are better financed than most.

    • BoroPrimorac

      You can thank Rupert for that.

    • JackBauer

      The problem with the UK is socialist fucktards like you.

      • Goonemeritus

        And my point is made, did Ken leave Rebecca the ban-hammer?

  • Vecchiojohn

    Wot? No "Wogs begin at Calais"?

    • BenGleck

      if a wog in a bog had a pog he'd feel like a real dog.

  • gullywompr

    This is an insult to US America! It's enough to make me remove these tea bags dangling from my hat and throw them into the nearest body of water!

    • tessiee

      Thereby making an extremely large, but extremely weak, pot of tea.

  • BarackMyWorld

    MR. BEAN FTW.

  • tessiee

    "a large number of commenters there actually are British, and like their NHS, which of course is driving everyone else batshit"

    Yeah, stupid British people, thinking they like having health care, because they're too stupid to realize they actually hate it, because USA FUCK YEAH!!!

    • salt_bagel

      When you make it so everyone can get health care, what's next? People marrying their dogs?

      • Geminisunmars

        People giving their dogs health care?

        • doloras

          Geez, I only wish we had socialised vet medicine. I had to blow $800 getting my cat's teeth cleaned.

          • ChessieNefercat

            My cat will get her teeth cleaned when I can get my teeth cleaned. I followed my vet's instructions on how to brush a cat's teeth. Once. Amazingly, they don't like it. Mine don't, anyway.

          • Geminisunmars

            I'd love it if we had socialized neutering (for pets). That might reduce the numbers of unwanted, euthanized animals.

          • tessiee

            I'd love it if we had socialized neutering
            (for pets)

            *clenches fists*
            *grits teeth*
            Must… Not… Touch… Set-up… Line…

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            I'm on an iPad, so my commenting skills are limited, But writing "I ♠ cats" is always fun.

      • NellCote71

        Health care. Gateway drug to everything.

        • ChessieNefercat

          Living?

      • ChessieNefercat

        "People marrying their dogs?"

        Well, okay, if they're as adorable as those little Corgis running around underfoot at the castle when Bond came to fetch the Queen.

  • TribecaMike

    The recreations of the Battle of Britain and the Blitz could have lasted longer than 2 seconds, and no, Danny Boyle, they did not take place in a council house.

    • valdemar

      You are being ironic, I hope?

      • TribecaMike

        Nah, just being silly.

  • anniegetyerfun

    The Olympics are a well-known bastion of socialist thought. That's why I would never vote for a man who had helped organize such an event.

  • coolhandnuke

    To poke fun at the nipple phobic puritans across the pond, Mr Bean should have exposed himself a wee more.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Has anyone else noticed that the British press cannot write a single article without using the word "row"?

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      "keen" also too.

    • tessiee

      "Can't we have ONE meeting that doesn't end with us digging up a body?" — Mayor Quimby

  • Katydid

    My favorite part of the Olympics is the Murdoch-owned British press taking aim at MIttens. Best headline so far: "Mitt the Twit."

    • tessiee

      This proves that they're attacking success.

      Also, I'm dog sitting for a dog who looks just like your avatar.

      • Geminisunmars

        Same dog. What do you think it is doing when you are busy on your computer?

  • RadioBowels

    The NHS works. In your face wingnuts. Hahaha. Where's that special Anglo-Saxon Bond now? Romneycare?

    • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroomba

      There is no such thing as Romneycare, just Obamacare.

      • not that Dewey

        There is no such thing as Obamacare, just CIGNA.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    *sigh*..This Olympics just seems not as Special this time around, not without Mittens running it. Would that he were. With Sarah Palin as his consultant in chief, because, Special.

    • not that Dewey

      "It's a lot easier to hold an Olympics in the middle of nowhere."

      -David Cameron

      "That's not the middle of nowhere; it's the northwest corner of nowhere."

      -Stephen Colbert

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        Use a proxy. Hop in from an ip geolocated in Canada.

        • not that Dewey

          What service do you recommend? "hidemyass.com" seems a little shady.

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            Well, they keep on trying to monetize, and it's a grey area. Disabling un-needed functionality in your browser, like search plugins, java, JavaScript, and flash might be wise. Also, don't run your browser instance in an admin account. Sandbox that shit, yo!Thanks

          • not that Dewey

            Is it closed up now?

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            Man the keyboard on this thing is modeled for specific use case scenarios that I find to not so much… Use. HTML on an iPad is such a chore,swapping betwixt all of those soft keyboards.However, the only real information I can offer is an understanding of a proxy service.Some nodes on the Internet do packet filtering based on the source location of the packet. A proxy helps you bypass those filters by hopping around them, with packets/messages that have a new ip, preferably geolocated somewhere outside of the policy defined region that the content provider has defined.To use a mail analogy, you wrap your letter in a letter that has a Canadian return address, and the filter lets it through. I am not saying you should DO this, just letting you know that technology isn't the problem. Dumbass middle management trying to monetize everything is, along with a percentage of the blame going to senior management who are so old and removed from the 'net that they print out their emails.If I had a dollar for every time I had to shout: The Internet makes time zones obsolete!!!Thanks

    • Boojum

      Yes, those special Utah Olympics.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroomba

    I liked the kids jumping on the beds. My thought when watching was that these kids are so happy–"We got healthcare, muthafuckaz!"

    • tessiee

      And muthafuckin' tea?

  • littlebigdaddy

    I'm flying to London tomorrow…when I booked this trip I thought the Olympics didn't start until August. Looking forward to that anal probe at LHR!

    • JackBauer

      You better hope the anal probe is not performed by the NHS.

      They'd fuck that up to.

      • tessiee

        Those things are back.
        Can Rebecca or someone call the guy to come in and spray for them?

      • ChessieNefercat

        Don't blame socialized medicine for your poor spelling skills.

      • sewollef

        "You better hope the anal probe is not performed by the NHS. They'd fuck that up to."

        Is this a snark… or serious?

        • Geminisunmars

          It is trollish. It was claiming elsewhere that the NHS killed its pa. Unfortunately not before spawning.

    • YasserArraFeck

      But you'll probably get a nice cuppa after the probing………………

  • cheetojeebus

    Yeah yeah, we know, the games of '39 had an impressive gala start but come on, change with the times ya bunch of teabaggers! the Brits did a swell job.

  • steasie

    Being in the states, it wasn't available on my TV so I didn't watch. I did however love reading that Frank Tuner, the punk rocker, was asked to do 3 songs as a warm up to the opening. One of them was "I Still Believe" which contains the line ""Come ye, come ye, to soulless corporate circus tops." oh the irony!

  • Slim_Pickins

    If the Brits were just more like us, they would be better.

    • tessiee

      Like in that movie where Kevin Costner had to teach the Indians how to be Indians correctly, or that movie where Tom Cruise had to teach the Samurai how to be Samurai correctly, or that movie with the blue guys?

      • Slim_Pickins

        That's right, we are the best at everything because we are exceptional.

      • bobbert

        I have to confess I kind of liked the movie with the blue guys, because ultimately it was the whole fucking planet that expelled the aliens.

        Reminded me of Ursula LeGuin. (Adaptation is the sincerest form of theft, and all that).

        • tessiee

          I thought the movie was awesome, but "unobtainium" was so snicker-inducing as to be a distraction.

          • bobbert

            I just took that as a generic joke, like See You Next Wednesday.

          • tessiee

            Needz moar Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

            Too many silly contrivances in the service of shit that just looked cool on-screen, and too much 12-year-old video gamer ethos.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      We have The Best Healthcare System In The World.

  • http://mbouffant.blogspot.com M. Bouffant

    American announcers are assholes, he assonated. (Assonanced?)

    • TribecaMike

      Spot on!

      • http://mbouffant.blogspot.com M. Bouffant

        Pls. leave my complexion out of this. Thank you.

        • TribecaMike

          Actually, that was a spotted dick reference. Oh, uh, never mind.

    • BoroPrimorac

      The whole thing went over their heads.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    Editrix, you could save yourself a lot of work from now on by just titling every post "Wingnuts outraged".

    • tessiee

      Regardless of whether or not it were actually true and/or had anything to do with the content of the article, it would certainly make *me* feel better.

    • not that Dewey

      I believe the preferred phrase is "WINGNUTS FURIOUS"

  • Come here a minute

    Wingnuts must be furious to have happy people praising a government health system shoved down their throat. (That is not a grammatical error; they have one throat.) Wingnuts demand to watch the Olympics with an uninterrupted soundtrack of crowds chanting, "USA! USA! USA!"

    • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroomba

      Seriously, I bet if you polled a random sample of people here and asked them what country the Olympics originated in, they'd probably answer 'U.S.'.

      • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

        That's actually a question on some IQ tests. You'd be amazed how many test subjects will tell you that the capital of Italy is France.

        • bobbert

          Whereas, in reality, the capital if Italy is "I".

          • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

            Will Shortz libel!

    • tessiee

      The first time I heard the line from the Beatles song, "A Day in the Life" that goes, "I saw a film today, oh boy; the English Army had just won the war", I felt an indefinable sense of something being a bit off. I later figured out that it was because THE AMERICANS always win all wars, even wars they're not in.

  • TribecaMike

    It's only the first day and the Italian women have swept the fencing foils gold medals. In your faccia, Anglo-Saxons!

    • tessiee

      *flips back of hand under chin*
      Yeah!
      Stu'gotz!

  • Katydid

    The woman on the video said, "those kids don't look sick!" She's right, I was thinking how boring they didn't drag the kids with leukemia out of their beds for the opening ceremonies. Not realistic, Britain.

  • Misty Malarky

    Needs moar synchronized Chinese people.

    • tessiee

      But they haven't had the Synchronized Fucking event yet.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Needs moar Horse Ballet.

    • tessiee

      Ann Romney and Catherine the Great approve this sentence.
      Bonnie Blue Butler does not.

    • BenGleck

      We want a kick line of horses, like the June Taylor dancers.

  • Beowoof

    I didn't watch. Now that I see that basically the Today show crew and Costas were the announcers makes me feel that decision was a wise choice. And hey USA, the country that encourages the sale of GMO foods to people without health insurance, does it get any better than that.

  • TribecaMike

    "Pardon me, would you have any Rich Bitch Dressage?"

    • Misty Malarky

      I prefer Ranch or Thousand Islands Dressage.

    • Boojum

      But of course.

      • miss_grundy

        I thought you were going to ask for the Grey Poupon, because you're rich and dressage.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    The Olympics are a huge disappointment, and not just the socialist overtones. I mean almost everyone there is a foreigner.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    No pics of Rafalca having it's legs superglued together and it's neck velcroed to it's breatsbone to make it dance better?

    • http://mbouffant.blogspot.com M. Bouffant

      No sheet. I was channel surfing to see how many of NBCU's channels would be devoted to this crap (All of 'em, Katie, except, so far, CNBCWorld.) & chanced across some dressage, i.e., a horse being tortured by a bottle-blond rich witch sporting A TOP HAT & TAILS, f'r cryin' out loud (like a 30's editorial cartoon of a plutocrat; self-satire is about to render Wonkette irrelevant) & wanted the horse to throw her & start smushing her w/ his hooves as if she were a fucking rattlesnake.

    • arihaya

      speaking about Rafalca, if Obama is really a commie he would have already turn Romney's horse into this.

  • TribecaMike

    Geez, now it appears that there are two Churchill busts in the White House. No word yet if there's at least one of Irish patriot Patrick Pearse.
    http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/07/28/1114385/

    • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

      Look, as long as neither of them come to life and wave at helicopters, I am happy.

      Nightmare fuel, is what THAT was.

      • ChessieNefercat

        Even worse if you recently stumbled across the picture of Churchill that recently started galloping around the internet. The one that shows him walking out of the ocean wearing his clingy wooolen onesies swimsuit.

        • sewollef

          Uhh, I just threw up a little in my mouth.

          I might have to have a drink now to remove that image from my brain. Thanks!

    • not that Dewey

      Never were so many busts owed by so many to so few.

      • Chichikovovich

        We will stash them in the cupboards, we will stash them on the shelves, we will stash them in Biden's bathroom, we shall never surrender.

        Them.

        • not that Dewey

          I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

          Oh, wait. That's not Churchill.

        • sewollef

          Recorded for playback while on a plane to Canada, to avoid the ah, unpleasantness of a German invasion.

    • Angry_Marmot

      Hitler could dance the pants off Churchill.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    No love for Percussionist Dame Evelyn Glennie!
    You fucking barbarians!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    [no, i didn't watch, ….read where she was part of the Industrial Rev. segment]
    Here she is as a VERY HOT young lady .
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHBsFOl-SnA&fe

    • http://mbouffant.blogspot.com M. Bouffant

      What?

      • Blueb4sinrise

        [………….]

    • bobbert

      You mean her?

      EIDT to add: She is unfuckingbelievably good.

      ETID2: If you'd like a little background music. Drums start about 3:45

      • Blueb4sinrise

        Yep. Being a blues and rockin kinda guy, I actually don't really care for the most of the stuff she does, kinda lost interest after hearing about her a while ago….but she is SOOOOOOOO FUCKING INTO IT , still an inspiration.

        • bobbert

          Also, deaf.

          Also, from my point of view, still a very hot young lady.

    • viennawoods13

      Good to know. Was trying to figure out who she was. Amazing drumming.

      • Blueb4sinrise

        My pleasure.

    • Angry_Marmot

      Why she wasn't recruited into Bond or Prince and the Revolution, I'll never understand.

  • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

    Attention Dumb Americans! Branagh Wasn't Supposed To Be Abe Lincoln.

    Apparently, other people wore stovepipe hats, too. WHY WEREN'T WE TOLD THIS IN ADVANCE!!???

    • tessiee

      /Dale Gribble/
      WHY WAS I NOT INFORMED??

    • bobbert

      Damn those Brits, copying our stovepipe hats before we wore them!!!!

    • viennawoods13

      That is TOO funny. By the way, I thought that Branagh did an excellent job. Trust him to be unfazed playing to a crowd that big, on a stage that big.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Classic dumbmerican tweet:
      "You guys are getting like every single word of My Country 'Tis Of Thee wrong."

  • MiniMencken

    The Olympic opener is inspiring me to write new lyrics for the Tammy Wynette standard. So far, I have "Sometimes it's hard to be a wingnut/Givin' all your hate to just one man." Need help for the rest, though. Anybody?

    • Blueb4sinrise

      I'll try…..

      You're flecked with spittle
      You're penis is little
      and there's lots you don't understaaaaaaaaaaand

  • Steverino247

    I thought it was about fucking time the Queen acknowledged publicly her gratitude to James Bond.

    First, the news of the Higgs Boson's discovery is released on Independence Day to remind us of what we could have done first, if we did not pay attention to the anti-science morons in our country. Now, we get a public invitation to join the rest of the world in providing health care for our citizens. Wingnuts can just go fuck themselves and the Democrats can try to grow a spine with some fetal stem cells STAT.

    • ChessieNefercat

      "I thought it was about fucking time the Queen acknowledged publicly her gratitude to James Bond."

      Well, really, what choice did she have, what with Mitt the Twit letting the cat out of the bag about the whole MI6 thing?

    • bobbert

      OTOH, the SSC would have been in Texas, so maybe it's okay CERN gets the trophy.

      • HistoriCat

        Oh come on – the scientists who would have been there if the SSC was built would have raised the average IQ for Texas by several points.

        • Steverino247

          It worked for Huntsville, Alabama. Trust me.

          (All the German missile guys working there, etc.)

          • Angry_Marmot

            "Once the rockets are up, who cares where they come down?
            That's not my department," says Wernher von Braun.

  • BarackMyWorld
    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      i know i've said this before but a few years back i ran a portion of a marathon to 'dressed to kill'.

      best distraction ever.

  • rocktonsam

    the NHS thingy could have shown Mittins campaign on life support ,that would have been cool

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I'd be happy to swing dance around the bed.

  • Misty Malarky

    I was hoping Patsy and Edina would light the torch with a cigarette.

    • littlebigdaddy

      Especially if they were doing the old Pats and Eddy, where Patsy's colostomy bag malfunctions.

    • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom
  • ChessieNefercat

    I told a friend at work about that episode. She had never seen it. I sent her a link and she and her mother watched it over and over again. They couldn't stop laughing.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      Just Google'd it. Brilliant.

  • chitrade

    I cried when the midgets danced around the 'henge.
    Best part of the opening ceremony.

    • Chichikovovich

      I just wish they hadn't cut Jazz Odyssey.

  • SolitaireRose

    I'm reading the Beck comments and remembering all of the times I have seen innocent Canadians or Brits wander blindly into our right wing, and the sheer horror they express at the unbridled stupid that is unleashed on them.

    It's like seeing Tinker Bell die when the audience is indifferent to the performance.

    • viennawoods13

      I stopped visiting one site for one of my leisure-time activities, because the mindless hate and absolute vileness of the comments made about anything attempted by the Democrats and Obama was absolutely repellent. On health care, they would repeat the most blatant lies about health care in Canada, and when I would gently correct them, they would tell me, the Canadian, that I did not know what I was talking about. I had to just walk away. It was too too vile.

      • tessiee

        And yes, viennawoods13, I've seen comments on more than one post in assbook (I'm not even trying to call it facebook anymore) from people who live IN Canada, Sweden, etc. responding to people OUTSIDE OF their country that, No, their health care system does or does not work a particular way, and being handwaved off in the most arrogant and ignorant way, e.g., "You just THINK it works that way…", etc.

    • tessiee

      One of the reasons I'm glad I no longer live on the East Coast is that I suspect that if I listened hard enough, I'd be able to hear them laughing at us in Europe.

  • Callyson

    Opening ceremony–liked it.

    Insipid commentary by Matt Lauer and Meredith Viera–hated it.

    Also–looks like Wonkette is the *only* website I will be able to visit over the next two weeks since all the rest of them insist on posting spoilers. Fuck you very much, HuffyPo..

    • viennawoods13

      Yeah, I was glad to watch the Canadian version. Very low-key and unobtrusive commentary.

      • vasty_derp

        So far have just watched BBC online coverage- pretty heavy on Team GB, but I get to miss the NBC commercials every other minute… Actor very kindly posted this link so props to him: http://tvpc.com/Channel.php?ChannelID=3

    • Negropolis

      Viera actually was well-meaning if even clueless. Matt Lauer and Bob Costas was something I could not tolerate, especially when they were put together to play off each other. It was just plain horrible. If I heard "war-torn (fill in the country)" one more time during the parade of nations, I swear…..

      • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

        I used to kinda like Veira, but talking over Mike Oldfield was the last straw.
        I will forever think of that when hear her voice.

        And no, I did not see the Exorcist, (too scary),but listened to Tubular Bells and Hergest Ridge, (the follow up to TB) constantly.

  • miss_grundy

    Once a month I attend a book and film discussion group at my local library. This month we saw The Manchurian Candidate. So, of course, we had a discussion of McCarthyism and the Red Scare. Well some Michiganian poopyhead decided to equate the Affordable Health Care Act with the Cuban national medicine program??????? His argument was that medical care would cost less but it would look like the Cuban model???? I know, I know and he tried to act like he had to explain it to me. Of course, the wimmen there jumped down his throat. Except I just wanted to defenestrate the guy….

    • tessiee

      And Cuban = by definition bad, since it's 1954, right?

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      And Bachmann = Senator Iselin

  • http://twitter.com/Rainbow_Meow Rainbow_Meow

    So, that MP. He is Aidan Burley and in the recent past, he got fired from his position in the government as a minister of something or other for chillin' at a Nazi-themed party.

    I am beginning to wonder if maybe the smile in this photo was not so genuine??
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/aidanburley/74663581

    • bobbert

      Except for the big guy in the back, that's about the most uncomfortable group photo I've ever seen.

      • http://twitter.com/Rainbow_Meow Rainbow_Meow

        Well my friend, you have obviously not been doing time in Aidan Burley's Flickr stream, because if it's uncomfortable you want…
        http://www.flickr.com/photos/aidanburley/70479247

        • tessiee

          "that's about the most uncomfortable group photo I've ever seen."

          There was one awhile back of Dumbass Bush grinning like a donkey, surrounded by a bunch of HIspanic restaurant workers with rather strained facial expressions, but I can't find it on google.

          Also, is Hispanic or Latino the preferred term?

          • doloras

            They mean different things.

          • tessiee

            If you, or someone else who is knowledgeable, would educate me as to which is the correct word under what circumstances, I would be very appreciative.

          • Negropolis

            I believe that hispanic is a bit more specific, and that technically latino can be applied to any of the southern European nation's with a romance language in the Americas. So, Quebec could technically be "latino" but not hispanic.

          • viennawoods13

            Try saying that in Montreal- they would correct you right fast. Tabernaque!

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

            I think it's more the opposite of what you said. Here's a link:
            http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/e

          • http://twitter.com/Rainbow_Meow Rainbow_Meow

            I have a feeling that neither would be Aidan Burley's preferred term.

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    By far, my favorite part of the London Olympic Ceremony was the 1 hour long interpretive dance explaining the LIBOR scandal.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Now I see why Mitt insulted the Brits – he was just jealous because he couldn't afford to hire Daniel Craig to skydive into the stadium with him in a lovely pink dress.

    • tessiee

      Just so we're clear…
      The phrase "in a lovely pink dress" modifies "Daniel Craig", not "Mitt", right?

      • vasty_derp

        I was reading it the other way around. It makes more sense somehow?

        • tessiee

          How about we compromise? Put Alan Rickman in a sequined, frilly pink tutu, and have him kick Mitt's ass while so attired.

          • viennawoods13

            I would pay to see that.

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            What the girls wouldn't do to Alan Rickman is a very short list.

          • vasty_derp

            Yes, I could go for that!

  • neiltheblaze

    The moment I saw the pean to the NHS I started giggling just imagining the thousands of head explosions happening that very instant. It was life affirming!

  • ttommyunger

    The East India Company is people, too, my friend.

  • Misty Malarky

    I'm figuring the next USA hosted Olympics will feature a salute to the NRA.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Pics or it didn't happen.

  • bobbert

    And GTFO.

  • JackBauer

    So glad an American fucktard thinks our NHS is so fucking wonderful.

    Funny thing is I don't think so, but then it only killed my dad.

    Oh, and by the way you ignorant slut… the UK gets the Gold Medal for having the lowest survival rates amongst western democracies for the common cancers for men and women.

    So basically, fuck you.

    • Blueb4sinrise

      fap fap fap fap fap fap

      • JackBauer

        Prick. Prick. Cunt. Prick. That clear enough for ya, fucktard?.

        You deserve to be treated by the NHS. You'll really enjoy it. Especially the wait.

        • Blueb4sinrise

          I do. I fly over, get treatment and DRUGSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!! for various things at their expense. Fly back
          Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.

        • tessiee

          "Prick. Prick. Cunt. Prick. That clear enough for ya, fucktard?"

          Ironically, this raises more questions than it answers.
          Who, exactly, are the prick, prick, cunt, and prick?
          And why are they are a prick, prick, cunt, and prick, respectively?
          Or, an alternative explanation, is the troll implying that Blueb4sinrise is four people?
          Quadruplets?
          Four unrelated people teaming up to post?
          So, no — it really couldn't be considered "clear".

          • HistoriCat

            Maybe one window was open to Wonkette and another to YouPorn?

          • tessiee

            So he could fap to both?
            It's as good an explanation as any.

          • Guppy

            You mean I'm not the only one?

          • YasserArraFeck

            I think it's some sort of Morse Code. "Prick, prick, cunt, prick" = "Dot, dot, dash, dot"
            Repeat message JackBauer, you're breaking up!!!!

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      NHS saved my mother's life and my grandmother's life twice.

      Ain't anecdotal evidence fun?

      • jqheywood

        And my daughter last year when we were in London on vacation. Treated her, gave us antibiotics, and sent us on our way, without charge. And were wonderful, sweet, kind, lovely, & nice to us during a very stressful time when we were far from home. I shudder to think what would happen to a Brit family visiting here. Noboby bad-mouths the NHS in front of me!

        • Fukui-sanYesOta

          I've had a similar experience in both Portugal and France.

          When travelling to the US, travellers from Europe have to buy extra-expensive travel insurance just in case they get a throat infection or something whilst they're there.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      MOM!!!!

    • Goonemeritus

      You seem kind of American with your choice of avatar and your obsession with America’s President. Not that I’m calling you full of shit but the story just doesn’t hold together for me. Maybe you should change your Avatar to a picture of Sir Oswald Mosley.

      • viennawoods13

        He should probably change his name, too. It's an ironic choice, seeing as Kiefer is the grandson of Tommy Douglas, the man who brought medicare to Canada, and is passionate in its defense.

        • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

          HOW ABOUT THEM APPLES! *applause*

          oh forgive me, vienna. From a distance your avatar looked like a red red apple someone just took a bite out of, Gardening-in-Eden style.

          • viennawoods13

            S'okay. I've got thousands of apple trees around my house, so maybe the poppy cross-pollinated.

        • Goonemeritus

          Well done I am humbled by your smartness.

          • viennawoods13

            Tommy Douglas is my hero. There's a reason he was chosen as "The Greatest Canadian".

          • Goonemeritus

            And that’s some pretty rough competition.

    • user-of-towels

      Funny thing is I don't think so, but then it only killed my dad.

      Well, that and the infected buttplug dipped in Welsh rarebit that they couldn't extract.

    • tessiee

      "it only killed my dad"

      I call bullshit.
      As far as I know, Donald Sutherland is alive and well.

    • RadioBowels

      he UK gets the Gold Medal for having the lowest survival rates amongst western democracies for the common cancers for men and women.

      Bullshit, let's see the study. Here in America we are poisoning old people with chemo and radiotherapy all for $$$$ — sold as hope and "medical science."

      • Fukui-sanYesOta

        http://www.nationmaster.com/graph/hea_dea_fro_can

        UK better than US for cancer as a whole.

        The difference in "common cancers" is a cultural thing where British people tend to ignore stuff until it hurts. It's not that the NHS sucks, it's just how it's done.

        • RadioBowels

          Thanks Fukui, I've been extremely busy and haven't had time to actually do research. And as previously discussed months ago this stuff is statistically dense. And I've said it a million times because it is so important but ignored by these freeper clowns: We pay 3-4 times what everybody else pays for these mediocre results.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Late diagnosis is exactly the problem in the U.K. This puts them behind most of Europe, not just the U.S., in one-year survival rates. (Our troll didn't bother to tell us which statistic he was using, but the one-year rate is where the difference jumps out at you.)
          Not to put the NHS entirely off the hook — on top of the cultural stiff-upper-lip thing, I suspect that it's a bureaucratic pain in the ass to go in and get examined, and that cost sensitivity discourages the sort of routine c.y.a. diagnostics that U.S. doctors engage in.

          • Fukui-sanYesOta

            Oh, the NHS has its problems, but if you see your local GP and there's a suspicion of cancer, you get proper diagnostics (e.g. MRI, CT, biopsy or whatever) pretty f'in quick.

        • Guppy

          Ah, but are "common cancers" as common in the UK as in the US?

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Funny thing is I don't think so, but then it only killed my dad.

      Maybe he's just pining for the fjords.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

      I smell Spanky.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Swing dancing nurses from the National Health–ultra perfecto.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    i am spending the weekend in a shakespeare workshop with an actual british person, i just saw the opening ceremonies on the interwebs and i am (still) finding coverage of mittgaffs. everywhere.

    i am therefore inclined to regard our former colonial overlords with some fondness.

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      I'm loving this #romneyshambles thing going on over there at the moment.

      • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

        SO loving it.

        though i fear we are being sidetracked by sideshows and the republican $$$ juggernaut will be the only thing that matters.

      • BoroPrimorac

        My favorite is #AmericanBorat.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Did you run into joey?

  • slithytoves

    I hated most of it. Loved the NHS stuff but thought most of it was incomprehensible and basically stupid. Might as well have resurrected Benny Hill.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

      When a foreigner does a thing and I don't understand it, it must be stupid!!

      • Fukui-sanYesOta

        Benny Hill did the industrial revolution and the battle of britain.

        also, he was in The Clash.

        • horsedreamer_1

          "Spanish Bombs" is about Charo's tits, right?

      • slithytoves

        I've studied in Europe and traveled the globe teaching and learning. Go fuck yourself. And enjoy your ability to categorize any criticism in "ism" terms, which is the intellectually lazy point you made.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

          You would know intellectually lazy — that 's why it was so easy to score points off you.

      • YasserArraFeck

        Just talk American to them, loud and slow, and they'll get the message that they're not making themselves sufficient clear.

    • Angry_Marmot

      Needz more Hill's Angels.

  • Barrelhse

    Oh Danny Boyle,
    The snipes, the snipes are calling.

    • jqheywood

      I see what you did there!

  • Negropolis

    Kind of OT, but since I didn't finish watching the opening ceremony before I got off of here I just have to say the close of the open ceremony wa second-to-none. I was pretty critical of the first half, but Paul McCartney and the torch was just something magical. I don't care what anyone says, that torch is bad-ass. Just goes to show that bigger isn't always better.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      i liked the corgies.

    • viennawoods13

      Is anyone criticizing the torch? That was beautifully done, I agree. And the rings- that was really visually stunning.

      • Negropolis

        I've heard complaints that the torch isn't visible outside the Olympic stadium.

        • viennawoods13

          Lord. I've been reading the articles with people complaining about that. What a pity; it's a beautiful concept, AND visually beautiful as well.

  • Negropolis

    You mean to tell me that the British at least attempt to try and put their broken citizens back together when they are ill regardless of their means?

    Fie! Barbarism, I say! Pure and utter barbarism! Only the Free Market truly saves. All hail the (not-so) Free Market in all of its (terrible) glory! Let The Lord via the Free Market sort 'em out!

  • labman57

    I guess we just can't relate to which aspect of Anglo-Saxon heritage that the critics decried was missing from the ceremony.

    Why do I get the feeling that they would have been thrilled to see a parade of blond-haired, blue-eyed Brits marching in goose step to the Imperial March from Star Wars?

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    The Brits like their health system; wingnut heads now spinning like Linda Blair …

  • Negropolis

    I heard thew news, today, oh fuckin' boy….

  • fartknocker

    I apologize but my wife and I are sucked into the US swimming and beach volleyball competitions. It's pretty cool that the US has won medals, but boy howdy, the Chinese are really wanting to make a statement in aquatics. Competition that does not follow the Bain Capitol model is good.

    The Fartknockers are very happy that the Bushes, Palins and Bachmanns are so stupid to not attend the Olympics. We are not happy about Todd Palin is now on some tee-vee show after the Olympics are over. The Palins, our home grown colostomy bags are nothing but an inflamed puss-filled irritated in-grown hair on America. Goat fuckers.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

      I refuse to believe beach volleyball is an Olympic sport and not the companion video to the Sports Illustrated Swim Suit issue.

      • bobbert

        And why can it not be both?

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    From the Blaze article:
    "As with any government-run system, more wealthy citizens have a higher level of mobility within the system, and are more able to obtain a higher quality of care than others. It is thus that the NHS has led to increased inequality in care received by Britons."

    Totally unlike the U.S., right Glenn?

    • bobbert

      Oh, for fuck's sake. They're claiming that wealth is an advantage in "government-run systems"? What, it's not an advantage in private systems?

      Honestly, I have trouble deciding whether to be more upset about the fact that there are assholes willing to spout such disingenuous bullshit, or the fact that there are people who are so uninterested in reality that they are willing to believe it.

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      "As with any government-run system, more wealthy citizens have a higher level of mobility within the system"

      what, they can opt to pay for private care? because of course it's an option … which nobody takes unless it's a job perk.

      otherwise the argument is bullshit.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

      That doesn't make any fucking sense. There should be an IQ test to register a fucking web domain.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I'm in favor of an IQ test in order to get an IP address.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Some ideas for Mitt in Israel:
    http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com/

  • Schmegeg

    Slaughtering and eating the dressage horses behind the barricades would have been nice, but we will have to wait till the next Paris Olympics.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

    Roger Ebert had a nice, Middle American (in a good way) review of the Opening Ceremony today: http://www.suntimes.com/news/otherviews/14057838-

    And people are angry that NBC cut out a tribute to 7/7 terrorism victims (while annoyingly tut-tutting the Brits because they said nothing about the Munich Israeli victims — well you know, there has been a lot of fucking tragedy in the world!)… http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2012/jul/28/londo

    And the Guardian also helpfully compiled some of the stupidest things Americans say on television… http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/us-news-blog/2012

    If we had a Special Relationship, Mittens and NBC have pretty much de-specialized it now, haven't they?

    • bobbert

      Any reference to Bob and Ray is a good thing.

      I didn't watch it — did Lauer actually say "google him" about Sir Tim? 'cause that would be, what, meta-ironic?

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

        Indeed!

  • DahBoner

    Well, I will probably be waiting until I die before my first pap smear.

    But the delightful vigins frocklicing around my maypole, that sounds nice!

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

    How are the Olympics and the Opening Ceremonies broadcast in countries other than the USA? I always assumed that other countries had their own broadcasts with their own commentary and a focus on their own medal-worthy events. Is that not the case? Don't tell me the rest of the world had to watch our version of the Opening Ceremony?!

    • viennawoods13

      We had our own commentators on CTV, who were very low-key and unobnoxious. We also saw THE WHOLE THING. Okay, a couple of countries got missed on commercial breaks.

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        I went to the CTV site and the videos aren't working. Do you know where to go to watch the whole opening ceremony? NBC's youtube videos suck shit and chop everything into 1~minute segments, and then after a segment, YouTube doesn't suggest the next chronologically ordered video. This is making me feel like a 90 year-old who needs to call my 12 year old great-grandchild to come over and teach me how to turn the machine on — I can't find this stuff anywhere on the internet…

        • viennawoods13

          Try this: ctv.ca If it doesn't work for you, it's one of those won't-play-in-this-region deals, I guess (like NBC for us in Canada).
          ps. If this does work, don't freak out when there's a commercial a dozen minutes in. It may be the only one; certainly there are very few.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Needs Silverlight (MicroSchlock viewer) installed.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

      Oh, as usual, Wiki explains it all: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_2012_Summer_

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      In the UK it's all on the BBC (as noted in the wiki article), including the opening ceremony.

      The UK's over-the-air (OTA) digital TV means that the BBC offers multiple different selectable feeds of events, including HD and 3D versions of the main commentated broadcast. All without adverts, of course.

      There's naturally a tendency to show events with British interest on the main channel, but the coverage of other events is also superb. The ethos is to show as much sport as possible, in stark contrast to the execrable NBC coverage which is "we show events with US interest or interminable puff pieces about US athletes, fuck every other country and sports with no US interest".

      I tend to watch the olympics via slingbox in order to get the BBC coverage, but I must say I'm liking NBC's iPad application which shows streams of all the events.

      edit: amended a bit. The BBC's coverage is a bit more like NBC's now, in that the main BBC1 feed is more "talky" than it was in 2008. Huh.

      • HistoriCat

        "we show events with US interest or interminable puff pieces about US athletes, fuck every other country and sports with no US interest"

        You are forgetting the "athlete had cancer but survived and is now competing despite parent's tragic death mere days ago" loophole for non-Americans.

        • Fukui-sanYesOta

          Ah yes, or "ha ha he's from [insert small, poor country] and he'll suck, but he's going anyway. HA! LOOK AT HIM SUCK!"

          cf Eddie the Eel

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

    Semi-OT: Doesn't it seem like Olympic Gymnastics and Figure Skating are now all about spectacular mistakes? It used to be rare to see a gigantic fuckup in these events, but the last few Olympics, it seems like people are crashing on their wonderfully-conditioned skater's buttocks and falling out of the air onto the gym mats all over the place. I assume this is because the techniques have become more intricate and difficult, and everyone's expected to do stuff that only a couple of people in the world could do 20 years ago? I don't know if I like it.

    • rocktonsam

      yes, like watching golfers miss a putt or slice in the woods.

      we celebrate failure, example $arah Palin

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      There are vaults which were deemed impossible just eight years ago, for example, and some of the Korean men are performing them, so it's definitely that the difficulty has amped up a lot.

      I do like it as it's part of human achievement – if one of the Koreans can pull off one of these moves in the individual vault it will be stunning. Something not done before. There's also a dutch (?) fellow in the parallel bars who will have a move named after him if he pulls it off in competition.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

    Semi-OT: Michael Phelps is Over. Barely making the finals yesterday, and way behind the medal-winners. He looked completely shell-shocked in the post-race interview, like, "look Dude, I don't even wanna be here!! I just wanna go home and smoke some pot, for Christ's sake! I only did this 'cause my dumb Mom and sister kept raggin' at me! Whatever." Bring on the Lochte-fest! Watch for "Anderson Cooper Strips Down To His Speedo With Ryan Lochte" on 60 Minutes sometime in September.

    • bobbert

      oops.

    • Negropolis

      It's really dissapointing. I've been able to tell since the year run-up to this that his heart wasn't in it. I didn't discount, however, that maybe he'd still be able to get by on freakish talent alone, but maybe I should have seeing him thus far. This is not the way you want to go out after being so dominant. It's like Michael Jordan going back to play for the Wizards.

      BTW, I'm annoyed at the media pitting Lochte and Phelps against each other like they have. It's so damned contrived, and no matter how good Lochte is he'll never be Michael Phelps. I mean, this is probably Lochte's last Olympics, too; Michael's been a the Olympics competing at a high level since 2000.

      • Fukui-sanYesOta

        POSSIBLE WEST COAST SPOILER ALERT

        He was good in the 4×100 today, but I'm glad France won it- it took Lezak's incredible swim in 2008 for the USA to win, and France had their hero in this rematch.

        edit: added spoiler alert because NBC are fucking useless

  • lulzmonger