SPECIAL RELATIONSHIP  6:30 pm July 27, 2012

Mitt Romney Lies About His BFF Bibi

by Kris E. Benson

Romney rocks his mom jeansWhen we were in high school we had a friend who claimed his family was really tight with Morgan Freeman’s, and he’d tell us all kinds of hilarious stories about the good times he’d had, just hanging out with Morgan Freeman and having all kinds of deep talks wherein Morgan would generously give him sage advice on how to handle the various challenges in his life. Except THEN it turned out that he had been lying the whole time and he was super embarrassed.  See, this is why our friend from high school is a better person than Mitt Romney, who tells similarly ridiculous lies all the time and then doesn’t even pretend to be embarrassed. Like how he’s been running around saying that he was really good friends with Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyatu. But then Vanity Fair ASKED Binyamin Netanyahu about his good friend Mittens, and Bibi was all like “who? Oh THAT guy.”

ROMNEY: “We can almost speak in shorthand. We share common experiences and have a perspective and underpinning which is similar.”

~Mitt Romney, April 2012 in the New York Times.

Yeah…We’re sure that Mitt Romney, a draft dodger whose pastimes include playing dress up, making fun of the blind, firing people who provide services to him, and firing people who provide services to you, has a lot in common with Binyamin Netanyahu, a officer in an elite unit of special forces in the IDF who fought in the October War.

NETANYAHU: “I remember him [Romney] for sure, but I don’t think we had any particular connections, I knew him and he knew me, I suppose.”

~Bibi Netanyahu, July 2012 in Vanity Fair Interview, (middle of Page 4)

MAJOR diss. Maybe Romney will get back at him by ruining our diplomatic relationship with Israel in much the same way he has managed to ruin it with the U.K.. Or by tying him to the roof of his car. Not sure which. We’ll keep you informed.

[DailyKos]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 378 comments }

nounverb911 July 27, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Has Romney baptized Bibi yet? Or is he planning on doing that this week?

NYNYNYjr July 27, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Eh, better to do that after they die. That way you don't have to listen to the jew complaining…about you doing him a FAVOR, for Pete's sake!

TribecaMike July 27, 2012 at 8:31 pm

I know whatcha mean. My brother-in-law is a doctor/lawyer/movie producer/tefillin layer.

Barrelhse July 27, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Can he change Bibi's last name to Rebozo when he's baptized?

NY9 Solyndra July 27, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Choom gang!

Intercepted!

Total Absorption!

RadioBowels July 27, 2012 at 11:34 pm

poopyhead!

SorosBot July 27, 2012 at 11:46 pm

I'm still not sure what the fuck the stalker idiot's "Choom gang" is supposed to mean.

imissopus July 28, 2012 at 1:11 am

Something to do with Obama's high school days, I think. He and his stoner circle called themselves the Choom Gang. I'm not going to waste my time actually looking that up, I just recall reading it a few weeks ago. Spanky up there needs to learn how to troll if he's going to keep doing it.

NY9 Solyndra July 28, 2012 at 9:38 am

Poppyhead!

SayItWithWookies July 28, 2012 at 1:36 am

Hey, didn't Dubya use coke and then blow off reporters' questions about it by saying it happened more than fifteen years before he campaigned for prez, therefore it was off-limits? I'll bet you totally mocked him for that.

I mean, 'cause otherwise you'd be mocking President Obama for being honest about his past while giving Dubya a pass for saying the statute of limitations had expired. And that wouldn't be an ethical approach at all, would it? An ethical person would prize honesty over running out the clock, and so you'd have to admit President Obama was at least more ethical about it than Dubya was, right?

vtxmcrider July 27, 2012 at 11:30 pm

Since they have to first be dead, Romney is planning to kill him.

Arken July 27, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Software glitch.

nounverb911 July 27, 2012 at 6:39 pm

01101110 01100101 01100101 01100100 01110011 00100000 01101101 01101111 01110010 01100101 00100000 01110000 01110201 01101110 01100011 01101000 01100011 01100001 01110010 01100100 01110011 00101110

BoatOfVelociraptors July 27, 2012 at 8:51 pm

needs more prÜÆÐÆÂäÈæ.

HogeyeGrex July 28, 2012 at 2:45 am

O̧̨̤̭̲̲̹h̳̟̟͕̪̳̬͙̗͘ ̴͇͕̣͉͈́̕͠͞ͅŞ̧̢̱̯̳̗̰̮̻͓͔̥̝̱̖͙͈h̡̛̲̗̲͍̠̻̙͈̼̲̤͉ͅi̲̞̕͟͡

̙̯͈t̼̟͉͎̺̙̯̳͘͜ ̶̬͎̖͍̲͉̬̼͔̠̮̱̞̪͎̰̞̘͡a̵̵̸̫̩͕̗͖͓̲̦͓̺l̛̛͜͡͞

̟̟̜g̨͎̫͇̙͖̙̳̟̝͇̟̫̯͇͖̀͠ͅͅ

g͗̈́̓ͩͬ̊̉̆͢͏͕̲̪̠̹̻̞͚̝̪̗̖͎͎̱͙͡ͅe̸̵̴̙̯͂͋̓̓ͤ̂̈͌͛̆͆̍̋ͭ̀͜
͖̬̘̩̼̭̺̘̣͎̖̠̼̯͇̮͔tͨͨ̿͌ͧͩ͆̅̉ ̙̤̹̹̺̤͙͍̈́̈́̉̾ͨ̓͐͛͘ͅ ̢̤̜͍̞̆ͭ̓ͮ͊̑̇ͤͤͧͤ̀̔͂̋͐ͨ̚͞ͅţ̷̟̬͚͔̩̼̩̌ͩ̔̄͗̋͐ͥ̾̽ͦ͂̈́̆̾͞
̪̤ḣ̡̭̗̞̩̯̞̼̘̤̙͉̞̾ͣ͊̕ͅ ̡̢̛͍̦̫̙͎͙͍̪̀̎́̏͆͒̐̈̄͌̀ ̔̓̽ͬͧ̚͠҉̦͇̻̖̪̤͖̲̹̝̩ͅf̵̴̢̜̲͔̩̯̤̣̗͍̗̭͉̏̋ͦ̓ͯ́ͮ͐̿
̌̔̽͆҉̢̱̠͙̖̩̹̞̗͕̜̳̣̝͖̪͘͠c̷͎̮̖̗̟̠̘̥̳̳͖̜̋̈́̐ͧͭ͡͠k̔͒͛ͣ͂̉
̶̢͖͎̗̙̠͙͟ ̈̀ͩ̇̌͒̑ͧ̚ ̶̶̥̙͍̱͓̳́́̒̅̏̉ͧ͑̿̈o̸̧͖̞̯̜͚̟̝̖̜͙̯̗̓ͩ̈ͧ̉͊͗̒ͭ̽ͫ̚͢ͅu͛́̍
̶̧̬̘̤̮̖̲͖̠̼̱̬̓̆͂̿̀̓̅͗ͫ̄͒̆̎͘͠ͅţ̴͓̭͖̰̗̖̦͔͖͖͍̗̙̲̽̆̉̽ͅ
̜ ̡͚̟̫̮̖͚̥̲͙̤͚ͣ̄ͮ͐͘͘̕͟ͅi̴̧͖̘̲̳ͫ͊ͭͬ̇̔ͩ̽̓̊̉͑ͯ̓̊̎͋̽̑͢͟ͅͅ
̼̖͎̠̖̼͖̝͍̻m̧̛̯͎̖̙̭̲̻͕̗͎̭̈́͆ͨ̊
̘̺͓̺͙͚͇ͅͅͅs̍̈ͩ̆
̶̷̧̹̹̘͇̺̱͉̙̣͈͈̝̀ͨ̓͜͝ẗ̛͈͉͎̻̟͉̳̘͓̹̹ͩͪ̐̾ͭͫͨͫͯ̑͒ͥ̕̕͝͠
͍̭̖͚͈ͅe̢̨̓̓͂̿ͨ͢͏҉͍͈̖͈͈̳̣̻̲̳

ChessieNefercat July 28, 2012 at 6:07 pm

How in hell did you do that?

Biel_ze_Bubba July 27, 2012 at 6:41 pm

The absence of a shame circuit is a feature, not a bug.

weejee July 27, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Which truly bytes.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 27, 2012 at 8:52 pm

As if. He hopped a byte boundary.

Come here a minute July 27, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Mitt should stick to his Etch-a-Sketch strategy by denying Bibi Netanyahu, the "king of Jews", three times.

Callyson July 27, 2012 at 6:35 pm

In December Debate regarding how America should handle Iran:
ROMNEY: "I'd get on the phone to my friend Bibi Netanyahu and say, 'Would it help if I said this? What would you like me to do?'"

The guy who wants to be bossed around by other heads of state has the gall to accuse *Obama* of being weak on national security?

Asshole.

emmelemm July 27, 2012 at 6:42 pm

"I'd just call him up, and I'd be all:

'Hey, Bibi, whatcha doin'?'

And he'd be all:

'Nothin', Mittens, how's it hanging?' "

And so on, and so forth…

tessiee July 27, 2012 at 10:29 pm

"Whatcha thinkin' bout?"
"Oh, I don't know… billionaire stuff, I guess."

UW8316154 July 28, 2012 at 12:35 am

Hey Mitt: You know we've been noticing you've been having a lot of problems lately. You know, maybe you should get away and maybe you should talk about it, maybe you'll feel a lot better

commiegirl99 July 28, 2012 at 2:51 pm

I'm fine, Mom, nothing's wrong!

emmelemm July 28, 2012 at 3:43 am

Thank you! That's what I was going for, but I couldn't quite figure out the right word.

+All the internets to you today

BoatOfVelociraptors July 28, 2012 at 10:13 am

I think the response he was trying to engender would be the following.

'Nothin', Mittens, how's it hanging?'

8 inches, cut.

anniegetyerfun July 27, 2012 at 7:20 pm

He SAID THAT? Out loud? In front of people? And no one was, like, "Wow, what a fucking pussy?"

Callyson July 27, 2012 at 10:27 pm

He said that at a GOP debate.

IOKIYAR, yet again…

bibliotequetress July 28, 2012 at 8:32 am

Maybe the other Repubs thought, "Taking orders from Israel is the next best thing to taking orders from JEEEZUS!!!!"

I cannot fucking wait for the Rapture. I need a bigger apartment.

NellCote71 July 28, 2012 at 8:51 am

I had not thought about that. Rapture real estate opportunities. Job creators, too, I bet.

bibliotequetress July 28, 2012 at 10:57 am

Wall Street Journal editorial: Obama Fails to Turn Around US Housing Market and Economy by Not Starting Rapture

LetUsBray July 27, 2012 at 8:11 pm

But it's the prez who bows before foreign leaders. Holding hands, meanwhile, is cool, offering unwanted back rubs is swell, and announcing your intention to deep throat Netanyahoo is evidently awesome.

I'd ask what amendment IOKIYAR is, but I'm pretty sure the answer is, All of 'em, Katie.

nounverb911 July 27, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Just wait until Mitt orders a pastrami on white with bacon, swiss and mayo at the Western Wall.

NYNYNYjr July 27, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Mormons can't eat Mayo. It's considered a mild stimulant.

vtxmcrider July 27, 2012 at 11:33 pm

The eggs remind them of fertile women and the magic underwear goes haywire.

PubOption July 27, 2012 at 9:07 pm

That should cause some wailing.

So Tired July 27, 2012 at 9:34 pm

With a tall frosty glass of milk!

bibliotequetress July 28, 2012 at 8:35 am

"Wow, boys, move over and let Anne show ya how to really wail, hahaha! And I'm gonna cut those funny hair things off the side of yer head, they're really bothering me, faggot."

SorosBot July 27, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Bibi is too Mitt's best friend; you just wouldn't know him, he's from Canada.

Barb_ July 27, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Liar, liar, mom jeans on fire.

weejee July 27, 2012 at 6:47 pm

Did he get those at Teh Limited?

Barb_ July 27, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Weejee!

Angry_Marmot July 27, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Well, it is a crime scene, of sorts.

Texan_Bulldog July 27, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Yeah, I come back from vacation to see Mitt wearing Ann's mommy jeans. I'm going to have to make up for that by trying to find a picture of Michael Phelps wearing his Speedo.

Barb_ July 27, 2012 at 7:10 pm

Texan, welcome back from vacation!
Send me that photo of Michael when you find it, please.

Fox n Fiends July 27, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Poor Willard. He can't help that he was born with a silver foot in his mouth.

nounverb911 July 27, 2012 at 6:41 pm

I miss Ann Richards.

ChillBill July 27, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Some of his best friends are…NOT Bibi Netanyahu.

boobookitteh July 27, 2012 at 6:39 pm

I'm just waiting for Mittens to add "yeaahh, that's the ticket" to everything he says.

starfanglednut July 27, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Land shark?

boobookitteh July 27, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Candygram.

commiegirl99 July 28, 2012 at 2:45 pm

It's the plumber. I've come to fix the sink.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 27, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Joseph Ducreux approves.

Angry_Marmot July 27, 2012 at 8:57 pm

With my wife, Morgan Fairchild, who I've seen in temple garments…

Steverino247 July 27, 2012 at 11:31 pm

I shook hands with her once. Really.

SorosBot July 27, 2012 at 11:48 pm

Yeah, that's the ticket.

Steverino247 July 28, 2012 at 12:03 am

It was at the March for Women's Lives that NOW put on in April 1992. She was trying to put some papers in her purse and having trouble with it. I helped her out. Shook hands and told her I'd heard her speak at a march in Los Angeles some time before. Chatted a bit about the event and then went our separate ways.

Isyaignert July 28, 2012 at 1:21 pm

I believe that would be "young Morgan Fairchild…" yeah, that's the ticket.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 27, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Mitt announced today that he became a close personal friend of Bibi, retroactively.

emmelemm July 27, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Niiiiiiice.

That's how Mitt rolls, after all.

NellCote71 July 27, 2012 at 10:22 pm

And Palestinians should self-deport to where?

Chet Kincaid July 28, 2012 at 2:53 am

Dearborn, Michigan.

ibwilliamsi July 28, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Man that retroactive history shit sure comes in handy. How do I get me some of that?

savethispatient July 27, 2012 at 6:40 pm

To be fair, one man's shorthand is another man's unintelligible squiggles.

ChillBill July 27, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Mitt should've taken Walnuts advise and never speak with the NYT.

Boojum July 27, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Oh, BIBI Netanyahu! I thought you said DAVY Netanyahu!

vasty_derp July 27, 2012 at 7:43 pm

After all, they all look pretty much alike, amirite?

Grief_Lessons July 27, 2012 at 7:46 pm

These are the Daves I know, I know, these are the Daves I know…

SayItWithWookies July 27, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Mittens and Bibi are so tight they don't even have to acknowledge it publicly. In fact, Bibi's secretly thanking Mitt right now, using telepathy.

qwerty42 July 27, 2012 at 6:43 pm

The Mittster isn't even in Israel and it starts. I cannot imagine what this will look like by the time he gets to Poland. Maybe he'll stop off in Amsterdam to tour the red light district and take his mind off things.

vasty_derp July 27, 2012 at 7:46 pm

What kind of red light district would be suitable for Mormons? I guess the kind where the pretty red lights are the only attraction?

HogeyeGrex July 28, 2012 at 2:52 am

The kind where the ladies are cheaper by the dozen?

HogeyeGrex July 27, 2012 at 8:43 pm

He'll visit Auschwitz and say "See? Work really does make you free. I'm a job creator!"

Dashboard Buddha July 27, 2012 at 10:31 pm

I know you're laying down some excellent snark, but I can see him saying this.

HogeyeGrex July 28, 2012 at 3:04 am

Sadly, yeah, it didn't seem like all that big a stretch when I thought it.

This gem sort of cropped up in my head and I wondered how he could top it.

Dudleydidwrong July 28, 2012 at 10:50 am

"Mitt Romney, wearing a T-Shirt with the slogan 'Mormons Rock!', light blue jeans, and high-top Keds, Attends Ceremony Honoring the Auschwitz Dead"

12X34X July 28, 2012 at 1:47 am

Re Auschwitz: He'll say, look at all this prime real estate going to waste.

HogeyeGrex July 28, 2012 at 3:06 am

Either that, or "Hey! Check out these ovens! Somebody get Herman Cain!"

fuflans July 27, 2012 at 8:49 pm

he's going to be so tightly managed for the remainder of the trip that i doubt it.

and i SOOOO hope i am wrong.

(he does seem to have these periodic meltdowns that come in triplicate. must be before someone can get to the reboot).

Jukesgrrl July 27, 2012 at 10:00 pm

They thought he could handle a little chat at No.10 with a fellow conservative. But NOOOOOO.

GunToting[Redacted] July 28, 2012 at 12:21 pm

See, I think this is the problem… As Charlie Pierce says, to Mittens there are only two types of people: His (and his family's) type, and The Help. Mitt's handlers are obviously The Help, and therefore there is no reason to listen to them if he doesn't want to. It's exactly why Mittens will make a horrible president.

bikerlaureate July 28, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Would make a horrible President.
Please, oh please.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 29, 2012 at 1:52 am

Dumbya did nothing but listen to the help, and look where that got us.

Isyaignert July 28, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Mittens, please don't tell Pollack jokes when in Poland. Sad that I have to remind him not to do stupid sh!t like that, but what else are you gonna do?

Arken July 27, 2012 at 6:44 pm

I really, really hope Romney points out while he's in Israel that Mormons consider everyone who isn't a Mormon to be a gentile (fact). That will go down really well.

Spurning Beer July 27, 2012 at 6:52 pm

He could point out that both their peoples wandered in the desert and embraced polygamy in the past, too.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 28, 2012 at 10:22 am

That assumes that people bothered to read the texts, as opposed to having the texts selectively read to them. After all, King Solomon had many wives, and hundreds of prostitutes. He was wise.

tessiee July 27, 2012 at 10:34 pm

I was thinking he'd give a big, friendly wave and say, "Hey, I'm rich! You People like money, right?", but yours is good, too.

Pennywhistler July 27, 2012 at 11:52 pm

At least he isn't a Scientologist.

Dr. Nick Riviera July 27, 2012 at 6:45 pm

He meant "friends" in the way facebook uses the term: strangers who both attended a mutual friend's kegger.

Fare la Volpe July 27, 2012 at 8:32 pm

The first thing my new phone did when I synced it with my Facebook account was automatically add the phone numbers of all those non-friends into my address book. I have never had so many people that I had no interest in calling.

emmelemm July 27, 2012 at 9:12 pm

And that, friends, is why Facebook is a tool of the devil.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 28, 2012 at 4:46 am

A friend of the devil is a friend of… uhh, never mind.

Chet Kincaid July 28, 2012 at 2:55 am

Don't let Zuckerberg in!! He will eat your soul!!

BoatOfVelociraptors July 28, 2012 at 10:30 am

The worst part is when you have to link contacts from multiple sources, like your google, FB, and live accounts. On the upside, Since your data providers are all upstream, it means you can swap out hardware all the time.

coolhandnuke July 27, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Andy: You know what the Mexicans say about the Romney?
Red: No.
Andy: They say it has no memory.

schvitzatura July 28, 2012 at 3:03 am

Mitt believes in three things: success, success, and the Book of Mormon. In a Rmoneymurica, you'll receive the whole trinity . Put your trust in the Lord; your ass belongs to him. Welcome to #Romneyshambles.

Dr. Nick Riviera July 27, 2012 at 6:47 pm

This is why you only lie about knowing famous people when they are already dead. There's still time to claim he knew Thomas Jefferson retroactively.

SorosBot July 27, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Hey, Mitt may have retroactively baptized Tom into the Mormon Church.

Dr. Nick Riviera July 27, 2012 at 7:27 pm

As long as it was after 1978

TJ loves the mochachinas

pdiddycornchips July 27, 2012 at 6:59 pm

That's so true. Why just last week I was telling my co workers about the time the Churchill's invited us to holiday with them in Scotland one summer. It was the first of my many meetings with the Queen Mum.

Fare la Volpe July 27, 2012 at 8:31 pm

How's that ole Billy Shakespeare doing? He and I used to have some good times together.

SorosBot July 27, 2012 at 6:47 pm

It's almost sad; Mitt has never had a real friend, and so he doesn't know what friendship is and confuses casual acquaintances with friends.

iburl July 27, 2012 at 6:53 pm

They say a dog is man's best friend, so yeah, no friends.

anniegetyerfun July 27, 2012 at 7:06 pm

I assumed he tortured Seamus because Rmoney is British and loyal to the crown?

vasty_derp July 27, 2012 at 7:48 pm

But I thought the real Brits like dogs more than people?

Grief_Lessons July 27, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Maybe if he diligently cares for his elderly woodcutter father he will eventually turn into a real boy.

Angry_Marmot July 27, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Not going to happen, having alienated the Blue Fairy vote.

Negropolis July 27, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Bwahahahaha!!! And, not just the blue ones, either.

tessiee July 28, 2012 at 1:58 am

"Maybe if he diligently cares for his elderly woodcutter father he will eventually turn into a real boy."

I don't know, it didn't work for Jesus.

HogeyeGrex July 27, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Nonsense. He's bought himself plenty of friends.

Wadisay July 27, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Maybe he could set up a few dummy corporations and they could be his friends.

kittensdontlie July 27, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Yes, so sad,…even the crocodile tears streaming down my face are more real than Mitten's friends.

Rotundo_ July 28, 2012 at 11:59 am

He also associates the help with them as well, never realizing that when the checks stop so do the human interactions with him. His dad probably had to hire friends for him.

bikerlaureate July 28, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Friends are for firing.

fitley July 30, 2012 at 11:32 am

Don't the guys, who held the kid down, while Mitt cut his hair, count? I mean if they let go Mitt could have got his ass kicked. That means they cared.

DerrickWildcat July 27, 2012 at 6:47 pm

Kneel and swear eternal loyalty to Captain Moroni!!

Jukesgrrl July 27, 2012 at 10:20 pm

I haven't seen the show beyond the Industrial Revolution yet. Do the Royal Corgis drag in the Olympic torch?

Dashboard Buddha July 27, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Get a friend, Morani

Biel_ze_Bubba July 29, 2012 at 1:55 am

Make it Captain Morgan, and your recruitment efforts will be more likely to pay off.

Spurning Beer July 27, 2012 at 6:50 pm

Ix-nay with the endship-fray, Itt-may. My wife is starting to suspect.

user-of-towels July 27, 2012 at 6:51 pm

Duh, Romney is a way better friend with Netanyahu than Obama is because of their shared Semitic heritage.

iburl July 27, 2012 at 6:54 pm

He's from that area too!!

user-of-towels July 27, 2012 at 7:01 pm

It's where the Kabbalahs are the right height!

anniegetyerfun July 27, 2012 at 7:05 pm

He's married to a girl from Jerusalem and he's from Hebron, so he guess he feels a little Jewy. (incredibly awkward chuckle)

not that Dewey July 27, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Bibi will never forgive Mitt for moving that statue of Joseph Smith from Kolob back to Earth.

Arkoday July 27, 2012 at 6:51 pm

I hope he calls Bibi 'habibi' while wearing those jeans. That should be the end of him.

GregComlish July 27, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Willard is familiar with the historical struggles of the Jewish people, like that time a bunch of them emigrated to South America and then they were annihilated as a civilization after they arrogantly rejected the Mormon teachings of Christ resurrected for the second time in a row.

SayItWithWookies July 27, 2012 at 11:10 pm

Actually all that happened around New York state, where Joseph Smith lived. Well, right up until it was ruled out that there was any evidence of a pre-Columbian civilization resembling anything like that in the Book of Mormon.

After that it was moved to several places, including Mexico City, without, again, any evidence of the cities described. So it'll get to Antarctica pretty soon.

deanbooth July 27, 2012 at 6:55 pm

I don't know Bibi Netanyahu, but I know who he pwns.

user-of-towels July 27, 2012 at 6:56 pm

Right now, Rick Perry is kicking himself for not taking Romney up on that $10,000 bet.

not that Dewey July 27, 2012 at 7:15 pm

And he can prove it, too.

GregComlish July 27, 2012 at 6:57 pm

If I was friends with Mitt Romney, I wouldn't admit it either.

kittensdontlie July 27, 2012 at 11:04 pm

And this just perpetuates his JESUS complex. The more people DENY knowing him, the greater his ambition to SAVE Amerika from the heathen liberals. Won't somebody be friends with little Mitts???For the good of the country!!!!

Katydid July 28, 2012 at 11:20 am

If Bibi denies Mitt 3 times, does the world explode?

kittensdontlie July 28, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Yes, and we will all be doomed to a mormon afterlife, whatever that is. All I know is, it doesn't seem like fun.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 29, 2012 at 2:03 am

That is the big mystery to me: Promising a no-fun lifestyle for eternity doesn't seem like an effective recruitment tool, yet they somehow make it work.

Not that rationing out 76 virgins over eternity doesn't pose its own problems, but it has at least a superficial appeal.

Rotundo_ July 28, 2012 at 12:06 pm

If you were friends with Mitt you would be on retainer and would profess what a wonderful chap he was on command per your contract. Just like his gardeners and staff, you would say wonderful things about your employer as long as the checks are still coming and cashing.

barto July 27, 2012 at 6:59 pm

To be fair to Rmoney, he just doesn't have that many friends, so Bibi rates right up there, along with the car elevator guy (uh, what's his name again?) and one of the butlers, the friendly one, you know, uh….

anniegetyerfun July 27, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Jeeves. And Jose.

NYNYNYjr July 27, 2012 at 7:56 pm

Tad

Barrelhse July 27, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Meddows?

bibliotequetress July 28, 2012 at 8:37 am

Which of these is his *negro* friend?

ChessieNefercat July 28, 2012 at 6:14 pm

The one he didn't fire? (Yet.)

Goonemeritus July 27, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Why do you jump to the conclusion that it is Mitt who is lying? Could not an equally plausible explanation be that Bibi found another boring entitled billionaire to hang with and now he’s all I was never that into him?

StealthMuslin July 27, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Mitt totally hired Morgan Freeman to drive his mom around. On top of the car.

glasspusher July 28, 2012 at 12:49 am

That bitch

GeorgiaBurning July 27, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Lech Walesa phoned: he can't make it Monday, the grandkids have soccer practice, but lets have lunch sometime.

miss_grundy July 27, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Isn't Lech dead????

DustBowlBlues July 28, 2012 at 10:55 am

Just as well. I doubt he and Mittens would see eye-to-eye on that whole labor union thing.

Thurman Munster IV July 27, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Oh, it's those just hilarious radio guys who p'nked Sarah about Sarkozy

anniegetyerfun July 27, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Honestly? This is way too much Schadenfreude for one week.

Katydid July 28, 2012 at 11:22 am

As they say, the Schaden, it practically freudes itself.

mrpuma2u July 27, 2012 at 7:07 pm

What limb is mittens going have left to stuff in mouth? Both feet are still in there from his disastrous London stint. Guess he'll just have to not pull his head out of his ass.

TootsStansbury July 27, 2012 at 7:29 pm

UNPOSSIBLE for the Mittster to pull his head out of his ass. It.goes in but it can't come out because uh physics.

Grief_Lessons July 27, 2012 at 7:58 pm

This sounds like one of the extreme sports at the Romney compound: You put your head and both feet in your ass, then someone grabs you by the cock and flings you like the hammer throw.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 28, 2012 at 10:36 am

Someone needs to photoshop this.

HogeyeGrex July 27, 2012 at 8:51 pm

A Klein politician?

Angry_Marmot July 27, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Off-message in a bottle.

Antispandex July 27, 2012 at 7:10 pm

They're such tight BFF's that Ben like totes forgot and all, because they hang all the time with such a big crowd of V.I.P.'s. OR, they are deep cover double super secret besties. Thanks for outing them lame stream media!

LetUsBray July 27, 2012 at 8:18 pm

So this is really just like Citizen Bain blabbing about meeting with MI6.

Billmatic July 27, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Now now now, by "almost" he meant "not at all" and by "common expreriences and perspective" he means "being a firm believer in cultural homogeneity"

rocktonsam July 27, 2012 at 7:14 pm

"shared common experiences"

which ones?

serving his country or hiding in Paris?

NYNYNYjr July 27, 2012 at 8:02 pm

They both went to fancy American schools (except Architecture at MIT is much more impressive than Romney's 37 business degrees) and they both worked for vulture-capital bullshit consulting companies in Boston in the 70s. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benjamin_Netanyahu

not that Dewey July 27, 2012 at 7:24 pm

On the planet Kolob, the phrase "we share common experiences and have a perspective and underpinning which is similar" means "I don't know that guy; never seen him before."

EatFrankRich July 27, 2012 at 7:36 pm

That's not the planet Nephi?

tessiee July 28, 2012 at 2:01 am

No, that's where orange and grape soda come from.

Toomush_Infer July 27, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Those are grammaw pants – is he wearing Depends, or is his magic underwear just that bulky?…

TavariousChinaSmith July 27, 2012 at 9:44 pm

I'd have to go with Depends.

Chet Kincaid July 28, 2012 at 3:01 am

For those late to the party: that's a 'shop of Mitt's torso on a woman's body. Google around and you'll find the originals.

Beowoof July 27, 2012 at 7:28 pm

He meant Bebe Rebozo.

Dr. Nick Riviera July 27, 2012 at 7:30 pm

This is the same kind of friendship Republicans mean when they say "I have a black friend"

mavenmaven July 27, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Kibbutzes are people too!

arihaya July 27, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Romney: "I could relate with Netanyahu, those bloody Palestinians hate me too. After they fund out I baptized their ancestors."

MilwaukeeKent July 27, 2012 at 7:36 pm

In an effort to not gaffe in Poland, Mitt will start with some light-hearted banter. "I like many Polish things, especially the jokes. There's the one about the fellow who swam halfway across the lake, got tired, and swam back. And the one about the fellow who threw the bowling balls into the ocean…"

Thurman Munster IV July 27, 2012 at 7:36 pm

It looks like the Mittster might have the genitalia of a Ken doll. Which is the only kind of genitalia of Mitt's I could stand imagining.

hippie13 July 28, 2012 at 7:31 am

so the 5 kids were from some sort of mitosis? they do look similar, but all of utah is full of blondish and big teeth.

SorosBot July 27, 2012 at 7:41 pm

By the way, our old troll Spanky, or one of his many logins, is back being annoying down in the Wall Street Journal / student loan thread.

Grief_Lessons July 27, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Meh. Let me know when Tony the Tiger is back.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 27, 2012 at 7:49 pm

Is there any worse feeling than when think you are one of the cool kids, but then you find out that they don't even know your name.

ManchuCandidate July 27, 2012 at 7:50 pm

Bibi: Mittens :: Sandy Koufax: Larry King

pinkocommi July 27, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Regarding the pic of Mittens…. is it the ability to pull his pants up that high that makes his underwear magic?

ManchuCandidate July 27, 2012 at 8:00 pm

It's his Ken Doll like physique.

Antispandex July 27, 2012 at 10:11 pm

I agree. On a normal man that might chafe.

tessiee July 27, 2012 at 10:17 pm

I thought it was his magic underpants protecting his 80s jeans from giving an atomic wedgie to his man-gina.

tessiee July 27, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Although it could be worse. Thank goodness the fad for low rider jeans is past, or we'd all have to look at Mitt's muffin top. *retch*

hippie13 July 28, 2012 at 7:29 am

Mom jeans sketch from snl.

johnnymeatworth July 27, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Good thing Bibi's not English or else Mittens might have to criticize his Olympics in retaliation for this tremendous faux pas!

DerrickWildcat July 27, 2012 at 7:55 pm

It's starting! It's Starting! I'm going to try to figure out what thing will OUTRAGE the droolers tomorrow

DerrickWildcat July 27, 2012 at 8:02 pm

I dunno. There better be some explosions pretty darn quick or I'm gonna watch something else.

DerrickWildcat July 27, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Public health Care. They made it pretty easy for the droolers to go nuts over.

ChernobylSoup July 27, 2012 at 8:03 pm

Why is Lindsay Lohan playing the drums?

ChernobylSoup July 27, 2012 at 8:04 pm

Marxist overtones!

ChernobylSoup July 27, 2012 at 8:08 pm

Suffragette unpleasantness.

DerrickWildcat July 27, 2012 at 8:08 pm

I bet that dumb, "Cats" guy came up with this.

Doktor Zoom July 27, 2012 at 8:37 pm

It's Danny Boyle, so I'm totally looking forward to the Trainspotting part…and the zombies

DerrickWildcat July 27, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Yeah. It has slowly gotten better.

emmelemm July 27, 2012 at 9:10 pm

If the Olympics had zombies, I'd watch.

(I like zombies.)

DerrickWildcat July 27, 2012 at 9:26 pm

The Women's Colombian National Team is about as close to Zombies as you'll get. They are going to get an awful beatdown by the U.S. Women tomorrow. It'll get ugly fast.

vasty_derp July 27, 2012 at 11:00 pm

I'm trying to visualize a Zombie event…?

ChernobylSoup July 27, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Oh shit. They're trying to bring forth Sauron.

DerrickWildcat July 27, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Well that's kind of cool. I hope they bring this show to my town.

DerrickWildcat July 27, 2012 at 8:25 pm

OMG! Who will James Bond Kill?

vasty_derp July 27, 2012 at 11:02 pm

(I think it was the Corgis- they were last seen looking up so trustingly at the helicopter…)

ChessieNefercat July 28, 2012 at 6:19 pm

The look on their little faces was almost enough to make you think that Mommy really did go up in the sky in the helicopter.

ChernobylSoup July 27, 2012 at 8:34 pm

I believe your original question is now answered. Kids getting healthcare. They're celebrating it!

vasty_derp July 28, 2012 at 12:44 am

How dare they be proud of their socialised medicine? How DARE they?

DerrickWildcat July 27, 2012 at 8:40 pm

They didn't mention the scary child snatcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang!

ChernobylSoup July 27, 2012 at 8:41 pm

I bet Disney's lawyers are busy tonight.

DerrickWildcat July 27, 2012 at 8:45 pm

And all the beautiful Children in the world were saved by National Health Care.
The End

DerrickWildcat July 27, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Wow, "Enola Gay?" Bold choice.

Negropolis July 27, 2012 at 9:17 pm

That "boy meets girl bit" seemed so incredibly out of place and trivial. What were they thinking? So far, nothing is ever going to beat the Chinese drummers in Beijing.

This isn't quite "pick-ups in Atlanta", but it's not Beijing hivemind, either. Or, maybe I've just become really jaded.

ChernobylSoup July 27, 2012 at 9:22 pm

I hereby announce my engagement to that girl in the "boy meets girl" portion.

vasty_derp July 27, 2012 at 11:04 pm

She's very pretty- I hope you'll be very happy together.

savethispatient July 28, 2012 at 3:39 am

She's only interested in you if you can find her phone. The dozy moo!

anniegetyerfun July 28, 2012 at 11:43 am

Yes, yesterday Fox was slobbering over the possibility that the US might "dip" the American flag at the opening ceremony, which I guess other nations do or something? I honestly don't know what "dipping" would be. Does it involve corn chips? Anyway, it was something that everyone does, and the US thought about doing it, but doing it would prove our weakness and our black president to the WORLD or something.

PubOption July 28, 2012 at 1:00 pm

I think 'dipping the flag' normally refers to a momentary lowering of the flag, when passing the review stand during a military parade. I didn't see much of the opening ceremony, but did other nations lower their flags when passing British or IOC officials?

anniegetyerfun July 28, 2012 at 1:04 pm

I never watch the Olympics, because sports of all forms bore me, but that's sort of what I figured it meant. Of course, it's something that apparently THE US CANNOT DO BECAUSE WE ARE THE BEST or some such bullshit.

PubOption July 28, 2012 at 1:12 pm

And people wonder where the stereotype of the ignorant American comes from.

docterry6973 July 27, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Mitt and Bibi are reeeeealy tight. That is why that Mitt, as President of the United States, would be eager to take orders from him.

Veritas78 July 27, 2012 at 7:56 pm

Well, they're both psychopaths. I'm sure they were able to bond over that.

anniegetyerfun July 28, 2012 at 11:45 am

I would have put Mitt lower on the sociopath scale, as I don't think he quite has the taste for death and destruction that he WANTS people to believe he has. Like, I imagine Bibi capable of killing a Palestinian child with his bare hands. Mittens, I think, would awkwardly pat the child on the head and offer them a bacon sandwich. Then fire his father, inadvertently, from whatever job he was managing to hold down in the West Bank.

RadioBowels July 27, 2012 at 8:01 pm

You know who else lied about Jews?

TribecaMike July 27, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Pat Buchanan?

vasty_derp July 27, 2012 at 11:05 pm

The Elders of Zion.

SorosBot July 27, 2012 at 11:30 pm

The Bene Gesserits' ghola of Duncan Idaho?

(And yes, that is nerdy, even for me).

tessiee July 27, 2012 at 11:57 pm

Henry Ford?

SayItWithWookies July 28, 2012 at 12:12 am
anniegetyerfun July 28, 2012 at 11:46 am

Mel Gibson?

Geminisunmars July 28, 2012 at 1:02 pm

I'm trying to think of someone who didn't.

RadioBowels July 27, 2012 at 8:04 pm

OT, but the Olympics just started. Don't bother. The Chinese opening ceremonies were way better. The Brits look like one of those Renaissance Festivals. WTF? Peasants and maypoles and bad teeth. When does New Order come out? I was thinking more like The Wall or Pigs or something.
Overproduced by Martin Hannett.

ChernobylSoup July 27, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Difference re Beijing / London openings? In London those figures are humans. At Beijing they were resources of the State.

Negropolis July 27, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Yeah, but "resources of the State" can be fucking impressive when put into use.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb July 27, 2012 at 8:32 pm

It was rubbish, wasn't it? I was cringing in embarrassment half the time.

RadioBowels July 27, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Nonetheless, the Brits will always have a place in my heart for their incredible interpretation of Rock-n-Roll.

TribecaMike July 27, 2012 at 8:33 pm

The James Bond/Queen Liz thing was a nice change of pace after all that seriousocity. I'm assuming that was the high point.

Fukui-sanYesOta July 27, 2012 at 8:41 pm

I liked the dancing Abraham Lincolns.

James Michael Curley July 28, 2012 at 7:29 am

For anyone who is interested;

"Be not afeard; the isle is full of noises,
Sounds, and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
Will hum about mine ears; and sometime voices
That, if I then had waked after long sleep,
Will make me sleep again; and then in dreaming,
The clouds methought would open, and show riches
Ready to drop upon me, that when I waked
I cried to dream again"
– The Tempest, Act 3, scene 2.
Yet the switch from a upper class Dickensian poofter to Caliban will require a couple sessions at the chiropractor with treatments for whiplash.

Doktor Zoom July 27, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Darn time zones…NBC's endless preview thing is just starting in MDT

TribecaMike July 27, 2012 at 8:41 pm

It would be nice if they held on a shot for more than half a second.

Angry_Marmot July 27, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Dwarves jigging 'round a miniature Stonehenge or GTFO.

ChernobylSoup July 27, 2012 at 9:25 pm

I think it was very nice of the Germans to let Greece participate.

Fukui-sanYesOta July 28, 2012 at 3:50 am

I thought it was fun to see Team USA turn up looking like they should be on a French cruise ship named the "Bonjour Matelot"

Also team GB looked like gay astronauts.

Jennyjen798 July 27, 2012 at 10:11 pm

I honestly couldn't even think of something remotely cool that could happen during their opening ceremony. Exciting and British just doesn't seem to go together.

In fact, the only thing I think of when I think of Brits would be: Mary Poppins, James Bond, Harry Potter cult bullshit, 60's British Pop, and obnoxious techno music. I get more than enough techno from my half wit brother on a daily basis and he rarely listens to the british stuff, go figure. Anyways the shit he listens to is ANNOYING. Not as annoying as hipster electronic music brother who points out how awesome the song (and therefore him) is on every 20 minute track because he was into electronic music before it was "cool".

Anywho, boring brits are boring. Cheeky buggers and what not.

Negropolis July 27, 2012 at 10:15 pm

That's really not fair, at all. The opening ceremonies may have left something to be desired, but it's not because it was put on by the British.

SorosBot July 27, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Not Doctor Who? Exterminate, exterminate!

trampndirtdown July 28, 2012 at 1:47 am
tessiee July 27, 2012 at 11:59 pm

"I get more than enough techno from my half wit brother on a daily basis and he rarely listens to the british stuff, go figure. Anyways the shit he listens to is ANNOYING. Not as annoying as hipster electronic music brother"

Now I'm thinking of "Dancing with Deiter".

Fukui-sanYesOta July 28, 2012 at 3:31 am

"Anywho, boring brits are boring. "

I respect your right to have an incorrect opinion.

Jennyjen798 July 28, 2012 at 8:05 am

Could be. :) The Brits I know all happen to be investment bankers…

savethispatient July 27, 2012 at 10:32 pm

So the coverage is only just starting on the West coast… but an East-coast friend just posted this:
Facebook status update reaction to the Olympics opening ceremony: Americans don't like it and my fellow Brits love it. Cultural differences in a nutshell!

Certainly the few British-based reactions I've seen have been very positive, shockingly enough.

Doktor Zoom July 27, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Free Republic is a frothing pit of indignation that the British don't seem to realize how much they should hate the NHS. Probably because they don't have Fox News.

RadioBowels July 27, 2012 at 11:32 pm

That's right. We Americans should be grateful that we pay 3-4 times what the Brits pay for mediocre results. Who wants a government bureaucrat dictating your healthcare when you could have a obscene profit driven bureaucrat denying your claim — if you'r re lucky enough to even have insurance?
Romneycare is people too my friend.

Doktor Zoom July 28, 2012 at 12:03 am

Crown Jewel of Freeper comments: "Imagine you are on the waitlist for an operation, sick and in pain, and you watch the Olympics and see that all the doctors you can’t get to see wasted months learning how to dance for the Olympic Opening Ceremony."

Yes. And then, imagine being pummelled to death by an actual man made of straw!!!!

ChessieNefercat July 28, 2012 at 6:22 pm

"…when you could have a obscene profit driven bureaucrat denying your claim…"

And then sending you a bill for the consult.

tessiee July 28, 2012 at 12:04 am

"a frothing pit of indignation that the British don't seem to realize how much they should hate the NHS"

"I'm going to spray 'Springfield Sucks' on this overpass. That way, when someone from Springfield sees it, they will realize that they suck." — kid from Shelbyville

savethispatient July 28, 2012 at 12:24 am

Rampant right-wing actor Adam Baldwin is almost funny for a change:
#Irony!: London Olympics #NHS bit uses "The Exorcist" theme music & Voldemort. ~ #IPAB #DeathPanels

Doktor Zoom July 28, 2012 at 1:06 am

Also noteworthy, the Freeper who complained about Rowan Atkinson: "Theme music from the wonderful Christian film “Chariots of Fire” — which was rudely mocked and made fun of."

Yes. "Chariots" was a Christian film. That Jew fella in there converted, didn't he?

anniegetyerfun July 28, 2012 at 11:51 am

Freepers probably could have lent the UK some of their sets from those "Halloween Horror House" thingies they put on every year to teach teenagers about the terrors of being gay and getting abortions all the time. Then the opening ceremonies could have included lots of imagery of patients dying of AIDS in government hospitals while Satan himself comes to drag away their eternal souls.

HistoriCat July 28, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Many years ago I read an article by a guy touring a Hell House (sadly, I can't find it online … if any Wonketteers know what I'm talking about, can you provide a link?). At the end of the tour the big guy himself showed up and directly asked the author if he was going to heaven or hell – he was tempted to say, "I'm with you, sir" but managed to restrain himself.

viennawoods13 July 28, 2012 at 1:54 pm

I just watched it- I confess, I enjoyed it, but then I'm a hopeless anglophile with a strong sense of history. I liked the NHS segment- you get the feeling that when they planned this, they say down and asked themselves- What do we value in this country today? And that's what they put in- a multi-ethnic society that takes care of everyone. Plus some awesome books. and good music. What can be wrong with an opening ceremony that includes a bit from The Specials? Loved that music montage.

DahBoner July 27, 2012 at 8:05 pm

No, I meant net in Yahoo. I was trying to catch some fish that time in San Jose, and the only place around was some stupid pond…

johnnyzhivago July 27, 2012 at 8:34 pm

I don't know Bibi personally, but I am actually owned by a rich Jew.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 28, 2012 at 3:16 pm

So your wife has curly hair?

TribecaMike July 27, 2012 at 8:36 pm

OT , but the London Olympics opening ceremony is paying tribute to the National Health Service? WTF???

Fukui-sanYesOta July 27, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Heh, I was laughing my arse off at that.

TribecaMike July 27, 2012 at 8:45 pm

And Matt Lauer was right, that giant baby in the wiggly hospital bed was creepy.

Fukui-sanYesOta July 27, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Yeah, that was messed up. The whole thing was bizzaro though; I'm wondering how much coke Danny Boyle had shoveled up his nose before coming up with it.

"YEAH and like we'll have a load of sick kids, then scare the piss out of them with the childcatcher and voldemort and shit, then we'll have, like twenty mary poppins come down and we'll call it YAY NHS! It'll be AMAZING!"

TribecaMike July 27, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Yep, and now there's an interminable plug for some Brit TV rom-com. Or maybe its just a really long Benetton ad.

Oh wait, there was just a quick reference to the great film director Michael Powell. Sorry, Boyle, but only the only thing that'll save this treacle is ZOMBIES!!!

tessiee July 28, 2012 at 12:05 am

"the London Olympics opening ceremony is paying tribute to the National Health Service"

I'm not watching, but I like this, if for no other reason than how much it will annoy every single wingnut watching it.

BlueStateLibel July 27, 2012 at 8:37 pm

And the Mitt Rmoney comedy tour rolls on…

johnnyzhivago July 27, 2012 at 8:43 pm

"Oh, did I say Bibi Netanyatu???? I meant Phoebe Netanyatu! Wonderful, wonderful gal"

BlueStateLibel July 27, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Yeah, and probably someone he fired.

johnnyzhivago July 27, 2012 at 8:47 pm

"She used to muck our stalls, but Rafalca got edgy when she wore too much perfume… had to let her go."

tessiee July 28, 2012 at 12:08 am

And by "Phoebe Netantatu", he meant Eryka Bayhdu.

Negropolis July 27, 2012 at 8:52 pm

This photoshop will continue to be one of the most disconcerting that these Wonkettes has ever chosen to show.

“I remember him [Romney] for sure, but I don’t think we had any particular connections, I knew him and he knew me, I suppose.”

Damn, now that is a deep cut.

Sharkey July 27, 2012 at 8:52 pm

I'm sure this has been expressed before, but that is Romney's "strategy" for dealing with Important Non-Mormon Others. You meet once or twice, he tells how great he thinks you are but never says why. It makes you wonder if he has any idea who you are at all. He probably says that to everyone.

Then when it turns out that, if he wins, he might actually be more important than you, he says the two of you have known each other for a long time. Since you are actually important, after all.

Well, what would you do? Bibi? Are you there?

At what point did Romney actually decide that you were important?

OneYieldRegular July 27, 2012 at 9:27 pm

So…basically it's a relationship dynamic like this?
http://www.theonion.com/articles/you-know-there-a

Madam Killjoy July 27, 2012 at 10:04 pm

I am so stealing this: "This would be a great time to kick someone in the testicles."

tessiee July 28, 2012 at 12:10 am

"When you talk about wine, I wish I had a gun." — Honey on "Frasier"

Designer_Rants July 27, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Vanity Fair's got a real hard on for digging dirt on Romney. It's making me hot.

Self-Uploader July 27, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Bibi has a yiddishe kop and knows a loser when he sees one.

Angry_Marmot July 28, 2012 at 9:28 am

Shh! A shanda fur die goyim!

Jukesgrrl July 27, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Mitt and Bibi once chatted about their foreign investments. That's the kind of intimacy Mitt considers to be the foundation of a true friendship.

tessiee July 28, 2012 at 12:12 am

The reason that Mitt considers that an intimate subject is because foreign investments is one of the few things that Mitt cares deeply about.

Negropolis July 27, 2012 at 10:13 pm

OT: I can't be the only one that wants to punch Bob Costas in the teeth, am I? I mean, at least more than usual. I enjoy snark as much as the next guy, but this backhanded nation-bashing by a Smug-American seems inappropriate.

Spurning Beer July 28, 2012 at 12:53 am

You are not the only one, NegroP. He give smugness a bad name.

glasspusher July 28, 2012 at 1:01 am

I'm not even watching, but I'll second that.

sudsmckenzie July 28, 2012 at 1:28 am

Earlier today, before this even started, I said to myself " I'm, already sick of Bob Costas"

RadioBowels July 28, 2012 at 1:36 am

That's what Jerry Sandusky said too!

James Michael Curley July 28, 2012 at 8:17 am

In his aging he now has the look of "Is that the orderly who brings my breakfast?"

In his younger days it was "I don't know how they got into my glove compartment."

tessiee July 27, 2012 at 10:17 pm

"he’s been running around saying that he was really good friends with Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyatu. But then Vanity Fair ASKED Binyamin Netanyahu about his good friend Mittens, and Bibi was all like “who? Oh THAT guy.”

"Bitch ain't my girlfriend; we just hooked up a couple 'a' times."

tessiee July 27, 2012 at 10:23 pm

I can totally identify with this, because when I was growing up in New Jersey, I knew Bruce Springsteen slightly. I taught him a few simple guitar chords. Bruce wanted to go work in Sears selling barcaloungers, but I told him, "No way, Man! You gotta GO for it! Follow your dream!"

I think we all know how it went from there.

annettaj July 27, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Oh good grief. Someone get a plate of food for Mitten's imaginary friend.

vasty_derp July 27, 2012 at 10:31 pm

I'm trying to decide if Romney's staffers just hate him, and are more than willing to take his money while sabotaging his campaign, OR if they are just as completely tone deaf as Mitt the Twit?

Here's a quote from today's NYT:
"Afterward, the campaign said that Mr. Romney had misspoken because he was tired and jet-lagged. “Even the Energizer Bunny needs new batteries once in a while,” said an adviser, speaking on the condition of anonymity to discuss a delicate topic."

The delicate topic being Mitt's need for batteries? Because he is so mechanical & inhuman? http://nyti.ms/Ok8Y7g

glasspusher July 28, 2012 at 1:04 am

Awesome. Another crack in the wall. Fuel cells, maybe?

SayItWithWookies July 28, 2012 at 1:17 am

The delicate topic must be that Mitt can't lose an hour of sleep without suddenly becoming an un-self-aware prick. Hell, it took John McCain five-and-a-half years in the Hanoi Hilton and then a career in the Senate to become that much of an asshole, and Mitt's already there — the truth is that replicants' lives are short, but they burn so bright.

trampndirtdown July 28, 2012 at 1:58 am

What's a tortoise?

anniegetyerfun July 28, 2012 at 11:55 am

Well, he's exactly the kind of guy we want with access to the Red Phone, then.

Do we still have a Red Phone, come to think of it? Or did we get a green one that we use to threaten Iran? Either way, if the guy can't talk while jetlagged, I'm not sure if this is the best role for him.

Dashboard Buddha July 27, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Maybe Mittens looked into Bibi's soul and the abyss stared back? …and he thought that he really liked the movie Abyss and confused him with Ed Harris who is conservative?

emmelemm July 28, 2012 at 3:45 am

Wait… what?

I wanted to continue liking Ed Harris.

James Michael Curley July 28, 2012 at 11:13 am

I first disliked Ed Harris when he said he had been reluctant to play John Glenn because John Glenn was a democrat and a liberal and soft on communism.

Dashboard Buddha July 28, 2012 at 4:12 pm

If you want to continue liking him, you can watch Enemy At the Gates a few times.

Spoiler: A Nazi sniper played by a Rightwing Conservative gets his head blown off. What's not to like?

ElPinche July 27, 2012 at 11:28 pm

I know what I'm going to be for halloween! I just need some mom pants and duct tape my cock and balls down.

vasty_derp July 28, 2012 at 12:52 am

Don't forget the hairgel & the corncob…

BoroPrimorac July 28, 2012 at 2:27 am

Or the little gray side burns.

Angry_Marmot July 28, 2012 at 9:36 am

Last Halloween, a friend of mine wore long underwear with a leather miniskirt and FMPs and called herself the Mitt Romney sex scandal.

James Michael Curley July 28, 2012 at 11:13 am

How do you wear your "Final Menstrual Period"? Ms. Curley just laid in bed and complained a lot.

chascates July 27, 2012 at 11:34 pm

Since his advisers believe the Soviet Union is a threat again perhaps he'll drive Poland back into the Communist realm of influence.

Biff July 27, 2012 at 11:45 pm

Since there's no liveblog of the Olympics Opening Ceremonies, I must comment here.

I thought I just saw Rafalca in the Royal Entourage, but it was only Camilla…

Angry_Marmot July 28, 2012 at 9:39 am

It's easy to make that mistake. One of them has spur marks.

Steverino247 July 27, 2012 at 11:56 pm

Like the classic sociopath he is, Mitt Romney will tell a lie, be caught in that lie, then move on to the next lie and lie about the lie he was caught in. The difference, though, is that this sociopath has a paid staff to cover for him and the owners of our national media who will help with the spin.

So, important tip for the Obama team: Have handy at all times about five potential lies they suspect Romney might tell and the proof that those statements are lies are ready to go for the media. Seriously, they should have a team putting those packages together 24/7. Romney will never admit to being caught in them and just go right to the next one so quickly everybody will know he's incapable of telling the truth about anything.

tessiee July 28, 2012 at 2:06 am

"Like the classic sociopath he is, Mitt Romney will tell a lie, be caught in that lie, then move on to the next lie and lie about the lie he was caught in."

"I don't know why I did it! I don't know why I enjoyed it! I don't know why I'll do it again!" — Bart Simpson

SorosBot July 27, 2012 at 11:59 pm

And totally OT, but I'm using Netflix to rewatch the first couple episodes of Xena: Warrior Princess right now – and it's every bit as awesome as I remember it. Why can't they make shows like this anymore? Buffy was similar and even better – but since then, there has been nothing, at least in the US.

anniegetyerfun July 28, 2012 at 11:58 am

Wait, so you're suggesting that Glee doesn't have a special place in your heart?

GregComlish July 31, 2012 at 10:30 pm

OT, but if I find the 1994 version of Kevin Sorbo more attractive than the 1995 version of Lucy Lawless, does that make me gay?

vasty_derp July 28, 2012 at 12:09 am

The trolls & orcs are out in full force: nasty comments about the First Lady after this article, but they're just jealous because she is a class act, while 'Badmittenz' is not: http://bit.ly/OpRd4O

Jadetiger79 July 28, 2012 at 4:31 am

She's so lovely. They're just jealous.

TribecaMike July 28, 2012 at 1:03 am

Mitt also told PM Cameron, "Me and Benjamin Disraeli go way back."

James Michael Curley July 28, 2012 at 11:24 am

He also said he played bass on SWLABR * on the Disraili Gears Album.

* She Walks Like a Bearded Rainbow

Spurning Beer July 28, 2012 at 1:12 am

1. God bless Mr. Bean. We of the Wonkette faith owe a great debt to the British sense of humor.

2. I know I'm kinda drunk, but I get choked up every two to four years when I see the national delegations march into the Olympic stadium. Seeing proud citizens of Guinea Bissau and Macedonia and the Marshall Islands and Lesotho and Dominica and Finland and Sudan march in with their flags gives me some feeling of belonging to the Human Race for a change. I know the athletes are probably the pampered elites of their respective nations, but they've still accomplished something, and they are soaking in an international celebration with an appreciation, I imagine, of the greater whole our globe comprises. Maybe they're just focused on getting some video shots to show back home and on their events and on getting laid back in the Olympic Village. But in my mind, they are embodying a benevolent, accepting attitude that transcends nationalism and racism. And a lot of them have phenomenal bodies. I mean, like fucking leopards or antelopes.

trampndirtdown July 28, 2012 at 2:01 am

Plus one brudder.

ifthethunderdontgetya July 28, 2012 at 12:33 pm

I watch it all from A to Zed, meself.

It's great.
~

clio8015 July 28, 2012 at 1:30 am

I KNEW Netanyahu's reaction to Romney was lukewarm at best last Sunday on Faux News. the host quoted the same thing–"we almost talk in shorthand" and Netanyahu didn't even touch on it. when pressed he diplomatically said (twice) he wasn't going to get involved in American politics…then proceeded to praise Pres. Obama's continuing support for Israel. HA! These rumors are so ingrained that we believe them and they keep repeating on a loop–Romney is a LIAR and a FAKE and Netanyahu (and others) know it.

Jadetiger79 July 28, 2012 at 1:36 am

You know what? I think he wore those jeans on purpose . Like, as a big EFF YOU to everyone who wasn't in on the joke. All those Rs being snowed by a smarmy dick wearing mom jeans on a national stage, prep school style. As he crisscrosses the stage and lying his ass off to the proles, he's thinking "I'm totally bullshitting these assholes and I'm doing it wearing mom jeans with a straight face."

Chet Kincaid July 28, 2012 at 3:14 am

'Shop, goddammnit!!

Jadetiger79 July 28, 2012 at 4:22 am

HAHAHA here I was projecting again : )

Dr. Nick Riviera July 28, 2012 at 8:51 am

Aw, man. Telling us Wonketeers that is like shouting "There's no Santa" into a kindergarten classroom….just uncalled for.

emmelemm July 28, 2012 at 2:09 pm

I know! The disappointment I'm experiencing is significant.

Comrade Wingtardd July 28, 2012 at 1:46 am

"And, England, if my love thou hold'st at aught–
As my great power thereof may give thee sense,
Since yet thy disfigurement looks raw and red
After the 'Merkin teabag, and thy free awe
Pays homage to us–thou mayst not coldly set
Our sovereign process; which imports at full,
By letters congruing to that effect,
The present death of MITTENS. DO IT, ENGLAND;
For like the hectic in my blood he rages,
And thou must cure me: till I know 'tis done,
Howe'er my haps, my joys were ne'er begun."

12X34X July 28, 2012 at 1:49 am

I'd love to know what the Israelis think of Mittens's former habit of rebaptizing dead Jews. Oh, I can't wait to see that hit the fan.

trampndirtdown July 28, 2012 at 2:02 am

Shorter Bibi "Oh was he that dick who kept trying to convert me?"

rickmaci July 28, 2012 at 2:41 am

Romney Python and the Holy Fail Tour keeps on rolling. Swear I half expect somebody in the Romoney entourage in the next few days to get all butt hurt and ask why the press is trying to crucify Twitt..

XtfrM July 28, 2012 at 5:57 am

Mitt later explained that he and Netanyahu are BFFs retroactively.

hippie13 July 28, 2012 at 7:29 am

What kind of highschooler uses Morgan Freeman as a celebrity touchstone…did Ms Daisy's driver win a teen choice award I am unaware of? Mitts still a douche and bibi is still a fascist

James Michael Curley July 28, 2012 at 11:26 am

Morgan Freeman jumped the shark … and got eaten.

emmelemm July 28, 2012 at 2:07 pm

I believe that was Samuel L. Jackson.

James Michael Curley July 28, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Didn’t see the movie. I just saw the scene once in one of those “X most surprising scenes in a movie compilation.”

carolinaswamp July 28, 2012 at 8:43 am

I'm enjoying the thought of Romney trying to tie Netanyahu to the roof of a car. I predict the outcome will involve Mittens touring the Dead Sea lashed to the roof of a humvee.

weejee July 28, 2012 at 9:17 am

OT

In Olympic Newz, darling Lindsey and Mitch McTurtle are doing well in synchronized swimming to a medley of Turtle hits. They are so happy together.

not that Dewey July 28, 2012 at 10:34 am

You know they'd rather be with me.

Blueb4sinrise July 28, 2012 at 11:30 am

weejee, I think you're swell.

Douché July 28, 2012 at 10:21 am

Stupid f*****g media, constantly checking the BS i spew, I will put a stop to that when I'm CEO of Merika!

BlueStateLibel July 28, 2012 at 11:20 am

Oh my, I just had to share this. Mitt Rmoney made up buttons for the 2002 Olympics with a cartoonish picture of himself on them: http://tinyurl.com/cfz3e2h

LetUsBray July 28, 2012 at 12:20 pm

The best part is that, as the Rude Pundit's (http://rudepundit.blogspot.com/) photo makes clear, he actually signed off on a button reading "Mitt happens". It's not quite "Big, steaming pile of Mitt", but it shows either A) a willingness for our Mormon Bishop to make a poopy joke, or B) a complete obliviousness to poopy jokes.

BoroPrimorac July 28, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Mitt isn't the only right wanger in trouble for pissing on the olympic games. A Tory MP named Aiden Burley is being pilloried for calling the opening ceremonies "leftie, multi-culturalist crap."
http://www.independent.co.uk/sport/olympics/news/

Doktor Zoom July 28, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Cameron's Downing Street office distanced itself from Burley's comments, tweeting a message from the premier reading: "The opening ceremony has been a great showcase for this country. It's more proof Britain can deliver."

Burley was removed from his job as aide to the transport minister last month after attending a Nazi-themed stag party in a French ski resort.

Agence France-Presse

Charming guy!

BoroPrimorac July 28, 2012 at 1:32 pm

He's just one of the lads, isn't he?

carlgt1 July 28, 2012 at 1:18 pm

retro-baptizing Bibi's dead relatives doesn't count as actually being his friend!

greenide1 July 28, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Face it, Mitt. Bibi's just not that into you. And Ann's into her horse…not you. Even the crazy-ass GOP's not that into you because you're too boring. It's time to go buy some new friends.

SaintRond July 28, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Romney's pussy pants make me sick.

ardiva July 28, 2012 at 4:27 pm

The way he's wearing those jeans looks a little closeted in that pic.

ttommyunger July 28, 2012 at 8:09 pm

"… I knew him and he knew me, I suppose.” Hmmm, Biblically, Bibi? DETAILS!

MRjonz July 28, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Well, during the primaries, Bachman, Gingrich and Santorum had all vowed to hold their inaugurations in Jerusalem if elected, so Slick Willard has his work cut out for him. My guess is he’ll offer Bibi more money.

Steverino247 July 28, 2012 at 10:39 pm

In related news…
http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzrep

(Gotta love some Andy Borowitz)

BZ1 July 29, 2012 at 12:35 am

שקרן שקרן מכנסיים באש (Liar, liar, pants on fire)

DahBoner July 29, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Yeah, I am best friends with all the Jews: Bibi, Cici, Didi, Mimi and my Spanish gardener (I think he's Jewish–he has a big nose), Sisi….

labman57 July 31, 2012 at 12:04 am

Flip-flopping Politician
Tax-evading Businessman

Well, Mitt now has another descriptor that he can add to his business cards — Diplomatic Poseur.

Negropolis July 27, 2012 at 9:24 pm

I mean, the ceremonies don't look cheap or anything, but it is so disjointed and crammed so much in that wasn't unified it kind of left my head spinning. I kind of expected less irreverence, too, but then I guess the media would have criticised them for playing to stereotypes.

Fukui-sanYesOta July 27, 2012 at 9:45 pm

It was really disjointed – I found myself yelling "next bit! bored of this now!" at the TV.

That bit with the sun rising and some guy getting chased by wasps in front of a small child was particularly weird.

TribecaMike July 28, 2012 at 1:12 am

I did like the working class stuff.

vasty_derp July 27, 2012 at 10:03 pm

I found it more entertaining than I had expected, but the NHS thing was pretty odd.

I loved watching the athletes come in- it's good to remind yourself that humans can be beautiful in so many different ways.

Once Sir Paul got started I'd had enough, though…

tessiee July 27, 2012 at 11:56 pm

The 100 yard shuffle?

Dudleydidwrong July 28, 2012 at 11:01 am

Zombie jamboree,
Took place in a New York cemetery…

tessiee July 28, 2012 at 12:07 am

"Once Sir Paul got started I'd had enough, though… "

That's how I feel about anything with Paul McCartney in it.

SorosBot July 28, 2012 at 12:11 am

Or the Super Bowl Shuffle…

…We Are The Bears, Shufflin' crew..

bobbert July 28, 2012 at 12:34 am

The hundred meter lurch?

vasty_derp July 28, 2012 at 12:41 am

That cracks me up!

RadioBowels July 28, 2012 at 12:17 am

I DEMAND AN MRI NOW!!1!

savethispatient July 28, 2012 at 3:49 am

Haha, nice. What they forget is that the NHS treats you in order of how sick and in pain you are in, not how rich you are, so that doesn't happen… Also, they were volunteers, doing the ceremony in their spare time, which is time you don't have to work, because the UK have workers rights and some kind of work-life balance…
Yeah, I see how the Freepers really didn't understand any of that, did they?

Charlie_Foxtrot July 28, 2012 at 12:17 am

Fridge libel!

vasty_derp July 28, 2012 at 12:33 am

Wings was all the proof I needed for the 'Paul is dead' hypothesis.

James Michael Curley July 28, 2012 at 8:02 am

And Eton, as a stunt double for Cambridge, had to be used because the regents at Cambridge did not want the world to be reminded of their history of Jewish persecution.

anniegetyerfun July 28, 2012 at 11:49 am

Woah, woah, woah there buddy. Workers rights? Life balance? Do you want to get deported?

ChessieNefercat July 28, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Being ignorant wouldn't be so bad, it's being arrogant about their ignorance that makes the wingnuts so insufferable.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 29, 2012 at 1:46 am

pie̢̨̓̓͂̿ͨ͢͏҉͍ce of cake.

kittensdontlie July 29, 2012 at 9:56 am

Ohhh,…there will be virgins…count me in(no, I haven't a prayer to enter heaven, just like the rest of you people).

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