The Three Versions of John McCainThe New York Times has the latest iteration of the beloved media story “What John McCain Is Like Now,” and here’s where it situates the old coot who pretends to be from Arizona along the spectrum: Definitely not the “far-right” monster who ran for Senate reelection in 2010, but also not the liberal fluffer who regularly dined with Maureen Dowd and Arianna Huffington at Hollywood Hills dinner parties back in the day. He does whatever Mitch McConnell wants him to do now and is happy. “It took me three years of feeling sorry for myself,” he says, to a crowd of assembled reporters, because he still won’t talk to the New York Times directly after three years.

Yes, this is how “over” things and not-holding-grudges John McCain currently is:

“I just think a lot of it has to do with the agenda,” Mr. McCain said of his re-emergence, in an impromptu interview with several reporters. “After I lost, I knew that the best way to get over it was to get active.” (Mr. McCain, who disputed some coverage of him by The New York Times during the 2008 campaign, has a policy of not speaking directly to reporters from The Times.)

Oh, we think we know where that comes from. Remember the sexy lobbyist lady story? That was 4+ years ago. But John McCain is fine now.


Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • …and that GIF will haunt my nightmares. I actually felt my ladybits trying to crawl home.

    • Me too, and I don't have any.

      • Now we all have ladybits after seeing that.

        • gullywompr

          Today we are all crawling ladybits.

          • anniegetyerfun

            My dreams for this blog have finally come true!

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      I will have to watch the Olympic male gymnasts this weekend to try to get my sexy thoughts back after seeing, once again, that awful gif of John McCain givin' his clones face-cleanin' tongue action.

    • Grokenstein

      Still a better love story than Twi–no. No, on second thought, I'll pass on that this time.

  • Callyson

    Walnuts is just trying to keep up with the crazy in Arizona. To his credit, he is *almost* catching up the the Grand Canyon State wingnuts.

    I'd be impressed, if I gave a fuck about McCain…

  • Golly, that John McCain sure is one relevant guy!

  • The man who brought us Grifterella and her klan should not be allowed to hold any grudges.

    • glasspusher

      I cannot upfist you enough for that statement. Truer words have never been spoken.

  • mavenmaven

    That article was also graced with the best correction I've seen in a while:

    An earlier version of this article misspelled the given name of a Republican from South Carolina who is a longtime friend and ally of Senator John McCain. He is Lindsey Graham, not Lindsay.

  • bumfug

    The advantage Walnuts has is being from Arizona; any time he says something the least bit sane he looks like a fucking statesman.

  • Callyson

    Gone, too, is the far-right leaning Mr. McCain of 2010, who found himself in a primary fight back home that caused him to retreat from his stances on immigration and global warming.
    Mr. McCain instead appears to have entered Version 3 of his long and multipronged Senate career — partisan warrior and party stalwart.

    Self – contradictory much, NYT? Because that far – right leaning Walnuts looks like the spitting image (so to speak) of today's partisan warrior and party stalwart Walnuts…

    ETA: OK, so the NYT found one exception:

    Mr. McCain was in all of his McCain-ness recently on the Senate floor, where he derided a group of House Republicans for suggesting that a top aide to Hillary Rodham Clinton, Huma Abedin, was connected to the Muslim Brotherhood.

    Other than that, the attack dog McCain still veers sharply right…

    • Antispandex

      "Mr. McCain was in all of his McCain-ness recently on the Senate floor, where he derided a group of House Republicans for suggesting that a top aide to Hillary Rodham Clinton, Huma Abedin, was connected to the Muslim Brotherhood. "

      And that had to hurt, concidering the 11th Commandment of Saint Ronald of Reagan, and all.

  • anniegetyerfun

    And by "get active," he means "complain a lot about how Barack Obama doesn't return my phone calls."

    • viennawoods13

      He's still bitter because Obama didn't choose him for Secretary of State- hey, Jimmy Smits chose Alan Alda in West Wing, so why not?

  • Antispandex

    He's totally over it and willing to dicuss anything openly. Except that whole Palin debacle….well, and you know those uncomfortable topics mentioned in The Times. Anything else is fine. Well, but, of course family is off limits, but anything else, really, is fine…well, you know, except…

  • Walnutz is rumored to be working on a new mortgage program called Hehgnny Mae.

    • snackypants

      My brain just exploded from the rush of 2008-election memories. And it was not a good, orgasmic kind of explosion…more like an aneurism.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Is Wilford Brimley still alive or did diabeeeetuss do him in? Because he'd be a great spokesperson.

  • It's always easier to just switch your brain off and let someone else tell you what to think. But allowing that "someone else" to be Mitch McConnell just tells the world "I'm a clueless asshole and I don't care who knows it!"

  • TribecaMike

    "After I lost, I knew that the best way to get over it was to get active." Yet, he admits it took him three years do so.

    Yeah, he would have been a humdinger of a prez.

    • I really look for thin skin and anger management issues in a presidential candidate.

      Right, President Christie?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      And just think — Sarah Palin would probably be heading up the presidential delegation to the Olympics. (And you thought Mitt was an embarassment!)

    • LetUsBray

      Oh, it's just ridiculous to make sarcastic comments on what sort of president McCain would have been.

      I mean, everyone knows he'd have had a few weeks, max, before Griftzilla of Wasilla "accidentally" pushed him down a flight of stairs.

  • Goonemeritus

    Leave the good Senator alone, I won’t speak to the Gray Lady directly either since the dropped their free on line views from 20 to 10.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I subscribed — not many things on the interwebz are worth paying for, but that's one of 'em.

      • glasspusher

        I agree! I signed up as well.

  • But he's still the #1 guest on Meet the Pest.

  • SayItWithWookies

    What the hell with the damn liberal media? Why can't they stick to the pertinent issues instead of being all "Why does your running mate think Obama's a muslim terrorist," and "Why are saying you were never a maverick but have been a Reagan conservative this whole time," and "How many houses do you have," and "How can you say Iraq is doing fine when the only way you can stroll around is when you're guarded by a company of soldiers and ten helicopters?"

    • anniegetyerfun

      I like to think of the soldier and helicopters as my "entourage" or "retinue", thank you very much. It makes me feel IMPORTANT.

      • SayItWithWookies

        It's really just like Sturgis when you think about it — he's just hanging with a bunch of heavily-armed, motorized, tweaked-out and freaked-out stop-lossed young men who are surrounded by millions of foreigners who want them out of their country, doing a little sightseeing and trying to give his wife to one of them.

        • anniegetyerfun

          Ah, poor Cindy. I feel like she hasn't been gone from the public eye for that long, and then I realize that I'm actually thinking of Newt's #3.

    • Come here a minute

      Also, too, they unfairly reported that he was useless when he ditched Letterman and went back to Washington to "save the economy".

      • miss_grundy

        But he was useless during that discussion. Obama was prepared for the discussion and he was not.

  • But would he have moved Churchill's bust to the South Bathroom?

  • rickmaci

    I'll forgive him for Palin if Meghan flashes us more side boob. Sins of the father and all that biblical stuff.

    • kittensdontlie

      I'm confused…you want Meghan to flash more profiles of Palin or herself…???

  • pdiddycornchips

    To be fair, I haven't spoken directly to the NYT since Judith Miller was telling us about aluminium tubes and mobile chemical weapon labs.

  • I don't mind John McCain. He was a pretty convincing Jackson Pollock.

    Yay, Bird Friday!
    Out of your face size.
    In your face size.

    • TootsStansbury

      I loves your birds.

      • Hooray, Thank you!

        • TootsStansbury

          I spotted a Least Bittern last summer in a nearby marsh. I was so excited! I carried the excitement to work where I started going on about it not noticing the blank stares and polite nods. Oops. Bird nerd exposed.

          • Did it stand motionless with it's neck stretched up?

          • TootsStansbury

            No, well not that I could see (he, probably she) was startled off of a low branch and flew awkwardly into the reeds where I assumed there was a nest. If she did her camo dance it was pretty darn good. I keep going back to try and catch another sight.

  • SorosBot

    McCain doesn't need to speak to reporters from the New York Times, what with him being invited to speak with the reporters from Meet the Press, Face the Nation and This Week just about every fucking Sunday.

  • Listen, if you unleashed one of the most annoying of Satan's demons on the world, would you want to talk with the press much either?

  • This is a good day for the New York Time's reporters.

  • owhatever

    Take it one more step, please, Senator, and don't talk to any reporters at all.

  • BlueStateLibel

    I'm glad McCain has at last apologized for the huge danger he put this country in by choosing a totally unqualified hick from Wasilla for a position that would have put her a heartbeat away from the presidency. Oh wait, never mind.

    • emmelemm

      No! She was a better candidate than Mitt Romney! Then and now!

      • LetUsBray

        Our Special Anglo-Saxon Relations seem to have concluded as much.

  • If you have an viagra-induced erection lasting for four or more hours don't call a doctor just look at that John McCain GIF

  • Fun Fact!
    "He's a Rebel" was written by Gene Pitney and produced by Phil Spector!
    Tell every one you know this fun thing.

  • Come here a minute

    John McCain will hold that grudge for at least FIVE AND A HALF YEARS.

  • TootsStansbury

    I read "Bitch McConnell" and so now it will always be.

  • Come here a minute

    I stopped talking to the New York Times when I learned they didn't have a comics section. No, the crossword puzzle is not a sufficient substitute!

  • Not_So_Much

    And once again, I feel sorry for Cindy McCain. Hayzoos kreesto, what an endless pile of shit her existence with this plane-wrecking troll must be.

    • GeorgiaBurning

      OTOH, daddy left her a beer distributorship.

  • Like Juan McCain, I don't speak with the New York Times. Just yesterday when a rep called me about subscribing I said "No comment".

    • James Michael Curley

      I have much ruder comments, also for these dudes and dudettes who call to 'learn how you can reduce the interest rate on your credit cards by pressing 1 to speak to a live consultant.'

  • pinkocommi

    John McCain feeling sorry for himself for three years for losing the Presidential election sounds like a much better outcome than the rest of us feeling sorry for ourselves that he got elected. And with Sarah Palin as his Veep. <<shudder>>.

  • Trannysurprise

    Shut up haters. He introduced us to the great Snow Snookie – without whom we would have had thousands of less upfisted posts by now.

    So, thanks WALNUTS – for giving us the greatest grift of all.

  • lulzmonger

    Vicki Iseman?

    Also, NYT scrapes all the sprinkles off Wet-Start Johnny's donuts, every single time.

  • DahBoner


  • chascates

    Release his VA medical records.

    • James Michael Curley

      Not to be too much of a nerd, but because I do some work getting veterans the benefits they DESERVE (not 'entitled' like the bastard Republican majority wants us to believe), but if I remember correctly, McCain's campaign tried to negate an 'incorrect' the estimates during the 2008 campaign that he was getting $X in various governmental pensions. Because of his particular military and post active duty military career and his election to congress in 1982 and subsequent relections and election to the Senate, it is dubious as to what could be garnered from his VA medical records as it is more likely his medical care was provided by the Military Reserve, being an active reservist who did not resign his commission until 2008.
      On the other and taking a path which wold have been less lucrative to McCain, he could have submitted to all VA medical care decades ago but would have lost the extra money because he would have had to go on inactive reserve. The difference would have been at least hundreds a month.

      • chascates

        My thoughts were about any PTSD he has and whether or not he had received any treatment for it. In high school he was known as 'McNasty' and his Academy demerits record reflects his discipline problems. He's definitely earned his pension and whatever benefits he can get. I just wondered what military doctors thought of his mental state.

        • James Michael Curley

          Right off the bat I did not think of PTSD because of the nature of his functioning ability. The VA requirements for PTSD are not complicated but tend to fall far above the day to day behavior McCain demonstrates. It is an important issue that the general public separates PTSD from Rambo. The greatest danger veterans with PTSD experience is to themselves in the escalation of suicide rates among veterans which now has reached 18 a day among all veterans who are receiving some form of benefits from the VA. That is a subset of the entire universe of veterans of which there may be many more who have left the service and have not contacted with the VA for any reason. Veteran Suicide Rates If you add to the statistic on PTSD that over half of all homeless are veterans who have fallen out of the loop for full contact with the military or the VA (Yes, there are veterans living down by the river in a conex who get disability checks Congressman Ryan.) you have a significant portion of the population that slowly disappears from view as they get older and more depressed. A psych I talk with in the VA tends to expect that veterans that commit violent acts were predisposed by nurture and culture to do so before being in the military. As I said to him, “Then the military trains them and they can do it more efficiently.”So a look at records which would disclose how McCain had to address certain inevitable issues arising from his service would be important.However, as good Wonketters we should not ignore the possibility which may be raised by the question, would those records show that McCain is on high doses of thorazine, a danger to society at large and has refuse to avail himself of the therapy offered?

  • viennawoods13

    And of course, he won't go near Jon Stewart either.

  • MinAgain

    I don't blame him. I once tried talking to the New York Times, and the paper just sat there on the table and refused to speak with me.

  • Walkinwiddaking

    Alzheimers had to kick in at some point.

  • ttommyunger

    WSJ, Palin, Judith Miller and McCain all in the same piece? I need a shower.

  • He's mostly pissed that not only did Cindy NOT win the Miss Buffalo Chip contest, he STILL hasn't had a look at her tits in over 20 years.

Previous articleWall Street Journal: Why Is Obama Siding With College Students Against These Poor Banks?
Next articleMitt Romney Lies About His BFF Bibi