special relationship

Mitt Romney Lies About His BFF Bibi

Romney rocks his mom jeansWhen we were in high school we had a friend who claimed his family was really tight with Morgan Freeman’s, and he’d tell us all kinds of hilarious stories about the good times he’d had, just hanging out with Morgan Freeman and having all kinds of deep talks wherein Morgan would generously give him sage advice on how to handle the various challenges in his life. Except THEN it turned out that he had been lying the whole time and he was super embarrassed.  See, this is why our friend from high school is a better person than Mitt Romney, who tells similarly ridiculous lies all the time and then doesn’t even pretend to be embarrassed. Like how he’s been running around saying that he was really good friends with Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyatu. But then Vanity Fair ASKED Binyamin Netanyahu about his good friend Mittens, and Bibi was all like “who? Oh THAT guy.”

ROMNEY: “We can almost speak in shorthand. We share common experiences and have a perspective and underpinning which is similar.”

~Mitt Romney, April 2012 in the New York Times.

Yeah…We’re sure that Mitt Romney, a draft dodger whose pastimes include playing dress up, making fun of the blind, firing people who provide services to him, and firing people who provide services to you, has a lot in common with Binyamin Netanyahu, a officer in an elite unit of special forces in the IDF who fought in the October War.

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NETANYAHU: “I remember him [Romney] for sure, but I don’t think we had any particular connections, I knew him and he knew me, I suppose.”

~Bibi Netanyahu, July 2012 in Vanity Fair Interview, (middle of Page 4)

MAJOR diss. Maybe Romney will get back at him by ruining our diplomatic relationship with Israel in much the same way he has managed to ruin it with the U.K.. Or by tying him to the roof of his car. Not sure which. We’ll keep you informed.

[DailyKos]

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About the author

Kris E. Benson writes about politics for Wonkette and is pursuing a doctorate in philosophy. This will come in handy for when they finally open that philosophy factory in the next town over. @Kris_E_Benson

View all articles by Kris E. Benson

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378 comments

    1. NYNYNYjr

      Eh, better to do that after they die. That way you don't have to listen to the jew complaining…about you doing him a FAVOR, for Pete's sake!

      1. TribecaMike

        I know whatcha mean. My brother-in-law is a doctor/lawyer/movie producer/tefillin layer.

          1. imissopus

            Something to do with Obama's high school days, I think. He and his stoner circle called themselves the Choom Gang. I'm not going to waste my time actually looking that up, I just recall reading it a few weeks ago. Spanky up there needs to learn how to troll if he's going to keep doing it.

      1. SayItWithWookies

        Hey, didn't Dubya use coke and then blow off reporters' questions about it by saying it happened more than fifteen years before he campaigned for prez, therefore it was off-limits? I'll bet you totally mocked him for that.

        I mean, 'cause otherwise you'd be mocking President Obama for being honest about his past while giving Dubya a pass for saying the statute of limitations had expired. And that wouldn't be an ethical approach at all, would it? An ethical person would prize honesty over running out the clock, and so you'd have to admit President Obama was at least more ethical about it than Dubya was, right?

    1. nounverb911

      01101110 01100101 01100101 01100100 01110011 00100000 01101101 01101111 01110010 01100101 00100000 01110000 01110201 01101110 01100011 01101000 01100011 01100001 01110010 01100100 01110011 00101110

        1. HogeyeGrex

          O̧̨̤̭̲̲̹h̳̟̟͕̪̳̬͙̗͘ ̴͇͕̣͉͈́̕͠͞ͅŞ̧̢̱̯̳̗̰̮̻͓͔̥̝̱̖͙͈h̡̛̲̗̲͍̠̻̙͈̼̲̤͉ͅi̲̞̕͟͡

          ̙̯͈t̼̟͉͎̺̙̯̳͘͜ ̶̬͎̖͍̲͉̬̼͔̠̮̱̞̪͎̰̞̘͡a̵̵̸̫̩͕̗͖͓̲̦͓̺l̛̛͜͡͞

          ̟̟̜g̨͎̫͇̙͖̙̳̟̝͇̟̫̯͇͖̀͠ͅͅ

          g͗̈́̓ͩͬ̊̉̆͢͏͕̲̪̠̹̻̞͚̝̪̗̖͎͎̱͙͡ͅe̸̵̴̙̯͂͋̓̓ͤ̂̈͌͛̆͆̍̋ͭ̀͜
          ͖̬̘̩̼̭̺̘̣͎̖̠̼̯͇̮͔tͨͨ̿͌ͧͩ͆̅̉ ̙̤̹̹̺̤͙͍̈́̈́̉̾ͨ̓͐͛͘ͅ ̢̤̜͍̞̆ͭ̓ͮ͊̑̇ͤͤͧͤ̀̔͂̋͐ͨ̚͞ͅţ̷̟̬͚͔̩̼̩̌ͩ̔̄͗̋͐ͥ̾̽ͦ͂̈́̆̾͞
          ̪̤ḣ̡̭̗̞̩̯̞̼̘̤̙͉̞̾ͣ͊̕ͅ ̡̢̛͍̦̫̙͎͙͍̪̀̎́̏͆͒̐̈̄͌̀ ̔̓̽ͬͧ̚͠҉̦͇̻̖̪̤͖̲̹̝̩ͅf̵̴̢̜̲͔̩̯̤̣̗͍̗̭͉̏̋ͦ̓ͯ́ͮ͐̿
          ̌̔̽͆҉̢̱̠͙̖̩̹̞̗͕̜̳̣̝͖̪͘͠c̷͎̮̖̗̟̠̘̥̳̳͖̜̋̈́̐ͧͭ͡͠k̔͒͛ͣ͂̉
          ̶̢͖͎̗̙̠͙͟ ̈̀ͩ̇̌͒̑ͧ̚ ̶̶̥̙͍̱͓̳́́̒̅̏̉ͧ͑̿̈o̸̧͖̞̯̜͚̟̝̖̜͙̯̗̓ͩ̈ͧ̉͊͗̒ͭ̽ͫ̚͢ͅu͛́̍
          ̶̧̬̘̤̮̖̲͖̠̼̱̬̓̆͂̿̀̓̅͗ͫ̄͒̆̎͘͠ͅţ̴͓̭͖̰̗̖̦͔͖͖͍̗̙̲̽̆̉̽ͅ
          ̜ ̡͚̟̫̮̖͚̥̲͙̤͚ͣ̄ͮ͐͘͘̕͟ͅi̴̧͖̘̲̳ͫ͊ͭͬ̇̔ͩ̽̓̊̉͑ͯ̓̊̎͋̽̑͢͟ͅͅ
          ̼̖͎̠̖̼͖̝͍̻m̧̛̯͎̖̙̭̲̻͕̗͎̭̈́͆ͨ̊
          ̘̺͓̺͙͚͇ͅͅͅs̍̈ͩ̆
          ̶̷̧̹̹̘͇̺̱͉̙̣͈͈̝̀ͨ̓͜͝ẗ̛͈͉͎̻̟͉̳̘͓̹̹ͩͪ̐̾ͭͫͨͫͯ̑͒ͥ̕̕͝͠
          ͍̭̖͚͈ͅe̢̨̓̓͂̿ͨ͢͏҉͍͈̖͈͈̳̣̻̲̳

  1. Come here a minute

    Mitt should stick to his Etch-a-Sketch strategy by denying Bibi Netanyahu, the "king of Jews", three times.

  2. Callyson

    In December Debate regarding how America should handle Iran:
    ROMNEY: "I'd get on the phone to my friend Bibi Netanyahu and say, 'Would it help if I said this? What would you like me to do?'"

    The guy who wants to be bossed around by other heads of state has the gall to accuse *Obama* of being weak on national security?

    Asshole.

    1. emmelemm

      "I'd just call him up, and I'd be all:

      'Hey, Bibi, whatcha doin'?'

      And he'd be all:

      'Nothin', Mittens, how's it hanging?' "

      And so on, and so forth…

        1. UW8316154

          Hey Mitt: You know we've been noticing you've been having a lot of problems lately. You know, maybe you should get away and maybe you should talk about it, maybe you'll feel a lot better

        2. emmelemm

          Thank you! That's what I was going for, but I couldn't quite figure out the right word.

          +All the internets to you today

      1. BoatOfVelociraptors

        I think the response he was trying to engender would be the following.

        'Nothin', Mittens, how's it hanging?'

        8 inches, cut.

    2. anniegetyerfun

      He SAID THAT? Out loud? In front of people? And no one was, like, "Wow, what a fucking pussy?"

      1. bibliotequetress

        Maybe the other Repubs thought, "Taking orders from Israel is the next best thing to taking orders from JEEEZUS!!!!"

        I cannot fucking wait for the Rapture. I need a bigger apartment.

        1. NellCote71

          I had not thought about that. Rapture real estate opportunities. Job creators, too, I bet.

          1. bibliotequetress

            Wall Street Journal editorial: Obama Fails to Turn Around US Housing Market and Economy by Not Starting Rapture

    3. LetUsBray

      But it's the prez who bows before foreign leaders. Holding hands, meanwhile, is cool, offering unwanted back rubs is swell, and announcing your intention to deep throat Netanyahoo is evidently awesome.

      I'd ask what amendment IOKIYAR is, but I'm pretty sure the answer is, All of 'em, Katie.

  3. nounverb911

    Just wait until Mitt orders a pastrami on white with bacon, swiss and mayo at the Western Wall.

    1. bibliotequetress

      "Wow, boys, move over and let Anne show ya how to really wail, hahaha! And I'm gonna cut those funny hair things off the side of yer head, they're really bothering me, faggot."

    1. Texan_Bulldog

      Yeah, I come back from vacation to see Mitt wearing Ann's mommy jeans. I'm going to have to make up for that by trying to find a picture of Michael Phelps wearing his Speedo.

      1. Barb_

        Texan, welcome back from vacation!
        Send me that photo of Michael when you find it, please.

          1. Steverino247

            It was at the March for Women's Lives that NOW put on in April 1992. She was trying to put some papers in her purse and having trouble with it. I helped her out. Shook hands and told her I'd heard her speak at a march in Los Angeles some time before. Chatted a bit about the event and then went our separate ways.

  4. Biel_ze_Bubba

    Mitt announced today that he became a close personal friend of Bibi, retroactively.

    1. ibwilliamsi

      Man that retroactive history shit sure comes in handy. How do I get me some of that?

  5. SayItWithWookies

    Mittens and Bibi are so tight they don't even have to acknowledge it publicly. In fact, Bibi's secretly thanking Mitt right now, using telepathy.

  6. qwerty42

    The Mittster isn't even in Israel and it starts. I cannot imagine what this will look like by the time he gets to Poland. Maybe he'll stop off in Amsterdam to tour the red light district and take his mind off things.

    1. vasty_derp

      What kind of red light district would be suitable for Mormons? I guess the kind where the pretty red lights are the only attraction?

    2. HogeyeGrex

      He'll visit Auschwitz and say "See? Work really does make you free. I'm a job creator!"

        1. HogeyeGrex

          Sadly, yeah, it didn't seem like all that big a stretch when I thought it.

          This gem sort of cropped up in my head and I wondered how he could top it.

          1. Dudleydidwrong

            "Mitt Romney, wearing a T-Shirt with the slogan 'Mormons Rock!', light blue jeans, and high-top Keds, Attends Ceremony Honoring the Auschwitz Dead"

    3. fuflans

      he's going to be so tightly managed for the remainder of the trip that i doubt it.

      and i SOOOO hope i am wrong.

      (he does seem to have these periodic meltdowns that come in triplicate. must be before someone can get to the reboot).

      1. GunToting[Redacted]

        See, I think this is the problem… As Charlie Pierce says, to Mittens there are only two types of people: His (and his family's) type, and The Help. Mitt's handlers are obviously The Help, and therefore there is no reason to listen to them if he doesn't want to. It's exactly why Mittens will make a horrible president.

    4. Isyaignert

      Mittens, please don't tell Pollack jokes when in Poland. Sad that I have to remind him not to do stupid sh!t like that, but what else are you gonna do?

  7. Arken

    I really, really hope Romney points out while he's in Israel that Mormons consider everyone who isn't a Mormon to be a gentile (fact). That will go down really well.

      1. BoatOfVelociraptors

        That assumes that people bothered to read the texts, as opposed to having the texts selectively read to them. After all, King Solomon had many wives, and hundreds of prostitutes. He was wise.

    1. tessiee

      I was thinking he'd give a big, friendly wave and say, "Hey, I'm rich! You People like money, right?", but yours is good, too.

  8. Dr. Nick Riviera

    He meant "friends" in the way facebook uses the term: strangers who both attended a mutual friend's kegger.

    1. Fare la Volpe

      The first thing my new phone did when I synced it with my Facebook account was automatically add the phone numbers of all those non-friends into my address book. I have never had so many people that I had no interest in calling.

      1. BoatOfVelociraptors

        The worst part is when you have to link contacts from multiple sources, like your google, FB, and live accounts. On the upside, Since your data providers are all upstream, it means you can swap out hardware all the time.

  9. coolhandnuke

    Andy: You know what the Mexicans say about the Romney?
    Red: No.
    Andy: They say it has no memory.

    1. schvitzatura

      Mitt believes in three things: success, success, and the Book of Mormon. In a Rmoneymurica, you'll receive the whole trinity . Put your trust in the Lord; your ass belongs to him. Welcome to #Romneyshambles.

  10. Dr. Nick Riviera

    This is why you only lie about knowing famous people when they are already dead. There's still time to claim he knew Thomas Jefferson retroactively.

    1. pdiddycornchips

      That's so true. Why just last week I was telling my co workers about the time the Churchill's invited us to holiday with them in Scotland one summer. It was the first of my many meetings with the Queen Mum.

      1. Fare la Volpe

        How's that ole Billy Shakespeare doing? He and I used to have some good times together.

  11. SorosBot

    It's almost sad; Mitt has never had a real friend, and so he doesn't know what friendship is and confuses casual acquaintances with friends.

    1. Grief_Lessons

      Maybe if he diligently cares for his elderly woodcutter father he will eventually turn into a real boy.

      1. tessiee

        "Maybe if he diligently cares for his elderly woodcutter father he will eventually turn into a real boy."

        I don't know, it didn't work for Jesus.

    2. kittensdontlie

      Yes, so sad,…even the crocodile tears streaming down my face are more real than Mitten's friends.

    3. Rotundo_

      He also associates the help with them as well, never realizing that when the checks stop so do the human interactions with him. His dad probably had to hire friends for him.

    4. fitley

      Don't the guys, who held the kid down, while Mitt cut his hair, count? I mean if they let go Mitt could have got his ass kicked. That means they cared.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Make it Captain Morgan, and your recruitment efforts will be more likely to pay off.

  12. user-of-towels

    Duh, Romney is a way better friend with Netanyahu than Obama is because of their shared Semitic heritage.

      1. anniegetyerfun

        He's married to a girl from Jerusalem and he's from Hebron, so he guess he feels a little Jewy. (incredibly awkward chuckle)

  13. Arkoday

    I hope he calls Bibi 'habibi' while wearing those jeans. That should be the end of him.

  14. GregComlish

    Willard is familiar with the historical struggles of the Jewish people, like that time a bunch of them emigrated to South America and then they were annihilated as a civilization after they arrogantly rejected the Mormon teachings of Christ resurrected for the second time in a row.

    1. SayItWithWookies

      Actually all that happened around New York state, where Joseph Smith lived. Well, right up until it was ruled out that there was any evidence of a pre-Columbian civilization resembling anything like that in the Book of Mormon.

      After that it was moved to several places, including Mexico City, without, again, any evidence of the cities described. So it'll get to Antarctica pretty soon.

  15. user-of-towels

    Right now, Rick Perry is kicking himself for not taking Romney up on that $10,000 bet.

    1. kittensdontlie

      And this just perpetuates his JESUS complex. The more people DENY knowing him, the greater his ambition to SAVE Amerika from the heathen liberals. Won't somebody be friends with little Mitts???For the good of the country!!!!

        1. kittensdontlie

          Yes, and we will all be doomed to a mormon afterlife, whatever that is. All I know is, it doesn't seem like fun.

          1. Biel_ze_Bubba

            That is the big mystery to me: Promising a no-fun lifestyle for eternity doesn't seem like an effective recruitment tool, yet they somehow make it work.

            Not that rationing out 76 virgins over eternity doesn't pose its own problems, but it has at least a superficial appeal.

          2. kittensdontlie

            Ohhh,…there will be virgins…count me in(no, I haven't a prayer to enter heaven, just like the rest of you people).

    2. Rotundo_

      If you were friends with Mitt you would be on retainer and would profess what a wonderful chap he was on command per your contract. Just like his gardeners and staff, you would say wonderful things about your employer as long as the checks are still coming and cashing.

  16. barto

    To be fair to Rmoney, he just doesn't have that many friends, so Bibi rates right up there, along with the car elevator guy (uh, what's his name again?) and one of the butlers, the friendly one, you know, uh….

  17. Goonemeritus

    Why do you jump to the conclusion that it is Mitt who is lying? Could not an equally plausible explanation be that Bibi found another boring entitled billionaire to hang with and now he’s all I was never that into him?

  18. GeorgiaBurning

    Lech Walesa phoned: he can't make it Monday, the grandkids have soccer practice, but lets have lunch sometime.

      1. DustBowlBlues

        Just as well. I doubt he and Mittens would see eye-to-eye on that whole labor union thing.

  19. mrpuma2u

    What limb is mittens going have left to stuff in mouth? Both feet are still in there from his disastrous London stint. Guess he'll just have to not pull his head out of his ass.

    1. TootsStansbury

      UNPOSSIBLE for the Mittster to pull his head out of his ass. It.goes in but it can't come out because uh physics.

    2. Grief_Lessons

      This sounds like one of the extreme sports at the Romney compound: You put your head and both feet in your ass, then someone grabs you by the cock and flings you like the hammer throw.

  20. Antispandex

    They're such tight BFF's that Ben like totes forgot and all, because they hang all the time with such a big crowd of V.I.P.'s. OR, they are deep cover double super secret besties. Thanks for outing them lame stream media!

  21. Billmatic

    Now now now, by "almost" he meant "not at all" and by "common expreriences and perspective" he means "being a firm believer in cultural homogeneity"

  22. not that Dewey

    On the planet Kolob, the phrase "we share common experiences and have a perspective and underpinning which is similar" means "I don't know that guy; never seen him before."

  23. Toomush_Infer

    Those are grammaw pants – is he wearing Depends, or is his magic underwear just that bulky?…

  24. Dr. Nick Riviera

    This is the same kind of friendship Republicans mean when they say "I have a black friend"

  25. arihaya

    Romney: "I could relate with Netanyahu, those bloody Palestinians hate me too. After they fund out I baptized their ancestors."

  26. MilwaukeeKent

    In an effort to not gaffe in Poland, Mitt will start with some light-hearted banter. "I like many Polish things, especially the jokes. There's the one about the fellow who swam halfway across the lake, got tired, and swam back. And the one about the fellow who threw the bowling balls into the ocean…"

  27. Thurman Munster IV

    It looks like the Mittster might have the genitalia of a Ken doll. Which is the only kind of genitalia of Mitt's I could stand imagining.

    1. hippie13

      so the 5 kids were from some sort of mitosis? they do look similar, but all of utah is full of blondish and big teeth.

  28. SorosBot

    By the way, our old troll Spanky, or one of his many logins, is back being annoying down in the Wall Street Journal / student loan thread.

  29. pinkocommi

    Regarding the pic of Mittens…. is it the ability to pull his pants up that high that makes his underwear magic?

    1. tessiee

      I thought it was his magic underpants protecting his 80s jeans from giving an atomic wedgie to his man-gina.

    2. tessiee

      Although it could be worse. Thank goodness the fad for low rider jeans is past, or we'd all have to look at Mitt's muffin top. *retch*

  30. johnnymeatworth

    Good thing Bibi's not English or else Mittens might have to criticize his Olympics in retaliation for this tremendous faux pas!

          1. DerrickWildcat

            The Women's Colombian National Team is about as close to Zombies as you'll get. They are going to get an awful beatdown by the U.S. Women tomorrow. It'll get ugly fast.

      1. vasty_derp

        (I think it was the Corgis- they were last seen looking up so trustingly at the helicopter…)

        1. ChessieNefercat

          The look on their little faces was almost enough to make you think that Mommy really did go up in the sky in the helicopter.

    1. ChernobylSoup

      I believe your original question is now answered. Kids getting healthcare. They're celebrating it!

    2. Negropolis

      That "boy meets girl bit" seemed so incredibly out of place and trivial. What were they thinking? So far, nothing is ever going to beat the Chinese drummers in Beijing.

      This isn't quite "pick-ups in Atlanta", but it's not Beijing hivemind, either. Or, maybe I've just become really jaded.

    3. anniegetyerfun

      Yes, yesterday Fox was slobbering over the possibility that the US might "dip" the American flag at the opening ceremony, which I guess other nations do or something? I honestly don't know what "dipping" would be. Does it involve corn chips? Anyway, it was something that everyone does, and the US thought about doing it, but doing it would prove our weakness and our black president to the WORLD or something.

      1. PubOption

        I think 'dipping the flag' normally refers to a momentary lowering of the flag, when passing the review stand during a military parade. I didn't see much of the opening ceremony, but did other nations lower their flags when passing British or IOC officials?

        1. anniegetyerfun

          I never watch the Olympics, because sports of all forms bore me, but that's sort of what I figured it meant. Of course, it's something that apparently THE US CANNOT DO BECAUSE WE ARE THE BEST or some such bullshit.

          1. ChessieNefercat

            Being ignorant wouldn't be so bad, it's being arrogant about their ignorance that makes the wingnuts so insufferable.

  31. docterry6973

    Mitt and Bibi are reeeeealy tight. That is why that Mitt, as President of the United States, would be eager to take orders from him.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      I would have put Mitt lower on the sociopath scale, as I don't think he quite has the taste for death and destruction that he WANTS people to believe he has. Like, I imagine Bibi capable of killing a Palestinian child with his bare hands. Mittens, I think, would awkwardly pat the child on the head and offer them a bacon sandwich. Then fire his father, inadvertently, from whatever job he was managing to hold down in the West Bank.

  32. RadioBowels

    OT, but the Olympics just started. Don't bother. The Chinese opening ceremonies were way better. The Brits look like one of those Renaissance Festivals. WTF? Peasants and maypoles and bad teeth. When does New Order come out? I was thinking more like The Wall or Pigs or something.
    Overproduced by Martin Hannett.

    1. ChernobylSoup

      Difference re Beijing / London openings? In London those figures are humans. At Beijing they were resources of the State.

      1. RadioBowels

        Nonetheless, the Brits will always have a place in my heart for their incredible interpretation of Rock-n-Roll.

    2. TribecaMike

      The James Bond/Queen Liz thing was a nice change of pace after all that seriousocity. I'm assuming that was the high point.

        1. James Michael Curley

          For anyone who is interested;

          "Be not afeard; the isle is full of noises,
          Sounds, and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
          Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
          Will hum about mine ears; and sometime voices
          That, if I then had waked after long sleep,
          Will make me sleep again; and then in dreaming,
          The clouds methought would open, and show riches
          Ready to drop upon me, that when I waked
          I cried to dream again"
          – The Tempest, Act 3, scene 2.
          Yet the switch from a upper class Dickensian poofter to Caliban will require a couple sessions at the chiropractor with treatments for whiplash.

      1. Fukui-sanYesOta

        I thought it was fun to see Team USA turn up looking like they should be on a French cruise ship named the "Bonjour Matelot"

        Also team GB looked like gay astronauts.

    3. Jennyjen798

      I honestly couldn't even think of something remotely cool that could happen during their opening ceremony. Exciting and British just doesn't seem to go together.

      In fact, the only thing I think of when I think of Brits would be: Mary Poppins, James Bond, Harry Potter cult bullshit, 60's British Pop, and obnoxious techno music. I get more than enough techno from my half wit brother on a daily basis and he rarely listens to the british stuff, go figure. Anyways the shit he listens to is ANNOYING. Not as annoying as hipster electronic music brother who points out how awesome the song (and therefore him) is on every 20 minute track because he was into electronic music before it was "cool".

      Anywho, boring brits are boring. Cheeky buggers and what not.

      1. Negropolis

        That's really not fair, at all. The opening ceremonies may have left something to be desired, but it's not because it was put on by the British.

      2. tessiee

        "I get more than enough techno from my half wit brother on a daily basis and he rarely listens to the british stuff, go figure. Anyways the shit he listens to is ANNOYING. Not as annoying as hipster electronic music brother"

        Now I'm thinking of "Dancing with Deiter".

      3. Fukui-sanYesOta

        "Anywho, boring brits are boring. "

        I respect your right to have an incorrect opinion.

    4. savethispatient

      So the coverage is only just starting on the West coast… but an East-coast friend just posted this:
      Facebook status update reaction to the Olympics opening ceremony: Americans don't like it and my fellow Brits love it. Cultural differences in a nutshell!

      Certainly the few British-based reactions I've seen have been very positive, shockingly enough.

      1. Doktor Zoom

        Free Republic is a frothing pit of indignation that the British don't seem to realize how much they should hate the NHS. Probably because they don't have Fox News.

        1. RadioBowels

          That's right. We Americans should be grateful that we pay 3-4 times what the Brits pay for mediocre results. Who wants a government bureaucrat dictating your healthcare when you could have a obscene profit driven bureaucrat denying your claim — if you'r re lucky enough to even have insurance?
          Romneycare is people too my friend.

          1. Doktor Zoom

            Crown Jewel of Freeper comments: "Imagine you are on the waitlist for an operation, sick and in pain, and you watch the Olympics and see that all the doctors you can’t get to see wasted months learning how to dance for the Olympic Opening Ceremony."

            Yes. And then, imagine being pummelled to death by an actual man made of straw!!!!

          2. savethispatient

            Haha, nice. What they forget is that the NHS treats you in order of how sick and in pain you are in, not how rich you are, so that doesn't happen… Also, they were volunteers, doing the ceremony in their spare time, which is time you don't have to work, because the UK have workers rights and some kind of work-life balance…
            Yeah, I see how the Freepers really didn't understand any of that, did they?

          3. anniegetyerfun

            Woah, woah, woah there buddy. Workers rights? Life balance? Do you want to get deported?

          4. ChessieNefercat

            "…when you could have a obscene profit driven bureaucrat denying your claim…"

            And then sending you a bill for the consult.

        2. tessiee

          "a frothing pit of indignation that the British don't seem to realize how much they should hate the NHS"

          "I'm going to spray 'Springfield Sucks' on this overpass. That way, when someone from Springfield sees it, they will realize that they suck." — kid from Shelbyville

          1. Doktor Zoom

            Also noteworthy, the Freeper who complained about Rowan Atkinson: "Theme music from the wonderful Christian film “Chariots of Fire” — which was rudely mocked and made fun of."

            Yes. "Chariots" was a Christian film. That Jew fella in there converted, didn't he?

          2. James Michael Curley

            And Eton, as a stunt double for Cambridge, had to be used because the regents at Cambridge did not want the world to be reminded of their history of Jewish persecution.

        3. anniegetyerfun

          Freepers probably could have lent the UK some of their sets from those "Halloween Horror House" thingies they put on every year to teach teenagers about the terrors of being gay and getting abortions all the time. Then the opening ceremonies could have included lots of imagery of patients dying of AIDS in government hospitals while Satan himself comes to drag away their eternal souls.

          1. HistoriCat

            Many years ago I read an article by a guy touring a Hell House (sadly, I can't find it online … if any Wonketteers know what I'm talking about, can you provide a link?). At the end of the tour the big guy himself showed up and directly asked the author if he was going to heaven or hell – he was tempted to say, "I'm with you, sir" but managed to restrain himself.

      2. viennawoods13

        I just watched it- I confess, I enjoyed it, but then I'm a hopeless anglophile with a strong sense of history. I liked the NHS segment- you get the feeling that when they planned this, they say down and asked themselves- What do we value in this country today? And that's what they put in- a multi-ethnic society that takes care of everyone. Plus some awesome books. and good music. What can be wrong with an opening ceremony that includes a bit from The Specials? Loved that music montage.

  33. DahBoner

    No, I meant net in Yahoo. I was trying to catch some fish that time in San Jose, and the only place around was some stupid pond…

  34. TribecaMike

    OT , but the London Olympics opening ceremony is paying tribute to the National Health Service? WTF???

        1. Fukui-sanYesOta

          Yeah, that was messed up. The whole thing was bizzaro though; I'm wondering how much coke Danny Boyle had shoveled up his nose before coming up with it.

          "YEAH and like we'll have a load of sick kids, then scare the piss out of them with the childcatcher and voldemort and shit, then we'll have, like twenty mary poppins come down and we'll call it YAY NHS! It'll be AMAZING!"

          1. TribecaMike

            Yep, and now there's an interminable plug for some Brit TV rom-com. Or maybe its just a really long Benetton ad.

            Oh wait, there was just a quick reference to the great film director Michael Powell. Sorry, Boyle, but only the only thing that'll save this treacle is ZOMBIES!!!

          2. Negropolis

            I mean, the ceremonies don't look cheap or anything, but it is so disjointed and crammed so much in that wasn't unified it kind of left my head spinning. I kind of expected less irreverence, too, but then I guess the media would have criticised them for playing to stereotypes.

          3. Fukui-sanYesOta

            It was really disjointed – I found myself yelling "next bit! bored of this now!" at the TV.

            That bit with the sun rising and some guy getting chased by wasps in front of a small child was particularly weird.

          4. vasty_derp

            I found it more entertaining than I had expected, but the NHS thing was pretty odd.

            I loved watching the athletes come in- it's good to remind yourself that humans can be beautiful in so many different ways.

            Once Sir Paul got started I'd had enough, though…

          5. tessiee

            "Once Sir Paul got started I'd had enough, though… "

            That's how I feel about anything with Paul McCartney in it.

    1. tessiee

      "the London Olympics opening ceremony is paying tribute to the National Health Service"

      I'm not watching, but I like this, if for no other reason than how much it will annoy every single wingnut watching it.

  35. Negropolis

    This photoshop will continue to be one of the most disconcerting that these Wonkettes has ever chosen to show.

    “I remember him [Romney] for sure, but I don’t think we had any particular connections, I knew him and he knew me, I suppose.”

    Damn, now that is a deep cut.

  36. Sharkey

    I'm sure this has been expressed before, but that is Romney's "strategy" for dealing with Important Non-Mormon Others. You meet once or twice, he tells how great he thinks you are but never says why. It makes you wonder if he has any idea who you are at all. He probably says that to everyone.

    Then when it turns out that, if he wins, he might actually be more important than you, he says the two of you have known each other for a long time. Since you are actually important, after all.

    Well, what would you do? Bibi? Are you there?

    At what point did Romney actually decide that you were important?

    1. Madam Killjoy

      I am so stealing this: "This would be a great time to kick someone in the testicles."

  37. Jukesgrrl

    Mitt and Bibi once chatted about their foreign investments. That's the kind of intimacy Mitt considers to be the foundation of a true friendship.

    1. tessiee

      The reason that Mitt considers that an intimate subject is because foreign investments is one of the few things that Mitt cares deeply about.

  38. Negropolis

    OT: I can't be the only one that wants to punch Bob Costas in the teeth, am I? I mean, at least more than usual. I enjoy snark as much as the next guy, but this backhanded nation-bashing by a Smug-American seems inappropriate.

    1. sudsmckenzie

      Earlier today, before this even started, I said to myself " I'm, already sick of Bob Costas"

    2. James Michael Curley

      In his aging he now has the look of "Is that the orderly who brings my breakfast?"

      In his younger days it was "I don't know how they got into my glove compartment."

  39. tessiee

    "he’s been running around saying that he was really good friends with Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyatu. But then Vanity Fair ASKED Binyamin Netanyahu about his good friend Mittens, and Bibi was all like “who? Oh THAT guy.”

    "Bitch ain't my girlfriend; we just hooked up a couple 'a' times."

  40. tessiee

    I can totally identify with this, because when I was growing up in New Jersey, I knew Bruce Springsteen slightly. I taught him a few simple guitar chords. Bruce wanted to go work in Sears selling barcaloungers, but I told him, "No way, Man! You gotta GO for it! Follow your dream!"

    I think we all know how it went from there.

  41. vasty_derp

    I'm trying to decide if Romney's staffers just hate him, and are more than willing to take his money while sabotaging his campaign, OR if they are just as completely tone deaf as Mitt the Twit?

    Here's a quote from today's NYT:
    "Afterward, the campaign said that Mr. Romney had misspoken because he was tired and jet-lagged. “Even the Energizer Bunny needs new batteries once in a while,” said an adviser, speaking on the condition of anonymity to discuss a delicate topic."

    The delicate topic being Mitt's need for batteries? Because he is so mechanical & inhuman? http://nyti.ms/Ok8Y7g

    1. SayItWithWookies

      The delicate topic must be that Mitt can't lose an hour of sleep without suddenly becoming an un-self-aware prick. Hell, it took John McCain five-and-a-half years in the Hanoi Hilton and then a career in the Senate to become that much of an asshole, and Mitt's already there — the truth is that replicants' lives are short, but they burn so bright.

    2. anniegetyerfun

      Well, he's exactly the kind of guy we want with access to the Red Phone, then.

      Do we still have a Red Phone, come to think of it? Or did we get a green one that we use to threaten Iran? Either way, if the guy can't talk while jetlagged, I'm not sure if this is the best role for him.

  42. Dashboard Buddha

    Maybe Mittens looked into Bibi's soul and the abyss stared back? …and he thought that he really liked the movie Abyss and confused him with Ed Harris who is conservative?

      1. James Michael Curley

        I first disliked Ed Harris when he said he had been reluctant to play John Glenn because John Glenn was a democrat and a liberal and soft on communism.

      2. Dashboard Buddha

        If you want to continue liking him, you can watch Enemy At the Gates a few times.

        Spoiler: A Nazi sniper played by a Rightwing Conservative gets his head blown off. What's not to like?

  43. ElPinche

    I know what I'm going to be for halloween! I just need some mom pants and duct tape my cock and balls down.

    1. Angry_Marmot

      Last Halloween, a friend of mine wore long underwear with a leather miniskirt and FMPs and called herself the Mitt Romney sex scandal.

      1. James Michael Curley

        How do you wear your "Final Menstrual Period"? Ms. Curley just laid in bed and complained a lot.

  44. chascates

    Since his advisers believe the Soviet Union is a threat again perhaps he'll drive Poland back into the Communist realm of influence.

  45. Biff

    Since there's no liveblog of the Olympics Opening Ceremonies, I must comment here.

    I thought I just saw Rafalca in the Royal Entourage, but it was only Camilla…

  46. Steverino247

    Like the classic sociopath he is, Mitt Romney will tell a lie, be caught in that lie, then move on to the next lie and lie about the lie he was caught in. The difference, though, is that this sociopath has a paid staff to cover for him and the owners of our national media who will help with the spin.

    So, important tip for the Obama team: Have handy at all times about five potential lies they suspect Romney might tell and the proof that those statements are lies are ready to go for the media. Seriously, they should have a team putting those packages together 24/7. Romney will never admit to being caught in them and just go right to the next one so quickly everybody will know he's incapable of telling the truth about anything.

    1. tessiee

      "Like the classic sociopath he is, Mitt Romney will tell a lie, be caught in that lie, then move on to the next lie and lie about the lie he was caught in."

      "I don't know why I did it! I don't know why I enjoyed it! I don't know why I'll do it again!" — Bart Simpson

  47. SorosBot

    And totally OT, but I'm using Netflix to rewatch the first couple episodes of Xena: Warrior Princess right now – and it's every bit as awesome as I remember it. Why can't they make shows like this anymore? Buffy was similar and even better – but since then, there has been nothing, at least in the US.

    1. GregComlish

      OT, but if I find the 1994 version of Kevin Sorbo more attractive than the 1995 version of Lucy Lawless, does that make me gay?

  48. vasty_derp

    The trolls & orcs are out in full force: nasty comments about the First Lady after this article, but they're just jealous because she is a class act, while 'Badmittenz' is not: http://bit.ly/OpRd4O

    1. James Michael Curley

      He also said he played bass on SWLABR * on the Disraili Gears Album.

      * She Walks Like a Bearded Rainbow

  49. Spurning Beer

    1. God bless Mr. Bean. We of the Wonkette faith owe a great debt to the British sense of humor.

    2. I know I'm kinda drunk, but I get choked up every two to four years when I see the national delegations march into the Olympic stadium. Seeing proud citizens of Guinea Bissau and Macedonia and the Marshall Islands and Lesotho and Dominica and Finland and Sudan march in with their flags gives me some feeling of belonging to the Human Race for a change. I know the athletes are probably the pampered elites of their respective nations, but they've still accomplished something, and they are soaking in an international celebration with an appreciation, I imagine, of the greater whole our globe comprises. Maybe they're just focused on getting some video shots to show back home and on their events and on getting laid back in the Olympic Village. But in my mind, they are embodying a benevolent, accepting attitude that transcends nationalism and racism. And a lot of them have phenomenal bodies. I mean, like fucking leopards or antelopes.

  50. clio8015

    I KNEW Netanyahu's reaction to Romney was lukewarm at best last Sunday on Faux News. the host quoted the same thing–"we almost talk in shorthand" and Netanyahu didn't even touch on it. when pressed he diplomatically said (twice) he wasn't going to get involved in American politics…then proceeded to praise Pres. Obama's continuing support for Israel. HA! These rumors are so ingrained that we believe them and they keep repeating on a loop–Romney is a LIAR and a FAKE and Netanyahu (and others) know it.

  51. Jadetiger79

    You know what? I think he wore those jeans on purpose . Like, as a big EFF YOU to everyone who wasn't in on the joke. All those Rs being snowed by a smarmy dick wearing mom jeans on a national stage, prep school style. As he crisscrosses the stage and lying his ass off to the proles, he's thinking "I'm totally bullshitting these assholes and I'm doing it wearing mom jeans with a straight face."

      1. Dr. Nick Riviera

        Aw, man. Telling us Wonketeers that is like shouting "There's no Santa" into a kindergarten classroom….just uncalled for.

  52. Comrade Wingtardd

    "And, England, if my love thou hold'st at aught–
    As my great power thereof may give thee sense,
    Since yet thy disfigurement looks raw and red
    After the 'Merkin teabag, and thy free awe
    Pays homage to us–thou mayst not coldly set
    Our sovereign process; which imports at full,
    By letters congruing to that effect,
    The present death of MITTENS. DO IT, ENGLAND;
    For like the hectic in my blood he rages,
    And thou must cure me: till I know 'tis done,
    Howe'er my haps, my joys were ne'er begun."

  53. 12X34X

    I'd love to know what the Israelis think of Mittens's former habit of rebaptizing dead Jews. Oh, I can't wait to see that hit the fan.

  54. rickmaci

    Romney Python and the Holy Fail Tour keeps on rolling. Swear I half expect somebody in the Romoney entourage in the next few days to get all butt hurt and ask why the press is trying to crucify Twitt..

  55. hippie13

    What kind of highschooler uses Morgan Freeman as a celebrity touchstone…did Ms Daisy's driver win a teen choice award I am unaware of? Mitts still a douche and bibi is still a fascist

        1. James Michael Curley

          Didn’t see the movie. I just saw the scene once in one of those “X most surprising scenes in a movie compilation.”

  56. carolinaswamp

    I'm enjoying the thought of Romney trying to tie Netanyahu to the roof of a car. I predict the outcome will involve Mittens touring the Dead Sea lashed to the roof of a humvee.

  57. Douché

    Stupid f*****g media, constantly checking the BS i spew, I will put a stop to that when I'm CEO of Merika!

    1. LetUsBray

      The best part is that, as the Rude Pundit's (http://rudepundit.blogspot.com/) photo makes clear, he actually signed off on a button reading "Mitt happens". It's not quite "Big, steaming pile of Mitt", but it shows either A) a willingness for our Mormon Bishop to make a poopy joke, or B) a complete obliviousness to poopy jokes.

    1. Doktor Zoom

      Cameron's Downing Street office distanced itself from Burley's comments, tweeting a message from the premier reading: "The opening ceremony has been a great showcase for this country. It's more proof Britain can deliver."

      Burley was removed from his job as aide to the transport minister last month after attending a Nazi-themed stag party in a French ski resort.

      Agence France-Presse

      Charming guy!

  58. greenide1

    Face it, Mitt. Bibi's just not that into you. And Ann's into her horse…not you. Even the crazy-ass GOP's not that into you because you're too boring. It's time to go buy some new friends.

  59. MRjonz

    Well, during the primaries, Bachman, Gingrich and Santorum had all vowed to hold their inaugurations in Jerusalem if elected, so Slick Willard has his work cut out for him. My guess is he’ll offer Bibi more money.

  60. DahBoner

    Yeah, I am best friends with all the Jews: Bibi, Cici, Didi, Mimi and my Spanish gardener (I think he's Jewish–he has a big nose), Sisi….

  61. labman57

    Flip-flopping Politician
    Tax-evading Businessman

    Well, Mitt now has another descriptor that he can add to his business cards — Diplomatic Poseur.

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