When we were in high school we had a friend who claimed his family was really tight with Morgan Freeman’s, and he’d tell us all kinds of hilarious stories about the good times he’d had, just hanging out with Morgan Freeman and having all kinds of deep talks wherein Morgan would generously give him sage advice on how to handle the various challenges in his life. Except THEN it turned out that he had been lying the whole time and he was super embarrassed. See, this is why our friend from high school is a better person than Mitt Romney, who tells similarly ridiculous lies all the time and then doesn’t even pretend to be embarrassed. Like how he’s been running around saying that he was really good friends with Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyatu. But then Vanity Fair ASKED Binyamin Netanyahu about his good friend Mittens, and Bibi was all like “who? Oh THAT guy.”
ROMNEY: “We can almost speak in shorthand. We share common experiences and have a perspective and underpinning which is similar.”
~Mitt Romney, April 2012 in the New York Times.
Yeah…We’re sure that Mitt Romney, a draft dodger whose pastimes include playing dress up, making fun of the blind, firing people who provide services to him, and firing people who provide services to you, has a lot in common with Binyamin Netanyahu, a officer in an elite unit of special forces in the IDF who fought in the October War.
NETANYAHU: “I remember him [Romney] for sure, but I don’t think we had any particular connections, I knew him and he knew me, I suppose.”
~Bibi Netanyahu, July 2012 in Vanity Fair Interview, (middle of Page 4)
MAJOR diss. Maybe Romney will get back at him by ruining our diplomatic relationship with Israel in much the same way he has managed to ruin it with the U.K.. Or by tying him to the roof of his car. Not sure which. We’ll keep you informed.
{ 378 comments }
Has Romney baptized Bibi yet? Or is he planning on doing that this week?
Eh, better to do that after they die. That way you don't have to listen to the jew complaining…about you doing him a FAVOR, for Pete's sake!
I know whatcha mean. My brother-in-law is a doctor/lawyer/movie producer/tefillin layer.
Can he change Bibi's last name to Rebozo when he's baptized?
Choom gang!
Intercepted!
Total Absorption!
poopyhead!
I'm still not sure what the fuck the stalker idiot's "Choom gang" is supposed to mean.
Something to do with Obama's high school days, I think. He and his stoner circle called themselves the Choom Gang. I'm not going to waste my time actually looking that up, I just recall reading it a few weeks ago. Spanky up there needs to learn how to troll if he's going to keep doing it.
Poppyhead!
Hey, didn't Dubya use coke and then blow off reporters' questions about it by saying it happened more than fifteen years before he campaigned for prez, therefore it was off-limits? I'll bet you totally mocked him for that.
I mean, 'cause otherwise you'd be mocking President Obama for being honest about his past while giving Dubya a pass for saying the statute of limitations had expired. And that wouldn't be an ethical approach at all, would it? An ethical person would prize honesty over running out the clock, and so you'd have to admit President Obama was at least more ethical about it than Dubya was, right?
Since they have to first be dead, Romney is planning to kill him.
Software glitch.
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needs more prÜÆÐÆÂäÈæ.
O̧̨̤̭̲̲̹h̳̟̟͕̪̳̬͙̗͘ ̴͇͕̣͉͈́̕͠͞ͅŞ̧̢̱̯̳̗̰̮̻͓͔̥̝̱̖͙͈h̡̛̲̗̲͍̠̻̙͈̼̲̤͉ͅi̲̞̕͟͡
̙̯͈t̼̟͉͎̺̙̯̳͘͜ ̶̬͎̖͍̲͉̬̼͔̠̮̱̞̪͎̰̞̘͡a̵̵̸̫̩͕̗͖͓̲̦͓̺l̛̛͜͡͞
̟̟̜g̨͎̫͇̙͖̙̳̟̝͇̟̫̯͇͖̀͠ͅͅ
g͗̈́̓ͩͬ̊̉̆͢͏͕̲̪̠̹̻̞͚̝̪̗̖͎͎̱͙͡ͅe̸̵̴̙̯͂͋̓̓ͤ̂̈͌͛̆͆̍̋ͭ̀͜
͖̬̘̩̼̭̺̘̣͎̖̠̼̯͇̮͔tͨͨ̿͌ͧͩ͆̅̉ ̙̤̹̹̺̤͙͍̈́̈́̉̾ͨ̓͐͛͘ͅ ̢̤̜͍̞̆ͭ̓ͮ͊̑̇ͤͤͧͤ̀̔͂̋͐ͨ̚͞ͅţ̷̟̬͚͔̩̼̩̌ͩ̔̄͗̋͐ͥ̾̽ͦ͂̈́̆̾͞
̪̤ḣ̡̭̗̞̩̯̞̼̘̤̙͉̞̾ͣ͊̕ͅ ̡̢̛͍̦̫̙͎͙͍̪̀̎́̏͆͒̐̈̄͌̀ ̔̓̽ͬͧ̚͠҉̦͇̻̖̪̤͖̲̹̝̩ͅf̵̴̢̜̲͔̩̯̤̣̗͍̗̭͉̏̋ͦ̓ͯ́ͮ͐̿
̌̔̽͆҉̢̱̠͙̖̩̹̞̗͕̜̳̣̝͖̪͘͠c̷͎̮̖̗̟̠̘̥̳̳͖̜̋̈́̐ͧͭ͡͠k̔͒͛ͣ͂̉
̶̢͖͎̗̙̠͙͟ ̈̀ͩ̇̌͒̑ͧ̚ ̶̶̥̙͍̱͓̳́́̒̅̏̉ͧ͑̿̈o̸̧͖̞̯̜͚̟̝̖̜͙̯̗̓ͩ̈ͧ̉͊͗̒ͭ̽ͫ̚͢ͅu͛́̍
̶̧̬̘̤̮̖̲͖̠̼̱̬̓̆͂̿̀̓̅͗ͫ̄͒̆̎͘͠ͅţ̴͓̭͖̰̗̖̦͔͖͖͍̗̙̲̽̆̉̽ͅ
̜ ̡͚̟̫̮̖͚̥̲͙̤͚ͣ̄ͮ͐͘͘̕͟ͅi̴̧͖̘̲̳ͫ͊ͭͬ̇̔ͩ̽̓̊̉͑ͯ̓̊̎͋̽̑͢͟ͅͅ
̼̖͎̠̖̼͖̝͍̻m̧̛̯͎̖̙̭̲̻͕̗͎̭̈́͆ͨ̊
̘̺͓̺͙͚͇ͅͅͅs̍̈ͩ̆
̶̷̧̹̹̘͇̺̱͉̙̣͈͈̝̀ͨ̓͜͝ẗ̛͈͉͎̻̟͉̳̘͓̹̹ͩͪ̐̾ͭͫͨͫͯ̑͒ͥ̕̕͝͠
͍̭̖͚͈ͅe̢̨̓̓͂̿ͨ͢͏҉͍͈̖͈͈̳̣̻̲̳
How in hell did you do that?
The absence of a shame circuit is a feature, not a bug.
Which truly bytes.
As if. He hopped a byte boundary.
Mitt should stick to his Etch-a-Sketch strategy by denying Bibi Netanyahu, the "king of Jews", three times.
In December Debate regarding how America should handle Iran:
ROMNEY: "I'd get on the phone to my friend Bibi Netanyahu and say, 'Would it help if I said this? What would you like me to do?'"
The guy who wants to be bossed around by other heads of state has the gall to accuse *Obama* of being weak on national security?
Asshole.
"I'd just call him up, and I'd be all:
'Hey, Bibi, whatcha doin'?'
And he'd be all:
'Nothin', Mittens, how's it hanging?' "
And so on, and so forth…
"Whatcha thinkin' bout?"
"Oh, I don't know… billionaire stuff, I guess."
Hey Mitt: You know we've been noticing you've been having a lot of problems lately. You know, maybe you should get away and maybe you should talk about it, maybe you'll feel a lot better
I'm fine, Mom, nothing's wrong!
Thank you! That's what I was going for, but I couldn't quite figure out the right word.
+All the internets to you today
I think the response he was trying to engender would be the following.
'Nothin', Mittens, how's it hanging?'
8 inches, cut.
He SAID THAT? Out loud? In front of people? And no one was, like, "Wow, what a fucking pussy?"
He said that at a GOP debate.
IOKIYAR, yet again…
Maybe the other Repubs thought, "Taking orders from Israel is the next best thing to taking orders from JEEEZUS!!!!"
I cannot fucking wait for the Rapture. I need a bigger apartment.
I had not thought about that. Rapture real estate opportunities. Job creators, too, I bet.
Wall Street Journal editorial: Obama Fails to Turn Around US Housing Market and Economy by Not Starting Rapture
But it's the prez who bows before foreign leaders. Holding hands, meanwhile, is cool, offering unwanted back rubs is swell, and announcing your intention to deep throat Netanyahoo is evidently awesome.
I'd ask what amendment IOKIYAR is, but I'm pretty sure the answer is, All of 'em, Katie.
Just wait until Mitt orders a pastrami on white with bacon, swiss and mayo at the Western Wall.
Mormons can't eat Mayo. It's considered a mild stimulant.
The eggs remind them of fertile women and the magic underwear goes haywire.
That should cause some wailing.
With a tall frosty glass of milk!
"Wow, boys, move over and let Anne show ya how to really wail, hahaha! And I'm gonna cut those funny hair things off the side of yer head, they're really bothering me, faggot."
Bibi is too Mitt's best friend; you just wouldn't know him, he's from Canada.
Liar, liar, mom jeans on fire.
Did he get those at Teh Limited?
Weejee!
Well, it is a crime scene, of sorts.
Yeah, I come back from vacation to see Mitt wearing Ann's mommy jeans. I'm going to have to make up for that by trying to find a picture of Michael Phelps wearing his Speedo.
Texan, welcome back from vacation!
Send me that photo of Michael when you find it, please.
Poor Willard. He can't help that he was born with a silver foot in his mouth.
I miss Ann Richards.
Some of his best friends are…NOT Bibi Netanyahu.
I'm just waiting for Mittens to add "yeaahh, that's the ticket" to everything he says.
Land shark?
Candygram.
It's the plumber. I've come to fix the sink.
Joseph Ducreux approves.
With my wife, Morgan Fairchild, who I've seen in temple garments…
I shook hands with her once. Really.
Yeah, that's the ticket.
It was at the March for Women's Lives that NOW put on in April 1992. She was trying to put some papers in her purse and having trouble with it. I helped her out. Shook hands and told her I'd heard her speak at a march in Los Angeles some time before. Chatted a bit about the event and then went our separate ways.
I believe that would be "young Morgan Fairchild…" yeah, that's the ticket.
Mitt announced today that he became a close personal friend of Bibi, retroactively.
Niiiiiiice.
That's how Mitt rolls, after all.
And Palestinians should self-deport to where?
Dearborn, Michigan.
Man that retroactive history shit sure comes in handy. How do I get me some of that?
To be fair, one man's shorthand is another man's unintelligible squiggles.
Mitt should've taken Walnuts advise and never speak with the NYT.
Oh, BIBI Netanyahu! I thought you said DAVY Netanyahu!
After all, they all look pretty much alike, amirite?
These are the Daves I know, I know, these are the Daves I know…
Mittens and Bibi are so tight they don't even have to acknowledge it publicly. In fact, Bibi's secretly thanking Mitt right now, using telepathy.
The Mittster isn't even in Israel and it starts. I cannot imagine what this will look like by the time he gets to Poland. Maybe he'll stop off in Amsterdam to tour the red light district and take his mind off things.
What kind of red light district would be suitable for Mormons? I guess the kind where the pretty red lights are the only attraction?
The kind where the ladies are cheaper by the dozen?
He'll visit Auschwitz and say "See? Work really does make you free. I'm a job creator!"
I know you're laying down some excellent snark, but I can see him saying this.
Sadly, yeah, it didn't seem like all that big a stretch when I thought it.
This gem sort of cropped up in my head and I wondered how he could top it.
"Mitt Romney, wearing a T-Shirt with the slogan 'Mormons Rock!', light blue jeans, and high-top Keds, Attends Ceremony Honoring the Auschwitz Dead"
Re Auschwitz: He'll say, look at all this prime real estate going to waste.
Either that, or "Hey! Check out these ovens! Somebody get Herman Cain!"
he's going to be so tightly managed for the remainder of the trip that i doubt it.
and i SOOOO hope i am wrong.
(he does seem to have these periodic meltdowns that come in triplicate. must be before someone can get to the reboot).
They thought he could handle a little chat at No.10 with a fellow conservative. But NOOOOOO.
See, I think this is the problem… As Charlie Pierce says, to Mittens there are only two types of people: His (and his family's) type, and The Help. Mitt's handlers are obviously The Help, and therefore there is no reason to listen to them if he doesn't want to. It's exactly why Mittens will make a horrible president.
Would make a horrible President.
Please, oh please.
Dumbya did nothing but listen to the help, and look where that got us.
Mittens, please don't tell Pollack jokes when in Poland. Sad that I have to remind him not to do stupid sh!t like that, but what else are you gonna do?
I really, really hope Romney points out while he's in Israel that Mormons consider everyone who isn't a Mormon to be a gentile (fact). That will go down really well.
He could point out that both their peoples wandered in the desert and embraced polygamy in the past, too.
That assumes that people bothered to read the texts, as opposed to having the texts selectively read to them. After all, King Solomon had many wives, and hundreds of prostitutes. He was wise.
I was thinking he'd give a big, friendly wave and say, "Hey, I'm rich! You People like money, right?", but yours is good, too.
At least he isn't a Scientologist.
He meant "friends" in the way facebook uses the term: strangers who both attended a mutual friend's kegger.
The first thing my new phone did when I synced it with my Facebook account was automatically add the phone numbers of all those non-friends into my address book. I have never had so many people that I had no interest in calling.
And that, friends, is why Facebook is a tool of the devil.
A friend of the devil is a friend of… uhh, never mind.
Don't let Zuckerberg in!! He will eat your soul!!
The worst part is when you have to link contacts from multiple sources, like your google, FB, and live accounts. On the upside, Since your data providers are all upstream, it means you can swap out hardware all the time.
Andy: You know what the Mexicans say about the Romney?
Red: No.
Andy: They say it has no memory.
Mitt believes in three things: success, success, and the Book of Mormon. In a Rmoneymurica, you'll receive the whole trinity . Put your trust in the Lord; your ass belongs to him. Welcome to #Romneyshambles.
This is why you only lie about knowing famous people when they are already dead. There's still time to claim he knew Thomas Jefferson retroactively.
Hey, Mitt may have retroactively baptized Tom into the Mormon Church.
As long as it was after 1978
TJ loves the mochachinas
That's so true. Why just last week I was telling my co workers about the time the Churchill's invited us to holiday with them in Scotland one summer. It was the first of my many meetings with the Queen Mum.
How's that ole Billy Shakespeare doing? He and I used to have some good times together.
It's almost sad; Mitt has never had a real friend, and so he doesn't know what friendship is and confuses casual acquaintances with friends.
They say a dog is man's best friend, so yeah, no friends.
I assumed he tortured Seamus because Rmoney is British and loyal to the crown?
But I thought the real Brits like dogs more than people?
Maybe if he diligently cares for his elderly woodcutter father he will eventually turn into a real boy.
Not going to happen, having alienated the Blue Fairy vote.
Bwahahahaha!!! And, not just the blue ones, either.
"Maybe if he diligently cares for his elderly woodcutter father he will eventually turn into a real boy."
I don't know, it didn't work for Jesus.
Nonsense. He's bought himself plenty of friends.
Maybe he could set up a few dummy corporations and they could be his friends.
Yes, so sad,…even the crocodile tears streaming down my face are more real than Mitten's friends.
He also associates the help with them as well, never realizing that when the checks stop so do the human interactions with him. His dad probably had to hire friends for him.
Friends are for firing.
Don't the guys, who held the kid down, while Mitt cut his hair, count? I mean if they let go Mitt could have got his ass kicked. That means they cared.
Kneel and swear eternal loyalty to Captain Moroni!!
I haven't seen the show beyond the Industrial Revolution yet. Do the Royal Corgis drag in the Olympic torch?
Get a friend, Morani
Make it Captain Morgan, and your recruitment efforts will be more likely to pay off.
Ix-nay with the endship-fray, Itt-may. My wife is starting to suspect.
Duh, Romney is a way better friend with Netanyahu than Obama is because of their shared Semitic heritage.
He's from that area too!!
It's where the Kabbalahs are the right height!
He's married to a girl from Jerusalem and he's from Hebron, so he guess he feels a little Jewy. (incredibly awkward chuckle)
Bibi will never forgive Mitt for moving that statue of Joseph Smith from Kolob back to Earth.
I hope he calls Bibi 'habibi' while wearing those jeans. That should be the end of him.
Willard is familiar with the historical struggles of the Jewish people, like that time a bunch of them emigrated to South America and then they were annihilated as a civilization after they arrogantly rejected the Mormon teachings of Christ resurrected for the second time in a row.
Actually all that happened around New York state, where Joseph Smith lived. Well, right up until it was ruled out that there was any evidence of a pre-Columbian civilization resembling anything like that in the Book of Mormon.
After that it was moved to several places, including Mexico City, without, again, any evidence of the cities described. So it'll get to Antarctica pretty soon.
I don't know Bibi Netanyahu, but I know who he pwns.
Right now, Rick Perry is kicking himself for not taking Romney up on that $10,000 bet.
And he can prove it, too.
If I was friends with Mitt Romney, I wouldn't admit it either.
And this just perpetuates his JESUS complex. The more people DENY knowing him, the greater his ambition to SAVE Amerika from the heathen liberals. Won't somebody be friends with little Mitts???For the good of the country!!!!
If Bibi denies Mitt 3 times, does the world explode?
Yes, and we will all be doomed to a mormon afterlife, whatever that is. All I know is, it doesn't seem like fun.
That is the big mystery to me: Promising a no-fun lifestyle for eternity doesn't seem like an effective recruitment tool, yet they somehow make it work.
Not that rationing out 76 virgins over eternity doesn't pose its own problems, but it has at least a superficial appeal.
If you were friends with Mitt you would be on retainer and would profess what a wonderful chap he was on command per your contract. Just like his gardeners and staff, you would say wonderful things about your employer as long as the checks are still coming and cashing.
To be fair to Rmoney, he just doesn't have that many friends, so Bibi rates right up there, along with the car elevator guy (uh, what's his name again?) and one of the butlers, the friendly one, you know, uh….
Jeeves. And Jose.
Tad
Meddows?
Which of these is his *negro* friend?
The one he didn't fire? (Yet.)
Why do you jump to the conclusion that it is Mitt who is lying? Could not an equally plausible explanation be that Bibi found another boring entitled billionaire to hang with and now he’s all I was never that into him?
Mitt totally hired Morgan Freeman to drive his mom around. On top of the car.
That bitch
Lech Walesa phoned: he can't make it Monday, the grandkids have soccer practice, but lets have lunch sometime.
Isn't Lech dead????
Just as well. I doubt he and Mittens would see eye-to-eye on that whole labor union thing.
Oh, it's those just hilarious radio guys who p'nked Sarah about Sarkozy
Honestly? This is way too much Schadenfreude for one week.
As they say, the Schaden, it practically freudes itself.
What limb is mittens going have left to stuff in mouth? Both feet are still in there from his disastrous London stint. Guess he'll just have to not pull his head out of his ass.
UNPOSSIBLE for the Mittster to pull his head out of his ass. It.goes in but it can't come out because uh physics.
This sounds like one of the extreme sports at the Romney compound: You put your head and both feet in your ass, then someone grabs you by the cock and flings you like the hammer throw.
Someone needs to photoshop this.
A Klein politician?
Off-message in a bottle.
They're such tight BFF's that Ben like totes forgot and all, because they hang all the time with such a big crowd of V.I.P.'s. OR, they are deep cover double super secret besties. Thanks for outing them lame stream media!
So this is really just like Citizen Bain blabbing about meeting with MI6.
Now now now, by "almost" he meant "not at all" and by "common expreriences and perspective" he means "being a firm believer in cultural homogeneity"
"shared common experiences"
which ones?
serving his country or hiding in Paris?
They both went to fancy American schools (except Architecture at MIT is much more impressive than Romney's 37 business degrees) and they both worked for vulture-capital bullshit consulting companies in Boston in the 70s. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benjamin_Netanyahu
On the planet Kolob, the phrase "we share common experiences and have a perspective and underpinning which is similar" means "I don't know that guy; never seen him before."
That's not the planet Nephi?
No, that's where orange and grape soda come from.
Those are grammaw pants – is he wearing Depends, or is his magic underwear just that bulky?…
I'd have to go with Depends.
For those late to the party: that's a 'shop of Mitt's torso on a woman's body. Google around and you'll find the originals.
He meant Bebe Rebozo.
This is the same kind of friendship Republicans mean when they say "I have a black friend"
Kibbutzes are people too!
Romney: "I could relate with Netanyahu, those bloody Palestinians hate me too. After they fund out I baptized their ancestors."
In an effort to not gaffe in Poland, Mitt will start with some light-hearted banter. "I like many Polish things, especially the jokes. There's the one about the fellow who swam halfway across the lake, got tired, and swam back. And the one about the fellow who threw the bowling balls into the ocean…"
It looks like the Mittster might have the genitalia of a Ken doll. Which is the only kind of genitalia of Mitt's I could stand imagining.
so the 5 kids were from some sort of mitosis? they do look similar, but all of utah is full of blondish and big teeth.
By the way, our old troll Spanky, or one of his many logins, is back being annoying down in the Wall Street Journal / student loan thread.
Meh. Let me know when Tony the Tiger is back.
Is there any worse feeling than when think you are one of the cool kids, but then you find out that they don't even know your name.
Bibi: Mittens :: Sandy Koufax: Larry King
Regarding the pic of Mittens…. is it the ability to pull his pants up that high that makes his underwear magic?
It's his Ken Doll like physique.
I agree. On a normal man that might chafe.
I thought it was his magic underpants protecting his 80s jeans from giving an atomic wedgie to his man-gina.
Although it could be worse. Thank goodness the fad for low rider jeans is past, or we'd all have to look at Mitt's muffin top. *retch*
Mom jeans sketch from snl.
Good thing Bibi's not English or else Mittens might have to criticize his Olympics in retaliation for this tremendous faux pas!
It's starting! It's Starting! I'm going to try to figure out what thing will OUTRAGE the droolers tomorrow
I dunno. There better be some explosions pretty darn quick or I'm gonna watch something else.
Public health Care. They made it pretty easy for the droolers to go nuts over.
Why is Lindsay Lohan playing the drums?
Marxist overtones!
Suffragette unpleasantness.
I bet that dumb, "Cats" guy came up with this.
It's Danny Boyle, so I'm totally looking forward to the Trainspotting part…and the zombies
Yeah. It has slowly gotten better.
If the Olympics had zombies, I'd watch.
(I like zombies.)
The Women's Colombian National Team is about as close to Zombies as you'll get. They are going to get an awful beatdown by the U.S. Women tomorrow. It'll get ugly fast.
I'm trying to visualize a Zombie event…?
Oh shit. They're trying to bring forth Sauron.
Well that's kind of cool. I hope they bring this show to my town.
OMG! Who will James Bond Kill?
(I think it was the Corgis- they were last seen looking up so trustingly at the helicopter…)
The look on their little faces was almost enough to make you think that Mommy really did go up in the sky in the helicopter.
I believe your original question is now answered. Kids getting healthcare. They're celebrating it!
How dare they be proud of their socialised medicine? How DARE they?
They didn't mention the scary child snatcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang!
I bet Disney's lawyers are busy tonight.
And all the beautiful Children in the world were saved by National Health Care.
The End
Wow, "Enola Gay?" Bold choice.
That "boy meets girl bit" seemed so incredibly out of place and trivial. What were they thinking? So far, nothing is ever going to beat the Chinese drummers in Beijing.
This isn't quite "pick-ups in Atlanta", but it's not Beijing hivemind, either. Or, maybe I've just become really jaded.
I hereby announce my engagement to that girl in the "boy meets girl" portion.
She's very pretty- I hope you'll be very happy together.
She's only interested in you if you can find her phone. The dozy moo!
Yes, yesterday Fox was slobbering over the possibility that the US might "dip" the American flag at the opening ceremony, which I guess other nations do or something? I honestly don't know what "dipping" would be. Does it involve corn chips? Anyway, it was something that everyone does, and the US thought about doing it, but doing it would prove our weakness and our black president to the WORLD or something.
I think 'dipping the flag' normally refers to a momentary lowering of the flag, when passing the review stand during a military parade. I didn't see much of the opening ceremony, but did other nations lower their flags when passing British or IOC officials?
I never watch the Olympics, because sports of all forms bore me, but that's sort of what I figured it meant. Of course, it's something that apparently THE US CANNOT DO BECAUSE WE ARE THE BEST or some such bullshit.
And people wonder where the stereotype of the ignorant American comes from.
Mitt and Bibi are reeeeealy tight. That is why that Mitt, as President of the United States, would be eager to take orders from him.
Well, they're both psychopaths. I'm sure they were able to bond over that.
I would have put Mitt lower on the sociopath scale, as I don't think he quite has the taste for death and destruction that he WANTS people to believe he has. Like, I imagine Bibi capable of killing a Palestinian child with his bare hands. Mittens, I think, would awkwardly pat the child on the head and offer them a bacon sandwich. Then fire his father, inadvertently, from whatever job he was managing to hold down in the West Bank.
You know who else lied about Jews?
Pat Buchanan?
The Elders of Zion.
The Bene Gesserits' ghola of Duncan Idaho?
(And yes, that is nerdy, even for me).
Henry Ford?
Hubert-Joseph Henry?
Mel Gibson?
I'm trying to think of someone who didn't.
OT, but the Olympics just started. Don't bother. The Chinese opening ceremonies were way better. The Brits look like one of those Renaissance Festivals. WTF? Peasants and maypoles and bad teeth. When does New Order come out? I was thinking more like The Wall or Pigs or something.
Overproduced by Martin Hannett.
Difference re Beijing / London openings? In London those figures are humans. At Beijing they were resources of the State.
Yeah, but "resources of the State" can be fucking impressive when put into use.
It was rubbish, wasn't it? I was cringing in embarrassment half the time.
Nonetheless, the Brits will always have a place in my heart for their incredible interpretation of Rock-n-Roll.
The James Bond/Queen Liz thing was a nice change of pace after all that seriousocity. I'm assuming that was the high point.
I liked the dancing Abraham Lincolns.
For anyone who is interested;
"Be not afeard; the isle is full of noises,
Sounds, and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
Will hum about mine ears; and sometime voices
That, if I then had waked after long sleep,
Will make me sleep again; and then in dreaming,
The clouds methought would open, and show riches
Ready to drop upon me, that when I waked
I cried to dream again"
– The Tempest, Act 3, scene 2.
Yet the switch from a upper class Dickensian poofter to Caliban will require a couple sessions at the chiropractor with treatments for whiplash.
Darn time zones…NBC's endless preview thing is just starting in MDT
It would be nice if they held on a shot for more than half a second.
Dwarves jigging 'round a miniature Stonehenge or GTFO.
I think it was very nice of the Germans to let Greece participate.
I thought it was fun to see Team USA turn up looking like they should be on a French cruise ship named the "Bonjour Matelot"
Also team GB looked like gay astronauts.
I honestly couldn't even think of something remotely cool that could happen during their opening ceremony. Exciting and British just doesn't seem to go together.
In fact, the only thing I think of when I think of Brits would be: Mary Poppins, James Bond, Harry Potter cult bullshit, 60's British Pop, and obnoxious techno music. I get more than enough techno from my half wit brother on a daily basis and he rarely listens to the british stuff, go figure. Anyways the shit he listens to is ANNOYING. Not as annoying as hipster electronic music brother who points out how awesome the song (and therefore him) is on every 20 minute track because he was into electronic music before it was "cool".
Anywho, boring brits are boring. Cheeky buggers and what not.
That's really not fair, at all. The opening ceremonies may have left something to be desired, but it's not because it was put on by the British.
Not Doctor Who? Exterminate, exterminate!
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/4339883…
"I get more than enough techno from my half wit brother on a daily basis and he rarely listens to the british stuff, go figure. Anyways the shit he listens to is ANNOYING. Not as annoying as hipster electronic music brother"
Now I'm thinking of "Dancing with Deiter".
"Anywho, boring brits are boring. "
I respect your right to have an incorrect opinion.
Could be. :) The Brits I know all happen to be investment bankers…
So the coverage is only just starting on the West coast… but an East-coast friend just posted this:
Facebook status update reaction to the Olympics opening ceremony: Americans don't like it and my fellow Brits love it. Cultural differences in a nutshell!
Certainly the few British-based reactions I've seen have been very positive, shockingly enough.
Free Republic is a frothing pit of indignation that the British don't seem to realize how much they should hate the NHS. Probably because they don't have Fox News.
That's right. We Americans should be grateful that we pay 3-4 times what the Brits pay for mediocre results. Who wants a government bureaucrat dictating your healthcare when you could have a obscene profit driven bureaucrat denying your claim — if you'r re lucky enough to even have insurance?
Romneycare is people too my friend.
Crown Jewel of Freeper comments: "Imagine you are on the waitlist for an operation, sick and in pain, and you watch the Olympics and see that all the doctors you can’t get to see wasted months learning how to dance for the Olympic Opening Ceremony."
Yes. And then, imagine being pummelled to death by an actual man made of straw!!!!
"…when you could have a obscene profit driven bureaucrat denying your claim…"
And then sending you a bill for the consult.
"a frothing pit of indignation that the British don't seem to realize how much they should hate the NHS"
"I'm going to spray 'Springfield Sucks' on this overpass. That way, when someone from Springfield sees it, they will realize that they suck." — kid from Shelbyville
Rampant right-wing actor Adam Baldwin is almost funny for a change:
#Irony!: London Olympics #NHS bit uses "The Exorcist" theme music & Voldemort. ~ #IPAB #DeathPanels
Also noteworthy, the Freeper who complained about Rowan Atkinson: "Theme music from the wonderful Christian film “Chariots of Fire” — which was rudely mocked and made fun of."
Yes. "Chariots" was a Christian film. That Jew fella in there converted, didn't he?
Freepers probably could have lent the UK some of their sets from those "Halloween Horror House" thingies they put on every year to teach teenagers about the terrors of being gay and getting abortions all the time. Then the opening ceremonies could have included lots of imagery of patients dying of AIDS in government hospitals while Satan himself comes to drag away their eternal souls.
Many years ago I read an article by a guy touring a Hell House (sadly, I can't find it online … if any Wonketteers know what I'm talking about, can you provide a link?). At the end of the tour the big guy himself showed up and directly asked the author if he was going to heaven or hell – he was tempted to say, "I'm with you, sir" but managed to restrain himself.
I just watched it- I confess, I enjoyed it, but then I'm a hopeless anglophile with a strong sense of history. I liked the NHS segment- you get the feeling that when they planned this, they say down and asked themselves- What do we value in this country today? And that's what they put in- a multi-ethnic society that takes care of everyone. Plus some awesome books. and good music. What can be wrong with an opening ceremony that includes a bit from The Specials? Loved that music montage.
No, I meant net in Yahoo. I was trying to catch some fish that time in San Jose, and the only place around was some stupid pond…
I don't know Bibi personally, but I am actually owned by a rich Jew.
So your wife has curly hair?
OT , but the London Olympics opening ceremony is paying tribute to the National Health Service? WTF???
Heh, I was laughing my arse off at that.
And Matt Lauer was right, that giant baby in the wiggly hospital bed was creepy.
Yeah, that was messed up. The whole thing was bizzaro though; I'm wondering how much coke Danny Boyle had shoveled up his nose before coming up with it.
"YEAH and like we'll have a load of sick kids, then scare the piss out of them with the childcatcher and voldemort and shit, then we'll have, like twenty mary poppins come down and we'll call it YAY NHS! It'll be AMAZING!"
Yep, and now there's an interminable plug for some Brit TV rom-com. Or maybe its just a really long Benetton ad.
Oh wait, there was just a quick reference to the great film director Michael Powell. Sorry, Boyle, but only the only thing that'll save this treacle is ZOMBIES!!!
"the London Olympics opening ceremony is paying tribute to the National Health Service"
I'm not watching, but I like this, if for no other reason than how much it will annoy every single wingnut watching it.
And the Mitt Rmoney comedy tour rolls on…
"Oh, did I say Bibi Netanyatu???? I meant Phoebe Netanyatu! Wonderful, wonderful gal"
Yeah, and probably someone he fired.
"She used to muck our stalls, but Rafalca got edgy when she wore too much perfume… had to let her go."
And by "Phoebe Netantatu", he meant Eryka Bayhdu.
This photoshop will continue to be one of the most disconcerting that these Wonkettes has ever chosen to show.
Damn, now that is a deep cut.
I'm sure this has been expressed before, but that is Romney's "strategy" for dealing with Important Non-Mormon Others. You meet once or twice, he tells how great he thinks you are but never says why. It makes you wonder if he has any idea who you are at all. He probably says that to everyone.
Then when it turns out that, if he wins, he might actually be more important than you, he says the two of you have known each other for a long time. Since you are actually important, after all.
Well, what would you do? Bibi? Are you there?
At what point did Romney actually decide that you were important?
So…basically it's a relationship dynamic like this?
http://www.theonion.com/articles/you-know-there-a…
I am so stealing this: "This would be a great time to kick someone in the testicles."
"When you talk about wine, I wish I had a gun." — Honey on "Frasier"
Vanity Fair's got a real hard on for digging dirt on Romney. It's making me hot.
Bibi has a yiddishe kop and knows a loser when he sees one.
Shh! A shanda fur die goyim!
Mitt and Bibi once chatted about their foreign investments. That's the kind of intimacy Mitt considers to be the foundation of a true friendship.
The reason that Mitt considers that an intimate subject is because foreign investments is one of the few things that Mitt cares deeply about.
OT: I can't be the only one that wants to punch Bob Costas in the teeth, am I? I mean, at least more than usual. I enjoy snark as much as the next guy, but this backhanded nation-bashing by a Smug-American seems inappropriate.
You are not the only one, NegroP. He give smugness a bad name.
I'm not even watching, but I'll second that.
Earlier today, before this even started, I said to myself " I'm, already sick of Bob Costas"
That's what Jerry Sandusky said too!
In his aging he now has the look of "Is that the orderly who brings my breakfast?"
In his younger days it was "I don't know how they got into my glove compartment."
"he’s been running around saying that he was really good friends with Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyatu. But then Vanity Fair ASKED Binyamin Netanyahu about his good friend Mittens, and Bibi was all like “who? Oh THAT guy.”
"Bitch ain't my girlfriend; we just hooked up a couple 'a' times."
I can totally identify with this, because when I was growing up in New Jersey, I knew Bruce Springsteen slightly. I taught him a few simple guitar chords. Bruce wanted to go work in Sears selling barcaloungers, but I told him, "No way, Man! You gotta GO for it! Follow your dream!"
I think we all know how it went from there.
Oh good grief. Someone get a plate of food for Mitten's imaginary friend.
I'm trying to decide if Romney's staffers just hate him, and are more than willing to take his money while sabotaging his campaign, OR if they are just as completely tone deaf as Mitt the Twit?
Here's a quote from today's NYT:
"Afterward, the campaign said that Mr. Romney had misspoken because he was tired and jet-lagged. “Even the Energizer Bunny needs new batteries once in a while,” said an adviser, speaking on the condition of anonymity to discuss a delicate topic."
The delicate topic being Mitt's need for batteries? Because he is so mechanical & inhuman? http://nyti.ms/Ok8Y7g
Awesome. Another crack in the wall. Fuel cells, maybe?
The delicate topic must be that Mitt can't lose an hour of sleep without suddenly becoming an un-self-aware prick. Hell, it took John McCain five-and-a-half years in the Hanoi Hilton and then a career in the Senate to become that much of an asshole, and Mitt's already there — the truth is that replicants' lives are short, but they burn so bright.
What's a tortoise?
Well, he's exactly the kind of guy we want with access to the Red Phone, then.
Do we still have a Red Phone, come to think of it? Or did we get a green one that we use to threaten Iran? Either way, if the guy can't talk while jetlagged, I'm not sure if this is the best role for him.
Maybe Mittens looked into Bibi's soul and the abyss stared back? …and he thought that he really liked the movie Abyss and confused him with Ed Harris who is conservative?
Wait… what?
I wanted to continue liking Ed Harris.
I first disliked Ed Harris when he said he had been reluctant to play John Glenn because John Glenn was a democrat and a liberal and soft on communism.
If you want to continue liking him, you can watch Enemy At the Gates a few times.
Spoiler: A Nazi sniper played by a Rightwing Conservative gets his head blown off. What's not to like?
I know what I'm going to be for halloween! I just need some mom pants and duct tape my cock and balls down.
Don't forget the hairgel & the corncob…
Or the little gray side burns.
Last Halloween, a friend of mine wore long underwear with a leather miniskirt and FMPs and called herself the Mitt Romney sex scandal.
How do you wear your "Final Menstrual Period"? Ms. Curley just laid in bed and complained a lot.
Since his advisers believe the Soviet Union is a threat again perhaps he'll drive Poland back into the Communist realm of influence.
Since there's no liveblog of the Olympics Opening Ceremonies, I must comment here.
I thought I just saw Rafalca in the Royal Entourage, but it was only Camilla…
It's easy to make that mistake. One of them has spur marks.
Like the classic sociopath he is, Mitt Romney will tell a lie, be caught in that lie, then move on to the next lie and lie about the lie he was caught in. The difference, though, is that this sociopath has a paid staff to cover for him and the owners of our national media who will help with the spin.
So, important tip for the Obama team: Have handy at all times about five potential lies they suspect Romney might tell and the proof that those statements are lies are ready to go for the media. Seriously, they should have a team putting those packages together 24/7. Romney will never admit to being caught in them and just go right to the next one so quickly everybody will know he's incapable of telling the truth about anything.
"Like the classic sociopath he is, Mitt Romney will tell a lie, be caught in that lie, then move on to the next lie and lie about the lie he was caught in."
"I don't know why I did it! I don't know why I enjoyed it! I don't know why I'll do it again!" — Bart Simpson
And totally OT, but I'm using Netflix to rewatch the first couple episodes of Xena: Warrior Princess right now – and it's every bit as awesome as I remember it. Why can't they make shows like this anymore? Buffy was similar and even better – but since then, there has been nothing, at least in the US.
Wait, so you're suggesting that Glee doesn't have a special place in your heart?
OT, but if I find the 1994 version of Kevin Sorbo more attractive than the 1995 version of Lucy Lawless, does that make me gay?
The trolls & orcs are out in full force: nasty comments about the First Lady after this article, but they're just jealous because she is a class act, while 'Badmittenz' is not: http://bit.ly/OpRd4O
She's so lovely. They're just jealous.
Mitt also told PM Cameron, "Me and Benjamin Disraeli go way back."
He also said he played bass on SWLABR * on the Disraili Gears Album.
* She Walks Like a Bearded Rainbow
1. God bless Mr. Bean. We of the Wonkette faith owe a great debt to the British sense of humor.
2. I know I'm kinda drunk, but I get choked up every two to four years when I see the national delegations march into the Olympic stadium. Seeing proud citizens of Guinea Bissau and Macedonia and the Marshall Islands and Lesotho and Dominica and Finland and Sudan march in with their flags gives me some feeling of belonging to the Human Race for a change. I know the athletes are probably the pampered elites of their respective nations, but they've still accomplished something, and they are soaking in an international celebration with an appreciation, I imagine, of the greater whole our globe comprises. Maybe they're just focused on getting some video shots to show back home and on their events and on getting laid back in the Olympic Village. But in my mind, they are embodying a benevolent, accepting attitude that transcends nationalism and racism. And a lot of them have phenomenal bodies. I mean, like fucking leopards or antelopes.
Plus one brudder.
I watch it all from A to Zed, meself.
It's great.
~
I KNEW Netanyahu's reaction to Romney was lukewarm at best last Sunday on Faux News. the host quoted the same thing–"we almost talk in shorthand" and Netanyahu didn't even touch on it. when pressed he diplomatically said (twice) he wasn't going to get involved in American politics…then proceeded to praise Pres. Obama's continuing support for Israel. HA! These rumors are so ingrained that we believe them and they keep repeating on a loop–Romney is a LIAR and a FAKE and Netanyahu (and others) know it.
You know what? I think he wore those jeans on purpose . Like, as a big EFF YOU to everyone who wasn't in on the joke. All those Rs being snowed by a smarmy dick wearing mom jeans on a national stage, prep school style. As he crisscrosses the stage and lying his ass off to the proles, he's thinking "I'm totally bullshitting these assholes and I'm doing it wearing mom jeans with a straight face."
'Shop, goddammnit!!
HAHAHA here I was projecting again : )
Aw, man. Telling us Wonketeers that is like shouting "There's no Santa" into a kindergarten classroom….just uncalled for.
I know! The disappointment I'm experiencing is significant.
"And, England, if my love thou hold'st at aught–
As my great power thereof may give thee sense,
Since yet thy disfigurement looks raw and red
After the 'Merkin teabag, and thy free awe
Pays homage to us–thou mayst not coldly set
Our sovereign process; which imports at full,
By letters congruing to that effect,
The present death of MITTENS. DO IT, ENGLAND;
For like the hectic in my blood he rages,
And thou must cure me: till I know 'tis done,
Howe'er my haps, my joys were ne'er begun."
I'd love to know what the Israelis think of Mittens's former habit of rebaptizing dead Jews. Oh, I can't wait to see that hit the fan.
Shorter Bibi "Oh was he that dick who kept trying to convert me?"
Romney Python and the Holy Fail Tour keeps on rolling. Swear I half expect somebody in the Romoney entourage in the next few days to get all butt hurt and ask why the press is trying to crucify Twitt..
Mitt later explained that he and Netanyahu are BFFs retroactively.
What kind of highschooler uses Morgan Freeman as a celebrity touchstone…did Ms Daisy's driver win a teen choice award I am unaware of? Mitts still a douche and bibi is still a fascist
Morgan Freeman jumped the shark … and got eaten.
I believe that was Samuel L. Jackson.
Didn’t see the movie. I just saw the scene once in one of those “X most surprising scenes in a movie compilation.”
I'm enjoying the thought of Romney trying to tie Netanyahu to the roof of a car. I predict the outcome will involve Mittens touring the Dead Sea lashed to the roof of a humvee.
OT
In Olympic Newz, darling Lindsey and Mitch McTurtle are doing well in synchronized swimming to a medley of Turtle hits. They are so happy together.
You know they'd rather be with me.
weejee, I think you're swell.
Stupid f*****g media, constantly checking the BS i spew, I will put a stop to that when I'm CEO of Merika!
Oh my, I just had to share this. Mitt Rmoney made up buttons for the 2002 Olympics with a cartoonish picture of himself on them: http://tinyurl.com/cfz3e2h
The best part is that, as the Rude Pundit's (http://rudepundit.blogspot.com/) photo makes clear, he actually signed off on a button reading "Mitt happens". It's not quite "Big, steaming pile of Mitt", but it shows either A) a willingness for our Mormon Bishop to make a poopy joke, or B) a complete obliviousness to poopy jokes.
Mitt isn't the only right wanger in trouble for pissing on the olympic games. A Tory MP named Aiden Burley is being pilloried for calling the opening ceremonies "leftie, multi-culturalist crap."
http://www.independent.co.uk/sport/olympics/news/…
–Agence France-Presse
Charming guy!
He's just one of the lads, isn't he?
retro-baptizing Bibi's dead relatives doesn't count as actually being his friend!
Face it, Mitt. Bibi's just not that into you. And Ann's into her horse…not you. Even the crazy-ass GOP's not that into you because you're too boring. It's time to go buy some new friends.
Romney's pussy pants make me sick.
The way he's wearing those jeans looks a little closeted in that pic.
"… I knew him and he knew me, I suppose.” Hmmm, Biblically, Bibi? DETAILS!
Well, during the primaries, Bachman, Gingrich and Santorum had all vowed to hold their inaugurations in Jerusalem if elected, so Slick Willard has his work cut out for him. My guess is he’ll offer Bibi more money.
In related news…
http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzrep…
(Gotta love some Andy Borowitz)
שקרן שקרן מכנסיים באש (Liar, liar, pants on fire)
Yeah, I am best friends with all the Jews: Bibi, Cici, Didi, Mimi and my Spanish gardener (I think he's Jewish–he has a big nose), Sisi….
Flip-flopping Politician
Tax-evading Businessman
Well, Mitt now has another descriptor that he can add to his business cards — Diplomatic Poseur.
I mean, the ceremonies don't look cheap or anything, but it is so disjointed and crammed so much in that wasn't unified it kind of left my head spinning. I kind of expected less irreverence, too, but then I guess the media would have criticised them for playing to stereotypes.
It was really disjointed – I found myself yelling "next bit! bored of this now!" at the TV.
That bit with the sun rising and some guy getting chased by wasps in front of a small child was particularly weird.
I did like the working class stuff.
I found it more entertaining than I had expected, but the NHS thing was pretty odd.
I loved watching the athletes come in- it's good to remind yourself that humans can be beautiful in so many different ways.
Once Sir Paul got started I'd had enough, though…
The 100 yard shuffle?
Zombie jamboree,
Took place in a New York cemetery…
"Once Sir Paul got started I'd had enough, though… "
That's how I feel about anything with Paul McCartney in it.
Or the Super Bowl Shuffle…
…We Are The Bears, Shufflin' crew..
The hundred meter lurch?
That cracks me up!
I DEMAND AN MRI NOW!!1!
Haha, nice. What they forget is that the NHS treats you in order of how sick and in pain you are in, not how rich you are, so that doesn't happen… Also, they were volunteers, doing the ceremony in their spare time, which is time you don't have to work, because the UK have workers rights and some kind of work-life balance…
Yeah, I see how the Freepers really didn't understand any of that, did they?
Fridge libel!
Wings was all the proof I needed for the 'Paul is dead' hypothesis.
And Eton, as a stunt double for Cambridge, had to be used because the regents at Cambridge did not want the world to be reminded of their history of Jewish persecution.
Woah, woah, woah there buddy. Workers rights? Life balance? Do you want to get deported?
Being ignorant wouldn't be so bad, it's being arrogant about their ignorance that makes the wingnuts so insufferable.
pie̢̨̓̓͂̿ͨ͢͏҉͍ce of cake.
Ohhh,…there will be virgins…count me in(no, I haven't a prayer to enter heaven, just like the rest of you people).
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